WEBVTT - The Power of Conceding 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:04.560 Sometimes in your relationship you have to decide do you 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:09.400 want to be right or do you want to unite 0:00:10.280 --> 0:00:11.040 dead ass? 0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:17.160 And in the battle of what could potentially be whose 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:21.919 life sucks more in that moment, Just know that sometimes 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:25.960 you gotta leave well enough alone, right, exactly the same 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:33.120 leave Yeah, Sometimes you gotta leave leave well enough alone, right, deadass. Hey, 0:00:33.200 --> 0:00:36.280 I'm Kadeen and I'm devoured and where the Ellis's. 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:39.199 You may know us from posting funny videos with. 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:42.800 Our voys and reading each other publicly as a form 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:43.360 of therapy. 0:00:44.000 --> 0:00:47.360 Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow. 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:50.040 And one more important thing to mention, we're married. 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:53.040 Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open 0:00:53.080 --> 0:00:55.920 dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics. 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:58.240 Things most folks don't want to talk about. 0:00:58.320 --> 0:00:59.960 Do the lens of a millennial married couple. 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:02.240 Dead ass is a term that we say every day. 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:05.520 So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:09.000 one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:11.399 the truth. Were about to take Billot off to our 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:12.240 whole new level. 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:16.800 Dead ass starts right now. 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:21.600 Story time, So I'm gonna take y'all back to shoot 0:01:21.720 --> 0:01:27.120 shoot a couple weeks ago. Well, I'll start by going 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:34.080 back a couple months ago. Our oldest son, Jackson, is thirteen. Now, 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:38.679 he's at that that that crux in the road, you know, 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:41.920 that that fork where it's like either the kid is 0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:43.720 going to go down the path or destruction or is 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:45.560 going to go down the path of prosperity. 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:51.240 And all depends on over my dead body, struck destruck, 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:53.320 your book, destruct. 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:56.080 Your book, And it all depends on how you prepared 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:59.440 the foundation you lay them going into you lay for 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:02.000 them going on to middle school. Yeah, paused that. I 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:04.400 don't want to lay your foundation for your son, but 0:02:04.600 --> 0:02:06.600 I mean you do see why you got to grow up. 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:08.640 I'm trying to be your parent. Grow up, grow up 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:12.000 really bad. Okay, It all depends on the foundation you 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:14.480 lay for your child going into middle school, because middle 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:16.720 school is where they pick up some habits. They're going 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:19.200 to spend a lot more time with their friends and 0:02:19.280 --> 0:02:21.720 with other people and in school and in practice. So 0:02:21.800 --> 0:02:24.359 you have to really, you know, hone in on who 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:29.960 they are as a person. So Jay moved here not 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:32.600 only as a basketball coach, but I needed Jay to 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:33.639 be here as. 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:36.680 An extension of me. When I'm not here. 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:40.040 You know, we grew up together in KENARISI he had 0:02:40.160 --> 0:02:44.520 a very i would say, adventurous life that allowed him 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:47.720 to learn how to do things on the move and 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:52.560 to learn his his like navigate different situations using his 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:54.400 vision in his eyesight. I like to callote the third 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:56.200 eye because when you grow up in Brooklyn, you need 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:58.720 a third eye to exist. And he was homeless for 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:00.760 a matter of time, him and his mom as they 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:02.480 were trying to figure things out. But he's really like 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:05.440 street smart, So I felt like having him around Jackson 0:03:05.480 --> 0:03:08.360 to mentor Jackson while I'm away filming and doing all 0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:09.960 these things would just be a good thing because Jackson'll 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:13.600 have a big brother. So I bring Jay hair. Were like, Yo, 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.720 we're going to low Jackson up with so many things 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:19.680 to do during the day that he doesn't have time 0:03:19.720 --> 0:03:22.320 to get distracted by bullshit. You know what I'm saying. 0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:24.880 Jackson said he wants to be a professional athlete. He 0:03:24.919 --> 0:03:27.640 also said he wants to get into politics. He's at 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:29.120 that age where you know, he might want to be 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:31.520 a lawyer like he just so We're like, yo, we're 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:34.880 going to do everything, and then doing everything it meant 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:41.080 that for track, football, basketball, debate, tech. We had to 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:43.320 find the time. So Jay was like, yo, we're up 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:45.600 at five. Get him his first work out of six 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:49.760 in the morning. And I remember Kay looking at me like, dude, 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:52.280 six in the morning. He's twelve at the time, like 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:54.480 are you kidding me? And I'm just like, hey, he 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:56.040 wants to do these things. We have to teach him 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:59.280 a work ethics. So first couple of months he was 0:03:59.280 --> 0:04:02.040 getting used to this six ams and he was a 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:04.120 little groggy, but he was starting to get to it. 0:04:04.160 --> 0:04:07.040 But then he hurt his foot and after his foothurts like, 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:09.680 I hope you nurture you know, I study exercise physiology 0:04:09.680 --> 0:04:11.560 and kinesiologies. I said, oh, it's a little pain here, 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:14.480 foot growing pain. Took him to the orthopedic. Orthopedic said 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:16.680 it's nothing, he can work through it. Got over the 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:19.960 foot injury, then his hip started hurting. Then after his 0:04:20.000 --> 0:04:21.840 hip started hurting, I'm looking at him and he's limping 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:23.559 a little bit. I'm like, he is growing. He's getting 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:26.080 told maybe it's growing pains. So I put him through 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:29.720 a workout and I start stretching him pause and I 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:32.880 noticed he was flinching, and I'm like, that's not a 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:35.279 growing pain, knowing what I know about it, that's not 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:37.279 a growing pain, especially on that hip. Beside the hip, 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:41.720 his it band was tight, and I was like, I 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:44.440 think we might be overworking him because he don't have 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:47.920 enough time to sleep and rest. And I said in 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:51.239 this moment, because oh, and let me take y'all back, 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:55.320 take y'all back to two weeks prior. Kadeen has a 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:57.719 way of not saying things like most moms do, but 0:04:57.800 --> 0:05:01.840 saying things with their eyebrows. So Jay is over here 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:04.839 and me and me and Jay are discussing, like what's 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:06.720 going to be the plan? And every time we say 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:08.479 something about, oh, you know what, because I kept trying 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:11.800 to make adjustments, and I kept saying, listen, you know, 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:14.960 if he does six ams maybe three times a week 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:17.320 rather than every day, he'll get those two days off 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:19.240 and Wednesday he gets to go to school a little later. 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:21.960 And this is all Kay kept doing with her eyebrows. 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:24.599 And I see her eyebrows with was touching her hairline. 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:27.760 For those of you listening, image, Yeah. 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:30.000 So I'm looking at Can. I'm like, she's gonna have 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:30.560 something to say. 0:05:30.600 --> 0:05:32.480 But I said to Casser, listen, I know this seemed 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.239 like a lot, but you've never been a professional athlete. 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:38.720 I said, I've been a professional athlete. I've trained professional athletes, 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:45.839 and Cae just said okay and then leave. Last week, 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:49.360 last week, Jackson hit was bothering him and I looked 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:52.160 at he was limping, and my soldier of her son 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:55.719 every time I asked him, how you feeling? Oh cool, 0:05:56.680 --> 0:06:00.600 because he's been taught and nurture to fight through pain 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:03.719 and be tough and not show weakness as an athlete. 0:06:04.279 --> 0:06:05.680 So I had to take a look at him and say, 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:08.679 you know what, now is the time where I'm gonna 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:12.440 have to concede and I'm gonna have to admit to 0:06:12.560 --> 0:06:13.120 my wife. 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:19.040 Then I might have went overboard, And to be honest. 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:22.800 It was worth conceding because I didn't want my son 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:29.440 to be destructed by his father and his uncle because we, 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:31.839 you know, we were we were really trying to like, 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:34.120 I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not making excuses 0:06:35.400 --> 0:06:37.600 Jackson in middle school. I've seen so many kids go 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:42.680 from like the perfect person and then they get into 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:44.520 middle school and by the time they leave in middle school, 0:06:44.520 --> 0:06:46.640 you're like, I don't know who the fuck that is. 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:55.280 You an I D We're just laughing into karaoke time, y'all, because. 0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:59.600 This karaoke was inspired by what we watched last night, 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:03.240 because it was perfect. Every night, really really super late, 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:05.720 Kneena and I like to turn on BT and watch 0:07:05.760 --> 0:07:07.880 one of my favorite TV shows. And if you know 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:10.280 what show this is, then you know this song I'm 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:16.400 about to sing you and I T wy you and 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:21.160 I T y. That's a Unity man. Come on, y'all 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:22.560 know that's from. 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:32.520 Name that show Baby Hello, which is crazy too because 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:35.280 I was just listening to Unity the other day because 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:38.040 we ran and ran ran to Queen. When we were 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:41.280 back home in New York. I was filming a day 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:43.760 with k Stuff and we just happened to be in 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:46.800 a park they were filming. They were doing Equalizer three 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:49.480 and yeah, it was right equalizing the TV show the 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:52.800 show Yes, and yeah, that was nice to bump into her. 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:56.160 So AnyWho, let's take a quick break and we're gonna 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:57.680 come back. There's lots of unpack here. I'll let you 0:07:57.760 --> 0:08:01.480 tell your story. We're going to unpack the story and 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:04.520 we're going to talk more about the power of conceding 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:11.320 in a relationship. We'll be back y'all, all right, we're back. 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:18.240 As it relates to storytime, Yeah, I was definitely just 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:22.600 kind of sitting back with my mom eyes watching what 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:26.320 was happening with Jackson. And the reason why I said 0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:30.160 something to you initially about the early mornings was because, well, 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:31.920 first I thought it was a lot. I'm like, he's 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:35.680 twelve going on thirteen. I'm like, value didn't play sports, 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:37.800 like really, you know, at a high high level to 0:08:38.120 --> 0:08:39.479 high school college. 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:41.960 I didn't play I did combat sports. Remember, I did tekwon, 0:08:42.040 --> 0:08:45.120 doing jiu jitsu from the time I was nine to fourteen, okay, 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:47.080 and that was three four times a week. That was 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:51.120 travel tournaments, that was dealing with pain, that was gotcha. 0:08:51.360 --> 0:08:52.320 I had done all of that. 0:08:52.240 --> 0:08:57.400 For in terms of like stuff like that. Yeah, So 0:08:57.480 --> 0:08:59.160 I just thought that, like, man, this is a lot 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:01.640 getting up early. And now saw how loaded Jackson's schedule was. 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:03.960 And it wasn't just the six ams. It was then 0:09:04.000 --> 0:09:06.000 getting through a school day, and then there was practice 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:08.640 after for one team, and then practice after for another team, 0:09:08.679 --> 0:09:11.200 and then working out with you in addition to and 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:13.520 then track practice, like there were just so many things happening. 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:17.520 So I'm looking as mom because I'm assessing the health 0:09:17.520 --> 0:09:19.320 and wellness of my child, and I can see that 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:21.800 he was tired. I also went to an early parent 0:09:21.840 --> 0:09:24.440 teacher conference and one of his teachers said, yeah, it 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:27.559 was weird. One morning Jackson was like falling asleep in class. 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:29.520 And I wasn't sure if it was that he wasn't 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:31.720 feeling well, if he was tired, or it was if 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:33.320 the work was boring or what it was. 0:09:33.440 --> 0:09:35.600 Huh, it was one morning and it was the beginning 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:36.040 of school. 0:09:36.120 --> 0:09:37.559 Yeah, it was one morning. 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:39.400 Tired in the beginning of school. School started in August, 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:41.079 so this happened the beginning in August. 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:43.040 So I said to Devala, so, you know, the teacher 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:44.760 mentioned that he fell asleep in math, and I'm like, 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:46.520 you know, he's very advanced in maths. I'm like, is 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:49.360 it that the work is, is you know, kind of 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:51.280 boring for him? Or is it that the six am 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:52.840 was catching up to him? And Devo was like, don't 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:55.520 automatically put it on the six am. He was offended 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:56.679 that I mentioned the sixth thing am. 0:09:56.760 --> 0:10:00.200 It was because I was because moms like to do 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:03.080 things like if a child does something wrong, the first 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:05.160 thing they want to do is you're not doing sports, 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:07.640 and for me, I think that's unfair to the child 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:10.800 because if he was playing an instrument, which you what 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:11.800 you wanted him to do. 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.640 Moms never take away instruments is punishment. 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:17.360 They only take away sports, which to me, I think 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:20.240 is unfair to a young man who loves to play sports. 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:23.240 And my mom used to do this to me all 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:25.640 the time. I would do everything perfect, I make one 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:27.240 mistake and the first thing she would do is take 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:30.400 away basketball, and it ultimately took me out of AAU 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:33.480 basketball in seventh grade from a stake that wasn't even mine. 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:35.960 So I was very defensive, and a lot of it 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:37.560 had to do with the fact that the way I 0:10:37.600 --> 0:10:40.280 grew up and I didn't want Jackson to go through 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:42.240 the same thing. So it really had less to do 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:44.880 with you and more to do with everything I had 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:45.840 was going through. 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:47.600 And grows in this moment. For de Valeni is that 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:49.440 could have been an argument, right because I could have 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:51.599 been going back and forth. I never asked Jackson to 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:54.160 play an instrument. I've asked if they were interested in it, 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:56.520 because I want them to be well rounded and try 0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:59.040 different things and see what you know, expose them. I 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:00.840 played the piano and hated it, so I would never 0:11:00.880 --> 0:11:03.640 push that on them. However, I did realize in that 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:06.360 moment like okay, Deval got defensive about it. But me, 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:08.880 knowing my son, I'm like, maybe there's something there. So 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:11.720 I said, let me not guess and have this conversation 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:14.040 with Deval guessing. Let me talk to Jackson directly. So 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:16.040 I asked Jackson about the morning he fell asleep in 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:18.920 math class, and I said, yeah, you fell asleep in 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:20.679 math class one time. Her teacher said she had to 0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:22.360 wake you up like twice. What happened is to work, 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:25.400 you know, too boring or what? He was like, Oh, no, 0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:27.000 that was the morning I had six am. I was 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:29.440 just a little tired, And I said, oh, okay. So 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:32.120 I heard that from his mouth without prompting. So that's 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:34.720 when I let Deval know that was the case. But 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:36.640 then Deval then, you know, I had to reassess the 0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:40.679 situation because he realized too, like, Okay, maybe this is 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:44.240 a bit much for Jackson right now to juggle because 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:46.400 he does have a lot on his plate now. 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:48.920 He definitely has a lot on his plate. And when 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:52.199 I think about growing up, When I thought about growing up, 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:55.720 I did do karate. When I started playing basketball, I 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:58.720 had basketball practice, I did do jiu jitsu. I was 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:01.320 on a debate team, was in the math academy. I 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:03.520 wasn't the concert choir. I wasn't. 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:05.520 Activities. 0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:08.959 I never had time to myself either, so me giving 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:12.720 him time to himself was nothing I ever thought about doing. 0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:14.599 I wanted him to always have something to do, so 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:17.000 he's not in the street or in the video games. 0:12:17.040 --> 0:12:18.480 Now granted, we don't live in a place where he 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:20.640 could even be in the street, so I just didn't 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:22.720 want him to be at home in the video games 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:25.959 or going out with his friends to do something because 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:29.360 you know, and I'm not trying to snitch on my son, 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:32.400 but I've been at these middle school things and I 0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:33.920 see some of the eighth graders who were going to 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.040 high school or young high school kids come back and 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:38.440 they're vaping and they're out there and they doing stuff, 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:40.520 and I just don't want my son to have any 0:12:40.559 --> 0:12:43.920 time to be Yeah, you always have something to do. 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.000 So I would admit that that was my plan. 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:50.679 What I didn't realize was when I was doing prototype 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:53.520 or when I was doing those things, my father wasn't 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:54.280 my trainer. 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:56.120 So when I did come home. 0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:59.560 I came home to relax, and it didn't hit me 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:03.800 until I saw Jackson limpin and realize, like, wait a minute, 0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:06.120 when he comes home, he doesn't come home to relax. 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:11.760 He comes home to hit mobility, speed training, weight room training, 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:14.760 questions about basketball, talking about basketball. 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:16.760 Jay will stop by to drop him off. Y'all still 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:19.640 talking more about basketball, and he literally had like no 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:22.280 reprieve from it. And me, being mom, who also was 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:25.520 never a professional athlete, I tried to respect where Deval 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:27.480 and Ja come from because they are the experts in 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:29.440 this field. So I'm like, y'all must know something that 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:31.720 I don't know because Deval played an elite level. So 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:34.240 if that's where Jackson wants to be, I never want to, 0:13:34.720 --> 0:13:37.000 you know, undermine what you say or even put that 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.719 little bit of you know, doubt in Jackson's mind. Which 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:41.080 it's just like, all right, well, Jay and Dad are 0:13:41.120 --> 0:13:43.000 telling me one thing, but Mom seems apprehensive. 0:13:43.160 --> 0:13:43.280 Right. 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:45.080 We always try to make sure that we are on 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:47.360 a united front when we present ourselves to the kids, 0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:49.920 and then behind closed doors, I'll say to de Val, 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:51.599 don't you think or he'll say, hey, I think you 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:55.000 handle that incorrectly, which I think is necessary because it's 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:57.080 like a checks and balancing system that we have within 0:13:57.080 --> 0:14:00.640 the relationship as parents. But it's just a thing where 0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:02.440 you know, moms, we just tend to know our kids, 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:04.920 and I in that moment, was like, maybe it might 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:06.559 be a bit too much. And I see the effects 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:09.600 of it on Jackson even this morning. For example, he 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:13.840 was up last night throwing up diarrhea, had some stomach issues. 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:16.720 He was so apprehensive this morning to even tell you 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:18.679 how he really felt because he felt like them, am 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:20.160 I gonna be a punk if I tell Dad that 0:14:20.200 --> 0:14:21.560 I don't feel when it can't go to school? 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:23.120 Or I think that's I think that's unfair for you 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:24.600 to say that one because he called me. 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:25.360 He didn't call you. 0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:30.040 Yeah, but he called me, right, you know what I'm saying, Like, 0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:32.360 he didn't call you first, So he wasn't apprehensive to 0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:33.320 tell me how he felt. 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:36.440 He just didn't know how he was going to be received. 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:38.640 As sorry if I didn't say that correctly. Yeah, Yeah, 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:40.040 nobody he calls you first. 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:42.040 And they all called me when they need something. And 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:46.040 I think, to be fair, you do know your kids, right. 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:48.680 I don't think moms know what's best for their sons though, 0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:51.920 And I think that's the difference. Moms may know their children, 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:53.840 but you don't know what's best for them. And for me, 0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:57.520 it's every time they come against adversity. Moms. You your 0:14:57.520 --> 0:15:00.640 mom want to save them. They don't need be saved 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:03.880 because you can't save them when they're outside. They have 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:06.600 to learn, and I think that's where you and I 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:13.120 have to learn. That's a unity and I no, but 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:16.320 I think that's where you and I in this. Now 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:20.280 you're gonna make me keep saying it. In this situation particular, 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:23.280 knowing when to concede was important for both of us 0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:25.760 because you knew when to concede and say, you know what, 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:30.280 Deval knows this part of athleticism and professional athletes are 0:15:30.280 --> 0:15:32.840 going to concede even though I don't agree, and then 0:15:32.920 --> 0:15:36.120 me realizing that, okay, physically he doesn't look like himself, 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:39.600 I'm gonna have to concede, and Kadeen was right rather 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:42.000 than both of us trying to argue and putting our son. 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:43.760 Because I've also been on the other end of this 0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:46.000 as a trainer, where mom and dad are not on 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:49.440 the same page and they're both arguing loudly in front 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:52.920 of the child, while both making the child do something 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:54.320 that's not good for the child. 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:58.320 And if your kid is just confused, and to also 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:01.600 further back your point, there are moments too where now, 0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:03.960 for example, this morning, devout Jackson didn't want to be 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:05.880 seem like he was being a punk for like not 0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:07.400 going to school or going to practice. 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:08.200 I'm going to practice. 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:10.400 But you then also gave him the latitude to say 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:13.440 in that moment, which I thought was correct, Jackson, if 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:17.160 you don't feel well, take the day and stay home, rest, recover. 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:20.080 I would have been more inclined to be like, oh, well, 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:22.600 you're not throwing up anymore, your stomach is fine, all right, 0:16:22.680 --> 0:16:24.360 go to school, then don't miss the day, you know. 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:26.280 So that's where I could have been wrong, and that 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:28.280 you say to me, Kadeen, like, don't you think it's 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:29.720 a bit much that you're pushing him to school? And 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:31.920 he was literally thrown up two hours ago, right, And 0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:33.520 I'd have been like, well, he's fine though, he looks 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:35.720 fine now. So that's a moment where I sometimes need 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:38.440 to be checked. And you say, Kadeen, like you're like, 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:39.840 just because you don't want the kids to miss the 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:42.200 day a school because you're a stickler for academics. You 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:45.080 can't do that at the detriment of their health, right, 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:45.360 And I. 0:16:45.680 --> 0:16:48.160 Mean you're right because we've had those conversations where I'm 0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:50.280 the parent that's more likely to be like, Yo, you 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:51.760 don't feel good, you don't go to practice. 0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:52.600 You don't go to school either. 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:55.440 Just take the whole day where you're more like, nah, 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:58.560 he can miss practice, but he's going to school. To me, 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:03.640 school has certain values, but also I think school can 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:07.159 be overrated when it comes to certain certain kids in 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:11.359 certain situations. You know, for example, thinking about and this 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:13.080 is going a little bit off topic, but also thinking 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:15.600 about trying to raise my son the way I was 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:17.480 raised when I didn't grow up the same way as 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:19.960 my child did, or even trying to raise my son 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:23.440 the way I mentored other young men who had different situations. 0:17:23.440 --> 0:17:25.360 I'm realizing that it doesn't work that way. 0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:28.400 Yeah, you know, I have to learn how to concede 0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:34.080 sometimes because everything I thought I knew about my life 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:36.920 or I knew about these kids is completely different now 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:39.920 than it was five ten years ago when I was mentoring. 0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:42.280 That's a good thing that you brought up, and I 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:45.920 think you should put a posted on this, and we're 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:48.240 going to keep this tab open for the conversation we're 0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:51.520 going to have about you and Jackson and that first 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:56.439 little altercation that happened in the house. So I'm not 0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:58.720 sure when this episode is going to air in comparison 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:01.040 to that, but I think this route that you're going 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:04.600 will be great for that conversation because part of it 0:18:04.640 --> 0:18:06.560 is talking about how you grew up and what you 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:09.080 require to do just to survive in these streets, and 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:11.280 it's like trying to take that same approach with Jackson. 0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:13.600 But it's like being in these streets over here, you know. 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:16.160 But I get it as a man and as a 0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:18.600 man raising a boy, and me never having been a 0:18:18.640 --> 0:18:21.399 boy or a man. There's certain things that I will 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:24.399 lean on you for. So we can, I guess table 0:18:24.440 --> 0:18:25.520 that until we get to that. 0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:28.000 Because I do want to talk about that specifically, just 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:30.280 that one situation. But this is a good transition to 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:34.920 give them some facts and stacks about conceding right. According 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:37.639 to Troubau, you know, Trouble always looks up the stats. 0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:40.440 Admitting when you're wrong can create a deeper emotional connection 0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:43.000