Speaker 1: Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Cheeky's and Chill,
Speaker 1: your favorite podcast and talking about favorites. I have one
Speaker 1: of my favorite people in the whole wide world here
Speaker 1: with me today, and I think you guys might know him.
Speaker 1: If you don't, you're gonna get to know him today.
Speaker 1: His name is Johnny angel El Sinko. Thank you for coming, Papa,
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. I love you.
Speaker 2: This is my third podcast.
Speaker 1: Yes, this is the.
Speaker 2: First time we do it like in person, and it's
Speaker 2: really really different.
Speaker 1: It's different. Hah I, it's different. I love it. People
Speaker 1: like to watch the podcast and then I'm I like
Speaker 1: to listen. I'm more of a listener because I like
Speaker 1: to do it like while I'm working out and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. But there are a lot of people that
Speaker 1: are enjoying the video. So thank you so much. Because
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, everyone that I had all the
Speaker 1: first three seasons that a long time. You were telling
Speaker 1: me for a while, like Okay, you need to do visual,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to just get like acclimated and like
Speaker 1: just used to it. And now we did the first
Speaker 1: two seasons and it was awesome, and I'm so grateful,
Speaker 1: so that's why I'm like, Okay, people that were on
Speaker 1: the first two seasons, I want to bring them back
Speaker 1: and here on the sets. So yeah, it's awesome. So
Speaker 1: thank you, john And well we have big news. Johnny's
Speaker 1: pregnant and I'm just kidding. H Well, guys, I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure a lot of people have already noticed, right a
Speaker 1: little bit maybe on social media, but we're officially going
Speaker 1: to talk about Johnny moving out. Yeah, oh my god,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you guys, I don't even know where
Speaker 1: to start with this. I might get emotional, so please
Speaker 1: just be aware. Disclaimer. So, Johnny moved out more than
Speaker 1: a month ago now, and he has his own apartment
Speaker 1: and he lives fifteen minutes away from the house yeah
Speaker 1: and ten yeah, ten with no traffic. And I love
Speaker 1: where he lives. I actually was looking at that place
Speaker 1: where he lives right now. But anyways, he moved out
Speaker 1: and it was very difficult. So how do you feel, actually,
Speaker 1: before we move on to the details, how do you
Speaker 1: feel right now?
Speaker 2: I think I'm like going through like one of the
Speaker 2: biggest shifts in my life. Honestly. Yeah, I'm like just
Speaker 2: as a person, as like as a human being, like my.
Speaker 1: Own You did tell me that the other day on
Speaker 1: my own.
Speaker 2: Journey and everything. I just, for the first time in
Speaker 2: my life, I feel like I'm really truly just trying
Speaker 2: to I don't I don't want this to sound wrong
Speaker 2: in any way, but I feel like I'm just trying
Speaker 2: to like figure out who I am without my siblings
Speaker 2: for the first time. And it's very very strange. Like
Speaker 2: I'm realizing just how like I have a very very
Speaker 2: few things in my life, and I realize, like how
Speaker 2: I'm actually pretty simple. I realized that I like cooking.
Speaker 2: I like cooking and cleaning a lot. And I was
Speaker 2: gonna say, I owe you an apology because now I
Speaker 2: understand like what you were always trying to do with me,
Speaker 2: especially the battle with the trash all the time. Yes,
Speaker 2: but in my defense, though one thing could be wrong
Speaker 2: and ruin your whole fucking day.
Speaker 1: Sometimes, yeah, sometimes you know what it's because for me,
Speaker 1: and I'll tell you guys, I don't like repeating myself.
Speaker 1: I need to work on that, and he always talking
Speaker 1: me that. It's like I'm like, dude, I've said it
Speaker 1: so many times, I just do it, you know, And
Speaker 1: then I would just get in a bad mood. But
Speaker 1: but yeah, to me, I'm like, Johnny, just take out
Speaker 1: the damn trash, Please bring it into trash cans, because.
Speaker 2: We're honestly, for like the last four or five years though,
Speaker 2: it wasn't because I didn't want to or anything. It
Speaker 2: was just like I genuinely would have it would just slip,
Speaker 2: it would slip my mind.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But now now that I'm in my own place and honestly,
Speaker 2: I I'm like you, I like everything cleaning, dude. I
Speaker 2: guess I realized how much I like I am your kid, like,
Speaker 2: because things that you like about your house is the
Speaker 2: way I like them.
Speaker 1: Like, I'm realizing that when I went to visit you.
Speaker 1: I've been to his apartment one time, and when I went,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god. I was looking the fridge.
Speaker 1: I looked at it, you know, I'm just like scoping
Speaker 1: things out. I'm a big sister. I'm noticing. And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I'm so proud of him him,
Speaker 1: and like I was just like, dude, everything is just
Speaker 1: in its place. It was nice and clean, it smelled good,
Speaker 1: like it felt airy. I'm like, oh my god, Like
Speaker 1: I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you,
Speaker 1: because it wasn't an easy decision. You know, I definitely
Speaker 1: struggled with it. I thought I was ready. I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I think Johnny's ready, And I didn't know how to
Speaker 1: bring it up to you for so long because it
Speaker 1: was something that was in my heart. But then I
Speaker 1: was like, but I don't want him to leave, like
Speaker 1: I'm not ready for it.
Speaker 2: I was, honestly, I was thinking about it, like while
Speaker 2: I was working out today. I think more than anything,
Speaker 2: what I was really waiting for was to feel safe
Speaker 2: leaving you, because there's a lot of things that I
Speaker 2: feel like only I would see sometimes because.
Speaker 1: We lived together for like our whole lives.
Speaker 2: I felt like your second pair of eyes, yeah, for sure,
Speaker 2: and just a lot of changes you made, Like I've
Speaker 2: never felt safer, like just being in a different place. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like I feel completely safe,
Speaker 2: like leaving you with the media, yeah, like, and I
Speaker 2: don't think I've ever really been able to say that before.
Speaker 1: No, I know, you know that I'm in good hands.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And then even then, like you know, with miss
Speaker 2: Kimberly over here, like it's just.
Speaker 1: Everything, Mberly's my new assistant out here.
Speaker 2: Everything just feels like right, it feels peaceful.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel and it definitely does. It definitely does.
Speaker 1: It feels different in the house. I walk like, okay, guys,
Speaker 1: let me just tell you. When we kind of like
Speaker 1: we're talking about the idea for like a couple months
Speaker 1: and we're like, Okay, I know it's going to happen.
Speaker 1: I was like, well, when is it going to happen?
Speaker 1: I need to mentally prepare. And I knew three months
Speaker 1: before it was you know, his official. I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: let's do until this month, and he was ready. He
Speaker 1: did everything on his own. I thought I was going
Speaker 1: to go like with him to go see apartments and everything,
Speaker 1: like you did it all by yourself.
Speaker 2: It's so proud of you, to be honest. There was
Speaker 2: only like apartments I looked at like online, but I
Speaker 2: only saw one in person. I just I loved it
Speaker 2: right away.
Speaker 1: The same way I think you felt it. You felt
Speaker 1: it and I know, yeah, I know you're safe there.
Speaker 1: They have high security, which was like to me, it's
Speaker 1: super important. He's good, but it was very hard. I
Speaker 1: cried so freaking much, you guys, and I realized, I'm like,
Speaker 1: why am I crying? Was like I know this was
Speaker 1: this is what needs to happen, but it's still difficult,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like there's still my freaking kid,
Speaker 1: Like it's just I don't know.
Speaker 2: There was there was so many things, like I was
Speaker 2: getting deja vu with too, Like I there's an audio
Speaker 2: out there somewhere of mom talking about about when Jackie
Speaker 2: moved out she got married, and she she heard Jayles's
Speaker 2: footsteps and she realized that she wasn't going to hear
Speaker 2: Jayles's footsteps down the hall anymore. And then you said
Speaker 2: the same thing to me. I don't think you.
Speaker 1: Even I didn't realize.
Speaker 2: I don't think you even realized that.
Speaker 1: I know. I text him one night and.
Speaker 2: Like I was just getting so much deja vu, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my gosh, this is crazy. And then yeah,
Speaker 2: and then I remember the first time it really hit me.
Speaker 2: I think it was like two days after I got
Speaker 2: approved for the application. I was like at a birthday
Speaker 2: party and it just hit me at an ore and
Speaker 2: I was I had to go outside because I started crying.
Speaker 2: I started, like really really crying, and I opened my
Speaker 2: phone and somebody had posted the scene from Cheeky's in
Speaker 2: Control where mom was asking you to move out. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: Like what is like, what's happening?
Speaker 2: Like what was God trying to tell me right now?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: And I just I know it was definitely like the
Speaker 2: right decision and more than anything, I really feel like
Speaker 2: I'm in a good place. But also I think you
Speaker 2: know how I told you before that I feel like
Speaker 2: you haven't had a kid because you kind of like
Speaker 2: have like mentally rejected it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've talked about it here on the podcast. Yeah
Speaker 1: for sure, where I was like, oh no, like I
Speaker 1: have this like it's crazy because we're going to talk
Speaker 1: about that because that's exactly what happened. It made me
Speaker 1: step into a different part of my life where now
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, my work here is not done because
Speaker 1: I'm always I worry about all of you guys, and
Speaker 1: I'm always going to be here to guide you. But
Speaker 1: I feel like, Okay, he's off and he's flying and
Speaker 1: he's good, and I see you, Yes, you're self sustaining,
Speaker 1: you're flying with your own wings, and I see it,
Speaker 1: like I feel at peace. I'm like, I know he's good,
Speaker 1: You're in a very good place and I'm so happy.
Speaker 1: It was very hard because it was kind of like
Speaker 1: a huge part of my identity having you at the
Speaker 1: house and caring for you and being your mom. It
Speaker 1: was a part of my survival mode. It was like
Speaker 1: it was part of my survival you guys.
Speaker 2: Literally it still is. It's just not on a daily basis, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean it's like a little bit more detached, which
Speaker 2: isn't a bad thing, you know, It's just I think
Speaker 2: we're learning to live in a different way and like
Speaker 2: as scary as scary as it was for both of us,
Speaker 2: Like I'm really I'm really proud of us.
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, I am. I'm very proud of us.
Speaker 1: I think that everything right now, certain things are happening,
Speaker 1: but I feel like the dust is settling. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I feel like things are falling
Speaker 1: into place. I don't know, it feels it feels good.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if you've talked about that yet,
Speaker 2: but like that news you shared with me is really
Speaker 2: really dope about What about your little idea?
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yes I did. We talked about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we talked about it, and it's it's a really nice episode.
Speaker 1: I told people because you know they've been following me
Speaker 1: on this journey, but yes I did, and it's just
Speaker 1: all happening just like.
Speaker 2: A week later.
Speaker 1: It happened like a week later. I told you I
Speaker 1: got the news. But but yeah, I mean, and you
Speaker 1: know what, and going back to you moving out because
Speaker 1: I don't want to forget. I saw a comment. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I saw the comment or you told
Speaker 1: me about the comment, but anyways, there was a comment
Speaker 1: out there that said why did it take you so
Speaker 1: long to move out? Johnny? Like why didn't you do
Speaker 1: it before? And I think the main thing is because
Speaker 1: you felt safe, You felt like I'm ready as a person,
Speaker 1: and it was both of us. It was both. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a mutual decision.
Speaker 2: I think. I think we both feel really responsible for
Speaker 2: one another.
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, and yeah because there I mean also people
Speaker 1: want to know, like if it was there an issue,
Speaker 1: did we fight and we didn't. Yeah, there's no, like
Speaker 1: nothing bad happened. It was just we were both ready.
Speaker 1: It's something I had been praying about and I felt
Speaker 1: like God and my mom were putting in my heart
Speaker 1: like he needs to learn responsibility, like having his own
Speaker 1: place and it's going to help your relationship, and I
Speaker 1: just didn't want to. I was like, how like I
Speaker 1: was fighting it and then God put it in your.
Speaker 2: Heart and I know also just like I needed to.
Speaker 2: I think I've they well, thank god, I've never really
Speaker 2: I never missed the payment on my car, my credit
Speaker 2: card or anything. But also it's just made me. It's
Speaker 2: just made me way better at saving money. If I'm
Speaker 2: being completely honest, Like it's not like I don't know
Speaker 2: something about like just having your own space. It really
Speaker 2: just it does something to you. It does something to you,
Speaker 2: and I just I've been doing my best to be
Speaker 2: more responsible in the last three four years with my money,
Speaker 2: but like now it's just it's different. I'm better than
Speaker 2: I've ever been this last month.
Speaker 1: I'm so fucking proud of you now that you're living
Speaker 1: on your own. Because Jackie and I we had this
Speaker 1: conversation Jackie and my sister about him moving out, and
Speaker 1: we went back and forth. We're like, okay, like should
Speaker 1: he get a townhouse?
Speaker 2: Should he?
Speaker 1: Should he get a condo? But I was like, I
Speaker 1: he's never lived on his own. I want him to
Speaker 1: know what it is to like buy his groceries and
Speaker 1: pay the bills and the whole thing. And I never
Speaker 1: I've never really worried about you. I really haven't. Like
Speaker 1: I've always known he's going to be okay, He's I've
Speaker 1: been so confident in the way that I raised you
Speaker 1: that now to see I'm like, see you guys, there
Speaker 1: was really nothing to worry about. But I did want
Speaker 1: and I told Jackie, I said, I think we need
Speaker 1: to let him live in an apartment for at least
Speaker 1: six months.
Speaker 2: So here I almost got a house.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's like that a house is a huge responsibility,
Speaker 1: property taxes, and if you get a townhouse, you have
Speaker 1: hoa and it's just like a lot more. But how
Speaker 1: do you feel now now that you have your space?
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you're going to stay in your
Speaker 1: space for a while or do you want something bigger?
Speaker 2: I think so honestly, like I was realizing, I was realizing.
Speaker 2: That's another point is I'm also realizing just how I'm
Speaker 2: actually pretty minimal. Yeah, I mean, and I like being
Speaker 2: like that, Like my space is. I think it's pretty
Speaker 2: good size, but it's not the biggest thing in the world,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It feels like it hugs you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1: And the energy is so nice.
Speaker 2: I feel I feel like a lot of people would
Speaker 2: probably expect me to be like in a very luxurious,
Speaker 2: like big, big space or something like that. But I
Speaker 2: think it's pretty it's pretty simple.
Speaker 1: I think it's great.
Speaker 2: And I feel like you don't want to eventually get
Speaker 2: a house in the future, whether it be like three
Speaker 2: or four or however long four years, I think it's
Speaker 2: actually going to be like a pretty minimal space, you know.
Speaker 2: I mean, I really, I'm realizing I don't need a lot, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, And I mean, just I'm going through this.
Speaker 2: I was going through the same thing as you, cleaning
Speaker 2: up my freaking closet. I'm like, how did I have?
Speaker 2: How do I have so much ship? Like for what?
Speaker 1: For no reason? I know?
Speaker 2: And I wear the same ship all the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, same same, same.
Speaker 2: Same shoes. I had so much shoes that I don't wear,
Speaker 2: but I like to hold on to in case of anything.
Speaker 1: In case or because of a sentimental like, yeah it
Speaker 1: has sentimental value. I have this, but it feels good
Speaker 1: to declutter.
Speaker 2: I have this shirt that I still didn't let go of. There,
Speaker 2: I leg some stuff, but there's this shirt that from
Speaker 2: like the week mom passed where they put her picture
Speaker 2: like it had like a blue like a blue thing.
Speaker 2: It was like, oh, I know, I wore it a lot.
Speaker 2: You still have that, yeah, and it has like a tearing,
Speaker 2: Yes you do.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I just can't like go of.
Speaker 1: That because it just if you wear it, you're fine.
Speaker 1: If you're just keeping just keep wearing it. As long
Speaker 1: as you're wearing it, you're you're totally fine. I'm I
Speaker 1: told my son my.
Speaker 2: Dad shirts that we've had for fucking fifteen years. Yeah,
Speaker 2: the ones from his memory, the white one with his.
Speaker 1: Image, Yes you have, I know, those which you were
Speaker 1: kind of like kind of looks like okay, I thought
Speaker 1: it was okay. Yeah, yeah, well no, see that's the thing,
Speaker 1: like that's it's also very good for you to like
Speaker 1: you don't even have to just throw it out, like
Speaker 1: you can donate it. That makes you feel good as well.
Speaker 1: But I do like the fact that like where you live,
Speaker 1: like we said, it's central, and like you've always been
Speaker 1: very like you grew up a little secluded, you know,
Speaker 1: because you were like already mom was already Jenny Rivera
Speaker 1: like when she was coming up and you know, the
Speaker 1: peak of her career and so you've always like lived
Speaker 1: like an Orco. When we had our house in Orcle,
Speaker 1: like it was just there was I mean, we didn't
Speaker 1: really go out, and then we lived to Enancino. It's
Speaker 1: always been like very secluded. So I always wanted this
Speaker 1: for you, where you were just a young man what
Speaker 1: I and you're able to walk around on the streets.
Speaker 2: I started realizing that about myself when we started living in.
Speaker 1: So and So that's when you were your runs.
Speaker 2: I loved how just close everything felt like something just
Speaker 2: down the street, quick drive, you know, I mean opening
Speaker 2: the gate, that's fun. But now I love walking everywhere.
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's it's helping me get my walking in
Speaker 2: and I just it's so soaking me in. I realized
Speaker 2: that I was definitely like that kind of person when
Speaker 2: I went to New York. Yeah, I WASNA in twenty
Speaker 2: twenty one, and I realized, like, I like, how like
Speaker 2: everything is just so close, like it feels like it's cool.
Speaker 1: That's what I I when I experienced that at Emilio's
Speaker 1: place in downtown LA. That's why I didn't want us
Speaker 1: to like let go of that place because he's been
Speaker 1: living with us for so long or with me now
Speaker 1: now with us because you don't live there anymore, but
Speaker 1: living with with me at that at the house for
Speaker 1: so long, like I but I used to love going
Speaker 1: there because it's like we would walk to get our
Speaker 1: little smoothie and like have a souad, and it just
Speaker 1: felt it was a different type of like feeling. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I love that, like walking the dogs going to
Speaker 1: the dog park and it's like I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it just makes you feel what's the word that I'm
Speaker 1: looking for, like grounded, grounded. I guess that's what it is. Grounded.
Speaker 1: So I'm happy that you're experiencing that. That's what immedia
Speaker 1: wanted for you so bad. He's like he needs to
Speaker 1: be a kid. Like I'm like, okay, I know that.
Speaker 2: Being said though, like the older I'm getting, I realized
Speaker 2: like why like people move out to like Temecula or Corona,
Speaker 2: like yeah, more like secluded places. And I do think
Speaker 2: eventually I'm probably gonna have.
Speaker 1: Something like that, yeah, because I'm not a city girl,
Speaker 1: like I'm just I'm more of like I like to
Speaker 1: just be like chill, more of like a southern or
Speaker 1: what's the word some suburbs suburb Yeah, type of chick.
Speaker 1: But I like the city once in a while, but
Speaker 1: I wanted you to experience that, like for you to
Speaker 1: be out there. And I love the fact they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, everything's across the street and boom boo boom.
Speaker 2: You know, I save so much on gas.
Speaker 1: And are people coming over like your friends and stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's really cool. It's it's cool to be
Speaker 2: able to I mean, like I always would't. I would
Speaker 2: ask you for permission, But now I can tell people
Speaker 2: like like, oh, if you ever need a place to crash,
Speaker 2: like you have like my couch, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: Like I I make sure like I so, especially like
Speaker 2: my friends who come from out of town.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that couch is company. I got him a couch.
Speaker 1: That's what that was my home warming gift to him.
Speaker 1: A couch. It's really nice.
Speaker 2: I fleep on that couch.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's comfy. It's a comfy one. Because dude, imagine,
Speaker 1: I was thinking about this the other day because I
Speaker 1: got a white couch. Now that you're not there, I
Speaker 1: got a white couch. Okay, you haven't seen it, So
Speaker 1: I got a white I would have been I'm like,
Speaker 1: because I'm anal you guys like I realized I'm kind
Speaker 1: of anal so I was like, oh my god, Bot Johnny,
Speaker 1: he would have been like, oh my god, can I
Speaker 1: even sit here? But now you have your own fucking
Speaker 1: couch and do whatever you want, have sex on it
Speaker 1: or whatever you want to do. Anyways, Okay, so when
Speaker 1: you were looking for apartments, is there a reason why
Speaker 1: you chose like not to leave like far because I
Speaker 1: was a little worried. I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: he's gonna leave the valley and I'm gonna be sad.
Speaker 1: But I didn't want to put that pressure on you.
Speaker 1: But is there a reason why?
Speaker 2: Well, definitely, I definitely needed to make sure like I
Speaker 2: was going to stay close to you, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. It's just it's it's comfortable you're down the.
Speaker 1: Street, and I was scared. I was scared that you
Speaker 1: were going to like move like towards down Jackie a
Speaker 1: little bit, or the office and stuff. But when you said, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm looking in the valley, like, oh my god, and
Speaker 1: now like you're in the same city basically.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I just I mean, that's my dream. I've
Speaker 2: I've had this dream for like two three years, like
Speaker 2: where we're going to own like houses across the street
Speaker 2: or right next to each other. Yeah, I mean, and
Speaker 2: our kids are going to be able to play together.
Speaker 1: I don't know if we've ever talked about this.
Speaker 2: You know it's gonna really I'm realizing it's going to
Speaker 2: be crazy what I feel because I feel like I'm
Speaker 2: gonna have kids like within three four years. Damn, Okay,
Speaker 2: maybe I'm not sure I am. It's because also I
Speaker 2: want to be a young dad too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I see that for you.
Speaker 2: I've always had that. So I'm thinking maybe twenty six,
Speaker 2: twenty seven, depending on like where I'm at in my life. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I'm realizing our kids are going to be pretty
Speaker 2: close in age like our first borns Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Yes, Like if I have a child.
Speaker 2: Like that's like crazy, that's so unusual.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's kind of cool though. See that's something I
Speaker 1: worry about. It was like because Jackie says she's done
Speaker 1: having kids. Jennica doesn't know if she wants any. Mikey
Speaker 1: has his two daughters. But it's like if I have
Speaker 1: a baby, like I want my baby to grow up
Speaker 1: with like you know, have like because I think I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna have one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I gotta.
Speaker 1: I really do feel that I gotta.
Speaker 2: I gotta start having kids because my friends are having
Speaker 2: kids and like my kids are not gonna have.
Speaker 1: Any friends don't have kids for that reason.
Speaker 2: Though I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: I also I also just know that when I become
Speaker 2: a father one day, I'm gonna I'm gonna heal a
Speaker 2: lot within myself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, stuff like you mean, like childhood stuff.
Speaker 1: I'd same the same.
Speaker 2: It's just you know, I just know I'm gonna feel
Speaker 2: of a void within myself as like yeah, a father's son.
Speaker 1: Oh mm hmm our little daddy issues and stuff that,
Speaker 1: yeah I have. Yeah, for sure for me it's mommy issues,
Speaker 1: you know how mom And I like, I feel like
Speaker 1: it's my chance and my opportunity to mend. So I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm gonna have a little girl. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but whatever God wants.
Speaker 2: I feel like surprised.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It's like it's always directly with like you like like
Speaker 2: I said, like like with uh, like let's say, like
Speaker 2: with my son, I would be addressing like probably like daddy.
Speaker 2: She's like yeah, but I have a feeling I'm actually
Speaker 2: going to like I'm gonna heal a lot with that.
Speaker 2: I might not even realize with Mom too, Yeah for sure,
Speaker 2: because I because just they passed three years apart. But
Speaker 2: those three years that Mom was still here mm hmm,
Speaker 2: Like I don't know if something shifted within her, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean? Yeah, as a parent, and especially
Speaker 2: the last year when you when you when.
Speaker 1: She wanted to step in and like, yeah, she was.
Speaker 2: She was very intentionally being a parent in her last year.
Speaker 2: Like before it was very much about letting me just
Speaker 2: do what I wanted, but now she was trying to
Speaker 2: give me like structure.
Speaker 1: And that's one thing that when Mom asked me to
Speaker 1: move out that march before she passed, that was one
Speaker 1: of the things that she said. She said, you know,
Speaker 1: I want you to fly with your own wings. I
Speaker 1: want you to go and experience the world. But I
Speaker 1: also want to step in and be a mom. And
Speaker 1: I want this home to feel like my home because
Speaker 1: for so long it's been yours and the kids, if
Speaker 1: you're still here, are always going to go to you
Speaker 1: for things because they see you and they've been here
Speaker 1: and you've been here. But in order for me to
Speaker 1: be the mom that I want to be to these kids.
Speaker 1: I need you not to be here. And that was
Speaker 1: so like hard to hear, but I understood it, and
Speaker 1: I was like shit, which brings me.
Speaker 2: Back to the But she's right though, But she's right
Speaker 2: because because I can, I can say that, like, you know,
Speaker 2: as the kid in question, you know, I would do
Speaker 2: that like yeah, like I know Mom would like spoil
Speaker 2: me or anything, but like I would be more inclined
Speaker 2: to go to you sometimes or vice versa.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I would be like, Johnny, you can't have
Speaker 1: this and be like, oh, I know Mom will give
Speaker 1: it to me. It was hard. It was hard for her,
Speaker 1: and and I understand it so much, you know. And
Speaker 1: and that's why I'm like, okay, because I I didn't
Speaker 1: ask you to move out, like it was something like
Speaker 1: I said, I had been praying about for a while.
Speaker 1: But when you came to me like because you said
Speaker 1: something that, I was like, oh, I hadn't really thought
Speaker 1: about that, and be like, I just don't want you
Speaker 1: to feel like I'm being ungrateful. What did you mean
Speaker 1: by that?
Speaker 2: Like I just I feel like, how can I put it?
Speaker 2: It's like I feel like we both kind of have
Speaker 2: like the sense of guilt a little bit for like
Speaker 2: adapting to the to this particular change, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Like I sometimes feel like a little guilty because I'm
Speaker 2: enjoying myself so much. But I meant, but I told
Speaker 2: but I miss you so much at the same time,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like I feel like at first you were kind of
Speaker 1: scared to tell me how happy you were, how how
Speaker 1: like because I and I just was it's so funny
Speaker 1: that you say that, because I was expressing it to
Speaker 1: someone the other day. They were asking, oh, how does
Speaker 1: it feel without Johnny, and I'm like, and I was
Speaker 1: explaining it to them, and then I mentioned that I
Speaker 1: was like, I feel like he's really enjoying it, but
Speaker 1: he's barely starting to tell me, Like I feel good.
Speaker 1: I guess you didn't want to hurt my feelings. Is
Speaker 1: that right? No?
Speaker 2: But it's also like just I think we're just protective
Speaker 2: of each other, you know what I mean, Like like
Speaker 2: you said like you said, like you you told us
Speaker 2: on Christmas, like or I think it was Thanksgiving that
Speaker 2: you were you were like kind of like jealous for us,
Speaker 2: like if you were going to have kids.
Speaker 1: It's like that I see what I mean because I
Speaker 1: said that, because I was like, you guys, like, you
Speaker 1: guys better take advantage of me this year because I'm
Speaker 1: really thinking of having kids, you know, at the end
Speaker 1: of like this year, and I want you guys to
Speaker 1: just take advantage because then once I have a baby,
Speaker 1: you guys are going to be with the center of
Speaker 1: my world anymore. So I was just being all emotional.
Speaker 1: Was probably drinking, and yeah, because I'm like I feel
Speaker 1: sometimes for so long I didn't want to have kids
Speaker 1: because I was jealous of like I'm going to give
Speaker 1: just baby for you guys. I was jealous for you
Speaker 1: guys of like, oh my god, I'm going to give
Speaker 1: all my attention to my child and then like what
Speaker 1: if I forget about them? But I'm like, no, now
Speaker 1: I've healed that, and I'm like, no, I can love
Speaker 1: all everyone. My heart is big enough to love all,
Speaker 1: like to love my own children and still love you guys.
Speaker 1: And but I was like, I felt it was weird.
Speaker 1: I felt jealous for you guys. It's weirdest things I think.
Speaker 2: I think. Also, it was just some well I've always
Speaker 2: told you, like I really need you to leave a
Speaker 2: party yourself here. Yeah, I mean, I think, you know,
Speaker 2: there just needs to be some extension of you specifically,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So I just, yeah, I know,
Speaker 2: I know, just like I I try to love all
Speaker 2: the kids as much as I can and be a
Speaker 2: really good uncle and you know, but I know, I know,
Speaker 2: I know your kid is just going to be something
Speaker 2: so special to our family. Each of the kids have
Speaker 2: brought their own light.
Speaker 1: Have you for sure?
Speaker 2: They just all they all shine in their own.
Speaker 1: I love our little family, yeah, I love it so much.
Speaker 2: Like Jayla is is the ring leader of all those kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's She's a good big sister and a good
Speaker 1: big cousin. She really is. Yeah, she's like she's Honestly,
Speaker 1: I'm very proud I see all of them. I see
Speaker 1: you guys.
Speaker 2: She's your goddaughter for sure.
Speaker 1: For sure, that's my godda for sure. I see her.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, freaking little Jayla. I want
Speaker 1: you to know about that. I'm so freaking proud of you.
Speaker 1: Like I'm listening to you speak and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: you're so mature, You're in such a good place. And
Speaker 1: I prayed so much for this because for so long
Speaker 1: I was worried I was worried that you were so
Speaker 1: like spending so much time in your room, and I
Speaker 1: could just imagine, like, if you feel better, it's because
Speaker 1: for so I think your spirit was telling you for
Speaker 1: so long, like I need to grow out of this room.
Speaker 1: And now you have your own space, and I want
Speaker 1: you not to feel guilty or to feel like you're
Speaker 1: going to hurt my feelings. I want to hear about
Speaker 1: everything that you're doing, and I love to see on
Speaker 1: your close friends like that you're cooking and that you're
Speaker 1: enjoying your space because you deserve that. And it's not
Speaker 1: that I was doing anything wrong or that you were
Speaker 1: doing anything wrong, because the house feels different, and not
Speaker 1: necessarily because you were bad energy, because that's not what
Speaker 1: it is. It's just it feels different. It feels just different.
Speaker 1: And I don't even know how to explain it. But
Speaker 1: I know that you're feeling what I'm feeling, and that
Speaker 1: means that it's the right.
Speaker 2: Thing where we have work reflecting one another.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely in the last and I'm not worried about you,
Speaker 1: and I'm so proud of you. And I never when
Speaker 1: people would be like, oh my god, cheks like you
Speaker 1: shelter him like you you like you protect him too much,
Speaker 1: like you're so lenient, and I'm like, I know how
Speaker 1: to deal with with your personality. I know the type
Speaker 1: of child you were, the type of man that you
Speaker 1: are now that I'm like, I know that you're going
Speaker 1: to do great things. And this is this is as
Speaker 1: lost as you may feel because you're like, where do
Speaker 1: I go from here? This is all a part. This
Speaker 1: is a huge milestone for you, for you to thrive.
Speaker 2: I think it's just like I feel like for the
Speaker 2: first time, I'm I'm adding my own things into my life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if it's if it.
Speaker 2: Makes sense, Like I'm realizing like like I have you
Speaker 2: guys always, but like apart from you guys, like I
Speaker 2: have like two best friends that I talk to on
Speaker 2: a regular brasis and I have more friends, but like
Speaker 2: you know, like those yeah, close close friends that like
Speaker 2: you have those deep conversations because.
Speaker 1: We were your whole world for so long exactly.
Speaker 2: So like now I'm realizing, like you know, like my circles,
Speaker 2: my circle is small, like I want to make I
Speaker 2: want to make new friends and just like wow, just
Speaker 2: just expand my word little bit, and yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: for the first time. I just I just feel like
Speaker 2: I'm adding things into my life. It's so weird.
Speaker 1: I think you're finally living. For so long, you went
Speaker 1: through so much, John, since you were little. You lost
Speaker 1: your dad at nine, you lost your mom on eleven
Speaker 1: at eight, So by the time you were eleven years old,
Speaker 1: you've been through so much. And you, yeah, it's crazy
Speaker 1: to think like you were so Yeah, you were so
Speaker 1: so young, and you had to go through so much,
Speaker 1: and then all of the aftermath that happened after mom
Speaker 1: passed and things that we're still dealing with. You had
Speaker 1: to grow up so fast. And not only that, you
Speaker 1: were Jenny River's son, and you've always had to be
Speaker 1: like okay, like you you went to school in a
Speaker 1: different way than other kids. So to me to see you,
Speaker 1: like tell me this, I want to make new friends
Speaker 1: because you were very antisocial for so long. Now and
Speaker 1: to see you, I'm out like, hey, I think I'm
Speaker 1: going to go here tonight, and I'm like, hell, yeah,
Speaker 1: go have fun. Don't drink a drive. Always like, don't
Speaker 1: drink a drive, call me PU on your seat belt,
Speaker 1: take an uber. I'm all about that. But I'm like,
Speaker 1: go live your fucking life, dude, Like, go have fun.
Speaker 1: This is the time to have fun, to enjoy yourself.
Speaker 1: And I love that you're doing it because for so
Speaker 1: long I would worry. And that was one thing that
Speaker 1: Amilia would tell me. He's like, I want him to
Speaker 1: be a kid. I moved out at twenty three, and
Speaker 1: it's like I did so much stuff. I did so
Speaker 1: many things, and it's like, this is the time, this
Speaker 1: is the time to do it, and you're doing it
Speaker 1: the right way, and I'm just like, I'm like, I
Speaker 1: couldn't be more proud to be quite honest with you,
Speaker 1: Like you're fucking wise beyond your your I've known that forever.
Speaker 1: You're so wise beyond your years, and you're gonna be
Speaker 1: and I don't know you're you're gonna be. You're gonna
Speaker 1: be just fine. And if you feel a little bit
Speaker 1: like I'm not sure what do I do for me,
Speaker 1: like you're gonna find out. That's how I felt when
Speaker 1: Mom asked me, I was like, now what now, what
Speaker 1: do I do with all this time on my hands?
Speaker 1: And like it's gonna all fall into place.
Speaker 2: That's how I feel. That's how I feel, because like
Speaker 2: I just it's so strange. It's just the weirdest phenomenon.
Speaker 2: But I mean, I don't.
Speaker 1: Know you're doing it at the right time though, Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I'm just I want to say, like, I'm really
Speaker 2: proud of you, and I'm really proud of you because
Speaker 2: it's you know, it hasn't been easy for any of us,
Speaker 2: but like you took that role really really gracefully despite
Speaker 2: everything that happened, and I commend you for that because
Speaker 2: it's not easy to be that selfless. I think a
Speaker 2: lot of times, especially you know, it was difficult. There's
Speaker 2: a lot of times you could have said these kids,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna make I'm going to live my own life
Speaker 2: or something, but you never did that.
Speaker 1: And I love you. Man.
Speaker 2: People can say whatever they want about me, but like
Speaker 2: when it comes to when it comes to you, I've
Speaker 2: just I've never been able to have peace with how
Speaker 2: how negatively people can view you sometimes because they don't
Speaker 2: realize that you've always been there. And I know, I
Speaker 2: know my mom and my dad they're so grateful for you.
Speaker 2: I know they her especially, she's just she's like, I'm
Speaker 2: so happy he's okay, you know, because I know she
Speaker 2: worried about me.
Speaker 1: A lot I know she did. But like I told you, John,
Speaker 1: like I would, I would go through it all over
Speaker 1: again if it meant that I would have you, because
Speaker 1: you saved my life, You and Jenica, all of you, really,
Speaker 1: and everything happened the way it was supposed to happen,
Speaker 1: and it was fucking hard, and I don't regret any
Speaker 1: of it. I would go through it all over again
Speaker 1: if it meant that I was going to see you
Speaker 1: how I see you today and now I feel like, Okay,
Speaker 1: he's good. Now I go focus on having my own kids.
Speaker 2: And I'm really excited for really.
Speaker 1: And I love you so much and I learned from
Speaker 1: you every day. You're such a smart boy.
Speaker 2: I love you.
Speaker 1: I love you more. And You're welcome and thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you for coming. And yeah, guys, this is this
Speaker 1: is our life on a podcast.
Speaker 2: My whole life has really been like on television, my
Speaker 2: whole life like and from the moment I was born.
Speaker 1: I know it's crazy, from the moment you were born,
Speaker 1: and you've you've handled it very well because people can
Speaker 1: be very mean and and I think that you're doing
Speaker 1: a great job. And I do miss your footsteps. There
Speaker 1: are times when I'm like, should I miss him, just
Speaker 1: when you would come into the room and lay on
Speaker 1: the bed. And it hasn't been as easy as you think.
Speaker 1: But I feel like this is We're in the right
Speaker 1: place and it's the right thing happening. So I don't
Speaker 1: want you to worry about me. I don't want you
Speaker 1: to worry. Okay, good, and I love you more. And
Speaker 1: you guys, thank you for listening to this episode and
Speaker 1: watching this episode of of Chigis and Chill. Johnny, thank
Speaker 1: you so much. You want to share your social media
Speaker 1: for people that may not follow you already.
Speaker 2: I'm on Twitter, Instagram and TikTok as the great.
Speaker 1: Sinkle Yeah, the Great Sinco. It's just a yeah. So
Speaker 1: you guys, thank you so much. I will see you
Speaker 1: and I will catch you hopefully on the next episode.
Speaker 1: You guys. Yes an. This is a production of iHeartRadio
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