WEBVTT - Once a Cheater… Do you Forgive and Trust Again?

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome, guys, Welcome to the show.

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<v Speaker 2>I am your girl, Amada Laegra, and you're listening to

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<v Speaker 2>Exactly Amada, a production of iHeart.

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<v Speaker 2>searching for micro through that podcast and right there just

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<v Speaker 2>clicking on Exactly Amada. If I sound crazy is because

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<v Speaker 2>I have been working like a psycho. I have been

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<v Speaker 2>working crazy. I have a lot of jobs and honestly,

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<v Speaker 2>yogo gazotamm biene. From coming from an immigrant households where

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<v Speaker 2>you're you know you're expected to be great, from not

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<v Speaker 2>wanting to go back, from trying to break generational curses,

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<v Speaker 2>from all those things, I really push myself so hard

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<v Speaker 2>to be as great as I can be, to the

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<v Speaker 2>point that my voice has gone so much. Going on

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<v Speaker 2>on their children's product. I am working on so many things,

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<v Speaker 2>gay Honestly, I don't know how I do it myself.

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<v Speaker 2>And in the process of this now, I'm also trying

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<v Speaker 2>to buy me a gas station or I don't know,

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<v Speaker 2>a residential building. Always thinking about generation of wealth, always

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<v Speaker 2>thinking about, you know, investing my money.

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<v Speaker 1>We talk about this all the time.

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<v Speaker 2>But I just wanted to start up a little motivation

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<v Speaker 2>or let you know, put in the work, work as

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<v Speaker 2>hard as you can, work till you're so exhausted that

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<v Speaker 2>you got to force yourself to get up, pushed through.

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<v Speaker 1>Your body will only have so much time that it

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<v Speaker 1>is going to be willing to do that. So that

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<v Speaker 1>being said, let's really get down to today's topic.

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<v Speaker 2>Once a cheater, always a cheater. Do you forgive a cheater?

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<v Speaker 2>Can you retrust a cheater? And cheating comes in many

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<v Speaker 2>many forms. It could be cheating as as a friendship

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<v Speaker 2>or obviously, as we mainly know, cheating in a relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>Once a cheater, can you forgive a cheating you know,

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<v Speaker 2>spouse partner?

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<v Speaker 1>Can you trust them again? How do you move on? Personally?

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<v Speaker 2>Let me start here, I have been cheated on. I

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<v Speaker 2>wouldn't say that I have cheated and I know that. No,

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<v Speaker 2>it depends what you consider cheating. If texting is cheating,

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<v Speaker 2>I've definitely cheated. If flirting with other people is cheating,

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<v Speaker 2>I've definitely flirted. But to me, everything is cheating. Obviously,

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<v Speaker 2>once you start the emotional connection, you're definitely cheating. But

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<v Speaker 2>the sexual part, to me, that's like the biggest cheat,

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<v Speaker 2>right when you're physically exchanging you know, fluids, and you're

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<v Speaker 2>like you're physically there. Oh, that's you're cheating, cheating, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>we can't come back from that.

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<v Speaker 1>It's terrible.

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<v Speaker 2>If we're texting someone, but if you haven't met them,

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<v Speaker 2>that's bad because you're entertaining them. You're using that mental

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<v Speaker 2>space to entertain and that's really how relationships start. Once

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<v Speaker 2>you get into the emotional part because in many occasions,

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<v Speaker 2>you can have sex with someone, right, So I've heard

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<v Speaker 2>from men you can have sex with them and still

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<v Speaker 2>love your girl and it don't mean nothing.

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<v Speaker 1>You're just having a moment. You had sex, Boom done,

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<v Speaker 1>that's over.

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<v Speaker 2>But in my case, I feel like if you have

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<v Speaker 2>sex as a woman, for many of us, it becomes

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<v Speaker 2>an emotional thing, right, It becomes an emotional an emotional experience.

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<v Speaker 2>But then again, I don't know when you get to

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<v Speaker 2>see it anymore, because these days, I feel like women

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<v Speaker 2>are so empower where they just feel like, I just

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<v Speaker 2>want to have sex.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna have it. It doesn't mean anything.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just, you know, is a body, I'm a desire

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<v Speaker 2>and then that's it and it's over. But cheating is

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<v Speaker 2>definitely a sensitive emotional subject that you know, can trigger

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<v Speaker 2>feelings and be feelings of betrayal, of being heard, of

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<v Speaker 2>being angry. How do we surpass that? Do we go

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<v Speaker 2>to therapy? Do we talk it out? Do we take

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<v Speaker 2>a break? Do you believe in taking breaks? You know,

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<v Speaker 2>if someone cheats on you, you know, I just think that

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<v Speaker 2>we need a break to self reflect and then we

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<v Speaker 2>come back. I don't know I don't believe in that.

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<v Speaker 2>If we, if you, if any man ever comes to be,

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<v Speaker 2>I need a break. That means you're not into me anymore,

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<v Speaker 2>because I feel like, if you really want a relationship

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<v Speaker 2>to work out, you gotta you gotta tug it out,

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<v Speaker 2>you gotta stick it through, you gotta you gotta be

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<v Speaker 2>in that space, whether we're not talking, but we're here

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<v Speaker 2>together because we're trying to figure it out. The moment

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<v Speaker 2>you give space, space gives opportunity, opportunity for somebody else

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<v Speaker 2>to come, opportunity for them to realize the true self.

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<v Speaker 1>Worth and be like, you know what, screw this. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not gonna forgive you. I'm just gonna, you know, move on.

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<v Speaker 2>And I will say, there's no perfect relationship. There is

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<v Speaker 2>no perfect relationship. Even if you think all.

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<v Speaker 1>This person cheating on me.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not I'm saying forgive your cheating, you know, partner,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not saying that.

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<v Speaker 1>But think about this too.

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<v Speaker 2>If you already put in so much time and effort

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<v Speaker 2>and all these things, is there a possibility that.

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<v Speaker 1>You can work things out?

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<v Speaker 2>You know, I'm not saying the cheating is a mistake,

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<v Speaker 2>because it's not a mistake. It's a choice. You chose

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<v Speaker 2>to entertain this person. You chose to physically be in

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<v Speaker 2>this place.

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<v Speaker 1>You chose that. You know, nobody forced you. You decided

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<v Speaker 1>to do that. However, there is no perfect relationship. There

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<v Speaker 1>is no perfect relationship. It's tough out hearing these streets.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you find someone that you are.

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<v Speaker 2>Really compatible, that you guys get along, that everything is great,

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<v Speaker 2>but there was a cheating situation. Is there any possible

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<v Speaker 2>way that you guys can work it out? Do you

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<v Speaker 2>believe in talking to your mother, to your father, to

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<v Speaker 2>your sisters, to your brother, to a family member about

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<v Speaker 2>your personal relationship?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you think that's helpful?

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<v Speaker 2>You know, if you have maybe like somebody in the

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<v Speaker 2>family who's been married for like thirty forty years, right,

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<v Speaker 2>should you go to them and ask for advice? I

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<v Speaker 2>would say most definitely, but hopefully not someone in your family.

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<v Speaker 2>I think that getting advice from someone who's been through

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<v Speaker 2>it already is super important. I think that it's the

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<v Speaker 2>best way to go, not to be out here talking

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<v Speaker 2>to your single friends. I'm not saying that your single

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<v Speaker 2>friends can't give you good advice, right, but you single,

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<v Speaker 2>you ain't got nobody, you haven't figured it out yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>For those that have been married and through the good,

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<v Speaker 2>through the bad, through the thin, they've been rocking together solid.

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<v Speaker 2>Whether you sleep in the couch, I sleep in the band.

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<v Speaker 2>So we can figure this out. I think it's important

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<v Speaker 2>to get advice from people that are there in that space, right.

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<v Speaker 2>I also think it's important not to give up that

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<v Speaker 2>quickly on you know, don't give up so quickly on

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<v Speaker 2>your relationship because of cheating. I know it's gonna sound crazy,

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<v Speaker 2>y'all is gonna come for me. I'm not saying forgive

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<v Speaker 2>your cheating partner. And it also, I guess it doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>matter how much you've been cheating, does it, ladies? Because

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like women forgive quicker than men do.

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<v Speaker 1>Why is that? Is it because we're more accustomed to being,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, forgiving? I don't know. I feel that men.

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<v Speaker 2>Can't take the pain that they bring to women when

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<v Speaker 2>they cheat. When a woman cheats on a man, he

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<v Speaker 2>can go through a depression. All types of things is

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<v Speaker 2>gonna happen. A woman is gonna cry, She's gonna probably

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<v Speaker 2>feel insecure herself. She's gonna but deep down inside because

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<v Speaker 2>she loves this person or cares about this person, she's

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<v Speaker 2>gonna try to figure out a way to make things work.

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<v Speaker 2>She's gonna try to figure out a way to push through.

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<v Speaker 2>But that also has its limits. How much cheating, how

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<v Speaker 2>much betrayal, how much disrespect, how much all of that

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<v Speaker 2>hurts anger can you really take before you decide to

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<v Speaker 2>just leave? In many occasions, I know that there's women

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<v Speaker 2>that have stayed because of their kids, you know, because

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<v Speaker 2>of their family. In many occasions, you know women and

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<v Speaker 2>also man, I know men that been like you know

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<v Speaker 2>what gentlemen whip put me seahos I do only because

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<v Speaker 2>of my children. I want to see them grow. I

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<v Speaker 2>want to be part of their life. I am so

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<v Speaker 2>in love with my children that I am putting up

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<v Speaker 2>with this situation with this woman right just so that

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<v Speaker 2>I can be in this space. I'm trying to do

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<v Speaker 2>the best that I can, but that can be very

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<v Speaker 2>tough too. For example, I personally, I did the best

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<v Speaker 2>that I could to stretch out my relationship with the

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<v Speaker 2>father of my children because I really wanted to. I

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<v Speaker 2>really wanted to have a family. I wanted to figure

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<v Speaker 2>out how to bring this together. What can I do?

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<v Speaker 2>In many occasions, you blame yourself for other people's behaviors

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<v Speaker 2>you feel as a failure.

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<v Speaker 1>You blame yourself because someone else.

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<v Speaker 2>Chose to betray you or chose to and you feel

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<v Speaker 2>like it's your fault. I must have done something. No,

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<v Speaker 2>I feel that we're all adults, we're all grown. Whoever

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<v Speaker 2>decides to cheat, whoever decides to betray, whoever decides to

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<v Speaker 2>not complete their part of the agreement in the relationship,

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<v Speaker 2>it is not your fault.

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<v Speaker 1>You shouldn't feel guilty about it. You shouldn't feel bad

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<v Speaker 1>about it.

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<v Speaker 2>You shouldn't question your body, you shouldn't question your personality.

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<v Speaker 2>You shouldn't question none of those things. I think that

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<v Speaker 2>communication is key, right, and that's part of rebuilding a

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<v Speaker 2>relationship after after someone has cheated.

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<v Speaker 1>How do you rebuild, you know?

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<v Speaker 2>I think that having conversations, going back out on dates,

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<v Speaker 2>all those type of things, going to therapy, going to church,

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<v Speaker 2>if you have to go see your local pastor be like, look,

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<v Speaker 2>we love each other, but right now the energy has shifted.

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<v Speaker 1>We can't, you know, we can't trust each other anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>How do we fix this?

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<v Speaker 2>Sometimes the biggest thing, sometimes though it is always the

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<v Speaker 2>biggest foundation of a solid relationship is God, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>being able to ask God to give you the strength

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<v Speaker 2>that you need to forgive some that you really love

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<v Speaker 2>because they have betrayed you, you know, because they have

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<v Speaker 2>done you dirty, but you still want to make things work.

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<v Speaker 2>I think that maybe going to church should be like

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<v Speaker 2>the number one thing, going to see a pastor, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>in prayer together in your bed before you go to sleep,

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<v Speaker 2>both holding hands and praying to God to you know,

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<v Speaker 2>give you strength to push through. Because I also have

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<v Speaker 2>to say, these days, through social media, through dating apps,

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<v Speaker 2>through everything else, cheating has become even more accessible. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>aren't there back in the days they were Chico Lavecina

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<v Speaker 2>e lechiro. You know, you would chieve with your local

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<v Speaker 2>people in your neighborhood, and I get those things right.

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<v Speaker 2>But social media and the Internet now has exposed a

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<v Speaker 2>whole different type of world now that in many occasions

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<v Speaker 2>you may not even try to you may not even

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<v Speaker 2>be trying to look for it, and it just comes

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<v Speaker 2>to you. I'm talking about social media now has become

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<v Speaker 2>a catalog for people looking to have either just sex

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<v Speaker 2>or being into the relationship or you know, I have

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<v Speaker 2>my man, but I want to cheat. I want to

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<v Speaker 2>have a fling. I want to have an open relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>I want to have a good time. You know. Now

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<v Speaker 2>social media has become a catalog, so it's become very

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<v Speaker 2>much more difficult to have a solid relationship. So hi forgiveness,

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<v Speaker 2>forgiving your cheating partner. Have you ever been through it?

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<v Speaker 2>By the way, hit me up on the comments. Have

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<v Speaker 2>you been able to forgive them one hundred percent? Or

0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:27.560
<v Speaker 2>do you think that? You say, yeah, I forgive you,

0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:30.079
<v Speaker 2>But every so often they're still in the back of

0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:30.520
<v Speaker 2>your mind.

0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:32.760
<v Speaker 1>You can look at them and be like, are you

0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:33.640
<v Speaker 1>cheating on me? Now?

0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:36.200
<v Speaker 2>Who are you on the phone with? You're in the bathroom,

0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:38.319
<v Speaker 2>wait too long? Why did you take your phone into

0:11:38.360 --> 0:11:41.160
<v Speaker 2>the bathroom? Why did you turn around your phone? Do

0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:43.600
<v Speaker 2>you think that makes you toxic? Do you think that

0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:46.000
<v Speaker 2>after you've been cheated on? Those are the reasons why

0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:48.400
<v Speaker 2>there's a lot of women that are toxic, those women

0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:50.440
<v Speaker 2>that have been hurt and betrayed in the past. And

0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:52.640
<v Speaker 2>now you started a new relationship with this woman that's

0:11:52.679 --> 0:11:55.400
<v Speaker 2>been slightly damaged by her past experiences.

0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:58.560
<v Speaker 1>Do you think that affects the new relationship.

0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:07.040
<v Speaker 2>If you start a relationship with someone that's been hurt

0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:11.760
<v Speaker 2>in the past, whether cheating you know, boyfriend or girlfriend.

0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:13.000
<v Speaker 1>How do you help them heal?

0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:16.080
<v Speaker 2>I think that that's very important these days. I think

0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:18.880
<v Speaker 2>the healing is a very important part of it all.

0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:21.640
<v Speaker 2>We're getting into relationships with people that have been hurt,

0:12:21.640 --> 0:12:23.800
<v Speaker 2>with people that have been damaged, with people that are bringing.

0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:24.400
<v Speaker 1>Their own baggage.

0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:28.079
<v Speaker 2>And if we're not willing to understand what their experiences

0:12:28.080 --> 0:12:30.080
<v Speaker 2>have been, what they've been through, how were we supposed

0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:32.200
<v Speaker 2>to have a solid relationship with someone you have to

0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:36.160
<v Speaker 2>push through. Don't do anything that's gonna make your significant

0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:40.839
<v Speaker 2>other feel like you are being unfaithful. For example, if

0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:43.800
<v Speaker 2>your a girl doesn't like you liking other females pictures

0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:46.080
<v Speaker 2>on social media, don't do it. Look at it if

0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:47.920
<v Speaker 2>you want, but don't do it. You know why, because

0:12:47.920 --> 0:12:51.960
<v Speaker 2>it's gonna be that one like that one like to

0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:53.360
<v Speaker 2>you gonna have been like, Oh, I just think that

0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:55.080
<v Speaker 2>she's pretty. I think that she's sexy. I think that

0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:57.600
<v Speaker 2>whatever the hell, but that one like in this other

0:12:57.640 --> 0:13:01.240
<v Speaker 2>person's mind could be like a whole world of you

0:13:01.320 --> 0:13:03.720
<v Speaker 2>may be cheating. If you were willing to like her publicly,

0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:05.720
<v Speaker 2>you might be talking to her on DM. What about

0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:07.679
<v Speaker 2>if you flew her in? What about if you already

0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:11.040
<v Speaker 2>met her, that's too much. And feeling insecure these days

0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:14.120
<v Speaker 2>is not just for women. Men go through it too.

0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:16.880
<v Speaker 2>There's a lot of men now on social media as well.

0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:20.880
<v Speaker 2>Your girl's DM is loaded of men that are waiting

0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:23.760
<v Speaker 2>for you to fuck up for two seconds to take

0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:27.439
<v Speaker 2>your place, do you know? And I also think it's

0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:29.520
<v Speaker 2>important for women if you're in a real relationship and

0:13:29.640 --> 0:13:34.320
<v Speaker 2>men don't entertain it, don't entertain it because even saying hi,

0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:37.079
<v Speaker 2>thank you, oh my god, yes you said I'm beautiful,

0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:42.520
<v Speaker 2>even the smallest little things like that can destroy a good,

0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:45.840
<v Speaker 2>solid relationship with someone that actually has a real foundation.

0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:48.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm just saying. And something else I want to know.

0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:49.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:52.080
<v Speaker 2>Ladies, help me figure this out. Do you really believe

0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:53.920
<v Speaker 2>that once a cheatter, always a cheater. Do you think

0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.960
<v Speaker 2>that once they cheat one time, they repeat the same patterns.

0:13:57.040 --> 0:13:58.800
<v Speaker 2>Can you forgive them and be like, okay, you know

0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:02.200
<v Speaker 2>what you do know me, once you said you were sorry,

0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:03.160
<v Speaker 2>you're not even do it again.

0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:04.560
<v Speaker 1>Do you think that people can.

0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:07.120
<v Speaker 2>Actually just make mistakes of like, oh, you know, I

0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:10.000
<v Speaker 2>was going through a vulnerable moment and I just cheated

0:14:10.120 --> 0:14:11.920
<v Speaker 2>on my girl, or I just cheated on my man,

0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:14.400
<v Speaker 2>but I really love my man. Can you cheat and

0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:17.040
<v Speaker 2>still love your partner, meaning like I just went and

0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:19.400
<v Speaker 2>had sex, I just want to entertain this person because

0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:22.760
<v Speaker 2>I was bored, because I was emotionally not fulfilled or whatever,

0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:26.680
<v Speaker 2>and still realistically love your partner.

0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:29.080
<v Speaker 1>Can you I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out.

0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:32.400
<v Speaker 2>You guys tell me, because I am the type of

0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:35.560
<v Speaker 2>woman personally, don't know. Personal I am the type of

0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:38.840
<v Speaker 2>woman that if I push and push and push and

0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:42.440
<v Speaker 2>push before I go ahead and cheat, I will try

0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:44.680
<v Speaker 2>to the end of me. That's something very common in women.

0:14:45.120 --> 0:14:45.960
<v Speaker 1>When a woman.

0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:49.600
<v Speaker 2>Cheats, usually she's already tired, she's over it, she's already

0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:53.080
<v Speaker 2>tried to fix her relationship for a long time. Men,

0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:55.760
<v Speaker 2>in the other hand, can have sex or cheat and

0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:57.800
<v Speaker 2>still come back home like nothing happened, Like this is

0:14:57.840 --> 0:14:59.840
<v Speaker 2>my girl. You were just a fling or you were

0:14:59.880 --> 0:15:03.640
<v Speaker 2>just the moment, right. I I can't if I cheat,

0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:06.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't. I can't cheat. That's too much pressure.

0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:06.720
<v Speaker 1>That's another thing.

0:15:07.080 --> 0:15:09.480
<v Speaker 2>The pressure of cheating is a lot you gotta be

0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:11.760
<v Speaker 2>worried about. They get Let me turn my phone or around,

0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:13.720
<v Speaker 2>let me put my phone on silent. What about if

0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:15.520
<v Speaker 2>you call me? What about if you text me? What

0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:17.720
<v Speaker 2>about if you FaceTime me and my girl picks up

0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:19.680
<v Speaker 2>the phone, my or my guy is like, Yo, who's this?

0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:25.240
<v Speaker 2>You gotta be deleting conversations. You gotta be You got that, listen.

0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:28.920
<v Speaker 2>That is a lot of work. Mentally, is very stressful.

0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:30.440
<v Speaker 2>I know that maybe in the beginning it will be

0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:32.720
<v Speaker 2>fun and you got it. But once you know, some

0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:36.240
<v Speaker 2>time passes, emotions are gonna get involved. You know something

0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:39.360
<v Speaker 2>is gonna happen, or you're gonna feel like, oh no,

0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:41.800
<v Speaker 2>this is this is too much.

0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:45.720
<v Speaker 1>So I'm not a good cheater. It doesn't work for me.

0:15:46.400 --> 0:15:46.560
<v Speaker 2>You know.

0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:48.760
<v Speaker 1>Usually whenever, even if I start one.

0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:51.360
<v Speaker 2>Relationship right back to back to the other, I've already

0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:54.120
<v Speaker 2>finished one. And by the time I finish that one,

0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:57.360
<v Speaker 2>we've already been been done while being together. That means

0:15:57.360 --> 0:15:59.480
<v Speaker 2>that either we're not even having sex anymore, but we're

0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:00.800
<v Speaker 2>supposedly still together.

0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:02.920
<v Speaker 1>You know, because I've heard that too.

0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.520
<v Speaker 2>Oh if you cheat and then you start a relationship

0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:07.840
<v Speaker 2>like the next day or the next week, oh, you're

0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:12.680
<v Speaker 2>already cheating. No, not necessarily, because we see people that

0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:16.360
<v Speaker 2>get divorced and like a month later, they're already engaged

0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:19.240
<v Speaker 2>to someone else. The way that love is set up

0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:22.200
<v Speaker 2>or new relationships, there's no guide book. There's no rule

0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:25.200
<v Speaker 2>book on how to find love, on how to be

0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:26.200
<v Speaker 2>in a relationship.

0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:28.960
<v Speaker 1>You know, you never know when things are going to happen.

0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:31.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm just saying, you know, you have to live your

0:16:31.320 --> 0:16:34.800
<v Speaker 2>life and live for you, because if you live based

0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:37.680
<v Speaker 2>off people's opinions, you're never going to be happy. Rebuilding

0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:40.840
<v Speaker 2>trust is the most challenging process of it all.

0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:42.720
<v Speaker 1>You know, being able.

0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:46.720
<v Speaker 2>To to just trust that person. How do you move

0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:49.640
<v Speaker 2>past that? How do you trust again after someone has

0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:52.400
<v Speaker 2>cheated on you? Is it possible? I believe it is.

0:16:52.440 --> 0:16:55.240
<v Speaker 2>With a lot of work and effort, I believe it's possible.

0:16:55.880 --> 0:16:58.360
<v Speaker 2>I also do believe that in the back of their minds,

0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:00.960
<v Speaker 2>once you cheat and you have I've been able to

0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:03.640
<v Speaker 2>forgive them for it. There's a part of me that

0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:06.119
<v Speaker 2>feels like, oh, they think you soft because they know

0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:07.760
<v Speaker 2>that you really love them. So it's like, yeah, you

0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:09.520
<v Speaker 2>forgave me, but I'm still gonna do it again. Now

0:17:09.520 --> 0:17:10.840
<v Speaker 2>this time I'm going trying to do a better sound

0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:13.159
<v Speaker 2>and get caught or she just leaves and me like

0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:15.800
<v Speaker 2>you know what, you betrayed me, You're disrespectful, you cheated

0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:16.040
<v Speaker 2>on me.

0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:17.760
<v Speaker 1>I trusted you and is over.

0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:20.080
<v Speaker 2>But then the next person that you get, what does

0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:21.200
<v Speaker 2>that guarantee you that they're not.

0:17:21.119 --> 0:17:21.879
<v Speaker 1>Gonna cheat on you?

0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:32.520
<v Speaker 2>I had a friend that recently just filed for divorce

0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:34.120
<v Speaker 2>because her man cheated on her.

0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:40.040
<v Speaker 1>It wasn't one cheat. If you cheated like multiple, multiple, multiple.

0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:42.960
<v Speaker 2>Different type of women in a course of like fifteen years.

0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:45.600
<v Speaker 1>That you've been married, is that for should you forgive?

0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:49.080
<v Speaker 2>And that's another thing I'd be asking because I wonder,

0:17:49.160 --> 0:17:52.280
<v Speaker 2>like I've always wanted to get married, that that was

0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:54.480
<v Speaker 2>my dream since that was a little girl, my white dress,

0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:57.840
<v Speaker 2>blah blah blah blahh and they great, fantastic. These days,

0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:02.600
<v Speaker 2>the concept of love, relationship, commitments, all those things have changed.

0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:04.720
<v Speaker 2>We have so many people now that are in open

0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:06.920
<v Speaker 2>relationships because they don't want to feel like they're being

0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:10.040
<v Speaker 2>cheated on, because they don't want to feel as if, okay,

0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:12.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, I don't know, now I got to forgive

0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:15.919
<v Speaker 2>you for cheating on me. Meanwhile, if we're both in

0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:17.840
<v Speaker 2>a com you know, in an understanding that we're in

0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:19.520
<v Speaker 2>an open relationship, you get to do your thing, I

0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:20.880
<v Speaker 2>do my thing too, and we're so cool.

0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:24.080
<v Speaker 1>Man. That's a tough one right there.

0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:27.040
<v Speaker 2>I can never be in an open relationship because I

0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:32.480
<v Speaker 2>am very panicky about STDSG. You know, that's just me.

0:18:32.680 --> 0:18:34.040
<v Speaker 2>I feel like a lot of people are not thinking

0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:36.439
<v Speaker 2>about all those things too. Cheating is not just the

0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:40.000
<v Speaker 2>fact that of betrayal. It also comes with the physical aspect.

0:18:40.200 --> 0:18:42.679
<v Speaker 2>You know. I know a lot of beautiful women who

0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:45.280
<v Speaker 2>have been burnt and they don't say anything because I

0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:47.480
<v Speaker 2>even told them, did you tell this person that you

0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:49.720
<v Speaker 2>know that you're They're like, no, they didn't ask me,

0:18:49.760 --> 0:18:51.360
<v Speaker 2>so I don't got to say. I don't gotta tell.

0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:54.560
<v Speaker 2>And that's a terrible mindset. But we find a lot

0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:56.760
<v Speaker 2>of men that will go out and about to have

0:18:56.800 --> 0:19:00.560
<v Speaker 2>a good time. Right you selfishly decided to make a

0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:04.800
<v Speaker 2>decision of enjoying your body, enjoying yourself while having a partner.

0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:08.280
<v Speaker 2>Now you go home, you have sex with your partner,

0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:10.359
<v Speaker 2>and now you burn your partner as well.

0:19:10.840 --> 0:19:14.400
<v Speaker 1>All these things can really really like you really got

0:19:14.400 --> 0:19:15.760
<v Speaker 1>to think it through these days.

0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:18.520
<v Speaker 2>Imagine just going out to have a good time and

0:19:18.880 --> 0:19:21.439
<v Speaker 2>starting to feel weird a week later, going to the

0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:24.840
<v Speaker 2>doctor and finding out you have an STD, you know, gone.

0:19:24.600 --> 0:19:27.320
<v Speaker 1>Rhea, syphilis, herpes, HIV.

0:19:27.560 --> 0:19:30.160
<v Speaker 2>Like, there's so many things to protect yourself, and that

0:19:30.200 --> 0:19:32.760
<v Speaker 2>doesn't just come from you know. I'm not saying to

0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:35.119
<v Speaker 2>be panicky and have when it comes to it, because

0:19:35.160 --> 0:19:36.920
<v Speaker 2>I guess that's maybe one of the reasons why I'm

0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:40.720
<v Speaker 2>also panicky sexually, and I have been practicing celibacy til

0:19:40.800 --> 0:19:42.600
<v Speaker 2>I find someone that I'm like, you're for me, and

0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:44.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm for you, and we're here.

0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:47.200
<v Speaker 1>Let's dug it out. Cool. If you feel like you need.

0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:50.440
<v Speaker 2>To be sexually satisfied with multiple women or multiple men

0:19:50.480 --> 0:19:52.320
<v Speaker 2>out here in these streets, then you need to be

0:19:52.359 --> 0:19:54.240
<v Speaker 2>out here in these streets because I'm trying to be

0:19:54.280 --> 0:19:56.919
<v Speaker 2>inside the house. I'm not trying to be part of that,

0:19:57.480 --> 0:20:00.360
<v Speaker 2>but I think that is important to all. So think

0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:02.679
<v Speaker 2>about that, you know, And the same thing goes for women.

0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:04.879
<v Speaker 2>You could have gone outside to have a good time

0:20:05.160 --> 0:20:07.320
<v Speaker 2>and just you know, oh, this guy was really cute,

0:20:07.359 --> 0:20:08.440
<v Speaker 2>and then a month.

0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:11.919
<v Speaker 1>Later you come, you know, pregnant or whatever.

0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:15.040
<v Speaker 2>So I'm just saying, let's think about let's think about

0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:17.159
<v Speaker 2>the whole picture when it comes to cheating, when it

0:20:17.200 --> 0:20:19.560
<v Speaker 2>comes to forgiving the person that you're with you you

0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:22.879
<v Speaker 2>can lose a really good relationship because of cheating. You

0:20:22.880 --> 0:20:25.240
<v Speaker 2>can lose your trust, you can lose their friendship, you

0:20:25.280 --> 0:20:28.320
<v Speaker 2>can lose everything you've ever built with someone because of

0:20:28.359 --> 0:20:29.920
<v Speaker 2>a couple of minutes of having fun, of having a

0:20:29.960 --> 0:20:35.280
<v Speaker 2>good time. You can physically be damaged. You know, you

0:20:35.320 --> 0:20:38.919
<v Speaker 2>can physically go through a terrible situation because of just

0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:40.640
<v Speaker 2>having a good time for a little bit. I think

0:20:40.680 --> 0:20:42.320
<v Speaker 2>if you want to be if you want to be

0:20:42.400 --> 0:20:44.359
<v Speaker 2>single and you want to have fun, you go ahead

0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:47.200
<v Speaker 2>and you do that, but don't be in a committed

0:20:47.240 --> 0:20:51.240
<v Speaker 2>relationship with someone who is supposedly trying to be faithful

0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:53.879
<v Speaker 2>to you and you go and you do them dirty

0:20:53.920 --> 0:20:54.640
<v Speaker 2>behind their back.

0:20:55.040 --> 0:20:55.920
<v Speaker 1>You know, it.

0:20:55.840 --> 0:20:58.560
<v Speaker 2>Affects the trust, It affects your self esteem, It affects

0:20:58.560 --> 0:21:01.480
<v Speaker 2>the way that they view themselves, that they view relationships.

0:21:01.600 --> 0:21:04.879
<v Speaker 2>It affects your sexual experience with this person, because now

0:21:04.920 --> 0:21:07.160
<v Speaker 2>every time you have sex in the back of your mind,

0:21:07.240 --> 0:21:09.159
<v Speaker 2>you're thinking about this person.

0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:10.159
<v Speaker 1>That they cheated on.

0:21:10.640 --> 0:21:13.760
<v Speaker 2>You know, you question that whoever it is that they

0:21:13.840 --> 0:21:15.639
<v Speaker 2>cheated on, was there sex better?

0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:18.480
<v Speaker 1>You know, why did you go so many times to

0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:19.280
<v Speaker 1>the same person?

0:21:19.680 --> 0:21:22.080
<v Speaker 2>What were you looking for that I'm not providing for

0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:23.960
<v Speaker 2>you where you're looking for comfort, where you're looking for

0:21:24.040 --> 0:21:26.720
<v Speaker 2>a different type of sexual experience, which happens in many occasions.

0:21:26.960 --> 0:21:28.719
<v Speaker 2>You know, if you like bondage, if you like a

0:21:28.760 --> 0:21:31.240
<v Speaker 2>certain type of sexual experience that your partner is not

0:21:31.280 --> 0:21:33.600
<v Speaker 2>giving you at home, You're gonna go find it somewhere else.

0:21:34.280 --> 0:21:37.480
<v Speaker 2>If you have someone that likes to be very conservative sexually,

0:21:37.480 --> 0:21:40.160
<v Speaker 2>for example, because sex is a very important part of

0:21:40.200 --> 0:21:42.040
<v Speaker 2>a relationship and is one of the reasons why people

0:21:42.160 --> 0:21:44.439
<v Speaker 2>cheat for the most part. But if you are with

0:21:44.440 --> 0:21:47.439
<v Speaker 2>someone that's very conservative and you like to have you know,

0:21:47.560 --> 0:21:51.119
<v Speaker 2>wild sexy fun, you know, sex, and this person is

0:21:51.119 --> 0:21:54.840
<v Speaker 2>not providing that. Are they not providing it because you

0:21:55.040 --> 0:21:57.000
<v Speaker 2>don't want to tell them? Are they not providing it

0:21:57.000 --> 0:21:59.679
<v Speaker 2>because you feel embarrassed? I think it is important to

0:21:59.680 --> 0:22:00.840
<v Speaker 2>have the those conversations.

0:22:00.880 --> 0:22:02.960
<v Speaker 1>Listen. I don't want to cheat on you. I don't.

0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:06.080
<v Speaker 2>I but but there's things that I'm into, there's things

0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:09.800
<v Speaker 2>I want to experience, there's things I want to experience.

0:22:09.840 --> 0:22:12.000
<v Speaker 2>And before I go out of my way to do

0:22:12.040 --> 0:22:14.760
<v Speaker 2>it with somebody else and do it the wrong way,

0:22:14.960 --> 0:22:17.720
<v Speaker 2>I'd rather do it with you. All those things are

0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:20.520
<v Speaker 2>important to me, I don't know if you understand where

0:22:20.560 --> 0:22:21.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm coming from.

0:22:21.440 --> 0:22:24.159
<v Speaker 1>If you agree, let me know because I want to

0:22:24.200 --> 0:22:24.880
<v Speaker 1>know your opinion.

0:22:24.960 --> 0:22:26.760
<v Speaker 2>There's so many things that we could talk about when

0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:30.400
<v Speaker 2>it comes to forgiving, you know, forgiving a cheating spouse,

0:22:30.400 --> 0:22:34.320
<v Speaker 2>for getting a cheating boyfriend girlfriend, There's so many layers

0:22:34.320 --> 0:22:34.880
<v Speaker 2>into it.

0:22:35.080 --> 0:22:37.240
<v Speaker 1>Do you forgive? Do you not forgive? How do you

0:22:37.320 --> 0:22:38.440
<v Speaker 1>move on? You know?

0:22:38.640 --> 0:22:42.360
<v Speaker 2>Do we go to therapy, do we have an open relationship,

0:22:42.560 --> 0:22:44.879
<v Speaker 2>do we try different sexual experiences?

0:22:45.160 --> 0:22:48.320
<v Speaker 1>Do we talk to our family? To I done? Though?

0:22:48.359 --> 0:22:51.359
<v Speaker 2>There's so many layers to this is so complex that

0:22:51.440 --> 0:22:52.920
<v Speaker 2>I want to know your opinion.

0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:59.120
<v Speaker 1>Oh cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater. Mmm, I don't know. I'm

0:22:59.160 --> 0:23:01.119
<v Speaker 1>trying to figure it out just like y'all.

0:23:01.480 --> 0:23:05.960
<v Speaker 2>But anyways, with that being said, that brings us to

0:23:06.000 --> 0:23:09.679
<v Speaker 2>the end of today's episode. God, I really want to

0:23:09.680 --> 0:23:12.280
<v Speaker 2>know your opinion. Have you ever forgiven someone this cheated

0:23:12.320 --> 0:23:14.280
<v Speaker 2>on you? Did it work out? Is it worth even

0:23:14.320 --> 0:23:15.440
<v Speaker 2>forgiving them because you.

0:23:15.520 --> 0:23:17.280
<v Speaker 1>Just let it go? I'm not show bar.

0:23:17.400 --> 0:23:20.240
<v Speaker 2>Anyways, listen to the end of today's episode on Exactly Amada,

0:23:20.240 --> 0:23:21.680
<v Speaker 2>and I just want to thank you guys for joining

0:23:21.800 --> 0:23:25.240
<v Speaker 2>us and being part of this meaningful conversation. Don't forget

0:23:25.280 --> 0:23:27.560
<v Speaker 2>to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review and

0:23:27.640 --> 0:23:29.760
<v Speaker 2>share with your friends and family and everybody that you

0:23:29.800 --> 0:23:32.119
<v Speaker 2>love and cheat me, baby, and cheat me. If you

0:23:32.160 --> 0:23:34.120
<v Speaker 2>know somebody that's going through it, be like, yo, listen

0:23:34.160 --> 0:23:37.080
<v Speaker 2>to this podcast because you need to hear this immediately.

0:23:37.400 --> 0:23:37.800
<v Speaker 1>Okay.

0:23:38.040 --> 0:23:40.639
<v Speaker 2>If you have any topic, suggestions or personal stories that

0:23:40.680 --> 0:23:42.840
<v Speaker 2>you'd like to share, feel free to reach out to

0:23:42.880 --> 0:23:45.000
<v Speaker 2>me on social media. You could just hit me up

0:23:45.000 --> 0:23:46.640
<v Speaker 2>at exactly Amada. You can hit me up on ama

0:23:47.240 --> 0:23:50.160
<v Speaker 2>aled which is my personal instagram, which, by the way,

0:23:50.280 --> 0:23:54.760
<v Speaker 2>go follow me at Amada ama aln and.

0:23:54.680 --> 0:23:56.440
<v Speaker 1>Just sell me listen. I'm going through this.

0:23:56.560 --> 0:23:59.080
<v Speaker 2>I want to continue to cater to my audience. You

0:23:59.119 --> 0:24:01.160
<v Speaker 2>know this show really I did it with so much

0:24:01.200 --> 0:24:02.880
<v Speaker 2>love for you guys and is for you.

0:24:03.200 --> 0:24:05.920
<v Speaker 1>So if there's anything you want, let me know because

0:24:05.960 --> 0:24:07.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm down for whatever.

0:24:07.400 --> 0:24:10.000
<v Speaker 2>Catch my show by searching for micro through that podcast

0:24:10.080 --> 0:24:13.199
<v Speaker 2>on YouTube and clicking on exactly Amata. Okay, that's all

0:24:13.200 --> 0:24:15.199
<v Speaker 2>you gotta do so you can watch or listen to

0:24:15.280 --> 0:24:18.840
<v Speaker 2>past episodes super Lit. There's a couple that I've personally

0:24:18.840 --> 0:24:20.320
<v Speaker 2>gone back to to listen because I'm like.

0:24:20.240 --> 0:24:21.680
<v Speaker 1>Oh, this was some really good information.

0:24:22.400 --> 0:24:24.760
<v Speaker 2>And just in case you forgot, this has been a

0:24:24.760 --> 0:24:27.880
<v Speaker 2>production of ihearts Micro through that podcast network. Four more

0:24:27.920 --> 0:24:31.080
<v Speaker 2>podcasts from iHeart, Visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

0:24:31.160 --> 0:24:33.960
<v Speaker 2>or wherever you listen to your favorite show. This has

0:24:33.960 --> 0:24:37.800
<v Speaker 2>been your girl. Amada la Negra Cheeter Cheeter fromping Eater