WEBVTT - Introducing “Stolen: Surviving St. Michael’s” 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:04.040 Hey everyone, Rebecca here. I am so excited to share 0:00:04.040 --> 0:00:07.680 with you one of my favorite podcasts. Stolen is an 0:00:07.720 --> 0:00:12.160 investigative podcast hosted by my friend and Cree journalist Connie Walker. 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:17.400 This season, Stolen Surviving Saint Michael's explores the traumatic legacy 0:00:17.520 --> 0:00:22.800 of Canada's residential school system. This reporting was personal for Connie. 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:26.480 It brought her home to Saskatchewan to investigate a secret 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:30.240 within her own family. What she uncovered was a much 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:34.600 bigger story. In May, Stolen was recognized with both the 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:38.559 Pulitzer Prize and a Peabody Award. So we hope you 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:41.000 enjoyed this episode, and if you'd like to hear more, 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:44.280 you can find the full season by searching Stolen wherever 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:45.560 you get your podcasts. 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:49.400 Before we start the show, we want to let you 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:53.360 know that this episode contains references to violence and sexual 0:00:53.360 --> 0:01:00.680 abuse against children. Please take care while listening. Where I 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:04.520 come from, the open plains are broken up by gravel 0:01:04.600 --> 0:01:08.119 roads that intersect every mile or so, and small paved 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:13.160 highways linking tiny town to tiny town. Driving at night 0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:15.520 on these roads, it can feel like you're the only 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:20.240 person around for miles and miles, and on the nights 0:01:20.240 --> 0:01:25.080 where there's no moon. It's dark and heavy and quiet. 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:30.479 If something happened out here, it might never be discovered. 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:36.880 One night in the late nineteen seventies, something did happen. 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:40.800 Two men met out here in the darkness. Their chance 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:45.160 encounter felt like fate because they had met before, but 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:50.160 under very different circumstances. One of those men was my dad. 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:56.200 He was a police officer in rural Saskatchewan. My dad 0:01:56.240 --> 0:01:59.320 was driving alone in his patrol car when he spotted 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:01.680 a set of tail lights swerving ahead of him in 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:05.520 the darkness. He flicked on his lights and the car 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:09.200 pulled over on the side of the road. My Dad 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:11.200 got out of his cruiser and walked up to the 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:15.880 driver's side window. He motioned for the man inside to 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:19.760 roll it down, and as he raised his flashlight, he 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:24.560 realized he recognized the man behind the wheel. He knew 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:28.480 that face, those eyes, the white collar under his chin, 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:34.079 and he saw the man recognized him too. For a moment, 0:02:34.240 --> 0:02:38.280 neither of them moved. Then my dad opened the door, 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:42.000 grabbed the man by his collar, and dragged him out 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:45.919 of the car. He hit him again and again until 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:50.320 he was tired and out of breath. My dad walked 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:53.639 back to his patrol car and drove off into the night, 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:56.760 leaving the man crumpled on the side of the road. 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:02.960 There were no witnesses. The only people who knew what 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:07.440 really happened were the two men who were there. But 0:03:07.560 --> 0:03:10.920 this is how I imagine this story. It's a story 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:13.640 that my father told that was later told to me. 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:17.040 Hearing it has changed the way I think about my 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:20.920 life because the man whom my dad beat up that 0:03:21.040 --> 0:03:25.480 night was a priest, a priest who abused him in 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:32.919 residential school. I'm Connie Walker from Gimlet Media and Spotify. 0:03:33.440 --> 0:04:07.920 This is Stolen Surviving Saint Michael's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:11.360 eight nine. Okay, I am just arriving in Duck Lake 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:15.840 and I'm on my way to meet my brother Hal 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:19.880 at his house, which actually used to be my dad's house, 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:25.640 if I can find it, because I think I've actually 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:31.680 only been there like a couple of times. That's kind 0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:33.360 of weird, I guess, maybe to not know where your 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:37.240 dad lived. It's around four o'clock in the afternoon on 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:40.360 a warm summer day in August. I've just pulled onto 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:44.280 a small highway in central Saskatchewan. As I drive there 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:47.200 are fields of wheat on either side in big stretches 0:04:47.240 --> 0:04:50.839 of open sky. I know this place. I used to 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:53.800 live here, but I haven't been back in a long time. 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:57.479 The road I'm on connects the small town of Duck 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:02.000 Lake to the Beardy's and Okamaa's crew. This is my 0:05:02.120 --> 0:05:05.840 dad's home, and my brother Hal lives here now. He's 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:07.960 the one who first told me the story of my 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:11.240 dad and the priest, so that's why I'm here to 0:05:11.279 --> 0:05:13.760 ask him about it. Okay, this is a road called 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:18.320 Constable Cameron Road. My dad would have been Constable Cameron, 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:20.599 but this road is actually named after my sister, who 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:24.080 was also Constable Cameron. She followed in my dad's footsteps, 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:26.919 and I'm pretty sure they lived down this road. He 0:05:26.920 --> 0:05:31.159 lives down this road. It's a pretty big hint. My 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:35.279 dad's name is Howard Cameron. He's my father, but I 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:38.440 didn't know him very well. My mom and I used 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:40.720 to live here with him, but they split up when 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:43.760 I was seven and we left. I didn't see or 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:46.200 hear from my dad until I was a teenager and 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:49.359 came back to the reserve to visit. But whenever I 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:51.599 would come here, I wouldn't stay with my dad. I 0:05:51.600 --> 0:05:54.720 would stay with my godparents, my Auntie Lois, and my 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:58.279 uncle Ernie. The first time I came back to Beardies, 0:05:58.320 --> 0:06:02.119 I was fourteen, old enough to ride the bus alone. 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:04.520 My Auntie Lois and Uncle Ernie picked me up from 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.520 the bus depot and I stayed with them. When they 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:09.960 asked me if I wanted to see my dad, I 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:12.600 kind of felt like I had to say yes. And 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:16.800 then while I was here visiting them, I would have 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:19.160 a visit with my dad and my brothers and sisters, 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:23.360 including Hell. By then, my dad had a new life 0:06:23.400 --> 0:06:26.920 with a new wife and four more children. I remember 0:06:27.000 --> 0:06:30.320 walking into his kitchen and immediately being surrounded by little 0:06:30.400 --> 0:06:33.440 kids and having them all hug me and call me sister. 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:41.479 How was one of them okay that this has to 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:44.839 be Yet As I pull up, I see Hell waiting 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:45.520 outside for me. 0:06:50.240 --> 0:06:50.800 What are you doing? 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:51.320 Just golfing? 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:53.840 No? No, I was sitting by the fire. 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:57.400 Like most camerons. He's obsessed with golf and he's holding 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:00.440 a club practicing his swing. Oh no, he said, hey, 0:07:00.440 --> 0:07:02.680 hold on, let me go to my pig. Is your 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:03.279 dog friendly? 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:07.920 He's a gentle giant. She's a little bit like skittish 0:07:08.000 --> 0:07:09.040 of new people, but. 0:07:11.440 --> 0:07:15.160 Once she warms up, how are you doing good? 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:20.960 Went once? Well for the past, like last week. It's 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:24.640 like medicine picking seasons. Yeah, so like I went all 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:25.920 last week picking. 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:27.520 What kind of medicines are you picking? 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:28.600 Today? 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:29.840 Went off for a sweet grass? 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:31.640 Oh my god, it smells so good already. 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:36.280 Wow, so you pick pick probably with this, it'll be 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:38.800 over twenty braids so far. 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:42.480 We walk over to a cluster of birch trees. Inside 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:45.600 is a small fire pit house. Has our dad built 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:49.320 this setup, including the wooden benches surrounding the fire. He 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:50.880 lights a pipe as we sit down. 0:07:51.200 --> 0:07:52.280 This is so nice out here. 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:56.520 It's nice to be able to just be in a 0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:59.640 nice little secluded spot. Fire is not really going to 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:03.440 go in right here, and that's nice and quiet. 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:08.200 Hall is thirty two. His full name is Howard Cameron Junr. 0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:11.320 Which is fitting because Hall really takes after my dad. 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:14.800 They look alike with their jet black hair and brown skin, 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:18.120 but Hal's very different than my dad was at his age. 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:22.840 He's easygoing and gentle. A few months ago, Hal shared 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:26.000 that story about my dad beating up the priest on Facebook, 0:08:26.640 --> 0:08:28.520 and as soon as I read the post. I couldn't 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:32.319 stop thinking about it. I called Hal on the phone, 0:08:32.400 --> 0:08:34.720 and then I decided to come home with a microphone. 0:08:35.240 --> 0:08:37.720 But interviewing your brother is kind of weird. 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:38.839 What is your job? 0:08:39.320 --> 0:08:46.040 Cultural resource support worker? That is basically this, it's a blend, 0:08:46.280 --> 0:08:46.840 even a quit. 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:49.480 Do you think you'll stay here? 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:53.880 I don't know, Like I I think. 0:08:53.600 --> 0:08:56.839 The truth is, i haven't spent that much time with Hell. 0:08:57.679 --> 0:09:00.600 I'm twelve years older than him. I didn't grow up 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:03.760 together because we have different moms, and it feels like 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:05.160 we had different dads too. 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:05.600 Late. 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:08.600 Dad and I were pretty we were pretty close, so 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:11.680 like I was always like kind of by his hip, 0:09:11.679 --> 0:09:15.240 and like we spend so much time together. So I 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:17.880 remember lots of like doing things with him and like 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:23.600 him taking a sweet glass picking and things like that. 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:27.679 Like I remember like just having heart to heart with 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:28.560 laid dad. 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:33.760 The way Hal talks about our dad feels foreign to me. 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:37.199 I sometimes feel a little uncomfortable even calling him dad, 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:40.320 not just because I didn't spend much time with him, 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:44.400 but because the man I remember didn't feel like a dad. 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:48.400 I only have a few memories of him from when 0:09:48.440 --> 0:09:50.720 I was a kid, and I don't think any of 0:09:50.760 --> 0:09:54.800 them are good. Some are hazy impressions of his presence, 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:58.280 of what it felt like to be near him, Like 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:01.440 I can picture him sitting in a volue armchair, one 0:10:01.440 --> 0:10:05.960 that swivels or rocks. He's watching TV and eating radishes 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:09.600 out of the bag, his jaw muscles clenching with every bite. 0:10:11.840 --> 0:10:16.199 I remember how tense I felt, how small and quiet 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:18.959 I tried to make myself when he was around, how 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:21.480 I tried to avoid whatever it was that would set 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:25.480 him off. There are also memories that are very clear. 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:29.080 Most of them are at night, when I'd be woken 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:31.880 up by his bursts of anger, the sounds of his 0:10:32.040 --> 0:10:38.680 violence filling the house, filling my head. I remember flashes 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:42.800 running away from him, me and my mom, dipping into alleys, 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:45.600 hiding from him, trying to get to the safety of 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:49.520 a relative's house. So when he and my mom split 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:52.840 up when I was seven, it was a relief. It 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:57.080 was like we escaped. And as an adult, I didn't 0:10:57.080 --> 0:10:59.839 see my dad very often. When I did, I could 0:10:59.880 --> 0:11:02.560 see that he had changed, that he was a different 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:06.720 father to my younger brothers and sisters. But I was cautious. 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:09.120 Whenever I saw my dad, he would tell me that 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:11.600 he loved me, but we never talked on the phone, 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:15.040 and we only saw each other once every few years. 0:11:15.960 --> 0:11:18.920 My memories of him from my childhood were enough to 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:21.960 make me want to keep my distance, and I've kept 0:11:22.000 --> 0:11:25.120 that distance from my dad. But there's something about the 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:28.200 story of him pulling over the priest that feels like 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:31.400 a clue, one that could help me figure out why 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:32.720 he was the way he was. 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:34.840 Yeah, I don't know. Actually, I don't know how the 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:38.920 conversation came about, but I remember where we were driving, 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:42.880 and then he started talking about how he saw a 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:46.120 vehicle driving on the highway and it's kind of swerving, 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:48.160 so he figured that they're impaired. 0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:51.080 How says it was about ten years ago that my 0:11:51.200 --> 0:11:52.480 dad told him the story. 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:58.520 So he went he pulled them over, and when he 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:02.960 walked up to the window asked for their identification or 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:06.920 driver's license, he recognized him as being one of the 0:12:06.920 --> 0:12:10.480 priests that and he said one of the priests that 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:15.840 abused me in residential school. He ended up like taking 0:12:15.920 --> 0:12:18.719 him out of the vehicle and beating the shit out 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:22.200 of him in that moment. I guess he just didn't 0:12:22.559 --> 0:12:24.240 care what the consequences were. 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:26.640 And what did he say happened? 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:29.559 He thought for sure there would be a call to 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:31.840 his commanding officer and that would be the end of 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:35.920 his career. But there's no call or anything came in. 0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:39.319 What was his mood when he was telling you that. 0:12:41.160 --> 0:12:46.720 Like no, no regrets, no remorse for what he had done, 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:56.199 and this was an instance where justice was taken into 0:12:56.240 --> 0:13:00.640 our own hands. I felt this like pride. It's almost 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.680 I wanted to like warrior cry. I feel like that 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:06.839 that pride. 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:11.280 I can understand why Hell feels pride when he thinks 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:14.640 of that story, but that's not what I felt. I 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:19.000 felt sick because immediately I thought of my dad as 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:21.719 the boy he was at residential school. Did you get 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:25.040 a sense of what kind of abuse he endured? 0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:30.160 He shared a book like he did like like experience, 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:31.360 like sexual abuse. 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:36.440 That was my fear when I read Hell's post. When 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:39.000 I first heard it was a priest, my dad pulled over. 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:42.600 I knew my dad went to a residential school, but 0:13:42.720 --> 0:13:44.720 I never thought about what it was like for him, 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:48.440 which is surprising given the amount of time I've spent 0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:52.760 reporting on what happened to children there. They were called schools, 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:56.440 but the focus wasn't really education. They were funded by 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:59.480 the federal government and most were run by the Catholic Church. 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:05.040 It was a perfect union. The government wanted to quell 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:09.440 Indigenous resistance and continue its colonization of Canada, and the 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:12.800 church was eager to indoctrinate as many Indigenous children as 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:19.000 it could. Residential schools became machines of assimilation. They separated 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:21.960 Indigenous kids as young as four years old from their 0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:25.720 families and communities to get rid of the Indian problem, 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:30.880 to strip away our culture, our language, our very identities. 0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:35.600 There were more than one hundred schools that operated for 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:40.040 over one hundred years. Generations and generations of kids were 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:43.920 forced to go. There were at least twenty residential schools 0:14:43.920 --> 0:14:48.320 in Saskatchewan alone. One of them was the Saint Michael's 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:52.760 Indian Residential School in Duck Lake. I think that's where 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:55.920 my dad first crossed paths with the priests who abused him. 0:14:56.360 --> 0:14:59.200 I drove past it on my way to househouse. It 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:02.720 was a big, red brick building, three or four stories high. 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:06.240 It always looked to me like an abandoned hospital, like 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:09.800 something out of a horror movie. Saint Michael's was one 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:12.360 of the last schools to close in nineteen ninety six, 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:16.520 and then the truth about residential schools began trickling out 0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:21.720 about the rampant neglect and abuse that happened inside school walls, 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:26.880 abuse often inflicted by the priests and nuns who ran them. 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:32.000 Very few were ever held responsible. In two thousand and eight, 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:36.960 Canada established a Truth and Reconciliation Commission. Thousands of residential 0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:41.720 school survivors testified about the physical and sexual abuse they endured, 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:46.440 and other horrific discoveries came to light. At some schools, 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:50.520 nutritional experiments were carried out on children. One school used 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:54.320 a homemade electric chair as a form of punishment. The 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:57.920 Truth and Reconciliation Commission found that what happened in residential 0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:04.000 school was cultural genocide, and last spring, ground penetrating radar 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:06.720 found what are believed to be the remains of two 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:10.000 hundred and fifteen children on the grounds of the Kamloops 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:14.760 Indian Residential School in British Columbia. It made international news 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:17.680 and it seemed like people were finally starting to pay 0:16:17.680 --> 0:16:25.800 attention to what survivors have been saying for decades. It's 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:28.840 been said that there's not a single Indigenous person in 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:32.960 Canada who's not been touched by the legacy of residential schools. 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:36.040 And I know that's true. I felt it the moment 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:39.200 I heard it, But I've never connected the dots in 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:43.080 my own family. I've done this reporting for years, but 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:46.720 when it comes to individual schools like Saint Michael's and 0:16:46.840 --> 0:16:51.600 individual stories like my dad's, there's still so much that's unknown. 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:54.880 It's like the biggest open secret that we just don't 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:59.440 talk about. But my brother Hal saw how residential school 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:02.840 haunted our dad throughout his life. He told me it 0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:06.760 came up in unexpected ways that even the most mundane 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:08.160 things would remind him. 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:13.080 I remember we started walking up steps and there's like 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:19.040 that black metal or that cage kind of step and yeah, 0:17:19.080 --> 0:17:20.920 and it kind of like echoes when you step on it. 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:23.520 I got to the top and I was going to 0:17:23.600 --> 0:17:25.960 open the door, and I looked back and he was 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:28.520 like at this top step and he was like he 0:17:28.640 --> 0:17:31.000 had the railing and he was like kind of like 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:33.840 hunched over and like looking down, like focusing on something. 0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:37.439 And then he kind of gathered himself as he went in. 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:39.560 But then on the way home, he told me that 0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:41.800 that was a trigger for him because that was the 0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:45.479 same stairs that they had at the residential school. So 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:47.359 when he heard it, they brought him back because I 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:49.959 was reminded him that he was going back in there, 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:55.840 and I was like, oh, just a man up stairs? 0:17:56.400 --> 0:18:01.400 What that did to him? 0:18:01.480 --> 0:18:04.040 Learning that what happened to my dad at residential school 0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:07.640 followed him his whole life, learning that he was sexually 0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:12.000 abused by a priest. I can't unhear it. I can't 0:18:12.040 --> 0:18:17.119 ignore it. I tried, but now I'm here sitting with 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:20.600 my brother Hal at my dad's old house, feeling like 0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:24.119 I need to understand how the father I remember was 0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:27.600 impacted by the priest who abused him. Did he tell 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:29.440 you who the priest was or anything about him? 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:29.639 No? 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:32.439 He didn't know, no, or maybe he did. I just 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:40.919 didn't like remember the name, but no. Yeah, I've only 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:43.440 just created this image in my head of what this 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:44.320 person looks like. 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:45.520 What do you imagine? 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:49.600 He looks like he's in black and white, Like I 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:52.560 don't even see a complexion. It's just like this black 0:18:52.600 --> 0:18:54.640 and white film. But it just has this like dark 0:18:54.720 --> 0:19:06.240 rimmed glasses, very pale white hair, and has like really 0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:12.639 big intense eyes like you see people who have like 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:15.520 just hate in their eyes like that. 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:37.480 Now, that's how I imagine the priest too. One of 0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:40.320 the last times I visited my dad was when I 0:19:40.320 --> 0:19:43.360 brought my six week old daughter home to meet my family. 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:47.399 There's a photograph from that visit that I love. My 0:19:47.480 --> 0:19:50.480 dad's smiling with his mouth open and looking up at 0:19:50.520 --> 0:19:54.280 me while cradling my daughter in his arms. His hair 0:19:54.400 --> 0:19:58.080 is black but starting to gray on the sides. He 0:19:58.160 --> 0:20:03.280 looks strong and healthy. Eight months later, he was diagnosed 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:06.480 with incurable lung cancer, and we came home to see 0:20:06.520 --> 0:20:10.400 him again. By then, he had already lost a lot 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:13.760 of weight. I remember he was very sick, but he 0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:16.359 sat up with us at the kitchen table and held 0:20:16.359 --> 0:20:20.040 my girl in his lap. By February he was in 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:23.560 the hospital and we were called in to say goodbye. 0:20:23.600 --> 0:20:27.600 He was only fifty eight when he died. I saw 0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:30.080 him three times that year. It was the most I'd 0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:33.480 seen him since I was a kid. I had always 0:20:33.520 --> 0:20:36.200 imagined that at some point in my life I would 0:20:36.240 --> 0:20:38.679 take the time to get to know my dad, to 0:20:38.840 --> 0:20:43.240 talk to him, to reconnect. When he died, I thought 0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:46.520 I lost that chance, and I came to accept that 0:20:46.600 --> 0:20:50.280 my understanding of him and our relationship was going to 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:53.719 stay the way we left it. But now it feels 0:20:53.760 --> 0:20:56.560 like a door has been cracked open, like there might 0:20:56.600 --> 0:20:58.359 be a chance to write a new story for me 0:20:58.400 --> 0:21:01.440 and my dad. I feel like the answers are here 0:21:01.480 --> 0:21:04.240 for me if I want them, but I know unearthing 0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:07.760 this story will also unearth a lot of painful memories, 0:21:08.160 --> 0:21:11.440 not just for me but for my family. I need 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:13.800 their help to find out more about what happened to 0:21:13.800 --> 0:21:16.240 my dad, and I kind of feel like I need 0:21:16.280 --> 0:21:27.359 their permission. Is that your garden? Oh nice? 0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:30.320 What are you growing in the box here? 0:21:30.400 --> 0:21:30.960 I have. 0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:33.280 Beats? 0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:34.200 Oh wow? 0:21:34.920 --> 0:21:37.600 What are you going to do with your beats? I'm 0:21:38.240 --> 0:21:38.920 I love Canada. 0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:44.280 After leaving Hells, I drive over to my Aunti Ivy's 0:21:44.280 --> 0:21:47.359 house in the reserve. My dad was one of fifteen 0:21:47.480 --> 0:21:51.120 Cameron kids. My Auntie Ivy is one of the younger siblings, 0:21:51.480 --> 0:21:54.480 but she's become sort of a family caretaker, the one 0:21:54.560 --> 0:21:57.919 everyone turns to when they need help. She takes me 0:21:57.960 --> 0:22:00.200 over to her gazebo, where there's a table in hair 0:22:00.320 --> 0:22:02.840 set up. Can I have some of this too? 0:22:03.040 --> 0:22:06.920 Yeah? Awesome? The coffee in the thermost keep up. 0:22:08.560 --> 0:22:16.080 A few minutes later, my Auntie Leona arrives with her grandkids. 0:22:17.920 --> 0:22:20.720 My Auntie Leona lives just across the road and must 0:22:20.720 --> 0:22:23.919 have heard we were having a visit. My aunties look alike. 0:22:24.080 --> 0:22:27.440 They both have big smiles and long, long, dark hair. 0:22:28.320 --> 0:22:30.960 My Auntie Ivy keeps hers in a braid, but my 0:22:31.000 --> 0:22:33.840 Auntie Leona's is held up by a barette and flows 0:22:33.880 --> 0:22:34.480 down her back. 0:22:34.680 --> 0:22:38.520 Yeah, our hair is anus. I can't have my hair down, 0:22:38.800 --> 0:22:42.240 No drives me. And have my hair off like that, 0:22:42.320 --> 0:22:43.040 I mean, in. 0:22:43.119 --> 0:22:45.520 A braid, No, just drives me nuts. 0:22:45.840 --> 0:22:48.159 That's the only way people can tell us about. 0:22:49.040 --> 0:22:51.879 My Auntie Ivy's house was built behind another house that 0:22:52.000 --> 0:22:55.359 I remember well, my cook and Mary's house, my dad's mom. 0:22:56.040 --> 0:22:57.800 We lived with my cook and Mary for a while 0:22:57.840 --> 0:23:00.320 when I was little. The yard where the grand kids 0:23:00.320 --> 0:23:02.679 are playing now is the same one that I played 0:23:02.680 --> 0:23:04.919 in and the same one that my dad played in 0:23:04.960 --> 0:23:05.920 when he was a kid. 0:23:06.640 --> 0:23:08.840 I remember the one time I don't know what the 0:23:08.840 --> 0:23:11.680 heck was going on, but anyway, there was an argument. 0:23:11.960 --> 0:23:15.280 Somebody was standing on the on the porch go get. 0:23:15.160 --> 0:23:17.200 Him, or on the steps right here at this house, 0:23:17.320 --> 0:23:19.520 At this house, my Auntie Ivy tells me about a 0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:22.240 time when my dad and my uncle Ernie got into 0:23:22.320 --> 0:23:23.320 an argument. 0:23:23.280 --> 0:23:27.320 And Ernie grabbed the mop that was sitting in water 0:23:27.440 --> 0:23:31.800 to slap this person with them. Your dad grabs a 0:23:31.840 --> 0:23:35.640 gun and Ernie is running zigzag down the road. 0:23:37.560 --> 0:23:38.760 So you get. 0:23:40.240 --> 0:23:42.919 The ability to laugh about things that are dark is 0:23:42.960 --> 0:23:45.880 a gift that all Cree people seem to have, especially 0:23:45.960 --> 0:23:48.840 in my family. We're talking about my dad as a 0:23:48.880 --> 0:23:51.520 boy taking a gun and shooting at his brother. My 0:23:51.640 --> 0:23:54.679 uncle Ernie, he's the uncle I used to stay with 0:23:54.760 --> 0:23:58.119 when I came home. He's my godfather, and in some 0:23:58.160 --> 0:24:00.280 ways I was closer to him than to my dad. 0:24:01.200 --> 0:24:04.400 My uncle Ernie died last year, also of lung cancer. 0:24:05.400 --> 0:24:07.560 My aunties say that he and my dad were a 0:24:07.560 --> 0:24:11.159 lot alike. They were a few years apart in residential school, 0:24:11.680 --> 0:24:15.680 and after school they both joined the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. 0:24:16.520 --> 0:24:18.760 I don't know much about that period in my dad's 0:24:18.800 --> 0:24:21.760 life other than it was around the time I was born. 0:24:22.440 --> 0:24:24.240 Do you know why my dad joined the RCMP. 0:24:25.520 --> 0:24:29.360 No, I think he did. They were doing a recruiting thing. 0:24:30.320 --> 0:24:32.919