1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,680 Speaker 1: This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up, 2 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 1: that sounds like a soap opera, It sounds like a 3 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:11,159 Speaker 1: drama movie, but it's so real and it's not the 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: only one. There are things we might not know about 5 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:19,599 Speaker 1: somebody we live with, and there's so many stories like this. 6 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,560 Speaker 2: I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about 7 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,879 Speaker 2: the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 8 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:46,320 Speaker 2: change everything. About a year ago, we heard from a 9 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:50,159 Speaker 2: listener with a story that floored us. Tora Giles is 10 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 2: a history professor in Colorado. But she grew up on 11 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 2: the California coast with her seven siblings, and. 12 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 1: We grew up on a farm, so my life was 13 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 1: kind of wild and crazy and great. Grew up super religious. 14 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: In the Seventh Day, I'dventist church as a kid. 15 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 3: The church was Tora's life. 16 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 2: She went to a Christian school, her friends and after 17 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 2: school activities were all through the church, and she assumed 18 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,560 Speaker 2: that her life would follow the same path that was 19 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 2: modeled by. 20 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,039 Speaker 3: The women around her. 21 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:23,039 Speaker 2: Graduate high school, get married, and start having kids. 22 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,759 Speaker 1: Funny enough, I thought as a kid that twenty years 23 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:31,319 Speaker 1: old was being a grown up, and twenty five year 24 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 1: olds were old, and so I thought for sure that 25 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 1: I would be married by twenty but I never really dated. 26 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:46,039 Speaker 2: After high school, Tora became a full time nanny and 27 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 2: she tried to give dating a shot. 28 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,760 Speaker 1: I finally went on one date with a guy and 29 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: gave him like the little peck at the end of 30 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 1: the night and was just like, no, that was not 31 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,000 Speaker 1: for me. I did not like that. I don't want 32 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 1: a date. 33 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 2: Tora started to realize that the traditional path wasn't for her, 34 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 2: so instead of trying to find a husband, she started 35 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 2: planning for a new career. 36 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:15,240 Speaker 1: And decided to go to college and I studied history, 37 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 1: which was really fun. 38 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 2: After undergrad she moved to Colorado to pursue a pH 39 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 2: d in history. 40 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 1: I was living in this really cute, tiny apartment in 41 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:31,400 Speaker 1: the older section of Colorado Springs, so cute and just 42 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,200 Speaker 1: loving my life. I felt like I had really kind 43 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 1: of arrived. I had a job, I was teaching, I 44 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 1: had friends. I was very happy. 45 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 2: She loved teaching, especially American history. 46 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:48,239 Speaker 1: It was so much fun. Keeps this in mind. January 47 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: of twenty seventeen, and I decided it would be a 48 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 1: good time to teach conspiracy culture and elections in United 49 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:56,800 Speaker 1: States political history. 50 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,880 Speaker 2: By this time, Toro was her mid thirties. She'd tried 51 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 2: dating for years, but ultimately decided she didn't need romance. 52 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 3: Her life was complete without it. 53 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:12,079 Speaker 1: Dating and romantic relationships were not going to be part 54 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: of my life, and I was sort of settled into 55 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,640 Speaker 1: that in a very comfortable way where it didn't bother me. 56 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,600 Speaker 1: It wasn't something I was seeking out. I wasn't on 57 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:25,120 Speaker 1: dating apps, I wasn't looking for it, and I certainly 58 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 1: was not looking for him. 59 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:31,080 Speaker 2: In that class, she met a student named Erin. Like her, 60 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:32,959 Speaker 2: he was also in his mid thirties. 61 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 1: He had a service dog, this really cute English mastiff 62 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: named Osa, and she had the best underbite, and she 63 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,000 Speaker 1: would be in the back of class chomping on a bone. 64 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 1: So I was always very aware of his presence, partially 65 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 1: because of her. He would come up after class and 66 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,040 Speaker 1: we would pet the dog and chat a little bit. 67 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 2: Aarin was a veteran, a former Army medic who'd lost 68 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 2: his foot in an explosion in Iraq. 69 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: I knew that he had had an amputation to his leg. 70 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 1: He talked about it fairly frequently. He had a handy 71 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 1: cat parking past. 72 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 2: The disability was a big part of his life, but 73 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 2: it didn't define him, and it certainly didn't hold him back. 74 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,240 Speaker 2: He was finishing his bachelor's degree on his way to 75 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 2: start nursing school. After each class, he would stay behind 76 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:25,080 Speaker 2: and chat with Tora. 77 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: He had a very slow way of speaking. There was 78 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 1: no rush for anything in life. I always had the 79 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,160 Speaker 1: vibe that he was one of those people that would 80 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 1: talk forever if you let them, and so I would 81 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:40,479 Speaker 1: start to gather my things, and eventually he started walking 82 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: me to my car because my class was from seven 83 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 1: to ten pm, and it was very surface level chat 84 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 1: throughout the whole time. I was his teacher, usually about class, 85 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:54,920 Speaker 1: usually about some interesting fact. He was like a sponge 86 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: for information. 87 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 2: Aaron shared that he was Native American talk tall, which 88 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 2: was a big part of his identity, and she noticed. 89 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 3: That he was always immaculately put together. 90 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,719 Speaker 1: He had kind of long hair that he kept tied 91 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,279 Speaker 1: back in this low knot on the back of his head, 92 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:17,040 Speaker 1: kind of slicked back low. I hesitate to call amandun 93 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,839 Speaker 1: because I know that was hurt Aaron's feelings, but that's 94 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 1: what it was. And he had a cowboy Western Bible 95 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,360 Speaker 1: thst not like costume, but he wore a lot of 96 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:31,840 Speaker 1: very nice button ups and jeans and leather boots, so 97 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,720 Speaker 1: that was pretty much his uniform. He just had this 98 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 1: confident air about him that he knew he was smart, 99 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,480 Speaker 1: he knew he was good looking, but he was also 100 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:46,840 Speaker 1: kind and respectful and interesting and funny and talented. And 101 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: I was a fan very quickly, just of his entire aura. 102 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,719 Speaker 2: Aaron and Tora kept talking every week after class for 103 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:58,080 Speaker 2: the rest of the semester. 104 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 1: At some point in those conversations, I brought up the 105 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:08,680 Speaker 1: fact that I had been a nanny, and a few 106 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:11,160 Speaker 1: months later he came to me after class one day 107 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,360 Speaker 1: and said, we need to switch where my son is 108 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 1: going to daycare. What do you know about maybe hiring 109 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: a nanny. So we chatted a little bit about that, 110 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:21,920 Speaker 1: and that's how I found out he had a child. 111 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,640 Speaker 1: I didn't know that before. He wore a ring, so 112 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,360 Speaker 1: I knew he was married, but I didn't know that 113 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,800 Speaker 1: he had a kid who was a baby at the time, 114 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,159 Speaker 1: maybe four or five months old. So that was sort 115 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 1: of our first foray into anything personal. Was just that 116 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,920 Speaker 1: bit of advice he was seeking about finding good childcare. 117 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,040 Speaker 2: After the class ended in May, Tora got a Facebook 118 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 2: friend request. 119 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 3: It was from Aaron. 120 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 2: He was already Facebook friends with other teachers, so she 121 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 2: accepted the request. 122 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,599 Speaker 1: Then about a week later, he sent me a message 123 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 1: about nine to ten o'clock at night. I was already 124 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,480 Speaker 1: in bed, and I thought, well, that's weird, what the heck? 125 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 1: And so rolled over and checked the message. It was 126 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,280 Speaker 1: from him and he just said, you know something, very casual. 127 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 1: How are you? And I said, oh, I'm good. The 128 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: whole time thinking like, what does this guy want? Keep 129 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 1: in mind, I am very single, very happy to be single, 130 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: not looking for anything. I think he's great. Hadn't really 131 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 1: given any thought. The man's married with a baby, right. 132 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 3: They chatted for a few minutes before Aaron revealed why 133 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 3: he had reached out. 134 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 1: He said, do you know that I'm going through a 135 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: pretty bad divorce And I said, oh no, I had 136 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: no idea. So we chat a little bit about it. 137 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:37,880 Speaker 1: He said, yeah, actually she was arrested last night. We 138 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:42,440 Speaker 1: got into an argument and she got physical, and I said, oh, 139 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 1: that's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that. And then 140 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:49,160 Speaker 1: I did the nice thing, which I've since learned not 141 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 1: to do, which is I said, is there anything I 142 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 1: can do to help? And he said, well, I might 143 00:07:58,440 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 1: need some help with my son. 144 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,880 Speaker 3: Toora read between the lines, Aarin was desperate. He was 145 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 3: about to start in an intensive two year nursing program, 146 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 3: and now he would likely have full custody of his 147 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 3: infant son. She felt for his situation, and the next day, 148 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,520 Speaker 3: while Aaron was on campus, he's swung by Tora's office 149 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 3: with his baby in tow. He wanted to thank Tora 150 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 3: for the semester and for offering to help. 151 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: When I sat and listened to him, and I held 152 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 1: the baby, and oh my gosh, she was the cutest 153 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 1: little thing. And then as we sort of wrapped up 154 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 1: that conversation, it was the end of my day and 155 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 1: I said, okay, well, if you need anything, let me know. 156 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,000 Speaker 1: And he said, well, actually, I have a paper I 157 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,880 Speaker 1: have to work on tonight. Would you be able to 158 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,000 Speaker 1: come over and just hang out with him while I 159 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 1: do my homework for an hour or two and then 160 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:45,560 Speaker 1: I'll make dinner. 161 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:52,040 Speaker 3: Almost reflexively, she said yes, it was more this. 162 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 1: Like Christian sense of duty that I had been trained into. 163 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,479 Speaker 1: Someone needs help, you show up, even if it's inconvenient, 164 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 1: or you don't really want to. And that was my 165 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,560 Speaker 1: first thought is I don't really want to. I don't 166 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 1: really want someone who's going to rely on me. I 167 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 1: don't really want to be involved in someone else's drama. 168 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 1: And I have a full time job, I'm teaching, I'm busy. 169 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,800 Speaker 2: In addition to that, she didn't want Erran to mistake 170 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 2: her kindness for something else. 171 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: I'm worried all the time that men are going to 172 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,040 Speaker 1: take my presence as some sort of an invitation. And 173 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 1: I was so anti dating and relationships that it was 174 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:32,320 Speaker 1: just something I never wanted to foster. So I'm thinking 175 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 1: about all this is I'm driving the twenty minutes to 176 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 1: his house, like, okay, I'm going to have to think 177 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 1: of boundaries. I'm going to have to be careful with 178 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:40,120 Speaker 1: saying yes. 179 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 2: When she got to his house, her anxiety dissipated. He 180 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,679 Speaker 2: was just Erin and that made her feel comfortable. 181 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 1: He was himself the way he always was with me 182 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:56,720 Speaker 1: after class, just very warm and friendly and kind, thoughtful. 183 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:02,679 Speaker 1: So I stayed, had dinner and then you know, stay 184 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 1: and we'll have an adult beverage is what he used 185 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 1: to call them. Stay and we'll have an adult beverage 186 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 1: after the boy goes to bed, and I didn't really 187 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 1: have anything going on so not so I stayed and 188 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 1: we had a beer, sat out on the back patio, 189 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 1: and he told me a little bit more about what 190 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 1: was going on, and it was pretty bad. There were 191 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 1: holes in the wall going up the stairs, there was 192 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 1: a hole in the wall in the dining room. And 193 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 1: we just talked and talked and talked and talked. He 194 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,160 Speaker 1: shared a little bit of the emotions that came up 195 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,320 Speaker 1: with him. Oh, I feel bad and she is my 196 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 1: son's mother, but also we can't keep doing this and 197 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 1: I need to get out of this marriage. 198 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,840 Speaker 3: That night, they ended up talking until one am. 199 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,600 Speaker 1: I have work at eight am, and he said, just 200 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: crash in my guest room. Here's some clean pajamas, here's 201 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: a toothbrush. Just crashed downstairs. And I did, which is 202 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: so out of character for me. I felt a little weird, 203 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,840 Speaker 1: but I was very happy to be around him and 204 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: just wanted to stay there and be helpful. I love 205 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: to be helpful, I love to be needed. So I 206 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 1: stayed the night, got up in the morning, trucked off 207 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,319 Speaker 1: to work, and then the next day he said, hey, yeah, 208 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 1: I've got a test coming up if you're prete. Later on, 209 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 1: I went back over there. 210 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,679 Speaker 2: Soon she was going over to Aaron's every few days 211 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 2: to help out with his son. 212 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,200 Speaker 3: It felt like the right thing to do. 213 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,400 Speaker 1: I was always sleeping in the guest room. I made 214 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,440 Speaker 1: it very clear to him, I don't let people touch me. 215 00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 1: I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. I am just 216 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 1: here to help. I want to be your friend. I 217 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,200 Speaker 1: want you to feel supported. But that's as far as 218 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,560 Speaker 1: this is going to go. And I just kept telling him, like, 219 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,360 Speaker 1: we're just friends. I don't let people touch me. The 220 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:47,160 Speaker 1: fact that I give you hugs is kind of exceptional. 221 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 1: You have to respect that, and he really did. 222 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 2: After Aaron would put us on to bed, the two 223 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 2: of them would stay up and have a drink on 224 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 2: the back patio and just talk about life. 225 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,559 Speaker 3: It became their little ritual. 226 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 1: He was a very guarded person, so a lot of 227 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: what he would talk about was things that were very 228 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:12,200 Speaker 1: present right now. If he brought up the past, it 229 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,000 Speaker 1: always felt like kind of an honor that he trusted 230 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: me with that story. And he would point that out 231 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,040 Speaker 1: in a very subtle way of oh, I don't really 232 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 1: tell people this story, but you're different. We just never 233 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,400 Speaker 1: ran out of things to say. 234 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 2: After about two months of this, Tora went back home 235 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 2: to visit her family in California. 236 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 1: The whole time I'm with my family, I'm bringing him 237 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 1: up and I'm talking with him on the phone, and 238 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,920 Speaker 1: they're seeing that this person is making me kind of 239 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 1: giddy and smiley and those kinds of things. 240 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 2: She had never talked about a friend like this before. 241 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 2: When she got home from that trip, she went straight 242 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:54,320 Speaker 2: to Aaron's house. 243 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,320 Speaker 1: He had cleaned the whole house, he had some of 244 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 1: my favorite music on Baby was in bed. He had, 245 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 1: you know, a bouquet of flowers and a card welcoming 246 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 1: me home and thanking me for being his friend. And 247 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 1: that was my first sort of inkling, like, hmm, I'm 248 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 1: gonna have to keep an eye on this because here 249 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 1: I was at home kind of being giddy about this person. 250 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:19,320 Speaker 1: Here he is bringing me flowers. So there was this 251 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:24,360 Speaker 1: undercurrent starting where I'm repeatedly saying him like, we're just friends, 252 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:29,640 Speaker 1: but we're friends who are snuggling on the couch watching 253 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,600 Speaker 1: a movie, not touching. He just like just leaning like 254 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:37,160 Speaker 1: my head on his shoulder or something. So benign so 255 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 1: middle school. But it was perfect for me because I 256 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 1: wasn't ready to do that. 257 00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 2: One night, while they were up late talking on the patio, 258 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 2: Aaron finally said. 259 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,439 Speaker 3: What they had both been thinking. 260 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:52,720 Speaker 1: He said something to me like, I think you're in 261 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 1: love with me, and I said, I think you're in 262 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,560 Speaker 1: love with me. And that was it. We were in 263 00:13:57,559 --> 00:14:01,559 Speaker 1: a relationship after that. 264 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 3: That day became their anniversary. 265 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 1: I leaned in and it was the most fulfilling time 266 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:14,400 Speaker 1: of my whole entire existence. I'm getting emotional just talking 267 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,839 Speaker 1: about because that part is perfect in my mind. 268 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 2: After writing off Romance, Tora found a man who defied 269 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 2: all expectations. Aarin was strikingly handsome, determined, respectful, and he 270 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,800 Speaker 2: was an incredible father. Tora moved into his house and 271 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:53,160 Speaker 2: their relationship deepened. That's when Aarin opened up about his 272 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,320 Speaker 2: traumatic childhood. 273 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 3: He said that both of his parents were abusive. 274 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:04,480 Speaker 1: His family was incredibly complicated, incredibly damaged, incredibly dysfunctional, and 275 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,440 Speaker 1: these were the reasons that he's so guarded. These are 276 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 1: the reasons that he doesn't have a relationship with them, 277 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: or see them or go to visit them. 278 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,520 Speaker 2: When he was eighteen, he ran away from home and 279 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 2: joined the military. 280 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 3: At the time, the war in Iraq was just beginning. 281 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,800 Speaker 2: He worked his way up to become a Special Forces medic, 282 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 2: but his military career ended in tragedy. 283 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,040 Speaker 1: He got hurt in Iraq. They were on a drive 284 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,640 Speaker 1: through a city of some kind and hit an id 285 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 1: and the humpy in front of them blew up. Theirs didn't, 286 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:39,960 Speaker 1: but the impact knocked THEIRS off its balance. He got hurt. 287 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 1: His foot was amputated because of that injury, and he 288 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 1: was medically retired and then came home. 289 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,000 Speaker 2: Aaron spent weeks in the hospital recovering from his injury, 290 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 2: and even in this time of crisis, his family turmoil continued. 291 00:15:55,640 --> 00:16:00,080 Speaker 1: His dad showed up to the hospital and tried to 292 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 1: get medical power of attorney so that he could sell 293 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 1: Aaron's portion of land that he had been left by 294 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:12,320 Speaker 1: his grandparents on the Choctaw reservation in Oklahoma. So Aaron 295 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,200 Speaker 1: fought tooth and nail to get better, to get stronger, 296 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 1: and kicked his dad out of his life. 297 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,360 Speaker 2: This is one of the reasons he needed Tora's help 298 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 2: because he didn't have anyone his family and his ex wife, 299 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 2: they weren't safe people. Tora realized he'd spent his entire 300 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 2: life moving from one traumatic situation to another. 301 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 1: The man was covered in enormous scars. Everything about him screamed. 302 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 1: I have had a hard life. I have had a 303 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 1: physically hard life. I've been injured, I've had surgeries. 304 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 2: Even though it had been years since Aaron was injured 305 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 2: in the war, it was part of his everyday life. 306 00:16:55,240 --> 00:17:00,240 Speaker 1: He walked with a very slight limp and kept that 307 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 1: leg pretty stiff, but he always kept a stock on 308 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,920 Speaker 1: that foot, and I just figured he wanted to protect it. 309 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 1: He had a couple of different doctors who were working 310 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:15,280 Speaker 1: on maybe a better prosthetic because he ended up injuring 311 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 1: his knee on that same leg, and we thought maybe 312 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:20,399 Speaker 1: he needed a little bit more support from that prosthetic. 313 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 2: And that wasn't his only injury from the war. He'd 314 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,640 Speaker 2: also injured his back, his shoulder, and his arm. They 315 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,360 Speaker 2: were constantly getting reinjured, causing. 316 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:31,800 Speaker 3: Aaron to go to the doctor in pain. 317 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 2: But despite all this, he still thought for full custody, 318 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 2: especially because of his childhood. 319 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,720 Speaker 3: Aaron was determined to show up for his son. 320 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 1: He was an incredible father. He was so attentive and 321 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:52,560 Speaker 1: so loving, and so affectionate and just lit up when 322 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: it came time to go get the boy out of 323 00:17:56,040 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 1: bed or read the boy his bedtime story. We called 324 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:01,919 Speaker 1: him the Boy. I'm going to call him the Boy 325 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 1: because I'm not going to say his name. 326 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 2: The boy was only a few months old when Tora 327 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 2: met him, and she was there for all of his 328 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,080 Speaker 2: big firsts. 329 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 1: The boy and I were just absolutely connected at the 330 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 1: hip from day one. When it was time for him 331 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,920 Speaker 1: to start eating solids, I was the one who decided 332 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,440 Speaker 1: how that should go, because I have twenty years childcare 333 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:27,640 Speaker 1: experience and this is his first child, and I would 334 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,240 Speaker 1: just light up to be around each other. 335 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,520 Speaker 2: The boy took his first steps to Tora. The three 336 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 2: of them fell into a kind of domestic bliss based 337 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 2: on a foundation of love for each other and love 338 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:42,879 Speaker 2: for Aaron's son. After a year together, Tora felt like 339 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,399 Speaker 2: this was her family now. She didn't want to go 340 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 2: through the formalities of a wedding and marriage, so instead 341 00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:52,440 Speaker 2: they lived as common law spouses. They just started calling 342 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,680 Speaker 2: each other husband and wife. With Aaron in school, Tourra 343 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,800 Speaker 2: took on more financial responsibility. 344 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 1: He's a retired veteran, so he gets some money but 345 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:10,080 Speaker 1: you know, life is expensive, so we were always a 346 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,240 Speaker 1: little bit stressed on money. He really liked being a 347 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:17,000 Speaker 1: provider and making sure that the baby had everything he needed, 348 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,840 Speaker 1: but that usually meant that there was no food in 349 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 1: the refrigerator for adults. So I started doing things like 350 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,680 Speaker 1: pitching it on groceries, and I took over the WiFi 351 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:27,639 Speaker 1: and the trash bills. 352 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,000 Speaker 2: Aaron had to make a monthly home equity payments was 353 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 2: ex wife, and the expenses just kept coming. 354 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,960 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, it was just never ending. We needed a 355 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,520 Speaker 1: new roof, but we didn't have any money. We needed 356 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 1: to pay off five thousand dollars in credit cards in 357 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 1: order to get a refinance on the mortgage, so we 358 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: didn't lose the house. 359 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,360 Speaker 2: Despite the stress of loving paycheck to paycheck, Tora was filled. 360 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 3: With love for her family. Everything was precariously perfectly balanced. 361 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 3: That was until Aaron got sick. One day, he. 362 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 2: Woke up in excruciating pain with a very high fever. 363 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 2: Tora had to go to work, so Aaron went to 364 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 2: see their family doctor by himself, and when he got there, 365 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,760 Speaker 2: his fever was so high he needed to go to 366 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:14,960 Speaker 2: the er right away. 367 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 1: One of the things that they thought might be going 368 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,040 Speaker 1: on when he was in the er was that he 369 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:23,199 Speaker 1: was having some kind of an infection from his amputation. 370 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 2: He called Torah from the hospital and she rushed over, 371 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 2: but when she got there, he wasn't in a hospital 372 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:33,480 Speaker 2: room erin was just sitting by the hospital entrance in 373 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:34,240 Speaker 2: a wheelchair. 374 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,840 Speaker 1: He said that they ended up accusing him of being 375 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,359 Speaker 1: pain med seeking, and he said that was racist, that 376 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 1: was because he was brown. He literally ripped the ivy 377 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,960 Speaker 1: out of his arm and stormed out of the hospital 378 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,439 Speaker 1: and I kind of yelled at him all the way home, 379 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 1: like what were you thinking? You obviously need help. Something 380 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 1: is going on. He had a very high fever. He 381 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,080 Speaker 1: was in a lot of pain. I could see that 382 00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,360 Speaker 1: he was miserable. It has been a long, awful day 383 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: sitting in the end. Are getting to tests done on 384 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:03,120 Speaker 1: him and all of them coming back negative. 385 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,359 Speaker 2: In addition to the fever, Aaron was in excruciating pain, 386 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:11,240 Speaker 2: debilitating chronic pain from his old combat injuries. 387 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,720 Speaker 3: But this time his doctors weren't. 388 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,960 Speaker 2: Able to figure out what was going on, so Tora 389 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,760 Speaker 2: stepped in to take care of him. 390 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,119 Speaker 1: This whole time, I'm icing his back, I'm getting the 391 00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:25,560 Speaker 1: ice packs for his knee. He had special equipment for 392 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:30,080 Speaker 1: icing his shoulder, driving him around to doctor's appointments because 393 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,520 Speaker 1: he's in too much pain to drive. I can see 394 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,440 Speaker 1: the pain on his face. I can see him changing 395 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 1: and drawing into this pain in his life of being 396 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,919 Speaker 1: in chronic pain. He stopped going to the gym, and 397 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,360 Speaker 1: then he stopped working out in the garage, and then 398 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:49,560 Speaker 1: he stopped moving. Eventually, he just sat around all day 399 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,400 Speaker 1: and the house stopped getting cleaned. And this is all 400 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 1: because he's in excruciating pain and he's miserable. 401 00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,359 Speaker 2: He spent weeks on the couch, unable to function. To 402 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 2: keep his spirits up. He showed Tora his favorite YouTube videos. 403 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,680 Speaker 1: You mentioned have you ever heard of stolen balor son? 404 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,120 Speaker 1: He pulled up YouTube and we spent I would say, 405 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:16,480 Speaker 1: probably an hour watching YouTube videos of people being exposed 406 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:17,600 Speaker 1: for stolen balor. 407 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 2: Stolen valor is the term for people who impersonate military 408 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,160 Speaker 2: service members and veterans, and. 409 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,320 Speaker 1: So there's lots of videos on YouTube of people going 410 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,120 Speaker 1: up to a person wearing a uniform insay a mall 411 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,119 Speaker 1: and saying, your bars are on the wrong side of 412 00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:40,040 Speaker 1: your collar, your patches upside down? You are not supposed 413 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,919 Speaker 1: to be in this uniform, you know, shaming them for 414 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:46,439 Speaker 1: this act of stolen valor. And this was something that 415 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:51,240 Speaker 1: he was very amused by, that these people are getting 416 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,520 Speaker 1: caught and shamed publicly. He loved it. He thought it 417 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:55,960 Speaker 1: was so entertaining. 418 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:02,160 Speaker 2: It was a welcome distraction from his pain, especially considering 419 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,119 Speaker 2: the price he was paying for his military service. She 420 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 2: understood why he liked the stolen valor videos so much. 421 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,680 Speaker 1: So as he withdraws into this chronic pain, I'm pushing 422 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 1: harder and harder to make sure that bills are paid, 423 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,159 Speaker 1: to make sure that the house is taking care, make 424 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:18,840 Speaker 1: sure the baby has everything he needs, to make sure 425 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,439 Speaker 1: the baby got to go to the park today and 426 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,560 Speaker 1: play outside. I just started picking up more and more 427 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:28,520 Speaker 1: of the slack as he withdrew into being miserable. It 428 00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:31,280 Speaker 1: was awful to watch the person that you're so in 429 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 1: love with falling apart in front of me. 430 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,720 Speaker 2: Tora's new life with Aaron was thrown off balance when 431 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,240 Speaker 2: his chronic pain took a sharp turn for the worst. 432 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:58,800 Speaker 2: Aaron eventually started pain management therapy, and Tora felt. 433 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:04,359 Speaker 1: Helpless taking oxy cotone. I believe perkist anyway, he was 434 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,160 Speaker 1: taking one of those, and he was supposed to take 435 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:07,840 Speaker 1: like one a day, he was taking like two or 436 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,639 Speaker 1: three because he was in so much pain. 437 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,960 Speaker 2: He said he knew what he was doing. He was 438 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,720 Speaker 2: in nursing school and had years of training as an 439 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:15,480 Speaker 2: army medic. 440 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,000 Speaker 3: One night, before he came to bed. 441 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,160 Speaker 1: He went took a shower and he came back into 442 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,400 Speaker 1: the room and he had a patch on his shoulder. 443 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:26,880 Speaker 1: I said, what's that and he said, oh, it's final. 444 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,800 Speaker 1: It's great. I'm not in any pain. It's amazing. And 445 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,600 Speaker 1: I said, but you took your beds today. He said yeah, 446 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,600 Speaker 1: And I said, isn't that how people overdose? And he 447 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,639 Speaker 1: kind of poo pooed me, like, I know what I'm doing. 448 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:43,600 Speaker 1: I'm not an idiot. It's fine, I'm going to bed. 449 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,359 Speaker 1: Good night. I've had a bad day. We're not going 450 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:49,359 Speaker 1: to have a fight about this. I was so uncomfortable 451 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:52,040 Speaker 1: and I just sat there staring at his back, wanting 452 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:55,760 Speaker 1: to rip them off, but trusting him at the same time. 453 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,879 Speaker 3: In the morning, Aaron was unresponsive. 454 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:11,879 Speaker 1: So I grabbed my phone and I called nine one one, hysterical, said, 455 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,639 Speaker 1: my husband's not breathing. He was asleep and he's not 456 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:17,239 Speaker 1: waking up. 457 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 2: The nine one one operator instructed her to begin chess 458 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 2: compressions until the paramedics arrived. 459 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,239 Speaker 1: And the whole time I'm doing chess compersions, I'm like, 460 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:32,280 Speaker 1: he's cold, he's gone. This man is not alive. The 461 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 1: whole time in the background, the boy is just scurreaming 462 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:38,160 Speaker 1: my name. 463 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:44,480 Speaker 3: The paramedics arrived and confirmed what she already knew. There 464 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:46,160 Speaker 3: was no bringing Aaron back. 465 00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,080 Speaker 2: She called friends to come over and together they waited 466 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 2: for the coroner. 467 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,119 Speaker 3: Not knowing what else to do, she fixated on the boy. 468 00:25:56,119 --> 00:26:00,800 Speaker 3: He was three. Tora tried to distract him, play with him, 469 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,360 Speaker 3: but he wanted to know what was going on. 470 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,520 Speaker 1: He loved the little prince, and we started saying, you know, 471 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,520 Speaker 1: Daddy went to hang out in the stars with the 472 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:09,840 Speaker 1: little prince in the fox. 473 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 2: Before the coroner came, Tora and their friends took turns 474 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,360 Speaker 2: saying goodbye. 475 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,320 Speaker 1: We all went up and sat with Aaron, and I 476 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,240 Speaker 1: sat down and I told him I will miss you 477 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:28,800 Speaker 1: every day for the rest of my life. And then 478 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 1: he was gone. 479 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,359 Speaker 3: But his death would reveal an avalanche of discoveries. It 480 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,480 Speaker 3: began on that very day when his ex wife showed 481 00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 3: up at the front door. The police had notified her 482 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,760 Speaker 3: of Aaron's death, and his ex wife called his family, 483 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:48,200 Speaker 3: his estranged family. 484 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,960 Speaker 1: About ten o'clock, knock on my door, and the boy's 485 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:56,080 Speaker 1: mom showed up, and it's just sitting down and talking 486 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,720 Speaker 1: to me. I don't know this person at all, other 487 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:02,640 Speaker 1: than the reputation that I have been very carefully spoonfed 488 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:06,159 Speaker 1: for three years, which is that she is awful and 489 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,639 Speaker 1: a horrible person. And she came in like a blast 490 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,360 Speaker 1: of cold air, sat down in my living room and said, 491 00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:13,960 Speaker 1: if you want to be in my son's life, there's 492 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,160 Speaker 1: some things you need to know. First of all, Aaron's 493 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 1: not chalk tawt, Erin's black. And I kind of laughed 494 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:25,159 Speaker 1: at her. I'm like, okay, lady, like really, we're going 495 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: to do this right now. 496 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:31,159 Speaker 2: Given the circumstances, this comment seemed absurd and irrelevant, but 497 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,000 Speaker 2: his ex wife insisted that there were truths about Aaron 498 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 2: that Tora needed to know before she could share more. 499 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:41,560 Speaker 2: Aaron's biological family arrived. They were surprised to meet Tora. 500 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 2: They didn't know she existed. 501 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:48,680 Speaker 1: It was Aaron's mom and Eron's brother, who was very 502 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 1: much a black man. They came in, they sat down 503 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 1: in my living room, and I told them about me 504 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,399 Speaker 1: and my life with Aaron and how long we've been together. 505 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:04,359 Speaker 1: And she said he wasn't a good person, and I thought, well, 506 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,200 Speaker 1: that's a really weird thing to say to agree. 507 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 2: Being widow, Toura had seen pictures of Aaron's mother, father, 508 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,159 Speaker 2: and brother, but these people in her house they weren't 509 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:18,040 Speaker 2: the same ones she'd seen photos of. Nothing made sense, 510 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,560 Speaker 2: from Aaron's sudden death to the arrival of this family 511 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 2: she didn't recognize. But they were his family, and now 512 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 2: they wanted the house back right away. 513 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,879 Speaker 1: I gave it a lot of thought, and I called 514 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:34,679 Speaker 1: my family on a zoom call and I still can 515 00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:38,320 Speaker 1: Im going to bake eat the house. I don't own it, 516 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,520 Speaker 1: name's not on it. I don't have any right to it. 517 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: And my friend, the lawyer, said, take what's yours, what 518 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 1: you bought together, and nothing else. 519 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 2: Toura packed her car with a few boxes and prepared 520 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:52,520 Speaker 2: to leave. 521 00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,400 Speaker 3: She'd also be leaving the boys she'd raise. 522 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,800 Speaker 2: From infancy to nearly age four, but she knew she 523 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 2: wasn't part of his biological family. It was clear that 524 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 2: with Aaron gone. 525 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,520 Speaker 3: Tora just didn't have a place in the boy's life. 526 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:08,240 Speaker 1: And I reached down and I picked him up, and 527 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:11,200 Speaker 1: I held him really close, and I said, never forget. 528 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,160 Speaker 1: I love you and I'm your Alma, and that will 529 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:17,920 Speaker 1: never changed. And she fell out of the road, sir away, 530 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:18,720 Speaker 1: and I never saw him. 531 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:26,000 Speaker 2: Against Before walking out of the house for the last time, 532 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:30,640 Speaker 2: she decided to take Aaron's laptop with her. Her brother 533 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,400 Speaker 2: came to meet her, and together they drove back to 534 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,080 Speaker 2: their parents' house in California. 535 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:41,160 Speaker 1: I fell apart. I fell apart. I wasn't getting out 536 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,600 Speaker 1: of bed, I wasn't taking care of myself, I wasn't eating. 537 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:45,400 Speaker 1: I was a disaster. 538 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:50,120 Speaker 2: At first, she fixated on his death, how and why 539 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:50,760 Speaker 2: it happened. 540 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,400 Speaker 3: She got a copy of his autopsy report. 541 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,320 Speaker 1: When I got his autopsy, it was very much an overdose. 542 00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:04,560 Speaker 1: He had on double the dose and he had taken 543 00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 1: double the dose of oxycodone at the same time to 544 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:09,440 Speaker 1: go to bed. 545 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,720 Speaker 3: And there was something else on his autopsy that stood out. 546 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:19,240 Speaker 1: On his autopsy, it said he had a brace on 547 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,000 Speaker 1: his leg. He said a brace on his left leg, 548 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:24,000 Speaker 1: And I thought, well, that's a really weird way to 549 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,640 Speaker 1: stay prosthetic, and that was the last I thought of it. 550 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,520 Speaker 2: The questions that came up right after his death about 551 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 2: his family, his race, she just didn't have the capacity 552 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 2: to think about all of that at the time. 553 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,880 Speaker 1: I stayed very much in grieving widow mode for two months, 554 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,200 Speaker 1: and it wasn't until after the second month that I 555 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,600 Speaker 1: opened my eyes finally. So I just let a lot 556 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:52,440 Speaker 1: of this stuff slide and thought like, either I'll deal 557 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,840 Speaker 1: with it later, or it's not true, or it's a misunderstanding. 558 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:59,560 Speaker 1: And then after two months, I opened his computer and 559 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:06,000 Speaker 1: every thing changed instantly. So I opened the computer, got 560 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:07,760 Speaker 1: right in on the first try. I knew the password, 561 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,440 Speaker 1: and I opened his pictures and I started looking through 562 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:15,560 Speaker 1: and there were some screenshots in there that sent me 563 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,840 Speaker 1: to his text messages. All of his text messages are 564 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:25,760 Speaker 1: on his computer, and immediately, within twenty seconds, I realized 565 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:27,920 Speaker 1: that he was in a relationship with somebody long distance. 566 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 1: I spent an hour coming through their text messages, which 567 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:42,520 Speaker 1: were graphic and filthy, and the worst part of all 568 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:45,000 Speaker 1: of that, there were two things that we're just devastating. 569 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,000 Speaker 1: The first was that the things he said to her 570 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,200 Speaker 1: while they were having this, like fantasy relationship is the 571 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:54,440 Speaker 1: same stuff he would say to me when we were intimate. 572 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:59,880 Speaker 1: Orbade him and he would tell her, well, I have time, 573 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,000 Speaker 1: and I won't have the boy on these dates because 574 00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:05,080 Speaker 1: I was going to be gone for a conference on 575 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:09,320 Speaker 1: those dates. So that was a lot to realize that 576 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,840 Speaker 1: he was manipulating her and mean to keep us both 577 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:18,040 Speaker 1: on the hook back and forth. But then the worst 578 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:22,360 Speaker 1: thing I found in everything I found was him saying, 579 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:31,040 Speaker 1: nobody has ever loved me, nobody except for you. And 580 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:34,239 Speaker 1: that is the biggest lie he ever told, And just 581 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:39,840 Speaker 1: the most infuriating, devastating, cruel thing he could have said, 582 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:44,479 Speaker 1: was that nobody had ever loved him. And here I 583 00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:50,520 Speaker 1: had just spent eight weeks bottomed out, devastated, flat lined 584 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:55,160 Speaker 1: because this man had died and I had given him everything. 585 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:02,120 Speaker 3: She kept looking through his text and found more women. 586 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 1: He was texting four other girls, a couple from tender, 587 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 1: couple from school. One of my favorites was a girl 588 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,280 Speaker 1: he had been in school with who had been to 589 00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,360 Speaker 1: our house and knew me, and they were talking about 590 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,040 Speaker 1: how she could move in and her teenager could live 591 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:21,360 Speaker 1: in the basement bedroom to a three bedroom house and 592 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,880 Speaker 1: his son lives in one of those bedrooms, so presumably 593 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:27,560 Speaker 1: I'm not letting there as she's moving in. So that 594 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,080 Speaker 1: was like, what the heck is he just going to 595 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:32,120 Speaker 1: kick me out? Like this is recent. 596 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,640 Speaker 2: Aaron was talking to these women up until the week 597 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:41,000 Speaker 2: he died, making plans with them and inviting them over, and. 598 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 1: He was saying, well, you know, I don't ever have 599 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:46,280 Speaker 1: anything going on Tuesday nights, so you could come over 600 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,400 Speaker 1: for dinner, we could watch a movie, but then I 601 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,480 Speaker 1: have to go to bed around ten because I was teaching. 602 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:55,280 Speaker 1: I was at class seven to ten on Tuesdays, so 603 00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:57,480 Speaker 1: he knew I would stay at work and go to 604 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:02,520 Speaker 1: So that was like, I guess, kind of opening that 605 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,720 Speaker 1: box of like, okay, so he's been doing stuff behind 606 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:07,760 Speaker 1: my back. I don't know what. I still don't. I 607 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,839 Speaker 1: don't need to, it doesn't matter. He offered it. 608 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:14,080 Speaker 2: In the two months since Aaron died, these women had 609 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,640 Speaker 2: been trying to get in touch with him. So Tora 610 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,760 Speaker 2: messaged them back to let them know he was gone. 611 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:26,239 Speaker 1: The girlfriend messaged me back, what, No, this isn't real. 612 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:29,960 Speaker 1: What's going on? Who are you really? Did you steal 613 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,840 Speaker 1: his phone? Just total disbelief, which is fair it is 614 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:36,360 Speaker 1: completely fair, And I said, yeah, no, real, here's the 615 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:40,080 Speaker 1: pictures of us. We've been together for this amount of time, 616 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,600 Speaker 1: three years, and she said, we've been together for longer 617 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:47,160 Speaker 1: than that. They've been together when he was married to 618 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:48,160 Speaker 1: his other wife. 619 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,200 Speaker 2: Tora kept digging through his laptop and that's when she 620 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:54,680 Speaker 2: saw the photo that changed everything. 621 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:59,360 Speaker 1: His computer were all these pictures of this honeymoon, including 622 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:07,640 Speaker 1: his two fully attacked feet on the beach, much much 623 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:12,840 Speaker 1: after he was supposedly injured, and just stared at his feet, 624 00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,839 Speaker 1: like these are his feet. I recognized one of them. 625 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 1: I'd seeing one of them without a sock on. 626 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:24,479 Speaker 2: The entire time they were together, Aaron kept a sock 627 00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:28,279 Speaker 2: and a brace on his prosthetic foot. She had never 628 00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,760 Speaker 2: actually seen his amputation site. 629 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:36,800 Speaker 1: He didn't ever like pop off a prosthetic or anything 630 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:41,480 Speaker 1: like that in front of me. And he needed to 631 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,080 Speaker 1: shower downstairs because it was really hard for him to 632 00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:46,160 Speaker 1: step into the shower upstairs and it was a tub 633 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:50,080 Speaker 1: shower combo, so he basically had his own bathroom in 634 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:54,280 Speaker 1: the downstairs part of the house. So I never saw 635 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:59,359 Speaker 1: him fully unclothed because he kept a sock on it. 636 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:05,279 Speaker 1: When we were sleeping, So I never questioned it. It 637 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:09,399 Speaker 1: was his private business, that's his medical history, and there 638 00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:11,920 Speaker 1: was nothing for me to say, well, that seems off. 639 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,640 Speaker 2: She saw the monthly checks coming in from the military, 640 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,040 Speaker 2: she heard the hard prosthetic foot hitting the ground when 641 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:21,880 Speaker 2: he walked, Plus he was self. 642 00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:24,759 Speaker 3: Conscious about his injury. She never pressed him further. 643 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:27,640 Speaker 1: Why would I question that? Who would that make me? 644 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,400 Speaker 2: But after she saw the photo of Aaron's two feet 645 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:35,560 Speaker 2: in the sand on his honeymoon, Tora called their family doctor, 646 00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 2: the doctor who'd done physical exams on her and Aaron 647 00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:40,640 Speaker 2: in the past year. 648 00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:47,279 Speaker 1: I said, did you ever look at his prosthetic or 649 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:51,879 Speaker 1: looked at his amputation site? And she said, oh, I'm 650 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:57,439 Speaker 1: sure I did. Well, maybe not. Actually let me think, Hey, 651 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:03,319 Speaker 1: maybe I didn't. And I just sat there flabbergasted. And 652 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,640 Speaker 1: at that point that was what was finally like, Yeah, 653 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:10,719 Speaker 1: this man did not have an amputated foot. I don't 654 00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:12,319 Speaker 1: know what he was wearing, I don't know why he 655 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:15,879 Speaker 1: was wearing it, but it wasn't a prosthetic foot. 656 00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:20,200 Speaker 3: This shocking revelation caused her to question the whole story 657 00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:22,720 Speaker 3: she'd been told about his military career. 658 00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,720 Speaker 1: Found his d two fourteen, which is like his exit 659 00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:29,120 Speaker 1: paperwork from the military, and it didn't add up with 660 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:30,719 Speaker 1: what he told me on. 661 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 3: His discharge papers. 662 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:35,319 Speaker 2: It said he did join the military at eighteen, and 663 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:39,560 Speaker 2: he did go to combat once, not four times like 664 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:43,480 Speaker 2: he'd said. He wasn't a Special Forces medic like he'd claimed. 665 00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,880 Speaker 2: She doesn't know why he left the army, but it 666 00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:48,400 Speaker 2: wasn't because of an injury. 667 00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,280 Speaker 3: Her entire understanding of Aaron changed. 668 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:58,320 Speaker 1: And I went out into the kitchen and I poured 669 00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:01,920 Speaker 1: myself I am not joking it out tequila down to 670 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,720 Speaker 1: that my dad lives in the country. Thinking this, walked 671 00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,680 Speaker 1: out way out into the hills and just screamed and 672 00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:13,080 Speaker 1: screamed and screamed to tell the lost of my voice. 673 00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:17,480 Speaker 1: The person I had just spent three years loving and 674 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:25,160 Speaker 1: caring for and two months devastated over his loss didn't exist. 675 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:33,040 Speaker 1: And I came to this point that day where I said, 676 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,319 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, he took everything from me, 677 00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:39,680 Speaker 1: and when there was nothing left to take, he took 678 00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:44,640 Speaker 1: himself from me. The person I had loved, had been 679 00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:50,200 Speaker 1: in a relationship with disappeared, and with him went three 680 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,360 Speaker 1: years of my life into a black hole. 681 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:58,080 Speaker 3: Who was Aaron and what was his real life story. 682 00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:01,960 Speaker 1: I was googling everything. I'm a historian. I can research 683 00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:06,160 Speaker 1: like nobody's business. So I'm just googling everything I can 684 00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:08,080 Speaker 1: think of to try to find out who this person is. 685 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:11,120 Speaker 1: I'm looking on Facebook, I'm looking on Instagram, social media. 686 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,920 Speaker 2: She started reaching out to people who were connected to Aaron. 687 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:17,640 Speaker 1: You know, now, I'm asking questions, right, what about these people? 688 00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,680 Speaker 1: It's not real. Grandparents were not those people. Those people 689 00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:25,879 Speaker 1: didn't exist at all. I mean, it was an entirely 690 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:31,200 Speaker 1: crafted life. His family is faith, his military experience was 691 00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:34,920 Speaker 1: not his, and I don't know how he kept it 692 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:35,480 Speaker 1: all straight. 693 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,120 Speaker 2: She found out that the family who showed up at 694 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:42,120 Speaker 2: Aaron's house, those people she didn't recognize. They were his 695 00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:46,440 Speaker 2: biological family, and they were very different from what Aaron described. 696 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:49,719 Speaker 1: So I didn't know about his real mom, even though 697 00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:51,600 Speaker 1: she's a real person who lives in a real place. 698 00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:54,840 Speaker 1: I knew about some other version of someone that he 699 00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:57,279 Speaker 1: could completely control that narrative. And I'm never going to 700 00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,440 Speaker 1: look her up and say, is this the truth? I 701 00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:03,040 Speaker 1: was the person for him because I chose to trust him, 702 00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:07,000 Speaker 1: and he practiced different things. He tried out different things 703 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:10,080 Speaker 1: to test me, to see if I would trust him, 704 00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:15,160 Speaker 1: and I did. I always did. He very carefully curated 705 00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:15,720 Speaker 1: my life. 706 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,799 Speaker 3: When she started looking back on it, she realized that 707 00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:23,239 Speaker 3: Aaron had slowly isolated her from anyone who'd known him 708 00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:26,880 Speaker 3: for more than four years, anyone who would contradict the 709 00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:28,439 Speaker 3: narrative he was telling her. 710 00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:32,239 Speaker 1: When I finally learned everything and could sort of lay 711 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:36,160 Speaker 1: out a life timeline for him, there is about a 712 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:40,080 Speaker 1: three to five year capacity on the stories he was 713 00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:42,399 Speaker 1: telling people. And then he would move on in some way. 714 00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,680 Speaker 1: He would leave town, he would start a new school program, 715 00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:50,400 Speaker 1: something like that. He'd get married. So he was coming 716 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,000 Speaker 1: to the end of that, and his stories were getting 717 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:53,600 Speaker 1: a little thin. 718 00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:59,120 Speaker 2: The amputation, the chronic pain from combat wounds, even his 719 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:03,960 Speaker 2: Native American ancestry, it was all a lie. The one 720 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:07,440 Speaker 2: thing that was real is that he was sick. He 721 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:11,839 Speaker 2: had an opioid addiction. She sees that clearly now, and 722 00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,600 Speaker 2: she sees that as a part of a larger pattern 723 00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:15,320 Speaker 2: of behavior. 724 00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,440 Speaker 1: He's an addict, so he's always looking for kind of 725 00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:22,040 Speaker 1: that next better hit of whatever it was. And sometimes 726 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:25,600 Speaker 1: it was a partner, and sometimes it was becoming a parent, 727 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,680 Speaker 1: and sometimes it was a new degree in school. But 728 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,760 Speaker 1: you know, he's tying things together, trying to make himself 729 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,920 Speaker 1: a life that he would have been happy with. So 730 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,080 Speaker 1: he just kept shifting it into this story that he 731 00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,160 Speaker 1: liked a little better, and a little better, a little better, 732 00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:47,680 Speaker 1: and it still didn't satisfy him. He still needed narcotics. 733 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:56,319 Speaker 1: I feel very strongly that he wanted to stay in 734 00:41:56,719 --> 00:42:00,680 Speaker 1: our life but wasn't sure how to do that. Do 735 00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:02,640 Speaker 1: I think that he put the patches on and hoped 736 00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:07,160 Speaker 1: he would fall asleep and never wake up. Yeah, I do. 737 00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:10,680 Speaker 2: You can probably tell that Tour has been through years 738 00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:14,399 Speaker 2: of therapy to understand and heal from what happened to her. 739 00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:19,759 Speaker 1: My doctor had me talk to the therapist in her office, 740 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:28,480 Speaker 1: and I owe everything to his methods. He gave me terminology, 741 00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:32,480 Speaker 1: and that terminology completely changed how I was going through this. 742 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:39,160 Speaker 1: He was the first person to say, you have PTSD, 743 00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:44,439 Speaker 1: and I thought, no, no, No, PTSD is for soldiers, which 744 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,359 Speaker 1: is a really common thought that PTSD is for people 745 00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:50,720 Speaker 1: who've been to war, but through war. He was really 746 00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:53,319 Speaker 1: good about this is what I think might be going on. 747 00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:56,880 Speaker 1: Read it and let's talk about it next time. He 748 00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:59,520 Speaker 1: was providing me information to heal myself. 749 00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:04,239 Speaker 2: It's been four years since Aaron died and she discovered 750 00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:06,719 Speaker 2: that the man she was building a life with was 751 00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:07,240 Speaker 2: a fraud. 752 00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:09,920 Speaker 1: I'll still be driving down the road and have a 753 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:14,200 Speaker 1: random memory and go, oh, yeah, that's probably what happened. 754 00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,400 Speaker 1: So I'm still less and less and less and less, 755 00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:23,239 Speaker 1: putting things together and making the pieces fit. But I'll 756 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,840 Speaker 1: never know everything, and they'll never have closure, and I 757 00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:29,040 Speaker 1: think that's probably the most important thing. It's like, closure 758 00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:32,560 Speaker 1: isn't necessary for you to move on and heal. It's 759 00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:35,480 Speaker 1: really not help, but it's not necessary. 760 00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:41,000 Speaker 2: Instead, she's tried to find understanding for the real person 761 00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:45,320 Speaker 2: Aaron was. With him gone, She's been able to access 762 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:49,000 Speaker 2: a kind of empathy, not to excuse his behavior, but 763 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:50,200 Speaker 2: to make peace with it. 764 00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:53,440 Speaker 1: He was broken. He was broken by a world that 765 00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:56,560 Speaker 1: breaks people and spits them out. I think he grew 766 00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:00,960 Speaker 1: up feeling inadequate, grew up feeling unloved, and he wanted 767 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:03,920 Speaker 1: to write himself a better story than that. And instead 768 00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:08,200 Speaker 1: of becoming someone who would be loved, he became someone 769 00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:14,080 Speaker 1: who he thought was lovable and adjusted it for each 770 00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:15,560 Speaker 1: person as he met them. 771 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,680 Speaker 2: Tora moved back to Colorado, where she still teaches history, 772 00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:24,560 Speaker 2: but she says that this time around, she's a different person. 773 00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:28,080 Speaker 2: She's forever changed by the love she had with Aaron 774 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:35,200 Speaker 2: and the pain he put her through. We end every 775 00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,360 Speaker 2: episode with the same question, why did you want to 776 00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:41,120 Speaker 2: tell your story? 777 00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:44,400 Speaker 1: This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up, 778 00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:47,600 Speaker 1: that sounds like a soap opera, sounds like a drama movie, 779 00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:50,480 Speaker 1: but it's so real and it's not the only one, 780 00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:54,560 Speaker 1: and there's so many stories like this. The more we 781 00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:57,799 Speaker 1: talk about it, the more out in the open we 782 00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:00,399 Speaker 1: bring these people who exist in the shadow and want 783 00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:06,680 Speaker 1: to operate from the shadows. We have to understand them, 784 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:10,520 Speaker 1: we have to assign terminology to the disorders that caused 785 00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:15,799 Speaker 1: them to act in these ways, and we have to 786 00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,279 Speaker 1: support people who've been through it. And my mission through 787 00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:22,440 Speaker 1: all of this became sort of explaining to more and 788 00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:27,640 Speaker 1: more people that you can heal, you will heal, what 789 00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:31,680 Speaker 1: you're experiencing is valid. Something that I say so often 790 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:34,000 Speaker 1: to this day is my story was true and my 791 00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:40,000 Speaker 1: experiences were valid. My story was true, even if his wasn't. 792 00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:40,600 Speaker 1: Mine was. 793 00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,040 Speaker 3: On the next episode of Betrayal. 794 00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:50,640 Speaker 1: I went out into the garage area, the car was gone, 795 00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:53,319 Speaker 1: like where did he go? 796 00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:01,759 Speaker 2: You would like to reach out to the Betrayal team 797 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:04,600 Speaker 2: or want to tell us your Betrayal story, email us 798 00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:09,279 Speaker 2: at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod at 799 00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:10,719 Speaker 2: gmail dot com. 800 00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:12,480 Speaker 3: We're grateful for your support. 801 00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,319 Speaker 2: One way to show support is by subscribing to our 802 00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:18,040 Speaker 2: show on Apple Podcasts and don't forget to rate and 803 00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:18,760 Speaker 2: review Betrayal. 804 00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:22,160 Speaker 3: Five star reviews go a long way. A big thank 805 00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:23,719 Speaker 3: you to all of our listeners. 806 00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,320 Speaker 2: Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of 807 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:31,160 Speaker 2: Glass Entertainment Group and partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show 808 00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:34,880 Speaker 2: is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted 809 00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:38,560 Speaker 2: and produced by me Andrea Gunning, written and produced by 810 00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:43,480 Speaker 2: Monique Leboard, also produced by Ben Fetterman. Associate producers are 811 00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:47,319 Speaker 2: Kristin Mercury and Caitlin Golden. Our iHeart team is Ali 812 00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:51,920 Speaker 2: Perry and Jessica Krincheck. Audio editing and mixing by Matt Delvecchio, 813 00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:57,440 Speaker 2: additional editing support from Nico Aruka. Betrayal's theme composed by 814 00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:02,360 Speaker 2: Oliver Bains. Music library provided by mob Music and for 815 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:06,640 Speaker 2: more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 816 00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:08,239 Speaker 2: or wherever you get your podcasts.