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Speaker 1: My mother in law thinks I cheated, so I took

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Speaker 1: a paternity test and the results just uncovered something huge.

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Speaker 2: My mother in law has been hiding. My mother in

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Speaker 2: law is the mother of that child.

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Speaker 3: What I accidentally screwed my mother instead of my wife.

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Speaker 2: And now we have a kid. Yeah, I swear it

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Speaker 2: looked exactly like her.

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Speaker 3: Why she said close your eyes and then we did it,

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Speaker 3: and then before then she left.

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Speaker 2: I thought it was her, that was it. It turns

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Speaker 2: out not the case. Not the case.

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Speaker 1: I twenty five female, gave birth to my daughter two

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Speaker 1: months ago, and despite my husband, twenty eight male, telling

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Speaker 1: me he knows I'd never cheat on him, I wanted

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Speaker 1: to give our daughter a paternity test.

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Speaker 3: Wait wait, wait what she's a little.

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Speaker 1: You know, She's like, I know you never cheat, but

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Speaker 1: I still got to get that paternity test. Wait wait

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Speaker 1: she she's asking she had a baby with her husband

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Speaker 1: and now wants a paternity test.

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Speaker 3: The woman wants at The woman wants a.

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Speaker 1: Paternity test because she here's why what, here's why? The

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Speaker 1: reason my baby has green eyes and me and my

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Speaker 1: husband don't have green eyes.

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Speaker 2: You know you can have different eyes than your child.

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Speaker 1: Jene xcyes pick up a ninth grade biology textbook.

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Speaker 3: Please please. I feel like everyone refuses to investigate, even

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Speaker 3: like fucking do a Google.

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Speaker 2: Search literally google seconds. I have brown eyes, my baby

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Speaker 2: has green eyes?

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Speaker 3: What does it mean?

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Speaker 2: What does it mean? Actually? You know, I'm gonna chat

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Speaker 2: GBT this. Here we go.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, my husband, my husband, and I don't have green eyes?

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Speaker 1: Can my baby have green eyes?

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Speaker 3: Something like that? If both parents have brown eyes and

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Speaker 3: a child has green eyes, it might be helpful to

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Speaker 3: know that many babies are born with blue or gray

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Speaker 3: eyes that darken over time. The green color may not

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Speaker 3: necessarily be the final eye color.

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Speaker 2: There you go.

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Speaker 1: Ten seconds. Me and my husband don't have green eyes.

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Speaker 1: My parents don't either, and neither do my in laws.

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Speaker 1: No one in our family has them. Google dishets literally.

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Speaker 1: My husband said it was some weird genetic thing, but

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Speaker 1: I wanted to test for his peace of mind.

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Speaker 2: Wow, so generous of you.

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Speaker 4: I mean, at least it's the girl doing it first, lady,

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Speaker 4: you know, but still it's worse when the the guy

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Speaker 4: the guy.

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Speaker 1: But still, but still, and we've said on the show

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Speaker 1: now only now my eyes have been open to reading

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Speaker 1: the show. They should just do paternity tests at the

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Speaker 1: hospital because why not?

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Speaker 2: Why not?

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Speaker 1: He kept refusing it because he trusted me. But his

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Speaker 1: mother keeps commenting on her eyes, as do the rest

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Speaker 1: of the family, who keep making comments about me possibly cheating.

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Speaker 1: Even my family finds it out that our daughter's green eyes.

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Speaker 1: So okay, so maybe it's more of like she just

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Speaker 1: wants the family to get off of her.

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Speaker 3: That's kind of the situation. I understand doing that now,

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Speaker 3: that makes a lot more sense.

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Speaker 1: Okay, we were like, stupid, Opie, Yeah, what are you doing?

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Speaker 1: My husband says to ignore them because he knows I'd

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Speaker 1: never cheat. But I finally had enough of his family's

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Speaker 1: comments and told him I wanted to test. He only

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Speaker 1: agreed to get me to calm down, and well.

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Speaker 2: Our daughter is his what we always knew.

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Speaker 1: That's great, But okay, turns out my husband's dad is

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Speaker 1: not his real dad.

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Speaker 3: Wait, husband's dad is not his real dad? How do

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Speaker 3: they figure that out? Twenty three and meters?

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Speaker 1: I guess, I guess it tells you like, you get

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Speaker 1: the test of that, and then it shows like I

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Speaker 1: guess the rest of your family. Okay, I didn't know that, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you learned something new.

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Speaker 2: Every day.

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Speaker 1: My in laws have been married for decades, so the

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Speaker 1: idea that my mother in law cheated on my father

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Speaker 1: in law never crossed either of our minds. My husband

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Speaker 1: wants to confront his mother, but I'm telling him to

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Speaker 1: wait that yes, she is a liar and hypocrite, but

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Speaker 1: we do need to think this through because the mom

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Speaker 1: would have to have cheated.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I just like, do you want to unleash

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Speaker 3: Pandora's box on this family?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Yes, I agree.

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Speaker 1: My father in law should know, but we're both tired

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Speaker 1: of taking care of a newborn. We found out something

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Speaker 1: shocking and we're not thinking rational. He wants to tell

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Speaker 1: his father, and so do I. But the fallout will

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Speaker 1: be apocalyptic, it would. Yeah. I just wanted to give

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Speaker 1: him peace of mind, and instead I started the end

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Speaker 1: of his parents' marriage and possibly blew up his family.

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Speaker 1: So am I the a hole for forcing a DNA

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Speaker 1: test and finding this DNA can of worms?

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Speaker 2: Very quick at it?

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Speaker 1: We did two tests, paternity and twenty three and meeters.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to see if maybe there was a relative

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Speaker 1: we just didn't know that could have caused my daughter's

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Speaker 1: eye color. Oh okay, Wow, it sucks when someone does something.

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Speaker 1: She wanted to get everyone off her back, and then

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Speaker 1: now it's resulted in this explosion.

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Speaker 2: I know.

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Speaker 3: I mean, OP literally just wanted people to stop making

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Speaker 3: comments about it.

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Speaker 2: That's it. It's totally innocent, totally innocent. So I don't know.

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Speaker 1: The big question is like, what do you do now,

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Speaker 1: as OP like trying to if you telled you like

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Speaker 1: your husband wants to tell the dad.

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Speaker 3: Ultimately, I think it's up to the husband. He's the

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Speaker 3: person that has the most decision making power because I

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Speaker 3: mean it's his this person that raised him. So it's

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Speaker 3: not really up to you, ok, I think, And I

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Speaker 3: don't think you're the a hole to be clear, don't

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Speaker 3: not the a hole at all for wanting to get this,

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Speaker 3: I do know, I mean like she wanted to get

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Speaker 3: people off her back, of course, But yeah, I think

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Speaker 3: it's up to your husband to see if he wants

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Speaker 3: to go nuclear.

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Speaker 1: Or not, yeah, or keep the bomb inside. Well, let

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Speaker 1: us know what you would do. Put your answers in

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Speaker 1: the comments. We love reading them, and we'll see him.

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Speaker 1: The paternity test says my husband is not the father

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Speaker 1: and he thinks I cheated, But the truth is much worse.

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Speaker 1: I cheated and had a hundred babies. I am a

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Speaker 1: sperm do a sperm donor. I said what I said,

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Speaker 1: an egg donor, an egg donor. I'm shooting kids out

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Speaker 1: there into the ether's.

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Speaker 3: She's like a like a baby with fertilized eggs chopping out,

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Speaker 3: dropping him like farmer John. I don't know how it happened,

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Speaker 3: and I haven't been able to stop crying all day.

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Speaker 3: I never cheated. I love my husband. We've been together

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Speaker 3: since college and he's the love of my life. He's

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Speaker 3: handsome and kind. And while I've slept with two other people,

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Speaker 3: both were before we got together, there's no other potential

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Speaker 3: father of our daughter.

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Speaker 1: Imagine if she said, though, like I've always slept with

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Speaker 1: two other people while we were married.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and they weren't even as hot as him, So

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Speaker 3: he has nothing to worry about.

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Speaker 1: Exactly like it's it's it's a prank, bro, It's a prank.

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Speaker 2: It's a prank, a prank.

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Speaker 3: We were married already and actively trying for a baby.

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Speaker 3: I never cheated. I never would cheat, and I don't

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Speaker 3: know why he took that stupid test because I would

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Speaker 3: never cheat ever, ever, ever. But it came back negative,

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Speaker 3: and now he thinks he's not her dad. Oh God,

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Speaker 3: I don't know how to convince him it was a

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Speaker 3: faulty test. And I'm so scared these past few months.

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Speaker 3: It's like he's become someone completely different from the man

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Speaker 3: I married. He's cold and suspicious, which I mean like rightly.

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Speaker 3: So if you have a paternity test that comes back negative.

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Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I'm if I'm raising somebody else's bitey,

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Speaker 1: I might get you a cold shoulder.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, Hey, I'm gonna shun you. For a

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Speaker 3: couple of weeks, he kept demanding to see my phone

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Speaker 3: and wouldn't tell me why, and I showed him at first,

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Speaker 3: but eventually he told him I wouldn't anymore unless he

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Speaker 3: explained why. He's been distant with our daughter too. He

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Speaker 3: stays in his office for hours on end, and I

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Speaker 3: don't know what he's doing. I did not cheat, he

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Speaker 3: accused me this morning, saying he had done the test

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Speaker 3: after realizing our daughter's eyes brown wouldn't naturally come from ours,

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Speaker 3: both blue. Oh, he did some uh, some like you know,

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Speaker 3: like the genetics, breeding of the plants, the peoples, you know,

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Speaker 3: like recessive genes. Yeah, the capital are little ring who

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Speaker 3: took biology in fourth grade?

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Speaker 2: That's right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, tell us fourth grade? What fourth grade is

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Speaker 3: taking biology? Hold on, you learn a little biology and sciences?

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Speaker 2: Great? Yeah, yeah, it's just like the little box. The

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Speaker 2: Florida schooling system was nowhere near they.

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Speaker 3: It was sixth grade. It was sixth grade.

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Speaker 1: Al right, class, this is biology. You put a you

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Speaker 1: put a seed in the dirt and it grows. Any questions,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna drink my beard, don't bother me. Is that

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Speaker 1: how the Florida school that was our that was our education?

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Speaker 3: Yes? Yeah, I went to Catholic school, so maybe it

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Speaker 3: was a little different.

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Speaker 1: God plants a seed in you the end, any questions?

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Speaker 3: No, I think it was the priests actually that planted

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Speaker 3: the seed. The priest planted the season. Oh jeez, okay,

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Speaker 3: that's what they said.

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Speaker 1: What they say kedding of ketting. My Catholic experience was great, Sam,

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Speaker 1: is there something you want to tell us? Maybe a confessional.

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Speaker 3: Booth only only to my guy, My, my, my, my priest. Boy.

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Speaker 3: You know, my dad did a documentary on priests, really

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Speaker 3: nominated for Academy Award.

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Speaker 2: I'd watch it and I actually have never watched it.

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Speaker 1: Like cover to cover this guy not watching his own

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Speaker 1: father's documentary.

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Speaker 2: I know I didn't watch it.

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Speaker 3: I didn't watch it like it was it was up

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Speaker 3: against you know, al Gore's incommunion truth that that was

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Speaker 3: at the Academy Awards, like al Gore beat him to

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Speaker 3: it and they sat next to him. Apparently my dad's documentary.

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Speaker 2: He should have he should have duked it out with

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Speaker 2: old gory.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it would have gotten gory, let me

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Speaker 3: tell you. And so he wanted me out of the house.

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Speaker 3: I didn't leave, and he locked me out of our

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Speaker 3: bedroom and now I'm in my daughter's room. This is terrifying.

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Speaker 3: What should I do? I don't know how you convince

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Speaker 3: like this is tough?

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Speaker 2: Dude, what do you do?

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Speaker 1: I mean literally, the test says you chew it. It's like,

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Speaker 1: what else could it possibly be? So I just had

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Speaker 1: a conversation with my husband. He's out of his room now,

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Speaker 1: and we discussed some things. I told him again I

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Speaker 1: would never cheat, and started talking about a list I

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Speaker 1: made of tests I want to be done. But he

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Speaker 1: told me he didn't want to hear it right now.

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Speaker 1: We're going to have a longer conversation tomorrow, he said,

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Speaker 1: he still loves her daughter, and he won't try to

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Speaker 1: keep me out of the house or our room for now.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I guess that's good. You can at least

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Speaker 1: stay in the house.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I asked him to hug me and he did.

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Speaker 3: I'm scared that I won't be able to convince him.

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Speaker 3: I just want our family to go back to normal.

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Speaker 3: I asked him to hug me, and he did. I'm

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Speaker 3: scared that I won't be able to convince him. I

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Speaker 3: just want our family to go back dead normal. Oh

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Speaker 3: can I be a good wife and support his needs

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Speaker 3: while proving my innocence.

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Speaker 2: That's a toughie. That's a toughie. That is a big challenge.

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Speaker 3: But John, do you know what what?

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Speaker 2: That's an updoot ohnaw.

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Speaker 3: First off, I want to thank everyone who reached out.

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Speaker 3: My original post got so much attention. It was hard

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Speaker 3: to do everything, but I ended up making a list

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Speaker 3: of plans and tests I want to get done. My

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Speaker 3: husband was understandably distrustful of me for a while, but

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Speaker 3: he apologized for the way he acted, which I didn't need,

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Speaker 3: and said he wouldn't try to kick me out of

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Speaker 3: our home. He did say, though, that if every test

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Speaker 3: came back and I that he was.

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Speaker 2: Going to go scortsd earth.

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Speaker 3: My sure, sports earth sounds like a very like fire

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Speaker 3: and brimstone, which I guess is what it should mean.

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Speaker 2: We just just lightened the earth on fire, you know. Ah.

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Speaker 3: We did a few tests blood battornity tests for him

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Speaker 3: and me and our daughter, and we had an appointment

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Speaker 3: with a chimerism specialist coming up, whatever that means, but

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Speaker 3: that got canceled because well.

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Speaker 2: Some of you guessed it. My daughter is not biologically mine. What.

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Speaker 3: I don't know how this happened, but a police officer

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Speaker 3: came to our house and took our statements and we're

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Speaker 3: suing the hospital where I gave birth.

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Speaker 2: Good.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what happened to my baby, And that

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Speaker 3: is terrifying. That's so terrifying.

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Speaker 1: You literally come home with a child that is not yours.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what to.

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Speaker 2: Realize it either. That's insane.

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Speaker 1: And you've been also loving this child as it, taking

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Speaker 1: care of it as if it's your own, and all

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Speaker 1: this like just the it's like you look at it,

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Speaker 1: it's like.

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Speaker 2: The same't mind.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's also hard because you like it's also because

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Speaker 3: you pop the baby out, and like, how does that

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Speaker 3: mix up happen? That's why you mark your baby.

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Speaker 1: Bring them to I truly have no idea, but like

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Speaker 1: you know, like in movies and TV shows where they

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Speaker 1: have that like room with all the little babies in it,

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Speaker 1: that's I'm guessing it happens.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, a baby expert, you got to mark your baby

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Speaker 3: with your signature?

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Speaker 1: Really do you just got to take a little sharpe

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Speaker 1: and just sign my own bababy?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Bro, that's insane that that happened. I have my

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Speaker 3: husband back, but my whole world is still up ended.

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Speaker 3: I just wish he'd never take you that stupid test.

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Speaker 3: I've been sleeping in my daughter's room and I'm so

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Speaker 3: afraid that she's going to be taken away from me.

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Speaker 3: But at the same time, I want to know where

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Speaker 3: my biological daughter is and if she's okay. I pray

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Speaker 3: to God she's okay. My daughter still doesn't know the details,

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Speaker 3: and we've been trying to keep this quiet. The last

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Speaker 3: thing we need is a big scandal. I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I don't want people to know. I don't want people

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Speaker 3: to look at her differently. She deserves better than that.

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Speaker 3: She's such a good kid, and she's not some spectacle

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Speaker 3: to be goted at. If we can find her family,

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Speaker 3: I have no idea what we'll do. I what do

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Speaker 3: you even do that situation? The playbook has not been written.

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Speaker 3: They have all those baby books where it's like, what

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Speaker 3: to do when you're expecting, but what to do when

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Speaker 3: you're expecting a different baby than your own baby after

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Speaker 3: you get the paternity test?

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Speaker 2: What do you do.

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Speaker 1: When you're expecting your child to be stolen and replaced?

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Speaker 3: I don't know, maybe we should write the book.

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Speaker 2: What to do when your child is stolen and replaced? Well, actually,

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Speaker 2: OPI has some ideas. They're pretty honestly. I mean, we

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Speaker 2: need someone with experience.

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Speaker 3: So these are her ideas. I guess the best case

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Speaker 3: scenario would be to get a bigger house where all

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Speaker 3: our families could live together. But I don't know if

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Speaker 3: I can afford that, or if they or if they'd

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Speaker 3: even go for that, or if we even will be

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Speaker 3: able to locate them, or if I'm just crazy. I

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Speaker 3: mean that's like, I think that is maybe the best

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Speaker 3: case scenario, but it would be very hard to execute.

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Speaker 1: It seem yeah, it seems like that would be hard,

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Speaker 1: Like it's it's challenging too, because like probably more likely

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Speaker 1: scenario was like do you just like find them?

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Speaker 2: But then is it just like do you just swap kids?

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Speaker 1: Do you swap the I mean you've literally been treating

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Speaker 1: this child as your own five years, for like all

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Speaker 1: these years, and then it's like, I don't know, I.

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Speaker 3: It's yeah, dude, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you just like tell them and become like close friends,

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Speaker 1: like the same way it's like, you know, you visit

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Speaker 1: your grandparentriends, like you know, you don't see them every

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00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,920
Speaker 1: day probably or your aunts and uncles, but like you

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Speaker 1: go you visit them.

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Speaker 2: Like this is a sitcom right here? Switch to birth

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Speaker 2: Switched at birth. Mommy and daddy got me a little late.

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Speaker 1: And they saw that my eyes, saw my eyes were

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Speaker 1: different and something just wasn't straight.

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Speaker 2: But then we met my other family and everything was great.

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Speaker 2: That's right, because we were switched.

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Speaker 3: It births switched at burst. That does kind of sound

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Speaker 3: like a like a ninety sitcoms.

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Speaker 2: Gerrol, you stole my card again again?

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Speaker 1: What it fits for the same age, dummy, mom?

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Speaker 2: We both like the same boys. I was to say

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Speaker 2: that what should we do? Well? Does he have a brother?

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00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:18,600
Speaker 2: What was Switched at Birth too? I would watch that show, dude,

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00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,120
Speaker 2: that is a show like Switch at.

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Speaker 3: Birth is a show, right, I feel like it has

336
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Speaker 3: to be Switched at Birth? Who switched at birth? But

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00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,600
Speaker 3: we still love each other. I have the same sister

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Speaker 3: and you have a different brother.

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Speaker 1: It was, it was It's an ABC free Form show.

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Speaker 1: Actually that makes a lot of sense. That's the name. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but what.

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00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:40,040
Speaker 3: Like is it?

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00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:40,920
Speaker 2: What free form is?

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Speaker 3: That? Does that mean it's reality?

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Speaker 1: It's like a super cheesy like kind of sitcom drama

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Speaker 1: like like full.

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Speaker 2: House but worse.

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Speaker 3: Okay, interesting, No shade my fellow free Form people.

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Speaker 2: Also, no shade to ABC. No shade to ABC. You

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Speaker 2: know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: John's original you know, Daddy we we you know John

352
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Speaker 3: had a show.

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Speaker 2: He had a show on ABC. Pan.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I I don't know if it's

355
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,520
Speaker 1: never come up on the podcast, but I did. I

356
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,560
Speaker 1: was on a show called Startup You, which is like

357
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Speaker 1: Big Brother meets Shark Tank. And we were in this

358
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Speaker 1: like giant like Hogwarts like place for seven weeks and

359
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,720
Speaker 1: we were competing for investment from investor.

360
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Speaker 3: It would be fun. We should do a screening of

361
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Speaker 3: that show or like the pilot episode at your place. Like,

362
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,400
Speaker 3: get a projector and make it a drinking game, Like

363
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,480
Speaker 3: every time we see you in the show, we have

364
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:34,240
Speaker 3: to take a shot.

365
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,440
Speaker 1: That's that's that's a good idea. I mean, my birthday

366
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:37,840
Speaker 1: is coming up, so that.

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00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:43,240
Speaker 3: Would be so much fun. That would be so much fun. Hey,

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00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,520
Speaker 3: if you want to do a John screening, we can

369
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Speaker 3: host it.

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00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:47,360
Speaker 2: Let's make it happen.

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00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,480
Speaker 3: Actually, actually let me go. Well, we'll talk. I think

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Speaker 3: that would be hilarious.

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Speaker 2: I agree. I Also, I've never seen the show, so I.

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Speaker 3: Want to see it.

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Speaker 2: I'm down. I'm down.

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Speaker 3: This whole situation is crazy. I don't know anyone else

377
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:00,680
Speaker 3: who's been in a situation and like this. I mean,

378
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:04,000
Speaker 3: are there like support groups for parents whose kids got

379
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,040
Speaker 3: mixed up? I googled and nothing came up. Literally all

380
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:10,359
Speaker 3: I'm getting our tabloid articles from trashy magazines that slapped

381
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,760
Speaker 3: the faces of innocent kids on the same pages as

382
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,520
Speaker 3: celebrity sex scandals and fiction.

383
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,119
Speaker 2: How do we tell our daughter?

384
00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:17,960
Speaker 3: I mean, we can't tell her now, she'll tell the

385
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,359
Speaker 3: kids at school and it'll be everywhere. But we have

386
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,399
Speaker 3: to say something. I don't know what I did to deserve this.

387
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,000
Speaker 3: I think watch switched at birth. I mean, yeah, the

388
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Speaker 3: blueperirt right there.

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00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,000
Speaker 1: It has five seasons, so clearly they have come to

390
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Speaker 1: some sort of conclusions.

391
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,320
Speaker 3: Can we can we see what the comments are saying.

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Speaker 3: Do you even tell the daughter and just say you're

393
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:38,920
Speaker 3: adopted by not by choice.

394
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:44,320
Speaker 2: Personally, you were adopted by force? Do you understand me?

395
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:44,760
Speaker 3: Child?

396
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:46,840
Speaker 2: You're forcibly adopted.

397
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,520
Speaker 1: Honestly, I think my like what I would do is

398
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,440
Speaker 1: like basically that family becomes like the aunt and uncle

399
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,680
Speaker 1: and the cousin. It's all right, you were switched at birth, Like,

400
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,840
Speaker 1: we literally spent years raising each of you respectively, so

401
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,919
Speaker 1: it kind of just became like we want.

402
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:01,639
Speaker 2: You to be in the family.

403
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,199
Speaker 1: But it's like, I mean, you could probably petition to

404
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 1: like leave them if that's the case. Oh, someone mentioned

405
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,119
Speaker 1: the show switched to birth in the comments. True story. Uh,

406
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,879
Speaker 1: he finds out the kid isn't his and leaves, and

407
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,520
Speaker 1: she finds out the kid isn't hers either.

408
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:16,440
Speaker 2: Should have been a.

409
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:20,160
Speaker 1: Red flag that she looked irish, snow white skin, ginger hair,

410
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,280
Speaker 1: and they were Puerto Rican. If so the family is

411
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 1: Puerto Rican, they have this like like white red haired

412
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,960
Speaker 1: daughter that's hilarious.

413
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,119
Speaker 3: Do you not realize though, like when you know, like

414
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,080
Speaker 3: when the baby is in your hands.

415
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,000
Speaker 1: I could see the baby in the hospital because babies

416
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,080
Speaker 1: are just like their faces are all like.

417
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:44,160
Speaker 3: Weird and like just like John loves babies, I literally

418
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,679
Speaker 3: love our baby. Their faces are all fucked up.

419
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,960
Speaker 2: They're ugly pieces of wrinkled skin.

420
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Speaker 1: I will say I had a friend of mine who

421
00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:54,119
Speaker 1: had a baby, and like the first year I was like,

422
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:59,800
Speaker 1: this thing is looks crazy, like this thing looks co crazy.

423
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,840
Speaker 1: But now it's like the cutest like child on the planet.

424
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,200
Speaker 1: But when it was born, I was like, I'm sorry,

425
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,600
Speaker 1: Like I didn't say anything to them, dude, it was

426
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,080
Speaker 1: just I think it was just the I was fucked

427
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 1: up when I came back because I was, uh my,

428
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,399
Speaker 1: my head was indented because they tried to squeeze it

429
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 1: out but it never came out, so they had to

430
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:18,720
Speaker 1: be c sectioned.

431
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,760
Speaker 3: So I just looked like your head because.

432
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:27,480
Speaker 2: Yes, still a dent their site. Oh shit, oh ship,

433
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,600
Speaker 2: I'm basically a cone head ship.

434
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:30,720
Speaker 3: Bro. That's crazy.

435
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,440
Speaker 2: So but we made it. You made it through, mom,

436
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:34,399
Speaker 2: We made it. Damn.

437
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:35,160
Speaker 3: That's crazy. Bro.

438
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:36,840
Speaker 2: There's a bump. You can feel the bump.

439
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,800
Speaker 1: You can feel the bump. You can feel the bump.

440
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,959
Speaker 1: I think probably everyone has it to some degree, but

441
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,600
Speaker 1: mine is I have a little bump decently pronounced a

442
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,879
Speaker 1: little bump. I think I think it's it's above average

443
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:47,280
Speaker 1: at least.

444
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Johnson, john has a bumb above average.

445
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:52,920
Speaker 2: If you know what I gotta I gotta.

446
00:19:52,800 --> 00:20:00,920
Speaker 3: Squeezed that head. That's it, that's it, goodbye.

447
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:01,359
Speaker 2: Today.

448
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,719
Speaker 3: I afked up by accidentally facetiming my boss while I

449
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,399
Speaker 3: was deep into my wife's cheeks at one am.

450
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,760
Speaker 2: You know, sometimes you just in those cheeks and you're.

451
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 1: Like, I got FaceTime, my boss, show them, help them

452
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 1: working on this ass.

453
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,679
Speaker 3: Put work in a booty throw away obviously, But this

454
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 3: happened last night. Got home from work and wife and

455
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,680
Speaker 3: myself decided to part take in a few glasses.

456
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,119
Speaker 2: Of whiet and joints.

457
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 3: Everything was going swell. We got the kids to bed,

458
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:32,919
Speaker 3: then cuddled in bed to watch a movie. At some

459
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 3: point I decided to get up and take a shower.

460
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,920
Speaker 3: But then my wife got up and she was standing

461
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,600
Speaker 3: in all her glory in a little blue corset and

462
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,400
Speaker 3: see through undies, and from there.

463
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,240
Speaker 2: It was all over.

464
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,480
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, So we start going at it, and then

465
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,560
Speaker 3: I hear a sound next to us, and thinking back

466
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,480
Speaker 3: on it, it sounded like the sound of the iPhone

467
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,960
Speaker 3: mix we're making a FaceTime call. But at the time,

468
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 3: my high drunk ass I thought it was an alarm

469
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:58,400
Speaker 3: I forgot to shut off. So my dumb ass pauses,

470
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,440
Speaker 3: grabs my phone from right by and shuts off the alarm.

471
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,639
Speaker 3: Quote unquote. I'm on my knees in bed with the

472
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,119
Speaker 3: phone and hand resting on the bed in front of me.

473
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 3: I stare at the phone for about fifteen seconds, and

474
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,680
Speaker 3: then it hits me what I've done, But by then

475
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:17,560
Speaker 3: it was too late. A disgruntled obviously just woken from

476
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:21,679
Speaker 3: slumberman answers the phone and I hear, oh, what the

477
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:27,960
Speaker 3: hell the funk? The front facey camera gave my boss

478
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:33,119
Speaker 3: full view of my gorge python DHD. The only thing

479
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:37,639
Speaker 3: I could muster to say, it's holy shit, I'm so sorry.

480
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 2: This was a butt dial. I hung up. Yeah, it was.

481
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,119
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Oh my god. I have absolutely no

482
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,359
Speaker 3: clue how this happened. Trust me, Me and my wife

483
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 3: were in shock afterwards, scrambling to figure out what the

484
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,440
Speaker 3: fuck does happened. I sat there for a few minutes,

485
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 3: looking at my recent calls, just staring at the screen,

486
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 3: going through the steps of my head that had created

487
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,720
Speaker 3: the perfect storm events. All I know is the pun

488
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 3: was next to us and vig remember at some point

489
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,959
Speaker 3: before the incident pushing it to the side to make

490
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,400
Speaker 3: a bit of room for some more fun Onto the update.

491
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 3: I spoke with my boss right before the end of

492
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 3: the workday to address a work related topic, and it

493
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 3: looks like I'll be keeping my job. I work for

494
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 3: a small business on a large corporate entity, so I

495
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 3: don't need to answer to some large HR department. It

496
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,200
Speaker 3: was actually me that brought up a topic because I

497
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:20,960
Speaker 3: didn't want the rest of my days at the company

498
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,119
Speaker 3: to be filled with awkward silence with my boss. So

499
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 3: I was up front and luckily he wasn't defended, and

500
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 3: he evenly jokingly talked about how he was going to

501
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 3: call me back to make sure everything was still going well.

502
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 3: This will never be let down, but at least I

503
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 3: think at some point we can move beyond it and

504
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 3: return to some kind of normalcy.

505
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 2: Boss of the Year Award. Boss of the Year Award.

506
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,240
Speaker 2: He can be the boss of his ass Ooh baby,