1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:04,400 Speaker 1: Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:06,640 Speaker 1: we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that 3 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 1: the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those 4 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 1: of the host and guests and are intended for educational 5 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,920 Speaker 1: and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is 6 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:19,279 Speaker 1: off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can 7 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to 8 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color, 9 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 1: providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will 10 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 1: be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a 11 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:37,839 Speaker 1: reminder that tough times don't last, but professional homegirls do 12 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 1: enjoy the show. 13 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 2: Hey, professional homegirls, ishagara ebine here and I hope all 14 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 2: is cute? Okay Now. On this week's episode of the 15 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 2: Professional Homegirl Podcast, my guest her amazing journey of self discovery, identity, 16 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:08,640 Speaker 2: and resilience. Now growing up in a sundowntown, my guests 17 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 2: had no idea, y'all that she was black, and she 18 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 2: spent years navigating a world where she struggled to find 19 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,679 Speaker 2: her place. My guest opens up about being given away 20 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,760 Speaker 2: to her father as a baby. The emotional whirlwind of 21 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,039 Speaker 2: meeting her mother for the first time, and the profound 22 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:28,679 Speaker 2: impact of learning her true identity, from confronting the realities 23 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 2: of race to breaking generational curses. Y'all, this raw and 24 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 2: eye opening conversation is a testament to shrimp growth and 25 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 2: the power of reclaiming one story. So get ready, chill 26 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,319 Speaker 2: because my mother gave me a way to a one 27 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 2: armed gay white man starts now, y'all. Me and my 28 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,840 Speaker 2: guess was just Key King. So we're gonna start before 29 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 2: we get too deep into Key King. But to my guest, 30 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,160 Speaker 2: thank you so much for being on the show. How 31 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 2: are you doing? How you feeling? 32 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 3: I feel good and I'm so happy to be here 33 00:01:58,520 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 3: with you. 34 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 2: Yes, you know, I just want to get this out 35 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 2: the way and give you your round of applause because 36 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 2: this book it really resonated with me because one I 37 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,960 Speaker 2: don't have a relationship with my mother, and two my 38 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,920 Speaker 2: listeners know this, but I recently just started speaking to 39 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 2: my father, who I never met since Christmas. So when 40 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 2: I was really reading your story, it really gave me hope. 41 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:21,919 Speaker 2: It really did. 42 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:26,800 Speaker 3: I love that, and congratulations. 43 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,799 Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. So did you ever feel nervous? 44 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,359 Speaker 2: About how people, especially those who were in your life, 45 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 2: would react to your truth. 46 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:37,200 Speaker 3: Oh of course, yeah, I'm nervous right now talking to 47 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 3: you and knowing that another person in my life is 48 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 3: going to hear this. Yeah, of course, I've got a 49 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 3: lot of my story that doesn't sit well with some people, 50 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 3: doesn't feel right. It makes people a little bit uneasy, 51 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 3: And so of course I do carry that fear that 52 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,359 Speaker 3: I'm going to turn someone off, that I'm going to 53 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 3: upset someone that's been in my path, you know, over 54 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 3: these years. So it's a fear of mine, to. 55 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 2: Be honest, Have they have somebody came to you and like, 56 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 2: try to curse. 57 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:11,279 Speaker 3: You out, not curse me out. But I've gotten several messages. 58 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 3: I've gotten messages like from people from my hometown. People 59 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 3: you know that I grew up with people from my family, 60 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 3: and I do believe that they are reaching out with 61 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:28,080 Speaker 3: the best of intentions to cover themselves and feeling But 62 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 3: you know, it's a hard conversation to have, but I 63 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 3: had to swallow and say, you know what, it's time, 64 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 3: it's time to talk about it. It's time to get 65 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 3: what my story is out there. And then however that 66 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 3: makes them feel you know, we cross that bridge when 67 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 3: we get there. 68 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, I can only imagine how difficult it was for 69 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,240 Speaker 2: you to try to balance everything between your story where 70 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 2: you from, which is a well known sundown town. You know, 71 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,880 Speaker 2: your parents, your grandparents, Like I can only imagine the 72 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 2: things you were do, emotions you had to navigate with that. 73 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean you think about the heart and the 74 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 3: root of my story being my grandmother and where I 75 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 3: grew up. She lives with me today. I know anytime 76 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 3: I get ready to do an interview, something's going to happen. 77 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 3: I say, hey, listen, heads up, I just want to 78 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,880 Speaker 3: let you know what I'm talking about. And it's so 79 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 3: funny to, you know, just preface and get her ready. 80 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:25,720 Speaker 3: But she's so loving and so understanding, and she's just like, baby, 81 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 3: is your story? 82 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,600 Speaker 2: Has she ever apologized to you about anything? Because I 83 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,480 Speaker 2: feel like this is a full circle moment and I 84 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 2: can only imagine the culture that she's starting to that 85 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,880 Speaker 2: she learned living in your household, because you have a black, 86 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 2: black household. 87 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,359 Speaker 3: We are we have black and black in this house, right, 88 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 3: So she the way that she approaches it is delicate 89 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:51,920 Speaker 3: and with so much respect. It is, but it's also 90 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 3: to like the extent of her knowledge. Right, she's eighty 91 00:04:55,800 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 3: five years old, raised in Selma, Alabama, and then lived 92 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 3: the rest of her life. Invite her. She's not college educated, 93 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:07,240 Speaker 3: you know, she has a certain level of not only 94 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:11,279 Speaker 3: emotional intelligence, just intelligence about the world. She's never left, 95 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:17,240 Speaker 3: you know, two states, and so our conversations go as 96 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,480 Speaker 3: far as they can go, and then I take her 97 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:20,280 Speaker 3: the rest of the way. 98 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, thank god she's still around eighty five. That's 99 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:30,279 Speaker 2: a blessing. And then be living in Houston, child, I 100 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,719 Speaker 2: know she'd be seeing some shit like. 101 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,160 Speaker 3: You know what every now and then I've got it. 102 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,359 Speaker 3: I've got a checker, to be honest, and it's. 103 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,279 Speaker 2: Our already know, I already know. 104 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 3: I talked to my therapists two weeks ago about it, 105 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,839 Speaker 3: and I will go through everything. And my therapist is 106 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,440 Speaker 3: so good at understanding kind of our dynamic and where 107 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:54,479 Speaker 3: my grandmother comes from, where everything, and she helps me 108 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 3: level set and she helps me make sure that I 109 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:01,000 Speaker 3: take care of myself first. Yeah. Yeah. You know. 110 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 2: One of the things that I noticed within your story 111 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,600 Speaker 2: is how the number ten kept coming up so like 112 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,719 Speaker 2: with ten therapy sessions after your mother passed. It took 113 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,279 Speaker 2: you ten years to write this book. You was making 114 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,680 Speaker 2: ten K before you left your job, before you left 115 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 2: your job to do your business, And when I was 116 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:20,080 Speaker 2: looking up the number ten, it means completeness. 117 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:25,479 Speaker 3: That Yeah. And I don't know if you I didn't 118 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,599 Speaker 3: share this in the book, but then I had my 119 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 3: biological father for ten years before he died. 120 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,120 Speaker 2: Oh wow, and then used your mom for ten years. 121 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:38,200 Speaker 3: To come on, it's unbelievable. It is a Yeah, you're 122 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,600 Speaker 3: the first person who's picked up on that very directly. Yeah. 123 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,279 Speaker 2: I'm like, ten is like that's like your your angel 124 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,080 Speaker 2: number or something. 125 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:46,359 Speaker 3: M hmoh. 126 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 2: They just gave me chills. Like right now, I feel 127 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,480 Speaker 2: like we're about to be key King and child because 128 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 2: I can't wait to get you to get to your 129 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:03,600 Speaker 2: college experience because I was like girl girl now growing up, 130 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,799 Speaker 2: What were you told about your birth mother? 131 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 3: Well, I was told that she passed away. Number one. 132 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 3: The very first thing that I knew was that you know, 133 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,800 Speaker 3: she passed away, That my mother was addicted to drugs, 134 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 3: that she had HIV, which they said she had AIDS. 135 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,239 Speaker 3: It had turned the AIDS and she had passed away. 136 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 3: My mother did have HIV. My mother was an attic, 137 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 3: was an alcoholic, all the things. But she she did 138 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 3: not die, She did not pass away. So when I 139 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 3: was growing up, I thought that my mom had passed 140 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:44,400 Speaker 3: away until until I was eighteen, and so they did 141 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:47,120 Speaker 3: tell me. They told me that she was Hawaiian, which 142 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,720 Speaker 3: my mom is. She was Samoan, and so they were 143 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 3: close in terms of the Pacific Island thing. But they 144 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 3: also told me that she and my father had a relationship, 145 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,840 Speaker 3: that she and the manhood adopted to me my father, 146 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 3: that they were together, and that she decided that she 147 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,960 Speaker 3: didn't want me and she gave me to my father 148 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 3: full time. That was the story, and then she passed away, 149 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 3: and that's all I was told. 150 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 2: I feel like they really came up with this elaborate 151 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 2: story instead of was just like, listen, girl, this is 152 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 2: what your mother, this is what happened. 153 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, so when you heard this, go ahead, I was 154 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 3: just going to tell you that when it really came 155 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 3: to my mind. One of the things that I think 156 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:33,319 Speaker 3: about is my grandfather. He really struggled with the fact 157 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,760 Speaker 3: that my dad, who adopted me, was gay, and he 158 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,559 Speaker 3: struggled with it. That was his firstborn, that was his 159 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 3: only son, and whenever I had been around for a while. 160 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 3: He was allergic to morphine. And I had this go 161 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 3: kart accident when I was about seven years old, right 162 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,199 Speaker 3: after my dad had passed, and I found out in 163 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 3: the hospital I was allergic to morphine. My grandfather took 164 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,760 Speaker 3: that as he was happy about it. He was like, 165 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 3: I knew you were his child for real, I knew 166 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 3: my son. So that later on the way I processed 167 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:14,960 Speaker 3: that was that's how much he wanted it to be 168 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,320 Speaker 3: true that his son had, you know, had. 169 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 2: A relationship with a woman. 170 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 3: Yes, crazy, And I said, okay, that makes sense. I 171 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:28,080 Speaker 3: feel like, while the story was elaborate, while it was bizarre, white, 172 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 3: it was left field. I'm almost like, did he start believing? 173 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because you also mentioned, and I know I'm 174 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 2: probably jumping ahead, how on your birth certificate is stated 175 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,160 Speaker 2: that your mom and your dad were white. But clearly 176 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,800 Speaker 2: I'm looking at you, and you look like me, just 177 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,839 Speaker 2: life skined. I can only imagine how you look when 178 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:48,480 Speaker 2: he was a kid. 179 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:53,679 Speaker 3: Yes, So I always wonder I thought, like, how did 180 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 3: they let that happen? Because you know, we don't do 181 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,679 Speaker 3: that anymore. But the fact that you mark race and 182 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 3: he was white and he was the father on the 183 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 3: birth certificate, but they marked my mother like my mother 184 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 3: was her mother was Samoan and then her father was black, 185 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:14,920 Speaker 3: and so I thought who marked white? Was that the 186 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 3: lawyer because there was a lawyer involved, Because it was 187 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 3: it did end up being a formal adoption, but I thought, like, 188 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 3: how did that is just whatever you check and they 189 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 3: just send it. I didn't understand it right, And I 190 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 3: was like, oh, they don't do that no more, because 191 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,040 Speaker 3: we would be you know, people would be putting whatever 192 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,800 Speaker 3: they want to put right. 193 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 2: But I also feel like at a young age you 194 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,720 Speaker 2: started to realize, like some of that this is not 195 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 2: adding up, Like the math is not mathing. 196 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:46,199 Speaker 3: Oh for sure, I feel like the math wasn't mathing. 197 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:51,080 Speaker 3: But at the same time, wherever you're sitting as a child, 198 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 3: you're gonna you you're gonna try to fit in, You're 199 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,959 Speaker 3: going to try to go to the path at least resistance. 200 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 3: You already are sitting here without parents. So I have 201 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:05,280 Speaker 3: no parents. I'm growing up, I'm with my grandparents. I'm 202 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 3: in this homogeneous environment, all white. So even though of 203 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 3: course I'm like, man, this is kind of weird, I 204 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:16,439 Speaker 3: was just gone with the story I was making up stuff. 205 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I have to tell you the most 206 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 3: embarrassing thing. This story I made up, and I'll never 207 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 3: forget it. I was on this cheerleading squad and I 208 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,960 Speaker 3: was probably and I had this one. I was like 209 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 3: in the second grade and I'm on this all white 210 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 3: cheerleading squad and we are at our first overnight like 211 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 3: sleepover thing and they're all crowded around me and they're 212 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,720 Speaker 3: like looking at my hair and they're all this, bro, 213 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,040 Speaker 3: I make up this big old story about my birth 214 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,960 Speaker 3: because they told me I was Hawaiian. I said that 215 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 3: I was born in Hawaii and that they didn't have 216 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 3: real hospitals, that they like pulled me out with sticks 217 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 3: in a village. I'm good. I am running with it. 218 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,240 Speaker 3: They are listening. I'm running with it, and this is 219 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 3: my story. But you get what I'm saying, Like as 220 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 3: a child, Yeah, it didn't add up, but I'm like, 221 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,680 Speaker 3: you know what, I'm gonna run with this too. 222 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 2: If y'all gonna tell it, I'm gonna list If y'all 223 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 2: rock and I'm rolling. 224 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:21,320 Speaker 3: Oh, I just can't believe it. It's cringey, But man, people, 225 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,559 Speaker 3: the last few months have been interesting to see how 226 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 3: people have really reacted to me telling that part of 227 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 3: the story of me saying like, man, yeah, how did 228 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 3: you not know you were black? And I'm like it 229 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:38,160 Speaker 3: sounds wild right now, Like if you ask my six 230 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,520 Speaker 3: year old daughter right now, she would be like, man 231 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,640 Speaker 3: black and he black. She's doing a black history project 232 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,840 Speaker 3: right now at the table. Like my children are very aware, 233 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 3: so they would never be able to believe Mommy grew 234 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 3: up thinking that she wasn't black. They wouldn't understand that. 235 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 3: But I'm like, you gotta know, when you're growing up 236 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,960 Speaker 3: in a place where no one looks like you and 237 00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 3: every adult that you trust has the same story, you're 238 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 3: gonna go with it. Yeah. 239 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,199 Speaker 2: And I also feel like your family, like your grandparents, 240 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,200 Speaker 2: they really tried their best to make sure that you 241 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 2: believe that you were not black, with your hair, you 242 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 2: not being in the sun like I was like, yo, 243 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 2: But and then you know where is type of way. 244 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 2: It's like they were trying to protect you because they 245 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,080 Speaker 2: knew what Tommy was. 246 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 3: I think it's but you know, I definitely have love 247 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:29,320 Speaker 3: and appreciation for the protection angle of it, right And 248 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,560 Speaker 3: then I and then I also think, like I said, 249 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:35,199 Speaker 3: with my grandpa being a little bit in denial and 250 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:39,080 Speaker 3: sort of like in a self serving way. I think 251 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:43,040 Speaker 3: that story was easier, yeah for everybody. Right, Yes, it 252 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,439 Speaker 3: was protecting me because writer's rough. Yeah, but I think 253 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,679 Speaker 3: there's also a piece of it. It's like, man, like, 254 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 3: this is the story we want to believe too. 255 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 2: Yeah. I think your grandma was like, girl, this girl 256 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 2: hair keeping kinking up. I told a lot to ask 257 00:13:58,320 --> 00:13:58,680 Speaker 2: them for this. 258 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,959 Speaker 3: Gosh, the hair thing was such a big deal. It 259 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 3: was I know she was stressed. Girl. Oh so We'll 260 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 3: be sitting in the living room, I'll be braiding my 261 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,400 Speaker 3: daughter's hair and she just looked at She's like, look 262 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 3: at all that hair. I remember when I don't, I'll struggled. 263 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,280 Speaker 2: I struggle when I tell you the story about how 264 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 2: your your mother met your adopted father, because that story 265 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 2: was wild within itself. 266 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 3: Yeah. So uh. For those who are not familiar, the 267 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 3: Montrose area of Houston is really it's where a lot 268 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:47,479 Speaker 3: of gay bars, you know, club a lot of lgbt 269 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 3: Q plus you know, the community really resides, feel safe, 270 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 3: protected and really has a lot of freedom and liberation. 271 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 3: There's a lot of liberal people that lived there. Montrose 272 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 3: has always been a safe space if you're in Houston. 273 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:06,720 Speaker 3: And so my adopted father owned a bar in that area. 274 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 3: And my mom loved the gays. You hear me, she 275 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 3: was she all of her friends were gay men. She 276 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:19,800 Speaker 3: didn't have female friends. She didn't go to straight bars. 277 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 3: She always went to gay bars. And so she was 278 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 3: a regular at this bar. The bar was called Michaels. 279 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 3: And so she created a friendship with my adopted father. 280 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 3: He was the owner, He served her many times. She 281 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 3: would bring fun people near. My mom was the life 282 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:40,960 Speaker 3: of the party. So of course, oh my gosh, she's 283 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 3: fun and she'd buying drinks every and all that. So 284 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:47,400 Speaker 3: they had a relationship. They had a friendship, and so 285 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,600 Speaker 3: they met by way of the bar and just by 286 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,600 Speaker 3: having a good time. And then when she became pregnant 287 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:56,560 Speaker 3: with me, they you know, she confided in him. She 288 00:15:56,640 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 3: went she told him her situation. She's like, I don't 289 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,360 Speaker 3: have the lifestyle for this. I don't want to be 290 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 3: a mom again. I already have one child. She's like, 291 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:09,200 Speaker 3: I'm not finished with my party days. I you know, 292 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:13,800 Speaker 3: I financially, I'm not all the way together. Had left 293 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,239 Speaker 3: her dad. She left my dad in California. So she's confiding. 294 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:22,000 Speaker 3: She tells him all this and he's like, you know, wow, 295 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 3: that's yeah, that's a whole lot. But you know what 296 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,720 Speaker 3: I can help you. And that's what I loved is 297 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,680 Speaker 3: people like you know the way that I have been 298 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 3: communicating the story, seeing like, oh, this was just this 299 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,200 Speaker 3: white man that came and bought me from this strange 300 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,360 Speaker 3: and I was like, no, they had a friend. She 301 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 3: loved my mom. Yeah, I mean you. 302 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,680 Speaker 2: Could tell there was love there because even when she agreed, 303 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,760 Speaker 2: like Okay, I'm going to do this, I'm gonna to 304 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,640 Speaker 2: let you adopt my child, like he made sure she 305 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,400 Speaker 2: was put up, made sure she got clean, like he 306 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:52,560 Speaker 2: really took care of her. 307 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, he helped her with tickets. And then even my 308 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 3: mom found out that she was HIV positive when she 309 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 3: was pregnant with me, and it was after they had 310 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 3: made their agreement, so she went ahead and she called 311 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,919 Speaker 3: him and said, hey, I don't know if this changes 312 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 3: anything about our agreement, but I do want to make 313 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,720 Speaker 3: sure they'll let you know I am HIV positive. I 314 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 3: don't know what this means for the baby. Are you 315 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,400 Speaker 3: still interested? Basically? And he was like he didn't care 316 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,439 Speaker 3: not a bit. He was like, I don't care what 317 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 3: you got. 318 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,720 Speaker 2: Did He always wanted children. 319 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,399 Speaker 3: Always, they always wanted the family. 320 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, what a blessing. M So, what was it like 321 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,399 Speaker 2: growing up with him? Because I feel like he was 322 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 2: so gentle with you. I feel like he was like, 323 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:38,880 Speaker 2: I don't know. I feel like he was just so 324 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:40,560 Speaker 2: happy to have you in his life. 325 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,359 Speaker 3: Everyone who was around during that time and that are 326 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,080 Speaker 3: the people that are still in my life to say, 327 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 3: you have no idea. He didn't care about anything but you, right, 328 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:55,800 Speaker 3: everything he did. He was so loving. He was so 329 00:17:56,080 --> 00:18:01,280 Speaker 3: fun and playful. And he had he had bought a 330 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 3: feed store and so he and I like I was 331 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,119 Speaker 3: a baby at Tdler running around. He's running the feed store. 332 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 3: He had bought some land, had some pastures and cows 333 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,160 Speaker 3: on it, and it was just me and him. We 334 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 3: run in the pasture, were picking off. He was incredible. 335 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,960 Speaker 3: And the memories that I have of being five and 336 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,159 Speaker 3: six years old and staying up late and he read 337 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 3: to me. And you know, people think, like man, five 338 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:33,359 Speaker 3: and six is so young, But the core memories you make, Yeah, 339 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 3: and the way that I'm able to recall and I 340 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,399 Speaker 3: remember the warmth that I felt when he was around me, 341 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:39,960 Speaker 3: he was an amazing dad. 342 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, So did you understand what was going what happened 343 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 2: when he discovered that he had cancer, because you weren't very. 344 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:52,199 Speaker 3: Young, Yeah, I was very young. I knew that he 345 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,520 Speaker 3: was sick. Yeah, And I remember visibly being able to tell, 346 00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,159 Speaker 3: like he wasn't well and he would get chemo and 347 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,879 Speaker 3: he would you know, throw up a lot, and he 348 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,160 Speaker 3: wouldn't eat, and then he lost a lot of weight. 349 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,639 Speaker 3: So visibly I knew that he was sick. And then 350 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,359 Speaker 3: I would like physically see him kind of going downhill, 351 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 3: and we talked openly about cancer. He had one arm, 352 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,440 Speaker 3: so I knew that he lost his arm because the 353 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:21,440 Speaker 3: cancer had spread. So, yeah, he had like a little 354 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,160 Speaker 3: pea sized tumor in his hand and the doctor cut 355 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,800 Speaker 3: it and it spread up his arm. They had to 356 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:27,600 Speaker 3: cut his arm off. 357 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,119 Speaker 2: You know, that's gonna be my question, I was gonna 358 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 2: be what happened to his arm? 359 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, And so that was always a thing. I was 360 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 3: always aware that he had doctor's appointments and you know 361 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,840 Speaker 3: all of that. And so when he got really sick 362 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,120 Speaker 3: and when it was like time for him to die, 363 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,120 Speaker 3: I was clear like that this was going to take him. 364 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 3: He was sick, and so it was. 365 00:19:47,600 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 2: Sad before he transitioned because obviously he knew what was 366 00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:04,480 Speaker 2: to come. He moved back home. Is that where he 367 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:04,960 Speaker 2: was from? 368 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:07,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, vider Texas. 369 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,320 Speaker 2: So tell us about that because that whole experience. That's 370 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:11,800 Speaker 2: why I was like, we gotta get a movie made, 371 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:17,600 Speaker 2: because you got so many different PARSI a story. As 372 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,640 Speaker 2: soon as I get comfortable with one part of the story, 373 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:24,199 Speaker 2: I was like, God damn, like what else? Like this 374 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 2: girl been through mass ship and then the funny part 375 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,199 Speaker 2: is here come this little black girl in sundowntown and 376 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 2: you don't even speak English. Your first language was Mexican. 377 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:37,040 Speaker 3: Mexican girl. My cousin who I grew up in the 378 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 3: house with, he has the funniest recollection of the first 379 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,400 Speaker 3: day that I showed up inviterr. He said, your dad 380 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,439 Speaker 3: pulled up in this pickup truck. You get out, and 381 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 3: he said you're running around the yard. And they kept 382 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,320 Speaker 3: telling me like, go get this ball, like we were 383 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 3: all kicking around playing this ball, and I was just 384 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,679 Speaker 3: like huh, not understanding. And then my dad was like, oh, 385 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:05,399 Speaker 3: she only SPEAKSI and they were like yeah. Because I 386 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,880 Speaker 3: had a Spanish nanny, Like the nanny that I had 387 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:11,960 Speaker 3: for eighteen months. She was straight from Mexico. She lived 388 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:18,280 Speaker 3: in the apartment with my dad was girl. So he 389 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:20,359 Speaker 3: ran the bar, so he was there all the time. 390 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 3: So the nanny that was with me, like, you know, 391 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 3: we were speaking Spanish, and so my family was just like, yeah, 392 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,440 Speaker 3: it was definitely eye opening for them. But Vider is 393 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 3: a very interesting place. It is. It has evolved a lot. 394 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,159 Speaker 3: But if I take you back to the eighties, you know, 395 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 3: Vider was a place where it was I think if 396 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:44,199 Speaker 3: you look up the census, it was ninety six percent white, 397 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 3: maybe three percent like other, you know other, right, and 398 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 3: then there was like the little like zero point three 399 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,880 Speaker 3: percent black. I'm like, were they catching me on the census. 400 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,000 Speaker 3: I wasn't, oh, you know what. 401 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,000 Speaker 2: I I was thinking, like, what, somebody else's black? But 402 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:01,760 Speaker 2: they was passing. 403 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 3: That's it, right, There's there's probably I mean, now that 404 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,040 Speaker 3: I'm kind of older and got the game, I'm like, oh, 405 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 3: there was definitely more of us, right, And there was, 406 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:19,960 Speaker 3: But I think it was it was a beautiful place 407 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,120 Speaker 3: to grow up in the fact that it was small 408 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,680 Speaker 3: and there were the people that loved me and took 409 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 3: care of me, and I was filled up that way, right. 410 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 3: The only thing I know is a childhood full of 411 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,439 Speaker 3: the most beautiful friendships and the best family and the 412 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,440 Speaker 3: most loved and the most support. And I can't say 413 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,919 Speaker 3: that about everybody, right. I have friends that grew up 414 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 3: in Houston, grew up down the street that they're just 415 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:50,080 Speaker 3: like man, I had a very shitty childhood. So while 416 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:53,240 Speaker 3: I am very aware that Vider is historically a sundown 417 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:57,000 Speaker 3: town er has you know, a past, and Vider does 418 00:22:57,119 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 3: have some very harsh pieces of it, what I got 419 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:01,400 Speaker 3: the most beautiful part of it. 420 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, do you feel like that's the reason why is 421 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:09,240 Speaker 2: because that I won't I guess that town respected your family? 422 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:16,000 Speaker 3: I don't think. I think, uh my dad was was 423 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,439 Speaker 3: very respected in our family, right. He was pretty much 424 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:22,439 Speaker 3: the central, like heartbeat of our family. He was a leader, 425 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 3: he ran things, he knew how to make money, he 426 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,960 Speaker 3: was a hustler, and so I think there was so 427 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:31,359 Speaker 3: much respect and love from all of the family that 428 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:35,160 Speaker 3: everyone rallied around me, and then that kind of just trickled, 429 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,760 Speaker 3: whether that was to the school, to the church, to 430 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,359 Speaker 3: the whatever. I think we all kind of carried our 431 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,879 Speaker 3: or everyone carried themselves as like, oh that's Ronnie Huckabe's daughter, 432 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,879 Speaker 3: like that was an honor. 433 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,120 Speaker 2: When I heard the Hucklebee, I was like, oh, yeah. 434 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:53,280 Speaker 3: I know what it is for me. 435 00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:02,000 Speaker 2: For me, yes, I know what time that is because 436 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,720 Speaker 2: I can only imagine when you was growing up you 437 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,880 Speaker 2: probably saw members of the klu Kluskan. 438 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I mean the thing that blows my mind 439 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 3: is that the street behind us like where I could 440 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:20,439 Speaker 3: throw a rock. The house behind us lived one of 441 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:24,879 Speaker 3: the men who were in the Do you remember in 442 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:29,199 Speaker 3: Jasper James Bird, the black man that got drug behind 443 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:33,760 Speaker 3: the pickup truck. It was like national It was like unbelievable, 444 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,960 Speaker 3: the James Bird trial and the man that like it 445 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,800 Speaker 3: was awful. One of the guys in the truck that 446 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:43,240 Speaker 3: drug this man and Jasper lived behind us. Oh my, 447 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:47,040 Speaker 3: that's just like a you know kind of the land 448 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,800 Speaker 3: and the land. And while of course that's not like 449 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:55,160 Speaker 3: all through it, Vider was rough. Yeah. 450 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, God bless you man. God really protected you. 451 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:02,240 Speaker 3: Yeah. 452 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,920 Speaker 2: And if I know if they wasn't messing with black people, 453 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 2: I know they damn sure wasn't messing with no gay people. 454 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:15,040 Speaker 3: Both right, both you're not coming out there. You're not like, 455 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,840 Speaker 3: if you're black, if you have a childhood's black, you're 456 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 3: moving to or mean, of course Beaumont's right there, Oranges 457 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,800 Speaker 3: right there. So there are towns and cities around Byer 458 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,520 Speaker 3: that have plenty of black people that I have plenty 459 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,920 Speaker 3: of you know, other minorities and Asians and Hispanics. It's 460 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 3: just this, you know, small community. But there are other 461 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,680 Speaker 3: towns that are right next to it that are very similar. 462 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:40,240 Speaker 2: Yeah. And even when I was reading and your grandparents 463 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:45,399 Speaker 2: a dog name was Nigger, It's like, I was like, 464 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:46,320 Speaker 2: please stop. 465 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 3: Before I wrote the book, I brought the story up 466 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,159 Speaker 3: at my house and I was telling my husband and 467 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 3: my grandmother was sitting right there, and he's like, you're 468 00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,399 Speaker 3: a lying. He's like, this is not true. So I 469 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,280 Speaker 3: look at my and I'm like, please fact check, please 470 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,800 Speaker 3: please tell him. She said I remember one time, so 471 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,960 Speaker 3: she didn't even say yes. No. She says, I remember 472 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:11,639 Speaker 3: one time there was a black ups driver and he 473 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,199 Speaker 3: was coming up there to drop off a package and 474 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,119 Speaker 3: the dog runs after him and I'm yelling for the dog. 475 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,480 Speaker 3: He thinks they're talking to him. He gets in that 476 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,040 Speaker 3: truck and drives off my Grandma's telling the story. My 477 00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,160 Speaker 3: husband's jaw is on the ground. 478 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 2: He was He's like. 479 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 3: So, wait, this story is true, and she's like, yeah, 480 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:36,919 Speaker 3: that was a rough day. He's just looking at me 481 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 3: like this is no And I'm like, I'm trying to 482 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:41,439 Speaker 3: tell you how I grew up. 483 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like there are other stories that you 484 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 2: didn't put in the book for the sake of the 485 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:46,440 Speaker 2: people in your life. 486 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,159 Speaker 3: I think it was for the sake of people in 487 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,840 Speaker 3: my life. But I also think that there was a 488 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,960 Speaker 3: part of me that said, Okay, what do I want 489 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,520 Speaker 3: this book to say? And for a long time, I 490 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,399 Speaker 3: thought that the book was about race. I thought the 491 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,080 Speaker 3: book was about growing up invit her and me, you know, 492 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:08,000 Speaker 3: being this black girl and then in my thirties going 493 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,760 Speaker 3: through all that I've gone through, and then meeting my 494 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,639 Speaker 3: mom and having this relationship and me really finding my 495 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:16,159 Speaker 3: work in the world. I was like, wait a second, 496 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,120 Speaker 3: that's not the heart of the story. Like, yes, it's 497 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,639 Speaker 3: resilience and it's beauty, and it's family and reckoning and 498 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,040 Speaker 3: all of that. But the story, I'm like, the story 499 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,199 Speaker 3: was my mom. The story was our love story and 500 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 3: how it came full circle. So it took me a while. 501 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,440 Speaker 3: I wrote the book ten years ago, and it had 502 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,640 Speaker 3: a whole It was like a whole bunch was very 503 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,359 Speaker 3: concentrated on being a black girl growing up in a 504 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,159 Speaker 3: white town, and I was like, that's not what I 505 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:40,840 Speaker 3: wanted to be. 506 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, So when was the last time you've been back home? 507 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:44,920 Speaker 2: And what's it like now? 508 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,000 Speaker 3: Oh? We go like we were going once a month 509 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,880 Speaker 3: because my grandmother, Yeah, living with me back to where 510 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:53,200 Speaker 3: I'm from. 511 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,399 Speaker 2: Baby, I can't take care niggas y'all stressing me out. 512 00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:58,880 Speaker 2: I gotta go back. 513 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,960 Speaker 3: Home once a month. I would take her to her 514 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:05,920 Speaker 3: doctor and take her to her to go get her 515 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:10,040 Speaker 3: hair done. We did that for years and then finally 516 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,919 Speaker 3: I said enough is enough, Like with all this ripping 517 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,920 Speaker 3: and running and driving and we're getting different people to bring. 518 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,080 Speaker 3: I said, girl, you're gonna have to get to Houston doctor. 519 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:23,280 Speaker 3: We have the best doctors. Like, we're not driving two hours, right. 520 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:25,640 Speaker 2: She's like, take me home, girl. 521 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:27,560 Speaker 3: I just want a little bit of back with So 522 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,400 Speaker 3: then so I let it ride. And then last year 523 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,480 Speaker 3: she was like, you know what, I want a Houston doctor. 524 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:36,399 Speaker 3: And I let her come to it herself, and I 525 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,760 Speaker 3: brought her to go get her hair done at this 526 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:43,000 Speaker 3: random spot that I found. This Hispanic lady doesn't speak 527 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 3: a look at English. She's in there rolling her hair. 528 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,720 Speaker 3: I was like, look, lady, you're gonna get all that 529 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:50,040 Speaker 3: if you're gonna really be a city girl like me. 530 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 2: We go, right, So, how did that environment shape your 531 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,640 Speaker 2: sense of identity before you fully understood your racial background? 532 00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:00,360 Speaker 2: Because even when they would say certain things, so they 533 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,280 Speaker 2: would call the doll nigger and stuff like, deep down 534 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 2: inside you knew something was off. 535 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:09,440 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I mean I think it was all sort 536 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,920 Speaker 3: of like my sense of identity, my sense of who 537 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,880 Speaker 3: I was, all that was up in the air. It 538 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 3: never landed. It wasn't settled. Some people will say, man, 539 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,560 Speaker 3: I knew who I was and they created that from 540 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:23,760 Speaker 3: a young age. I didn't, Right, It was always up 541 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,680 Speaker 3: in the air. Who I am, where I'm from? Who 542 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:29,120 Speaker 3: are my people? What if my tether to this earth? 543 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,720 Speaker 3: My skin, my hair? Like I never felt truly settled 544 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:36,840 Speaker 3: in myself. Yeah, and I'll tell you this story because 545 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 3: I just thought about it when you asked this question. 546 00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:40,440 Speaker 3: You remember Saved by the. 547 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,760 Speaker 2: Bell, Yeah, of course, you remember. 548 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:48,600 Speaker 3: There was Kelly Jesse and Lisa, Right, So there was 549 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:53,400 Speaker 3: the three three main characters, well there were three, there 550 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,480 Speaker 3: were other two other girls that lived in my neighborhood. 551 00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:58,080 Speaker 3: We always would play together. We would always like after school, 552 00:29:58,120 --> 00:29:59,720 Speaker 3: go hang out and all this. So one day we're 553 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,200 Speaker 3: playing and we would play like school. We played all this. 554 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:04,160 Speaker 3: One day we said we're going to play Saved by 555 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:08,480 Speaker 3: the Bell and everybody was deciding who they were going 556 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,080 Speaker 3: to be girl? Why did I say I was going 557 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:15,360 Speaker 3: to be Jesse? And I'm the only black girl? And 558 00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:18,360 Speaker 3: and I remember my friend looking at me like, well, 559 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:21,680 Speaker 3: don't you want to be Like don't you want to 560 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,760 Speaker 3: be Lisa? Like why wouldn't you be Lisa? And I 561 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,800 Speaker 3: was like, I'm gonna be Jesse. And I'm telling you 562 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:30,160 Speaker 3: that story because that made me think of the fact 563 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,080 Speaker 3: that not only did I struggle with my identity, but 564 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,520 Speaker 3: I struggled to be like, Okay, what how do I 565 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 3: want other people to perceive me? Right? Where? Not only 566 00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,320 Speaker 3: who do I think that I am? Who do I 567 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,680 Speaker 3: want you to think that I am? And that as 568 00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:49,680 Speaker 3: a struggle, right, It's an external you know, And I 569 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,640 Speaker 3: think a lot of times we'll take care of external 570 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,840 Speaker 3: before we do internal. So I'm worried about I don't 571 00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:56,880 Speaker 3: want if I pick Lisa, then y'all are going to 572 00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:00,640 Speaker 3: see me as black. Yeah, and that's not what I am. 573 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 3: So if I'm doing that externally, imagine what's going on 574 00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:04,040 Speaker 3: in here. Yeah. 575 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:05,560 Speaker 2: But that's the reason why I love your story so 576 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 2: much because I was from the obvious with your relationship 577 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,160 Speaker 2: with your mom. And I also feel like you came 578 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 2: back home to yourself. 579 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:16,800 Speaker 3: Oh yeah I did. I did I and I continue 580 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,640 Speaker 3: to do so right, so people feel like people feel 581 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:22,760 Speaker 3: like you come home and that's it in you, And 582 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 3: I feel like I have been on this journey where 583 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,120 Speaker 3: yes I'm home, but you can be home and you 584 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,560 Speaker 3: can still visit, and you can still roam and you 585 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,600 Speaker 3: can still explore. So, yes, I came home to myself. Yes, 586 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:36,120 Speaker 3: I came home to the woman that I am. But 587 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 3: I keep exploring and I love it here. Yeah. 588 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, I can tell. I can definitely tell. So before 589 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,680 Speaker 2: you met your mom, because she definitely reassured you that 590 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,600 Speaker 2: you was black, tell us about your college experience, because 591 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 2: I feel like if you went to it, especially at HBCU, 592 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,920 Speaker 2: black people don't tell you what time it is and 593 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,719 Speaker 2: when they was, like, girl, you are black? You was like, huh, 594 00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:00,600 Speaker 2: you were so confused girl. 595 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 3: So, first of all, San Houston State University, it is 596 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 3: not an HBCU, but the way that we the way 597 00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,840 Speaker 3: that we rallied, and the way that we sort of 598 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 3: carved out our own piece of that university, it might 599 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,760 Speaker 3: as well have been right, like we had a section 600 00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:20,480 Speaker 3: of it that we turned into an HBCU. And so 601 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 3: my roommate's black, My two sweet mates are black, our 602 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:28,959 Speaker 3: neighbors are black. In this small dorm room, my freshmen experience, 603 00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 3: and when I tell you, they weren't letting me make 604 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:35,200 Speaker 3: it out of freshman year, not understanding who I was, 605 00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:39,200 Speaker 3: where I came from. And they're all city girls. We 606 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,840 Speaker 3: are all still friends to this day, and they were 607 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:47,600 Speaker 3: just so confused. Part of them were they were sad, 608 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:51,200 Speaker 3: like wait, how do you not know this? But then 609 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,560 Speaker 3: the other part they were sad, but they took me 610 00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:59,120 Speaker 3: on with such tenderness and such love, and they were 611 00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:02,800 Speaker 3: just like they were decided that we're gonna ride for you. 612 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,760 Speaker 3: We're gonna teach you, We're gonna make sure that you 613 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,760 Speaker 3: find out who you are. We're gonna make sure that 614 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:09,760 Speaker 3: you love who you are. We're gonna make sure that 615 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,959 Speaker 3: you get knowledge, and that you get loved on and 616 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,680 Speaker 3: then you know all of that. And so I could 617 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,360 Speaker 3: not have asked for better roommates than sweet Maides. 618 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,080 Speaker 2: And I was like, why do you put this perm 619 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:22,960 Speaker 2: in this girl head? 620 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,480 Speaker 3: So I begged for it. They would They did not 621 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,720 Speaker 3: want to do it. If you talk to them, they'll say, girl, 622 00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:33,320 Speaker 3: we try to talk her out of it because they 623 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:36,040 Speaker 3: were all getting relaxers. And I was like, well, I 624 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:39,640 Speaker 3: won't want to like girl. No. But when I got 625 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:44,920 Speaker 3: to college, I was washing my hair every day, waking 626 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:50,520 Speaker 3: up clows ryme, I mean frying my hair, flattering and guy. 627 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:54,360 Speaker 3: And so when that when I started saying, okay, y'all 628 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,960 Speaker 3: getting a relaxer, you're wrapping your hair. They taught me 629 00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,800 Speaker 3: about rapping and y'all are going this long. I was like, 630 00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:01,560 Speaker 3: I want a piece of that. I want to be 631 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:04,120 Speaker 3: a part of that club. And they were like, trust me, 632 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,680 Speaker 3: once you go, you can't. So I said, if y'all 633 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:12,640 Speaker 3: don't do it, I'm gonna do it myself. Okay. Finally 634 00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:14,000 Speaker 3: they agreed and they did it. 635 00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, what was your favorite part by discovering your blackness? 636 00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,560 Speaker 2: Because I feel like if I'm not if I'm not mistaken. 637 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:22,719 Speaker 2: You said you was watching Martin. He's watching all these 638 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,840 Speaker 2: different television shows. They was teaching you different things like 639 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,000 Speaker 2: what was your most favorite part? 640 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,239 Speaker 3: And this is my first time saying it. So I'm like, oh, 641 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 3: I'm so glad you asked you that. Okay, So my 642 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:39,200 Speaker 3: favorite part about learning that I was black and really 643 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:42,880 Speaker 3: embracing my identity, it was really like how sexy. I 644 00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:46,799 Speaker 3: felt so out of nowhere. You know, I was no 645 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:52,839 Speaker 3: longer just the homeide, just the friends growing up. So 646 00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:57,080 Speaker 3: then I was like, oh, I'm cute. So you know, 647 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:00,480 Speaker 3: then I started dressing different, and I mean I still 648 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,160 Speaker 3: dressing like I came from vite her and they still 649 00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:07,759 Speaker 3: ragged on me and they laughed because I didn't imagine 650 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:11,200 Speaker 3: girl the flip flops and the shell necklace. And my 651 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,240 Speaker 3: friends were like girl like. 652 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,319 Speaker 2: Like, no, you thought you was killing it. 653 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:20,279 Speaker 3: I thought I oh. But there was definitely a part 654 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,279 Speaker 3: of me freshman year that was like, Okay, I'm feeling this. 655 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:25,640 Speaker 3: I'm feeling my skin, I'm feeling my hair, like these 656 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:27,520 Speaker 3: lips and I didn't feel like all my lips are 657 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:30,400 Speaker 3: too big, oh my, I just like was I felt 658 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,840 Speaker 3: good that I felt like I was happy in my body. 659 00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:34,799 Speaker 2: He felt comfortable. 660 00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,200 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah. 661 00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,080 Speaker 2: So before we started the conversation about you, me and 662 00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,600 Speaker 2: your mom, she actually well, she didn't try to find you, 663 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 2: but her boyfriend Charles did, and he came to your 664 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:49,600 Speaker 2: cousin house. And I'm like, that's big black. 665 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:57,880 Speaker 3: Man, bald, black Muslim, like I slum a lake on girl. 666 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:04,279 Speaker 3: So he he was driving from Louisiana and he was 667 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,760 Speaker 3: going to visit some family and he knew where I lived, 668 00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,600 Speaker 3: like the whole time they were dating, and he always said, 669 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,399 Speaker 3: like I want to make I want you to meet her. 670 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,440 Speaker 3: We need to reach out. My mom kept saying, no, 671 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,920 Speaker 3: she's too young. She's too young. I don't want to 672 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,680 Speaker 3: just just disrupt everything she's got going on. And so 673 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,880 Speaker 3: my mom said, okay, you know, let's see, let's wait 674 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:27,520 Speaker 3: till she gets older. But he couldn't wait. 675 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,279 Speaker 2: He decides know that was your daddy. 676 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,839 Speaker 3: He said, you know what she needs to know, and 677 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,919 Speaker 3: I'm sick of her living down there and not knowing nothing. 678 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,120 Speaker 3: So he could not take it anymore. So one day 679 00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:42,440 Speaker 3: he's driving, he decides, I'm gonna pull up. Pulls up. 680 00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:45,480 Speaker 3: He's talking to my cousin because I don't answer the door. 681 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,279 Speaker 3: I didn't know he was there. And so he gets 682 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:51,319 Speaker 3: intimidated and says, they said, well, who are you you're 683 00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:54,920 Speaker 3: looking for? He says, I'm her brother, And so my 684 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,600 Speaker 3: cousin is like, what, she's got a brother. He's like, yeah, 685 00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,880 Speaker 3: we got the same mom. I'm coming in from Houston. 686 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:04,040 Speaker 3: So when I first see Charles, I was like I 687 00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:05,719 Speaker 3: looked at him in the face and I was like, 688 00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:08,359 Speaker 3: you you do not look like my brother. Like this 689 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,279 Speaker 3: doesn't feel right, and he was like insistent. So then 690 00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:14,000 Speaker 3: it started feeling a little not creepy, but I was like, 691 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:14,960 Speaker 3: this ain't add. 692 00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,160 Speaker 2: No, it was weird, right, it was weird. 693 00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:19,799 Speaker 3: It was off. And then he was really timid, but 694 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,480 Speaker 3: he was also, I don't know, trying to connect with me. 695 00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:23,960 Speaker 3: I could tell that it was genuine. 696 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:24,520 Speaker 2: He's frobly. 697 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:28,040 Speaker 3: I could tell that he was very nervous. Yeah, he 698 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,640 Speaker 3: had his cousins in the car and he kept looking 699 00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:32,480 Speaker 3: back at the car and I was like, what is 700 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:36,520 Speaker 3: going on? And so when he gets back to Houston, 701 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,720 Speaker 3: my mom let him have it. He came to Houston 702 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:42,239 Speaker 3: and said, guess what I met her. I told her 703 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,560 Speaker 3: that you are alive. I told her all this and 704 00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:48,160 Speaker 3: my mom was like, what did you do? I mean 705 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,919 Speaker 3: they got in a blowout fight. And he was like, oh, 706 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:53,839 Speaker 3: by the way, I also lied and said I was 707 00:37:54,520 --> 00:38:00,000 Speaker 3: her brother. So my mom calls my cousin. She talked 708 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,080 Speaker 3: to her. She doesn't talk to me. I did not 709 00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:04,640 Speaker 3: talk to my mom and they're talking and my cousin 710 00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,040 Speaker 3: is like super protective of me. At this time, she's 711 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,440 Speaker 3: like what he lied? Like this is crazy? You know? 712 00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,919 Speaker 3: Who are you? People? Know? You know she's doing all 713 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:19,160 Speaker 3: this right right? Me? And right? What they do? She what? 714 00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:20,040 Speaker 1: Yeah? 715 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:25,360 Speaker 3: And so they get into it. At this point, my 716 00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:29,000 Speaker 3: family is like, you know what, I'm so sorry that happened. 717 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:31,000 Speaker 3: That was not your mom, that was not your brother. 718 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:33,440 Speaker 3: I don't know what they wanted. I don't know what 719 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:37,560 Speaker 3: the situation is. We're so sorry. And so at this 720 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:41,280 Speaker 3: point I'm like, Okay, that wasn't my brother, which duh, right, 721 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:44,239 Speaker 3: but is my mom alive? Like what is this? But 722 00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:47,240 Speaker 3: then when I tell you, I just like, boom, shut 723 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:50,880 Speaker 3: it off. Didn't happen, Like I don't know what that was. 724 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,000 Speaker 3: But I've got a senior year to live and I 725 00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:54,000 Speaker 3: just moved on. 726 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:57,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, So to walk us through when you first met 727 00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:59,640 Speaker 2: your mother. And I thought this was very interesting and 728 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:02,319 Speaker 2: also given our age because I remember when I used 729 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:04,840 Speaker 2: to call the operator and ask for like people numbers, 730 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:09,640 Speaker 2: just give the name right and they would give it things. 731 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,239 Speaker 3: I was like, wow, So I called and I gave 732 00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:16,360 Speaker 3: her phone number. And it was Mother's Day, which was 733 00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:19,960 Speaker 3: my sophomore year. Yes, but that morning I was just like, 734 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:21,960 Speaker 3: you know what, I'm gonna call and I'm gonna get 735 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:25,040 Speaker 3: some information about her. I'm gonna find out, like there's 736 00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,400 Speaker 3: gonna be some kind of number that they're gonna give me. 737 00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,080 Speaker 3: And I spoke to my mom for the very first 738 00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:36,279 Speaker 3: time Mother's Day, my sophomore year, and the moment she 739 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,799 Speaker 3: heard my voice, she was like, I live not even 740 00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:43,200 Speaker 3: two hours away. You are my daughter, Come see me 741 00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:46,120 Speaker 3: to day. Lets me have so much to talk about. 742 00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:49,160 Speaker 3: And I drove and met my mom that day, my 743 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:53,640 Speaker 3: first conversation to ever have with her, and it was 744 00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,919 Speaker 3: the most beautiful moment of my life, hugging my mom 745 00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:02,400 Speaker 3: for the first time. I've had kids, I've been mad, 746 00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:07,319 Speaker 3: all these things, the most beautiful moment of my life. Yeah. 747 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,480 Speaker 2: And then you see your brother Charles right there crying, 748 00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:12,240 Speaker 2: and then you see your real. 749 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:17,600 Speaker 3: Brother, and I'm like Charles, like cause I'm side on Charles, 750 00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:19,680 Speaker 3: But then I also am like looking at him with 751 00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:22,759 Speaker 3: a little bit of love like this, wouldn't you know 752 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:27,920 Speaker 3: you're here? I get it, you know, it was. It 753 00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:29,720 Speaker 3: was amazing though. 754 00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:32,040 Speaker 2: You know, your mom had to be a really special 755 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,640 Speaker 2: lady because she had a lot of people that looked 756 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:35,160 Speaker 2: after her. 757 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:43,480 Speaker 3: Oh my god. Yeah, her life, her life, her her experience. 758 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:45,960 Speaker 3: I mean people that just met her for the first time, 759 00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,000 Speaker 3: people that only met her one time are just like 760 00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:49,480 Speaker 3: they would never forget it. 761 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,320 Speaker 2: So when you met your how does a real story 762 00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:03,120 Speaker 2: you learned about her compared to what you had been 763 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:06,320 Speaker 2: told for eighteen years? And how did discovering the truth 764 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,520 Speaker 2: change your perception of her and of yourself? 765 00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:15,560 Speaker 3: I think when I met her and I listened to 766 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:20,840 Speaker 3: actually I listened to the story, and I really, you know, 767 00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,640 Speaker 3: heard her perspective and her side and what she went 768 00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:27,360 Speaker 3: through on that side. Yeah, I think number one I 769 00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:29,480 Speaker 3: was I was grateful that she was alive, and then 770 00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:31,520 Speaker 3: I was going to get the opportunity to know her. 771 00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:36,600 Speaker 3: I was mad at first because I thought, man, you know, 772 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:41,000 Speaker 3: now you've got this bomb ass life. She was a 773 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:45,839 Speaker 3: boss too, you're doing so well for yourself, You're doing 774 00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:48,719 Speaker 3: all this. So so I'm listening, I hear you. But 775 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:50,759 Speaker 3: now I'm a little bit upset and I'm a little 776 00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:52,680 Speaker 3: bit resentful, and I'm kind of like, Okay, let me 777 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:56,239 Speaker 3: let this play out. But I think meeting her and 778 00:41:56,280 --> 00:42:00,920 Speaker 3: knowing that she did like yearn for me, that she did, 779 00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,239 Speaker 3: like because the part of me was like you didn't 780 00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:06,200 Speaker 3: even care, like you didn't. But then like listening to 781 00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,879 Speaker 3: Charles and knowing that she did want me and that 782 00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:13,000 Speaker 3: she was sad that I wasn't there, I think gave 783 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,759 Speaker 3: me a part of like, man, I am worthy of 784 00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:19,000 Speaker 3: someone missing me and loving me, especially my mom. But 785 00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:21,320 Speaker 3: it changed, it changed. 786 00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:24,200 Speaker 2: And I feel like she stayed close to you because 787 00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:25,880 Speaker 2: deep down inside, maybe she knew that she was going 788 00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:28,600 Speaker 2: to come back and find her or y'all was going 789 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,640 Speaker 2: to reunite, because one of the odds of y'all being 790 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:31,400 Speaker 2: two hours away. 791 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:37,000 Speaker 3: You know, the reason I paused to answer that part 792 00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,480 Speaker 3: is because when I did meet her, she was not ready. 793 00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,160 Speaker 3: She was you know, my mom had this party life, 794 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,680 Speaker 3: and she was so excited not to have this attachment 795 00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:49,640 Speaker 3: and this label of I've got a daughter and I've 796 00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:52,600 Speaker 3: got to be a certain way. So I don't think 797 00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:56,000 Speaker 3: that it was for me. And it might have been 798 00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:57,560 Speaker 3: fate and it might have been in the cards, but 799 00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,840 Speaker 3: I think her decisions and her choices were not driven 800 00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,839 Speaker 3: on staying close for me. That might have just been 801 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:08,120 Speaker 3: how it happened, and then you know, thank god, it happens, 802 00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,440 Speaker 3: and I'm so happy that I was closed and we 803 00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,799 Speaker 3: were able to do that. But the choices she made 804 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:14,879 Speaker 3: in her life were definitely for her. Yeah. 805 00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:17,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, So after you met her for the first time, 806 00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:19,239 Speaker 2: you spent the night y'all having a good time, y'all 807 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,920 Speaker 2: got drunk, and you woke up the next day, you 808 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,040 Speaker 2: was excited, and you left and you called your cousin 809 00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:26,440 Speaker 2: and come to find out, everybody knew the secret but 810 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:30,280 Speaker 2: you So, how did that make you feel? Because that's 811 00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:31,920 Speaker 2: so common in a lot of families. 812 00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:35,840 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, now that I'm telling the story, 813 00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:39,080 Speaker 3: I have people that DM me all the time. Oh 814 00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:41,360 Speaker 3: I need your help. I need to tell my daughter 815 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,600 Speaker 3: that she's adopted, or I you know, I have all 816 00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:47,480 Speaker 3: of these families now reaching out because they've heard my 817 00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:49,040 Speaker 3: story and they saying, you know what, I think it's 818 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,439 Speaker 3: time and I'm like, oh, it was, it's been time. 819 00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:54,680 Speaker 3: The earlier the better, right, Like you need to tell 820 00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:59,359 Speaker 3: them early. When you find out as an adoptee that 821 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:02,600 Speaker 3: other people in your life new and didn't tell you, 822 00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:05,600 Speaker 3: there's a sense of betrayal, right, there's a sense of 823 00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:09,880 Speaker 3: like especially like my best friends, my closest cousin, I'm like, 824 00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:13,279 Speaker 3: how did it never come up? Like we talked, we 825 00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:15,840 Speaker 3: had a whole childhood, a whole life that my whole 826 00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:19,719 Speaker 3: adolescent like you know, teen years, high school, Like it 827 00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,719 Speaker 3: didn't come up. None of these like you know, you 828 00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:26,800 Speaker 3: guys knew. And so I think I definitely I felt betrayed. 829 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,360 Speaker 3: I understood that they didn't feel like it was their place, 830 00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:31,240 Speaker 3: but I had a lot of angry. 831 00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:33,160 Speaker 2: I mean, that's a big truth to tell, Like I 832 00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:36,000 Speaker 2: couldn't even imagine. 833 00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,640 Speaker 3: Like I think everybody was like no, looking at somebody else, 834 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:39,560 Speaker 3: like you gonna tell her, No, You're gonna tell her? 835 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,480 Speaker 2: That was like nah, Right, So what were some of 836 00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:44,920 Speaker 2: the similarities that you noticed between the two of you, 837 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,160 Speaker 2: Because I feel like when I'm now, I'm just talking 838 00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:49,400 Speaker 2: to my father. One of the things I feel like 839 00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,880 Speaker 2: we have in common is our personalities, like We're so 840 00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:55,160 Speaker 2: much alike. And then also we look alike. So when 841 00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,200 Speaker 2: I'm like discovering him and like, you know, we having conversations, 842 00:44:58,239 --> 00:44:59,920 Speaker 2: I'm like, tell this nigga, just like well, I'm just. 843 00:44:59,880 --> 00:45:05,880 Speaker 3: Like kill the same. My mom and I looked alike. 844 00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,000 Speaker 3: When I saw her, I was like, oh my gosh, 845 00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,920 Speaker 3: there are so many our mannerisms. We would talk with 846 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,000 Speaker 3: our hands and we are like, you know, larger than life, 847 00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:18,279 Speaker 3: life of the part, funt like. We were so similar 848 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:22,040 Speaker 3: in terms of personality, were similar in terms of our intellect, 849 00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,799 Speaker 3: and similar in the way that we love people. We 850 00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:29,080 Speaker 3: had differences, but the similarities were the most beautiful, and 851 00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:31,240 Speaker 3: they were the ones that made me feel like man 852 00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:34,239 Speaker 3: like I came from her. I was very clear about that. 853 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:37,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, And what were some of the biggest challenges that 854 00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:38,360 Speaker 2: you had to navigate. 855 00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:42,560 Speaker 3: I think I felt like my mom was selfish. 856 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like your mom was very self center. 857 00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:48,239 Speaker 3: My mom was self centered. Anyone who meets me, I'm like, 858 00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,480 Speaker 3: it is you first, It is the world first. And 859 00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:54,840 Speaker 3: I know self care and I take good care of myself, 860 00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:56,760 Speaker 3: but I am going to take care of my people, 861 00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,759 Speaker 3: my friends, my family, and I am gonna love on 862 00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:02,680 Speaker 3: people in a way that they feel the most special, 863 00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:05,600 Speaker 3: and that's like, that's my that's like just how I 864 00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:10,040 Speaker 3: navigate the world. My mom was more interested in get 865 00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:13,040 Speaker 3: interested in me, yeah, and then we're gonna you know, 866 00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:15,640 Speaker 3: and I'm more interested in other people. And so that 867 00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:18,640 Speaker 3: was a big difference in our relationship. 868 00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:20,839 Speaker 2: Because when you met your biological father for the first time, 869 00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:23,239 Speaker 2: she was with you, and I was like, Mom, this 870 00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:26,920 Speaker 2: ain't about you, girl, Like she was like so excited. 871 00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:28,600 Speaker 1: She was like, you got this, you got this. 872 00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:31,920 Speaker 3: And I'm like, girl, you should have seen her go 873 00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:34,480 Speaker 3: get her hair done a Brazilian blowout. Didn't offer me 874 00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:38,600 Speaker 3: to get my hair done. She getting all like fancy, 875 00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:41,080 Speaker 3: she was looking good. Girl. I don't even remember how 876 00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:42,680 Speaker 3: it looked that that. I think I looked a hot mess, 877 00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:47,359 Speaker 3: I'll be honest. And I snuck out the back. I 878 00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:49,520 Speaker 3: snuck out the back because I was just like, this 879 00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,240 Speaker 3: is too much. They were just being too cavalier about 880 00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:55,959 Speaker 3: my situation, and like them catching up just felt too 881 00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:59,440 Speaker 3: like I was like, Okay, this is too casual and 882 00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:02,319 Speaker 3: this is so we're talking about my life. We're talking 883 00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,520 Speaker 3: about neither one of my parents being around, and y'all 884 00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:11,000 Speaker 3: are giggling and sniggling and what's so funny? Oh my 885 00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:13,600 Speaker 3: hell no, I am out here right. 886 00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:16,120 Speaker 2: So what was your relationship like with your father before 887 00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:16,839 Speaker 2: he passed away? 888 00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:23,800 Speaker 3: He was a funny man. He was He was a laugh. 889 00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:26,440 Speaker 3: He was a good laugh. He was all jokes. He 890 00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:28,680 Speaker 3: was There was nothing serious about Sonny. There was nothing 891 00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,640 Speaker 3: serious about my father. Everything was a joke. Everything was laughable. 892 00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:35,239 Speaker 3: So like, we didn't get serious for a long time, 893 00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:37,160 Speaker 3: like the first couple of years. I was really of 894 00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,520 Speaker 3: the mindset that I didn't really need him. It was 895 00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:43,080 Speaker 3: good to know him. I met him, Okay, check that box. 896 00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,719 Speaker 3: But I did not crave a relationship with him like 897 00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,440 Speaker 3: I did my mom. I wasn't checking for him. I 898 00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:52,560 Speaker 3: wasn't There wasn't a whole like desire there. So there 899 00:47:52,640 --> 00:47:56,080 Speaker 3: was a There was a wall and a barrier that 900 00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:58,879 Speaker 3: I put up for years and years, right, and then 901 00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,319 Speaker 3: fast forward I had my own kids, and then that 902 00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:04,520 Speaker 3: wall started to come down, and I was like, you 903 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,080 Speaker 3: know what, I want them to have a grandfather. I 904 00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:10,279 Speaker 3: wanted him to be around. He started coming around, or 905 00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:13,680 Speaker 3: he moved to Houston, and so then I started letting 906 00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:17,640 Speaker 3: him into my world and I started like, okay, maybe 907 00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:20,960 Speaker 3: you know, he's all right. And he started developing a 908 00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:25,520 Speaker 3: relationship with my kids, and I was really grateful for 909 00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:28,080 Speaker 3: that that he did that. And then he got sick 910 00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:29,080 Speaker 3: and died on me too. 911 00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:32,319 Speaker 2: Yeah listen, I always say the parents always write their 912 00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:33,520 Speaker 2: wrongs with the grandkids. 913 00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:38,160 Speaker 3: I know. Yeah. I always just watch him and I say, 914 00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:41,480 Speaker 3: you know, to be fair, he didn't know about me, 915 00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:46,600 Speaker 3: and so there wasn't this feeling of abandonment from him 916 00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:50,480 Speaker 3: that I had with my mom. For him, it was 917 00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:55,080 Speaker 3: more like a you know what, I've already lost two parents. 918 00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:56,799 Speaker 3: I don't want to get real close to you because 919 00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:59,239 Speaker 3: I'm not interested in the heartbreak. That is like we 920 00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:03,759 Speaker 3: can keep it right here and now, like slowly. And 921 00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:07,000 Speaker 3: I didn't, to be honest, I never like fully threw 922 00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:09,719 Speaker 3: myself into the relationship, and I'm glad I didn't. Selfishly. 923 00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:12,239 Speaker 3: I'm glad that I didn't because you know, when he 924 00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:15,040 Speaker 3: passed three years ago, I was devastated. I was really 925 00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:18,440 Speaker 3: really sad. But I was sad for my kids. I 926 00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:21,000 Speaker 3: was sad because I wanted them to have a grandfather. 927 00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,360 Speaker 3: I was sad that I lost the dad, but meant 928 00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:27,160 Speaker 3: the dad that I had at six. Yeah, the past. 929 00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:29,799 Speaker 3: At six, I'm like, there was like for me, no being, 930 00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:34,960 Speaker 3: no topping that. So my sadness when my biological father 931 00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:38,120 Speaker 3: passed a few years ago was the potential of me 932 00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:42,239 Speaker 3: having a family that had you know, this this grandfather 933 00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:45,760 Speaker 3: you know that had this older male figure in our lives. 934 00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:48,800 Speaker 3: And I was sad about that. Yeah. 935 00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:52,200 Speaker 2: You know one thing about your mom because she said 936 00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:55,520 Speaker 2: that she doesn't regret her decision, But do you feel 937 00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:58,880 Speaker 2: like she wish you would have did something differently? Because 938 00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:01,080 Speaker 2: you I feel like when y'all met and when you 939 00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:05,240 Speaker 2: when y'all really liked it, you gave her like unconditional love, 940 00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:07,920 Speaker 2: like and it was like I can only imagine how 941 00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,920 Speaker 2: overwhelming it might have been for her because you never stopped. 942 00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:16,560 Speaker 3: I don't think that she regretted her decision, but I 943 00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:20,560 Speaker 3: definitely think that I healed parts of my mom but 944 00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:24,399 Speaker 3: no one else could. Yeah, and I think that if 945 00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:29,359 Speaker 3: she could have gotten that sooner and had more of it, 946 00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:31,560 Speaker 3: that that would have just added more of it. That 947 00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:33,359 Speaker 3: would have been a big bonus for her. I don't 948 00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:35,600 Speaker 3: think that she regretted anything, but I think that she 949 00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:38,319 Speaker 3: needed more time with me, just like I needed with her. 950 00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:41,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you ended up living with her for 951 00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:43,760 Speaker 2: a year after you went to what Korea? 952 00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:47,480 Speaker 3: I did? I moved in with her and baby. I 953 00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:51,400 Speaker 3: know that was a shit show, all that estrage and 954 00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:55,440 Speaker 3: flowing through that. How then we're on our cycle at 955 00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:59,279 Speaker 3: the same time, still just navigating. I was like, this 956 00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:03,440 Speaker 3: is not the movie. Yeah, it was good. I'm glad 957 00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:05,800 Speaker 3: we did it. We needed to have those fights because 958 00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,439 Speaker 3: that's the realness, right, It's like when you go when 959 00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:10,520 Speaker 3: you travel with your partner. When you do that, you 960 00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:13,239 Speaker 3: really get the realness. So I think I needed to 961 00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:15,279 Speaker 3: live with her. We needed to have some of those 962 00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:18,680 Speaker 3: ugly moments to stretch us. But it was tough. 963 00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:21,400 Speaker 2: And then you took a job in the Middle East, 964 00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:23,919 Speaker 2: so tell us about that. And then at the same 965 00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:25,840 Speaker 2: time you discovered that your mom had cancer. 966 00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:29,239 Speaker 3: Yeah, so I took a job in Doha, Qatar, which 967 00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:32,319 Speaker 3: my mom loved the Middle East. She loved to travel. 968 00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:37,360 Speaker 3: She was she was really excited for me. She came 969 00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:39,239 Speaker 3: with me the first time I flew out there. She 970 00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:42,080 Speaker 3: made sure to boo, you know, she said she was 971 00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:44,040 Speaker 3: coming to get me settled. But that girl was the 972 00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:47,200 Speaker 3: way she was, the way she was taking them selfies 973 00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:49,200 Speaker 3: and the way she was doing all that. I said, girl, 974 00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:52,680 Speaker 3: you're just happy to be here. But it was. It 975 00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:56,600 Speaker 3: was three of the most incredible years for my career 976 00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:59,359 Speaker 3: and for my worldliness and just all of that. But 977 00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:03,560 Speaker 3: that second year I was there, the bottom just fell out. 978 00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:08,360 Speaker 3: I mean, I had five people in my family, close friends, 979 00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:11,799 Speaker 3: pass away boom boom boom boom, back to back. And 980 00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:15,239 Speaker 3: then I'm a home for my best friend's mom, who 981 00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:17,000 Speaker 3: had always been there for me, who was like a 982 00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:19,760 Speaker 3: mom for me. She died of stage four cancer. 983 00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:21,800 Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, so much cancer. 984 00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:26,040 Speaker 3: It was awful, and I was home for her funeral. 985 00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:29,040 Speaker 3: And while I was home, I went with my mom 986 00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,879 Speaker 3: to the oncology appointment where we found out stage four 987 00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:35,560 Speaker 3: for her. So it was the darkest year of my life. 988 00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:40,359 Speaker 3: It was unbearable in terms of grief, but I made it. 989 00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:42,799 Speaker 2: Yeah, well did your mom say? She was like, don't worry, 990 00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:44,560 Speaker 2: I'm not gonna die yet. You already got enough funerals 991 00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:44,799 Speaker 2: to go. 992 00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:48,600 Speaker 3: She literally said, I do not want to when she 993 00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:50,879 Speaker 3: got sick, when she found out she had cancer, she said, 994 00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:52,680 Speaker 3: I did not want to die this year. You are 995 00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:58,319 Speaker 3: grieving other people. Sometime I was like you are kidding me? 996 00:52:58,440 --> 00:52:59,840 Speaker 3: And she was so serious. 997 00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:01,800 Speaker 1: When was her birthday? 998 00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:06,000 Speaker 3: January Capricorn? 999 00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:08,719 Speaker 2: Okay, okay, I don't know why she was giving me 1000 00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:10,719 Speaker 2: a Quarius vibe because I'm another Quarious. But we're not 1001 00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:11,400 Speaker 2: that self centered. 1002 00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:11,799 Speaker 1: I don't think. 1003 00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:13,200 Speaker 2: Ye, I'm not that self center. 1004 00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:16,920 Speaker 3: It's ju Wait it's sixteenth. Is that Capricorn? 1005 00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:17,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's Capricorn. 1006 00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:19,040 Speaker 3: I'm not okay. I was gonna say I'm not a 1007 00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:20,120 Speaker 3: big Zodiac person, but. 1008 00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:22,800 Speaker 2: I think that's Capricorn. Yeah, okay, that's so crazy. I 1009 00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:29,040 Speaker 2: believe my mother's birthday is January seventeenth, Okay. Yeah. So 1010 00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,560 Speaker 2: one thing I love about y'all story is when y'all 1011 00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:34,359 Speaker 2: realized that she was sick, y'all really took the time 1012 00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:37,680 Speaker 2: to be intentional and to write the ending that y'all 1013 00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:38,880 Speaker 2: wanted for y'all love story. 1014 00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:44,319 Speaker 3: We did, Yeah, we did. It wasn't easy and not 1015 00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:46,719 Speaker 3: every day. So when I talk about it and I say, man, 1016 00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:50,200 Speaker 3: it was so beautiful and it was nine months and 1017 00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:53,680 Speaker 3: we you know, tied our story up with the boat. 1018 00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:57,000 Speaker 3: Of course, there were awful days. If you've ever cared 1019 00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:59,440 Speaker 3: for someone with cancer, if you ever cared cared for 1020 00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:02,359 Speaker 3: anyone with terminal illness or sickness. There are days when 1021 00:54:02,400 --> 00:54:06,160 Speaker 3: they are just straight up assholes to you, right, and 1022 00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:08,440 Speaker 3: You're just like, man, I'm doing all of this. 1023 00:54:11,560 --> 00:54:16,000 Speaker 2: My grandmother had yeah, and oh my goodness, I have 1024 00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:18,560 Speaker 2: never seen my grandma like that. And that shit broke 1025 00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:19,120 Speaker 2: me down. 1026 00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:24,919 Speaker 3: It's hard, it's exhausting. And so while there were those 1027 00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:30,120 Speaker 3: exhausting parts and it's really really difficult, we were able 1028 00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:35,120 Speaker 3: to reconcile and find reckoning and healing and end our 1029 00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:37,879 Speaker 3: story the way we wanted to. And I'm grateful for that. 1030 00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:40,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, because it wasn't it a situation? She was smoking 1031 00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:42,000 Speaker 2: a cigarette something, and you was like. 1032 00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:49,200 Speaker 3: Girl, how dare you right? We are talking stage four 1033 00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:53,600 Speaker 3: lung cancer. We are driving to a radiation appointment. I 1034 00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:57,799 Speaker 3: have put my entire life on pause in the Middle East, 1035 00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:02,239 Speaker 3: moved down here, taking care and you light up a 1036 00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:04,640 Speaker 3: cigarette in the car. 1037 00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:05,719 Speaker 2: Yeah. 1038 00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:10,920 Speaker 3: I just lost it. I wasn't sleeping, you know, And 1039 00:55:10,960 --> 00:55:13,200 Speaker 3: I was just like, you know, how dare you? And 1040 00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:17,200 Speaker 3: when she said to me, I didn't ask you to? Yeah, 1041 00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:19,439 Speaker 3: I said, I put my whole life on Paul, she said, 1042 00:55:19,719 --> 00:55:22,080 Speaker 3: I didn't ask you to. And I'm looking at her 1043 00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:25,000 Speaker 3: like what do you think I'm doing all this for? 1044 00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:29,279 Speaker 3: And then I was like, Oh, this has nothing to 1045 00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:31,800 Speaker 3: do with me and you. This is me and God. 1046 00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:34,240 Speaker 3: This is me and God. This is me and God. 1047 00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:38,600 Speaker 3: And that was like I got it. I got it. Yeah. 1048 00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:40,399 Speaker 2: And I thought it was so beautiful when you shave 1049 00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:42,560 Speaker 2: your head because her hair was falling off. 1050 00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:49,480 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, that was very emotional. Yeah, that was definitely 1051 00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:52,160 Speaker 3: one of the most emotional days of my life, was 1052 00:55:52,200 --> 00:55:55,719 Speaker 3: walking up to my mother's bedroom and her with her 1053 00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:59,399 Speaker 3: bald head. My mother loved her hair. That was her 1054 00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:02,120 Speaker 3: like face, you know, she had long, beautiful you know. 1055 00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:05,600 Speaker 3: And when I came in there and she saw that 1056 00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:07,960 Speaker 3: and she just rubbed my bald head and I had 1057 00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:12,239 Speaker 3: never felt so close to her. M Yeah. 1058 00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:15,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. So leading up to the days when she transitioned, 1059 00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:16,840 Speaker 2: how did it make you feel to see her so 1060 00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:19,719 Speaker 2: vulnerable after everything you learned about her? Because she was 1061 00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:21,600 Speaker 2: such a firecracker. 1062 00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:25,440 Speaker 3: You know, so we thought she was getting better. There 1063 00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:28,040 Speaker 3: was a point in the summer where we were kind 1064 00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:30,360 Speaker 3: of you don't know if you would call it naive 1065 00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:32,920 Speaker 3: or what, but they said, oh, man, the radiation and 1066 00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:37,080 Speaker 3: chemos work, you know, And I go back to the 1067 00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:39,000 Speaker 3: Middle East for a little bit, and then of course 1068 00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:41,839 Speaker 3: I get the call like no, she felt it's back 1069 00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:45,479 Speaker 3: and it went quick. So I fly home and she's 1070 00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:50,160 Speaker 3: already in hospice and she's she's weak and she's fragile, 1071 00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:52,640 Speaker 3: and they're like, these are the last days. And I'm 1072 00:56:52,680 --> 00:56:56,440 Speaker 3: like what, like, wait, we I just thought that you 1073 00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:59,480 Speaker 3: guys said she was getting better. And so it was 1074 00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:01,840 Speaker 3: a little bit shocking, even though we knew it was coming. 1075 00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:03,680 Speaker 3: I think there's a piece that was like, oh, we 1076 00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:06,319 Speaker 3: kind of had a little bit of hope. And so 1077 00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:09,359 Speaker 3: to see her like that, to see her on her 1078 00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:14,040 Speaker 3: way out and to see her so scared. But my 1079 00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:17,080 Speaker 3: mom was fearless. She was not a scared person. Yeah, 1080 00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:20,160 Speaker 3: and so she was scared. She did not want to die, 1081 00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:24,480 Speaker 3: and oh that was oh yeah, that was awful. When 1082 00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,440 Speaker 3: you're looking at somebody who doesn't want to die and 1083 00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:29,960 Speaker 3: they're telling you like I'm not ready as a human 1084 00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:33,960 Speaker 3: the you know, the mortality of that, and you know, 1085 00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:37,200 Speaker 3: looking at someone and you're thinking, man, okay, so this 1086 00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:40,080 Speaker 3: is not peaceful. This is not the like lay down 1087 00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:43,640 Speaker 3: and just like you know, go out like man, that 1088 00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:46,240 Speaker 3: was scary. It was sad. 1089 00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:48,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, And then you saw her take her last breath. 1090 00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:54,240 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, my goodness. 1091 00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:56,960 Speaker 3: Nothing compares to that. Yeah, nothing compares to that. 1092 00:57:57,720 --> 00:58:00,520 Speaker 2: Yeah. What do you wish more people under stood about 1093 00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:01,760 Speaker 2: mother daughter healing? 1094 00:58:04,760 --> 00:58:08,960 Speaker 3: I wish people understood that you can't change the other person, 1095 00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:13,400 Speaker 3: That's a fact. I wish people understood that as much 1096 00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:16,520 Speaker 3: as you want them to be a better mom, or 1097 00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:18,680 Speaker 3: as much as you want her to be a better daughter, 1098 00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:21,000 Speaker 3: you want it to be like your friend, or you 1099 00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:23,880 Speaker 3: want it to be like what you're seeing on social media. 1100 00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:27,840 Speaker 3: Your mother daughter relationship is your own and it's personal, 1101 00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:31,160 Speaker 3: and it is something that you're going to have to 1102 00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,720 Speaker 3: work on, and you have got to look at the 1103 00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:36,560 Speaker 3: other person and say, there's a chance they won't get 1104 00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:39,240 Speaker 3: any better than this. This is the best they've got. 1105 00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:42,160 Speaker 3: We are at capacity with their love and this is 1106 00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:44,480 Speaker 3: all they've got to give. And can I work with this? 1107 00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:47,800 Speaker 3: And I pray to God the answer is yes. Yeah. 1108 00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:51,440 Speaker 2: That's my definition of forgiveness, especially what my father and 1109 00:58:51,520 --> 00:58:54,200 Speaker 2: my mother is accepting things for what it is compared 1110 00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:55,680 Speaker 2: to what I thought things should have been. 1111 00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:59,640 Speaker 3: So, and then how can you work from it? Right? 1112 00:59:01,800 --> 00:59:04,840 Speaker 3: And can you work so? Estrangement is on the rise right. 1113 00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:07,760 Speaker 3: One in ten mother daughters are completely a strange. They decide, 1114 00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:09,480 Speaker 3: you know, I can't work with this, and it's a 1115 00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:13,080 Speaker 3: personal decision, right. But I think once you find out 1116 00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:16,080 Speaker 3: who your mother or father really is, and you say, 1117 00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:19,120 Speaker 3: can I work with this in a way that doesn't 1118 00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:22,280 Speaker 3: rip me to shreds? Can I work with this and 1119 00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:24,760 Speaker 3: heal from this? And can I have a relationship where 1120 00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:27,680 Speaker 3: I get something, some sort of peace and love out 1121 00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:29,880 Speaker 3: of it. And if the answers know and if you've 1122 00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:32,640 Speaker 3: got to part ways, okay, but if you can hang 1123 00:59:32,680 --> 00:59:34,560 Speaker 3: on to it and you can work on it and 1124 00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:37,840 Speaker 3: you can heal it, You've got to know, don't compare 1125 00:59:37,960 --> 00:59:41,040 Speaker 3: to other relationships around you. It is personal. 1126 00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:44,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, what's some lessons about motherhood that you take away 1127 00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,760 Speaker 2: from your experience with your mom, whether it was from 1128 00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:48,200 Speaker 2: her absence or her presence. 1129 00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:58,880 Speaker 3: I think being a mom is selfless and the choices 1130 00:59:58,920 --> 01:00:01,000 Speaker 3: that you make as a mom are gonna ripple through 1131 01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:04,320 Speaker 3: your child's life. So the choices my mom made early 1132 01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:08,360 Speaker 3: on ripple to now they're gonna ripple. So when I 1133 01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:10,400 Speaker 3: look at my kids and I think of when I 1134 01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:14,600 Speaker 3: think about the different decisions I'm making, whether it's career, financial, spiritual. 1135 01:00:15,160 --> 01:00:17,640 Speaker 3: I think the decisions that I'm making right now are 1136 01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:20,520 Speaker 3: gonna ripple through their life for the rest of their lives. 1137 01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:25,280 Speaker 3: And as a mother, I have a responsibility, yeah, to 1138 01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:30,600 Speaker 3: make better choices because they're just they need me, they 1139 01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:32,280 Speaker 3: depend on me. Yeah. 1140 01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:34,120 Speaker 2: Do you feel like your relationship with your mom still 1141 01:00:34,120 --> 01:00:35,120 Speaker 2: show up today? 1142 01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:39,880 Speaker 3: Oh yeah? Yeah? Oh yeah, for good or for bad. 1143 01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:42,200 Speaker 3: Like I know what she taught me and the beautiful 1144 01:00:42,240 --> 01:00:44,480 Speaker 3: things and I look at my daughter, and when I 1145 01:00:44,520 --> 01:00:47,120 Speaker 3: look at my daughter and we're having these very tender moments, 1146 01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:51,320 Speaker 3: it shows up and it just makes me, I know, 1147 01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:53,600 Speaker 3: it makes me so soft, and I look at her 1148 01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:55,880 Speaker 3: and I'm like, sister, we are going to figure this out, 1149 01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:56,520 Speaker 3: you hear me? 1150 01:00:57,120 --> 01:00:59,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, So we're almost finished by One of the things 1151 01:00:59,840 --> 01:01:01,240 Speaker 2: that I love because this is what I did with 1152 01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:04,320 Speaker 2: my platform, is to pretty much turn your pain into 1153 01:01:04,400 --> 01:01:07,400 Speaker 2: your purpose. So tell us about how your your journey 1154 01:01:07,400 --> 01:01:09,200 Speaker 2: with your mother and your relationship with her, you was 1155 01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:11,480 Speaker 2: able to turn into a business, which I thought was 1156 01:01:11,560 --> 01:01:13,120 Speaker 2: like amazing. 1157 01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:18,600 Speaker 3: I could not shake the idea. And if anyone's listening, 1158 01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:21,160 Speaker 3: and you've had this idea kind of circulating in your 1159 01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:23,800 Speaker 3: head and you've wanted to start a business, you know, 1160 01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:26,439 Speaker 3: you've got to be super passionate about it or you 1161 01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:29,120 Speaker 3: will not make it right. You've got to really love it. 1162 01:01:29,240 --> 01:01:31,280 Speaker 2: And so like, would you do this for free? 1163 01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:36,200 Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, and for years and make no money and 1164 01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:37,240 Speaker 3: spend money on. 1165 01:01:37,200 --> 01:01:40,600 Speaker 2: Its homegirl, y'all? 1166 01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:44,120 Speaker 3: Yes, So I think you got to ask yourself. And 1167 01:01:44,160 --> 01:01:46,240 Speaker 3: I got really clear about that, and it wouldn't I 1168 01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:48,280 Speaker 3: couldn't shake it. Every day. I thought, man, I want 1169 01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:51,200 Speaker 3: other mothers and daughters to realize the power they have 1170 01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:55,240 Speaker 3: if they reconcile, that they heal. I could not shake 1171 01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:59,280 Speaker 3: the idea that after my mom passed away, that I 1172 01:01:59,480 --> 01:02:02,440 Speaker 3: needed to help other mothers and daughters draw closer to 1173 01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:05,760 Speaker 3: each other. I knew how beautiful it was to have 1174 01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,440 Speaker 3: a mother daughter relationship that I was proud of, that 1175 01:02:08,520 --> 01:02:11,080 Speaker 3: I was healing from, and I say, you know what, 1176 01:02:11,160 --> 01:02:13,640 Speaker 3: I'm going to go help others and so turning my 1177 01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:17,240 Speaker 3: pain into purpose. I was grieving and I was sad, 1178 01:02:17,320 --> 01:02:19,240 Speaker 3: but I knew that I had to use it. My 1179 01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:21,320 Speaker 3: mom looked at me in the face and when she 1180 01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:23,800 Speaker 3: was in hospice or her death that she said, you 1181 01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:27,000 Speaker 3: better find something to do with all this pain, Okay, 1182 01:02:27,440 --> 01:02:30,760 Speaker 3: And I will never forget that. And I say, you 1183 01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:34,040 Speaker 3: know what, the way that it's showing up in our work. 1184 01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:37,680 Speaker 3: We do a mother daughter therapy app and it is 1185 01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:42,920 Speaker 3: incredible and I love being able to help other families. 1186 01:02:43,080 --> 01:02:46,480 Speaker 3: I love being able to share my own story and 1187 01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:49,480 Speaker 3: not motivate mothers and daughters to get their shit together 1188 01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:53,960 Speaker 3: and just work on it. And so I love the 1189 01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:56,720 Speaker 3: business that we started. I love the therapy that we're 1190 01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:57,240 Speaker 3: working on. 1191 01:02:57,520 --> 01:02:59,600 Speaker 2: Yeah. And if you could say one more thing to 1192 01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:00,960 Speaker 2: your mom, now, what would it be? 1193 01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:07,760 Speaker 3: Thank you? Thank you for showing up as yourself. Even 1194 01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:10,880 Speaker 3: when I pushed you to be more and wanted you 1195 01:03:10,920 --> 01:03:13,640 Speaker 3: to be different, you kept giving me who you were 1196 01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:16,880 Speaker 3: and that showed me that you know what, that's what 1197 01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:19,120 Speaker 3: you had. And so I would tell her thank you. 1198 01:03:19,160 --> 01:03:21,560 Speaker 3: I would tell her thank you a million times. 1199 01:03:21,880 --> 01:03:24,439 Speaker 2: Yeah. And last, but not least, what do you think 1200 01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:27,880 Speaker 2: your father, your adopted farther, would say if he was 1201 01:03:27,880 --> 01:03:31,120 Speaker 2: still here to see everything you accomplished, especially the relationship 1202 01:03:31,120 --> 01:03:31,720 Speaker 2: with your mom. 1203 01:03:33,480 --> 01:03:37,560 Speaker 3: I think he would be so proud. I think I 1204 01:03:39,000 --> 01:03:41,600 Speaker 3: think he would be like, duh, Like this is the 1205 01:03:41,720 --> 01:03:43,840 Speaker 3: life I knew you were going to have. It was 1206 01:03:43,880 --> 01:03:46,720 Speaker 3: going to be extraordinary, Like the way you came into 1207 01:03:46,760 --> 01:03:48,720 Speaker 3: this world, the way that you and I had each other, 1208 01:03:48,760 --> 01:03:50,600 Speaker 3: I think he would just be smiling and be like, girl, 1209 01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:53,760 Speaker 3: this was everything I thought. 1210 01:03:54,240 --> 01:03:56,400 Speaker 2: Well, listen, I am just so proud of you. I 1211 01:03:56,720 --> 01:03:58,640 Speaker 2: cannot wait for this movie to come out. If it's 1212 01:03:58,640 --> 01:04:03,960 Speaker 2: going to be on HBO, Max Time, Listen, Netflix and 1213 01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:07,600 Speaker 2: the Hulu. I think your story is so beautiful, and 1214 01:04:08,160 --> 01:04:11,480 Speaker 2: you know, it's really allowing me to take a different 1215 01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:13,720 Speaker 2: approach with my father because it's very important to me 1216 01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:16,440 Speaker 2: to have at least one relationship with a parent. And 1217 01:04:16,760 --> 01:04:19,800 Speaker 2: I am i can say, I'm very excited about speaking 1218 01:04:19,800 --> 01:04:21,560 Speaker 2: to him and having a conversation with him. So I 1219 01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:25,360 Speaker 2: appreciate your transparency and just sure the way you was 1220 01:04:25,400 --> 01:04:29,120 Speaker 2: able to just love and heal and just just everything sticks. 1221 01:04:29,200 --> 01:04:30,080 Speaker 2: I'm so proud of you. 1222 01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:33,200 Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you for sharing that part with me 1223 01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:33,680 Speaker 3: as well. 1224 01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:36,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, and to the listeners, if you want to know 1225 01:04:36,320 --> 01:04:37,919 Speaker 2: more about my guests, you want to know about her book, 1226 01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:39,600 Speaker 2: her app please make sure to email me a hello 1227 01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:43,160 Speaker 2: at the PSHG podcast dot com because we do support entrepreneurs. Okay, 1228 01:04:43,480 --> 01:04:47,280 Speaker 2: our baddy over here, and I think that your story 1229 01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:50,280 Speaker 2: is the epitome of our model to always share your 1230 01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:52,320 Speaker 2: storyline because you never know how it can be someone 1231 01:04:52,320 --> 01:04:57,280 Speaker 2: else's lifeline. So I really appreciate you. And until next time. Everyone, 1232 01:04:58,200 --> 01:05:03,480 Speaker 2: Later you're not gonna say bye bye. 1233 01:05:04,920 --> 01:05:07,040 Speaker 3: Thank you, guys, thank you so much for listening. 1234 01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:16,560 Speaker 2: The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black 1235 01:05:16,560 --> 01:05:20,560 Speaker 2: Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the 1236 01:05:20,600 --> 01:05:23,800 Speaker 2: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 1237 01:05:23,800 --> 01:05:26,880 Speaker 2: favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, 1238 01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:29,600 Speaker 2: and you can connect with me on social media at 1239 01:05:29,640 --> 01:05:30,920 Speaker 2: the PAHG podcast