WEBVTT - Self Care Session 0:00:01.720 --> 0:00:04.440 This is Take twenty with Mattie and Kenzie Ziggler and 0:00:04.559 --> 0:00:14.280 I Heart Radio Podcast. Hi everyone, Um, welcome back. Today 0:00:14.440 --> 0:00:18.280 is a very special episode. Um. We have Allison Malman 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:22.639 on who is the founder and executive director of Active Minds, 0:00:22.720 --> 0:00:26.520 which is a nonprofit organization supporting mental health awareness and 0:00:26.680 --> 0:00:31.600 education for students. Yeah. I mean, we're all going through something. 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:34.160 I mean, it's a really tough time in the world, 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:37.000 so we just wanted to get some advice and you know, 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:39.560 just talk through some of our issues that we're going through. 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:43.159 It's gonna be fun. Yeah. Hi, Allison, So thank you 0:00:43.240 --> 0:00:46.280 so much for being on the podcast today. Um, we're 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:47.960 just so happy to have you here and kind of 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:52.000 share some information and knowledge and yeah, thank you for 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.800 being here. Well, I'm really I'm really honored to be 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:57.320 able to join you and really happy to you're having 0:00:57.320 --> 0:00:59.319 this conversation. It's such a meaningful one. So I'm really 0:00:59.320 --> 0:01:02.040 glad I can be part of it. Yeah. I think 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:06.240 I think it's been really interesting. Um, just trying to 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:10.240 navigate some anxiety and stress as a teenager, and I 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:13.800 know that everyone around the world is going through something, 0:01:14.360 --> 0:01:17.000 whether it be on a you know, a huge level 0:01:17.160 --> 0:01:19.520 or even if it's minor, everyone is still valid for 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:23.360 feeling what they're feeling. And I think it's been interesting 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:26.240 but really nice that we've had each other. So, um, 0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:29.120 is there any sort of advice, um, you could give 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:33.080 about someone you know going through anxiety or depression or 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:37.560 mental health in general? What would you kind of give 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:41.840 advice to about that? Yeah, I love the question and 0:01:41.880 --> 0:01:43.759 even just how you started it, because I think one 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:47.319 of the things that we tend to think is what 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:49.600 I'm going through isn't as bad as what somebody else 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:52.000 is going through, or I don't deserve to feel this way, 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:54.280 or I have all these things and this person doesn't 0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:57.360 have this, And I think the most important thing is 0:01:57.440 --> 0:02:01.280 that whatever you're feeling is real and it's valid, and 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:03.320 you have every right to feel how you're feeling. And 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:05.840 this isn't a competition, right, So it's not like we 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:08.519 eat one day, but we know somebody else eats more, 0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:11.240 so we shouldn't be hungry like right, We're taking care 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:14.679 of our own body and our own mind. And so, uh, 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:18.560 no matter what you're feeling right now, Um, if it 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:20.840 was before COVID and it will be after COVID, or 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:24.480 certainly when in the middle of this pandemic. It's real 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:26.640 and you have every right to feel that way. And 0:02:26.680 --> 0:02:30.040 I think the thing that UM, we can do best 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:32.799 to take care of ourselves, to talk about it, UM, 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:34.960 to know that you're not alone in it. And if 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:37.920 it's like you know, a friend, if it's an adult 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:40.840 in your life, it's somebody on social whatever it is. 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:44.920 But just to UM, surround yourself with people who you 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:48.320 feel like you can open up to. And UM, you know, 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:52.080 hopefully and ideally that somebody in your personal life and 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.079 you have somebody in your family who was that support. 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:56.680 But if not, you know, find your tribe somewhere else 0:02:57.160 --> 0:03:00.560 and know that you are cared for and people really 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:03.160 do want to help and support you. And UM, you 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:06.200 deserve to feel great, and you don't you deserve to 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:10.800 get the support that that you need. Of course, that's amazing, 0:03:10.840 --> 0:03:14.720 that's amazing. Yeah, that was really good to hear. Honestly, UM. 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:17.720 I think for me, well, my sister and I both 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:21.040 go through mental health issues and you know, we love 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:22.960 to be there for one another, but sometimes it's a 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:25.359 little hard to comfort one another because you don't really 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:28.359 know exactly what the other one wants. UM, even with 0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:31.200 just friendships or anything. What do you think would be 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:34.519 the best way to comfort someone in this situation? Do 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:37.840 you have any tips on dealing with anxiety with another 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:41.000 friend or Yeah, it's a great question. And I think 0:03:41.040 --> 0:03:43.240 one of the things that is really hard is that 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:45.320 we are often fraid that we're going to say the 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:48.200 wrong thing, so we don't say anything at all, and UM, 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:51.080 don't worry about that, right Like, It's part of what 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:52.680 it means to be a friend is just to be 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:55.560 there even if you don't have the right words. At 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:58.520 Active Minds, we have a tool called v a R 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:02.920 Validate appreciate, and we developed v a R because we 0:04:03.000 --> 0:04:07.120 realize that sometimes we're in these everyday conversations with everyday 0:04:07.160 --> 0:04:09.720 struggles and we just want to know how how to 0:04:09.800 --> 0:04:12.400 act and how to react. And so the V is 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:16.920 that stands for validate UM validate that somebody is UM 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:20.200 feeling the way they do right. Too often we say like, oh, 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:21.919 but you don't, you shouldn't feel that way, or you 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:25.000 don't have this, or you got this, No, just validate, like, yeah, 0:04:25.200 --> 0:04:28.080 I I get it and I and UM appreciate thank 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:30.599 you for sharing with me. That must be really hard 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:33.279 to be vulnerable like that, UM, and then there are 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:37.160 is for refer to resources and support. You know, what 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:39.200 can we do? How can I be here for you? 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:41.440 How how can I support you? Do you want to 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:44.640 call UM? You know the counselor can I walk you 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:46.840 over the counseling center? Do you want to go for 0:04:46.960 --> 0:04:49.200 a run or a walk? What what feels good and 0:04:49.200 --> 0:04:52.799 what feels right to you? UM? Oftentimes what it means 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:54.960 in these situations is that we don't have to get 0:04:55.000 --> 0:04:58.760 to crises before we start UM intervening with someone. It's 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:01.880 just about how how we a friend? And UM, if 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:04.400 you sit back and you think, gosh, how would I 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:07.360 want somebody to talk to me, that's probably how they 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:09.680 want you to talk to them in that moment too. 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:13.080 And and know that when you're struggling, or when when 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:15.240 if you see a friend or a family member struggling, 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:19.599 it's really hard to both struggle and reach out for help. 0:05:19.839 --> 0:05:23.080 Sometimes you don't even know that you're struggling, and and 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:26.080 oftentimes you know, and you feel really alone, and you 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:28.960 really feel really isolated. So sometimes the best thing that 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:31.560 we can do as a sister or as a friend 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:34.920 is just just to say you're not acting like yourself, 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:37.080 are you okay, like I'm worried about you? Do you 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:39.440 want to talk about something? And even if the answer 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:41.200 is oh no, no, I'm just having a bad day 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:43.400 and you truly believe it, you've at least opened the 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:45.919 door to say like, I'm here for you and and 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:49.440 maybe hopefully that opened something up for somebody who who 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:51.520 is having a really hard time and does need to 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:54.039 talk about it. But it's really hard to to make 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:56.960 that first have that first word. So sometimes the best 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:58.320 thing that you can do is the friend is just 0:05:58.400 --> 0:06:01.400 kind of open up the conversation, recognize that you don't 0:06:01.440 --> 0:06:03.360 have all the answers, and you're not expected to have 0:06:03.400 --> 0:06:05.360 all the answers, but you can be there as a 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:08.000 support and you can help connect your friend or your 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:11.760 sister whomever to the support that they need, um, whatever 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:15.120 that might be. Right, Totally, that is such a huge thing, 0:06:15.240 --> 0:06:18.479 like kind of starting those conversations, even if they're a 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:23.960 little bit uncomfortable, always usually result being a positive thing 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:27.640 in the end. And that's something that we're definitely learning 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:31.200 as we go. Um, it's tough, it's it's really tough 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:35.840 communicating as well. It's it's especially when you for us 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:40.400 being physical, you know, doing dance and whatever and expressing 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:43.840 ourselves through that and then kind of like when we're 0:06:43.880 --> 0:06:46.279 not doing that. It's it's been at least for me, 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:48.680 I don't want to speak for Penzie, but it's been 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:53.599 interesting kind of having to emote through my actual like 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:57.279 voice and in being present there rather than Oh, I'm 0:06:57.279 --> 0:06:59.560 feeling sad, so I'm gonna go dance and I'll feel better, 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:05.400 you know. So um yeah, I was wondering if for 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:08.880 people that maybe struggle and how to kind of let 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:11.600 go of those feelings, like whether it be going on 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:14.760 a run like you said, or driving and listening to 0:07:14.880 --> 0:07:19.320 music Like I'm I'm sure you have some some ways 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:21.640 that are good to kind of like let go of 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:24.560 all of that. Yeah, I mean you've touched on it, right, Like, 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:27.120 so much of this is about finding our coping skills. 0:07:27.520 --> 0:07:29.840 I think it's really important to know if you're if 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:33.160 you're really having a severe struggle and if you're in 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:35.120 a if you're in a depression or you're having a 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:40.080 panic attack, a coping skill isn't gonna heal you. So 0:07:40.200 --> 0:07:42.960 you can't run out a panic attack or you can't 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:45.440 you know, run through a depression. So I want to 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:50.760 make sure that's clear because um, oftentimes we um, we 0:07:51.200 --> 0:07:53.240 grow up like hearing the words of like, oh, you 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:55.360 should have done this more, if you exercise more, if 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:57.600 you went to church more, whatever it may be, you 0:07:57.600 --> 0:07:59.880 wouldn't feel this way. No what we're going through, what 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:03.560 you're going through, or biological and social kind of constructs 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:05.400 that are like part of you and part of your 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:07.600 health and well being. At the same time, there are 0:08:07.600 --> 0:08:09.720 things that you can do to take care of yourself, 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:13.600 both to like help offset when it's kind of mild, 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:16.520 or to help protect yourself so that you don't get 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:19.480 to a point of really feeling that struggle. And whatever 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:22.280 that is for you, if it's dance, if it's singing, 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:25.640 if it is playing soccer, playing video games, whatever it is, 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:29.000 that like you can do with balance and for everybody 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:31.080 that's different, right, I think that the balance piece is 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:32.719 an important piece. You're not gonna you don't want to 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:35.920 overdo it and then um, you know hide kind of 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:38.440 in a in a different struggle but with with the 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:41.760 other piece. But um, everybody has a different thing, and 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:44.959 let yourself do that thing. If you're feeling stressed, if 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:48.000 you're feeling really down, even if you don't feel like 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:50.520 doing the thing you know you love, do it because 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:52.680 oftentimes that can help kind of get you into a 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.439 place where you can think a little bit more rationally 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:57.400 about Okay, what's going on right now and who do 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:59.400 I need to talk to? But you said that, I 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:02.360 mean talking is going to be a really important part 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:04.800 of this. But you but don't force yourself, like get 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:07.400 to a place where you feel comfortable being able to 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:10.400 identify your feelings and finding that person that you can 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:12.760 trust to talk to you about it totally. And it's 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:16.280 so nice to know that, like everyone copes and deals 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:19.640 with it in their own time, like just even trying 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:23.079 not to compare, like, oh, well this person did this 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:25.840 exercise or this whatever and they were able to come 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:29.400 like overcome it within I don't know, a month, but 0:09:29.480 --> 0:09:32.320 it just may take you five months or you know. 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:35.199 It's just like it's nice to know that there's no 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:38.640 time limit and everything you're going through is on your 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:41.079 own time. And that's something that I'm trying to give 0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:43.920 myself a little bit of a break on just not 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:47.520 to compare and stuff, just because it's tough and everyone's 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:51.400 allowed to, you know, hell in their own time, of course, 0:09:51.960 --> 0:10:12.320 of course, and I'm proud of you, thank you. I 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:15.280 think what I wanted to touch on because you know, 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:19.280 being in the public eye social media is UM very 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:23.480 hard for us teenagers, especially um the body image issues, 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:26.319 and we talked about this on one of our podcasts, 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:30.040 but it's definitely a thing that we all compare ourselves 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:33.920 to others. UM. So do you have any tips or 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:38.520 advice on that issue? UM? I feel like everyone can 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:40.760 relate to it, and I don't think it'll ever go away. 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:44.280 But I don't think it will at all. It's such 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:46.880 it's I'm smiling because it's both such an important question 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:48.679 and in some ways I want to turn it back 0:10:48.720 --> 0:10:50.760 to you and have you tell me. You know, I'm 0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:53.840 not a teenager right now, UM. And I also go 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:57.360 through it as a forty something right like it doesn't UM, 0:10:57.360 --> 0:10:59.199 but as you said, like, it's never gonna go away. 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:01.319 I you know, I have kids, I have young kids, 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:03.640 and I have spent some time talking to my like 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:06.400 ten year old, like really young, who is interested in 0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:10.319 getting social media. UM. I had her scroll through my 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:12.760 feed and I told her, I was like, well, like, 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:14.720 look at all the stuff that I have on my feed. 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:17.040 Did I post about the times that like I was 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:20.439 yelling at you, or that your sister was having a tantrum, 0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:23.520 or that we took a picture and everybody looked like crapper, 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:26.120 our eyes were closed. No, what you see on my 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:28.080 and you know everything about me as your mom, what 0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:30.440 you see on my feed is like all of the 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:33.679 glitz and glamour, and everybody's smiling and everybody's happy, and 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:36.960 so you need to know that that's what everybody's doing, right, 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:41.600 And and it's easy to like see and understand and intellectually, 0:11:42.040 --> 0:11:44.600 but when all you're seeing on a feed is what 0:11:44.720 --> 0:11:48.240 looks like perfection, it's really hard to remember it. And 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:52.240 so my recommendation for everybody is to remember what you 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:55.679 put on your feed to then remember how other people 0:11:55.679 --> 0:11:58.440 are censoring what they have on their feed to right, 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:00.840 and then the easy solution is to say, like walk away, 0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:03.880 don't look at it. But but that's not necessarily reality, 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:07.120 Like that's that's your life and and especially your lives, 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:10.000 but it's for everybody who's on social like that's how 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:14.520 we're developing friendships and connections. As much as you can 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:19.520 intellectually remember how censored your stuff is it can help 0:12:19.520 --> 0:12:22.000 you then braun that to realize that, like, that's really 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:24.679 what you're looking at. UM, But it's hard. There is 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:27.280 no one good solution, and it's something that we've been 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:30.840 working through, UM for a long time. And I'm curious, like, 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:34.200 but how would you answer that question? Yeah, that's such 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:36.560 a good point. I mean, Instagram is just essentially a 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:39.680 highlight reel for everyone. UM. I don't know if you 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:41.600 know this, Kenzie. I think maybe I told you, but 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:46.800 I a few days ago deleted the Instagram app. Um 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.120 I have. I still have the account, but I just 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:54.559 really noticed myself going into a pattern of every time 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:58.079 I'm going through an anxious moment, I'll have an anxiety 0:12:58.080 --> 0:13:01.120 attack and it gets really really bad. And my first 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:04.240 initial reaction is to, Okay, just track my mind, go 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:07.200 on Instagram, start scrolling really really fast to kind of 0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:09.440 get your mind off of the anxious moment that you're 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:12.600 going through. But then it ends up just making me 0:13:12.840 --> 0:13:18.679 extremely tense and even more anxious, just because now I'm 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:20.719 not only dealing with what I'm going through, but I'm 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:24.600 also now comparing myself and thinking, oh, their life looks 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:27.240 so good or whatever it may be. And so I 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:30.640 kind of had a moment where I just quickly deleted 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:33.480 the app. And I feel so much better in the 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:36.280 morning knowing that I don't wake up and instantly go 0:13:36.480 --> 0:13:39.640 and just check what everyone else is doing. It's helped 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:42.439 a lot, even just in a short amount of time, um, 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:45.440 And I honestly suggest a lot of people to try 0:13:45.440 --> 0:13:47.680 and do that. I know Kenzie has done it a bunch, 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:51.719 and it's it's really beneficial. It really is. Yeah, I mean, 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:54.480 I think it's very refreshing, um once in a while 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:56.439 to just get rid of a lot of your social 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:59.400 media apps because we all just need a second to 0:13:59.480 --> 0:14:01.600 be in the real world. I feel like I'm always 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:04.880 just trapped in this bubble where everything is on my phone, 0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:08.079 and I feel like I just need some time away 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:10.080 from my phone. I'm like, I don't need it anymore. 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:13.920 But yeah, I love that, I think. I mean, it's 0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:15.680 if you can do it, if you can, if you 0:14:15.679 --> 0:14:18.760 can take it off your phone, um and give yourself 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:21.480 the break, and maybe it's a one day break one week, 0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:23.040 and then the next day you can you know, you 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:24.960 can go to thirty six hours the next week or 0:14:24.960 --> 0:14:28.160 whatever it may, like, build it up for yourself, remind 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:31.520 yourself that you can, um, you can live an awesome 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:33.760 life off of your phone, and then you can reintroduce 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:35.920 it as it makes sense, and you know, you don't 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:40.320 have to stop altogether. But sometimes it's that that reminder that, like, 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:42.760 I have a great life off off of my phone too, 0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:44.960 and I actually don't miss out on all that much. 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.240 I'm not if I'm not with my friends on phone 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:49.680 or whatever it maybe so I love that. Yeah, And 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:52.800 and how do you feel about now after you know, 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:55.760 all of us being in the pandemic and the last 0:14:55.800 --> 0:15:00.040 two years being so crazy and I, I mean, I 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:01.880 I've had this conversation with a lot of people. I'm 0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:04.120 interested in how you feel just like kind of the 0:15:04.200 --> 0:15:08.520 social anxiety of going back to in person. I mean, 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:10.800 now it's tricky, you know, with the variant and everything. 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:13.680 But just like even in the situation of like, oh 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:16.760 my gosh, I haven't really connected with this so many 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:18.760 people in a long time, how do I have a 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:23.480 conversation and not feel awkward? Like that has been kind 0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:27.720 of tricky even for me, which I don't know. No, 0:15:27.880 --> 0:15:30.440 it's it's I mean, it's real, like you're identifying something 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:34.120 that we've really seen is this anxiety of coming back? 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:36.520 And and you know the big joke that introverts really 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:38.640 have loved the past two years because we've had the 0:15:38.680 --> 0:15:41.600 ability to be at home and not have to be social. 0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:44.760 But um for both for people have been really happy 0:15:44.760 --> 0:15:47.560 where they are or those who really have have missed 0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:50.600 the social interaction. It's really hard to go to a 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:53.240 coffee shop now and like remember how to talk to 0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:54.960 people and if somebody wants to come in and give 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:57.440 you a hug, this like really awkward. Do I touch 0:15:57.520 --> 0:16:00.080 you or not? Um And again, like going back to 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:03.040 the very first question, live into it, like know that 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:06.600 that's okay and what you're feeling is both okay and 0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:09.600 normal and um A, none of us have been through 0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:12.800 this before, but be like, this is not a you've 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:15.400 never separated from people for years and then been expected 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:17.520 to go back to like a normal life. So ease 0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:20.400 yourself back into it in whatever way it feels comfortable 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:22.680 to you. If you really don't feel comfortable going to 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:26.960 that party or that gathering or whatnot, like give yourself 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:29.520 permission to say no this time. Set a goal for 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:32.120 yourself to go next time so that you don't find 0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:34.520 yourself in a cycle that you're not happy with, but 0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:38.040 but recognize that we can't go from zero to a hundred. 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:39.680 That's going to be just as hard as it was 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:42.040 going from a hundred to zero. And we all know 0:16:42.120 --> 0:16:44.560 how how miserable we were, you know, in late March 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:48.560 of so um like it's it's a real feeling, and 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:52.120 it's okay feeling. It's a normal feeling. Um At Active Minds, 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:55.000 we have these bracelets. Um they're green, yellow, and red bracelets, 0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:57.040 the silicon bracelets that we hand out. And the idea 0:16:57.200 --> 0:17:00.000 is if you're wearing a green bracelet, that means like uncomfortable, 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:02.000 feel free to shake my hand or give me a 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:04.560 hug if for doing that. Yellow is you know, like 0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:08.000 I'm out, but like let's let's let's just bump and 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:10.280 red is I would love to interact with you, but 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:12.440 let's keep our distance. I'm not I'm still not feeling 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:15.040 very comfortable. Like, if you need to do something like that, 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:16.920 do it, like put it out on the sun your 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:19.040 sleeve so that you don't have to, yeah, so that 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:21.280 you can own it and know that it's okay. What 0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:27.240 a great idea. I wish the whole world had those bracelet. Um. 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:29.720 That's such a great idea. I love that. Yeah, It's 0:17:29.920 --> 0:17:33.159 it's tricky because you you want to respect everyone's boundaries 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:36.720 and uh, you know, you don't want to overstep. And 0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:39.160 I think that's a really good way to even like 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.160 going back to like even if we have to ask 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:44.679 the uncomfortable questions like is it okay if I hug you? 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:48.920 Even things as simple as that, it's important to do. Yeah. 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:52.040 And I think also like kind of touching back on 0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:57.359 like if someone's going through an anxious moment something I remember, Um, 0:17:57.400 --> 0:18:01.320 I had we both at the time a therapist that 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:05.000 we're not with anymore, but uh, Kenzie was really going 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:08.000 through it. Uh and I wasn't at the time. And 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:12.240 something that she kind of helped me do with Kenzie 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:14.320 was just to kind of squeeze her arm and kind 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:17.400 of work down her arm to kind of calm her down. Um. 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:22.040 And I was just wondering if like there's any sort 0:18:22.080 --> 0:18:25.359 of like other techniques that are comforting if someone doesn't 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:27.800 feel open to talking, is there a way that they 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:31.600 can comfort them kind of just even just being there. Yeah, Yeah, 0:18:31.640 --> 0:18:33.720 it's a great question. I mean my first answer is 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:36.159 going to be like ask the person when he or 0:18:36.280 --> 0:18:39.080 she is not in that moment. Hey, Like, I've noticed 0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:41.280 you get there, what feels right and what feels good? 0:18:41.280 --> 0:18:43.840 Because I think one of the important things is everybody 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:45.680 is going to be different, right, Like everybody has different 0:18:45.720 --> 0:18:48.600 coping skills, and everybody also in the moment either wants 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:51.760 to be touched or not. Grounding is a really important 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:54.919 part of being in panic um and and being in 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:57.880 an anxiety and panic attack, and so helping ground either 0:18:57.960 --> 0:19:00.959 physically UM or if you're seeing in yourself to just 0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:04.120 like look around and notice points around yourself. Um. Those 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:07.000 are gonna all be really important components of it. UM. 0:19:07.040 --> 0:19:08.520 But I think the thing that I would I would 0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:11.480 recommend um and you said it, Maddie, it's it's have 0:19:11.640 --> 0:19:14.879 the uncomfortable conversations, but realize like they don't. The only 0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:17.879 reason they're uncomfortable is because nobody has taught us how 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:21.639 to have them. They're actually like totally normal questions in 0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:24.600 the same way of like, hey, you have a broken foot, 0:19:24.640 --> 0:19:26.879 what can I do to health feel? Right? Like? Hey, 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:30.080 like when I when you're not you know, when you're 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:32.520 not you or when you're having a panic attack, what's 0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:35.560 the most helpful thing that that shouldn't be an uncomfortable 0:19:35.640 --> 0:19:38.200 question and the more you ask it, the more normal 0:19:38.280 --> 0:19:40.640 it feels, right, and like that's mental health. But so 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:44.960 far we have been raised to like not talk about 0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:47.320 anything until it gets to be really, really, really bad. 0:19:47.640 --> 0:19:50.040 But if we can make these kind of questions and 0:19:50.040 --> 0:19:52.800 conversations in the moment, they don't have to be uncomfortable. 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:55.440 So um, you know the arm grounding through an arm 0:19:55.520 --> 0:19:57.520 is really is really helpful and just being present. Some 0:19:57.560 --> 0:20:00.639 people really want to feel that weight, um, and others 0:20:00.640 --> 0:20:02.000 don't want to be touched at all. And I think 0:20:02.040 --> 0:20:04.280 that's why I would say ask, um, but ask when 0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:06.399 somebody is doing well and you have that kind of 0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:08.959 relationship where they feel comfortable that they can open up 0:20:08.960 --> 0:20:14.360 to you. Wow, that's awesome. That's great advice. Well, thank you. UM. 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:17.840 We are going to be having Allison on for episode two. 0:20:17.880 --> 0:20:20.040 We're doing a part two, so stay tuned. We're gonna 0:20:20.040 --> 0:20:22.760 be asking her way more questions. Thank you so much 0:20:22.800 --> 0:20:25.960