WEBVTT - Wild Animals 0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:06.519 Hell I Suck It with Jared Haven I heart radio podcast. 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:13.119 What's up? Everyone, Welcome to an all new episode of 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:16.200 Help I Suck at Dating? If you heard Mark, I'm 0:00:16.280 --> 0:00:19.520 Dean Unglert, and we got Jared Haban over there, Haben, 0:00:19.680 --> 0:00:22.520 my apologies over there and my last name? How long 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:27.320 were we do this problem? My wedding? You know, it's 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:29.240 one of those that sometimes I see it and I 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:32.360 think differently about how it's actually pronounced. Um over on 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:34.120 the East coast, we're on the West coast. Over here. 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:37.080 We got a great episode for you guys today. Uh. 0:00:37.200 --> 0:00:40.200 Not only will we answer some emails and dive into 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:43.600 some articles that Jared has dug up about dating amidst 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:47.600 uh the quarantine, we also have Sukanya Krishnan, who is 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:51.199 the host of Find Love Live on TLC, which is 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:53.960 a new show that's coming out. Sounds pretty interesting. UM, 0:00:54.000 --> 0:00:55.960 so stick around for that. But Jared, I know that 0:00:56.480 --> 0:00:58.480 you have some articles you want to share. I was 0:00:58.520 --> 0:01:01.360 thinking about starting this episode off with some emails, just 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:03.280 to spice things up a little bit. But I think that, 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:05.600 you know, we can stick with the tried and true 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:08.000 method that we have as it is. I mean, we 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:09.800 could do whatever we want. Dean. You know what. The 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:13.479 great thing about having your own podcast is we can 0:01:13.560 --> 0:01:17.360 do whatever we want. That's the important thing. So what 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:18.880 do you want to do? I don't know what do 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:21.840 you want to do? Uh? Let's uh, let's do you 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:24.959 know what, Seeing how everything right now in the world 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:27.840 is just flipped upside down, let's do an email to 0:01:27.880 --> 0:01:30.880 start off the podcast. Let's switch things up a little bit, 0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:33.240 you know, keep it fresh. It's great, that's great. I 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:37.920 got an email right here from anonymous. They say I 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:40.360 met this guy a month before quarantine and we were 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:42.880 able to go out on a couple of days before. Oh. Actually, 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:45.520 you know what, let me back it up a little bit. 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:48.400 I was curious if you're going to let this man 0:01:48.480 --> 0:01:51.240 read an email because we do have Mark here. I'm sorry, 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:53.080 I'm not used to having them on the actual podcast. 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:55.800 This is my first half, I second dating in many months. 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:58.680 It's been too long, far too long. We need you 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:00.200 to read this email for us. If you don't mind, 0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:01.880 it would be my pleasure. Thank you very much. My 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:05.600 god m h see we're bringing up or the anonymous one. Okay, 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:11.280 I see anonymous, not nick L. I met this guy 0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:13.080 a month before quarantine, and we were able to go 0:02:13.120 --> 0:02:14.680 out in a couple of days before the stay at 0:02:14.680 --> 0:02:17.639 homeboard it was put in place. Since then, we've only 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:20.399 seen each other maybe once a week. We still talk 0:02:20.480 --> 0:02:22.639 every day, we've face time often. I'm at a point 0:02:22.639 --> 0:02:24.840 where I'm ready for a relationship, but he is expressed 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:27.000 to me before that it doesn't know when he'll be 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:29.760 ready for a relationship. I often see him interacting with 0:02:29.800 --> 0:02:32.400 other girls on social media, but don't say anything about 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:34.840 it because he's not my boyfriend. Should I wait until 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:37.400 after quarantine to see where this goes and continue to 0:02:37.400 --> 0:02:40.280 talk to him now, or save myself from the heartache 0:02:40.320 --> 0:02:42.799 and let him know that we should not continue heard? 0:02:42.880 --> 0:02:46.520 What do you think? Um, So, she met this guy 0:02:46.680 --> 0:02:50.960 a month before everything got shut down, they still talk. 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:53.600 That's a good thing for anybody doing going through a 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.720 long distance relationship right now. As we've said time and 0:02:56.760 --> 0:03:00.600 time again, FaceTime talk. Make sure you're consistently talking to 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:03.280 each other, because once you start losing contact, that's when 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:06.920 like things just fade away. But she's ready for a relationship, 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:12.360 and apparently this guy expressed before that he's not ready 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:14.440 for one. Seems like a little bit of a cop out. 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:16.400 I feel like any guy who says he's not ready 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:20.079 for a relationship, even if it's slightly true, it also 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:24.840 might just mean he doesn't like you add that much. 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:27.359 Maybe he just wants to stick around for a little bit, 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:34.359 That's what I mean. If he's not committing at being 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:38.160 in like the loneliest stage of the world right now, 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:40.640 he's not going to commit later, Well, I guess I'm 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:43.360 just saying that he's not. There's nothing against anonymous in 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:45.320 this case. It's just the guy that she's interested in 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:47.080 is at a stage in his life where he just 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:48.960 wants to talk to other people what it sounds like. 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:51.320 But I also don't think, on that same note that 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:53.200 it's not a It's never a bad idea to tell 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:55.280 someone how you feel. So in her case right now, 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:58.040 I don't think that there's anything wrong with it being like, hey, 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:00.960 I want this to go somewhere. Do you think it's 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:04.760 coming off to too strong too fast? I don't think 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:06.480 there really is so much of a thing is too 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:08.320 strong too fast. You know, if you got a feeling, 0:04:08.520 --> 0:04:10.119 if you have, if you feel some way about something, 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:12.160 just tell a person and maybe they don't feel the 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:14.040 same way, and then, like she said, she can save 0:04:14.040 --> 0:04:17.000 herself some heartach later on because you might not get there. 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:22.880 Sorry to interrupt, but girls are literally called crazy pretty 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:26.120 much nine nine point nine percent of their lifetime. Yeah, 0:04:27.080 --> 0:04:30.920 so coming on strong and fast does hurt us as 0:04:30.920 --> 0:04:39.040 a woman crazy, I will mute you. That's fair. You 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:41.279 do have the power to do that. I just I 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:43.440 guess My point is it's never a bad idea to 0:04:43.480 --> 0:04:47.960 tell someone how you feel. I think that's sweet in theory, 0:04:48.080 --> 0:04:50.160 and I often give the advice to go ahead and 0:04:50.200 --> 0:04:52.880 shoot your shot. But in this scenario, I got a couple. 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:54.520 I got a bad feeling about it. First of all, 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:56.880 what do you have to gain if you can't see 0:04:56.920 --> 0:04:59.200 each other because you're in quarantine for months and months? 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:03.920 What next level are you hoping to achieve? And secondly, 0:05:04.360 --> 0:05:07.479 I do believe that I'm not ready for relationship right now. 0:05:08.240 --> 0:05:11.839 He would be if his dream woman walked into his life, 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:17.719 and you're clearly not that right. I don't know, I 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:21.440 just I just disagree respectfully. Of course, what do you 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:24.840 disagree on. You're a guy who's avoided relationships before. Yeah, 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:26.360 because I was at that stage of my life where 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:28.640 I was avoiding relationships like, if Kalin walked into my 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:30.160 life when I was twenty four, I probably would have 0:05:30.160 --> 0:05:31.440 found a way to mess it up, I guess at 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:34.960 my point. And he's just in this phase right now 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:37.279 in his life where in my opinion, judging by what 0:05:37.360 --> 0:05:39.440 we know, that he just wants to kind of play 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:41.440 the field, not commit to anyone, and do his own 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:44.679 thanks sort of thing. Yeah, that's that Hypothetically, if Klin 0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:46.360 walked into your life at twenty four and you messed 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:48.800 it up, that's not Klin's problem. So like, if this 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:51.880 guy messes it up, that's not anonymous problem. She can 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:53.960 only control what she can control, That's what I'm saying. 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:55.560 But she can to control what she can control. But 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:57.400 I think that she doesn't want to have any regrets 0:05:57.400 --> 0:05:59.479 and be remorseful about not sharing her the way she 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:02.680 feels about somewhere rather than playing it COI playing it 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:05.240 cool and acting like the cool girl when in reality, 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:08.520 because she's like so chill about everything. He's got her 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:10.960 at like number three on a roster, on his roster, 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:13.960 and then once the quarantine's over, he's sitting up girl 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:16.360 number one, girl number two, and then he hits up 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:18.440 girl number three and at that point, it's like who 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:20.320 wants to be number three? Anyways? You know what I mean? 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:23.520 He's benching her. He's absolutely benching. Yeah, he's keeping his 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:25.920 eyes open, he's looking around, he's got her. I don't 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:28.320 know what they've done physically. It doesn't stay in this email, 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:31.080 But if there's been anything that's been done physically, I 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:34.279 think he's mentioning her. Yes, And even if there wasn't 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:36.160 anything done physically, I think he's still benching. So I 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:39.039 kind of what do you call this is? Would this 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:41.920 be if she ends this? Is this technically a breakup 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:46.200 or not? Because if you yourn't boyfriend and girlfriend? Is 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:48.440 it just do you call it a discussion? Do you 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:52.440 call it a I don't know. It was like everything 0:06:52.640 --> 0:06:55.440 that turned into nothing, That's what I would call I 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:57.680 don't think that they're they're definitely not breaking up because 0:06:57.680 --> 0:06:59.800 they're not together. But also, let's not get ahead of 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.040 ours is maybe she's gonna share how she feels and 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:03.960 then this guy's gonna come back and be like, oh, 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:06.159 you know what, I actually feel the same way. Let's 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:10.480 be boyfriend girlfriends. Officially that's from this email at all. 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:12.960 That's im I obviously, you know you never know it's 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:15.240 gonna happen. That's what I think what an ideal situation 0:07:15.240 --> 0:07:20.040 would be. But also, would you rather, would you rather 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:22.840 express the way that you feel to someone get turned 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:27.200 down or just be have this crappy relationship strung out, 0:07:27.200 --> 0:07:29.400 being uncertain about whether he's talking to other girls and 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:32.000 looking up with other girls whatever, you know what I mean. 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:34.960 I think of the three scenarios, you tell him he 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:36.400 likes you, you you tell him he doesn't like you, You You 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:38.480 don't tell him, and you just carry on doing what 0:07:38.520 --> 0:07:41.440 you're doing. The worst scenario is telling him or not 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:44.640 telling him and just carrying on and being unfulfilled and unsatisfied. 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:49.960 And by that logic of deduction, my point is proven 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:53.200 because I think that the two best options come from 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:56.120 telling him how you feel, and the third option, in 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:58.840 my opinion, stucks, and that's the one that doesn't involve 0:07:58.880 --> 0:08:01.480 something him how you feel. I think that I agree 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:04.360 with that. Yeah, I could, I talked, I turned Mark around. 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:06.239 I can't believe you're gonna You don't want to wonder 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:10.920 the forever? You can't just sit in limbo and wonder forever. Okay, best, Wow, 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:12.960 what a great way to start this podcast. No, I 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:16.040 totally agree with Dean. I think, listen, what's the worst 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:18.400 that gonna happen? Like you said, it's really not a 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:21.560 relationship right now anyway, So worst case scenario you guys 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:25.720 don't work out. Yeah, exactly the next one. Tori has 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:27.800 a point. Tori has a point. I have to just 0:08:27.880 --> 0:08:31.840 ask for the ladies, is it technically a red flag? 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:35.480 If you were to see a guy often interacting with 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:39.040 other girls on social media, should that be something we 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:43.559 read into or not? Um if it's your boyfriend, absolutely 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:47.319 read into. It depends on the interaction is going. Yeah, 0:08:47.520 --> 0:08:49.360 I wonder what she means by interaction like d m 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:53.360 S comments. Probably comments. I bet you there's like pretty 0:08:53.440 --> 0:08:56.239 there are slimy guys out there that comment like inappropriate 0:08:56.320 --> 0:08:58.640 things on girls photos on Instagram, and those are the 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:01.200 guys who want to stay away from, hopefully something in appropriate. 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:06.040 If he's commenting on like Instagram butt models, then yeah, 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:09.480 red flag. But if it's like his cousin, you just 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:11.160 got to know who the girls are. He could be 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:15.319 like interacting with his sister, right and we all know 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:16.880 how that could work for you. Jared, when you brought 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:19.240 the five girls to the same restaurant over the course 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:20.720 of the week. That's what I mean. I brought my 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:22.280 best friend who's a girl, the one that sign me 0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:25.960 up for the show, my sister, my cousin, and then 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:29.600 a producer from the show, and you're dating the whole town. 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:34.920 Oh I think I think he said Claire, and I 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:39.760 was like, Claire Clair got to Mark find out about Claire. 0:09:39.960 --> 0:09:46.280 The player of rude is, so what are we saying that? 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:50.200 I mean, we're staying tell him how you feel, but um, 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:54.720 I don't have expectations. Yeah, with with no expectations, don't 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:56.720 be attached to the outcome in your head because that 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:59.520 may not happen. My thing is she already knows and 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:02.880 she should just walk away. That you're going to walk 0:10:02.880 --> 0:10:07.319 away that saying anything at all, that's the he has 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:10.760 said everything by not doing anything and saying that he 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:13.440 wasn't he didn't want to be in a relationship. I mean, 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:16.280 if you cut off communication, you'll find out if he's 0:10:16.320 --> 0:10:21.319 interested because she'll come looking for you exactly. Yeah, that's 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:25.000 that's true, But it sounds like he won't, which I guess. 0:10:25.040 --> 0:10:27.319 The Tories point is kind of telling you exactly what 0:10:27.400 --> 0:10:30.839 you need to know. Welcome to my I would take 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:32.400 dark side, but I kind of feel like it's a 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:37.120 light inside. Welcome. Well, I think you've got three great 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:39.280 guys here telling you that you should tell the person 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:41.480 how you feel. And that goes for all the listeners 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:43.360 out there. If you have a guy or a girl 0:10:43.520 --> 0:10:47.280 or whoever it might be uh that you're interested in 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:49.200 and you feel a certain way and you haven't maybe 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:52.360 expressed fully how you feel to that person, just do it. 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:55.559 What do you have to lose? Sometimes Tori's point, it 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:57.199 can kind of come off for a little crazy, little 0:10:57.240 --> 0:10:59.440 too early, but it sounds like they have like established 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:01.200 a pretty good war with each other. You know, they're 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:04.720 talking often, they had hung out already. It only comes 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:07.120 off crazy. It only comes off crazy if their tone 0:11:07.200 --> 0:11:09.800 is crazy. Like if you address someone like an adult 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:13.280 and tell them what you're looking for and this is 0:11:13.280 --> 0:11:15.559 what you want, and if they can't meet that, then 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:17.960 maybe you should go your separate ways, and that's not crazy. 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:21.520 But if a girl or a guy goes from zero 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:24.480 to a hundred and two seconds and rushes them and 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:26.839 calls the other person crazy and they're a player and 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:29.200 they're a douchebag, then yeah, that could come off a 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:31.640 little mod oh I hear is that the root of 0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:35.360 all craziness is men. Thank you. Next email, I don't 0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:39.800 know how you got that well. This one's pretty heavy, 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:41.800 but I think Dean, you might be able to help Amanda. 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:44.120 She said. My boyfriend James found out his dad at 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:47.760 stage three esophageal cancer. He was expected to live fewer 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:50.079 than nine months. Fortunately, if dad was able to get 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:52.720 through multiple surgeries and countless rounds of chemo to live 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:55.880 a full and active life for three years. But this January, 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:58.599 his cancer returned him and death desized quickly. He was 0:11:58.640 --> 0:12:01.360 put in hospice care. He died this past week. I 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:03.880 don't know how to help James get through this. He 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:06.080 cried only once with me and only talked about his 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:09.120 dad's death once. He hasn't taken anytime off from work. 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:12.520 He's been joking around excessively. But the hardest part is 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:15.000 he's going on bike rides until four in the morning, 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:18.560 losing things, misplacing them, sleeping through than six hours a night, 0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:21.439 and making major mistakes at work. I understand this maybe 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:23.560 part of the grieving process, but I wish you would 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:26.320 open up to me or anyone any ideas. Now, Dean, 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:30.040 you obviously have lost people close to you in your life, 0:12:30.080 --> 0:12:32.720 and I remember you talking about a girl who really 0:12:32.760 --> 0:12:35.600 helped you when your mom passed. So I think the 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.960 question is what does he need and what can she 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:43.160 do for him? Well, when I say that the girl 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:46.040 helped me after my mom had passed, I think what 0:12:46.160 --> 0:12:49.960 she helped me was distracting me and kind of like 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:52.080 making me forget about everything that's going on, which is 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:55.079 maybe that's maybe that's a tip right there. Well, it 0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:56.960 sounds like this is what's what this guy's already doing, 0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:00.520 and yeah, I agree that. Uh this, so she like 0:13:00.640 --> 0:13:02.599 wants him to talk and like open up and like, 0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:06.800 uh dissect his feelings and like go through that with her. 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:09.640 But I think in this situation, it's like you just 0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:12.720 have to be respectful of their healing process and like, 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:14.440 you know, if they want to joke around about it, 0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:16.040 because that's what they need to do to make them 0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:17.720 feel better about it, that's what they're gonna have to do. 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:20.960 And I don't think that, Like I think back to 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:25.040 past relationships where you know, I'm like I'm like open 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:27.240 about having lost my mom and all that stuff, but 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:29.240 I don't really get emotional about it anymore. And I 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:31.640 remember dating someone and she was like Jeff kept like 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:34.880 pushing me and like urging me to get emotional about it, uh, 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:37.640 and like wanted to be the person there that was 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:41.960 like helping me overcome this emotional you know, uh, whatever 0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:43.960 for for having that happen. And I was just like 0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:45.840 it kind of like just pushed me away. If anything. 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:47.920 It's like when the person wants to open up, they'll 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:49.360 open up, and the best thing that you can do 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:51.440 for them is be there for them when they're ready 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:53.440 to open up. But you're not going to help them 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:56.640 get to that point by just like prodding and like 0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:59.480 continuously asking questions about it. I mean ask questions, sure, 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:03.400 but not like you know, not like forcing that person 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:06.120 to open up with you. Um. But in regards to 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:09.240 things like you know, misplacing things, sleeping fewer than six hours, 0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:11.760 and I making major mistakes at work, I think that's 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:13.800 just maybe like he's just a little sad and needs 0:14:13.800 --> 0:14:16.560 time to process it. I guess since I was so 0:14:16.640 --> 0:14:18.640 young when that happened, I didn't like have work. I 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:20.520 guess I was missing school and all that kind of stuff. 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:22.960 But I was kind of just repelling. Uh, So that's 0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:24.560 my advice. It's just kind of give him his time, 0:14:24.600 --> 0:14:26.200 give him, not give him a space, but make sure 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:28.160 you're there for him when he needs you, because at 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:30.600 some point he's going to you know, he should talk 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:33.600 to somebody. It may not be her, Unfortunately, she should 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:35.880 like to teach that person. Well, yeah, he should talk 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:37.680 to somebody, but he should be the one that makes 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:39.640 that decision of who he talks to and when he 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:41.800 talks to them. Like when I was, I was put 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:45.520 into therapy after the hunter died and after my mom died, 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:47.440 and it didn't do anything for me because I don't 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:48.600 want to be there. Like, if this guy doesn't want 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:50.320 to be in therapy, he's not going to get anything 0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:52.360 out of it. So just like, you know, be there 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:53.880 for him when he needs you. I guess that's my 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:57.280 only real advice. What do you guys think? How's my advice? 0:14:57.640 --> 0:14:59.600 I mean, you can give a far better answer than 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:03.400 than I ken Man, but I agree with everything he said. Yeah, 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:08.360 just be there, Just be there. Yeah, jos, I'm concerned 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:10.440 about the four um bike rides, but yeah, she may 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:12.520 not be able to be everything she wants to be 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:15.840 in this situation. But just being there might be enough. 0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:18.800 I mean, like, look, a bike ride until four am 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:22.840 is better than like binge drinking every night until well 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:25.560 nobody knows what he's doing on these bike rides. I 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:27.720 think that would be the nerve racking park. I suppose. 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:29.600 I don't know. It's just a tricky thing obviously, because 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:31.120 you don't want to go overstep. You don't want them 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:34.800 to get uncomfortable. Um. But yeah, I think like the 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:36.400 one thing that maybe I wish I had more of 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:40.240 was people that were willing to sit down and talk 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:42.880 with me about it, because since I didn't really have 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:45.480 anyone like that, it kind of just continuously made me 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:47.360 put up walls and then never really want to talk 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:49.280 about it ever, even to this day. Like you know, 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:50.840 I talked about it, but I don't talk about it 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:53.640 as much as I maybe could. Uh. And so for 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:55.560 this email or, I think that's the best thing she 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:58.360 can do is, like I said, just continuously remind him 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:00.680 that it's like a safe place for to open up 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:05.200 if he wants to. Yeah. Good, And this is an 0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:07.920 interesting question for you too, that that Torrion I would 0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:10.280 have no experience with. How do you guys deal with 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:13.280 so much public opinion on your relationships. I would think 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:16.360 it'd be hard reading people's opinions and comments all the time, 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:18.360 but you must have all figured a way to move 0:16:18.440 --> 0:16:22.160 past that. Is it ever gets you down? That's Christine Jared. 0:16:23.480 --> 0:16:27.320 I mean sometimes it gets you down. You just can't 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:32.920 really have it affect you greatly. I think it's not. Uh, 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:36.040 it's when there's a cluster of comments, right, because that's 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:38.680 when you start believing people, when not just one person 0:16:38.760 --> 0:16:41.760 saying something, but you know five or six or seven, 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:44.160 which is still a small minority, but in your head 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:47.720 is the worst thing ever. Um. But I would say 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:51.120 the public persona like the scrutiny that comes from the 0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:53.720 public can be hard, but I will say that it's 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:57.600 it is greatly outweighed by the support that Ashley and 0:16:57.640 --> 0:16:59.920 I get from a lot of the people that have 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:03.120 seen us on television. So, just like anything in life, 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:05.120 you gotta take the good with the bad. That's kind 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:07.560 of my mindset towards it, and try not to listen 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:10.560 to it, even though sometimes we do, which is not healthy. 0:17:11.200 --> 0:17:14.520 But I guess we're human. Yeah, I guess. The thing 0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:16.879 that I always tell myself whenever read anything negative is 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:21.679 it's the people that know the least and uh have 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:24.359 like the least information about the situation that are saying 0:17:24.359 --> 0:17:27.160 the most and making the most bizarre comments and being 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:31.240 the most judgmental or critical. And it's just like, I 0:17:31.280 --> 0:17:34.120 always just tell myself, these people are idiots. I'm an idiot. Obviously, 0:17:34.160 --> 0:17:37.480 every we're all idiots. But when people are like negatively 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:39.960 bashing either you or your relationship, they're doing it with 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:43.359 like limited information and they're doing it probably specifically to 0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:45.160 get our eyes out of you. So the best thing 0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:47.080 you can do is just kind of ignore them, because 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:50.320 by retaliating or engaging with them and you're giving them 0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:53.280 exactly what they want. But it is weird. It's weird 0:17:53.320 --> 0:17:55.840 going from like, you know, all of your relationships being 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:58.879 just your relationships now like your relationship with actually is 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:01.000 like shared with the world old and mine was with 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:04.199 Kaylin is shared with the world in ways that, uh, 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:07.639 I guess not many people get to or have to experience. 0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:09.880 So it's just like, yeah, now it's not so bad. 0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:12.040 I would say the worst part of it was when 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:17.119 um uh it's probably I guess, I guess like the 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:18.679 best and the worst part of it was when we 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:22.200 first came out as a couple because just so many 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:25.960 people had questions and then people had doubts. I think 0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:27.639 a lot of people had doubts. I guess that's the 0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:31.280 hardest one is when people say dumb stuff like they 0:18:31.320 --> 0:18:34.119 know for a fact that we're fake and the wedding 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:38.040 was a ruse and it's all publicity stunt. And I 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:40.320 guess that gets me mad just because of the the 0:18:40.400 --> 0:18:44.600 false nature of it, Like how and how wrong they are, 0:18:44.840 --> 0:18:46.600 you know, that's what makes me. It's like, why would 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:49.080 you if if somebody was like, I don't I don't 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:51.119 buy it, It's like, okay, whatever, you can have your opinion. 0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:52.639 But I've seen people will be like, no, I know 0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:55.320 it's fake, and it's like, okay, yeah, no, you know 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:58.640 you know better than me. B Well, what's the theory there. 0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:01.560 The theory is that you talked to your friend Ashley 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:04.520 and said, look, there's obviously no romantic stuff between us, 0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:06.320 but I really think we could get a lot of 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:09.640 publicity if we pretended to get married. Yeah, I mean, 0:19:09.640 --> 0:19:13.680 the marriage thing is ridiculous. Not that many people say 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:17.119 that anymore, or like that was very few and far between, 0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:19.320