Speaker 1: Hell I Suck It with Jared Haven I heart radio podcast.
Speaker 1: What's up? Everyone, Welcome to an all new episode of
Speaker 1: Help I Suck at Dating? If you heard Mark, I'm
Speaker 1: Dean Unglert, and we got Jared Haban over there, Haben,
Speaker 1: my apologies over there and my last name? How long
Speaker 1: were we do this problem? My wedding? You know, it's
Speaker 1: one of those that sometimes I see it and I
Speaker 1: think differently about how it's actually pronounced. Um over on
Speaker 1: the East coast, we're on the West coast. Over here.
Speaker 1: We got a great episode for you guys today. Uh.
Speaker 1: Not only will we answer some emails and dive into
Speaker 1: some articles that Jared has dug up about dating amidst
Speaker 1: uh the quarantine, we also have Sukanya Krishnan, who is
Speaker 1: the host of Find Love Live on TLC, which is
Speaker 1: a new show that's coming out. Sounds pretty interesting. UM,
Speaker 1: so stick around for that. But Jared, I know that
Speaker 1: you have some articles you want to share. I was
Speaker 1: thinking about starting this episode off with some emails, just
Speaker 1: to spice things up a little bit. But I think that,
Speaker 1: you know, we can stick with the tried and true
Speaker 1: method that we have as it is. I mean, we
Speaker 1: could do whatever we want. Dean. You know what. The
Speaker 1: great thing about having your own podcast is we can
Speaker 1: do whatever we want. That's the important thing. So what
Speaker 1: do you want to do? I don't know what do
Speaker 1: you want to do? Uh? Let's uh, let's do you
Speaker 1: know what, Seeing how everything right now in the world
Speaker 1: is just flipped upside down, let's do an email to
Speaker 1: start off the podcast. Let's switch things up a little bit,
Speaker 1: you know, keep it fresh. It's great, that's great. I
Speaker 1: got an email right here from anonymous. They say I
Speaker 1: met this guy a month before quarantine and we were
Speaker 1: able to go out on a couple of days before. Oh. Actually,
Speaker 1: you know what, let me back it up a little bit.
Speaker 1: I was curious if you're going to let this man
Speaker 1: read an email because we do have Mark here. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm not used to having them on the actual podcast.
Speaker 1: This is my first half, I second dating in many months.
Speaker 1: It's been too long, far too long. We need you
Speaker 1: to read this email for us. If you don't mind,
Speaker 1: it would be my pleasure. Thank you very much. My
Speaker 1: god m h see we're bringing up or the anonymous one. Okay,
Speaker 1: I see anonymous, not nick L. I met this guy
Speaker 1: a month before quarantine, and we were able to go
Speaker 1: out in a couple of days before the stay at
Speaker 1: homeboard it was put in place. Since then, we've only
Speaker 1: seen each other maybe once a week. We still talk
Speaker 1: every day, we've face time often. I'm at a point
Speaker 1: where I'm ready for a relationship, but he is expressed
Speaker 1: to me before that it doesn't know when he'll be
Speaker 1: ready for a relationship. I often see him interacting with
Speaker 1: other girls on social media, but don't say anything about
Speaker 1: it because he's not my boyfriend. Should I wait until
Speaker 1: after quarantine to see where this goes and continue to
Speaker 1: talk to him now, or save myself from the heartache
Speaker 1: and let him know that we should not continue heard?
Speaker 1: What do you think? Um, So, she met this guy
Speaker 1: a month before everything got shut down, they still talk.
Speaker 1: That's a good thing for anybody doing going through a
Speaker 1: long distance relationship right now. As we've said time and
Speaker 1: time again, FaceTime talk. Make sure you're consistently talking to
Speaker 1: each other, because once you start losing contact, that's when
Speaker 1: like things just fade away. But she's ready for a relationship,
Speaker 1: and apparently this guy expressed before that he's not ready
Speaker 1: for one. Seems like a little bit of a cop out.
Speaker 1: I feel like any guy who says he's not ready
Speaker 1: for a relationship, even if it's slightly true, it also
Speaker 1: might just mean he doesn't like you add that much.
Speaker 1: Maybe he just wants to stick around for a little bit,
Speaker 1: That's what I mean. If he's not committing at being
Speaker 1: in like the loneliest stage of the world right now,
Speaker 1: he's not going to commit later, Well, I guess I'm
Speaker 1: just saying that he's not. There's nothing against anonymous in
Speaker 1: this case. It's just the guy that she's interested in
Speaker 1: is at a stage in his life where he just
Speaker 1: wants to talk to other people what it sounds like.
Speaker 1: But I also don't think, on that same note that
Speaker 1: it's not a It's never a bad idea to tell
Speaker 1: someone how you feel. So in her case right now,
Speaker 1: I don't think that there's anything wrong with it being like, hey,
Speaker 1: I want this to go somewhere. Do you think it's
Speaker 1: coming off to too strong too fast? I don't think
Speaker 1: there really is so much of a thing is too
Speaker 1: strong too fast. You know, if you got a feeling,
Speaker 1: if you have, if you feel some way about something,
Speaker 1: just tell a person and maybe they don't feel the
Speaker 1: same way, and then, like she said, she can save
Speaker 1: herself some heartach later on because you might not get there.
Speaker 1: Sorry to interrupt, but girls are literally called crazy pretty
Speaker 1: much nine nine point nine percent of their lifetime. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so coming on strong and fast does hurt us as
Speaker 1: a woman crazy, I will mute you. That's fair. You
Speaker 1: do have the power to do that. I just I
Speaker 1: guess My point is it's never a bad idea to
Speaker 1: tell someone how you feel. I think that's sweet in theory,
Speaker 1: and I often give the advice to go ahead and
Speaker 1: shoot your shot. But in this scenario, I got a couple.
Speaker 1: I got a bad feeling about it. First of all,
Speaker 1: what do you have to gain if you can't see
Speaker 1: each other because you're in quarantine for months and months?
Speaker 1: What next level are you hoping to achieve? And secondly,
Speaker 1: I do believe that I'm not ready for relationship right now.
Speaker 1: He would be if his dream woman walked into his life,
Speaker 1: and you're clearly not that right. I don't know, I
Speaker 1: just I just disagree respectfully. Of course, what do you
Speaker 1: disagree on. You're a guy who's avoided relationships before. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I was at that stage of my life where
Speaker 1: I was avoiding relationships like, if Kalin walked into my
Speaker 1: life when I was twenty four, I probably would have
Speaker 1: found a way to mess it up, I guess at
Speaker 1: my point. And he's just in this phase right now
Speaker 1: in his life where in my opinion, judging by what
Speaker 1: we know, that he just wants to kind of play
Speaker 1: the field, not commit to anyone, and do his own
Speaker 1: thanks sort of thing. Yeah, that's that Hypothetically, if Klin
Speaker 1: walked into your life at twenty four and you messed
Speaker 1: it up, that's not Klin's problem. So like, if this
Speaker 1: guy messes it up, that's not anonymous problem. She can
Speaker 1: only control what she can control, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But she can to control what she can control. But
Speaker 1: I think that she doesn't want to have any regrets
Speaker 1: and be remorseful about not sharing her the way she
Speaker 1: feels about somewhere rather than playing it COI playing it
Speaker 1: cool and acting like the cool girl when in reality,
Speaker 1: because she's like so chill about everything. He's got her
Speaker 1: at like number three on a roster, on his roster,
Speaker 1: and then once the quarantine's over, he's sitting up girl
Speaker 1: number one, girl number two, and then he hits up
Speaker 1: girl number three and at that point, it's like who
Speaker 1: wants to be number three? Anyways? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: He's benching her. He's absolutely benching. Yeah, he's keeping his
Speaker 1: eyes open, he's looking around, he's got her. I don't
Speaker 1: know what they've done physically. It doesn't stay in this email,
Speaker 1: But if there's been anything that's been done physically, I
Speaker 1: think he's mentioning her. Yes, And even if there wasn't
Speaker 1: anything done physically, I think he's still benching. So I
Speaker 1: kind of what do you call this is? Would this
Speaker 1: be if she ends this? Is this technically a breakup
Speaker 1: or not? Because if you yourn't boyfriend and girlfriend? Is
Speaker 1: it just do you call it a discussion? Do you
Speaker 1: call it a I don't know. It was like everything
Speaker 1: that turned into nothing, That's what I would call I
Speaker 1: don't think that they're they're definitely not breaking up because
Speaker 1: they're not together. But also, let's not get ahead of
Speaker 1: ours is maybe she's gonna share how she feels and
Speaker 1: then this guy's gonna come back and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know what, I actually feel the same way. Let's
Speaker 1: be boyfriend girlfriends. Officially that's from this email at all.
Speaker 1: That's im I obviously, you know you never know it's
Speaker 1: gonna happen. That's what I think what an ideal situation
Speaker 1: would be. But also, would you rather, would you rather
Speaker 1: express the way that you feel to someone get turned
Speaker 1: down or just be have this crappy relationship strung out,
Speaker 1: being uncertain about whether he's talking to other girls and
Speaker 1: looking up with other girls whatever, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I think of the three scenarios, you tell him he
Speaker 1: likes you, you you tell him he doesn't like you, You You
Speaker 1: don't tell him, and you just carry on doing what
Speaker 1: you're doing. The worst scenario is telling him or not
Speaker 1: telling him and just carrying on and being unfulfilled and unsatisfied.
Speaker 1: And by that logic of deduction, my point is proven
Speaker 1: because I think that the two best options come from
Speaker 1: telling him how you feel, and the third option, in
Speaker 1: my opinion, stucks, and that's the one that doesn't involve
Speaker 1: something him how you feel. I think that I agree
Speaker 1: with that. Yeah, I could, I talked, I turned Mark around.
Speaker 1: I can't believe you're gonna You don't want to wonder
Speaker 1: the forever? You can't just sit in limbo and wonder forever. Okay, best, Wow,
Speaker 1: what a great way to start this podcast. No, I
Speaker 1: totally agree with Dean. I think, listen, what's the worst
Speaker 1: that gonna happen? Like you said, it's really not a
Speaker 1: relationship right now anyway, So worst case scenario you guys
Speaker 1: don't work out. Yeah, exactly the next one. Tori has
Speaker 1: a point. Tori has a point. I have to just
Speaker 1: ask for the ladies, is it technically a red flag?
Speaker 1: If you were to see a guy often interacting with
Speaker 1: other girls on social media, should that be something we
Speaker 1: read into or not? Um if it's your boyfriend, absolutely
Speaker 1: read into. It depends on the interaction is going. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wonder what she means by interaction like d m
Speaker 1: S comments. Probably comments. I bet you there's like pretty
Speaker 1: there are slimy guys out there that comment like inappropriate
Speaker 1: things on girls photos on Instagram, and those are the
Speaker 1: guys who want to stay away from, hopefully something in appropriate.
Speaker 1: If he's commenting on like Instagram butt models, then yeah,
Speaker 1: red flag. But if it's like his cousin, you just
Speaker 1: got to know who the girls are. He could be
Speaker 1: like interacting with his sister, right and we all know
Speaker 1: how that could work for you. Jared, when you brought
Speaker 1: the five girls to the same restaurant over the course
Speaker 1: of the week. That's what I mean. I brought my
Speaker 1: best friend who's a girl, the one that sign me
Speaker 1: up for the show, my sister, my cousin, and then
Speaker 1: a producer from the show, and you're dating the whole town.
Speaker 1: Oh I think I think he said Claire, and I
Speaker 1: was like, Claire Clair got to Mark find out about Claire.
Speaker 1: The player of rude is, so what are we saying that?
Speaker 1: I mean, we're staying tell him how you feel, but um,
Speaker 1: I don't have expectations. Yeah, with with no expectations, don't
Speaker 1: be attached to the outcome in your head because that
Speaker 1: may not happen. My thing is she already knows and
Speaker 1: she should just walk away. That you're going to walk
Speaker 1: away that saying anything at all, that's the he has
Speaker 1: said everything by not doing anything and saying that he
Speaker 1: wasn't he didn't want to be in a relationship. I mean,
Speaker 1: if you cut off communication, you'll find out if he's
Speaker 1: interested because she'll come looking for you exactly. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: that's true, But it sounds like he won't, which I guess.
Speaker 1: The Tories point is kind of telling you exactly what
Speaker 1: you need to know. Welcome to my I would take
Speaker 1: dark side, but I kind of feel like it's a
Speaker 1: light inside. Welcome. Well, I think you've got three great
Speaker 1: guys here telling you that you should tell the person
Speaker 1: how you feel. And that goes for all the listeners
Speaker 1: out there. If you have a guy or a girl
Speaker 1: or whoever it might be uh that you're interested in
Speaker 1: and you feel a certain way and you haven't maybe
Speaker 1: expressed fully how you feel to that person, just do it.
Speaker 1: What do you have to lose? Sometimes Tori's point, it
Speaker 1: can kind of come off for a little crazy, little
Speaker 1: too early, but it sounds like they have like established
Speaker 1: a pretty good war with each other. You know, they're
Speaker 1: talking often, they had hung out already. It only comes
Speaker 1: off crazy. It only comes off crazy if their tone
Speaker 1: is crazy. Like if you address someone like an adult
Speaker 1: and tell them what you're looking for and this is
Speaker 1: what you want, and if they can't meet that, then
Speaker 1: maybe you should go your separate ways, and that's not crazy.
Speaker 1: But if a girl or a guy goes from zero
Speaker 1: to a hundred and two seconds and rushes them and
Speaker 1: calls the other person crazy and they're a player and
Speaker 1: they're a douchebag, then yeah, that could come off a
Speaker 1: little mod oh I hear is that the root of
Speaker 1: all craziness is men. Thank you. Next email, I don't
Speaker 1: know how you got that well. This one's pretty heavy,
Speaker 1: but I think Dean, you might be able to help Amanda.
Speaker 1: She said. My boyfriend James found out his dad at
Speaker 1: stage three esophageal cancer. He was expected to live fewer
Speaker 1: than nine months. Fortunately, if dad was able to get
Speaker 1: through multiple surgeries and countless rounds of chemo to live
Speaker 1: a full and active life for three years. But this January,
Speaker 1: his cancer returned him and death desized quickly. He was
Speaker 1: put in hospice care. He died this past week. I
Speaker 1: don't know how to help James get through this. He
Speaker 1: cried only once with me and only talked about his
Speaker 1: dad's death once. He hasn't taken anytime off from work.
Speaker 1: He's been joking around excessively. But the hardest part is
Speaker 1: he's going on bike rides until four in the morning,
Speaker 1: losing things, misplacing them, sleeping through than six hours a night,
Speaker 1: and making major mistakes at work. I understand this maybe
Speaker 1: part of the grieving process, but I wish you would
Speaker 1: open up to me or anyone any ideas. Now, Dean,
Speaker 1: you obviously have lost people close to you in your life,
Speaker 1: and I remember you talking about a girl who really
Speaker 1: helped you when your mom passed. So I think the
Speaker 1: question is what does he need and what can she
Speaker 1: do for him? Well, when I say that the girl
Speaker 1: helped me after my mom had passed, I think what
Speaker 1: she helped me was distracting me and kind of like
Speaker 1: making me forget about everything that's going on, which is
Speaker 1: maybe that's maybe that's a tip right there. Well, it
Speaker 1: sounds like this is what's what this guy's already doing,
Speaker 1: and yeah, I agree that. Uh this, so she like
Speaker 1: wants him to talk and like open up and like,
Speaker 1: uh dissect his feelings and like go through that with her.
Speaker 1: But I think in this situation, it's like you just
Speaker 1: have to be respectful of their healing process and like,
Speaker 1: you know, if they want to joke around about it,
Speaker 1: because that's what they need to do to make them
Speaker 1: feel better about it, that's what they're gonna have to do.
Speaker 1: And I don't think that, Like I think back to
Speaker 1: past relationships where you know, I'm like I'm like open
Speaker 1: about having lost my mom and all that stuff, but
Speaker 1: I don't really get emotional about it anymore. And I
Speaker 1: remember dating someone and she was like Jeff kept like
Speaker 1: pushing me and like urging me to get emotional about it, uh,
Speaker 1: and like wanted to be the person there that was
Speaker 1: like helping me overcome this emotional you know, uh, whatever
Speaker 1: for for having that happen. And I was just like
Speaker 1: it kind of like just pushed me away. If anything.
Speaker 1: It's like when the person wants to open up, they'll
Speaker 1: open up, and the best thing that you can do
Speaker 1: for them is be there for them when they're ready
Speaker 1: to open up. But you're not going to help them
Speaker 1: get to that point by just like prodding and like
Speaker 1: continuously asking questions about it. I mean ask questions, sure,
Speaker 1: but not like you know, not like forcing that person
Speaker 1: to open up with you. Um. But in regards to
Speaker 1: things like you know, misplacing things, sleeping fewer than six hours,
Speaker 1: and I making major mistakes at work, I think that's
Speaker 1: just maybe like he's just a little sad and needs
Speaker 1: time to process it. I guess since I was so
Speaker 1: young when that happened, I didn't like have work. I
Speaker 1: guess I was missing school and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: But I was kind of just repelling. Uh, So that's
Speaker 1: my advice. It's just kind of give him his time,
Speaker 1: give him, not give him a space, but make sure
Speaker 1: you're there for him when he needs you, because at
Speaker 1: some point he's going to you know, he should talk
Speaker 1: to somebody. It may not be her, Unfortunately, she should
Speaker 1: like to teach that person. Well, yeah, he should talk
Speaker 1: to somebody, but he should be the one that makes
Speaker 1: that decision of who he talks to and when he
Speaker 1: talks to them. Like when I was, I was put
Speaker 1: into therapy after the hunter died and after my mom died,
Speaker 1: and it didn't do anything for me because I don't
Speaker 1: want to be there. Like, if this guy doesn't want
Speaker 1: to be in therapy, he's not going to get anything
Speaker 1: out of it. So just like, you know, be there
Speaker 1: for him when he needs you. I guess that's my
Speaker 1: only real advice. What do you guys think? How's my advice?
Speaker 1: I mean, you can give a far better answer than
Speaker 1: than I ken Man, but I agree with everything he said. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just be there, Just be there. Yeah, jos, I'm concerned
Speaker 1: about the four um bike rides, but yeah, she may
Speaker 1: not be able to be everything she wants to be
Speaker 1: in this situation. But just being there might be enough.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, look, a bike ride until four am
Speaker 1: is better than like binge drinking every night until well
Speaker 1: nobody knows what he's doing on these bike rides. I
Speaker 1: think that would be the nerve racking park. I suppose.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's just a tricky thing obviously, because
Speaker 1: you don't want to go overstep. You don't want them
Speaker 1: to get uncomfortable. Um. But yeah, I think like the
Speaker 1: one thing that maybe I wish I had more of
Speaker 1: was people that were willing to sit down and talk
Speaker 1: with me about it, because since I didn't really have
Speaker 1: anyone like that, it kind of just continuously made me
Speaker 1: put up walls and then never really want to talk
Speaker 1: about it ever, even to this day. Like you know,
Speaker 1: I talked about it, but I don't talk about it
Speaker 1: as much as I maybe could. Uh. And so for
Speaker 1: this email or, I think that's the best thing she
Speaker 1: can do is, like I said, just continuously remind him
Speaker 1: that it's like a safe place for to open up
Speaker 1: if he wants to. Yeah. Good, And this is an
Speaker 1: interesting question for you too, that that Torrion I would
Speaker 1: have no experience with. How do you guys deal with
Speaker 1: so much public opinion on your relationships. I would think
Speaker 1: it'd be hard reading people's opinions and comments all the time,
Speaker 1: but you must have all figured a way to move
Speaker 1: past that. Is it ever gets you down? That's Christine Jared.
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes it gets you down. You just can't
Speaker 1: really have it affect you greatly. I think it's not. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's when there's a cluster of comments, right, because that's
Speaker 1: when you start believing people, when not just one person
Speaker 1: saying something, but you know five or six or seven,
Speaker 1: which is still a small minority, but in your head
Speaker 1: is the worst thing ever. Um. But I would say
Speaker 1: the public persona like the scrutiny that comes from the
Speaker 1: public can be hard, but I will say that it's
Speaker 1: it is greatly outweighed by the support that Ashley and
Speaker 1: I get from a lot of the people that have
Speaker 1: seen us on television. So, just like anything in life,
Speaker 1: you gotta take the good with the bad. That's kind
Speaker 1: of my mindset towards it, and try not to listen
Speaker 1: to it, even though sometimes we do, which is not healthy.
Speaker 1: But I guess we're human. Yeah, I guess. The thing
Speaker 1: that I always tell myself whenever read anything negative is
Speaker 1: it's the people that know the least and uh have
Speaker 1: like the least information about the situation that are saying
Speaker 1: the most and making the most bizarre comments and being
Speaker 1: the most judgmental or critical. And it's just like, I
Speaker 1: always just tell myself, these people are idiots. I'm an idiot. Obviously,
Speaker 1: every we're all idiots. But when people are like negatively
Speaker 1: bashing either you or your relationship, they're doing it with
Speaker 1: like limited information and they're doing it probably specifically to
Speaker 1: get our eyes out of you. So the best thing
Speaker 1: you can do is just kind of ignore them, because
Speaker 1: by retaliating or engaging with them and you're giving them
Speaker 1: exactly what they want. But it is weird. It's weird
Speaker 1: going from like, you know, all of your relationships being
Speaker 1: just your relationships now like your relationship with actually is
Speaker 1: like shared with the world old and mine was with
Speaker 1: Kaylin is shared with the world in ways that, uh,
Speaker 1: I guess not many people get to or have to experience.
Speaker 1: So it's just like, yeah, now it's not so bad.
Speaker 1: I would say the worst part of it was when
Speaker 1: um uh it's probably I guess, I guess like the
Speaker 1: best and the worst part of it was when we
Speaker 1: first came out as a couple because just so many
Speaker 1: people had questions and then people had doubts. I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people had doubts. I guess that's the
Speaker 1: hardest one is when people say dumb stuff like they
Speaker 1: know for a fact that we're fake and the wedding
Speaker 1: was a ruse and it's all publicity stunt. And I
Speaker 1: guess that gets me mad just because of the the
Speaker 1: false nature of it, Like how and how wrong they are,
Speaker 1: you know, that's what makes me. It's like, why would
Speaker 1: you if if somebody was like, I don't I don't
Speaker 1: buy it, It's like, okay, whatever, you can have your opinion.
Speaker 1: But I've seen people will be like, no, I know
Speaker 1: it's fake, and it's like, okay, yeah, no, you know
Speaker 1: you know better than me. B Well, what's the theory there.
Speaker 1: The theory is that you talked to your friend Ashley
Speaker 1: and said, look, there's obviously no romantic stuff between us,
Speaker 1: but I really think we could get a lot of
Speaker 1: publicity if we pretended to get married. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: the marriage thing is ridiculous. Not that many people say
Speaker 1: that anymore, or like that was very few and far between,
Speaker 1: but like when we first dated, oh yeah, people thought
Speaker 1: it was a publicity's done and then we went on
Speaker 1: Paradise to get engaged and then uh uh yeah, but
Speaker 1: it doesn't really bother us. The funny thing, uh, the
Speaker 1: interesting perspective that I have with my relationship is since
Speaker 1: I've been you know, I was on the show the
Speaker 1: first time like three or four years ago, and Calen
Speaker 1: just you know two years after me, so one or
Speaker 1: two years ago, whatever however long it was. So I
Speaker 1: have like this bigger perspective on relationships, having gone through breakups,
Speaker 1: been in public relationships, and she's like a little bit
Speaker 1: more uh you know, dil ide and like more just
Speaker 1: fresher on the on the whole situation. And so she's
Speaker 1: still like let's let's things get to her some time.
Speaker 1: And I always like had to con and reminder like, hey, like,
Speaker 1: as long as you're happy in this relationship, it shouldn't
Speaker 1: matter what anyone else is saying. Like if people are
Speaker 1: saying that there are relationship is ridiculous, or you know,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, it's like, don't let that affect your
Speaker 1: well being or like your state of mind, because who
Speaker 1: are that They don't know who you are. They just
Speaker 1: are making assumptions, and they're making you feel bad because
Speaker 1: they want to make you feel bad, which is just
Speaker 1: a bad situation. And so as long as you can
Speaker 1: continue to think that, uh, and you don't let them
Speaker 1: drag you down, I think that's the biggest, most important thing.
Speaker 1: So yeah, but for Christians, say hopefully, she I don't know.
Speaker 1: I guess you're right, Jared. It's kind of like a
Speaker 1: blessing and a curse in a sense. Um, But I
Speaker 1: think the good does strongly that way. The bad, Yeah,
Speaker 1: It's just the bad is louder. That's the only thing.
Speaker 1: That people who say the things are just louder than
Speaker 1: the people that say positive things, which is unfortunate. But
Speaker 1: the yeah supports way better. It just greatly outways any
Speaker 1: negativity that comes from it. But we do have a
Speaker 1: guest who's waiting on the line right now. She is
Speaker 1: from the all new series Find Love Live, which is
Speaker 1: on t l C at eleven pm. It is Sukanya
Speaker 1: Krishnan uh and we will talk to her right after
Speaker 1: this break. Hey, welcome back to help I suck it dating.
Speaker 1: We have a great guest who is currently on zoom
Speaker 1: with us right now. She is from the all new
Speaker 1: series Find Love Live, which is on TLC at eleven
Speaker 1: pm Eastern Standard Time. It is Sukanya Krishnan, also known
Speaker 1: as Super. You're so great you pronounce my name. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. Of course, thank you for having YouTube
Speaker 1: clips where I was able to look up your name. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's always a good thing. And you you you called
Speaker 1: yourself Suki, So I don't want people think I was
Speaker 1: giving you like some sort of nickname out of left field.
Speaker 1: That's okay. You know, I've had that nickname since I
Speaker 1: was like ten years old because I think one of
Speaker 1: my teachers basically was like, what is your name Sam?
Speaker 1: And you know, and and she was like, I can't
Speaker 1: say this, so let me just call you Sukie. So
Speaker 1: it just has kind of stuck and has stayed with me.
Speaker 1: So it's just it's easier when we really are you know,
Speaker 1: when you're mad at me, you can call me Sukanya.
Speaker 1: Well we're keeping a chill with my mom's day, she
Speaker 1: calls me my first and middle name. That's how I know.
Speaker 1: So when things are going well, it's just Jared Hey,
Speaker 1: Jared house things, and then when she's piste off of me,
Speaker 1: it's Jared Matthew. So I'm like, gosh, I didn't do something. Uh.
Speaker 1: So Skania, like we said, you are on the new
Speaker 1: TLC show Find Love Live, which helps find singles their
Speaker 1: future partners from their couch, which sounds like the perfect
Speaker 1: date to me. So tell me about the show. Listen.
Speaker 1: We're all living life because we're socially distant right now
Speaker 1: and we're all isolating right so we're finding ourselves in
Speaker 1: this new uh, in this new social experiment should we
Speaker 1: call it that, because that's exactly what it is in
Speaker 1: terms of how do we create relationships uh and not
Speaker 1: feel like we're not connecting? And so TLC came up
Speaker 1: with this like really brilliant idea of using what we're
Speaker 1: doing right now, how people are dating right now, and
Speaker 1: turning it into a live show. Um. And so basically
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, uh, you know, people are in
Speaker 1: these little virtual boxes, and you know you have potential daters.
Speaker 1: You actually could date those potential daters if you go
Speaker 1: to find love live dot com and you like their profile,
Speaker 1: so you could kind of get in on the action
Speaker 1: from your couch. And even when the show is live,
Speaker 1: we could kind of switch out the boxes if the
Speaker 1: data isn't actually feeling you. So there's there's a lot
Speaker 1: of variables in there. And let's say you don't even
Speaker 1: want to get in on the whole dating situation of
Speaker 1: the person that's out there on TV putting it all
Speaker 1: out there. You could just kind of get into your
Speaker 1: Twitter sphere and like ask questions or figure out who
Speaker 1: you would like person X with person why. I mean,
Speaker 1: if we're just talking about Jane and John, you want
Speaker 1: to hook them up together. You thought they have the
Speaker 1: right vibe that you can go in that direction too.
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of that. So how does this expa?
Speaker 1: How does it? So? How does it work? So you
Speaker 1: obviously like pre vet these people that are coming on
Speaker 1: the show, right, Yeah, like okay, you're you're single, you're interesting,
Speaker 1: you like these things we have. You know, is it
Speaker 1: always three suitors or three guys? I mean right now
Speaker 1: it's three, but it could always be. It could be two,
Speaker 1: or it could be like somebody. Let's say that the
Speaker 1: three potential uh people that we thought was cool to
Speaker 1: put out there, this person isn't vibing on well, they
Speaker 1: can bring to other new people uh from the waiting room,
Speaker 1: and maybe they might bring them not based on their
Speaker 1: profile picture or something like that, maybe just by their
Speaker 1: voice or hearing them, and so we're trying to bring
Speaker 1: that real connectivity, which is not a physical connection maybe
Speaker 1: but maybe just more of Hey, I like that person's voice.
Speaker 1: I like what they're saying. I kind of dig uh
Speaker 1: their vibe right now, and so like, let me this
Speaker 1: person out the type that I usually go for and
Speaker 1: maybe get out of my box a little bit literally
Speaker 1: figuratively getting out of your little box and stop checking it,
Speaker 1: if you know what I mean. Yeah, I think check
Speaker 1: off boxes. I get it. Yeah, yeah, well literally, like
Speaker 1: how we're talking right now, we're all in our boxes.
Speaker 1: And people have types, right, And I hate what people
Speaker 1: say they don't have types, because that's real BS. I
Speaker 1: think that people are innately attracted to some aspect and
Speaker 1: every person has a little bit of that thing that
Speaker 1: they like. So if you really want to get introspective
Speaker 1: with that, it could it could actually show that. So, so, Kenya,
Speaker 1: do you play like the role of Chris Harrison on this?
Speaker 1: Do you give advice? Do you like I'm kind of like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess, I guess. I call you out on your
Speaker 1: b s if you're like being really disrespectful or I
Speaker 1: could be a therapist, or I could be your best friend,
Speaker 1: or I can would be your wingman. I mean, whatever
Speaker 1: role you want me to play, And I think I
Speaker 1: have to be a little bit of that for everybody
Speaker 1: that's in in this sort of virtual space with us. So, um,
Speaker 1: I have to wear different hats for different people, Like
Speaker 1: I need to be more supportive with one person, maybe
Speaker 1: I need to be a cheerleader for another person, and
Speaker 1: another person I might need to bring down a couple
Speaker 1: of notches. It's kind of difficult, but you know, I
Speaker 1: guess how many of these shows or episodes have we seen,
Speaker 1: Like how many couples have just one? Just one? In
Speaker 1: premiere on Sunday? Uh? And so I think, like everything
Speaker 1: that's live on TV and that's organic, uh, and that's
Speaker 1: not scripted. Um, there are things that are betweaked for
Speaker 1: next time and the following Sunday and the following Sunday
Speaker 1: after that. I think it really depends on who the
Speaker 1: people are when they show up on TV and what
Speaker 1: they're giving to their potential people that are going to date.
Speaker 1: You know. I mean that's how I mean. Don't you
Speaker 1: find it really hard? Like you really have to emote
Speaker 1: you really have to kind of sell yourself, and if
Speaker 1: you're sort of a laid back, maybe sarcastic person, it
Speaker 1: might not translate right away. So you know, you kind
Speaker 1: of have to feel through all of those things as well.
Speaker 1: I feel like dating over the computer is so much
Speaker 1: harder because, like you said, you can't get a vibe
Speaker 1: and you can't get a vibe in person. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: how is that any different than how you kind of
Speaker 1: vet through people on a dating app. No, that's what
Speaker 1: I mean exactly. But the whole point of like this
Speaker 1: is not a criticism of the show. I'm just talking
Speaker 1: about like just in general in general exactly, because like
Speaker 1: dating apps, the whole point is at one point the
Speaker 1: goal is to meet in person, and now we can't
Speaker 1: do that. But I like what your show is doing
Speaker 1: because the winner of like the you guys, So the winner,
Speaker 1: whoever the suitor picks you guys, go on a virtual
Speaker 1: date the next week, so they look like, I mean,
Speaker 1: whatever the person wants to do. I mean, there's lots
Speaker 1: of ideas out there, right, I'm sure you guys have
Speaker 1: discussed what virtual dates look like in the time of
Speaker 1: self isolation. I mean, is it like you get uber
Speaker 1: eats to bring over drinks for a happy hour maybe uh,
Speaker 1: and then you guys both sit and have like a
Speaker 1: make a drink together and have a cocktail and just
Speaker 1: kind of get to know each other or you know,
Speaker 1: do you do you? I don't know if somebody's like
Speaker 1: really into like zoom classes and wants to like do
Speaker 1: something physically fit, yeah, I think every anything is out there.
Speaker 1: But I think ultimately at the first date, whether you're
Speaker 1: in front of each other physically in front of each
Speaker 1: other or looking at each other like we are, I
Speaker 1: think you can kind of get that energy through, believe
Speaker 1: it or not. What the way somebody looks somebody, um,
Speaker 1: the kind of sarcastic little comments that go back and forth.
Speaker 1: Maybe the sexual innuendo might be flying. I think you
Speaker 1: can you can see if this has a potential to
Speaker 1: being something even after isolation is lifted. Are we gonna
Speaker 1: get to see the first dates? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: gonna be. It's gonna be part of the component that's
Speaker 1: gonna be on the digital side, or if it's the
Speaker 1: date is like really kind of crazy and over the
Speaker 1: top and really interesting and fun and something that we
Speaker 1: haven't experienced before. We'll probably put it into the live
Speaker 1: show too. I mean that is all TV day, you know,
Speaker 1: to be determined. So for the contestants that are perspectively
Speaker 1: going to come on the show, the more outragand outrageous
Speaker 1: you make your first date, the more likelihood it's gonna
Speaker 1: get picked up. I don't know about outrages or authentic.
Speaker 1: I guess outrage is authentic. I mean it could be
Speaker 1: as cool as you having like a real deep conversation
Speaker 1: with somebody, and you're getting to know somebody. Maybe they
Speaker 1: were one person on the television screen and maybe they
Speaker 1: translate into that date into something a lot a lot
Speaker 1: more chill, a lot more sexier, uh, and the conversation
Speaker 1: delves into who you are, what you want? Um, how
Speaker 1: do you feel about this currency situation? Why are you
Speaker 1: still single? I mean, there's a lot of things. I
Speaker 1: think people are being more introspective these days as to
Speaker 1: what they really want. I mean, the world kind of
Speaker 1: has changed, right. Twenty nineteen seems like something in the
Speaker 1: past and is sort of rewriting a new sort of
Speaker 1: chapter for so many people, whether it comes to us
Speaker 1: in our dating life, when it comes to our our
Speaker 1: our own family, dynamics that we have going on, people
Speaker 1: reaching out to friends, connecting. I think people are having
Speaker 1: an introspective look. And I think because there's been a
Speaker 1: lack of emotional intimacy, sometimes people have failed at relationships
Speaker 1: because you really have to put yourself out there. I mean,
Speaker 1: it is really a ride, and there are lots of
Speaker 1: there's lots of ups and downs, and it's not a
Speaker 1: perfect fit right away. You gotta work at it, right.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's what your parents say all the time, right,
Speaker 1: I gotta work at it every day. Yeah. Do you
Speaker 1: think that introspective level everybody's reaching right now is gonna last?
Speaker 1: Or do you think people are just gonna go back
Speaker 1: to the way things were before? Now we're gonna go
Speaker 1: back to being selfish and egotistical in man and ego
Speaker 1: and I I mean, I mean we are the me generation,
Speaker 1: so it's gonna yeah. But I do think there might
Speaker 1: be one percent of the population or maybe even I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go for teen percent of the population that will
Speaker 1: have a change that will be made and hopefully they'll
Speaker 1: be able to flip a switch. It depends on what
Speaker 1: age you are. Listen, If you're twenty one and twenty four.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're not changing your game right now, but if
Speaker 1: you're thirty four and forty, you might be changing your game.
Speaker 1: Or if you're thirty and thirty four, you might want
Speaker 1: to change your game a little bit and tweak things
Speaker 1: that aren't haven't been working for you in the past,
Speaker 1: that could be working for you in the future. Do
Speaker 1: you find it intimidating all to be the host of
Speaker 1: the show, because obviously you've been. I mean, this is
Speaker 1: like completely out of my box. I mean I talk
Speaker 1: a lot about relationships personally in my mind, Like I've
Speaker 1: counseled many of people, um in the makeup chair, um.
Speaker 1: But to kind of put myself out there on a
Speaker 1: totally different level, Yeah, yeah, But I think I think
Speaker 1: relationships are about common sense and respect, and I think
Speaker 1: sometimes we overthink things too much, and sometimes it's the
Speaker 1: simple things that really connect us that are the things
Speaker 1: that make a long lasting relationship. And I always talk about,
Speaker 1: you know, you've got to find out your fundamental value systems.
Speaker 1: What what what are the things that really make you tick?
Speaker 1: And we might not go that deep on fine love life,
Speaker 1: but the reality is, if you can come in with
Speaker 1: intentions of really wanting something to be better than what
Speaker 1: you've had before. I think you can kind of manifest
Speaker 1: that and make it happen for yourself. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: it's it's really about putting yourself out there and and
Speaker 1: the guy and the girl have to be at the
Speaker 1: same place at the same time, which I'm sure you
Speaker 1: guys have discussed why things don't work right. When you're
Speaker 1: casting contestants on the show. Do you factor in um
Speaker 1: geography like where they live, seeing how now everything is digital, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't think we do factor in it
Speaker 1: at all, because everything is digital. I mean, on the
Speaker 1: first show, we had somebody from Billings, Montana meet up
Speaker 1: with somebody in New Jersey. I think it's up for
Speaker 1: them to figure out whether it's going to be geographically
Speaker 1: desirable or not. You know, right now, right now, we're
Speaker 1: just connecting this way. So if they're wanting to take
Speaker 1: it to the next level, and let's say they really
Speaker 1: do contect connect, maybe she's gonna go do the little
Speaker 1: fly fishing. Maybe she's gonna roam around the plains, maybe
Speaker 1: she's gonna go check out what the Rocky Mountains were
Speaker 1: all about. I don't know, honestly. Fly fishing right now.
Speaker 1: Sounds amazing because in laws a little over two months.
Speaker 1: So I'll go fly fishing. Let's do it. Baby that
Speaker 1: didn't get the chance to see the first episode. Is
Speaker 1: there a way that we can go back and watch it?
Speaker 1: I think it is online. I think it's part of
Speaker 1: a part of a component that will be there, I believe.
Speaker 1: Don't hold me to that, but I think it is.
Speaker 1: I think it will be there. Have these show has
Speaker 1: been prerecorded? No? They go right live, like the whole
Speaker 1: thing is live. Yeah. Yeah, tend Fixing nine thirty and
Speaker 1: five four three to one, Hello America, how are you
Speaker 1: dating right now? It is? Yeah, it's gonna be Imagine
Speaker 1: imagine like Bachelor a lot like where you're being televised
Speaker 1: for however many people to see. You're supposed to be like,
Speaker 1: you know, you're not even very good at this whole
Speaker 1: like video dating thing because most of us wouldn't be
Speaker 1: um and then all of a sudden just being broadcast
Speaker 1: out to two millions of people and completely and you
Speaker 1: have to like sell yourself in thirty seconds. You have
Speaker 1: to like kind of have it. You know, you gotta
Speaker 1: like literally jump out of the screen, you know, you
Speaker 1: gotta and you've got to capture America's attention. I mean,
Speaker 1: there there. But this is why I feel like my
Speaker 1: role is kind of interesting because I'm able to see
Speaker 1: the dark horse in the race and maybe put attention
Speaker 1: and say, hey, have you looked at the have you
Speaker 1: looked at this person? You need to make mee have
Speaker 1: a second look. Maybe this might not be your type,
Speaker 1: but it could be somebody. That's interesting, especially because since
Speaker 1: we're connecting this way. I mean, I mean, what's the
Speaker 1: lost here of having a zoom dates forty five minutes
Speaker 1: of your life? What are you doing from you can
Speaker 1: hang out well forty five minutes of your life and
Speaker 1: and risking public embarrassment. I guess there's a difference between
Speaker 1: a zoom day and a zoom date Live on Tell.
Speaker 1: But like like all reality sort of dating shows, you're
Speaker 1: already putting yourself out there. So I mean, you already
Speaker 1: you know what you signed up for, So I I
Speaker 1: don't really feel that there's too much to lose. What
Speaker 1: was the craziest thing somebody did night one or night
Speaker 1: one good god, I'm talking bachelor's slang. Uh to make
Speaker 1: a first impression? Well you know somebody, Well, I had
Speaker 1: asked question, just kind of breaking it out of box.
Speaker 1: This guy is. It was Luke what he would um
Speaker 1: what animal he would describe himself in bed? Ass? You
Speaker 1: know what I mean, It's pretty easy. It's a pretty
Speaker 1: softball question. I thought, uh, And he said a frog
Speaker 1: And I was just very essentially active and I'm just
Speaker 1: not aware of this. I haven't like google that. I
Speaker 1: gotta be like, Siri, can you answer to that question please?
Speaker 1: For me. I gotta be honest. If I googled what
Speaker 1: type of sex are frogs having? My wife would have
Speaker 1: a lot of questions. I think Dean is googling right now.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was trying to figure out what
Speaker 1: kind of animal would you describe yourself as in bed?
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Like maybe like a jack rabbit that's
Speaker 1: pretty good in and out you jumpine, Maybe like a
Speaker 1: starfish just like you just hold back for dear life.
Speaker 1: You can imagine for you, it's gotta be challenging that,
Speaker 1: like you said earlier, just because it's not your wheelhouse.
Speaker 1: So you have to come up with this stuff like
Speaker 1: on the fly, like one have you ever had to
Speaker 1: ask someone before what kind of animal are they? Like? Yeah,
Speaker 1: a couple of yeks later. I usually do a strange
Speaker 1: questions like that, Um, listen, I mean, yeah, it might
Speaker 1: not be in my wheelhouse, but I think you have
Speaker 1: to be like a person. That's part of this. I
Speaker 1: don't think everybody has to have being I guess, um,
Speaker 1: what do I want to say? I guess people don't
Speaker 1: have to be in their little little corners, right. I
Speaker 1: think we're all human and we're interested in love and
Speaker 1: we're interested in connection, and that's something that I've always
Speaker 1: been um about. Um and also helping people. And I
Speaker 1: feel like because I'm married, I do have some say
Speaker 1: in this. I can tell you a little bit more
Speaker 1: about if you do get to this side, how good
Speaker 1: it can be. And it could suck. It's from time
Speaker 1: to time, but overall it's it's you want to grow
Speaker 1: old with somebody. You do you do unless you're like
Speaker 1: a total part of the pun. But unless you're a
Speaker 1: total lone wolf, you know, like you Jared twelve years Well,
Speaker 1: now now I'm a two person wolf pack my wife
Speaker 1: wild pack doubled in size. Okay, yeah, so I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: How long you've been married? Twelve? Twelve years? I listen,
Speaker 1: and I waited longer I waited later in life to
Speaker 1: get married too, So this wasn't like, oh yeah, I
Speaker 1: jumped in like in my twenties or my late twenties
Speaker 1: or even my early thirties. I wait until much later
Speaker 1: to actually connect with somebody. So I kind of get
Speaker 1: I kind of get it, uh, in terms of trying
Speaker 1: to balance your own professional life, your expectations, your personal life,
Speaker 1: and and how difficult it really can be. I mean,
Speaker 1: dating in New York City is not an easy thing
Speaker 1: and he stretch of the imagination at all. So for
Speaker 1: those of us that want to watch episode two of
Speaker 1: Fine Love Live, it's on, Yeah, it's on TLC this Sunday.
Speaker 1: You gotta check your listings depending on where you are.
Speaker 1: But it's an Eastern Standard time at eleven pm live,
Speaker 1: so on the West Coast it would be eight pm live,
Speaker 1: and really check it out, be open minded about it.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is kind of like an organic social
Speaker 1: experiment that's happening, So I mean it's hard to just
Speaker 1: jump right at it right away. Uh, in terms of
Speaker 1: like how people have become accustomed to, um, maybe other
Speaker 1: dating shows. So, uh, there is no script to this,
Speaker 1: there is no retake, there is no let's go back
Speaker 1: and take this again, and let's edit this element. This
Speaker 1: is not happening here, this is this is all one
Speaker 1: fluid hour. It's kind of like Truman esque to me,
Speaker 1: you know, like The Truman Show, but on virtual dating
Speaker 1: essentially pretty much. Yeah, I looked up. You can watch
Speaker 1: the first episode on t LC dot com as long
Speaker 1: as you have a cable subscription. All right, thanks Park, Okay,
Speaker 1: perfect expecting this first season. We're gonna go all the
Speaker 1: way to the end of ay and hopefully I'll get
Speaker 1: picked up. So, I mean it really is it a
Speaker 1: response of how people are feeling about it. Um, I'm
Speaker 1: hoping that it goes all the way. I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot of potential here to uh kind of explore
Speaker 1: relationships in America, especially uncharted territory that we're in right now.
Speaker 1: So I'm hoping it goes all the way. I think
Speaker 1: it's a great concept. And also people are just craving
Speaker 1: something new, So yeah, yeah, coupling, you know, isolation. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm your quarantine cuban. You know, I might I might
Speaker 1: shoot an arrow sometimes it might be blanks. But I
Speaker 1: think I'm going to nail a couple of people, probably
Speaker 1: want to shoot some arrows. It makes it more entertaining.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us. Nice meeting. It's
Speaker 1: so nice meeting both of you. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. Of course you stay safe and uh,
Speaker 1: stay healthy. Alright, have a great night. By bye, Thank you, bye, guys,
Speaker 1: and once again stuck army. Just to make sure you
Speaker 1: guys know this, Find Love Live on TLC at eleven
Speaker 1: pm Eastern Standard time. Watch the old new series hosted
Speaker 1: by the very own Sukanya Krishnan. And we're gonna answer
Speaker 1: some more emails right after this, and we're back with
Speaker 1: more help I Suck at Dating with Dean Lerd and
Speaker 1: Jared Haven and my Heart Radio podcast Help I Suck It?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I haven't done so long. I almost
Speaker 1: forgot to help I suck it. We really need to
Speaker 1: give about these beatings. So do you still have those beaties? Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course. Well we gotta give him out at some point.
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for the right time, the right place, the
Speaker 1: right people, the right we have the right people. Who
Speaker 1: ever listened to this podcast, those are the right people.
Speaker 1: Those are the same people in this world. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you that much. I'm waiting for the stars to line.
Speaker 1: I did get a comment the other day that someone
Speaker 1: said they thought that the hat meant that I thought
Speaker 1: that the army sucked, and I was like, oh crap,
Speaker 1: that's not what I want people to think at all. No. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my father in laws that when I first walked into
Speaker 1: the house. I was like, No, that's not that's not's not.
Speaker 1: That's where you got from this hot It's like some
Speaker 1: people might interpret it that way. And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: if there goes the had idea yea, And now I
Speaker 1: kind of feel bad. But for those listeners out there,
Speaker 1: we're still going to give out the hats yet. There's
Speaker 1: just gonna be a little lasticks and we strongly support
Speaker 1: the United States military. Yes, thank you for your serious
Speaker 1: thank you for everything that you do for us. All Right,
Speaker 1: we're gonna we're gonna answer one more, one or two
Speaker 1: more emails left. Let's run him. Let's do it. This one.
Speaker 1: This one that the the overarching topic on this one
Speaker 1: is when a guy has a female best friend. Yeah, trouble.
Speaker 1: Here's what you have to say. This is from another
Speaker 1: anonymous I have been with my fiance seven and a
Speaker 1: half the years, and I really don't like his girl
Speaker 1: best friend. They've been friends for ten years, and I
Speaker 1: don't trust her. At a party, my fiance got really
Speaker 1: drunk in his arm around her the entire night and
Speaker 1: barely acknowledged me. I told him I don't like her,
Speaker 1: and I never will. I will be cordial to her
Speaker 1: for your sake. Fast forward to last year, he got
Speaker 1: an invitation to her wedding and no plus one since
Speaker 1: then they have ever really talked. Fast forward to this February.
Speaker 1: We're talking and he mentioned he'd like to reach out
Speaker 1: to her to men things. We've had multiple arguments about
Speaker 1: this and I'm so tired of talking about it. We're
Speaker 1: getting married in four months. Help. What the hell? That's
Speaker 1: a pretty a lot of a lot of movement parts
Speaker 1: in this one. Hold on, Jared, I'm interested in your
Speaker 1: take because you have a female best friend. Let's see here,
Speaker 1: seven and a half years, you guys have been together,
Speaker 1: you're engaged. He's been friends with this girl for ten years,
Speaker 1: so she's known her longer, she's married. Everything like it
Speaker 1: seemed okay to me up until the wedding invitation where
Speaker 1: she didn't invite his girlfriend of seven plus years. What
Speaker 1: the hell, How did she think that was not gonna
Speaker 1: be a huge red flag. So Anonymous doesn't like her.
Speaker 1: Clearly she doesn't like Anonymous either, Yes, so that's not
Speaker 1: healthy for relationship, especially if this is his best friend
Speaker 1: as as she as she's saying. And then apparently the
Speaker 1: relationship the friendship ended probably after that, because he says,
Speaker 1: she says, fast forward to this February. We were casually talking.
Speaker 1: He mentioned he wanted to reach out to her to
Speaker 1: mend things, which makes me think that the friendship was lost,
Speaker 1: probably after this lack of a plus one, which I
Speaker 1: can't blame her because that's bolt. Um. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: the dude should just give up the friendship. It's over.
Speaker 1: But why isn't why? What's why is he wanting to
Speaker 1: mend things? This thing ended, that's fine. What is it
Speaker 1: that he needs to Why is it so important him
Speaker 1: to get this back? I think that this girl, Anonymous,
Speaker 1: the emailer, had a little bit of jealous tendencies, and
Speaker 1: when she saw her boyfriend with his arm around his
Speaker 1: best friend, she got jealous. And even though it wasn't
Speaker 1: necessarily the girl's fault for having for the guys aren't
Speaker 1: being around her, she projected and blamed the girl, when
Speaker 1: in reality, she should have been blaming her boyfriend at
Speaker 1: the time. That's true. As far as we know, the
Speaker 1: other woman has not given any reason for her to
Speaker 1: not be trustworthy. It's it's the fiancee that you probably
Speaker 1: aren't trusting a hundred percent. I mean, the dude just
Speaker 1: gotta give it up. He's got to give up the friendship.
Speaker 1: It's over. Well, I think that you should never ask someone,
Speaker 1: especially significantly, to give up a friendship because by doing that,
Speaker 1: that's all that's gonna do is start festering resentment towards
Speaker 1: the other person, Like, how are you going to tell
Speaker 1: me who I can and can't be friends with? You
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like, I'm saying the controlling thing.
Speaker 1: I agree, But I'm saying this on the fact that
Speaker 1: she said he wanted to reach out and somehow men
Speaker 1: this friendship, which makes me think that the friendship is
Speaker 1: over and maybe the friend definitely over. That's what I mean.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's time to just leave the friend she's not saying,
Speaker 1: and this friendship she's saying, let it stay dead. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're saying, since it's already over, she should just let
Speaker 1: he should just let it stay dead. Yes, which I
Speaker 1: think maybe, But also at the same time, it's like
Speaker 1: if they used to be your best friends, why like
Speaker 1: they should have the ability to reconnect to Merican friendship.
Speaker 1: I can't get past the plus one. I can't do it.
Speaker 1: I can't get past the plus one. I cannot bother
Speaker 1: Is your fiance that much it's not worth going back to.
Speaker 1: If it bothers your fiance that much, maybe they shouldn't
Speaker 1: be your fiance. Maybe you gotta choose. He's gonna put
Speaker 1: this dead friendship over his current engagement. It's not just
Speaker 1: a dead friendship market. This is just that this is
Speaker 1: one thing. What's gonna happen in five years, in ten years,
Speaker 1: this one thing is going to turn into a million
Speaker 1: little things that she uh isn't getting her way with
Speaker 1: or he's not, you know, willing to bend on. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying it's it's a slippery slope. If he gets
Speaker 1: to pass on this, what else is he gonna have
Speaker 1: to pass on? I am around like a really small town,
Speaker 1: So I relate to the like the ten years of
Speaker 1: friendship thing where you have those newcomers into the group
Speaker 1: and it's hard for you to accept. So I'm not saying,
Speaker 1: so I kind of feel like it's not valid what
Speaker 1: she did to not invite her to the wedding, because
Speaker 1: it's like to be the bigger person. But I do
Speaker 1: think that there's like a sisterhood brotherhood bond there that
Speaker 1: like she's probably just feeling really hurt that this other
Speaker 1: girl's coming in like exing that out when you're like
Speaker 1: we've been friends for our ten younger years, which is
Speaker 1: basically having a brother or sister. So it's like she
Speaker 1: probably feels like, screw you for getting rid of my brother,
Speaker 1: that she should have invited her to her I was
Speaker 1: just gonna say the exact same thing. If my sibling
Speaker 1: didn't invite Ashley to her wedding, it would be like,
Speaker 1: what the hell is wrong with you? You know, like
Speaker 1: that's not what brothers and sisters do. So that makes
Speaker 1: me think that they don't have a brother and sister
Speaker 1: type of relationship. And I'd also be curious if these
Speaker 1: two have ever hooked up. Yeah, that's a that's a
Speaker 1: big factor, and maybe they haven't. My thing is if
Speaker 1: it's if something like this makes your fiance, your wife,
Speaker 1: your girlfriend that uncomfortable, I think you need to respect that.
Speaker 1: I agree with respecting it, but also, like I said,
Speaker 1: that just means there is a bigger problem of foot
Speaker 1: something stewing and I just don't like it. I you know,
Speaker 1: Dean could be right. Maybe this isn't just a one
Speaker 1: issue type problem. Maybe there's multiple issues and anonymous is
Speaker 1: just emailing us with one. Jared, let's ask you this because,
Speaker 1: like you said, you have a best friend who is
Speaker 1: a woman, at least you used to at one point
Speaker 1: still okay, And how does it actually feel about her?
Speaker 1: She loves her, they're like sisters. And what if what
Speaker 1: if actually one day was like, Hey, I don't want
Speaker 1: you to be friends with that that person anymore? Well,
Speaker 1: I mean if I was giving reason as to why
Speaker 1: if somehow I was I had my arm around her
Speaker 1: name is Crystal. I had my arm around Crystal's shoulders
Speaker 1: at a party one time and was awkwardly flirting and
Speaker 1: ignoring Ashley. Uh, and if Crystal didn't invite Ashley to
Speaker 1: her wedding as my plus one, I would say that
Speaker 1: those are red flags enough for Ashley to approach me
Speaker 1: and say I'm feeling uncomfortable. Um, yeah, I mean that's
Speaker 1: that's that's that's fair. So I mean I got lucky
Speaker 1: because yeah, I remember, I'll never forget when this is
Speaker 1: before Ashley and I started dating. She was so confused
Speaker 1: by it because I was like, oh, my best friend's Crystal.
Speaker 1: And she's like, I don't get how your best friend
Speaker 1: is a girl and you guys just have never hooked
Speaker 1: up dated or anything like that. Like, no, it's just
Speaker 1: she was really close with my sister, and then we
Speaker 1: became like almost like three siblings. And then Ashley met
Speaker 1: Crystal and hung out with her and then sorry, I
Speaker 1: our dynamic and she's like, yeah, it's a totalal brother
Speaker 1: or sister type thing. And now Crystal and like during
Speaker 1: the time when Ashley was still dating the other guy
Speaker 1: and I was in I wasn't in the know of
Speaker 1: which way Ashley was feeling. Uh. They would talk and
Speaker 1: Crystal would be like, my little messager, you know it
Speaker 1: worked out really well. Uh yeah, so you know, well,
Speaker 1: I will say, I will say, when you put it
Speaker 1: into perspective like that, I understand where this emailer is
Speaker 1: coming from. And I might have been a little hasty
Speaker 1: in the words and the things that I said, but
Speaker 1: I still think that there might be some truth there.
Speaker 1: But I'm not as solidified in that stance as I
Speaker 1: was at. I don't think you're wrong. I don't think
Speaker 1: you're you're crazy. I think this is something that she
Speaker 1: just really needs to talk to her fiance about. And
Speaker 1: it is a little I understand you don't want to
Speaker 1: give up a friend, but the most important thing is
Speaker 1: is making sure that their relationship is strong and there's
Speaker 1: no problems coming from exterior people. Right. I think the
Speaker 1: consensus among us is at this point, especially they're the
Speaker 1: most the priority should be their relationship with her fiance. Yes,
Speaker 1: with her fiance, and I'm sure her fiance feels the
Speaker 1: same wa about her, and it kind of doesn't necessarily
Speaker 1: make sense to reach out and have their relationship mended.
Speaker 1: But honestly, like maybe a positive for reaching out would
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, cool water to the bridge. We're like
Speaker 1: acquaintances now, but we won't like regain our best friend status. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like we understand that happened, like we had a
Speaker 1: falling out and that we're back to you likes being good,
Speaker 1: but we're not best friends. And to defend the fiance
Speaker 1: a little bit, he was honest and saying I want
Speaker 1: to reach out. He didn't just reach out behind her back.
Speaker 1: That's pretty good, you know. That's that's good coming to
Speaker 1: her and saying this is how I feel and this
Speaker 1: is what I want. So he's being upfront, honest. That's
Speaker 1: pretty good. Okay, that's good. Uh. We'll wrap today with Jamie,
Speaker 1: who has the best truth about men and women that
Speaker 1: I'm gonna assume she has ever heard. She says, you
Speaker 1: were given a girl advice who wanted to ask her
Speaker 1: boy friend to get healthy and lose weight. Okay, after
Speaker 1: nearly twenty years of marriage, here's what I can say.
Speaker 1: Men don't change. Look at his family, look at their lifestyle,
Speaker 1: look at what shape they're in. If it's really important
Speaker 1: to you, don't expect change. Move on. Here's the difference
Speaker 1: between man and women, according to Jamie. Men fall in
Speaker 1: love with a woman exactly as she is in that
Speaker 1: moment and spend the rest of their relationship hoping she
Speaker 1: never changes. Women fall in love with a man's potential
Speaker 1: and spend the rest of the relationship trying to get
Speaker 1: him to reach that potential and change him into a
Speaker 1: better person. What are your thoughts on that? It sounds
Speaker 1: like when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. What's
Speaker 1: gonna happen. It's pretty good. Though I don't think she's wrong.
Speaker 1: I don't think she's that wrong either. I mean, men change.
Speaker 1: I mean I think men do change. But I do
Speaker 1: believe that more often than not, women are the ones
Speaker 1: who fall in love with the potential of somebody, where
Speaker 1: men fall in love with the actual person. They put
Speaker 1: up a lot of nonsense because but but that's I guess.
Speaker 1: I guess. I guess it is contradictory, isn't it, because
Speaker 1: we do change, because women do change us. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I speak from like personal opinion. My wife like like
Speaker 1: she sees the potential in me, you know, like she
Speaker 1: sees the guy that I can be, not the guy
Speaker 1: that I am, if that makes sense, And it's that,
Speaker 1: I guess women like the prospect of being able to
Speaker 1: change a guy. I mean I've heard that plenty of times.
Speaker 1: Even I've had I would say, over the past few years,
Speaker 1: I've had like x is from you know, like not
Speaker 1: like official boyfriend girlfriend, but good girls that I dated
Speaker 1: in college or at whatever walk of life reach out
Speaker 1: to me on multiple occasions and they said, I always
Speaker 1: thought that I was going to be the one to
Speaker 1: like change you or something like that. They see it
Speaker 1: as a challenge or tame you, tame me? Sure, yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: h they do you see it as a challenge, And
Speaker 1: I think that they just want, uh, the gratification of
Speaker 1: being the one that does ultimately change that person for
Speaker 1: the better seeming likely. Well, we may not change, but
Speaker 1: I have a much better person. My wife's made me
Speaker 1: into a much better person after twenty two years. But
Speaker 1: you started out as a pretty good person, and so
Speaker 1: I said it, as a decent person, But I was
Speaker 1: an idiot. Guys in their twenties are idiots, no offense,
Speaker 1: But I do believe that guys in their thirties are idiots.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty one. I can tell you from personal experience,
Speaker 1: I'm an idiot. If girls like to change or like
Speaker 1: save the man, what do men like to do for women?
Speaker 1: It's what she said, We want you exactly as you
Speaker 1: were the day we met you. Really, the male brain
Speaker 1: is very simple. We we don't need much. We literally
Speaker 1: sit down on Sundays and watch like thirteen hours straight
Speaker 1: of guys just bashing into each other. We don't need much.
Speaker 1: We don't think that far ahead. There there is some
Speaker 1: truth to that. What a guy, like the guy wants
Speaker 1: the woman to stay the same. It's funny. It's having
Speaker 1: this conversation my buddy the other day about when when
Speaker 1: I first got an Xbox after breaking my leg. Dane.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, like I'm so happy for
Speaker 1: you to play video games with your friends, and then
Speaker 1: like a week ago, she was like, dude, you are
Speaker 1: always playing that thing with your friends. Get off of it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, why did you change? Why can't you
Speaker 1: just go back to being supportive of me playing my
Speaker 1: Xbox with my friends? You know what I mean, Dean.
Speaker 1: Didn't you see something last week when men are just happy,
Speaker 1: full bellies and empty I did not say that. Okay,
Speaker 1: I can't possibly. I don't remember how it ends. Something.
Speaker 1: It's like like there's content like full bellies and full
Speaker 1: bellies empty head. I don't know that too. It must
Speaker 1: have been on a like scrubbing in or something. Because
Speaker 1: we're a little more derated over here marketing. What do
Speaker 1: you what are you teasing for next episode? For it? Well,
Speaker 1: we were thinking that we love that evenil from Jamie
Speaker 1: so much, the universal truths of men and women. To
Speaker 1: get us more of those, what have you found to
Speaker 1: be the absolute truth about men or the absolute truth
Speaker 1: about women, or the absolute truth about men and women together.
Speaker 1: You can email us that and here's Tori with the address.
Speaker 1: It's I Suck at Dating at i heeart media dot com.
Speaker 1: Or you can d m us on our podcast page. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can d m s that help I Second Dating
Speaker 1: on Instagram. You can totally follow us as well, because
Speaker 1: we're we're getting close to twenty and I really for
Speaker 1: my own really from my own ego, I really just
Speaker 1: want us to get to twenty followers. So if you guys,
Speaker 1: you know, suck Army just really wants to, you know,
Speaker 1: get behind the podcast. Follow us on Instagram. If you
Speaker 1: don't have an Instagram, create an Instagram, you can follow us.
Speaker 1: You can follows Dean, you can follow Mark, Tori, me,
Speaker 1: whoever the hell you want really sounds good to me.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm all for it. But yeah, you can also
Speaker 1: darts Mark if you want to finish that statement from earlier.
Speaker 1: I'll give you the floor now before we all sign
Speaker 1: up and say goodbye. I think I want to do
Speaker 1: but thank you for showing bellies. Baby cold belly is
Speaker 1: an empty something. Little belly, open heart can't lose Uh,
Speaker 1: gonna do it for this week's episode of Help I
Speaker 1: Suck It Dating. Big thank you to uh you guys, obviously,
Speaker 1: big thank you to su Kanye Krishnan. We sure to
Speaker 1: check out Find Love Live on TLC Sunday nights at
Speaker 1: eleven pm Eastern. By the way, just so everyone knows,
Speaker 1: Dean is in bed, he's got his laptop next to
Speaker 1: him in bed. But is that a frozen blanket? Well? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and uh and yeah, it's a frozen blanket, but I
Speaker 1: recognize its Queen Els. It's a fantastic movie. It's actually
Speaker 1: one of my favorites. Is that Yours are Kalin's blanket? Well,
Speaker 1: this thing was purchased in after I broke my leg.
Speaker 1: I needed a blanket to keep my leg warm because
Speaker 1: it was cold in London, and so we bought this.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna throw it away when we came back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I said, absolutely, don't throw it away. With's taking
Speaker 1: home with us and now it's one of our favorite
Speaker 1: We take it everywhere. Who everywhere? Right? That's beautiful? Anyways,
Speaker 1: that I'll do it for this week's episode of Help
Speaker 1: I Suck At Dating? Be sure to tune in next
Speaker 1: week where maybe we'll suck just a little bit less.
Speaker 1: Follow help by suck at Dating on I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to podcast m HM