Speaker 1: The Nicky Glaizer Podcastiser.
Speaker 2: Here's Nikki.
Speaker 1: Hello, here, I am welcome to the show. It's Nicky
Speaker 1: Glazer Podcast. What's up everyone, Brian, Noah, how are you?
Speaker 3: Hello? We're doing fine. We're both doing fine. How are
Speaker 3: you well?
Speaker 1: You don't speak for Noah, how dare you?
Speaker 4: I was drinking, Okay, I'm fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's all I text Brian. I'm fine, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: Anyone said I'm fine, and it's been not like I'm fine.
Speaker 1: It means not good.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, it's fine. This is why English is
Speaker 4: such a difficult language to learn, because people none of
Speaker 4: the words mean what they actually mean.
Speaker 1: I'm fine, and it's it's tone obviously, or girl, you're fine,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh you're fine. Like fine is like oh,
Speaker 1: don't worry about you're fine, or it's like you look fine.
Speaker 4: You say to something in hospice that they're fine. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't fine, Yeah you'd be fine. Everything's going to
Speaker 4: be fine.
Speaker 1: I really I use that tone a lot. I really
Speaker 1: try to like make people feel better about things they're
Speaker 1: worried about by being like, come, yeah, it's fine. It's different.
Speaker 1: I love going it's fine. Who literally who cares?
Speaker 4: I think that's a great tone. Sometimes I'm looking for
Speaker 4: that tone when I feel like I did something wrong
Speaker 4: or there's something that's going to be a catastrophe.
Speaker 1: I know people are I am too, That's why I
Speaker 1: give it. I try to give it as much as possible.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, not a big deal at all. Oh,
Speaker 1: come on, yeah, that's that's right.
Speaker 4: So the worst thing you can do is selectly you
Speaker 4: go like, oh, man, do you think I messed up
Speaker 4: that job interview?
Speaker 3: So what would you do if I said that? NICKI
Speaker 3: do you think I messed up that job?
Speaker 1: What do I think you did?
Speaker 3: What do you think you should do? And then I'll
Speaker 3: give you what you shouldn't.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know if you did or not. I
Speaker 1: want to be honest with you.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, okay, So yes, I definitely messed up the
Speaker 4: job interview, although you know, not so bad.
Speaker 3: I didn't like go in there and take my dick out.
Speaker 1: Yeah you probably did, but like literally, who cares? Like
Speaker 1: you don't even want that job anyway, It's it's gonna
Speaker 1: lead to something else, And everything happens for a reason.
Speaker 1: And the truth is, you might have messed up that
Speaker 1: job interview, But what mistakes you made in there you
Speaker 1: won't do in the next one that might be more important,
Speaker 1: And that is the real lesson here. But yeah, you
Speaker 1: sucked it up big time. No, no, I will. I
Speaker 1: will give you a don't. If I really think it
Speaker 1: is not a big deal, then.
Speaker 4: I'll go, oh god, okay, okay, okay. So how about
Speaker 4: this maybe lower the stakes a little bit? And I go, oh, man,
Speaker 4: do you think I was rude to that barista?
Speaker 1: What? No, they don't care.
Speaker 4: No, it sounds like you think I was horrible to
Speaker 4: the barista.
Speaker 1: Oh it does? No? Oh no, but well I'm being honest.
Speaker 4: Yeah, No, they don't care.
Speaker 1: They deal with stuff all day long that you and
Speaker 1: you weren't like is isn't that count for something? If
Speaker 1: you didn't mean to be like? Can't we just all
Speaker 1: if you if you don't mean to be rude and
Speaker 1: someone thinks you're rude, can't you let yourself off the hook? I?
Speaker 1: I can, But I can't let myself off the hook.
Speaker 1: If someone thinks I suck at something I did, like
Speaker 1: career wise, and I tried that, won't that will make
Speaker 1: me feel better? Be like, well you tried your best, right,
Speaker 1: That doesn't help but if some things I'm rude when
Speaker 1: I really wasn't being rude, I'm like, oh, well that's
Speaker 1: kind of their problem.
Speaker 4: Well that's a great corollaria because let's say I just
Speaker 4: went up on stage and I didn't do well, and
Speaker 4: then I come off stage and I go, did I
Speaker 4: just bomb?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: How would you? What? Would you just go? Yeah, I
Speaker 3: have a friend.
Speaker 4: I have a friend who they suck.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then you go up there and annihilate. So
Speaker 3: what's then? What do I think they suck?
Speaker 1: They just listen somebody I bomb all the time. That's
Speaker 1: what I would say. I would say, Oh, I've had
Speaker 1: a set like that. You were just off like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not always them, and it wasn't them this time
Speaker 1: because I just killed. But yeah, you just had a
Speaker 1: bad I'm not gonna judge you for it. I would
Speaker 1: never look at that performance and be like that guy sucks.
Speaker 1: Like you're allowed to have a shitty set. That's what
Speaker 1: I would say.
Speaker 3: Okay, so what do you think about this?
Speaker 4: I have a friend who does the exact opposite tact,
Speaker 4: and he just says like the worst possible thing you
Speaker 4: can say in an effort to get you to just
Speaker 4: come to terms with it immediately so you can move on.
Speaker 4: It's like, for example, I had a girlfriend once and
Speaker 4: she broke up with me, and I go, I go
Speaker 4: to my friend, do you think she's like having sex
Speaker 4: with other people right now? And he was like probably, yeah,
Speaker 4: what do you think about that tactic?
Speaker 1: That honesty suck? Probably yeah, she's probably put's a tacked
Speaker 1: and tactic. I think that, Yeah, I don't think that's Yeah,
Speaker 1: sometimes you just do need to know the truth and yeah,
Speaker 1: because sometimes people are like, my life sucks, and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it kind of does, but like it's gonna to get better,
Speaker 1: can't get worse. Like I think being lied to is
Speaker 1: doesn't do anyone any favors. But yeah, then that happened.
Speaker 1: Where someone is like, is just the pain of thinking
Speaker 1: them hooking up with someone else? And I'm like, they
Speaker 1: definitely are, and I've thought that. I just am like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's like sad and empty and I'll miss you.
Speaker 1: It'll make them miss you faster, So let them go
Speaker 1: out there and do that stuff.
Speaker 3: That's interesting.
Speaker 4: Yeah, whenever someone goes through a bad breakup, I always
Speaker 4: give them. My tact is always to give them false
Speaker 4: hope because again. Yeah, slowly ribble it out of them
Speaker 4: until they have no hope. But you can't just go
Speaker 4: straight to yeah, they're fucking someone else and they love
Speaker 4: them more than you, and then they are coming back.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I do. I never do the never coming back.
Speaker 1: I always say, girl, I got back with my boyfriend
Speaker 1: who I'm with now. So many times we broke up,
Speaker 1: so many times I thought it was over forever. There
Speaker 1: is never. You are never out of hope, And I
Speaker 1: will never judge you if you reach out to that
Speaker 1: person at a time of weakness, like like, just make
Speaker 1: it do, be as messy as you want to be
Speaker 1: part of it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, having that glimmer of hope. And then and then
Speaker 4: on top of that, the person who you say that to,
Speaker 4: that's exactly what they want to hear, whether it's true
Speaker 4: or not. When you will go through a breakup, the
Speaker 4: number one thing you want to hear is you're probably
Speaker 4: going to get back together, even if that's not.
Speaker 3: Good for you.
Speaker 1: I always say that I know you're getting back together.
Speaker 2: And never I don't ever want to say that. That's
Speaker 2: so interesting that that's what you say. My go to
Speaker 2: is always like, which I don't know if it's a
Speaker 2: good one. But it's always like you know, every relationship
Speaker 2: has a purpose. That's you know, this one will mean
Speaker 2: something in your life.
Speaker 1: Maybe you can't get sad about a relationship. I'm not
Speaker 1: out of just based on this. Every relationship has a purpose. Okay,
Speaker 1: when people are like you are starving to get back
Speaker 1: into that and you're like, don't work, it's but but
Speaker 1: just give them like what is it? Because sometimes you
Speaker 1: just need the hope it's not gonna it's not going
Speaker 1: to lead to more. They're already as upset as possible
Speaker 1: right that.
Speaker 4: Raw, you're not ready to have a holistic, a big
Speaker 4: picture approach to me, not at all.
Speaker 1: Just tell people they'll get back together, tell them that
Speaker 1: they're gonna regret it, because ultimately they probably won't get
Speaker 1: back together.
Speaker 2: A lot of times that does happen, so you won't
Speaker 2: be wrong. I never trash the other person because of this.
Speaker 1: I go so hard I will find I there are
Speaker 1: people that are currently with people that I have said
Speaker 1: horrible things about their physicality because that's what I do.
Speaker 1: When Schumer used to do that with me and my friends,
Speaker 1: Like when we would be obsessing over a guy, she
Speaker 1: would just like find like, you know, if I think
Speaker 1: one guy looked like a like, she was like, he
Speaker 1: looks like a marionette. And so we just were sending
Speaker 1: each other pictures of marionettes and being like do you
Speaker 1: really want this guy? And you just like write, you
Speaker 1: write the most awful things possible about the person, so
Speaker 1: that the person is almost tries to be disgusted by them,
Speaker 1: and and it's fun. It's fun to just like really
Speaker 1: bully someone with your group of friends in a cruel way.
Speaker 1: But then they get back together and yeah, it's a
Speaker 1: little bit weird, but like I stand by what I said.
Speaker 1: He did look like a fetus. He does have fetus face,
Speaker 1: but it's like a hot fetus, Like a lot of
Speaker 1: guys have fetus face, and it's like a hot look.
Speaker 1: I can't even go into it because I feel like
Speaker 1: it will implicate my friend. But like, you know how
Speaker 1: fetuses like look like like they're like their eyes are
Speaker 1: almost quam.
Speaker 3: Like does does face?
Speaker 1: I say quam as in like clam like they're like clamshells,
Speaker 1: Like they're like kind of like And I'm don't think
Speaker 1: that I'm saying anything about an ethnicity here.
Speaker 4: This is like not one of your high school terms.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a who my friend was dating, and
Speaker 1: this was while they were dating and very happy. But
Speaker 1: we we called him. We can't really, I can't really
Speaker 1: get into it, but we said he, uh, it's too
Speaker 1: cruel because if anyone were to connect it, I can't
Speaker 1: handle it. But his eyes were quam eyes, where the
Speaker 1: skin on the top was the same as the skin
Speaker 1: on the bottom, so they.
Speaker 4: Looked like clams, like clams like cartoon.
Speaker 1: He kind of talked like he had like he kind
Speaker 1: of just like had a lockjaw, and so he would
Speaker 1: have said it like quam. So we called him quam eyes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, this.
Speaker 1: Is insane, but yeah. So so I once called the
Speaker 1: guy a fetus face, and I like put his picture
Speaker 1: next to pictures of fetuses, like I download an app
Speaker 1: so that I could like have the square next to
Speaker 1: the like you know, pictures of fetuses and then him
Speaker 1: and be like, fine, which one is him? Like you
Speaker 1: can't tell, just so I could really drive it home
Speaker 1: that he was not attractive, but he is attractive, and.
Speaker 3: The in the womb, it's a fetus as soon as.
Speaker 1: No newborn too, fetus newborn like you know, like new
Speaker 1: like where their eyes are like like like like like
Speaker 1: pokemon balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a little bit. It's it's rude.
Speaker 1: And someone could call me horse face and they have.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a million things that I could be called.
Speaker 1: I also, when you were.
Speaker 2: Saying this to your friend, did she laugh at it?
Speaker 1: Or she laughed? But she was also like stop, like
Speaker 1: she told me to stop. So I stopped pretty quickly.
Speaker 1: But I just wanted them to know. I just yeah,
Speaker 1: I was trying to help, and yet it didn't because
Speaker 1: they're they're together, and I'm sure she doesn't think about it,
Speaker 1: and I don't really think about it because I now
Speaker 1: I love this person. I could never see that in
Speaker 1: them now it's like a hot look, but there and
Speaker 1: and I even went so far as to prove that
Speaker 1: this was a hot look by making a collage of
Speaker 1: every Hollywood actor that has fetus space and there's tons
Speaker 1: I can't because then we're gonna be able to connect
Speaker 1: to who they make like and you're gonna be able
Speaker 1: to decipher and I just cannot have that out there.
Speaker 1: But it's not fetus. I was just trying to be
Speaker 1: the meanest version of this, even though I was calling
Speaker 1: a hot guy feature a bad thing. Yeah, that's just
Speaker 1: what you do. You do do that? Noah, what to No.
Speaker 2: I I have to be honest to friends, and I
Speaker 2: also am very cautious because a lot of my friends
Speaker 2: have gotten back together with their exes. So I've learned
Speaker 2: my lesson to not trash the ex because then it's like, wait,
Speaker 2: you know what.
Speaker 1: But I'm a very forgiving person, and so I guess
Speaker 1: I extend that to all of my friends. Where if
Speaker 1: like I've.
Speaker 5: I've thought things about Chris that are not kind because
Speaker 5: I've been broken up, or I've been in a fight,
Speaker 5: and we all have about our partner where we've like
Speaker 5: and if I can get back and like never see
Speaker 5: those things again or like, have no problem with those things.
Speaker 5: I expect my friends to be able to do the
Speaker 5: same thing. But when they're in a place of hurt,
Speaker 5: I think it's nice to pile on and I just
Speaker 5: expect them to be able to lift it as as
Speaker 5: they get back together.
Speaker 2: I guess I do, yeah, the opposite, where I just
Speaker 2: kind of like pile on the compliments to my friend
Speaker 2: and say why she was so great and or in
Speaker 2: some cases it's a guy and why, like it's the
Speaker 2: other person's loss and stuff like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's that's not gonna work.
Speaker 4: That's just like banging your head against the wall because
Speaker 4: the person doesn't believe that in the moment, because they they.
Speaker 3: You feel like such a piece of shit. Oh.
Speaker 1: I always think of when Harry met Sally where she
Speaker 1: goes but he didn't want me?
Speaker 6: She was like I said, he said he didn't want
Speaker 6: to get married, but now he's engaged, So what's wrong
Speaker 6: with me?
Speaker 1: And it's like, oh, man.
Speaker 4: Have it?
Speaker 1: We all felt that where they like the guy tries
Speaker 1: to let you down softly by saying I don't want
Speaker 1: to date anyone. I'm busy, and then you find out
Speaker 1: he's dating someone else, and so you're like, it has
Speaker 1: to be me, and it is you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have friend them. Maybe you guys can help me.
Speaker 2: He is just constantly getting friend zoned, and I feel
Speaker 2: so bad for him because he'll tap into the dating seat,
Speaker 2: we'll get someone's attention and then he gets friend zoned
Speaker 2: and how uh he's like five ten.
Speaker 3: Okay, so okay, so van so I says he.
Speaker 1: Attractive, it's average looking?
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, okay, okay, So he shouldn't have a problem.
Speaker 4: There isn't like some huge barrier to him.
Speaker 2: Well, I think he's a hopeless romantic, to be honest,
Speaker 2: and he just g's the cart before the horse sometimes,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he piles on the gifts and things like that
Speaker 1: too early.
Speaker 4: That's the mistake and all that. So every date, every
Speaker 4: date he goes on, he has to treat it like
Speaker 4: this is not going to go anywhere. This is just
Speaker 4: for fun and we'll see where it goes. He's got
Speaker 4: to apply that so cow vibe mentality. Whatever happens happens, man,
Speaker 4: which is like the most frustrating thing to hear from
Speaker 4: someone you actually like, but it's the only way to
Speaker 4: lock someone in.
Speaker 3: Whatever happens happens. I'm just seeing where this goes.
Speaker 4: I don't know, maybe this is something, maybe it's not
Speaker 4: for at least like a month.
Speaker 3: You got to do that, okay, Yeah.
Speaker 1: But or he just needs to be direct about what
Speaker 1: he's into right away, and like that's exactly what I
Speaker 1: told him yesterday. And not because I think he's probably
Speaker 1: scared of the rejection that has happened so much that
Speaker 1: he's like, if I I can at least keep her
Speaker 1: around and go out with her, and hang out with
Speaker 1: her a lot. If I just kind of keep it
Speaker 1: nebulous of like whether or not I'm romantically interested and
Speaker 1: not like lead either way, and so then by the
Speaker 1: time he's like I can't take it anymore, it's too late. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I was talking about if you're going on dates with
Speaker 4: people on on like an app or something like, it's
Speaker 4: a clear date.
Speaker 3: Oh, this isn't.
Speaker 1: This isn't that.
Speaker 4: He's just hanging out with girls that are consider him
Speaker 4: his friend, then yeah, he shouldn't be friends with them
Speaker 4: if he wants to.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, these girls fucking know, like I listen, we've
Speaker 1: been there before. But I think you can know when
Speaker 1: a guy has a crush on you and it's not
Speaker 1: up to them to say something, because I think that
Speaker 1: sometimes it's like I've had guys turn on me and
Speaker 1: be like I like you, and I'm like, I just
Speaker 1: want to be friends, and then they're like, don't want
Speaker 1: to be friends anymore, and it hurts your feelings because
Speaker 1: you're like, but I had there's a good friendship here.
Speaker 1: But girls, you know when a guy is crushing on
Speaker 1: you and that you're just trying to give them all
Speaker 1: the signals without like saying it bluntly like no, you know,
Speaker 1: but you don't, and then finally he gets the nerve
Speaker 1: to do something a little romantic, and then it's just awkward.
Speaker 1: It's like, just you need to talk about boys a
Speaker 1: lot in front of these guys if you want a
Speaker 1: guy friend, they got to be comfortable hearing about guys
Speaker 1: or like, you know that you can't avoid those kind
Speaker 1: of subjects to keep the guy happy or to keep
Speaker 1: the guy your friend. And I think sometimes that happens.
Speaker 4: Yeah, don't avoid the subjects. And also, yes, I think
Speaker 4: it's on both people. I think it's on if the
Speaker 4: girl knows that the guy's crushing on him and there's
Speaker 4: no chance, then she's being selfish because she doesn't want
Speaker 4: to be mean and say like no, we can't be
Speaker 4: friends if you if this is the way it's gonna be,
Speaker 4: because that seems mean. And also it's selfish because it's like, well,
Speaker 4: I kind of like having this guy fawn over me,
Speaker 4: especially if I'm going through a bad situation with a guy. Actually,
Speaker 4: like it's so nice to have some guy who would
Speaker 4: like take a bullet for me fawning over me for
Speaker 4: as long as I want, doing whatever I want. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it's hard to let go of something like that. For
Speaker 4: the guy, it's like, if you want to get down
Speaker 4: with a chick, then you can't. You gotta you can't
Speaker 4: let that happen. You just gotta walk away. I mean,
Speaker 4: you can't be in that situation. It's just so right.
Speaker 4: It's just so I don't want to be mean to
Speaker 4: this guy, but it's just so pathetic. If you go on,
Speaker 4: if you go on like man Internet like stuff like
Speaker 4: the Joe Rogan's Fear, they'll say this phrase, don't put
Speaker 4: the pussy on a pedestal, And you know, obviously that's
Speaker 4: a crazy phrase and he says pussy and whatever, but
Speaker 4: it's so true. And when I was dating it actually
Speaker 4: helped me to think like that. It's like, you can't
Speaker 4: just because they're a hot girl. You can't just say
Speaker 4: that they are above you and like they're the queen
Speaker 4: and you're this peasant. You have to put everyone at
Speaker 4: your level.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that easier said, but yes, especially if she's
Speaker 1: so hot and you guys are just craving sticking your
Speaker 1: dick in something so badly, you like can't help it.
Speaker 1: It's like it's that you can't have mind over matter,
Speaker 1: like you just your body wants it and you'll just
Speaker 1: fall over yourselves to get it. I mean, yeah, even
Speaker 1: hot hot girls intimidate me and make me want to
Speaker 1: act differently around them, and I have to not put
Speaker 1: the pussy on the pedestal and just be like, just
Speaker 1: because she's hot does mean she's better than me, or
Speaker 1: doesn't mean I yeah, doesn't mean she's better than me,
Speaker 1: or that I am somehow beneath her. But I tend
Speaker 1: to feel that way a lot of times.
Speaker 3: You know what Neil Strauss said, the Game or the palle.
Speaker 1: That's what these guys need to read. Yeah, the Pelican.
Speaker 3: Peacock, mystery peacock guy.
Speaker 4: He said, yeah, that girl's hot, like you're hot and all,
Speaker 4: but hotness is common. He would say, there's so many
Speaker 4: hot girls out there.
Speaker 1: It's like just TikTok and Instagram, and you're like, there's
Speaker 1: so many hot girls.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and maybe none of them will fuck you, fine,
Speaker 4: but there's there's do you just move on to the
Speaker 4: next one if they don't like you. There's plenty of
Speaker 4: one of them that one of them will fuck you eventually,
Speaker 4: if they're in the right state of mind, if they're
Speaker 4: just like depressed, they want to rebound. Yeah, Or if
Speaker 4: they've just been through a relationship where the person was
Speaker 4: hot and a piece of shit, they're gonna be open
Speaker 4: for a nice guy who's maybe not as hot, but
Speaker 4: but is ready for like a relationship that's loved.
Speaker 3: You just got to meet the person where they are.
Speaker 1: You'll find I'm really glad to have to be in
Speaker 1: a relationship because I can have guy friends because I'm
Speaker 1: in a secure relationship where my boyfriend doesn't care if
Speaker 1: I have guy friends that are like my friends that
Speaker 1: I've known forever and we have our own relationships and
Speaker 1: he doesn't need to monitor it because he's secure in
Speaker 1: our relationship. If he wasn't, he would be like, what
Speaker 1: are you hanging out with new guys? And then also
Speaker 1: the guy friends I have, No, I'm in a relationship
Speaker 1: that's secure and so there's no weirdness there either. And
Speaker 1: it's like, I think it's a place I've never been
Speaker 1: in my entire life where I feel secure on both sides. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I didn't think that I would ever have that
Speaker 1: of being able to have guy friends that are separate
Speaker 1: than my friendship with Chris or like you know, from
Speaker 1: they don't need to be our friends. I mean most
Speaker 1: of them are, because why not. I love Chris and
Speaker 1: he's my friends, so why wouldn't I. I always want to
Speaker 1: combine all my friends. But I'm able I would be
Speaker 1: able to have male friends because and I don't think
Speaker 1: Chris and I have always been in that secure where
Speaker 1: I would have been okay with that or him having
Speaker 1: girlfriends or h me having guy friends. And now I
Speaker 1: feel like, oh, this makes sense because we just both
Speaker 1: know we ain't going nowhere.
Speaker 4: Do you have guy friends that are not in the industry.
Speaker 1: No, because that's how I don't have friends that are
Speaker 1: not I mean old friends, you know, from high school.
Speaker 1: But other than that, I mean Sara Alina is my
Speaker 1: only friend that I've made that's new that's not in
Speaker 1: the industry, but she is in the industry now. So
Speaker 1: everyone I know I've met through through work.
Speaker 4: Well that makes so that makes more sense to me,
Speaker 4: even outside of comedy, like because these are like coworkers
Speaker 4: that have become your friends in a way, yes, and
Speaker 4: even if you just started out doing open mics with them,
Speaker 4: and it doesn't feel like a workplace, in a way,
Speaker 4: it is a workplace. And so like if Ali just
Speaker 4: had some guy friend that was like, I don't know,
Speaker 4: she met at a bar, or that was in a
Speaker 4: pilates class, that would be that.
Speaker 3: Would be intriguing.
Speaker 4: But if there's a bunch of guys that she like
Speaker 4: is friends with because she worked with them for four years, different,
Speaker 4: that to me is no threat at all.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, I agree. I think it is different
Speaker 1: if I just like walked in one day was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go start hanging out with Tom, who I
Speaker 1: met my plate's class, who's a straight man who just
Speaker 1: wants to hang First of all, he knows that I'm
Speaker 1: not like hard up for new friends. And unless this
Speaker 1: person was hilarious, Like that's the thing is I get
Speaker 1: to be friends with like really hilarious people, and so
Speaker 1: it justifies it where I'm like, Okay, I'm sorry, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be friends with David Spade. That's a that's anyone
Speaker 1: would you know? And you don't get you don't have
Speaker 1: to question that because it's like, Okay, that's a pre
Speaker 1: premium friend. Okay, we gotta go break and I want
Speaker 1: to when we get back, I'm having this laser thing
Speaker 1: that we talked about yesterday done to my face in
Speaker 1: a couple hours, and I want to ask Noah, like,
Speaker 1: what it's going to be like, because I'm a little scared.
Speaker 1: I'll be back back after this, all right, So after this,
Speaker 1: I'm going to get the Moxi BBL Brazilian butt lift?
Speaker 1: Is that is always the BBL? Yeah? BBL. Don't know
Speaker 1: what it stands for, don't care either. What made you
Speaker 1: get it, Noah? Was it just recommended to you by
Speaker 1: your estetish?
Speaker 2: So my hairdresser, oh recommended it because I like her
Speaker 2: skin is beautiful. She's maybe two years younger than me,
Speaker 2: and she just looks great. So and she's very forthcoming
Speaker 2: with all the things she does, which is what I
Speaker 2: really appreciate about her, because she shares it. And she
Speaker 2: was the one who told me about it, and she
Speaker 2: had sent me to the girl who does it for
Speaker 2: me now and it's great.
Speaker 1: How many times have you done it? I've done it
Speaker 1: three times? Oh wow? How often?
Speaker 2: I So I told the girl, I was like, this
Speaker 2: is my push present to myself, Yeah, which is a
Speaker 2: present that you get after you push out a baby.
Speaker 2: And I was like, for the first year, I just
Speaker 2: want to be like on top of it, aggressive and
Speaker 2: just like, you know, give myself a little bit.
Speaker 1: Of a rejuvenation.
Speaker 2: So I did it. I think I did it every
Speaker 2: like two months, and then this year I'll do it
Speaker 2: once a quarter.
Speaker 1: Like okay, Tex, And have you already seen results?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2: It definitely improves the surface of my skin. The one
Speaker 2: thing I wanted to warn you about that freaked me
Speaker 2: out at first. So basically, what will happen is like
Speaker 2: your skin, like all these like brown spots happen from
Speaker 2: like burning it, and then all this stuff comes out
Speaker 2: and you'll see kind of like varicos veins on your nose.
Speaker 1: You might see those. Oh I've seen that before on
Speaker 1: like micro needling and stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I was like, oh my god, am I
Speaker 2: gonna have an old man's nose from now?
Speaker 1: And this is like my grandfather's nose right right? It
Speaker 1: looks like an alcoholic sun beaten, right, shipwrecked nose? Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2: But it does go away, okay, in time.
Speaker 1: It's like five days, right, and then you can probably
Speaker 1: put makeup on it after like the second day.
Speaker 2: I'm guessing it just depends how much of it starts
Speaker 2: to fall off. Like for me, it started to flake
Speaker 2: off from the center to the to like where my
Speaker 2: ears are, so I could kind of put the foundation
Speaker 2: over the front.
Speaker 3: But what is this doing?
Speaker 1: Like it gives you good skin texture.
Speaker 4: It like burns by burning off the top layer of
Speaker 4: skin and then you just have like fresh skin underneath.
Speaker 2: I think it's much more like it's so much boush
Speaker 2: your collagen. I barely have any makeup on and it
Speaker 2: gives me. It gives me like a you know, like
Speaker 2: low like red not red cheeks, but just kind of
Speaker 2: like healthy looking cheeks, you know. And how much was it?
Speaker 2: I mean, this is not cheap shit. It also depends
Speaker 2: like where you live and stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true. Cheaper here tu soon you can just
Speaker 1: go lay out in the sun.
Speaker 2: Well, the sun year is really bad. I mean I
Speaker 2: used to never put sunscreen on my face, but I
Speaker 2: have to now.
Speaker 1: You never put sunscreen on before.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, just like the way that I was raised, my
Speaker 2: parents were always putting us out in the sun and
Speaker 2: lathering us up with baby oil.
Speaker 1: So yeah, baby in the name, put it on your
Speaker 1: babies exactly. We would spend the whole day at the beach.
Speaker 3: Just wait, baby oil not for babies.
Speaker 1: I think it is for babies, but I don't think
Speaker 1: it's for like babies on the sun.
Speaker 3: No. Yeah, some more information on the bbl's.
Speaker 1: Okay, let us know what it does.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 4: I'm subscribed like seven OnlyFans accounts, but I have MOXY
Speaker 4: and BBL is actually two different things. Yes, and you're
Speaker 4: getting a bundle probably with where you get both at once.
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly. I'm so glad you look at those up.
Speaker 1: I I just blindly go into these things. Okay, so
Speaker 1: I don't care, just make me look good.
Speaker 4: BBL is a intense pulse light that stands for a
Speaker 4: broad band light.
Speaker 3: And I thought moxie they say, is a non ablative
Speaker 3: fractional laser energy.
Speaker 1: Now that means, okay, doesn't hurt. I heard it doesn't hurt.
Speaker 2: Moxie feels like you're getting warm kisses on your face.
Speaker 4: Great.
Speaker 2: BBL feels like you're getting little nails dug into your skin,
Speaker 2: but they usually numb you before. But still feel sick
Speaker 2: a little bit, but you'll you'll be able to handle it.
Speaker 4: Here's also what you need to know. Moxie is more expensive,
Speaker 4: almost twice as expensive as BBL. Oh that's right, So
Speaker 4: maybe Moxie is like the more advanced one that like
Speaker 4: doesn't hurt as much.
Speaker 1: Isn't fair to people who can't afford it. I just
Speaker 1: want to just reiterate that if you can't afford this shit,
Speaker 1: just please know that. It's like when you look at
Speaker 1: someone's nice car and your car is not nice, Like
Speaker 1: you can't compare it. You're just like, oh, that person
Speaker 1: has a nice car and I but it's it's not
Speaker 1: fair because people aren't just put slapping moxibbl brand sticker
Speaker 1: on their foreheads, so you know that's what they've done.
Speaker 1: They just seem to be better than you for some reason,
Speaker 1: or they eat cleaner or something, which is a part
Speaker 1: of it too.
Speaker 6: Well.
Speaker 4: That's why people love making fun of someone when they
Speaker 4: get bad work done, because it's like, Aha, you spend
Speaker 4: all your fucking money and now you look like this.
Speaker 1: When their Palisades house burns down, Like I'm jealous you
Speaker 1: have money and I want it to backfire on you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And you know it's a natural reaction to feel that way.
Speaker 1: I almost went off. I you know how sometimes I'll
Speaker 1: just like write out a comment and I'll be like
Speaker 1: car and I want to send it, and then I don't.
Speaker 1: I did that today with them. There's something about Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift's jet and it was like all of the shortest
Speaker 1: trips Taylor Swift ever took on her jet, the shortest
Speaker 1: trip she ever took was four miles, which is walking distance.
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, you want Taylor supposed to walk four
Speaker 1: miles in Paris or like in in in the outside
Speaker 1: in the Paris countries or French Southern French French countries side.
Speaker 3: Jet four.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. But they're like it
Speaker 1: was to save money. I'm like, I doubt that. I
Speaker 1: think it was probably for security, and like it's not
Speaker 1: the problem again, like this is the oil companies are
Speaker 1: the problem with climate change, not celebrities taking private fucking jets.
Speaker 1: It's what the oil companies did was they made a
Speaker 1: bunch of propaganda and that is part of it, is
Speaker 1: just to blame it on celebrities and you and your
Speaker 1: carbon footprint, when really they could do even a little thing,
Speaker 1: and it would be immensely more than you could ever
Speaker 1: do in a thousand lifetimes of recycling and not taking
Speaker 1: jets and taking the bus and riding your bike. It
Speaker 1: doesn't put a fucking dent in anything. Compared to what
Speaker 1: they could do just a fraction of So stop blaming
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift. And by the way, Taylor Swift, if you
Speaker 1: were her, you'd be taking these people who are like,
Speaker 1: I can't bull she could have walked that bitch. You
Speaker 1: would have taken a private jet a mile. Like all
Speaker 1: these people who are judging, they would kill for that
Speaker 1: kind of money to be able to not fly southwest.
Speaker 1: They all would do it. Unless you are like the
Speaker 1: head of PETA or the an ambassador of Greenpeace. I
Speaker 1: don't think you can put your money where your mouth is.
Speaker 1: And when you when you judge these people for spending
Speaker 1: all this money, I think you would do the same
Speaker 1: thing if you had.
Speaker 4: Believe the ambassadors of green Peace do it. The people
Speaker 4: who are in charge of these charities, once they get
Speaker 4: a little bit of money, they start doing all this
Speaker 4: shit then and then it comes out five years later
Speaker 4: where it's like corrupt CEO of Green Piece actually spent
Speaker 4: a seven million dollars on a house in the Turks
Speaker 4: and Kkos, Yeah, well.
Speaker 1: I read some. There was some on the vegan subreddit.
Speaker 1: There was an article about me being a vegan or whatever,
Speaker 1: and they got into a huge there was all these
Speaker 1: like bickering inside the subreddit of and I don't usually
Speaker 1: read this stuff, but I'm like, vegans are nice. I
Speaker 1: would like to see what they're saying about me, and
Speaker 1: maybe they appreciate what I'm doing. I'm one of very
Speaker 1: few celebrity vegans at this point, because they're always like,
Speaker 1: I'm not vegan. I used to be vegan and then
Speaker 1: they get louder than ever about it because it didn't
Speaker 1: work with my body and my lifestyle. Shut up, you
Speaker 1: just wanted to lose weight and you love your tone keto. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just like, shut up, if you if you stop
Speaker 1: being vegan, shut the fuck up. Just shut up. You
Speaker 1: know you were vegan once, so you know it was
Speaker 1: the right thing, right, but now you're feeling guilty, right
Speaker 1: so you have to be extra loud about why it
Speaker 1: did work for you. Just don't be vegan and shut
Speaker 1: the fuck up. You don't need to. You don't need
Speaker 1: to blast us everywhere. Everyone's already not vegan. You don't
Speaker 1: need to like retell us why you're not because you
Speaker 1: need to justify it. You know what you're doing isn't right.
Speaker 1: You know you're probably doing it to lose weight or
Speaker 1: to do something for some selfish reason that isn't about
Speaker 1: the animals. And by the way, I've done it too.
Speaker 1: We all justify these behaviors, but just shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1: We don't need more people telling us not to be vegan.
Speaker 1: We really don't. And to everyone who is annoyed with
Speaker 1: vegans being loud, it's like four of us, so you
Speaker 1: can shut the fuck up too. Honestly, we're never gonna
Speaker 1: win if we went over three people and you have
Speaker 1: thirty less cows killed a year, So be it. Let
Speaker 1: us talk and then just flip past it. You don't
Speaker 1: have to listen. But anyway, in this vegan subreddit, they
Speaker 1: were getting so mad or a couple of people defended me.
Speaker 1: This one person shout out to whoever that was who
Speaker 1: was like cause they were. They were getting in an
Speaker 1: argument about how I'm not loud enough and how I'm
Speaker 1: too gentle when I go on certain people's podcasts where
Speaker 1: I don't overdo it, and I kind to say, I
Speaker 1: don't care what you do. I'm not gonna preach it you.
Speaker 1: I just know what I do. I'm I'm right for
Speaker 1: what I do and you're wrong, and that's fine with me,
Speaker 1: and you have to live with that. And I really
Speaker 1: I'm not judging you for it. I did it for years.
Speaker 1: I'm gentle about it when it comes to judgmental and
Speaker 1: like shaming people, even though I just said fuck you
Speaker 1: a million times to both vegans and non vegans, but.
Speaker 4: Well, you're saying fuck you specifically to the person who
Speaker 4: quits veganism and then goes and loudly exclaimed yes because
Speaker 4: it's shut up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just shut the fuck up. And but anyway, this
Speaker 1: person was like, well, she has to be delicate because
Speaker 1: these people. If she wants to get the word out
Speaker 1: at all on these podcasts and get keep getting invited
Speaker 1: on this podcasts, she can't go fucking nuts. And that
Speaker 1: person saw it. I felt seen good. You can't overdo it.
Speaker 1: You and I do have to be understanding. And I
Speaker 1: wish that a lot of I wish PETA and a
Speaker 1: lot of these different organizations would kind of come from
Speaker 1: my perspective of like a gentle approach to getting people
Speaker 1: to quit meat, because I know that's how I quit
Speaker 1: smoking cigarettes. I know that's how I quit alcohol. It's
Speaker 1: not being putitive to yourself, it's not feeling guilty. It's
Speaker 1: not feeling. It's not shaming you about me, it's shaming
Speaker 1: people about cigarettes. Showing them a picture of a dirty
Speaker 1: lung doesn't get them to stop smoking. It makes them
Speaker 1: smoke more because they're stressed out about the fact that
Speaker 1: they're smoking, and the only thing they have to do
Speaker 1: to calm that stress is to smoke more. So you
Speaker 1: yelling at people about being vegan or not being vegan
Speaker 1: is gonna make them dig their heels in more because
Speaker 1: they're gonna feel distressed about it. And what makes you
Speaker 1: feel good when you're distressed food that.
Speaker 3: You like spaking.
Speaker 4: It's basic persuasion, Like you can't just yell someone into
Speaker 4: agreeing with you, just can't dig in more. It's with politics,
Speaker 4: like if you like, just think about this in any situation,
Speaker 4: like if you have an uncle or something who disagrees
Speaker 4: with you politically, if you just go over to his
Speaker 4: house and you start telling him he's a bad person
Speaker 4: and stuff, he's he's just gonna believe his thing more
Speaker 4: and then he's gonna plant the flag on the back
Speaker 4: of his pickup truck because you did that.
Speaker 1: And guess what, calling him weird doesn't work either. We
Speaker 1: thought that worked for a second.
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, funny that.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it was so funny when we were all like,
Speaker 7: it's working weird really pisses them and they don't like
Speaker 7: call them weird.
Speaker 3: We never thought about that to call.
Speaker 1: Them weird weird, and we solved.
Speaker 4: It all of a sudden. The flags came down so funny, You're.
Speaker 3: Like, wait a second, am I weird?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I just like do a gentle approach. Once in
Speaker 1: a while, I see a post because I'm in a
Speaker 1: certain mood. I'll be in like a depressed mood and
Speaker 1: I see a picture of a chicken that looks dirty
Speaker 1: and sad, and I'll just post it because it's just
Speaker 1: a gentle reminder. It's not it is a little in
Speaker 1: your face, but it's not me being like you're a
Speaker 1: bad person. I just say, hey, your you know your
Speaker 1: favorite breakfast food enjoys warm baths. Just think about that.
Speaker 1: It's just like a nice, little, kind of sneaky way
Speaker 1: to do it, because over the top, it's just you
Speaker 1: want to do over the top. Of course, I want
Speaker 1: to scream and yeah, oh god, yeah, And I want
Speaker 1: to every time I see a post of Haley Baber
Speaker 1: wearing some you know, long fox coat, I want to
Speaker 1: write this is disgusting or whatever. It's like that doesn't
Speaker 1: that's only going to make people be like what a bitch?
Speaker 1: What does she stand for? Any No, it's just like
Speaker 1: it's just not right. It's not the right approach. But anyway,
Speaker 1: it's like it's hard not to get not to see
Speaker 1: your name and get drawn into what could they be
Speaker 1: saying about me?
Speaker 4: Well, it's just irrational for them to say, like you
Speaker 4: got to go on to like the Tiger Belly podcast
Speaker 4: and start like vehemently yelling about veganism. It's just not
Speaker 4: going to convince anybody, and it's going to ruin your career.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and and and they wonder why there's no celebrities
Speaker 1: that are vegan. It's just like it's it makes it,
Speaker 1: it turns people off.
Speaker 4: And also you're a comedian, it's like it's not your
Speaker 4: I get you have a platf. But it's not your
Speaker 4: job to convince anybody of anything. Your job is to
Speaker 4: make people laugh. And like that's the whole problem with
Speaker 4: with the joke, the great joke during the Golden Globes
Speaker 4: where it's like you can do anything except tell people
Speaker 4: how to vote. It's like, stay in your Lane, like,
Speaker 4: you don't need the public should not expect celebrities to
Speaker 4: fix the world. That's not why they're celebrities. That's not
Speaker 4: why they were chosen to be celebrities. If you want
Speaker 4: people to fix the world, you should be looking to
Speaker 4: activists and politicians. Of course, celebrity can become an activist,
Speaker 4: but like, you can't expect like uh, Nicole Kidman and
Speaker 4: Tom Cruise to fix climate change.
Speaker 3: It's it's insane.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it just seems like they should be able
Speaker 1: to because we have them, we have their pussies on
Speaker 1: such pedestals. Yeah, yeah, right, Like it does make sense
Speaker 1: that we go, like, why can't you speak up more? Like,
Speaker 1: you know, Taylor Swift endorse and Kamala felt like that
Speaker 1: was gonna do it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it'd be calling them weird. I mean, what
Speaker 4: the fuck? How could that combination not have worked?
Speaker 1: It's so funny. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, uh and to say then their whole strategy was,
Speaker 4: I mean, we decided to call them weird and yet
Speaker 4: Taylor Swift to endorse them and it didn't work. And
Speaker 4: their whole strategy was just what to like convince the
Speaker 4: majority of Americans to vote for them?
Speaker 3: I mean, how did that.
Speaker 1: Work by running incessant ad campaigns that instilled fear where
Speaker 1: there's shouldn't be. I mean, it's not like they didn't
Speaker 1: do anything. They weren't. Just like Brian, you can't just
Speaker 1: say they were just running a honest, sincere, no noble
Speaker 1: campaign by any stretch of the imagination.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, certainly not.
Speaker 1: And isn't it we it is? Have you guys? The
Speaker 1: TikTok band was insane. I think it's so funny that,
Speaker 1: like there's so many people working on like sketches about it,
Speaker 1: and by the time they like shot their sketch that
Speaker 1: was gonna be like so viral on reels about the
Speaker 1: TikTok van, it was already lifted. That was so fun
Speaker 1: I did you.
Speaker 4: See that A bunch of there was a people are crying.
Speaker 4: People on TikToker decided to come clean about their accounts
Speaker 4: before the did you see this?
Speaker 1: You're gonna miss this.
Speaker 6: I'm gonna miss this community where I got six thousand
Speaker 6: dollars a week from posting a video.
Speaker 1: Of my tits. Wait what wait? I saw one guy
Speaker 1: coming clean was like, I'm just gonna say it. I
Speaker 1: don't like black people. It's just like, wait, what what
Speaker 1: this isn't? What this is?
Speaker 7: This isn't like you're on the gallows and you get
Speaker 7: just say you're like last final statements?
Speaker 1: Are you talking about that guy? There was one guy
Speaker 1: that was like, I want to talk about who I
Speaker 1: don't like, and he said that he didn't like black
Speaker 1: people at the gym because black people are already physically superior,
Speaker 1: So why are they at the gym when he he
Speaker 1: should be at the gym trying to keep up with
Speaker 1: whatever they are naturally. I mean, it was insane.
Speaker 4: First of all, lead with that, don't end with it.
Speaker 4: It's like the ship's going down. That's such a weird
Speaker 4: impulse anymore, if you're in the Titanic going down, your
Speaker 4: last thing to do is to guess what I hate
Speaker 4: black people? That's so crazy to think that it was.
Speaker 1: It was nuts. So I saw that, Wait what did
Speaker 1: you see?
Speaker 3: So shit you should care about? The account?
Speaker 4: Shit you should care about is leading the journalism on this,
Speaker 4: and they found that there was a bunch of accounts
Speaker 4: on take popular accounts where the influencers came clean as
Speaker 4: to why their accounts were frauds. Like, for example, there
Speaker 4: was one fitness influencer who says I posted those workouts,
Speaker 4: I never did any of those workouts like stuff.
Speaker 1: Like that, what oh my god.
Speaker 3: I or like a cooking channel and they were like, they.
Speaker 1: Know there are other platforms that they can go.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's the thing about TikTok. That's that the TikTokers.
Speaker 4: That's insane.
Speaker 3: Is it?
Speaker 4: Like they're acting like TikTok is the only social media
Speaker 4: platform TikTok. They can't have any other access to social media.
Speaker 1: That's really interesting. I never even considered that people that
Speaker 1: are telling me what workouts to do might not be
Speaker 1: doing them.
Speaker 3: They're not doing that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, how do their bodies look like that?
Speaker 2: Then?
Speaker 1: But it's like, oh, they could just be like naturally
Speaker 1: fit in that way.
Speaker 4: Or they're doing like less like half of them, or
Speaker 4: eating well and doing sculp. But like you every day
Speaker 4: of a workout. Cool sculpting cool.
Speaker 1: That I would not do because I've seen too many
Speaker 1: horrors of cool sculpting. But I will say I would
Speaker 1: love to go through my phone and see how many
Speaker 1: different squat workouts that I have saved that I've never
Speaker 1: once done ever ever of like the right positioning. I
Speaker 1: I have this one girl who's Irish who screams at
Speaker 1: me about your ladies during your fucking squats. You you
Speaker 1: fucking need to do it the right way. She just
Speaker 1: scratched her. Thing is that she cusses at you. She's
Speaker 1: really cool. I like, I forget her name. Fuck, I
Speaker 1: wish I could remember it. She pops up all the
Speaker 1: time for me. And then I have Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: have so many different I just if I'm doing a
Speaker 1: squat the wrong way, it's because there's there's no excuse
Speaker 1: for me to do a squat. So is that's all
Speaker 1: I have? Show me the wrong way in the right way?
Speaker 1: What is that?
Speaker 2: What you're saving on Instagram?
Speaker 1: Mostly workout videos? Yeah, workout videos and like every more
Speaker 1: I get up and I do this with my hands
Speaker 1: guasho where it's like draining your face a puff or
Speaker 1: it's yeah, it's all those where I'm just saving different
Speaker 1: workouts that I never do. And I did do some
Speaker 1: gym workouts when I was in Hawaii from our vacation,
Speaker 1: and I just did ones. I never went to the
Speaker 1: ones on Instagram that I saved. I just went to
Speaker 1: like gym workout twenty minutes and did those and those
Speaker 1: are really fun.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I used to do all the time.
Speaker 4: I mean before I went back to Equinox, I would
Speaker 4: do the I would do Pop Sugar.
Speaker 1: Oh in your house.
Speaker 3: I would do Pop Sugar.
Speaker 4: I would do TV twelve as we all know, but
Speaker 4: I would do Pop Sugar also, yeah in my house. Yeah.
Speaker 4: You just type in twenty minute workout on YouTube Pop
Speaker 4: Sugar and they have a lot of great ones.
Speaker 3: They have Apple Fitness now.
Speaker 4: Which is also good, but yeah, that's uh, there's no
Speaker 4: replacement for in my opinion, weightli things. So when you
Speaker 4: do squats, are you using like a bar you're talking
Speaker 4: about like body weight squats.
Speaker 1: No, what I'm doing, like you know what I'm doing, uh,
Speaker 1: like with dumbbells you're saying. Yeah, sometimes like sometimes I'll
Speaker 1: do a bar and do like you know, uh deadlifts.
Speaker 3: Uh huh yeah that.
Speaker 1: Kind of like just the positioning. I know all the
Speaker 1: positions for the different uh squats variations you can do
Speaker 1: because I've just watched the videos a million times, and
Speaker 1: I also watched like videos about you know, pelvic tilt constantly,
Speaker 1: and there is literally no one I can find who
Speaker 1: is fixed with evidence their posterior pelvic tilt. There's a
Speaker 1: million videos about doing it, but it it must be
Speaker 1: something that takes literal years to do. I got this
Speaker 1: this special chiropractic thing that you're not even supposed to
Speaker 1: be able to buy unless you're like an you know.
Speaker 1: And the guy that was talking about it, he was
Speaker 1: on the YouTube video, he was like, it's a traction
Speaker 1: tool and it had it's like a foam kind of
Speaker 1: block and at the top it has like a thinner line,
Speaker 1: so it's like really digs in, you know, and it's
Speaker 1: like a five inch block and you lay your back
Speaker 1: on it because I'm just trying to open up my
Speaker 1: lower lumbar back and get some lord nosis back in
Speaker 1: that bitch, and you just lay on it. But he
Speaker 1: said you should only do this. Hold for one minute.
Speaker 1: Hold bitch, yeah, lordos. This is when your spine kind
Speaker 1: of goes in, and in order to have an ass
Speaker 1: you gotta have that little like curve of the spine in.
Speaker 1: So you're asking, is whoop and mine does not. It
Speaker 1: just goes straight down. And if I had the curve,
Speaker 1: my already flat ass would get it, would give it
Speaker 1: something else. So I'm trying to bend my back in
Speaker 1: by laying on this fucking block that the guy said
Speaker 1: you should never you should not do this without a professional,
Speaker 1: And I'm just laying on it all day while I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna fuck up my back so bad. I
Speaker 1: can just feel it already. But it's stretching out my back.
Speaker 1: I think, I hope it's It seems like a medieval
Speaker 1: torture device.
Speaker 4: I have a I want to say something about just
Speaker 4: like exercise in general, because I did something yesterday that
Speaker 4: I've never done before, which is I got a dex
Speaker 4: of scan.
Speaker 3: Have you ever done one of those?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 3: What a body spec it's one.
Speaker 4: It's a it's a full body scan that measures your
Speaker 4: body fat and your muscle and your bones and stuff
Speaker 4: like that.
Speaker 1: Do you have to like breathe while you're like with
Speaker 1: a mask on while you're running on a treadmill? I
Speaker 1: did that.
Speaker 4: No, No, it's just laying down. It was really easy.
Speaker 4: It took like less than ten minutes. I just you
Speaker 4: just lay down and you this thing slowly scans you.
Speaker 3: And they say, so weird.
Speaker 4: They say, in the fact, the FAQ, it's a lot
Speaker 4: of radiation to do these decks of scans. And they
Speaker 4: say it's about the same amount of radiation as eating
Speaker 4: for bananas. Did you know that you get radiation from bananas? No,
Speaker 4: well I currently.
Speaker 1: You can give your number to a guy through a banana.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's nuts. Okay, So I'm.
Speaker 3: Doing this DEXA scan.
Speaker 4: It's cheap comparison, sixty dollars for there. Yeah, facilities all
Speaker 4: over at least so cal.
Speaker 1: So you just got some numbers. You got your body
Speaker 1: fat percentage, you got.
Speaker 4: What a break down, your bone density, your body fat,
Speaker 4: your visceral fat, like all these little categories. And it's
Speaker 4: really easy and quick. And so I wanted to find
Speaker 4: out if I was a fat piece of shit or
Speaker 4: not because you're not well, I.
Speaker 1: Went told you by looking at you.
Speaker 4: That's what I went to a gastro doctor and I said,
Speaker 4: am I a fat piece of shit? And he said, no,
Speaker 4: you look like you're in great shape. You're doing better
Speaker 4: than me. And I said, oh great. And then I
Speaker 4: went to my primary care physician and I said, am
Speaker 4: I a fat piece of shit? And he said, well,
Speaker 4: you know, you got a lot of fat around your belly,
Speaker 4: so you could lose weight. So I wanted to get
Speaker 4: a DEXA scan to see which person was right.
Speaker 3: Am I fat or not? Turns out I'm fat?
Speaker 1: You are?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm fat?
Speaker 1: What do you let me guess your percentage? Can I guess?
Speaker 3: Yeah? My body fat percentage?
Speaker 6: Yeah? No?
Speaker 1: What you want to get on on this? Because I
Speaker 1: believe men are supposed to be around like six percent
Speaker 1: or something. I think women are like one hundred and
Speaker 1: fifteen percent fat? Like, are fat? Is like crazy compared
Speaker 1: to men's. Yeah, but I think are under ten? So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna guess you're like nine.
Speaker 3: No, under ten would be like eleven? Yeah, nine.
Speaker 4: You have to be between nine and eleven in order.
Speaker 3: To is it?
Speaker 1: Am I so off? What is?
Speaker 3: If you're under ten?
Speaker 4: You are like a ripped god professional athlete. I think
Speaker 4: if you're under twenty, you're you're in good shape.
Speaker 1: You're not under fifty.
Speaker 3: But if you're if you're what.
Speaker 1: Are you under fifty?
Speaker 4: He's I don't even think it's humanly possible. Is it
Speaker 4: possible to be over half fat?
Speaker 1: You know what? I don't even know what?
Speaker 3: You can be.
Speaker 1: An old archaic tool.
Speaker 4: Thirty thirty body fat. But what's what's interesting is that
Speaker 4: it's all around my stomach, like my arms and legs
Speaker 4: are mostly muscle.
Speaker 1: And which for you, as you've aged, it's definitely.
Speaker 4: Been getting bigger. It's because I stopped weightlifting. Oh what
Speaker 4: now I've started again. I'm getting my muscle back and
Speaker 4: I was doing TV twelve and pop sugar only. I'm
Speaker 4: telling you it doesn't work. It just doesn't work. Gotta
Speaker 4: lift weights.
Speaker 1: God damn it. I know you gotta lift weights. It's
Speaker 1: not enough.
Speaker 4: But here's the weirdest thing that I but I discovered.
Speaker 4: So I have my I don't have an unhealthy amount
Speaker 4: of fat. The fat's actually pretty good, but it's like
Speaker 4: just superficial fat that I can get rid of. But
Speaker 4: what's really interesting is my bone density.
Speaker 3: I am in.
Speaker 4: The lowest eight percent of bone density in the country
Speaker 4: and my age group.
Speaker 1: That's horrible.
Speaker 4: I've got horrible and so and here's the thing. My
Speaker 4: arms and legs bones are in like the eighty percent
Speaker 4: tile So I have super good bones in my arms
Speaker 4: and legs, but I have a really low bone in
Speaker 4: my torso and head.
Speaker 1: I think you need to get a second duck. Such
Speaker 1: a study. I really do exa scam.
Speaker 3: You think this is a mistake.
Speaker 1: This is crazy that you that your pelvis is like
Speaker 1: four bananas in terms of the sturdiness, and then the
Speaker 1: rest of you is still being Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 3: Okay, that really bad bone are supposed to do for that?
Speaker 1: What do you do for your bone density and your
Speaker 1: torso well?
Speaker 4: So I don't know, like you can gain bone density
Speaker 4: by taking supplements like vitamin D, magnesium and calcium, which
Speaker 4: I'm already taking already.
Speaker 1: That your bones are like kind of brittle, Like can
Speaker 1: you feel it?
Speaker 4: No, my bones feel great, but it is something over time.
Speaker 4: You know, you can get osteoporosis as you get older,
Speaker 4: they can break easily. But I the way you build
Speaker 4: your bones is by exerting weight on them.
Speaker 3: So that is like we need more bone here.
Speaker 4: Yes, and that comes from weightlifting, which I need to
Speaker 4: just get back to and I get my bones up,
Speaker 4: But I just don't know how to make my headbone bigger,
Speaker 4: Like how do you put weight on that?
Speaker 3: Like I.
Speaker 1: Have to wear it molment honestly. Yeah, that's okay. So
Speaker 1: I'm glad you got this information. I don't know what
Speaker 1: you're gonna do with it if it's gonna make you
Speaker 1: better or worse. When we get back, I want to
Speaker 1: ask you one more question. Okay, I have a question
Speaker 1: for you guys. If you could have one thing in
Speaker 1: your life just snap of the fingers and it's done.
Speaker 1: Like whether it's a home project, a personal project, a
Speaker 1: physical thing that you want done that is within the
Speaker 1: realm of you could do it, Okay, Like it isn't
Speaker 1: just it's not like you win the lottery kind of
Speaker 1: thing and you have a yacht or something, but like
Speaker 1: something that you're like, God, it's just like weighing you
Speaker 1: down that you could do and you maybe aren't gonna
Speaker 1: get around to you. What would that thing be like?
Speaker 4: Are you saying like a task or like a skill, a.
Speaker 1: Task, a task, not even task, but like it could
Speaker 1: be like I want to get in good shape, and
Speaker 1: I wish I could just stap my finger. I know
Speaker 1: that would take months to do, but it could be that.
Speaker 1: But what what is your guys's mine is?
Speaker 2: Although it would be the get in shape thing, but
Speaker 2: the more practical one is to finally finish my wedding album.
Speaker 1: What no one's clamoring for that hunt.
Speaker 2: But we have already paid for this wedding album and
Speaker 2: it's been almost a year and I have not finished
Speaker 2: hard doing it.
Speaker 1: Then if you're paying for it, because.
Speaker 2: Every time I start doing it, I get distracted and
Speaker 2: I'm like I don't want to go.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, why are they putting it together for you?
Speaker 2: Because we have to choose which photos we want in there? Okay,
Speaker 2: and then they the company puts it together and so
Speaker 2: it's like thousands of photos you have to choose like
Speaker 2: one hundred. Yeah, I'm like three quarters of the way there,
Speaker 2: but I just cannot finish.
Speaker 3: I feel like you could do this.
Speaker 1: Wait, why what is the hold up? Like why can't
Speaker 1: you do it? Like? What when when you have like
Speaker 1: a stillness and it's like I should do that? What
Speaker 1: is keeping you from doing it? Like you don't want
Speaker 1: to see pictures of yourself, You don't want to remember
Speaker 1: a time where things were felt better and EASi here,
Speaker 1: like what is it?
Speaker 2: So a part of it is option paralysis, which I
Speaker 2: struggle with. And because I'm almost done, I know that
Speaker 2: I'll have to go back and do a round two
Speaker 2: to of all the folks, because you know, there's only
Speaker 2: a certain amount that can go on the album. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I'm dreading the start of round two.
Speaker 1: Okay, why don't you give it to someone who would
Speaker 1: like to do that, like a Kursten. That's a great idea.
Speaker 1: I actually give it to someone who, like, you know,
Speaker 1: throw it on the girls chat and be like, could
Speaker 1: anyone help me by looking at these photos and pick
Speaker 1: the ones you like? Anya? I think Like loves to
Speaker 1: do that kind of stuff. She's really good at, like
Speaker 1: helping make decisions when it comes to like. I felt
Speaker 1: the same way about photoshoots, where I'm like, I have
Speaker 1: to choose the ones they're gonna edit. I only get
Speaker 1: tend to edit, Like I can't decide. I don't know
Speaker 1: because ultimately, yeah, it should be like what you want,
Speaker 1: but you won't notice if so.
Speaker 2: I honestly wouldn't care. I'm not good at asking for help.
Speaker 1: So thanks.
Speaker 2: That's actually a very good suggestion, because I.
Speaker 1: Think there are people that would like to do that,
Speaker 1: like it wouldn't feel burdensome for them. But I understand
Speaker 1: that the option paralysis is that like is but isn't
Speaker 1: that with like isn't it with everything like picking out
Speaker 1: furniture and picking out Yes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think one of the problems is there's too
Speaker 4: many options, Like you need to limit, like you need
Speaker 4: to just like take half the photos and throw them
Speaker 4: in the garbage, so then you just have less to
Speaker 4: choose from.
Speaker 2: But I still have to go through them, which is
Speaker 2: what I'm not good at.
Speaker 4: Don't even go through them, just throw them out you
Speaker 4: don't have them, and then you have half left and
Speaker 4: then it's That's one of the they've done studies on
Speaker 4: this about happiness in general, where if you have more
Speaker 4: than like three to five options, it actually makes you
Speaker 4: less happy because you're just thinking about all the different
Speaker 4: ways that you could get the choice wrong, Whereas if
Speaker 4: you just have like A or B or C, then
Speaker 4: you just make that decision quickly and you're much happier,
Speaker 4: even if the thing you ultimately wind up with is
Speaker 4: not as good as if you had one hundred different
Speaker 4: options and you could pick the number one best one, right, Well.
Speaker 2: That makes sense. I just be happy with the fact
Speaker 2: that I got the task done.
Speaker 1: How many times have you been ordering makeup online and
Speaker 1: there's too many colors to choose from, and so you
Speaker 1: just don't choose any No, really every time, all the time.
Speaker 1: For me, whether it's like a color of lipstick or
Speaker 1: a color of foundation, I'm like, I know that it's
Speaker 1: nice that they have many colors because there are many
Speaker 1: different colors of people and lips and things like that.
Speaker 1: But good god, I don't think we need that many. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm with you on that.
Speaker 4: Like with shoes, like I get these running shoes and
Speaker 4: they have I get Brooks running shoes and like they
Speaker 4: have like three choices of color variations.
Speaker 1: I love how certain shoe companies are just like, fuck you,
Speaker 1: there's one page of results. Yeah, you're not even gonna
Speaker 1: go to the When I go to like anthropology to
Speaker 1: look at like new arrivals or like just tops, it's
Speaker 1: like a thousand pages of things you can go through,
Speaker 1: and I just can't.
Speaker 4: I can't give me the best ones, the ones that
Speaker 4: are proven to be they are.
Speaker 1: The best sellers, and that's just that they could lie
Speaker 1: to you. It's like when I used to work at
Speaker 1: a restaurant and whenever they would do the special of
Speaker 1: the week, it was just whatever leftover shit they had.
Speaker 1: They would throw it in a stew and say this
Speaker 1: is our special, and it would make it seem special,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't special. It was just the leftover. So
Speaker 1: I always feel like the best sellers or stuff they're
Speaker 1: trying to like offload.
Speaker 4: There was someone saying this to me or something or
Speaker 4: heard it on TV show where it's like, no matter
Speaker 4: what you do when you go to a restaurant, don't
Speaker 4: get like the fish stew or the buoya base or something,
Speaker 4: because all that is is two day old fish put
Speaker 4: in to a stew.
Speaker 1: So never I think there's ever a fish stew anywhere.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: They say, they've been telling me for years, never get
Speaker 4: the fish stew.
Speaker 1: I just think that specials are oftentimes not unless there's
Speaker 1: a really nice restaurant where they're like, we just got
Speaker 1: the certain amount of this fish. Like, I think specials
Speaker 1: generally are things they're running out of and they just
Speaker 1: want to like kind of shove them all the other
Speaker 1: But I could be wrong.
Speaker 4: That's what are your restaurants too. If you go to
Speaker 4: a restaurant, I mean, like if it's like cheesecake factory
Speaker 4: and they have like every single food on the menu,
Speaker 4: it's much harder to make a decision then if you
Speaker 4: go to a place that just has like fifteen options
Speaker 4: that we know are good.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, my thing that I would want done
Speaker 1: if I snap my fingers is getting rid of crap
Speaker 1: and like little cords and little like buttons and shit
Speaker 1: like all the drawers, all the things that I have
Speaker 1: that I don't want, Like it's been really hard for
Speaker 1: me to I just went through my I did a
Speaker 1: purge the other day and got rid of like five
Speaker 1: suitcases of clothing. Wo and I finally got rid of
Speaker 1: underwear that I don't want that I've been like having
Speaker 1: for five years, you know, like just this, and I
Speaker 1: just don't wear that underwear. I only wear thongs now,
Speaker 1: like I just don't really unless I'm going I sleep
Speaker 1: in underwear that are like on my you know what,
Speaker 1: bikini style, but like, I only wear thong. I've trained
Speaker 1: my ass to be chapped and calloused enough that I
Speaker 1: don't feel it. It's like flossing. Wearing thongs is like flossing.
Speaker 1: If you do it every once in a while, it's
Speaker 1: highly annoying and you're like bleeding. You're bleeding. Your ass
Speaker 1: is bleeding. And everyone knows that you don't wear thongs
Speaker 1: a lot because you're like ugh. But then if you
Speaker 1: wear them every day, you just get used to them.
Speaker 1: It truly is so uncomfortable when you first wear thongs.
Speaker 1: I couldn't even believe that anyone ever did it. And
Speaker 1: now I hate wearing them to bed because I want to,
Speaker 1: but I only kept some underwear to wear to bed,
Speaker 1: and then I got rid of and you can't donate underwear, right,
Speaker 1: so it's just like putting all this underwear in a
Speaker 1: bag and like just you're throwing it into a landfill,
Speaker 1: like it's not going anywhere. There's no recycling going on,
Speaker 1: and that really stresses me out. And I got rid
Speaker 1: of all my socks that don't aren't ankle socks. All
Speaker 1: of my socks that go below my ankle gone. And
Speaker 1: that was like, I'm not joking you. Seventy pairs of
Speaker 1: socks that I just doing a bag, just ones that
Speaker 1: go above my ankles, like high above or that Emily
Speaker 1: told me to buy it. I'll show you.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, is that an almost Yeah?
Speaker 1: They all the way up?
Speaker 3: Oh, they go all the way up.
Speaker 1: I just love them. They're like they're so comfortable to
Speaker 1: put on. I like the fabric. They don't have that
Speaker 1: like fuzzy feel like I like them to feel like.
Speaker 1: I don't know that some socks when I can see
Speaker 1: if your sock the sellow out of your sock, you
Speaker 1: can see the fuzz. I want to die. I want
Speaker 1: a hard like. I want to sock that doesn't have
Speaker 1: like fuzz in wool. I don't like wool like no,
Speaker 1: I don't like polyester because that makes me sweat. I
Speaker 1: want to be cotton, but I want to be like
Speaker 1: a hard cotton. I don't know what I'm saying, but
Speaker 1: like the gray toed Haynes ones with the white and
Speaker 1: the gray.
Speaker 3: Toe, that'szzr. So the the I can't believe.
Speaker 4: In the early two thousands, we were convinced to wear
Speaker 4: socks that go.
Speaker 3: Below the ankle.
Speaker 1: Final thought.
Speaker 4: I look back at those and I'm like, especially guys,
Speaker 4: I'm like why, Like the the, I can't think of
Speaker 4: anything less flattering than wearing a sock that like you.
Speaker 1: Basically, I still think it looks good, but I can't
Speaker 1: wear it because it makes you look old. I you know,
Speaker 1: it's like the middle part thing. I just won't do it.
Speaker 1: It make I feel like it just I would wear
Speaker 1: because I have long legs, and I feel like it
Speaker 1: makes your legs look longer to wear no sock.
Speaker 3: Oh, you have more.
Speaker 4: Angle legs if you have long legs, especially skinny long legs,
Speaker 4: especially if you're a guy, you have to wear long socks.
Speaker 3: I mean, there's just no, there's no way around it.
Speaker 1: Why because you don't want your legs to look long
Speaker 1: and skinny?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, of course, Oh yeah, okay, do thick trunks.
Speaker 1: I have long, muscular legs, and so I don't like
Speaker 1: the ankle sock look because I feel like it makes
Speaker 1: me look stubby and muscular. And I wanted that extra
Speaker 1: ankle length, but I don't get it anymore, you know,
Speaker 1: Like I do think it looks better to have your
Speaker 1: angle exposed. But that's just not what the trend is.
Speaker 3: That's not it no more.
Speaker 4: It'll be that in twenty years and twenty years, they'll
Speaker 4: be disgusting to wear high socks and you'll have to
Speaker 4: wear what ankle socks again? It the I do kind
Speaker 4: of like how everything's trending back towards the eighties now.
Speaker 4: Like if you go to like at the gym or something,
Speaker 4: everyone's wearing like like the same type tank tops. Oh
Speaker 4: my god, yeah, baggy tank tops. Some people are just
Speaker 4: wearing like full fledged like baggy sweatshirts. But also like
Speaker 4: the socks are eighties socks, they're just like workout video
Speaker 4: what are those call those ankle socks? Yeah, like an
Speaker 4: so you're like ankle warmers going into leggings. That's just
Speaker 4: the eighties, amazing. No one they didn't think of this,
Speaker 4: gen z did not think of this.
Speaker 1: No we thought of it. I don't. I can't even
Speaker 1: wear like, I don't even know what to wear for
Speaker 1: leggings anymore. I don't think leggings are in. And if
Speaker 1: you do wear a legging, I saw a thing about this,
Speaker 1: you have to wear a sweatshirt that covers your butt.
Speaker 1: Like it is not cool anymore to wear a sweatshirt
Speaker 1: above your buttah, and with yoga pants. Girls, did you
Speaker 1: know this? I didn't know this, But it makes you
Speaker 1: look like a soccer mom. And so you have to
Speaker 1: wear a really long sweatshirt that covers your butt, which
Speaker 1: I think is a better look. It's like more modest.
Speaker 1: And I'm not one for being like cover yourselves up, ladies,
Speaker 1: But like with me, with my flat ass, that can
Speaker 1: actually have four quadrants sometimes, like I feel like I
Speaker 1: have four butt cheeks. Sometimes I like to have more
Speaker 1: coverage on my butt. Girls, you should be showing off
Speaker 1: your butts all the time. I would be flashing my
Speaker 1: ass non stop. If I sit in.
Speaker 2: Style anymore, you just said we have to cover it.
Speaker 1: Well no, no, I mean your bare ass. I would
Speaker 1: be I would be getting little idy bikinis. Girls are
Speaker 1: always complaining about, like why are there no butt coverage?
Speaker 1: If you have a full, big ass, don't cover it up.
Speaker 1: You don't need butt coverage. You have a big butt
Speaker 1: that has like a nice shape to it, even if
Speaker 1: it's big. It's like if yours has like all these
Speaker 1: different divots in it, I understand why wanting to cover
Speaker 1: it up. Mine has divots.
Speaker 3: So that always been I mean, I try, I.
Speaker 1: Try, I could try anything. I could probably get a
Speaker 1: BBL in the right place it's the front of my
Speaker 1: face in an hour to fix it. But it's just
Speaker 1: like I always a flat ass.
Speaker 4: That's not like something that's happened over time. That's it's
Speaker 4: always been like that you're saying, I no.
Speaker 1: I think it's like with age. It's like with kind
Speaker 1: of the sagging nature of skin. But it's also with
Speaker 1: when I used to be really skinny, like that's the
Speaker 1: first place, like I'd already don't have fat there anyway,
Speaker 1: and then when I'm really skinny, it's like there's it's
Speaker 1: just a little hanging skin in the skin, you skin.
Speaker 3: You need more fat bearing on my ass.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what the Kardashians do. They literally get their
Speaker 1: fat put on their ass.
Speaker 4: And they take it from other places. If you get
Speaker 4: the fat put in your ass as that just for
Speaker 4: a stomach, I mean, I would love to donate some
Speaker 4: if that was possible, I would.
Speaker 1: I would love to have your stomach on my ass.
Speaker 1: I wonder if it's.
Speaker 4: Looks like an ass, to be honest with you, really, yeah,
Speaker 4: like the way that it's hanging out now, it really
Speaker 4: like if you just like took out of context the
Speaker 4: picture of my button and remove the belly button and
Speaker 4: it would look like an ass.
Speaker 1: Yeah all right, I'll take your word for it. We
Speaker 1: got to go. Thank you for the podcast this week.
Speaker 1: Happy birthday, Kirsten. You guys, we'll see you next week.
Speaker 1: Tickets are on sale. They're all selling a lot, so
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you all coming out to see me.
Speaker 1: There are some tickets available on certain markets. Nickyglazer dot com.
Speaker 1: People listening to podcast, We'll see you next week, don't
Speaker 1: be good bye. The Nicki Glazer podcast is a production
Speaker 1: by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart podcasts created
Speaker 1: and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie,
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior.
Speaker 1: Edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton,
Speaker 1: and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full
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Speaker 1: Nicki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel