WEBVTT - Episode 8: PEG ENTWISTLE'S FINAL ACT 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:13.320 Yeah, I am the fairy man. 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:21.640 The human spirit is my business. Their madness, their passion, 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:28.560 the wonderful and monstrous ways they burn out their brief candle. 0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:35.080 I regret to tell you that very many American lives 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:35.480 in love. 0:00:38.520 --> 0:00:42.080 What herd to shouts from the car, he's dead. Whether 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:47.400 he rebird to president or four hours, people must get 0:00:47.520 --> 0:00:48.639 up and identifica. 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:57.040 I am here in the in between, to collect their 0:00:57.080 --> 0:00:59.880 spirits and carry them to what comes next. 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:05.600 This road is not on any map. 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:12.200 It spans the thresholds between their most forbidden desires and. 0:01:12.160 --> 0:01:14.639 Their greatest fear. 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:22.960 All I ask for in payment is a tale and 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:28.120 accounting of their lives and the great temporary that is 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:29.960 the land we're living. 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:36.520 These are their stories. This is. 0:01:38.200 --> 0:02:19.919 The passage. 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:31.240 Hollywood, California, nineteen thirty two. Millions flood west from the 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:43.639 Great Plains, drought and dry blizzards, massive churning black clouds 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:47.280 of dust that can blast the hides off of cattle. 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:52.440 They flee with nothing but dead earth caked in their 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:58.080 ears and creases of their eyes, nothing but dust lining 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:07.280 their pockets, still spitting dirt from their teeth. Those unmoored 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:12.639 by environmental calamities search for opportunity. Here in the Golden State, 0:03:14.040 --> 0:03:20.600 they come for greener grass. They pursue their dreams, while 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:23.520 the rest of the country sinks deeper and deeper into 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:27.359 what will become known as the Great Depression, making tramps 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:31.240 and cheats out of honest folks while putting the rest 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:36.080 over the ledge. The denizens of this place will they thrive? 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:43.600 And while factories across the land shudder and their promise 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:50.280 turns to rust, this place still sparkles, a hopeful beacon. 0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:53.520 Shining out across the barren land. 0:03:54.600 --> 0:04:03.040 Why because this place mass produces and essential good dreams. 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:08.840 This decade will cement Hollywood's medium as the primary way 0:04:09.160 --> 0:04:16.120 America will understand its own story, quixotic, shiny, flawless. While 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:20.479 the rest of the world starves, Hollywood is made richer 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:26.880 by peddling their stories of hope, intrigue, adventure, mesmerizing its 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:31.200 patrons to become something other than themselves for the price 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:35.320 of a ticket. Hollywood will take all of the intricate 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:38.280 ugliness of the American reality, and. 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:42.719 We'll refine it and shine it and sell it back 0:04:42.760 --> 0:04:44.880 to the people as a new narrative. 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:50.839 Americans will forevermore be suckers for spectacle at twenty four 0:04:50.920 --> 0:04:56.159 frames per second. They will not only buy it, they 0:04:56.440 --> 0:05:00.480 will believe it as though these were their own inventors. 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:05.840 And soon they will not know the difference between themselves 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:12.359 and their silver screen heroes. But the great Hollywood machine 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:20.760 eats as many dreams as it regurgitates. Countless penniless actors 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:25.720 will be lord in by the spectacle, and the dream 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:32.160 nameless starlets will get lost in this house of mirrorsgies. 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:39.000 Some will eventually catch their own distorted reflection him I'm 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:44.000 ready for my close up, Yet it will. 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:44.520 Be too late. 0:05:45.200 --> 0:05:49.560 They will not recognize the eyes staring back from the 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:53.640 other side of the glass, and in their confusion and 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:58.800 their undying desire to be something, to be someone special, 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:04.200 to matter to the world and become greater than life itself, 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:08.680 they will be chewed up and spit out by men 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:14.960 of means and dubious intention, Real talents who will be wasted, 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:23.240 real lives destroyed by the gears of this industry. One 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:27.880 such tale belongs to the soul I meet today, Though 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:31.680 her story is more than a two dimensional tale projected 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:36.240 onto a silver lenticular screen. Like so many others who 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:40.719 came before her, like so many others who will follow, 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:48.080 she had her own intricate tale as one of its 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:51.760 finest artists will one day tell me on their own passage. 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:55.520 If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:58.080 on where you stop your story. 0:07:00.279 --> 0:07:36.080 H h, hello there, it's so bizarre. 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:46.920 I feel stone. I stood with all the world beneath 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:54.400 my feet, top of top, billing on the air, between 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:58.640 me and the stars. Most people get churned up and 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:03.240 spit out by the industry, but I sort above it all, 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:08.080 and that is how you make a name for yourself. 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:16.760 I wish there was an easier way, but it's all 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:20.480 the same in the end. If you want to be 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:27.120 a star, the only way anybody makes it there is 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:34.479 to give away your body and your spirit and everything 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:41.080 alive inside of you. You cannot have both life and immortality. 0:08:43.360 --> 0:08:52.040 It must always choose. I was a real actress, a 0:08:52.200 --> 0:08:57.280 serious actress, just all I ever wanted to be, except 0:08:57.320 --> 0:08:59.720 to have any sort of hold in this world. 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:01.240 To be great. 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:08.400 It's not enough being great for someone else is someone 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:15.920 else's game. Have you heard of me? Do you even 0:09:16.040 --> 0:09:18.520 know who I am? 0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:20.280 Yeah? I do? 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:27.839 And who am I? Now? Am I me? Or am 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:29.200 I playing a part. 0:09:31.200 --> 0:09:32.600 Hard to know, isn't it. 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:39.160 I get confused sometimes myself. Do you recognize me? 0:09:40.080 --> 0:09:42.960 Though I can. 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:47.920 Tell from the way you approach familiar, although I'm sure 0:09:47.960 --> 0:09:49.280 I've never seen you before. 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.760 I'm here to offer you passage. 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:58.880 Tell me do you know my name? 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:00.440 I you do? 0:10:02.400 --> 0:10:03.200 Which one. 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:06.160 Peck had? 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:10.480 Vic Hazel? Certainly not the name my mother and father 0:10:10.600 --> 0:10:10.960 gave me. 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:13.199 No one here knows that. 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:20.760 Hmm. Yes, there were so many roles I accepted gladly, 0:10:22.679 --> 0:10:25.560 but the ones thrust upon me by the act of 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:29.920 my birth were an agony in boor from beginning to end. 0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:32.760 I hope those are not the ones for which I 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:33.640 have remembered. 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:37.160 It is time come with me. 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:46.480 Oh, thank you, kind stranger for offering your hand. I 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:50.199 can hardly see a thing in this big, blurry darkness. 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:53.359 Grip is so reassuring. 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:55.480 It's just up here. 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:59.000 I am glad I do not have to walk this 0:10:59.160 --> 0:11:03.400 path alone decide where to go. I'm good about hitting 0:11:03.440 --> 0:11:08.440 my marks. I'm best going exactly when I'm told and 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:13.320 saying exactly and I'm told to say. I only need 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:17.520 to mess things off when left without direction, there is 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:20.160 a great freedom and knowing where to stand and what 0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:24.199 to say, knowing the what and the whay, lets one 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:27.200 live in the far more interesting why and how? 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:30.200 So much? 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:31.199 When is it cold? 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:31.880 Where we're going? 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:33.840 Are you strange? 0:11:33.840 --> 0:11:38.120 Sounds? Faintly out there in the story emptyness, I see 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:42.840 images of my life. It's living through space. I can't 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:45.960 see the horizon, but I must confess I'm not afraid. 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:49.840 Am I a fool for that? You don't talk much? 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:54.720 Everyone where I come from is talking all of the time, 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:55.920 and nobody ever. 0:11:55.800 --> 0:11:56.680 Wants to listen. 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:00.560 And anyways, I have so many thoughts inside my head 0:12:00.600 --> 0:12:04.040 I wish I never thought at all, never mind saying 0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:04.720 them out loud. 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:08.920 It is time for you to speak your own lines. 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:10.800 That is my price. 0:12:11.840 --> 0:12:13.800 This is your memo. 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:16.079 It's yours. 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:34.240 Actually, I don't know what. 0:12:34.280 --> 0:12:39.160 To tell you. Somehow in this place I can't remember 0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:39.840 my lines. 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:43.920 Why don't you begin by telling me the story of 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:44.480 your name? 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:56.160 Oh easy, I named myself peg Have to peg O 0:12:56.440 --> 0:13:05.360 My Heart, a very romantic play about a young woman 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:10.200 from Ireland who finds herself in England and falls in 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:14.560 love with the man who lies her. At least I 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:21.520 never found myself in England. That joke I played perhaps 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:27.760 my greatest role at just seventeen and Ibsen's The Wild Duck. 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:29.559 Do you know that story? 0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:31.640 I played Headwig. 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:37.920 She shoots herself in the chest. The reviews were tremendous. 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:41.840 The story was about this family and the way they 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:46.880 survived dysfunction, with each member clinging to their own lives 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:51.720 that made life VERI The family had this bird. 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:54.600 This wild duck, injured and living in their attic. 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:56.120 Headwig the daughter. 0:13:56.320 --> 0:14:00.160 She adored that duck and it made her happy. And 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:02.840 though the duck was too injured to live the way 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:06.360 a duck should, even though it lived locked in an attic, 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:08.040 never seeing sunlight. 0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:10.360 Hadvik could believe her bird. 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:13.439 Was happy in her home, and that made her able 0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:17.560 to believe that she was happy there too. When an 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:20.720 unwanted truth caused the father to turn on his wife 0:14:20.720 --> 0:14:24.920 and his daughter, people claimed to Hedwig that he hated 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:28.720 the duck, and she decided to sacrifice it to win 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:33.120 her father's love back. When that did not work, she 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:34.880 sacrificed herself. 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:40.440 Two shots, two lives, and two illusions ended in an instant. 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:44.960 Ibsen wrote, deprive the average human being of his life, 0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:49.960 lie and you rob him of his happiness? Do you 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:53.880 come for everyone? My father or my stepmother. 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:56.400 Have you met my mother? 0:14:57.960 --> 0:14:59.240 How did she outlive me? 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:02.880 I don't speak of my other passengers. 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:09.480 I see, but I assume you've seen them all. I 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:11.800 was five years old when I took the boat from 0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:12.400 Wales to. 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:13.640 America with my father. 0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:18.680 He told me we were running towards a brighter future. 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:20.880 But I think that he was running for my mother 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:25.240 on her illness. But of course, these things always catch 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:26.320 up to you in the end. 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:29.280 My father always told me. 0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:34.360 She died, but I knew it wasn't true. He believed 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:36.880 me too young to remember, but I could see the 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:39.680 faint etches of her in my mind, like looking through 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:43.840 a cloudy glass. My father brought me to New York City, 0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:47.800 to Broadway, where he dressed in black and stood in 0:15:47.800 --> 0:15:51.080 the wings, commanding everything, and I got to watch it all. 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:55.040 I knew from the first time I set foot on 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:57.320 a stage that there was nowhere else in the world 0:15:57.320 --> 0:16:01.800 for me. But there he married again, and she was 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:05.720 beautiful and kind. I performed in my very first play, 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:09.120 the school production of Peter Pan, where I played the 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:14.280 title role. My father was happy there altogether, underneath bright 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:20.000 lights and skyscrapers, until my stepmother got sick and died, 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:23.600 and then only a year later, my father was killed 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:29.440 by a motorist side. I loved New York and I 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:34.200 loved my father, and I loved my stepmother. And by 0:16:34.240 --> 0:16:37.360 the time I was thirteen and we were both dead, 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:39.200 and I was in Ohio, and I could not help 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:42.600 but envy them. I lived there with my uncle, who 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:44.720 loved me but could not understand me. 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:46.480 And when he moved to California to. 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:49.240 Work in the movies, I moved to Boston for a role, 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:53.480 and then back to New York City. I was in Hamlet, 0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:59.880 you know, on Broadway. I did not speak, but I 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:04.480 poisoned the King. I studied the script so much that 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:06.919 I could have gone on for any role at the 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:11.040 drop of a hat. I believe I brought a great 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:15.040 seriousness to the Walk On roll, because after that came 0:17:15.160 --> 0:17:17.880 more rolls and Ibsen and head fig in the Duck. 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:22.159 After Ibsen felt like I was always working for a time. 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:26.320 I originated roles in a string of premieres that mostly 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:31.240 did not last. And then what that did the comedy 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:34.119 none of the work of the richness of Ibsen, and 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:37.919 I ached for the satisfaction of depths and meaning of 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:42.280 characters I could fully inhabit. The more I struggled to 0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:45.399 lose myself in the stories, the harder it became to 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:49.159 find myself again. I burned for a role with conviction. 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:57.040 Then from the wings entered Robert. He was ten years 0:17:57.200 --> 0:18:01.280 my senior, with half my acting credit, which I felt 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:05.399 would give me the advantage between us. He sought me 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:10.600 intensely and directly, the way a director might court the 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:16.040 one big Starry envisioned for his leading role, no audition, 0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:21.400 only an offer given with the confidence that I had 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:29.119 the chops to perform. My role as wife was my 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:37.200 most challenging yet and required all of my attention. 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:40.840 Robert, that's cool. 0:18:41.520 --> 0:18:48.600 He was violent. I screamed and I wept, and I 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:58.520 laid myself bare night after night. It was a wrenching 0:18:59.520 --> 0:19:05.479 perform morments, heavy and serious and impactful, with all of 0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:09.840 the weight of a good drama and no horrible silliness 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:17.080 to puncture the artistic tension. This role was so demanding 0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:19.800 that I had no space in my head for my 0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:27.119 own thoughts. Two years of nightly performances took their toll 0:19:27.240 --> 0:19:32.119 on my brain and my bones, but so insidiously that 0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:37.919 the ache folks familiar is my own hearty. When I 0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:40.800 found out that my husband had been hiding a son 0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:44.879 in a previous marriage for me, thus violating the terms 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:51.080 of our commitment, I felt only a relief clarity. For 0:19:51.160 --> 0:19:54.960 the first time in my life, I walked down on 0:19:55.040 --> 0:20:01.200 a contract. But with the the end of the marriage 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:03.880 came the end of the twenties, and nothing was as 0:20:03.920 --> 0:20:07.760 it happened. I walked from a short, bitter marriage to 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:09.520 a short and bitter life. 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:12.159 Then came the thirties. 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:16.359 And out went the lights on Broadway. Almost everyone making 0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:21.680 theater was either making movies or suddenly unemployed. Gone were 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:24.080 the accolades, and gone was work. 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:24.480 In New York. 0:20:27.119 --> 0:20:30.080 What is the value of an artist when people are starving? 0:20:32.040 --> 0:20:34.320 What good is it to be a great actress in 0:20:34.359 --> 0:20:42.960 a desolate time? The crowds that had once clamored for 0:20:43.119 --> 0:20:47.800 attention at stage doors were now standing dirty faced in 0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:50.800 soup lines, and I was on the brink of joining them. 0:20:51.080 --> 0:20:53.879 I had no choice but to leave New York. I 0:20:53.960 --> 0:20:56.440 accepted a part in a play all the way across 0:20:56.480 --> 0:21:02.040 the country, joining my uncle in Hollywood. The long, arduous 0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:05.000 journey from one coast to the other carried a weight 0:21:05.119 --> 0:21:15.359 of terrible finality. Time works differently here, doesn't it. I 0:21:15.400 --> 0:21:18.560 can see my life as if it's all happening now, 0:21:19.960 --> 0:21:24.199 feels as though I only just met you, And yet 0:21:24.880 --> 0:21:30.800 here too, I can see my headstone growing weathered in 0:21:30.920 --> 0:21:39.879 my body, floating, sinking, and turning to dust in Ohio. 0:21:41.920 --> 0:21:46.880 I cannot believe they buried me in Ohio. I can 0:21:47.000 --> 0:21:50.040 see my uncle now, and I almost wish I hadn't 0:21:50.040 --> 0:21:54.560 gone yet. I am glad to be here with you, 0:21:55.800 --> 0:21:59.560 looking into the face of eternity, where all my life 0:21:59.560 --> 0:22:05.480 feels like an instant. It seems in a few more 0:22:05.560 --> 0:22:07.919 decades might have been a small thing to see what 0:22:08.040 --> 0:22:12.120 I had time to see. All I can see now, 0:22:12.240 --> 0:22:17.760 all my life and the people who loved me. You 0:22:17.960 --> 0:22:21.840 feel like an old friend. But I suppose you would 0:22:21.880 --> 0:22:27.120 have waited for me. Yes, the only friend who could 0:22:27.119 --> 0:22:30.720 have been put off to tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow 0:22:30.920 --> 0:22:32.879 and still be waiting forever. 0:22:34.080 --> 0:22:34.800 Unchanged. 0:22:35.320 --> 0:22:35.960 It is true. 0:22:36.119 --> 0:22:39.719 Yeah, I am at the end of every life. 0:22:41.960 --> 0:22:47.840 Though standing here now seeing it all, I begin to 0:22:47.920 --> 0:22:50.760 feel that there was no success that could have made 0:22:50.800 --> 0:22:52.120 me truly happy. 0:22:53.200 --> 0:22:57.760 My father and stepmother were dead, my real mother was 0:22:57.800 --> 0:23:02.600 an ocean away. The space between me and everyone left 0:23:02.680 --> 0:23:07.399 in my life felt at least as fast. With the 0:23:07.480 --> 0:23:12.440 death of my Broadway career, I felt like an orphan 0:23:12.520 --> 0:23:19.480 twice over. The move to California felt like an irreversible settling. 0:23:21.320 --> 0:23:25.080 My uncle was happy to take me in again, which 0:23:25.160 --> 0:23:29.920 was very kind. My first and final play in Hollywood 0:23:29.960 --> 0:23:37.080 closed in just under two weeks to glowing reviews. I 0:23:37.160 --> 0:23:42.679 did not long for fame, wealth, or even love. The 0:23:42.760 --> 0:23:47.520 idea of turning my own life into something worth living 0:23:47.720 --> 0:23:53.159 in felt so impossible to me that any small seeds, 0:23:53.200 --> 0:23:59.919 say many of otherwise sown, intended and allowed to grow 0:24:00.080 --> 0:24:05.119 for time seemed to me a wasted effort. Building a 0:24:05.200 --> 0:24:09.040 life that I desired would interfere too greatly with my 0:24:09.280 --> 0:24:13.360 need to escape the life that I had. All I 0:24:13.600 --> 0:24:19.800 wanted was to live completely inside the lives of strangers. 0:24:21.800 --> 0:24:28.600 I hated the part life had given me, and I 0:24:28.680 --> 0:24:34.760 hated the part I had written for myself an equal measure. 0:24:38.720 --> 0:24:41.760 I hope I am remembered for the parts I played 0:24:41.800 --> 0:24:47.280 in more beautiful stories. I am terribly afraid my poor 0:24:47.400 --> 0:24:50.719 job as Peg and her Sorry Tale will be my 0:24:50.880 --> 0:25:01.399 most famous and my final act worth discussing. Hazel Clay 0:25:01.600 --> 0:25:03.639 cousins in Thirteen Women. 0:25:05.280 --> 0:25:09.320 That was the film my only film. 0:25:11.440 --> 0:25:14.639 Hazel was a lesbian, and she killed her husband, and 0:25:14.720 --> 0:25:19.000 she went to prison. She got to berculosis in prison, 0:25:19.160 --> 0:25:21.800 and then she fell in love with the wife of 0:25:21.880 --> 0:25:24.920 the doctor who was treating her, only to have her 0:25:24.920 --> 0:25:25.600 heart broken. 0:25:26.400 --> 0:25:30.440 She starved herself to death in her hospital bed. Except 0:25:30.520 --> 0:25:34.959 almost not that made it to the screen. It was 0:25:35.040 --> 0:25:38.760 not my vanity that broke me. It was the unwriting 0:25:38.920 --> 0:25:42.560 of a story I had lived for months in service of. 0:25:42.720 --> 0:25:46.840 For months, I was Hazel more than I was Peg. 0:25:47.359 --> 0:25:48.920 To prepare for my performance. 0:25:49.200 --> 0:25:51.200 I prepared for my own death. 0:25:51.480 --> 0:25:55.320 To truly authentically betray a woman convinced to take action 0:25:55.440 --> 0:25:58.600 against her own life, I had to become one. I 0:25:58.840 --> 0:26:03.400 died again and again on my own, and then in rehearsal, 0:26:03.520 --> 0:26:06.960 and then on camera, and then some test audience, never 0:26:07.480 --> 0:26:11.920 sacrificed anything for art in their lives, could not appreciate 0:26:12.000 --> 0:26:16.440 the story I had given everything inside of myself to tell. 0:26:17.400 --> 0:26:20.439 And instead of honoring the life we had created, the 0:26:20.480 --> 0:26:25.359 studio simply untoken. I did not know how to live 0:26:25.720 --> 0:26:28.879 on after my own death in a world where it 0:26:28.920 --> 0:26:35.040 had not happened. Why we stopped, Why are you looking 0:26:35.080 --> 0:26:38.000 at me that way? That can't be the part you 0:26:38.000 --> 0:26:43.760 want to hear about. Fine. There was a ladder leaned 0:26:43.800 --> 0:26:45.760 against the h of the sign when I got there, 0:26:46.640 --> 0:26:52.560 a prop perfectly placed for my final act. Please, wherever 0:26:52.680 --> 0:26:55.000 we're going now, do not bring me to judgment? 0:26:55.080 --> 0:26:58.159 Is pig. I am Hazel, heart. 0:26:57.920 --> 0:27:00.200 Broken and wasting into nothing. 0:27:00.280 --> 0:27:05.520 On purpose Henry Maddic pressing a shotgun in her own chest. 0:27:06.240 --> 0:27:09.879 Peter Pan, leaving everyone and everything behind to live in 0:27:09.960 --> 0:27:12.800 neverland and never ever ever grow up. 0:27:14.920 --> 0:27:16.240 I am the wild. 0:27:15.960 --> 0:27:19.960 Bird with the broken wings, a great sacrifice to nothing. 0:27:20.040 --> 0:27:23.320 I laid there a long time at. 0:27:23.160 --> 0:27:25.800 The foot of the Hollywood Sign, staring down at the 0:27:25.880 --> 0:27:29.399 place where the glittering val he met the twinkling night sky, 0:27:29.640 --> 0:27:33.480 until every light blurred and all I could see above 0:27:33.600 --> 0:27:35.200 and below me were stars. 0:27:37.320 --> 0:27:39.080 While who were standing here still? 0:27:39.280 --> 0:27:39.680 Please? 0:27:39.880 --> 0:27:41.119 I don't know where to go. 0:27:42.480 --> 0:27:43.639 It's time for the truth. 0:27:45.720 --> 0:27:47.240 I don't you the truth. 0:27:47.920 --> 0:27:49.920 It's time for you to tell yourself. 0:27:52.160 --> 0:27:58.680 I wish sad and jumped. That's the whole awful truth 0:27:58.680 --> 0:28:00.480 of it, HM. 0:28:03.560 --> 0:28:04.200 Relies. 0:28:04.320 --> 0:28:07.480 As soon as my feet left the threshold and my 0:28:07.640 --> 0:28:15.919 body felt suspended in the air, I tried to catch 0:28:16.000 --> 0:28:19.320 myself on the way down. But I lost myself. 0:28:23.160 --> 0:28:30.480 Oh my whole body screamed and agon eve when it 0:28:30.640 --> 0:28:34.720 put it on the ground, And I longed for the 0:28:34.880 --> 0:28:39.160 cinematic power of an editor's scissors to unwrite my depth 0:28:39.200 --> 0:28:40.400 for the second time. 0:28:42.800 --> 0:28:45.040 Even now, I. 0:28:45.000 --> 0:28:47.080 Wish I could undo my undoer. 0:28:47.680 --> 0:28:51.680 I always make the wrong decision with love without direction 0:28:51.880 --> 0:28:57.760 as to wear my featured land the biggest times of 0:28:57.880 --> 0:29:02.240 my life, I've always been speaking someone else wrote for me, 0:29:03.040 --> 0:29:08.240 wearing someone else's clothes and someone else's name and someone 0:29:08.280 --> 0:29:15.600 else's life. I always loved living in every story except. 0:29:15.080 --> 0:29:15.880 For my own. 0:29:18.520 --> 0:29:21.200 I wish I had given the character a Peg a 0:29:21.240 --> 0:29:22.080 better chance. 0:29:23.400 --> 0:29:27.880 Truthfully, how do you not want to be remembered as Peg? 0:29:28.160 --> 0:29:34.480 Only a Peg whose death was simply a footnote the 0:29:34.560 --> 0:29:36.520 story of her life, instead of. 0:29:36.480 --> 0:29:37.520 The other way around. 0:29:44.480 --> 0:29:47.320 Maybe I could have had my own go at remembering 0:29:48.000 --> 0:29:51.800 not remembering, instead of worrying so much about the memories 0:29:51.800 --> 0:30:04.800 of others. Oh, it's beautiful now, I see the road ahead, 0:30:06.600 --> 0:30:12.880 stage lights marquise the crowded city, sidewalk, a stage door. 0:30:14.440 --> 0:30:18.520 It's amazing, there's an end to all this inky, starry darkness. 0:30:20.840 --> 0:30:23.160 I was sure we could walk forever inside of it. 0:30:25.080 --> 0:30:29.480 I can hear the sound of applause, firing of cameras, 0:30:30.000 --> 0:30:34.480 fuzzy like through the edges of a fairly waking dream. 0:30:34.640 --> 0:30:37.160 It is a more beautiful end than I could have 0:30:37.280 --> 0:30:40.000 hoped for, and I'm glad to see where we are at. 0:30:42.680 --> 0:30:45.240 Thank you friend. 0:30:47.800 --> 0:30:50.440 Then that sky out here, at the end of nothingness 0:30:50.480 --> 0:30:52.200 is something spectacular. 0:30:54.160 --> 0:30:55.440 Oh, the breeze. 0:30:55.200 --> 0:31:00.440 Smells fresh and strange, and I can hardly remember the 0:31:00.560 --> 0:31:05.360 last time I had the company of someone so warm familiar. 0:31:06.720 --> 0:31:08.840 Maybe we could sit here a while before we go. 0:31:09.600 --> 0:31:13.520 I have always thought there was a magic and sitting 0:31:13.640 --> 0:31:22.200 silent in the dark looking up at the stars. But 0:31:22.400 --> 0:31:23.040 it's time. 0:31:26.040 --> 0:31:32.080 Ah, a red carpet. Haven't you thought of everything? 0:31:33.000 --> 0:31:36.200