WEBVTT - #125 This could drive you crazy 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:07.360 First and foremost, you listen, you need to seek professional 0:00:07.960 --> 0:00:16.000 help immediately. Maybe you already have, but the fact that 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:19.680 you're emailing me on this podcast, I'm questioning if you've 0:00:19.680 --> 0:00:37.600 done this yet. You need to seek professional counseling. What's up, guys, 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:39.879 Welcome to the podcast. Thank you for listening. I'm grateful 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:42.760 for this opportunity, for this platform and from all the 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:46.000 different places that you've come from or whatever platform you're 0:00:46.040 --> 0:00:48.680 even using right now to listen to it. I know 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:50.000 that we have a lot of people that have come 0:00:50.040 --> 0:00:53.080 from social media and come from TikTok. We have a 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:55.920 lot of TikTokers watching these days, and because I put 0:00:55.960 --> 0:00:58.000 these little clips on there and it brings you here, 0:00:58.040 --> 0:01:00.520 so welcome. I also know that we have people coming 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:03.640 from after Midnight, my radio show, and then we have 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:06.480 my music fans, so a lot of different people. Some 0:01:06.560 --> 0:01:08.840 of you might not be connected at all, but I 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:10.760 just want you to know that I'm thinking about all 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:14.120 the different groups and I'm grateful for this time that 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:16.399 we get to spend sitting around a campfire. And that's 0:01:16.440 --> 0:01:18.240 what I think this podcast is like. It's like me 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:21.080 and you sitting around a campfire. It's getting late and 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:23.480 you walk up, I'm by myself and you say, hey, 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:25.720 could I kind of run something by you? Something s 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:28.800 been on my mind, been thinking about something, something that's 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:31.480 been bothering me, or I'm trying to make I'm wrestling 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:33.600 with it in some way, and I'd like to talk 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:35.520 to you about it. And I'm not always right, but 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:37.839 I'll just tell you that, I tell you I could 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:40.320 walk through it the best that I know how as 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:43.080 if we're friends, and that's honestly how I feel. If 0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:44.600 you want to be part of this podcast, if you 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:46.880 want to be part of these questions, you just email 0:01:46.959 --> 0:01:50.840 me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll get 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:53.360 to them right now. It's just me today. The first 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:56.720 first subject line says, ready for that campfire talk? Brother? 0:01:57.320 --> 0:01:59.720 I get it right, I get it. It, says Hattie Granger. 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:04.320 I love watching your channels. I'm thirty one going on eighteen. Okay, 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:08.040 jokes aside when I'm nervous. I joke around much of 0:02:08.080 --> 0:02:11.960 my apologies. I'm getting married this year October eleventh, twenty 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:15.320 twenty two, and we met in the military Camp Pendleton 0:02:15.400 --> 0:02:18.919 and we moved to his hometown in Texas. Here's the juice. 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:22.520 My father has had his moments of being narcissistic. He 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:24.720 has ruined a lot of holidays because of his opinion 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:28.000 and in him not receiving the response he wants out 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:31.840 of people, especially responses and actions from his own family. 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:36.240 He has verbally and physically abused the family. He thinks 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:38.480 he can do no wrong and acts his own way. 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:41.040 He thinks that he could act and do whatever he wants. 0:02:41.160 --> 0:02:43.720 He doesn't remember the power of the tongue brings life 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:47.200 and death. His voice is opinion about my wedding. He 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:50.440 doesn't want my sibling parenthesies, step kids to be invited 0:02:50.440 --> 0:02:52.839 to the wedding for his personal reasons. When I told 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:55.200 him that I will still invite my siblings, he said 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:57.280 some horrible things that a father should never say to 0:02:57.320 --> 0:02:59.560 his baby girl. He said he wishes that I was 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:03.359 never born and he couldn't wait till I changed my 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:07.280 last name. Wow. He hopes that my fiance loses his 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:09.840 job and we live out of a box under a freeway. 0:03:11.560 --> 0:03:13.440 I've been leaning on God. I know God wants me 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:16.320 to be kind, generous, loving, forgiving, and I'm so afraid 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:19.120 that my father will distort my wedding just like he 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:21.400 did my older brother's wedding three years ago. I've been 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:23.640 praying for him ever since I was a little girl 0:03:24.919 --> 0:03:26.760 hearing him yell at my mom in a locked room. 0:03:26.800 --> 0:03:28.280 I know that God gave us free will, and it's 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:30.519 up to my father to surrender to God that he 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:34.160 will be saved from his own pain. But I get 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:37.600 so angry and caught up in the moment, thinking my 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:41.160 father will say, I love you, You're my everything, and 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:44.520 then boom, I do something that he disagrees with, like 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:48.040 inviting my sibling, and he disowns me so quickly, like 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:51.920 a stray dog begging for food. I lost what love 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:54.440 really is. I lost myself. I don't know how to respond. 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:56.800 Should I have more faith in God to protect me 0:03:56.880 --> 0:03:59.320 through this and invite him to my wedding this year, 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:01.839 or should I save the heartache and not invite him. 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:05.240 I feel wrong in both decisions. I appreciate you taking 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:07.680 the time to read this. God bless it comes from Kenna, 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:12.120 and then she puts at the bottom Proverbs eighteen twenty one, Kenna, 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:15.520 thank you for emailing. This is not something I want 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:18.280 to take lightly. I feel the gravity of it, and 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:22.839 I appreciate your vulnerability to share something that it's so 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:25.360 troubling to you and also so personal and you want 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:28.600 to share it in a public way to me, and 0:04:28.720 --> 0:04:31.040 I just I appreciate you so much. I'm so grateful 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:33.360 for you, and I'm so grateful that you would trust 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:37.800 this podcast to take this to Where do I start? 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:41.360 There's a lot of starting spots here, but I want 0:04:41.360 --> 0:04:44.720 to start with God. I want to start with a 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:46.520 part where you said, should I have more faith in 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:51.120 God protecting me through this and invite him to my wedding? Well? No, 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:56.479 First of all, I don't believe. I don't believe that 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:59.600 the Bible says in any way that He is going 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:03.200 to protec us from problems. It's it's never part of 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:05.279 any narrative or any story that we read in the Bible. 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:08.479 God doesn't shield us from the problems or protect us 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:12.400 from it. A lot of times this is not me. 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:14.960 I'm just a messenger here. But the Bible will take us, 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:18.839 says that God will take us into problems for us 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:23.280 to deal with with him. So we trust in him 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:25.640 and lean on him, that He's going to lead us 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:28.720 through it, and that we'll learn something from it, and 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:31.960 that through the struggle, it will matter. So there's a 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:34.039 big difference in saying that I trust God will get 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:36.560 me through it and free me of it and free 0:05:36.600 --> 0:05:38.919 me of all the pain that doesn't come in this 0:05:39.000 --> 0:05:42.880 lifetime on this earth. Instead, when we're on this earth, 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:46.040 when we're in this flesh, when we're in these human tents, 0:05:46.960 --> 0:05:51.000 God will set up these struggles and take us through 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:53.920 it so that we know more how to trust Him. 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:55.520 In fact, I did a sermon on this where I 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:58.680 use the analogy of link in my son going skiing 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:01.720 with me and he was falling, and I kept picking 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:03.080 him up and he would fall and I pick him 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:04.480 up and he'd fall and A pick him up, and 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:08.600 eventually I just wanted him to trust me that I 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:10.719 could get him down the mountain with me. But his 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:13.200 only way to learn how to ski, the only way 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:15.360 he was ever going to learn is if he went 0:06:15.440 --> 0:06:17.839 up there on the mountain and fell. And I didn't 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:20.080 just hold him on the bunny slope. I didn't prevent 0:06:20.160 --> 0:06:22.760 him from ever falling. He needed the falls to learn. 0:06:22.839 --> 0:06:26.400 I knew that just like God knows that you need this, 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:32.000 you need your struggles for you to learn to trust. Ultimately, 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:35.320 learn to trust him, And this one time Lincoln fell off. 0:06:35.520 --> 0:06:37.440 I told him not to go down this specific trail, 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:40.400 and he went anyway, deliberately against what I said, and 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:42.880 he fell. And this time I didn't run to get him. 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:44.680 I let him sit there in the snow a little 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:46.719 bit and he took off his glove and it was 0:06:46.839 --> 0:06:49.760 just completely wet, and I said, Lincoln, put the glove 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:52.120 back on your hand, and he said, I can't, it's 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:55.320 too wet. And I said, Lincoln, when will you learn 0:06:55.360 --> 0:06:58.080 to trust me? When will you know that I'm telling 0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:02.400 you what you need to hear? All that being said, 0:07:02.760 --> 0:07:05.480 when he finally broke down and said, Daddy had come 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:08.280 get me. I can't do this anymore. Then I went 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:10.480 to him and I brushed off the snow and I 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:12.480 put his glove on and I took him down the mountain. 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:15.120 And sometimes it takes that through these kind of situations 0:07:15.120 --> 0:07:19.000 to go God, I can't do this anymore. I've lost 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:22.600 what love really is. I've lost myself. You're saying that 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:24.280 to me, I'm saying for you to say that back 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:28.120 to God. Give it to him. Complete surrender. That's what 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:31.440 this is. And so that's that part of it. The 0:07:31.480 --> 0:07:35.000 second part of it is. I think you should forget 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:38.840 about your dad going to this wedding. And I don't 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:41.160 think that your dad from the little that I know 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:43.280 about him, I don't think this is a guy that 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:46.840 is it's really gonna matter that you didn't invite him 0:07:46.880 --> 0:07:50.160 to the wedding. I don't think that's gonna He's not 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:52.440 gonna walk away and go, well, that was the final 0:07:52.440 --> 0:07:55.680 straw with her. You know, this is a guy that's narcissistic, 0:07:56.280 --> 0:07:59.080 and he will keep coming back at different times, and 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:00.960 then then it'll be update if you want to open 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:04.160 that door again. But right now, this is not about him. 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:07.120 This is about you and your husband and this beautiful 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.880 wedding that you're planning, and this beautiful memory that you'll 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:12.400 have the rest of your life at this wedding. And 0:08:12.560 --> 0:08:14.240 I don't think that he has a place in it 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:17.080 right now. I don't think he's earned that spot. I 0:08:17.120 --> 0:08:21.400 don't you know. I think that I think that that 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:26.360 our reciprocal love back to our parents is contingent on 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.600 how they're treating us. I think a father should always 0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:33.920 love a child because they brought him into this world. 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:37.120 I think that that should be unconditional. But I think 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:44.040 a child doesn't doesn't have to reciprocate that. You could 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:46.320 have a horrible parent and you don't have to love them. 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:48.520 You could love them because they brought you into the world, 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:50.440 but you don't have to love them for any other reason. 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:54.079 This guy hasn't hasn't earned anything from you, especially being 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:57.200 physically and verbally abusive to you and your mom and 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:00.959 your siblings. Uhh now he's now, he's taking you down. 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:03.040 He said some awful things like I hope you guys 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:05.040 live in a box. I hope your husband if fiance 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:07.600 loses his job. I can't wait for you to change 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:10.920 your name. Hey, you could do this with grace. You 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:15.200 could do it with absolute grace and say, Dad, I 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:20.480 forgive you. I understand. I'm not surprised by this, but 0:09:20.559 --> 0:09:23.440 I can't invite you to this wedding. I can't. I 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:26.959 don't have the space. I'm sorry if that offends you, 0:09:27.760 --> 0:09:30.320 but this is not about you. This is about my wedding, 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:33.720 and I don't have the emotional space to open up 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:37.000 enough room for you to be with us. Say it 0:09:37.040 --> 0:09:39.080 like that that you could say it with so much 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:42.720 grace and so much humility, where you don't have to 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:44.720 be sharp with them. You don't have to be snarky 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:47.040 with him. You don't have to say anything you can't 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:49.719 take back. You just say, Dad, I want to work 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:52.960 this out with you. I want things. I desire things 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:56.840 to be good between us, but right now I have 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.200 to focus on this wedding. I have to focus on 0:09:59.200 --> 0:10:03.240 my fiance and making this a very very big memory 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:05.600 for us, and I don't have the space for you 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:07.680 to be part of it. I don't think there's anything 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:10.400 wrong with that, and uh, kenna that that's what I 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:14.440 would tell you. This is your story is not that rare. 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:16.560 A lot of people are going through stuff like this 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:20.319 with weddings and happens again when when you have babies, 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:23.520 happens again, because then he's gonna he's gonna ask the 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:26.000 same thing when he's when you have a child and 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:28.040 he's wanting to see this baby and he feels like 0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:31.400 he has rights to see this baby. Dad, I don't 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:35.360 have space. I'm sorry. And he knows he's human, he 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:37.560 knows he has to earn that. You have to earn 0:10:37.600 --> 0:10:41.280 that kind of stuff, and he hasn't. I thank you 0:10:41.360 --> 0:10:47.320 for asking the question. Popping around here in the inbox. 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:49.200 If you want to email me for this podcast. Email 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:53.680 Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Next question says, subject 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:57.240 line college sports guidance. Hey Granger I'm wanna try my 0:10:57.280 --> 0:10:59.520 best to keep this short. My name is Tabitha. I'm 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:02.840 from Whiskeysen. I compete in Division one track and field, 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:05.679 and I'm lucky enough to be on a partial scholarship. 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:09.959 I dedicate twenty ish hours a week to track. Our 0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:14.720 biggest meets are indoor and outdoor conference meets. They determine 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:18.240 scholarship amounts and the next semester for the next semester, 0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:20.000 and they let us know how hard we worked all year. 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:23.319 This year, the outdoor conference meet is on May seventh, 0:11:23.480 --> 0:11:27.440 same day as my boyfriend's brother's wedding. I love Mason 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:31.080 his fiance. I love Mason and his fiance, and I 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:33.760 want them to be able to help. I want to 0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:36.440 be able to help celebrate their wedding. They mean a 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:38.720 lot to me and my boyfriend, and I feel so torn. 0:11:39.200 --> 0:11:41.839 I don't want to miss showcasing all of this work 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:44.600 I'm putting into track and miss a chance for financial aid. 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:46.800 I also don't want to look back in twenty years 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:48.320 and say, wow, I wish I would have gone to 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:51.200 their wedding. What would you do? I appreciate it so 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:56.640 much and thank you for your advice. Tabitha. Another wedding, 0:11:56.679 --> 0:12:00.760 back to back wedding questions, but very very different. Okay, Tabitha, 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:04.480 I'm gonna walk through this from my perspective and what 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:08.360 I would tell you, And this is not fact. In fact, 0:12:08.360 --> 0:12:10.319 you could take this away with everything I say today. 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:13.720 This is not this is this kind of question is 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:16.920 my opinion. And that's because I'm not going to uh, 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:20.600 I'm not going to something that is that is based 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:22.520 in total truth, like the Bible. I'm gonna tell you 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:25.480 what I would do. I've been in this, in this 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:30.040 kind of situation in the music business. I've had to 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:33.160 take tour dates that I had to take. I had 0:12:33.200 --> 0:12:35.880 to sometimes I have to take a date because I'm 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:37.920 paying a lot of people's bills, I'm paying a lot 0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:41.920 of families, and I can't. I can't pass on dates 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:46.480 on Saturday nights for a wedding because if I did, 0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:50.160 that would open the floodgates to if you're if you're 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:53.080 going to say yes to, for instance, your boyfriend's brothers 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:57.200 Mason Mason's wedding, then what what? At what level do 0:12:57.240 --> 0:12:59.840 you stop saying yes or stop feeling obligated to go 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:04.360 to these Is the wedding important, Yes, it's very important. 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:08.240 It's a big deal. Is this track meat important. Yes, 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:11.080 it's a big deal. It's a big deal. And I 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:14.640 would I would do it this way. And I think 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:16.280 that I think you could do this in a way 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:18.920 where you have you have a lot of grace, and 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:21.920 I think you write a letter, a handwritten letter to 0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:26.480 Mason and his fiance and say I love you too. 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:31.760 I'm so happy for your wedding and for your future, 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:38.840 and you matter to me. I can't I can't find 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:43.760 a way to attend your wedding and also be able 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:49.840 to move forward with my financial aid and my college life. 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:52.760 And it crushes me, just be honest, It crushes me 0:13:53.360 --> 0:13:55.280 that I even have to make this kind of decision. 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:59.360 But I need to go to this track meet. And 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:01.920 I'm so sorry. And I hope that you can forgive me, 0:14:02.000 --> 0:14:03.640 and I hope that there's no hard feelings. But I 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:05.880 wanted to write this letter just to tell you my 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:08.720 heart and to tell you that I'm gonna I'm gonna 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:11.680 be there with you in my heart, and I want 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:14.400 to be facetiming with the family and keep up with 0:14:14.440 --> 0:14:17.160 it as much as I can, and I'm gonna try. 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:19.520 I'm gonna go to the rehearsal dinner and I'm gonna 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:23.320 go to the after party you're gonna have or whatever 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:26.800 that might be. But Tita, I think you need to 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:31.200 be honest with them. I don't think in my opinion, 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:33.880 this is my opinion, I don't think you're gonna look 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:36.480 back in twenty years and go I should have gone 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:38.880 to that wedding. I should have been there. I should 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:42.200 have been there. You might be shocked to hear me 0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:44.520 say that, and there might be some people listening to go, man, 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:47.720 I totally disagree families everything. But first of all, it's 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:50.600 your boyfriend. It's not just your boyfriend. I'm not gonna 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:56.360 say that, but it's not directly family yet. You might 0:14:56.480 --> 0:15:00.680 marry your boyfriend, good chance. Maybe it sounds like you 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:04.120 love them, but not yet. You're not there yet, And 0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:07.240 I think that that separation is enough that this is 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:10.840 not your brother in law yet, and you still have 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:14.640 this this element left with you where you still have 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.520 you still have a space in your life where you 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:22.280 have independence and you have priorities for yourself right now. 0:15:22.320 --> 0:15:24.960 You have to because when you get married, you're gonna 0:15:24.960 --> 0:15:27.760 lose that in a good way. You're gonna you're gonna 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:31.440 you're gonna donate it back into the immediate family. But 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:34.320 you have a sense of independence right now and a 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:38.160 sense of taking care of what you know you need 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:40.480 to do for yourself and for your career. Right now 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:47.200 that is going to trump your boyfriend's family first. And 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:50.120 when you get married, that'll change and that that priority 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:54.680 will flip. But but right now you still have this availability. 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:58.080 I would write the letter. I would open up your heart. 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:03.040 If they freak out you, you could reconsider. I don't 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:05.320 think they would. I think a letter like that would 0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:09.040 would would be taken. Just like I read in the 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:12.360 question before, this wedding is not about you, and it's 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:15.040 not about your boyfriend. This is about Mason and his fiance. 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:20.800 And I'm pretty sure they would understand where you're coming from, 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:24.720 if you come from a heartfelt way of writing this letter. 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:29.520 So shout out to Wisconsin and Tabitha. I wish you 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:35.400 the best in this. That's a sticky situation. Let's hit 0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:41.480 another one here. This one interesting subject line says struggling 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:45.920 has become a habit. Hey Granger, my name is Samantha. 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:48.280 I'm thirty one years old from Wisconsin again. Shout out 0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:52.080 to Wisconsin two in a row who finally left a 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:55.920 broken long term relationship several months ago. I've been dating 0:16:56.200 --> 0:17:00.160 and have repeatedly found myself in situation ship's situationship is 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:02.680 what she said, which ultimately go nowhere and leave me 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:06.680 hurt and heartbroken. It seems these men fall so fast 0:17:06.680 --> 0:17:09.800 and express their feelings towards me. However, it seems like 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:12.639 a few weeks later they begin to start to act 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:16.360 off and pull away. When I try to express my feelings, 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:20.200 they end up telling me I deserve better. I am 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:23.040 lost because I don't know why this continues to happen. 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:24.879 I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:28.720 they're just not interested. I'm very sensitive, kind and loving person. 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:31.600 Sometimes I feel like I'm too caring and feel like 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:34.560 it's a flaw. I want to find a person who 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:36.960 cherishes me in a relationship that leads to marriage, but 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:39.360 I don't know how to continue to have faith when 0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:44.200 this continues to happen. Thank you okay, Samantha thirty one 0:17:44.480 --> 0:17:48.480 shout out to Wisconsin. First of all, I'll dive into 0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:51.399 this by saying, first of all, the excuse of someone 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:57.320 telling you you deserve better, you should take that advice. 0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:00.720 When someone tells you I don't know if I could 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:04.600 be in this relationship because you deserve better, take them 0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:08.879 for face value on that right, because they either really 0:18:08.920 --> 0:18:13.040 mean it or there or there's an element of they 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:16.240 feel like they can't do enough for you, or just 0:18:16.400 --> 0:18:21.399 ultimately they're not into you. Either way, you're out. You 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:25.680 hear that, you hear someone say you deserve better. Okay, thanks, thanks, 0:18:25.760 --> 0:18:28.800 thanks for the good advice for saving me from using 0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:33.199 up any more time right now with you, Okay, I 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:36.400 don't think there's a way of salvaging that once. Once 0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:39.000 that comes out of somebody's mouth, you take them for 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:41.320 face value and you say, okay, great, thank thanks for 0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:45.760 the advice. I'll go find somebody better. That being said, 0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:50.600 you could never listen, you could never be too kind 0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:53.920 or too loving or too caring. It's not a flaw. 0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:55.560 That is not a flaw, So get that out of 0:18:55.560 --> 0:18:58.119 your head. There's no way that that is a human 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:02.120 flaw to be too nice, too loving, took caring right, 0:19:03.080 --> 0:19:07.080 so that The flaw is not that. The flaw is 0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:11.760 that you think that is a flaw. So so reject 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:15.160 that thought in your head. Reject that flaw that you 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:18.200 you start thinking about. You could never be too kind 0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:22.720 or loving or caring. That is an incredible trait. That's 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:24.960 an incredible fruit of the spirit that you're carrying with you. 0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:28.720 And you will make such a good wife with those qualities, 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:31.040 and you'll pour into somebody and you'll find the right 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:33.600 person and you'll you'll use those traits and they will 0:19:34.040 --> 0:19:38.280 they will accept them for what they are, invaluable gold 0:19:38.520 --> 0:19:41.120 to them in their lives to be able to say, 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:46.280 my wife is sensitive, loving and caring. And then eventually, 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:50.120 when you're a mother, God willing, you're a mother that's sensitive, 0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:53.560 loving and caring. That's incredible. I mean, what do you 0:19:53.560 --> 0:19:55.240 what what's the alternative? What do you want to be 0:19:56.320 --> 0:20:01.560 shrewd and snarky and tough? What kind of mother is that? 0:20:01.600 --> 0:20:03.320 What kind of what kind of wife would that be? 0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:07.479 So there is no alternative. You You are in a 0:20:07.680 --> 0:20:10.600 in a position where you're in a time of waiting, 0:20:11.359 --> 0:20:13.520 really and and so there's nothing you need to alter, 0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:17.120 there's nothing new you need to say there's nothing new 0:20:17.160 --> 0:20:20.679 you need to change in your relationships or something that 0:20:20.760 --> 0:20:22.960 you some trick that you need to know about, or 0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:26.600 something you need to hold back and not say you're 0:20:26.600 --> 0:20:29.000 doing everything right. You're just in a season of waiting. 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:31.359 You just haven't found the right one yet. And you 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:37.040 will it, just you just will. Time will go by, 0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:38.600 and every time you come out of one of these 0:20:38.640 --> 0:20:42.879 relationships like you're talking about, where you feel hurt and heartbroken, 0:20:43.720 --> 0:20:48.240 every single time it matters to you because it's it's 0:20:48.320 --> 0:20:52.720 adding to your tool shed. It's it's a new piece 0:20:52.800 --> 0:20:55.920 of equipment that you need to move forward to continue 0:20:56.520 --> 0:20:59.480 trudging on this thing we call life. So once you 0:20:59.480 --> 0:21:02.320 get a new too and the tool shed, i'll h 0:21:02.560 --> 0:21:06.679 a broken relationship, you go, I'm better now. I'm a 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:09.000 little bit better than I was before this relationship because 0:21:09.040 --> 0:21:12.479 now I know this. Now I'm a little bit closer 0:21:12.520 --> 0:21:15.880 to this. And even after this podcast, hopefully you listen 0:21:15.880 --> 0:21:17.800 and you go, Okay, that's a new tool for my toolshed. 0:21:18.200 --> 0:21:21.040 I'll no longer call being caring and loving a flaw. 0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:24.399 That's an asset. That's something you're gonna be able to 0:21:24.440 --> 0:21:26.760 pour into somebody, and that's an incredible thing for you. 0:21:27.040 --> 0:21:32.440 So don't look at these relationships as wasted or another mistake. 0:21:32.880 --> 0:21:35.159 Look at instead of mistakes and wasted time, look at 0:21:35.200 --> 0:21:41.520 them as one step closer to the right one. That's you. 0:21:42.880 --> 0:21:45.560 So I would say to that, congratulations, You're one step 0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:48.760 closer to the right one. I'm gonna take a break, 0:21:48.800 --> 0:21:56.320 be right back. Podcast is brought to you guys today 0:21:56.359 --> 0:22:00.080 by ship Station. Do you have an online business? Well, 0:22:00.080 --> 0:22:02.120 if you do, you know that things aren't getting any 0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:05.880 less crazy anytime soon, and online shopping isn't slowing down 0:22:05.920 --> 0:22:08.919