Speaker 1: First and foremost, you listen, you need to seek professional
Speaker 1: help immediately. Maybe you already have, but the fact that
Speaker 1: you're emailing me on this podcast, I'm questioning if you've
Speaker 1: done this yet. You need to seek professional counseling. What's up, guys,
Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast. Thank you for listening. I'm grateful
Speaker 1: for this opportunity, for this platform and from all the
Speaker 1: different places that you've come from or whatever platform you're
Speaker 1: even using right now to listen to it. I know
Speaker 1: that we have a lot of people that have come
Speaker 1: from social media and come from TikTok. We have a
Speaker 1: lot of TikTokers watching these days, and because I put
Speaker 1: these little clips on there and it brings you here,
Speaker 1: so welcome. I also know that we have people coming
Speaker 1: from after Midnight, my radio show, and then we have
Speaker 1: my music fans, so a lot of different people. Some
Speaker 1: of you might not be connected at all, but I
Speaker 1: just want you to know that I'm thinking about all
Speaker 1: the different groups and I'm grateful for this time that
Speaker 1: we get to spend sitting around a campfire. And that's
Speaker 1: what I think this podcast is like. It's like me
Speaker 1: and you sitting around a campfire. It's getting late and
Speaker 1: you walk up, I'm by myself and you say, hey,
Speaker 1: could I kind of run something by you? Something s
Speaker 1: been on my mind, been thinking about something, something that's
Speaker 1: been bothering me, or I'm trying to make I'm wrestling
Speaker 1: with it in some way, and I'd like to talk
Speaker 1: to you about it. And I'm not always right, but
Speaker 1: I'll just tell you that, I tell you I could
Speaker 1: walk through it the best that I know how as
Speaker 1: if we're friends, and that's honestly how I feel. If
Speaker 1: you want to be part of this podcast, if you
Speaker 1: want to be part of these questions, you just email
Speaker 1: me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll get
Speaker 1: to them right now. It's just me today. The first
Speaker 1: first subject line says, ready for that campfire talk? Brother?
Speaker 1: I get it right, I get it. It, says Hattie Granger.
Speaker 1: I love watching your channels. I'm thirty one going on eighteen. Okay,
Speaker 1: jokes aside when I'm nervous. I joke around much of
Speaker 1: my apologies. I'm getting married this year October eleventh, twenty
Speaker 1: twenty two, and we met in the military Camp Pendleton
Speaker 1: and we moved to his hometown in Texas. Here's the juice.
Speaker 1: My father has had his moments of being narcissistic. He
Speaker 1: has ruined a lot of holidays because of his opinion
Speaker 1: and in him not receiving the response he wants out
Speaker 1: of people, especially responses and actions from his own family.
Speaker 1: He has verbally and physically abused the family. He thinks
Speaker 1: he can do no wrong and acts his own way.
Speaker 1: He thinks that he could act and do whatever he wants.
Speaker 1: He doesn't remember the power of the tongue brings life
Speaker 1: and death. His voice is opinion about my wedding. He
Speaker 1: doesn't want my sibling parenthesies, step kids to be invited
Speaker 1: to the wedding for his personal reasons. When I told
Speaker 1: him that I will still invite my siblings, he said
Speaker 1: some horrible things that a father should never say to
Speaker 1: his baby girl. He said he wishes that I was
Speaker 1: never born and he couldn't wait till I changed my
Speaker 1: last name. Wow. He hopes that my fiance loses his
Speaker 1: job and we live out of a box under a freeway.
Speaker 1: I've been leaning on God. I know God wants me
Speaker 1: to be kind, generous, loving, forgiving, and I'm so afraid
Speaker 1: that my father will distort my wedding just like he
Speaker 1: did my older brother's wedding three years ago. I've been
Speaker 1: praying for him ever since I was a little girl
Speaker 1: hearing him yell at my mom in a locked room.
Speaker 1: I know that God gave us free will, and it's
Speaker 1: up to my father to surrender to God that he
Speaker 1: will be saved from his own pain. But I get
Speaker 1: so angry and caught up in the moment, thinking my
Speaker 1: father will say, I love you, You're my everything, and
Speaker 1: then boom, I do something that he disagrees with, like
Speaker 1: inviting my sibling, and he disowns me so quickly, like
Speaker 1: a stray dog begging for food. I lost what love
Speaker 1: really is. I lost myself. I don't know how to respond.
Speaker 1: Should I have more faith in God to protect me
Speaker 1: through this and invite him to my wedding this year,
Speaker 1: or should I save the heartache and not invite him.
Speaker 1: I feel wrong in both decisions. I appreciate you taking
Speaker 1: the time to read this. God bless it comes from Kenna,
Speaker 1: and then she puts at the bottom Proverbs eighteen twenty one, Kenna,
Speaker 1: thank you for emailing. This is not something I want
Speaker 1: to take lightly. I feel the gravity of it, and
Speaker 1: I appreciate your vulnerability to share something that it's so
Speaker 1: troubling to you and also so personal and you want
Speaker 1: to share it in a public way to me, and
Speaker 1: I just I appreciate you so much. I'm so grateful
Speaker 1: for you, and I'm so grateful that you would trust
Speaker 1: this podcast to take this to Where do I start?
Speaker 1: There's a lot of starting spots here, but I want
Speaker 1: to start with God. I want to start with a
Speaker 1: part where you said, should I have more faith in
Speaker 1: God protecting me through this and invite him to my wedding? Well? No,
Speaker 1: First of all, I don't believe. I don't believe that
Speaker 1: the Bible says in any way that He is going
Speaker 1: to protec us from problems. It's it's never part of
Speaker 1: any narrative or any story that we read in the Bible.
Speaker 1: God doesn't shield us from the problems or protect us
Speaker 1: from it. A lot of times this is not me.
Speaker 1: I'm just a messenger here. But the Bible will take us,
Speaker 1: says that God will take us into problems for us
Speaker 1: to deal with with him. So we trust in him
Speaker 1: and lean on him, that He's going to lead us
Speaker 1: through it, and that we'll learn something from it, and
Speaker 1: that through the struggle, it will matter. So there's a
Speaker 1: big difference in saying that I trust God will get
Speaker 1: me through it and free me of it and free
Speaker 1: me of all the pain that doesn't come in this
Speaker 1: lifetime on this earth. Instead, when we're on this earth,
Speaker 1: when we're in this flesh, when we're in these human tents,
Speaker 1: God will set up these struggles and take us through
Speaker 1: it so that we know more how to trust Him.
Speaker 1: In fact, I did a sermon on this where I
Speaker 1: use the analogy of link in my son going skiing
Speaker 1: with me and he was falling, and I kept picking
Speaker 1: him up and he would fall and I pick him
Speaker 1: up and he'd fall and A pick him up, and
Speaker 1: eventually I just wanted him to trust me that I
Speaker 1: could get him down the mountain with me. But his
Speaker 1: only way to learn how to ski, the only way
Speaker 1: he was ever going to learn is if he went
Speaker 1: up there on the mountain and fell. And I didn't
Speaker 1: just hold him on the bunny slope. I didn't prevent
Speaker 1: him from ever falling. He needed the falls to learn.
Speaker 1: I knew that just like God knows that you need this,
Speaker 1: you need your struggles for you to learn to trust. Ultimately,
Speaker 1: learn to trust him, And this one time Lincoln fell off.
Speaker 1: I told him not to go down this specific trail,
Speaker 1: and he went anyway, deliberately against what I said, and
Speaker 1: he fell. And this time I didn't run to get him.
Speaker 1: I let him sit there in the snow a little
Speaker 1: bit and he took off his glove and it was
Speaker 1: just completely wet, and I said, Lincoln, put the glove
Speaker 1: back on your hand, and he said, I can't, it's
Speaker 1: too wet. And I said, Lincoln, when will you learn
Speaker 1: to trust me? When will you know that I'm telling
Speaker 1: you what you need to hear? All that being said,
Speaker 1: when he finally broke down and said, Daddy had come
Speaker 1: get me. I can't do this anymore. Then I went
Speaker 1: to him and I brushed off the snow and I
Speaker 1: put his glove on and I took him down the mountain.
Speaker 1: And sometimes it takes that through these kind of situations
Speaker 1: to go God, I can't do this anymore. I've lost
Speaker 1: what love really is. I've lost myself. You're saying that
Speaker 1: to me, I'm saying for you to say that back
Speaker 1: to God. Give it to him. Complete surrender. That's what
Speaker 1: this is. And so that's that part of it. The
Speaker 1: second part of it is. I think you should forget
Speaker 1: about your dad going to this wedding. And I don't
Speaker 1: think that your dad from the little that I know
Speaker 1: about him, I don't think this is a guy that
Speaker 1: is it's really gonna matter that you didn't invite him
Speaker 1: to the wedding. I don't think that's gonna He's not
Speaker 1: gonna walk away and go, well, that was the final
Speaker 1: straw with her. You know, this is a guy that's narcissistic,
Speaker 1: and he will keep coming back at different times, and
Speaker 1: then then it'll be update if you want to open
Speaker 1: that door again. But right now, this is not about him.
Speaker 1: This is about you and your husband and this beautiful
Speaker 1: wedding that you're planning, and this beautiful memory that you'll
Speaker 1: have the rest of your life at this wedding. And
Speaker 1: I don't think that he has a place in it
Speaker 1: right now. I don't think he's earned that spot. I
Speaker 1: don't you know. I think that I think that that
Speaker 1: our reciprocal love back to our parents is contingent on
Speaker 1: how they're treating us. I think a father should always
Speaker 1: love a child because they brought him into this world.
Speaker 1: I think that that should be unconditional. But I think
Speaker 1: a child doesn't doesn't have to reciprocate that. You could
Speaker 1: have a horrible parent and you don't have to love them.
Speaker 1: You could love them because they brought you into the world,
Speaker 1: but you don't have to love them for any other reason.
Speaker 1: This guy hasn't hasn't earned anything from you, especially being
Speaker 1: physically and verbally abusive to you and your mom and
Speaker 1: your siblings. Uhh now he's now, he's taking you down.
Speaker 1: He said some awful things like I hope you guys
Speaker 1: live in a box. I hope your husband if fiance
Speaker 1: loses his job. I can't wait for you to change
Speaker 1: your name. Hey, you could do this with grace. You
Speaker 1: could do it with absolute grace and say, Dad, I
Speaker 1: forgive you. I understand. I'm not surprised by this, but
Speaker 1: I can't invite you to this wedding. I can't. I
Speaker 1: don't have the space. I'm sorry if that offends you,
Speaker 1: but this is not about you. This is about my wedding,
Speaker 1: and I don't have the emotional space to open up
Speaker 1: enough room for you to be with us. Say it
Speaker 1: like that that you could say it with so much
Speaker 1: grace and so much humility, where you don't have to
Speaker 1: be sharp with them. You don't have to be snarky
Speaker 1: with him. You don't have to say anything you can't
Speaker 1: take back. You just say, Dad, I want to work
Speaker 1: this out with you. I want things. I desire things
Speaker 1: to be good between us, but right now I have
Speaker 1: to focus on this wedding. I have to focus on
Speaker 1: my fiance and making this a very very big memory
Speaker 1: for us, and I don't have the space for you
Speaker 1: to be part of it. I don't think there's anything
Speaker 1: wrong with that, and uh, kenna that that's what I
Speaker 1: would tell you. This is your story is not that rare.
Speaker 1: A lot of people are going through stuff like this
Speaker 1: with weddings and happens again when when you have babies,
Speaker 1: happens again, because then he's gonna he's gonna ask the
Speaker 1: same thing when he's when you have a child and
Speaker 1: he's wanting to see this baby and he feels like
Speaker 1: he has rights to see this baby. Dad, I don't
Speaker 1: have space. I'm sorry. And he knows he's human, he
Speaker 1: knows he has to earn that. You have to earn
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff, and he hasn't. I thank you
Speaker 1: for asking the question. Popping around here in the inbox.
Speaker 1: If you want to email me for this podcast. Email
Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Next question says, subject
Speaker 1: line college sports guidance. Hey Granger I'm wanna try my
Speaker 1: best to keep this short. My name is Tabitha. I'm
Speaker 1: from Whiskeysen. I compete in Division one track and field,
Speaker 1: and I'm lucky enough to be on a partial scholarship.
Speaker 1: I dedicate twenty ish hours a week to track. Our
Speaker 1: biggest meets are indoor and outdoor conference meets. They determine
Speaker 1: scholarship amounts and the next semester for the next semester,
Speaker 1: and they let us know how hard we worked all year.
Speaker 1: This year, the outdoor conference meet is on May seventh,
Speaker 1: same day as my boyfriend's brother's wedding. I love Mason
Speaker 1: his fiance. I love Mason and his fiance, and I
Speaker 1: want them to be able to help. I want to
Speaker 1: be able to help celebrate their wedding. They mean a
Speaker 1: lot to me and my boyfriend, and I feel so torn.
Speaker 1: I don't want to miss showcasing all of this work
Speaker 1: I'm putting into track and miss a chance for financial aid.
Speaker 1: I also don't want to look back in twenty years
Speaker 1: and say, wow, I wish I would have gone to
Speaker 1: their wedding. What would you do? I appreciate it so
Speaker 1: much and thank you for your advice. Tabitha. Another wedding,
Speaker 1: back to back wedding questions, but very very different. Okay, Tabitha,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna walk through this from my perspective and what
Speaker 1: I would tell you, And this is not fact. In fact,
Speaker 1: you could take this away with everything I say today.
Speaker 1: This is not this is this kind of question is
Speaker 1: my opinion. And that's because I'm not going to uh,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to something that is that is based
Speaker 1: in total truth, like the Bible. I'm gonna tell you
Speaker 1: what I would do. I've been in this, in this
Speaker 1: kind of situation in the music business. I've had to
Speaker 1: take tour dates that I had to take. I had
Speaker 1: to sometimes I have to take a date because I'm
Speaker 1: paying a lot of people's bills, I'm paying a lot
Speaker 1: of families, and I can't. I can't pass on dates
Speaker 1: on Saturday nights for a wedding because if I did,
Speaker 1: that would open the floodgates to if you're if you're
Speaker 1: going to say yes to, for instance, your boyfriend's brothers
Speaker 1: Mason Mason's wedding, then what what? At what level do
Speaker 1: you stop saying yes or stop feeling obligated to go
Speaker 1: to these Is the wedding important, Yes, it's very important.
Speaker 1: It's a big deal. Is this track meat important. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's a big deal. It's a big deal. And I
Speaker 1: would I would do it this way. And I think
Speaker 1: that I think you could do this in a way
Speaker 1: where you have you have a lot of grace, and
Speaker 1: I think you write a letter, a handwritten letter to
Speaker 1: Mason and his fiance and say I love you too.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy for your wedding and for your future,
Speaker 1: and you matter to me. I can't I can't find
Speaker 1: a way to attend your wedding and also be able
Speaker 1: to move forward with my financial aid and my college life.
Speaker 1: And it crushes me, just be honest, It crushes me
Speaker 1: that I even have to make this kind of decision.
Speaker 1: But I need to go to this track meet. And
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. And I hope that you can forgive me,
Speaker 1: and I hope that there's no hard feelings. But I
Speaker 1: wanted to write this letter just to tell you my
Speaker 1: heart and to tell you that I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be there with you in my heart, and I want
Speaker 1: to be facetiming with the family and keep up with
Speaker 1: it as much as I can, and I'm gonna try.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to the rehearsal dinner and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go to the after party you're gonna have or whatever
Speaker 1: that might be. But Tita, I think you need to
Speaker 1: be honest with them. I don't think in my opinion,
Speaker 1: this is my opinion, I don't think you're gonna look
Speaker 1: back in twenty years and go I should have gone
Speaker 1: to that wedding. I should have been there. I should
Speaker 1: have been there. You might be shocked to hear me
Speaker 1: say that, and there might be some people listening to go, man,
Speaker 1: I totally disagree families everything. But first of all, it's
Speaker 1: your boyfriend. It's not just your boyfriend. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: say that, but it's not directly family yet. You might
Speaker 1: marry your boyfriend, good chance. Maybe it sounds like you
Speaker 1: love them, but not yet. You're not there yet, And
Speaker 1: I think that that separation is enough that this is
Speaker 1: not your brother in law yet, and you still have
Speaker 1: this this element left with you where you still have
Speaker 1: you still have a space in your life where you
Speaker 1: have independence and you have priorities for yourself right now.
Speaker 1: You have to because when you get married, you're gonna
Speaker 1: lose that in a good way. You're gonna you're gonna
Speaker 1: you're gonna donate it back into the immediate family. But
Speaker 1: you have a sense of independence right now and a
Speaker 1: sense of taking care of what you know you need
Speaker 1: to do for yourself and for your career. Right now
Speaker 1: that is going to trump your boyfriend's family first. And
Speaker 1: when you get married, that'll change and that that priority
Speaker 1: will flip. But but right now you still have this availability.
Speaker 1: I would write the letter. I would open up your heart.
Speaker 1: If they freak out you, you could reconsider. I don't
Speaker 1: think they would. I think a letter like that would
Speaker 1: would would be taken. Just like I read in the
Speaker 1: question before, this wedding is not about you, and it's
Speaker 1: not about your boyfriend. This is about Mason and his fiance.
Speaker 1: And I'm pretty sure they would understand where you're coming from,
Speaker 1: if you come from a heartfelt way of writing this letter.
Speaker 1: So shout out to Wisconsin and Tabitha. I wish you
Speaker 1: the best in this. That's a sticky situation. Let's hit
Speaker 1: another one here. This one interesting subject line says struggling
Speaker 1: has become a habit. Hey Granger, my name is Samantha.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty one years old from Wisconsin again. Shout out
Speaker 1: to Wisconsin two in a row who finally left a
Speaker 1: broken long term relationship several months ago. I've been dating
Speaker 1: and have repeatedly found myself in situation ship's situationship is
Speaker 1: what she said, which ultimately go nowhere and leave me
Speaker 1: hurt and heartbroken. It seems these men fall so fast
Speaker 1: and express their feelings towards me. However, it seems like
Speaker 1: a few weeks later they begin to start to act
Speaker 1: off and pull away. When I try to express my feelings,
Speaker 1: they end up telling me I deserve better. I am
Speaker 1: lost because I don't know why this continues to happen.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if
Speaker 1: they're just not interested. I'm very sensitive, kind and loving person.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like I'm too caring and feel like
Speaker 1: it's a flaw. I want to find a person who
Speaker 1: cherishes me in a relationship that leads to marriage, but
Speaker 1: I don't know how to continue to have faith when
Speaker 1: this continues to happen. Thank you okay, Samantha thirty one
Speaker 1: shout out to Wisconsin. First of all, I'll dive into
Speaker 1: this by saying, first of all, the excuse of someone
Speaker 1: telling you you deserve better, you should take that advice.
Speaker 1: When someone tells you I don't know if I could
Speaker 1: be in this relationship because you deserve better, take them
Speaker 1: for face value on that right, because they either really
Speaker 1: mean it or there or there's an element of they
Speaker 1: feel like they can't do enough for you, or just
Speaker 1: ultimately they're not into you. Either way, you're out. You
Speaker 1: hear that, you hear someone say you deserve better. Okay, thanks, thanks,
Speaker 1: thanks for the good advice for saving me from using
Speaker 1: up any more time right now with you, Okay, I
Speaker 1: don't think there's a way of salvaging that once. Once
Speaker 1: that comes out of somebody's mouth, you take them for
Speaker 1: face value and you say, okay, great, thank thanks for
Speaker 1: the advice. I'll go find somebody better. That being said,
Speaker 1: you could never listen, you could never be too kind
Speaker 1: or too loving or too caring. It's not a flaw.
Speaker 1: That is not a flaw, So get that out of
Speaker 1: your head. There's no way that that is a human
Speaker 1: flaw to be too nice, too loving, took caring right,
Speaker 1: so that The flaw is not that. The flaw is
Speaker 1: that you think that is a flaw. So so reject
Speaker 1: that thought in your head. Reject that flaw that you
Speaker 1: you start thinking about. You could never be too kind
Speaker 1: or loving or caring. That is an incredible trait. That's
Speaker 1: an incredible fruit of the spirit that you're carrying with you.
Speaker 1: And you will make such a good wife with those qualities,
Speaker 1: and you'll pour into somebody and you'll find the right
Speaker 1: person and you'll you'll use those traits and they will
Speaker 1: they will accept them for what they are, invaluable gold
Speaker 1: to them in their lives to be able to say,
Speaker 1: my wife is sensitive, loving and caring. And then eventually,
Speaker 1: when you're a mother, God willing, you're a mother that's sensitive,
Speaker 1: loving and caring. That's incredible. I mean, what do you
Speaker 1: what what's the alternative? What do you want to be
Speaker 1: shrewd and snarky and tough? What kind of mother is that?
Speaker 1: What kind of what kind of wife would that be?
Speaker 1: So there is no alternative. You You are in a
Speaker 1: in a position where you're in a time of waiting,
Speaker 1: really and and so there's nothing you need to alter,
Speaker 1: there's nothing new you need to say there's nothing new
Speaker 1: you need to change in your relationships or something that
Speaker 1: you some trick that you need to know about, or
Speaker 1: something you need to hold back and not say you're
Speaker 1: doing everything right. You're just in a season of waiting.
Speaker 1: You just haven't found the right one yet. And you
Speaker 1: will it, just you just will. Time will go by,
Speaker 1: and every time you come out of one of these
Speaker 1: relationships like you're talking about, where you feel hurt and heartbroken,
Speaker 1: every single time it matters to you because it's it's
Speaker 1: adding to your tool shed. It's it's a new piece
Speaker 1: of equipment that you need to move forward to continue
Speaker 1: trudging on this thing we call life. So once you
Speaker 1: get a new too and the tool shed, i'll h
Speaker 1: a broken relationship, you go, I'm better now. I'm a
Speaker 1: little bit better than I was before this relationship because
Speaker 1: now I know this. Now I'm a little bit closer
Speaker 1: to this. And even after this podcast, hopefully you listen
Speaker 1: and you go, Okay, that's a new tool for my toolshed.
Speaker 1: I'll no longer call being caring and loving a flaw.
Speaker 1: That's an asset. That's something you're gonna be able to
Speaker 1: pour into somebody, and that's an incredible thing for you.
Speaker 1: So don't look at these relationships as wasted or another mistake.
Speaker 1: Look at instead of mistakes and wasted time, look at
Speaker 1: them as one step closer to the right one. That's you.
Speaker 1: So I would say to that, congratulations, You're one step
Speaker 1: closer to the right one. I'm gonna take a break,
Speaker 1: be right back. Podcast is brought to you guys today
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Speaker 1: com slash Granger. Okay, welcome back digging into these questions.
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me for this podcast,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about
Speaker 1: any subject. My only request. You could make it about anything.
Speaker 1: My only request is just try not to make it
Speaker 1: too long. Like the length of your phone screen is
Speaker 1: perfect for me to read. Anything over that gets to
Speaker 1: be kind of jumbly. I'm not that good of a reader,
Speaker 1: So that's my only request, but it could be about
Speaker 1: any subject. Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I would
Speaker 1: love to hear from you, and we're diving back into
Speaker 1: more questions. This subject line says ready for kids question mark.
Speaker 1: Hi Granger. My name is Emma and I'm from a
Speaker 1: little Tailgatetown in central California. My husband and I, twenty
Speaker 1: six and twenty seven, are coming up on one year
Speaker 1: of marriage and we're having the baby talk. We feel
Speaker 1: like we're ready for kids, but financially it's intimidating. We
Speaker 1: have ten nieces and nephews between us, so we have
Speaker 1: an understanding on just how expensive kids can be. And
Speaker 1: though we both work full time, we find ourselves waiting
Speaker 1: on what ifs. Should we just buy the bullet or
Speaker 1: will we know when we're truly ready? Thank you for
Speaker 1: any insight. We enjoy you taking the time during the podcast.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Emma. Shout out out to central California Tailgate
Speaker 1: Town and thanks for your question. I think it's a
Speaker 1: good one. My answer will be simple. For you, don't
Speaker 1: wait any longer. You're never going to be in a right,
Speaker 1: the perfect right spot to have a baby if you wait.
Speaker 1: If that's your criteria, is we want to be financially ready,
Speaker 1: you never will be because because you're gonna save up
Speaker 1: enough money for this and that and this and this
Speaker 1: and then college education, and then that could just go
Speaker 1: on forever, and then you're not twenty six anymore, you're
Speaker 1: thirty six, and then you're forty six. So my advice is,
Speaker 1: if you guys have a great marriage and you're you
Speaker 1: think that that you are suited to be parents, then
Speaker 1: think no more. Go for it. Try it. God. God
Speaker 1: will have the answer for you. He's ultimately gonna bless
Speaker 1: you with a child or not. But but I don't
Speaker 1: I don't think waiting. I don't agree with waiting till
Speaker 1: you're you think your finances are perfect, because hey, Father,
Speaker 1: for me, I would say, I would personally say that
Speaker 1: kids are as expensive as you want them to be,
Speaker 1: meaning if you want to if you want to just
Speaker 1: get by, they're not going to be that expensive, you know,
Speaker 1: barring some kind of crazy medical expense that you're going
Speaker 1: to have. Where they get expensive is when you start
Speaker 1: putting them in big private schools and and and club
Speaker 1: league baseball and cheerleading tournaments and traveling squads and uh
Speaker 1: and high end clothing and and super all natural organic formulas.
Speaker 1: You know, that's when you start getting things added up.
Speaker 1: But if you just want to come in at ground level,
Speaker 1: which I think is perfectly fine, to raise a kid
Speaker 1: on a minimal budget, it's very doable. I mean, people
Speaker 1: have done it since the beginning of humanity. People have
Speaker 1: raised kids and shacks and caves and used rocks as toys.
Speaker 1: I know you want the best, and I know that's
Speaker 1: not what you want for your child, but I'm just
Speaker 1: saying this is a new thing. It's a new concept
Speaker 1: for humans to consider do we have enough money in
Speaker 1: the bank to have a baby? And I love the
Speaker 1: responsibility in that, and I think that's very it's very
Speaker 1: good of you to consider that. But I don't think
Speaker 1: it's the final answer. Like I don't think that that
Speaker 1: that's where the x's and o's line up and you go,
Speaker 1: do we have this much money? No, I think that's
Speaker 1: a new thing for humans. Like people useduld just get
Speaker 1: married to make babies. That's what they did, and then
Speaker 1: the babies became part of their workforce on the farm.
Speaker 1: Like the more babies you had, the more kids that
Speaker 1: could work on your farm. Like that's how they did it.
Speaker 1: And now we think the opposite were like, man, I
Speaker 1: don't want this burden of a financial you know, havoc
Speaker 1: on my bank account because once I have this baby,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to put them in all this stuff
Speaker 1: that's really exped that's a new thought. So you could
Speaker 1: reject that thought. And once again, I know that I
Speaker 1: know you want the best for your baby. That's you're
Speaker 1: not you don't have a malicious thought to this, Like
Speaker 1: you're not a selfish person. That's not why you emailed me.
Speaker 1: But I'm just throwing it out there that I think
Speaker 1: now is the time. I don't think there is a
Speaker 1: right time to wait. And I think you could do
Speaker 1: it on a budget, and I think you could take
Speaker 1: time off work to raise this first baby and you
Speaker 1: guys are going to be just fine. Maybe you got
Speaker 1: to move out of California. It's really expensive there, but
Speaker 1: but I just I think the time is now. If
Speaker 1: you're asking me, I think the time is now. And
Speaker 1: then once you start trying it, then you give it
Speaker 1: all to God and he blesses you, or you wait.
Speaker 1: But that's my answer. It's pretty simple. Thanks for the question.
Speaker 1: Next question, subject line says relationship ends, but is it
Speaker 1: hellograngeer big fan? Your podcast is such a solid way
Speaker 1: to connect. I'm a huge fan. I recently ended a relationship,
Speaker 1: but now see that it wasn't the right choice. The
Speaker 1: only problem was I did this last summer, but she
Speaker 1: has allowed me to come back. Then I'm not sure
Speaker 1: she could trust me. And I'm wondering if you had
Speaker 1: any insight on these feelings of heartache when I am
Speaker 1: the one who caused it. Dylan, Oh, Dylan, you are
Speaker 1: in a You're in a predicament that is very common.
Speaker 1: Not to minimalize this situation for you, but it's common,
Speaker 1: and you're feeling the draw of the rebound. You left
Speaker 1: the relationship once for a reason, and then you rebounded
Speaker 1: and you went back to her, and then you left twice.
Speaker 1: A second time you left her and now you're rebounding again.
Speaker 1: That says something about this relationship. And I'm not saying
Speaker 1: that you have a problem or that she has a problem,
Speaker 1: but I'm saying you two together is a problem. And
Speaker 1: you have to take your mind back to the breakup.
Speaker 1: You have to transport yourself and this is difficult to do,
Speaker 1: but you have to. You have to use your brain,
Speaker 1: not your heart. Forget your heart. It's flawed. No one
Speaker 1: can trust it. Right, You can't trust your heart, that's
Speaker 1: what the Bible says. But you need to use your
Speaker 1: brain and go back to the day that you left
Speaker 1: the second time, and the freedom that you felt leaving
Speaker 1: and the the the the burden that was lifted off
Speaker 1: of you because you got out of the relationship. What
Speaker 1: was she doing, what were you doing? Where? Where was
Speaker 1: the toxic environment? Where was that starting? Where was it?
Speaker 1: Go back to that and don't don't go back to
Speaker 1: the good times concentrating on how good it was and
Speaker 1: how how awesome she is, and how you don't have
Speaker 1: anybody right now that's as good as her. That's a
Speaker 1: lie because this crashed twice. I know there's people listening
Speaker 1: that think, well, I did it, and I made it
Speaker 1: a third time, and then we got married. Now we're
Speaker 1: still married. It's been seventeen years. Okay, that's rare. That's rare.
Speaker 1: There's everyone has a story and someone has done everything
Speaker 1: at some point, someone has been in every situation and
Speaker 1: flipped the tables on everything. But odds are telling you
Speaker 1: right now this isn't gonna work, and that you are
Speaker 1: rebounding to her, and it comes down to, really, you
Speaker 1: haven't met anybody else yet. So there's this idea that
Speaker 1: you've heard me say it on this podcast before. There
Speaker 1: there's this idea of just being content with where you
Speaker 1: are in your life as a single man right now.
Speaker 1: Don't torture yourself anymore about what might have been or
Speaker 1: how there's you're thinking of the good times, but you're
Speaker 1: forgetting that you left and there's a reason you left it.
Speaker 1: And what did you say here? You said you said,
Speaker 1: recently into the root, I'd see that it wasn't the
Speaker 1: right choice, That's what you said. I recently ended a relationship.
Speaker 1: But now see that it wasn't the right choice. That
Speaker 1: you're lying to yourself. Man, that you're lying to yourself
Speaker 1: to think that that wasn't the right choice when you
Speaker 1: did it twice. Look at anything else in life. You
Speaker 1: don't don't go You don't leave a job and quit
Speaker 1: and then think well, I should go back and go
Speaker 1: back and work at the job again, and then quit
Speaker 1: again and then decide to go back a third time.
Speaker 1: You don't. You wouldn't do that with a job, so
Speaker 1: why would you do it with the relationship? It didn't
Speaker 1: work there's something bad about it. Trust your brain, not
Speaker 1: your heart. Forget your heart. It's wicked. Trust your brain.
Speaker 1: Put yourself back in that situation, Dylan. Leave her alone.
Speaker 1: It's over. There's somebody new in the pipeline. Be content
Speaker 1: with where you are now in your life. It is
Speaker 1: easier to say what I'm telling you then to do
Speaker 1: what I need you to do. Dylan, Right, it's easier
Speaker 1: to say than do. But I'm telling you use your brain,
Speaker 1: not your heart. It's over. Let's move on. Okay, thank
Speaker 1: you for the question, brother, Let's hit another one. These
Speaker 1: are fun. This is fun, not for the It's fun
Speaker 1: for me, not for the people that are in it. Right. Okay,
Speaker 1: how about this? This is very very short. No subject
Speaker 1: says Hey, Grangeer. My name is Anthony. I'm fourteen years old.
Speaker 1: I get bullied a lot every day. I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do. Anthony, my bro, I got your back.
Speaker 1: First of all, Granger Smith has got your back. So
Speaker 1: does Earld Dibbles Junior. Remember that. Secondly, if you were
Speaker 1: sitting around this campfire, I'd say, Anthony, where are your parents?
Speaker 1: Do they know this? Have you told them? Go to them?
Speaker 1: If you haven't, pour into them. And if this is
Speaker 1: serious enough for you to email me on this podcast,
Speaker 1: I would I would go to are you first of all,
Speaker 1: say are you getting hurt physically? Because I'd go to
Speaker 1: the police. Are you getting hurt emotionally? Verbally? I would
Speaker 1: go to the principle of your school. And first and foremost,
Speaker 1: I would go to your parents and and and hey,
Speaker 1: this is something I just got to say for parents,
Speaker 1: listening to this kind of thing for a fourteen year
Speaker 1: old is worth considering moving. This is something that if
Speaker 1: my if my kids came to me and said this,
Speaker 1: and it was a problem that I couldn't fix with
Speaker 1: the authorities or myself or with a school attendant, I
Speaker 1: would consider moving. Yes, that's that's that is that's that's
Speaker 1: a big deal. But so is being bullied. Being bullies
Speaker 1: a big deal. So we need to stop this. We
Speaker 1: need to We need to stop the leaky faucet immediately,
Speaker 1: put the drain back in. And I want to tell you,
Speaker 1: buddy that I don't want you said this in such
Speaker 1: a short email. I don't know much about it, but
Speaker 1: I don't want you to. I don't want you to
Speaker 1: be shy about telling people this problem. Be vocal, about it.
Speaker 1: I'm talking police, I'm talking principal, I'm talking teacher, talking counselor,
Speaker 1: talking student advisor. I'm talking mom and dad, I'm talking
Speaker 1: next door neighbor. People need to know this. Don't keep
Speaker 1: it to yourself. Anthony. Okay, all right, email me back.
Speaker 1: Let me know how this is going. Brother, Okay, bounce
Speaker 1: around here. So many, so many great great questions here. Okay,
Speaker 1: subject line here, next one, subject line suicide granger. My
Speaker 1: name is Alan and I'm from Topeka, Kansas. I'm twenty
Speaker 1: eight years old. I know this is a deep topic,
Speaker 1: and I apologize that this is how you start your day,
Speaker 1: but I'm so lost. I'm not sure where to turn
Speaker 1: or what to do. After ten years of marriage, my
Speaker 1: spouse decided she wanted a divorce. We got married at eighteen,
Speaker 1: which admittedly was probably too young, but I love her
Speaker 1: so much and she has no desire to be with
Speaker 1: me anymore. I can't imagine a life without her. I'm
Speaker 1: struggling with dark thoughts. How do I get through this
Speaker 1: season of life? I feel like I'm doomed. Alan, first
Speaker 1: and foremost, First and foremost, you listen. You need to
Speaker 1: seek professional help immediately. Maybe you already have, but the
Speaker 1: fact that you're emailing me on this podcast, I'm one,
Speaker 1: I'm questioning if you've done this yet. You need to
Speaker 1: seek professional counseling, and you could do this through insurance
Speaker 1: with your doctor. If that's not an option, then you
Speaker 1: go to a church and you seek immediate counsel regardless
Speaker 1: of professional therapy. You also, I would highly recommend you
Speaker 1: go to a church two and you talk to the
Speaker 1: pastor there, or you talk to an elder, and you
Speaker 1: immediately join a small group with a group of men
Speaker 1: around you that could listen to you and give you
Speaker 1: wise counsel and lift you up. Okay, like tonight, when
Speaker 1: you hear this podcast, as soon as you hear it,
Speaker 1: these are the steps immediately. I need you to seek
Speaker 1: professional guidance, therapy, counseling, and I need you to go
Speaker 1: to a local church and I need you to seek
Speaker 1: guidance there through pastoral counseling, some kind of elder, and
Speaker 1: immediately join a small group of men. I've repeated myself
Speaker 1: twice now because I want you to hear it. I
Speaker 1: want you to hear it and then go rewind it
Speaker 1: and listen to it again. But these are your steps.
Speaker 1: Nothing I could tell you on this podcast will matter
Speaker 1: because this, ultimately, this is just a podcast, and podcast
Speaker 1: ultimately are entertainment, and you don't need entertainment right now.
Speaker 1: I want to acknowledge the depth of what you're going
Speaker 1: through is valid. Okay, what you're talking about is is
Speaker 1: a valid problem that could that could drive anyone totally
Speaker 1: crazy and insane. And when when you get to a
Speaker 1: totally crazy insane level, bad things can happen. So we
Speaker 1: need to take control of this and get a grip
Speaker 1: on it immediately through professional help. From there, medication my
Speaker 1: be on the table probably will. I have nothing against that.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you to seek pastoral counseling in a church.
Speaker 1: I'm also telling you that I would have no problem
Speaker 1: in your situation seeking some kind of medical treatment through medicine,
Speaker 1: right pop a pill for a little bit. There is
Speaker 1: when you get to a level like this, from this
Speaker 1: kind of trauma PTSD, your brain is not balanced anymore.
Speaker 1: You have a chemical imbalance and you need something to
Speaker 1: counteract that chemical imbalance. That would be medication. I'm not
Speaker 1: a doctor and I'm not advising that. What I'm telling
Speaker 1: you is if you go to a therapist, and that's
Speaker 1: what they recommend. I would listen to them. That's what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I would be open to listening to all
Speaker 1: these kind of options. But I hope that i'm speaking
Speaker 1: clearly and I'm speaking poignantly to you, Alan, that I
Speaker 1: feel like this is important, and I feel like this
Speaker 1: email as i'm reading it is came in yesterday, so
Speaker 1: this is brand new, and I would I want you
Speaker 1: to email me back just to confirm that. Hey, Granger,
Speaker 1: it's Alan. I did what you said. I've got it
Speaker 1: my first meeting tomorrow, okay, and then when you do that,
Speaker 1: when you email me again, we'll touch base a second time. Okay.
Speaker 1: But until then, that's all I'm gonna say. All Right, brother,
Speaker 1: thanks for your question. All right, let me recover from
Speaker 1: that guy's These emails get deep, don't they? Deep? Subdecline
Speaker 1: in this next one, hopefully it's lighter subdecline, says Balancing
Speaker 1: school and Work. Hey, mister Smith, my name is Grayden.
Speaker 1: I'm fourteen, live in Fairbanks, Alaska. You know, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of snow up here, and I snowmobile a lot.
Speaker 1: I'm working on getting a new snow machine and I
Speaker 1: also have a lot of school. How could I balance
Speaker 1: school and working? How did you make money when you
Speaker 1: were my age? Thank you for great music and encouraging
Speaker 1: podcast and being a light for Jesus Grayton. Thanks, thanks buddy,
Speaker 1: thanks for emailing. You know I'm gonna be I'm going
Speaker 1: to be in Fairbanks by the time you guys hear
Speaker 1: this podcast on Monday. I will have just left Fairbanks yesterday.
Speaker 1: I'll be going there here for me as I'm doing
Speaker 1: this real time in a couple of days, so i'll
Speaker 1: be there, man, I'll see the snow that you're talking about.
Speaker 1: I'm excited for you. It's it's fun to have dreams.
Speaker 1: It's fun to have a snow machine goal for yourself
Speaker 1: and you want to make money. I love that is
Speaker 1: the is the poem IF by Rudyrid Kipling says, have dreams,
Speaker 1: but don't make dreams your master. Right. So so this
Speaker 1: dream of a snow machine is awesome, and it's a
Speaker 1: great dream, and I love goals like this, but don't
Speaker 1: make it your master, like don't don't make it rule
Speaker 1: your life so that you have to change everything to
Speaker 1: meet the dream of this toy. Really, really, it's a toy,
Speaker 1: so to answer your question. I was when I was fourteen,
Speaker 1: I was working for a paint contractor. His name was
Speaker 1: Bob Williams, and he painted painted homes. And so I
Speaker 1: went out started out when I was your age, started
Speaker 1: working for him, and I was like the tape guy.
Speaker 1: I would just I would tape everything and get the
Speaker 1: house prepped and put out the plastic and tape up
Speaker 1: the plastic and cover the furniture and cover the back patio.
Speaker 1: You take the ladders out of the truck, you know,
Speaker 1: stuff like that. So uh, And then I worked for
Speaker 1: him for all through high school. So I would work
Speaker 1: my way up, and you know, it took years before
Speaker 1: he actually trusted me with a paintbrush or a roller.
Speaker 1: But but I started as just the guy that just
Speaker 1: grabbed ladders out of the truck. And I loved it
Speaker 1: and paid got paid by the hour. And I remember
Speaker 1: every morning about ten am, we would go to Taco Cabana,
Speaker 1: which is here in Texas, and we would we would
Speaker 1: get tortillas and salsa and roll them up into tight
Speaker 1: little rolls and then dip it in salsa, sit under
Speaker 1: an oak tree in summertime. It was the best. So
Speaker 1: I enjoyed it. And that's what it did for money.
Speaker 1: And what I want to talk about is you said,
Speaker 1: how could I balance school and working? Well, the trick
Speaker 1: to that, to your question is you're What you're really
Speaker 1: saying is how could I balance school and buying a snowmobile?
Speaker 1: Which there is a problem because school is going to
Speaker 1: take priority over this. So if you just didn't tell
Speaker 1: me about the snowmobile and all you said was how
Speaker 1: could I balance school and paying bills, well that's a
Speaker 1: different conversation, but that's not the question you're asking. Your
Speaker 1: question is how could I balance school and having a hobby?
Speaker 1: And I would say, right now, at fourteen, my best
Speaker 1: advice to you is school wins. There is no balance
Speaker 1: when you got the scale. School tips the scale. So
Speaker 1: nothing you could do right now needs to interfere with
Speaker 1: that scale and make it lopsided or you try to
Speaker 1: even it out. School needs to win. You're gonna hear
Speaker 1: this later, and you're gonna understand in ten years, when
Speaker 1: you're twenty four, you're gonna look back and go ooh,
Speaker 1: Glad I studied, Glad I got grades? Right, Glad I
Speaker 1: got good grades because it matters to making money later
Speaker 1: for you, Because that's gonna deeply affect you actually having
Speaker 1: real things to pay for, like mortgages and car payments
Speaker 1: and bills and keeping the lights on. It's gonna matter
Speaker 1: a lot more to how you did in school right now.
Speaker 1: So if you look back and you go, man, I
Speaker 1: just wasted my school life because all I was worried
Speaker 1: about is snowmobiles and making money for them, and then
Speaker 1: my grades failed because of it. And now I still
Speaker 1: can't afford a snowmobil and I'm twenty four. Right. That's
Speaker 1: the chain reaction that's gonna happen. So to your question,
Speaker 1: there is no balance. If you're asking school and hobby,
Speaker 1: go get a job, find your time. Find the time
Speaker 1: that you do have at home if you're not in
Speaker 1: if you're not in a sport or anything like that,
Speaker 1: then fill your time when you get home, as long
Speaker 1: as it doesn't interfere with studying and your homework and
Speaker 1: your test that you have coming up. Don't. Don't compromise that.
Speaker 1: But a good way to look at this goal of
Speaker 1: a snowmobil is two ways. One make it a three
Speaker 1: year goal so that you're slowly making money over three
Speaker 1: or four years. Or make your the goal of your
Speaker 1: hobby cheaper, get something less expensive like snowmobills are really expensive,
Speaker 1: so maybe maybe get an old, used one or think
Speaker 1: of something else that's cheaper. I know you love snowmobil
Speaker 1: and I know you want this machine, so I don't
Speaker 1: want to take that from you, and I don't want
Speaker 1: to diminish your goal. But you hear what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, stop worrying about this balance because you're
Speaker 1: going to know in ten years that this is the
Speaker 1: right advice. Get those grades. Get those grades first. Don't
Speaker 1: compromise with trying to get a job and work too
Speaker 1: many hours. Nothing wrong with getting a job, and I
Speaker 1: hope you do, but make sure it makes sense. That's
Speaker 1: all we got. Thank you guys for listening. Keep on email.
Speaker 1: I'd love your email, so keep them, keep them coming,
Speaker 1: and we'll see you next time. Thanks for joining me
Speaker 1: on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer.
Speaker 1: Email Graingersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. EG