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Speaker 1: First and foremost, you listen, you need to seek professional

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Speaker 1: help immediately. Maybe you already have, but the fact that

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Speaker 1: you're emailing me on this podcast, I'm questioning if you've

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Speaker 1: done this yet. You need to seek professional counseling. What's up, guys,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast. Thank you for listening. I'm grateful

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Speaker 1: for this opportunity, for this platform and from all the

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Speaker 1: different places that you've come from or whatever platform you're

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Speaker 1: even using right now to listen to it. I know

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Speaker 1: that we have a lot of people that have come

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Speaker 1: from social media and come from TikTok. We have a

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Speaker 1: lot of TikTokers watching these days, and because I put

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Speaker 1: these little clips on there and it brings you here,

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Speaker 1: so welcome. I also know that we have people coming

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Speaker 1: from after Midnight, my radio show, and then we have

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Speaker 1: my music fans, so a lot of different people. Some

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Speaker 1: of you might not be connected at all, but I

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Speaker 1: just want you to know that I'm thinking about all

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Speaker 1: the different groups and I'm grateful for this time that

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Speaker 1: we get to spend sitting around a campfire. And that's

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Speaker 1: what I think this podcast is like. It's like me

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Speaker 1: and you sitting around a campfire. It's getting late and

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Speaker 1: you walk up, I'm by myself and you say, hey,

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Speaker 1: could I kind of run something by you? Something s

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Speaker 1: been on my mind, been thinking about something, something that's

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Speaker 1: been bothering me, or I'm trying to make I'm wrestling

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Speaker 1: with it in some way, and I'd like to talk

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Speaker 1: to you about it. And I'm not always right, but

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Speaker 1: I'll just tell you that, I tell you I could

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Speaker 1: walk through it the best that I know how as

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Speaker 1: if we're friends, and that's honestly how I feel. If

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Speaker 1: you want to be part of this podcast, if you

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Speaker 1: want to be part of these questions, you just email

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Speaker 1: me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll get

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Speaker 1: to them right now. It's just me today. The first

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Speaker 1: first subject line says, ready for that campfire talk? Brother?

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Speaker 1: I get it right, I get it. It, says Hattie Granger.

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Speaker 1: I love watching your channels. I'm thirty one going on eighteen. Okay,

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Speaker 1: jokes aside when I'm nervous. I joke around much of

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Speaker 1: my apologies. I'm getting married this year October eleventh, twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty two, and we met in the military Camp Pendleton

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Speaker 1: and we moved to his hometown in Texas. Here's the juice.

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Speaker 1: My father has had his moments of being narcissistic. He

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Speaker 1: has ruined a lot of holidays because of his opinion

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Speaker 1: and in him not receiving the response he wants out

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Speaker 1: of people, especially responses and actions from his own family.

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Speaker 1: He has verbally and physically abused the family. He thinks

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Speaker 1: he can do no wrong and acts his own way.

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Speaker 1: He thinks that he could act and do whatever he wants.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't remember the power of the tongue brings life

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Speaker 1: and death. His voice is opinion about my wedding. He

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Speaker 1: doesn't want my sibling parenthesies, step kids to be invited

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Speaker 1: to the wedding for his personal reasons. When I told

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Speaker 1: him that I will still invite my siblings, he said

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Speaker 1: some horrible things that a father should never say to

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Speaker 1: his baby girl. He said he wishes that I was

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Speaker 1: never born and he couldn't wait till I changed my

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Speaker 1: last name. Wow. He hopes that my fiance loses his

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Speaker 1: job and we live out of a box under a freeway.

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Speaker 1: I've been leaning on God. I know God wants me

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Speaker 1: to be kind, generous, loving, forgiving, and I'm so afraid

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Speaker 1: that my father will distort my wedding just like he

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Speaker 1: did my older brother's wedding three years ago. I've been

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Speaker 1: praying for him ever since I was a little girl

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Speaker 1: hearing him yell at my mom in a locked room.

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Speaker 1: I know that God gave us free will, and it's

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Speaker 1: up to my father to surrender to God that he

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Speaker 1: will be saved from his own pain. But I get

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Speaker 1: so angry and caught up in the moment, thinking my

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Speaker 1: father will say, I love you, You're my everything, and

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Speaker 1: then boom, I do something that he disagrees with, like

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Speaker 1: inviting my sibling, and he disowns me so quickly, like

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Speaker 1: a stray dog begging for food. I lost what love

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Speaker 1: really is. I lost myself. I don't know how to respond.

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Speaker 1: Should I have more faith in God to protect me

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Speaker 1: through this and invite him to my wedding this year,

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Speaker 1: or should I save the heartache and not invite him.

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Speaker 1: I feel wrong in both decisions. I appreciate you taking

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Speaker 1: the time to read this. God bless it comes from Kenna,

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Speaker 1: and then she puts at the bottom Proverbs eighteen twenty one, Kenna,

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Speaker 1: thank you for emailing. This is not something I want

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Speaker 1: to take lightly. I feel the gravity of it, and

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Speaker 1: I appreciate your vulnerability to share something that it's so

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Speaker 1: troubling to you and also so personal and you want

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Speaker 1: to share it in a public way to me, and

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Speaker 1: I just I appreciate you so much. I'm so grateful

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Speaker 1: for you, and I'm so grateful that you would trust

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Speaker 1: this podcast to take this to Where do I start?

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of starting spots here, but I want

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Speaker 1: to start with God. I want to start with a

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Speaker 1: part where you said, should I have more faith in

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Speaker 1: God protecting me through this and invite him to my wedding? Well? No,

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Speaker 1: First of all, I don't believe. I don't believe that

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Speaker 1: the Bible says in any way that He is going

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Speaker 1: to protec us from problems. It's it's never part of

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Speaker 1: any narrative or any story that we read in the Bible.

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Speaker 1: God doesn't shield us from the problems or protect us

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Speaker 1: from it. A lot of times this is not me.

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Speaker 1: I'm just a messenger here. But the Bible will take us,

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Speaker 1: says that God will take us into problems for us

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Speaker 1: to deal with with him. So we trust in him

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Speaker 1: and lean on him, that He's going to lead us

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Speaker 1: through it, and that we'll learn something from it, and

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Speaker 1: that through the struggle, it will matter. So there's a

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Speaker 1: big difference in saying that I trust God will get

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Speaker 1: me through it and free me of it and free

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Speaker 1: me of all the pain that doesn't come in this

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Speaker 1: lifetime on this earth. Instead, when we're on this earth,

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Speaker 1: when we're in this flesh, when we're in these human tents,

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Speaker 1: God will set up these struggles and take us through

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Speaker 1: it so that we know more how to trust Him.

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Speaker 1: In fact, I did a sermon on this where I

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Speaker 1: use the analogy of link in my son going skiing

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Speaker 1: with me and he was falling, and I kept picking

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Speaker 1: him up and he would fall and I pick him

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Speaker 1: up and he'd fall and A pick him up, and

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Speaker 1: eventually I just wanted him to trust me that I

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Speaker 1: could get him down the mountain with me. But his

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Speaker 1: only way to learn how to ski, the only way

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Speaker 1: he was ever going to learn is if he went

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Speaker 1: up there on the mountain and fell. And I didn't

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Speaker 1: just hold him on the bunny slope. I didn't prevent

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Speaker 1: him from ever falling. He needed the falls to learn.

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Speaker 1: I knew that just like God knows that you need this,

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Speaker 1: you need your struggles for you to learn to trust. Ultimately,

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Speaker 1: learn to trust him, And this one time Lincoln fell off.

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Speaker 1: I told him not to go down this specific trail,

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Speaker 1: and he went anyway, deliberately against what I said, and

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Speaker 1: he fell. And this time I didn't run to get him.

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Speaker 1: I let him sit there in the snow a little

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Speaker 1: bit and he took off his glove and it was

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Speaker 1: just completely wet, and I said, Lincoln, put the glove

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Speaker 1: back on your hand, and he said, I can't, it's

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Speaker 1: too wet. And I said, Lincoln, when will you learn

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Speaker 1: to trust me? When will you know that I'm telling

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Speaker 1: you what you need to hear? All that being said,

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Speaker 1: when he finally broke down and said, Daddy had come

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Speaker 1: get me. I can't do this anymore. Then I went

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Speaker 1: to him and I brushed off the snow and I

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Speaker 1: put his glove on and I took him down the mountain.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes it takes that through these kind of situations

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Speaker 1: to go God, I can't do this anymore. I've lost

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Speaker 1: what love really is. I've lost myself. You're saying that

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Speaker 1: to me, I'm saying for you to say that back

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Speaker 1: to God. Give it to him. Complete surrender. That's what

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Speaker 1: this is. And so that's that part of it. The

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Speaker 1: second part of it is. I think you should forget

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Speaker 1: about your dad going to this wedding. And I don't

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Speaker 1: think that your dad from the little that I know

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Speaker 1: about him, I don't think this is a guy that

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Speaker 1: is it's really gonna matter that you didn't invite him

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Speaker 1: to the wedding. I don't think that's gonna He's not

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Speaker 1: gonna walk away and go, well, that was the final

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Speaker 1: straw with her. You know, this is a guy that's narcissistic,

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Speaker 1: and he will keep coming back at different times, and

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Speaker 1: then then it'll be update if you want to open

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Speaker 1: that door again. But right now, this is not about him.

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Speaker 1: This is about you and your husband and this beautiful

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Speaker 1: wedding that you're planning, and this beautiful memory that you'll

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Speaker 1: have the rest of your life at this wedding. And

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Speaker 1: I don't think that he has a place in it

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Speaker 1: right now. I don't think he's earned that spot. I

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Speaker 1: don't you know. I think that I think that that

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Speaker 1: our reciprocal love back to our parents is contingent on

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Speaker 1: how they're treating us. I think a father should always

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Speaker 1: love a child because they brought him into this world.

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Speaker 1: I think that that should be unconditional. But I think

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Speaker 1: a child doesn't doesn't have to reciprocate that. You could

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Speaker 1: have a horrible parent and you don't have to love them.

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Speaker 1: You could love them because they brought you into the world,

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Speaker 1: but you don't have to love them for any other reason.

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Speaker 1: This guy hasn't hasn't earned anything from you, especially being

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Speaker 1: physically and verbally abusive to you and your mom and

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Speaker 1: your siblings. Uhh now he's now, he's taking you down.

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Speaker 1: He said some awful things like I hope you guys

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Speaker 1: live in a box. I hope your husband if fiance

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Speaker 1: loses his job. I can't wait for you to change

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Speaker 1: your name. Hey, you could do this with grace. You

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Speaker 1: could do it with absolute grace and say, Dad, I

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Speaker 1: forgive you. I understand. I'm not surprised by this, but

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Speaker 1: I can't invite you to this wedding. I can't. I

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Speaker 1: don't have the space. I'm sorry if that offends you,

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Speaker 1: but this is not about you. This is about my wedding,

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Speaker 1: and I don't have the emotional space to open up

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Speaker 1: enough room for you to be with us. Say it

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Speaker 1: like that that you could say it with so much

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Speaker 1: grace and so much humility, where you don't have to

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Speaker 1: be sharp with them. You don't have to be snarky

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Speaker 1: with him. You don't have to say anything you can't

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Speaker 1: take back. You just say, Dad, I want to work

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Speaker 1: this out with you. I want things. I desire things

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Speaker 1: to be good between us, but right now I have

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Speaker 1: to focus on this wedding. I have to focus on

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Speaker 1: my fiance and making this a very very big memory

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Speaker 1: for us, and I don't have the space for you

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Speaker 1: to be part of it. I don't think there's anything

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Speaker 1: wrong with that, and uh, kenna that that's what I

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Speaker 1: would tell you. This is your story is not that rare.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people are going through stuff like this

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Speaker 1: with weddings and happens again when when you have babies,

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Speaker 1: happens again, because then he's gonna he's gonna ask the

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Speaker 1: same thing when he's when you have a child and

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Speaker 1: he's wanting to see this baby and he feels like

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Speaker 1: he has rights to see this baby. Dad, I don't

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Speaker 1: have space. I'm sorry. And he knows he's human, he

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Speaker 1: knows he has to earn that. You have to earn

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Speaker 1: that kind of stuff, and he hasn't. I thank you

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Speaker 1: for asking the question. Popping around here in the inbox.

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Speaker 1: If you want to email me for this podcast. Email

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Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Next question says, subject

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Speaker 1: line college sports guidance. Hey Granger I'm wanna try my

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Speaker 1: best to keep this short. My name is Tabitha. I'm

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Speaker 1: from Whiskeysen. I compete in Division one track and field,

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Speaker 1: and I'm lucky enough to be on a partial scholarship.

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Speaker 1: I dedicate twenty ish hours a week to track. Our

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Speaker 1: biggest meets are indoor and outdoor conference meets. They determine

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Speaker 1: scholarship amounts and the next semester for the next semester,

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Speaker 1: and they let us know how hard we worked all year.

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Speaker 1: This year, the outdoor conference meet is on May seventh,

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Speaker 1: same day as my boyfriend's brother's wedding. I love Mason

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Speaker 1: his fiance. I love Mason and his fiance, and I

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Speaker 1: want them to be able to help. I want to

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Speaker 1: be able to help celebrate their wedding. They mean a

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Speaker 1: lot to me and my boyfriend, and I feel so torn.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to miss showcasing all of this work

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Speaker 1: I'm putting into track and miss a chance for financial aid.

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Speaker 1: I also don't want to look back in twenty years

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Speaker 1: and say, wow, I wish I would have gone to

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Speaker 1: their wedding. What would you do? I appreciate it so

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Speaker 1: much and thank you for your advice. Tabitha. Another wedding,

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Speaker 1: back to back wedding questions, but very very different. Okay, Tabitha,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna walk through this from my perspective and what

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Speaker 1: I would tell you, And this is not fact. In fact,

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Speaker 1: you could take this away with everything I say today.

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Speaker 1: This is not this is this kind of question is

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Speaker 1: my opinion. And that's because I'm not going to uh,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to something that is that is based

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Speaker 1: in total truth, like the Bible. I'm gonna tell you

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Speaker 1: what I would do. I've been in this, in this

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Speaker 1: kind of situation in the music business. I've had to

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Speaker 1: take tour dates that I had to take. I had

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Speaker 1: to sometimes I have to take a date because I'm

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Speaker 1: paying a lot of people's bills, I'm paying a lot

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Speaker 1: of families, and I can't. I can't pass on dates

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Speaker 1: on Saturday nights for a wedding because if I did,

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Speaker 1: that would open the floodgates to if you're if you're

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Speaker 1: going to say yes to, for instance, your boyfriend's brothers

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Speaker 1: Mason Mason's wedding, then what what? At what level do

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Speaker 1: you stop saying yes or stop feeling obligated to go

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Speaker 1: to these Is the wedding important, Yes, it's very important.

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Speaker 1: It's a big deal. Is this track meat important. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it's a big deal. It's a big deal. And I

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Speaker 1: would I would do it this way. And I think

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Speaker 1: that I think you could do this in a way

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Speaker 1: where you have you have a lot of grace, and

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Speaker 1: I think you write a letter, a handwritten letter to

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Speaker 1: Mason and his fiance and say I love you too.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy for your wedding and for your future,

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Speaker 1: and you matter to me. I can't I can't find

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Speaker 1: a way to attend your wedding and also be able

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Speaker 1: to move forward with my financial aid and my college life.

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Speaker 1: And it crushes me, just be honest, It crushes me

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Speaker 1: that I even have to make this kind of decision.

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Speaker 1: But I need to go to this track meet. And

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. And I hope that you can forgive me,

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Speaker 1: and I hope that there's no hard feelings. But I

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Speaker 1: wanted to write this letter just to tell you my

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Speaker 1: heart and to tell you that I'm gonna I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be there with you in my heart, and I want

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Speaker 1: to be facetiming with the family and keep up with

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Speaker 1: it as much as I can, and I'm gonna try.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to the rehearsal dinner and I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: go to the after party you're gonna have or whatever

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Speaker 1: that might be. But Tita, I think you need to

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Speaker 1: be honest with them. I don't think in my opinion,

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Speaker 1: this is my opinion, I don't think you're gonna look

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Speaker 1: back in twenty years and go I should have gone

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Speaker 1: to that wedding. I should have been there. I should

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Speaker 1: have been there. You might be shocked to hear me

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Speaker 1: say that, and there might be some people listening to go, man,

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Speaker 1: I totally disagree families everything. But first of all, it's

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Speaker 1: your boyfriend. It's not just your boyfriend. I'm not gonna

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Speaker 1: say that, but it's not directly family yet. You might

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Speaker 1: marry your boyfriend, good chance. Maybe it sounds like you

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Speaker 1: love them, but not yet. You're not there yet, And

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Speaker 1: I think that that separation is enough that this is

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Speaker 1: not your brother in law yet, and you still have

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Speaker 1: this this element left with you where you still have

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Speaker 1: you still have a space in your life where you

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Speaker 1: have independence and you have priorities for yourself right now.

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Speaker 1: You have to because when you get married, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: lose that in a good way. You're gonna you're gonna

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Speaker 1: you're gonna donate it back into the immediate family. But

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Speaker 1: you have a sense of independence right now and a

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Speaker 1: sense of taking care of what you know you need

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Speaker 1: to do for yourself and for your career. Right now

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Speaker 1: that is going to trump your boyfriend's family first. And

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Speaker 1: when you get married, that'll change and that that priority

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Speaker 1: will flip. But but right now you still have this availability.

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Speaker 1: I would write the letter. I would open up your heart.

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Speaker 1: If they freak out you, you could reconsider. I don't

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Speaker 1: think they would. I think a letter like that would

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Speaker 1: would would be taken. Just like I read in the

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Speaker 1: question before, this wedding is not about you, and it's

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Speaker 1: not about your boyfriend. This is about Mason and his fiance.

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Speaker 1: And I'm pretty sure they would understand where you're coming from,

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Speaker 1: if you come from a heartfelt way of writing this letter.

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Speaker 1: So shout out to Wisconsin and Tabitha. I wish you

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Speaker 1: the best in this. That's a sticky situation. Let's hit

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Speaker 1: another one here. This one interesting subject line says struggling

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Speaker 1: has become a habit. Hey Granger, my name is Samantha.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty one years old from Wisconsin again. Shout out

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Speaker 1: to Wisconsin two in a row who finally left a

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Speaker 1: broken long term relationship several months ago. I've been dating

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Speaker 1: and have repeatedly found myself in situation ship's situationship is

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Speaker 1: what she said, which ultimately go nowhere and leave me

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Speaker 1: hurt and heartbroken. It seems these men fall so fast

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Speaker 1: and express their feelings towards me. However, it seems like

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Speaker 1: a few weeks later they begin to start to act

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Speaker 1: off and pull away. When I try to express my feelings,

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Speaker 1: they end up telling me I deserve better. I am

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Speaker 1: lost because I don't know why this continues to happen.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if

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Speaker 1: they're just not interested. I'm very sensitive, kind and loving person.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like I'm too caring and feel like

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Speaker 1: it's a flaw. I want to find a person who

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Speaker 1: cherishes me in a relationship that leads to marriage, but

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to continue to have faith when

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Speaker 1: this continues to happen. Thank you okay, Samantha thirty one

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Speaker 1: shout out to Wisconsin. First of all, I'll dive into

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Speaker 1: this by saying, first of all, the excuse of someone

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Speaker 1: telling you you deserve better, you should take that advice.

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Speaker 1: When someone tells you I don't know if I could

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Speaker 1: be in this relationship because you deserve better, take them

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Speaker 1: for face value on that right, because they either really

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00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:13,040
Speaker 1: mean it or there or there's an element of they

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00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:16,240
Speaker 1: feel like they can't do enough for you, or just

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00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:21,399
Speaker 1: ultimately they're not into you. Either way, you're out. You

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Speaker 1: hear that, you hear someone say you deserve better. Okay, thanks, thanks,

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Speaker 1: thanks for the good advice for saving me from using

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Speaker 1: up any more time right now with you, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: don't think there's a way of salvaging that once. Once

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00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 1: that comes out of somebody's mouth, you take them for

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Speaker 1: face value and you say, okay, great, thank thanks for

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Speaker 1: the advice. I'll go find somebody better. That being said,

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Speaker 1: you could never listen, you could never be too kind

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Speaker 1: or too loving or too caring. It's not a flaw.

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Speaker 1: That is not a flaw, So get that out of

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Speaker 1: your head. There's no way that that is a human

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Speaker 1: flaw to be too nice, too loving, took caring right,

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Speaker 1: so that The flaw is not that. The flaw is

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Speaker 1: that you think that is a flaw. So so reject

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Speaker 1: that thought in your head. Reject that flaw that you

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Speaker 1: you start thinking about. You could never be too kind

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Speaker 1: or loving or caring. That is an incredible trait. That's

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Speaker 1: an incredible fruit of the spirit that you're carrying with you.

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Speaker 1: And you will make such a good wife with those qualities,

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Speaker 1: and you'll pour into somebody and you'll find the right

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Speaker 1: person and you'll you'll use those traits and they will

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Speaker 1: they will accept them for what they are, invaluable gold

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Speaker 1: to them in their lives to be able to say,

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Speaker 1: my wife is sensitive, loving and caring. And then eventually,

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Speaker 1: when you're a mother, God willing, you're a mother that's sensitive,

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Speaker 1: loving and caring. That's incredible. I mean, what do you

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Speaker 1: what what's the alternative? What do you want to be

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Speaker 1: shrewd and snarky and tough? What kind of mother is that?

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Speaker 1: What kind of what kind of wife would that be?

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Speaker 1: So there is no alternative. You You are in a

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Speaker 1: in a position where you're in a time of waiting,

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Speaker 1: really and and so there's nothing you need to alter,

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Speaker 1: there's nothing new you need to say there's nothing new

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Speaker 1: you need to change in your relationships or something that

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Speaker 1: you some trick that you need to know about, or

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Speaker 1: something you need to hold back and not say you're

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Speaker 1: doing everything right. You're just in a season of waiting.

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Speaker 1: You just haven't found the right one yet. And you

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Speaker 1: will it, just you just will. Time will go by,

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Speaker 1: and every time you come out of one of these

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Speaker 1: relationships like you're talking about, where you feel hurt and heartbroken,

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Speaker 1: every single time it matters to you because it's it's

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00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 1: adding to your tool shed. It's it's a new piece

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00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 1: of equipment that you need to move forward to continue

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Speaker 1: trudging on this thing we call life. So once you

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00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,320
Speaker 1: get a new too and the tool shed, i'll h

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Speaker 1: a broken relationship, you go, I'm better now. I'm a

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00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 1: little bit better than I was before this relationship because

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Speaker 1: now I know this. Now I'm a little bit closer

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Speaker 1: to this. And even after this podcast, hopefully you listen

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Speaker 1: and you go, Okay, that's a new tool for my toolshed.

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Speaker 1: I'll no longer call being caring and loving a flaw.

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Speaker 1: That's an asset. That's something you're gonna be able to

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Speaker 1: pour into somebody, and that's an incredible thing for you.

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Speaker 1: So don't look at these relationships as wasted or another mistake.

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Speaker 1: Look at instead of mistakes and wasted time, look at

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Speaker 1: them as one step closer to the right one. That's you.

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Speaker 1: So I would say to that, congratulations, You're one step

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Speaker 1: closer to the right one. I'm gonna take a break,

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Speaker 1: be right back. Podcast is brought to you guys today

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466
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Speaker 1: com slash Granger. Okay, welcome back digging into these questions.

467
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me for this podcast,

468
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about

469
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: any subject. My only request. You could make it about anything.

470
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: My only request is just try not to make it

471
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 1: too long. Like the length of your phone screen is

472
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 1: perfect for me to read. Anything over that gets to

473
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:12,159
Speaker 1: be kind of jumbly. I'm not that good of a reader,

474
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 1: So that's my only request, but it could be about

475
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 1: any subject. Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I would

476
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,400
Speaker 1: love to hear from you, and we're diving back into

477
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 1: more questions. This subject line says ready for kids question mark.

478
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,879
Speaker 1: Hi Granger. My name is Emma and I'm from a

479
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 1: little Tailgatetown in central California. My husband and I, twenty

480
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 1: six and twenty seven, are coming up on one year

481
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 1: of marriage and we're having the baby talk. We feel

482
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 1: like we're ready for kids, but financially it's intimidating. We

483
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 1: have ten nieces and nephews between us, so we have

484
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:45,480
Speaker 1: an understanding on just how expensive kids can be. And

485
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 1: though we both work full time, we find ourselves waiting

486
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 1: on what ifs. Should we just buy the bullet or

487
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,119
Speaker 1: will we know when we're truly ready? Thank you for

488
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 1: any insight. We enjoy you taking the time during the podcast.

489
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:02,400
Speaker 1: Thank you, Emma. Shout out out to central California Tailgate

490
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 1: Town and thanks for your question. I think it's a

491
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:09,640
Speaker 1: good one. My answer will be simple. For you, don't

492
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:13,400
Speaker 1: wait any longer. You're never going to be in a right,

493
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: the perfect right spot to have a baby if you wait.

494
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 1: If that's your criteria, is we want to be financially ready,

495
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 1: you never will be because because you're gonna save up

496
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 1: enough money for this and that and this and this

497
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 1: and then college education, and then that could just go

498
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 1: on forever, and then you're not twenty six anymore, you're

499
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:39,119
Speaker 1: thirty six, and then you're forty six. So my advice is,

500
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 1: if you guys have a great marriage and you're you

501
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 1: think that that you are suited to be parents, then

502
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 1: think no more. Go for it. Try it. God. God

503
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 1: will have the answer for you. He's ultimately gonna bless

504
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:57,120
Speaker 1: you with a child or not. But but I don't

505
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 1: I don't think waiting. I don't agree with waiting till

506
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 1: you're you think your finances are perfect, because hey, Father,

507
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 1: for me, I would say, I would personally say that

508
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 1: kids are as expensive as you want them to be,

509
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 1: meaning if you want to if you want to just

510
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:21,359
Speaker 1: get by, they're not going to be that expensive, you know,

511
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: barring some kind of crazy medical expense that you're going

512
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 1: to have. Where they get expensive is when you start

513
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 1: putting them in big private schools and and and club

514
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: league baseball and cheerleading tournaments and traveling squads and uh

515
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 1: and high end clothing and and super all natural organic formulas.

516
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 1: You know, that's when you start getting things added up.

517
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 1: But if you just want to come in at ground level,

518
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 1: which I think is perfectly fine, to raise a kid

519
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 1: on a minimal budget, it's very doable. I mean, people

520
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:00,600
Speaker 1: have done it since the beginning of humanity. People have

521
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 1: raised kids and shacks and caves and used rocks as toys.

522
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: I know you want the best, and I know that's

523
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 1: not what you want for your child, but I'm just

524
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: saying this is a new thing. It's a new concept

525
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 1: for humans to consider do we have enough money in

526
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 1: the bank to have a baby? And I love the

527
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 1: responsibility in that, and I think that's very it's very

528
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:26,959
Speaker 1: good of you to consider that. But I don't think

529
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 1: it's the final answer. Like I don't think that that

530
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 1: that's where the x's and o's line up and you go,

531
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 1: do we have this much money? No, I think that's

532
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 1: a new thing for humans. Like people useduld just get

533
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: married to make babies. That's what they did, and then

534
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: the babies became part of their workforce on the farm.

535
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 1: Like the more babies you had, the more kids that

536
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 1: could work on your farm. Like that's how they did it.

537
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 1: And now we think the opposite were like, man, I

538
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 1: don't want this burden of a financial you know, havoc

539
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 1: on my bank account because once I have this baby,

540
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to put them in all this stuff

541
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 1: that's really exped that's a new thought. So you could

542
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 1: reject that thought. And once again, I know that I

543
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 1: know you want the best for your baby. That's you're

544
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 1: not you don't have a malicious thought to this, Like

545
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: you're not a selfish person. That's not why you emailed me.

546
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 1: But I'm just throwing it out there that I think

547
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 1: now is the time. I don't think there is a

548
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: right time to wait. And I think you could do

549
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 1: it on a budget, and I think you could take

550
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 1: time off work to raise this first baby and you

551
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 1: guys are going to be just fine. Maybe you got

552
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: to move out of California. It's really expensive there, but

553
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 1: but I just I think the time is now. If

554
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 1: you're asking me, I think the time is now. And

555
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 1: then once you start trying it, then you give it

556
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 1: all to God and he blesses you, or you wait.

557
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 1: But that's my answer. It's pretty simple. Thanks for the question.

558
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 1: Next question, subject line says relationship ends, but is it

559
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 1: hellograngeer big fan? Your podcast is such a solid way

560
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:09,040
Speaker 1: to connect. I'm a huge fan. I recently ended a relationship,

561
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 1: but now see that it wasn't the right choice. The

562
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:14,719
Speaker 1: only problem was I did this last summer, but she

563
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 1: has allowed me to come back. Then I'm not sure

564
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 1: she could trust me. And I'm wondering if you had

565
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 1: any insight on these feelings of heartache when I am

566
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 1: the one who caused it. Dylan, Oh, Dylan, you are

567
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: in a You're in a predicament that is very common.

568
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 1: Not to minimalize this situation for you, but it's common,

569
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: and you're feeling the draw of the rebound. You left

570
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 1: the relationship once for a reason, and then you rebounded

571
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: and you went back to her, and then you left twice.

572
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 1: A second time you left her and now you're rebounding again.

573
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:58,720
Speaker 1: That says something about this relationship. And I'm not saying

574
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 1: that you have a problem or that she has a problem,

575
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 1: but I'm saying you two together is a problem. And

576
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: you have to take your mind back to the breakup.

577
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: You have to transport yourself and this is difficult to do,

578
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 1: but you have to. You have to use your brain,

579
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: not your heart. Forget your heart. It's flawed. No one

580
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 1: can trust it. Right, You can't trust your heart, that's

581
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 1: what the Bible says. But you need to use your

582
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 1: brain and go back to the day that you left

583
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 1: the second time, and the freedom that you felt leaving

584
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 1: and the the the the burden that was lifted off

585
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: of you because you got out of the relationship. What

586
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 1: was she doing, what were you doing? Where? Where was

587
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 1: the toxic environment? Where was that starting? Where was it?

588
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:47,360
Speaker 1: Go back to that and don't don't go back to

589
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 1: the good times concentrating on how good it was and

590
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 1: how how awesome she is, and how you don't have

591
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 1: anybody right now that's as good as her. That's a

592
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 1: lie because this crashed twice. I know there's people listening

593
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: that think, well, I did it, and I made it

594
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 1: a third time, and then we got married. Now we're

595
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 1: still married. It's been seventeen years. Okay, that's rare. That's rare.

596
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 1: There's everyone has a story and someone has done everything

597
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 1: at some point, someone has been in every situation and

598
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 1: flipped the tables on everything. But odds are telling you

599
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 1: right now this isn't gonna work, and that you are

600
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: rebounding to her, and it comes down to, really, you

601
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 1: haven't met anybody else yet. So there's this idea that

602
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: you've heard me say it on this podcast before. There

603
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 1: there's this idea of just being content with where you

604
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 1: are in your life as a single man right now.

605
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 1: Don't torture yourself anymore about what might have been or

606
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 1: how there's you're thinking of the good times, but you're

607
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: forgetting that you left and there's a reason you left it.

608
00:33:56,000 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 1: And what did you say here? You said you said,

609
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 1: recently into the root, I'd see that it wasn't the

610
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 1: right choice, That's what you said. I recently ended a relationship.

611
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:10,880
Speaker 1: But now see that it wasn't the right choice. That

612
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 1: you're lying to yourself. Man, that you're lying to yourself

613
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,000
Speaker 1: to think that that wasn't the right choice when you

614
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 1: did it twice. Look at anything else in life. You

615
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 1: don't don't go You don't leave a job and quit

616
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,319
Speaker 1: and then think well, I should go back and go

617
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 1: back and work at the job again, and then quit

618
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,919
Speaker 1: again and then decide to go back a third time.

619
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: You don't. You wouldn't do that with a job, so

620
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: why would you do it with the relationship? It didn't

621
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 1: work there's something bad about it. Trust your brain, not

622
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 1: your heart. Forget your heart. It's wicked. Trust your brain.

623
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 1: Put yourself back in that situation, Dylan. Leave her alone.

624
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 1: It's over. There's somebody new in the pipeline. Be content

625
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 1: with where you are now in your life. It is

626
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 1: easier to say what I'm telling you then to do

627
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 1: what I need you to do. Dylan, Right, it's easier

628
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 1: to say than do. But I'm telling you use your brain,

629
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 1: not your heart. It's over. Let's move on. Okay, thank

630
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:14,439
Speaker 1: you for the question, brother, Let's hit another one. These

631
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 1: are fun. This is fun, not for the It's fun

632
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: for me, not for the people that are in it. Right. Okay,

633
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 1: how about this? This is very very short. No subject

634
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 1: says Hey, Grangeer. My name is Anthony. I'm fourteen years old.

635
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 1: I get bullied a lot every day. I don't know

636
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:40,919
Speaker 1: what to do. Anthony, my bro, I got your back.

637
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:44,160
Speaker 1: First of all, Granger Smith has got your back. So

638
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 1: does Earld Dibbles Junior. Remember that. Secondly, if you were

639
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 1: sitting around this campfire, I'd say, Anthony, where are your parents?

640
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 1: Do they know this? Have you told them? Go to them?

641
00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:01,279
Speaker 1: If you haven't, pour into them. And if this is

642
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,360
Speaker 1: serious enough for you to email me on this podcast,

643
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 1: I would I would go to are you first of all,

644
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 1: say are you getting hurt physically? Because I'd go to

645
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:14,839
Speaker 1: the police. Are you getting hurt emotionally? Verbally? I would

646
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 1: go to the principle of your school. And first and foremost,

647
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 1: I would go to your parents and and and hey,

648
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 1: this is something I just got to say for parents,

649
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:28,799
Speaker 1: listening to this kind of thing for a fourteen year

650
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 1: old is worth considering moving. This is something that if

651
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 1: my if my kids came to me and said this,

652
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:39,800
Speaker 1: and it was a problem that I couldn't fix with

653
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:43,960
Speaker 1: the authorities or myself or with a school attendant, I

654
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 1: would consider moving. Yes, that's that's that is that's that's

655
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,800
Speaker 1: a big deal. But so is being bullied. Being bullies

656
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 1: a big deal. So we need to stop this. We

657
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 1: need to We need to stop the leaky faucet immediately,

658
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:01,319
Speaker 1: put the drain back in. And I want to tell you,

659
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:05,480
Speaker 1: buddy that I don't want you said this in such

660
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 1: a short email. I don't know much about it, but

661
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 1: I don't want you to. I don't want you to

662
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: be shy about telling people this problem. Be vocal, about it.

663
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 1: I'm talking police, I'm talking principal, I'm talking teacher, talking counselor,

664
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 1: talking student advisor. I'm talking mom and dad, I'm talking

665
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 1: next door neighbor. People need to know this. Don't keep

666
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 1: it to yourself. Anthony. Okay, all right, email me back.

667
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 1: Let me know how this is going. Brother, Okay, bounce

668
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: around here. So many, so many great great questions here. Okay,

669
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 1: subject line here, next one, subject line suicide granger. My

670
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:56,399
Speaker 1: name is Alan and I'm from Topeka, Kansas. I'm twenty

671
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,280
Speaker 1: eight years old. I know this is a deep topic,

672
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,839
Speaker 1: and I apologize that this is how you start your day,

673
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:05,719
Speaker 1: but I'm so lost. I'm not sure where to turn

674
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,319
Speaker 1: or what to do. After ten years of marriage, my

675
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:12,280
Speaker 1: spouse decided she wanted a divorce. We got married at eighteen,

676
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 1: which admittedly was probably too young, but I love her

677
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 1: so much and she has no desire to be with

678
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:21,839
Speaker 1: me anymore. I can't imagine a life without her. I'm

679
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 1: struggling with dark thoughts. How do I get through this

680
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 1: season of life? I feel like I'm doomed. Alan, first

681
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 1: and foremost, First and foremost, you listen. You need to

682
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 1: seek professional help immediately. Maybe you already have, but the

683
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 1: fact that you're emailing me on this podcast, I'm one,

684
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 1: I'm questioning if you've done this yet. You need to

685
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 1: seek professional counseling, and you could do this through insurance

686
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 1: with your doctor. If that's not an option, then you

687
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:20,879
Speaker 1: go to a church and you seek immediate counsel regardless

688
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 1: of professional therapy. You also, I would highly recommend you

689
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:30,360
Speaker 1: go to a church two and you talk to the

690
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 1: pastor there, or you talk to an elder, and you

691
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 1: immediately join a small group with a group of men

692
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 1: around you that could listen to you and give you

693
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:46,440
Speaker 1: wise counsel and lift you up. Okay, like tonight, when

694
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 1: you hear this podcast, as soon as you hear it,

695
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 1: these are the steps immediately. I need you to seek

696
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 1: professional guidance, therapy, counseling, and I need you to go

697
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 1: to a local church and I need you to seek

698
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 1: guidance there through pastoral counseling, some kind of elder, and

699
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 1: immediately join a small group of men. I've repeated myself

700
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 1: twice now because I want you to hear it. I

701
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 1: want you to hear it and then go rewind it

702
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: and listen to it again. But these are your steps.

703
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:19,200
Speaker 1: Nothing I could tell you on this podcast will matter

704
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 1: because this, ultimately, this is just a podcast, and podcast

705
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 1: ultimately are entertainment, and you don't need entertainment right now.

706
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:33,359
Speaker 1: I want to acknowledge the depth of what you're going

707
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:38,480
Speaker 1: through is valid. Okay, what you're talking about is is

708
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 1: a valid problem that could that could drive anyone totally

709
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 1: crazy and insane. And when when you get to a

710
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:51,759
Speaker 1: totally crazy insane level, bad things can happen. So we

711
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,439
Speaker 1: need to take control of this and get a grip

712
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 1: on it immediately through professional help. From there, medication my

713
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 1: be on the table probably will. I have nothing against that.

714
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 1: I'm telling you to seek pastoral counseling in a church.

715
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:09,320
Speaker 1: I'm also telling you that I would have no problem

716
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:16,360
Speaker 1: in your situation seeking some kind of medical treatment through medicine,

717
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:22,360
Speaker 1: right pop a pill for a little bit. There is

718
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 1: when you get to a level like this, from this

719
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:30,640
Speaker 1: kind of trauma PTSD, your brain is not balanced anymore.

720
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,440
Speaker 1: You have a chemical imbalance and you need something to

721
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 1: counteract that chemical imbalance. That would be medication. I'm not

722
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 1: a doctor and I'm not advising that. What I'm telling

723
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 1: you is if you go to a therapist, and that's

724
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 1: what they recommend. I would listen to them. That's what

725
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I would be open to listening to all

726
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:51,720
Speaker 1: these kind of options. But I hope that i'm speaking

727
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:56,840
Speaker 1: clearly and I'm speaking poignantly to you, Alan, that I

728
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 1: feel like this is important, and I feel like this

729
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 1: email as i'm reading it is came in yesterday, so

730
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 1: this is brand new, and I would I want you

731
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:10,280
Speaker 1: to email me back just to confirm that. Hey, Granger,

732
00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:14,440
Speaker 1: it's Alan. I did what you said. I've got it

733
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 1: my first meeting tomorrow, okay, and then when you do that,

734
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 1: when you email me again, we'll touch base a second time. Okay.

735
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 1: But until then, that's all I'm gonna say. All Right, brother,

736
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 1: thanks for your question. All right, let me recover from

737
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:46,520
Speaker 1: that guy's These emails get deep, don't they? Deep? Subdecline

738
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:49,400
Speaker 1: in this next one, hopefully it's lighter subdecline, says Balancing

739
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:52,080
Speaker 1: school and Work. Hey, mister Smith, my name is Grayden.

740
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,840
Speaker 1: I'm fourteen, live in Fairbanks, Alaska. You know, there's a

741
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 1: lot of snow up here, and I snowmobile a lot.

742
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 1: I'm working on getting a new snow machine and I

743
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:03,280
Speaker 1: also have a lot of school. How could I balance

744
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 1: school and working? How did you make money when you

745
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 1: were my age? Thank you for great music and encouraging

746
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 1: podcast and being a light for Jesus Grayton. Thanks, thanks buddy,

747
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:15,719
Speaker 1: thanks for emailing. You know I'm gonna be I'm going

748
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 1: to be in Fairbanks by the time you guys hear

749
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:22,400
Speaker 1: this podcast on Monday. I will have just left Fairbanks yesterday.

750
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 1: I'll be going there here for me as I'm doing

751
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 1: this real time in a couple of days, so i'll

752
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 1: be there, man, I'll see the snow that you're talking about.

753
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,760
Speaker 1: I'm excited for you. It's it's fun to have dreams.

754
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 1: It's fun to have a snow machine goal for yourself

755
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 1: and you want to make money. I love that is

756
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:47,320
Speaker 1: the is the poem IF by Rudyrid Kipling says, have dreams,

757
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 1: but don't make dreams your master. Right. So so this

758
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:53,360
Speaker 1: dream of a snow machine is awesome, and it's a

759
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,879
Speaker 1: great dream, and I love goals like this, but don't

760
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 1: make it your master, like don't don't make it rule

761
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 1: your life so that you have to change everything to

762
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 1: meet the dream of this toy. Really, really, it's a toy,

763
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:10,360
Speaker 1: so to answer your question. I was when I was fourteen,

764
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:13,120
Speaker 1: I was working for a paint contractor. His name was

765
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:17,040
Speaker 1: Bob Williams, and he painted painted homes. And so I

766
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:20,240
Speaker 1: went out started out when I was your age, started

767
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 1: working for him, and I was like the tape guy.

768
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 1: I would just I would tape everything and get the

769
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:26,719
Speaker 1: house prepped and put out the plastic and tape up

770
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 1: the plastic and cover the furniture and cover the back patio.

771
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,600
Speaker 1: You take the ladders out of the truck, you know,

772
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:35,800
Speaker 1: stuff like that. So uh, And then I worked for

773
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 1: him for all through high school. So I would work

774
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,839
Speaker 1: my way up, and you know, it took years before

775
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:44,280
Speaker 1: he actually trusted me with a paintbrush or a roller.

776
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,759
Speaker 1: But but I started as just the guy that just

777
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: grabbed ladders out of the truck. And I loved it

778
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:51,760
Speaker 1: and paid got paid by the hour. And I remember

779
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:55,400
Speaker 1: every morning about ten am, we would go to Taco Cabana,

780
00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 1: which is here in Texas, and we would we would

781
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 1: get tortillas and salsa and roll them up into tight

782
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 1: little rolls and then dip it in salsa, sit under

783
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 1: an oak tree in summertime. It was the best. So

784
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:09,360
Speaker 1: I enjoyed it. And that's what it did for money.

785
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:13,799
Speaker 1: And what I want to talk about is you said,

786
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 1: how could I balance school and working? Well, the trick

787
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 1: to that, to your question is you're What you're really

788
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 1: saying is how could I balance school and buying a snowmobile?

789
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:30,320
Speaker 1: Which there is a problem because school is going to

790
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 1: take priority over this. So if you just didn't tell

791
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:36,840
Speaker 1: me about the snowmobile and all you said was how

792
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:39,319
Speaker 1: could I balance school and paying bills, well that's a

793
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 1: different conversation, but that's not the question you're asking. Your

794
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 1: question is how could I balance school and having a hobby?

795
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:49,359
Speaker 1: And I would say, right now, at fourteen, my best

796
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 1: advice to you is school wins. There is no balance

797
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 1: when you got the scale. School tips the scale. So

798
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 1: nothing you could do right now needs to interfere with

799
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 1: that scale and make it lopsided or you try to

800
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 1: even it out. School needs to win. You're gonna hear

801
00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 1: this later, and you're gonna understand in ten years, when

802
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,160
Speaker 1: you're twenty four, you're gonna look back and go ooh,

803
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 1: Glad I studied, Glad I got grades? Right, Glad I

804
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 1: got good grades because it matters to making money later

805
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 1: for you, Because that's gonna deeply affect you actually having

806
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 1: real things to pay for, like mortgages and car payments

807
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:31,160
Speaker 1: and bills and keeping the lights on. It's gonna matter

808
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:34,720
Speaker 1: a lot more to how you did in school right now.

809
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 1: So if you look back and you go, man, I

810
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:41,359
Speaker 1: just wasted my school life because all I was worried

811
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 1: about is snowmobiles and making money for them, and then

812
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:47,719
Speaker 1: my grades failed because of it. And now I still

813
00:46:47,719 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 1: can't afford a snowmobil and I'm twenty four. Right. That's

814
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:55,280
Speaker 1: the chain reaction that's gonna happen. So to your question,

815
00:46:56,239 --> 00:47:00,120
Speaker 1: there is no balance. If you're asking school and hobby,

816
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:04,439
Speaker 1: go get a job, find your time. Find the time

817
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 1: that you do have at home if you're not in

818
00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:08,360
Speaker 1: if you're not in a sport or anything like that,

819
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 1: then fill your time when you get home, as long

820
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 1: as it doesn't interfere with studying and your homework and

821
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 1: your test that you have coming up. Don't. Don't compromise that.

822
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:22,840
Speaker 1: But a good way to look at this goal of

823
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:26,520
Speaker 1: a snowmobil is two ways. One make it a three

824
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 1: year goal so that you're slowly making money over three

825
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 1: or four years. Or make your the goal of your

826
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:40,520
Speaker 1: hobby cheaper, get something less expensive like snowmobills are really expensive,

827
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:45,919
Speaker 1: so maybe maybe get an old, used one or think

828
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:48,400
Speaker 1: of something else that's cheaper. I know you love snowmobil

829
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 1: and I know you want this machine, so I don't

830
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 1: want to take that from you, and I don't want

831
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,399
Speaker 1: to diminish your goal. But you hear what I'm saying.

832
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, stop worrying about this balance because you're

833
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 1: going to know in ten years that this is the

834
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 1: right advice. Get those grades. Get those grades first. Don't

835
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,960
Speaker 1: compromise with trying to get a job and work too

836
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 1: many hours. Nothing wrong with getting a job, and I

837
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:14,960
Speaker 1: hope you do, but make sure it makes sense. That's

838
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:17,880
Speaker 1: all we got. Thank you guys for listening. Keep on email.

839
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 1: I'd love your email, so keep them, keep them coming,

840
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,880
Speaker 1: and we'll see you next time. Thanks for joining me

841
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 1: on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.

842
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.

843
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:32,480
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that

844
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:35,919
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never

845
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:39,400
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a

846
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer.

847
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:46,680
Speaker 1: Email Graingersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. EG