WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: Maller Mitzvah 0:00:00.840 --> 0:00:01.600 Kubbooms. 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:05.520 If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 0:00:05.559 --> 0:00:09.320 a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:12.600 of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.720 --> 0:00:15.640 treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the 0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:17.600 rich pill poppers in the penthouse. 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:18.520 Wow. 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:22.440 The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:29.560 The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:34.200 In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:39.400 Mahler and Danny g Radio A Happy Saturday is Today's 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:43.680 the third day of January, our second podcast of the 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:48.080 brand new year, and it's an NFL Saturday. It is 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:54.400 on like Donkey Kong. Two games, one good, one bad. 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:57.720 The early game at four thirty Eastern one thirty in 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.640 the West, Carolina at Tampa Bay, which is supposed to 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:07.720 be the NFC championship game. However, it is not necessarily 0:01:07.840 --> 0:01:12.720 a standalone championship game Carolina. If they win, they win 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:16.440 the NFC South. If they lose, meaning Tampa Bay wins 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:20.480 that game, then it comes down to the Atlanta Falcons 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:24.920 game on Sunday with New Orleans, and if Atlanta is 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:28.880 able to win that game, Carolina will still win the 0:01:28.959 --> 0:01:32.200 division based on the tiebreakers, so Tampa Bay is really 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:36.920 up against it. That game getting the d level broadcast 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:41.959 crew of Chris Fowler, Dan Orlovsky and Lewis Riddick, which 0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:45.319 means my remote controls mute button will be getting a 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:49.040 workout today from my right hand. And the late game 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:52.520 Seattle and San Francisco, which is for all the marbles 0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:56.720 in the NFC West. You've got Joe Buck and Troy 0:01:56.760 --> 0:02:00.960 Aikman in the seeding atop the NFC all that great 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:03.600 stuff on the line in that game. So those are 0:02:03.600 --> 0:02:06.800 the two games today. Benny versus the Penny is up 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:09.360 and running if you want to check that out. We 0:02:09.520 --> 0:02:13.320 have all the information you need on both those games 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:17.639 and the full episode for Sunday. As it is the 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:22.600 final weekend of the NFL regular season, which means a 0:02:22.720 --> 0:02:25.120 lot of teams who are just trying to get the 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:28.640 heck out of Dodge and go on vacation. You have 0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:31.080 a mix of that. You also have a mix of 0:02:31.120 --> 0:02:33.480 teams that are scratching and clong trying to get in 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:39.320 the playoffs. On today's podcast, we have Malar Mitzvah Carbon Dating. 0:02:39.480 --> 0:02:42.040 We'll get to those things. We begin though, by pointing 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:47.040 out it is National Drinking Straw Day today, so please, 0:02:47.520 --> 0:02:50.040 when you have a beverage today, drink with a straw. 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:54.040 And I was blown away doing research for this podcast 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:57.360 when I found out that the straw goes back to 0:02:57.560 --> 0:03:02.920 three thousand BC. Things tubes were used as ancient straws 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:08.840 and thin long metallic tubes to brew beer. The original straw. 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:15.040 In the eighteen eighties there was a patent filed for 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:18.680 paper drinking straws. A person that made them a guy 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:21.600 named Marvin Stone. I have no idea who that is, 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:26.040 but Marvin Stone did not like the rye straw aftertaste, 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:28.320 so he's like, I just come up with this paper straw. 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:30.960 So that was in the eighteen eighties. And then in 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:37.240 the nineteen thirties a guy filed a patent for a 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:43.680 bendable straw because his daughter was having issues. This young 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:46.840 lady there was having issues drinking with a straight paper straw, 0:03:46.840 --> 0:03:49.600 which is completely understandable. And then it wasn't until the 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:54.680 nineteen sixties with the rise of the fast food industry, 0:03:54.720 --> 0:04:01.120 the paper straw replaced by the plastic straw, and really 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:03.760 the superior straw. The plastic straw. I live in a 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:07.760 state which is outlawed the plastic straw. It is the 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:12.040 People's Republic of California. I stand with the plastic straw. 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:16.040 The paper straw is just a waste of time. It 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:22.080 is also today is the Festival of Sleep Day. Yeah, 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:27.080 the Festival of sleep Day, and celebrate appropriately. 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:27.360 There. 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:33.960 The first bed, the first bed. The earliest account of 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:39.440 a bed goes to the eighth century BC. Bed was 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:45.040 woven of rope. Sounds like a nightmare. Then in four 0:04:45.040 --> 0:04:50.120 point fifty BC, you had a Greek physician who suggested 0:04:50.160 --> 0:04:52.760 that sleep, the reason that we sleep is because of 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:59.159 a lack of circulation to the brain. So that was medicine. 0:04:59.200 --> 0:05:03.720 That was modern medicine in four point fifty BC. So 0:05:03.880 --> 0:05:08.200 you had that. Then in the twelve hundreds you had 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:12.920 people who tried to sleep while sitting up. Yeah. Yeah, 0:05:13.279 --> 0:05:16.920 Well the beds were smaller because they used pillows and 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:23.359 other things, and that's how that operated back in the 0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:27.200 twelve hundreds. And so you've got that. Then in the 0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:33.560 sixteen hundreds you had the magical Tale of Sleeping Beauty, 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:39.080 which how much money has Disney made off that that? 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:41.159 That's a ton of money I mean the whole the 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:43.960 merchandise and the whole thing, the movie back in the day, 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:49.360 and Money, Money, Money that came out in sixteen thirty four, right, 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:53.640 sixteen thirty four, My goodness. All right. Meanwhile, let's get 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:56.400 to the meat of the matter here. Let's not mess 0:05:56.440 --> 0:06:03.200 around the holiday hiatus which technically ended with Benny Versus 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:07.479 the Penny and the podcast which all popped up yesterday 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:10.920 back in the content business. But the holiday hiatus from 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:16.279 overnight Radio is supposed to be about rest. You're supposed 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:20.760 to recharge your batteries, powered down the vocal cords, pretend 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:26.559 for a fleeting moment that the rhythms of the brain, 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:32.840 Thesecanian rhythms, have not been permanently manipulated and hijacked by 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:37.560 the graveyard shift. That's what you people tell me. You 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:42.000 know who you are, experts, have all the answers, It 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:48.360 all sounds good. Nevertheless, somewhere between Christmas rainstorms in Socow 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:51.560 which we actually have had, and the itch to be 0:06:51.680 --> 0:06:54.320 back behind the microphone, which I am now in the 0:06:54.360 --> 0:07:01.200 podcast studio, the highlight of my break veiled itself, not 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:08.599 in a studio on asphalt, in a never before told story, 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:13.040 This is a global exclusive here on the Fifth Hour podcast. 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:18.920 Settle in for the details on a last minute desert dash, 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:25.920 a spontaneous pilgrimage across the American Southwest, the Great American Southwest. 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:29.040 There's not a lot there. There's not a lot there. Now, 0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:32.840 this was with no advanced notice. There was no RSVP, 0:07:33.040 --> 0:07:36.600 none of that. Just me, my wife and the Maladmobile 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:41.760 pointing east away from southern California and the comforts of 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:47.400 the Malard Mansion towards the Valley of the Sun. Now, 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:51.000 if you've ever driven from Los Angeles to Fause, I've 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:52.720 talked about this a few times over the years, but 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:54.920 if you've ever driven from LA to Phoenix, you know 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:58.520 that that route is less a road trip and more 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:02.960 of a test of endurance. Once you clear what's known 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:08.240 as the Inland Empire, the civilization waves goodbye to you. 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:12.640 It's like a distant relative at a bus station, you know, 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:17.840 the Greyhound bus station. Now. Palm Springs a desert oasis 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:24.040 which was made famous by legends like Frank Sinatra and 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:26.760 Bob Hope and people like that back in the day. 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:31.400 So Palm Springs and its sister cities, which are just 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:35.640 wonderful places. They tease you though about twenty twenty five minutes, 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:39.720 most of them off the highway. It's a mirage of 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:45.160 golf courses and windmills and just really nice. But then 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:48.320 back to nothingness. And then you get to this town 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:53.080 called Blythe, which appears like a punctuation mark on the 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:57.800 California Arizona border. So you go through Blythe, you cross 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:01.160 the state line, you enter the Grand Canyon state which 0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:07.400 is mostly sand cactus, and this unsettling feeling that you 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:12.680 missed and exit three hours ago. What's going on? Arizona 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:15.959 to its credit, I will give credit to Arizona. They 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:20.680 know who they are, and who they are is a 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:24.000 whole lot of nothing, and they lean into it. The 0:09:24.040 --> 0:09:28.960 rest areas are outstanding, much better than California. In Arizona, 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:32.760 the rest areas are first class, five star oasis is 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:38.120 the wherry driver driving these desert roads. You've got relatively 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:42.680 clean bathrooms, shaded benches. Although I went this time of 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:45.680 the year it was not very warm, so you didn't 0:09:45.679 --> 0:09:47.839 really need the shade, but it's there. You know, most 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:51.880 of the year it's pretty hot. You had those informational 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:55.480 plaques that quietly say, yes, this is all there is 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:59.400 for miles and miles and miles. You have this weird 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:04.120 pocket of Arizona, which is not on the local time. 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:08.800 It's a Native American land anyway, Listen, you give credit 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:11.559 where credits due. The first real sign of life as 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:15.480 you drive from state line of California and you get 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:20.240 into Arizona. The first town that really stands out is 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:26.120 called Buckeye, and there's construction everywhere, houses sprouting like weeds 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:31.560 after rain. Suburbia marching westward if you will. And then 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:34.559 you get to a town called Goodyear. I wonder what's 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:38.240 named after a spring training home of the Cincinnata Reds, 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:41.440 along with the team formerly known as the Cleveland Indians, 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:45.840 and thus the holy land for Dick from Dayton. From 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:50.880 there it is a conveyor belt of Phoenix suburbs until 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:56.080 you reach the main event. However, this trip wasn't about 0:10:56.120 --> 0:10:59.800 the scenery, it wasn't about cactus. It was a mission, 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:03.960 a malar mitzvah. What is a malar mitzvah? So a 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:07.240 couple of weeks earlier, at a family gathering, I mentioned 0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:09.760 this briefly. I believe here on this podcast it might 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:11.200 have been on the radio. So I think It was 0:11:11.200 --> 0:11:15.079 the podcast that at this event. One of my uncles 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:19.000 had an event, a wedding anniversary. I attended, and the 0:11:19.040 --> 0:11:22.560 only living uncle I have, by the way, and this 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:25.320 is the one where I had my relatives lecturing me 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:30.520 over a monologue I did about women's soccer three years earlier, 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:32.800 and this woman pulled me aside, a very nice woman, 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:35.600 in the most polite way, told me I was an 0:11:35.640 --> 0:11:38.760 a hole, which I appreciated. So anyway, I was there 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:43.680 at that event. My beloved cousins Lynn and Jerry, both 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:47.760 in their eighties mid to late eighties. Jerry eighty seven, 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:52.560 I got eighty seven. So they invited me to their 0:11:52.679 --> 0:11:55.360 daughter's birthday party that I was sixty. She's not a 0:11:55.360 --> 0:12:01.040 little kid, obviously sixty in Phoenix. Another cousin obviously related, 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:04.240 and now I recognized at the time. I recognized at 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:08.120 the time immediately this was a token invitation. This is 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:12.600 the polite kind you extend, knowing full well that because 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:17.760 of travel and my job, there was no chance I 0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:21.240 was going to show up. So naturally I just had 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:23.480 to show up. I said, oh, what the hell, I'm 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:26.520 off from work. I love these people, they're getting older. 0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:29.120 I want to see them, so I didn't make an 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:31.720 announcement because I wasn't completely sure I was going to go. 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:36.280 There was a lot of weather. I don't drive unless 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:38.600 I have to in the bad weather. I've learned that lesson. 0:12:38.600 --> 0:12:40.840 I almost died several times driving in rain, so I'm 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:45.160 like all, I picked my spots, so I wasn't sure 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:47.240 it was going to happen. I didn't tell them. I 0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:49.400 didn't want to get their hopes up. Not that I'm 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:51.679 the end all be all, but I didn't make it 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:54.000 an announcement. There was no fanfare. I just got in 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:57.160 the car on Saturday. Six hour drive actually was over 0:12:57.160 --> 0:12:59.920 that because we stopped a couple times and a bit 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:02.400 of a curveball. So Lynn and Jerry have lived in 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:08.319 the same house, my cousins for fifty six years. They 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:12.200 have watched Phoenix more from a one horse town filled 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:16.800 with tumbleweeds into a major league city home of the 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:22.840 MLB NFL Super Bowls. The whole deal, the whole deal. 0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:26.920 They were once season ticket holders to the Suns back 0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:30.920 when they played at the Mad House on McDowell, and 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:32.600 I learned when I went to their home just a 0:13:32.640 --> 0:13:36.960 few miles from their home the Madhouse on McDowell. They 0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:42.000 watched the legends like Kevin Johnson, thunder Dan Marley, the 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:47.080 Round Mound of Rebound, Charles Barkley dominate with Cotton Fitzsimmons 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:50.120 as the coach. Some of those great Sons teams back 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:54.360 in that era, and that building shaped generations of basketball fans. 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:58.680 It probably violated several fire codes being at the time 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:01.800 it was there, and as far as the trip now, 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:06.400 we did not factor in one rather important detail, one 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:11.200 rather important detail. Arizona does not mess with daylight savings time. 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:15.400 The Grand Canyon State is in open rebellion against the clock, 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:18.040 and I respect it now. As you know, I am 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:20.240 by the clock, for the clock, all about the clock. 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:25.960 I live by the clock. However, I respect Arizona and 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:31.360 their rebellions. I endorse it. I also showed up an 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:36.040 hour late because of it, so, not factoring in the 0:14:36.120 --> 0:14:39.080 time we planned it all out. We would have left 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:41.440 an hour earlier if we had known about the time change. 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:45.560 We didn't factor that in. So my thought was, oh, 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:48.000 let's go straight to the party, you know, let's go straight. 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.680 We're gonna be late. My wife's like, let's go to 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:52.920 the hotel. First of course she won. She always does. 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:56.560 So we arrived at the party at seven pm sharp, 0:14:57.200 --> 0:15:01.200 right in the middle of the birthday girl's speech. It 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:05.320 was a subtle entrance, like a marching band during a 0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:09.200 eulogy at a funeral. It's like, what are we doing? 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:16.120 Very awkward, and then it happened, right, you know, cousins 0:15:16.120 --> 0:15:19.360 in the air everywhere, faces people I had not seen 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:25.520 since I was a kid thirty forty years ago, people 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:29.720 who shaped my childhood when family functions were mandatory as 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:33.960 a little kid, I talked about weddings, bar Mitzvah's family reunions. 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:37.560 We had a lot of those, from ages zero to ten, 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:40.520 eleven twelve something along those lines. I was dragged to 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:44.240 all of them. And then around fifteen or so, my 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:48.280 mom's health really got pretty bad and she had rheumatoid 0:15:48.360 --> 0:15:51.840 arthritis and all kinds of craps. She just did not 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:55.480 win the health lottery, and so travel slowed down and 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:58.840 the family circuit kind of faded away. And then at 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:04.960 age nineteen, I dove head first into radio. At the time, 0:16:05.080 --> 0:16:06.960 it was like it was cool to be on the radar. 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:08.800 Now it's like, oh yeah, the radio, But at the 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:10.880 time it was really cool, so I dove into radio 0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:14.600 and I dedicated my life to the profession of gas baggery. 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:20.840 And suddenly there they were, my cousin Brad, the guy 0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:23.480 that gave me my first beer at a family reunion. 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:28.000 I was far too young. Statute of limitations safely expired, 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:32.720 safely expired. My cousin's Tammy and Karen. They were there, 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:38.200 my cousin Barbara ninety two, and this was very awkward. 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:39.680 I wanted to share this with you. So I get 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:43.560 to the party and it's bad timing and the birthday 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:46.080 girls speak and I show up. A lot of the 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.240 people have no idea who I am. Then there's some 0:16:48.240 --> 0:16:50.120 people that did know who I was, and they were 0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:53.040 kind of like, oh, excited to see me and making noises. 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:57.160 Well Barbara, God bless her. You know, she was a 0:16:57.400 --> 0:17:01.160 friend of my mom's, older than my mom two and 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:04.640 she screamed when she saw me, and she started crying 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:08.320 when she looked at me, like I just walked out 0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:11.800 of some kind of seance or something. And it was 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:15.160 very touching. It was really sweet, and it was very 0:17:15.160 --> 0:17:20.400 emotional and deeply awkward. It happened right in the middle 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:23.720 of everything and everyone's trying to shush her, and she's like, 0:17:23.760 --> 0:17:25.400 you know, when you're ninety two, you don't really give 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:28.479 a crap. You know, you're on borrowed time at that point. 0:17:29.000 --> 0:17:32.280 And then just as suddenly, it was all over at 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:35.399 seventh and we got there about seven, right around seven, 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:39.280 at seven thirty local time, the mass exodus began at 0:17:39.280 --> 0:17:43.400 this party. I'm not kidding. One by one we had 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:47.760 cousins departing. It was like a conga line of closure. 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:51.440 And by the ninety minute mark from the beginning, I 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:52.920 remember we got there about an hour late, but by 0:17:52.920 --> 0:17:55.479 the ninety minute mark, the place was pretty much empty. 0:17:56.640 --> 0:18:01.919 My wife was stunned. Her family gatherings are these people 0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:04.200 on her family, They just keep going and it's like 0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:07.720 the energizer Bunny and her grandparents have passed away now, 0:18:07.760 --> 0:18:11.560 but when we used to go out with them. Luigi, 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:16.399 authentic Italian guy who ironically loved the Olive Garden and 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:20.439 his bride there and they be there for three or 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:25.600 four hours, minimum five hours. The Malor family treats events 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:32.040 like a Broadway show. Ninety minutes, brief intermission, curtain down, 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:37.199 go home, and still the love was real, the hugs, 0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:40.840 the laughter, there was genuine joy. People seemed really happy 0:18:40.880 --> 0:18:42.960 to see me. I was happy to see them, and 0:18:43.000 --> 0:18:48.040 it was great. Mission accomplished, Mission accomplished. It was wonderful. 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:52.719 And unlike past Arizona trips where we just drove and 0:18:52.880 --> 0:18:57.199 drove back, we stayed overnight at a boutique hotel my 0:18:57.320 --> 0:18:59.720 wife picked out in the car on the way there, 0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:02.679 and amazingly, this is gonna blow you out. There was 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:07.520 no resort fee. There was free parking. I imagine that 0:19:09.640 --> 0:19:13.080 the people in Vegas. You can have a hotel with 0:19:13.119 --> 0:19:16.680 no resort fee and free parking. It's a miracle. It's 0:19:16.760 --> 0:19:20.560 proof that hotels can survive without nickel and diming you 0:19:20.640 --> 0:19:24.000 through the Badonka donk like they do in Lost Wages, Nevada. 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:27.239 In Phoenix they had this was a nice hotel and 0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:29.840 it was right in the central part of the action, 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:34.520 and it had no resort fee and free parking. 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:35.320 It was wonderful. 0:19:36.560 --> 0:19:38.600 So then we say it was Saturday, so we stayed 0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:43.320 Saturday night. Sunday morning brought breakfast in Scottsdale. I should 0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:46.240 also point out we went to a tiki bar, because 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:48.480 when you think tiki, you think the greater Phoenix area. 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:51.359 But on Sunday morning, we had breakfast in Scottsdale. I'm 0:19:51.400 --> 0:19:53.439 not a breakfast guy, my wife loves breakfast and we 0:19:53.480 --> 0:19:57.600 went to this trendy breakfast spot in Scottsdale. Quick goodbye 0:19:58.320 --> 0:20:01.600 visit with Lynn and Jerry. One final sacred stop. My 0:20:02.119 --> 0:20:04.639 cousin Karen came by to say hello as well. But 0:20:04.720 --> 0:20:07.080 on the way out of Dodge we went to Culver's, 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:10.320 the mecca of the cheese curd the in and out 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:16.760 of the Midwest. Butterburger, Wisconsin cheese curds. Oh my yum 0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:21.000 yum to my tumb tum, delicious enough to be very dangerous, 0:20:21.600 --> 0:20:25.240 very very dangerous if one ever opened near the Malar mansion. 0:20:26.000 --> 0:20:30.160 And then it was back into the desert darkness, surrounded 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:34.359 by unseen critters, wandering spirits, things that go bumpitty bump 0:20:34.359 --> 0:20:38.600 in the night, and probable extraterrestrial activity overhead. A lot 0:20:38.600 --> 0:20:43.399 of extraterrestrials spotted in the desert Southwest. It was a 0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:47.520 successful Malar mitzvah, A lot of miles on the odometer. 0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:53.199 Time was bent, some love was delivered, a reminder that 0:20:53.400 --> 0:20:56.439 sometimes the best part of stepping away from the microphone 0:20:56.480 --> 0:21:00.959 is finding the people who helped shape the voice using it, 0:21:01.040 --> 0:21:04.359 and that was those people, and it was grasping a 0:21:04.359 --> 0:21:08.680 lot of time. Some of my fondest memories, the big memories, 0:21:08.720 --> 0:21:11.520 were with them, and I haven't seen him in years. 0:21:12.040 --> 0:21:14.240 It's bad job by me, but it was great to 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:17.240 see them now turning the page, I wanted to tell 0:21:17.280 --> 0:21:19.919 another tale. A long time ago, when the world was 0:21:19.960 --> 0:21:23.120 full of wonder, before GPS lied to all of us, 0:21:23.400 --> 0:21:26.320 there was a voice, a voice that did not whisper, 0:21:26.720 --> 0:21:30.760 a voice that did not mumble, didn't need closed captioning, 0:21:31.080 --> 0:21:36.080 a voice that boom, A voice that could cut through 0:21:36.280 --> 0:21:41.359 bad football like a chainsaw through wet cardboard. Just like 0:21:41.600 --> 0:21:44.119 get a wet cardboard box like weed ban has on 0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:46.399 a rainy day in Miami. You get a chainsaw, and 0:21:46.440 --> 0:21:48.680 that voice could just cut through it like a chainsaw. 0:21:49.640 --> 0:21:52.920 A Gene decker Off, the Buccaneers mentioned they played today. 0:21:53.080 --> 0:21:57.199 The Buccaneers announced this week the Deckerhoff will retire at 0:21:57.280 --> 0:22:00.160 the conclusion of the season, which will likely be today. 0:22:00.200 --> 0:22:02.880 It's unlikely the Buccaneers are going to make the playoffs. 0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:06.440 They have to win and get help. And if they 0:22:06.480 --> 0:22:08.639 don't get that help, even if they win, they're not 0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:12.200 in so we won't know until tomorrow unless they lose today. 0:22:12.480 --> 0:22:15.160 So this is likely the last game that Deckerhoff will 0:22:15.160 --> 0:22:18.560 call for the Buccaneers, closing the book on thirty seven 0:22:18.720 --> 0:22:23.560 years of calling the Creamsicle football games on the radio. 0:22:24.240 --> 0:22:28.760 That is not a career. That is a mortgage length sentence. 0:22:29.359 --> 0:22:33.639 Is what that is? My God? The third longest active 0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:37.000 tenure in the NFL right now, three quarters of all 0:22:37.160 --> 0:22:43.400 Buccaneer games in franchise history, both Super Bowl runs, every era. 0:22:43.600 --> 0:22:48.840 He touched, every era, every uniform, the throwback uniforms were 0:22:48.880 --> 0:22:52.960 the uniforms that weren't throwback uniforms, every quarterback experiment that 0:22:53.080 --> 0:22:57.439 came with an instructional manual written in crayon. Jane was 0:22:57.480 --> 0:22:59.680 there for all of it, the good, the bad, and 0:22:59.720 --> 0:23:04.200 the think about that. Coaches came and went. Owners shuffled 0:23:04.240 --> 0:23:11.800 through like bad renters. Quarterbacks rotated like spared tires, temporary, unreliable, 0:23:11.880 --> 0:23:14.919 many of them. And there was Gene. He was the 0:23:15.119 --> 0:23:20.480 load bearing wall who documented all of that. Remove him 0:23:20.560 --> 0:23:23.320 and the whole thing collapses. And here's the part where, 0:23:23.359 --> 0:23:26.280 of course I insert myself, because that's what we do 0:23:26.600 --> 0:23:30.600 in radio. How do I relate to this story. The 0:23:30.680 --> 0:23:33.159 reason I wanted to talk about Gene decker Hoff is 0:23:33.280 --> 0:23:36.119 it reminded me of one of my favorite memories in 0:23:36.200 --> 0:23:39.880 recent years. Thanks to my friendship with Fox Sports Radio 0:23:39.920 --> 0:23:44.040 alumni member Buck's sideline reporter TJ. Reeves, I got to 0:23:44.119 --> 0:23:49.720 meet Jean a few years ago, and not just meet him, 0:23:49.760 --> 0:23:52.880 I got to help him out, which frankly, is now 0:23:52.920 --> 0:23:54.920 going to go on my resume. Hopefully I don't need 0:23:54.960 --> 0:23:57.800 my resume, but I'll put that under public service. So 0:23:57.880 --> 0:24:01.639 the Buccaneers were in Los Angeles for their first trip 0:24:01.760 --> 0:24:04.239 or Jane's first trip to Sulfi statem. I think they 0:24:04.320 --> 0:24:08.000 might have come to LA during the pandemic, but Gene 0:24:08.000 --> 0:24:10.480 didn't go, and so whatever I was told, it was 0:24:10.480 --> 0:24:14.040 his first time at Sofi Stadium. And if you know Sofi, 0:24:14.200 --> 0:24:17.679 this shiny billion dollars like a sci fi movie prop 0:24:18.200 --> 0:24:22.360 that looks like it landed from another planet. And it's 0:24:22.359 --> 0:24:24.000 got the footprint I want to say, it's big. It's 0:24:24.600 --> 0:24:29.119 the footprints of the size of Texas and the navigational 0:24:29.119 --> 0:24:32.040 clarity of a corn maze mixed with a crossword puzzle 0:24:32.480 --> 0:24:36.679 while you've had too much whiskey. It's just a mess. 0:24:37.119 --> 0:24:40.840 And so TJ. I ran into him, and TJ mentions, Hey, 0:24:40.840 --> 0:24:42.560 you know, Gene is trying to find his way to 0:24:42.600 --> 0:24:44.919 the press box. We're all trying to find Gene. We 0:24:44.960 --> 0:24:47.800 can't find Gene decker Off. The game's going to start 0:24:47.840 --> 0:24:50.000 in like an hour and a half. Can we find Gene? 0:24:50.359 --> 0:24:52.400 So we need your help. So I said, no problem. 0:24:52.440 --> 0:24:55.040 I got nothing else going on, so I am. Now 0:24:56.560 --> 0:24:58.719 I'm walking around the state. I find myself in one 0:24:58.760 --> 0:25:02.320 of the elevators near the press box, minding my business, 0:25:02.880 --> 0:25:05.720 embracing my inner introvert, where I don't talk to anybody. 0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:09.800 When I hear a short, portly, older gentleman say he's 0:25:10.240 --> 0:25:13.760 lost and going to be late. And I recognized right 0:25:13.800 --> 0:25:17.680 away the golden pipes. The light bulb didn't just flicker. 0:25:19.400 --> 0:25:21.919 This wasn't just a guy. This was the guy. This 0:25:22.119 --> 0:25:25.520 was the man, the myth, the legend, Gene Deckerhoff. I 0:25:25.560 --> 0:25:29.280 introduced myself, I said, hello, mister Dekerhoff, and suddenly I'm 0:25:29.320 --> 0:25:32.919 not a radio guy. I am a pace car. I 0:25:32.920 --> 0:25:36.679 remember this is how I remember it. I'm leading the 0:25:36.720 --> 0:25:42.639 broadcast field safely through the turns, sirens blaring, mission, Get 0:25:42.760 --> 0:25:45.880 Jean to the booth, Get Gene to the booth. That's 0:25:45.920 --> 0:25:50.320 the mission, and we did mission accomplished. It felt like 0:25:50.480 --> 0:25:53.800 guiding the Pope through Times Square or helping Santa Claus 0:25:53.840 --> 0:25:57.600 find the chimney. You don't forget. You don't forget. What 0:25:57.720 --> 0:26:00.960 a run. A congrat to Geen Dekkeroff. Since joining the 0:26:00.960 --> 0:26:06.760 Buccaneers in nineteen eighty nine, you had Hugh Culverhouse, the 0:26:06.920 --> 0:26:10.879 menacing owner. At the time. Ray Perkins was the coach 0:26:10.960 --> 0:26:13.440