WEBVTT - The Playbook – Mind the Gap 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:06.040 This is the most dramatic podcast ever. And iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:08.000 --> 0:00:10.560 Chris Harrison, Lauren Zema coming to you from the home 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:13.200 office in Austin, Texas. 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:15.080 Coming to you with a sixteen and a half year 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:17.040 age gap, everybody, that's what. 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:20.400 We're getting into today. Let's just rip that age band 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:25.120 aid off. Is it different when an older man dates 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:29.040 a younger woman as opposed to an older woman dating 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:33.000 a younger man. Is it looked at through a different filter? 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:36.680 Do we treat it different socially? Do we talk about 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:37.360 them differently? 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:39.839 So part of the reason this is coming up is because, 0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:43.720 at the time of recording of this podcast, Kristin Cavaleri 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:48.680 is taking getting a little heat online for dating a 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:52.840 younger guy. Kristin is thirty seven and she is dating 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:56.840 a twenty four year old. And I am here to say, 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:00.080 no heat needed. And I think this is a total 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:05.319 sexist thing that happens where yes, for some reason, well 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:07.080 you know what, I know the reason, But it does 0:01:07.120 --> 0:01:11.399 seem to be more accepted for men to date a 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:14.200 younger woman versus a woman dating a younger man. If 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:16.800 you're a woman dating a younger man, you're instantly looked 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:20.839 at like you're a cougar or like you're like going 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:23.760 through a phase versus I think men. It can be 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:26.199 looked at as, oh, that's just a normal, healthy relationship. 0:01:26.440 --> 0:01:27.119 But what do you think? 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:29.960 What is what do you think the stereotype? What's the 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:31.839 reaction when a woman dates the younger guys? 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:34.160 I was also curious. I was going to ask the 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:38.280 heat that she's catching. I'm curious how that breaks down 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:42.520 as far as gender goes. Is she catching more heat 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:45.080 from other women or is she catching heat for men? 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:47.400 You know what I mean? Interesting, No way to know 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:48.440 the statistics, but. 0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:50.800 Because I would guess men probably. 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:51.960 Well, that's why I wanted to ask you, what do 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:54.400 you think what is the male reaction to this? 0:01:54.760 --> 0:02:00.000 I bet men would say, don't care who Kristin Cavalet 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:02.200 if she's AND's not just her, I just mean a 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:06.800 woman dating a younger man. And typically what you also 0:02:06.880 --> 0:02:09.640 see is the success rate right of this is a 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:13.200 very successful woman. She's able to date a younger guy, 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:17.120 and I don't know why she would catch heat for that. 0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:20.880 They are but thirteen years apart. If my math is correct. 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:22.720 We're great at math here. 0:02:23.200 --> 0:02:27.320 But you know that the only thing I would say 0:02:27.560 --> 0:02:31.200 she's that it is dabbling in the I wouldn't want 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:34.400 her to go younger. And it's not the age gap, 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:39.480 it's the age. Twenty four is young. But that is 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:43.800 presumably I'm just assuming this person's graduated college. Usually you 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:46.640 graduate twenty two to twenty three, maybe right at twenty four, 0:02:47.440 --> 0:02:49.880 so at least they are out of college. Movie. 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:51.840 We talk about the life place thing a lot, right, 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:54.640 That's what I mean more of Yeah, I mean I 0:02:54.639 --> 0:02:56.840 think that for us is always a thing we talk 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:59.400 about in age gap relationships. And by the way, I 0:02:59.440 --> 0:03:01.839 say this, what is an age cap? 0:03:01.880 --> 0:03:04.880 You know what I mean? Like, is it ten years 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:05.239 or more? 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:07.120 If it's less than ten years, do you have an 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:08.320 age gap relationship. 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:11.040 I don't think there's a definitive scale there. 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:15.480 But I don't think we would have worked if, say, 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:17.480 we'd both have been single, which we weren't, but if 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.239 we'd started dating when I was in my early twenties 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:24.799 and you were in your forties, because. 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:26.920 I would have had no I would have been in 0:03:26.960 --> 0:03:30.840 my thirties, sorry, late thirties. But the difference too is 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:33.600 I would have had kids by then, because I had kids. 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:37.320 So I have two young children and I'm dating a 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:39.880 much younger woman who's definitely not in that life place. 0:03:39.960 --> 0:03:43.119 Yeah, so life place difference. Do you both have kids? 0:03:43.200 --> 0:03:46.600 Do you both want kids? If you're fresh out of college, 0:03:46.640 --> 0:03:50.200 I think that can be tough because you might not 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:52.320 have been in the working world yet you're still in 0:03:52.320 --> 0:03:57.480 that school mindset. But the most important factor to me 0:03:58.200 --> 0:04:02.800 in any relationship when it comes to age is really 0:04:02.880 --> 0:04:08.520 your maturity. Is how your maturity has developed and how 0:04:08.520 --> 0:04:10.960 you've allowed your life experiences to affect you. 0:04:11.440 --> 0:04:13.000 I do think maturity is a choice. 0:04:13.400 --> 0:04:15.119 And the reason I bring this up is because we're 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:17.240 talking about the life place of young people. 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:20.520 But we know a lot of people still know a 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:23.039 lot of people who are older and are totally immature. 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:24.799 Yeah, I complete knuckleheads have. 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:29.440 Not allowed their life experiences to affect them. Who are 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:32.320 We know people older than us who are not good 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:34.880 at relationships because they've never learned how to be good 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:38.200 at relationships. I think if you're younger, you might have 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:40.560 been through like, we don't know when life's going to. 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:41.600 Throw at us what it will. 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:45.800 People who are younger can have already been through the 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:48.599 death of a parent or like a hard upbringing, versus 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:51.040 someone who's much older might have never been through either 0:04:51.080 --> 0:04:51.600 of those things. 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:54.560 And I will say also, it'll probably force some conversations 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:57.120 that need to be had sooner, Like you and I did, 0:04:57.600 --> 0:05:00.880 I wanted to make it clear, Hey, I'm not going 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:03.960 to have more children. That's not in my future. Does 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:07.039 that align with where you are in your life? Kristin Cavalary. 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:08.920 I don't know where she is in her life as 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:11.440 far as kids. But if this guy's twenty four, maybe 0:05:11.440 --> 0:05:15.320 he wants to be a dad. So again, what you 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:20.360 need to probably forces conversations of where do you see 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:22.440 yourself in three years, five years, ten years, Do you 0:05:22.440 --> 0:05:25.560 want to have kids? Are you entrepreneurial? Are you know? 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:28.680 Those are just some conversations. When the age gap is bigger. 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:33.040 I think those conversations become more important because the chances 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:35.240 of you being on a separate page and on a 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:36.920 different life path are greater. 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:38.200 Well, you just. 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:41.760 Hit kind of hit something I wanted to bring up to, which, okay, 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:46.680 So maturity is a factor. What you want where you're headed. 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.800 Life place is a factor. But the other half of 0:05:50.920 --> 0:05:54.480 life place can be that the person who's older does 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:56.880 not want something that serious right now, do you know 0:05:56.880 --> 0:05:59.320 what I'm saying, like Kristin Cavalery. 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:00.840 I was just going to say this too, that's funny 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:04.480 that if it's a phase they're going through, but by 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:06.960 the way, and it's okay, Like it's totally fine if 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:08.760 this is just something you need to do. 0:06:09.000 --> 0:06:11.400 Yeah, like I well, and I don't want to okay, 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:14.919 But there's a difference there. I don't like the phase 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:19.920 thing because phase makes it seem like again yeah like, 0:06:19.960 --> 0:06:21.839 and there's this thing like, oh, this older woman just 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:24.560 wants to try dating a younger guy or something. I'm 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:27.919 saying life place in that. Kristin Cavalre has talked a 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:31.039 lot about how she and I've interviewed her before she 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:35.000 got married, had three kids, you know, she got divorced 0:06:35.000 --> 0:06:38.039 a couple of years ago. She's been really outspoken of saying, 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:41.000 I'm not really looking for something serious right now. So 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:43.440 maybe if she's tried to date people her own age, 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:46.839 they're all looking for something serious and settling down. So 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:48.919 maybe she's just dating someone who is not in a 0:06:48.960 --> 0:06:51.880 life place of like settle down serious relationship right now, 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:54.200 and it's not really trying to date someone younger. It's 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:58.600 just where that person's at right Madonna and Cher still 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:00.760 doing this. Let me pull this up. This is an 0:07:00.839 --> 0:07:05.160 article from December twenty twenty three. Madonna she had dated 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:07.440 a younger guy before this, but now she's dating a 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:14.800 new younger guy. Madonna sixty five. This gentleman Josh Popper. 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:18.280 Believe he's thirty one, so that's an over thirty year 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:22.160 age gap. And then Cher, who has said online she 0:07:22.280 --> 0:07:27.280 is very in love with this guy. She's dating, Alexander Edwards. 0:07:27.880 --> 0:07:32.520 They have a forty year age gap, and they've been 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:36.600 together for a couple of years, so Cher said in 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:40.240 December twenty twenty two quote on paper, it's kind of ridiculous, 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:41.920 but in real life we get along great. 0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:45.640 He's fabulous great. So, by the way, that's awesome. Good 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:48.240 for them, and they've been quiet. I mean, I can't 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:52.320 remember the last time I saw Share publicly doing anything odd. 0:07:52.440 --> 0:07:56.000 Side note, SHARE's house was two doors down from the 0:07:56.040 --> 0:08:00.520 original Bachelor mansion. Did really Yeah, she has a beautiful, 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:04.560 sprawling estate overlooking the piece. Ever see her the Pacific Ocean? No? 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:07.280 I mean, because what you see is the entryway to 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:11.120 her villa asque like land. 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:12.640 You can't sneak into SHARE's house. 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:15.520 We tried, no, but it's funny. I was just she 0:08:15.600 --> 0:08:17.560 built that and like moved in while we were shooting 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:20.080 those first couple of seasons at that old place on 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:22.360 it's right on the pch right on the one one 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:24.480 Highway overlooking the Pacific Ocean. 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:26.840 Gosh, she could have grabbed a bachelor. 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:31.600 Yes, good, but it's I like what you're saying in that. 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.040 Look if they are happy with share, I love it. 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:36.199 She's like, look, if you look at the statistics, No, 0:08:36.280 --> 0:08:39.040 this doesn't make any sense. It makes sense to us. 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:43.679 Well, you hit on something earlier, like when we're talking 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:48.000 about why this is more common to see with men 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:51.280 dating younger women than women dating younger men. I do 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:58.480 think the success factor is a thing, and unfortunately you're 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:02.160 not seeing as men. I would say that I don't 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:04.920 have the statistics, but I would guess there's not as 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:09.240 many single like free of dealing, you know, like like 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:15.760 single super successful women who can date and provide like 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:19.600 for a younger person. And I don't like that that Again, 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:21.520 I don't have the data. I don't like it if that. 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:22.040 Is the truth. 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:26.400 But typically I think these are that's not the situation 0:09:26.440 --> 0:09:27.000 you end up in. 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:30.040 And Sharon Madonna, these are big age gaps. 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:34.120 I will have questions in my mind about these age gaps. 0:09:34.120 --> 0:09:35.800 If this were a guy and a woman, I'd be like, 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:39.240 I don't know, forty years is a lot, but you 0:09:39.240 --> 0:09:42.000 know they are they're able to do that and have 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:45.959 that dynamic. Right now, if you were single, how much 0:09:46.080 --> 0:09:47.400 older of a woman would you date? 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:51.800 Well, when I was single, I dated I think up 0:09:51.840 --> 0:09:55.360 to five years older than me. Okay was the oldest 0:09:55.880 --> 0:10:00.679 woman that I dated. I dated everything I really did 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.960 across the spectrum. I didn't really pay attention to age 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:07.120 at all to a certain degree. I mean, obviously, you 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:08.959 don't want to go too young because then you just 0:10:09.000 --> 0:10:11.760 start losing things that you have in common and there's 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:16.199 no you know, it's hard to have those commonalities and 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:21.640 views on life and et cetera. But I didn't mind old, 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:25.280 same age, younger. I didn't. I didn't really care. It 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:28.199 was again, I'm like you, it's more about the life place, 0:10:28.280 --> 0:10:31.920 the emotional maturity, what you wanted and if we had 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:32.920 that chemistry together. 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:49.040 I am totally just injecting my own life into it. 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:54.600 But I think when you get beyond twenty years that 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:57.400 that's when it starts to raise questions for me, because 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.680 then you're really starting to get into going back to 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:06.120 life place, like what era of your life you're in, you. 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:07.959 Know what I mean? Like you can be. 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:12.120 Sixty and dating a forty year old and you're kind 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:15.360 of both still active and like well and living, and 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:19.640 but if you're like eighty dating a forty year old, 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:23.199 it's just a very different life place. 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:25.640 Well, I think what you were saying earlier is true. 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:28.480 It's like, how do you define age gap? And at 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:32.400 what age? I think there's this tremendous spectrum in this 0:11:32.480 --> 0:11:35.560 gray area, and then there's just that thing that you 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:38.400 look at and you know it's not right, right, you know, 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:40.520 I think we can. It's just that doesn't pass the 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:42.920 smell to us. You're just like, Okay, that's it. I 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:46.040 don't know what what it is, but that's it. Like again, 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:49.079 Crystal Hefner and Hugh Hefner when she was twenty. 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:50.320 One and year on the podcast. 0:11:50.400 --> 0:11:55.040 Yeah, and she was on the podcast and I'm like okay, like, yeah, no, 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.080 that's not okay with that. That's not right. No, that's 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:00.040 not right. And and who am I to decide? I 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:04.080 don't know, just in my own world, that just doesn't 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:09.800 fit because I don't see anybody mutually benefiting from that, 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:11.359 and I think that's where. 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:12.960 The power dynamic is where, Yeah, the power. 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:16.559 Dynamics way off and the mutual Like in a relationship, 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:19.640 you should mutually benefit off of each other, you should 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:22.760 be a value add to each other's lives. I don't 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:25.120 see that for a twenty one year old and an 0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:27.880 eighty year old, or even a twenty year old and 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:30.079 a sixty five year old, I would go, I'd take 0:12:30.080 --> 0:12:33.480 twenty years off that, which is crazy to take sixty Yeah, 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:36.400 you could take twenty years off that and still Okay, 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:40.280 what you'd really have to prove? What is this dynamic 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:41.720 that's healthy for everybody here? 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:43.800 I think it's easier to play with a bigger age 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:47.920 gap in the middle of our lives, like if you're thirties, forties. 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:48.920 Fifty, or you and I are right now. 0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:52.240 Yeah, I think, well, because you're both people have established 0:12:52.240 --> 0:12:54.440 a career a little bit, know who they are. They're 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:57.400 not in the figuring out well maybe they haven't figured 0:12:57.440 --> 0:13:00.160 themselves out yet, but both people have probably been working 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:02.680 hopefully figured out who they are a little bit and 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:05.480 are both still like very active working, not you know, 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:09.520 in the retired phase or the whatever when you get 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:12.920 in those extremes like twenties and sixties and set like. 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:16.800 Well back to Christian Cavalary, I mean, y'all aren't far 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:19.360 off in age. That means you're dating a twenty four 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:21.800 to twenty three year old. Okay, I can't see you. 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:24.640 I can't see you. Like, what do you think when 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:27.439 I say that to you? No, you're dating someone a 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:28.600 year older than my son. 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:31.360 Yeah, No, that certainly puts it in perspective. 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:36.880 I when what's funny is we were just with the 0:13:37.000 --> 0:13:41.560 kids at and we took them out like and to 0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:43.960 dinner and stuff at their school a couple of weeks ago, 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:46.640 and I really had a thought for a moment because 0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:50.600 I was talking to your daughter, our daughter Taylor, about dating, 0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:53.600 and I was like looking around because we were at 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:57.720 this bar and looking at these boys, and I thought 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:00.160 to myself, I don't mean this to sound me, but 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:04.280 I thought to myself, how did I ever want to 0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:06.880 date a twenty year old boy? 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:11.000 So much has changed in our world, and so much has. 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:13.520 Not right, They're all still having the same drama. 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:16.280 And these are the same conversations. It's the same bullsh 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:21.240 It's the same drama that we all went through thirty 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:24.000 years ago, forty years ago, twenty years ago, ten years ago. 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:28.000 I don't care what technology you implement. And I will say, 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:31.160 going back to reality television and The Bachelor, that's why 0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:35.120 the show worked because so much can change relationships, don't 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:39.560 Our need for companionship and the mistakes we make achieving 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:41.280 that do not change. 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:44.640 And the obsessiveness. 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:47.160 I mean, that's the thing when I talk to you, know, 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:49.640 our kids and their friends right now, is that no 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:52.520 matter how much new information they have, I mean they 0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:55.240 all now have We all now have cell phones with 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:59.200 access to insane amounts of information on how to be 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:03.080 in relationships, on our mental health, on all that, and 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:07.120 they are all still making all the same relationship mistakes. 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:08.320 That I made, that you made. 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:12.320 They are all still falling obsessively in love, obsessing over crushes. 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:15.720 Maybe it's just that our hormones are they're not adapting right. 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:18.840 Your brand is barely formed and your hormones are raging. 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:21.760 And you're at this weird life place too because you're 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:25.160 on your own and you're trying to play grown up. Yeah, 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:26.920 well you want to fall in love and you're trying 0:15:26.920 --> 0:15:29.240 to play grown up, but you're not yet because you're 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:30.800 not really fully on your own. You're like, I'm my 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:33.080 own woman, are you? Because you have your dad's credit card, 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:34.840 you don't pay for your car, you don't pay for 0:15:34.840 --> 0:15:37.960 your cell phone, so you're independent, but you're not. So 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:40.520 it's that wonderful time in life. It's part of the 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:43.800 reason we go to college is to expand socially and 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:45.960 kind of finish baking if you will. 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:49.200 Yeah, well, and again I will say like experiences. 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:53.160 Right, A twenty two year old who's been in college 0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:56.680 having their parents support them is going to be at 0:15:56.720 --> 0:15:58.960 a different maturity level than a twenty two year old 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:00.560 who like didn't go to college and has been working 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:02.760 on their own since they're eighteen and supporting themselves and 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:03.640 paying their own bills. 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:04.760 That's going to be different. 0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:09.400 Now, I did date someone who was younger than me 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:12.280 right before you and I got together, right And. 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:15.680 The last person you dated before me, yes was. 0:16:15.640 --> 0:16:18.440 Young, was younger than me, and actually had lied to 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:21.800 me about how much younger than me he was. I 0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:25.440 thought he was only two or three years younger than me. 0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:29.280 He was actually like eight, seven or eight years younger 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:33.880 than me. And I now listen. 0:16:33.760 --> 0:16:37.360 He was great, but you said you could kind of tell. 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:39.720 As we kept dating. 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:43.560 I was like, oh, he's a little more immature than 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:45.640 I realized. Okay, And so then when he revealed that 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.600 to me, I thought, oh, that makes sense. But so 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:50.480 I broke up with him and he. 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:52.160 Was We had this conversation. 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:55.760 He's like, why, Like, we're really great together, and I 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:57.280 said to him, you. 0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:58.400 Are really great. 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:02.160 If our timing, our place had been different, this might 0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:07.240 be different. But I'm like, dude, like, I'm someone who's 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:12.200 been divorced. Yeah, you've never even been engaged. We are 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:16.119 in such different life places. We've had different experiences to 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:20.639 this point, and our we were not aligned on that, 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:22.960 and so like, did we have stuff in common? 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:24.840 Sure, but we weren't going to work out. 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:27.520 But to your point, the last person I dated before you, 0:17:28.040 --> 0:17:33.640 she was older than me, and that chemistry and that 0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:37.440 life place and that vision still wasn't there. So does 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:38.840 it have to do with age or is it just 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:41.480 like you said, the life place? And what I find 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:44.320 interesting with Kristin Cavalary. I don't know Kristin and I 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:48.600 don't know this young man she's dating, but she's very successful. 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:50.560 I know this about her. I know her life on 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:54.119 a public scale, she's very successful, she's been in the limelight. 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:57.720 She's dealing with things on a pretty huge macro level 0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:01.000 in this world. Is this young boy a young man 0:18:01.520 --> 0:18:02.399 ready for that? You know? 0:18:02.520 --> 0:18:02.760 Is he? 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:05.000 That's a lot? That's a lot to be shot out 0:18:05.000 --> 0:18:08.080 of a cannon in face? I mean, you know, does 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:11.600 Kristin Cavalary want to get away from that? And that's 0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:13.879 why she's dating this young man? You know? Is he 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:16.320 a departure from all that? Because that's a lot for 0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:19.880 a twenty four year old to step into social media, 0:18:20.040 --> 0:18:22.880 the limelight every you know, Look, the reason we're doing 0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:25.520 this topic is because she's catching heat for it. So 0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:27.560 that's what this young man would be facing. That's a 0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:28.920 lot for a twenty four year old. 0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:29.640 Yeah. 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:35.560 Like, I think the takeaways are life place, maturity, power, 0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:40.040 dynamic to be aware of that both parties. I think 0:18:40.280 --> 0:18:43.840 my like, I'm not saying thirty seven and twenty four 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:47.080 is the perfect age gap relationship. I don't think it 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:51.800 is generally, but I do think it's unfair for women 0:18:51.880 --> 0:18:53.960 to get judged for it more than men. 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:55.919 For women to be seen. 0:18:56.000 --> 0:18:57.760 I think what it is is women are like seen 0:18:57.800 --> 0:18:59.840 as sad for doing it, and men aren't. 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:02.560 Men are like, yeah, oh cool, you know what I'm saying, 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:04.639 which is commonplace, right. Yeah. 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:08.159 I think that's the general reaction from people that people think, like, 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:10.400 what's wrong with this woman and all that sitting dinner 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:11.560 trying to stay young. 0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:14.400 We were sitting at a dinner last night with friends, 0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:16.840 and we were with three couples, us being one of 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:20.160 the three couples. All of them had the same dynamic 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:25.000 older husband, younger wife. No, you know, we know one 0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:27.440 about it an eyelash. And it's interesting if I said, 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:32.200 Kristin Cavalary is forty years old, and you know she's 0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:35.680 dating a thirty seven year old or a thirty three 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:39.280 year old. Sorry to do the math that thirteen year 0:19:39.480 --> 0:19:42.600 age gap. It's when you slide that gap that makes 0:19:42.600 --> 0:19:45.200 a difference. Right, If he's thirty and she's forty three. 0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:47.000 That feels different, doesn't it. 0:19:47.040 --> 0:19:47.920 Oh, it feels a little better. 0:19:47.920 --> 0:19:50.040 You mean, yeah, so there's a thirteen year age gap 0:19:50.040 --> 0:19:52.440 between Kristin and this young man. But if you slide 0:19:52.440 --> 0:19:55.520 that gap, like you said, oh, you know, Kristin Cavalary's 0:19:56.040 --> 0:19:58.600 you know, forty three and she's dating a thirty year 0:19:58.600 --> 0:19:59.000 old man. 0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:02.120 I'm telling you it feel it's for some reason we're 0:20:02.119 --> 0:20:04.280 talking about the feeling. It feels a little more. Okay, 0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:06.640 if people are in their thirties, forties, fifties. 0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:09.800 Because you assume they have more life experience, they've probably 0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:14.800 been professional in whatever profession they're in. They've become a 0:20:14.800 --> 0:20:15.640 little more mature. 0:20:15.800 --> 0:20:19.680 But I'm not going to green light share in Madonna's relationships. 0:20:19.960 --> 0:20:23.359 I think those just like I think gets off that 0:20:23.440 --> 0:20:26.280 al Pacino is like eighty one dating a thirty year old. 0:20:26.359 --> 0:20:26.760 I agree. 0:20:26.800 --> 0:20:30.119 I think I love Share, I love Madonna, and they 0:20:30.119 --> 0:20:33.000 are divas who have achieved things beyond what I will 0:20:33.000 --> 0:20:34.160 ever dream of achieving. 0:20:34.440 --> 0:20:36.200 But I think a forty year age gap is tough. 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:39.239