Speaker 1: I had every intention to help women that felt like
Speaker 1: I did. I had that north star, I knew what
Speaker 1: I was trying to do. I gave it my all
Speaker 1: and so if now no one likes it, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to feel badly about myself because I showed up.
Speaker 1: And that's the thing, Jain. No one can affect whether
Speaker 1: you show up or not. Hit about the failure and successes.
Speaker 1: No one can affect whether if you showed up or
Speaker 1: the only person that can affect that issue. Hey, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast
Speaker 1: in the world. Thanks to each and every single one
Speaker 1: of you that come back every week to listen, learn
Speaker 1: and grow. Now, there have been very very few guests
Speaker 1: that we've had on twice on Purpose, and this is
Speaker 1: one of those rare times. And it's because today's guest
Speaker 1: is not only an incredible author one of my favorite storytellers,
Speaker 1: but she truly is a dear, dear friend. She reminds
Speaker 1: me of her home. She's given me a sense of
Speaker 1: comfort ever since I moved to LA. She's amazing friends
Speaker 1: with my wife, she's a phenomenal interviewer, and so much more.
Speaker 1: Of course, I'm speaking about none other than my dear
Speaker 1: friend Lisa Billieu. Now, for those of you who don't
Speaker 1: know Lisa, Lisa Bellew co founded Question Nutrition, which grew
Speaker 1: fifty seven thousand percent in its first three years. She's
Speaker 1: also the co founder and president of Impact Theory Studios,
Speaker 1: of revolutionary digital first studio that produces wildly entertaining original
Speaker 1: content focusing on themes of empowerment. Throughout her career, Lisa
Speaker 1: has created a slate of content that's been viewed over
Speaker 1: half a billion times, and by overseeing all in house
Speaker 1: content development at Impact Theory, she along with her husband
Speaker 1: Tom Bellieu, who's also been an amazing guest, have built
Speaker 1: a global audience of over seven point five million. As
Speaker 1: a host of her own digital series, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: if you haven't seen it, you need to go and subscribe.
Speaker 1: It's called Women of Impact on YouTube. Go and subscribe.
Speaker 1: Lisa spends her days having real, uncensored conversations with the
Speaker 1: most inspiring women and as an amazingly inspiring woman herself.
Speaker 1: She has written her first book called Radical Confidence ten
Speaker 1: no Bs lessons on becoming the Hero of your own life.
Speaker 1: Welcome to On Purpose, Lisa, Oh my god, are you joking?
Speaker 1: Thank you so excited. Literally, I've been so giddy just
Speaker 1: so that we get to hang out, because every time
Speaker 1: we try and hang out, like as a double day
Speaker 1: or something, there's always one of us. There's always one
Speaker 1: of us. There's always one. It's usually Radian Tom. Yes,
Speaker 1: actually it's never me, a new chan yet I don't
Speaker 1: think it is. Really ones are always trying. We're the
Speaker 1: organized ones, let's face it. But no, honestly I was.
Speaker 1: I was looking forward to seeing you today as well,
Speaker 1: because we always a fun runner together. I'm so proud
Speaker 1: of you for putting this book together. It's so hard
Speaker 1: writing a book, creating a book, then going out and
Speaker 1: sharing the story, then going through the emotions of actually
Speaker 1: talking about everything that's in the book, and especially when
Speaker 1: it's a book about confidence. Let's start. We know each
Speaker 1: other fairly well, but I always feel like I'm going
Speaker 1: to learn so much more about you today, which I'm
Speaker 1: very excited about. When you were growing up, who for
Speaker 1: you did you look at as the epitome of confidence?
Speaker 1: Like who was it that you thought or what was
Speaker 1: it or was it a character or a role that
Speaker 1: you were Like that person seems confident, the person I
Speaker 1: admired the most was Jody Foster. Wow. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: really talk about this much actually, but growing up I
Speaker 1: so loved movies. I always like the kid that would
Speaker 1: gap at three in the morning and wish one day
Speaker 1: I'm going to win the Academy Award for Best Movie Director,
Speaker 1: you know, like that was the dream. And so I
Speaker 1: really did look at who is in the space that's
Speaker 1: doing the things, and Jody Foster always seems so confident
Speaker 1: to me. She was in front of the camera, she
Speaker 1: was behind the camera, she was writing, she was directing,
Speaker 1: she was produced sing and so I just thought, of course,
Speaker 1: I know differently now where you see a woman that
Speaker 1: always shows up. I just thought, oh my god, she
Speaker 1: must have like the most confidence. But in having learned
Speaker 1: about her and her story, and you know, she's very like,
Speaker 1: very private, and so I dismissed the fact that she
Speaker 1: probably wasn't confident but always showed up. And that's kind
Speaker 1: of what the book is about, is that you don't
Speaker 1: have to always feel confident to show up. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: Jodie Foster, I think, yeah, wow, I didn't know that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I love that. I've heard you talk about that,
Speaker 1: and of course you talk about in the book this
Speaker 1: idea of how we think we have to be confident
Speaker 1: before we do big things. We think we have to
Speaker 1: have this courage and bravery before we do big things.
Speaker 1: And you go on to say in the book that
Speaker 1: I actually know when you do these things, that's what
Speaker 1: makes you confident. What was one of the first things
Speaker 1: that you started to do or experiment with where you
Speaker 1: started to gain confidence or build confidence? So I love
Speaker 1: that you said build So I've got a line in
Speaker 1: the book it's like, it's like a muscle. You wouldn't
Speaker 1: go to the gym and what gluts are still after
Speaker 1: doing a couple of squads, right, you wanted to, but
Speaker 1: do you get glue to still use your glue? It's amazing,
Speaker 1: but you don't just go what you want to, but
Speaker 1: you don't. And so that is like with confidence, we
Speaker 1: kind of want it already, but if you think of
Speaker 1: it like a muscle, you can go and you can
Speaker 1: train it. And that's the point is that for me
Speaker 1: it became being thrown into the deep end not feeling
Speaker 1: like I had any confidence. I was completely insecure. I
Speaker 1: was actually very inadequate. So it wasn't even like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just you know, I had it, and I was just,
Speaker 1: you know, not feeling great about myself. No. No, when
Speaker 1: we started quest, I didn't know what I was doing
Speaker 1: at all, And so the confidence part came afterwards. It
Speaker 1: came as the byproduct of doing things, figuring out, falling
Speaker 1: on the floor, getting back up, learning from it, and
Speaker 1: then over time becoming competent. And the confidence part I think,
Speaker 1: I think it's just we want to feel great about ourselves.
Speaker 1: That's it. We want to feel great about ourselves before
Speaker 1: we try something. Active is everything? So how do you
Speaker 1: shift that? And so how I did it was, instead
Speaker 1: of focusing on the confidence, say what is that end goal?
Speaker 1: I want confidence to do what? And now once you
Speaker 1: have that, then you put in a plant a blueprint
Speaker 1: of how you're going to get there, because your confidence
Speaker 1: will come after that. I love that. I think you're
Speaker 1: completely shifting how people think about confidence because I still
Speaker 1: see those things like this is how to be confidence,
Speaker 1: stand this way to do this, and those things work
Speaker 1: and they're useful, but you're talking about a deeper sense
Speaker 1: of confidence. How do you define confidence? And radical confidence? Obviously,
Speaker 1: how do you define that? Because I do think you're
Speaker 1: encouraging us all to move to a much more deeper
Speaker 1: level of confidence. Yeah, I'm trying. Definitely the word confidence.
Speaker 1: I do think it's about a feeling. You want to
Speaker 1: feel great about yourself before you start something, and radical
Speaker 1: confidence is it's not about feeling great about yourself. It's
Speaker 1: about how do I get to that end goal so
Speaker 1: I can have the life and the dream I've always wanted.
Speaker 1: That's it And so it's not going to be easy.
Speaker 1: And that's the big part of it. And because it's
Speaker 1: not easy, and because you're all the time moving forward,
Speaker 1: even when you're scared, you're moving forward, even when you're fearful,
Speaker 1: how do you keep moving forward? Now, it's very easy
Speaker 1: to say, oh, just do it anyway when you're scared. No. No,
Speaker 1: if you've got crippling anxiety, if you're like really feeling
Speaker 1: badly about yourself, telling someone to just do it anyway
Speaker 1: doesn't actually help. So to me, it has to be
Speaker 1: a blueprint if you want to lose weight. Some people,
Speaker 1: like my mom, she was so severely overweight. Just telling
Speaker 1: her one, Mom, I'll get you a gym membership it
Speaker 1: wouldn't have helped. Because she feels so badly about herself.
Speaker 1: She doesn't even have the radical confidence to walk into
Speaker 1: the gym. So, okay, how do you actually get someone
Speaker 1: to take their health or like take those stepping stands.
Speaker 1: Maybe right now, all you need to do is put
Speaker 1: your shoes by the bed. That's it. That's what you're
Speaker 1: going to do. Tomorrow. You're not going to go to
Speaker 1: the gym, You're not going to do anything else. You're
Speaker 1: just going to put your shoes by their bed. And
Speaker 1: then the next day you're going to put your shoes on.
Speaker 1: And what you're gonna do is every time you do it,
Speaker 1: you're actually going to give yourself a pat on the
Speaker 1: back and said, yesterday I didn't put the shoes on,
Speaker 1: and today I did. And it becomes these little microscopic
Speaker 1: movements towards the dream that you really want, so that
Speaker 1: you can build that competence to build the confidence. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that I mean, especially that part, the competence to build
Speaker 1: the confidence. I completely completely agree with you. I speak
Speaker 1: to a lot of friends who have young kids, and
Speaker 1: they always they'll always say to me like, oh, my
Speaker 1: kid's not very confident and he lacks or she lacks
Speaker 1: or they lack in confidence. And when I look back
Speaker 1: to being a young kid, I would say I wasn't
Speaker 1: confident when I was growing up and I was bullied,
Speaker 1: I was overweight, I was one of the end We
Speaker 1: grew up in the same area. I was one of
Speaker 1: the only South Asian Indian kids in our area, and
Speaker 1: so I was bullied for several things. And I would
Speaker 1: say it took me a long time before I developed
Speaker 1: a sense of confidence. But it was exactly what you
Speaker 1: just said. It was building competence that led to confidence.
Speaker 1: So my parents forced me to go to public speaking
Speaker 1: school built tons of confidence. My parents forced me to
Speaker 1: go to drama school, built tons of confidence. So when
Speaker 1: they forced me to build competence, that built confidence. And
Speaker 1: I think we're so scared that we don't build skills.
Speaker 1: We think we can solve how we feel without building
Speaker 1: a skill. Does that make sense? Oh my god? One hundred.
Speaker 1: And that's part of it. It's like me wanting to
Speaker 1: let's say it is getting on stage. I was so
Speaker 1: petrified to get on stage. But my goal is impact.
Speaker 1: So Tom pulls me aside and he's like, Babe, as
Speaker 1: your husband, you've said you want to create impact, but
Speaker 1: you keep saying no to these speaking gigs, and so
Speaker 1: I'm just letting you know that your actions aren't aligned
Speaker 1: with what you say you want in life. So I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, oh, how typical time when calling me
Speaker 1: on my stuff. So it's like, Okay, I recognize that
Speaker 1: getting on stage actually does solve that serve that mission
Speaker 1: that I really am like holding my core to. But
Speaker 1: how on earth do I get on stage? How do
Speaker 1: I build that competence when I just feel so badly
Speaker 1: about myself, when I'm so embarrassed, I'm so I'm worried
Speaker 1: about falling on my face and like really embarrassing myself,
Speaker 1: How on earth do I do that? And it becomes
Speaker 1: us that your parents forced you. As an adult, I
Speaker 1: think it becomes harder. We get very in our own heads.
Speaker 1: And I think you know, as kids, we are easily
Speaker 1: You can learn, you can walk, you can tie your shoes,
Speaker 1: you learn how to do you don't do it the
Speaker 1: first time, but you just take time. But as adults,
Speaker 1: we don't give ourselves the grace to go through that
Speaker 1: training period. And so for me, and when I'm thinking
Speaker 1: about public speaking, I do think about those incremental steps
Speaker 1: in order to get there, because I can't just want
Speaker 1: to To your point, it's like I can say I
Speaker 1: really want this, but to so many people that it's
Speaker 1: just not enough. It's like it's that isn't enough to
Speaker 1: actually get people to act on their dream Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1: Now what I love about the book, and I do
Speaker 1: recommend everyone goes and grabs their copy. It's called radical confidence.
Speaker 1: I'm speaking of leastabiliu ten nobs lessons on becoming the
Speaker 1: hero of your own life. Make sure you go grab
Speaker 1: a copy. We've got it in the subject area, We've
Speaker 1: got it in the comment section everywhere. I love books.
Speaker 1: I love content that has lessons and the fact that
Speaker 1: you have ten in here makes it very simple and
Speaker 1: I love that. And I want to dive through a
Speaker 1: little bit of these so everyone gets a feeling of like, oh,
Speaker 1: I need to, you know, go and dive into that chapter.
Speaker 1: First of all, you say your dreams are a gamble
Speaker 1: bet on yourself. And the one that I loved out
Speaker 1: of all of these was I can stop making excuses,
Speaker 1: because I think there are a lot of excuses. Where
Speaker 1: do you think those excuses come from? What were some
Speaker 1: of the excuses you've told yourself, and what are some
Speaker 1: of the excuses you hear that other people are telling themselves.
Speaker 1: Great question, and I just want to say, sometimes here's
Speaker 1: a problem with the excuses. Sometimes they're real, that's the problem. Sometimes, yes,
Speaker 1: you have every reason to say I can't do I
Speaker 1: don't have the time. Jay, shit, how busy you do? Right?
Speaker 1: How busy? Oh? My? I think I work most days
Speaker 1: seven am till like ten pm. Yeah, that's insane. So
Speaker 1: let's say something comes to you. You can easily say, well,
Speaker 1: I don't have time. Is that an excuse or a
Speaker 1: valid reason? It's true. But now if it's getting in
Speaker 1: your way of your dream, how do you see it?
Speaker 1: There's an excuses or is a reason. It's like everyone
Speaker 1: makes their decisions, right, so you would make the decision
Speaker 1: say I can't do that because I'm too busy. To me,
Speaker 1: that's a decision that you've made, yes, And so for me,
Speaker 1: the excuse is to look at your reasons why you're
Speaker 1: not making the moves that you want to or that
Speaker 1: you say you're going to write them down and then
Speaker 1: with no judgment. You can hear me say that a
Speaker 1: lot because I used to judge myself and it's the
Speaker 1: judgment that would hold me back. So writing down all
Speaker 1: those reasons, let's say, you've got your goal, why aren't
Speaker 1: you there? Yeah, So my goal was I want to
Speaker 1: make movies. That's where me and Tom we first got married.
Speaker 1: Tom was going to go out make enough money, and
Speaker 1: I was going to support him at home. It's just
Speaker 1: going to be free year. So one year turns into
Speaker 1: two years, turns into three, turns into four, and so
Speaker 1: I start losing all my hopes and dreams in that period.
Speaker 1: And the excuse I kept making to myself is where
Speaker 1: we still don't have the money yet to make movies.
Speaker 1: And that was the reason that I was that we
Speaker 1: weren't making movies. Now, if I'd stepped back, said, okay,
Speaker 1: my goal is to make movies. What are the reasons, Well,
Speaker 1: I don't have enough money. Is that a reason or
Speaker 1: an excuse? If you drill down, it's an excuse because
Speaker 1: I could make a short movie. I could make a
Speaker 1: two minute film that it's shot on my iPhone that
Speaker 1: costs nothing. But in my head I had so stuck
Speaker 1: to the big dream of making a te hundred million
Speaker 1: dollar movie that every time I wasn't even taking one step,
Speaker 1: I kept using the excuse that I didn't have money.
Speaker 1: I kept using the excuse that we didn't have the time,
Speaker 1: that I was all hang on them. In fact, here's
Speaker 1: a perfect excuse that I wonder if your audience will
Speaker 1: resonate with. We used to say, like Tom would go
Speaker 1: out to work, and it's like, why wasn't I, like
Speaker 1: really moving towards my dream, my goal? And as we
Speaker 1: started to build QUEST, as it was getting more and
Speaker 1: more successful, I was like, well, I can't focus on
Speaker 1: QUEST because I still have to do all these things
Speaker 1: at home. I can't put all my time in there
Speaker 1: because it's left to do the laundry I still left
Speaker 1: to cook. I was that a reason. I was an excuse.
Speaker 1: Some people will say, of course you have to do laundry,
Speaker 1: that's a very valid reason. Now here's the thing that's
Speaker 1: a choice. You don't have to do laundry. And I
Speaker 1: used it as an excuse time and time again of
Speaker 1: why I wasn't moving towards my dream. Because the truth was,
Speaker 1: when I finally realized it was an excuse, I sat
Speaker 1: down with Tom and I said, baby, I love you
Speaker 1: more than life itself, but I don't want to cook
Speaker 1: for you anymore. I don't want to do your laundry anymore.
Speaker 1: And so if I get time, I'll do it. I'll
Speaker 1: do it maybe every three weeks. And so he's like, baby,
Speaker 1: to see you happy. What kind of husband would I
Speaker 1: be to say that I need it my underwear cleaned
Speaker 1: because out of your your happiness. And so one day
Speaker 1: I literally didn't do the laundry for so long. He's like,
Speaker 1: all right, baby, I'm out a laundry, so I guess
Speaker 1: I'm going to work commando. And he actually went to
Speaker 1: work without underwear. So you can see how one time,
Speaker 1: once upon a time, I had the mindset that doing
Speaker 1: the laundry was absolutely part of how you should live.
Speaker 1: But by removing that as an excuse and saying, hey,
Speaker 1: this actually is getting in your way of your dream
Speaker 1: and your goal, remove it. And now where did it lead?
Speaker 1: The husband went to work commando and I didn't think
Speaker 1: twice about it. Why because I was working on my dream.
Speaker 1: I love that that's such a great example, because you're
Speaker 1: so right that often your excuse can be real, but
Speaker 1: it can still be an excuse. Yeah, And I love
Speaker 1: the idea you gave about making movies too, because I
Speaker 1: do think we have the big dream and we don't
Speaker 1: see this small step and the way you describe. That
Speaker 1: to me made so much sense because I was speaking
Speaker 1: to someone recently and I was telling them about when
Speaker 1: I moved to LA and they've just kind of moved
Speaker 1: to LA and they're starting out and they're at film
Speaker 1: school and it's early days, and I was just saying that,
Speaker 1: you know, when I came to LA, there's so many
Speaker 1: things that I still want to do that I haven't
Speaker 1: done yet. But if I just wanted to do those things,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have built everything else. I don't want to
Speaker 1: be someone who just has a big dream. I want
Speaker 1: to be someone who's doing lots of small things towards
Speaker 1: that big dream. And I think sometimes the big dream
Speaker 1: cripples us and we keep pushing it off, and we
Speaker 1: keep saying, oh, no, well, like you said, I don't
Speaker 1: have a hundred million dollars, how am I making a movie.
Speaker 1: We're living in this amazing time where anyone can make
Speaker 1: a movie for very cheap, for free even, and it's
Speaker 1: incredible to think about it that way. So I'm so
Speaker 1: glad you've written about that. And in the book, just
Speaker 1: so everyone knows, Lisa goes through in chapter one, she
Speaker 1: goes talks about how you can dream big, how you
Speaker 1: can change your life, how you can bet on yourself.
Speaker 1: I literally just picked out one thing from one chapter
Speaker 1: that I find interesting because I find that excuses keep
Speaker 1: growing no matter where you're at, no matter where you're at.
Speaker 1: And what I've realized for me is that my excuse
Speaker 1: is based on a season. So right now I'm in
Speaker 1: a season of writing. My book comes out next year,
Speaker 1: my second book, and I know that when I'm writing
Speaker 1: my book, all my creative energy goes into writing a book.
Speaker 1: So I know that I can't really do many other
Speaker 1: things that are highly creative because all my energy goes
Speaker 1: into the book. But as soon as my book time's over,
Speaker 1: I now get all this new creative time back and
Speaker 1: I can do a lot of stuff. So during this period,
Speaker 1: I accept that my excuse is true that I can't
Speaker 1: do much more. But once that's over, now I know
Speaker 1: I can go off and do other things. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I would. Actually then when I come to that conclusion,
Speaker 1: going oh, Okay, this excuse makes sense based on what
Speaker 1: I'm trying to do, EI then flip and go cool,
Speaker 1: this is now longer excuse. It's a reason. Yes. And
Speaker 1: so because here's what I like to I actually like
Speaker 1: to call myself on it. So at least you're using
Speaker 1: that as an excuse, and so I want to make
Speaker 1: sure that I'm always defining that word that gets me
Speaker 1: the emotion I'm trying to feel to propel me forward.
Speaker 1: I love that. That makes so much sense. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: And that's what You're right. It's not an excuse, it's
Speaker 1: a reason. Yeah. I love that all right. Rule two
Speaker 1: is called make up your mindset. And the one that
Speaker 1: I loved out of all of the sections of this
Speaker 1: chapter is I can get good at anything. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: love that mindset. Can you tell me about something that
Speaker 1: you were once terrible at that today you would consider
Speaker 1: yourself to be fantastic at. And I know you won't
Speaker 1: hold back because I know we both agree that it's
Speaker 1: so easy to like, never accept that we actually got
Speaker 1: good at anything. But I'm hoping everyone and I'll do
Speaker 1: the same. When you hear me and Lisa own that
Speaker 1: we're now good at something, please see it as a
Speaker 1: sign for you to own your own growth. Because we
Speaker 1: live in this world where we judge ourselves when we're losing,
Speaker 1: and then we judge ourselves when we're winning, and it's
Speaker 1: so important to lose judgment at both times. So true. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I being the stay at home wife for eight years
Speaker 1: being thrust into question nutrition. I was just helping out
Speaker 1: the husband. I'm a good quek wife. I'm going to
Speaker 1: help the husband out. What do I need to do now?
Speaker 1: I didn't have any skill sets in building a company. Zero.
Speaker 1: I knew how to be a great wife. I knew
Speaker 1: filmmaking because I went to film school for it, and
Speaker 1: I knew how to take care of my two dogs. Husband.
Speaker 1: That was like my skis, It's pretty not too bad.
Speaker 1: But when you go into a startup company, every single
Speaker 1: day I was faced with things. I had no idea
Speaker 1: to the little things of a palette. I was shipping
Speaker 1: bars off my living room floor. We grew at fifty
Speaker 1: seven thousand percent, so literally within a few weeks, a
Speaker 1: few months, I'm shipping out twenty boxes, and so the
Speaker 1: ups guy comes along and he's like, yeah, I can
Speaker 1: actually take a lot more if you put everything on
Speaker 1: a palette. I was too embarrassed to admit I had
Speaker 1: no idea what a palette was. So it's like, okay, great,
Speaker 1: thanks mate. You know, when he drives off, I run
Speaker 1: back to my computer and typing Google what on earth
Speaker 1: is a palette? You know? And then the image comes
Speaker 1: up like, oh yeah, I kind of know what those are.
Speaker 1: Where do I get one from? How much do they cost?
Speaker 1: So I literally just keep typing in where do I
Speaker 1: get one from? How much do they cost? And that's
Speaker 1: the sort of thing that started to build my self
Speaker 1: esteem around being the person that configure it out, not
Speaker 1: the person that knows everything. And it becomes such a
Speaker 1: safe place for me because now I don't worry about
Speaker 1: not knowing something. I just if I have the mentality
Speaker 1: and the ethos that I can figure it out if
Speaker 1: I put the time and energy into it. Some things
Speaker 1: may take a second what is a palette? Some things
Speaker 1: may take two years. But regardless, if I believe I can,
Speaker 1: I can actually take the steps forward. But I believe
Speaker 1: I can't, I'm not going to. And let's face it,
Speaker 1: so many people are also there to be ready to
Speaker 1: tell you what you can't do. Yeah, So that's why
Speaker 1: you have to believe in yourself that you know how to,
Speaker 1: because you can very much get influenced from the outside world.
Speaker 1: Like one of the very early days, I don't know
Speaker 1: if you know this story, actually one of the very
Speaker 1: early days of QUEST, we had like Justin Bieber's cousin
Speaker 1: was like contacted Quest and so they're like, oh my god, Lisa,
Speaker 1: we can get Quest a bus to Justin Bieber. But
Speaker 1: here's the catch. He's in the Bye and you've only
Speaker 1: got like twenty forty eight hours to get it to him.
Speaker 1: And everyone's like, but it's impossible. Everyone said it's impossible.
Speaker 1: I called up my UPS guy. They're like, it's impossible.
Speaker 1: It's a food product, it's the Bye, it's important, it's
Speaker 1: like all this like logistics. And in that moment, I
Speaker 1: was like, no one's going to fight for your dream
Speaker 1: more than you. So of course my request to my
Speaker 1: even the UPS person, I'm making his life harder. So
Speaker 1: when he sees the hurdle or he's like, is impossible,
Speaker 1: but no one will fight for your dream more than
Speaker 1: you will. So I didn't take impossible as an option.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what I was doing. I figured it out,
Speaker 1: and so I literally said, Okay, if you're the person
Speaker 1: that figures it out, what would this look like. Don't
Speaker 1: take no for an answer. Ask questions, Ask boat loads
Speaker 1: of questions. Instead of feeling badly about myself for not knowing,
Speaker 1: just keep asking so I would get on. I'm just oh, okay,
Speaker 1: you can't help it. Can I speak your manager? Please?
Speaker 1: Manager comes up. It's impossible. Can you explain to me why? Well,
Speaker 1: because of the customs, all right, what if? What if
Speaker 1: I overpaid customs? Well, but what about this slip? Well, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll just fill out the slip in advance and I'll
Speaker 1: be up at three in the morning in case it
Speaker 1: gets out, I'll be on call. Like every time there's
Speaker 1: a problem, do you have a way to think around it?
Speaker 1: And it's not that I knew what I was doing.
Speaker 1: That's the key. Is that I just had the mentality
Speaker 1: that no one's going to fight for my dream more
Speaker 1: than me, and I'm not going to take no as
Speaker 1: an answer. And because of those things, I ended up
Speaker 1: figuring it out, and I end up getting bars to
Speaker 1: JB in time. I don't know if he actually ever received.
Speaker 1: That's the heart baking thing. It was like I got
Speaker 1: confirmation they arrived at his hotel. And to me though,
Speaker 1: that was the thing I held onto that no one
Speaker 1: thought it was possible. All the experts thought it was impossible.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what I was doing, but I went
Speaker 1: in there as the learner and said, Lisa, you're going
Speaker 1: to figure it out. I love that story. Do you
Speaker 1: know why? Because it's so practical, Like it's so tangible.
Speaker 1: It's not like this ethereal dream that you made come true.
Speaker 1: It's literally like, we need to get these bars from
Speaker 1: this country to this country. And you can see all
Speaker 1: the steps it takes, and you can see every moment
Speaker 1: where you could have just gone, can't be bothered now,
Speaker 1: And that's literally the only thing. And actually whether he
Speaker 1: got it or not is irrelevant to the fact that
Speaker 1: you were able to figure it out. Yes, And it
Speaker 1: shows that now you can apply that to anything big
Speaker 1: or small, And now you are applying it to movies
Speaker 1: and comic books and you know, whatever else it may be.
Speaker 1: But it started off by just trying to get a
Speaker 1: bar from one country to another. I honestly hope that
Speaker 1: everyone's listening and watching. The reason why I love Lisa's
Speaker 1: examples is because they're just so tangible, they're so real,
Speaker 1: and I think sometimes it's like, maybe you're listening right
Speaker 1: now and you have a company you want to start,
Speaker 1: or you have a podcast you want to launch, r
Speaker 1: you have a YouTube channel, that's in your head, and
Speaker 1: it really is as simple today as going on Google,
Speaker 1: typing it in and trying it. And I think the
Speaker 1: biggest mistake that Lisa, I want to hear your take
Speaker 1: on this is I think we often try things too slow,
Speaker 1: and therefore the results are more painful to accept. I'll
Speaker 1: give you an example of what I mean. If I'm
Speaker 1: interested by something, Let's take something like what you just did.
Speaker 1: If you took three months to type in what's a palette,
Speaker 1: then three months later you'll figure out how much they cost,
Speaker 1: and then three months later maybe the prices go up,
Speaker 1: and now in twelve months you're going, oh, well, I
Speaker 1: guess that wasn't useful. Whereas if you go back that
Speaker 1: day like you did, and then you went to research
Speaker 1: how much they cost, and then you research the budget
Speaker 1: and everything else that you did, you learn it so
Speaker 1: fast and now you can take action so often. What
Speaker 1: I think is that we need to experiment more often,
Speaker 1: as opposed to like trying to make something happen over
Speaker 1: a year. If you try and do it in an hour,
Speaker 1: you'll actually more likely to learn and grow rather than saying, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to spend ten minutes on this every week.
Speaker 1: If you can spend an hour on it this weekend,
Speaker 1: you probably make a bit more growth and you'll feel
Speaker 1: more momentum. I don't know what your thoughts about one
Speaker 1: thousand percent. I think the reason why people don't know
Speaker 1: is they fear not being perfect. Yeah, so they're like, well,
Speaker 1: let me just figure it, like, let me take the
Speaker 1: stepping stimes, let me process it, let me and I
Speaker 1: actually get it that fear really can stop so many
Speaker 1: of us. But that's why I have the identity of
Speaker 1: being the learner, of being the person actually, you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't know this today and I don't judge myself
Speaker 1: for it, but I can learn. And it's that if like,
Speaker 1: what is that goal? How do you keep moving forward?
Speaker 1: And then the fear part, that voice in the head
Speaker 1: that I took I very much talk about, is telling me, well, Lisa,
Speaker 1: you don't know what you're doing. Well, Lisa, you know,
Speaker 1: who do you think you are? Like, you don't have
Speaker 1: any you know, expertise in this area. But if I'm
Speaker 1: then bypass it by being like, oh no, you don't
Speaker 1: know anything, so hey, you should learn, you know, It's
Speaker 1: like bypass that voice to then get you to act,
Speaker 1: and then in that action you then feel the competence
Speaker 1: that then builds the confidence to then keep going. But
Speaker 1: it is that starting point that is very fearful and
Speaker 1: so recently in fact, I don't know how you felt
Speaker 1: in like launching a book and stuff like that. And
Speaker 1: we're very creative, so as part of the creative I
Speaker 1: get very hypo microscopic on everything. It's like that's not
Speaker 1: good enough, No, that's not right. And I realized I
Speaker 1: was actually holding myself back because to your point, like,
Speaker 1: I wasn't just like learning from it. I wasn't just
Speaker 1: putting things out. And so I ended up sitting down
Speaker 1: and saying, Okay, right now, this fear of like trying
Speaker 1: to be perfect is actually holding your back. I don't
Speaker 1: judge myself for it, but I say, how do I
Speaker 1: overcome this feeling? Because I can't force myself not to
Speaker 1: feel it, So I have to come up with a plan,
Speaker 1: a tactic to overcome the way that I'm handling it.
Speaker 1: So I sat there and I was like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: looking for perfection. Does perfection help impact people with this book? No? Okay, great,
Speaker 1: So how do I overcome this? I need to be
Speaker 1: deliberate not perfect. Hey, that's actually really strong. That really
Speaker 1: hit me. Be deliberate. How do I remind myself that
Speaker 1: in moments? Because we all have habits, So the habit
Speaker 1: of me right now is to be perfect. So how
Speaker 1: do I overcome this habit of being perfect? Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: going to put in my phone in something I call
Speaker 1: in my own in the book, it's like phone roulette.
Speaker 1: So it's actually you've got this roulette, but you put
Speaker 1: a message in your phone, you close your eyes and
Speaker 1: you spin the time, and you close your eye and
Speaker 1: you don't know what time you've said it. And the
Speaker 1: whole point for this is to keep reminding yourself in
Speaker 1: random moments of the message. You're trying to become a
Speaker 1: habit in your mind. So I put in be deliberate,
Speaker 1: not perfect, and I did the roulette, and I did
Speaker 1: it for about three weeks. And after that I don't
Speaker 1: need anyone Now. Every time something comes to me, I
Speaker 1: just go, okay, I want to be deliberate, not perfect. Okay,
Speaker 1: yea great, this is good to go. Wow. So wait,
Speaker 1: you choose the message yeah, and then you put at
Speaker 1: random time yeah, and then your phone will buzz at
Speaker 1: that time and remind you of that message that you
Speaker 1: put in. Yeah, and I don't know what's so cool,
Speaker 1: and I don't know when it's going to go off. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so look, sometimes it goes off at the worst time,
Speaker 1: when you're in an interview dation. Right. But I did
Speaker 1: this once for cool. Yeah. I did it once as
Speaker 1: a name to experiment because I am always going I
Speaker 1: don't judge myself for how I feel, but I don't
Speaker 1: accept that as an excuse. Yeah, so, okay, this is real.
Speaker 1: Don't feel badly, but what are you going to do
Speaker 1: to overcome it? So that was one of those things
Speaker 1: I was actually really scared for Ted talk. This is
Speaker 1: actually how it has started. I was so scared about
Speaker 1: getting in fun on stage, and I had all these
Speaker 1: like tactics, Okay, I'm going to have a blueprint, how
Speaker 1: do I think about it? How do I turn up?
Speaker 1: What's my wonder woman cuffs? Like all these things of
Speaker 1: how am I going to get on stage in the
Speaker 1: first place? And part of that ritual leading up to
Speaker 1: it was I did a little you got this, and
Speaker 1: I did a little muscle emoji and I closed my
Speaker 1: eyes and I spun it. Now, sometimes it happened in
Speaker 1: like when I was peeing, you know, like it's like
Speaker 1: not a great time, but it really really worked, Like
Speaker 1: it hit me so hard. And in moments when I
Speaker 1: was practicing for my speech, I didn't realize that it
Speaker 1: went off. So now here I am practicing, I'm reading over,
Speaker 1: I'm getting in my own head, I'm getting tense. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, can I do really do this? The
Speaker 1: alarm happened to go off at that time. So now
Speaker 1: I'm like, ah, yeah, I do get this, Lisa. So
Speaker 1: now I go back and it becomes this little reminder
Speaker 1: your own cheerleader. Wow, I love that idea. That's such
Speaker 1: a cool that's absolutely brilliant. And also that statement be deliberate,
Speaker 1: not perfect. Yeah, I think it's such a great mantra.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to be honest here as well. So
Speaker 1: I really dislike the cover of my book, my first
Speaker 1: book that I did. I really dislike it. And I
Speaker 1: was forced into having to pick and decide because of time.
Speaker 1: And so I when I was writing my first book,
Speaker 1: I was so absorbed in writing it. I didn't really
Speaker 1: have time to think about the cover. We got to
Speaker 1: finish writing it, and then I was told I need
Speaker 1: a cover and testimonials within the next two weeks. And
Speaker 1: I didn't know anyone who designed book covers at the time,
Speaker 1: and so I was scrambling to do that, and I
Speaker 1: was trying to get the testimonials from people, and asking
Speaker 1: for testimonials, as you know, is a tough thing to do.
Speaker 1: And she's like, Okay, well, now I've got two weeks
Speaker 1: to ask someone for something. So I'm doing this, and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, then they're like, oh no, no no,
Speaker 1: now we've got to just go with this cover and
Speaker 1: we're going to design it. And I really don't like it. Now,
Speaker 1: you know, it didn't impact the book in the sense
Speaker 1: of it's been wonderful to see the book out there.
Speaker 1: And I hope people can sense my intention. I think
Speaker 1: that's what I always focused on as my intention is
Speaker 1: I just want to serve through this book, and people
Speaker 1: can feel that. But I give myself the grace in space.
Speaker 1: That was my first book. I didn't know the process.
Speaker 1: I didn't understand this time. I've handed in my first
Speaker 1: manuscript and I'm working on the yeah, and it's like
Speaker 1: it's okay, And that's like, you know, and the reason
Speaker 1: why I'm sharing that is people may look at my
Speaker 1: first book and of course it's sold really well, it's
Speaker 1: done really well, whatever, and it's like and people may
Speaker 1: just be like, oh, Jay, you just nailed it, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, but even I don't feel I nailed it,
Speaker 1: like I didn't because there was a part of it
Speaker 1: that I would have wanted to improve. Yeah, you've got
Speaker 1: an epic thank this. Look at this radical confidence round covered.
Speaker 1: It's so beautiful, it's amazing. And I think that what
Speaker 1: we have to realize is that as creators, will always
Speaker 1: be critical of our own work, even when no one
Speaker 1: notices it. And so I wanted everyone to hear that
Speaker 1: that you're doing that, I'm doing that, We're all doing that.
Speaker 1: So if your first episode of your podcast isn't great,
Speaker 1: you've got a second one. If the first video on
Speaker 1: your YouTube channel is not great, there's another one. Like
Speaker 1: there's always another tape. Yeah, And I love the critical
Speaker 1: part of it because what you're doing is, yeah, you're
Speaker 1: being critical about yourself, but you're not letting it stop.
Speaker 1: You move forward. And that's the key. It's like, I
Speaker 1: don't always just go yeah, Lisa, you've got this, Like no, no,
Speaker 1: I definitely assess like I am critical of myself. I
Speaker 1: do like to reassess, but I'm at the stage at
Speaker 1: least in my growth that I don't let that stop me.
Speaker 1: And in the past it would. In the past, I
Speaker 1: would look at something that I've done and I would
Speaker 1: be so critical of it that I would beat myself
Speaker 1: up so much that it stopped me from moving forward. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I think that's a really good clarification as well. And
Speaker 1: I think deliberate not perfect is such a brilliant montry,
Speaker 1: So I love that, all right, going on, I love
Speaker 1: this one. Validation is for parking. I was like, I
Speaker 1: love parking validation, but yes, validation is for parking. The
Speaker 1: one that I love about this one is I can
Speaker 1: validate myself. Yeah, I think that's been such a big
Speaker 1: lesson for me. What is something you think you constantly
Speaker 1: wanted other people to validate you for? What is something
Speaker 1: that you've always seeked external validation? Forward? That took the
Speaker 1: longest journey. Oh, that took the longest journey. That's interesting.
Speaker 1: I think that there's still a part of me that
Speaker 1: kind of I think that maybe, and maybe I'm wrong,
Speaker 1: but this seems like there's a part of everyone that
Speaker 1: still wants to be validated, and it's just instinctual. So
Speaker 1: going back to I don't judge myself for it, but
Speaker 1: I know it's unhealthy. So in fact, here's a perfect example.
Speaker 1: It's not really answering your question, but it kind of
Speaker 1: is with the book I was. Originally when someone offered
Speaker 1: me the book deal, the very first words out of
Speaker 1: my mouth were who would buy a book from me?
Speaker 1: So there's the insecurity. So I'm like, Lisa, Ah, that
Speaker 1: fourteen year old girl is still inside do it's okay?
Speaker 1: You know, like she still does exist. That's okay, But
Speaker 1: I'm not going to let her hold me back. So
Speaker 1: I start writing the book. Now, in writing the book,
Speaker 1: I start to go, oh, I really want a New
Speaker 1: York Times number one, right, like we've all got so many,
Speaker 1: like your book is amazing and everyone, and so it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've got a goal. I'm still got a good I
Speaker 1: think you know, I'm a busy entrepreneur. So I set
Speaker 1: my goal. I set where I'm trying to go, and
Speaker 1: I moved deliberately towards that. Now here's the thing, what
Speaker 1: if I don't reach it does mean not getting there?
Speaker 1: Now mean that the book's no good. And I realize
Speaker 1: the danger of looking for external validation for the work
Speaker 1: that you do and the way that you show up.
Speaker 1: And now the only thing that I can do is
Speaker 1: do the foundation works so that when that happens, the
Speaker 1: instinctual part of Lisa doesn't come out. And so what
Speaker 1: I said is what's my north star? Why did I
Speaker 1: actually write this book? Yes? I have the goals, but
Speaker 1: I don't want the goal without you're actually creating impacts.
Speaker 1: So let's say I want New York Times, right, but
Speaker 1: does it actually create impact? That's my north star. That's
Speaker 1: the big, big thing that I'm going towards. So how
Speaker 1: are people going to respond to it? Okay, yes, of
Speaker 1: course I want it to create impact. But what if
Speaker 1: it actually doesn't impact anyone? Jay? What if everyone hates it?
Speaker 1: That's a big possibility. When I was writing it, I
Speaker 1: didn't know. And so what am I going to do
Speaker 1: to make sure that I still feel validated and that
Speaker 1: I still feel my worth? And so I said, what
Speaker 1: am I going to do? Now? Number One? Do you
Speaker 1: give it your all? Because and here's the thing. When
Speaker 1: I say that, you know everyone at home, you know
Speaker 1: if you've given it all, you can tell other people
Speaker 1: you have, but you really know? So am I going
Speaker 1: to give him my all? Yes? Or no? Yes? Great,
Speaker 1: that's going to be a metric I'm going to go by.
Speaker 1: If I gave it my all, I've got nothing else
Speaker 1: to give. Am I going to learn from this experience
Speaker 1: if it does badly? Yes? Did I have beautiful intentions? Yes?
Speaker 1: Am I going to really if it fails, not beat
Speaker 1: yourself up? But are you absolutely going to take a
Speaker 1: hard look and identify all the things that you think
Speaker 1: that you failed in? Yes? Great, Now I can move forward,
Speaker 1: move forward, And if it doesn't do well, I've got
Speaker 1: those bullet points that I'm going to go back to
Speaker 1: and say, I had every intention to help women that
Speaker 1: felt like I did. I had that north star, I
Speaker 1: knew what I was trying to do. I gave it
Speaker 1: my all, and so if now no one likes it,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to feel badly about myself because I
Speaker 1: showed up. And that's the thing, Jack. No one can
Speaker 1: affect whether you show up or not. Get about the
Speaker 1: failure and successes. No one can affect whether whoever's listening
Speaker 1: at home if you showed up or not. The Only
Speaker 1: person that can affect that is. I love that, and
Speaker 1: that's actually what needs to happen before we start any journey.
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of society has made us
Speaker 1: focus on the goal. So it's like, what's your goal,
Speaker 1: where do you want to be? What's the output, what's
Speaker 1: the result? And what you've just described is the input.
Speaker 1: It's what you're bringing, it's what you're focused on. And
Speaker 1: I think that's one of the biggest mistakes of goal
Speaker 1: setting is that goals are just made up targets. They're
Speaker 1: just made up targets. They're just random things, and it's
Speaker 1: like they're nice, they're cool, but they don't make you happy. Because,
Speaker 1: by the way, even the people that reach their goals
Speaker 1: are not happy because it's never satisfying. It's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we got to this goal, but now we didn't stay there,
Speaker 1: or we got to that goal, but we didn't get
Speaker 1: the next time or this time. We hit that goal constantly,
Speaker 1: but I'm still dissatisfied because I became lonely in the process, right,
Speaker 1: So there's always something else around that goal. So it's
Speaker 1: not only the people that don't make their goals that
Speaker 1: are not happy, it's also the people that make their
Speaker 1: goals that are not happy because it's not about the goal, yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: And the result is never guaranteed either. So it's like,
Speaker 1: what are you going to do? Work hard for something,
Speaker 1: pour your heart into it, and only feel good about
Speaker 1: yourself whether it succeeds or not. It's just not sustainable. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And so to me, that's what I look at. What
Speaker 1: is sustainable for me to keep showing up for the
Speaker 1: rest of my life? Yeah, And that's like when I
Speaker 1: think about, oh, if I'm looking at the results, it's
Speaker 1: not sustainable in the year, in two years when I
Speaker 1: crash and burn, because look, when you try anything new,
Speaker 1: the chances are you're going to fail at it at
Speaker 1: some point, yea. And so if I'm failing, how do
Speaker 1: I keep getting back up? It's that precise thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love that principle. I think that's just so huge
Speaker 1: because I just think we as a society constantly forced
Speaker 1: people to set these big dreams, goals and targets that
Speaker 1: are arbitrary to our actual joy and happiness, Like they
Speaker 1: don't actually connect to feeling good, yeah, even if you
Speaker 1: make it right. And so I think that's the biggest one.
Speaker 1: All Right, I want to go through a few more
Speaker 1: of these because there's so many good ones. I'm skipping
Speaker 1: a few chapters because I want you to get the
Speaker 1: book and read it. But there's a few things that
Speaker 1: I want to talk about. Okay, this one's a big one.
Speaker 1: This is chapter seven, which is called Toughen the f
Speaker 1: Up butter Cup, and it says I can stop saying
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Yeah, this is huge, like the amount of
Speaker 1: people that constantly feel that they have to stop saying sorry.
Speaker 1: What are some of the things that you hear a
Speaker 1: lot in this space of things that people apologize a
Speaker 1: lot for? So I also want to put a little
Speaker 1: asterisk to that because in the book, I actually I
Speaker 1: think it's like the first line is guys stop apologizing,
Speaker 1: and yet guys always apologize, because that's the thing. A
Speaker 1: lot of what I say like feels like almost sometimes contradictory.
Speaker 1: But look, I think that the message of just stop
Speaker 1: apologizing isn't actually accurate. Yeah, because if it's like, if
Speaker 1: you're up your set your friend, and you're the one
Speaker 1: that is the person in the foot, you should apologize,
Speaker 1: like you know, I like, if I've said something that
Speaker 1: really that has up set Tom, and it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to upsay him. Of course you should apologize.
Speaker 1: So I never want people to think that apology is
Speaker 1: a bad thing. The problem is we apologize so much
Speaker 1: that what is doing is it's telling you that your
Speaker 1: opinion isn't valid. So, like I think the example I
Speaker 1: given the book is like, let's say, for instance, I
Speaker 1: choose you know me and very much like your self
Speaker 1: care is very important. I must take care of myself
Speaker 1: first before I show up for anyone else. And with
Speaker 1: how much we work, I burnout, and so I need
Speaker 1: to make sure that I don't go to that burnout.
Speaker 1: So sometimes I get invited to a lot of amazing places,
Speaker 1: and I know in that moment it's I have to
Speaker 1: actually choose self care. Now. If I'm apologizing for putting
Speaker 1: myself first subconsciously over time, what is that doing. It
Speaker 1: may not seem like it in the moment. I just
Speaker 1: think when you keep having that repetition in your head,
Speaker 1: that voice, that mindset that you're always apologizing for putting
Speaker 1: yourself first, it becomes detrimental to you. And so for me,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm no longer going to apologize for
Speaker 1: putting my self care first. I'm always going to be
Speaker 1: very respectful. It's never like, well, you know, I f you,
Speaker 1: But it absolutely is. How you use language makes a difference.
Speaker 1: The language you use, And that's really the big key
Speaker 1: thing in all of this. If you say the word sorry,
Speaker 1: is that actually authentic to you? Or are you dismissing
Speaker 1: something that's actually very important to you, like self care.
Speaker 1: So if someone invites me out, I won't actually if
Speaker 1: and I'm doing self care and said, I actually won't
Speaker 1: say I'm sorry, I'll say, oh my god, I really
Speaker 1: hope you have an amazing time. You know, let me
Speaker 1: know how it is. But right now, you know I'm
Speaker 1: unable to attend very politely. But I just don't use
Speaker 1: the word sorry. Yeah. No, I think that's huge because
Speaker 1: what you said is over time, what we're basically saying
Speaker 1: is we don't think we deserve that, yes, or that
Speaker 1: what we're doing is wrong. Yes, right, that's what you're saying.
Speaker 1: If you're saying sorry like you define the word, you're
Speaker 1: like saying I'm wrong. That's why I'm sorry. I'm wrong
Speaker 1: in not wanting to come out with you. But you're
Speaker 1: not wrong. Yeah, you just want to do something that's
Speaker 1: right for you. Yeah, and it just then reinforces, right,
Speaker 1: because like like repetition creates habit, and I'm so aware
Speaker 1: of that of how the words I use affect how
Speaker 1: I show up. So like, if you can I share
Speaker 1: a story, yeah, I'd love to you. Am I always
Speaker 1: love hearing you said, yeah, go for it. There was
Speaker 1: this one time on one vacation and I'm standing in
Speaker 1: line and I don't make you. I get very chatty
Speaker 1: in line on vacation. I would so this is woman behind.
Speaker 1: When we start chatting, She's like, oh, what do you do?
Speaker 1: So I start telling all the things you know that
Speaker 1: you know quest and impact theory and women have impact.
Speaker 1: And eventually I was like, okay, I'm talking a lot.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, what are you doing? She goes, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just a mum, just a mom. Just I was,
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, what do you mean. She goes, oh,
Speaker 1: we'll have three kids at homeschool, but I'm just a mum.
Speaker 1: She was so downplaying her achievements by using the word
Speaker 1: just now. It may not seem like a big deal,
Speaker 1: but imagine she says that to herself over and over again.
Speaker 1: She's really invalidating how much she's bringing to the table.
Speaker 1: And so in that moment, I was going to help
Speaker 1: myself check. I was like, I'm so sorry, but you
Speaker 1: just said just I was like, you're doing this incredible.
Speaker 1: I was like, you're bringing up the next generation and
Speaker 1: you're doing a three children homeschooling. I was like, so,
Speaker 1: I was like, that isn't a Just as soon as
Speaker 1: I said that, her demina changed. She starts glowing, talking
Speaker 1: about all the classes, all these new tests that she
Speaker 1: was trying on her kids to see what would work
Speaker 1: and what didn't. In just in removing the word just
Speaker 1: changed how she saw herself. And that was just one
Speaker 1: word in one moment. Now, think about the words we
Speaker 1: use in our own head over and over and over again. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I think that's the point that in that moment,
Speaker 1: you'd only heard her say at once yes, but she's
Speaker 1: heard herself say it every day, where whenever she meets
Speaker 1: someone who is externally doing more right, I've got more
Speaker 1: externally quote unquote more quote unquote, because it's her person option,
Speaker 1: she is then looking at herself as less than every
Speaker 1: single time, because society has made some things feel like
Speaker 1: more and some things feel like less. But in that moment,
Speaker 1: you've reminded her that actually what she's doing is unique,
Speaker 1: it's beautiful, it's wonderful. And I think that's what I
Speaker 1: love about what you're saying about language, because I do
Speaker 1: think it's so easy because we've created this hierarchy of
Speaker 1: first and second. You think about it, someone might have
Speaker 1: just broken the world record and come second, but someone
Speaker 1: broke the overall world record and came first. Yeah. Right,
Speaker 1: you both may have beaten the most latest world record,
Speaker 1: but except you're not looking at it. You're looking at going,
Speaker 1: I came second, but you also just did something amazing.
Speaker 1: And even in that example, whereas yeah, I think it's
Speaker 1: I think language is really interesting, and I think the
Speaker 1: way we talk to ourselves is really interesting. And I
Speaker 1: do believe that it's always going to be a balance
Speaker 1: of you don't want to lie to yourself. Of either way,
Speaker 1: I think that's the problem. Right, Both of them are lies.
Speaker 1: Saying to yourself I'm the best in the world and
Speaker 1: I'm better than everyone, that's a lie, and saying I'm
Speaker 1: the worst I'm just a mum, that's also a lie.
Speaker 1: Neither of those are actually true. Yeah, that's so true,
Speaker 1: And we are so conditioned ourselves into thinking a certain
Speaker 1: way that it becomes like the belief system that maybe
Speaker 1: we don't even question because we don't even realize it's there.
Speaker 1: And so that's what I just love about everything we're
Speaker 1: talking about. I mean, you know, is it Carol Dweck.
Speaker 1: I think it was her that said, just add the
Speaker 1: word yet onto a centers. I can't do X, Y
Speaker 1: and Z yet it's one word, three letters, and yet
Speaker 1: it changes everything of how we perceive that thing. If
Speaker 1: you say I can't play the piano or I can't
Speaker 1: play the piano yet not in day, Yeah, it changes everything. Everything.
Speaker 1: Language changes everything. I do recommend that everyone sits down
Speaker 1: and defines the words they use the most in their
Speaker 1: life because and chances are, you and your partner, you
Speaker 1: and your kids and your parents all have different definitions.
Speaker 1: And so you've got to be really careful because you
Speaker 1: may have defined your words, you've got to make sure
Speaker 1: that their words are aligned or that they have their
Speaker 1: own definition that you're aware of. Yeah, because otherwise, when
Speaker 1: they say, well, I don't think you've done something significant,
Speaker 1: you have to know what you mean by significant others
Speaker 1: you're going to take that personally. So I rarely take
Speaker 1: people's words personally because I know their definition is not
Speaker 1: the same as mine. Oh my god, yeah, Tom and I,
Speaker 1: in our marriage we have our own little like Belu
Speaker 1: dictionary because for that exact reason, Because if I say
Speaker 1: to him, hey, babe, this is really important to me.
Speaker 1: I say the word important three times in a year,
Speaker 1: so you better believe I want his all attention. I
Speaker 1: want him to drop everything. Now. If we haven't had
Speaker 1: that discussion and he uses the important four times in
Speaker 1: the day, he's like, okay, cool, And now I feel
Speaker 1: completely dismissed because I only use it three times. So
Speaker 1: there's a weight that I bring to that word, but
Speaker 1: he doesn't. Now does that mean that he's wrong and
Speaker 1: I'm right? No, it just means to your point that
Speaker 1: we have different definitions of what that words specifically meet. So, like,
Speaker 1: the one of the worst words that I think it
Speaker 1: does detriment to so many people, especially women, is the
Speaker 1: word should. That is the word that literally it's like
Speaker 1: handcuffs so many of us. I should do this. I
Speaker 1: should be a good wife. I should be a good
Speaker 1: Greek wife. I should take care of my husband. I
Speaker 1: should put his you know, that was what I was taught.
Speaker 1: I should have kids, Like it didn't even dawn on
Speaker 1: me that I could ask why do I want kids?
Speaker 1: Because I just use the word in my head over
Speaker 1: and over again. So powerful, And you can make so
Speaker 1: many big decisions in life with bad language. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it's scary actually where it can go. And if you're
Speaker 1: someone who feels you have done that for a long time.
Speaker 1: You can change words, that's the best thing about it.
Speaker 1: You can change your definitions, you can change your words,
Speaker 1: all right. One more that I want to take that
Speaker 1: I love, because this one really really stood out to me,
Speaker 1: is I can be too sensitive. I think that's one
Speaker 1: that gives a lot of permission because you're a very
Speaker 1: practical person. I watch your Instagram stories and you're always
Speaker 1: someone who shares what you're feeling. But then you share
Speaker 1: what you do about it. Yeah, and so I'll see
Speaker 1: you go. I woke up, I didn't want to work
Speaker 1: out today, but here I am. Or like you know,
Speaker 1: I woke up, my gut wasn't great today, but then
Speaker 1: this is what we did. Like, you're very open about
Speaker 1: the feeling and being sensitive, but then moving how did
Speaker 1: you get good at closing the gap between allowing yourself
Speaker 1: to feel and being sensitive to actually taking action. I
Speaker 1: think because I didn't do I didn't move forward. I
Speaker 1: literally for eight years, you know, my life was what
Speaker 1: I feel like was in the pug like that. I
Speaker 1: can't even imagine you like that because I've never we
Speaker 1: never knew each other. That yeah, we're same. I feel
Speaker 1: the same about you when I hear about your your
Speaker 1: crazy world boys stories, when you're like you like it
Speaker 1: just seems strange, but that just actually is great, right
Speaker 1: to show that we really cannibol, we really can change
Speaker 1: by making these different choices in our lives. And so
Speaker 1: for eight years I was making the same choices to
Speaker 1: stay stuck, and so I didn't have that how do
Speaker 1: I incrementally move towards my goal? What am I doing today?
Speaker 1: And so now I've just because of that, I just say,
Speaker 1: the way that I feel right now, does it serve
Speaker 1: the thing that I'm trying to do? And so sometimes
Speaker 1: like being sensitive can be beautiful, right. It means that
Speaker 1: we're in touch with our emotions and that we can
Speaker 1: actually feel things. And especially when you're creative, you want
Speaker 1: that you need to like go with your heart and
Speaker 1: your emotions. But sometimes being too sensitive can hold you back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I don't beat myself up over it, but I
Speaker 1: don't think being too sensitive all the time serves you.
Speaker 1: And part of the messaging out there is like, no,
Speaker 1: you should be always sensitive, and I just go, look,
Speaker 1: sometimes it actually doesn't serve what you're trying to do.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that you should ignore it. That doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that you should beat yourself up over feeling it.
Speaker 1: But if I say, Okay, the way I'm feeling right
Speaker 1: now doesn't actually help me move forward towards impact in
Speaker 1: that fourteen year old girl, Okay, so what am I
Speaker 1: going to do? I'm going to feel the feels right.
Speaker 1: I give myself the grace and the doll to go. Okay, Lisa,
Speaker 1: yes you're here, that's okay. It's like you know that friend,
Speaker 1: it's all right. But does this actually help you help
Speaker 1: that fourteen year old girl that feels insecure? Does that
Speaker 1: help that other woman that you're trying to help? If
Speaker 1: the answer is, know what am I going to do
Speaker 1: about it? Because sitting there stuck won't get me there again,
Speaker 1: I've been there eight years, not moving forward. I know
Speaker 1: what that feels like, I know where that gets me.
Speaker 1: It's important for me to acknowledge the truth that we
Speaker 1: can be sensitive and to just say it's okay all
Speaker 1: the time won't actually help. And so that's where it's
Speaker 1: like the duality of everything I always talk about becomes
Speaker 1: like these dualities, it's like embracing it and then not
Speaker 1: accepting it. It's like, I am embrace who I am today,
Speaker 1: and yeah, I don't accept who I am today. I
Speaker 1: know where I'm trying. I want to get better every day.
Speaker 1: I want to improve. So how do you do both
Speaker 1: without you lacking the enthusiasm to keep moving forward? And
Speaker 1: it always is giving myself the grace that, yes, I
Speaker 1: feel like that, I'm not going to dismiss that part
Speaker 1: of me that is what makes me me, and yet
Speaker 1: I'm not going to let hold me back from the
Speaker 1: life I want. I love that. I think you've perfectly
Speaker 1: summed up how a healthy mindset can be where it's
Speaker 1: not either raw, it's and right, it's both. And I
Speaker 1: think everyone's always like, well, should you be really vulnerable
Speaker 1: or should you be really like action oriented? And be both? Yeah,
Speaker 1: they'll be vulnerable and then take action like should I
Speaker 1: be really sensitive and compassionate or should I be really
Speaker 1: brave and courageous. It's like be both. It's like should
Speaker 1: I be affectionate or assertive? It's like be affectionately, assi
Speaker 1: be both? Like you don't, And I think we've just
Speaker 1: been brought to believe that everything's either raw. And what
Speaker 1: you've just said is no, I can be both. I
Speaker 1: can embrace myself and I don't have to accept where
Speaker 1: I'm at. Can I make you think? So? Also? Is
Speaker 1: your sensitivity actually warranted? Now? What I mean by that
Speaker 1: is I still accept it, so I never dismiss it.
Speaker 1: But I don't know if he's always warranted. Have you
Speaker 1: ever been hungry? Yeah? So literally, just by not eating
Speaker 1: you get mad. To think about sensitivity, it's the same thing.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're really tired that day, maybe you haven't eaten.
Speaker 1: For me, the biggest realization with this whole topic was
Speaker 1: middle of my gut issues. I was in absolute pain.
Speaker 1: I wasn't eating much, like I could barely eat, so
Speaker 1: I was extremely malnutrition, like I was twenty pounds lighter.
Speaker 1: And so now I'm in this business meeting. We're at quest.
Speaker 1: I'm sitting in front of Tom and there's like maybe
Speaker 1: ten other people and me and him start debating something.
Speaker 1: Now this is like, I've debated with him so many
Speaker 1: times up to this point, but because my guard was
Speaker 1: hurting me so much, because I couldn't eat and because
Speaker 1: I was tired, he had said something and inside I
Speaker 1: wanted to burst into tears, and so I was like,
Speaker 1: you're not going to cry, Lisa, You're not going to cry.
Speaker 1: Meeting goes over and I go into his restroom and
Speaker 1: I just stopped tearing up. And he walks in, thinking
Speaker 1: that I always had a bad stomach, and he sees
Speaker 1: me in tears the first time I'm crying at work
Speaker 1: quest so he's really shocked. He's like, hey, what's wrong.
Speaker 1: And I was like, you don't mean to me, and
Speaker 1: he's like, what is happening right now? I've never said that,
Speaker 1: especially at work, And he's like, Babe, I love you.
Speaker 1: Could this possibly be because of your health? And of
Speaker 1: course I was sensitive, so I was like, don't you
Speaker 1: dismiss my feelings, you know, And he's like, I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to dismiss your feelings, but let's just take things
Speaker 1: right now for how they are. You've never cried at work,
Speaker 1: you've never made it personal, never, but even by saying
Speaker 1: you're mean to me, it's a personal thing. How many
Speaker 1: times have we debated at work, You've never had this
Speaker 1: emotional reaction and the facts are, Baby, you're in pain.
Speaker 1: So can we maybe just say that right now you
Speaker 1: are being sensitive that you may not otherwise feel if
Speaker 1: your health was better. Yeah, and so in that moment,
Speaker 1: I was like, actually, you know what, sometimes your sevensitivity
Speaker 1: comes from something else totally, but you take it personally.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're a spot on. I mean genuinely don't
Speaker 1: trust myself if I'm hungrier on time, right, Like, I
Speaker 1: just don't make good decisions. I don't make decisions. I
Speaker 1: don't make choices. I will put something off if I'm
Speaker 1: hungry or I'm tired, I will say I'll think about
Speaker 1: it tomorrow. I just don't want to make that decision
Speaker 1: because I know I'll make poor decisions, let alone with
Speaker 1: our feelings and how we treat people. And I can
Speaker 1: remember that. Actually, when I was going through health things
Speaker 1: as well, I was a lot snappier, I was a
Speaker 1: lot more irritable. You were a little too sensitive, Yeah, exactly, Yeah,
Speaker 1: would rather I was way more agitated when I was struggling,
Speaker 1: because you're really what's happening is all your body's energy
Speaker 1: is trying to solve that issue, and so you have
Speaker 1: no energy, You don't have any capacity left for the
Speaker 1: part that you would usually have a little bit of
Speaker 1: resilience to deal with something that's not comfortable exactly. And
Speaker 1: now everything that would have just been uncomfortable becomes personal. Yes,
Speaker 1: And that's what's happening, right, because you've lost that capacity
Speaker 1: for discomfort. And I've realized that many times when I'm tired,
Speaker 1: or I'm hungry, or I'm going through something healthwise, I
Speaker 1: lose my ability for discomfort when usually I'd be more
Speaker 1: than happy to be in discomfort or handle some austerity.
Speaker 1: And the fact that you know that about yourself, though,
Speaker 1: allows you now to maneuver r It's not that you
Speaker 1: dismiss that you're a bad person or that means something
Speaker 1: about you. You just know, oh, okay, I'm not in
Speaker 1: my full capacity because I'm not. I don't have the
Speaker 1: things that I need in order to be able to
Speaker 1: handle this and not take it personally. So that's where
Speaker 1: in the books, like it's so important for me to say, like, look,
Speaker 1: it's like, we don't know I'm sensitive, and you can't
Speaker 1: take that away from me. It's like, yes, but does
Speaker 1: it serve you and is it actually true or is
Speaker 1: it a reflection of other things in your life? I
Speaker 1: love that. I love that Lisa. That's such a powerful
Speaker 1: and I want everyone who's nose listening and watching that
Speaker 1: this book is full of. What I think Lisa does
Speaker 1: really well is take on these really complex ideas, simplify them,
Speaker 1: but then still deal with the complexity. Right as you
Speaker 1: can hear, we're going back and forth on this stuff
Speaker 1: because it's not either raw, it's not one or the other.
Speaker 1: It's not like here's the one answer that's going to
Speaker 1: solve everything. It's actually like really textured and layered and messy,
Speaker 1: and you've got to think about it at that level
Speaker 1: if you really want to solve it. Because just going
Speaker 1: out there and saying just be sensitive to share your feelings, like,
Speaker 1: that's only one half of the issue. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: there's all these other layers in between. And so I
Speaker 1: think what Lisa does in Radical Confidence is each of
Speaker 1: these ten lessons they're going to simply tell you what
Speaker 1: to do next, but they're also going to help you
Speaker 1: think about how these ideas and as she said at
Speaker 1: the beginning, the muscle builds over time. Lisa, thank you
Speaker 1: for writing this book. I again recommend everyone goes and
Speaker 1: grabs a copy. You won't be disappointed. I genuinely have
Speaker 1: always loved Lisa's storytelling ability. You saw it today. She's
Speaker 1: able to take you back into a mo when in
Speaker 1: time I help you to reconnect with that fourteen year
Speaker 1: old girl that she was, to reconnect with the housewife
Speaker 1: she was for eight years. You know, all of those
Speaker 1: elements in her life, which I think are identities that
Speaker 1: we can all relate to at different times in our
Speaker 1: own life. At least. Any last words, anything that's on
Speaker 1: your mind, anything that's in your heart that you really
Speaker 1: want to share, I want to give you the space
Speaker 1: to say it. No, just thank you so much for
Speaker 1: having me. And you know, you've really been witnessed as
Speaker 1: well to kind of me going from behind the scenes,
Speaker 1: you know, in front, and Braddy's been doing the same,
Speaker 1: Like it's so beautiful to see, like how much you
Speaker 1: support so many women in your in your life. So
Speaker 1: thank you for being a part of my own journey
Speaker 1: and being such a good friend. And you know, my
Speaker 1: brother from another mother. You feel like home, dude, And
Speaker 1: I just cannot thank you enough for having me. I'm
Speaker 1: so proud of you for putting this together because I
Speaker 1: just think there's so many people out there who are
Speaker 1: struggling with these exact questions, these exact challenges, some of
Speaker 1: the ones that I didn't take for anyone who's listening,
Speaker 1: because I think you know you'll resonate with these ones.
Speaker 1: Just people can relate to this. How can you develop
Speaker 1: the mindset to I can set boundaries, I can choose
Speaker 1: how I react, I can rescue myself, I can be motivated,
Speaker 1: I can boost my confidence. I mean, these are all
Speaker 1: things that we all wish we could do. And I
Speaker 1: love how the book not only talks about the ideas
Speaker 1: in the way you'd expect, but I think you take
Speaker 1: this really counterintuitive approach. You're giving more depth on each one.
Speaker 1: Thank you, because I think that was actually the thing
Speaker 1: that held me back is I would read all these
Speaker 1: one things about and I was like, but that isn't
Speaker 1: really true to me. How you show up and I
Speaker 1: think humans are very you said earlier, humans are complex.
Speaker 1: Women were very complex, And so it's not buying there,
Speaker 1: It's not one or the other. It's how do you
Speaker 1: deal with the beauty that makes up you. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: everyone makes sure you subscribe to Women of Impact, make
Speaker 1: sure you follow Lisa on Instagram, make sure you go
Speaker 1: and grab a copy of the book. You won't be disappointed,
Speaker 1: I promise, And please do tag me and Lisa on
Speaker 1: any social media platform that you use, letting us know
Speaker 1: what stood out to you, what connected with you. Maybe
Speaker 1: you're gonna take a picture of a page in the
Speaker 1: book that really resonated with you, that spoke to you,
Speaker 1: highlight it, share it with us online. I genuinely love
Speaker 1: to see the feedback. And as you know, I do deeply, deeply,
Speaker 1: deeply support my friends who are authors on this podcast
Speaker 1: because writing a book is just not easy. When someone's
Speaker 1: promoting it and there's lots of cool posters and TV
Speaker 1: shows and billboards and all this kind of stuff, it
Speaker 1: can look very exciting and it is exciting, but the
Speaker 1: journey of writing a book, getting it right, printing it,
Speaker 1: getting it sorted, and then taking out there it's a marathon.
Speaker 1: So if you ever see me share about books very enthusiastically,
Speaker 1: it comes from just knowing that the author's really been
Speaker 1: through it to get to that stage. So that's where
Speaker 1: my overenthusiasm kicks in, but thank you so much for
Speaker 1: listening and watching. Everyone. A big thanks to Lisa for
Speaker 1: joining us today, sending you lots of love. Make sure
Speaker 1: you pass this onto someone who needs it, and I'll
Speaker 1: see you next time on on purpose. Thanks everyone,