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Speaker 1: I had every intention to help women that felt like

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Speaker 1: I did. I had that north star, I knew what

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Speaker 1: I was trying to do. I gave it my all

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Speaker 1: and so if now no one likes it, I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to feel badly about myself because I showed up.

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Speaker 1: And that's the thing, Jain. No one can affect whether

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Speaker 1: you show up or not. Hit about the failure and successes.

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Speaker 1: No one can affect whether if you showed up or

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Speaker 1: the only person that can affect that issue. Hey, everyone,

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Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast

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Speaker 1: in the world. Thanks to each and every single one

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Speaker 1: of you that come back every week to listen, learn

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Speaker 1: and grow. Now, there have been very very few guests

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Speaker 1: that we've had on twice on Purpose, and this is

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Speaker 1: one of those rare times. And it's because today's guest

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Speaker 1: is not only an incredible author one of my favorite storytellers,

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Speaker 1: but she truly is a dear, dear friend. She reminds

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Speaker 1: me of her home. She's given me a sense of

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Speaker 1: comfort ever since I moved to LA. She's amazing friends

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Speaker 1: with my wife, she's a phenomenal interviewer, and so much more.

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Speaker 1: Of course, I'm speaking about none other than my dear

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Speaker 1: friend Lisa Billieu. Now, for those of you who don't

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Speaker 1: know Lisa, Lisa Bellew co founded Question Nutrition, which grew

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Speaker 1: fifty seven thousand percent in its first three years. She's

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Speaker 1: also the co founder and president of Impact Theory Studios,

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Speaker 1: of revolutionary digital first studio that produces wildly entertaining original

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Speaker 1: content focusing on themes of empowerment. Throughout her career, Lisa

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Speaker 1: has created a slate of content that's been viewed over

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Speaker 1: half a billion times, and by overseeing all in house

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Speaker 1: content development at Impact Theory, she along with her husband

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Speaker 1: Tom Bellieu, who's also been an amazing guest, have built

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Speaker 1: a global audience of over seven point five million. As

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Speaker 1: a host of her own digital series, which, by the way,

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Speaker 1: if you haven't seen it, you need to go and subscribe.

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Speaker 1: It's called Women of Impact on YouTube. Go and subscribe.

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Speaker 1: Lisa spends her days having real, uncensored conversations with the

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Speaker 1: most inspiring women and as an amazingly inspiring woman herself.

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Speaker 1: She has written her first book called Radical Confidence ten

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Speaker 1: no Bs lessons on becoming the Hero of your own life.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to On Purpose, Lisa, Oh my god, are you joking?

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Speaker 1: Thank you so excited. Literally, I've been so giddy just

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Speaker 1: so that we get to hang out, because every time

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Speaker 1: we try and hang out, like as a double day

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Speaker 1: or something, there's always one of us. There's always one

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Speaker 1: of us. There's always one. It's usually Radian Tom. Yes,

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Speaker 1: actually it's never me, a new chan yet I don't

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Speaker 1: think it is. Really ones are always trying. We're the

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Speaker 1: organized ones, let's face it. But no, honestly I was.

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Speaker 1: I was looking forward to seeing you today as well,

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Speaker 1: because we always a fun runner together. I'm so proud

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Speaker 1: of you for putting this book together. It's so hard

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Speaker 1: writing a book, creating a book, then going out and

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Speaker 1: sharing the story, then going through the emotions of actually

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Speaker 1: talking about everything that's in the book, and especially when

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Speaker 1: it's a book about confidence. Let's start. We know each

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Speaker 1: other fairly well, but I always feel like I'm going

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Speaker 1: to learn so much more about you today, which I'm

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Speaker 1: very excited about. When you were growing up, who for

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Speaker 1: you did you look at as the epitome of confidence?

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Speaker 1: Like who was it that you thought or what was

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Speaker 1: it or was it a character or a role that

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Speaker 1: you were Like that person seems confident, the person I

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Speaker 1: admired the most was Jody Foster. Wow. Yeah, I don't

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Speaker 1: really talk about this much actually, but growing up I

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Speaker 1: so loved movies. I always like the kid that would

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Speaker 1: gap at three in the morning and wish one day

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Speaker 1: I'm going to win the Academy Award for Best Movie Director,

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Speaker 1: you know, like that was the dream. And so I

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Speaker 1: really did look at who is in the space that's

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Speaker 1: doing the things, and Jody Foster always seems so confident

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Speaker 1: to me. She was in front of the camera, she

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Speaker 1: was behind the camera, she was writing, she was directing,

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Speaker 1: she was produced sing and so I just thought, of course,

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Speaker 1: I know differently now where you see a woman that

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Speaker 1: always shows up. I just thought, oh my god, she

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Speaker 1: must have like the most confidence. But in having learned

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Speaker 1: about her and her story, and you know, she's very like,

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Speaker 1: very private, and so I dismissed the fact that she

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Speaker 1: probably wasn't confident but always showed up. And that's kind

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Speaker 1: of what the book is about, is that you don't

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Speaker 1: have to always feel confident to show up. So, yeah,

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Speaker 1: Jodie Foster, I think, yeah, wow, I didn't know that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I love that. I've heard you talk about that,

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Speaker 1: and of course you talk about in the book this

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Speaker 1: idea of how we think we have to be confident

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Speaker 1: before we do big things. We think we have to

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Speaker 1: have this courage and bravery before we do big things.

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Speaker 1: And you go on to say in the book that

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Speaker 1: I actually know when you do these things, that's what

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Speaker 1: makes you confident. What was one of the first things

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Speaker 1: that you started to do or experiment with where you

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Speaker 1: started to gain confidence or build confidence? So I love

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Speaker 1: that you said build So I've got a line in

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Speaker 1: the book it's like, it's like a muscle. You wouldn't

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Speaker 1: go to the gym and what gluts are still after

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Speaker 1: doing a couple of squads, right, you wanted to, but

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Speaker 1: do you get glue to still use your glue? It's amazing,

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Speaker 1: but you don't just go what you want to, but

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Speaker 1: you don't. And so that is like with confidence, we

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Speaker 1: kind of want it already, but if you think of

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Speaker 1: it like a muscle, you can go and you can

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Speaker 1: train it. And that's the point is that for me

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Speaker 1: it became being thrown into the deep end not feeling

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Speaker 1: like I had any confidence. I was completely insecure. I

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Speaker 1: was actually very inadequate. So it wasn't even like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I just you know, I had it, and I was just,

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Speaker 1: you know, not feeling great about myself. No. No, when

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Speaker 1: we started quest, I didn't know what I was doing

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Speaker 1: at all, And so the confidence part came afterwards. It

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Speaker 1: came as the byproduct of doing things, figuring out, falling

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Speaker 1: on the floor, getting back up, learning from it, and

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Speaker 1: then over time becoming competent. And the confidence part I think,

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Speaker 1: I think it's just we want to feel great about ourselves.

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Speaker 1: That's it. We want to feel great about ourselves before

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Speaker 1: we try something. Active is everything? So how do you

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Speaker 1: shift that? And so how I did it was, instead

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Speaker 1: of focusing on the confidence, say what is that end goal?

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Speaker 1: I want confidence to do what? And now once you

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Speaker 1: have that, then you put in a plant a blueprint

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Speaker 1: of how you're going to get there, because your confidence

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Speaker 1: will come after that. I love that. I think you're

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Speaker 1: completely shifting how people think about confidence because I still

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Speaker 1: see those things like this is how to be confidence,

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Speaker 1: stand this way to do this, and those things work

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Speaker 1: and they're useful, but you're talking about a deeper sense

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Speaker 1: of confidence. How do you define confidence? And radical confidence? Obviously,

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Speaker 1: how do you define that? Because I do think you're

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Speaker 1: encouraging us all to move to a much more deeper

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Speaker 1: level of confidence. Yeah, I'm trying. Definitely the word confidence.

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Speaker 1: I do think it's about a feeling. You want to

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Speaker 1: feel great about yourself before you start something, and radical

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Speaker 1: confidence is it's not about feeling great about yourself. It's

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Speaker 1: about how do I get to that end goal so

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Speaker 1: I can have the life and the dream I've always wanted.

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Speaker 1: That's it And so it's not going to be easy.

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Speaker 1: And that's the big part of it. And because it's

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Speaker 1: not easy, and because you're all the time moving forward,

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Speaker 1: even when you're scared, you're moving forward, even when you're fearful,

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Speaker 1: how do you keep moving forward? Now, it's very easy

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Speaker 1: to say, oh, just do it anyway when you're scared. No. No,

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Speaker 1: if you've got crippling anxiety, if you're like really feeling

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Speaker 1: badly about yourself, telling someone to just do it anyway

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Speaker 1: doesn't actually help. So to me, it has to be

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Speaker 1: a blueprint if you want to lose weight. Some people,

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Speaker 1: like my mom, she was so severely overweight. Just telling

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Speaker 1: her one, Mom, I'll get you a gym membership it

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have helped. Because she feels so badly about herself.

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Speaker 1: She doesn't even have the radical confidence to walk into

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Speaker 1: the gym. So, okay, how do you actually get someone

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Speaker 1: to take their health or like take those stepping stands.

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Speaker 1: Maybe right now, all you need to do is put

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Speaker 1: your shoes by the bed. That's it. That's what you're

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Speaker 1: going to do. Tomorrow. You're not going to go to

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Speaker 1: the gym, You're not going to do anything else. You're

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Speaker 1: just going to put your shoes by their bed. And

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Speaker 1: then the next day you're going to put your shoes on.

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Speaker 1: And what you're gonna do is every time you do it,

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Speaker 1: you're actually going to give yourself a pat on the

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Speaker 1: back and said, yesterday I didn't put the shoes on,

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Speaker 1: and today I did. And it becomes these little microscopic

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Speaker 1: movements towards the dream that you really want, so that

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Speaker 1: you can build that competence to build the confidence. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that I mean, especially that part, the competence to build

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Speaker 1: the confidence. I completely completely agree with you. I speak

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Speaker 1: to a lot of friends who have young kids, and

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Speaker 1: they always they'll always say to me like, oh, my

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Speaker 1: kid's not very confident and he lacks or she lacks

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Speaker 1: or they lack in confidence. And when I look back

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Speaker 1: to being a young kid, I would say I wasn't

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Speaker 1: confident when I was growing up and I was bullied,

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Speaker 1: I was overweight, I was one of the end We

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Speaker 1: grew up in the same area. I was one of

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Speaker 1: the only South Asian Indian kids in our area, and

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Speaker 1: so I was bullied for several things. And I would

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Speaker 1: say it took me a long time before I developed

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Speaker 1: a sense of confidence. But it was exactly what you

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Speaker 1: just said. It was building competence that led to confidence.

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Speaker 1: So my parents forced me to go to public speaking

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Speaker 1: school built tons of confidence. My parents forced me to

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Speaker 1: go to drama school, built tons of confidence. So when

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Speaker 1: they forced me to build competence, that built confidence. And

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Speaker 1: I think we're so scared that we don't build skills.

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Speaker 1: We think we can solve how we feel without building

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Speaker 1: a skill. Does that make sense? Oh my god? One hundred.

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Speaker 1: And that's part of it. It's like me wanting to

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Speaker 1: let's say it is getting on stage. I was so

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Speaker 1: petrified to get on stage. But my goal is impact.

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Speaker 1: So Tom pulls me aside and he's like, Babe, as

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Speaker 1: your husband, you've said you want to create impact, but

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Speaker 1: you keep saying no to these speaking gigs, and so

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Speaker 1: I'm just letting you know that your actions aren't aligned

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Speaker 1: with what you say you want in life. So I

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, oh, how typical time when calling me

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Speaker 1: on my stuff. So it's like, Okay, I recognize that

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Speaker 1: getting on stage actually does solve that serve that mission

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Speaker 1: that I really am like holding my core to. But

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Speaker 1: how on earth do I get on stage? How do

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Speaker 1: I build that competence when I just feel so badly

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Speaker 1: about myself, when I'm so embarrassed, I'm so I'm worried

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Speaker 1: about falling on my face and like really embarrassing myself,

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Speaker 1: How on earth do I do that? And it becomes

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Speaker 1: us that your parents forced you. As an adult, I

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Speaker 1: think it becomes harder. We get very in our own heads.

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Speaker 1: And I think you know, as kids, we are easily

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Speaker 1: You can learn, you can walk, you can tie your shoes,

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Speaker 1: you learn how to do you don't do it the

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Speaker 1: first time, but you just take time. But as adults,

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Speaker 1: we don't give ourselves the grace to go through that

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Speaker 1: training period. And so for me, and when I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: about public speaking, I do think about those incremental steps

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Speaker 1: in order to get there, because I can't just want

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Speaker 1: to To your point, it's like I can say I

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Speaker 1: really want this, but to so many people that it's

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Speaker 1: just not enough. It's like it's that isn't enough to

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Speaker 1: actually get people to act on their dream Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely.

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Speaker 1: Now what I love about the book, and I do

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Speaker 1: recommend everyone goes and grabs their copy. It's called radical confidence.

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Speaker 1: I'm speaking of leastabiliu ten nobs lessons on becoming the

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Speaker 1: hero of your own life. Make sure you go grab

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Speaker 1: a copy. We've got it in the subject area, We've

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Speaker 1: got it in the comment section everywhere. I love books.

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Speaker 1: I love content that has lessons and the fact that

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Speaker 1: you have ten in here makes it very simple and

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Speaker 1: I love that. And I want to dive through a

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Speaker 1: little bit of these so everyone gets a feeling of like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I need to, you know, go and dive into that chapter.

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Speaker 1: First of all, you say your dreams are a gamble

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Speaker 1: bet on yourself. And the one that I loved out

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Speaker 1: of all of these was I can stop making excuses,

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Speaker 1: because I think there are a lot of excuses. Where

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Speaker 1: do you think those excuses come from? What were some

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Speaker 1: of the excuses you've told yourself, and what are some

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Speaker 1: of the excuses you hear that other people are telling themselves.

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Speaker 1: Great question, and I just want to say, sometimes here's

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Speaker 1: a problem with the excuses. Sometimes they're real, that's the problem. Sometimes, yes,

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Speaker 1: you have every reason to say I can't do I

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Speaker 1: don't have the time. Jay, shit, how busy you do? Right?

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Speaker 1: How busy? Oh? My? I think I work most days

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Speaker 1: seven am till like ten pm. Yeah, that's insane. So

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Speaker 1: let's say something comes to you. You can easily say, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't have time. Is that an excuse or a

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Speaker 1: valid reason? It's true. But now if it's getting in

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Speaker 1: your way of your dream, how do you see it?

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Speaker 1: There's an excuses or is a reason. It's like everyone

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Speaker 1: makes their decisions, right, so you would make the decision

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Speaker 1: say I can't do that because I'm too busy. To me,

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Speaker 1: that's a decision that you've made, yes, And so for me,

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Speaker 1: the excuse is to look at your reasons why you're

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Speaker 1: not making the moves that you want to or that

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Speaker 1: you say you're going to write them down and then

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Speaker 1: with no judgment. You can hear me say that a

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Speaker 1: lot because I used to judge myself and it's the

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Speaker 1: judgment that would hold me back. So writing down all

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Speaker 1: those reasons, let's say, you've got your goal, why aren't

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Speaker 1: you there? Yeah, So my goal was I want to

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Speaker 1: make movies. That's where me and Tom we first got married.

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Speaker 1: Tom was going to go out make enough money, and

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Speaker 1: I was going to support him at home. It's just

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Speaker 1: going to be free year. So one year turns into

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Speaker 1: two years, turns into three, turns into four, and so

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Speaker 1: I start losing all my hopes and dreams in that period.

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Speaker 1: And the excuse I kept making to myself is where

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Speaker 1: we still don't have the money yet to make movies.

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Speaker 1: And that was the reason that I was that we

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Speaker 1: weren't making movies. Now, if I'd stepped back, said, okay,

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Speaker 1: my goal is to make movies. What are the reasons, Well,

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Speaker 1: I don't have enough money. Is that a reason or

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Speaker 1: an excuse? If you drill down, it's an excuse because

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Speaker 1: I could make a short movie. I could make a

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Speaker 1: two minute film that it's shot on my iPhone that

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Speaker 1: costs nothing. But in my head I had so stuck

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Speaker 1: to the big dream of making a te hundred million

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Speaker 1: dollar movie that every time I wasn't even taking one step,

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Speaker 1: I kept using the excuse that I didn't have money.

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Speaker 1: I kept using the excuse that we didn't have the time,

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Speaker 1: that I was all hang on them. In fact, here's

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Speaker 1: a perfect excuse that I wonder if your audience will

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Speaker 1: resonate with. We used to say, like Tom would go

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Speaker 1: out to work, and it's like, why wasn't I, like

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Speaker 1: really moving towards my dream, my goal? And as we

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Speaker 1: started to build QUEST, as it was getting more and

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Speaker 1: more successful, I was like, well, I can't focus on

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Speaker 1: QUEST because I still have to do all these things

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Speaker 1: at home. I can't put all my time in there

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Speaker 1: because it's left to do the laundry I still left

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Speaker 1: to cook. I was that a reason. I was an excuse.

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Speaker 1: Some people will say, of course you have to do laundry,

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Speaker 1: that's a very valid reason. Now here's the thing that's

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Speaker 1: a choice. You don't have to do laundry. And I

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Speaker 1: used it as an excuse time and time again of

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Speaker 1: why I wasn't moving towards my dream. Because the truth was,

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Speaker 1: when I finally realized it was an excuse, I sat

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Speaker 1: down with Tom and I said, baby, I love you

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Speaker 1: more than life itself, but I don't want to cook

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Speaker 1: for you anymore. I don't want to do your laundry anymore.

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Speaker 1: And so if I get time, I'll do it. I'll

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Speaker 1: do it maybe every three weeks. And so he's like, baby,

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Speaker 1: to see you happy. What kind of husband would I

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Speaker 1: be to say that I need it my underwear cleaned

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Speaker 1: because out of your your happiness. And so one day

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Speaker 1: I literally didn't do the laundry for so long. He's like,

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Speaker 1: all right, baby, I'm out a laundry, so I guess

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Speaker 1: I'm going to work commando. And he actually went to

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Speaker 1: work without underwear. So you can see how one time,

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Speaker 1: once upon a time, I had the mindset that doing

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Speaker 1: the laundry was absolutely part of how you should live.

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Speaker 1: But by removing that as an excuse and saying, hey,

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Speaker 1: this actually is getting in your way of your dream

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Speaker 1: and your goal, remove it. And now where did it lead?

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Speaker 1: The husband went to work commando and I didn't think

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Speaker 1: twice about it. Why because I was working on my dream.

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Speaker 1: I love that that's such a great example, because you're

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Speaker 1: so right that often your excuse can be real, but

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Speaker 1: it can still be an excuse. Yeah, And I love

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Speaker 1: the idea you gave about making movies too, because I

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Speaker 1: do think we have the big dream and we don't

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Speaker 1: see this small step and the way you describe. That

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Speaker 1: to me made so much sense because I was speaking

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Speaker 1: to someone recently and I was telling them about when

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Speaker 1: I moved to LA and they've just kind of moved

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Speaker 1: to LA and they're starting out and they're at film

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Speaker 1: school and it's early days, and I was just saying that,

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Speaker 1: you know, when I came to LA, there's so many

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Speaker 1: things that I still want to do that I haven't

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Speaker 1: done yet. But if I just wanted to do those things,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't have built everything else. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be someone who just has a big dream. I want

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Speaker 1: to be someone who's doing lots of small things towards

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Speaker 1: that big dream. And I think sometimes the big dream

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Speaker 1: cripples us and we keep pushing it off, and we

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Speaker 1: keep saying, oh, no, well, like you said, I don't

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Speaker 1: have a hundred million dollars, how am I making a movie.

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Speaker 1: We're living in this amazing time where anyone can make

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Speaker 1: a movie for very cheap, for free even, and it's

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Speaker 1: incredible to think about it that way. So I'm so

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Speaker 1: glad you've written about that. And in the book, just

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Speaker 1: so everyone knows, Lisa goes through in chapter one, she

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Speaker 1: goes talks about how you can dream big, how you

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Speaker 1: can change your life, how you can bet on yourself.

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Speaker 1: I literally just picked out one thing from one chapter

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Speaker 1: that I find interesting because I find that excuses keep

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Speaker 1: growing no matter where you're at, no matter where you're at.

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Speaker 1: And what I've realized for me is that my excuse

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Speaker 1: is based on a season. So right now I'm in

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Speaker 1: a season of writing. My book comes out next year,

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Speaker 1: my second book, and I know that when I'm writing

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Speaker 1: my book, all my creative energy goes into writing a book.

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Speaker 1: So I know that I can't really do many other

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Speaker 1: things that are highly creative because all my energy goes

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Speaker 1: into the book. But as soon as my book time's over,

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Speaker 1: I now get all this new creative time back and

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Speaker 1: I can do a lot of stuff. So during this period,

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Speaker 1: I accept that my excuse is true that I can't

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Speaker 1: do much more. But once that's over, now I know

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Speaker 1: I can go off and do other things. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: I would. Actually then when I come to that conclusion,

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Speaker 1: going oh, Okay, this excuse makes sense based on what

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to do, EI then flip and go cool,

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Speaker 1: this is now longer excuse. It's a reason. Yes. And

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Speaker 1: so because here's what I like to I actually like

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Speaker 1: to call myself on it. So at least you're using

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Speaker 1: that as an excuse, and so I want to make

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Speaker 1: sure that I'm always defining that word that gets me

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Speaker 1: the emotion I'm trying to feel to propel me forward.

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Speaker 1: I love that. That makes so much sense. Yeah, exactly,

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Speaker 1: And that's what You're right. It's not an excuse, it's

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Speaker 1: a reason. Yeah. I love that all right. Rule two

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Speaker 1: is called make up your mindset. And the one that

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Speaker 1: I loved out of all of the sections of this

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Speaker 1: chapter is I can get good at anything. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: love that mindset. Can you tell me about something that

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Speaker 1: you were once terrible at that today you would consider

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Speaker 1: yourself to be fantastic at. And I know you won't

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Speaker 1: hold back because I know we both agree that it's

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Speaker 1: so easy to like, never accept that we actually got

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Speaker 1: good at anything. But I'm hoping everyone and I'll do

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Speaker 1: the same. When you hear me and Lisa own that

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Speaker 1: we're now good at something, please see it as a

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Speaker 1: sign for you to own your own growth. Because we

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Speaker 1: live in this world where we judge ourselves when we're losing,

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Speaker 1: and then we judge ourselves when we're winning, and it's

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Speaker 1: so important to lose judgment at both times. So true. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I being the stay at home wife for eight years

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Speaker 1: being thrust into question nutrition. I was just helping out

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Speaker 1: the husband. I'm a good quek wife. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: help the husband out. What do I need to do now?

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Speaker 1: I didn't have any skill sets in building a company. Zero.

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Speaker 1: I knew how to be a great wife. I knew

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Speaker 1: filmmaking because I went to film school for it, and

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Speaker 1: I knew how to take care of my two dogs. Husband.

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Speaker 1: That was like my skis, It's pretty not too bad.

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Speaker 1: But when you go into a startup company, every single

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Speaker 1: day I was faced with things. I had no idea

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Speaker 1: to the little things of a palette. I was shipping

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Speaker 1: bars off my living room floor. We grew at fifty

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Speaker 1: seven thousand percent, so literally within a few weeks, a

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Speaker 1: few months, I'm shipping out twenty boxes, and so the

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Speaker 1: ups guy comes along and he's like, yeah, I can

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Speaker 1: actually take a lot more if you put everything on

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Speaker 1: a palette. I was too embarrassed to admit I had

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Speaker 1: no idea what a palette was. So it's like, okay, great,

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Speaker 1: thanks mate. You know, when he drives off, I run

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Speaker 1: back to my computer and typing Google what on earth

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Speaker 1: is a palette? You know? And then the image comes

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Speaker 1: up like, oh yeah, I kind of know what those are.

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Speaker 1: Where do I get one from? How much do they cost?

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Speaker 1: So I literally just keep typing in where do I

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Speaker 1: get one from? How much do they cost? And that's

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Speaker 1: the sort of thing that started to build my self

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Speaker 1: esteem around being the person that configure it out, not

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Speaker 1: the person that knows everything. And it becomes such a

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Speaker 1: safe place for me because now I don't worry about

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Speaker 1: not knowing something. I just if I have the mentality

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Speaker 1: and the ethos that I can figure it out if

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Speaker 1: I put the time and energy into it. Some things

416
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Speaker 1: may take a second what is a palette? Some things

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Speaker 1: may take two years. But regardless, if I believe I can,

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Speaker 1: I can actually take the steps forward. But I believe

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Speaker 1: I can't, I'm not going to. And let's face it,

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Speaker 1: so many people are also there to be ready to

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Speaker 1: tell you what you can't do. Yeah, So that's why

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Speaker 1: you have to believe in yourself that you know how to,

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Speaker 1: because you can very much get influenced from the outside world.

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Speaker 1: Like one of the very early days, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you know this story, actually one of the very

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Speaker 1: early days of QUEST, we had like Justin Bieber's cousin

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00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:38,320
Speaker 1: was like contacted Quest and so they're like, oh my god, Lisa,

428
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 1: we can get Quest a bus to Justin Bieber. But

429
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,680
Speaker 1: here's the catch. He's in the Bye and you've only

430
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 1: got like twenty forty eight hours to get it to him.

431
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,680
Speaker 1: And everyone's like, but it's impossible. Everyone said it's impossible.

432
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 1: I called up my UPS guy. They're like, it's impossible.

433
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 1: It's a food product, it's the Bye, it's important, it's

434
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,119
Speaker 1: like all this like logistics. And in that moment, I

435
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,119
Speaker 1: was like, no one's going to fight for your dream

436
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:03,159
Speaker 1: more than you. So of course my request to my

437
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 1: even the UPS person, I'm making his life harder. So

438
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,800
Speaker 1: when he sees the hurdle or he's like, is impossible,

439
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,480
Speaker 1: but no one will fight for your dream more than

440
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,760
Speaker 1: you will. So I didn't take impossible as an option.

441
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,120
Speaker 1: I didn't know what I was doing. I figured it out,

442
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,560
Speaker 1: and so I literally said, Okay, if you're the person

443
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,200
Speaker 1: that figures it out, what would this look like. Don't

444
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 1: take no for an answer. Ask questions, Ask boat loads

445
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 1: of questions. Instead of feeling badly about myself for not knowing,

446
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:34,080
Speaker 1: just keep asking so I would get on. I'm just oh, okay,

447
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 1: you can't help it. Can I speak your manager? Please?

448
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 1: Manager comes up. It's impossible. Can you explain to me why? Well,

449
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,639
Speaker 1: because of the customs, all right, what if? What if

450
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,680
Speaker 1: I overpaid customs? Well, but what about this slip? Well, okay,

451
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,240
Speaker 1: I'll just fill out the slip in advance and I'll

452
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,480
Speaker 1: be up at three in the morning in case it

453
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,720
Speaker 1: gets out, I'll be on call. Like every time there's

454
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 1: a problem, do you have a way to think around it?

455
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,359
Speaker 1: And it's not that I knew what I was doing.

456
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,400
Speaker 1: That's the key. Is that I just had the mentality

457
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 1: that no one's going to fight for my dream more

458
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 1: than me, and I'm not going to take no as

459
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,640
Speaker 1: an answer. And because of those things, I ended up

460
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 1: figuring it out, and I end up getting bars to

461
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 1: JB in time. I don't know if he actually ever received.

462
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 1: That's the heart baking thing. It was like I got

463
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:16,160
Speaker 1: confirmation they arrived at his hotel. And to me though,

464
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 1: that was the thing I held onto that no one

465
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 1: thought it was possible. All the experts thought it was impossible.

466
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 1: I didn't know what I was doing, but I went

467
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,199
Speaker 1: in there as the learner and said, Lisa, you're going

468
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,199
Speaker 1: to figure it out. I love that story. Do you

469
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,639
Speaker 1: know why? Because it's so practical, Like it's so tangible.

470
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:36,120
Speaker 1: It's not like this ethereal dream that you made come true.

471
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:38,240
Speaker 1: It's literally like, we need to get these bars from

472
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:42,160
Speaker 1: this country to this country. And you can see all

473
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 1: the steps it takes, and you can see every moment

474
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 1: where you could have just gone, can't be bothered now,

475
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,480
Speaker 1: And that's literally the only thing. And actually whether he

476
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,719
Speaker 1: got it or not is irrelevant to the fact that

477
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 1: you were able to figure it out. Yes, And it

478
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 1: shows that now you can apply that to anything big

479
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,439
Speaker 1: or small, And now you are applying it to movies

480
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,680
Speaker 1: and comic books and you know, whatever else it may be.

481
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 1: But it started off by just trying to get a

482
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:10,920
Speaker 1: bar from one country to another. I honestly hope that

483
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 1: everyone's listening and watching. The reason why I love Lisa's

484
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:16,639
Speaker 1: examples is because they're just so tangible, they're so real,

485
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,119
Speaker 1: and I think sometimes it's like, maybe you're listening right

486
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:21,879
Speaker 1: now and you have a company you want to start,

487
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 1: or you have a podcast you want to launch, r

488
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 1: you have a YouTube channel, that's in your head, and

489
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:30,360
Speaker 1: it really is as simple today as going on Google,

490
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 1: typing it in and trying it. And I think the

491
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,160
Speaker 1: biggest mistake that Lisa, I want to hear your take

492
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:41,440
Speaker 1: on this is I think we often try things too slow,

493
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 1: and therefore the results are more painful to accept. I'll

494
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 1: give you an example of what I mean. If I'm

495
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:52,640
Speaker 1: interested by something, Let's take something like what you just did.

496
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 1: If you took three months to type in what's a palette,

497
00:23:55,960 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 1: then three months later you'll figure out how much they cost,

498
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 1: and then three months later maybe the prices go up,

499
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 1: and now in twelve months you're going, oh, well, I

500
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,640
Speaker 1: guess that wasn't useful. Whereas if you go back that

501
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 1: day like you did, and then you went to research

502
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 1: how much they cost, and then you research the budget

503
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 1: and everything else that you did, you learn it so

504
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 1: fast and now you can take action so often. What

505
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 1: I think is that we need to experiment more often,

506
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:24,920
Speaker 1: as opposed to like trying to make something happen over

507
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,199
Speaker 1: a year. If you try and do it in an hour,

508
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,880
Speaker 1: you'll actually more likely to learn and grow rather than saying, Okay,

509
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:34,400
Speaker 1: I'm going to spend ten minutes on this every week.

510
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: If you can spend an hour on it this weekend,

511
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 1: you probably make a bit more growth and you'll feel

512
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 1: more momentum. I don't know what your thoughts about one

513
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 1: thousand percent. I think the reason why people don't know

514
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:47,400
Speaker 1: is they fear not being perfect. Yeah, so they're like, well,

515
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,159
Speaker 1: let me just figure it, like, let me take the

516
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 1: stepping stimes, let me process it, let me and I

517
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 1: actually get it that fear really can stop so many

518
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: of us. But that's why I have the identity of

519
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 1: being the learner, of being the person actually, you know what,

520
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 1: I don't know this today and I don't judge myself

521
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,640
Speaker 1: for it, but I can learn. And it's that if like,

522
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,479
Speaker 1: what is that goal? How do you keep moving forward?

523
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 1: And then the fear part, that voice in the head

524
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 1: that I took I very much talk about, is telling me, well, Lisa,

525
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 1: you don't know what you're doing. Well, Lisa, you know,

526
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,199
Speaker 1: who do you think you are? Like, you don't have

527
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: any you know, expertise in this area. But if I'm

528
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 1: then bypass it by being like, oh no, you don't

529
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 1: know anything, so hey, you should learn, you know, It's

530
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 1: like bypass that voice to then get you to act,

531
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,679
Speaker 1: and then in that action you then feel the competence

532
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 1: that then builds the confidence to then keep going. But

533
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,879
Speaker 1: it is that starting point that is very fearful and

534
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 1: so recently in fact, I don't know how you felt

535
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 1: in like launching a book and stuff like that. And

536
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 1: we're very creative, so as part of the creative I

537
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:53,399
Speaker 1: get very hypo microscopic on everything. It's like that's not

538
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,439
Speaker 1: good enough, No, that's not right. And I realized I

539
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: was actually holding myself back because to your point, like,

540
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 1: I wasn't just like learning from it. I wasn't just

541
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,120
Speaker 1: putting things out. And so I ended up sitting down

542
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 1: and saying, Okay, right now, this fear of like trying

543
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: to be perfect is actually holding your back. I don't

544
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,640
Speaker 1: judge myself for it, but I say, how do I

545
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,879
Speaker 1: overcome this feeling? Because I can't force myself not to

546
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 1: feel it, So I have to come up with a plan,

547
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 1: a tactic to overcome the way that I'm handling it.

548
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,360
Speaker 1: So I sat there and I was like, oh, I'm

549
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 1: looking for perfection. Does perfection help impact people with this book? No? Okay, great,

550
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 1: So how do I overcome this? I need to be

551
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:35,440
Speaker 1: deliberate not perfect. Hey, that's actually really strong. That really

552
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,960
Speaker 1: hit me. Be deliberate. How do I remind myself that

553
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:41,679
Speaker 1: in moments? Because we all have habits, So the habit

554
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 1: of me right now is to be perfect. So how

555
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,640
Speaker 1: do I overcome this habit of being perfect? Okay, I'm

556
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 1: going to put in my phone in something I call

557
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 1: in my own in the book, it's like phone roulette.

558
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 1: So it's actually you've got this roulette, but you put

559
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 1: a message in your phone, you close your eyes and

560
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 1: you spin the time, and you close your eye and

561
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 1: you don't know what time you've said it. And the

562
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 1: whole point for this is to keep reminding yourself in

563
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 1: random moments of the message. You're trying to become a

564
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 1: habit in your mind. So I put in be deliberate,

565
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 1: not perfect, and I did the roulette, and I did

566
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 1: it for about three weeks. And after that I don't

567
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 1: need anyone Now. Every time something comes to me, I

568
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,920
Speaker 1: just go, okay, I want to be deliberate, not perfect. Okay,

569
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 1: yea great, this is good to go. Wow. So wait,

570
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 1: you choose the message yeah, and then you put at

571
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: random time yeah, and then your phone will buzz at

572
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:29,919
Speaker 1: that time and remind you of that message that you

573
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,640
Speaker 1: put in. Yeah, and I don't know what's so cool,

574
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,719
Speaker 1: and I don't know when it's going to go off. Yeah,

575
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 1: so look, sometimes it goes off at the worst time,

576
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 1: when you're in an interview dation. Right. But I did

577
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:43,639
Speaker 1: this once for cool. Yeah. I did it once as

578
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 1: a name to experiment because I am always going I

579
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 1: don't judge myself for how I feel, but I don't

580
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 1: accept that as an excuse. Yeah, so, okay, this is real.

581
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: Don't feel badly, but what are you going to do

582
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,120
Speaker 1: to overcome it? So that was one of those things

583
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 1: I was actually really scared for Ted talk. This is

584
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 1: actually how it has started. I was so scared about

585
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 1: getting in fun on stage, and I had all these

586
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 1: like tactics, Okay, I'm going to have a blueprint, how

587
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,159
Speaker 1: do I think about it? How do I turn up?

588
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,719
Speaker 1: What's my wonder woman cuffs? Like all these things of

589
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:11,119
Speaker 1: how am I going to get on stage in the

590
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 1: first place? And part of that ritual leading up to

591
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 1: it was I did a little you got this, and

592
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:18,960
Speaker 1: I did a little muscle emoji and I closed my

593
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 1: eyes and I spun it. Now, sometimes it happened in

594
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 1: like when I was peeing, you know, like it's like

595
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: not a great time, but it really really worked, Like

596
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 1: it hit me so hard. And in moments when I

597
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:33,119
Speaker 1: was practicing for my speech, I didn't realize that it

598
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,879
Speaker 1: went off. So now here I am practicing, I'm reading over,

599
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:37,639
Speaker 1: I'm getting in my own head, I'm getting tense. I'm like,

600
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 1: oh my god, can I do really do this? The

601
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 1: alarm happened to go off at that time. So now

602
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:43,959
Speaker 1: I'm like, ah, yeah, I do get this, Lisa. So

603
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 1: now I go back and it becomes this little reminder

604
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 1: your own cheerleader. Wow, I love that idea. That's such

605
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: a cool that's absolutely brilliant. And also that statement be deliberate,

606
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 1: not perfect. Yeah, I think it's such a great mantra.

607
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 1: And I'm going to be honest here as well. So

608
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: I really dislike the cover of my book, my first

609
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 1: book that I did. I really dislike it. And I

610
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 1: was forced into having to pick and decide because of time.

611
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 1: And so I when I was writing my first book,

612
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 1: I was so absorbed in writing it. I didn't really

613
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 1: have time to think about the cover. We got to

614
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 1: finish writing it, and then I was told I need

615
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 1: a cover and testimonials within the next two weeks. And

616
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 1: I didn't know anyone who designed book covers at the time,

617
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 1: and so I was scrambling to do that, and I

618
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 1: was trying to get the testimonials from people, and asking

619
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 1: for testimonials, as you know, is a tough thing to do.

620
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: And she's like, Okay, well, now I've got two weeks

621
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 1: to ask someone for something. So I'm doing this, and

622
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, then they're like, oh no, no no,

623
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 1: now we've got to just go with this cover and

624
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 1: we're going to design it. And I really don't like it. Now,

625
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 1: you know, it didn't impact the book in the sense

626
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: of it's been wonderful to see the book out there.

627
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 1: And I hope people can sense my intention. I think

628
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 1: that's what I always focused on as my intention is

629
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 1: I just want to serve through this book, and people

630
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 1: can feel that. But I give myself the grace in space.

631
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 1: That was my first book. I didn't know the process.

632
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 1: I didn't understand this time. I've handed in my first

633
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: manuscript and I'm working on the yeah, and it's like

634
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 1: it's okay, And that's like, you know, and the reason

635
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 1: why I'm sharing that is people may look at my

636
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 1: first book and of course it's sold really well, it's

637
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: done really well, whatever, and it's like and people may

638
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 1: just be like, oh, Jay, you just nailed it, and

639
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, but even I don't feel I nailed it,

640
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 1: like I didn't because there was a part of it

641
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 1: that I would have wanted to improve. Yeah, you've got

642
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 1: an epic thank this. Look at this radical confidence round covered.

643
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 1: It's so beautiful, it's amazing. And I think that what

644
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 1: we have to realize is that as creators, will always

645
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 1: be critical of our own work, even when no one

646
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: notices it. And so I wanted everyone to hear that

647
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 1: that you're doing that, I'm doing that, We're all doing that.

648
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: So if your first episode of your podcast isn't great,

649
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 1: you've got a second one. If the first video on

650
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,280
Speaker 1: your YouTube channel is not great, there's another one. Like

651
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 1: there's always another tape. Yeah, And I love the critical

652
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 1: part of it because what you're doing is, yeah, you're

653
00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: being critical about yourself, but you're not letting it stop.

654
00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 1: You move forward. And that's the key. It's like, I

655
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 1: don't always just go yeah, Lisa, you've got this, Like no, no,

656
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 1: I definitely assess like I am critical of myself. I

657
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 1: do like to reassess, but I'm at the stage at

658
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 1: least in my growth that I don't let that stop me.

659
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: And in the past it would. In the past, I

660
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 1: would look at something that I've done and I would

661
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 1: be so critical of it that I would beat myself

662
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 1: up so much that it stopped me from moving forward. Yes, yes,

663
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: I think that's a really good clarification as well. And

664
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: I think deliberate not perfect is such a brilliant montry,

665
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 1: So I love that, all right, going on, I love

666
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: this one. Validation is for parking. I was like, I

667
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 1: love parking validation, but yes, validation is for parking. The

668
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 1: one that I love about this one is I can

669
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 1: validate myself. Yeah, I think that's been such a big

670
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 1: lesson for me. What is something you think you constantly

671
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: wanted other people to validate you for? What is something

672
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 1: that you've always seeked external validation? Forward? That took the

673
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 1: longest journey. Oh, that took the longest journey. That's interesting.

674
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: I think that there's still a part of me that

675
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 1: kind of I think that maybe, and maybe I'm wrong,

676
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 1: but this seems like there's a part of everyone that

677
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 1: still wants to be validated, and it's just instinctual. So

678
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 1: going back to I don't judge myself for it, but

679
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 1: I know it's unhealthy. So in fact, here's a perfect example.

680
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 1: It's not really answering your question, but it kind of

681
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 1: is with the book I was. Originally when someone offered

682
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 1: me the book deal, the very first words out of

683
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 1: my mouth were who would buy a book from me?

684
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 1: So there's the insecurity. So I'm like, Lisa, Ah, that

685
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:29,960
Speaker 1: fourteen year old girl is still inside do it's okay?

686
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 1: You know, like she still does exist. That's okay, But

687
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 1: I'm not going to let her hold me back. So

688
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 1: I start writing the book. Now, in writing the book,

689
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 1: I start to go, oh, I really want a New

690
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 1: York Times number one, right, like we've all got so many,

691
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 1: like your book is amazing and everyone, and so it's like, oh,

692
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: I've got a goal. I'm still got a good I

693
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 1: think you know, I'm a busy entrepreneur. So I set

694
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 1: my goal. I set where I'm trying to go, and

695
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 1: I moved deliberately towards that. Now here's the thing, what

696
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 1: if I don't reach it does mean not getting there?

697
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 1: Now mean that the book's no good. And I realize

698
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 1: the danger of looking for external validation for the work

699
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 1: that you do and the way that you show up.

700
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 1: And now the only thing that I can do is

701
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:10,479
Speaker 1: do the foundation works so that when that happens, the

702
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,760
Speaker 1: instinctual part of Lisa doesn't come out. And so what

703
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 1: I said is what's my north star? Why did I

704
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 1: actually write this book? Yes? I have the goals, but

705
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 1: I don't want the goal without you're actually creating impacts.

706
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 1: So let's say I want New York Times, right, but

707
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: does it actually create impact? That's my north star. That's

708
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 1: the big, big thing that I'm going towards. So how

709
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 1: are people going to respond to it? Okay, yes, of

710
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,479
Speaker 1: course I want it to create impact. But what if

711
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 1: it actually doesn't impact anyone? Jay? What if everyone hates it?

712
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 1: That's a big possibility. When I was writing it, I

713
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,479
Speaker 1: didn't know. And so what am I going to do

714
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 1: to make sure that I still feel validated and that

715
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 1: I still feel my worth? And so I said, what

716
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 1: am I going to do? Now? Number One? Do you

717
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 1: give it your all? Because and here's the thing. When

718
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: I say that, you know everyone at home, you know

719
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 1: if you've given it all, you can tell other people

720
00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 1: you have, but you really know? So am I going

721
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 1: to give him my all? Yes? Or no? Yes? Great,

722
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: that's going to be a metric I'm going to go by.

723
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 1: If I gave it my all, I've got nothing else

724
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,840
Speaker 1: to give. Am I going to learn from this experience

725
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 1: if it does badly? Yes? Did I have beautiful intentions? Yes?

726
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,959
Speaker 1: Am I going to really if it fails, not beat

727
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,719
Speaker 1: yourself up? But are you absolutely going to take a

728
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,919
Speaker 1: hard look and identify all the things that you think

729
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 1: that you failed in? Yes? Great, Now I can move forward,

730
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,319
Speaker 1: move forward, And if it doesn't do well, I've got

731
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 1: those bullet points that I'm going to go back to

732
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 1: and say, I had every intention to help women that

733
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: felt like I did. I had that north star, I

734
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 1: knew what I was trying to do. I gave it

735
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 1: my all, and so if now no one likes it,

736
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 1: I'm not going to feel badly about myself because I

737
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 1: showed up. And that's the thing, Jack. No one can

738
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 1: affect whether you show up or not. Get about the

739
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 1: failure and successes. No one can affect whether whoever's listening

740
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:58,799
Speaker 1: at home if you showed up or not. The Only

741
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,879
Speaker 1: person that can affect that is. I love that, and

742
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 1: that's actually what needs to happen before we start any journey.

743
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of society has made us

744
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 1: focus on the goal. So it's like, what's your goal,

745
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 1: where do you want to be? What's the output, what's

746
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 1: the result? And what you've just described is the input.

747
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 1: It's what you're bringing, it's what you're focused on. And

748
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,879
Speaker 1: I think that's one of the biggest mistakes of goal

749
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:29,399
Speaker 1: setting is that goals are just made up targets. They're

750
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 1: just made up targets. They're just random things, and it's

751
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 1: like they're nice, they're cool, but they don't make you happy. Because,

752
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 1: by the way, even the people that reach their goals

753
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 1: are not happy because it's never satisfying. It's like, Okay,

754
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,879
Speaker 1: we got to this goal, but now we didn't stay there,

755
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:47,400
Speaker 1: or we got to that goal, but we didn't get

756
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 1: the next time or this time. We hit that goal constantly,

757
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 1: but I'm still dissatisfied because I became lonely in the process, right,

758
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,399
Speaker 1: So there's always something else around that goal. So it's

759
00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 1: not only the people that don't make their goals that

760
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 1: are not happy, it's also the people that make their

761
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 1: goals that are not happy because it's not about the goal, yeah, exactly,

762
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 1: And the result is never guaranteed either. So it's like,

763
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:09,919
Speaker 1: what are you going to do? Work hard for something,

764
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,320
Speaker 1: pour your heart into it, and only feel good about

765
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:16,760
Speaker 1: yourself whether it succeeds or not. It's just not sustainable. Yeah.

766
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 1: And so to me, that's what I look at. What

767
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 1: is sustainable for me to keep showing up for the

768
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 1: rest of my life? Yeah, And that's like when I

769
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:27,279
Speaker 1: think about, oh, if I'm looking at the results, it's

770
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 1: not sustainable in the year, in two years when I

771
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 1: crash and burn, because look, when you try anything new,

772
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,359
Speaker 1: the chances are you're going to fail at it at

773
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 1: some point, yea. And so if I'm failing, how do

774
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 1: I keep getting back up? It's that precise thing. Yeah,

775
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 1: I love that principle. I think that's just so huge

776
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 1: because I just think we as a society constantly forced

777
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:49,400
Speaker 1: people to set these big dreams, goals and targets that

778
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 1: are arbitrary to our actual joy and happiness, Like they

779
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 1: don't actually connect to feeling good, yeah, even if you

780
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 1: make it right. And so I think that's the biggest one.

781
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 1: All Right, I want to go through a few more

782
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 1: of these because there's so many good ones. I'm skipping

783
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,400
Speaker 1: a few chapters because I want you to get the

784
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: book and read it. But there's a few things that

785
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:09,879
Speaker 1: I want to talk about. Okay, this one's a big one.

786
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 1: This is chapter seven, which is called Toughen the f

787
00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:17,120
Speaker 1: Up butter Cup, and it says I can stop saying

788
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Yeah, this is huge, like the amount of

789
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 1: people that constantly feel that they have to stop saying sorry.

790
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 1: What are some of the things that you hear a

791
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 1: lot in this space of things that people apologize a

792
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:31,479
Speaker 1: lot for? So I also want to put a little

793
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 1: asterisk to that because in the book, I actually I

794
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 1: think it's like the first line is guys stop apologizing,

795
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:42,080
Speaker 1: and yet guys always apologize, because that's the thing. A

796
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 1: lot of what I say like feels like almost sometimes contradictory.

797
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 1: But look, I think that the message of just stop

798
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 1: apologizing isn't actually accurate. Yeah, because if it's like, if

799
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 1: you're up your set your friend, and you're the one

800
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 1: that is the person in the foot, you should apologize,

801
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 1: like you know, I like, if I've said something that

802
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,720
Speaker 1: really that has up set Tom, and it's like, Okay,

803
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to upsay him. Of course you should apologize.

804
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 1: So I never want people to think that apology is

805
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:09,720
Speaker 1: a bad thing. The problem is we apologize so much

806
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: that what is doing is it's telling you that your

807
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 1: opinion isn't valid. So, like I think the example I

808
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,879
Speaker 1: given the book is like, let's say, for instance, I

809
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:20,239
Speaker 1: choose you know me and very much like your self

810
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:23,240
Speaker 1: care is very important. I must take care of myself

811
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 1: first before I show up for anyone else. And with

812
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 1: how much we work, I burnout, and so I need

813
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,240
Speaker 1: to make sure that I don't go to that burnout.

814
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: So sometimes I get invited to a lot of amazing places,

815
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,400
Speaker 1: and I know in that moment it's I have to

816
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 1: actually choose self care. Now. If I'm apologizing for putting

817
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 1: myself first subconsciously over time, what is that doing. It

818
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 1: may not seem like it in the moment. I just

819
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 1: think when you keep having that repetition in your head,

820
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 1: that voice, that mindset that you're always apologizing for putting

821
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:55,719
Speaker 1: yourself first, it becomes detrimental to you. And so for me,

822
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm no longer going to apologize for

823
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:01,279
Speaker 1: putting my self care first. I'm always going to be

824
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 1: very respectful. It's never like, well, you know, I f you,

825
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 1: But it absolutely is. How you use language makes a difference.

826
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 1: The language you use, And that's really the big key

827
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 1: thing in all of this. If you say the word sorry,

828
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 1: is that actually authentic to you? Or are you dismissing

829
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,799
Speaker 1: something that's actually very important to you, like self care.

830
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 1: So if someone invites me out, I won't actually if

831
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 1: and I'm doing self care and said, I actually won't

832
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 1: say I'm sorry, I'll say, oh my god, I really

833
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 1: hope you have an amazing time. You know, let me

834
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 1: know how it is. But right now, you know I'm

835
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:36,359
Speaker 1: unable to attend very politely. But I just don't use

836
00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 1: the word sorry. Yeah. No, I think that's huge because

837
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:42,280
Speaker 1: what you said is over time, what we're basically saying

838
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 1: is we don't think we deserve that, yes, or that

839
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 1: what we're doing is wrong. Yes, right, that's what you're saying.

840
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,359
Speaker 1: If you're saying sorry like you define the word, you're

841
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:53,280
Speaker 1: like saying I'm wrong. That's why I'm sorry. I'm wrong

842
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 1: in not wanting to come out with you. But you're

843
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 1: not wrong. Yeah, you just want to do something that's

844
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 1: right for you. Yeah, and it just then reinforces, right,

845
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: because like like repetition creates habit, and I'm so aware

846
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 1: of that of how the words I use affect how

847
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 1: I show up. So like, if you can I share

848
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:14,720
Speaker 1: a story, yeah, I'd love to you. Am I always

849
00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 1: love hearing you said, yeah, go for it. There was

850
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 1: this one time on one vacation and I'm standing in

851
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:20,280
Speaker 1: line and I don't make you. I get very chatty

852
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: in line on vacation. I would so this is woman behind.

853
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 1: When we start chatting, She's like, oh, what do you do?

854
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 1: So I start telling all the things you know that

855
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,800
Speaker 1: you know quest and impact theory and women have impact.

856
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 1: And eventually I was like, okay, I'm talking a lot.

857
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, what are you doing? She goes, Oh,

858
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 1: I'm just a mum, just a mom. Just I was,

859
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, what do you mean. She goes, oh,

860
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:45,399
Speaker 1: we'll have three kids at homeschool, but I'm just a mum.

861
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:49,200
Speaker 1: She was so downplaying her achievements by using the word

862
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 1: just now. It may not seem like a big deal,

863
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 1: but imagine she says that to herself over and over again.

864
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 1: She's really invalidating how much she's bringing to the table.

865
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 1: And so in that moment, I was going to help

866
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 1: myself check. I was like, I'm so sorry, but you

867
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:06,839
Speaker 1: just said just I was like, you're doing this incredible.

868
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 1: I was like, you're bringing up the next generation and

869
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 1: you're doing a three children homeschooling. I was like, so,

870
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 1: I was like, that isn't a Just as soon as

871
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 1: I said that, her demina changed. She starts glowing, talking

872
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 1: about all the classes, all these new tests that she

873
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 1: was trying on her kids to see what would work

874
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 1: and what didn't. In just in removing the word just

875
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:30,839
Speaker 1: changed how she saw herself. And that was just one

876
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,640
Speaker 1: word in one moment. Now, think about the words we

877
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:38,320
Speaker 1: use in our own head over and over and over again. Yeah.

878
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,880
Speaker 1: And I think that's the point that in that moment,

879
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 1: you'd only heard her say at once yes, but she's

880
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: heard herself say it every day, where whenever she meets

881
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:55,719
Speaker 1: someone who is externally doing more right, I've got more

882
00:41:56,160 --> 00:42:00,360
Speaker 1: externally quote unquote more quote unquote, because it's her person option,

883
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 1: she is then looking at herself as less than every

884
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 1: single time, because society has made some things feel like

885
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,360
Speaker 1: more and some things feel like less. But in that moment,

886
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 1: you've reminded her that actually what she's doing is unique,

887
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 1: it's beautiful, it's wonderful. And I think that's what I

888
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 1: love about what you're saying about language, because I do

889
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 1: think it's so easy because we've created this hierarchy of

890
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,440
Speaker 1: first and second. You think about it, someone might have

891
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 1: just broken the world record and come second, but someone

892
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:37,279
Speaker 1: broke the overall world record and came first. Yeah. Right,

893
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 1: you both may have beaten the most latest world record,

894
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 1: but except you're not looking at it. You're looking at going,

895
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:45,320
Speaker 1: I came second, but you also just did something amazing.

896
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,839
Speaker 1: And even in that example, whereas yeah, I think it's

897
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 1: I think language is really interesting, and I think the

898
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 1: way we talk to ourselves is really interesting. And I

899
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 1: do believe that it's always going to be a balance

900
00:42:56,719 --> 00:43:00,839
Speaker 1: of you don't want to lie to yourself. Of either way,

901
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:04,359
Speaker 1: I think that's the problem. Right, Both of them are lies.

902
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:06,440
Speaker 1: Saying to yourself I'm the best in the world and

903
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 1: I'm better than everyone, that's a lie, and saying I'm

904
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 1: the worst I'm just a mum, that's also a lie.

905
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 1: Neither of those are actually true. Yeah, that's so true,

906
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:18,880
Speaker 1: And we are so conditioned ourselves into thinking a certain

907
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: way that it becomes like the belief system that maybe

908
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,240
Speaker 1: we don't even question because we don't even realize it's there.

909
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 1: And so that's what I just love about everything we're

910
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:28,799
Speaker 1: talking about. I mean, you know, is it Carol Dweck.

911
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,360
Speaker 1: I think it was her that said, just add the

912
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 1: word yet onto a centers. I can't do X, Y

913
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,759
Speaker 1: and Z yet it's one word, three letters, and yet

914
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:41,799
Speaker 1: it changes everything of how we perceive that thing. If

915
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:44,959
Speaker 1: you say I can't play the piano or I can't

916
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 1: play the piano yet not in day, Yeah, it changes everything. Everything.

917
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:52,680
Speaker 1: Language changes everything. I do recommend that everyone sits down

918
00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 1: and defines the words they use the most in their

919
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:59,440
Speaker 1: life because and chances are, you and your partner, you

920
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 1: and your kids and your parents all have different definitions.

921
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:04,360
Speaker 1: And so you've got to be really careful because you

922
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 1: may have defined your words, you've got to make sure

923
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 1: that their words are aligned or that they have their

924
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:12,000
Speaker 1: own definition that you're aware of. Yeah, because otherwise, when

925
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 1: they say, well, I don't think you've done something significant,

926
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 1: you have to know what you mean by significant others

927
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: you're going to take that personally. So I rarely take

928
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:25,440
Speaker 1: people's words personally because I know their definition is not

929
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 1: the same as mine. Oh my god, yeah, Tom and I,

930
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:30,040
Speaker 1: in our marriage we have our own little like Belu

931
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 1: dictionary because for that exact reason, Because if I say

932
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 1: to him, hey, babe, this is really important to me.

933
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 1: I say the word important three times in a year,

934
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 1: so you better believe I want his all attention. I

935
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:42,839
Speaker 1: want him to drop everything. Now. If we haven't had

936
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:45,880
Speaker 1: that discussion and he uses the important four times in

937
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 1: the day, he's like, okay, cool, And now I feel

938
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:51,360
Speaker 1: completely dismissed because I only use it three times. So

939
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,880
Speaker 1: there's a weight that I bring to that word, but

940
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 1: he doesn't. Now does that mean that he's wrong and

941
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:58,319
Speaker 1: I'm right? No, it just means to your point that

942
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 1: we have different definitions of what that words specifically meet. So, like,

943
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: the one of the worst words that I think it

944
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,960
Speaker 1: does detriment to so many people, especially women, is the

945
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,359
Speaker 1: word should. That is the word that literally it's like

946
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:12,880
Speaker 1: handcuffs so many of us. I should do this. I

947
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 1: should be a good wife. I should be a good

948
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 1: Greek wife. I should take care of my husband. I

949
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 1: should put his you know, that was what I was taught.

950
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:20,840
Speaker 1: I should have kids, Like it didn't even dawn on

951
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,239
Speaker 1: me that I could ask why do I want kids?

952
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 1: Because I just use the word in my head over

953
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 1: and over again. So powerful, And you can make so

954
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:32,919
Speaker 1: many big decisions in life with bad language. Yeah, and

955
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:36,440
Speaker 1: it's scary actually where it can go. And if you're

956
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,480
Speaker 1: someone who feels you have done that for a long time.

957
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:40,719
Speaker 1: You can change words, that's the best thing about it.

958
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 1: You can change your definitions, you can change your words,

959
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:45,560
Speaker 1: all right. One more that I want to take that

960
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 1: I love, because this one really really stood out to me,

961
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,839
Speaker 1: is I can be too sensitive. I think that's one

962
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 1: that gives a lot of permission because you're a very

963
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:02,160
Speaker 1: practical person. I watch your Instagram stories and you're always

964
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:05,280
Speaker 1: someone who shares what you're feeling. But then you share

965
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 1: what you do about it. Yeah, and so I'll see

966
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: you go. I woke up, I didn't want to work

967
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 1: out today, but here I am. Or like you know,

968
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 1: I woke up, my gut wasn't great today, but then

969
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 1: this is what we did. Like, you're very open about

970
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:21,040
Speaker 1: the feeling and being sensitive, but then moving how did

971
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 1: you get good at closing the gap between allowing yourself

972
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:27,719
Speaker 1: to feel and being sensitive to actually taking action. I

973
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:30,319
Speaker 1: think because I didn't do I didn't move forward. I

974
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:32,880
Speaker 1: literally for eight years, you know, my life was what

975
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 1: I feel like was in the pug like that. I

976
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:37,880
Speaker 1: can't even imagine you like that because I've never we

977
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 1: never knew each other. That yeah, we're same. I feel

978
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 1: the same about you when I hear about your your

979
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:45,400
Speaker 1: crazy world boys stories, when you're like you like it

980
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:48,120
Speaker 1: just seems strange, but that just actually is great, right

981
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 1: to show that we really cannibol, we really can change

982
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 1: by making these different choices in our lives. And so

983
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:56,800
Speaker 1: for eight years I was making the same choices to

984
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 1: stay stuck, and so I didn't have that how do

985
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:04,640
Speaker 1: I incrementally move towards my goal? What am I doing today?

986
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 1: And so now I've just because of that, I just say,

987
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:10,120
Speaker 1: the way that I feel right now, does it serve

988
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:12,960
Speaker 1: the thing that I'm trying to do? And so sometimes

989
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 1: like being sensitive can be beautiful, right. It means that

990
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:17,799
Speaker 1: we're in touch with our emotions and that we can

991
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 1: actually feel things. And especially when you're creative, you want

992
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,279
Speaker 1: that you need to like go with your heart and

993
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 1: your emotions. But sometimes being too sensitive can hold you back. Yeah,

994
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 1: and I don't beat myself up over it, but I

995
00:47:30,680 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 1: don't think being too sensitive all the time serves you.

996
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,880
Speaker 1: And part of the messaging out there is like, no,

997
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,319
Speaker 1: you should be always sensitive, and I just go, look,

998
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 1: sometimes it actually doesn't serve what you're trying to do.

999
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that you should ignore it. That doesn't

1000
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 1: mean that you should beat yourself up over feeling it.

1001
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:49,839
Speaker 1: But if I say, Okay, the way I'm feeling right

1002
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:53,320
Speaker 1: now doesn't actually help me move forward towards impact in

1003
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:55,719
Speaker 1: that fourteen year old girl, Okay, so what am I

1004
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:57,719
Speaker 1: going to do? I'm going to feel the feels right.

1005
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:01,280
Speaker 1: I give myself the grace and the doll to go. Okay, Lisa,

1006
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: yes you're here, that's okay. It's like you know that friend,

1007
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 1: it's all right. But does this actually help you help

1008
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,520
Speaker 1: that fourteen year old girl that feels insecure? Does that

1009
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:11,879
Speaker 1: help that other woman that you're trying to help? If

1010
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 1: the answer is, know what am I going to do

1011
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:18,080
Speaker 1: about it? Because sitting there stuck won't get me there again,

1012
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 1: I've been there eight years, not moving forward. I know

1013
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 1: what that feels like, I know where that gets me.

1014
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:26,799
Speaker 1: It's important for me to acknowledge the truth that we

1015
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 1: can be sensitive and to just say it's okay all

1016
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 1: the time won't actually help. And so that's where it's

1017
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:37,880
Speaker 1: like the duality of everything I always talk about becomes

1018
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 1: like these dualities, it's like embracing it and then not

1019
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 1: accepting it. It's like, I am embrace who I am today,

1020
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 1: and yeah, I don't accept who I am today. I

1021
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:47,719
Speaker 1: know where I'm trying. I want to get better every day.

1022
00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:50,320
Speaker 1: I want to improve. So how do you do both

1023
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 1: without you lacking the enthusiasm to keep moving forward? And

1024
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 1: it always is giving myself the grace that, yes, I

1025
00:48:57,600 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 1: feel like that, I'm not going to dismiss that part

1026
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 1: of me that is what makes me me, and yet

1027
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 1: I'm not going to let hold me back from the

1028
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:08,120
Speaker 1: life I want. I love that. I think you've perfectly

1029
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:12,759
Speaker 1: summed up how a healthy mindset can be where it's

1030
00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 1: not either raw, it's and right, it's both. And I

1031
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 1: think everyone's always like, well, should you be really vulnerable

1032
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 1: or should you be really like action oriented? And be both? Yeah,

1033
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 1: they'll be vulnerable and then take action like should I

1034
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 1: be really sensitive and compassionate or should I be really

1035
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:31,960
Speaker 1: brave and courageous. It's like be both. It's like should

1036
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:36,319
Speaker 1: I be affectionate or assertive? It's like be affectionately, assi

1037
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:39,839
Speaker 1: be both? Like you don't, And I think we've just

1038
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 1: been brought to believe that everything's either raw. And what

1039
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:44,799
Speaker 1: you've just said is no, I can be both. I

1040
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:48,600
Speaker 1: can embrace myself and I don't have to accept where

1041
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 1: I'm at. Can I make you think? So? Also? Is

1042
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:57,000
Speaker 1: your sensitivity actually warranted? Now? What I mean by that

1043
00:49:57,120 --> 00:49:59,879
Speaker 1: is I still accept it, so I never dismiss it.

1044
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 1: But I don't know if he's always warranted. Have you

1045
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 1: ever been hungry? Yeah? So literally, just by not eating

1046
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 1: you get mad. To think about sensitivity, it's the same thing.

1047
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 1: Maybe you're really tired that day, maybe you haven't eaten.

1048
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 1: For me, the biggest realization with this whole topic was

1049
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:20,359
Speaker 1: middle of my gut issues. I was in absolute pain.

1050
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:22,920
Speaker 1: I wasn't eating much, like I could barely eat, so

1051
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:26,280
Speaker 1: I was extremely malnutrition, like I was twenty pounds lighter.

1052
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:29,279
Speaker 1: And so now I'm in this business meeting. We're at quest.

1053
00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 1: I'm sitting in front of Tom and there's like maybe

1054
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 1: ten other people and me and him start debating something.

1055
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 1: Now this is like, I've debated with him so many

1056
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,440
Speaker 1: times up to this point, but because my guard was

1057
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 1: hurting me so much, because I couldn't eat and because

1058
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:43,759
Speaker 1: I was tired, he had said something and inside I

1059
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:46,520
Speaker 1: wanted to burst into tears, and so I was like,

1060
00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 1: you're not going to cry, Lisa, You're not going to cry.

1061
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 1: Meeting goes over and I go into his restroom and

1062
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 1: I just stopped tearing up. And he walks in, thinking

1063
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 1: that I always had a bad stomach, and he sees

1064
00:50:56,719 --> 00:50:58,399
Speaker 1: me in tears the first time I'm crying at work

1065
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,000
Speaker 1: quest so he's really shocked. He's like, hey, what's wrong.

1066
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:03,440
Speaker 1: And I was like, you don't mean to me, and

1067
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:06,480
Speaker 1: he's like, what is happening right now? I've never said that,

1068
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:10,799
Speaker 1: especially at work, And he's like, Babe, I love you.

1069
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 1: Could this possibly be because of your health? And of

1070
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:15,879
Speaker 1: course I was sensitive, so I was like, don't you

1071
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 1: dismiss my feelings, you know, And he's like, I'm not

1072
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,399
Speaker 1: trying to dismiss your feelings, but let's just take things

1073
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 1: right now for how they are. You've never cried at work,

1074
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:28,360
Speaker 1: you've never made it personal, never, but even by saying

1075
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:32,319
Speaker 1: you're mean to me, it's a personal thing. How many

1076
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:35,239
Speaker 1: times have we debated at work, You've never had this

1077
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:39,000
Speaker 1: emotional reaction and the facts are, Baby, you're in pain.

1078
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:42,920
Speaker 1: So can we maybe just say that right now you

1079
00:51:43,040 --> 00:51:47,279
Speaker 1: are being sensitive that you may not otherwise feel if

1080
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:50,360
Speaker 1: your health was better. Yeah, and so in that moment,

1081
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:54,000
Speaker 1: I was like, actually, you know what, sometimes your sevensitivity

1082
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:57,240
Speaker 1: comes from something else totally, but you take it personally.

1083
00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:00,960
Speaker 1: I mean, you're a spot on. I mean genuinely don't

1084
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:03,400
Speaker 1: trust myself if I'm hungrier on time, right, Like, I

1085
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,880
Speaker 1: just don't make good decisions. I don't make decisions. I

1086
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:09,279
Speaker 1: don't make choices. I will put something off if I'm

1087
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 1: hungry or I'm tired, I will say I'll think about

1088
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,040
Speaker 1: it tomorrow. I just don't want to make that decision

1089
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:17,279
Speaker 1: because I know I'll make poor decisions, let alone with

1090
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 1: our feelings and how we treat people. And I can

1091
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:22,319
Speaker 1: remember that. Actually, when I was going through health things

1092
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:25,000
Speaker 1: as well, I was a lot snappier, I was a

1093
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:29,719
Speaker 1: lot more irritable. You were a little too sensitive, Yeah, exactly, Yeah,

1094
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:33,400
Speaker 1: would rather I was way more agitated when I was struggling,

1095
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:37,879
Speaker 1: because you're really what's happening is all your body's energy

1096
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 1: is trying to solve that issue, and so you have

1097
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 1: no energy, You don't have any capacity left for the

1098
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 1: part that you would usually have a little bit of

1099
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:50,839
Speaker 1: resilience to deal with something that's not comfortable exactly. And

1100
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:55,080
Speaker 1: now everything that would have just been uncomfortable becomes personal. Yes,

1101
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 1: And that's what's happening, right, because you've lost that capacity

1102
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 1: for discomfort. And I've realized that many times when I'm tired,

1103
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 1: or I'm hungry, or I'm going through something healthwise, I

1104
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 1: lose my ability for discomfort when usually I'd be more

1105
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 1: than happy to be in discomfort or handle some austerity.

1106
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:15,839
Speaker 1: And the fact that you know that about yourself, though,

1107
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:18,440
Speaker 1: allows you now to maneuver r It's not that you

1108
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:21,640
Speaker 1: dismiss that you're a bad person or that means something

1109
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 1: about you. You just know, oh, okay, I'm not in

1110
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:25,719
Speaker 1: my full capacity because I'm not. I don't have the

1111
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:28,040
Speaker 1: things that I need in order to be able to

1112
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:30,560
Speaker 1: handle this and not take it personally. So that's where

1113
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:33,120
Speaker 1: in the books, like it's so important for me to say, like, look,

1114
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:36,160
Speaker 1: it's like, we don't know I'm sensitive, and you can't

1115
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:38,560
Speaker 1: take that away from me. It's like, yes, but does

1116
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 1: it serve you and is it actually true or is

1117
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:44,759
Speaker 1: it a reflection of other things in your life? I

1118
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:47,400
Speaker 1: love that. I love that Lisa. That's such a powerful

1119
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:49,879
Speaker 1: and I want everyone who's nose listening and watching that

1120
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 1: this book is full of. What I think Lisa does

1121
00:53:54,120 --> 00:53:59,239
Speaker 1: really well is take on these really complex ideas, simplify them,

1122
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:02,600
Speaker 1: but then still deal with the complexity. Right as you

1123
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:04,800
Speaker 1: can hear, we're going back and forth on this stuff

1124
00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 1: because it's not either raw, it's not one or the other.

1125
00:54:08,200 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 1: It's not like here's the one answer that's going to

1126
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:14,200
Speaker 1: solve everything. It's actually like really textured and layered and messy,

1127
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:16,959
Speaker 1: and you've got to think about it at that level

1128
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:19,359
Speaker 1: if you really want to solve it. Because just going

1129
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 1: out there and saying just be sensitive to share your feelings, like,

1130
00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:25,960
Speaker 1: that's only one half of the issue. Yeah, and then

1131
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 1: there's all these other layers in between. And so I

1132
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 1: think what Lisa does in Radical Confidence is each of

1133
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:36,400
Speaker 1: these ten lessons they're going to simply tell you what

1134
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:38,839
Speaker 1: to do next, but they're also going to help you

1135
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 1: think about how these ideas and as she said at

1136
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:45,719
Speaker 1: the beginning, the muscle builds over time. Lisa, thank you

1137
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:49,040
Speaker 1: for writing this book. I again recommend everyone goes and

1138
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:54,520
Speaker 1: grabs a copy. You won't be disappointed. I genuinely have

1139
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 1: always loved Lisa's storytelling ability. You saw it today. She's

1140
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 1: able to take you back into a mo when in

1141
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:03,399
Speaker 1: time I help you to reconnect with that fourteen year

1142
00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:06,440
Speaker 1: old girl that she was, to reconnect with the housewife

1143
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:08,000
Speaker 1: she was for eight years. You know, all of those

1144
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:10,799
Speaker 1: elements in her life, which I think are identities that

1145
00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 1: we can all relate to at different times in our

1146
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,719
Speaker 1: own life. At least. Any last words, anything that's on

1147
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 1: your mind, anything that's in your heart that you really

1148
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:19,440
Speaker 1: want to share, I want to give you the space

1149
00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:22,080
Speaker 1: to say it. No, just thank you so much for

1150
00:55:22,120 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 1: having me. And you know, you've really been witnessed as

1151
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:27,720
Speaker 1: well to kind of me going from behind the scenes,

1152
00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:30,799
Speaker 1: you know, in front, and Braddy's been doing the same,

1153
00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:34,640
Speaker 1: Like it's so beautiful to see, like how much you

1154
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:38,399
Speaker 1: support so many women in your in your life. So

1155
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,560
Speaker 1: thank you for being a part of my own journey

1156
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:43,799
Speaker 1: and being such a good friend. And you know, my

1157
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:46,279
Speaker 1: brother from another mother. You feel like home, dude, And

1158
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 1: I just cannot thank you enough for having me. I'm

1159
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:51,000
Speaker 1: so proud of you for putting this together because I

1160
00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:53,080
Speaker 1: just think there's so many people out there who are

1161
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 1: struggling with these exact questions, these exact challenges, some of

1162
00:55:57,880 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 1: the ones that I didn't take for anyone who's listening,

1163
00:56:00,040 --> 00:56:03,560
Speaker 1: because I think you know you'll resonate with these ones.

1164
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:06,560
Speaker 1: Just people can relate to this. How can you develop

1165
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 1: the mindset to I can set boundaries, I can choose

1166
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:14,719
Speaker 1: how I react, I can rescue myself, I can be motivated,

1167
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:16,960
Speaker 1: I can boost my confidence. I mean, these are all

1168
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:21,799
Speaker 1: things that we all wish we could do. And I

1169
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:25,040
Speaker 1: love how the book not only talks about the ideas

1170
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 1: in the way you'd expect, but I think you take

1171
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:31,239
Speaker 1: this really counterintuitive approach. You're giving more depth on each one.

1172
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:32,839
Speaker 1: Thank you, because I think that was actually the thing

1173
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:34,560
Speaker 1: that held me back is I would read all these

1174
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:36,640
Speaker 1: one things about and I was like, but that isn't

1175
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:39,640
Speaker 1: really true to me. How you show up and I

1176
00:56:39,640 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 1: think humans are very you said earlier, humans are complex.

1177
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:44,920
Speaker 1: Women were very complex, And so it's not buying there,

1178
00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 1: It's not one or the other. It's how do you

1179
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:50,600
Speaker 1: deal with the beauty that makes up you. Yeah. Absolutely,

1180
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:53,839
Speaker 1: everyone makes sure you subscribe to Women of Impact, make

1181
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:57,160
Speaker 1: sure you follow Lisa on Instagram, make sure you go

1182
00:56:57,200 --> 00:57:00,000
Speaker 1: and grab a copy of the book. You won't be disappointed,

1183
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:03,040
Speaker 1: I promise, And please do tag me and Lisa on

1184
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:05,640
Speaker 1: any social media platform that you use, letting us know

1185
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:07,439
Speaker 1: what stood out to you, what connected with you. Maybe

1186
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 1: you're gonna take a picture of a page in the

1187
00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:12,359
Speaker 1: book that really resonated with you, that spoke to you,

1188
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:15,640
Speaker 1: highlight it, share it with us online. I genuinely love

1189
00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:18,880
Speaker 1: to see the feedback. And as you know, I do deeply, deeply,

1190
00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 1: deeply support my friends who are authors on this podcast

1191
00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:24,720
Speaker 1: because writing a book is just not easy. When someone's

1192
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:27,920
Speaker 1: promoting it and there's lots of cool posters and TV

1193
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 1: shows and billboards and all this kind of stuff, it

1194
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:33,480
Speaker 1: can look very exciting and it is exciting, but the

1195
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 1: journey of writing a book, getting it right, printing it,

1196
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 1: getting it sorted, and then taking out there it's a marathon.

1197
00:57:40,280 --> 00:57:45,120
Speaker 1: So if you ever see me share about books very enthusiastically,

1198
00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 1: it comes from just knowing that the author's really been

1199
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:50,640
Speaker 1: through it to get to that stage. So that's where

1200
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 1: my overenthusiasm kicks in, but thank you so much for

1201
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:56,000
Speaker 1: listening and watching. Everyone. A big thanks to Lisa for

1202
00:57:56,080 --> 00:57:59,000
Speaker 1: joining us today, sending you lots of love. Make sure

1203
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 1: you pass this onto someone who needs it, and I'll

1204
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 1: see you next time on on purpose. Thanks everyone,