WEBVTT - Still In Love With That Old Flame with April Kirkwood 0:00:12.720 --> 0:00:16.120 Hi guys, welcome back to I Do Part two. It's 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:20.000 your celebrity mentor Jenfessler, and I am sure you, like me, 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:23.640 have been hooked on the Golden Bachelor and Golden Bachelorette, 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:28.120 amazing people looking for love, and this time on Bachelor 0:00:28.120 --> 0:00:31.080 and Paradise they also brought the Goldens. I'm excited because 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:33.120 she was well liked on Paradise even though she wasn't 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:36.000 there for long. But she's still out there dating and 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:39.880 we're going to get into it all. Welcome April Kirkwood. 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:42.479 Thank you. Yeah. 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:47.239 I love doing the Paradise Show because I got to 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:51.120 really be myself. The first time I was on a Bachelor, 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:55.160 I had just lost somebody, Ralph right about him, so 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:58.520 I wasn't quite in my gig, and I had never 0:00:58.600 --> 0:00:59.400 watched the show. 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:01.800 I really came in kind of. 0:01:01.800 --> 0:01:07.480 Blindsided due to my own choosing of really not studying 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:11.000 about it. So then I took a couple of years off, 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:16.360 grew into myself and healed, and now you get to 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:19.880 see all those many facets of me, the inner. 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:22.560 Child, the spitfire, the spiritual one. 0:01:22.920 --> 0:01:25.800 Well, yeah, I mean definitely, there's definitely was a shift 0:01:26.040 --> 0:01:30.520 from watching the Bachelor to Bachelor in Paradise. But can 0:01:30.600 --> 0:01:33.559 we start out because it's really really interesting. I think 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:36.200 it could be really insightful for our listeners talking a 0:01:36.240 --> 0:01:40.360 little bit about your history in terms of relationships. I 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:42.880 think a lot of listeners who have watched the show 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:45.520 know that you've been through it a bit, especially you 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:48.400 lost I want to say, you lost your partner over 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:51.760 two years of twenty one years, over two years ago, right, right, 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:53.000 and you were married before that. 0:01:53.360 --> 0:01:56.360 No, it's four years ago now, Okay, So in the 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:58.440 first two years I was numb. 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:03.000 In fact, I didn't know what to do. And I'll 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:04.280 I know this is a. 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:08.240 Crazy story, but I learned from that experience there is 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:12.760 no death, and I was not going to get any 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:15.720 We weren't legally married. I wasn't going to get any 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:20.480 legal financial help. Well, lo and behold. I swear to God, 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:24.120 may the gods come down, just to show you what 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:27.520 love does. So I have a psychic friend from Jersey. 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:30.120 She calls me and she said, do you live in 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:31.720 front of big glass lighting doors? 0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:34.720 YadA YadA. I go, yeah, She goes, does Ralph. 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:36.919 Wear black all the time? I go, yet, but he's 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:38.360 standing outside the door. 0:02:39.320 --> 0:02:41.799 Is that what you mean when you say no death. Yeah, 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:43.120 and I say here, I. 0:02:43.720 --> 0:02:46.200 Said, She goes, I don't like him. I don't like 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:47.880 the way he treated you. Blah blah blah. 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:49.560 I go no, let him in, let him in. 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:51.600 And you know, this was like two weeks after he 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:55.360 had passed, and so he said, I was at the funeral. 0:02:55.520 --> 0:02:57.600 I didn't like this, and this is the way certain 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:00.760 people treated you. I've tried to talk to the attorneys. 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:04.040 It's not I can't get to anybody, but I can 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:04.680 tell you. 0:03:04.720 --> 0:03:06.280 Where the will is. 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:09.440 Wait. I'm sorry, April. I I just make me understand. 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:12.200 This was you said. This is your husband, right, but 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:15.160 we weren't legally married. I'm sorry, your partner. But coming 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:16.639 back after death to talk. 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.239 To you, he was talking through this psychic and he goes. 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:21.799 He calls me Presh, So I knew it was him. 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:24.160 Did you have that tattooed on you somewhere? Yeah? I 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:27.320 read that. Yeah, so adorable. I love it, Presh, and so. 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:29.840 I you know, and I was mad at him because 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:31.440 he really didn't do me well. 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:36.040 So I said, broke, I'm telling him if you were 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:38.640 lying to me again, and he says, no, it's in 0:03:38.680 --> 0:03:41.520 something white. I said no. The Ohio houses wife, he 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:43.280 goes no, and. 0:03:43.160 --> 0:03:45.520 The lady is saying, I think he means like an 0:03:46.000 --> 0:03:50.360 like a wine cooler or a wine you know, refrigerator. 0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:51.360 I go, no, that's dark. 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:54.880 Anyhow, make a long story short. I'm like every woman. 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:55.840 I'm laying in bed. 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:56.280 All of a. 0:03:56.280 --> 0:03:58.400 Sudden, at three o'clock, I get up. I go out 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:02.640 in the garage. His file cabinet is there next to 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:03.720 our white freezer. 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:09.120 I pull out everything, get out. I find all kinds 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:13.520 of nice things, and I also find the will. No way, 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:17.119 but it's not been changed. And he was madly loved 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:18.880 with me. He has Louis bodies. 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:22.279 That's how he passed. Yeah, and so so hard. 0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:26.440 That makes people angry mad. You know, I took his 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:29.360 car away from him. He thought I deserted him. So 0:04:29.440 --> 0:04:33.120 he had a lot of stuff going on mentally, and you. 0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:36.920 Had and you yeah, I have some relatives that are 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:40.840 going through that right now. Not easy. But yeah, you 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:44.520 were married before that. You have two kids, right, you're 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:48.560 maried right right twice before from when I remember right, yes, yeah, 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:51.480 you belong to my family, not not me yet. 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:54.440 No, I'm not proud of it. 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:56.760 But what I will. Why not? Why not? I think 0:04:56.760 --> 0:04:57.800 you should be proud of it. 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:03.919 I have no regrets. Each man brought me so much. 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:07.320 Yes they were a pain in the butt. 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:08.000 Yes I was. 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:08.640 They always are. 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:12.599 Yes I wasn't evolved the way I am now. But 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:20.120 each person opened doors to me that I have cherished. 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:23.440 And really love never dies. People say, oh, I still 0:05:23.480 --> 0:05:26.200 love them, and I still love them. And you know, 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:30.360 if they all lined up right here, even Billy, the 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:33.760 one with the children, he'll come to Dana in dreams. 0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:37.760 My daughter sees them, I don't, and she'll say, Billy, 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:40.280 You'll say, I'm worried about your mother, you know, Oh 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:43.120 my gosh, and you know her aunt, my aunt and 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:45.880 uncle hooy love, they're gonna die soon. I don't know 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:48.200 what she's gonna do. You better take and listen to her. 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:50.320 She knows what she's talking about. Because I'm kind of 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:52.400 woo woo, you know, and I'm into all of this 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:54.240 stuff as well as a therapist. 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:57.280 I kind of bring the soul aspect into it. 0:05:57.640 --> 0:05:59.720 Tell I know I can feel that, but you I, 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:01.640 I don't know. It strikes me that you would say 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:05.320 that you're not proud because it's also a brave thing 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:11.839 to keep, especially now right to have lost someone, divorce someone, No, 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:13.840 but not only bounced back. But I don't know. I mean, 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:15.960 I'm watching. I'm a viewer just like everyone. I feel 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:17.200 like you're thriving. 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:19.480 What I did by accident. So I called one of 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:21.520 my You're gonna laugh about this. So I called one 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:23.640 of my friends. I said, let's clean the house in 0:06:23.720 --> 0:06:26.400 Florida because I just moved to New York. Okay, So anyhow, 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:29.560 she does this clean blah blah blah. She calls me later, 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:32.680 it's all cleansed. So wait a minute. I get the 0:06:32.800 --> 0:06:36.760 other psychic from Jersey. She's doing my cars. Since I 0:06:36.880 --> 0:06:38.480 moved here, I only do it once. It sounds like 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:40.560 I do it a lot, but I go. So she goes, 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:43.800 Oh my god, Ralph is bound. 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:48.600 He's screaming. He can't get out of Florida. I bound him. 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:53.400 Oh no, how could you. No one should be bound 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:55.960 in Florida. Although I guess if you're gonna get bound, 0:06:55.960 --> 0:06:56.919 it's a good place to be. 0:06:57.279 --> 0:06:59.320 Well, he can't get out of the house. I feel 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:05.040 sorry for the new owners. So so it never stops. 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:07.360 Yeah, but listen, I mean, I have to think it's 0:07:07.560 --> 0:07:11.800 fabulous and I hope, like I'm on my first marriage, 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:13.840 but still at age fifty seven, I want to think 0:07:13.880 --> 0:07:17.360 that if something God forbid a million times were to happen, 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:19.600 I would keep looking for love. And I just think 0:07:19.640 --> 0:07:22.360 it's inspirational to see you do that. And I want 0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:24.160 to get to some of the specifics of the show 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:26.880 because no, no, please, I just so I know that 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:28.600 our listeners are going to want to hear a lot 0:07:28.600 --> 0:07:32.360 about the specifics. For instance, the young man. I know 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:35.480 you've probably spoken about this ad nauseum, Jonathan, who you 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:37.640 gave your rose to, So would you just tell us 0:07:37.640 --> 0:07:39.560 a little bit about what you were thinking in that moment. I, 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:43.280 personally watching it, thought it was such a kind and 0:07:43.520 --> 0:07:46.400 generous move to make, and I really appreciated it. I 0:07:46.400 --> 0:07:48.600 don't know if everyone did, but I did. I thought 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.440 that was just a fabulous, classy move to make. But 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:53.480 tell me, maybe your your thoughts and if you had 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:54.480 any regrets about it. 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:57.080 I'm a little bit like Kathy. We kind of have 0:07:57.240 --> 0:07:58.320 no filter and we. 0:07:58.320 --> 0:07:59.640 Go by this love Kathy. 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:03.960 Yeah, she's hilarious. So I'm standing there, I'm looking at 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:06.280 these guys. I don't like any of them, and I'm 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:09.640 looking at his face like I would my sons. 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:12.280 And I thought, and I was a guidance. 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:14.240 Counselor and a dean of schools for a long time, 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:17.720 and I thought, what so I'm a I help kids. 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:20.480 So I said, what can I do to help this boy? 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:23.440 There's nothing here for me. I'm going to give it 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:23.840 to him. 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:25.240 What a beautiful thing to do. 0:08:25.920 --> 0:08:28.320 And I did it in your Bravo, you know, they 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:32.160 cut so much. And then he and I started to 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:35.679 pray for him on the set, and I think everybody 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:40.120 was just like and he started to cry. And after 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:43.040 when there was a moment you know in privacy that 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:45.640 I'm sure it was filmed, but he said, I was 0:08:45.679 --> 0:08:49.360 more affected by what you said than what you did. 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:52.000 And if I had to tell you what I said, 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:54.359 I don't even remember, because I remember. 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:56.880 You said something to the effect of I want to 0:08:56.920 --> 0:09:00.280 give you the chance that others may not have given 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:01.880 you yet, or something like that. 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:04.400 Then I went home and I thought, why did I 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:06.960 like him so much? What did I see in him? 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:10.920 He did dress and look like Ralph. 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:15.800 Ah, so my attention had he been. 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:18.320 So Ralph must have been handsome, because I thought Jonathan 0:09:18.559 --> 0:09:20.160 Jonathan was very handsome. 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:23.920 And Jonathan's a player, and Yelp was a player. Yeah, 0:09:23.960 --> 0:09:28.319 I could identify. But underneath the players, they're really. 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:31.280 Insecure, right, they always are right right. 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:34.559 The ones who are the worst, the narcissists and all 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:39.000 of that kind of agenda, they really have such low 0:09:39.040 --> 0:09:41.920 self esteem, like they're afraid to attach. 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:46.200 They're afraid I need you. Don't leave me. If you stay, 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:49.280 you might hurt me if you fall, be lonely. 0:09:57.400 --> 0:09:59.240 Hey guys at Cheryl Burke. 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Tona's on a mission to 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:33.960 end teen suicide and self harm, which we think is 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:37.320 so important and incredible, and we've partnered with Tona to 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:40.120 give you twenty percent off your order and free shipping. 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:43.559 So head to tona active dot com and use code 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:45.959 iHeart for twenty percent off and free shipping. 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:50.760 Do you feel like you felt that coming out of Jonathan? 0:10:51.080 --> 0:10:54.400 I felt something in him. He didn't really divulge because 0:10:54.440 --> 0:10:57.040 it was all supposed to be fun. And then I 0:10:57.080 --> 0:10:58.800 think he got a little afraid of me. 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:02.240 I don't know, but why, please don't tell me that 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:04.560 that was what I've Actually I felt like, I don't 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:06.520 know when all those kids sort of looked at each 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:08.600 other like, oh my god. I mean, it was so 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:11.000 clear to me, and I feel like anybody with the 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:16.440 brain would see that you were being so loving and motherly. 0:11:17.080 --> 0:11:17.320 Right. 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:20.120 I felt like he was like my son, or I 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:22.880 felt like he was like Ralph that was dead. But 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:26.679 if one had to do it again, I'd say come back. 0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:28.440 I mean to me that right, So, I mean, I 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:30.120 think maybe they were just being silly, but I did 0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:33.160 see a lot of like, oh, like you know, there 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:35.280 is a lot of people out rage. 0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:36.400 Well when they're young. 0:11:36.600 --> 0:11:41.400 Well, because for many people, this is all about a 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:44.400 lot of not all this is a lot about the game, 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:48.600 and staying in my life has never been a game. 0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:52.200 I don't take my life lightly. I don't take my 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:56.800 soul lightly. My I'm very selfish with my soul. I'm 0:11:56.960 --> 0:11:59.880 very selfish. I don't even want to get close to 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:03.760 somebody kissing and hugging who I have. 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:10.520 Low frequency or low energy. I I know no money 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:13.720 in the world is worth my soul. Amen, And my 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:16.480 best friend is my soul. Who am I taking? 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:19.440 I have a few best friends for my soul. But 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:22.640 I mean, you're talking about so which I love that 0:12:22.679 --> 0:12:24.439 You're not unless you feel it in your soul, you're 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:26.439 not gonna be interested in getting. But tell us a 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:28.959 little bit about your dating life. Tell us about because 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:33.520 I've seen a couple of fabulous videos of use talking 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.640 about that. One was hilarious. So he went on, you 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:36.880 went on a date with the man and you put 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:38.440 on your heels and you get out and he's in 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:40.760 his hiking boots. He said, he said he wanted to 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:42.800 go for a walk and a drink. And he gets 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:45.760 out and he meant like some hike And it still. 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:46.160 Made me walk. 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.360 I had blisters and I have this right undressed on 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:51.040 And then another guy. 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:52.040 I didn't tell you. 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:55.120 Guys this one yet. So we do a face thing 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:58.440 and he's wealthy. He lives on Long Island and he 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:02.800 lives in Connecticut. It so I'm telling him about myself. 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:05.520 It went good so that I didn't have a date 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:07.440 with him that weekend. I didn't want him to feel 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.360 like I was out dating. So I send him a 0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:14.439 picture of my grandchildren at the American Doll place in 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:16.760 the city. 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:18.840 And I and one was with me with Barbie. I go, 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:21.280 I love Barbie. He goes, why don't you just come 0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:23.240 up here and be my personal Barbie. 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:28.200 I was like, ew ew, cringe ew what did the 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:30.240 kids say? It gives me? 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:33.520 I was like, oh, no, you know. 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:37.840 And so how do I meet these guys? How are 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:39.120 you like actually finding them? 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:44.480 I am on a dating app and it's. 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:47.120 Called bumble My allowed to bumble? 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:49.319 Okay? Yeah, So anyhow I. 0:13:49.280 --> 0:13:54.120 Met this one guy and I am dating him, and 0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:58.160 he touched my heart more than anyone in my whole life. 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:01.400 So I send him a picture of my granddaughter and 0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:02.760 I or something because. 0:14:02.559 --> 0:14:04.560 I, once again I couldn't go out. I was busy. 0:14:05.360 --> 0:14:10.400 And he says about the little one, and this is true, 0:14:11.040 --> 0:14:14.440 you and her are star seeds. You're not from here, 0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:14.840 are you? 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:18.040 That sounds like keep you right up your alley. 0:14:18.000 --> 0:14:22.360 He was. And then and then it gets better. 0:14:22.680 --> 0:14:26.040 I said, you know, I need a new plastic surgeon 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:28.280 here for you know, kind of little things that I 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:30.560 get done. And he said, oh, I have the best one. 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:33.520 Let me text you, and I was like, And then 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:37.520 we went out to dinner at Piremont. I think it's 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:40.360 what it's called. I'm just learning all this stuff. And 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:43.920 I swear to God, we're sitting there. Wait, we're at 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:47.240 the table outside and these couple come on. They go, 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:50.800 You're the most beautiful husband and wife ever. And I 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:52.840 looked at each other and I thought that was weird. 0:14:53.400 --> 0:14:56.440 And then we go for coffee and another couple come 0:14:56.480 --> 0:14:57.680 and go. 0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:58.800 God, you make a beautiful couple. 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:02.680 Listen. I'm sure. I am sure, though if I'm a 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:04.880 betting girl that you get that a lot. I mean, 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.280 I wonder actually sometimes about you, because you're you are 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:10.080 so beautiful. If that ever does even get in the 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:12.280 way if men objectify you a little bit or see 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:14.360 you and think one thing, and that is. 0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:17.200 The problem with me. I am a dichotomy. But that's 0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:18.080 also a gift. 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:20.720 So if I get a bad boy that thinks I'm 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:22.800 just going to be eye candy, and then I touch 0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:27.120 his heart, then then it makes it better. Or if 0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:31.280 I get somebody who well usually they are about the looks. 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:32.520 I hate to say that. 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:35.320 I mean, I listen, I agree. I think I think 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.360 that is the first thing with men. I don't think 0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:39.880 it's the only thing, but I think that's which would 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:41.880 make well, which would work for you, my friends, I 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:44.040 would think that would draw them in pretty easily. What 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:46.200 are your parameters though, when you're looking at them, Like, 0:15:46.200 --> 0:15:48.280 if you're on one of these dating apps, do you 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:52.040 have age range? Do you have a physical type? Nothing? 0:15:52.520 --> 0:15:55.880 Now, if I could go back to be with Frankie Valley, 0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:57.280 would you know, I had to say. 0:15:57.240 --> 0:15:59.040 No, I was gonna let you bring that up. 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:02.560 If I could go back right if I could go 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:05.640 right now to his house and he's ninety something and 0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:10.000 he's frail and he's not healthy, I would willing He 0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:12.280 has a wife and all that she doesn't like me 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:16.160 very much, but I would willingly help him die and 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:17.360 walk away with nothing. 0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:21.480 Wait what say that? I'm sorry, excuse me? Say what 0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:24.600 what did you just say? If I had getting good April. 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:27.080 He has a wife, so this will never happen. 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:27.880 I understand. 0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:30.480 If I got a call right now and they said, 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:35.480 mister Valley's saying your name and and and can you 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:37.480 get here? I would fly there. 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:40.800 I don't even wouldn't even take clothes. Probably, I would 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:46.400 get there so fast, and I would willingly do whatever 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:47.320 it took. 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:53.120 To help him pass. And if I had time, I 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:55.400 would bring in a lot of spiritual things. 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:57.520 You mean do I just want to clarify this first 0:16:57.560 --> 0:16:59.680 of all, because for those of you who are listening 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:02.960 who don't know what we're talking about, if you read 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:06.800 April's book, you would know. But April had a pretty 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:11.240 long term relationship, thank youll. I think it started in 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:15.560 maybe a darker way. I don't know. I remember, I 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:16.680 don't know what he was thinking. 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:18.840 It's his seventies too. People didn't cart it. 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:22.720 There were no computers, you were very young, right fact, 0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:24.760 there were no Google apps or anything. 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:26.159 Well they had it. Sounds like you had a very 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:28.359 passionate relationship. But you're saying that even today. I know 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:31.080 that his wife, from what I remember, was only a 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:33.199 couple of years older than you, and you were very 0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:36.040 young when you guys were dating them, and so. 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:40.280 He and I don't think he loves me at all 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:43.200 compared to how I love him. I mean I started 0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:45.880 to love him at six seven years old. 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:48.160 You feel like he was like, well, you've had great loves, 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:49.640 but he was one of the great loves of your life. 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:54.160 I guess yes. And I would help him do everything. 0:17:54.520 --> 0:17:55.600 If I was with him. 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:58.840 There would be soft music, there would be frequencies, there 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:03.800 would be beds that that that that changed the chemistry 0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:04.440 of your body. 0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:05.919 I would have people because he is. 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:07.680 So when you say help him die, you're not talking 0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:09.680 about assisted help. 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:11.639 Like, oh no, I mean I would help him on 0:18:11.800 --> 0:18:16.520 his No, no, no, you're not gonna I don't think 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:17.600 he's gonna get better. 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:20.359 Let's put it that way. I think in the last 0:18:20.440 --> 0:18:22.119 stages of his of. 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:29.440 His journey here, and I would be honored to persevere 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:31.159 with whatever that brought me. 0:18:31.359 --> 0:18:34.520 It's pretty amazing. Do you feel like and you feel 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.800 that way because you said you have love for all 0:18:36.880 --> 0:18:39.800 of all of the men you've been in love with. Really, 0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:45.119 to a certain extent, I'm just there. It's probably almost impossible. 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:48.080 But in terms of like who was the one that 0:18:48.200 --> 0:18:50.440 you think, oh, God, I don't know. 0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:53.760 I really love they all like Billy brought me my children. 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:58.200 And when he was dying he wanted We were not 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:00.960 together at the time, and he said, can I come home? 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:03.680 And I said, yes, you can come home and show 0:19:04.440 --> 0:19:05.520 I never got over you. 0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:08.440 I said, I know, I go find me next lifetime 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:10.639 and we'll get it together. 0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:12.320 Oh that's a nice thing to say. 0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:17.600 When he passed, his family did a whole funeral up 0:19:17.680 --> 0:19:20.680 north for me and my family. So, and you know, 0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:24.639 love is just might grow upon it. I get better. 0:19:34.800 --> 0:19:36.359 What do you feel like you've learned, even, let's say, 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:39.600 from the Frankie Valley relationship, what can. 0:19:39.520 --> 0:19:43.280 You I learned well since that time. I have always 0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:45.960 believed in past lives. I think Frankie Valley and I've 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:49.560 known each other for many lifetimes. In fact, that one 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:53.560 person did a regression on me and said he was 0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:57.399 a big shot in Egypt and he had, you know, 0:19:57.520 --> 0:20:01.920