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Speaker 1: Hey, this is am. This is John, your og Okay

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Speaker 1: story time podcast host, and we got some delicious, juicy

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Speaker 1: stories coming up. But if you want to hear that deliciousness,

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Speaker 1: you know, just stick around for a two minute break

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Speaker 1: with a word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 2: My brother's mean message ruined my plans.

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Speaker 3: I bowled my eyes out. Oh wait, don't do that.

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Speaker 2: I have three siblings, two brothers and a sister, ranging

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Speaker 2: from twenty eight male, twenty six female, twenty three mal

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Speaker 2: to me twenty female. We all live in different states

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Speaker 2: in the United States of America. Background. Our family grew

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Speaker 2: up with some problems. Dad was an harmful, regular user

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Speaker 2: for a good while. He's doing all right now. Mom

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Speaker 2: was there for us, still tries, but does her share

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Speaker 2: of things that upset various combinations of her children, depending

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Speaker 2: on what it is. She changed a lot. By the

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Speaker 2: way this comes from, I prefer rainbows. And if you

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Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to our slash

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Speaker 2: Okay stories on subred. So as a result, a lot

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Speaker 2: of myself and my siblings' personalities I've been in one

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Speaker 2: way or another shaped by the events during our time

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Speaker 2: at home and after My brother, who would call James,

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Speaker 2: has adopted a sort of mediator personality over the years.

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Speaker 2: He's a nine in the numerology. Do you know what

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Speaker 2: I'm talking about?

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Speaker 4: I'm a nine. Both my parents are also nines.

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Speaker 2: I'm a two. It's not numerology.

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Speaker 3: I'm forgetting what it's called.

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Speaker 2: It's like enneagram. I'm a two. I'm a helper. When

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Speaker 2: we were younger, his endgame was just to make everyone

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Speaker 2: stop fighting and be happy. Today he still tries to

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Speaker 2: be the mediator. He's often successful, but sometimes he is

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Speaker 2: objective to a fault. The usual complaint from me about

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Speaker 2: him is when a situation aris that he should definitely

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Speaker 2: take an emotional position on or make a stand for against.

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Speaker 2: In our family, he will usually just completely stay out

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Speaker 2: of it as to avoid sides. This can make me

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Speaker 2: and others feel like he isn't there for us when

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Speaker 2: we have been wronged. He got a good job right

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Speaker 2: out of college and is doing well so so now.

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Speaker 2: He also likes to give advice, to the point where

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Speaker 2: I've had to ask him to tone it down. All around,

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Speaker 2: he's a good guy, just seems to suppress his emotions

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Speaker 2: sometimes and get a bit cocky from his achievements. My

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Speaker 2: sister Jess twenty six female, does not have a good

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Speaker 2: relationship with my brother twenty eight Mal, who will call Dan.

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Speaker 2: The two of them haven't gotten along for as long

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Speaker 2: as I can remember. Jess had to take on a

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Speaker 2: responsibility when things were going down the drain in our lives,

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Speaker 2: and I think that made her sensitive, hot tempered at times,

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Speaker 2: and easily defensive. She's just still this way and can

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Speaker 2: be a huge witch if you say something that offends her. Ultimately,

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Speaker 2: she's a really sweet person who has contributed a lot

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Speaker 2: to my life. She's very happy and bubbly. She would

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Speaker 2: be there for anyone. She is just really sensitive and

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Speaker 2: does not like to be lectured. Therefore, it could be

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Speaker 2: a nightmare to be around if she feels offended. It

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Speaker 2: is her way to hope of getting her feelings hurt.

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Speaker 2: The oldest Dan has historically led a lot of anger

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Speaker 2: over the events of our past life and the ones

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Speaker 2: that are still affecting us today. My other siblings and

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Speaker 2: I have come to terms with a lot of the

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Speaker 2: things that have happened to us and generally enjoy our lives.

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Speaker 2: O PI, IAmA needs some plots here. I'm just kind

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Speaker 2: of getting the infrastructure. I'm not getting any plot lines here.

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Speaker 2: He has for my whole life been angry and struggling

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Speaker 2: to figure himself out, resulting in a lot of lashing out,

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Speaker 2: name calling, physical intimidating displays, and scrutiny of everyone who

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Speaker 2: is doing something wrong in his eyes. Currently, Dan is

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Speaker 2: very successful. He has worked very hard for years to

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Speaker 2: get where he is now, which is in a position

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Speaker 2: of employment that is usually occupied by someone twice his

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Speaker 2: age nuclear physicist. Whoever's right, and this is a nuclear physicist.

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Speaker 2: Because they're like explaining this very well about any context,

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Speaker 2: I don't understand it. He is involved in disorienting amount

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Speaker 2: of extracurriculars, content busy, He's got a great salary, a

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Speaker 2: great apartment, is in grad school, and is always looking

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Speaker 2: to improve his resume. He doesn't let anyone forget these things,

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Speaker 2: whether on purpose or by accident. His physical aggression and

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Speaker 2: over the top actions have passed away down a few

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Speaker 2: years now as a result of getting himself out of

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Speaker 2: the dark place, which was likely caused by the accumulation

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Speaker 2: of our family's problems. During this time. It was just

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Speaker 2: awful to deal with and scary. Now to the main

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Speaker 2: issue with him is his temper Okay, we got a

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Speaker 2: main issue here, temperament.

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Speaker 4: That's our issue. He's a temperamental fella.

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Speaker 2: He will freak out on all of you for it.

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Speaker 2: He will yell, hang up the phone and may or

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Speaker 2: may not crap talk you to anyone who will listen

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Speaker 2: on later. He will keep you on the phone ranting

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Speaker 2: about this or that for an hour if you let him,

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Speaker 2: and when you want to get off the phone, he

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Speaker 2: would more than often than not make you feel bad

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Speaker 2: for it. Is constantly I wants to know the updates

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Speaker 2: of my life, my plans for jobs, in turns, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: If you don't take his advice, which by itself is

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Speaker 2: usually good and logical, he looks at you like you're

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Speaker 2: an effing up your whole life. Unless you instead do

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Speaker 2: something that he will approve of. You need to be

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Speaker 2: doing something too further your life all the time, dude,

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie. I feel like me and Dan

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Speaker 2: kind of are the same guy.

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Speaker 5: Oh really, I was about to take so many shots

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Speaker 5: at Dan right now.

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Speaker 2: Go ahead. I feel like the worst possible version of

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Speaker 2: myself is Dan, cause I do feel the everything that

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Speaker 2: I do, like when I'm chilling out, hanging out. I

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Speaker 2: can't watch Parks and recor I gotta watch the TV

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Speaker 2: show I've never seen before that is gonna better me

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Speaker 2: his person. You know, I have a really hard time

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Speaker 2: slowing down just doing whatever I feel like I need to,

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Speaker 2: like always be doing more and more and more for

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Speaker 2: my resume. I don't know how to live life.

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Speaker 5: Dude, Dan's doing the thing where it's like he's got

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Speaker 5: a lot of positives going on. And sometimes you'll meet

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Speaker 5: people like this in your life and they're not necessarily

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Speaker 5: like evil or like terrible people, but they become their

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Speaker 5: sort of their perspective becomes narrowed to just basically their

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Speaker 5: own because they've experienced so much success in their own

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Speaker 5: life that they kind of approach things with the perspective of, like, well,

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Speaker 5: everyone should want to do what I did because look

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Speaker 5: at where I am now, Like everything worked out for me,

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Speaker 5: So you shouldn't want that thing that you just said

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Speaker 5: you want.

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Speaker 4: You should want this instead because look at me.

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Speaker 5: And it really just comes from a lack of I

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Speaker 5: think understanding that like not everybody.

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Speaker 4: Wants what you want or what worked for you.

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Speaker 5: Like it's probably the most common like argument between like

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Speaker 5: parents and children. His parents being like, well, you need

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Speaker 5: to do this because you want this, and then they

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Speaker 5: don't want that. They're like, you should want that, kids

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Speaker 5: like I don't. I don't want this thing that you

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Speaker 5: say I should want.

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Speaker 4: I don't.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, Grandpa, I don't want to work with some which

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Speaker 2: I've never had to say that to my grandpa, because he.

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Speaker 4: Does want to work at the sawmill. Honestly, he yearns

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Speaker 4: for labor.

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Speaker 2: You know why. It's because my freaking grandpa and great grandpa.

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Speaker 2: Every Saturday morning we would go and cut firewood and

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Speaker 2: they probably would go back home until four and then

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Speaker 2: guess what they did. At four o'clock. They went to

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Speaker 2: the garden and picked green beams and maintenance the garden.

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Speaker 2: It's in my blood. I can't help it.

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Speaker 4: It's in your blood to work your workhorse.

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Speaker 2: In college, I wouldn't do anything on Saturdays, and I

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Speaker 2: would feel like the absolute worst because I'm like, I

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Speaker 2: should be working right now. It was so bad. I

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Speaker 2: think he's a good person. Deep down. I have come

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Speaker 2: to think he's just incredibly sensitive, maybe even more than

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Speaker 2: the rest of us, and gives us suffocating advice as

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Speaker 2: his way of contributing to our lives. Being involved and

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Speaker 2: making up for the way he has done before. I

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Speaker 2: am the youngest, been through more schools than any of them,

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Speaker 2: and just as many houses. I've got the short end

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Speaker 2: of the stick on a lot of things, and everyone

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Speaker 2: recognizes that, which is saying something considering the things everyone

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Speaker 2: else has to deal with. I'm currently in college, and

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Speaker 2: while I have loans, I'm getting help from mainly my

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Speaker 2: mom and sporadically my dadd The problem is my twenty

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Speaker 2: first birthday is coming up over the summer. I am

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Speaker 2: the last kid to turn twenty one. All of them

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Speaker 2: been wanting since before we began to act. We plan

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Speaker 2: anything was to get all of my siblings in one place,

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Speaker 2: to have a drink with them, no fighting, take a picture,

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Speaker 2: and have a great memory for when things aren't so

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Speaker 2: great in the future, something I can be happy about

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Speaker 2: and cherish. This is important to me for the majority

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Speaker 2: of my life as a contributing member of society. You

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Speaker 2: could have just said, citizen, man, if we're really going

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Speaker 2: to be working on our vocabulatory here, well, this isn't

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Speaker 2: the Roman Empire, but they're citizens. They literally said they're

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Speaker 2: a contributed to memory of society. Say you're a citizen dude,

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Speaker 2: that's the definition of citizen.

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Speaker 4: This is a prime example of rally trying not to

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Speaker 4: waste time.

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Speaker 3: Why say more words when fewerd do trick?

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Speaker 2: A lot of the terrible things we all had to

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Speaker 2: deal with got worse while my brother and sister were

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Speaker 2: in and out of college, leaving me alone for some

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Speaker 2: of real life changing things. They've all kept in couch,

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Speaker 2: but it is very hard not to have them with

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Speaker 2: me physically. Today James and I were solidifying our plans

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Speaker 2: to get all the kids together. He has ultra shines

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Speaker 2: a lot of the planning with me, as we decided

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Speaker 2: to have everyone fly to where he lived. We also

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Speaker 2: decided that instead of having to get together on my birthday,

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Speaker 2: we're going to plan a habit on his birthday, which

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Speaker 2: is about two weeks after mine. I agreed to this

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Speaker 2: because it was on a holiday weekend, giving us an

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Speaker 2: extra day of fun as well as an additional reason

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Speaker 2: to celebrate. We decided to also include my cousin Jeremy

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Speaker 2: twenty eight Mel, who is very close to us. After

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Speaker 2: getting off the phone with James today, he had me

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Speaker 2: called Dan jess in Jeremy to tell them the first

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Speaker 2: sure planned as they knew the rough plan before I

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Speaker 2: called Dan first and told him the plan. His response

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Speaker 2: was something like this, Well, that weekend might be the

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Speaker 2: first weekend of classes for me, so I probably won't

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Speaker 2: be able to attend. The other thing is that Grandma

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Speaker 2: is going to sell the house later this year, so

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Speaker 2: Dad wants us to go there, so we could just

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Speaker 2: meet there. And frankly, I have no interest in going

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Speaker 2: to insert city where James lives because it's dirty and smelly.

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Speaker 2: New York City or she got or Chicago.

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Speaker 3: I was gonna say that, and don't hatas.

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Speaker 6: I like going to both of those cities, but they

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Speaker 6: are dirty. I've never been in Chicago. Oh, you've never

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Speaker 6: been in Chicago. Chicago's less dirty than New York. I

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Speaker 6: think I stay away from cities. I just had to

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Speaker 6: say that to all my New York folks out. There's

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Speaker 6: New York City. It's dirty, but the water's good.

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Speaker 5: You know what they do with the trash in New

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Speaker 5: York When it's trash Day and you're a business, where

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Speaker 5: do you put your trash?

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Speaker 4: They put it in the ocean. They literally pilot up

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Speaker 4: on the sidewalk.

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Speaker 2: No, they did a four million dollar research about how

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Speaker 2: to use the correct trash cans for them.

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Speaker 5: No, there's no trash cans. There are now, no, I

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Speaker 5: know that they don't because New York City's so old.

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Speaker 5: The infrastructure, the way it's built, is not designed for

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Speaker 5: trash trucks or trash routes. So a lot of places,

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Speaker 5: just by the nature of how it is built, cannot

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Speaker 5: use dumpsters or like trash pickup like that, so they

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Speaker 5: have to just take all the trash and put it

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Speaker 5: on the sidewalk on the curb.

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Speaker 4: It's crazy.

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Speaker 2: My response was that I might have classes too, but

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Speaker 2: I'm trying to work it out, so is there anything

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Speaker 2: you could do to work it out? Then he said

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Speaker 2: that he wasn't going to miss kluss Us for that,

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Speaker 2: that it would send a bad message to those who

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Speaker 2: might be concerned. My response, which was prompted by the

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Speaker 2: insult to where James lived, was a fumbled Well, Dan,

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Speaker 2: not to sound like a brat. I don't think it's

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Speaker 2: always about you. Sometimes it wouldn't matter to me if

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Speaker 2: we were meeting in a cardboard box. It's a family

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Speaker 2: thing and I would just want everyone together, so could

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Speaker 2: we just try to see Well, I didn't even make

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Speaker 2: it to cardboard before he hung up on me mid sentence.

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Speaker 2: I didn't even get to surprise him with Jeremy's potential attendance.

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Speaker 2: I sat there for a moment, then called James and

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Speaker 2: told him what happened. We talked for a bit, and

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Speaker 2: a notable point being made that Grandma is Dad's mom

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Speaker 2: and not very pleasant. Jess and Grandma don't entirely speak,

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Speaker 2: and overall suggesting we go to Grandma's was really out

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Speaker 2: of left field. James said he would call Dan and

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Speaker 2: get him to calm around. When I hung up, I

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Speaker 2: saw the text message from Dan from Dan I had

253
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Speaker 2: waiting for me that said, I'm really effing sick and

254
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Speaker 2: tired of your nonsense. You're a complete flake, terrible at

255
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:12,560
Speaker 2: following up, frankly an effing liar. You constantly blow people

256
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Speaker 2: off when they ask you things or offer you help.

257
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Speaker 2: You lay around seemingly doing nothing half the effing time,

258
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Speaker 2: and waste all sorts of resources and opportunities while you

259
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Speaker 2: whine about money when you're the only kid in the

260
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Speaker 2: whole family that got any kind of financial supportive first school.

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Speaker 2: You are a coward towards the world. Pisses me off

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Speaker 2: to no end. It's a waste of effing potential. You're

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Speaker 2: not just a brat, You're beyond selfish. You call me

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Speaker 2: at work and then tell me you just spend seven

265
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Speaker 2: hundred bucks to fly across the country for a weekend

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Speaker 2: to a city I frankly you hate on what may

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Speaker 2: be on holiday weekend to potentially skip the first day

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Speaker 2: of classes in my master's degree for a program of

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Speaker 2: study that meets once a week, basically equivalent to two

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Speaker 2: weeks of undergrad classes. Then you start telling me I'm

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Speaker 2: being selfish and try to guilt me with family, although

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Speaker 2: it's really just convenient for you and James. You're completely

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Speaker 2: self centered. Hey, you can just say you don't want

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Speaker 2: to meet up no, you know, whenever, Like no is

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Speaker 2: the worst thing they could say.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that was way worse than no. That was so overblown.

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Speaker 4: It's like, just be like, I really am not gonna go.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, just say that.

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Speaker 5: Also, I have to point out when we were talking

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Speaker 5: about the dirty cities, we left out Los Angeles.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Los Angeles is pretty dirty. It's disgusting, especially Hollywood. I

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Speaker 2: don't like being around Hollywood.

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Speaker 4: Hollywood, Dude, I lived right off Hollywood Boulevard.

285
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Speaker 3: I'll never live there.

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Speaker 4: Again because if how freaking gilty, disgusting it was.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep going. We're not even halfway done. I

288
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:41,400
Speaker 2: was bawling for an hour. I called my boyfriend, who

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Speaker 2: then tried to find the words to help me. He

290
00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:46,160
Speaker 2: wound up saying that he thought Dan's behavior was learned

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Speaker 2: from my father and thinks it's interesting that he usually

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Speaker 2: puts crap on my mom and Jess, not James and

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Speaker 2: my dad, even though my dad is the root of

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Speaker 2: many of our family's problems. Jance clersification for not crapping

295
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Speaker 2: all my dad is that he is at least trying

296
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Speaker 2: to make up for the terrible things he did now.

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Speaker 2: His main source of helping now is by giving us

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Speaker 2: money here and there. He often says, when I come

299
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Speaker 2: to some money, I'm going to help all my kids.

300
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Speaker 2: Paying for college was something I never wanted any of

301
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Speaker 2: you to do, which is why he helps me with

302
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:21,240
Speaker 2: money now. Anyway, when James eventually texted saying, so Dan

303
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,080
Speaker 2: really likes the idea. The dates may work for him,

304
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,760
Speaker 2: but he's not yet sold on James City. However, I'm

305
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,440
Speaker 2: putting a good case for him to change his mind.

306
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Speaker 2: Let me keep working on him and see what comes

307
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Speaker 2: of it.

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Speaker 5: For God's sakes, dude, don't want to ask you to

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Speaker 5: move there to the city for the rest of your life.

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Speaker 2: It's a week, dude, I'm just seeing this man's misogynistic.

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Speaker 5: Well yeah, I mean it's like, here's it from someone else,

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Speaker 5: and now it's a great idea, but he hears it

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Speaker 5: from op and she's the worst.

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Speaker 4: She's off centered and how do he knows?

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Speaker 5: And you're just trying to sabotage my educational career. And

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Speaker 5: then he's like, actually, that's a pretty sick idea, but

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Speaker 5: I'm still not sold on the city. That sounds right, Yeah, wow, yeah,

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Speaker 5: so no, he sounds really obnoxious.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Also hot take OHP sounds obnoxious because of how

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00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:06,560
Speaker 2: formal they are.

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Speaker 5: Hary, this whole story is a little obnoxious. I then

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00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,760
Speaker 5: send him a screenshot of the text messages. This is

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Speaker 5: the conversation that followed James. He says things like that

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00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:19,440
Speaker 5: once in a while to me. Definitely not defending him.

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Speaker 5: That's a little intense, definitely uncalled for and untrue. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 5: He should certainly apologize.

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Speaker 2: Like I said, he does like the idea and wants

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Speaker 2: to do something, but I don't know if you want

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00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:34,480
Speaker 2: to do something with him anymore after that, unless he

330
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,520
Speaker 2: apologizes me, you read over his messages a few times

331
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Speaker 2: and tell me how you would have handled it, James,

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Speaker 2: I agree, uncalled for.

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Speaker 4: And too much, dude, James hit the nail on the

334
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Speaker 4: head right there.

335
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Speaker 2: Me. None of it should have been said whatsoever to

336
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,320
Speaker 2: say it was too much, suggest it was a good

337
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:54,480
Speaker 2: amount at some point, James, You're correct, should have been

338
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,480
Speaker 2: said at all. I'm sorry I told him it was ft.

339
00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:01,240
Speaker 2: He needs to apologize me. I appreciate that, But personally,

340
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,240
Speaker 2: what I'm supposed to do? I feel like with Dan

341
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:09,080
Speaker 2: we all have subconsciously accepted his typical ahole behavior as normal,

342
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,080
Speaker 2: and only when he really goes over the top, we

343
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,720
Speaker 2: say because it's Dan. But the fact is I can't

344
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,120
Speaker 2: think of the last time you or Es even set

345
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,360
Speaker 2: a fraction of that to me. If one of your

346
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,760
Speaker 2: friends said that to you, he would stop being their friend.

347
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,240
Speaker 2: I can't stop being his sister. So what am I

348
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,520
Speaker 2: supposed to do except a forced, likely faked half but

349
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:33,880
Speaker 2: apology to keep at peace that obviously isn't really even there.

350
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:38,280
Speaker 2: If stuff like this happens with him regularly, which I

351
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:42,720
Speaker 2: realized tonight is almost always exclusively directed at women and

352
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:43,280
Speaker 2: the family.

353
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:44,440
Speaker 3: Oh, you were right.

354
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,560
Speaker 2: I don't think anyone has the right to answer here,

355
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,600
Speaker 2: because most people shouldn't be prepared to deal with this

356
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:53,960
Speaker 2: kind of subtracious situation. The rest of the conversation was

357
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,320
Speaker 2: James agreeing that we tend to move on after Dan

358
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:02,000
Speaker 2: does something like this, that he doesn't leave it's generally exclusive,

359
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,919
Speaker 2: and that I think he is way too old to

360
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,679
Speaker 2: be getting away with such furstful things. I said that

361
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,800
Speaker 2: this wasn't an accident, which comment he hung up on

362
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:14,080
Speaker 2: me and planned it out.

363
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,360
Speaker 5: Op just said like, hey, so I think we need

364
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,560
Speaker 5: to stop just being like it's Dan, because if anyone

365
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,880
Speaker 5: else on earth had sent something like this to us,

366
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,359
Speaker 5: we would never speak to them again.

367
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,920
Speaker 4: And James is like, yeah, you're right, because that actually

368
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,000
Speaker 4: was super over the line. A couple of hours later,

369
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:32,000
Speaker 4: Dan send me an email. I thought he was apologizing,

370
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,160
Speaker 4: but nope. It was an email to all the siblings

371
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,560
Speaker 4: addressing the trip as a whole, suggesting other places we

372
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,400
Speaker 4: could go, calling it a siblings trip that was also

373
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,400
Speaker 4: for celebrating birthdays. Our birthdays were the purpose of the gathering.

374
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,760
Speaker 4: It wasn't even supposed to be a trip. I just

375
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,080
Speaker 4: don't know what to do. This was the worst thing

376
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,879
Speaker 4: Dan has ever said to me. But I feel like

377
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,640
Speaker 4: if I don't forgive him, the whole trip is going

378
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,360
Speaker 4: to be ruined. This was supposed to be a happy thing.

379
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,280
Speaker 4: I mean, I said one thing and he lost it.

380
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,480
Speaker 4: I don't think I've ever been ripped down like that.

381
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:07,880
Speaker 4: What he said warranted by me saying that it wasn't

382
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,600
Speaker 4: all about him all the time. My brother, sister and

383
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:15,000
Speaker 4: mom all think that it was totally uncalled for. But

384
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,239
Speaker 4: when it comes to Dan, I second guess myself all

385
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:17,639
Speaker 4: the time.

386
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,600
Speaker 2: What should I do? Honestly, probably get the other siblings

387
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,760
Speaker 2: of all don't include Dan. If I Jeremy, Jeremy can

388
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:23,840
Speaker 2: be Dan for you, the cousin.

389
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,280
Speaker 5: I think what really needs to happen here is an

390
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,919
Speaker 5: attempt at some kind of intervention, because, like, from what

391
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,280
Speaker 5: he said to you, like Dan clearly needs to apologize,

392
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,480
Speaker 5: and you your forgiveness of him can happen outside of

393
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,760
Speaker 5: his apology, and then you can just reassess your relationship

394
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,439
Speaker 5: is at with him and you can let that go.

395
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,520
Speaker 5: It's one thing, but like he needs to be able

396
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,760
Speaker 5: to say what I did was wrong and I am

397
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,560
Speaker 5: sorry to you. And if his intense anger is something

398
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,439
Speaker 5: that hasn't changed or hasn't really gotten better, then I

399
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,400
Speaker 5: think all the siblings should get together and be like, hey,

400
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:57,040
Speaker 5: we all saw what you said to Op, and we

401
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,920
Speaker 5: all agree it's unacceptable.

402
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,280
Speaker 2: Unacceptable, that's it's crazy to say that to your sibling.

403
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,320
Speaker 2: After the whole thing happened, I gave it a few

404
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,440
Speaker 2: days to think about what I was going to do,

405
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,119
Speaker 2: and I decided for that the time being, I didn't

406
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,679
Speaker 2: want anything to do with Dan. I also decided not

407
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,480
Speaker 2: to include him in the planning process until he apologized

408
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,600
Speaker 2: called it and he never did, then we were going.

409
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,000
Speaker 2: Then we weren't going to include him. He has done

410
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,920
Speaker 2: a lot of terrible things to the family, to each

411
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 2: of us individually and all of us as a whole.

412
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,960
Speaker 2: He has a lot of emotional problems that I hope

413
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,640
Speaker 2: he can one day get help for. So after those

414
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,320
Speaker 2: few days passed, my brother James twenty three, Mel and

415
00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:36,679
Speaker 2: I talked on the phone for a long time. I

416
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,560
Speaker 2: told him my decision and he encouraged me to reconsider.

417
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,440
Speaker 2: He said that while he understood I was sorry, Dan

418
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,639
Speaker 2: has come a long way in the past few years

419
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,080
Speaker 2: and is doing extensively better now than he ever has.

420
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:52,200
Speaker 2: He continued to say he is just easily offended. He

421
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,359
Speaker 2: really does want to be a part of the sibling

422
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,440
Speaker 2: get together, and he keeps talking about it. I told

423
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,320
Speaker 2: him that I think it isn't right for him to

424
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 2: put up with dan constantly negative, harmful and hurtful attitude

425
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,920
Speaker 2: towards anyone and everyone who gets on his bad side,

426
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,680
Speaker 2: just because he has come a long way.

427
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree, I'm sorry.

428
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 5: I just really have to say, that's like being like, well,

429
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 5: he's not breaking my legs anymore, he's just breaking my ankles.

430
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,159
Speaker 2: It's still a party of your licks. His behavior not

431
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,640
Speaker 2: being as bad as before shouldn't mean that he gets

432
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,159
Speaker 2: to do whatever he wants and now will be tolerated.

433
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,800
Speaker 2: I went on to say that I have been talking

434
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,840
Speaker 2: to Dan a lot more all year, and every time

435
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:32,360
Speaker 2: I do, he uses me as an emotional one. Toeing back,

436
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:36,760
Speaker 2: he bad mouths our mother, how she's an evil money

437
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,919
Speaker 2: stellar and he hopes he never has to see her

438
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,119
Speaker 2: or talk to her again. He says, our sister is

439
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:46,360
Speaker 2: wasting her life and everything she does is wrong, even

440
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,720
Speaker 2: bad mouths James, who has historically always been on his

441
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,120
Speaker 2: side even when we give him good advice. Even though

442
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 2: he does great financially and academically, he still finds reasons

443
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,600
Speaker 2: to be miserable all the time. He puts that on

444
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,640
Speaker 2: anyone else that will listen. I told James about how

445
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,800
Speaker 2: when Dan calls, if I don't answer the phone every time,

446
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 2: or if I'm in the middle of something and don't

447
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 2: have time to listen to him rant for forty five

448
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 2: minutes straight. That isn't an exaggeration. He will sit and

449
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 2: rent NonStop until you cut him off. He literally makes

450
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,439
Speaker 2: you feel bad for it. She says things like, uh, okay,

451
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,080
Speaker 2: it's just I don't have any other support systems and

452
00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 2: I really wanted to talk about this, but fine, whatever.

453
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 2: Every time, it's manipulative, not sincere.

454
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 4: Excuse me, Sure, that's what therapists are for.

455
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,280
Speaker 2: There have been instances where I have company or I'm

456
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,239
Speaker 2: at the library and he will keep talking until I

457
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 2: literally have to hang up on him. I even offer

458
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,480
Speaker 2: to text him, but he says he really doesn't feel

459
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,200
Speaker 2: like texting. He wanted to talk. He is very rude

460
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 2: and makes me feel like he doesn't even enjoy talking

461
00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 2: with me. He just likes to hear himself speak and

462
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 2: know someone is listening to it. I generally believe that

463
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 2: it's all about him, him, him. Dude, I know someone

464
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,240
Speaker 2: like this, and I literally cannot stand that it's not me, right,

465
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,880
Speaker 2: It's definitely not you. This guy I'm thinking about, Dude,

466
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:02,200
Speaker 2: it's bad. It's really bad.

467
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 5: Unknowingly being this guy is one of my greatest fears.

468
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,359
Speaker 5: Is like just being this guy. Like the night that day,

469
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 5: you know what I'm talking about.

470
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, the second time I ever met Dakota.

471
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,639
Speaker 2: He was having an existential crisis literally, and I was

472
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 2: talking with my girlfriend and it was pretty late at night,

473
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,160
Speaker 2: and me and Angie were like hanging out.

474
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:23,919
Speaker 4: Don't say it was pretty late at night. It was

475
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,439
Speaker 4: not late. It was early in the party.

476
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:26,520
Speaker 3: No, it was not.

477
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,679
Speaker 2: It was midnight, dude. Everyone was gone and everyone was

478
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:30,840
Speaker 2: wrapping up and you were there.

479
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 4: This was at the beginning of the party. I know

480
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 4: that for a fact.

481
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,359
Speaker 2: Anyways, it felt late to me. That's my truth. Anyways,

482
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 2: I told James that he does it to everyone, and

483
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 2: no one ever stands up to him out of fear

484
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,000
Speaker 2: of his reactions. No one wants to do with the

485
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 2: fallout from denying his excessive behavior. I'm admitted to him

486
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 2: that although I can't speak for everyone, sometimes I feel

487
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 2: like he takes his mediator role so seriously that when

488
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 2: Dan has really hurt me, he doesn't have my back

489
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,640
Speaker 2: because he's trying so hard to be neutral. He told

490
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 2: me I made a lot of great points and he

491
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 2: would understand if I decided not to talk to Dan

492
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 2: anymore until he apologizes. Additionally, I called my sister Jess

493
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,160
Speaker 2: and talked to her about my decision, and she went

494
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 2: on board with it. I mentioned in my last post

495
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,159
Speaker 2: about her and Dan don't get along, mostly because of

496
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:21,359
Speaker 2: Dan having treated her horribly for years. She admitted to

497
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 2: feeling some frustration over the fact that she has been

498
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 2: trying to stand up to him for years. Whenever she does,

499
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 2: any combination of us will tell her just to let

500
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 2: it go because we want Dan to stop. I apologize

501
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 2: forever making her feel like I wasn't there for her

502
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:44,399
Speaker 2: or I didn't support her and that her efforts were inspiring.

503
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,120
Speaker 2: We did end on a solid note. I also talked

504
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 2: to my mother about the whole thing. Who else had

505
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 2: you decided to talk to Ope? Your dog, your grandma.

506
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,920
Speaker 2: I talked to every person on my LinkedIn, Dan's neighbor,

507
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 2: talked to everyone in my Google Plus circles, and she

508
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,879
Speaker 2: told me that I was making a big mistake. She

509
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,360
Speaker 2: said that deciding not to include him in the gathering

510
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,400
Speaker 2: was a big thing to do and I couldn't take

511
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,920
Speaker 2: it back once I did, and that the consequences would

512
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 2: be irreversible. I reminded her that Dan has been treating

513
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 2: her like crap personally for years, and I wish she

514
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 2: wouldn't still allow him to walk all over her in

515
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,439
Speaker 2: hopes that one day he would treat her well the

516
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,440
Speaker 2: way he did. Once, she agreed that he does treat

517
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 2: her terribly, but still hoped I would include him in

518
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 2: the gathering since she loves all her children. I think

519
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 2: she can't handle the situation. I haven't spoke to Dan

520
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,479
Speaker 2: since the blow up. It's been about a month and

521
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 2: he hasn't tried to contact me whatsoever. He's talked to

522
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 2: everyone else, though he has been talking to my mother,

523
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 2: which really bothers me considering what he always says about

524
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 2: her and how he actively treats her. At this point,

525
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:52,439
Speaker 2: I'm really not sure what to do. I've sort of

526
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 2: been coasting for this whole month. No one has really

527
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,159
Speaker 2: addressed anything or talked about it. I focused on other things,

528
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,159
Speaker 2: and it's been nice not to have to do with

529
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 2: all the stress that comes from talking to Dan. But

530
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,359
Speaker 2: I do miss him. I miss his voice and his input.

531
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 2: Should I call Dan? Should I bring it up to

532
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,920
Speaker 2: my siblings? I continue to talk to everyone else just fine.

533
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,160
Speaker 2: I feel like we are just avoiding the Dan issue.

534
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:17,080
Speaker 2: But as the date draws nearer it's still a few

535
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:19,680
Speaker 2: months away, we will probably have to start talking about

536
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 2: it again, because he made it clear a long time

537
00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 2: ago that the gathering was important to us. I keep

538
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 2: thinking about what my mom said in that if I

539
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,439
Speaker 2: decide to take such a big stand against Dan, that

540
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,720
Speaker 2: the action could cause permanent damage to art relationship. But

541
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,159
Speaker 2: then I remember that it shouldn't be my job to

542
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 2: bend over backwards to keep a peace that must not

543
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:42,920
Speaker 2: even be there.

544
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, I kind of agree with op. Like the mom

545
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 5: is being like, oh, well, you could potentially damage your relationship,

546
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 5: but it's like Dan's doing it because he's holding the

547
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,280
Speaker 5: relationship hostage with his potential reaction.

548
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 2: Thinking about this person, I'm just like, why are you

549
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 2: even entertaining it. This kind of story is what bothers me.

550
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 2: This is your nightmare trigger story, this is my nightmare story.

551
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 2: This is the worst story I've ever read or thought about.

552
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 4: Frankly, it's time for a sibling intervention. I would not

553
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 4: do this solo me.

554
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 2: Neither thinking about it, never talking to Dan again breaks

555
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,680
Speaker 2: my heart. But I'm exhausted me too, op. I mean,

556
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 2: I go through cycles of anger, sadness, happiness and everything

557
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,120
Speaker 2: in between. But I feel like Dan is angry all

558
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 2: the time. I don't understand how he's hopped up on something.

559
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 2: By the way, you guys can be hopped up on

560
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,359
Speaker 2: all the freaking Okay Storytime stories we've ever freaking read.

561
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 2: And there is a magical quest you can go on.

562
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,879
Speaker 2: All you gotta do is click that favorite button for

563
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 2: your podcast of choice, search up these magical words in

564
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 2: search bar Okay story Time, and boom, there is the

565
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 2: gold of riches and glory of all the relationship advice

566
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 2: you can take on as a person. Just press play.

567
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 5: That's you pressing the button for some reason, it's analog

568
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 5: and not a touchscreen, and it goes. But you've got

569
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:02,520
Speaker 5: a whole set up here you've got a contraption, You've

570
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,400
Speaker 5: got a do Hickey that plays okay, story type dude,

571
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:05,920
Speaker 5: that would be.

572
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 2: Such a good dow Hickey. I'm going into this story.

573
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:09,919
Speaker 2: I think we all know how we feel. I am

574
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 2: on the edge.

575
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 4: Because he wants to talk about gooning.

576
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 2: Every time we speak, and I know why my other

577
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 2: family members feel the same. He really has come a

578
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:20,320
Speaker 2: long way, though, and no matter what, he has a

579
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 2: huge heart. He has admitted to and apologized for a

580
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,399
Speaker 2: lot of things, but it's hard to give that any

581
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:30,160
Speaker 2: real way when his bad behavior has never actually stopped.

582
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 2: I know he loves us and just shows it in

583
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,880
Speaker 2: a weird way, and we love all of him no

584
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,400
Speaker 2: matter what, and it's so hard to do anything Jurassic.

585
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:42,360
Speaker 2: Thank you everyone for your honest opinions about my actions

586
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,919
Speaker 2: and everyone else's as well. And that is the end

587
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,920
Speaker 2: of that story. Let's go wow.

588
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 1: John here og host.

589
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:53,120
Speaker 4: We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick

590
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 4: three minute break.

591
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 1: From hous from our sponsors. I told my fiance that

592
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,359
Speaker 1: his family is being way too nice and he didn't

593
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:00,159
Speaker 1: take it very well.

594
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,639
Speaker 3: They're just too nice.

595
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 1: I twenty seven female recently met my fiance's thirty one

596
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:09,439
Speaker 1: male family for the first time. We've been together for

597
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 1: four years, but we spent two of those years in

598
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 1: my home country and then moved his country after I

599
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: finished my graduate program. By the way, this comes from

600
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 1: late Tart three twenty. If you want to submit your

601
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 1: own stories, go to our slash Okay storytime. Ceburate it.

602
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 1: So we didn't settle in his home state, but I

603
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 1: kept asking to meet his parents because he's met mine

604
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:32,160
Speaker 1: multiple times, and he always said that they're just very

605
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 1: private people and kind of old fashioned, so we should

606
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 1: wait until we're engaged. Weird, but some people are just weird,

607
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: so I didn't push it. We're engaged now. So last

608
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: weekend we finally made the trip. And I don't know

609
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 1: how else to describe it, but something felt really off

610
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 1: about the whole thing. They weren't rude on a preface

611
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 1: by saying that it's on the contrary, they were nice

612
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: to a degree that felt contrived and honestly a little scary,

613
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 1: like maybe in like that movie get Out. His mom

614
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 1: kept hugging and touching me and holding my hand, asking, Oh,

615
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 1: what can I do for you? How can she make

616
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 1: me more comfortable? That it's so nice to finally meet me.

617
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 1: His dad barely said a word to me, and that

618
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 1: juxtaposition was a lot, but I left feeling love bombed.

619
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 1: A little loved by family members is a new one

620
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 1: for us.

621
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 3: Suspicious.

622
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 1: She made all my favorite foods and kept anxiously asking

623
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 1: if anything was wrong, if she could refill my drink.

624
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 1: She even offered me her shirt when I mentioned, I

625
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 1: thought it looked really nice.

626
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 3: You're dealing with the Fay folk. Don't tell them your name.

627
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,400
Speaker 1: I thought maybe she was just anxious. His little sisters

628
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:47,880
Speaker 1: asked polite questions to me, but still it felt so

629
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: service level. His mom was dominating everything. I kind of

630
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 1: felt like a job interview, like what are you looking

631
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 1: for in a marriage? And have you heard much about

632
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 1: her little town? With palpable relief when I said no

633
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:01,160
Speaker 1: because I was not from the US. She asks about

634
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 1: my past relationships and was very interested in why me

635
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: and my past boyfriend broke up. I specifically remember her

636
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: asking how hard did you fight for it? I just

637
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 1: felt oddly interrogated and coddled at the same time. I'm

638
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: not explaining myself well, but my gut told me get

639
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 1: out of the house. My fiance barely spoke all night,

640
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,240
Speaker 1: and anytime I looked at him for reassurance, he just

641
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 1: smiled and looked down at his hands, which is not

642
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 1: like him at all. There's something that OPI doesn't know.

643
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 1: A couple of nights in I told him I was

644
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 1: feeling kind of weird and wanted to go home. He

645
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 1: asked me why, and I told him that maybe I'm

646
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: not used to American socializing, that I just feel a

647
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 1: little tired and overwhelmed. That his family is really, really nice,

648
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure how to handle it. I was

649
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 1: trying not to be rude, but we've always emphasized honesty

650
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 1: in our relationship, and I thought if this was a

651
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: cultural thing, maybe we could talk about it and overcome

652
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 1: it together. Well, he got really defensive, saying I was

653
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: being dramatic, rude, and xenophobic when his family had gone

654
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: out of their way to make me feel welcome. I

655
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:00,960
Speaker 1: apologized and said I was great, that I just felt

656
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 1: a little weird, and he said he was done talking

657
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 1: about it.

658
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 3: Okay, Wow, that was a super effective conversation.

659
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 1: What are our conspiracy theories about what is going on

660
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 1: right now? Sophia? What are you thinking?

661
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 3: Well, I only have supernatural or fantastical ones. But if

662
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 3: we were to ground my theories in reality, they would

663
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 3: not exist.

664
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like it's got to be like

665
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 1: some kind of racism thing. It's got to be racism, right,

666
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 1: what else could it be? Or brad wife stuff where

667
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 1: they're maybe trying to be like, you know, you got

668
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 1: to come to our small town, you got to live inside,

669
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 1: take care of the kids. Instantly he's trying to see

670
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 1: how hard she's going to fight for him.

671
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,480
Speaker 3: Seems like this family has just really high standards maybe

672
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:44,480
Speaker 3: and they're like very involved in the rooting out process.

673
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 1: Who involved. Well, we drove home and he won't talk

674
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: about it anymore, will hardly even talk to me. His mom,

675
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 1: on the other hand, has been texting me NonStop since

676
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 1: she met me, how happy she was to meet me,

677
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: how beautiful I am, and how she hopes we won't

678
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: wait too long to get married and have.

679
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,320
Speaker 3: Kids, texting you nons stop.

680
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 1: Also, like I don't like this speed run to marriage

681
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:08,479
Speaker 1: and kids really.

682
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 3: I mean, well, they were already engaged.

683
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 1: I know, but just like it's stressful enough having to

684
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 1: plan a wedding and do the whole fiancee stuff.

685
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,680
Speaker 3: Not to say that it's okay, but I think that

686
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 3: is a more common thing for family members to be like, oh,

687
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 3: I can't wait for you to have a baby. Now

688
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 3: they're getting married, and it's like, I think that line

689
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:29,520
Speaker 3: of thinking is pretty common. Not saying it's okay, true.

690
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 1: I guess it's just in the context of everything else,

691
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 1: it feels a little bit high pressure. I agreed with Sophia.

692
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 1: It's not like completely out of balance, but it is

693
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 1: a little bit much. I just feel so unsettled. My

694
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 1: fiance thinks I am an ungrateful a hole, and maybe

695
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: I am, but am I. I just feel so out

696
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 1: of sorts over this. Any advice, criticism, anything is welcome.

697
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:52,000
Speaker 1: There isn't edit. There is an update. We got a

698
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 1: lot more to this story. But Sofia, have your conspiracy

699
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 1: theories developed, Perhaps.

700
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 3: My advice has developed in that I think you need

701
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 3: to like go back to your partner and say, hey, no,

702
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 3: like this isn't over. I really would like to talk

703
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 3: about this, and I want to get your reasoning behind

704
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 3: why you're offended by what I said, because I'm just

705
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 3: trying to get to know your family. But also it's

706
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 3: a little overwhelming because this is a bunch of new people,

707
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 3: but I've never met.

708
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: Like, in what world? Is what she's saying xenophobic?

709
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 3: It's not. I feel like he's hiding something. I think

710
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 3: he's being very defensive and he's hiding some skeletons in

711
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 3: the closet.

712
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: Well, at its my fiance still is not talking to

713
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 1: me at all. He shut himself in our room and

714
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: said he needed space. Seriously, Am I missing something here?

715
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 1: What the F do I do? I feel like I'm

716
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,920
Speaker 1: going crazy? Gaslighty, gaslighty, But we're gonna go straight into

717
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 1: this update. I finally got my fiance to talk to me,

718
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 1: and it was not a good conversation. I apologize again

719
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 1: for coming across as ungrateful, and he said that the

720
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 1: way I reacted to his family told him everything he

721
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 1: needed to know about why he was so reluctant to

722
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 1: let me meet them in in the first place.

723
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 3: Hardcore projecting, What do you mean? You knew how she

724
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:04,800
Speaker 3: would react?

725
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: Also, so he was reluctant?

726
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 4: He lied, He's a liar.

727
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 1: He said, I should be grateful they welcomed me with

728
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 1: such open arms, and that I needed to remember that

729
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 1: the only reason I am doing so well in this

730
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 1: country is because I am dependent on him to be here.

731
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:23,719
Speaker 1: That is a sentence. I don't know if you can

732
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 1: come back from my man you cannot. That is big yikes.

733
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 3: Not the you should be grateful I let you come.

734
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,840
Speaker 1: I mean like, even if he was the only reason,

735
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 1: even if it was like a green card marriage, that's

736
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: just something that you say that is only hurtful.

737
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's an inside thought that.

738
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 1: Had me so angry. Yes, as it should. I literally

739
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 1: can't stand being talked down to. I felt like this

740
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 1: was way out of proportion. And then he accused me

741
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 1: of cheating on him, projecting. He demanded to see my

742
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 1: phone because, apparently, according to him, I am intentionally trying

743
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,359
Speaker 1: to sabotage our relationship by saying his family is too

744
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:07,640
Speaker 1: nice and that he'll call off the engagement. I can

745
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: call him an a hole and I get to go

746
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 1: off with my so called fling. I am not a cheater,

747
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 1: So I said, go ahead, look through my phone again.

748
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 1: I feel like, what's gonna happen here, and she's gonna

749
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 1: be like, and now I'm not gonna be in this

750
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: relationship anymore. You can look through the phone, but just

751
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 1: know that the relationship may be difficult to recover.

752
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 3: I agree, it definitely implies something. It's very hurtful.

753
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 1: I'm not a cheater, so I said, go ahead, look

754
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:32,879
Speaker 1: at my phone. He scrolled through my text for a bit,

755
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: my Internet search history, my social media search history, my

756
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 1: camera role, and as expected, he found nothing. But he

757
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: doubled down and said this was a serious problem for

758
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:45,400
Speaker 1: him and that he needs to reevaluate our entire relationship.

759
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: He has never blown up on me like this. I

760
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,880
Speaker 1: feel like I don't even recognize who I am getting

761
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: married to. What the F do I do? Am I

762
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,160
Speaker 1: actually this much of an a hole? And edit for clarity,

763
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 1: I didn't articulate myself well the first post. So here's

764
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:03,439
Speaker 1: a more extensive rundown of what has happened at his home.

765
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 1: All right, so we're getting the weirdness. His mom touched

766
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,799
Speaker 1: my hair and kept hugging me, gragging my arm. She

767
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 1: even pinched my cheeks a couple of times.

768
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 3: We also don't have confirmation of where OPI's from.

769
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 1: These could all be very normal things. I'm coming to

770
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,759
Speaker 1: understand this by reading the comments, but this, paired with

771
00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 1: everything else, just made me feel like more of a doll.

772
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,920
Speaker 1: She said I was more beautiful than I imagined. Multiple

773
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 1: times kept saying I was beautiful and perfect for her son.

774
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 1: She grabbed my shirt because she said it looked so

775
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 1: good on me and wanted to feel it. She insisted

776
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:38,439
Speaker 1: I sit down next to her, and every so often

777
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:41,400
Speaker 1: kept saying she was so glad to finally beat me,

778
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 1: and that it feels like she's been waiting for me forever.

779
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:48,280
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, no, really quick. I feel like, for example,

780
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 3: you have a man who is complimenting a woman and

781
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 3: they're being very nice, but you have that like I'm

782
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 3: incredibly uncomfortable. That's what this feels like.

783
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: Like it feels like she's flirting with hopeel. She served

784
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:03,240
Speaker 1: my plate for me and kept filling it with food,

785
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 1: even when I said, thank you, it was so yummy,

786
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 1: but I'm full. She kept bringing me drinks, even when

787
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:09,600
Speaker 1: I said I wasn't thirsty. I don't handle boozewell, so

788
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:11,760
Speaker 1: I try not to drink. I would try to decline,

789
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 1: but she kept insisting, so then I felt like I couldn't.

790
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 1: She was asking me what I was looking for in

791
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 1: a relationship, what kind of wife I wanted to be,

792
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:20,320
Speaker 1: what my past relationships were like, While if my exes,

793
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 1: what my thought process and reasoning was, and since we left,

794
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 1: she has been texting me almost this whole time, asking

795
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:30,919
Speaker 1: me to promise I'll come back and visit, asking when

796
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 1: the wedding is, asking me to not put it off

797
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 1: for so long, asking when we're going to have kids,

798
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 1: asking you for trying to have kids right now. I

799
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: hope this provides more clarity for why I felt the

800
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 1: way I did, even if I shouldn't have said it

801
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 1: to my fiance because I was a guest in their

802
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:47,959
Speaker 1: home and a receiver of their hospitality.

803
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 3: We got some comments, and this one I think will

804
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 3: be relevant.

805
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 1: We're not even halfway done with the story, so there's

806
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 1: a lot of room for weirdness to occur, but comments,

807
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 1: are you a different ethnicity than your Fiacean family, because

808
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:05,239
Speaker 1: I'm wondering if his mom's behavior is racially motivated. It's

809
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 1: so weirdly creepying, over the top, fetishizing in a way.

810
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 1: Him saying this is why he was so reluctant to

811
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 1: meet you smells like some gas slighting bs his unwillingness

812
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:17,319
Speaker 1: to talk, his red flag saying the only reason you

813
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,000
Speaker 1: were doing well in a country is because you depend

814
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 1: on him is threatening and manipulative. Agreed, His cheating accusations

815
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 1: make no sense at all and sounds like another control tactic.

816
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,400
Speaker 1: You should have been allowed to tell him your feelings

817
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 1: without him blowing up and him responding in such an

818
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 1: extreme way. Please give some serious thought on whether you

819
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,920
Speaker 1: want to marry a man like him. I would strongly

820
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:39,279
Speaker 1: encourage you to get the heck away from him. A

821
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:43,160
Speaker 1: op response. Yes, I am Asian and they are white.

822
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:47,880
Speaker 3: All of the comments felt very like fetishizing of Asian people.

823
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 3: Oh you're so pretty like adult.

824
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 1: Maybe it is something like that. I just didn't want

825
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,600
Speaker 1: to assume that. I've been pretty lucky in encountering minimal

826
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,480
Speaker 1: racism here and back home. I didn't even encounter it,

827
00:38:57,520 --> 00:39:00,360
Speaker 1: so maybe I just have trouble identifying it. Having to

828
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:02,399
Speaker 1: think about this now is really hard. I really love

829
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 1: him and uprooted my life for him. We've been together

830
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:08,400
Speaker 1: for years. I feel like this came on so suddenly

831
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,800
Speaker 1: I feel paralyzed. We got another update.

832
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, this is definitely like a large amount of

833
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 3: fetishizing going on in this family, and your partner is

834
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 3: not putting a stop to any of this. So I

835
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:24,399
Speaker 3: think your safety is really at risk here. I can't

836
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 3: really say whether or not you're going to end the

837
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 3: relationship definitely postpone that marriage.

838
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 1: We got another update. I want to start by saying

839
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 1: thank you so much to all the commenters and people

840
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 1: who messaged me private words and support and comfort. I've

841
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,400
Speaker 1: been slow to catch up what's happening to me, and

842
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,319
Speaker 1: though a lot of comments scared me, I started coming

843
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:42,879
Speaker 1: to the natural conclusions that they were right. I felt

844
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 1: more and more unsettled as the hours went on. Fiance's

845
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,839
Speaker 1: mother kept texting me, and he didn't text me from

846
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 1: work like he usually does. He got back late. His

847
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 1: job is labor intensive and requires long hours. When he

848
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,280
Speaker 1: got back, I was waghing and told them I wanted

849
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:59,840
Speaker 1: to talk right now because the way events are unfolding

850
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,839
Speaker 1: is unacceptable to me. The effort I put into our

851
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:06,879
Speaker 1: relationship and is leaving too many questions unanswered and creating more.

852
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 1: ME instantly lit up and demanded to see my phone again.

853
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:11,320
Speaker 3: What the heck?

854
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,680
Speaker 1: I said. I would not give him my phone unless

855
00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 1: he gave me.

856
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 3: His oh No reverse card, and.

857
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 1: He've amediately denied, saying I was the one causing problem,

858
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,400
Speaker 1: so it was his right to look through my phone,

859
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:29,759
Speaker 1: not his. That is a red flag. Swap phones. Why

860
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 1: not if someone asked for your phone, you should ask

861
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 1: for this.

862
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,560
Speaker 3: I think you got to do a little old trade.

863
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 1: At this point, I was starting to feel really scared

864
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 1: of him. I am physically much smaller than him, and

865
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: this has never felt more apparent to me. And in

866
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 1: that moment, we speaking really loudly, really closely, to me,

867
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,640
Speaker 1: telling me that his family and him were willing to

868
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,840
Speaker 1: give me a second chance if I behaved better this time.

869
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 1: That he knew I had it in me to be

870
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 1: polite because I always acted that way back in my

871
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 1: home country, and that no one else in America would

872
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,440
Speaker 1: put up with this BS, so I should consider myself

873
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 1: lucky he didn't do more to expose my cheating. That's

874
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:09,040
Speaker 1: a threat, I asked. If he was threatening me. He

875
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 1: again demanded to see my phone. Oh my god, you

876
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:16,440
Speaker 1: just saw it. I said no, though not as firmly

877
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 1: as the first time. He stormed off to the bathroom

878
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 1: and turned the shower on. I was really really scared.

879
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,880
Speaker 1: So many of you told me to look him and

880
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,480
Speaker 1: his family up, and I didn't because I thought it

881
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 1: was silly. Oh no, was he like jail or something.

882
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:30,720
Speaker 1: This is so weird.

883
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 3: This is a man who went to Asia and thought

884
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 3: he could get a wife to control.

885
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 1: Than I did right there in our living room. Turns

886
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,760
Speaker 1: out he did have a past girlfriend who he's always

887
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,759
Speaker 1: maintained he has only had short flings and never a

888
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:50,279
Speaker 1: serious relationship. She disappeared eight years ago, and he was

889
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 1: considered a suspect for a while. I couldn't find much

890
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 1: in the articles because I honestly didn't know how to

891
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 1: dig further. I don't know if anything ever happened with it.

892
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,760
Speaker 1: He still has a s though. I guess he couldn't

893
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 1: be to teach English in another country. I don't know

894
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 1: how it works. I know he was never convicted, but

895
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: whether or not he did it is irrelevant to the

896
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 1: fact that he lied.

897
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 3: And he buried that information.

898
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:15,280
Speaker 1: Maybe he buried her too. Oh my god, he lied

899
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:21,319
Speaker 1: so colossally about something so huge. I was genuinely so

900
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 1: scared that I started shaking. I couldn't think or do anything.

901
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,160
Speaker 1: It was in the middle of the night and he

902
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 1: was in the shower, and I was just so scared.

903
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 1: I really missed my mom and a home so much

904
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,800
Speaker 1: more than I have since I left, I locked myself

905
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 1: in her bedroom and called her. She answered, despite it

906
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: being in the middle of the night, and I tried

907
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:39,840
Speaker 1: to explain what was happening as best as I could.

908
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,720
Speaker 1: My parents told me to leave all my things except

909
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 1: for family photos, heirlooms and I work things, and go

910
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 1: to a hotel, not to say a word to him,

911
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,279
Speaker 1: and just to do it as quickly as possible. I

912
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 1: told him he was in the shower, so they thought

913
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 1: I would have enough time to do it without him noticing.

914
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 1: All my stuff together as quickly as I could. I

915
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:58,839
Speaker 1: think I forgot some jewelry, but it's okay. My dad

916
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 1: sent me money for hotel. Well, and that's where I

917
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:05,800
Speaker 1: am right now. We do have about a quarter left

918
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:08,319
Speaker 1: of this story. But is it the right move to

919
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 1: just get out of their ace? Op?

920
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I'm sorry. If I was in a relationship and

921
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 3: saw that, like my partner was, you know, suspect in

922
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 3: a criminal case, I'm gonna ask questions after I get

923
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 3: out of here.

924
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 2: Long shot, Did this woman that disappeared look similar to you?

925
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:27,319
Speaker 1: Usually it's stabbie. Stabbers have a type.

926
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:29,359
Speaker 3: Get rid of your phone if you can turn off

927
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:30,680
Speaker 3: your location services.

928
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 1: But we got more to this story. I took an

929
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:35,840
Speaker 1: uber about two hours away from the city on a

930
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,840
Speaker 1: separate accounts I made that night, as I don't have

931
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:42,280
Speaker 1: a car here. My fiance started messaging me about thirty

932
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 1: minutes into my drive, asking what was going on. I

933
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:48,439
Speaker 1: sent him links to the articles I read and said

934
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 1: I was feeling really scared and lied to and that

935
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:56,200
Speaker 1: I thought our relationship was over over if he thought

936
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 1: I was cheating. Clearly we don't trust each other. He

937
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 1: called me so many times, kept saying I was a

938
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 1: witch for accusing him of something he didn't do, for

939
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:05,800
Speaker 1: bringing up such a sore subject when he wasn't ready

940
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 1: to talk about it. I mean, you're about to get married,

941
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 1: you better be ready.

942
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:10,880
Speaker 3: I'm sorry you have to be.

943
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 1: He said he wished he'd never met me, and that

944
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 1: I should think long and hard about what I'm doing

945
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:20,440
Speaker 1: because I don't fully understand the consequences of being alone

946
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:23,719
Speaker 1: in America, that no one will want me like him,

947
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 1: that he was doing me a favor.

948
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 3: Second threat of the night, Oh.

949
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 1: My god, I just ignored it. I was crying so hard,

950
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,600
Speaker 1: and the uber driver actually asked me if I was okay.

951
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 1: At least someone's doing something right. Uber Driver five stars.

952
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:42,000
Speaker 1: Then his mom started calling and texting me. She said,

953
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 1: she knows it sounds scary, but her son is a

954
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:46,120
Speaker 1: good person and he had nothing to do with it,

955
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:48,800
Speaker 1: and then if we just get married and have kids,

956
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:50,720
Speaker 1: things will be really smooth.

957
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:53,360
Speaker 3: That would be even worse if she was like texting

958
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 3: and calling me like come back. I know it seems scary,

959
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,560
Speaker 3: but he had nothing to do with it. The police

960
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 3: were wrong. They'd found no proof, no body, no crime.

961
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 3: Those are the rules. Don't look in the closet.

962
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:09,680
Speaker 1: I just wanted to go home. Everything was clicking into

963
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 1: place way too much. His parent's treatment of him, me

964
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 1: why he kept demanding to see my phone, Why it

965
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 1: took so long for me to go to his hometown

966
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 1: and meet his family. My friend walked me through everything,

967
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 1: and it all made sense. My body was so overcome

968
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:27,160
Speaker 1: by the stress and fear that I couldn't stand to

969
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:30,120
Speaker 1: be there for one more second. I am in a hotel.

970
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:33,640
Speaker 1: Now all location services on my phone are disabled. Good move.

971
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:37,280
Speaker 1: My dad bought me a plane ticket home. I emailed

972
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 1: my job and told them a family emergency came up

973
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:41,400
Speaker 1: and I would no longer be able to offer my

974
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:44,000
Speaker 1: services to them. Most of my clothes are still at home.

975
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,319
Speaker 1: I shared it with my fiance and I don't think

976
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,880
Speaker 1: i'll ever get them back because I don't want to

977
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 1: go back and it's not like I can ask my

978
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,359
Speaker 1: friends to get it for me. I have some friends here,

979
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:57,839
Speaker 1: but they're not close and it's too hard to ship them.

980
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 1: By the way, you want something that is easy as

981
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 1: eaten Pie, you can listen to full episodes with stories

982
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 1: just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or

983
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 1: your favorite podcast app and search Okay, story time, there's

984
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:13,640
Speaker 1: another relevant update, Sophia. Before we get into that update,

985
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 1: I feel like Op's making all the right.

986
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 3: Move I absolutely think so. Yeah, it's get out of

987
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 3: there as quick as you can call your parents.

988
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:24,320
Speaker 1: Thankfully, the parents are so supportive, Like I mean, imagine

989
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 1: if you didn't have.

990
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:27,960
Speaker 3: Those yeah, and also have like the funds too, make

991
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:29,920
Speaker 3: sure that she's safe and everything, you know.

992
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 1: Like if she didn't have those parents, like sounds like

993
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:34,880
Speaker 1: she doesn't have close enough friends to lean on, that

994
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:36,880
Speaker 1: would have been an even scarier situation.

995
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:40,640
Speaker 3: There are times when you have like these marriages you

996
00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:43,280
Speaker 3: know that we hear about with like the Passport Bros.

997
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,120
Speaker 3: Where they might not have the funds too, like if

998
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 3: she needs to get a flight back, like that might

999
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 3: not have been possible, but it seems here she is

1000
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:51,720
Speaker 3: able to like get to safety and everything.

1001
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 1: Oh my god. But we got a little bit more

1002
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: to the story, So anyway, that's it. I sent him

1003
00:46:56,600 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 1: a text saying that the engagement is called off. There's

1004
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 1: a lot of other things to address, like the fact

1005
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 1: that we have shared accounts, he has my visa information, etc.

1006
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 1: I don't want to speculate over what happened with him

1007
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 1: and his past girlfriend because I don't know her. They

1008
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 1: never found her, and my heart breaks for her. He

1009
00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:15,200
Speaker 1: just lied about it for years and tried to do

1010
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,879
Speaker 1: everything he could to keep it from me. I'm too

1011
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 1: scared to ever be comfortable in the relationship again, and

1012
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 1: I think it's time for me to go home. Thank

1013
00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:26,360
Speaker 1: you so much again to everyone who sent me comforting

1014
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:29,840
Speaker 1: words of support and kindness. I don't know if I

1015
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 1: would have come to the same conclusions if not for

1016
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,919
Speaker 1: your comments. Hopefully next time we meet, I'll be back

1017
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:38,919
Speaker 1: home with my family and friends. And that is where

1018
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 1: that crazy story ends. Oh my god. I'm glad that

1019
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:46,479
Speaker 1: she left, that everything turned out all right, everything turned

1020
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:49,239
Speaker 1: out all right. But I mean if she stayed longer,

1021
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 1: how badly would that have been? If she hadn't gotten

1022
00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:55,399
Speaker 1: this advice, she might have been doomed. Sam here og host.

1023
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:57,399
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories, but here's three

1024
00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,640
Speaker 1: minutes bads from our sponsors. First, my husband wants to

1025
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 1: care for his orphan siblings, but I'm not ready.

1026
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:04,920
Speaker 3: They're not ready either.

1027
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:08,959
Speaker 1: I am twenty four female and my husband is twenty four.

1028
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 1: We met at our university when we were both eighteen

1029
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:13,799
Speaker 1: and got married to the age of twenty one. I

1030
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 1: run a bridal store and he runs a hardware shop.

1031
00:48:17,719 --> 00:48:20,319
Speaker 1: My husband has two siblings who are twelve and ten,

1032
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:23,840
Speaker 1: and his parents struggled with fertility issues for a decade

1033
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:27,399
Speaker 1: before having two children. Later. His parents passed away two

1034
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 1: months ago. Oh my god, in an accident and left

1035
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 1: a house but not much money due to bad investments.

1036
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:35,920
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from deleted and sad wife one, two,

1037
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:39,760
Speaker 1: three three. Does that mean it is a double reddit

1038
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:43,279
Speaker 1: post from both sides of the relationship. I think we

1039
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,160
Speaker 1: might be getting a double reddit post. If you want

1040
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:46,759
Speaker 1: to spenit your own stories, go to our slash Okay

1041
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 1: Storytime sub read it. So my husband took his siblings

1042
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 1: in and I respect him for that, but it isn't

1043
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:55,240
Speaker 1: something I signed up for at such a young age.

1044
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:58,040
Speaker 1: Our whole budget has gone to toss, and he will

1045
00:48:58,080 --> 00:49:01,319
Speaker 1: be responsible for their education and other things in the future. Yes,

1046
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:04,200
Speaker 1: we both earn well, but still expensive foreign trips, my

1047
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:08,360
Speaker 1: high end lifestyle and other things need money. Our original

1048
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:10,759
Speaker 1: plan was to have five years of marriage and plan

1049
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 1: for a child around the age of twenty seven. I

1050
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:15,840
Speaker 1: realize it won't be something I want at this point,

1051
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 1: with too much household work and two kids to care for,

1052
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:21,759
Speaker 1: I ask for a divorce and have moved out.

1053
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 3: Wow that was quick.

1054
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:25,440
Speaker 1: That went super quick. There aren't many assets as we

1055
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:27,880
Speaker 1: were saving for a house. I will grant him an

1056
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 1: easy divorce. I love him, but I am selfish and

1057
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 1: at twenty four, I don't want to do all this.

1058
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 1: At least you're honest. Well, I want to travel and

1059
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:38,319
Speaker 1: live my life. It hurts, but this isn't something I want.

1060
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:41,440
Speaker 1: I've moved out and he is asking me to solve this.

1061
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 1: I can't ask him to give away his siblings to

1062
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 1: other relatives or social care. I am not that horrible

1063
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:48,759
Speaker 1: of a person, but I also don't want to be

1064
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:51,480
Speaker 1: responsible for them. My parents and siblings are saying that

1065
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 1: hardships are part of life and I should give my

1066
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:57,600
Speaker 1: marriage a chance, which I think is also true. I

1067
00:49:57,640 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 1: think op knows what she's doing is selfish. Think that's okay.

1068
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:02,760
Speaker 1: I don't know. I know I will be very resentful

1069
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,480
Speaker 1: if I force myself into this edits. I need to

1070
00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 1: add that people are talking about my vows. My vows

1071
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 1: and commitment were or are to him. If he had

1072
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:14,399
Speaker 1: been in an accident and lost his limbs, I would

1073
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:17,320
Speaker 1: have taken care of him because I was committed to him.

1074
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:20,480
Speaker 1: I don't believe you, so please stop trying to equate

1075
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 1: me not taking responsibility for his siblings. I wasn't committed

1076
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:28,439
Speaker 1: to his family. I was committed to him only. I mean,

1077
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:31,759
Speaker 1: is it selfish? Yes? Is it reasonable? I say? Also yes,

1078
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:34,600
Speaker 1: I'm twenty four, not ready to role play a mother

1079
00:50:34,760 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 1: role at this age. Edit. I'm depressed with all the

1080
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 1: you're the a holes, but it's okay, that's your opinion.

1081
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:43,319
Speaker 1: I come from a third world country where I am

1082
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 1: expecting to take care of children. Men barely contribute to

1083
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:49,439
Speaker 1: child rearing. Indeed, I am not mature enough to raise

1084
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:52,239
Speaker 1: preteens at this age? Am I the A hole? And

1085
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:55,359
Speaker 1: there are some comments and there are some updates. Do

1086
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 1: we think, OHP is the A hole? I feel like

1087
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:01,839
Speaker 1: we're going to be a little split. I think what

1088
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:04,399
Speaker 1: it sounds like she gave it zero chance. She said,

1089
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:06,800
Speaker 1: this is going to be such a downer. I bounce.

1090
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:09,040
Speaker 1: I wish she'd tried a little bit.

1091
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 3: I wish we heard more of the discussion, so there

1092
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,560
Speaker 3: might have been discussion because I feel like that is

1093
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:16,800
Speaker 3: a quick jump to go right to divorce. But like again,

1094
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:21,640
Speaker 3: is maybe selfish, but also an adoption agency is not

1095
00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:24,120
Speaker 3: going to make a person adopt a child if they

1096
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:25,279
Speaker 3: don't want the child, you know.

1097
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. It sounds like she would be a bad mother.

1098
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:31,359
Speaker 3: She doesn't want kids, Her desire to not raise kids

1099
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:34,520
Speaker 3: right now is higher than her love for her partner. Well,

1100
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:35,880
Speaker 3: it sounds harsh, but like it's true.

1101
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:37,359
Speaker 1: That is a good way of putting it.

1102
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:39,920
Speaker 4: She signed up for the partner, not for the partner

1103
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:41,279
Speaker 4: and his siblings.

1104
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:43,440
Speaker 1: Only the A hole because she didn't give it a try.

1105
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:44,960
Speaker 1: She would have been less the a hole if she

1106
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:46,600
Speaker 1: gave it a try. And it was like, hey, like

1107
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 1: I can't do this. Well, we got to comments, and

1108
00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:51,400
Speaker 1: I think these comments are going to be like viscerating.

1109
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:54,919
Speaker 1: Op to comments, be calm and kind. Sys bottom line,

1110
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 1: this is your life and your choice to make. Whether

1111
00:51:57,920 --> 00:51:59,839
Speaker 1: or not you're an a hole for making it doesn't

1112
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:02,560
Speaker 1: mean you will need to live with your decision, whichever

1113
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:05,360
Speaker 1: way you go, and whatever anyone else thinks of your decision.

1114
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 1: And throwaway Throwe says it is none of their fault,

1115
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:09,920
Speaker 1: It's just life. She didn't sign up for this, and

1116
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:12,040
Speaker 1: neither to Tea. The kids are innocent and so are

1117
00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:14,879
Speaker 1: the adults. It is actually brave to move out now

1118
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:18,279
Speaker 1: then leave later. Someone pretend they are okay instead and

1119
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:20,440
Speaker 1: rough Cucumber eighty two eighty five says yep, and I

1120
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 1: don't judge her for wanting to remove herself from this situation.

1121
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:25,839
Speaker 1: There are many questions here, and while we are hearing

1122
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:28,240
Speaker 1: it from one side, we can only take her word

1123
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 1: the facts of the case. Twenty four is rather young

1124
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 1: to have to take on teenage children. They can be

1125
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 1: difficult to deal with. One has to be quite compassionate

1126
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 1: to take on the care and well being of others.

1127
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 1: I feel bad for the husband as he is now

1128
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:43,879
Speaker 1: has to take care for his siblings, but he also

1129
00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:46,279
Speaker 1: can't expect his wife to do the same. He did

1130
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:49,319
Speaker 1: the right thing, though, and distribution do forty eight sixty,

1131
00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:51,840
Speaker 1: who says, not the yahol, You're being honest about what

1132
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 1: you want and forcing yourself into a life you don't

1133
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:56,160
Speaker 1: want will only read to resentment, which is kind of

1134
00:52:56,160 --> 00:52:58,520
Speaker 1: what op said. Your husband didn't choose the situation either,

1135
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:01,399
Speaker 1: but he's stepping up for his sins because they need him.

1136
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:03,600
Speaker 1: It's heartbreaking, but it's better to leave now than to

1137
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:06,960
Speaker 1: stay and make everyone miserable. That said, your timing might

1138
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 1: feel incredibly cold to your husband. He just lost his

1139
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 1: parents and now his wife is leaving two. While you

1140
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:16,480
Speaker 1: have every right to prioritize your happiness, don't expect him

1141
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 1: to see you as anything but selfish in this moment.

1142
00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:21,640
Speaker 1: It's okay to admit this isn't the life you want,

1143
00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:23,960
Speaker 1: but be prepared for people to judge you for it.

1144
00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 1: An Opie response. But I didn't know how long I

1145
00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:29,239
Speaker 1: could have delayed the inevitable. Delaying it made no sense

1146
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,600
Speaker 1: to me, because it's better not to give fake hope

1147
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 1: for a year and pull the plug later. And we

1148
00:53:35,719 --> 00:53:38,759
Speaker 1: have an update five days later.

1149
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 3: I think, OPI just sounds like very practical, like very

1150
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 3: much like, well, it doesn't make sense to do this. Well,

1151
00:53:43,719 --> 00:53:45,960
Speaker 3: I think this, so let's go forward.

1152
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:47,920
Speaker 1: I think if I was thinking, like, what is the

1153
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 1: least a whole thing to do, it's like, hey, let

1154
00:53:50,080 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 1: me think about it. This is really hard. I don't

1155
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:55,319
Speaker 1: know if I can be here for this marriage, but

1156
00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 1: I still want to support you as a friend.

1157
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:00,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, that would be the nicest to do. My take

1158
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:02,600
Speaker 3: on this is that she is not the a hole

1159
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:05,520
Speaker 3: for her decision, but perhaps the a hole in her delivery.

1160
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't think she actually has done the

1161
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:10,320
Speaker 3: delivery part yet. It seems it's a little bit unclear

1162
00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:11,640
Speaker 3: if she's already told in this.

1163
00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:14,799
Speaker 1: I think cold is the word here, not necessarily a.

1164
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 3: Whole I agree. Yeah.

1165
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:20,680
Speaker 1: Well five days later, so I had to delete my

1166
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:23,440
Speaker 1: original ID because I got depressed by the comments. But

1167
00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:25,960
Speaker 1: later I realized I'm not going to lie to myself

1168
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:28,960
Speaker 1: and can't please everyone. Also, I'll make some points clear

1169
00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:31,800
Speaker 1: in the comments. I didn't factor in cultural differences between

1170
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 1: Western and Asian expectations of marriage. I was called a

1171
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:37,600
Speaker 1: gold digger. I make my own money and way more

1172
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:40,320
Speaker 1: than him. No, I have nothing to dig here. Bridal

1173
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:44,120
Speaker 1: stores are a multi billion dollar business in my country.

1174
00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:47,000
Speaker 1: I make good money. Also. I don't know how tough

1175
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 1: it is to open a business in the US and

1176
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:51,640
Speaker 1: the West, but I started my store during last year

1177
00:54:51,680 --> 00:54:54,560
Speaker 1: of college as attendance wasn't mandatory. It's easy to get

1178
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,080
Speaker 1: a bank loan, and my father gave his empty shop

1179
00:54:57,120 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 1: to open it. My husband got a lease from his relative.

1180
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:01,640
Speaker 1: We promote at our business through insta ads and it

1181
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,800
Speaker 1: worked out. Third world countries also have upper middle class people,

1182
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:08,399
Speaker 1: you know, who can afford foreign vacations. So please lay

1183
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:09,000
Speaker 1: your facts.

1184
00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:11,760
Speaker 3: But English is in her first language, which could contribute

1185
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:14,440
Speaker 3: to the more kind of like straightforwardness. Certain cultures are

1186
00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:16,720
Speaker 3: a little bit more straightforward. Not saying that she doesn't

1187
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:18,440
Speaker 3: have an understanding of English.

1188
00:55:18,040 --> 00:55:20,240
Speaker 1: But that culturally she could be just forward.

1189
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 3: Like America I think is very focused on like politeness,

1190
00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 3: but she could be potentially from a culture that is like, well,

1191
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 3: this is what I think this is, you know, for example,

1192
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 3: like Germany. I feel like a lot of times Germans

1193
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:32,920
Speaker 3: can be very straightforward. They're not doing it to offend you,

1194
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:34,239
Speaker 3: but they'll like tell you what.

1195
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 1: They think anyway. People call me names and that's their perspective.

1196
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:39,840
Speaker 1: I agree, but I would rather be true to myself.

1197
00:55:39,880 --> 00:55:42,040
Speaker 1: I am twenty four and I am not ready for

1198
00:55:42,120 --> 00:55:45,600
Speaker 1: such a hard task at this age raising preteens, paying

1199
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 1: for their schools, college, et cetera. And I would have

1200
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:50,120
Speaker 1: to delay my own motherhood, which I want in three

1201
00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 1: to five years. When I am mentally prepared. People wish

1202
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:55,920
Speaker 1: me to be infertile. Woo, I hope you grow up.

1203
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:58,520
Speaker 1: Having a kid when I am mentally prepared is different

1204
00:55:58,520 --> 00:56:01,320
Speaker 1: from raising preteens. Yeah, I failed at my vows, I guess,

1205
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:03,359
Speaker 1: but staying in a resentful marriage is going to harm

1206
00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:05,400
Speaker 1: us more in the long run. Note that when I

1207
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,959
Speaker 1: start motherhood, I will still be doing most child caring

1208
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,680
Speaker 1: because of cultural expectations from women. So I don't want

1209
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:13,160
Speaker 1: to lose my years raising kids all the time. I

1210
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:15,239
Speaker 1: want to be in a position mentally to be a mother,

1211
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:18,319
Speaker 1: which isn't now. People said I am selfish for not

1212
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:21,319
Speaker 1: raising kids. Here know the fact that my husband would

1213
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:24,760
Speaker 1: barely help with any household tasks. He already does it rarely,

1214
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:26,799
Speaker 1: and I am not ready to be a servant for

1215
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:28,040
Speaker 1: the next decade.

1216
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:30,200
Speaker 3: It seems like a lot of the child care would

1217
00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:32,520
Speaker 3: fall on her, and she knows this. I wouldn't want

1218
00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:34,319
Speaker 3: to lose the lifestyle I have right now.

1219
00:56:34,680 --> 00:56:36,880
Speaker 1: Just the delivery. Delivery is rough.

1220
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 3: I think it's the delivery.

1221
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:40,400
Speaker 1: I think it's blunt, a whole for delivery, not a

1222
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:42,439
Speaker 1: whole for choice. I think you should be a little

1223
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:45,439
Speaker 1: bit more helpful to a person that you married whose

1224
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:46,479
Speaker 1: parents just passed away.

1225
00:56:46,560 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 3: Absolutely, but I don't think that her decision in itself

1226
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:50,960
Speaker 3: is wrong.

1227
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:53,719
Speaker 1: Well, this is not what I want for myself. I

1228
00:56:53,760 --> 00:56:56,200
Speaker 1: know men in your countries do fifty to fifty chores,

1229
00:56:56,239 --> 00:56:57,919
Speaker 1: and that is a good thing. I wish I could

1230
00:56:57,920 --> 00:57:00,600
Speaker 1: say the same. But I will be responsible for their care. Well,

1231
00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:03,640
Speaker 1: he will only contribute financially. Anyways, my ex and I

1232
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:06,359
Speaker 1: met for a final discussion. He asked me to come

1233
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:09,920
Speaker 1: back and take on motherly duties for his siblings. So

1234
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:12,440
Speaker 1: he's like, yes, you need to do this. I refused.

1235
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:14,640
Speaker 1: I said, I understand he can't go back and leave

1236
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 1: his siblings and others care. I won't make the divorce

1237
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:20,000
Speaker 1: process tough for him. We started crying. He said he

1238
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 1: can't handle all the housework in his shop, though we

1239
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:25,680
Speaker 1: have househelp he feels overwhelmed, and he said I can

1240
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:28,360
Speaker 1: do this better. I said, no, I'm not going to

1241
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 1: do that. He got angry and said, then it is

1242
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 1: best to divorce and he can remarry some poor, less

1243
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:37,320
Speaker 1: educated woman who can help his household more than someone

1244
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:41,600
Speaker 1: educated who can't even help. He called me some caulful names,

1245
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 1: Randy equivalent of which.

1246
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:48,560
Speaker 3: We're seeing his true thoughts and feelings. He wanted op

1247
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 3: to be the full time careacter.

1248
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:53,440
Speaker 1: Which now even less the a hole. Well, it pinched,

1249
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:56,720
Speaker 1: but I didn't argue, and we started the divorce proceedings soon.

1250
00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 1: I know it is tough for him, but I don't

1251
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:01,000
Speaker 1: want to be a bitter mother fan. We have some

1252
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 1: savings which will split. That's it. By the way, you

1253
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:06,960
Speaker 1: should not split from us because you can listen to

1254
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:09,720
Speaker 1: full episodes with stories just like this. Go to Spotify,

1255
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app and search. Okay, storytime,

1256
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:17,200
Speaker 1: there's another elevant update. I feel like the a hole

1257
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 1: meter went down just there.

1258
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 3: I think that I stand by everything that I've said

1259
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 3: the whole time.

1260
00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:25,200
Speaker 1: Sounds like he saw value in her service and not

1261
00:58:25,400 --> 00:58:28,040
Speaker 1: in her as a person. I'm glad you chose what

1262
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:31,520
Speaker 1: you did op even though read it flamed you. But again,

1263
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 1: you could have been better in your delivery.

1264
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:36,560
Speaker 3: I will say that we just got the delivery. It

1265
00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:39,440
Speaker 3: seems like the delivery that she gave to her husband

1266
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:43,000
Speaker 3: was what we just read, which didn't seem intensely cold.

1267
00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:45,720
Speaker 3: Perhaps could have been like more helpful in terms of

1268
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:47,160
Speaker 3: like like I'll be there for you as a friend.

1269
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:49,240
Speaker 3: It seems like we got all the harsh stuff in

1270
00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:51,880
Speaker 3: the Reddit post, which is often what people do when

1271
00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:54,840
Speaker 3: they're expressing feelings. They're like, here, this is exactly what's

1272
00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:56,040
Speaker 3: going on my head right now.

1273
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:58,479
Speaker 1: If that's true, then I think definitely not the a hole.

1274
00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:01,040
Speaker 1: And then we got a little bit more to this story.

1275
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:03,840
Speaker 1: But wow, what a roller coaster. The whole process is

1276
00:59:03,920 --> 00:59:07,480
Speaker 1: mentally draining, and I'm going to take some break from

1277
00:59:07,560 --> 00:59:10,760
Speaker 1: dating again and find myself. I got married too young

1278
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:13,600
Speaker 1: because of puppy love during college days. I wasn't ready

1279
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:15,240
Speaker 1: for all this, and I want to be mentally mature

1280
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:18,440
Speaker 1: enough next time I marry. Yes, I want kids, and

1281
00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 1: I will take care of motherly duties when the time comes,

1282
00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 1: but at this point in life that isn't going to happen.

1283
00:59:24,280 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 1: I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor for

1284
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,200
Speaker 1: some years to come before I give up my life

1285
00:59:29,240 --> 00:59:32,640
Speaker 1: for my children the sacrifice it requires. I'm just not

1286
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:35,600
Speaker 1: upfre it. And some comments say, yep, that comment from

1287
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 1: him about marrying a less educated woman. You escaped a

1288
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 1: life he planned for you that was going to happen

1289
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:42,880
Speaker 1: whenever kids came along. I would suggest finding someone less

1290
00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:46,080
Speaker 1: traditional before you remarry. Marriage and children shouldn't be a

1291
00:59:46,120 --> 00:59:49,280
Speaker 1: death sentence to your life. And prenuptial agreements are good ideas,

1292
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:52,640
Speaker 1: and no pe responds, we don't have prenups here, and

1293
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:54,520
Speaker 1: look not with isis. I think you're smart for getting

1294
00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:57,120
Speaker 1: out early. You knew exactly what was coming, so I

1295
00:59:57,200 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 1: think it's great that you're prioritizing your life future children

1296
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:01,880
Speaker 1: and have piness. It may have gone differently if you

1297
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:05,280
Speaker 1: knew their care wouldn't solely be a responsibility. It's crazy

1298
01:00:05,320 --> 01:00:10,520
Speaker 1: he reinforced that while simultaneously begging or you back. And

1299
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:15,760
Speaker 1: that is where that story ends. Wow, she dodged a bullet.

1300
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:17,840
Speaker 3: I mean, that's gonna be a huge adjustment. He seems

1301
01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:20,320
Speaker 3: like an ahole, but I do also sympathize in the

1302
01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:22,880
Speaker 3: fact that he lost his parents. He's also twenty four.

1303
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,800
Speaker 3: He's taking care of, you know, two young teens. That

1304
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:28,720
Speaker 3: is a lot, and that is scary and to also

1305
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:31,360
Speaker 3: you know, like obviously a whole move to be like

1306
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:32,880
Speaker 3: you need to take care of the kids, but like

1307
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:35,360
Speaker 3: scary young person, you don't know what you're doing. So

1308
01:00:35,800 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 3: is some sympathy I do offer to him