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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcasts, and we have

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Speaker 1: some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing

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Speaker 1: is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors.

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Speaker 1: So stick around two minutes and we'll get into the episode.

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Speaker 2: I developed feelings for my straight friend. It ruined our friendship.

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Speaker 3: No, we just got to take a turn for context

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Speaker 3: ie yay, and my friend is straight, I've developed feelings

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Speaker 3: for him. I know Classic story didn't want to be

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Speaker 3: a stereotype. But here we are. Here we are We've

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Speaker 3: known each other for over two years now, meeting in

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Speaker 3: an organization we were both part of. By the way,

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Speaker 3: this comes from ad acceptable seven three three three and

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Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 3: our slash Okay story Time severed it. We had a

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Speaker 3: lot in common, quickly became really good friends, went out together,

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Speaker 3: went on trips and even vacations. We developed a really

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Speaker 3: strong friendship where we were always able to be really

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Speaker 3: open and vulnerable with each other. Last year, he broke

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Speaker 3: up with his ex and went through a really difficult period.

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Speaker 3: He had some personal issues coming from his upbringing that

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Speaker 3: gotten the way of the relationship, and the relationship with

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Speaker 3: his parents wasn't great at the time either. He told

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Speaker 3: me near the end of the relationship that he had

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Speaker 3: been suffering a lot for some months already. Once I knew,

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Speaker 3: I tried to be there for him. We had some

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Speaker 3: serious talks about his relationship, his personal issues, and his family,

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Speaker 3: et cetera. I texted him regularly to check in and

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Speaker 3: support him. He thanked me a lot for that time,

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Speaker 3: saying how much he appreciated ME being there for him

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Speaker 3: and how much that meant to him. He went to

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Speaker 3: study in a different country for a few months, which

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Speaker 3: helped him get past the whole situation. After he came back,

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Speaker 3: we would be living in the same dorm, which is

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Speaker 3: where we were a few months ago. At first, it

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Speaker 3: was really great. Of course, we spent a lot of

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Speaker 3: time together, and I guessed we were each other as

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Speaker 3: close as friends at the time. We would have a

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Speaker 3: lot of really personal and honest conversations and often expressed

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Speaker 3: our appreciation for each other. For context, Before this, I

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Speaker 3: never thought I would ever fall in love with him.

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Speaker 3: I found him attractive, sure, but I knew for certain

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Speaker 3: that he wasn't the kind of guy I was looking

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Speaker 3: for even if he would have been not straight or

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Speaker 3: by so I never really worried about being close with

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Speaker 3: him as the titles. At a certain point, this shifted

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Speaker 3: and I started to realize that I was.

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Speaker 2: Falling in love with him.

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Speaker 3: I kind of ignored it at first because I hoped

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Speaker 3: it would go away quickly and I didn't want to

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Speaker 3: possibly jeopardize our friendship. But we were spending so much

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Speaker 3: time together that I couldn't possibly get some space to

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Speaker 3: get over it without him noticing that something was off.

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Speaker 3: And because we had such a strong friendship before, it

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Speaker 3: felt like those feelings went from zero to one hundred

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Speaker 3: really quickly. So I confessed to him at a certain point,

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Speaker 3: which was really hard, but I wanted to stay honest

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Speaker 3: and figured it was the right thing to do. I

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Speaker 3: told him I would be needing some space to get

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Speaker 3: over it and I wouldn't be able to spend time

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Speaker 3: with him anymore. He wasn't weirded out or anything. He

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Speaker 3: got quite upset.

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Speaker 2: Actually, what are you thinking? What that way is? He's

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Speaker 2: so upset.

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Speaker 3: Maybe he's just maybe he's just straight and missing his friend.

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Speaker 2: Maybe he's not.

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Speaker 3: And was worried that he would lose me as a friend.

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Speaker 3: It was a really emotional night for both of us.

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Speaker 3: On my suggestion, we agreed that from then on it

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Speaker 3: would be on my terms for a while, meaning I

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Speaker 3: would indicate to him if I was okay with spending

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Speaker 3: time together and he just give me space. We also

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Speaker 3: agreed that he would just be uprount about it if

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Speaker 3: he was starting to date someone, as I would find

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Speaker 3: out anyway and would prefer to just be prepared for it.

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Speaker 3: I mean, if he is straight, this is you know,

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Speaker 3: great friendship and really really like lovely that they have

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Speaker 3: this open conversation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would just love to see a heart stopper.

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Speaker 3: I would love if the you know, yeah, anyway, He

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Speaker 3: asked if he could talk to people about it, saying

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Speaker 3: he felt the need to so I agreed, of course,

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Speaker 3: but asked him not to talk about it with mutual friends,

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Speaker 3: as I didn't feel comfortable with it and I thought

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Speaker 3: it would make things more difficult to get back to

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Speaker 3: normal considering we lived in the same dorm, met up

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Speaker 3: with mutual friends a lot, and we're still in the

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Speaker 3: same organization. This also meant that I would be skipping

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Speaker 3: stuff with friend groups if I wasn't up for it,

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Speaker 3: even though he told me he wanted to be considerate

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Speaker 3: and could skip things too, I insisted at the time

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Speaker 3: that I would just deal with this myself and he

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Speaker 3: didn't have to worry about it. Needless to say, that

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Speaker 3: wasn't very easy, as our lives were just very connected

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Speaker 3: at the time, and even though he didn't really talk,

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Speaker 3: I also couldn't really get away from it. At the

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Speaker 3: same time, I was going through quite a bit with

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Speaker 3: my parents, which I was able to talk about with

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Speaker 3: him before, so being at home wasn't a relief either.

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Speaker 3: It was a really difficult period for me, and I

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Speaker 3: felt really bad about all of it. I was frustrated

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Speaker 3: a lot and couldn't really hide it. He also couldn't

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Speaker 3: really handle giving me space because he missed me, still

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Speaker 3: texting me regularly, and to be fair, I also really

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Speaker 3: failed at taking space for myself, and so we still

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Speaker 3: spend time together from time to time. Things didn't get better,

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Speaker 3: and I was really just completely in love with him

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Speaker 3: at that point. Well boy ob At a certain point

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Speaker 3: I found out that he had talked to three different

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Speaker 3: people about it, one of which was a mutual friend,

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Speaker 3: and so I got angry with him, saying I told

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Speaker 3: him not to, and this would only make things more complicated.

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Speaker 3: He said he wasn't good at hiding stuff like that,

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Speaker 3: and he is indeed bad at it, but I didn't

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Speaker 3: feel like that was a good enough excuse. I made

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Speaker 3: it clear that I didn't want him to talk about

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Speaker 3: it with anyone else, especially not if they knew me,

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Speaker 3: which is a fair boundary to put up. Absolutely, It's like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I want this friendship to eventually go back to how

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Speaker 3: it was, right, and if everyone knows about it, it's.

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Speaker 2: Just gonna be so much more complicated, right, And this

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Speaker 2: is just remind clarification editors don't put the scent. But oh,

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Speaker 2: he's talking about like O. Prdy confessed that.

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Speaker 3: Oh, Pardy confessed to the guy friend, gotcha and said

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Speaker 3: to the guy friend, hey, don't tell you can talk

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Speaker 3: like because the guy friend said, hey, can I talk

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Speaker 3: to people?

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Speaker 2: He said, yeah, just don't know mutual friends, not these guys.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: In general, though, I would often say I was okay

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Speaker 3: with certain stuff when I was thinking clearly and was

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Speaker 3: in a good headspace, but then afterward I would get frustrated. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: we would then talk about it for a long time,

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Speaker 3: which often got quite emotional. And then ended in a

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Speaker 3: regained understanding of each other's situation, but we also still

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Speaker 3: had really amazing moments in between. This kind of cycle

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Speaker 3: repeated itself multiple times, and I realized I allowed myself

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Speaker 3: more and more each time and gave him quite a

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Speaker 3: bit of trouble, even though I told him at first

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Speaker 3: I would deal with it and he didn't have to

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Speaker 3: worry about it. He also wasn't upfront about the fact

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Speaker 3: that he started dating someone from our organization, and so

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Speaker 3: I had to hear it from other people.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 3: Oh, just like he asked for like a couple different

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Speaker 3: you know, like two things, Yeah, don't tell our mutual friends,

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Speaker 3: and like let me know when you're dating someone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Also, it doesn't seem like this is gonna be a

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Speaker 3: heartstopper situation, and that so annoying me.

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Speaker 2: Although I mean in heartstoppers. He was dating that girl

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Speaker 2: at one point, kind he wasn't that interesting.

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Speaker 3: Well, she asked him out on a date and he

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Speaker 3: was like, well your dog passed away, so sure.

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Speaker 2: Well yeah, like the image for a little bit which

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Speaker 2: he wasn't interested wasn't in So there's still hopes.

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Speaker 3: He told me that they were putting it on hold

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Speaker 3: due to other reasons unrelated to me, which felt like

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Speaker 3: a relief because I would be moving out soon enough. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: I already told him that I really didn't appreciate him

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Speaker 3: not being upfront with me about it, and it made

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Speaker 3: things even more difficult for me, as that organization was.

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Speaker 2: A pretty important environment for me.

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Speaker 3: It bothered me more than I expected, feeling like he

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Speaker 3: was putting a random girl above our friendship. He then

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Speaker 3: said that it was stupid of him to prioritize someone

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Speaker 3: he barely knew over me, which while I meant a

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Speaker 3: lot more to him, but all of it kind of

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Speaker 3: damaged our friendship. I felt like he wasn't being open

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Speaker 3: anymore like we always used to be before. Even though

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Speaker 3: he was saying how he appreciated me still being so

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Speaker 3: honest and vulnerable about everything, at the time, it felt

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Speaker 3: kind of dishonest. It was also hard to see him

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Speaker 3: be happy. I kind of figured he was dating this

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Speaker 3: girl again, but I didn't know for sure when I

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Speaker 3: was feeling so bad all the time. Even though I

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Speaker 3: absolutely want the best for him when it comes down

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Speaker 3: to it, our situations felt so different at the time

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Speaker 3: that I felt really disconnected from him, as a friend

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Speaker 3: as well, also due to those repeated cycles of ME

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Speaker 3: saying I was fine, but then getting frustrated again. He

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Speaker 3: said he couldn't always believe me anymore when I thanked

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Speaker 3: him for handling things so well, et cetera. And he

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Speaker 3: was getting more frustrated with the fact that I was

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Speaker 3: on my turns and I was taking too much liberty

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Speaker 3: with that canceling agreed upon plans after he said the

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Speaker 3: slightest thing that I didn't like, for example. Both of

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Speaker 3: these points were fair from him. The last week, however,

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Speaker 3: before I moved out, I heard again something about him

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Speaker 3: and that girl. It bothered me a lot that he

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Speaker 3: wasn't upfront about it for the second time, even though

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Speaker 3: we clearly talked it through during some events of our organization,

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Speaker 3: and I also got the feeling that the girl he

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Speaker 3: was dating knew about the situation. I was driving myself

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Speaker 3: razy by all of it, and at a certain point

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Speaker 3: I went through their conversation on his laptop when he

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Speaker 3: wasn't at our dorm and searched for my name on it.

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Speaker 2: Uh not good, not good.

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Speaker 3: No, this was really messed up on my part, and

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Speaker 3: I'm still really ashamed of it. Yeah, I mean, it's

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Speaker 3: not a great look and it's not a great move.

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Speaker 3: You know, if you want this person to be in

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Speaker 3: your life, you can't be you know, invading their privacy.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely.

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Speaker 3: But it turned out he had been constantly talking about

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Speaker 3: the situation to her, practically telling her everything all the time.

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Speaker 3: Asked him if he had talked about it with anyone anymore,

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Speaker 3: and he only said he mentioned it very briefly because

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Speaker 3: she had noticed something was off, but nothing more. I

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Speaker 3: told him I went through their conversation and saw he

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Speaker 3: wasn't really angry that I disrespected his privacy, and he

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Speaker 3: did apologize for not simply being honest, also admitting that

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Speaker 3: it was a lot more serious with this girl than

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Speaker 3: all the times he had told me before. I accused

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Speaker 3: him of jeopardizing our friendship by this, not understanding why

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Speaker 3: he couldn't just pause it until I moved out, or

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Speaker 3: at least tell me upfront and not constantly talk about

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Speaker 3: me with her, because these were personal things for me

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Speaker 3: and it wasn't just up to him. He said, he

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Speaker 3: wasn't the only one jeopardizing our friendship, pointing to all

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Speaker 3: the times that I got frustrated with him, I could

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Speaker 3: be really hurtful when I'm in a bad place, and

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Speaker 3: he always just had to take it. He was very

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Speaker 3: right about that. I mean, I think you guys are

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Speaker 3: just both kind of not handling this best way, which

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Speaker 3: is fair. You know, it's messy, it's a difficult situation.

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Speaker 3: You like him, he wants to be your friend, yeah,

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Speaker 3: but doesn't want to hurt your feelings and is trying

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Speaker 3: to tiptoe around them and is messing up because he's human.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's a very you know, confusing situation, and

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Speaker 2: it makes sense that someone doesn't know how to handle

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Speaker 2: it in the best way possible, especially if this is

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Speaker 2: the first time they've been in this situation. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 2: really tricky.

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Speaker 3: He said that I wasn't able to control all my feelings,

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Speaker 3: which is why I often get frustrated with him. And

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Speaker 3: in the same way, he wasn't able to control all

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Speaker 3: of his feelings, which is why he couldn't put it

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Speaker 3: on hold until I moved out. Yeah, I mean, you

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Speaker 3: can't ask him to put it on hold. You can

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Speaker 3: ask him to be honest with you and to like

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Speaker 3: let you know if they're coming over thing, but you

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Speaker 3: can't say, like, oh, stop seeing her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like negative romantic emotions are a lot

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Speaker 3: harder to regulate than pausing some exciting romantic emotions.

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Speaker 2: But maybe I'm wrong for that.

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Speaker 3: I definitely do believe that I rapidly lost perspective over time,

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Speaker 3: and I allowed myself too much, not being able to

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Speaker 3: judge what was acceptable anymore, and bothering him too much

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Speaker 3: with him, I think also because he was so kind

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Speaker 3: and was so willing to kind of, you know, help

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Speaker 3: you with anything. He was like, yeah, I'll do whatever

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Speaker 3: you want, and like we'll go through this however you want. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: that maybe along the way you were like, Okay, well

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Speaker 3: I can just ask whatever I want. You know, I

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Speaker 3: can ask him to stop seeing her, and he should

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Speaker 3: do it because he's been so understanding.

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Speaker 1: At this point.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's like, you can't. You can't do that, right, right,

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Speaker 2: There's there's a limit to those things. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: He would always let me go off and never really

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Speaker 3: indicated when I crossed a line, especially if I compare

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Speaker 3: how I promised I would handle the entire situation versus

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Speaker 3: how I actually did. It was the last day before

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Speaker 3: I moved, so we had a long final conversation about

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Speaker 3: all of it. It was very intense for both of us,

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Speaker 3: but also really helpful, and afterward we were able to

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Speaker 3: act like good friends again. I moved out a few

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Speaker 3: days ago, so things have calmed down a bit again,

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Speaker 3: and I can see again that he really isn't the

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Speaker 3: person for me, which is a relief. I'm also working

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Speaker 3: on the fact that I have an unhealthy attraction pattern

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Speaker 3: when it comes to romantic partners due to my upbringing

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Speaker 3: and internalized homophobia. Both of these things are giving me

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Speaker 3: hope that in time I will be able to see

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Speaker 3: him as nothing more than a platonic friend again. But

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Speaker 3: at the same time, I still feel quite hurt because

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Speaker 3: he really broke my trust and was dishonest, something I

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Speaker 3: valued the most about our friendship before, and I completely

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Speaker 3: disrespected his privacy, and I wasn't able to not let

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Speaker 3: these feelings get the best of me, being really demanding

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Speaker 3: and hurtful to him at times. Throughout this period. We

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Speaker 3: were always able to see eyed eye again and be

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Speaker 3: understanding of each other after being open and talking things through,

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Speaker 3: but I feel like we weren't able to fully do

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Speaker 3: that in this last big talk, or at least I

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Speaker 3: didn't feel like we were. I really do want to

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Speaker 3: save our friendship. He was an amazing friend before all

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Speaker 3: of this and still was during most of it. To

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Speaker 3: be fair, and the girl he's dating seems great, and

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Speaker 3: I just want to be able to.

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Speaker 2: Be happy for both of them.

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Speaker 3: The other option is, of course, to just walk away

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Speaker 3: for his sake and let them be happy. Although he

296
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Speaker 3: always tells me he doesn't want that. That's a perfectly

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Speaker 3: reasonable thing. That hostly reasonable. There's more to the story,

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Speaker 3: and I am sad about it. Yeah, you know what,

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Speaker 3: I can't always have what I want. And sometimes, you know.

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Speaker 2: This is this is a good story read because humble

301
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Speaker 2: you it well, it just shows you.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes this is like you got to get through tough situations. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and uh, and and like sometimes friendships are complicated and

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Speaker 3: you have to kind of work through them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, And especially with these situations. I mean, what's

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Speaker 2: good about it is that they both seem to care

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Speaker 2: a lot about the friendship. Yeah, and they both seem

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Speaker 2: to you know, uh, they seem willing to put in

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Speaker 2: the work to make it like good for everyone. Is

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Speaker 2: just a rocky road to get there, exactly, you know, man,

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Speaker 2: oh man, But there's a little bit more. I need

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Speaker 2: some outside perspectives on this entire situation. Because I can't

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Speaker 2: judge which of my reactions are valid in our friendship

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Speaker 2: and which are due to my feelings. I hope you

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Speaker 2: can give me a reality check in general. Have I

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Speaker 2: been overreacting and expecting too much? Quite sure? The answer

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Speaker 2: is yes.

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Speaker 3: After typing all this out, Is it fair that I've

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Speaker 3: heard about what he did? Was it okay to demand

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Speaker 3: these things to begin with? Can I still be hurt

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Speaker 3: after I completely just rect disrespected his privacy? How do

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Speaker 3: I best handle this? Do I keep my distance for

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Speaker 3: a while? General advice from people that have had feelings

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Speaker 3: for a good friend and got over it and that

325
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Speaker 3: is the end of that story. Oh boy, I think

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Speaker 3: it's I mean, I think you both made mistakes, and

327
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Speaker 3: I think you both are committed to fixing the friendship.

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Speaker 3: I think you need to take the time that you

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Speaker 3: need away. And maybe it's not like completely cutting off

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Speaker 3: the friendship, but it's just, you know, yeah, treating a

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Speaker 3: little bit of distance. Maybe there's certain things that you

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Speaker 3: guys don't do anymore, like, you know, if you like

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Speaker 3: were physically affectionate before, maybe that's there's a little bit

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Speaker 3: of the boundary there just so your feelings don't get

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Speaker 3: all confused, right, you know, it's.

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Speaker 2: Important to be very clear about these things. And I

337
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Speaker 2: think it because the situation is just very uncle you're

338
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Speaker 2: in and of itself, like it's it's a little harder

339
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Speaker 2: to like communicate those things. So it's understandable, but it's

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Speaker 2: you know, I'm hoping that they can work it out

341
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Speaker 2: or you know too. Yeah, but that's the end of

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Speaker 2: that story. My best friend portrays herself as a sweet

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Speaker 2: Christian girl, but her actions are anything but sounds like

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Speaker 2: she's really sour. So let me explain. I had known

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Speaker 2: this girl for years and she eventually became a BFF.

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Speaker 2: But ever since then, she's shown me a whole different

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Speaker 2: side to her. By the way, this comes from dizzy

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Speaker 2: Net thirty eight, thirty seven, and if you want to

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Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the ur slash Okay

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Speaker 2: story time Sepreda. So for some context, she portrayed herself

351
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Speaker 2: as a very understanding and sweet Christian girl with good

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Speaker 2: morals and non judgmental or controlling tendencies. She's twenty three

353
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Speaker 2: and married her friend from high school and he's in

354
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Speaker 2: the military. I'm not religious at all, but I am

355
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Speaker 2: a witch. I'm not married, but I do have a

356
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Speaker 2: partner of eight years, and I am twenty six. My

357
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Speaker 2: man is an assistant chef. Well, here's the first thing

358
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,840
Speaker 2: that completely con how I first felt about her. She's

359
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Speaker 2: come to my home a few times and has ridiculed

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Speaker 2: my practice as evil. I originally shrugged it off because

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Speaker 2: we all have different experiences. Well, she ended up throwing

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Speaker 2: out all of my witchcraft books. She's also thrown out

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Speaker 2: my puppets and spell jars. I tried to confront her

364
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Speaker 2: about it, but all I got back was it's evil

365
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Speaker 2: and you need to go to my church to cleanse

366
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Speaker 2: your darkness. At first, I went with it, like, okay, fine,

367
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Speaker 2: let's see the hype and maybe I can talk with

368
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Speaker 2: her and see why she feels so defensive about my practices.

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Speaker 2: The church was fine, a decent community, not my style,

370
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Speaker 2: but decent. And she finally told me that she had

371
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Speaker 2: dealt with a demon before. I'm pretty aware of demons

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Speaker 2: and how they're very indifferent, like across or Pentagram. Ain't

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Speaker 2: saving anyone by itself. It takes a lot of work.

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Speaker 2: But then she said that the same demon that latched

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Speaker 2: onto her was latching onto me. As well, So I

376
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Speaker 2: get it, but it's not like I go to her

377
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Speaker 2: home and throw away her belongings. I've dealt with very

378
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Speaker 2: cultish religious people many times, so I try to confront

379
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Speaker 2: her about it, and she gets mad, saying why are

380
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Speaker 2: you defending the practices of the devil? And I get

381
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Speaker 2: annoyed to the point that I just sit silently as

382
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Speaker 2: she takes me home. Now, the second thing that really

383
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,360
Speaker 2: irks me a lot was when I had finally gotten

384
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Speaker 2: a gig on a game show called Let's Make It. It

385
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,480
Speaker 2: was my first ever big time gig, and I was excited,

386
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Speaker 2: so I decided i'd invite her with me. We had

387
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,040
Speaker 2: planned this out a month beforehand and what we'd go

388
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Speaker 2: dressed up as. Since it's a game show that requires

389
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Speaker 2: a costume, we agreed that she'd be a princess and

390
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,720
Speaker 2: I'd be a dark fairy. On the day of going there,

391
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,320
Speaker 2: she last minute changes her costume to some kind of

392
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Speaker 2: nineteen fifties girl. While I'm not annoyed at the costume

393
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,920
Speaker 2: because I figured I'd create an entire role for myself,

394
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,840
Speaker 2: like oh, I kidnapped her and brought her to this

395
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,680
Speaker 2: time era, I was more mad at how she treated

396
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Speaker 2: me the entire day and night there. So the first

397
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Speaker 2: thing that happened was we were talking with other contestants

398
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Speaker 2: and invitees, and I started to collect numbers because I'm

399
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,080
Speaker 2: trying to be an actress and a voice actress, and

400
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:50,640
Speaker 2: I was meeting all kinds of people directors, actors, voice actors,

401
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,240
Speaker 2: fashion designers, all kinds of people in the big stuff,

402
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,040
Speaker 2: and I really wanted to make as many connections as possible. Well,

403
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,600
Speaker 2: one guy who happened to be a scriptwriter was talking

404
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,880
Speaker 2: to us, and I got excited, so I asked for

405
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,640
Speaker 2: his number and I got it. So she then turns

406
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,439
Speaker 2: to me, smiles and goes, we'll talk about what you

407
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,160
Speaker 2: just did, and then nodded. I played this off because

408
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,480
Speaker 2: I'm collecting numbers like Pokemon, and she nods and smiles,

409
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,159
Speaker 2: and then it turns back to him and continues speaking

410
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,520
Speaker 2: with it. Well, fast forward to the end of the show,

411
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:20,800
Speaker 2: where we were all getting ready to go home. There's

412
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Speaker 2: this random guy who is flirting with her on a

413
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Speaker 2: very noticeable level, and I'm confused because she seems totally

414
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,720
Speaker 2: fine with it. I'm considering maybe she just doesn't know

415
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:29,920
Speaker 2: she has a husband.

416
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:35,080
Speaker 3: I perhaps she has a hubb Perhaps she does, Oh

417
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Speaker 3: she does.

418
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:40,560
Speaker 2: I thought you were asking no, no, a husband. Yeah.

419
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:42,720
Speaker 2: So we go to this restaurant and he tries to

420
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,360
Speaker 2: buy us food and drinks. I thank him, but ultimately

421
00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:47,399
Speaker 2: turn him down and pay myself, and she goes she

422
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:50,040
Speaker 2: has a boyfriend, which I felt was weird, but hey,

423
00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,520
Speaker 2: I'm not denying it, so I nod and smile. But

424
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,760
Speaker 2: when I bring up her partner, she immediately stares me

425
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,640
Speaker 2: down and goes, oh, you mean the dude who thought

426
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Speaker 2: he was my boyfriend?

427
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Speaker 1: Yeah?

428
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,760
Speaker 2: And then is your husband? Yeah, he's not your boyfriend,

429
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,560
Speaker 2: but is your husband? I laugh, going a, there was

430
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:10,080
Speaker 2: that weirdoh, and she stares me down again. As I

431
00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:13,040
Speaker 2: bring up her being married, she just smiles and looks

432
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,639
Speaker 2: down at her drink. Okay, weird. Fast forward a bit

433
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,320
Speaker 2: after where he takes us to an arcade bar and oh,

434
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 2: my gosh, I absolutely loved it. Things were fine up

435
00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:24,920
Speaker 2: until we went to the karaoke bar. That's when everything

436
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,480
Speaker 2: fell apart. She and I got very wasted. She kept

437
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:31,160
Speaker 2: going up to sing several songs, and this is where

438
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,160
Speaker 2: the guy we were hanging out with started to touch

439
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,600
Speaker 2: and feel up on her even kissing her and giving

440
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,760
Speaker 2: her a tongue. Wows. Why are we friends with this girl?

441
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,239
Speaker 3: I don't know, man, I'll OPI this is well on you, like,

442
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,919
Speaker 3: not not her behavior, yeah, but like why are we?

443
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:48,480
Speaker 2: What are any Does she have any redeeming qualities? Right? Right,

444
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,360
Speaker 2: it's not seeming like it. I'm wasted, but I notice it.

445
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,440
Speaker 2: She sees me and then pulls me into the bathroom.

446
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,520
Speaker 2: She tells me that she doesn't like him like that,

447
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,879
Speaker 2: and I'm agreeing, like, that's very weird because she's married.

448
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,560
Speaker 2: So we go out and now I'm on guard duty,

449
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,880
Speaker 2: making sure that he's not touching her or doing anything

450
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,280
Speaker 2: like that. She just keeps singing multiple songs, even though

451
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,800
Speaker 2: by now the entire bar is extremely loud and you

452
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,040
Speaker 2: can't hear anyone up there. I step out a bit

453
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,880
Speaker 2: and try to call my boy I really just want

454
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,679
Speaker 2: to go home at this point, I don't want to

455
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,280
Speaker 2: be here. It's too loud, and I know my boyfriend,

456
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:21,159
Speaker 2: who doesn't drink, could get us home safely. We're way

457
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:23,919
Speaker 2: the heck out in LA, but my phone is down

458
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,199
Speaker 2: a bit now and he's still at work down an

459
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,080
Speaker 2: ocean side. Well. She comes out and gets very angry

460
00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:31,520
Speaker 2: at me, saying that this is for me and that

461
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,280
Speaker 2: she was doing this for me. So I try to

462
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,159
Speaker 2: be nice because we're both wasted. I am not a

463
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,639
Speaker 2: talkative wasted despite being an honest one, whereas she's the

464
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 2: opposite of me, very talkative and very erratic. Near the

465
00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:46,280
Speaker 2: end of the night, the guy, who is also wasted,

466
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:50,440
Speaker 2: gets angry because she's being all over the bouncer. I'm

467
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,399
Speaker 2: again noticing this, so my friend and the dude go

468
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,679
Speaker 2: off somewhere to talk. Right. I talk to the bouncer

469
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,840
Speaker 2: and let him know that she's married, and then we're

470
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,320
Speaker 2: just wasted. We need sober He's very understanding and agrees

471
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 2: that we both need to sober up and eat something. Well,

472
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,040
Speaker 2: the guy that she talked to got mad, and she

473
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,320
Speaker 2: just says, you're really going to get upset when you

474
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 2: just met me eight hours ago. So he storms off

475
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,919
Speaker 2: and we wait from ten pm till two am, and

476
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:18,080
Speaker 2: we're still pretty waste. But the bouncer invites us to

477
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:20,520
Speaker 2: go over to his friend's place and we do have

478
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 2: an update. But I need to process all of that.

479
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 2: So many points. Yeah, because okay, first of all, you know,

480
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,359
Speaker 2: kissing this random guy. Yeah, you're married. But then the

481
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,800
Speaker 2: fact that she's like saying like, oh no, but I

482
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 2: don't like him like that, like I'll kiss him and

483
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,400
Speaker 2: I'll like, i'll let him like slip tongue, but it's

484
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,359
Speaker 2: not cheating because I don't like I just don't like

485
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 2: him like that. So it's okay, it's fine. Like that's

486
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,040
Speaker 2: a that's a crazy thing to say at that, like

487
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,440
Speaker 2: why are we friends with this girl? Yeah? But then

488
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,399
Speaker 2: also just now with her saying like, oh, like, you

489
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,800
Speaker 2: can't even get mad. He just met me eight hours ago.

490
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,080
Speaker 2: Eight hours is actually kind of a long time. That

491
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,960
Speaker 2: is so long to just be out. Though she met

492
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:06,120
Speaker 2: him this night. Yea, and they've been out for eight hours. Yeah, man,

493
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 2: that's a long time. My gosh, home stopping trying with her,

494
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,320
Speaker 2: But we do have an update. I'm really hoping that

495
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:17,560
Speaker 2: they didn't go over to that friend's space. I immediately am

496
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 2: getting concerned vibes off of this entire thing and try

497
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 2: to convince my friend that we both wait in her

498
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,400
Speaker 2: car before my boyfriend can come pick us up. She

499
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 2: gets very mad at this and throws the I'm doing

500
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 2: this for you and that point. I just go with it,

501
00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 2: will try to contact my boyfriend on almost phone because

502
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 2: I want to go home, not to some after party

503
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 2: at some stranger's home. So she takes my phone and

504
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,640
Speaker 2: then drags me with her and all of these people

505
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:45,040
Speaker 2: I've never met before into this giant van. I'm already

506
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,440
Speaker 2: having a panic attack. But we get there and things

507
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,159
Speaker 2: are fine. They make food, they set up a karaoke machine,

508
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 2: which my friend immediately takes over and sings several more songs.

509
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 2: I'm just sitting here, completely dissociated with reality. Everything feels

510
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:00,199
Speaker 2: as though it's a dream. I don't sleep at all.

511
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 2: I'm paranoid. My boyfriend manages to come down there, and

512
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,960
Speaker 2: it gets and she gets so mad at me, saying

513
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,080
Speaker 2: things like I did this for you. You never go out,

514
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 2: you never socialize, and I told you we'll go home

515
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 2: when I say we will. She doesn't give me my

516
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,440
Speaker 2: phone back, and then calls him on her phone, saying

517
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 2: that I'm acting stupid and just being annoying. Mind you,

518
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 2: I've said absolutely nothing. I'm being as quiet as possible.

519
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,240
Speaker 2: He hangs up with her and goes back home, and

520
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,159
Speaker 2: then she gives me my phone back, goes back home

521
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:31,160
Speaker 2: from La to ocean side. Oh my gosh, boy friend's dumb.

522
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,880
Speaker 2: Your boyfriend's stupid. Yeah, yeah, this is everyone of the stories,

523
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,360
Speaker 2: unsafe to stupid. Then she goes outside to make out

524
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,160
Speaker 2: with the bouncer, and I'm just trying to make sure

525
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,679
Speaker 2: that I don't pass out, because anything can happen at

526
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 2: this point. So finally, fast forward a few hours and

527
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,600
Speaker 2: I'm making sure not to sleep in the car as

528
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 2: we drive back home. We finally get home, I just

529
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,879
Speaker 2: go inside and sleep. But for the next three days,

530
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:55,200
Speaker 2: I'm completely disconnected from reality. It wasn't until the fourth

531
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,399
Speaker 2: day that I finally felt like, Okay, I'm home. This

532
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,920
Speaker 2: is real. Everything that happened is real. This isn't it.

533
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 2: So fast forward a month later, and I think it's

534
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,199
Speaker 2: time to finally try a new hairstyle. I'm not one

535
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:06,800
Speaker 2: to do this, by the way, but I really wanted

536
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 2: to give curly hair a try. I'm excited, but I

537
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 2: end up messaging that same friend to come down and

538
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 2: help me with it. Well, she gets here, and I'm excited.

539
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 2: I had my hair cleaned and wet and got all

540
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 2: the new products out. She sits on my bed and

541
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 2: immediately wants to go on my social media, including my Instagram,

542
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,879
Speaker 2: which I've not been on for a year. She just

543
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,479
Speaker 2: goes through my chats and I'm asking her questions and

544
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 2: she brushes me off and just goes through all my

545
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 2: chats instead. What why is this happening? Why are we

546
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 2: letting this happen here?

547
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:34,880
Speaker 1: Sir?

548
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 2: My excitement is kind of dying out. My hair is

549
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 2: drying out. So I finally get annoyed and tell her

550
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 2: that it's time to do my hair. She finally puts

551
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 2: my phone down helps me out, and I'm excited because,

552
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, this is my first time. But after

553
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,919
Speaker 2: she's done helping me, she just gets up and leaves,

554
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 2: doesn't even want to chat with me anymore. So I

555
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 2: sleep with it in and the next day I take

556
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 2: it out once my hair was fully dried. I'm okay

557
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 2: with this. It looks all right, and I send her

558
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 2: a picture. She gets very angry with me and says,

559
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,199
Speaker 2: I'm supposed to leave curlers in for three days. I

560
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 2: don't know anything about hair, but people on YouTube seem

561
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:08,479
Speaker 2: to say that you can do a three hour all

562
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,880
Speaker 2: the way to a twenty four hour with curlers. Three

563
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 2: days is crazy? Leave them in for three days? Yeah?

564
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 2: What curlers. Do you need to do that with like?

565
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,119
Speaker 2: Even like a perm is like you? You need to

566
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,360
Speaker 2: do that many days? So I start to feel bad

567
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 2: because it looked great to me, but evidently my friend

568
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 2: is angry with it. I'm not your friend, not your friend.

569
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,399
Speaker 2: When she gets off work, she decides to come to

570
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 2: my home and do my hair again. She sprays the

571
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,479
Speaker 2: ever living heck out of my hair with hairspray. I'm

572
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 2: visibly choking and coughing, and she says, beauty is pain

573
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,680
Speaker 2: and we need to go through it to look great

574
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,879
Speaker 2: for their men. My boyfriend wasn't here, but when I

575
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 2: told him when he got home, he got very angry. Well,

576
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 2: now I'm having breathing issues and it's been going on

577
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:50,440
Speaker 2: for about two weeks. Now I have chemical burns inside

578
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 2: my throat according to my doctor and dentist, Oh my gosh,

579
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 2: because of the hairspray. This is so insane, so insane,

580
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,119
Speaker 2: So I cannot get any acting gigs, voice or physical acting.

581
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 2: I'm now on a temporary inhaler. So now let's fast

582
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,159
Speaker 2: forward to finally, just last week, when we go to

583
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:14,720
Speaker 2: a sunset market, still with this friend, still with this

584
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 2: This is ridiculous with this friend.

585
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,119
Speaker 3: I don't feel bad for you anymore. I literally I

586
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 3: have like no sympathy for you.

587
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 2: See, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You gotta drop the people

588
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,399
Speaker 2: that are getting you into random vans of strangers and

589
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 2: giving you chemical burns inside your throat.

590
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 3: Like genuinely, I don't think that you can complain about

591
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:37,400
Speaker 3: a person or a friend and how they're treating you

592
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 3: if you don't talk to them and also don't set

593
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 3: any boundaries and also just continue to be at the

594
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,440
Speaker 3: friend and do nothing. Yeah, this is a like, why

595
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 3: are you complaining about them if you're not doing anything.

596
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:49,159
Speaker 2: It's like a nice little place that people set up

597
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,679
Speaker 2: shops for food or jewelry or clothes, you know that

598
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,439
Speaker 2: kind of thing. I kind of don't want to go,

599
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 2: but she begs me to come with her, and so

600
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,399
Speaker 2: I do. I can't breathe can't do too much exercise,

601
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,199
Speaker 2: let alone walk a certain distance. But I guess fine,

602
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 2: I'll try to be there for my friend girl. She

603
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 2: demands my boyfriend to come with us, and he eventually does,

604
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 2: but he hit social anxiety bad in crowded spots. Well

605
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 2: the entire time, I'm choking, coughing struggling to breathe, scratching

606
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 2: my throat because she's moving so fast and demanding a

607
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 2: catch up to her. She then tells me to shut

608
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 2: up and stop acting, and that I'm creating problems out

609
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,199
Speaker 2: of nothing. She know that this is her fault. She

610
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 2: knows that this is from all that I told her hairspray.

611
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,680
Speaker 2: I bet Op never said anything. I wouldn't be surprised

612
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 2: if Ope never said anything. She then mocks and makes

613
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 2: fun of me and says that I went and smoked

614
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,359
Speaker 2: substances with homeless guys as we pass them. My boyfriend

615
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 2: thinks of this as just banter, and he laughs as

616
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,479
Speaker 2: she does this. But I'm getting annoyed, very upset, and

617
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,360
Speaker 2: decide I'm going home and they can have a nice

618
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 2: day because I cannot breathe and she's coming off as

619
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 2: Hella rude. So she gets mad and takes off somewhere,

620
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:52,960
Speaker 2: and as I get home with my boyfriend, I tried

621
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 2: to explain that this wasn't normal banter, that actually felt

622
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 2: like real digs and that she was being rude. She

623
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 2: whips by us and gives my boyfriend fish and says

624
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 2: that I'm just trying to ruin their night like I

625
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 2: ruined her night when we went to the party. My

626
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 2: boyfriend doesn't take the food and instead helps me go

627
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:11,200
Speaker 2: inside the home and we close the door. He apologizes

628
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 2: because he works with her and they and they banter

629
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:15,679
Speaker 2: in the back of the kitchen. He didn't think it

630
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,440
Speaker 2: was that bad, so we decided to officially cut her off.

631
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 3: There we go, finally, Finally, it only took forever, forever,

632
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 3: and we are not going to hang out with her

633
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 3: or talk to her much.

634
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 2: He encourages me to get back into my practice. I've

635
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 2: honestly felt happy with this decision. I got to heal

636
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 2: a bit better this week, and by next week I

637
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 2: should be off the inhaler. I will have to stick

638
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,359
Speaker 2: to a liquid diet and nothing spicy or hot. But

639
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,639
Speaker 2: we got some good news from my doctor and dentist

640
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 2: that it's healing and clearing up a lot. Within another

641
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 2: two weeks, i'll be able to heal. This friend has

642
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:50,640
Speaker 2: sent me some messages asking if I'll go to church

643
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,160
Speaker 2: with her or if I'd like to go to a gathering.

644
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 2: I haven't read any of them. I do feel bad, though,

645
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 2: because I get I don't know a lot about friends,

646
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 2: but I truly don't feel as though she was ever

647
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 2: there for me as a.

648
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 3: Friend, and you were absolutely right about that. She wasn't

649
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 3: unlike this girl. Please please continue to keep her out

650
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 3: of your life. Yes, she sucks so much better worse. Yeah,

651
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 3: I hate her. She literally like she she burned your throat.

652
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 2: She burned you and pulled you into a van, came

653
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 2: at to you.

654
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:28,679
Speaker 3: My advice for you is to be aware of the

655
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 3: people that you let into your life and.

656
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 2: How they treat you. Yeah, because this is not okay, okay,

657
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,320
Speaker 2: But again, as someone who grew up friendless, maybe I'm

658
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,719
Speaker 2: being the wiener wad to her. I don't know if

659
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 2: I should tell her I don't want to hang out

660
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 2: with her anymore, or if I should just not respond

661
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 2: or say anything. It was so nice to feel like

662
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 2: I had a friend, but she is not the way

663
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,400
Speaker 2: that she claimed that she was and has been completely opposite.

664
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 2: So I feel unsure if this is the right choice.

665
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,479
Speaker 2: And that's the end of that story. But we are

666
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 2: here to assure you it is the right choice. Never

667
00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 2: never talk to her again.

668
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 1: Here's johni og host here. We're gonna get back to

669
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 1: the stories, but here's a quick three minute break of

670
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 1: ass from our sponsors. My husband prioritizes a party over me.

671
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,479
Speaker 1: My pregnancy is doing two weeks.

672
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 2: Oh no, he's at a birthday party.

673
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 1: My husband's best friend got engaged and my husband is

674
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: in the wedding party. He is not the best man,

675
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 1: but is doing most of the planning for the bachelor

676
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 1: party and his friend group. They usually do a golf weekend. Also,

677
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: this is likely the last bachelor party in the group,

678
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 1: as the rest of the guys are already married. By

679
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 1: the way, this comes from Kiwi two to two to

680
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 1: two three, and if you want to submit your own stories,

681
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 1: go to our slash Okay storytime subreddit. So we have

682
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 1: a two year old and I'm currently pregnant with our

683
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 1: second child and due on August twenty fifth. When he

684
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: started planning the bachelor party, I told him that planning

685
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 1: something earlier in the summer would give him a higher

686
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 1: chance of going for the full weekend. I originally framed

687
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: it as not wanting to be stuck watching our toddler

688
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 1: by myself for a full weekend and my third trimester

689
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 1: while he's out golfing, which was a mistake. I should

690
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 1: have framed it as not wanting him to go away

691
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 1: for a weekend so close to my due date because

692
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 1: he gives us the baby. They finally picked a date

693
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: for the bachelor party. It's August eighth, so I'll be

694
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 1: almost thirty eight weeks pregnant and considered full term. Technically,

695
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 1: I'll be thirty eight weeks the day he plans to

696
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 1: get back, so it's about two weeks before my actual

697
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 1: due date. The bachelor party will be about two hours

698
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,320
Speaker 1: away without traffic, and on previous golf weekends, he has

699
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,479
Speaker 1: been terrible about keeping his phone charged and it can

700
00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: be hard to get in touch with him. Also, while

701
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 1: he doesn't drink, he does smoke pot and would likely

702
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: be smoking the whole weekend. He thinks that as long

703
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 1: as he gets someone to watch our toddler while he's gone,

704
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 1: it's fine to go for the full weekend two three nights.

705
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 1: And this makes me incredibly nervous. I'm willing to compromise

706
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 1: and agree to an overnight plus a day of golf.

707
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 1: I would also want him to keep his phone on

708
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 1: in charge at all times, and ask that he stay

709
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 1: sober in case I go into labor. He seemed to

710
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 1: think this is an unreasonable compromise. When I initially brought

711
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 1: it up, and since then he's unwilling to discuss it

712
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 1: until they have finalized the plans for the weekend. I'm

713
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 1: of the mindset that there are very few times in

714
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 1: our marriage where my needs, wants, desires take priority over his,

715
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 1: but that this is one of them. Also, yikes, Yeah,

716
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,719
Speaker 1: reddits am I the a hole for not wanting him

717
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 1: to go to a bachelor party for two to three

718
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: nights so close to my due date? We got an update? Yeah,

719
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 1: I mean I don't think, ohp, he's the a hole

720
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 1: for asking that.

721
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 2: No, not at all. I think your husband is the ahle.

722
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think he's the a whole. And also I

723
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 1: hope this moment shines light on the possible imbalance between

724
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:47,959
Speaker 1: how you treat your husband and how your husband treats you.

725
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 1: Anion says that is pretty bad. Jenny Pearl Gardner says,

726
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 1: he sucks.

727
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 3: I would also be really reticent to leave like a

728
00:31:57,080 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 3: pregnant person alone, you know, to take care to take

729
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 3: care of themselves just in general, after like six months, honestly,

730
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 3: because there's so many health things that could happen.

731
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 2: Want, you know.

732
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 1: I would want to be next to my pregnant wife

733
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 1: like as much as possible. Yeah, update, I try to

734
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 1: talk to my husband about the bachelor party and specifically

735
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 1: asked how they arrived at that weekend. My husband said

736
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 1: the only requirement was that every groomsman be able to attend,

737
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 1: and that he throughout two dates, one in July and

738
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 1: the one two weeks before my due date. The July

739
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,240
Speaker 1: date didn't work for some of the groomsmen, so he

740
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 1: picked the August date. Those were the only two weekends discussed,

741
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 1: and he apparently picked both. His argument is that if

742
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 1: I went into labor when he was at work and

743
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 1: happened to be on a long call, it could take

744
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,480
Speaker 1: him over two hours to get home. So why is

745
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 1: it not okay to plan a trip that would take

746
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:48,480
Speaker 1: him the same distance away. I tried to explain that

747
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: there's a difference between work where if he can't get

748
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 1: home it's because someone is seriously injured or something is

749
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 1: burning down and a bachelor party. Also, on the bachelor party,

750
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 1: he's probably not going to be sober. He also has

751
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 1: a history of not having his phone on, Like, I

752
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:05,760
Speaker 1: feel like it's a little different, but I don't know,

753
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: maybe I'm off base.

754
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 2: How does he work so far away?

755
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, two hours who's working two hours away? You have

756
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 1: to work in two hours away?

757
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 2: I think you need to move houses.

758
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean some people have really long commutes. It's

759
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: almost like normal in America. I feel like to have

760
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 1: Like in Europe, people are like, oh, I have to

761
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,959
Speaker 1: walk three blocks. That's crazy. He doesn't see it that

762
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 1: way and just wants to be their first friend. And

763
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 1: in his head the two days August twenty fifth, and

764
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 1: there's no chance that the baby could possibly come two

765
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 1: weeks early. We didn't get a chance to discuss duration

766
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: of the weekend or the possibility of not smoking before

767
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 1: the conversation dissolved. He got pissed when I brought up

768
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 1: he is a poor track record at keeping in touch

769
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 1: during these things. Although he was pretty angry throughout the

770
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 1: whole conversation, to be honest, another red flag. I tried

771
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 1: to remain calm throughout the conversation, but I did cry

772
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,360
Speaker 1: and I was the one to walk away first. After

773
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 1: work today, I'm getting my son and we're going to

774
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 1: stay with my parents.

775
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, people who will actually, you know, be there when

776
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 3: your baby comes.

777
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 1: And there is another update to the store. We have

778
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 1: some top comments what it feels like is this relationship

779
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 1: is kind of doomed. Maybe this is too bad.

780
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 3: I think as long as we are on the course

781
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 3: that we're on right now with the communication style, the

782
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 3: nine hole course, the nine hole course of just poor communication.

783
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 2: Last hole got to lead to divorce. But if we change.

784
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 1: Golf courses and maybe change our program, maybe change iron to.

785
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 2: A seven o'clock ye to make small steps.

786
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 1: Yep, small steps towards.

787
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 2: The right hole, then I know very little.

788
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 1: A book calls Darth Charzard says, not the a hole.

789
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 1: I get that it's a big ask, but his best

790
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 1: friend is getting married and he's only going to be

791
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 1: two hours away. I think that as long as he

792
00:34:57,600 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 1: keeps his phone charge and he stays sober enough to drive,

793
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:02,720
Speaker 1: it's not unreasonable that he wants to attend this event

794
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 1: he planned. But I also get, while you're nervous, can

795
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 1: he tentatively plan to attend and check in with your

796
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 1: doctor to see how likely it is you're going to

797
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,440
Speaker 1: go into labor closer to the actual dates? And we

798
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,360
Speaker 1: do have again more comments. Kind of refuting this, melly

799
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 1: Aka says doctors can guess but are frequently wrong. Lots

800
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,480
Speaker 1: of women are told they'll have their baby any day

801
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 1: now at thirty six weeks and go overdue or told

802
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 1: there's no way the baby is coming yet, and going

803
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,280
Speaker 1: to labor within a week two hours away is unlikely

804
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 1: to be a huge deal. But if he's drinking and

805
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: has to sober up first, or if she has a

806
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 1: precipitous labor, he could miss the birth entirely. Second babies

807
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 1: often come faster too. Personally, I wouldn't be willing to

808
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 1: risk that. And there is a verdict and an update.

809
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 1: So the bachelor party was this weekend. My husband and

810
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 1: I ultimately decided to wait until the doctor's appointment the

811
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 1: week before the party to make a decision. If she

812
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 1: said baby is coming any day now, he was going

813
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 1: to go for the day. Meanwhile, my mother in law

814
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 1: volunteer to watch the sun for the weekend, so the

815
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 1: sun was being watched. And it turns out that my

816
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,440
Speaker 1: parents are moving and wound up moving to an apartment

817
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:09,319
Speaker 1: that is five minutes from our house, so they would

818
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 1: be around in case I happened to go into labor.

819
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 1: So it seems like the.

820
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 2: Very cool and slive mm hmm.

821
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 1: The ob said she didn't think the baby would come

822
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 1: this weekend, so we decided that my husband would go

823
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 1: to the bachelor party for two nights, two nights, with

824
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 1: the stipulation that he remained sober and be ready to

825
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 1: leave at a moment's notice.

826
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:29,320
Speaker 2: M man's gone for two nights.

827
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:32,759
Speaker 1: Also, dude, Like, just for your own happiness, would you

828
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 1: not want to plan the bachelor party earlier?

829
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, he has a new baby the bachelor party earlier.

830
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you could like actually enjoy the bachelor party exactly. Yeah.

831
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 1: My husband told his friends that he would be up

832
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:51,280
Speaker 1: on Friday. We were all set. Then on Wednesday, all

833
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 1: heck broke loose. Our son got a rash on his

834
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:57,360
Speaker 1: hands and feet, and it turns out that someone at

835
00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: daycare had come down with hand foot mouth disease. He

836
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,279
Speaker 1: wasn't showing any other symptoms, so we weren't sure if

837
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 1: he actually had it or just a random rash. We

838
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 1: decided to see how he was on Thursday. If he

839
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 1: had a fever, I was going to get a hotel

840
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 1: because if I came down with it, I could pass

841
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 1: it on to the baby and my husband was going

842
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:15,959
Speaker 1: to have to stay home. Our son woke up fever

843
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 1: free on Thursday morning. So we were all set. Then

844
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 1: on Thursday night, my mom went to the er with

845
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: stomach thanes. Turns out she was going to need surgery.

846
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,280
Speaker 1: My husband was supposed to leave at six am and Friday,

847
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 1: but I asked him to wait until we got an

848
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: update on my mom. When I called her on Friday morning,

849
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 1: apparently she was feeling better, so the doctor told her

850
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:33,360
Speaker 1: that she might be able to go home and schedule

851
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 1: the surgery for a later dates. I gave my husband

852
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 1: the go ahead to leave for the bachelor part.

853
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 3: Sorry, your child gets hand foot mouth disease, your mother

854
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:44,920
Speaker 3: in law gets freaking.

855
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,320
Speaker 1: Surch surgery, or all any you don't take.

856
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:49,800
Speaker 3: That as a sign from the universe that maybe you

857
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:50,640
Speaker 3: should stay home.

858
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 1: Honestly, like that feels like a sign.

859
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 3: But two back to back, like crazy illnesses, I'd be like,

860
00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 3: I'm not leaving this weeknd.

861
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell the boys that I don't need golf.

862
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,880
Speaker 1: Except then the doctor changed his mind and decided the

863
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 1: surgery couldn't wait. My mom spent the weekend in the

864
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: hospital waiting for a surgeon to be available. She finally

865
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 1: was able to have surgery on Sunday morning. In the meantime,

866
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:14,640
Speaker 1: I lined up a few friends just in case I

867
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:17,240
Speaker 1: happened to go into labor. My dad was also around,

868
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 1: but had his hands full dealing with my mom and

869
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,799
Speaker 1: the move. So this weekend it was stressful and it

870
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:27,440
Speaker 1: felt like everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

871
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 1: But at least the baby stayed put. My husband got

872
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 1: to go to two of the three nights of the

873
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: bachelor party, and my mom's surgery went well, and our

874
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 1: son never actually got sick, and my husband was a

875
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,840
Speaker 1: lot more responsive text than he normally is because of

876
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 1: the situation with my mom. I'm glad that my husband

877
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 1: is home and that this weekend is finally over. We

878
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 1: have some top comments and we have an update. Dang man,

879
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:55,240
Speaker 1: I think we got through this weekend semi unscathed, semi,

880
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 1: but like, I still think there is an issue.

881
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 2: Well, there's a communication as that hasn't been.

882
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: Fully resolved exactly.

883
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, we lucked out of it in terms of what

884
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 3: events occurred on the weekend, but not actually, like you know,

885
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:12,320
Speaker 3: addressing the.

886
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:16,240
Speaker 1: Root issues have not been addressed. Yeah, completely agree.

887
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 3: It's like you're like supposed to have a marathon on

888
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 3: the weekend and then you break your foot two days

889
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,839
Speaker 3: before but then the marathon gets pushed like four months later.

890
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, rest Splenduit says I nearly got a panic attack

891
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,880
Speaker 1: reading this. It was extremely irresponsible for your husband to

892
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: leave once potential handfoot mouth and your mother's surgery was

893
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 1: in the picture. He shouldn't even ask you because that

894
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 1: puts pressure on you to not be the witch. This

895
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 1: could easily have gone a lot worse and you just

896
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 1: lucked out. I was a premie from my mother's stressing out.

897
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:51,720
Speaker 1: I've had really bad hand foot mouth as an adult,

898
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:54,879
Speaker 1: and when I gave birth myself, it went from low

899
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 1: risk to life threatening pretty fast, and two hours would

900
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:00,840
Speaker 1: definitely have made a big difference. He's a father, and

901
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,439
Speaker 1: that means he's got to be there for you, his son,

902
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 1: and his new baby. To be a multida bachelor party

903
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 1: can't be a priority. It doesn't matter if you have

904
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 1: family and friends. It's his child. I feel like you

905
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 1: only got not the a hole because Reddit Skew's young

906
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 1: enough and male enough that they don't quite internalize all

907
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:20,400
Speaker 1: the emotional labor that men pass to women and how

908
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 1: optional men find putting in the time to be a father.

909
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 1: Would they think it's reasonable if at one week postpartum,

910
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 1: you decide to leave baby behind and party it up

911
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 1: with your friends. After all, there's front airbag, pumps and formula,

912
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 1: so other people can theoretically do with the newborn parenting.

913
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 1: He owes you like all the four am feedings at

914
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 1: this point to make it up, and ostentatiously says, can

915
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,799
Speaker 1: you imagine if she had gone into birth? Op? It's

916
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:47,879
Speaker 1: just me today, OPI, it's just me to bay. Doc,

917
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 1: you have someone you can't call your mom, she's an

918
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 1: emergency surgery doc. Your dad, he's taking care of her. Doc.

919
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 1: Any friends, Well, they're caring for my son, who's hand

920
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 1: and foot mouth disease. Doc. Where's your husband again? He

921
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 1: really wanted to nights with his boys with the boys,

922
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 1: got it worked out, But I hope this man grows

923
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 1: up and we have an update. Wow. I really wasn't

924
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,279
Speaker 1: expecting this to blow up like this. My husband and

925
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 1: I were looking at the weekend with a sense of humor,

926
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 1: as in, what else could go wrong. He's a great husband, father,

927
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 1: and very helpful around the house. I understand that he

928
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 1: wanted a last hurrah with the boys before the baby comes,

929
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 1: and I thought we did pretty well coming up with

930
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 1: a compromise that was e stress free as possible for

931
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:28,640
Speaker 1: everyone involved. Unfortunately, the best laid plans and all that

932
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: crap were both just glad he was able to have

933
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 1: a great time with his friends. No one got hand

934
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 1: foot mouthed my mom is okay, and he didn't miss

935
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 1: the baby being born.

936
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 2: But you know who didn't get to have a fun

937
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 2: little weekend getaway, you because you can't get away with

938
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 2: them from the baby.

939
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,719
Speaker 3: This is a Malcolm in the Middle episode, not a

940
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:50,719
Speaker 3: full House episode. No issues were resolved at the end

941
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 3: of the day, but there were many problems.

942
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 1: Were many problems exactly, I learned a truth about my

943
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 1: wife's past ruined our marriage.

944
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 2: Oh you should have lied.

945
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:08,239
Speaker 1: I am a twenty seven year old male and my wife, Addison,

946
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 1: is twenty six. We started dating six years ago, married

947
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 1: for four years, and have two children together, a four

948
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 1: year old daughter and a three year old son. By

949
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 1: the way, this comes from Moist Bookkeeper seven five sixty five,

950
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:22,360
Speaker 1: And if you want to spend your own stories, go

951
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 1: to our slash Okay storytime stub right it. So, our

952
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,920
Speaker 1: relationship has always been great. Well, we have a special

953
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:31,360
Speaker 1: We have a serious connection on many levels. I honestly

954
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 1: feel like it's meaningful and filled with love and adoration

955
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 1: for each other. My friends and family love her, and

956
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 1: her friends and family love me. So cute. We all

957
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 1: get along and have a great time together, to the

958
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 1: point where we went on vacation with her friends, and

959
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 1: when we started our family, her friends made sure to

960
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:51,440
Speaker 1: continue being close with us, even including our kids. This

961
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 1: means a lot to me because I know having children

962
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:56,399
Speaker 1: can sometimes strain friendships. I personally know of people who

963
00:42:56,440 --> 00:43:00,040
Speaker 1: have children and their friends distance themselves from them. So

964
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 1: luckily that wasn't the case for us. Our relationship has

965
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 1: always been strong and we have great communication chemistry. Everything

966
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 1: is perfect for now. When our children were born, I

967
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 1: took off work and stayed home, making sure that aside

968
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,400
Speaker 1: from breastfeeding, I took care of our children, not letting

969
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 1: her lift a finger so she could focus on healing

970
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:20,440
Speaker 1: and adjusting to motherhood. She has thanked me for everything

971
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:24,040
Speaker 1: I've done during and after both pregnancies, telling everyone how

972
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 1: lucky she is and that I'm a great father. Again,

973
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:30,800
Speaker 1: nothing could go wrong. I never hesitate to brag about

974
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 1: how wonderful a mother she is and how I'm lucky

975
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:37,360
Speaker 1: to be her husband. I say all this to show

976
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,480
Speaker 1: just how happy and loving our relationship is. About three

977
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 1: months into dating, we were hanging out with her friends Ethan, Brian,

978
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:49,879
Speaker 1: and Sarah when we decided to play never Haveeever. Long

979
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 1: story short, I ended up finding out she had been

980
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:57,360
Speaker 1: in a minage. She was friends with the girl named Brittany,

981
00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 1: who was an open relationship with a guy named Sam.

982
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,799
Speaker 1: I guess at some point they had arranged to have

983
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:08,359
Speaker 1: The couples had a small get together and invited Addison, Ethan, Brian,

984
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:10,399
Speaker 1: and Sarah. At some point in the night, she ended

985
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 1: up having the manage with Sam. Brittany, Ethan, Brian, and

986
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:15,799
Speaker 1: Sarah were in the living room. They all ended up

987
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 1: crashing at Brittany's and Sam's place, leaving the next morning.

988
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:21,640
Speaker 1: And honestly, I found it a little weird that she

989
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 1: invited her friends to have that little group adventure. When

990
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 1: I asked why she invited them to go with her if,

991
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,839
Speaker 1: she said she didn't want to be alone. Other than that,

992
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,440
Speaker 1: it didn't bother me. Everybody has a past, and I

993
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:34,919
Speaker 1: knew she had previous relationships before me, so it wasn't

994
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,320
Speaker 1: a big deal at the time. Okay, Okay, Yeah.

995
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 3: I feel like this is not a problem right now,

996
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 3: as long as it wasn't overlapping with.

997
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:44,759
Speaker 1: The yeah, yeah, hey, everyone has a last everyone has

998
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,399
Speaker 1: a passed. That's not them now, that's not them.

999
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 2: Now.

1000
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 1: Someone could do that and settle down.

1001
00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 2: It's true, you could do a lot before settling down Paraguay,

1002
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:54,439
Speaker 2: before settling down, And so if you had to answer

1003
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 2: your question, you're like, how did they just do that?

1004
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 2: It's like, it's never ever, It's probably never have I

1005
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 2: ever had a you know, I.

1006
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 1: Honestly didn't think anything of it after that night, completely

1007
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 1: forgetting about it altogether over the years. Well, two weeks ago,

1008
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 1: my wife and her friends were all drinking hanging out

1009
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:13,919
Speaker 1: together when Brian wastedly brought up the fact that he

1010
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:17,399
Speaker 1: saw Sam the other day. He made a comment about

1011
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 1: how he would have found it awkward to sleep with

1012
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 1: somebody in an open relationship, which caught me off guard

1013
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:28,000
Speaker 1: because I knew about the years ago. However, he implied

1014
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:32,879
Speaker 1: she hooked up with him outside of the manage. Later

1015
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 1: that night when we were alone, and I asked her

1016
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 1: what exactly Brian meant by that, and she ended up

1017
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:41,200
Speaker 1: telling me that after the manage, she continued to sleep

1018
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 1: with just Sam multiple times. She said she couldn't stand

1019
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:45,719
Speaker 1: talking to him, to the point where she wanted to

1020
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 1: hit him. On multiple occasions, she said she didn't like

1021
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:49,959
Speaker 1: him as a person. He would just go to his house,

1022
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 1: sleep with him, and leave afterward. It was purely some

1023
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,239
Speaker 1: booty calling. I asked her when the last time she

1024
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 1: slept with him was, and she told me it was

1025
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 1: about two weeks before she me so.

1026
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:03,400
Speaker 2: No, Okay, I don't know if there's understanding the problem.

1027
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 1: I mean, I think if there is a problem here,

1028
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:07,640
Speaker 1: the problem is that she didn't.

1029
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 2: Tell him that she's still friends with this guy.

1030
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:13,840
Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, which I think honestly is not cool.

1031
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: It's not cool, Like it's not terrible, but it's also like,

1032
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:19,960
Speaker 1: uh and yeah, I mean they're hanging out with Sam, right.

1033
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:21,360
Speaker 1: I'm surprised that.

1034
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 3: Which is maybe why it's not Pop is maybe kind

1035
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 3: of shocked by this news. If this is all it is,

1036
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:30,000
Speaker 3: this is not at all marriage ruining things.

1037
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:32,120
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's marriage ruining, But I'm like,

1038
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:33,799
Speaker 1: why didn't.

1039
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 2: She Yeah, there would be a little bit of a

1040
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,279
Speaker 2: relationship should have to you know, work.

1041
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. She explained that she was at a point in

1042
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 1: her life where she didn't care about herself or what

1043
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,840
Speaker 1: happened to her, and that after we started dating, she

1044
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 1: cut all contact with him. She has only been with

1045
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 1: me since. I do believe her, but ever since she

1046
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 1: told me this, I can't see her the same. I

1047
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: understand everyone has a spicy sleep past, and I have

1048
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:59,319
Speaker 1: had my fair share of relationships, but she's had other

1049
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:01,839
Speaker 1: relationships with me. But knowing my wife was just some

1050
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 1: guy's booty call and she was okay being used by

1051
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 1: someone like a piece of meat has really affected how

1052
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:10,480
Speaker 1: I view her in our relationship. I'm not upset that

1053
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:13,719
Speaker 1: she slept with people before me, but those were relationships

1054
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:15,880
Speaker 1: where she had some kind of connection or feelings involved.

1055
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 1: This was a situation where she was sleeping with someone

1056
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 1: that she admitted she couldn't tolerate. It was just about

1057
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 1: the physical act, knowing she gave herself to someone, offering

1058
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,480
Speaker 1: heimrself to him on a flatter.

1059
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 3: So weird.

1060
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 1: The question our marriage an entire relationship up to this point,

1061
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 1: our entire relationship. We've always been very flirtatious and spicy,

1062
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:43,160
Speaker 1: sleepily with each other and physically affectionate. We would sleep

1063
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:46,760
Speaker 1: together five times a week, and when she would bend over,

1064
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 1: I would playfully smack what is this story? Or if

1065
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:52,879
Speaker 1: I was standing behind her, she would lightly push her

1066
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:55,800
Speaker 1: booty up against me and give me a wink, among

1067
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:56,120
Speaker 1: other things.

1068
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:57,920
Speaker 2: Where do you think she learned those things?

1069
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:58,439
Speaker 3: My guy?

1070
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 1: But after finding out about this, we have completely stopped

1071
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:05,280
Speaker 1: sleeping together and the flirting and physical affection are not existing.

1072
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:08,840
Speaker 1: I mean, it seems like you're on your end. Seems

1073
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:09,879
Speaker 1: like it's on your end.

1074
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 2: This is so dumb.

1075
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:15,440
Speaker 1: This may be a Okay Storytime community member. I think

1076
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 1: OPI our brother in Okay Storytime Christ.

1077
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 3: This is something that you need to work through. This

1078
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,560
Speaker 3: something easy to work with your wife's problem. The burden

1079
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 3: is put on.

1080
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: You know, maybe you grew up in a religious family

1081
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:32,000
Speaker 1: and you're trying to get past that that religious trauma.

1082
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:34,239
Speaker 1: And you know what, here in Okay Storytime, we're here

1083
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 1: to help.

1084
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 2: And I want you to go to therapy.

1085
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:38,480
Speaker 1: And that's how we're here to help. We're saying go

1086
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,319
Speaker 1: to therapy, therapy because we're here to help you get help.

1087
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:44,880
Speaker 3: This is not an appropriate reaction to have towards your wife,

1088
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:47,600
Speaker 3: who has been in a committed relationship with you for years.

1089
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 3: Without any infidelity. Yep, these were relationships that she had

1090
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:56,839
Speaker 3: prior to your relationship. She's an adult woman who had

1091
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 3: consensual relationships regardless of how she felt about the person,

1092
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 3: and therefore it is not your right to judge yeah

1093
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:04,800
Speaker 3: her for these relationships.

1094
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:07,839
Speaker 1: At this point, we even shower separately. She has tried

1095
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,720
Speaker 1: to do things that we've always done in a relationship,

1096
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:11,839
Speaker 1: but I told her I'm not comfortable with doing those

1097
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:13,880
Speaker 1: things anymore, and I need time to think. I shouldn't

1098
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:15,719
Speaker 1: make them sound like that. We still watch movies with

1099
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:17,960
Speaker 1: their children every night before we put them to bed,

1100
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:20,279
Speaker 1: and we have made sure to continue having a family time,

1101
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:22,719
Speaker 1: but we've gone from being in an affectionate adult relationship

1102
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:24,919
Speaker 1: to being best friends who have children together. I don't

1103
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 1: know if I'll be able to go back to how

1104
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,160
Speaker 1: it was before. I haven't brought it up, but I've

1105
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:31,840
Speaker 1: had thoughts of divorce. I love her more than anything.

1106
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,960
Speaker 1: She's a great mother to my children and an amazing woman.

1107
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 1: I don't want to break our perfect little family apart,

1108
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 1: but knowing she was able to freely give herself to

1109
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:42,759
Speaker 1: someone makes me feel like what we have isn't as

1110
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:46,320
Speaker 1: special as I thought it. Was that our connection feels

1111
00:49:46,480 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: meaningless now. She told me that I am special and

1112
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:50,799
Speaker 1: that I do mean something to her, but I don't

1113
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 1: believe her, and I'm not sure what to do or

1114
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:54,919
Speaker 1: how to get over this and accept it. I don't

1115
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:57,360
Speaker 1: want a divorce, but if I'm unable to move past this,

1116
00:49:57,680 --> 00:50:01,839
Speaker 1: that's exactly where we are headed. For anyone asking, no,

1117
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:04,200
Speaker 1: I've not met Sam or Brittany. Those are the people

1118
00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:06,399
Speaker 1: that she has with. She stopped being friends with them

1119
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 1: right before she met me for reasons I'm not aware of.

1120
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:10,920
Speaker 1: Sam and Brittany are still together. Also, one thing that

1121
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:12,839
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense to me is that she invited her

1122
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,440
Speaker 1: friends to go with her because she didn't want to

1123
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:18,040
Speaker 1: be alone. What if she really didn't care about herself

1124
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 1: or what happened to her at the time, Why was

1125
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:21,160
Speaker 1: she worried about being alone.

1126
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,800
Speaker 3: It seems like you might be from a religious background,

1127
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:26,800
Speaker 3: and I think that you need to work through again

1128
00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:31,440
Speaker 3: the feelings that your wife is somehow lesser for having

1129
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:34,160
Speaker 3: a spicy sleep back, or.

1130
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 1: Your relationship or your relationship is less less sir.

1131
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 3: I think that you have to realize that many different

1132
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,839
Speaker 3: people have many different relationships with spicy sleep and that

1133
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:46,800
Speaker 3: does not discredit a romantic relationship regardless of their past.

1134
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:50,359
Speaker 3: For example, like a lot of people view spicy sleep

1135
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:53,280
Speaker 3: as something that can only happen in marriage, or something

1136
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:56,520
Speaker 3: that can only happen with a committed partner that they

1137
00:50:56,520 --> 00:51:00,319
Speaker 3: have romantic feelings for, and some people think as greate

1138
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:04,799
Speaker 3: spicy sleep as an act from romance, and none of

1139
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 3: those are any less valid or make a relationship any

1140
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 3: less valid as long as there is no infidelity.

1141
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 1: But we got more to this story. She's by I've

1142
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 1: known this since first meeting her, and anyone wondering, yes,

1143
00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:17,680
Speaker 1: it would still make me feel the same she did

1144
00:51:17,719 --> 00:51:20,080
Speaker 1: is with another woman. The gender of the person doesn't

1145
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:22,959
Speaker 1: change my feelings about it. The biggest issue is how

1146
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:25,200
Speaker 1: is what we have special? If she's just going to

1147
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,759
Speaker 1: give herself to someone like it was nothing. Please don't

1148
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:32,480
Speaker 1: attack my wife. Everyone has a personal prase and believes

1149
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 1: about this type of thing. I'm just really needing non

1150
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:39,839
Speaker 1: biased advice on how can fix this and save my marriage.

1151
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:42,480
Speaker 1: If you are uncertain about is this special? I mean,

1152
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: look at the life that you guys prayed together, like

1153
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:47,160
Speaker 1: she has children with you, She's only being with you.

1154
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:49,839
Speaker 1: She dropped these other people to be with you. She

1155
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:53,240
Speaker 1: has stayed faithful to you, Like if that isn't something

1156
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:56,200
Speaker 1: that makes you feel like she's choosing you, I'm not

1157
00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:59,040
Speaker 1: sure how what her past has anything to do with

1158
00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:02,879
Speaker 1: it she's choosing you now, But we got comments. Wow,

1159
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:05,200
Speaker 1: this is a lot. The issue I have is that

1160
00:52:05,280 --> 00:52:08,799
Speaker 1: she didn't owe you her spicy sleep history unless it

1161
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 1: came with her having kids with someone else before you,

1162
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 1: or if she had an SDI he could expose you

1163
00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 1: to you act like she no longer is the same

1164
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:20,120
Speaker 1: woman you love because you know she had casual, spicy

1165
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:22,200
Speaker 1: sleep with someone before you met, or like she has

1166
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 1: no value of morals as a person because she was

1167
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 1: at a low point in her life and had low

1168
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:27,799
Speaker 1: self esteem before she met you. It's probably why she

1169
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:30,319
Speaker 1: even gave someone as immature as you a chance with her.

1170
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:32,239
Speaker 1: The statement that you can't believe your wife just gave

1171
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:34,840
Speaker 1: herself to some guy shows that you feel some ownership

1172
00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:37,520
Speaker 1: over her, or you feel her behavior reflects poorly on you.

1173
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 1: This just seems like it's all about your ego. The

1174
00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:42,959
Speaker 1: whole reaction you're having is pretty crappy. You're pulling away

1175
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 1: from her because you have new information about her spicy

1176
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:47,960
Speaker 1: sleep past that was really none of your business. Do

1177
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:50,879
Speaker 1: you hear how this sounds. Did you tell her about

1178
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:53,279
Speaker 1: every woman you dated or had spicy sleep with with?

1179
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:56,640
Speaker 1: Or why when you met her? Why does it matter anyway?

1180
00:52:56,640 --> 00:52:58,960
Speaker 1: The only thing that is your business or matters at

1181
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:03,040
Speaker 1: all is anything that happened after you two were together.

1182
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:05,760
Speaker 1: You have kids with her, bro you say your marriage

1183
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:08,040
Speaker 1: was great before this, So either go to marriage counselor

1184
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,440
Speaker 1: or deal with your feelings and work it out with her,

1185
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:12,440
Speaker 1: or get over it. This is your problem, get your

1186
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:14,760
Speaker 1: head of your butt, think about how your immature behavior

1187
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,839
Speaker 1: is affecting your kids and wife. Seek help for your

1188
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: full tunnel vision, and pray your wife forgives you for

1189
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 1: the alienation of affection, which is a legal term and

1190
00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 1: a good reason for a divorce. She doesn't need to

1191
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 1: apologize for something she did before she met you, and

1192
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 1: you have no right to judge her for her past.

1193
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:33,040
Speaker 1: I mean, you're acting like she was a street walker

1194
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:36,239
Speaker 1: who serviced hundreds. This is the mother of your kids.

1195
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:38,759
Speaker 1: You're just supposed to love and support her. Get over

1196
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 1: yourself and grow the f up. Just get back to

1197
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:44,719
Speaker 1: looking to the future and forget the past. The one

1198
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:46,680
Speaker 1: thing I would say is like, oh, you're not entitled

1199
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:51,240
Speaker 1: to someone's spicy sleep history. I think like you should

1200
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:54,560
Speaker 1: be open and forthright with your past to people, so

1201
00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:57,160
Speaker 1: nothing comes as a surprise. There's just one thing I disagree.

1202
00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, you don't owe your partner your spicy

1203
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 1: sleep history. I would say, like, if it comes up,

1204
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:04,719
Speaker 1: be honest and forthright. But we got a little bit

1205
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,360
Speaker 1: more to the story. You're supposed to love her and

1206
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:08,520
Speaker 1: support her. Get over yourself and grow the f up.

1207
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:10,439
Speaker 1: Just get back to looking to the future and forget

1208
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:12,640
Speaker 1: the past. It really doesn't matter. What matters is being

1209
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:15,040
Speaker 1: a good father and husband to your family. She has

1210
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 1: been a good wife to you based on your account,

1211
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: and you are so in the wrong for your behavior

1212
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:22,080
Speaker 1: towards her. Start groveling if you want to save this marriage,

1213
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:25,240
Speaker 1: and we do. Have replied from Ope. I don't expect

1214
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:26,799
Speaker 1: an apology from her, and I don't expect her to

1215
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:28,560
Speaker 1: feel bad or remorseful for what she has done in

1216
00:54:28,560 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 1: her past. That's her business and something she has to

1217
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:34,040
Speaker 1: live with, however she may do so. I never asked

1218
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:37,200
Speaker 1: her about her past. The only question I asked was

1219
00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:41,880
Speaker 1: why bring your friends after she already told me what happened.

1220
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: It's not an ego thing, because I know she's had

1221
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 1: partners in the past and if I had my fair share.

1222
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:48,600
Speaker 1: Though I may not have worded it correctly, but when

1223
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:50,919
Speaker 1: I said she gave herself to someone, it's not because

1224
00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 1: I feel ownership over it. It's because she didn't love

1225
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:56,560
Speaker 1: herself enough to respect herself enough, whatever it may be,

1226
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:58,840
Speaker 1: to not give herself to someone she admits to not

1227
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:01,360
Speaker 1: being able to tolerate. If it was the same situation,

1228
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:03,680
Speaker 1: but she would have had some friendship with him, or

1229
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 1: at least someone she was able to tolerate, I wouldn't

1230
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:07,880
Speaker 1: be upset about It has nothing to do with spicy

1231
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,600
Speaker 1: sleep itself. So it sounds it's like I'm mad my

1232
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:12,800
Speaker 1: wife had a low self esteem.

1233
00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1234
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:13,399
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1235
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:17,920
Speaker 3: And also someone earlier said, you know, he's totally disregarding that.

1236
00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:20,480
Speaker 3: She said that she was in a not really bad Yeah.

1237
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:23,920
Speaker 3: But also I don't even think that, Like it obviously matters,

1238
00:55:23,960 --> 00:55:26,800
Speaker 3: but I don't think it matters in terms of whether

1239
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:28,880
Speaker 3: or not she was sleeping with someone she didn't really like.

1240
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:29,840
Speaker 2: The situation.

1241
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 1: She heard my partner was like, I had a real

1242
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: low point yeah, my reaction would be like, let me

1243
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:39,080
Speaker 1: make sure that you feel so good in yourself that

1244
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:42,799
Speaker 1: that never happens again, And his reaction is the opposite.

1245
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 1: It's a fact that if she could have meaning a

1246
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:47,319
Speaker 1: spicy sleep of someone she doesn't even like, then what

1247
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:50,040
Speaker 1: does that make me? How do I know a relationship

1248
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 1: means anything? Because all again I.

1249
00:55:54,640 --> 00:55:55,440
Speaker 2: Want to pull my hair out.

1250
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:57,480
Speaker 1: The spicy sleep itself is in the issue not being

1251
00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,680
Speaker 1: able to at least find someone you could hold a

1252
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:02,279
Speaker 1: converse with, that is the issue. Everyone has their own

1253
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:05,160
Speaker 1: opinions on spicy sleep activity, and I personally don't think

1254
00:56:05,239 --> 00:56:07,680
Speaker 1: having spicy sleep with people is a problem, But just

1255
00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:10,520
Speaker 1: meeting the spicy sleep with people you don't even like

1256
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:13,440
Speaker 1: strikes me the wrong way. But thanks for insulting me

1257
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:15,560
Speaker 1: and trying to belittle me because you have a different opinion.

1258
00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 1: I wanted actual advice to help me learn and grow.

1259
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:21,040
Speaker 1: I told her every single person I've been with before her,

1260
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:24,480
Speaker 1: because a person's spicy sleep past does, in fact affect

1261
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:27,359
Speaker 1: their ability to manage relationships. There are studies and statistics

1262
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:29,319
Speaker 1: that back it up. Facts are facts as far as

1263
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,239
Speaker 1: that goes. And I do love her now, and I

1264
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:34,200
Speaker 1: still am thankful that she's the amazing mother she's always been.

1265
00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 1: But I knew this when I first met her. I

1266
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:37,960
Speaker 1: never would have dated her. But it's too late now

1267
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:41,319
Speaker 1: because I fell in love before finding all this out.

1268
00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 1: And that's where this story ends. Hey, it's Sam, your

1269
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 1: ogi host here bringing it back to the stories. But

1270
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:48,720
Speaker 1: here's three minutes fads from our sponsor.

1271
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:52,080
Speaker 2: My ex betrayed me for years now.

1272
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:55,120
Speaker 1: He won't let me move on, let her move on.

1273
00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:58,600
Speaker 3: I thirty two female, was married to my ex, Scott

1274
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:01,560
Speaker 3: thirty seven, male, for just shy of eight years. During

1275
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 3: that time, we had two kids, now aged eight female

1276
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:07,400
Speaker 3: and five male. For some background online and Scott's relationship,

1277
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:10,400
Speaker 3: we met online in July, dated for three months before

1278
00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:12,400
Speaker 3: getting engaged in October.

1279
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:14,600
Speaker 2: And married the following June. By the way, this.

1280
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 3: Comes from kk Stylist, and if you want to smit

1281
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:18,880
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to our Slashokease story time Subreddish

1282
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 3: and reminder, this is directly from our subreddit. From the

1283
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:25,640
Speaker 3: early stages of the relationship, there was cheating on Scott's part.

1284
00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:28,560
Speaker 3: I stayed thinking it would get better and wanting to

1285
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:31,480
Speaker 3: believe he would change. Looking back now, I also think

1286
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:33,320
Speaker 3: it was partly out of shame for not wanting to

1287
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:36,680
Speaker 3: go through another failed relationship. We had our daughter two

1288
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:40,200
Speaker 3: years after being married, and welcomed our son three years

1289
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 3: after that. During our relationship, we had a back and

1290
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:44,920
Speaker 3: forth of him cheating me, saying it would be the

1291
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 3: last time I forgive him, and threatening to leave.

1292
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 1: Next time cheating so much. Also, you should leave, Yeah,

1293
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:54,080
Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like a man that is worth your time.

1294
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:58,200
Speaker 3: Well, next time came and went, and I never left. Instead,

1295
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:01,840
Speaker 3: I just found ways to make myself. I worked three jobs,

1296
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,480
Speaker 3: spent time with friends and family, and as much as

1297
00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:06,920
Speaker 3: I could with the kids. After I got pregnant with

1298
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 3: my son, we had come to a point in our

1299
00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:11,440
Speaker 3: relationship where I knew I couldn't keep him from cheating,

1300
00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:14,200
Speaker 3: but he knew I wasn't happy. Don't get me wrong,

1301
00:58:14,280 --> 00:58:16,560
Speaker 3: I had my own downfalls, and I also stepped out

1302
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:19,680
Speaker 3: in our relationship. After about two years of his infidelity,

1303
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,240
Speaker 3: we both came clean about what I thought were all

1304
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:25,960
Speaker 3: the secrets and lies and decided to try and open relationship.

1305
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:28,720
Speaker 3: I personally wanted the don't ask, don't television. I was

1306
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:31,640
Speaker 3: not physically attracted to my partner. I stayed mainly to

1307
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:33,920
Speaker 3: not tear apart our family, and partly out of shame

1308
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:36,520
Speaker 3: for allowing myself to stick around this long. We had

1309
00:58:36,520 --> 00:58:40,080
Speaker 3: this arrangement for about three years. I basically had one

1310
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 3: outside relationship, as did he. We still had rules within

1311
00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:46,800
Speaker 3: our relationship, one of being to wear protection. Well, he

1312
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:49,800
Speaker 3: did not do this and ended up getting his side

1313
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:53,240
Speaker 3: girlfriend pregnant. I didn't sleep or eat for a week,

1314
00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:55,920
Speaker 3: tried to accept this as my fate and partly my fault,

1315
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:59,680
Speaker 3: and was ready to trudge through the trenches. That lasted

1316
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:02,040
Speaker 3: about two months before I came to my senses and

1317
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:05,800
Speaker 3: realized I didn't deserve this good and didn't have to

1318
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 3: live unhappily. So I left, moved into a camper, and

1319
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:10,320
Speaker 3: we split the kids fifty to fifty.

1320
00:59:10,360 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 1: Okay, that is improven. That is the good on.

1321
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:15,919
Speaker 3: Up past for October six months later, and I didn't

1322
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:18,440
Speaker 3: waste time getting into the dating world, not really looking

1323
00:59:18,440 --> 00:59:21,439
Speaker 3: for anything, just kind of having fun building that confidence back.

1324
00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 3: I met some wonderful guys during that time and healed

1325
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:27,040
Speaker 3: a lot of stuff I'd been holding onto. Well, October

1326
00:59:27,120 --> 00:59:30,640
Speaker 3: rolls around and I meet Austin on Tinder. Now Austin

1327
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 3: and I had dated in high school my sophomore year.

1328
00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:36,080
Speaker 3: We were dramatic teens and ended up having a messy breakup.

1329
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:36,880
Speaker 2: We stayed in.

1330
00:59:36,840 --> 00:59:38,800
Speaker 3: Touch through the years and even went to a few

1331
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:40,840
Speaker 3: more school dances while I was still in high school.

1332
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:43,160
Speaker 3: We've always had a very good attraction to one another,

1333
00:59:43,360 --> 00:59:45,560
Speaker 3: and I can say he was my first love. So

1334
00:59:45,760 --> 00:59:48,000
Speaker 3: when fate rolled around to us both being single at

1335
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:50,200
Speaker 3: the same time, we jumped on it quite literally. We

1336
00:59:50,240 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 3: started messaging on a Wednesday and drove two hours away

1337
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:56,160
Speaker 3: on Friday for a concert and never really spent any

1338
00:59:56,200 --> 00:59:58,440
Speaker 3: time a part since then. It's now been over two

1339
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:01,000
Speaker 3: years and he has been a one parent figure for

1340
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 3: the kids and has supported me and them fully while

1341
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:06,960
Speaker 3: I pursue my career, which unfortunately takes about two years

1342
01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:09,720
Speaker 3: before making any kind of income. About four months into

1343
01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:12,520
Speaker 3: me in Austin dating my ex received a job opportunity

1344
01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:15,640
Speaker 3: that would have him moving four hours away. We agreed

1345
01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:18,400
Speaker 3: that the kids would stay with me okay, and he

1346
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:19,920
Speaker 3: would do one weekend a month.

1347
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:20,840
Speaker 2: Well about a.

1348
01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 3: Year after that, me and Austin have started making plans

1349
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 3: for a future, one of which is moving to where

1350
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:27,240
Speaker 3: his family is twelve hours away.

1351
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:30,800
Speaker 1: Oh so then that would make it really hard for dad.

1352
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:34,160
Speaker 1: How does that work if you're co parenting and one

1353
01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:37,880
Speaker 1: of the parents decides to move away from the place

1354
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:39,040
Speaker 1: you're co parenting, is.

1355
01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:39,760
Speaker 2: About to tell you?

1356
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:40,680
Speaker 1: Oh, okay.

1357
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 3: Now, in my state, if one parent moves further than

1358
01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:47,640
Speaker 3: a certain distance away, they know it's written.

1359
01:00:47,680 --> 01:00:50,160
Speaker 1: Well, you know, right when I had a question, they

1360
01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 1: answered it.

1361
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:54,080
Speaker 3: Now in my state, if one parent moves further than

1362
01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:56,960
Speaker 3: a certain distance away, they no longer have a say

1363
01:00:56,960 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 3: and where the other parent lives. Well, me and Austin

1364
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:01,880
Speaker 3: were planning to move this coming summer after the kids

1365
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:02,680
Speaker 3: were finished.

1366
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 2: With the school year.

1367
01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:06,560
Speaker 3: My ex, with no notice, moved back, literally sent a

1368
01:01:06,640 --> 01:01:08,400
Speaker 3: text saying, Hey, I move back and I'll pick the

1369
01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:09,640
Speaker 3: kids up Monday for my week.

1370
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:10,320
Speaker 2: Interesting.

1371
01:01:11,480 --> 01:01:14,040
Speaker 3: At this time, our divorce documents were not updated to

1372
01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:17,200
Speaker 3: the once a month visit, so legally he did have

1373
01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:19,880
Speaker 3: fifty to fifty. Still well, we had a mediation and

1374
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:22,760
Speaker 3: came to an agreement on custody. However, he does not

1375
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:26,000
Speaker 3: want to allow us to move since he's now back here. Now,

1376
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:28,160
Speaker 3: keep in mind, he did not know we had these

1377
01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 3: plans to move. I didn't tell him until we had

1378
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 3: more things set in Stone with him saying no, it's

1379
01:01:33,080 --> 01:01:35,160
Speaker 3: very difficult to have the courts agree to take away

1380
01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:36,960
Speaker 3: any parent time from either side.

1381
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:39,880
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like that.

1382
01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:42,600
Speaker 2: Makes Unfortunately, I do think that does make sense.

1383
01:01:42,960 --> 01:01:46,280
Speaker 1: I mean like, at least on courts. I mean, yes,

1384
01:01:46,320 --> 01:01:48,160
Speaker 1: he moved four hours away, but he was still making

1385
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:50,360
Speaker 1: efforts to see the kids on the weekends.

1386
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:51,800
Speaker 2: And you hadn't changed the custody agreement.

1387
01:01:51,880 --> 01:01:53,160
Speaker 1: You hadn't changed a custody agreement.

1388
01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:55,520
Speaker 2: And from a legal standpoint, this does.

1389
01:01:55,520 --> 01:01:57,840
Speaker 1: I mean also from a moral standpoint, I feel like

1390
01:01:57,880 --> 01:02:00,560
Speaker 1: it would be. I mean, yes, he's a d bag

1391
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:03,200
Speaker 1: for all the cheating, but you can't just like move

1392
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 1: twelve hours away so he can't see his kids anymore.

1393
01:02:05,840 --> 01:02:07,440
Speaker 2: I think that is somewhat of a discussion.

1394
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:09,760
Speaker 1: Then he yeah. Actually, with the other hand, I feel

1395
01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:10,680
Speaker 1: like that's not fair.

1396
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 3: So if he says no, I can't fight it a

1397
01:02:13,040 --> 01:02:16,440
Speaker 3: whole lot without some amazing opportunity for the court to say, Okay,

1398
01:02:16,640 --> 01:02:19,160
Speaker 3: I've tried talking to my ex and asking him for

1399
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:21,560
Speaker 3: a reason, as I offer to pay for the transportation

1400
01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 3: for him to still see the kids the same amount

1401
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:25,920
Speaker 3: of time he did when he moved, he won't budge

1402
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:28,200
Speaker 3: our state allows for the children to choose who they

1403
01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 3: live with once they are thirteen. However, I don't want

1404
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:32,440
Speaker 3: to stay in this town for an additional four to

1405
01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:36,040
Speaker 3: five years. Housing is expensive. Austin works outside, and where

1406
01:02:36,080 --> 01:02:39,560
Speaker 3: we live it gets one hundred and ten degrees every summer,

1407
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:42,440
Speaker 3: so he wants out and where he is the main provider.

1408
01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:44,600
Speaker 3: I think he deserves to say so. I've always had

1409
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:46,880
Speaker 3: some family drama and frankly just need the distance from

1410
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:48,960
Speaker 3: everyone now to paint a picture of the relationship.

1411
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:49,320
Speaker 2: At home.

1412
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:52,919
Speaker 3: My kids absolutely adore Austin. They tell him they love him,

1413
01:02:53,120 --> 01:02:55,840
Speaker 3: constantly want to play games or watch shows with him,

1414
01:02:55,960 --> 01:02:59,120
Speaker 3: sometimes blatantly ignoring me. Me and Austin have agreed to

1415
01:02:59,200 --> 01:03:01,080
Speaker 3: move a little away to where we are still within

1416
01:03:01,120 --> 01:03:03,480
Speaker 3: the distance that we don't need X or court permission

1417
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:06,160
Speaker 3: for two years after that. If my ex still won't

1418
01:03:06,240 --> 01:03:08,360
Speaker 3: allow us to move with the kids, we still want

1419
01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:10,560
Speaker 3: to go. If I have serious discussion with my kids

1420
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:12,320
Speaker 3: at the end of those two years about whether they

1421
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:14,800
Speaker 3: would rather stay with their dad and not move, would

1422
01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:16,680
Speaker 3: I be the a hole if I went? There is

1423
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:18,080
Speaker 3: a little bit left to the story.

1424
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:20,760
Speaker 1: What do you think there's some people saying a cheater

1425
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:23,200
Speaker 1: is never a good parent. Blah blah blah. I don't

1426
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:26,720
Speaker 1: know if that's necessarily true. Kimberly find three hours away

1427
01:03:26,880 --> 01:03:31,160
Speaker 1: with kids in each house meant I went back one weekend,

1428
01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:35,080
Speaker 1: bro came here one weekend and buy weekly weekends. We're

1429
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:38,160
Speaker 1: at our own homes, alternated b days and supplit holidays.

1430
01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:42,040
Speaker 1: Donod McGregor says the ex husband moved to another state.

1431
01:03:42,120 --> 01:03:45,200
Speaker 1: We met halfway. It was five hours on Friday and

1432
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:49,200
Speaker 1: Sunday Like those make sense, but moving twelve hours of

1433
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:49,520
Speaker 1: a lot.

1434
01:03:49,640 --> 01:03:52,480
Speaker 3: But let's finish this up. I never bring my kids

1435
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:54,720
Speaker 3: into issues that they don't need to deal with. I

1436
01:03:54,760 --> 01:03:57,440
Speaker 3: don't talk poorly about their father to them or even

1437
01:03:57,520 --> 01:03:59,520
Speaker 3: when they're at home. Right now, they're too young to

1438
01:03:59,560 --> 01:04:01,600
Speaker 3: understand why me and their dad aren't together, but I

1439
01:04:01,680 --> 01:04:03,160
Speaker 3: know that they will be able to figure it out

1440
01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:05,760
Speaker 3: in the coming years. But I never want them to

1441
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:08,360
Speaker 3: think I'm abandoning them. I would never want to force

1442
01:04:08,400 --> 01:04:10,560
Speaker 3: them to move either, so would I be the a hole?

1443
01:04:10,600 --> 01:04:12,720
Speaker 3: And there are some comments to finish the story off.

1444
01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:16,640
Speaker 3: Comment one difficult doesn't mean impossible. Are you sure there's

1445
01:04:16,680 --> 01:04:18,560
Speaker 3: no way to get through this? I wouldn't give my

1446
01:04:18,640 --> 01:04:20,320
Speaker 3: kids to someone who has proven himself to be a

1447
01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:23,480
Speaker 3: liar or cheater. But that's only how I feel, OPI responds.

1448
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:25,720
Speaker 3: The judge has already stated that unless I show some

1449
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:28,720
Speaker 3: kind of amazing opportunity provided by us moving, they won't

1450
01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:31,440
Speaker 3: take away parent time. So sadly, yes, as my career

1451
01:04:31,480 --> 01:04:34,520
Speaker 3: is something that is clientele based, not job offers. As

1452
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:36,960
Speaker 3: crappy of a partner, he may be he loves his

1453
01:04:37,080 --> 01:04:39,160
Speaker 3: kids and never missed a visit and does take.

1454
01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:42,000
Speaker 1: Care of them, Okay, that is evidence that, yeah, you

1455
01:04:42,080 --> 01:04:43,960
Speaker 1: just can't take his kids away from them, Like, that's

1456
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:44,400
Speaker 1: not fair.

1457
01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:47,600
Speaker 3: Comment two says, But I never want them to think

1458
01:04:47,680 --> 01:04:50,880
Speaker 3: I'm abandoning them, But you are abandoning them. Your relationship

1459
01:04:50,920 --> 01:04:53,360
Speaker 3: with your X sounds awful and sounds full of toxicity

1460
01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:56,800
Speaker 3: and inability to communicate or respect each other. Regardless of

1461
01:04:56,840 --> 01:04:59,160
Speaker 3: all that, choosing to move away after those first two

1462
01:04:59,240 --> 01:05:01,320
Speaker 3: years will damn hunch your kids beyond what you can

1463
01:05:01,360 --> 01:05:04,240
Speaker 3: comprehend right now. A conversation about why you're moving won't

1464
01:05:04,240 --> 01:05:05,960
Speaker 3: fix it, because at the end of the day, you're

1465
01:05:06,040 --> 01:05:09,080
Speaker 3: choosing a partner and a new home over your presence

1466
01:05:09,120 --> 01:05:11,520
Speaker 3: in your kids' lives. I don't think op wants to

1467
01:05:11,520 --> 01:05:13,919
Speaker 3: move without the kids. I don't think that's she's asked

1468
01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:16,920
Speaker 3: whether or I can take I should ask if the

1469
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:17,880
Speaker 3: kids want to come.

1470
01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:20,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think that. I don't think she would

1471
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:23,240
Speaker 1: leave the kids, but it's still traumatic to have that ask.

1472
01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:25,520
Speaker 3: Neither of you have put the kids as a first

1473
01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:28,080
Speaker 3: priority throughout this whole thing. You brought them into this world,

1474
01:05:28,120 --> 01:05:30,080
Speaker 3: and you both owe them to figure out some sort

1475
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:32,160
Speaker 3: of arrangement to have both of you in their lives

1476
01:05:32,200 --> 01:05:35,120
Speaker 3: in a meaningful way until they are eighteen anything less,

1477
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:38,120
Speaker 3: and you're the disappearing act and Opie replies, I don't

1478
01:05:38,200 --> 01:05:40,360
Speaker 3: view it as choosing a partner over my kids. I

1479
01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:42,680
Speaker 3: can see how that is a perspective, though I would

1480
01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:46,040
Speaker 3: not removing some of that TX behavior not be it benefit. Yes,

1481
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:47,720
Speaker 3: they may not like me at first. I do have

1482
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:50,040
Speaker 3: some faith that once they're old enough to understand what happened,

1483
01:05:50,080 --> 01:05:52,280
Speaker 3: they can understand that being around this is not healthy

1484
01:05:52,280 --> 01:05:54,480
Speaker 3: for anyone. And the reply says, doesn't matter how you

1485
01:05:54,480 --> 01:05:56,880
Speaker 3: look at it, all that matters is how the kids

1486
01:05:56,880 --> 01:05:58,640
Speaker 3: look at it. They aren't old enough and they don't

1487
01:05:58,640 --> 01:06:00,760
Speaker 3: have the cognitive ability to work it out in their

1488
01:06:00,800 --> 01:06:03,320
Speaker 3: head the nuances of the ex relationship, and what do

1489
01:06:03,360 --> 01:06:05,439
Speaker 3: you think your ex will tell them? He will likely say,

1490
01:06:05,480 --> 01:06:07,520
Speaker 3: mommy laugh because she doesn't love us anymore, or some

1491
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:09,960
Speaker 3: bs like that. In the end, you do you, But

1492
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:12,200
Speaker 3: I don't think leave them behind the minor children is

1493
01:06:12,240 --> 01:06:15,080
Speaker 3: the right answer. After those two years, your kids will

1494
01:06:15,120 --> 01:06:18,240
Speaker 3: be ten and seven. They won't know crap about f

1495
01:06:18,280 --> 01:06:20,160
Speaker 3: at the age, nor will they know for years to come.

1496
01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:21,800
Speaker 3: If they do, they're being forced to grow up way

1497
01:06:21,840 --> 01:06:24,720
Speaker 3: too early. Their biological father will subsequently be all they

1498
01:06:24,760 --> 01:06:27,040
Speaker 3: know and they will never choose you once they hit thirteen.

1499
01:06:27,120 --> 01:06:29,120
Speaker 3: I promise you that you have to realize you might

1500
01:06:29,160 --> 01:06:31,560
Speaker 3: be saying goodbye to your kids forever with this move.

1501
01:06:31,960 --> 01:06:34,040
Speaker 3: Their father will tell them whatever he wants to tell them,

1502
01:06:34,080 --> 01:06:36,520
Speaker 3: truth or not, and they will resent you for not staying.

1503
01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:38,720
Speaker 3: They are not going to think, oh, mommy loved Austin

1504
01:06:38,760 --> 01:06:41,040
Speaker 3: and didn't want to be near daddy. No, they'll do

1505
01:06:41,120 --> 01:06:43,360
Speaker 3: what all kids do. They will personalize it and say

1506
01:06:43,360 --> 01:06:45,640
Speaker 3: that Mommy left us. Whether you're the ale or not

1507
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:48,680
Speaker 3: is completely irrelevant. The only question is if you're ready

1508
01:06:48,680 --> 01:06:51,000
Speaker 3: for every consequence to the relationship with your children that

1509
01:06:51,040 --> 01:06:53,520
Speaker 3: this might produce. And actually it seems like, oh, he

1510
01:06:53,680 --> 01:06:54,200
Speaker 3: wants to.

1511
01:06:54,120 --> 01:06:56,680
Speaker 1: Move, seems like oh, trying to move.

1512
01:06:56,920 --> 01:06:58,360
Speaker 2: I think I might have misunderstood.

1513
01:06:58,400 --> 01:07:00,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe we both misunderstand good.

1514
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:02,600
Speaker 3: It seems like, oh, he's saying that she wants to

1515
01:07:02,640 --> 01:07:05,280
Speaker 3: move now, and then in two years say do you

1516
01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:08,800
Speaker 3: guys want to move with mommy, which actually I think

1517
01:07:08,960 --> 01:07:09,880
Speaker 3: changes a lot of here.

1518
01:07:10,040 --> 01:07:11,800
Speaker 1: I think that I think that's a bad move too.

1519
01:07:11,840 --> 01:07:13,000
Speaker 2: That's not a good move.

1520
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:15,920
Speaker 1: I think both are not good moves. I agree more,

1521
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:16,760
Speaker 1: let's keep going.

1522
01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:17,600
Speaker 2: Actually, no, there's not.

1523
01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:18,760
Speaker 1: There's not. That's it.