WEBVTT - Like Me And You

0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:03.520
<v Speaker 1>Hey, hir He, how's it going. Hi Chris, good to

0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:06.280
<v Speaker 1>see you. You know, I was thinking, we've been friends

0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:09.000
<v Speaker 1>for almost fifteen years. I think it's like fourteen years now,

0:00:09.160 --> 0:00:12.000
<v Speaker 1>Isn't that crazy? It's been quite a while. Everyone's in

0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:14.760
<v Speaker 1>a while. This is Harry Kondabalu. He's one of my

0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:17.560
<v Speaker 1>favorite stand up comedians. And I'm not just saying that

0:00:17.600 --> 0:00:20.520
<v Speaker 1>because we've been friends for so long. You might know

0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:23.160
<v Speaker 1>him from his documentary about a Pooh from The Simpsons

0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:26.320
<v Speaker 1>called The Problem with a Pooh, his Netflix stand up special,

0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:29.400
<v Speaker 1>or from NPRS quiz show Wait Wait, don't tell me,

0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:32.360
<v Speaker 1>But I know him from our early days in comedy.

0:00:32.960 --> 0:00:37.400
<v Speaker 1>Ali Wong opening for me seems so much longer ago. Ah, yeah,

0:00:37.479 --> 0:00:41.279
<v Speaker 1>that seems like a different universe. Her performing after me,

0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:45.120
<v Speaker 1>that seems pretty normal. I've gotten pretty but I think

0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:49.519
<v Speaker 1>about the different openers I've had, either multiple times or

0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:53.280
<v Speaker 1>even once. It's like Ali Phoebe Robinson a partner on

0:00:53.360 --> 0:00:56.880
<v Speaker 1>Chair litt So if you want a career open for me,

0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:03.120
<v Speaker 1>I'll still be here. I'll still be here like me.

0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:06.119
<v Speaker 1>Harry is also going through his first time as a dad.

0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:09.240
<v Speaker 1>His son Argent, is almost two years old now Are

0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:13.039
<v Speaker 1>we young parents or are we newer parents? Were new parents?

0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:16.080
<v Speaker 1>I am not young anymore. I am I am forty

0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:21.000
<v Speaker 1>four years old. I'm not young. After spending all of

0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:23.880
<v Speaker 1>this time with Raffie, I wasn't quite ready to move on.

0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:27.440
<v Speaker 1>I needed a debrief, and it turns out Harry was

0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:30.560
<v Speaker 1>perfect for that. He'd also discovered Raffie through his kid.

0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:34.000
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to share some of that conversation with you.

0:01:34.959 --> 0:01:44.840
<v Speaker 1>Maybe he'll help you find some closure too. From My

0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:49.040
<v Speaker 1>Heart Radio and Fatherly in partnership with Rococo Punch, this

0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:55.160
<v Speaker 1>is the bonus episode of Finding Raffie. I'm Chris Garcia.

0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:02.760
<v Speaker 1>I didn't grow up listening to Raffie like we listened

0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:07.680
<v Speaker 1>to more Um, what's the name Sharon Lewis and bram Oh,

0:02:07.720 --> 0:02:10.160
<v Speaker 1>that's what we were doing. It's basically what I'm saying

0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:12.600
<v Speaker 1>is I eat hydro as a kid, You know what

0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:16.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean? Nothing against Sharon Lewis and brand, but I

0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:21.200
<v Speaker 1>just feel like you learn so much more from Raffie.

0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:25.840
<v Speaker 1>He like he's he actually not only is making songs

0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:30.840
<v Speaker 1>that are ridiculously catchy that I find myself singing in

0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:33.000
<v Speaker 1>the middle of the day. Brush your teeth and it's like,

0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:35.000
<v Speaker 1>why why am I saying this? I mean and I

0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:38.200
<v Speaker 1>mean he's the Transformers to their gobots, right, He's just

0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:43.400
<v Speaker 1>the best being able to Maybe part of it is

0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:45.880
<v Speaker 1>just being an adult and seeing how much my child

0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:51.400
<v Speaker 1>loves Raffie, like is happy to hear his voice. He

0:02:51.480 --> 0:02:54.480
<v Speaker 1>does little things that like like he has weird little

0:02:54.520 --> 0:02:57.799
<v Speaker 1>performance things, like he'll say something and then like the

0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:01.400
<v Speaker 1>kids respond and he'd be like third and fourth row

0:03:01.480 --> 0:03:04.880
<v Speaker 1>got it right. And it's like he says things to

0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:07.760
<v Speaker 1>the parents. He does. He does stuff that clearly only

0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:10.280
<v Speaker 1>the parents would find funny, like we've got a hot

0:03:10.320 --> 0:03:14.640
<v Speaker 1>crowd here today, and it's like it's like a bunch

0:03:14.639 --> 0:03:17.000
<v Speaker 1>of kids and fair we got a hot crowd here

0:03:17.040 --> 0:03:21.480
<v Speaker 1>today cracks me up every time. So you mostly watch

0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:23.680
<v Speaker 1>the videos? Do you watch the tapes? Is that what

0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:26.600
<v Speaker 1>you do? Well, it's it's on YouTube. But yeah, Like

0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:29.880
<v Speaker 1>we've done some of the Broadway raf E Live and Broadway,

0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:32.280
<v Speaker 1>and I gotta be honest with the production values are

0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:35.560
<v Speaker 1>a little too high for my taste. There's other people

0:03:35.640 --> 0:03:40.360
<v Speaker 1>on stage, there's the unfortunate rap number. Wait, I'm gonna

0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:43.200
<v Speaker 1>stop you right here, So what's wrong with rapping? Raffi,

0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:47.840
<v Speaker 1>rapp and Raffie, not on. Come on, Chris, he doesn't

0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:50.960
<v Speaker 1>make you craze feel a little awkward. Okay, so did

0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:54.320
<v Speaker 1>you not like it when Dylan went electric? The Raffi

0:03:54.800 --> 0:03:59.960
<v Speaker 1>plays many different genres and played on his entire life.

0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:03.680
<v Speaker 1>Rap is it? Oh my gosh. He if there's no okay,

0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:08.000
<v Speaker 1>there's no image. Okay, imagine this. You're a small You're

0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:11.440
<v Speaker 1>a small child in Toronto, right, Yeah, I know it's

0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:15.320
<v Speaker 1>on Broadway, but your hometown hero Raffi performs Rapp and Raffi.

0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:18.679
<v Speaker 1>It changes your life forever. If there's no rapp and Raffie,

0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:23.880
<v Speaker 1>there's no Drake, my friend, I like, this is a

0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:28.120
<v Speaker 1>young Aubrey Drake Graham was probably sitting on his mom

0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:30.479
<v Speaker 1>or dad's lap, saw Rap and Raffie and was like,

0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:32.560
<v Speaker 1>that's it for me. And this is probably changed the

0:04:32.600 --> 0:04:36.200
<v Speaker 1>trajectory of his life. There's no rap music without Blondie,

0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:39.799
<v Speaker 1>with that, without that verse on rapture, rap doesn't exist.

0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:46.120
<v Speaker 1>Whatever nonsense, Debbie Harry was fitting for the record. Harry

0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:49.560
<v Speaker 1>and his family prefer a young children's concert with Raffi.

0:04:50.000 --> 0:04:53.360
<v Speaker 1>Rafi's first recording. He calls it the Blue Tape the

0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:57.680
<v Speaker 1>Blue tape is just pure songs. There's a little stretching,

0:04:57.839 --> 0:05:00.120
<v Speaker 1>breathing thing that he does for a little break with

0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:02.760
<v Speaker 1>for the kids. Let me see a stretchway out here

0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:07.920
<v Speaker 1>and a stretched way up there, and while are you're

0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:10.000
<v Speaker 1>up there? How about a great big son like this?

0:05:11.279 --> 0:05:13.799
<v Speaker 1>I love it. That's that to me is the raf

0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:16.760
<v Speaker 1>I wanna I want to think of. Isn't he a

0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:20.760
<v Speaker 1>masterful performance like I I'll tell you, I'm a Broadway guy,

0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:24.400
<v Speaker 1>Like that's the one I've seen the most. But the

0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:29.120
<v Speaker 1>way he can engage children as performers ourselves, I'm like, oh,

0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:32.320
<v Speaker 1>this guy's got it. I mean, we're comparing these two specials,

0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:35.560
<v Speaker 1>but I think for people need to understand in the

0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:41.240
<v Speaker 1>children's music world, the specials were describing are like raw

0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:44.320
<v Speaker 1>and delirious to children. Oh yeah, this is we're talking

0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:48.599
<v Speaker 1>about the two biggest, two of the biggest children's music

0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:52.719
<v Speaker 1>specials of all time. They're humongous and well, you know,

0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:56.039
<v Speaker 1>it's interesting. Did you know when you want live on

0:05:56.200 --> 0:06:00.400
<v Speaker 1>raffing on Broadway? Did you know that he hadn't written

0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:06.360
<v Speaker 1>Banana Phone yet? Who isn't that wild? He just pulled

0:06:06.400 --> 0:06:08.840
<v Speaker 1>a banana. He just did the banana phone and pretended

0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:11.440
<v Speaker 1>to talk into it as a small bit. The song

0:06:11.520 --> 0:06:14.080
<v Speaker 1>hadn't even come out yet. Wow, So he's he had

0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:20.240
<v Speaker 1>been dabbling in banana way before the song. Yeah, yeah,

0:06:20.279 --> 0:06:24.440
<v Speaker 1>he had been. I mean that was like a little seedling. Yeah,

0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:27.360
<v Speaker 1>he had some banana stuff in his music before, but

0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:30.720
<v Speaker 1>it was just it wasn't quite there yet. And probably

0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:32.880
<v Speaker 1>he's just like a comic. He's like, I just I

0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:35.280
<v Speaker 1>gotta throw that bit out there, like because something, something

0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:37.839
<v Speaker 1>magical might happen if I just throw it out, I'll

0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:41.360
<v Speaker 1>start improvising. And that night it didn't happen, but who knows,

0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:44.680
<v Speaker 1>maybe at night a few weeks later he's like, banana Phone,

0:06:44.520 --> 0:06:49.000
<v Speaker 1>this is it's the premise is killing. The premise is killing.

0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:50.839
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what's there yet. Maybe I'll write it

0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:53.279
<v Speaker 1>on stage. Maybe I'll take it back to the mole

0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:56.400
<v Speaker 1>skin or back to the lab. And then he comes

0:06:56.440 --> 0:06:59.600
<v Speaker 1>up with that that album, that whole album, which to me,

0:06:59.839 --> 0:07:03.000
<v Speaker 1>I've been thinking about it as like one of the

0:07:03.040 --> 0:07:06.919
<v Speaker 1>greatest comeback albums because I don't know if you know this,

0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:11.360
<v Speaker 1>but prior to Bananaphone that album, he kind of took

0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:15.760
<v Speaker 1>a career pivot and made an album for adults, like

0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:20.240
<v Speaker 1>almost like an environmental protest album. What Yeah, And there's

0:07:20.280 --> 0:07:24.680
<v Speaker 1>a grown up Beluga track on there. It's called Belugas

0:07:24.720 --> 0:08:00.400
<v Speaker 1>after Dark. I don't know if you've heard this. You know,

0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:03.000
<v Speaker 1>I have found myself listening to Raffy on my own.

0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:05.760
<v Speaker 1>This sounds crazy, but sometimes in the car it's already

0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:08.680
<v Speaker 1>on my phone because we play Raffi a lot during

0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:12.240
<v Speaker 1>um Sunny's bedtime routine. Right, So, even like this morning,

0:08:12.560 --> 0:08:13.800
<v Speaker 1>I was listening to one of the albums and I

0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:16.200
<v Speaker 1>was like, I'm just gonna leave it. It's it's nice

0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:19.840
<v Speaker 1>and pleasant in traffic and some of the songs I

0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:23.360
<v Speaker 1>felt like, we're still relevant to me, you know, it's

0:08:23.400 --> 0:08:26.240
<v Speaker 1>really weird, but then also the musicality of it is

0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:28.640
<v Speaker 1>quite good. Which one did you feel were like relevant

0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:31.200
<v Speaker 1>to your life? Well? I listened to One Light, One

0:08:31.280 --> 0:08:37.600
<v Speaker 1>Sun right, which is a great album. One Light, One Son,

0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:44.200
<v Speaker 1>one sun Lighting everyone. I mean, that song is very pleasant.

0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:46.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if you've oh, and then like me

0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:48.800
<v Speaker 1>and you do you know this song? I don't. I'm

0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:51.200
<v Speaker 1>not familiar with either of those songs. I'm embarrassed his

0:08:51.640 --> 0:08:54.679
<v Speaker 1>rendition of take Me Out to the Ball game. Oh,

0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:57.240
<v Speaker 1>I gotta hear that. Have you heard that one? No?

0:08:57.520 --> 0:09:03.400
<v Speaker 1>I should though, Okay, take me out to the ball game,

0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:11.400
<v Speaker 1>Take me out with the crowd, buy me some peanuts

0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:18.160
<v Speaker 1>and cracker jack. I don't care if I never get

0:09:18.320 --> 0:09:24.360
<v Speaker 1>back with the root root root for the home team.

0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:31.520
<v Speaker 1>If they don't win, it's a shame for it's one, two,

0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:40.880
<v Speaker 1>three strikes. You're out at the old ball game. Oh,

0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:44.560
<v Speaker 1>it's like so epic and sweeping. And then the harmonies

0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:46.360
<v Speaker 1>of the front are so good that and I was like,

0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:48.240
<v Speaker 1>I love that song, and I was like, I'm gonna

0:09:48.280 --> 0:10:02.760
<v Speaker 1>let this bump. But the one that really hits me

0:10:02.880 --> 0:10:05.600
<v Speaker 1>in the heart um, which is one of the many

0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:09.080
<v Speaker 1>reasons I love Raffi is that he's like, to me,

0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:11.560
<v Speaker 1>the real formative stuff is Mr. Rogers and the Muppets

0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:16.440
<v Speaker 1>and stuff, which was really fantastic. But the inclusivity of

0:10:16.559 --> 0:10:20.199
<v Speaker 1>Raffie in this song is just very wonderful. And I'll

0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:23.480
<v Speaker 1>play a little bit of it right here. Jing lives

0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:29.760
<v Speaker 1>in China, Olga lives in Russia, Rid lives in Germany,

0:10:32.280 --> 0:10:37.760
<v Speaker 1>Keita lives in Indeed, Pablo lives in Spain, Jose lives

0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:49.840
<v Speaker 1>in Cologne, and each one is much like another child

0:10:50.120 --> 0:10:57.080
<v Speaker 1>of a mother and a father, very special son or daughter,

0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:05.280
<v Speaker 1>a lot like me and you. And that's just like,

0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:10.320
<v Speaker 1>I think, that's just such a beautiful sentiment. And you know,

0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:13.760
<v Speaker 1>for kids all over the world to hear names of

0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:17.800
<v Speaker 1>other kids and stuff, and here like you know, Mosha,

0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:21.720
<v Speaker 1>geta Pablo, like all these different names. I was in

0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:24.240
<v Speaker 1>traffic and I was just like, I'm so calm, and

0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:26.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, it's okay, cut me off, buddy. We're all

0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:30.280
<v Speaker 1>just we're all just small children on this big spinning ball,

0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.200
<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean. It's just really beautiful. I

0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:35.480
<v Speaker 1>just I was thinking about the time period that he's

0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:37.840
<v Speaker 1>doing this and why that makes it even more important.

0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:42.360
<v Speaker 1>It's like he's saying to all these different, you know,

0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:46.240
<v Speaker 1>types of kids who might be listening, I see you,

0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:51.920
<v Speaker 1>and all of you are the same. All of you

0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:55.520
<v Speaker 1>are children. I care for all of you, and I'm

0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:59.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm potentially mentioning your name or your heritage. And that

0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:02.360
<v Speaker 1>is so especially when you're a kid who you know

0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:04.560
<v Speaker 1>and you know, I've talked about this in various capacities,

0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:07.920
<v Speaker 1>who doesn't have representation as a kid RAFFI saying like

0:12:08.080 --> 0:12:10.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm from Egypt, Like that's a huge deal. Like, oh

0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:13.000
<v Speaker 1>my god, I'm I'm from Israel, I'm I'm from India,

0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:16.640
<v Speaker 1>Like that's such a big deal. Like it's huge. The music,

0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.440
<v Speaker 1>it just it hits, you know, on so many levels

0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:22.000
<v Speaker 1>for these children. And you know, when I see Raffie,

0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:25.800
<v Speaker 1>it's funny because it's not that he's raceless, but it

0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:31.080
<v Speaker 1>almost feels like he's Raffie, Like can Mickey Mouse be racialized?

0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:33.840
<v Speaker 1>Do you know what I mean? Like there's there's a

0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:37.280
<v Speaker 1>degree of like he's it's he has is such a

0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:41.800
<v Speaker 1>figure you don't even associate like human traits with him.

0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:44.640
<v Speaker 1>And then you step back and it's like, that's pretty

0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:50.120
<v Speaker 1>incredible that a dude that has this incredible life story

0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:55.160
<v Speaker 1>has a you know, Armenian born in Cairo, immigrant to Canada,

0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.480
<v Speaker 1>and he's singing these songs that are resonating from with

0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:19.560
<v Speaker 1>children all over the world. That's incredible. It's beautiful. I'm

0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:21.280
<v Speaker 1>gonna switch gears for a second and I want to

0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:24.960
<v Speaker 1>talk to you about parenting for a moment. How would

0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:27.640
<v Speaker 1>you describe your parenting style? It's hard because I've been

0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:31.880
<v Speaker 1>thinking a lot about like, am I doing enough lots

0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:35.400
<v Speaker 1>of cuddling? Lots of hugging, lots of laughing and dancing.

0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:39.960
<v Speaker 1>We played little games, We have inside jokes, a lot

0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:44.760
<v Speaker 1>of silliness. The thing I feel like I am lacking

0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:49.480
<v Speaker 1>is I not, It's it's something that I've been talking

0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:52.680
<v Speaker 1>to with my partner and she's generous and that she says,

0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:54.520
<v Speaker 1>like every parent has their journey, you know, and it

0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:56.360
<v Speaker 1>doesn't need to be the same. But I feel like

0:13:56.400 --> 0:14:00.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm not adding enough substance to his life. And you know,

0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:02.080
<v Speaker 1>I mean to be fair, like I'm usually the one

0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:04.640
<v Speaker 1>who does the mornings, so I'm waking up at five

0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:07.640
<v Speaker 1>thirty or six thirty am or whatever it is, and

0:14:08.000 --> 0:14:11.760
<v Speaker 1>at that point, you know, I'm just trying to get

0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:14.600
<v Speaker 1>through the morning, you know what I mean, and just

0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:18.480
<v Speaker 1>stay conscious. But I feel like I I want to

0:14:18.480 --> 0:14:21.040
<v Speaker 1>give him more. I feel like my parenting style is

0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:25.000
<v Speaker 1>a little too lax. And granted he's one, you know,

0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:29.320
<v Speaker 1>he there's a lot more to come. And you know

0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:32.640
<v Speaker 1>he can't talk yet, and you know the books are

0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:34.360
<v Speaker 1>going to get you know he's gonna be able to

0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:38.760
<v Speaker 1>actually understand them. So you're like, you read Howard's into him,

0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:41.240
<v Speaker 1>but you're not sure if he's understanding it. I don't

0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:45.040
<v Speaker 1>think he's getting it. Honestly, don't think he's getting it.

0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:47.720
<v Speaker 1>But don't you Okay, so you feel like you're a

0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:50.480
<v Speaker 1>lax parent and in the morning you're just you're just

0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:53.160
<v Speaker 1>waking up and you're just being there with him. But

0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:55.640
<v Speaker 1>don't you think there is something to like free exploration

0:14:55.720 --> 0:14:59.720
<v Speaker 1>and not trying to force learning onto him or anything,

0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:03.040
<v Speaker 1>and just allowing him to explore the world on his own. Yeah, No,

0:15:03.200 --> 0:15:05.000
<v Speaker 1>certainly there's some of that, and he does that, But

0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:08.360
<v Speaker 1>I do think, I don't know, there are times where

0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:12.440
<v Speaker 1>I see him trying to get my attention and I

0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:14.360
<v Speaker 1>I feel like, oh, man, like, how long has he

0:15:14.400 --> 0:15:16.440
<v Speaker 1>been trying to get my attention? And where was I?

0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:19.000
<v Speaker 1>And so I don't know if that answers your question

0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:23.360
<v Speaker 1>about parenting style. I'm being polite to myself by saying

0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:27.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm a lax parent. My goal is to be a

0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:31.720
<v Speaker 1>more attentive, thoughtful, and deliberate parent. I feel like I'm

0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:34.280
<v Speaker 1>working towards that. Well. I think you should be easy

0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:37.840
<v Speaker 1>on yourself because it is very difficult to be a parent,

0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:40.480
<v Speaker 1>and it's also hard to manage your career and be

0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:42.720
<v Speaker 1>a parent at the same time. I think you should

0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:46.240
<v Speaker 1>be a little gentle with yourself about this. I'm a

0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:51.280
<v Speaker 1>very loving parent. I know that, and I know that

0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:53.720
<v Speaker 1>whenever he sees me, we're silly and we have a

0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:56.920
<v Speaker 1>fun time, and that's great. But I don't want to

0:15:56.960 --> 0:16:00.200
<v Speaker 1>start the trend of I don't worry. That's just my dad,

0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:03.200
<v Speaker 1>that's just the guy hang out with. But do you

0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:33.360
<v Speaker 1>have any questions? Ask mom over there? Do you think

0:16:34.120 --> 0:16:37.080
<v Speaker 1>like the way your parent was affected by how you

0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:40.800
<v Speaker 1>were raised and a positive And my mom was always

0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:44.120
<v Speaker 1>very physical with us, lots of hugs, lots of like

0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:46.880
<v Speaker 1>she was just around us all the time, like me

0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:49.600
<v Speaker 1>and my brother are very close and and very close

0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:52.880
<v Speaker 1>to our mom. You know, Dad was less present in

0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:56.120
<v Speaker 1>terms of parenting, like he was there, but like Mom

0:16:56.120 --> 0:17:00.440
<v Speaker 1>did the work. Mom did the actual like play with kids,

0:17:00.480 --> 0:17:02.560
<v Speaker 1>teach the kids, feed the kids, you know what I mean.

0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:07.199
<v Speaker 1>So I think I learned that in terms of the

0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:08.919
<v Speaker 1>kind of parent I wanted to be was it was

0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:12.240
<v Speaker 1>a parent the kid could trust and who like felt

0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:15.360
<v Speaker 1>relaxed and who had a good time with the kid,

0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:18.040
<v Speaker 1>like I'm hanging out with dad and that's fun. I

0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:20.840
<v Speaker 1>think what I also learned is what I didn't want,

0:17:20.960 --> 0:17:23.159
<v Speaker 1>like you know my dad, I wish she was like,

0:17:23.600 --> 0:17:27.440
<v Speaker 1>my dad is incredibly hands on with my with my kid,

0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:31.720
<v Speaker 1>like he's an incredible grandfather. And he's even said, you know,

0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:33.840
<v Speaker 1>I spend more time with origin than I did when

0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:35.560
<v Speaker 1>you were a kid, And I'm like, oh, I know

0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:41.119
<v Speaker 1>me and my therapist no, And you know, so I

0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:43.720
<v Speaker 1>think I also learned like I don't want to be

0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:47.280
<v Speaker 1>someone who doesn't take part, and I want to feed

0:17:47.320 --> 0:17:52.639
<v Speaker 1>my child and I want to you know, um change

0:17:52.680 --> 0:17:56.520
<v Speaker 1>my child's diapers and put my child to sleep. Yeah.

0:17:56.680 --> 0:18:00.240
<v Speaker 1>Sort I don't think my dad hadn't changed the diaper either,

0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:04.400
<v Speaker 1>And I don't think my dad really um fed me either.

0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:07.119
<v Speaker 1>It probably defaulted to my mom. But I know, I

0:18:07.160 --> 0:18:10.280
<v Speaker 1>know that my dad had a rough childhood, and I

0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:12.359
<v Speaker 1>know that part of that. My mom explained to me

0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:15.080
<v Speaker 1>that my dad was scared to hurt me or drop

0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:18.520
<v Speaker 1>me or mess up like when I was very young,

0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:21.280
<v Speaker 1>when I was a very young baby. And it's one

0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:25.120
<v Speaker 1>of my favorite things about parenting is to be like, um,

0:18:25.520 --> 0:18:27.639
<v Speaker 1>think about the past and everything that had happened in

0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:30.040
<v Speaker 1>the past, and maybe go, you know, if things could

0:18:30.080 --> 0:18:31.760
<v Speaker 1>be different, maybe this is a way to do it,

0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:33.640
<v Speaker 1>or this is a way to do it in a lovelier,

0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:37.159
<v Speaker 1>more empathetic way. Um, is that something I should talk

0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:42.560
<v Speaker 1>to my therapist about? Or is that is that right here? Um,

0:18:43.000 --> 0:18:47.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm always gonna say yes. I think it's it's good

0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:49.640
<v Speaker 1>that you verbalize. Now, this is a good test run

0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:52.439
<v Speaker 1>for when you do you think respect was present in

0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:54.359
<v Speaker 1>your household when you're growing up, because this is the

0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:56.159
<v Speaker 1>thing that I think about raf He talks about a

0:18:56.200 --> 0:19:00.679
<v Speaker 1>lot um about respecting the whole child and respecting the

0:19:00.760 --> 0:19:02.760
<v Speaker 1>plan and everything, and it's so much of what this

0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:05.600
<v Speaker 1>part the theme of this podcast is, But do you

0:19:05.640 --> 0:19:12.040
<v Speaker 1>felt like you were respected as a child and growing up? Huh? Respected?

0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:16.480
<v Speaker 1>That is a really good question, and that you know,

0:19:16.560 --> 0:19:21.840
<v Speaker 1>I think I think we all grew up one with

0:19:22.400 --> 0:19:26.879
<v Speaker 1>patriarchy in different ways, and I certainly grew up with

0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:30.199
<v Speaker 1>a bit of that, But I also grew up with

0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:36.120
<v Speaker 1>this idea of you know, older people are to be respected,

0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:43.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, you have to be polite, you don't question, Um,

0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:47.920
<v Speaker 1>it was there was definitely like a power thing based

0:19:47.960 --> 0:19:56.080
<v Speaker 1>on like those kinds of divisions. So the idea of

0:19:56.119 --> 0:19:59.840
<v Speaker 1>a child being respected is really tricky because it's not

0:20:00.160 --> 0:20:05.720
<v Speaker 1>how I grew up with the idea of respect rescept respect.

0:20:05.760 --> 0:20:09.280
<v Speaker 1>It goes to your parents. Respect goals to your older

0:20:09.440 --> 0:20:12.359
<v Speaker 1>siblings if you have any or older like elderly people.

0:20:12.359 --> 0:20:15.600
<v Speaker 1>Respect goes to your teachers or so. It's the idea

0:20:15.720 --> 0:20:22.120
<v Speaker 1>of you know, being given respect. I don't even I don't. Honestly,

0:20:22.200 --> 0:20:24.320
<v Speaker 1>I feel strange. I don't know how to process that.

0:20:24.720 --> 0:20:27.360
<v Speaker 1>Isn't it interesting? That's how when I first started thinking

0:20:27.400 --> 0:20:29.359
<v Speaker 1>about it, I kind of didn't know how to answer

0:20:29.359 --> 0:20:32.720
<v Speaker 1>it either, because it always is the other way around

0:20:32.720 --> 0:20:38.879
<v Speaker 1>with kids will define respect? Oh man, um, how do

0:20:38.920 --> 0:20:44.879
<v Speaker 1>I define respect? Um? I guess is it just boiled

0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:48.959
<v Speaker 1>down to treating people in a fair way that they

0:20:49.000 --> 0:20:53.200
<v Speaker 1>would like to be treated, you know? Um, I don't, no, man.

0:20:53.240 --> 0:20:56.720
<v Speaker 1>And also culture, look culture, it looks different. Respect looks different.

0:20:56.760 --> 0:21:04.879
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I God, that's a that question is going

0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:10.680
<v Speaker 1>to be in my head after this podcast? Did I

0:21:10.680 --> 0:21:14.880
<v Speaker 1>I got love? I was allowed to do so much

0:21:14.880 --> 0:21:19.440
<v Speaker 1>of what I wanted to do. I was given items

0:21:19.480 --> 0:21:22.239
<v Speaker 1>like toys and whatever I really needed. My parents were

0:21:22.359 --> 0:21:30.320
<v Speaker 1>doubly hard. I was respected. I mean, I think my

0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:34.280
<v Speaker 1>mom's ability to talk to me and my brother like

0:21:34.400 --> 0:21:39.919
<v Speaker 1>adults at a younger age, maybe a sign of a

0:21:40.000 --> 0:21:44.119
<v Speaker 1>degree of respect, not simply I'm the parent, this is

0:21:44.200 --> 0:21:46.199
<v Speaker 1>the power, this is the line. But it's you know,

0:21:47.400 --> 0:21:52.080
<v Speaker 1>being able to spend time with your kids and have

0:21:52.200 --> 0:21:57.479
<v Speaker 1>honest conversations. Maybe it's a sign of respect. I don't know.

0:21:58.720 --> 0:22:03.359
<v Speaker 1>It isn't to unpack. And you know, parents are just

0:22:03.400 --> 0:22:06.480
<v Speaker 1>trying their best, and immigrant parents have it. I mean,

0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:09.160
<v Speaker 1>that's just the crazy experience you can have is because

0:22:09.200 --> 0:22:11.960
<v Speaker 1>you come here. You know, my parents barely spoken any

0:22:12.000 --> 0:22:15.600
<v Speaker 1>in English and they were trying to um support me. Well,

0:22:15.600 --> 0:22:19.480
<v Speaker 1>what do what do our parents know about raising American kids? Exactly?

0:22:19.520 --> 0:22:21.719
<v Speaker 1>They only know from what how they were raised. They

0:22:21.760 --> 0:22:24.199
<v Speaker 1>were just trying the best they could and within the

0:22:24.280 --> 0:22:27.720
<v Speaker 1>framework that they kind of understood, you know. But I

0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:30.320
<v Speaker 1>think that's the only thing otherwise. I think they always

0:22:30.320 --> 0:22:36.560
<v Speaker 1>really uh you know, really love me and we're very respectful,

0:22:36.560 --> 0:22:40.920
<v Speaker 1>but sometimes like maybe emotionally, um they would either be like, oh,

0:22:41.080 --> 0:22:43.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, rub some dirt on it, or you're fine

0:22:44.520 --> 0:22:47.040
<v Speaker 1>or something, and that kind of invalidates your feelings when

0:22:47.080 --> 0:22:49.399
<v Speaker 1>when you're a child, you know, I mean I almost

0:22:49.480 --> 0:22:53.480
<v Speaker 1>would I can imagine asking or saying something like that,

0:22:53.560 --> 0:22:56.560
<v Speaker 1>like don't like, where is the where's my respect. If

0:22:56.600 --> 0:22:59.920
<v Speaker 1>I was to say that, I can't even imagine the reaction, Like,

0:23:00.359 --> 0:23:02.800
<v Speaker 1>what the hell does respect have to do with this?

0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:06.879
<v Speaker 1>What is you're the kid? What respect are you supposed

0:23:06.920 --> 0:23:09.520
<v Speaker 1>to get as a kid? Like I can already imagine

0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:14.439
<v Speaker 1>like that being such a bizarre kind of expectation. We

0:23:14.440 --> 0:23:16.840
<v Speaker 1>don't need to respect you. We feed you, you're live,

0:23:17.119 --> 0:23:20.400
<v Speaker 1>you go to school, you get toys, you take care

0:23:20.400 --> 0:23:22.120
<v Speaker 1>of you when you're sick. What do you mean respect?

0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:24.199
<v Speaker 1>What the hell do you want? Do you want us

0:23:24.200 --> 0:23:30.199
<v Speaker 1>to bow to you when we see you, your majesty maharaj? Like,

0:23:30.320 --> 0:23:33.359
<v Speaker 1>what is it that you need? Like it's not even

0:23:33.520 --> 0:23:36.280
<v Speaker 1>part of the equation, Chris, That's why I'm so thrown

0:23:36.359 --> 0:23:39.639
<v Speaker 1>by it. It's really true. But I mean, I would

0:23:40.200 --> 0:23:44.879
<v Speaker 1>hope that when my child looks back on his relationship

0:23:44.920 --> 0:23:49.080
<v Speaker 1>with me, that he does feel that I respected him

0:23:49.119 --> 0:23:52.520
<v Speaker 1>as a person. And it's not to say that I

0:23:52.560 --> 0:23:56.639
<v Speaker 1>was willing to let him do whatever he wanted and

0:23:57.320 --> 0:24:03.480
<v Speaker 1>that his wishes are law, but that like I respected

0:24:03.520 --> 0:24:05.920
<v Speaker 1>the fact that he was having an experience as a

0:24:06.000 --> 0:24:08.600
<v Speaker 1>human being in the world and was trying to navigate it,

0:24:09.000 --> 0:24:12.399
<v Speaker 1>just like I tried to navigate the world and like

0:24:12.520 --> 0:24:15.760
<v Speaker 1>I tried to navigate being a kid, My job is

0:24:15.800 --> 0:24:20.040
<v Speaker 1>to support that child and to ask questions and not

0:24:20.119 --> 0:24:22.679
<v Speaker 1>just dictate. And I hope you see the father that

0:24:22.760 --> 0:24:29.600
<v Speaker 1>does that does respect him, obviously loves him and tried

0:24:30.000 --> 0:24:32.680
<v Speaker 1>as hard as they could. And I hope my kid

0:24:32.800 --> 0:24:35.200
<v Speaker 1>knows that I gave it all I had. I was

0:24:35.280 --> 0:24:47.560
<v Speaker 1>a really beautiful sentiment. Can I Can I say one

0:24:47.600 --> 0:24:50.640
<v Speaker 1>more thing to close? Yes, Chris, I just gotta say,

0:24:52.400 --> 0:24:58.879
<v Speaker 1>this was a hot today. Oh, thank you rapping Harry,

0:24:59.480 --> 0:25:03.320
<v Speaker 1>thank you about a hot crowd here today. We had

0:25:03.359 --> 0:25:11.960
<v Speaker 1>a hot crowd here today. Chris finding Raffie is a

0:25:12.000 --> 0:25:15.199
<v Speaker 1>production of My Heart Radio and Fatherly in partnership with

0:25:15.280 --> 0:25:20.080
<v Speaker 1>Rococo Punch. It's produced by Catherine Findalosa, Meredith Hanig, and

0:25:20.240 --> 0:25:24.440
<v Speaker 1>James Trout. Production assistance from Charlotte Livingston. Alex French is

0:25:24.480 --> 0:25:28.880
<v Speaker 1>our story consultant. Our senior producer is Andrea swahe Emily

0:25:28.920 --> 0:25:33.040
<v Speaker 1>Foreman is our editor. Fact checking by Andrea Lopez Crusado.

0:25:34.280 --> 0:25:37.680
<v Speaker 1>Rapha's music is courtesy of Troubadour Music Special thanks to

0:25:37.760 --> 0:25:42.320
<v Speaker 1>Kim Layton at Troubadour. Our Executive producers are Jessica Albert

0:25:42.359 --> 0:25:46.200
<v Speaker 1>and John Parotti at Rococo, punch Ty Trimble, Mike Rothman

0:25:46.240 --> 0:25:50.120
<v Speaker 1>and Jeff Eisenman at Fatherly and Me. Chris Garcia, thank

0:25:50.160 --> 0:26:01.760
<v Speaker 1>you for listening. Thank you very much. Thanks right right

0:26:01.840 --> 0:26:17.680
<v Speaker 1>on RYE CEO. Thanks to gain H