1
00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:03,520
Speaker 1: Hey, hir He, how's it going. Hi Chris, good to

2
00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:06,280
Speaker 1: see you. You know, I was thinking, we've been friends

3
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,000
Speaker 1: for almost fifteen years. I think it's like fourteen years now,

4
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,000
Speaker 1: Isn't that crazy? It's been quite a while. Everyone's in

5
00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:14,760
Speaker 1: a while. This is Harry Kondabalu. He's one of my

6
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:17,560
Speaker 1: favorite stand up comedians. And I'm not just saying that

7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,520
Speaker 1: because we've been friends for so long. You might know

8
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,160
Speaker 1: him from his documentary about a Pooh from The Simpsons

9
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:26,320
Speaker 1: called The Problem with a Pooh, his Netflix stand up special,

10
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,400
Speaker 1: or from NPRS quiz show Wait Wait, don't tell me,

11
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,360
Speaker 1: But I know him from our early days in comedy.

12
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:37,400
Speaker 1: Ali Wong opening for me seems so much longer ago. Ah, yeah,

13
00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:41,279
Speaker 1: that seems like a different universe. Her performing after me,

14
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:45,120
Speaker 1: that seems pretty normal. I've gotten pretty but I think

15
00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:49,519
Speaker 1: about the different openers I've had, either multiple times or

16
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:53,280
Speaker 1: even once. It's like Ali Phoebe Robinson a partner on

17
00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:56,880
Speaker 1: Chair litt So if you want a career open for me,

18
00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:03,120
Speaker 1: I'll still be here. I'll still be here like me.

19
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,119
Speaker 1: Harry is also going through his first time as a dad.

20
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,240
Speaker 1: His son Argent, is almost two years old now Are

21
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:13,039
Speaker 1: we young parents or are we newer parents? Were new parents?

22
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,080
Speaker 1: I am not young anymore. I am I am forty

23
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:21,000
Speaker 1: four years old. I'm not young. After spending all of

24
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,880
Speaker 1: this time with Raffie, I wasn't quite ready to move on.

25
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:27,440
Speaker 1: I needed a debrief, and it turns out Harry was

26
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,560
Speaker 1: perfect for that. He'd also discovered Raffie through his kid.

27
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,000
Speaker 1: I wanted to share some of that conversation with you.

28
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:44,840
Speaker 1: Maybe he'll help you find some closure too. From My

29
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:49,040
Speaker 1: Heart Radio and Fatherly in partnership with Rococo Punch, this

30
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:55,160
Speaker 1: is the bonus episode of Finding Raffie. I'm Chris Garcia.

31
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,760
Speaker 1: I didn't grow up listening to Raffie like we listened

32
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:07,680
Speaker 1: to more Um, what's the name Sharon Lewis and bram Oh,

33
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,160
Speaker 1: that's what we were doing. It's basically what I'm saying

34
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,600
Speaker 1: is I eat hydro as a kid, You know what

35
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,960
Speaker 1: I mean? Nothing against Sharon Lewis and brand, but I

36
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:21,200
Speaker 1: just feel like you learn so much more from Raffie.

37
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:25,840
Speaker 1: He like he's he actually not only is making songs

38
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:30,840
Speaker 1: that are ridiculously catchy that I find myself singing in

39
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,000
Speaker 1: the middle of the day. Brush your teeth and it's like,

40
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,000
Speaker 1: why why am I saying this? I mean and I

41
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,200
Speaker 1: mean he's the Transformers to their gobots, right, He's just

42
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:43,400
Speaker 1: the best being able to Maybe part of it is

43
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,880
Speaker 1: just being an adult and seeing how much my child

44
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:51,400
Speaker 1: loves Raffie, like is happy to hear his voice. He

45
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,480
Speaker 1: does little things that like like he has weird little

46
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,799
Speaker 1: performance things, like he'll say something and then like the

47
00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,400
Speaker 1: kids respond and he'd be like third and fourth row

48
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,880
Speaker 1: got it right. And it's like he says things to

49
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:07,760
Speaker 1: the parents. He does. He does stuff that clearly only

50
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,280
Speaker 1: the parents would find funny, like we've got a hot

51
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:14,640
Speaker 1: crowd here today, and it's like it's like a bunch

52
00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:17,000
Speaker 1: of kids and fair we got a hot crowd here

53
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:21,480
Speaker 1: today cracks me up every time. So you mostly watch

54
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,680
Speaker 1: the videos? Do you watch the tapes? Is that what

55
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,600
Speaker 1: you do? Well, it's it's on YouTube. But yeah, Like

56
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,880
Speaker 1: we've done some of the Broadway raf E Live and Broadway,

57
00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,280
Speaker 1: and I gotta be honest with the production values are

58
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,560
Speaker 1: a little too high for my taste. There's other people

59
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:40,360
Speaker 1: on stage, there's the unfortunate rap number. Wait, I'm gonna

60
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,200
Speaker 1: stop you right here, So what's wrong with rapping? Raffi,

61
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:47,840
Speaker 1: rapp and Raffie, not on. Come on, Chris, he doesn't

62
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,960
Speaker 1: make you craze feel a little awkward. Okay, so did

63
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,320
Speaker 1: you not like it when Dylan went electric? The Raffi

64
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:59,960
Speaker 1: plays many different genres and played on his entire life.

65
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,680
Speaker 1: Rap is it? Oh my gosh. He if there's no okay,

66
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:08,000
Speaker 1: there's no image. Okay, imagine this. You're a small You're

67
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:11,440
Speaker 1: a small child in Toronto, right, Yeah, I know it's

68
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:15,320
Speaker 1: on Broadway, but your hometown hero Raffi performs Rapp and Raffi.

69
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,679
Speaker 1: It changes your life forever. If there's no rapp and Raffie,

70
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:23,880
Speaker 1: there's no Drake, my friend, I like, this is a

71
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,120
Speaker 1: young Aubrey Drake Graham was probably sitting on his mom

72
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,479
Speaker 1: or dad's lap, saw Rap and Raffie and was like,

73
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,560
Speaker 1: that's it for me. And this is probably changed the

74
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,200
Speaker 1: trajectory of his life. There's no rap music without Blondie,

75
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:39,799
Speaker 1: with that, without that verse on rapture, rap doesn't exist.

76
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:46,120
Speaker 1: Whatever nonsense, Debbie Harry was fitting for the record. Harry

77
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,560
Speaker 1: and his family prefer a young children's concert with Raffi.

78
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:53,360
Speaker 1: Rafi's first recording. He calls it the Blue Tape the

79
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:57,680
Speaker 1: Blue tape is just pure songs. There's a little stretching,

80
00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,120
Speaker 1: breathing thing that he does for a little break with

81
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,760
Speaker 1: for the kids. Let me see a stretchway out here

82
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,920
Speaker 1: and a stretched way up there, and while are you're

83
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,000
Speaker 1: up there? How about a great big son like this?

84
00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:13,799
Speaker 1: I love it. That's that to me is the raf

85
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,760
Speaker 1: I wanna I want to think of. Isn't he a

86
00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:20,760
Speaker 1: masterful performance like I I'll tell you, I'm a Broadway guy,

87
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,400
Speaker 1: Like that's the one I've seen the most. But the

88
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:29,120
Speaker 1: way he can engage children as performers ourselves, I'm like, oh,

89
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:32,320
Speaker 1: this guy's got it. I mean, we're comparing these two specials,

90
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,560
Speaker 1: but I think for people need to understand in the

91
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:41,240
Speaker 1: children's music world, the specials were describing are like raw

92
00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,320
Speaker 1: and delirious to children. Oh yeah, this is we're talking

93
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:48,599
Speaker 1: about the two biggest, two of the biggest children's music

94
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:52,719
Speaker 1: specials of all time. They're humongous and well, you know,

95
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:56,039
Speaker 1: it's interesting. Did you know when you want live on

96
00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:00,400
Speaker 1: raffing on Broadway? Did you know that he hadn't written

97
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:06,360
Speaker 1: Banana Phone yet? Who isn't that wild? He just pulled

98
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,840
Speaker 1: a banana. He just did the banana phone and pretended

99
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:11,440
Speaker 1: to talk into it as a small bit. The song

100
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,080
Speaker 1: hadn't even come out yet. Wow, So he's he had

101
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:20,240
Speaker 1: been dabbling in banana way before the song. Yeah, yeah,

102
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:24,440
Speaker 1: he had been. I mean that was like a little seedling. Yeah,

103
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,360
Speaker 1: he had some banana stuff in his music before, but

104
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,720
Speaker 1: it was just it wasn't quite there yet. And probably

105
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,880
Speaker 1: he's just like a comic. He's like, I just I

106
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,280
Speaker 1: gotta throw that bit out there, like because something, something

107
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,839
Speaker 1: magical might happen if I just throw it out, I'll

108
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,360
Speaker 1: start improvising. And that night it didn't happen, but who knows,

109
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,680
Speaker 1: maybe at night a few weeks later he's like, banana Phone,

110
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:49,000
Speaker 1: this is it's the premise is killing. The premise is killing.

111
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,839
Speaker 1: I don't know what's there yet. Maybe I'll write it

112
00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:53,279
Speaker 1: on stage. Maybe I'll take it back to the mole

113
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:56,400
Speaker 1: skin or back to the lab. And then he comes

114
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,600
Speaker 1: up with that that album, that whole album, which to me,

115
00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:03,000
Speaker 1: I've been thinking about it as like one of the

116
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,919
Speaker 1: greatest comeback albums because I don't know if you know this,

117
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:11,360
Speaker 1: but prior to Bananaphone that album, he kind of took

118
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:15,760
Speaker 1: a career pivot and made an album for adults, like

119
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:20,240
Speaker 1: almost like an environmental protest album. What Yeah, And there's

120
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:24,680
Speaker 1: a grown up Beluga track on there. It's called Belugas

121
00:07:24,720 --> 00:08:00,400
Speaker 1: after Dark. I don't know if you've heard this. You know,

122
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,000
Speaker 1: I have found myself listening to Raffy on my own.

123
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,760
Speaker 1: This sounds crazy, but sometimes in the car it's already

124
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,680
Speaker 1: on my phone because we play Raffi a lot during

125
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,240
Speaker 1: um Sunny's bedtime routine. Right, So, even like this morning,

126
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,800
Speaker 1: I was listening to one of the albums and I

127
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,200
Speaker 1: was like, I'm just gonna leave it. It's it's nice

128
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,840
Speaker 1: and pleasant in traffic and some of the songs I

129
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:23,360
Speaker 1: felt like, we're still relevant to me, you know, it's

130
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:26,240
Speaker 1: really weird, but then also the musicality of it is

131
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,640
Speaker 1: quite good. Which one did you feel were like relevant

132
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,200
Speaker 1: to your life? Well? I listened to One Light, One

133
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:37,600
Speaker 1: Sun right, which is a great album. One Light, One Son,

134
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:44,200
Speaker 1: one sun Lighting everyone. I mean, that song is very pleasant.

135
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,840
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've oh, and then like me

136
00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,800
Speaker 1: and you do you know this song? I don't. I'm

137
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,200
Speaker 1: not familiar with either of those songs. I'm embarrassed his

138
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,679
Speaker 1: rendition of take Me Out to the Ball game. Oh,

139
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,240
Speaker 1: I gotta hear that. Have you heard that one? No?

140
00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:03,400
Speaker 1: I should though, Okay, take me out to the ball game,

141
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:11,400
Speaker 1: Take me out with the crowd, buy me some peanuts

142
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:18,160
Speaker 1: and cracker jack. I don't care if I never get

143
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:24,360
Speaker 1: back with the root root root for the home team.

144
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:31,520
Speaker 1: If they don't win, it's a shame for it's one, two,

145
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:40,880
Speaker 1: three strikes. You're out at the old ball game. Oh,

146
00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:44,560
Speaker 1: it's like so epic and sweeping. And then the harmonies

147
00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:46,360
Speaker 1: of the front are so good that and I was like,

148
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,240
Speaker 1: I love that song, and I was like, I'm gonna

149
00:09:48,280 --> 00:10:02,760
Speaker 1: let this bump. But the one that really hits me

150
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,600
Speaker 1: in the heart um, which is one of the many

151
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:09,080
Speaker 1: reasons I love Raffi is that he's like, to me,

152
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,560
Speaker 1: the real formative stuff is Mr. Rogers and the Muppets

153
00:10:11,559 --> 00:10:16,440
Speaker 1: and stuff, which was really fantastic. But the inclusivity of

154
00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:20,199
Speaker 1: Raffie in this song is just very wonderful. And I'll

155
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,480
Speaker 1: play a little bit of it right here. Jing lives

156
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:29,760
Speaker 1: in China, Olga lives in Russia, Rid lives in Germany,

157
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:37,760
Speaker 1: Keita lives in Indeed, Pablo lives in Spain, Jose lives

158
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:49,840
Speaker 1: in Cologne, and each one is much like another child

159
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:57,080
Speaker 1: of a mother and a father, very special son or daughter,

160
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:05,280
Speaker 1: a lot like me and you. And that's just like,

161
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:10,320
Speaker 1: I think, that's just such a beautiful sentiment. And you know,

162
00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:13,760
Speaker 1: for kids all over the world to hear names of

163
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,800
Speaker 1: other kids and stuff, and here like you know, Mosha,

164
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:21,720
Speaker 1: geta Pablo, like all these different names. I was in

165
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,240
Speaker 1: traffic and I was just like, I'm so calm, and

166
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's okay, cut me off, buddy. We're all

167
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:30,280
Speaker 1: just we're all just small children on this big spinning ball,

168
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,200
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's just really beautiful. I

169
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,480
Speaker 1: just I was thinking about the time period that he's

170
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,840
Speaker 1: doing this and why that makes it even more important.

171
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:42,360
Speaker 1: It's like he's saying to all these different, you know,

172
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:46,240
Speaker 1: types of kids who might be listening, I see you,

173
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:51,920
Speaker 1: and all of you are the same. All of you

174
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:55,520
Speaker 1: are children. I care for all of you, and I'm

175
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:59,080
Speaker 1: I'm potentially mentioning your name or your heritage. And that

176
00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:02,360
Speaker 1: is so especially when you're a kid who you know

177
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,560
Speaker 1: and you know, I've talked about this in various capacities,

178
00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:07,920
Speaker 1: who doesn't have representation as a kid RAFFI saying like

179
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,240
Speaker 1: I'm from Egypt, Like that's a huge deal. Like, oh

180
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,000
Speaker 1: my god, I'm I'm from Israel, I'm I'm from India,

181
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,640
Speaker 1: Like that's such a big deal. Like it's huge. The music,

182
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,440
Speaker 1: it just it hits, you know, on so many levels

183
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,000
Speaker 1: for these children. And you know, when I see Raffie,

184
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,800
Speaker 1: it's funny because it's not that he's raceless, but it

185
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:31,080
Speaker 1: almost feels like he's Raffie, Like can Mickey Mouse be racialized?

186
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,840
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? Like there's there's a

187
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:37,280
Speaker 1: degree of like he's it's he has is such a

188
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:41,800
Speaker 1: figure you don't even associate like human traits with him.

189
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,640
Speaker 1: And then you step back and it's like, that's pretty

190
00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:50,120
Speaker 1: incredible that a dude that has this incredible life story

191
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:55,160
Speaker 1: has a you know, Armenian born in Cairo, immigrant to Canada,

192
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,480
Speaker 1: and he's singing these songs that are resonating from with

193
00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:19,560
Speaker 1: children all over the world. That's incredible. It's beautiful. I'm

194
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,280
Speaker 1: gonna switch gears for a second and I want to

195
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,960
Speaker 1: talk to you about parenting for a moment. How would

196
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,640
Speaker 1: you describe your parenting style? It's hard because I've been

197
00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:31,880
Speaker 1: thinking a lot about like, am I doing enough lots

198
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:35,400
Speaker 1: of cuddling? Lots of hugging, lots of laughing and dancing.

199
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,960
Speaker 1: We played little games, We have inside jokes, a lot

200
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:44,760
Speaker 1: of silliness. The thing I feel like I am lacking

201
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:49,480
Speaker 1: is I not, It's it's something that I've been talking

202
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,680
Speaker 1: to with my partner and she's generous and that she says,

203
00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:54,520
Speaker 1: like every parent has their journey, you know, and it

204
00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:56,360
Speaker 1: doesn't need to be the same. But I feel like

205
00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:00,240
Speaker 1: I'm not adding enough substance to his life. And you know,

206
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,080
Speaker 1: I mean to be fair, like I'm usually the one

207
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,640
Speaker 1: who does the mornings, so I'm waking up at five

208
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,640
Speaker 1: thirty or six thirty am or whatever it is, and

209
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,760
Speaker 1: at that point, you know, I'm just trying to get

210
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,600
Speaker 1: through the morning, you know what I mean, and just

211
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:18,480
Speaker 1: stay conscious. But I feel like I I want to

212
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,040
Speaker 1: give him more. I feel like my parenting style is

213
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:25,000
Speaker 1: a little too lax. And granted he's one, you know,

214
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:29,320
Speaker 1: he there's a lot more to come. And you know

215
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,640
Speaker 1: he can't talk yet, and you know the books are

216
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,360
Speaker 1: going to get you know he's gonna be able to

217
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:38,760
Speaker 1: actually understand them. So you're like, you read Howard's into him,

218
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,240
Speaker 1: but you're not sure if he's understanding it. I don't

219
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:45,040
Speaker 1: think he's getting it. Honestly, don't think he's getting it.

220
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,720
Speaker 1: But don't you Okay, so you feel like you're a

221
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,480
Speaker 1: lax parent and in the morning you're just you're just

222
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,160
Speaker 1: waking up and you're just being there with him. But

223
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,640
Speaker 1: don't you think there is something to like free exploration

224
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:59,720
Speaker 1: and not trying to force learning onto him or anything,

225
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:03,040
Speaker 1: and just allowing him to explore the world on his own. Yeah, No,

226
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,000
Speaker 1: certainly there's some of that, and he does that, But

227
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,360
Speaker 1: I do think, I don't know, there are times where

228
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:12,440
Speaker 1: I see him trying to get my attention and I

229
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,360
Speaker 1: I feel like, oh, man, like, how long has he

230
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,440
Speaker 1: been trying to get my attention? And where was I?

231
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,000
Speaker 1: And so I don't know if that answers your question

232
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:23,360
Speaker 1: about parenting style. I'm being polite to myself by saying

233
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:27,960
Speaker 1: I'm a lax parent. My goal is to be a

234
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:31,720
Speaker 1: more attentive, thoughtful, and deliberate parent. I feel like I'm

235
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,280
Speaker 1: working towards that. Well. I think you should be easy

236
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,840
Speaker 1: on yourself because it is very difficult to be a parent,

237
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,480
Speaker 1: and it's also hard to manage your career and be

238
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,720
Speaker 1: a parent at the same time. I think you should

239
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:46,240
Speaker 1: be a little gentle with yourself about this. I'm a

240
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:51,280
Speaker 1: very loving parent. I know that, and I know that

241
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,720
Speaker 1: whenever he sees me, we're silly and we have a

242
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,920
Speaker 1: fun time, and that's great. But I don't want to

243
00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,200
Speaker 1: start the trend of I don't worry. That's just my dad,

244
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,200
Speaker 1: that's just the guy hang out with. But do you

245
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:33,360
Speaker 1: have any questions? Ask mom over there? Do you think

246
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,080
Speaker 1: like the way your parent was affected by how you

247
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:40,800
Speaker 1: were raised and a positive And my mom was always

248
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:44,120
Speaker 1: very physical with us, lots of hugs, lots of like

249
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,880
Speaker 1: she was just around us all the time, like me

250
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,600
Speaker 1: and my brother are very close and and very close

251
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,880
Speaker 1: to our mom. You know, Dad was less present in

252
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:56,120
Speaker 1: terms of parenting, like he was there, but like Mom

253
00:16:56,120 --> 00:17:00,440
Speaker 1: did the work. Mom did the actual like play with kids,

254
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,560
Speaker 1: teach the kids, feed the kids, you know what I mean.

255
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:07,199
Speaker 1: So I think I learned that in terms of the

256
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,919
Speaker 1: kind of parent I wanted to be was it was

257
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,240
Speaker 1: a parent the kid could trust and who like felt

258
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,360
Speaker 1: relaxed and who had a good time with the kid,

259
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,040
Speaker 1: like I'm hanging out with dad and that's fun. I

260
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,840
Speaker 1: think what I also learned is what I didn't want,

261
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,159
Speaker 1: like you know my dad, I wish she was like,

262
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:27,440
Speaker 1: my dad is incredibly hands on with my with my kid,

263
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,720
Speaker 1: like he's an incredible grandfather. And he's even said, you know,

264
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,840
Speaker 1: I spend more time with origin than I did when

265
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,560
Speaker 1: you were a kid, And I'm like, oh, I know

266
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:41,119
Speaker 1: me and my therapist no, And you know, so I

267
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,720
Speaker 1: think I also learned like I don't want to be

268
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,280
Speaker 1: someone who doesn't take part, and I want to feed

269
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:52,639
Speaker 1: my child and I want to you know, um change

270
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:56,520
Speaker 1: my child's diapers and put my child to sleep. Yeah.

271
00:17:56,680 --> 00:18:00,240
Speaker 1: Sort I don't think my dad hadn't changed the diaper either,

272
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,400
Speaker 1: And I don't think my dad really um fed me either.

273
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,119
Speaker 1: It probably defaulted to my mom. But I know, I

274
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,280
Speaker 1: know that my dad had a rough childhood, and I

275
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,359
Speaker 1: know that part of that. My mom explained to me

276
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 1: that my dad was scared to hurt me or drop

277
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,520
Speaker 1: me or mess up like when I was very young,

278
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,280
Speaker 1: when I was a very young baby. And it's one

279
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:25,120
Speaker 1: of my favorite things about parenting is to be like, um,

280
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,639
Speaker 1: think about the past and everything that had happened in

281
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,040
Speaker 1: the past, and maybe go, you know, if things could

282
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,760
Speaker 1: be different, maybe this is a way to do it,

283
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,640
Speaker 1: or this is a way to do it in a lovelier,

284
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:37,159
Speaker 1: more empathetic way. Um, is that something I should talk

285
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:42,560
Speaker 1: to my therapist about? Or is that is that right here? Um,

286
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,160
Speaker 1: I'm always gonna say yes. I think it's it's good

287
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,640
Speaker 1: that you verbalize. Now, this is a good test run

288
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,439
Speaker 1: for when you do you think respect was present in

289
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,359
Speaker 1: your household when you're growing up, because this is the

290
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,159
Speaker 1: thing that I think about raf He talks about a

291
00:18:56,200 --> 00:19:00,679
Speaker 1: lot um about respecting the whole child and respecting the

292
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,760
Speaker 1: plan and everything, and it's so much of what this

293
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,600
Speaker 1: part the theme of this podcast is, But do you

294
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:12,040
Speaker 1: felt like you were respected as a child and growing up? Huh? Respected?

295
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,480
Speaker 1: That is a really good question, and that you know,

296
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 1: I think I think we all grew up one with

297
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:26,879
Speaker 1: patriarchy in different ways, and I certainly grew up with

298
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,199
Speaker 1: a bit of that, But I also grew up with

299
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:36,120
Speaker 1: this idea of you know, older people are to be respected,

300
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:43,840
Speaker 1: you know, you have to be polite, you don't question, Um,

301
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:47,920
Speaker 1: it was there was definitely like a power thing based

302
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:56,080
Speaker 1: on like those kinds of divisions. So the idea of

303
00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:59,840
Speaker 1: a child being respected is really tricky because it's not

304
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:05,720
Speaker 1: how I grew up with the idea of respect rescept respect.

305
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:09,280
Speaker 1: It goes to your parents. Respect goals to your older

306
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,359
Speaker 1: siblings if you have any or older like elderly people.

307
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 1: Respect goes to your teachers or so. It's the idea

308
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:22,120
Speaker 1: of you know, being given respect. I don't even I don't. Honestly,

309
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 1: I feel strange. I don't know how to process that.

310
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,360
Speaker 1: Isn't it interesting? That's how when I first started thinking

311
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,359
Speaker 1: about it, I kind of didn't know how to answer

312
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:32,720
Speaker 1: it either, because it always is the other way around

313
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:38,879
Speaker 1: with kids will define respect? Oh man, um, how do

314
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:44,879
Speaker 1: I define respect? Um? I guess is it just boiled

315
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,959
Speaker 1: down to treating people in a fair way that they

316
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:53,200
Speaker 1: would like to be treated, you know? Um, I don't, no, man.

317
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 1: And also culture, look culture, it looks different. Respect looks different.

318
00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:04,879
Speaker 1: I mean, I God, that's a that question is going

319
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:10,680
Speaker 1: to be in my head after this podcast? Did I

320
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:14,880
Speaker 1: I got love? I was allowed to do so much

321
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:19,440
Speaker 1: of what I wanted to do. I was given items

322
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,239
Speaker 1: like toys and whatever I really needed. My parents were

323
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 1: doubly hard. I was respected. I mean, I think my

324
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 1: mom's ability to talk to me and my brother like

325
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:39,919
Speaker 1: adults at a younger age, maybe a sign of a

326
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:44,119
Speaker 1: degree of respect, not simply I'm the parent, this is

327
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,199
Speaker 1: the power, this is the line. But it's you know,

328
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 1: being able to spend time with your kids and have

329
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:57,479
Speaker 1: honest conversations. Maybe it's a sign of respect. I don't know.

330
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 1: It isn't to unpack. And you know, parents are just

331
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 1: trying their best, and immigrant parents have it. I mean,

332
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,160
Speaker 1: that's just the crazy experience you can have is because

333
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 1: you come here. You know, my parents barely spoken any

334
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 1: in English and they were trying to um support me. Well,

335
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 1: what do what do our parents know about raising American kids? Exactly?

336
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,719
Speaker 1: They only know from what how they were raised. They

337
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,199
Speaker 1: were just trying the best they could and within the

338
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 1: framework that they kind of understood, you know. But I

339
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 1: think that's the only thing otherwise. I think they always

340
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 1: really uh you know, really love me and we're very respectful,

341
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 1: but sometimes like maybe emotionally, um they would either be like, oh,

342
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 1: you know, rub some dirt on it, or you're fine

343
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 1: or something, and that kind of invalidates your feelings when

344
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,399
Speaker 1: when you're a child, you know, I mean I almost

345
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 1: would I can imagine asking or saying something like that,

346
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 1: like don't like, where is the where's my respect. If

347
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,920
Speaker 1: I was to say that, I can't even imagine the reaction, Like,

348
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,800
Speaker 1: what the hell does respect have to do with this?

349
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,879
Speaker 1: What is you're the kid? What respect are you supposed

350
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 1: to get as a kid? Like I can already imagine

351
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:14,439
Speaker 1: like that being such a bizarre kind of expectation. We

352
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: don't need to respect you. We feed you, you're live,

353
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:20,400
Speaker 1: you go to school, you get toys, you take care

354
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,120
Speaker 1: of you when you're sick. What do you mean respect?

355
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,199
Speaker 1: What the hell do you want? Do you want us

356
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:30,199
Speaker 1: to bow to you when we see you, your majesty maharaj? Like,

357
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 1: what is it that you need? Like it's not even

358
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 1: part of the equation, Chris, That's why I'm so thrown

359
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 1: by it. It's really true. But I mean, I would

360
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 1: hope that when my child looks back on his relationship

361
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:49,080
Speaker 1: with me, that he does feel that I respected him

362
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 1: as a person. And it's not to say that I

363
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:56,639
Speaker 1: was willing to let him do whatever he wanted and

364
00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 1: that his wishes are law, but that like I respected

365
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,920
Speaker 1: the fact that he was having an experience as a

366
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 1: human being in the world and was trying to navigate it,

367
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 1: just like I tried to navigate the world and like

368
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 1: I tried to navigate being a kid, My job is

369
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 1: to support that child and to ask questions and not

370
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 1: just dictate. And I hope you see the father that

371
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 1: does that does respect him, obviously loves him and tried

372
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 1: as hard as they could. And I hope my kid

373
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 1: knows that I gave it all I had. I was

374
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 1: a really beautiful sentiment. Can I Can I say one

375
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,640
Speaker 1: more thing to close? Yes, Chris, I just gotta say,

376
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:58,879
Speaker 1: this was a hot today. Oh, thank you rapping Harry,

377
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:03,320
Speaker 1: thank you about a hot crowd here today. We had

378
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 1: a hot crowd here today. Chris finding Raffie is a

379
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,199
Speaker 1: production of My Heart Radio and Fatherly in partnership with

380
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 1: Rococo Punch. It's produced by Catherine Findalosa, Meredith Hanig, and

381
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:24,440
Speaker 1: James Trout. Production assistance from Charlotte Livingston. Alex French is

382
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:28,880
Speaker 1: our story consultant. Our senior producer is Andrea swahe Emily

383
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 1: Foreman is our editor. Fact checking by Andrea Lopez Crusado.

384
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,680
Speaker 1: Rapha's music is courtesy of Troubadour Music Special thanks to

385
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 1: Kim Layton at Troubadour. Our Executive producers are Jessica Albert

386
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 1: and John Parotti at Rococo, punch Ty Trimble, Mike Rothman

387
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:50,120
Speaker 1: and Jeff Eisenman at Fatherly and Me. Chris Garcia, thank

388
00:25:50,160 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 1: you for listening. Thank you very much. Thanks right right

389
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 1: on RYE CEO. Thanks to gain H