WEBVTT - I have some confessions to make 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:06.640 Here's how we would describe you. A lying, thieving, blaspheming adulterys. 0:00:07.120 --> 0:00:09.160 That's what you are so far, and we haven't even 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:12.400 gotten into the hate or any of the other things 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:15.000 that are part of your life. Pay I'm not singling 0:00:15.000 --> 0:00:18.279 you out because look, my hand is raised. I am 0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:34.720 with you. I'm a lying, thieving, blaspheming adulter. Welcome back 0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:38.279 to the podcast. One of my favorite guests and one 0:00:38.320 --> 0:00:45.000 of my favorite humans. Wow, little brother Parker William Smith 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:48.560 felt like you needed a full introduction today. What an intro. 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:51.480 Thank you. Sometimes when you come to do this podcast, 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:56.000 you will drive here from the Yee Farm where you work, 0:00:56.360 --> 0:00:59.600 where you're the CEO, and you'll listen to like some 0:00:59.720 --> 0:01:02.320 kind of inspirational something to get in the mood for 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:06.040 this podcast. And I asked you today and you said 0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:09.400 I was listening to how About Them Cowgirls by George Strait. 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:13.280 So I think I am very ready prepared for this podcast. 0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:18.160 That's amazing. That's amazing. This podcast. The format of it, 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:22.560 this is episode one oh six, and it's basically, you 0:01:22.680 --> 0:01:27.440 have a question, you email it to Grangersmith Podcast at 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:31.280 gmail dot com and we walk through them as if 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:34.520 Parker and I are sitting with you, maybe around a campfire, 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:37.840 maybe driving in a truck, whatever. The most casual, relaxed 0:01:37.920 --> 0:01:40.800 environment you could imagine is you ask us the question 0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:45.760 and we walk through it without notes, without preparation, basically 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:48.840 as if we're just buddies trying to give you the 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:52.880 best advice we can on the situation. This started, this 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:56.040 podcast format started when I just realized that I have 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:57.600 a lot of people in my life. I'm very blessed 0:01:57.600 --> 0:01:59.160 to have a lot of people in my life that 0:02:00.800 --> 0:02:04.600 have very sound advice, good advice, and you know, on 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:07.440 whether it's on the bus or on the phone, there's 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:09.080 a lot of guys that will just sit around and 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:12.480 just kind of walk through life's questions, whether it's relationship 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:18.600 or career or spiritual, whatever it might be, we walk 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:20.359 through them together. And I just thought, man, this would 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:22.200 be really cool if I opened it up to guests. 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:24.560 So if you guys have a question, email Greener Smith 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:27.400 Podcast at gmail dot com and we'll get to it. 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:30.440 And let's get to the first one. Here. Is this 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:34.200 your first episode with these headphones? Yeah, switched to headphones today, 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:37.440 and the benefit is so that each of us can 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:40.320 hear ourselves, similar to how when you're on stage or 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:45.400 is that completely different. Yeah, well yes, it's basically the idea. 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:50.040 There's two main reasons we're wearing headphones today. One, it 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:53.920 allows the guest to hear I kind of I'm comfortable 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:57.240 around the microphone. But it allows the guest to see, 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:02.799 to feel their radio, to the their proximity to the microphone, 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:05.280 so they can be aware of you know, if you 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:07.080 come you come back and you're sitting in the chair 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:09.200 like this and you realize when I sound way better 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:14.079 like this. The second biggest reason is if there's a 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:16.600 because I don't I produce this myself. There is no 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:20.239 technician or audio guy in the room, no camera guy. 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:22.440 It's all me. So if there's a problem, I'm going 0:03:22.480 --> 0:03:25.280 to know it instantly because I have headphones on. So 0:03:25.320 --> 0:03:28.040 we'll see how it goes. If you're watching on YouTube, 0:03:28.040 --> 0:03:30.440 you'll understand. If you're just listening, it shouldn't even matter 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:33.400 to you at all. And then so when musicians are 0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:36.680 on stage, the benefit of the what you call the ears, 0:03:36.720 --> 0:03:38.680 which a lot of people don't know, is when those 0:03:38.680 --> 0:03:41.080 guys are on stage, they have what you call your 0:03:41.080 --> 0:03:42.840 ears and your headphones, and that is so that you 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:47.560 can hear yourself as well, right, because that's so strange 0:03:47.600 --> 0:03:51.040 on stage. That's the main reason, because the speakers are 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:54.400 usually in front of the stage and they're shooting outwards 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:57.200 towards the crowd. So the musicians that are behind the 0:03:57.240 --> 0:03:59.840 speakers are not going to hear it. They're going to 0:03:59.880 --> 0:04:03.120 hear a delayed sound, and they're not gonna be able 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:05.240 to hear the detail of what they're playing or singing, 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:08.320 and so then we have a completely different mix than 0:04:08.360 --> 0:04:10.040 what the crowd here. So that's why we have a 0:04:10.080 --> 0:04:14.280 monitor engineer, Will who mixes our ears, and then Blake, 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:16.679 who's out what we call front of house, who mixes 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:20.080 what the audience hears. That's kind of a new thing. 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:23.400 It started with we wear the earphones the ear plugs, 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:27.720 but that's maybe like a fifteen or twenty year old deal. 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:31.320 Before then everyone had wedges, which some people still use them. 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:33.360 It's the speakers that are on the ground shooting back 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:36.960 towards the musicians. But before that they didn't have anything. 0:04:37.040 --> 0:04:38.839 So like if you think about the Beatles when they 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:42.440 used to play concerts at big arenas, they didn't have 0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:45.000 any kind of monitor system at all. They were just 0:04:45.960 --> 0:04:49.480 playing with the ambient noise of what the arena sounded like, 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:53.360 which is very difficult and hard to harmonize, hard to 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:55.839 hear the details of what the guitar players are doing, 0:04:56.000 --> 0:05:00.000 stuff like that. So here we are just like the Beatles, 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:04.280 me and you. Yep. First question is this subject is 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:07.840 how do I stop being a hero? Hey, grangew my 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:12.119 name is Joshua. I hail from San Saba, Texas. Shout 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:15.840 out to Texas Ranch Country. I've met you a couple 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:17.840 times and each time you never let me down. You're 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:20.600 so welcoming and friendly and make us feel like family. 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:23.320 Thank you for that. Now for my question. I'm a 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:26.720 young Christian man who's looking to find the woman I 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:28.320 want to spend the rest of my life with. The 0:05:28.360 --> 0:05:31.800 Only problem is I have a hero complex that I 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:34.440 have to beat. Whenever I start talking to a young 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:36.440 lady and we get to know each other and open 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:40.960 up or talk about ourselves, I get more invested. The 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:43.520 more invested I get, the more I want to help 0:05:43.560 --> 0:05:47.840 them with all of their life's problems before even a 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:50.960 commitment has been made. I hate to see people struggle, 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:54.120 and especially when I have an interest in them, So 0:05:55.400 --> 0:06:00.200 I help out whatever they need before we even get 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:03.680 to know each other. This usually gets me in the 0:06:03.839 --> 0:06:07.680 quote he says, friend zone, and I'm being labeled a 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:11.760 nice guy? How do I stop being this hero ps? 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:14.040 I'm twenty one years old. I know my life is 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:15.960 just starting and I have a lot to figure out. 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:18.920 I just started welding school and I'm planning on that 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:23.240 being my career. Here's a picture of us, so oh awesome. Yeah, Joshua, 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:26.559 he's a super cool dude, and he included a picture 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:30.120 of me and him in a meet and greet man Joshua, 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:32.000 thank you brother, Thank you for emailing, and thank you 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:35.040 for being the fan that you are. I know I've 0:06:35.040 --> 0:06:37.800 met you several times and you're just a stand up guy, 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:40.680 so I appreciate you emailing. It's a pretty common question, 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:44.840 I think to this hero complex is what he's calling it. 0:06:45.360 --> 0:06:47.920 Where you come in and you meet somebody and you 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:50.920 want to immediately try to fix a problem that they have. 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:53.760 I know I've been in this kind of situation where 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:56.760 you meet you're young, and you meet a girl and 0:06:57.520 --> 0:06:59.840 you talk to her a few times and she meet 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:08.680 lee tells you about her stepdad. Is you know, neglecting 0:07:08.720 --> 0:07:12.560 her or talking. You know, maybe you know any kind 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:14.600 of scenario, you name it, there's some kind of problem, 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:17.120 and then you want to come in and go you 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:19.320 know what, you know, you should tell your stepdad and 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:21.600 you try to start fixing things, and then you gain 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:25.480 their trust and then you become this friend of theirs. 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:30.560 You've been in this situation. Yeah, I think that there's 0:07:30.600 --> 0:07:33.920 a level of First of all, it's not wrong to 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:36.240 want to help somebody. I think that that is a 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:38.480 good thing in and of itself. But I think that 0:07:38.520 --> 0:07:42.320 it's easy. I've fallen in this, in this situation with 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:47.720 past relationships where there's a form of pride and ego, 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.800 and that feels good to be the one helping people 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:54.440 in a certain sense, and you almost turn into like 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:59.080 their personal helper for everything. And when they're relying on 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:02.120 you for all of this, their their help to deal 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:05.040 with all of their problems, you know, there's there can 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:08.640 be an issue to that, and then the guy or 0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:11.560 the girl or whoever's the one helping, let's become the 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:14.280 hero kind of fuels that because they like to be 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:16.600 the one relied upon. And then the other person likes 0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:18.680 it because they can just throw all their problems on them, 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:22.000 and it just turns into this weird cycle. And when 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:25.640 the relationship is not two individuals who have all of 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:30.680 their anxieties and cast on the foundation of Christ, then 0:08:30.840 --> 0:08:34.079 it's easy to look for other things or people to 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:37.800 cast your problems on, and then that's that's where the 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:43.720 problems start. Yeah, for sure, I think Joshua, something something 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:47.760 interesting to know is that maybe you just need to 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:49.520 hear it. Maybe you already know this, you just need 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:53.320 to hear it from us. But you trying to help 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:56.959 them and trying to figure out some of their problems 0:08:57.360 --> 0:09:00.160 is not what is making them not like you. You, 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:04.839 that's something else. That's something different. You know, like if 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:07.960 a girl, if a girl likes you, she just she's 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:10.240 gonna like you, and she's gonna love that you help 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:15.240 with her issues if she if you are if you 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:19.160 are included into this friend zone because you're helping her, 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:22.319 but that means she just wasn't gonna like you romantically 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:24.640 in the first place. Yeah, it's easy to justify and 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:26.760 be like, well, she just doesn't like me because I'm 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:30.240 too helpful, right, And it's like she doesn't dislike you 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:31.840 if you're a guy out there and you're thinking that 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:35.080 you're always friend zone. It's like, girls don't not like 0:09:35.120 --> 0:09:37.640 you just because you're very nice or helpful or you're 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:40.960 doing things for them, it's because they weren't interested. And 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:45.679 I think that it's up to the guy initially, if 0:09:45.679 --> 0:09:48.520 you're gonna ask a girl out, then let her know 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:51.280 you're interested, so that there's clarity at the beginning. And 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:55.400 you say very specifically, I don't want to do homework 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:58.400 with you. I don't want to you know, come over 0:09:58.480 --> 0:10:00.800 and let's hang. It's I want to take you on 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:02.559 a date, and you have to say that d were 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:05.000 a date, so that they know from the very beginning 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:08.360 of what your intentions are. Otherwise, the girl is confused 0:10:08.840 --> 0:10:11.920 and she doesn't know what this is and the guy 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:15.360 might just be might just be messing around and not 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.520 the girl doesn't know what the guy's intentions are, and 0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:20.080 then at the end of the day, the guy could 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:24.240 be misled and then friend zoned even though he was 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:28.160 never even seen romantically by the girl in the first place, 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:30.880 because he didn't let his intentions be known. Yeah, that's 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:33.679 really good. So I think you could basically fill in 0:10:33.800 --> 0:10:35.920 the friend zone thing. You could fill that in with 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:39.440 any other character trade about you. She doesn't like me 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:43.240 because I make too much money. She doesn't like me 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:45.920 because I don't make enough money. She doesn't like me 0:10:45.960 --> 0:10:48.360 because I'm a welder. She doesn't like me because I'm 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:52.080 a doctor. You could find something to fill in the blank, 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:54.720 but I think Parker Man really hit it on the 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:58.480 head where you need, Joshua to when you start liking 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:02.120 a girl and you're just being you, and the version 0:11:02.160 --> 0:11:04.760 of you is you like to fix things. When you 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:06.720 are that version and you start liking a girl, you 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:10.240 needed to tell her straight up, you know what. I 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:12.839 like you. I would love to take you on a date. 0:11:12.880 --> 0:11:15.200 Would you be interested in going on a date and 0:11:15.240 --> 0:11:17.640 seeing if there's more to us than just being friends? 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:21.360 And if she goes? You know what, Joshua, You're such 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:24.800 a sweet guy. I just don't think of you that way. Great, 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:29.560 now we know, like your problem solved. There's your problem solved. 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:33.120 You're right, So I think I could quickly say your 0:11:33.440 --> 0:11:35.760 subject line, how do I stop being a hero? You don't? 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:41.000 That's awesome. One day, one special girl, Joshua is gonna 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:44.760 love that you're the hero. She's gonna love that she 0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:48.480 could turn to you and you're a problem solver, and 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:51.960 that's going to take a certain personality, not very rare. 0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:53.720 I think a lot of girls would love that, but 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:57.120 there are certain girls that would be like, I don't 0:11:57.200 --> 0:11:59.640 that's not my love language. Stay out of this. I 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:02.600 could do it myself and that's fine too. But that's 0:12:02.679 --> 0:12:07.080 that's that's the fun process of dating is you realize 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:10.320 all those things in this dating process. So hit her 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:12.600 up with that that D word, Parker said, date. It's 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:19.400 going to date Parker. We have a lot of I 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:21.600 set aside a lot of questions for you. You want 0:12:21.640 --> 0:12:22.960 me to read some subjects or you want me to 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:27.600 just hit and hit the next one. Let's just hit one. Okay, okay, 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:38.640 this this question literally came today. It says, hey, Grangel, 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:42.520 I'm being vulnerable here here. I just got over an 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:48.240 abusive relationship and the person was very emotionally abusive. She 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:52.880 always manipulated me into thinking certain ways that I wasn't 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:56.000 allowed and told me I wasn't allowed to have any friends. 0:12:56.920 --> 0:12:59.120 I was always told that I was worthless in this 0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:02.640 world and that I was the problem and the reason 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:05.640 I had no friends. Whenever I tried to confront her 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:08.080 about how she was making me feel she put it 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:10.040 back on me and assured me that she was a 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:12.640 good person. I let it go on for so long 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:15.440 because I know her pass and I know she was abused, 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:16.920 and I was trying to give her the benefit of 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:19.280 the doubt. I also believed that she was telling me. 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:25.400 I also believed she was telling me and that she 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:27.400 was right about no one wanted to be my friend, 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:29.120 and I didn't want to be alone, so I stayed 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:32.640 with her. I finally decided to leave recently, but I 0:13:32.640 --> 0:13:34.199 still feel like I'm not good enough to try to 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:38.760 make friends and move on. Please help, Brian. It's kind 0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:42.880 of like a similar question to what we just read, Yeah, 0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:49.240 Brian is look, Brian, you came into this relationship trying 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:53.120 to fix her because she came out of an abusive relationship, 0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:56.199 so you used that as you gave her a crutch 0:13:56.720 --> 0:13:59.679 and said, well, I'm going to give you the benefit 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:01.920 of the doubt because I know you were abused and 0:14:02.000 --> 0:14:03.480 I'm not going to be abusive, so I'm going to 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:07.080 help fix you. But that ended up backfiring on you. 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:12.200 So his question is, I mean they're done. What it 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:14.760 sounds like is the bottom line is I didn't want 0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:18.239 to be alone, so I stayed, which, Yep, how relatable 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:21.960 is that. How many people right now just are in 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:25.920 relationships with people who are awful, people who tell them 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:27.920 that they have no friends and that they're miserable and 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:30.800 that they're not good humans, and they're like, well and 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:34.840 they believe them. Yeah, and it's like, well, I guess 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:38.960 this is better than being by myself. And so at 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:41.760 the end of the day, it comes down to can 0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:46.360 I be content by myself or do I need to 0:14:46.400 --> 0:14:50.040 have someone with me even if they're awful and making 0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:54.440 my life life worse in every way. I want everyone 0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:56.600 to listen that is thinking about a question they might 0:14:56.640 --> 0:14:59.120 have for this podcast that has to do with them 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:02.840 being single right now and looking for someone out there 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:05.120 to be in a relationship with. So then you read 0:15:05.120 --> 0:15:07.520 this one and you go, well, here's the opposite. Here's 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:11.960 someone that was in a relationship that was miserable, meaning 0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:17.640 it's not the goal to be in a relationship, to 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:21.520 seek a relationship just to be in one because you're lonely. 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:25.320 That doesn't accomplish anything, and oftentimes that gets you in 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:28.840 the wrong relationship. In this case was someone that was 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:33.480 previously abused, and so you tried to fix it and 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:37.280 then you got abused in return. So Brian's question is 0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:43.480 really he's asking am I worthy? Am I good enough 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:46.200 to make friends and move on? Please help? Right? That's 0:15:46.200 --> 0:15:52.160 his question basically, Yeah, So what do you tell the 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:55.280 Brian when he says I'm not I feel like I'm 0:15:55.280 --> 0:16:01.000 not good enough to make friends and move on? Please help? Well, 0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:07.880 so he has all of these feelings from surrounding himself 0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:11.000 with this girl and not with with good people who 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:13.960 are lifting him up. And so I think that we're 0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:17.800 gonna believe whatever we're being told from the people around us, 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:21.080 and they have a big impact on our thoughts and 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:26.120 our subconscious And so, first of all, yes, I wouldn't 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:30.200 ask in this situation. I wouldn't be asking yourself, how 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:33.880 should I feel? Based on these things that she told me. 0:16:33.920 --> 0:16:36.160 He should be asking himself what should I do with 0:16:36.240 --> 0:16:39.240 those feelings? And there's so many different times in our 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:41.160 lives where we feel like we can't move on, or 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:43.760 we can't go on, or we've lost somebody, or we've 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:47.040 gotten our heart broken and we can't get to that next. 0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:49.320 We feel like we can't make it another day, when 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:53.080 in reality. It's not about how you feel. You will 0:16:53.120 --> 0:16:58.440 be okay, you will be able to move on. But 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:01.920 testing you know, the says to take captive every thought, 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:05.439 to obey Christ and test it and test it with 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:08.040 truth because that is the only source of truth that 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:11.240 is out there. And when you're surrounding yourself with people 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:14.200 that are speaking negatively, then it's going to affect you negatively. 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:18.120 So yes, you will move on, Yes you will make friends. 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:23.480 You need to take steps today, small steps. Don't relive 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:27.479 the past, don't don't feel like you needue closure from this. 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:32.520 It's over. Move on. Take steps toward healthy activity, toward 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:37.280 getting sleep, toward uh, surrounding yourself with good people and 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:39.720 joining a club, joining a sport, like we always say, 0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:42.840 and it'll get better. So good. Remember that book we 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:45.720 read a long time ago, what was it called Dale Carnegie? 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.680 How to Win friends and Influence people. That's what what's called. 0:17:49.359 --> 0:17:54.919 That's a great book, Brian. I mean, just just you 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:59.920 could you could make friends by doing one thing I'll 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:04.520 lot and that's listening. You can go into a relationship 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:08.240 with somebody new and listen seventy percent of the time 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:12.160 and talk thirty percent of the time and You're gonna 0:18:12.160 --> 0:18:14.080 make good friends that way right off the bat. You're 0:18:14.080 --> 0:18:17.360 going to earn people's trust. You're gonna you're gonna find 0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:19.159 a lot of people to go. Man, I really like Brian. 0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:22.200 Why do you like Brian? I don't know, Man, He's 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:25.360 just he always understands me. And the truth is you're 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:31.280 just listening. Just be a good listener. So you started 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:33.080 this whole email to me by saying, I'm going to 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:36.920 be vulnerable. Here, be vulnerable. Right back to people in 0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:39.160 a new friend group, how do you find friends? Well, 0:18:39.680 --> 0:18:42.120 what do you like to do? So you could start 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:45.119 with work. You can start with neighbors, people, people that 0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:48.480 live next door in the apartment next door. Hey, I'm 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:50.480 gonna cook some burgers tonight. You guys want to come over, 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:55.760 And when they come over, ask them about themselves. People 0:18:55.800 --> 0:18:58.200 love to talk about themselves. What do you do? Where 0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:02.560 are you from? Where do you have any siblings? Where'd 0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:06.000 you go to school? And people will talk and talk 0:19:06.040 --> 0:19:09.000 and and you'll be able to discern good friends. But 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:12.680 I mean, this is this is your next move. You brother, 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:17.480 you're single now, congratulations. This is a this is a 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:19.199 great step for you. This is a this is a 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:23.560 new page, a fresh blank slate for you. So, yeah, 0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:27.120 this is great. Congratulations, I should say, you're out of it. 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:31.080 You're out of an abusive relationship. You're free, clean slate, 0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:35.040 ready to make some friends, find some people that you 0:19:35.080 --> 0:19:38.560 could talk to and listen to them. You'll be just fine. Yeah, 0:19:38.680 --> 0:19:42.119 be glad you're not in a marriage with her. Be 0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:44.399 glad you're not in a marriage with her, because we 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:46.639 will find those. We'll find those kind of questions in 0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:55.680 here too. Let me let me go to this one. 0:19:55.720 --> 0:20:00.280 This is a short question, and I'm gonna I'm not 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:02.080 gonna read their name. They don't they don't have their names. 0:20:02.080 --> 0:20:04.640 I'm not going to read it. The side note, if 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:08.200 you're emailing Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com, I love 0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:10.359 it when you keep it short. You don't have to 0:20:10.359 --> 0:20:12.760 tell me your whole life story for me to get 0:20:12.800 --> 0:20:16.160 a gist of where this is going. So it's easier 0:20:16.160 --> 0:20:18.680 for me and the guest. And so far the ones 0:20:18.680 --> 0:20:20.920 I've read the day have been great. Just don't write 0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:24.120 a novel. It's harder for me. I think you could 0:20:24.119 --> 0:20:27.080 sum it up. Here's a very short one. It says, 0:20:27.960 --> 0:20:30.800 subject line, I don't like talking to people about this, 0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:36.280 but dot dot dot me and my wife have been 0:20:36.320 --> 0:20:38.920 trying to have a kid for close to four years. 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:42.000 I want to get a fertility test done, but I'm 0:20:42.040 --> 0:20:44.000 scared to know the answer. What do you think I 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:54.560 should do? I will let you answer that. Okay, he 0:20:54.600 --> 0:20:56.080 didn't tell me not to say it, so I'm gonna 0:20:56.080 --> 0:21:00.879 say in the email. His name is Dylan, Dylan brother. 0:21:01.280 --> 0:21:03.240 Let me ask you, let me let me shoot it 0:21:03.240 --> 0:21:07.359 back to you. You're having You and your wife have 0:21:07.400 --> 0:21:12.960 been having trouble having a child for four years. Fast 0:21:13.000 --> 0:21:16.840 forward thirty years in your life, and I would ask 0:21:16.880 --> 0:21:20.200 you straight back and say say, nothing happens. You don't 0:21:20.200 --> 0:21:23.760 get anything tested. I would ask you, or would you 0:21:23.800 --> 0:21:26.639 ask yourself in thirty years are you happy that you 0:21:26.680 --> 0:21:30.160 didn't check? Are you good with that? Because I think 0:21:30.160 --> 0:21:32.760 the obvious answer is you want to know. That's why 0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:36.240 you emailed this podcast. You want to know. So go 0:21:36.320 --> 0:21:39.560 in there and go to that get that appointment, you 0:21:39.600 --> 0:21:42.919 and your wife at the fertility clinic, and get the 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:50.119 test done and take the answer. Come what may. And 0:21:50.160 --> 0:21:52.480 I don't know anything about your story, but I would 0:21:52.480 --> 0:21:55.479 say there's an equal chance you can get any answer. 0:21:56.240 --> 0:21:59.120 The doctor could say I'm so sorry. Guys, there's no possibility. 0:21:59.359 --> 0:22:02.639 Or a doctor could say there's a slight issue and 0:22:02.680 --> 0:22:05.360 here's how we here's how we could get you pregnant, 0:22:06.480 --> 0:22:10.159 or the doctor says that looks like nothing's wrong. Keep trying. 0:22:11.280 --> 0:22:13.359 But either way you're gonna walk out of that clinic 0:22:13.920 --> 0:22:17.760 and you're gonna go, Okay, I understand now, Dylan, You're 0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:19.480 gonna have an answer. Don't you want an answer? And 0:22:19.640 --> 0:22:22.000 that this is this is valuable to you to have 0:22:22.040 --> 0:22:26.040 an answer, so you can't go in being scared about anything. 0:22:26.240 --> 0:22:28.960 So the issue is he doesn't want the wrong answer. Yep, 0:22:29.320 --> 0:22:31.440 that's what it comes down to. People would rather live 0:22:31.480 --> 0:22:35.680 in a twilight of it not being certain but kind 0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:38.280 of constantly what happens when you don't have any anything 0:22:38.320 --> 0:22:41.159 concrete or any truth and you're just constantly living in 0:22:41.200 --> 0:22:43.879 this like void of you don't know what's right or 0:22:43.880 --> 0:22:47.240 what's wrong, and and then you you don't know how 0:22:47.240 --> 0:22:50.520 to take steps from there. If he's in a situation 0:22:50.600 --> 0:22:52.960 where he is infertile, then there are options that you 0:22:53.000 --> 0:22:57.159 can take for adoption or like there's different steps that 0:22:57.200 --> 0:22:59.640 you can take to have children after that, But how 0:22:59.680 --> 0:23:01.560 sad would it be to just live in this gray 0:23:01.640 --> 0:23:07.359