WEBVTT - "Unconventional Relationships: Can Multiple Partners Work?" 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.480 Hey, fam I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:05.840 Red Table Pop podcast all your favorite episodes from the 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:10.040 Facebook watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.080 I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:17.720 on Apple podcasts. On this Red Table Talk meet a 0:00:17.760 --> 0:00:21.520 married couple and their girlfriend. Thomas and I are in 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:24.800 an open relationship after one year of meeting each other. Definitely, 0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:27.040 sex is part of it, but it's not the first thing. 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:30.680 It's a three way relationship called a thruffle. I'm not 0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:32.560 doing it to be like, oh look at me because 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:34.279 of the sex. It's nothing to do with me, and 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:37.040 that's what men think it is and I hate it. 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:39.720 Would you have a problem with Willow decided to be 0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:43.360 in the throuffle? Jada and Gamey, Have you ever been 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:47.159 interested in being in a throuffle? Hell? Yeah, hell no? 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:54.440 Have you ever had a three? Are you learning too 0:00:54.480 --> 0:01:07.640 much about your mother? I'm going to be open. Well, 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:12.480 you've been so interested in polyamory and she's been reading 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:19.640 and listening to podcasts. So here's a crash course on polyamory. Okay, 0:01:19.840 --> 0:01:22.880 let me break it down. Polyamory is an honest romantic 0:01:22.920 --> 0:01:26.000 relationship with multiple people at the same time, no secrets 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:29.679 or lies. A throuble is the type of polyamorous relationship 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:34.640 three people having a consensual romance. Polyamory is not polygamy. 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:38.080 That's when a man has multiple wives. And it's not swinging, 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:42.520 where couples have casual sex. The polyamory community is diverse, 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:47.640 all ages, genders, religions and backgrounds. There's a lot of love. 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:50.200 We all love each other very much. I'm very in 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:52.960 love with Christina and I'm very in love with Benno. 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:57.000 As the divorce rates continue to climb and attitudes become 0:01:57.040 --> 0:02:00.320 more and more relaxed, more people are investigating poly break 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:04.240 There's are young people that have watched their parents get divorce, 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:08.280 their friends parents get and they're looking for an alternative. 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:11.000 And I mean even for people who are in law 0:02:11.080 --> 0:02:14.720 relationships like myself. I'm constantly will and are constantly in 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:19.280 conversations about alternatives. You know what I'm saying. Have had 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:25.600 the discussion, you know, because being married to listen forever. 0:02:23.280 --> 0:02:28.600 But I think this is the scariest thought that people 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:32.440 just shy away from. It's the feeling of feeling like 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:34.360 the person that you love is falling in love with 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:40.160 somebody else, and that insecurity, that insecurity and fear just 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:43.480 eats us alive. But this is the thing that insecurity 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:46.800 and fear is something that we need to overcome and 0:02:46.880 --> 0:02:49.600 something that we need to evolve out of and change 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:52.400 that and transmute that into something new and different that 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:55.800 can actually be helpful and make us love more and 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:59.799 more freely. And monogamy, I feel this is just I'm 0:02:59.840 --> 0:03:04.280 not personalis is just for me. I feel actually inhibits 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:10.279 you from learning those skills of evolving past those feelings 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:17.440 of insecurity and well jealousy, you know what I mean 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.760 monogamy because there's different stages, you know what I'm saying, 0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:24.320 So monogamy gives you the same thing in a different way. 0:03:24.520 --> 0:03:27.480 But but what I'm saying is that it's like that 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:30.440 feeling of like, oh no, like you can't do this, 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:32.399 that feeling of like if you were to do this, 0:03:32.720 --> 0:03:35.520 the world would crumble on both sides, right, And I 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:38.320 feel like that's just not a healthy way. There's no freedom. 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:42.880 It's for you, is what you're saying. Yeah, exactly. I 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:45.400 have done a lot of reading and research, and what 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:49.160 you find a lot of the time is that marriage 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:54.080 and monogamy is steeped in this idea of ownership, and 0:03:54.160 --> 0:04:00.520 so I feel like those underlying historical oppressive natures that 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:04.920 were the beginnings of monogamy and marriage. Marriage wasn't about love, 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:09.200 it was about monetary exchange. Is that your distaste from 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:12.640 monogamy is that you feel like it's oppressive to the woman. 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:16.400 I feel like it very well can be, because monogamy 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:19.520 can work. I mean we've see, yeah, I have. It's 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:23.160 been around work for thousands of years, right. I think 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.599 that people are just trying to figure out how to 0:04:25.760 --> 0:04:30.240 do it differently. And divorce is an epidemic and it's 0:04:30.240 --> 0:04:33.440 an emotional desert out here, and people are really trying 0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:37.200 to find meaning and true love and compassion connect in 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:39.520 the most authentic way. How to connect in the most 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:45.360 authentic way. I I don't know about this polyamory, but 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:48.240 but it's even it's not even like the word polyamory 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:51.520 like putting to me. It's more about the meaning of 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:55.280 like you can create the kind of relationship that you 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:58.920 want for your life, for yourself. It's about creating a 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:04.799 community in which there's interconnected compassion and communication and love. 0:05:05.000 --> 0:05:11.200 And it's really about for me, the evolution of human 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:18.760 relations and because some evolution can come through. But personally 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:22.880 for me, just what I've observed in life, it just 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:27.280 seems that way personally for me. So again, would you 0:05:27.320 --> 0:05:30.960 be in a polyamorous relationship? I don't think that that 0:05:31.160 --> 0:05:33.520 is for me. I know, I'm not have to think 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:40.600 about it. No, no, no, no, it's not. Maybe if 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:44.560 I were younger, but certainly not at this time in 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:47.839 my life. I find it so challenging to be in 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:51.680 the committed relationship that that I'm in, Like, I have 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:55.799 so much work to do on myself, and we talk endlessly, 0:05:56.480 --> 0:05:58.720 you know, to try to make sure that we are 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:02.360 on the same page. I can't imagine that. Like Rodney's 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:06.520 always focusing on how we handle each other, how we 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:09.440 treat each other, how we talked to one another, how 0:06:09.560 --> 0:06:12.320 you treat the other person, or the other you bring 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:15.440 in somebody else, say, girl, By, do you think you 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:21.400 can be in love with two people at the same time? Um? 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:26.919 I do? Okay, there it is. And this is amazing, 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:32.359 niversal because I think you love many people at the 0:06:32.440 --> 0:06:37.440 same time, differently, very differently. People have to have the 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:41.120 freedom to decide whatever components they need in order to 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:44.440 make their situation work. Would you have a problem if 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:47.320 Willow decided to be in a threatle or in a quadruple, 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:53.520 I would not be excited about that. I would not. 0:06:54.080 --> 0:06:57.680 I just I don't. It doesn't sit well with me. 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:00.359 It doesn't sit well with me because I feel like 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:06.920 I don't understand um this quote unquote emotional commitment. At 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:08.760 the end of the day, I don't feel like that's 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:11.760 what it's really about. You know, in my mind, I'm 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:16.600 feeling like they're just trying to enjoy sexual relationships with 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:19.640 other people. And that's fine too, and calling it something else, 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:21.360 but I feel like, just call it what it is. Well, 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:23.640 then you would just swing. Now, see that's the same 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:27.000 swingers just swing, So just do that. But see, but 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:29.720 there's not that, there's a little swings. They want to 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:33.160 have an intimate really, they want to relationship, and that's 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:35.360 the difference. But that's why you have so many swingers. 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:37.920 Some people don't even some people don't want to don't 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:40.120 want to have sex, and that's why they go into 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:44.640 poems relationships. But is that something beyond if I would 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:48.280 like it? Is that something that you want? Of course? 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.200 This is the thing. There's so many different kinds of 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:54.559 people in this world, and so many things to learn, 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:59.520 so many people to learn from, and I don't see 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:05.440 the benefit in not learning those things, or in not 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:08.360 putting myself in a position to learn as much as 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:10.720 I possibly can from as many people as I possibly can. 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:18.360 Get Ready, get ready to me, and that your perspective 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:23.840 is the most important thing, Like your intention, because some 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:28.119 people don't have pure intentions, and those are the people 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:30.560 that you just don't want in your life. If your 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:34.520 intention is to create more love, more understanding, more community, 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:38.320 more compassion in your life, then I'm all for it. 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:41.120 But if your intention is to just have sex all 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:44.320 the time and it's not with whoever you want, that 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:46.839 just doesn't sit well with me. That's not aligned with 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:51.960 my purpose. So I really couldn't see myself in a quadruple. 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:56.000 I mean, anything could happen, but personally male and female, 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.480 that's all I need. Well, there it is, she says 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:01.800 she wants in each game. How does that make me feel? 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:06.120 Because I think my stomach just listen, you know me, Willow, 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:13.120 whatever makes you have Willow is really young and so 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:16.240 so much to experiment with. And I always tell her 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:18.600 never be afraid because I just know you have to 0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:22.160 live who you're not to know who you are, So 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:25.000 don't be afraid to go into things that you might 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:27.839 find out. That's not asking for me. Okay. So I'm 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:31.320 listening to you guys, and I'm trying to stay open minded, 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:37.240 but my gut tells me this is a bunch of frackinackle. Yeah. Yeah. 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:40.640 You know what's so interesting though, why it's so not 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:43.920 foreign for me too, is that I've had a non 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:49.800 sexual throutle for years. When you have your husband that 0:09:49.840 --> 0:09:52.079 has taken care of another woman, that's spending time with 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:54.480 another woman, it's the same thing. And that I said 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:56.400 when you asked me, did I feel like you could 0:09:56.480 --> 0:09:59.400 love someone more than one person at a time. Absolutely, 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:02.760 because I know that will love Shari. I know that 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:08.320 Rodney loves his daughter's mother's right, you know, so yeah, absolutely, 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:12.120 But I just expect their relationship to be different, loves 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:15.600 to be doing right when I'm thinking about monogamy, like 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:18.440 I'm just You're eighteen years old, and I'm thinking about 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:21.559 all the relationships that I've been in in my lifetime. 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:26.520 There you go. It's a generational show called The Red Table. 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:31.480 So Willow told us about this thruffle that she saw 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:34.760 on social media that we really wanted to bring to 0:10:34.840 --> 0:10:37.760 the Red Table, and they have agreed to come and 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:43.480 share their polyamorous relationship with us and educate us. Hi. 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:48.720 I'm Nick and I'm Thomas's girlfriend. Hi'm Katherine, I'm Thomas's wife. Hi, 0:10:48.800 --> 0:10:52.199 I'm Thomas and Nicholl's my girlfriend and Katherine is my wife. 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:56.560 We've been together in nine months. I mean Katherine been 0:10:56.600 --> 0:11:00.480 together for eight years and married four or five. We 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:03.760 got that right well. Then I met Cathy through work 0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:07.640 and we met and went on a freeway date, and 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:12.160 Thomas and I had quite strong connection. The rest of history. 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:14.280 People assume that when you have a second or third 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:17.800 person join your relationship that it's because you're unhappy. We 0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:20.680 wanted to just be open and honest about our attraction 0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:22.920 to other people. You really just can't control who you're 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:25.079 going to get attached to you Once you don't have 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:27.600 like a social circle that judges you on stuff, and 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:29.880 you can do whatever you want. We would like to 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:33.560 normalize our situation and normalized conversation around it. Yeah, the 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:35.559 best thing about this is being able to tell people 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:39.559 at being in a throopol is a thing welcome. So 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:42.599 how did this all come to be? Thomas and I 0:11:42.640 --> 0:11:45.360 were in an open relationship from after one year of 0:11:45.400 --> 0:11:48.680 meeting each other, was something we decided. But Nicole and 0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:51.120 I were friends from work. I heard through the grapevine 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:52.560 they were in an open marriage, and I was like, 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:57.240 what the heck is that? Oh wow, okay, so we 0:11:57.320 --> 0:11:59.160 both knew about each other, but we were kind of 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:02.560 professional that we work, and then we organized an event 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:05.480 when Thomas came to the event that evening and we 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:08.360 read up for a drink beforehand in this spar and 0:12:08.400 --> 0:12:14.200 it's just crazy sparks flu between them. Really really, We're 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:19.959 both like, so, had you guys talked about it before 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:21.959 this or was this a completely cold I mean, we've 0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:25.120 been another relationships for the people before. This isn't the 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:29.920 first thruffle relationship you've had. We had a quadruple before, 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:36.400 ye okay, yeah. Game is trying to figure it out. 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:39.360 I really am. I'm trying to, you know, be open 0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:42.600 minded and just trying to understand when you the two 0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:48.320 of you first got together, was your union intended to 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:52.320 be polyamorous? When we first got together, we were monogamous. 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:54.520 We knew we knew nothing else, and we were fine 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:57.400 with that. We were like, so, well, what made that change? 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:02.240 Just as our relationship developed, it just naturally went that way. 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:05.160 And we went with Betha on our first ever holiday, 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:07.640 and these guys hit on me by a bar and 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:10.480 Thomas was visibly enjoying the fact I was getting attention, 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:12.760 and I just started to buzz. I was like, I 0:13:12.920 --> 0:13:15.040 literally cannot predict this guy. I fell in love with 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:17.679 him on the spot, right And then I brought it 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:19.760 up with him afterwards because we were comparing it to 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:22.640 other relationships, and you said, like, you know, I love 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:24.640 it when people give you attention. For me, that's like 0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:27.800 a huge compliment. Also feel very secure in our relationship. 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.280 But there's something about it. It It makes me feel good. 0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:33.679 Fast forward to times when Thomas has and found other 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:37.120 people attractive as well, Like I get this like buzz 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.880 because I don't feel threatened. I don't feel like I 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:41.880 was saying about people falling in love with someone else 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:43.840 might be in the end of the relationship. I don't 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:46.280 feel like that. Thomason every never makes me feel like that. 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:48.600 It was so secure in our relationship, also very secure 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.040 in himself, Like I don't know anyone that cares less 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:54.640 about what other people think about him than Thomas, because 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:57.880 most men would not be able to have I've never 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:00.199 seen it before. Would you say that they're on is 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:03.560 that you have that these two can go back and 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:06.320 forth with giving you what you need. Yeah, and also 0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:10.240 that there's needs outside of these relationships. So would you 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:12.720 say that that's part of why this works? Is it 0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:16.400 because you had that understanding that not one person can 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:19.800 facilitate and it's sorts of the other side feeling that 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:22.280 pressure like I've got to give everything for this person? 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:25.000 Like what pressure that for one person to take on? 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:28.920 Do you feel like something was missing in your relationship 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:32.040 where you had to bring in somebody else though people 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:34.000 I said all the time I have to used to 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:36.800 defend it and safe. We've never brought anyone in. It's 0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:39.760 just happened. It's not looked for anything. But I need this. 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:41.640 I'm going to go find it. It's just so as 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:44.560 a natural progression, and when we have tried to find it, 0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:48.680 it's not the right. But based on what we've just 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:51.160 said that not everyone can fulfill all your needs. Yes, 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:52.720 I have to say that when I've been attracted to 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:55.600 other people of any gender, because I'm attracted to people 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:58.880 of all genders. They give me different things, so you know, 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:01.320 my relationship and the Cold gives me something Thomas could 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:03.840 never give me physically because she's a woman and attracted 0:15:03.840 --> 0:15:06.200 to women as well, but mentally, like we have such 0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:08.960 an intimate mental kind of connection. Don't mean we know 0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:11.920 each other like in a deep way that I probably 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:14.800 don't think many people know me as well. So obviously 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:17.080 there's so much more that goes on behind the scenes 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:19.240 of the way that women and men. But I think 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:24.320 so I feel like being a bisexual woman having both 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:27.120 partners of either sex is like there was this happy 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:30.720 equilibrium that sort of like vibrates between especially our relationship. 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:34.920 But I still feel like and that's the issue from me, 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:38.640 is that I still feel like the draw is sexual 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:42.960 and manless saying something so definitely sex is a part 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:44.640 of it, but it's not the first thing. So I 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:47.400 can see someone like Nicole is absolutely beautiful to me, 0:15:47.440 --> 0:15:49.080 but if she opened her mouth and I didn't like 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:50.920 connect with her on the way that I did, nothing 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:52.800 would happen for me from the waist down, like I 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:55.920 wouldn't be attracted to her. We started out, let's go 0:15:56.040 --> 0:16:00.040 to a sex party. This is just so cold and 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:01.920 from the point where like, Okay, this is not what 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:03.840 we need, what what are we after? Were like and 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:07.400 we realize it's connection, right, And that's the difference that 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:11.560 we were trying to explain before being swingers versus having 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:15.520 a polyamorous you want to feel connected. There's a difference 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:19.000 between a romantic relationship and a sexual relationship. When I'm 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:21.920 talking to people about polyamory, they automatically go to that 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:25.360 space of like, it's so sex oriented, when not all 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:26.840 the time it has to be like that, And I 0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:30.160 would actually say polyamory it would have to be more 0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:32.000 than just sex, because then you could just go sweet. 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:35.400 There's so many other communities in which you could just go. 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:40.640 And I mean it's a it's less complicated way less 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:44.840 complicated an intimacy thing, Like an intimacy doesn't have to 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:47.880 be sexual can it can be so much deeper than that. 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:51.600 I feel like within an open or ethno monogamous relationship, 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:55.360 that is like the grounding force that we all feel 0:16:55.760 --> 0:16:57.840 and that's probably what draws us together more than anything. 0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:01.080 And I think intimacy it's so to nourishment for the 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:04.680 soul when you can have really special connections with people, 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:08.400 whether it's sexual or not. When you can intimately connect 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:11.520 with someone, whether it's intellectual, whether it's emotional, whether it's 0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:14.520 like well, however, it does have a certain nourishment and 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:17.960 brings a certain vibrancy to the spirit. And that's what 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:21.400 humans are made for, Like our brains are wired for 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:25.280 connection and for community. And when we cut off those 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:28.280 connections of like, oh no, like I'm only supposed to 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:30.800 love one person, like that's the way it's supposed to be, 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:34.080 that can make some people really depressed and sad and 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:37.760 not even know why that's happening to them. So do 0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:41.640 you deal with bouts of jealousy? Sometimes we haven't within 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:43.840 this relationship. I think the reason my relationship works so 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:46.000 well is that the point that we met Nicole, Nicole 0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:49.640 had had experiences with couples, and because she's so incredibly 0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:52.119 by I think there's a spectrum right in the middle, 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:55.560 you know, like it's a very balanced relationship in that respect, 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:58.639 because she has needs equally on both sides, event in 0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:02.240 the physical way and then the mental intellectual way as well. 0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:04.320 It was working really well for me the same thing. 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:06.920 It seems like to me that there's such a beautiful 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:10.159 connection between the two women. I know, if I was 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:13.080 in a polyamorous relationship, I don't think I would want 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:15.639 to be sexual with her, but she would have to 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:18.919 be my sister. Why we would have to have a 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:22.800 connection of our own. And it seems like you too 0:18:23.359 --> 0:18:26.520 have a connection that you share that feeds into you, 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:31.199 which then can also feed into him. And then you 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:33.280 like me and the coach together and these two didn't 0:18:33.320 --> 0:18:35.800 get along, like I wouldn't be happy, you know what. 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:39.919 The statistics that say that this is so many people 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:43.400 are in these kinds. I just can't I can't say 0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:46.320 they happened. No, no, no, it's seriously because I'm saying 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:50.160 that because this right here just seems rare to me 0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:53.359 that she would be able to find someone that is 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:56.560 that in alignment. I mean, it's one of the things 0:18:56.600 --> 0:19:00.760 that I actually appreciate about polyamory is that it's an 0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:06.439 alternative in regards to relating and can exclude infidelity. We 0:19:06.440 --> 0:19:08.840 can never cheat on each other, we can never be 0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:11.240 dishonest about anything. It's like it's all on the table. 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:15.320 And because it's beautiful, because at the end of the day, 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:18.600 that's what you want you want honesty, you want transparency, 0:19:18.640 --> 0:19:20.760 you want what's real, and that's a lot of your 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:24.240 rounds and bound boundary and you're never going to get 0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:27.320 around looking at someone and being like, oh, that's always 0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:31.399 going to happen. That's human nature. Yeah, you just be 0:19:31.440 --> 0:19:34.440 honest about it. Thomas and Cathy have a seven year 0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:38.760 old son. How does he He just sees a bigger family. 0:19:39.000 --> 0:19:44.199 We ease Nicole. He clocked it first. He's really into it. 0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:48.480 First time explained it to him, He's like, yeah, I know, okay. 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:50.840 I feel like he always putting a cral on the pedestal. 0:19:50.920 --> 0:19:52.840 And the reason I think that happened is because he 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:54.800 could tell that I'd like a love for her. That 0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:57.320 was when beyond the love I have for other women 0:19:57.400 --> 0:19:59.840 home close to and obviously Thomas had a love for 0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:02.040 her as well, so he just picked up on that. 0:20:02.119 --> 0:20:04.000 So like where I would like cold and kissing Cole 0:20:04.000 --> 0:20:06.120 when she arrived at the house, and Thomas would too, 0:20:06.520 --> 0:20:08.399 Like although it wasn't like a sexual thing, it's very 0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:11.640 obvious he could pick up on that. So yeah, for me, 0:20:11.800 --> 0:20:14.800 it was so important to sit down and listen to 0:20:14.840 --> 0:20:17.880 you guys, because I try to be open minded about things, 0:20:17.920 --> 0:20:20.640 but it's really hard. But then when you sit down 0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:22.879 and listen to you all and I see how you 0:20:22.920 --> 0:20:26.440 all interact. Now I understand what you're talking about. When 0:20:26.440 --> 0:20:30.520 you're talking about the shared intimacy, the shared commitment, it 0:20:30.640 --> 0:20:34.560 goes beyond the physical apps. And that's what I wasn't getting. 0:20:34.600 --> 0:20:36.560 I was like, this is just like that's they should 0:20:36.560 --> 0:20:40.359 just swing and be done, because what is all of this? 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:44.800 Do you think maybe with this understanding, your marriages may 0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:50.000 have been most successful? No? I don't. I don't think. 0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:53.119 I don't think that that was ever really the issue. 0:20:54.400 --> 0:21:01.240 I'm right now you haven't converted, and like, don't you 0:21:01.280 --> 0:21:04.080 can burn it at this table. Let's get the fishball. 0:21:06.760 --> 0:21:14.320 This is the fishball. We got questions and listen, so 0:21:14.359 --> 0:21:16.239 I'm gonna give this to you and you guys are 0:21:16.240 --> 0:21:21.720 I guess you go? First question for the thriple, how 0:21:21.720 --> 0:21:26.159 do you deal with onlookers? Do they bother you? I 0:21:26.200 --> 0:21:31.160 would say we enjoy it? How doing other men when 0:21:31.160 --> 0:21:34.720 they've seen you? And when you talk to other you 0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:38.080 have a wife and a girlfriend, like they're like, y, 0:21:39.640 --> 0:21:42.639 how are you doing that? You're living the dream? Like 0:21:43.400 --> 0:21:45.679 I hate the kind of Oh yeah, well done. You 0:21:45.760 --> 0:21:48.119 did it, and it's like I hate it because it's like, 0:21:48.200 --> 0:21:51.280 you know, it's not all roses, it's hard workings. I'm 0:21:51.320 --> 0:21:52.959 not doing it to be like, oh look at me 0:21:53.400 --> 0:21:55.520 because of the sex. It's nothing to do with it. 0:21:55.640 --> 0:21:58.040 And that's what men think it is. Let me tell 0:21:58.080 --> 0:22:01.439 you that's some hard work. And like, I'm sure if 0:22:01.440 --> 0:22:03.560 they really think about it, they're like, why are you 0:22:03.640 --> 0:22:08.399 doing that? Nicole from Seattle, Jada and Gammy, have you 0:22:08.480 --> 0:22:15.679 ever been interested in being in a throuble? Hell? Yeah? 0:22:16.720 --> 0:22:19.200 You know what I could do with thrupple? I could? 0:22:19.280 --> 0:22:23.399 Would it be sexually? I could probably be romantically engaged 0:22:23.440 --> 0:22:25.159 with somebody else? But I can only have sex with 0:22:25.200 --> 0:22:30.360 one person. I'm sexually monogamous. But I definitely could be 0:22:30.520 --> 0:22:34.920 romantically Polly maybe if I was back in the day, 0:22:35.400 --> 0:22:38.919 you know what I mean, Like today I can't. I 0:22:38.920 --> 0:22:41.240 could have only one. Would it be in two guys? 0:22:41.359 --> 0:22:43.320 Or would you? Would it be you a go? We'll 0:22:43.359 --> 0:22:48.840 probably have to be a quadruple Okay, Okay, yes, it 0:22:48.880 --> 0:22:51.000 would have to be equal. It's harder to run a 0:22:51.040 --> 0:22:53.520 quadruple life, to say, just because it's like a table 0:22:53.560 --> 0:22:56.840 with one that goes and the whole thing down. I 0:22:56.840 --> 0:22:59.760 actually have a question for Willow. If you were in 0:22:59.760 --> 0:23:02.800 an open relationship or a threatle, how would you see 0:23:02.800 --> 0:23:07.240 the dynamics of the genders. I love men and women equally, 0:23:07.600 --> 0:23:12.240 and so I would definitely want um one man, one woman. 0:23:12.440 --> 0:23:14.960 I feel like I could be poly fidelitous with those 0:23:14.960 --> 0:23:17.720 two people. I'm not the kind of person that is 0:23:17.800 --> 0:23:21.880 constantly looking for new sexual experiences. I focus a lot 0:23:21.960 --> 0:23:25.440 on like the emotional connection, and I feel like if 0:23:25.480 --> 0:23:28.359