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Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio

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Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. Just a quick disclaimer,

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Speaker 1: this episode was recorded pre pandemic. Hi everybody, and welcome

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Speaker 1: back to Katie's Crib. Today, we are talking to two

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Speaker 1: ladies about their journey to parenthood as a same sex couple, specifically,

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Speaker 1: what the process has been like for them using a

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Speaker 1: sperm donor how they've decided to conceive. You guys, my

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Speaker 1: heart is racing because I needed to meet two of

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Speaker 1: my very very very close friends, Leslie Headland and her stunning, talented,

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Speaker 1: brilliant wife, Rebecca Henderson. And they are both stunning and

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Speaker 1: talented and beautiful and brilliant. Um uh, So, you guys

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Speaker 1: have a little backstory. Leslie Headland and I go way

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Speaker 1: way way back to when we were like different people.

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Speaker 1: It was n y U theater days. I start in

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Speaker 1: plays that she directed. We also started plays together. The

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Speaker 1: first play I ever like took my top off and

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Speaker 1: had my parents sending the front row directed and directed that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: yeah you did. And I will remember it forever because

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Speaker 1: I feel so cool, like I got such it was.

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Speaker 1: It was um Leslie and I moved out to l

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Speaker 1: A around the same time, and my theater company I

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Speaker 1: am A produced Um some of her plays and her

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Speaker 1: brilliant writing is what put us on the map. You

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Speaker 1: guys know her as a playwright, a screenwriter, a director.

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Speaker 1: She's best known for film Bachelorette and film Sleeping with

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Speaker 1: Other People. She also, you guys, cro created the Netflix

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Speaker 1: hit series Russian Doll along with Natasha Leone and Amy

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Speaker 1: Pohler strings Here we Go. Her gorgeous, amazing wife, Rebecca Henderson,

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Speaker 1: starred in many off Broadway plays man Hunt, west World.

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Speaker 1: She's singlehandedly brought back overalls as Lizzy in Russian Doll.

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Speaker 1: That is true. Also, the dil Do scene is something

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Speaker 1: I will forget never. It's incredible. Guys, watch Russian Doll.

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Speaker 1: It's amazing, and you're working it is amazing, Rebecca. So

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Speaker 1: we're talking to you guys in process, which I think

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Speaker 1: is really important because a lot of our listeners are

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Speaker 1: actively trying to get pregnant and like Katie Scribb, would

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Speaker 1: like to be in process with you guys. So we'd

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Speaker 1: love to be in process with you. Okay, since I've

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Speaker 1: heard every episode, thank you, UM. I want to start

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Speaker 1: with a little backstory how did you guys meet? Oh,

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Speaker 1: it's such a good story. It is. Yeah, do you

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Speaker 1: not know the story? It's a good one. Well, Leslie

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Speaker 1: doesn't remember the first time we met, but okay, the briefest.

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Speaker 1: It's a long story, but the shortest version is I

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Speaker 1: was at karaoke with one of my best friends. I

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Speaker 1: was singing because the night Patti Smith and Leslie walked

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Speaker 1: in the room and I literally thought, um, that is

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Speaker 1: the most gorgeous lesbian I've ever seen. And then I

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Speaker 1: thought she's going to be my wife, and I had

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Speaker 1: goose bumps in the middle of the time. I had

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Speaker 1: goose bumps over my entire body. And then in walked

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Speaker 1: her boyfriend and I was like, no problem. And I

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Speaker 1: also had a boyfriend at the time, No problem. And

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend and I were together for our h like

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Speaker 1: a year or so longer, and then when we broke up,

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Speaker 1: I just couldn't get her out of my mind. And

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Speaker 1: I we have a lot of mutual friends, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, everyone tell Leslie I have a crush on her,

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Speaker 1: Like get the word out, and and they did, and

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Speaker 1: they did, and Leslie was like who what? No, no, No,

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Speaker 1: I knew who Rebecca was. I was a big fan

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Speaker 1: of her work, and I thought she was so beautiful.

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Speaker 1: And you know, you've known me since college. I've definitely

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Speaker 1: slept with women and been interested in women, but I

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Speaker 1: had never Rebecca struck me as a person like if

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Speaker 1: you're going to date her, you date her, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you don't go in there and

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Speaker 1: like around him. So, which is kind of get that.

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Speaker 1: She's just a real She's just a real deal. So

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Speaker 1: it was like mi Amo with dating women up until

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Speaker 1: that point, had been very like hitted and quitted and

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Speaker 1: like run away screaming, so like you know. So so

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Speaker 1: when this information was coming to me, I kind of thought, well,

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Speaker 1: I think whenever I approached this person or kind of

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Speaker 1: cepricate with this person, I should be like ready to

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Speaker 1: like date her. And so I kind of put it

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Speaker 1: off for a little bit. Well because times everything, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I kind of was like I want to get my

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Speaker 1: you know, you know, my X and I had just

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Speaker 1: broken up, and you know, I tied that back to

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Speaker 1: me York, like, yeah, it was like I want to

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Speaker 1: kind of get everything going. So um, but do you

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Speaker 1: remember the one of the first times we saw each

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Speaker 1: other after you heard I had a crush on you.

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Speaker 1: The first thing she said to me is my sister

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Speaker 1: thinks I'm gay, like out of nowhere. She didn't say, hey, Rebecca, Leslie,

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Speaker 1: like let's read me. She just said my sister thinks

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Speaker 1: I'm gay. And I was like, uh, like I don't know.

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Speaker 1: So when you started dating, I feel like it got

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Speaker 1: I mean so like six months later we finally started dating.

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Speaker 1: She finally asked me and traveled fast because you guys

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Speaker 1: were king in l A. It was like it was

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Speaker 1: like it reached us pretty quickly that this was serious.

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Speaker 1: Like it was it was like felt serious to you

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Speaker 1: because to me, Leslie was like we'd hang out like

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Speaker 1: on a Saturday or first day was like on a Saturday,

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Speaker 1: I was like, when can I see you again? You know,

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Speaker 1: I'm expecting the lesbian move, which is like, you know,

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Speaker 1: the next day she was like next Sunday for breakfast.

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Speaker 1: I was like, the fuck next, son that you want

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Speaker 1: me to wait? Seven estating me was trying like trying

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Speaker 1: to catch a pigeon, trying to hold a pitch. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god. But she was making her movie. So anyway,

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Speaker 1: we started very slow. And but this is a good

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Speaker 1: segue though, because we did talk about I think that

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Speaker 1: one of the one of the reasons it became kind

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Speaker 1: of serious, kind of fast, was that we did talk

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Speaker 1: about what we wanted, you know, out of a relationship,

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Speaker 1: and like we were very I mean, I'll speak for myself,

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Speaker 1: but I honestly had never wanted kids. Like no, I

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Speaker 1: feel like I've never heard that from you never know,

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Speaker 1: which is do you know why? Because I the one

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Speaker 1: of the last guys I ever you know, slept with,

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Speaker 1: like at a relationship with was like, oh do you

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Speaker 1: do you want kids? Like blah blah, And I was

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Speaker 1: like not with men. To me, the idea of even

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Speaker 1: you know, accidentally getting pregnant with a male partner was

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Speaker 1: like terrifying. I was just like no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm not stomping anything that I'm doing. Like, yes, my

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Speaker 1: my female friends were having children, having careers, but they

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Speaker 1: were also I mean, I'm sorry, what the what is

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Speaker 1: the what's the you told me that story about the

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Speaker 1: ratio of work that's done by same sex couples versus

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Speaker 1: hetero couples. I actually I don't know. If you find

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Speaker 1: that statistics, tell me what it will missed it in

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Speaker 1: the Katie's crib notes. I think I think it was

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Speaker 1: more of the ratio of like how homosexual couples get

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Speaker 1: along versus head Yeah, that was like the thing that

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Speaker 1: it was. Statistics is amazing podcast. It's homosexual couples. They

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Speaker 1: they deal with things so much better than heterosexual couples.

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Speaker 1: It's like they blow them out of the water. Even

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Speaker 1: the best sex they do not communicate and get over

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Speaker 1: things and deal with things the way that homosexual couples do.

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Speaker 1: I believe that's going to be completely amazing athletes. I hope.

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Speaker 1: So we're very nervous and founded satistic you have, you're nervous.

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Speaker 1: I've never seen two more prepared people. When you guys

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Speaker 1: come over to play with Albie, it's like goodbye, I'm

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Speaker 1: leaving Albi. I mean, so if we can take Gale

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Speaker 1: today and do you both say to each other? So, Leslie,

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Speaker 1: you had always known you you weren't going to have

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Speaker 1: a kid, You were going to go hardcore with Rebecca. Rebecca,

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Speaker 1: did you know you wanted to have always wanted to

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Speaker 1: be a mom since I was very young, wanted to

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Speaker 1: be a nun at a very young age, and like

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Speaker 1: run an orphanage I've always known that I was going

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Speaker 1: to have children. Only in the past year have I

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Speaker 1: been like, let's really think about this. Let's really think

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Speaker 1: about the planet and the state that things are in

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Speaker 1: the world, and think about the extraordinary measures we're going

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Speaker 1: to go to to make this baby, and really consider

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Speaker 1: adoption all these things which we're going to get into.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, more than ever, I've been like, what if

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Speaker 1: it's just us? I also adore being with Leslie, and

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Speaker 1: even though we've been together for six years now, I

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Speaker 1: still feel like we're newly weds and love I love

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Speaker 1: being alone with her and I value that time so

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Speaker 1: much thirteen years and but you and I just was like,

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Speaker 1: do I feel that way? I was like, yeah, And

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Speaker 1: I think you guys hit a great balance of togetherness

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Speaker 1: and with the baby and everything, so that's good to see.

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Speaker 1: But you mean like spending some time together before you

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Speaker 1: have a third part of this family. Although you have

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Speaker 1: pets that are like you and I have friends who

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Speaker 1: just have not managed that well and it's been, you know,

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Speaker 1: the the end of their marriages. Guilp that's our podcast.

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Speaker 1: Thanks you guys, good luck. The divorce rate is that? Um,

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Speaker 1: what tell me about the conversations and coming to terms

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Speaker 1: with your first stages of like okay, let's have a baby.

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Speaker 1: Because you guys, when I first started talking to you

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Speaker 1: guys about this, it was very clear you're carrying I'm

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Speaker 1: not one girl. This is how we're doing it. Like

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Speaker 1: you guys knew, like where your choice is just obvious

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Speaker 1: to you, and that was what you wanted, Like take

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Speaker 1: me through how you've gotten to this donor. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean so many casual conversations that sort of led

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Speaker 1: to action. So a lot of casual conversations. Correct me

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Speaker 1: if I'm wrong, But it felt like within our community

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Speaker 1: of lesbian couples that anonymous donors were preferred because you

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Speaker 1: then you too, making the family not another you know person. Yes,

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Speaker 1: we have a lot of friends who have donor are

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Speaker 1: anonymous donor anonymous? Great if there is a known donor,

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Speaker 1: do you guys know this is Is it like an adoption?

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Speaker 1: How it works for adoption? You can have an open

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Speaker 1: or closed adoption where that person is or isn't involved.

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Speaker 1: So I guess you can make whatever decision you want

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Speaker 1: with your known donor and sign whatever paperwork. So you

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Speaker 1: had heard that anonymous was really healthy for other lesbian

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Speaker 1: couples you are around. Yeah, they liked it. Yeah, everybody

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Speaker 1: seemed to be, you know, giving that the thumbs up

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Speaker 1: and saying like it's you know, legally it's cleaner, like

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Speaker 1: you know, you just don't. Like they were always saying,

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Speaker 1: you never think about donor. It's just your child, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, that's attractive, that's very attractive. But other

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Speaker 1: people think about it. Other people are like, who's the

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Speaker 1: donor for this kid? What's that? That doesn't look like

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Speaker 1: something you know, other people think about it, But when

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Speaker 1: it's your own child, you don't think about it. That's

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Speaker 1: what we've heard. So Leslie got injured one day and

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Speaker 1: we were in the hospital. You had to get an

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Speaker 1: X ray or something, and we were like, let's look

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Speaker 1: at the cryo bank. So we like opened up I

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Speaker 1: think it's California cry bank. We open up the cryer

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Speaker 1: bank and we're like, let's just start feeling. We're sitting

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Speaker 1: there because we're killing time. We were killing like hours

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Speaker 1: of time. So we're like, let's start phial, start filling

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Speaker 1: out the paperwork, like what do you on, what's the height, ethnicity,

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Speaker 1: college level education, everything like their background. So we started

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Speaker 1: filling it out because we decided that Leslie was going

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Speaker 1: to carry. We decided how that decision come up, because

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Speaker 1: that is not what I would think. I know, I know,

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Speaker 1: because we're sitting here. One says, oh, I never thought

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Speaker 1: about being a mom until Rebecca came along, which I

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Speaker 1: love for you, and Rebecca's like, I've always been a caretaker.

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Speaker 1: To me, it seems like to me, it seems like

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Speaker 1: a no brainer because which I know. It's like, now

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Speaker 1: that you say that back, I'm like, yeah, I guess

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Speaker 1: that doesn't make sense. But and we're still talking about it.

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Speaker 1: I mean that's the other thing too. We haven't completely decided.

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Speaker 1: But but at the time when we were looking it up,

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Speaker 1: I was going to carry because I'm the breadwinner for

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Speaker 1: our family spoiler alert. And then hell but I also

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Speaker 1: kind of think of myself as an artist as kind

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Speaker 1: of a conduit. I want to build a rib inside

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Speaker 1: my body, like you know what I mean, Like, I

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Speaker 1: want to build a penis. I think that would be

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Speaker 1: amazing my body. It was weird. Holy god, it was crazy.

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Speaker 1: You know what, I don't want to do play with drugs,

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Speaker 1: you know, like I don't like like it's what's funny

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Speaker 1: is like weirdly, pregnancy one to motherhood does not like

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Speaker 1: so so to me it made sense that because I

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Speaker 1: have a natural my partners and essentially a natural caretaker

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Speaker 1: and naturally I call her a born camp counselor. I

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Speaker 1: mean she just is she the way that she takes

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Speaker 1: care of our house and our animals and me and

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Speaker 1: every like. It just it's the extension of that is

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Speaker 1: going to be. You know, listen, I don't mean to

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Speaker 1: put that pressure on her. She can have whatever feeling

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Speaker 1: she has once the baby comes. But to me, it

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Speaker 1: felt like, oh, well, then obviously I should be the

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Speaker 1: person that creates organs experience, that's experience, but and that

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Speaker 1: you're hardwired into the baby because I will love any baby.

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Speaker 1: You bring a baby to my house, that's my baby now.

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Speaker 1: But if I'm looking at a baby and and there's

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Speaker 1: a there's like it's like, in a way, it's funny

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Speaker 1: now that I'm thinking about it too. I feel this

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Speaker 1: way with the exception of I am a do you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like and people that I've known

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Speaker 1: for a really long time, most of the time my collaborators,

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Speaker 1: I don't really you know, I form intense bonds with

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Speaker 1: but then I don't really continue those you know, relationships afterwards,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't really think so to me, that level

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Speaker 1: of dependency from a small, you know, sack of fluids

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Speaker 1: that then turns into a sack of like flesh and

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Speaker 1: then becomes like essentient being, I'm like, I can do

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Speaker 1: I've done this for twenty years, Like I know how

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Speaker 1: to give this intense amount of energy toward this tiny

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Speaker 1: person pregnancy and labor, which and I don't want any

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Speaker 1: part of that. I don't, but but I might do it,

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Speaker 1: but I don't want to. So I do think that

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Speaker 1: we are attempting to strike a balance and control something

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Speaker 1: that we have no control over. But that did seem

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Speaker 1: like a good idea. Baby that maybe looked like Leslie

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Speaker 1: that she was hardwired into that I spent most of

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Speaker 1: the days with while she's shooting, you know, insane days.

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Speaker 1: I love this plan. Cut to me and the baby

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Speaker 1: run off together. I don't care where I got the

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Speaker 1: or like if you were like me, which was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm also like work and I have a similar schedule

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Speaker 1: to Leslie, and like I, they're obsessed with Albie and

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Speaker 1: how I felt no connection at first, I was like

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Speaker 1: by getting on a plane changing my identity and I'm

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Speaker 1: just like I have to take Adam was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be everything to the child because my wife

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Speaker 1: is leaving and going to find a European boyfriend and

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Speaker 1: never come home. I still think about that something. Um

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Speaker 1: So okay, Leslie's carrying Rebecca is the caretaker phone the

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Speaker 1: baby gets. That's the plant brought. So when we're filling

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Speaker 1: out the form, we're sort of, yeah, we are picking

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Speaker 1: both of our heritages, but we were sort of feeling

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Speaker 1: out a little bit more me centric so that you know,

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Speaker 1: which lesbian couples do a lot, so that the baby

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Speaker 1: kind of looks like both of us. It's artless crazy

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Speaker 1: guys who knew that. So when you're feeling stuff, you

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Speaker 1: guys knew you wanted. We didn't know what we wanted.

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Speaker 1: We were literally just having fun. We've approached a lot

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Speaker 1: of it with like a lot of levity and like

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Speaker 1: no panic and no like this has to happen right now.

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Speaker 1: That the funny part of this story is the result

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Speaker 1: of what happens after we lugged all these things, but

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Speaker 1: like this was our first round at it. Like I

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Speaker 1: think people should make whatever choices they feel is right.

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Speaker 1: I mean our first literally looking at each other and going,

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Speaker 1: how does one do this? Our first instinct was, well,

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Speaker 1: why don't we just fill out stuff? It's uses like

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Speaker 1: let's just fill out like our you know, education level,

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Speaker 1: our ethnicity, like our color are, you know, like let's

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Speaker 1: just do us favoring and see what happens. One guy

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Speaker 1: came back. Yes, so normally four to seven guys come up.

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Speaker 1: One person to the floor came back and we were like,

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Speaker 1: we're like, oh weird. One guy came up. Click what

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Speaker 1: does this cost? Is this thing expensive? Like it's a

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Speaker 1: couple of hundred bucks, So just to like this is

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Speaker 1: not register register a certain levels of um. The access

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Speaker 1: that you get to this person. You can see baby

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Speaker 1: pictures ages like six months, six years old and this dude,

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Speaker 1: but you can't see what I think they get around

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Speaker 1: twenty dollars I think for the for but they have

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Speaker 1: to go through a lot that you know, they go

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Speaker 1: through all of their medical history. It's a big thing.

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Speaker 1: So you have access to his entire medical history. If

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Speaker 1: there's like cancer and his family Alzheimers. You can listen

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Speaker 1: to his voice. Yeah. Yeah, So one dude comes back.

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Speaker 1: One dude comes back. And the funny thing is that

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Speaker 1: like a week earlier, Leslie's friends with this actor, and

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Speaker 1: a week earlier she was like, why can't we just

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Speaker 1: use him? And I was like, well, because he's married

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Speaker 1: to someone and they have children, and um, we're not

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Speaker 1: using him, Like no, it's not an option. And he's

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Speaker 1: a you know, he's a relatively famous actor. And something

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Speaker 1: that they do at the cryo bank is that the

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Speaker 1: nurses sort of assigned celebrity look alikes to the donors dinners.

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Speaker 1: They don't pick it out, but like some nurse will say, like,

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Speaker 1: you're the if if you know Christian Bale and this

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Speaker 1: person had a baby's exact this person and so this

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Speaker 1: guy looks like yes, and so you have like a

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Speaker 1: sort of reference point because you don't see them older.

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Speaker 1: You only see them as baby. You cannot get an

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Speaker 1: older picture so that you can't recognize them on the school.

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Speaker 1: And if this twenty year old guy has donated specimen

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Speaker 1: and then he becomes like a famous person at thirty five,

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Speaker 1: maybe he doesn't want to know, you know. So anyway,

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Speaker 1: we we go down and look at the celebrity to

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00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:01,080
Speaker 1: look alike and it's Leslie's friend. It is it's literally

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Speaker 1: the guy that she suggested. It's it's it's not actually him,

335
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:07,080
Speaker 1: but it's a look alike to him. So we were

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00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:10,920
Speaker 1: like nailed in. Literally we screamed, and we bought all

337
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,720
Speaker 1: the spurm and we click on the actor. We click

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00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,400
Speaker 1: on the actor look alike to see if there are

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00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,960
Speaker 1: other people that they've the only one, the only one

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00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,840
Speaker 1: in the system who looks like this person who a

341
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Speaker 1: week early or she'd been like, you know, like and

342
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Speaker 1: so we bought all of his sperm. They pace it differently.

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Speaker 1: How is that like a bucket? Like how much? You

344
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:36,640
Speaker 1: just talking right to the house. It's actually I don't

345
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,120
Speaker 1: I don't know all the details. But you can have

346
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,840
Speaker 1: UM depending on how much Yes, the vile, but some

347
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,200
Speaker 1: of the vile can only be used for i UI,

348
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,360
Speaker 1: which is when they put the sperm directly in your uterus,

349
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,200
Speaker 1: and some of the sperm can only be used for

350
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,480
Speaker 1: IVF to be mixed in a petri dish with you

351
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:52,800
Speaker 1: where they take one sperm out and put one into

352
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,760
Speaker 1: your egg. Yeah, so it depends on how much it is.

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00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,440
Speaker 1: So we bought um the UI option. We bought we

354
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,800
Speaker 1: bought literally all of it. So you bought whatever. You

355
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,400
Speaker 1: didn't want anybody having this, Yes, and and and and

356
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,880
Speaker 1: he's already had We took him off the but he's

357
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:09,320
Speaker 1: already he's already had successful pregnice. He has five I think,

358
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,520
Speaker 1: so if you were to get pregnant with his sperm,

359
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:15,240
Speaker 1: your baby would have dis is that what it's called

360
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:33,479
Speaker 1: you here first hashtag dibblings. So you buy all the sperm.

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00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 1: It gets delivered to your house. No, no, no, no,

362
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:41,160
Speaker 1: you have it in yours. It's like inside that it's

363
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,320
Speaker 1: held at the cryo bank and it's can you pay

364
00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:45,240
Speaker 1: for storage? And then when you want to use it,

365
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,560
Speaker 1: it's get sent to your fertility clinic and it's God

366
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Speaker 1: and right, So wet now to your house and you

367
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,280
Speaker 1: can do what you are every time we open the fraser.

368
00:17:55,359 --> 00:18:01,280
Speaker 1: Really now you gotta get going, but you can. You can,

369
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,280
Speaker 1: like I have friends who had a baby this way,

370
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,840
Speaker 1: carry more sperm left in the cryo bay. No, but

371
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:07,400
Speaker 1: you know what you can do. You can sell sperm back.

372
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,760
Speaker 1: So if we you know, when we've actually moved on,

373
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,080
Speaker 1: we've moved on from this join and so we can

374
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:14,360
Speaker 1: sell it back at half price, and then somebody else

375
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,400
Speaker 1: who has a sibling I did laying out there get

376
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,879
Speaker 1: five grand back exactly, and somebody else who has a

377
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,480
Speaker 1: dabling and wants more of this specimen can then buy

378
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,080
Speaker 1: it and they can have an alert set up. It's

379
00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:24,920
Speaker 1: a whole world. We can do a whole podcast. Yeah,

380
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,679
Speaker 1: you can get guys to come out of retirement. What

381
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,639
Speaker 1: do you mean, like if if you really want a

382
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,800
Speaker 1: sibling and you let your kids so much, you try

383
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,679
Speaker 1: to pay them a shitload of money to give you

384
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,639
Speaker 1: more sperm to make it like, fly them somewhere and

385
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:39,520
Speaker 1: be like, is unbelievable, but were but here also just quickly,

386
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,399
Speaker 1: I think it's funny that we're doing this with somebody

387
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,199
Speaker 1: that knew me in in college, because this is what

388
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,919
Speaker 1: I'm doing to get sperm. It's I don't know, I know,

389
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:51,240
Speaker 1: it's like problem, I know, sorry, but look, this was

390
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,200
Speaker 1: our college. You spend your whole life trying not to

391
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:57,119
Speaker 1: get pregnant, and then you're like, and then dollars on

392
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,920
Speaker 1: something I got for free but I didn't want bucket.

393
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,160
Speaker 1: And this is also a good segue, I think into

394
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,240
Speaker 1: known versus unknown owner, because what you're paying for with

395
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,560
Speaker 1: the anonymous donor is all of that medical history. You know,

396
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:12,960
Speaker 1: you're paying for not having to talk to him. No

397
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,199
Speaker 1: that I mean like like it's like you're paying for

398
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:19,320
Speaker 1: the knowledge of UM. You know, the security that you

399
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:22,000
Speaker 1: know it's going exactly how you want to to go.

400
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:27,159
Speaker 1: It's very tregorous, you know, and you're very like UM.

401
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 1: And they're like twenty year olds that donate. So it's

402
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,240
Speaker 1: like healthy young blah, healthy young sperm. So tell me,

403
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:35,240
Speaker 1: now you take the sperm and now we've you guys

404
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,960
Speaker 1: have done the i UI processes just twice and what

405
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 1: is it was years ago? I U s when you

406
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:46,320
Speaker 1: when you're and take hormones for five days, it makes

407
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,840
Speaker 1: your eggs all like happy one or two in there. Yeah,

408
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,920
Speaker 1: and then you go into the doctor and they put

409
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 1: something into your uterus and they put this sperm directly

410
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 1: into your uterus. Are you put out for this process? No? No,

411
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,119
Speaker 1: they just stick it up me and it's like it

412
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,119
Speaker 1: has no it's like a catheter. Take a little cramp that.

413
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 1: It's a little crampy, yeah, because it's a catheter that

414
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,360
Speaker 1: they they guide up there and then they go literally

415
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 1: right on top of your egg and they just go

416
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,320
Speaker 1: and they know exactly the day you're ovulating, or because

417
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:14,359
Speaker 1: they gave you five days of hormones before they can

418
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,600
Speaker 1: do you take a trigger shot the night before and

419
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 1: it forces the ovulation. What are the odds I will

420
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,119
Speaker 1: it generally takes people. It depends if you have no

421
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,400
Speaker 1: They don't know because some people have problems and people

422
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,200
Speaker 1: don't have problems. A lot of the studies are done

423
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,240
Speaker 1: in heater sexual couples who can't get pregnant, So there's

424
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 1: no statistics for us, but um from a lot of people,

425
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,479
Speaker 1: we know it's taken five to six times of this.

426
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,920
Speaker 1: It's five thousand dollars every time. Yeah, and you have

427
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 1: to take hormones each time. And none of this is

428
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,159
Speaker 1: covered by insurance, not for us, not for us. Right,

429
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,119
Speaker 1: we've talked about this, I have this. We can't prove

430
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:47,439
Speaker 1: that were if they'll pay for treatment. Insurers typically use

431
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 1: the medical definition of infertility trying to conceive by having

432
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,280
Speaker 1: unprotected sex for twelve months without success for those under

433
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:57,680
Speaker 1: thirty five. That definition thereby excludes same sex couples from

434
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,439
Speaker 1: any sort of coverage. So it's not like you can

435
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:02,160
Speaker 1: get a super bill and then handed him. You can't.

436
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: You know what if we had decided to go through

437
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,200
Speaker 1: I U I five to six times and not had success.

438
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 1: Then I think you can get some coverage. But we

439
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 1: because of Leslie it's insane schedule that we were actually

440
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,800
Speaker 1: doing that right before Russian Dall started shooting, it became

441
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,399
Speaker 1: impossible to continue with I U S. We couldn't be

442
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 1: pumping her up full of hormones and then sending her

443
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:21,520
Speaker 1: to set and then taking the day from set that

444
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:25,119
Speaker 1: you needed to absolutely to get to the getting to

445
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,159
Speaker 1: and from that doctor, you know, like, it was crazy. Oh,

446
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,159
Speaker 1: it's so yeah, it's it's just insane. And so then

447
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:31,879
Speaker 1: we thought that I would do it. I was like,

448
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,919
Speaker 1: fuck it, let's do it. And then something that we

449
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 1: learned during that as soon as we did it, Leslie

450
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,640
Speaker 1: both times she was like she started to feel very

451
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 1: weird about what we had just put inside her and

452
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,200
Speaker 1: who it was. This is just something that came out

453
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,400
Speaker 1: of her mouth. And I don't think it's for everybody

454
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 1: at all, you know, like, but for some reason, I

455
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 1: was like, who is this? Like, I was like, and

456
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,680
Speaker 1: it kind of scared her. That's crazy, creeped me out,

457
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,440
Speaker 1: I have to say, Like, and it was not something

458
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,119
Speaker 1: I thought of at all when we were looking at

459
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 1: sperm um. I didn't come up for you until it

460
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 1: was actually actually one, because they what they do is

461
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 1: they hold it in front of me and they go,

462
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 1: does this number match your donor number? Like, so I'm

463
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,679
Speaker 1: looking at a viol is a fucking sci fi and

464
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 1: we were both like you. I was like, yeah, that's

465
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 1: the right number. Oh covered in it when I was,

466
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,119
Speaker 1: and for some reason now I can't. And for some

467
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,239
Speaker 1: reason now I can't. I don't want to see it ever.

468
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 1: I don't want to see it again. I don't want

469
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:22,280
Speaker 1: to see it. But then she felt weird, you know,

470
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,639
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, it's inside, but it didn't

471
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 1: feel I don't know why. I don't know why. I

472
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,200
Speaker 1: don't think there's anything wrong with having in an anonymous

473
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,399
Speaker 1: don't think I think I'd still be open to talking

474
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,639
Speaker 1: about it. It's just both those times I felt fucking strange.

475
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,359
Speaker 1: And so then you decided, Rebecca that you were going

476
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 1: to carry Yeah. I was like, why don't I try,

477
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 1: you know, like I'm she was shooting Russian doll, but

478
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:44,880
Speaker 1: like you know, I didn't have You had a much

479
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 1: more wearing overalls on the show exactly. Um. So then

480
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:50,359
Speaker 1: I was like Okay, well I'm going to try. I'm like,

481
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,159
Speaker 1: suck it, you know, and I really don't want to

482
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 1: be pregnant. But I was like, when I see my

483
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,200
Speaker 1: pregnant friends, I'm like, it's incredible. So for the experience

484
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 1: of it, I'm like, Okay, I begin the hormones, and um,

485
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,359
Speaker 1: you you wouldn't believe what happened to me. I Leslie

486
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 1: couldn't leave the room without me weeping. I was hysterical.

487
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:09,680
Speaker 1: I called every person I knew with a baby, and

488
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 1: I was like, you love your child, right, you love

489
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,880
Speaker 1: your baby like I couldn't. I couldn't. I'm a good

490
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 1: mix for you, I guess not. I was like, pounding

491
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,640
Speaker 1: those hormones, you felt you were fine, you turned into

492
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 1: the hall, turned into the hall a couple of times,

493
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,119
Speaker 1: but I went really crazy, so that that did not

494
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 1: sit well with me, and I started to think. I

495
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 1: really started to think I'm never having I don't want

496
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 1: this at all, Like it's something that I felt my

497
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 1: whole life that I was destined to be a mother.

498
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,600
Speaker 1: I was like, that's no, and then um, when it

499
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,640
Speaker 1: came time to give me the trigger shot, I didn't

500
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,880
Speaker 1: do and I didn't go in so you did five

501
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 1: days and hormones and you were like, fun, this this

502
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 1: is horrible. Yeah, And the whole time I was like,

503
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 1: I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, Like they actually scheduled

504
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: a shoot day around me, and then I didn't go.

505
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not doing it. I was like,

506
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get pregnant. I'm gonna get pregnant with twins.

507
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,919
Speaker 1: I don't want this. It was crazy. So I didn't go.

508
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 1: I me sitting here, you guys, I just like really

509
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: want you to get pregnant. I mean, for Katie's crime,

510
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,160
Speaker 1: so I can hear about the whole thing, but also

511
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 1: because like I can't wait to raise our children together

512
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 1: and we would have a baby already for sure. That's

513
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 1: what's so crazy. Yeah, that's that's the thing that I

514
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 1: found in our journey that's so bizarre is that like

515
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,120
Speaker 1: I've never you know, it's like so many conversation, We're

516
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:24,200
Speaker 1: having so many conversations about it and so many and

517
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,919
Speaker 1: then you knocked up at sixteen or whatever, and you're like,

518
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 1: what the fun And we're just like, look, we have

519
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 1: a lot of friends that have gone through a similar

520
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,959
Speaker 1: journey because of their fertility, you know, stuff, you know,

521
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 1: So it's not like what we're doing is not the

522
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 1: norm for some straight couples, especially for older women. But

523
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:44,200
Speaker 1: it is crazy that every for in order for us

524
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 1: to have a child, we have to fucking money and

525
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 1: then we have to and yeah, and we have to

526
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 1: jump so many hurdles and we have to like have

527
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: seventy five thousand conversations. And I have to say, you know,

528
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 1: we had a terrible experience with one of our you know,

529
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 1: initial clinics that we were using, because after a while,

530
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,160
Speaker 1: it felt like, do you guys think we haven't thought

531
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 1: about this? Like you know what I mean, Like, I

532
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 1: don't know how to describe. Have you come up against

533
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 1: any people who judge you or like, has there been

534
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 1: any sort of like same sex judgment on this whole

535
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,240
Speaker 1: thing from friends or professionals? Like, has there been any

536
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,160
Speaker 1: sort of I mean, you guys are in New York,

537
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: in ll A, So I'm hope. I mean, I don't know.

538
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes I have some of my own judgment,

539
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 1: which I assume that's true when I'm talking to other

540
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 1: people that it's probably crossing their mind as well, Just

541
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 1: like why are we going to these lengths when there

542
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 1: are so many children, you know, in the foster care

543
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 1: system and who need to be adopted on this planet,

544
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,439
Speaker 1: and you know you can't help but think about climate

545
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,479
Speaker 1: changeing what's going on right now and bringing another tiny

546
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:50,160
Speaker 1: asshole into this world. It seems like, you know, yeah,

547
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:51,920
Speaker 1: like why are we why are we trying to get

548
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 1: our genetic material to continue, like what you know, because

549
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,479
Speaker 1: we're hard wired to do it. I mean, it's like

550
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 1: you're I used to talk about this with Garmo Daz

551
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 1: all the time because I got pregnant, um in between

552
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 1: Trump's election and inauguration, and it was basically like the

553
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: end of the world. And also I knew eleven people

554
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 1: that I I got pregnant within the same six weeks span.

555
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:17,160
Speaker 1: Were like like, I don't know if we were making

556
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 1: a liberal army or we were like fucking just I

557
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:24,360
Speaker 1: think we were really fucking depressed. But um, yeah, it's

558
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 1: a major question. But I also feel like, God, there's

559
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 1: like literally I'm so fucking grateful I have him right

560
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: now during this yes ship storm, And I would never

561
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: judge a person for having a baby, you know. It's

562
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 1: just it's more because we need so much intervention. One

563
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 1: homophobic like thing that a family member said to us

564
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 1: that I can't get out of my head is we

565
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 1: sort of said that we wanted to have a girl,

566
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:50,199
Speaker 1: and that person said, like, that's a good idea, because um,

567
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 1: little boys need their fathers. And it's gone around in

568
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,479
Speaker 1: my head and my heart in such a painful way. Um, sorry,

569
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:03,480
Speaker 1: and it makes me want to have about six boys. Truly,

570
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,719
Speaker 1: just the idea. I have so much of it as

571
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,880
Speaker 1: internal for me as well. It's just like when we're

572
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 1: sitting there and someone is a man splaining fertility to me, Like,

573
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 1: I just have these moments where I'm like, I think

574
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 1: it's just really drilled into all of us as Americans

575
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:21,399
Speaker 1: that there is a particular type of family which is

576
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 1: a man and a woman and two point five kids,

577
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,920
Speaker 1: and that essentially, not to get into too much feminist theory,

578
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 1: but like essentially most of our economy is sort of

579
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:35,399
Speaker 1: based on this idea. Unless women are you know, ready

580
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:39,080
Speaker 1: and willing and able to provide essentially free domestic labor

581
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 1: for men, you know, how are we going to continue

582
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 1: making money and propagating more Americans. I was just reading

583
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,920
Speaker 1: an article this morning that said, since the mid nineties,

584
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:52,960
Speaker 1: the population of the United States has increased by two

585
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 1: Texas is sixty million people. What I keep reminding myself

586
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 1: is that this is not a moral issue. This is

587
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 1: not like a biology logical issue. This is money. People

588
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,800
Speaker 1: make comments, ignorant comments like that because they have been

589
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 1: told by you know, essentially a government and a corporations

590
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:12,240
Speaker 1: that that's what a family looks like. And they feel

591
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 1: really good about themselves when they get to say like

592
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 1: little boys need their fathers, or like, it's so good

593
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,160
Speaker 1: that you guys are thinking about using a known donor

594
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: so that he can be involved. And it's like, do

595
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:24,120
Speaker 1: you know how many people are out there that don't

596
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,639
Speaker 1: have relationships with their fathers, who are raised by single

597
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 1: moms or have you know, like the reality versus the

598
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 1: the ideal, the quote unquote ideal in this country is

599
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 1: that most women are raising children by themselves anyway, you

600
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like the idea that like there's

601
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 1: a man, there's a woman, and that's the best way

602
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,960
Speaker 1: to raise a family. It's like, I mean, sorry, no offense,

603
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 1: but I don't think that's the best way to rese familate.

604
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:49,680
Speaker 1: I don't. And I think the only reason we think

605
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 1: it's the norm is because We've been told over and

606
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: over again by people who are making money off of

607
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,280
Speaker 1: us basically, you know, like, um, you know, and that's

608
00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: not to negate anyone's like love for each other or

609
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 1: any of that and of stuff. It's just that, you know,

610
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 1: if you read anything like you know, sex at dawn

611
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 1: or like any of the ways that we've like evolved

612
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 1: as a species. You know, most child rearing ideas were

613
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 1: it takes a village. I'm sorry that family member said

614
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 1: that to you first and foremost, and we'll get into

615
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 1: it more. And it hasn't changed your mind that you

616
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 1: guys want a girl. We just want a girl because

617
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,719
Speaker 1: girls are amazing. Women are fucking incredible. Yea, we might

618
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 1: have a girl and then a boy, like we have

619
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 1: a you know, who knows. But it's like, because there's

620
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 1: so many choices that have to go into us planning

621
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 1: our family, that the fact that we do have the

622
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: option to exercise, you know, because in Canada, you can't

623
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 1: choose the gender read as far as I know, you can't,

624
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 1: I haven't looked into it, but I think you can't.

625
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 1: That's wild, Like I'm sure there are people out there

626
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 1: picking eye color and all of those things. Which you.

627
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 1: I don't think you can't. I think that's illegal. I'm

628
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 1: pretty sure somebody just went to jail in China for

629
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 1: messing with the d N. A. There's a doctor in

630
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: China made three children who cannot get HIV and he's

631
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,479
Speaker 1: in prison. WHOA, you have to build a special probe

632
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 1: to go in and like funk with the DNA. I'm

633
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: sure I don't know what I'm talking about, but it's

634
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 1: something like that. I don't either, So it sounds like

635
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 1: you fucking which is you can on Katie's information, you

636
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 1: can pick the health these embryos from testing, but you

637
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 1: can't test um. Gender. You can test, but you can't

638
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 1: test whether or not. I don't know anything else. Also,

639
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 1: like what is gender? I mean that's I have. I

640
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: have a good friend who as a child who of

641
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 1: course I mean it's of course. I mean we are

642
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 1: so we're going to pick a girl and she's like,

643
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 1: I'm a boy in process. I can't even wait. We

644
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 1: were out to dinner the other night and what did

645
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: Leslie you said, like your two fears, two fears of

646
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 1: having a girl. I was like, my two fears of

647
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 1: having a girl, like like the only two things that

648
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 1: would freak you out trans and freak out, not freak

649
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 1: me out. You know, you think about the generation before us.

650
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: You know, it's like, oh, you're gonna have such a

651
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 1: hard life, you know, if you're trans or you're gay,

652
00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 1: and like, you know, she brings home a boy for

653
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 1: she brings up, if she brings home a man twenty

654
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 1: five years older than her, or an operating system that

655
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 1: she's in love with, you know what I I mean, in

656
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: love with a robot or a man who's twenty five

657
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 1: years older than her. Don't even bother coming home tonight.

658
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 1: You go and think about what you've done. I can't.

659
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 1: Those are the things I can't get behind. I just don't.

660
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:20,479
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can. And we've all done it,

661
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 1: and we've all done it. I have a relationship with

662
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 1: my computer, and I had stated an old man, tell

663
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 1: me about a little bit where you're at now, so

664
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 1: that when we touch base with you and hopefully like

665
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 1: what a year, where are you guys at right now?

666
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 1: You're like thinking about adoption possibly the next step that

667
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 1: we're in with a known donor. That's where we are now. Um,

668
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 1: and so we're in kind of an early stage of

669
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 1: getting all the blood to all the testing that needs

670
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 1: to happen, UM, And what made you change your mind

671
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: about that was that you met someone who you like

672
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,840
Speaker 1: and enjoying your life and offered it. He was like,

673
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 1: this is how I see it. You're flying the plane

674
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 1: and I'm the stewardess in the back serving drinks, and

675
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 1: we were like perfect because we you know, um, yeah,

676
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: I do think that, Like listen, when you use a

677
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 1: known donor and we're still we are still going through

678
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 1: the process of if this is going to happen, if

679
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 1: this is gonna work, because there's a lot of legal stuff, truly,

680
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 1: like you have to we all have to, bell have

681
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: to go to therapist. So it's a whole other feat

682
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 1: baggage and money. There's more money and there's more. Yeah,

683
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 1: it isn't as simple as like you would think. You know, actually,

684
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 1: I think in a way, an unknown donor, an anonymous

685
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: sperm donor, it is easier, easier, And that's and that

686
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,480
Speaker 1: is why I think we got that feedback. But when

687
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 1: we started to think about the child, UM and our child,

688
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: we would like them to have the option to know

689
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 1: where they came from, that part of themselves. But who's

690
00:32:56,800 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 1: the plan to carry now still say yeah, we've also

691
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 1: started to enter literally we've talked about all of it.

692
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 1: We've entertained a surrogate. Leslie's you know, new job is insane,

693
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 1: like we're gonna put a baby in her, like I

694
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 1: just we don't. We're overthinking it. I'm sure you're kind

695
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 1: of seeing us at a point where I think we're

696
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:18,120
Speaker 1: pivoting and we're in a big crossroads. What I feel,

697
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: you're going down that road with the anonymous donor and

698
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 1: I U y and now we're like I v F

699
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: with a known donor. But now I'm really busy as well.

700
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 1: Like it's maybe surrogate is a great yeah, and maybe

701
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 1: it could be you. And that's why we ask you

702
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 1: were going to ask you. I love you. I can't.

703
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:43,240
Speaker 1: You don't have to take care of it afterwards. You

704
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 1: stand it over. I mean, it's not your handing over.

705
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 1: It's just like you eat so healthy. I can't right

706
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 1: now I do, but sometimes I'm like that such an

707
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 1: unknown world. Any advice you have for same sex couples

708
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 1: that are looking to get pregnant, I would say, like

709
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 1: be super open. Like what I'm realizing as we're talking

710
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 1: here is that we're not stressed about this as we

711
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 1: have come to you guys sound super healthy. I don't

712
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 1: know what work you're doing or what you're on, but

713
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 1: you sound maybe we're just scared to really get like

714
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,800
Speaker 1: I don't know, because I know that when people try.

715
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 1: I have known a couple of people who have tried

716
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 1: to get pregnant how to failed IVF for something the

717
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 1: first round, and they start to go crazy. So I

718
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,360
Speaker 1: do think there is something in us where we're like, like,

719
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 1: you don't want to like you don't want to really

720
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,800
Speaker 1: grip it too. It's not it's gonna it's not rational.

721
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 1: And also then it really weighs on your relationship and

722
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 1: all these kinds of things. So we're not freaking out

723
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:41,839
Speaker 1: until we have to freak out. And also I think

724
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:43,919
Speaker 1: if we can't get pregnant all this stuff, then we'll

725
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: adopt or I don't know. We're still just talking about

726
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 1: all of it because we we are, you know, making

727
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 1: a family just by default in a quote unquote untraditional way.

728
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,359
Speaker 1: You know, I don't feel the same pressure. I think

729
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 1: that like a straight woman would feel, which is like

730
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: motherhood looks like again what my paradigm was when I

731
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:05,800
Speaker 1: was growing up and when I was in my twenties

732
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: and early thirties, like, really, it is being very very

733
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:12,240
Speaker 1: open with your partner and very open to the possibilities

734
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: of like, oh, maybe we do use this type of

735
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,360
Speaker 1: donor maybe we do I U I instead of I

736
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 1: U I v F. Like whenever something comes up inside

737
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:20,879
Speaker 1: me that's like no, I don't want to do that,

738
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that's me. I gotta look at that,

739
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 1: Like I gotta look at that. I gotta bring that

740
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 1: into my therapy. I gotta bring that to my partner.

741
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 1: It can never be no never, you know, like it's

742
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:33,720
Speaker 1: it's gotta You've got to be open and feel like, Okay,

743
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 1: let's talk about it. Option, let's talk about that. What

744
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:38,400
Speaker 1: does that look like? Okay, what's the next actionable stuff?

745
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 1: And then also another reason for you doing IVF as

746
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 1: you can check the health of the child and there's

747
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 1: a lower rate of miscarriage and everything else. But it's

748
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 1: not just to choose a gender. It is to looking

749
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 1: at leslie schedule, which is very intense to be able

750
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 1: to sort of as best we can plan when, yeah,

751
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,879
Speaker 1: when to do it, and when the baby will come out.

752
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 1: It could be great. You have an IVF episode on

753
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,280
Speaker 1: a Katie's Crib. Okay us into it, everybody who's listening.

754
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:05,280
Speaker 1: Rebecca advice for same sex UM couples trying to get pregnant.

755
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:08,719
Speaker 1: I think what Leslie said, Yeah, I don't think I

756
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 1: have any I don't know. I mean also, I feel

757
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,399
Speaker 1: like if you talk to us in like six months

758
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 1: and I'll be like this, I can't wait. We are

759
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:20,280
Speaker 1: talking to you. Yeah, you guys are my in process study. Yeah,

760
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 1: I'm excited. Um. I cannot thank you guys enough. Thanks

761
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,840
Speaker 1: for having me on Katie's Crib. I am so honored

762
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 1: to joyous alongside you as you go through this exciting,

763
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 1: exciting journey, and thank you for being Thank you so much.

764
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 1: Get paid? It can be a two where do I

765
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 1: do it? But I think also it can be like

766
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:56,800
Speaker 1: so you name your price? Thank you all for tuning

767
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,800
Speaker 1: into Katie's Crib and for your beautiful messages and reviews.

768
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,840
Speaker 1: I absolutely love connecting with you and hearing your stories

769
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:06,320
Speaker 1: and questions. So email me at Katie's Crib at Shonda

770
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 1: land dot com. We may just feature you on an episode,

771
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:15,400
Speaker 1: So hit me up. Thanks guys. Katie's Crib is a

772
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 1: production of Shonda land Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio.

773
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from Shonda land Audio, visit the I

774
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 1: Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

775
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 1: your favorite ships. You can never know until you try

776
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Speaker 1: me