Speaker 1: Episode four oh four, asking questions that lead to better
Speaker 1: spending with Jeff Wetsler. Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast,
Speaker 1: where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity and life.
Speaker 2: Here your hosts.
Speaker 1: Jen and Jill. Welcome to Frugal Friends podcast. My name
Speaker 1: is Jen, my name is Jill, and today we have
Speaker 1: an exceptionally good interview with Jeff Wetsler. He is the
Speaker 1: author of the Ask approach. Well, he is the creator
Speaker 1: of the Ask Approach and author of the new book
Speaker 1: Ask and It. The The interview was fantastic. It went
Speaker 1: in a direction I didn't even plan for it to go.
Speaker 1: That was so much more than I could have planned for.
Speaker 2: I love an organic development of goodies. It's the best thing.
Speaker 2: You can never recreate it, but it's a good journey.
Speaker 2: We're so glad you're here for that journey because we
Speaker 2: believe that this conversation can be fruitful and beneficial for
Speaker 2: just your whole life and definitely your approach and understanding
Speaker 2: of finances. So stick with us. But first, this episode
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Speaker 1: and it's like you have. Anyways, getting into this episode,
Speaker 1: if you want to cueue up some good ones to
Speaker 1: listen to later. Our recent episode with Amanda Montelle episode
Speaker 1: three ninety seven, how cognitive biases cause us to overspend.
Speaker 1: We talk a little at the end about these like
Speaker 1: assumptions and they're essentially cognitive biases. So that's a really
Speaker 1: good one to queue up. But then also episode eighty
Speaker 1: three Overcoming emotional spending with Megan Dwyer, that could be
Speaker 1: another good one.
Speaker 2: Three three eighty three.
Speaker 1: So sorry, so, but yeah, this is a really really
Speaker 1: great if you I mean with there's so much power
Speaker 1: in community. There's so much power in your network to
Speaker 1: make better financial decisions. If we would just like connect
Speaker 1: and not view it as a one sided what can
Speaker 1: I get from you? There is so much beauty in
Speaker 1: mutual connection and asking questions and answering questions, and so
Speaker 1: that's essentially what Jeff has spent the last quarter of
Speaker 1: a century kind of leading up to. He's He has
Speaker 1: a doctorate in an Adult learning in leadership from Columbia.
Speaker 1: He is the co CEO of Transcend, which is a
Speaker 1: nationally recognized innovation organization, and he has served as management consultant,
Speaker 1: learning facilitator, chief Learning officer. So so he is really
Speaker 1: passionate about people learning, and so we've kind of taken
Speaker 1: his wisdom and applied it into these into financial situations
Speaker 1: that we experience. So, without further.
Speaker 2: Ado, yeah, he's real great. Let's do it.
Speaker 1: Jeff, Welcome to the Frugal Friends Podcast. We are so
Speaker 1: happy to have you here.
Speaker 3: Thank you, and it's great to be with you.
Speaker 2: This is particularly exciting for me because I love it
Speaker 2: when we get to have conversations that feel a little
Speaker 2: bit more adjacent to financial literacy, but really help us
Speaker 2: for our whole lives, in our financial selves, but also
Speaker 2: our whole selves because we know it's all connected. I
Speaker 2: love questions. I love question asking. It's probably one of
Speaker 2: the reasons that having guests is one of my favorite
Speaker 2: things that we do on the podcast. So, yeah, thanks
Speaker 2: for being here. Excited to share this with our audience.
Speaker 3: Awesome.
Speaker 1: All right, so let's start out, like, what is the
Speaker 1: app approach and why did you create it? Why is
Speaker 1: it so important?
Speaker 3: Yeah, So, the ask approach is a method for learning
Speaker 3: from the people around us, and it starts with the
Speaker 3: premise that we are surrounded by people in our lives,
Speaker 3: whether our coworkers are friends, people we do business with, family,
Speaker 3: et cetera. We are surrounded by people who know, think,
Speaker 3: feel have ideas, have feedback, have perspectives that are incredibly valuable,
Speaker 3: but that far too often we don't really find that out.
Speaker 3: We don't tap into that insight that wisdom around us,
Speaker 3: and they don't just tell us, and so there's a
Speaker 3: lot of really important stuff that gets lost. I am
Speaker 3: a total nerd and junkie about learning, and so anytime
Speaker 3: that there is a mislearning opportunity, like for me, that's
Speaker 3: almost like a micro tragedy. It's like we could have grown,
Speaker 3: we could have gotten better, we could have done something
Speaker 3: better together. And So when I have seen through all
Speaker 3: different experiences in my life and my career, all these
Speaker 3: mislearning opportunities, including myself experiencing them as well, I thought
Speaker 3: to myself, what can we do about this? And so
Speaker 3: the ask approach is a research, science backed, practice tested
Speaker 3: way of radically increasing what we learn from other people.
Speaker 3: And I'm happy to walk you through the steps if
Speaker 3: that's helpful, Yeah, please do Okay, great. So there are
Speaker 3: five practices that I call steps because they often go sequentially.
Speaker 3: And the first one I call choosing curiosity. And many
Speaker 3: of us think about curiosity as a trait like he
Speaker 3: has it or she has it, someone else doesn't have it,
Speaker 3: or a state of mind like I'm not feeling curious
Speaker 3: or I'm feeling curious. But I'm positing a different possibility,
Speaker 3: which is that curiosity is a choice. It's a decision
Speaker 3: that we can always make that is always available to us.
Speaker 3: And the way to make that decision is to center
Speaker 3: one thing in our minds which is a question of
Speaker 3: what can I learn from this person? Is there that
Speaker 3: this person can actually teach me? And when we center
Speaker 3: that question in our minds and we can talk more
Speaker 3: about how to get ourselves curious, all of a sudden
Speaker 3: we awaken ourselves to the possibility of what we can
Speaker 3: learn from the person around us. So that's step one
Speaker 3: choosing curiosity. The second thing is making it safe. Just
Speaker 3: because we're curious doesn't guarantee that the person we're talking
Speaker 3: to is actually going to feel safe telling us what
Speaker 3: they have to say, especially if it feels hard, especially
Speaker 3: if it's a hard truth, especially if they worry that
Speaker 3: we might crumble, or we might take it out on them,
Speaker 3: or it might hurt our relationship, etc. So making it
Speaker 3: safe is all about creating the kind of connection, opening
Speaker 3: ourselves up to be vulnerable so that they can see
Speaker 3: that it's safe too, and really demonstrating to the other
Speaker 3: person that we're resilient, that whatever they have to say
Speaker 3: we can handle, and we're going to take responsibility for
Speaker 3: our own reactions to what we hear. That's number two.
Speaker 3: Make it safe. Three is pose quality questions, and this
Speaker 3: is really at the heart of the ask approach. Which
Speaker 3: is expanding the range of questions that we know how
Speaker 3: to ask. I almost think about questions the same way
Speaker 3: that like a surgeon might think about their scalpel and
Speaker 3: different tools. We can be very precise about what it
Speaker 3: is that we want to learn and therefore, what question
Speaker 3: do we need to pose? And there are very few
Speaker 3: of us actually get trained on what are quality questions
Speaker 3: to ask. But there's a whole kind of taxonomy of
Speaker 3: different questions and in the book I talk about that
Speaker 3: and we can get into that as well. But once
Speaker 3: you ask the question, it all comes down to how
Speaker 3: well you listened. And we often think that we're better
Speaker 3: at listening than we are. There's a difference between listening
Speaker 3: and actually hearing what's most essential for someone to say,
Speaker 3: and so listening to learn is really about hearing, really
Speaker 3: what is at the heart of what someone else has
Speaker 3: to teach us, whether they're actually saying it or not
Speaker 3: saying it, And it's about expanding the range of channels
Speaker 3: that we listen through not just the information that they
Speaker 3: have to say, but also the emotion that they're conveying
Speaker 3: and the actions that they're taking as well. So that's
Speaker 3: the fourth step, and then the fifth step is really
Speaker 3: my favorite because this is how we squeeze the learn
Speaker 3: out of the whole thing. It's called reflect and reconnect,
Speaker 3: and that's really processing what we heard actually, you know,
Speaker 3: asking ourselves what's important from what we heard? What can
Speaker 3: we let go of? And then in so far as
Speaker 3: there are important things, what does that mean for how
Speaker 3: I need to evolve and update my own thinking, my beliefs,
Speaker 3: What actions should I take based on that? Is there
Speaker 3: some deeper learning and growth in there? For me? That's
Speaker 3: the difference between talk and talk that actually get somewhere.
Speaker 3: But it's not enough just to do that reflection and
Speaker 3: walk away. The final part of closing the loop is
Speaker 3: to actually reconnect with the other person and to let
Speaker 3: them know this is what I took away from our conversation,
Speaker 3: and thank you, and by the way, did I get
Speaker 3: it right? And what more? And that helps the other
Speaker 3: person know they didn't waste their time, that you really
Speaker 3: value them, and also just really increases the chances that
Speaker 3: you're going to have that open communication to keep sharing
Speaker 3: over time. So that's in a nutshell, the ask approach.
Speaker 1: I love this because we are we're so conditioned to
Speaker 1: be individualists, right we have to learn everything on our own.
Speaker 1: We have to do everything on our own. That's almost
Speaker 1: like where we find our worth is how well can
Speaker 1: I do this on my own? How self sufficient can
Speaker 1: I be? And this really does reconnect us to the
Speaker 1: people around us and makes us exponentially better in.
Speaker 3: Half the time, totally. And the thing that I think
Speaker 3: is really important about this is it's not just about
Speaker 3: connecting the people around us so that we personally can
Speaker 3: be better, but the ask approach actually is mutual. It
Speaker 3: makes us better together, It makes the other person better
Speaker 3: as well. It helps the other person be more self expressed,
Speaker 3: because if there's something that someone knows or is thinking
Speaker 3: and not saying to us, first of all, that can
Speaker 3: be a burden for them to be holding and keeping
Speaker 3: it in. But sometimes they don't even know how much
Speaker 3: value they have. And so when we're helping them to
Speaker 3: share what they have to know, it's a good thing
Speaker 3: for them, it's a good thing for our relationship. And
Speaker 3: usually we make better decisions together, we collaborate better together,
Speaker 3: we save ourselves time together, So it really is a
Speaker 3: mutual mutual win.
Speaker 2: This is starting a few things for me. When I
Speaker 2: hear how you're describing the ask approach. It sounds so beautiful,
Speaker 2: and it sounds like what a lot of us, if
Speaker 2: not all of us, do want out of relationships. I
Speaker 2: think it can be one of the things introverts, especially
Speaker 2: can complain about getting together with people like I don't
Speaker 2: like surface level conversation, and I think totally most of
Speaker 2: us don't. We just don't know how to get there
Speaker 2: with people. So on the one hand, it's what we
Speaker 2: all want, And on the other hand, it sounds like
Speaker 2: a lot of intentionality, potentially a lot of work, And
Speaker 2: it makes me wonder how others respond to this, because
Speaker 2: this is not the norm to come to someone like you, Jeff,
Speaker 2: and you dive into this ask approach, whether or not
Speaker 2: they know that you're going through this cycle with them,
Speaker 2: How are they responding to you?
Speaker 3: Do you mean, how are people who are being asked
Speaker 3: the question?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because it sounds like you're really trying to
Speaker 2: make the most of a connection or an encounter, and
Speaker 2: I don't think most people are accustomed to that. What
Speaker 2: is the response typically?
Speaker 3: I mean, so I'm really unpacking the whole pieces, the
Speaker 3: whole set of practices and steps, but when it's put
Speaker 3: into action, it doesn't feel like, oh my gosh, I'm
Speaker 3: going through this and then this and then this. It
Speaker 3: just feels natural and fluid. And usually when people are
Speaker 3: really you know, on the on the receiving end of
Speaker 3: curiosity and questions, it's something that brings them closer to
Speaker 3: us that you know, there's lots of research even in
Speaker 3: the dating realm that when someone that you're dating, when
Speaker 3: you ask them questions, you actually are more attractive to them,
Speaker 3: and you're more appealing to them because people want to
Speaker 3: be asked, people want to share. There's also interesting research
Speaker 3: that says a lot of people hold back from asking
Speaker 3: because they think their questions are going to be too sensitive.
Speaker 3: But really people want to be asked. Now, of course
Speaker 3: there's there's limits to that, but you know, generally speaking,
Speaker 3: it's a relief to be asked. It's you know, you're
Speaker 3: helping somebody else get something out and sow. So many
Speaker 3: of us don't get asked enough questions, and so I
Speaker 3: think people appreciate it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. In my work, my full time work, I am
Speaker 2: a mental health professional, shifting a bit, but I provide
Speaker 2: therapy to people. I ask a lot of questions. It's
Speaker 2: primarily what I do in my work, but you're causing
Speaker 2: me to realize something because I've been noticing recently. I
Speaker 2: will also ask people a lot of questions in social settings,
Speaker 2: but I'll get these kind of defensive reactions or responses
Speaker 2: from people, And I think you connect at the dot
Speaker 2: for me on this that maybe there's not perceived safety present,
Speaker 2: whereas in a therapy setting there's already a knowing. People
Speaker 2: understand what the setting is, they know who I am
Speaker 2: to be asking them questions, but maybe not in a
Speaker 2: social setting. So with all that said, when you described
Speaker 2: the first step is curiosity and then safety, I'm curious
Speaker 2: about this from a financial perspective. If we want to
Speaker 2: be learning from other people or having this mutual extrame
Speaker 2: change to be starting with curiosity, what does that look
Speaker 2: like when trying to glean financial wisdom, which can be
Speaker 2: a touchy topic, to then lean into safety. What would
Speaker 2: you say about that?
Speaker 3: Yeah, so, I think the first part of safety is
Speaker 3: really about the connection that we have with somebody else,
Speaker 3: and there's a lot of different ways to make connection.
Speaker 3: One of the things that we sometimes overlook is even
Speaker 3: just the when and where of the connection. I'll give
Speaker 3: you an example that's not quite yet in the financial realm.
Speaker 3: But we'll get to the financial realm with my daughter.
Speaker 3: I have a teenage daughter, she's fifteen years old, and
Speaker 3: when she comes home from school, I'm dying to know,
Speaker 3: like how was your day, what happened, what you learn,
Speaker 3: et cetera. If I ask her that when she comes
Speaker 3: home from school, I get nothing. I get you know,
Speaker 3: oh my god, dad, you know the eye roll or whatever.
Speaker 3: But if I stay up till she's done with her
Speaker 3: homework and done talking to her friends, which might be
Speaker 3: eleven PM or eleven thirty PM, and I hang out
Speaker 3: in her room with her, she doesn't want me to leave.
Speaker 3: She wants to tell me everything. And so that is
Speaker 3: her safe environment, Like that's and the key is that
Speaker 3: it's what works for her, not what works for me.
Speaker 3: And so a big part of safety is like the
Speaker 3: when and the where of the connection. I imagine in a
Speaker 3: therapy office, people are there for that purpose. So you've
Speaker 3: got that going for you. But another really important part
Speaker 3: of it is like opening up, explaining why am I
Speaker 3: asking the question? Sometimes people you know are suspicious of
Speaker 3: our agenda, like why is this person asked my other question?
Speaker 3: Why are they being so Noathy why are they praying?
Speaker 3: Et cetera, and so opening up either about here's why
Speaker 3: I'm asking the question, or let me tell you like
Speaker 3: my own experience of something like that can then invite
Speaker 3: the reciprocity of somebody else sharing. Those are a couple
Speaker 3: of ways to make it, to make it more safe.
Speaker 1: We're like ten minutes into this and I've already gone
Speaker 1: so so much. I yeah, I feel like I when
Speaker 1: I hear Jill say this, and I'm like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I love that You're so inquisitive. It's like hard for
Speaker 1: me to hear that other people aren't obsessed with that too.
Speaker 1: But then I realized, like I've been working with Jill
Speaker 1: for six years and so she's I know she's safe,
Speaker 1: but so how does somebody kind of get over that
Speaker 1: hump like before creating safety, Like what should we be
Speaker 1: even be thinking about? Like who do we approach, how
Speaker 1: do like what you were saying earlier, how do we
Speaker 1: like choose that to be curious, how do we make
Speaker 1: that choice? And what does that look like?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I really think it is. It starts
Speaker 3: with the assumption that everybody has something to teach us.
Speaker 3: There's something really important. I mean, just to start to
Speaker 3: connect it a little bit to the world of money.
Speaker 3: I was thinking about this this morning. A couple of years.
Speaker 3: By the way, I love I love the name of
Speaker 3: your podcast, because I'm a very frugal person. And I
Speaker 3: had a car I don't know, for like fifteen sixteen
Speaker 3: years and it was like on its last legs. And
Speaker 3: I was at a mechanic and the air conditioning had
Speaker 3: totally busted. And he was telling me, He's like, I
Speaker 3: think this is going to cost you like three or
Speaker 3: four thousand dollars to fix. And I'm like, I don't
Speaker 3: think the car is worth three or four thousand dollars.
Speaker 3: What are we going to do here out of a summer?
Speaker 3: And it was like, you know, very humand and I couldn't.
Speaker 3: I couldn't just have no air conditioning. And so at
Speaker 3: that point I thought to myself, like, get curious, here,
Speaker 3: is there anything more? And so I just said to him, like,
Speaker 3: is there any other way besides this three or four
Speaker 3: thousand dollars fix that you can think of giving your
Speaker 3: expertise that we could solve this problem. And I think
Speaker 3: some people might think, well, that's you know that are
Speaker 3: you By questioning his judgment and he just tell me
Speaker 3: the answer or that kind of thing. But I just
Speaker 3: thought maybe there's something else and he would know a
Speaker 3: lot better than I would. And he said, you know,
Speaker 3: I've been thinking about that question, and I actually do think.
Speaker 3: He's like, if I just fuse this one piece instead
Speaker 3: of trying to fix the leak over here, I could
Speaker 3: probably do it for like seventy five dollars. And I
Speaker 3: was like, well, that's fine with me, because if one
Speaker 3: air conditioning event out of the six is off, we're
Speaker 3: still going to be good enough. And so that's what
Speaker 3: we did. And but it was really about just kind
Speaker 3: of starting with that curiosity, recognizing he knows a lot
Speaker 3: more than I know, and also not that I'm not
Speaker 3: you know. And I think part of the safety is
Speaker 3: I wasn't trying to say like I'm doubting you, you're
Speaker 3: trying to rip me off, I'm questioning your judgment, but like,
Speaker 3: let's just think together here. Is there some other way
Speaker 3: that we could that we could get this done? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And we say it's so so much that frugality
Speaker 1: is essentially giving your spouse your self space to get creative,
Speaker 1: to get but first you have to be curious in
Speaker 1: order to explore all the ways that you could be creative,
Speaker 1: so exactly.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 1: I think this is also like as an introvert, I
Speaker 1: get nervous about like, well maybe that person, Like I
Speaker 1: don't want to ever be a burden to somebody. And
Speaker 1: I know, like when you were saying, like people want
Speaker 1: to share, they want to be asked, like that was
Speaker 1: speaking to me, But like, how does someone maybe who
Speaker 1: doesn't want to like impose on somebody that maybe they
Speaker 1: think maybe a little too highly of. I know, like
Speaker 1: we're all this, you know, we're all people, but like
Speaker 1: there are some people that I'm just like I'm so
Speaker 1: nervous to ask or to talk to or like, is
Speaker 1: there a way like we can get over that hump
Speaker 1: and like really get some like really good mentorship and
Speaker 1: relationships started.
Speaker 3: I have two thoughts. One is we could do an experiment.
Speaker 3: So I think a lot of us hold ourselves back
Speaker 3: because we assume we're right that they're not going to
Speaker 3: have time for us, so they're not going to talk
Speaker 3: to us, et cetera. And the only way we can
Speaker 3: know is to test. And I think part of that
Speaker 3: is getting curious ourselves and saying like, what if my
Speaker 3: assumption is not right? What would happen? And what's the
Speaker 3: worst thing that could happen if I tested that? And
Speaker 3: so one way would be to just you know, dip
Speaker 3: a toe in the water and see what happens. And
Speaker 3: the worst thing that happens is they don't answer our
Speaker 3: question or they don't have time. But the other thing
Speaker 3: we can do that is even I think lower stakes
Speaker 3: than that, is we can ask, if we can ask,
Speaker 3: would you mind if I asked you a question? Would
Speaker 3: you have a few minutes for me to pick your
Speaker 3: brain on this kind of thing? And then we're not
Speaker 3: even going there to ask the question yet, but it's
Speaker 3: essentially we're using the skills of ask just to test
Speaker 3: out would they be willing to even talk to us?
Speaker 3: And I think, you know, sometimes people will say no,
Speaker 3: and we can respect that, but a lot of times
Speaker 3: people say, of course, let me know, And so it
Speaker 3: can feel even safer for ourselves just to inquire would
Speaker 3: you be open to talking about this?
Speaker 2: Yeah, when it comes to identifying somebody who we want
Speaker 2: to be able to ask, especially financial questions. So this
Speaker 2: is you've mentioned some of the touchy subjects and finding
Speaker 2: the when and the where and the how. So if
Speaker 2: we are beginning to identify, Yeah, I think I'm starting
Speaker 2: to build up some bravery to be able to engage
Speaker 2: in this type of process with somebody. I want to
Speaker 2: know they seem like they might have some wisdom for me,
Speaker 2: and maybe there's something I can offer to them. What
Speaker 2: could we be asking, do you think what are some
Speaker 2: of the best questions we can be diving in with
Speaker 2: and or how can we make sure that the plate
Speaker 2: that the space is safe to be able to do that?
Speaker 3: Yeah, In terms of making sure that the space is safe,
Speaker 3: I think a lot of it comes back to letting
Speaker 3: them know how much we value them, letting them know what,
Speaker 3: you know, what we're hoping to get out and why,
Speaker 3: letting them know what their advice would mean to us,
Speaker 3: but also letting them know that even and I call
Speaker 3: this radiating resilience, even if they say something hard to us,
Speaker 3: we can handle it that and and if something comes
Speaker 3: up for us, we're not going to hold them responsible
Speaker 3: for our own reactions, including things that they might want
Speaker 3: to push us on as well. And we can even say,
Speaker 3: like I really would welcome your you know your your
Speaker 3: your most critical pushes your toughest feedback. You're you know,
Speaker 3: you're even if even if you think it might be
Speaker 3: hard for me to hear, I'm really interested in hearing
Speaker 3: that those kinds of things can let people know, Okay,
Speaker 3: I can I can take some risks with this person.
Speaker 3: They're asking me for it, they're interested in going there
Speaker 3: that kind of thing. In terms of the actual questions,
Speaker 3: the uh, there's a bunch, but I'll give you a
Speaker 3: few different examples. One is a sequence of questions that
Speaker 3: is really about digging deeper. So it can start by
Speaker 3: saying to them, you know, what is your take on this?
Speaker 3: It would this be a good direction for me to go,
Speaker 3: Should I spend money on this? Should I make this investment?
Speaker 3: Et cetera. But digging deeper is really about saying what
Speaker 3: leads you to think that? Tell me why how did
Speaker 3: you reach that conclusion? And so really not just stopping
Speaker 3: at their advice, but getting underneath, well, you know, what's
Speaker 3: the concern that you that you're trying to solve for
Speaker 3: with that, with that perspective, et cetera. And then to
Speaker 3: even go one step further is something that I call
Speaker 3: see what they see, telling them like here are here
Speaker 3: are I'm sure you have some stories. I'm sure you
Speaker 3: have some experiences, like what data, what information? What experience is?
Speaker 3: What stories leads you to have that? And then all
Speaker 3: of a sudden, you're not just getting their opinion or
Speaker 3: even their reasoning, you're getting their wealth of life experience.
Speaker 3: That act actually informs that as well. So that'd be
Speaker 3: one kind of set of categories. A second one that
Speaker 3: I would talk about is requesting reactions. And this is
Speaker 3: something I think that we all do too infrequently. We
Speaker 3: often will put our view out there and say, you know,
Speaker 3: I'm contemplating this, or I think this is the right
Speaker 3: way to go, or I don't think we should spend
Speaker 3: money on this, or whatever it is, and then we
Speaker 3: just assume if they have a reaction, they're going to
Speaker 3: tell us what their reaction is. But so often people
Speaker 3: don't tell us their reactions, maybe because they don't think
Speaker 3: we care or interest in those reactions. Maybe it's because
Speaker 3: it feels hard for them to say maybe they're still
Speaker 3: processing them, whatever it may be. But by requesting reactions,
Speaker 3: we can invite that, so it can it can literally
Speaker 3: be as simple as to say, he like, here's what
Speaker 3: I think, what's your reaction to that. How does that
Speaker 3: land with you? What does that make you think? What
Speaker 3: might I be missing? What might be overlooking what's the
Speaker 3: downside I'm not thinking about. Those are the kinds of
Speaker 3: things that can invite reactions that we otherwise wouldn't hear.
Speaker 3: That also really pulls out people's you know, people's ideas,
Speaker 3: insights and wisdom. And then I'll just share one last one,
Speaker 3: which is just simply it's the same story that goes
Speaker 3: back to the story I mentioned with the car mechanic,
Speaker 3: which is called invite ideas, and that's literally saying like, well,
Speaker 3: here's my dilemma, what ideas do you have for how
Speaker 3: we can handle that? And I don't know if I
Speaker 3: hadn't asked that mechanic for ideas, if I would have
Speaker 3: gotten that idea. And so a lot of times people
Speaker 3: have ideas, but they're not necessarily sure we want to
Speaker 3: hear them, or they may not have even kind of
Speaker 3: put all the pieces together in their own mind. But
Speaker 3: when you invite ideas, all of a sudden, you're bringing
Speaker 3: out all kinds of creativity that you wouldn't have necessarily
Speaker 3: otherwise gotten to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean you have to genuinely then be interested
Speaker 2: in what people have to say. And I think that
Speaker 2: that can be some of the problems for some people
Speaker 2: is they don't want to take the time, they may
Speaker 2: not actually be interested in what another person has to say.
Speaker 2: But man, what an amazing approach to have and what
Speaker 2: a much better life could be living if we were
Speaker 2: to engage in this type of thing. Side question for you,
Speaker 2: Jeff are, what would you say are some of the
Speaker 2: top benefits you've seen in your life through some of
Speaker 2: these questions you're describing and the way that you are
Speaker 2: approaching people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there's three main benefits that I see
Speaker 3: and that I've also seen lots of other people get
Speaker 3: when they use this approach. The first is just like
Speaker 3: hardcore results, like smarter decisions, more innovative solutions, saving time,
Speaker 3: avoiding wasting, wasting time, being you know, finding out faster
Speaker 3: if my ideas or plans are not going to work,
Speaker 3: you know, getting better ideas. All of that I would
Speaker 3: put in the bucket of like just better results. The
Speaker 3: second I would say is relationships people. As we talked
Speaker 3: about before, people want to be asked, and when I
Speaker 3: ask questions to people, I learned things about them, and
Speaker 3: that makes us closer. And so like my personal relationships,
Speaker 3: my work relationship i'm co CEO of an organization, like
Speaker 3: my partnerships with you, with my co founder, are just
Speaker 3: deeper because of this. And then the third is learning.
Speaker 3: Like I learn faster, I grow faster, I correct my
Speaker 3: mistakes faster, I you know, solve for mistaken assumptions that
Speaker 3: I have made, et cetera. So like results, relationship and learning,
Speaker 3: I think are the most important benefits that something like
Speaker 3: the ask approach can can help us get.
Speaker 2: I can co sign that one, because especially in finances,
Speaker 2: particularly in investing, this has always been an area that
Speaker 2: I'm just inept at. I'm not that interested in it,
Speaker 2: and I feel dumb when I talk about it. So
Speaker 2: I don't want to dig in deeper. But I think
Speaker 2: through safety of relationship with Jen being able to just
Speaker 2: ask okay, now that there's established safety, I've been able
Speaker 2: to say I'm okay failing in front of you or
Speaker 2: potentially asking a dumb question of you, and I do
Speaker 2: care enough about my future at this point, and it
Speaker 2: has radically changed the trajectory of what retirement is going
Speaker 2: to look like for me. Just one example of what
Speaker 2: you're describing results being in the midst of relationship and learning. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I guess all three of them have happened in just
Speaker 2: that one piece.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it wasn't like all at once. It started
Speaker 1: like almost as a commiseration, like we're we're just we're
Speaker 1: thinking about what retirement accounts and investing and index funds
Speaker 1: all look like together. And then as you know, our
Speaker 1: relationship grows and like things come back up, then we're
Speaker 1: talking more about it and then asking each other different
Speaker 1: questions and so like I think when I think about
Speaker 1: this sometimes I assume it's like all in one fell swoop,
Speaker 1: like you're asking, like what is your you know, background
Speaker 1: with investing, what would you do you hear? But a
Speaker 1: lot of that, I mean, and it comes back to
Speaker 1: the safety, which I had no idea that's the direction
Speaker 1: this episode would go. But like it's such a good
Speaker 1: like and right place, Like it comes back to the
Speaker 1: safety and being like it's not all like I'm asking
Speaker 1: for I'm asking from you, but this is a like
Speaker 1: mutually beneficial like interaction and not just like and we
Speaker 1: go beyond small talk to do things that will really
Speaker 1: benefit both of us.
Speaker 2: It's not an an interrogation apart.
Speaker 3: It's it's not extractive just about me, it's really about us.
Speaker 3: It's a very we we approach to connecting with people.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, so we've we've really dove in on the
Speaker 1: ask approach with other people, which I think is it's
Speaker 1: what your book is mainly about, and I think everyone
Speaker 1: should read it not just for finances, because it goes
Speaker 1: into like so many great things, but so like, how
Speaker 1: do you think we could use the ask approach on
Speaker 1: ourselves to learn more about ourselves? Because we're right, a
Speaker 1: book on spending, and so a lot of this stuff
Speaker 1: we are looking into is like, how can we get
Speaker 1: more curious about ourselves? How can we ask ourselves better
Speaker 1: questions so that we know what we value spending money
Speaker 1: on and what we don't like. Do you see have
Speaker 1: you used the ask approach on yourself with any great benefits?
Speaker 3: Well? And I think that the ask approach entails inquiring
Speaker 3: into ourselves as part of really learning from other people
Speaker 3: as well. So I think your point and your question
Speaker 3: is super relevant and it really connects a lot to
Speaker 3: the first step of choosing curiosity, because part of choosing
Speaker 3: curiosity is also being curious about the stories that we
Speaker 3: have ourselves, and we are constantly telling ourselves stories about
Speaker 3: other people, about the world, about money, about ourselves, about
Speaker 3: what's going on in this situation, et cetera. And so
Speaker 3: a lot of what I talk about actually in the
Speaker 3: chapter of Choosing curiosity is becoming aware of our own
Speaker 3: stories and asking ourselves where did those stories come from?
Speaker 3: And what information am I selecting in this particular situation.
Speaker 3: Because usually whenever we walk into a situation, we are
Speaker 3: you know, there's we're surrounded by tons and tons of
Speaker 3: data points and information, and we just zero in on
Speaker 3: a tiny slice of that and forget everything else, and
Speaker 3: we even forget that we forgot the rest of that stuff,
Speaker 3: and so we just think that tiny slice is the reality,
Speaker 3: and then we just jump right to conclusions about here's
Speaker 3: how it goes. And those conclusions usually just reinforce the
Speaker 3: assumptions that we brought in in the first place. So
Speaker 3: if like, and I will say like as a you know,
Speaker 3: to connect it to my own life experience as it
Speaker 3: relates to money. You know, I've grown up an internalized
Speaker 3: kind of I said, a frugal mindset, but maybe also
Speaker 3: like a like what if what if something goes wrong?
Speaker 3: Mindset and and that can get me to a scarcity mindset,
Speaker 3: et cetera. And so, anytime I'm thinking about a financial situation,
Speaker 3: whether in work or in life, like my first go
Speaker 3: to is like, what's the risk that's happening in this situation?
Speaker 3: And if I play out this risk, like what's the
Speaker 3: bad scenario? And you know, I think that has served
Speaker 3: me well in some ways because I've been able to
Speaker 3: avoid bad things happening. But it can come at the
Speaker 3: expense of a more abundance way of looking at life
Speaker 3: and scenarios and all that kind of stuff. And so
Speaker 3: I have had to walk myself back and say, where
Speaker 3: does that come from? And what is that about? And
Speaker 3: what would be other things that I could look at
Speaker 3: in a situation when I'm confronting a money decision, not
Speaker 3: just the risk, but also what's the possible upside that's
Speaker 3: going on here? And also what are the like the
Speaker 3: sub choice points that can help me move between the
Speaker 3: risk and the upside, et cetera. And So by asking
Speaker 3: ourselves those kinds of questions, I think we get a
Speaker 3: lot of insight into where our stories come from. But
Speaker 3: also we do what I call injecting question marks into
Speaker 3: our stories, and when we can inject question marks into
Speaker 3: our stories, those question marks can push away the anxiety
Speaker 3: that we might be feeling otherwise, so they can make
Speaker 3: us calmer. But they can also that make us so
Speaker 3: much more receptive to learning with and from other people too.
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know if I've ever said what I'm
Speaker 2: about to say. I would encourage everybody to rewind and
Speaker 2: write down those questions that you just rattled off about
Speaker 2: what we can be asking for ourselves. One of the
Speaker 2: things that I love about curiosity, A true curiosity and
Speaker 2: its best form is it doesn't assume an answer. So
Speaker 2: a lot of times when we do look inward, it
Speaker 2: might be in a more shaming or an assumptive way.
Speaker 2: A lot of times we'll ask ourselves why we'll get
Speaker 2: on the defense with ourselves. But every single question that
Speaker 2: you asked was true curiosity. Hmm, what is that about.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to assume what the ending is. I'm
Speaker 2: going to truly ask myself and be willing to look
Speaker 2: and find something that maybe I wouldn't have thought the
Speaker 2: answer to be. And what a world opens in front
Speaker 2: of us as a result of that. So I'm just
Speaker 2: highlighting and emphasizing because thank you, you gave really excellent questions,
Speaker 2: so feel free listener, rewind and write it down. And
Speaker 2: speaking of good questions, I mean.
Speaker 1: We got we got yeah, we got one for your
Speaker 1: favorite question.
Speaker 2: It's the bill of the week. That's right.
Speaker 1: It's time for the best minute of your entire week.
Speaker 1: Maybe a baby was born and his name is Williams.
Speaker 3: Maybe you've paid off your.
Speaker 1: Mortgage, maybe your car died and you're happy to not
Speaker 1: have to pay that bill anymore. Buck bills, Buffalo bills,
Speaker 1: Bill Clinton, this is the bill of the week, Jeff.
Speaker 1: Every week we yell at our guests to share with
Speaker 1: us what we think is the most quality question we
Speaker 1: ask on this show. What is your bill of the week.
Speaker 3: Have you ever heard of Bill Nay, the science guy?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: Yes, Okay, so he is. He is my favorite Bill,
Speaker 3: and I think he's the embodiment of curiosity. He's the
Speaker 3: embodiment of experimentation and trying things out. And he has
Speaker 3: a famous quote which says, everybody you meet knows something
Speaker 3: you don't. Hmmm. And to me, that is the essence
Speaker 3: of the ask approach. It's basically to say there is
Speaker 3: wisdom and every single person we can learn from every
Speaker 3: single person, and so Bill Nye is my hero in
Speaker 3: that way.
Speaker 1: I love that because sometimes we can think like everybody
Speaker 1: knows something that we don't, and we can almost use
Speaker 1: that as like a defense mechanism to kind of be bitter.
Speaker 1: But if you just reframe it with this ask approach,
Speaker 1: it can be something so life giving, like everyone knows
Speaker 1: something I don't. There is so much possibility for me
Speaker 1: to grow and I know something that they don't, and
Speaker 1: a rising tide will lift all our boats exactly.
Speaker 3: It's then't have to be a bad thing that they
Speaker 3: know something that we don't. In fact, what a gift,
Speaker 3: what an opportunity, what an asset? And it's normal because
Speaker 3: it's just how the world is.
Speaker 2: I'm remembering that Bill ny would also do like ask
Speaker 2: these questions in his science experiments where he might have
Speaker 2: obviously known what was going to happen, but he acted
Speaker 2: like he didn't at different times. And it's striking me
Speaker 2: now as something endearing and an approach that we can
Speaker 2: all kind of take. Like if you're saying everyone knows
Speaker 2: something we don't, then that would apply to kids too,
Speaker 2: and people you would think, oh, they don't know as
Speaker 2: much as me. Maybe not, but they definitely know something
Speaker 2: you don't.
Speaker 3: Which absolutely yes. There's a chapter in the book actually
Speaker 3: on how to raise and educate curious question askers as kids,
Speaker 3: and one of the most important things is to model
Speaker 3: that curiosity for our kids, which means saying in front
Speaker 3: of our own kids, Wow, what a great question. I
Speaker 3: have no idea. How could we find out the answer
Speaker 3: to that question? And the more that we model that,
Speaker 3: the more that we let them know it's not only okay,
Speaker 3: but it's a good thing to be curious, because kids
Speaker 3: do what they see their parents doing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's okay that not everyone has the answer
Speaker 1: immediately that you'll always you know, for most of the
Speaker 1: time have to get creative to find the answer.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I say that to my four year old all the time, like,
Speaker 1: that's a great question, I have no idea, And I
Speaker 1: think now he's just starting to think, like maybe I
Speaker 1: should ask my other parent. He's starting to problem solve creatively.
Speaker 3: But stick with that. I think it will still benefit
Speaker 3: in his curiosity. He'll turn into a question, you know,
Speaker 3: he'll stay curious. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, sometimes it stops there for me, like I don't know, well,
Speaker 2: not voting well for us. If you all listening have
Speaker 2: a bill that you want to submit, it is about
Speaker 2: Bill and I the science guy or you are Bill
Speaker 2: Ny the science guy. You know to do because a
Speaker 2: Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash Bill. Leave us your bill.
Speaker 2: We're ready for it. And now it's time for the
Speaker 2: lightning around.
Speaker 1: All right? So oh I love this one.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: So today's lightning round, our vulnerability round. What is the
Speaker 1: most interesting question you've ever been asked? It can be
Speaker 1: the weirdest, hardest, best, whatever, it's it's your choice. Jeff
Speaker 1: will let you go first.
Speaker 3: I need a minute. I didn't come prepared for this question.
Speaker 2: Okay, we we did.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll go first. So this is I brought my
Speaker 1: phone to prepare for this. Oh here, it's back here.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: So in my career, I have gotten so many emails
Speaker 1: like reader and listener emails and they are lovely, and
Speaker 1: so I got this one and the actual question and
Speaker 1: it'll make sense in context. But the actual question is
Speaker 1: would you be against holding a chat or call discussing
Speaker 1: your business in detail and the game plan? Okay? But
Speaker 1: the context is I got this email titled the Devil
Speaker 1: and angel, and it is a picture of a guy
Speaker 1: who has super imposed his face on an angel and
Speaker 1: a devil on each shoulder and just says, the devil
Speaker 1: told me don't email him, it might skyrock at his sales.
Speaker 1: But the angel on my right shoulder said, be a
Speaker 1: man of God and spread the game plan.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: And there's a lot of other but essentially that question
Speaker 1: I didn't. I mean, I know, it's like they did
Speaker 1: some photoshop, you know, like it's a good I don't
Speaker 1: know if you can see it, Jeff, but like.
Speaker 3: That is impressive. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So that's my favorite question because of the context.
Speaker 2: I love how we call it vulnerability round and then
Speaker 2: we just say silly things. You can take it deep
Speaker 2: unrrible launch.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I was thinking, I so I mentioned my daughter.
Speaker 3: I also have a son who's seventeen, and particularly with
Speaker 3: the age that he's in, he is questioning me a
Speaker 3: lot about everything, And probably one of the best questions
Speaker 3: I've got recently is like, why would you ever think
Speaker 3: that's a good idea from my son? Which you know,
Speaker 3: I probably wouldn't put in the category of quality questions
Speaker 3: in my book, but I actually think he meant it
Speaker 3: literally and I remember when I was seventeen, I thought
Speaker 3: I knew a lot more than my parents and all
Speaker 3: that kind of thing. But when I actually sat with
Speaker 3: his question, I thought, you know, let me think about that,
Speaker 3: because he you know, he makes some good points, and
Speaker 3: I'm going to take it seriously. So why would you
Speaker 3: ever think that's a good idea? It's probably my most
Speaker 3: recent vulnerable question.
Speaker 1: Did you come back with a slide show like a
Speaker 1: slide deck, being like, this is why I would ever
Speaker 1: think that.
Speaker 3: This is a good idea. I'm still working on it.
Speaker 3: I'm still building it, making air tight case.
Speaker 2: Yes, he is asking for more of a reasoning behind it,
Speaker 2: just in the kindest There.
Speaker 3: Is the safety that he could ask.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's not in helping the safe space, but he's
Speaker 1: getting there.
Speaker 2: That's reminding me of one. So that's going to make
Speaker 2: me share too. But speaking of kids questions, there was
Speaker 2: this little girl. She was probably seven at the time
Speaker 2: that she asked me this question, and she must not
Speaker 2: have met many people like me, but she asked, am
Speaker 2: I a teenager or am I a mother? Like those
Speaker 2: are the only two options for her. I'm either a teenager?
Speaker 1: Are you a teenage?
Speaker 3: More?
Speaker 2: Mother? And I'm like, I'm neither. I'm I'm an adult
Speaker 2: woman without children. It was not computing for her. She
Speaker 2: was from a big family. She probably has only ever
Speaker 2: seen moms. Adult women are moms. Or you can have
Speaker 2: an older looking girl who's just a teenager. She just no, no, no,
Speaker 2: but are you a teenager? Or are you a mom?
Speaker 2: The poor girl I blew her mind that day. Anyways,
Speaker 2: the one that I did want to say that relates
Speaker 2: to the podcast. So speaking of the bill of the
Speaker 2: week that we just put you through, there was one
Speaker 2: time early on that we got a caller who just said,
Speaker 2: who is?
Speaker 1: Well, it was a text. We weren't using speak pipe.
Speaker 1: We were using like the Google voice number so that
Speaker 1: you could text that number, right.
Speaker 2: I remember it being yeah, we read it, but I
Speaker 2: thought maybe it was transcribed. But that was it. They
Speaker 2: texted the bill of the week line, just who is.
Speaker 3: And we know what.
Speaker 1: We used it the early days and we didn't have
Speaker 1: a lot of you know, bills of the week, and
Speaker 1: so it definitely we used it.
Speaker 2: And it's us. Yeah, our answer is it?
Speaker 1: Jill?
Speaker 2: Who disit us?
Speaker 3: Yes? You could take that question to a very deep level.
Speaker 2: Yes, who are we? Very true, Jeff. Well, if people
Speaker 2: want to take this conversation to a deeper level, where
Speaker 2: can they get more from you?
Speaker 1: She's a queen it seguez.
Speaker 3: I love that segue. So the website is www dot
Speaker 3: ask Approach dot com and the book is called Ask
Speaker 3: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People around You, which
Speaker 3: you can get anywhere you can get books, and they
Speaker 3: can also follow us on Instagram at ask Approach.
Speaker 2: Beautiful. Thank you Jeff for sharing your wisdom today.
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you for your great questions. It was really
Speaker 3: fun to talk with you, all right, that was so good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, ooh, that was really good. I think the conversation
Speaker 1: on safety is going to be really valuable because it
Speaker 1: can feel so one sided to be seeking information from people,
Speaker 1: but there are ways to make it a safe space
Speaker 1: to where people want to share and actually benefit from sharing.
Speaker 1: There are so many and I want to like direct
Speaker 1: this specifically to women because I know that's the majority
Speaker 1: of our audience and I've just kind of been thinking
Speaker 1: on this, but like, there are so many women with
Speaker 1: gifts that don't know that what they have is special
Speaker 1: and or maybe have heard it but don't yet believe it.
Speaker 1: And the more we tell people. What you have is
Speaker 1: a gift? Can you share it with me? The more
Speaker 1: we help people succeed and realize their full potential. And
Speaker 1: I think as women we cannot gatekeep the gifts that
Speaker 1: we have because in business settings, c suite men have
Speaker 1: been networking and leveraging networks and seeking to identify like
Speaker 1: the places in the room where they can learn, and
Speaker 1: that's just felt so foreign to us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well sometimes I'm just tired.
Speaker 1: But I mean I can also feel inauthentic too. We
Speaker 1: want to create real relationships. We're not looking to leverage
Speaker 1: business connections, right, but that comes at the detriment of
Speaker 1: we're also nervous to you know, extract or squeeze information
Speaker 1: out of people, But there are safe ways to do
Speaker 1: it that build both people in the relationship.
Speaker 2: Up agreed, Yeah, that safety one was key for me.
Speaker 2: Making it's not just about asking questions. It's also making
Speaker 2: sure that the setting is right and that people understand
Speaker 2: why you're asking it, what's the motive behind it? Can
Speaker 2: you give more contexts and make it more of an exchange,
Speaker 2: more reciprocity.
Speaker 1: And I think one of the great I mean, the
Speaker 1: one of the key takeaways I took is like starting
Speaker 1: with vulnerability is like putting out just I mean not
Speaker 1: getting like you know, spilly and spilling your guts out,
Speaker 1: but like start with a little piece of vulnerability and
Speaker 1: that does really put out like safe space vibes.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So thank you so much for listening. I hope
Speaker 1: that you got something out of this and that you
Speaker 1: are going to take this and you're going to build
Speaker 1: better relationships, relationships that are mutually beneficial and help you
Speaker 1: get just get more out of life. And thank you
Speaker 1: for sending sweet emails about the friend letter. We want
Speaker 1: to share this one specifically, and this is for Misty.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys know, but we no
Speaker 1: longer write the emails. Misty and Kim, our frugal friends
Speaker 1: are writing them now. And we got this one from
Speaker 1: Erica that says, this email from Misty resonated with me
Speaker 1: because I did not redeem my Sephora or to birthday
Speaker 1: gifts last year. This was an email about birthday freebies.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I missed some more other than those. I
Speaker 1: do think we need to plan out how to maximize
Speaker 1: our birthday rewards. I wonder if someone's made a checklist
Speaker 1: of birthday rewards for National Change Chains. Thanks for making
Speaker 1: Monday a little brighter. Happy Monday, Erica. I did email you,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to share this for everyone else. The
Speaker 1: Crazy cubeon Lady has a list of over one hundred
Speaker 1: and so I actually you'll be seeing this very soon
Speaker 1: because my birthday is in two days from this release.
Speaker 1: I have made a list and signed up for a
Speaker 1: bunch like twelve of the freebies on that list from
Speaker 1: Crazy cubon Lady, and I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna do I'm going to do this.
Speaker 1: I'm going to chronicle myself on my birthday. That's getting
Speaker 1: my birthday freebies. So stay tuned for that.
Speaker 2: Yay, getting my birthday freebies. Thanks Erica for your email,
Speaker 2: and thanks everybody for tuning in listening again if you
Speaker 2: want those freebees, savings tips, values based spending hacks sent
Speaker 2: to your email. If you want to get stuff from
Speaker 2: Misty and Kim and us girlfriendspodcast dot com, see yah.
Speaker 1: Frugal Friends is produced by Eric sirianni.
Speaker 2: Okay. I had a very scary question this morning, checking
Speaker 2: of questions. All right, you were here for it.
Speaker 1: I was I experienced this? You catastrophizing at your finest.
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh my gosh, yes, yes, I am prone to that.
Speaker 2: I will amplify situation if it can be amplified. And
Speaker 2: the question came from my husband Eric, who walked into
Speaker 2: the kitchen and said, is this a flea? Actually, he said.
Speaker 3: Are these flea?
Speaker 2: Because there weren't two of them. He puts them on
Speaker 2: our white counter. They're hopping around. Jen from ten feet
Speaker 2: away is able to say, yep, absolutely, yep. I'm not
Speaker 2: even close to them, and I can see them hopping around.
Speaker 2: They fleees. They jump like a flea, they look like
Speaker 2: a flea. They're fleas. And so here we are over here,
Speaker 2: me and my husband Eric, because if you remember from
Speaker 2: the episode, I do not have children. I'm not a
Speaker 2: teenager or a mother. I don't have children, and I
Speaker 2: do not have pets, and yet I have fleas in
Speaker 2: my house.
Speaker 1: Well, you traveled with somebody who had fleas. Well, their
Speaker 1: dog had fleas and the fleas.
Speaker 3: The dog was not with us.
Speaker 2: The dog was not with us, but the owners of
Speaker 2: the dog were with us. And m h, I think
Speaker 2: that now we have a dog. I don't know, like
Speaker 2: I feel like we get the worst of like the
Speaker 2: things of people, like people love having dogs and children
Speaker 2: and they get all the perks and we get all
Speaker 2: the like peripheral cons like oh yeah, we don't have
Speaker 2: a dog, but we have fleas. We don't have kids,
Speaker 2: but we get their sicknesses. Like I don't know what
Speaker 2: to do. Yeah here, well I mean I need to
Speaker 2: be a teenager instead.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or yeah, it's but your house is pretty sterile,
Speaker 1: like you clean a lot, you have very little fabric furniture.
Speaker 1: You there will not be a lot of places for
Speaker 1: them to live.
Speaker 2: I hope. So yeah, smoke them out, baby, Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2: But I did not love that. I actually hated it.
Speaker 2: Hated that question, the answer to that question.
Speaker 1: It was an intense like it was an intense morning.
Speaker 2: I don't got time for that.
Speaker 3: We just hire.
Speaker 1: We have a book due in two and a half weeks,
Speaker 1: and we do not have time for fleas. I don't
Speaker 1: have time for Jill to have fleas.
Speaker 2: And don't sit too close to me.
Speaker 1: Later, she's like, maybe you should leave, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I can't leave, like I have to be here. You
Speaker 1: didn't have to go on vacation, but I have to
Speaker 1: be here, so don't give me please. I also don't
Speaker 1: have a dog, and my children do not have fleas.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 2: Don't don't. I ain't got time. No one has time.