WEBVTT - Wives & Money... Part V #704 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:01.400 Welcome to How to Money. 0:00:01.440 --> 0:00:05.560 I'm Joel, and I am Matt, I'm Emily, I'm Kate. 0:00:06.040 --> 0:00:09.640 That's right, and today we're recording an episode with our 0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:13.640 wives talking about money. 0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:33.159 That's right, man. This is our fifth annual. Is that 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:35.519 what we're gonna call this? We do this just about 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:37.680 every year, and specifically we do it while we're at 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:39.840 the beach. It's a way for us to not get 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:42.960 too far behind in the episodes that we're creating. So 0:00:43.000 --> 0:00:46.400 we make a little bit of work with pleasure. And 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:48.840 we've got our wives here, Kate and Emily. And before 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:50.360 we get to the questions, Yanna, what do y'all think 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:54.000 about this house that we're staying in? Because I'll go 0:00:54.000 --> 0:00:57.080 ahead and quick explainer. This is by far the nicest 0:00:57.120 --> 0:00:59.800 beach house that we've stayed in, and I would say 0:00:59.840 --> 0:01:01.520 that we come a long way since some of the 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:03.040 early beach days. 0:01:03.480 --> 0:01:05.760 Have we Ever, we have more than one bathroom for 0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:08.680 eleven people, so that is a win. Now, this house 0:01:08.720 --> 0:01:11.440 is awesome. It has a pool, which is fantastic when 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:12.360 you got seven kids. 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:15.120 Yeah, I think it looks like Kate does not like it. 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:19.320 She's just pounding over there for some reason. But o. 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:22.160 Kate does like it because well, it's got the dopest 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:24.480 stove that we've ever cooked on. Have you ever? 0:01:26.480 --> 0:01:26.680 No? 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:28.800 No, and now I will cook on nothing else. 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:33.720 Yeah, So that's not good for your budget. 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:35.720 You feel like it's worth it the additional money for 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:37.760 the additional luxury. I think it was. 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:41.400 I was thinking just this morning, how we Emily mentioned 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:43.800 a house with just one bathroom which we legitimately stayed 0:01:43.800 --> 0:01:47.840 at in Jacksonville Beach. There was one like outside, but 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:50.320 then there was one inside, and so for all of 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:52.480 us to share that bathroom is literally like an outhouse. 0:01:52.600 --> 0:01:55.320 Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you when you were in there. 0:01:55.640 --> 0:01:58.160 So it was like splitting that house was kind of crazy, 0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:01.000 and it was we remember we finally figured out the 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:03.720 name spelled backwards it was it was called autumn Ott 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:05.080 and we were like, what does that mean? It was 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:08.040 tomatoes spelled backwards because they had tomato stuff all up 0:02:08.080 --> 0:02:08.560 in the kitchen. 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:11.680 We were sitting there playing games, and yeah, I looked 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:14.080 up there and realized that, holy, it's like it was 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:15.680 It's like the scene in The Shining where the kids 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:17.800 saying red rum the whole time, and finally it clicks 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:19.280 and we're all kind of horrified. 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:22.079 That's actually exactly how it went. 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:28.760 Down, and we're like, that's why there's tomato parafernally. Yeah. 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:30.959 Yeah, as the kids get older, it's like we need 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:33.440 a little more space and and so and this. 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:34.400 This is definitely an upgrade. 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.640 But I think it's nice to go from uh like 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:42.000 crummy slumming it, and it makes you appreciate the nicer 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:43.600 thing a little bit more than if you just like 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:46.440 upgrade all the time and everything's nice all the time. 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:48.600 So I don't know, I have fond memories of that trip, 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:51.800 even though I know, like going number two was weird 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:53.000 because there was one bathroom. 0:02:53.080 --> 0:02:53.720 Everyone was there. 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:54.280 It was awkward. 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:56.200 I also want to just shout out that we have 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:58.520 no kids and diapers for the first time on this vacation. 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:01.160 Everyone swimming. I mean, the boys are on lifefest, but 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:03.800 they're swimming, and it is a game changer. 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:06.520 I feel more like a like an adult rather than 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:08.320 a parent chasing chasing a kid. 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:11.240 I've actually read a book, like maybe only a chapter, 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:14.240 but that is the first in a lot of years. 0:03:14.320 --> 0:03:17.400 Yeah. Yeah, it's okay, different, definitely different vibes. Do you 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:19.800 So here's my here's my question. Or thought for y'all. 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:22.799 Do y'all have any regrets about this house, because I'll 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:24.880 go ahead and say I think I have been the 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:28.160 one that has had the most not cold feet. But 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:30.360 when we were initially looking at some of the different properties, 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:31.799 I was just like, Oh my gosh, are we really 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.760 going to spend? Like literally when you use Kate sent 0:03:34.840 --> 0:03:36.960 it out as a joke, I was like, oh, we 0:03:37.000 --> 0:03:39.920 could get this one, ha ha. But then we basically 0:03:39.960 --> 0:03:41.280 the more we looked at it, the more we thought, 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:46.120 oh no, what if we got this, This would be amazing, zero. 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:49.800 Regrets, more jokes, no regrets, no regrets. Let's do it 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:50.400 again next year. 0:03:50.520 --> 0:03:53.640 It's great. Yep. I think this one is worth the money. 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:56.920 It's an anial trip and I don't know it's even 0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:59.760 proximity to the beach, walking there, the pool, all that stuff. 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:02.560 It's this. This is like it's definitely got the like 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:04.800 the value is there. Yeah, we couldn't go back to Atama. 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:06.560 That would be the one. Like it's worth the money. 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:08.520 It's just it always comes under the individual, like is 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:11.080 it worth the money to the person? Like is it 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:15.160 worth the money to us? Essentially? Yes? 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:19.520 Yea seven kids, I mean the kids in the huh. 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:20.880 Yeah, well, I mean you guys still reach out and 0:04:20.920 --> 0:04:22.320 ask for a discount, didn't you. 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:25.120 Oh yeah, well, I think we had initially booked it 0:04:25.120 --> 0:04:26.920 through Airbnb. And then this is a little trick by 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:29.320 the way. You see, you see who lists it, and 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:31.360 oftentimes it's a vacation rental company. And then we were like, 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:33.600 wait a second, we're still in the cancelation window. Let's 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:36.240 cancel this joker. After we reach out to the vacation 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:40.080 rental company and it was like thousands of dollars less then, 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:42.360 and and so literally I was looking up the dates 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:44.520 for next year. It's more than it's a more than 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:47.240 three thousand dollars difference if you book through Airbnb versus 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:48.080 booking directly. 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:48.760 Holy count. 0:04:48.839 --> 0:04:51.320 So when that's when you're looking on airby me and 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:53.640 you see a place, don't necessarily book right away. Maybe 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:55.760 maybe you can see if the owner or the vacation 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:58.240 rental agency can give you a better price. 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:00.000 That's right, Okay, So let's go ahead and get in 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:03.520 the questions before hour before kids start making their way 0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:06.960 up here after the movie runs out downstairs. I think 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:09.000 we should probably start this episode off the way we 0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:11.320 start off our interviews, which is we always ask guests 0:05:11.320 --> 0:05:13.480 and y'all know this, ladies, but we ask our guests 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:15.200 what their craft beer equivalent is, Like, what is their 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:18.320 splurge the thing that they spend money on that to 0:05:18.520 --> 0:05:21.919 a lot of folks is maybe a complete waste of money. So, 0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:25.160 first of all, Susanne, I think she wanted to know 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:28.520 if y'all like Kraft beer. But then secondly, like, what 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:32.120 is something you actually splurge on? And specifically she was 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:34.359 wanting to know if we have a splurge budget, do 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:38.479 we set money aside for splurges for us individually? Kate? 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:39.520 How about you kick it off? 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:44.159 Sure? I do like craft beer. We enjoy visiting brewers 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:46.719 and different cities when we visit, and it's just sort 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:48.800 of one thing we do when we travel, but it 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:52.520 is not my craft beer. Does that make it's I 0:05:52.560 --> 0:05:54.400 love craft beer, but it is not my craft beer. 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:59.760 My craft beer equivalent, like money, splurge is probably plants. 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:02.320 Yeah, I can attest to that. 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:08.080 Plants inside and outside, and probably also art supplies. Buy 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:11.640 so many art supplies for projects that are unnecessary but fun. 0:06:11.760 --> 0:06:13.440 So yeah, that's what that's what mine would be. 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:16.599 That is something that you spend money on that. I 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:18.800 think most people would say, what you're spending how much 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:22.880 on paper or things that you think should not cost 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:23.479 a lot of money? 0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:28.599 But yeah, yeah, I also love craft beer and but yes, 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:31.480 it's not my splurge. If I was going to splurge 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:34.679 me in in this season of life, I think two things. Books. 0:06:35.200 --> 0:06:37.400 I'm reading a lot of books, and I love books. 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:39.599 I'm willing to spend money on it. But also just 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:43.560 convenience right now, like we're doing instacart this week instead 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:44.919 of having to go to the grocery store, and it 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:49.280 is amazing. I wouldn't normally do that, but anything that 0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:52.840 kind of is convenient, and this season helps speeds things 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:54.720 up or it gives me more time. I am all 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:55.200 about it. 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:57.640 Well, I'll say that I did go to the grocery 0:06:57.640 --> 0:06:59.960 store yesterday, So what we might do with some is 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:01.400 car but yeah. 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:01.520 That's true. 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:04.800 We tipped you, though, we tipped you for yours. 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:06.839 Grocery store. 0:07:08.000 --> 0:07:09.440 Uh, so we're going to get some more list for 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:11.120 questions later on. There were a lot of thoughtful ones 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:13.640 posted in the Facebook group. Can't wait to get to those. 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:15.680 But real quick, I think we should talk about like 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:18.320 this this time last year, our beach trip last year, 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:20.960 we were still not We were planning on moving, but 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:22.640 we weren't sure if we were going to pull it off, 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:25.320 especially our family. You guys were under contract or had 0:07:25.320 --> 0:07:27.320 already even closed maybe, I guess on the house, and 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:30.800 we were like maybe. And then quickly thereafter we ended 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:33.200 up going on our contract on a place. We both 0:07:33.240 --> 0:07:35.400 moved a week apart from one another, moved to the 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:39.600 burbs from the city. And it's been an interesting year, uh, 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:42.240 to say the least for our families, as we've adjusted 0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:44.120 to kind of a new a new way of life 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:48.040 in a new place. So I'm just curious, Emily, in particular, 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:50.840 what has this past year taught you before we get 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:52.320 into like the hardcore money stuff. 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:55.280 Oh, that's a that's a big question. That's a fun question. 0:07:55.600 --> 0:08:01.120 I think it's taught me resilience and adaptability, and that 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:05.360 it's important to look for the best and the good 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:10.240 and people and situations even when it's unfamiliar, and that 0:08:10.480 --> 0:08:13.360 you are out of control in life more than you think, 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:14.480 but that that's not a bad thing. 0:08:14.880 --> 0:08:17.000 Well, and I think partly what you're referring to, Emily 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:19.400 as well, like a tree came crashing throw roof, We've 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:21.440 been in a we've got rear ended in a car accident, 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:23.240 so we've been displaced out of our home for a 0:08:23.240 --> 0:08:25.840 couple of months. So it's been for us even more 0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:27.600 than just moving to a new place. All those other 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:30.840 things added in which is made We've gone. 0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:33.800 To a lot of and how to usher three kids 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:37.319 through a lot of change. And so I think that's 0:08:37.400 --> 0:08:39.959 just showed us a lot about ourselves and a lot 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:42.520 about other people, and how do you just make the 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:45.240 best of it even if it's not ideal, and how 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:48.040 to be grateful for what things are, even if they're 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:50.400 not familiar. I like control. I think I've said it 0:08:50.400 --> 0:08:52.400 before on this podcast. I really like control. And this 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:53.960 has been a year in which I just haven't been 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:56.720 in control. But that's been a good thing. I'm also 0:08:56.760 --> 0:09:00.920 grateful for where we've landed. It's been good. It's just 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:01.520 taught us a. 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:03.920 Lot what's specifically about the move. And so I mean 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:06.640 we've I think you know this, but we recorded an 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:10.400 entire episode, maybe right after we moved, or maybe right before, 0:09:10.400 --> 0:09:13.280 talking about just the different reasons how to move and 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:17.400 the different factors that we considered. But what about moving 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:20.160 to our our little burb just outside of Atlanta. What 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:23.120 has made that, I guess worth the move. 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:27.360 Yeah. Space partly. I mean we have a huge yard. Now, 0:09:27.360 --> 0:09:29.160 we have a driveway for the first time. It is 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:31.679 hilarious how much our kids are like, it's a driveway, 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:34.200 we can play games a garage. 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:36.640 Like yeah, honestly, I know that I have made fun 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:38.680 of garages in the past. I'm like, it's a house 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:42.240 for your car, yeah, and like, who's going. But the 0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:45.439 utility that comes with having a garage, it's incredible. I 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:47.400 mean all of the it's it's where you put all 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:49.760 the things that you use outside, but you don't necessarily 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:51.439 want to soar them. In's side, I'm like, Okay, I 0:09:51.679 --> 0:09:53.720 guess I've kind of come around, you know, when it 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:56.160 comes to garages. But yeah, they're great. All the things 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:58.920 that were where we moved. Yeah, more space, like you said, 0:09:59.000 --> 0:10:01.760 but just being closer to nature. There's a certain degree 0:10:01.760 --> 0:10:07.440 of like the neighborhoods and the town encourage family life essentially, 0:10:07.480 --> 0:10:09.760 Like there's a lot of things that make it I 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:11.680 think easier sort of like you're saying, like you're talking 0:10:11.679 --> 0:10:15.560 about convenience, and it's certainly it's certainly possible to raise 0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:19.680 a family in town. But I do think that, at 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:21.640 least for us, like there was a mindset shift that 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:23.520 when we moved out to the Burbs, we sort of 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:25.840 like when we talked about working out, Like when we moved, 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:27.600 it was easy for me to make this mental shift 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:30.199 of like, oh, Matt is somebody who works out now, 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:33.080 but that coincided with a move. So it was like 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:35.920 this physical, tangible change that took place. And I think 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:37.559 like the fresh start effect that we talked about with 0:10:37.640 --> 0:10:41.040 Katie Bill exactly exactly, And I think something is similar 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:43.440 when it comes to sort of making some of these 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:46.120 what feel like sacrifices at the time, right moving out 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:50.680 of a city and having this it's a change of mindset, 0:10:51.000 --> 0:10:53.400 while there is still sort of an actual change in 0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:56.800 sort of the amenities or the restaurants or the festivals. 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:59.040 You know, Like it's a lot different taking our kids 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:01.080 up to the Square going to a Fourth of July 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:02.839 Parade than it is to take them to East Atlanta 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:06.520 Village for the Eastlana Strut, right, And we went to 0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:09.280 both of those through over the past ten years or so. 0:11:09.400 --> 0:11:11.680 But I guess, Kate, like I'm curious if you have 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:17.000 any regrets or anything you miss, specifically from living out 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:19.040 here in the burbs as opposed to living in town. 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:22.000 I don't think this is a regret, but I definitely 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:27.520 miss the community that we had built over sure fifteen years. 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:33.400 I mean that was those were old established relationships, and yeah, 0:11:33.440 --> 0:11:35.120 we're kind of jumping in in the middle of a 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:38.800 lot of old established relationships now and trying to find 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:42.959 your way into a comfortable position in those people's worlds 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:45.480 is a little bit hard. They've got rhythms, they've got people. 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:47.480 They do this every Fourth of July? Do they do 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:51.319 that every Halloween? Like we are having to figure out 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:54.080 a lot of stuff sort of from the middle. It 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:56.760 feels like, I'm glad we didn't do this five years 0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:59.360 from now. It would have been even harder, harder, Like. 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:01.520 We're trying to pull it or bust into Jerry's apartment, 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:05.520 But Jerry's apartment is other people's lives, and I agree. 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:06.480 That's what it does. 0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:08.360 It's hard to be new. I mean, there's just a 0:12:08.440 --> 0:12:10.040 huge learning curve relationally. 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:10.360 Yeah. 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:12.800 Yeah, and everyone has been so kind. I don't want 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:14.959 to I don't want to downplay that at all. Everyone's 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:17.560 been so nice. It's just your in a rhythm of 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:20.800 doing certain things and you don't always think of that 0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:23.480 new family down the street, you know, So it does 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:25.200 make it it's a little hard for me. I'm not 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:29.000 as bold of a person, and so I would kind 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:34.000 of rather be invited than like go out and show 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:36.080 up at people's houses. But I've got to show up 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:38.480 at some houses. I mean I really have like shown 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:40.200 up at some people's houses where I didn't know if 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:42.480 I was going to really know anybody. And I'm just 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:45.280 gonna see how it goes socially. It can be hard, 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:47.120 and you kind of do it like for your kids, 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:49.120 like you know, your kids need the friends too, So 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:53.120 that's kind of given me confidence to to pour into 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:55.880 those relationships and try to make them make the best. 0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:59.320 Yeah. Well, the fact is we are closer to a costco, 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:01.959 so that does make things slightly more affordable. As we've 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:04.920 been able to fully embrace the costco membership. 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:08.240 We're not joking about that it meets and all. 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:10.079 I mean I would again this is something else that 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:11.839 made fun of. But now that we live closer and 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:15.079 literally there's a costco closer to us than the Aldie 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:18.199 by like fifty feet. That's why you got the Kirkland 0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:20.000 signature tattoo on your lower back. Then I love it. 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:22.520 You're all about it now, which I love pretty much. 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:23.679 All about it all right? 0:13:23.720 --> 0:13:26.200 So I want to talk real quick too about There 0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:29.040 was a listener question on a recent Ask htm episode 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:32.120 and it was just so fun to hear from a 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:36.360 listener who his girlfriend was in grad school to become 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:39.920 a licensed therapist, and so he was like, has it 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.000 like messed up your world as much as it is 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:44.920 to mess mine up? I gave my best reply to that, 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:47.040 talking about have Yeah, it has messed it up, but 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:50.360 in a lot of good ways too. So Leslie, she said, 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:53.000 how did you know it was the right time to 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:55.319 go back to school and eventually the workforce. You're not 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:57.200 in the workforce yet, you're still in school, but next 0:13:57.240 --> 0:13:59.400 year you're going to start interning, so we're on the 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:03.400 precipiciode that and did the ages of your children play 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:06.560 a big role? What's that kind of it's been over 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:07.640 two years now you've been in school. 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:08.480 What's been like for us? 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:13.120 Well? First, my favorite quote has when Joel looked at 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.920 me after proofreading like my third paper and was like, 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:17.440 you know, I never knew I had so many problems 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:18.680 until you started grad school. 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:22.200 But it's big good Chris was bliss. 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:25.280 Yeah, So I mean it's definitely rocked our world. I 0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:27.960 think again, you know, being new, going back to school, 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:31.240 learning anything new, you know, it kind of shows you 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:32.920 who you are in a new light as you develop 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:35.200 new skills. But I think especially this profession which you're 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:38.880 doing so much introspection and internal work. So yeah, it 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:41.680 has It's changed us, and it's changed me I think 0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:44.200 for the better. I think it's helped me feel more 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:46.640 steady and have a sense of identity and purpose and 0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:50.600 less anxiety. But I'm also specializing in couples and families, 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:53.360 so we've talked a lot about our relationship and kind 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:55.160 of learned to say, yeah, this is good, but we 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:57.440 also long for more. So what does it look like 0:14:57.600 --> 0:15:01.600 to love each other well? And where do we actually 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:03.200 need to grow? What are we not doing well? And 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:06.680 that's just a rocky process to be honest and take 0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:09.040 a good look at yourself and your marriage and what 0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:11.280 you've created and to call what's good, but to also 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:14.960 push yourself to grow. So it's been really really good work, 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:17.520 but it's also been probably an intense is maybe a 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:21.080 good word season for us, but good? And then I 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:23.720 love the question how did I decide to go back? Yes, 0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:26.600 my kids' ages had a lot to do with it. 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:30.480 We had just I went back when my youngest was one, 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:33.160 so I had just finished nursing, and I knew that 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:36.120 we were done with having children, and so I kind 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:38.360 of felt some freedom to start thinking about what I 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:42.280 wanted to do next. I also knew I generally just 0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:44.720 loved working and kind of loved the career it had before, 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:46.600 and knew that I wanted to go back to school, 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.960 and this is a direction I was probably going to go, 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:53.320 but I didn't actually have courage to do it. It 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:55.560 wasn't like my first choice to go back to school. 0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:58.720 I think the pandemic in which it just took a 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:00.640 lot out of our family kind of gave me the 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:03.600 courage to say, Okay, I've given a lot to hold 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:05.880 our kids together through school and a newborn, what do 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:08.040 I want to do? And then I had another friend 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:10.720 who was in her fifties who had just gone back 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:13.880 to school for a counseling degree, and it was just 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:15.640 such an encouragement to think, you know, like I'm going 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:17.720 to do this. There's never a perfect time, but this 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:19.120 is what I've wanted to do, and I'm just going 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:21.280 to jump off the deep end and do it. 0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:25.240 So, yeah, it's been a killer experience for you, but 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:26.840 I think it's been good for our family. It's not 0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:30.480 always easy, right as we're having deeper conversations, harder conversations 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:32.440 at times, but it's also been really good, I think 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:34.320 for the kids to see you pursue something that you 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:36.600 love and something that you're really good at. And I 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:40.680 think it's helped you and I connect relationally intellectually in 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:45.360 different ways too. So it's yeah, not always easy, like 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:46.440 you said, but it's been good. 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:49.040 So quick follow then, and I'm going to kind of 0:16:49.080 --> 0:16:50.480 jump around a little bit as we've got some of 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:54.760 these different questions. But has that changed the dynamic for y'all? So, Emily, 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:57.520 you're in school, you're reading a lot more writing, you've 0:16:57.520 --> 0:16:59.400 got a lot of homework, that kind of stuff. Has 0:16:59.440 --> 0:17:02.320 that changed the different at home roles? So this kind 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:05.040 of alludes to Jess's question. She wanted to know what 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:08.080 do you think about the balance of financial contributions versus 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:12.200 the domestic tasks or housework like the mental load of 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:15.040 managing a home. The labor is valuable. How do you 0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:15.520 divide it? 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:18.760 Oh man, that's such a great question because you know, 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:22.399 as a family, we definitely value the domestic part of it, 0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:24.600 even though you're not making money for it. But it's 0:17:24.640 --> 0:17:27.239 it's really shifted the dynamics, I think majorly in our 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:29.680 home because I did even though I was still working 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:32.520 part time, I worked from home. In some years I 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:35.720 wasn't working at all, especially when I had newborns, and 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:38.560 I took on like a very large share of the 0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:41.720 domestic tasks and you just kind of were out of 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:43.639 you know, you went and worked and did your thing there. 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:45.399 So I think we all took out the garbage and stuff. 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:47.200 But yeah, it was definitely doing far yes. 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:51.600 Yeah, and so we've really had to shift, Yeah who 0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:54.280 does what? And I think, you know, it's not even 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:57.159 always this conversation where we had it intentionally on the 0:17:57.200 --> 0:17:59.680 outset and lived it out. It was just kind of more, 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:02.400 you know, maybe things were falling apart or certain chores 0:18:02.440 --> 0:18:05.000 weren't getting done and I was overwhelmed and we just 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:06.920 had to sit down and be like, Okay, here's a problem. 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:09.240