Speaker 1: Welcome to How to Money.
Speaker 2: I'm Joel, and I am Matt, I'm Emily, I'm Kate.
Speaker 3: That's right, and today we're recording an episode with our
Speaker 3: wives talking about money.
Speaker 1: That's right, man. This is our fifth annual. Is that
Speaker 1: what we're gonna call this? We do this just about
Speaker 1: every year, and specifically we do it while we're at
Speaker 1: the beach. It's a way for us to not get
Speaker 1: too far behind in the episodes that we're creating. So
Speaker 1: we make a little bit of work with pleasure. And
Speaker 1: we've got our wives here, Kate and Emily. And before
Speaker 1: we get to the questions, Yanna, what do y'all think
Speaker 1: about this house that we're staying in? Because I'll go
Speaker 1: ahead and quick explainer. This is by far the nicest
Speaker 1: beach house that we've stayed in, and I would say
Speaker 1: that we come a long way since some of the
Speaker 1: early beach days.
Speaker 2: Have we Ever, we have more than one bathroom for
Speaker 2: eleven people, so that is a win. Now, this house
Speaker 2: is awesome. It has a pool, which is fantastic when
Speaker 2: you got seven kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it looks like Kate does not like it.
Speaker 1: She's just pounding over there for some reason. But o.
Speaker 1: Kate does like it because well, it's got the dopest
Speaker 1: stove that we've ever cooked on. Have you ever?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 4: No, and now I will cook on nothing else.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's not good for your budget.
Speaker 1: You feel like it's worth it the additional money for
Speaker 1: the additional luxury. I think it was.
Speaker 3: I was thinking just this morning, how we Emily mentioned
Speaker 3: a house with just one bathroom which we legitimately stayed
Speaker 3: at in Jacksonville Beach. There was one like outside, but
Speaker 3: then there was one inside, and so for all of
Speaker 3: us to share that bathroom is literally like an outhouse.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you when you were in there.
Speaker 3: So it was like splitting that house was kind of crazy,
Speaker 3: and it was we remember we finally figured out the
Speaker 3: name spelled backwards it was it was called autumn Ott
Speaker 3: and we were like, what does that mean? It was
Speaker 3: tomatoes spelled backwards because they had tomato stuff all up
Speaker 3: in the kitchen.
Speaker 1: We were sitting there playing games, and yeah, I looked
Speaker 1: up there and realized that, holy, it's like it was
Speaker 1: It's like the scene in The Shining where the kids
Speaker 1: saying red rum the whole time, and finally it clicks
Speaker 1: and we're all kind of horrified.
Speaker 2: That's actually exactly how it went.
Speaker 1: Down, and we're like, that's why there's tomato parafernally. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, as the kids get older, it's like we need
Speaker 3: a little more space and and so and this.
Speaker 1: This is definitely an upgrade.
Speaker 3: But I think it's nice to go from uh like
Speaker 3: crummy slumming it, and it makes you appreciate the nicer
Speaker 3: thing a little bit more than if you just like
Speaker 3: upgrade all the time and everything's nice all the time.
Speaker 3: So I don't know, I have fond memories of that trip,
Speaker 3: even though I know, like going number two was weird
Speaker 3: because there was one bathroom.
Speaker 2: Everyone was there.
Speaker 1: It was awkward.
Speaker 2: I also want to just shout out that we have
Speaker 2: no kids and diapers for the first time on this vacation.
Speaker 2: Everyone swimming. I mean, the boys are on lifefest, but
Speaker 2: they're swimming, and it is a game changer.
Speaker 1: I feel more like a like an adult rather than
Speaker 1: a parent chasing chasing a kid.
Speaker 2: I've actually read a book, like maybe only a chapter,
Speaker 2: but that is the first in a lot of years.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's okay, different, definitely different vibes. Do you
Speaker 1: So here's my here's my question. Or thought for y'all.
Speaker 1: Do y'all have any regrets about this house, because I'll
Speaker 1: go ahead and say I think I have been the
Speaker 1: one that has had the most not cold feet. But
Speaker 1: when we were initially looking at some of the different properties,
Speaker 1: I was just like, Oh my gosh, are we really
Speaker 1: going to spend? Like literally when you use Kate sent
Speaker 1: it out as a joke, I was like, oh, we
Speaker 1: could get this one, ha ha. But then we basically
Speaker 1: the more we looked at it, the more we thought,
Speaker 1: oh no, what if we got this, This would be amazing, zero.
Speaker 2: Regrets, more jokes, no regrets, no regrets. Let's do it
Speaker 2: again next year.
Speaker 1: It's great. Yep. I think this one is worth the money.
Speaker 3: It's an anial trip and I don't know it's even
Speaker 3: proximity to the beach, walking there, the pool, all that stuff.
Speaker 1: It's this. This is like it's definitely got the like
Speaker 1: the value is there. Yeah, we couldn't go back to Atama.
Speaker 1: That would be the one. Like it's worth the money.
Speaker 1: It's just it always comes under the individual, like is
Speaker 1: it worth the money to the person? Like is it
Speaker 1: worth the money to us? Essentially? Yes?
Speaker 2: Yea seven kids, I mean the kids in the huh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I mean you guys still reach out and
Speaker 4: ask for a discount, didn't you.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well, I think we had initially booked it
Speaker 3: through Airbnb. And then this is a little trick by
Speaker 3: the way. You see, you see who lists it, and
Speaker 3: oftentimes it's a vacation rental company. And then we were like,
Speaker 3: wait a second, we're still in the cancelation window. Let's
Speaker 3: cancel this joker. After we reach out to the vacation
Speaker 3: rental company and it was like thousands of dollars less then,
Speaker 3: and and so literally I was looking up the dates
Speaker 3: for next year. It's more than it's a more than
Speaker 3: three thousand dollars difference if you book through Airbnb versus
Speaker 3: booking directly.
Speaker 1: Holy count.
Speaker 3: So when that's when you're looking on airby me and
Speaker 3: you see a place, don't necessarily book right away. Maybe
Speaker 3: maybe you can see if the owner or the vacation
Speaker 3: rental agency can give you a better price.
Speaker 1: That's right, Okay, So let's go ahead and get in
Speaker 1: the questions before hour before kids start making their way
Speaker 1: up here after the movie runs out downstairs. I think
Speaker 1: we should probably start this episode off the way we
Speaker 1: start off our interviews, which is we always ask guests
Speaker 1: and y'all know this, ladies, but we ask our guests
Speaker 1: what their craft beer equivalent is, Like, what is their
Speaker 1: splurge the thing that they spend money on that to
Speaker 1: a lot of folks is maybe a complete waste of money. So,
Speaker 1: first of all, Susanne, I think she wanted to know
Speaker 1: if y'all like Kraft beer. But then secondly, like, what
Speaker 1: is something you actually splurge on? And specifically she was
Speaker 1: wanting to know if we have a splurge budget, do
Speaker 1: we set money aside for splurges for us individually? Kate?
Speaker 1: How about you kick it off?
Speaker 4: Sure? I do like craft beer. We enjoy visiting brewers
Speaker 4: and different cities when we visit, and it's just sort
Speaker 4: of one thing we do when we travel, but it
Speaker 4: is not my craft beer. Does that make it's I
Speaker 4: love craft beer, but it is not my craft beer.
Speaker 4: My craft beer equivalent, like money, splurge is probably plants.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can attest to that.
Speaker 4: Plants inside and outside, and probably also art supplies. Buy
Speaker 4: so many art supplies for projects that are unnecessary but fun.
Speaker 4: So yeah, that's what that's what mine would be.
Speaker 1: That is something that you spend money on that. I
Speaker 1: think most people would say, what you're spending how much
Speaker 1: on paper or things that you think should not cost
Speaker 1: a lot of money?
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, I also love craft beer and but yes,
Speaker 2: it's not my splurge. If I was going to splurge
Speaker 2: me in in this season of life, I think two things. Books.
Speaker 2: I'm reading a lot of books, and I love books.
Speaker 2: I'm willing to spend money on it. But also just
Speaker 2: convenience right now, like we're doing instacart this week instead
Speaker 2: of having to go to the grocery store, and it
Speaker 2: is amazing. I wouldn't normally do that, but anything that
Speaker 2: kind of is convenient, and this season helps speeds things
Speaker 2: up or it gives me more time. I am all
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: Well, I'll say that I did go to the grocery
Speaker 1: store yesterday, So what we might do with some is
Speaker 1: car but yeah.
Speaker 4: That's true.
Speaker 1: We tipped you, though, we tipped you for yours.
Speaker 2: Grocery store.
Speaker 3: Uh, so we're going to get some more list for
Speaker 3: questions later on. There were a lot of thoughtful ones
Speaker 3: posted in the Facebook group. Can't wait to get to those.
Speaker 3: But real quick, I think we should talk about like
Speaker 3: this this time last year, our beach trip last year,
Speaker 3: we were still not We were planning on moving, but
Speaker 3: we weren't sure if we were going to pull it off,
Speaker 3: especially our family. You guys were under contract or had
Speaker 3: already even closed maybe, I guess on the house, and
Speaker 3: we were like maybe. And then quickly thereafter we ended
Speaker 3: up going on our contract on a place. We both
Speaker 3: moved a week apart from one another, moved to the
Speaker 3: burbs from the city. And it's been an interesting year, uh,
Speaker 3: to say the least for our families, as we've adjusted
Speaker 3: to kind of a new a new way of life
Speaker 3: in a new place. So I'm just curious, Emily, in particular,
Speaker 3: what has this past year taught you before we get
Speaker 3: into like the hardcore money stuff.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's a that's a big question. That's a fun question.
Speaker 2: I think it's taught me resilience and adaptability, and that
Speaker 2: it's important to look for the best and the good
Speaker 2: and people and situations even when it's unfamiliar, and that
Speaker 2: you are out of control in life more than you think,
Speaker 2: but that that's not a bad thing.
Speaker 3: Well, and I think partly what you're referring to, Emily
Speaker 3: as well, like a tree came crashing throw roof, We've
Speaker 3: been in a we've got rear ended in a car accident,
Speaker 3: so we've been displaced out of our home for a
Speaker 3: couple of months. So it's been for us even more
Speaker 3: than just moving to a new place. All those other
Speaker 3: things added in which is made We've gone.
Speaker 2: To a lot of and how to usher three kids
Speaker 2: through a lot of change. And so I think that's
Speaker 2: just showed us a lot about ourselves and a lot
Speaker 2: about other people, and how do you just make the
Speaker 2: best of it even if it's not ideal, and how
Speaker 2: to be grateful for what things are, even if they're
Speaker 2: not familiar. I like control. I think I've said it
Speaker 2: before on this podcast. I really like control. And this
Speaker 2: has been a year in which I just haven't been
Speaker 2: in control. But that's been a good thing. I'm also
Speaker 2: grateful for where we've landed. It's been good. It's just
Speaker 2: taught us a.
Speaker 1: Lot what's specifically about the move. And so I mean
Speaker 1: we've I think you know this, but we recorded an
Speaker 1: entire episode, maybe right after we moved, or maybe right before,
Speaker 1: talking about just the different reasons how to move and
Speaker 1: the different factors that we considered. But what about moving
Speaker 1: to our our little burb just outside of Atlanta. What
Speaker 1: has made that, I guess worth the move.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Space partly. I mean we have a huge yard. Now,
Speaker 2: we have a driveway for the first time. It is
Speaker 2: hilarious how much our kids are like, it's a driveway,
Speaker 2: we can play games a garage.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, honestly, I know that I have made fun
Speaker 1: of garages in the past. I'm like, it's a house
Speaker 1: for your car, yeah, and like, who's going. But the
Speaker 1: utility that comes with having a garage, it's incredible. I
Speaker 1: mean all of the it's it's where you put all
Speaker 1: the things that you use outside, but you don't necessarily
Speaker 1: want to soar them. In's side, I'm like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: guess I've kind of come around, you know, when it
Speaker 1: comes to garages. But yeah, they're great. All the things
Speaker 1: that were where we moved. Yeah, more space, like you said,
Speaker 1: but just being closer to nature. There's a certain degree
Speaker 1: of like the neighborhoods and the town encourage family life essentially,
Speaker 1: Like there's a lot of things that make it I
Speaker 1: think easier sort of like you're saying, like you're talking
Speaker 1: about convenience, and it's certainly it's certainly possible to raise
Speaker 1: a family in town. But I do think that, at
Speaker 1: least for us, like there was a mindset shift that
Speaker 1: when we moved out to the Burbs, we sort of
Speaker 1: like when we talked about working out, Like when we moved,
Speaker 1: it was easy for me to make this mental shift
Speaker 1: of like, oh, Matt is somebody who works out now,
Speaker 1: but that coincided with a move. So it was like
Speaker 1: this physical, tangible change that took place. And I think
Speaker 1: like the fresh start effect that we talked about with
Speaker 1: Katie Bill exactly exactly, And I think something is similar
Speaker 1: when it comes to sort of making some of these
Speaker 1: what feel like sacrifices at the time, right moving out
Speaker 1: of a city and having this it's a change of mindset,
Speaker 1: while there is still sort of an actual change in
Speaker 1: sort of the amenities or the restaurants or the festivals.
Speaker 1: You know, Like it's a lot different taking our kids
Speaker 1: up to the Square going to a Fourth of July
Speaker 1: Parade than it is to take them to East Atlanta
Speaker 1: Village for the Eastlana Strut, right, And we went to
Speaker 1: both of those through over the past ten years or so.
Speaker 1: But I guess, Kate, like I'm curious if you have
Speaker 1: any regrets or anything you miss, specifically from living out
Speaker 1: here in the burbs as opposed to living in town.
Speaker 4: I don't think this is a regret, but I definitely
Speaker 4: miss the community that we had built over sure fifteen years.
Speaker 4: I mean that was those were old established relationships, and yeah,
Speaker 4: we're kind of jumping in in the middle of a
Speaker 4: lot of old established relationships now and trying to find
Speaker 4: your way into a comfortable position in those people's worlds
Speaker 4: is a little bit hard. They've got rhythms, they've got people.
Speaker 4: They do this every Fourth of July? Do they do
Speaker 4: that every Halloween? Like we are having to figure out
Speaker 4: a lot of stuff sort of from the middle. It
Speaker 4: feels like, I'm glad we didn't do this five years
Speaker 4: from now. It would have been even harder, harder, Like.
Speaker 3: We're trying to pull it or bust into Jerry's apartment,
Speaker 3: But Jerry's apartment is other people's lives, and I agree.
Speaker 4: That's what it does.
Speaker 2: It's hard to be new. I mean, there's just a
Speaker 2: huge learning curve relationally.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and everyone has been so kind. I don't want
Speaker 4: to I don't want to downplay that at all. Everyone's
Speaker 4: been so nice. It's just your in a rhythm of
Speaker 4: doing certain things and you don't always think of that
Speaker 4: new family down the street, you know, So it does
Speaker 4: make it it's a little hard for me. I'm not
Speaker 4: as bold of a person, and so I would kind
Speaker 4: of rather be invited than like go out and show
Speaker 4: up at people's houses. But I've got to show up
Speaker 4: at some houses. I mean I really have like shown
Speaker 4: up at some people's houses where I didn't know if
Speaker 4: I was going to really know anybody. And I'm just
Speaker 4: gonna see how it goes socially. It can be hard,
Speaker 4: and you kind of do it like for your kids,
Speaker 4: like you know, your kids need the friends too, So
Speaker 4: that's kind of given me confidence to to pour into
Speaker 4: those relationships and try to make them make the best.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, the fact is we are closer to a costco,
Speaker 1: so that does make things slightly more affordable. As we've
Speaker 1: been able to fully embrace the costco membership.
Speaker 2: We're not joking about that it meets and all.
Speaker 1: I mean I would again this is something else that
Speaker 1: made fun of. But now that we live closer and
Speaker 1: literally there's a costco closer to us than the Aldie
Speaker 1: by like fifty feet. That's why you got the Kirkland
Speaker 1: signature tattoo on your lower back. Then I love it.
Speaker 1: You're all about it now, which I love pretty much.
Speaker 1: All about it all right?
Speaker 3: So I want to talk real quick too about There
Speaker 3: was a listener question on a recent Ask htm episode
Speaker 3: and it was just so fun to hear from a
Speaker 3: listener who his girlfriend was in grad school to become
Speaker 3: a licensed therapist, and so he was like, has it
Speaker 3: like messed up your world as much as it is
Speaker 3: to mess mine up? I gave my best reply to that,
Speaker 3: talking about have Yeah, it has messed it up, but
Speaker 3: in a lot of good ways too. So Leslie, she said,
Speaker 3: how did you know it was the right time to
Speaker 3: go back to school and eventually the workforce. You're not
Speaker 3: in the workforce yet, you're still in school, but next
Speaker 3: year you're going to start interning, so we're on the
Speaker 3: precipiciode that and did the ages of your children play
Speaker 3: a big role? What's that kind of it's been over
Speaker 3: two years now you've been in school.
Speaker 1: What's been like for us?
Speaker 2: Well? First, my favorite quote has when Joel looked at
Speaker 2: me after proofreading like my third paper and was like,
Speaker 2: you know, I never knew I had so many problems
Speaker 2: until you started grad school.
Speaker 1: But it's big good Chris was bliss.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I mean it's definitely rocked our world. I
Speaker 2: think again, you know, being new, going back to school,
Speaker 2: learning anything new, you know, it kind of shows you
Speaker 2: who you are in a new light as you develop
Speaker 2: new skills. But I think especially this profession which you're
Speaker 2: doing so much introspection and internal work. So yeah, it
Speaker 2: has It's changed us, and it's changed me I think
Speaker 2: for the better. I think it's helped me feel more
Speaker 2: steady and have a sense of identity and purpose and
Speaker 2: less anxiety. But I'm also specializing in couples and families,
Speaker 2: so we've talked a lot about our relationship and kind
Speaker 2: of learned to say, yeah, this is good, but we
Speaker 2: also long for more. So what does it look like
Speaker 2: to love each other well? And where do we actually
Speaker 2: need to grow? What are we not doing well? And
Speaker 2: that's just a rocky process to be honest and take
Speaker 2: a good look at yourself and your marriage and what
Speaker 2: you've created and to call what's good, but to also
Speaker 2: push yourself to grow. So it's been really really good work,
Speaker 2: but it's also been probably an intense is maybe a
Speaker 2: good word season for us, but good? And then I
Speaker 2: love the question how did I decide to go back? Yes,
Speaker 2: my kids' ages had a lot to do with it.
Speaker 2: We had just I went back when my youngest was one,
Speaker 2: so I had just finished nursing, and I knew that
Speaker 2: we were done with having children, and so I kind
Speaker 2: of felt some freedom to start thinking about what I
Speaker 2: wanted to do next. I also knew I generally just
Speaker 2: loved working and kind of loved the career it had before,
Speaker 2: and knew that I wanted to go back to school,
Speaker 2: and this is a direction I was probably going to go,
Speaker 2: but I didn't actually have courage to do it. It
Speaker 2: wasn't like my first choice to go back to school.
Speaker 2: I think the pandemic in which it just took a
Speaker 2: lot out of our family kind of gave me the
Speaker 2: courage to say, Okay, I've given a lot to hold
Speaker 2: our kids together through school and a newborn, what do
Speaker 2: I want to do? And then I had another friend
Speaker 2: who was in her fifties who had just gone back
Speaker 2: to school for a counseling degree, and it was just
Speaker 2: such an encouragement to think, you know, like I'm going
Speaker 2: to do this. There's never a perfect time, but this
Speaker 2: is what I've wanted to do, and I'm just going
Speaker 2: to jump off the deep end and do it.
Speaker 3: So, yeah, it's been a killer experience for you, but
Speaker 3: I think it's been good for our family. It's not
Speaker 3: always easy, right as we're having deeper conversations, harder conversations
Speaker 3: at times, but it's also been really good, I think
Speaker 3: for the kids to see you pursue something that you
Speaker 3: love and something that you're really good at. And I
Speaker 3: think it's helped you and I connect relationally intellectually in
Speaker 3: different ways too. So it's yeah, not always easy, like
Speaker 3: you said, but it's been good.
Speaker 1: So quick follow then, and I'm going to kind of
Speaker 1: jump around a little bit as we've got some of
Speaker 1: these different questions. But has that changed the dynamic for y'all? So, Emily,
Speaker 1: you're in school, you're reading a lot more writing, you've
Speaker 1: got a lot of homework, that kind of stuff. Has
Speaker 1: that changed the different at home roles? So this kind
Speaker 1: of alludes to Jess's question. She wanted to know what
Speaker 1: do you think about the balance of financial contributions versus
Speaker 1: the domestic tasks or housework like the mental load of
Speaker 1: managing a home. The labor is valuable. How do you
Speaker 1: divide it?
Speaker 2: Oh man, that's such a great question because you know,
Speaker 2: as a family, we definitely value the domestic part of it,
Speaker 2: even though you're not making money for it. But it's
Speaker 2: it's really shifted the dynamics, I think majorly in our
Speaker 2: home because I did even though I was still working
Speaker 2: part time, I worked from home. In some years I
Speaker 2: wasn't working at all, especially when I had newborns, and
Speaker 2: I took on like a very large share of the
Speaker 2: domestic tasks and you just kind of were out of
Speaker 2: you know, you went and worked and did your thing there.
Speaker 1: So I think we all took out the garbage and stuff.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it was definitely doing far yes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and so we've really had to shift, Yeah who
Speaker 2: does what? And I think, you know, it's not even
Speaker 2: always this conversation where we had it intentionally on the
Speaker 2: outset and lived it out. It was just kind of more,
Speaker 2: you know, maybe things were falling apart or certain chores
Speaker 2: weren't getting done and I was overwhelmed and we just
Speaker 2: had to sit down and be like, Okay, here's a problem.
Speaker 2: How do we fix it? Who who does it make
Speaker 2: sense to do what? Okay, so I actually need you
Speaker 2: to step up more here, and I need to step
Speaker 2: up more here, and then this is just going to
Speaker 2: have to go by the wayside. So it's definitely shifted
Speaker 2: it for sure. We have a lot more conversations about
Speaker 2: how to divide it, which is tricky being in school
Speaker 2: because I don't feel like I can yet justify uh,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm just spending a lot of money in
Speaker 2: grad school and not making any yet, and so that's
Speaker 2: been tricky for me to kind of have to justify
Speaker 2: taking the grace to need the space and need the help.
Speaker 3: Takes more communication too, I think, yeah, for sure. Right
Speaker 3: although your six figure salary, I know it's coming and
Speaker 3: that's that's the light of the end of the Yeah,
Speaker 3: keep keep pushing. And I think we've also been less
Speaker 3: afraid to hire out a few tasks.
Speaker 1: Mowing the lawn. I used to mote a lawn all
Speaker 1: the time. I don't on the law anymore.
Speaker 3: We hired somebody to do that same with a once
Speaker 3: a month house cleaning like that's it's something. Those are
Speaker 3: kind of non negotiables at this point, so that we
Speaker 3: have the freedom to just enjoy our lives a little
Speaker 3: bit more and enjoy our downtime as supposed to always
Speaker 3: doing chores. But also I think, yeah, allows us more
Speaker 3: time for your schoolwork and for hang out with kids,
Speaker 3: family time stuff like that.
Speaker 2: And shout out to extended family. I mean, that's another
Speaker 2: reason we did move to the Burbs. We're in your
Speaker 2: family and we have a lot of family help, which
Speaker 2: really you cannot put a value on. Yeah, it's priceless, true.
Speaker 1: Which yeah, fingers well, yeah, we'll go down that path
Speaker 1: just yet. But I'm curious because you're not in grad school, Like,
Speaker 1: what are your thoughts on like, basically, you are primarily
Speaker 1: a mom, you're primarily a homemaker, Like, what are your
Speaker 1: thoughts like between the balance of obviously the many different
Speaker 1: roles that women can have.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I am at home. I feel like right now
Speaker 4: my role at home is something I'm really thankful for.
Speaker 4: It's been a huge year of transition for us, and
Speaker 4: being home and kind of being flexible and available in
Speaker 4: all the ways has been great for the transition for
Speaker 4: our family. I think being a stay at home mom
Speaker 4: can be such a wonderful, noble, life giving thing. I
Speaker 4: think it can also be the opposite of that, and
Speaker 4: so I feel like I kind of do the best
Speaker 4: I can to maintain my identity in that. And I
Speaker 4: think that's what makes it sustainable for.
Speaker 1: Me right now, Like finding the balance between you as
Speaker 1: an individual versus the role that you're playing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it could take over and I could
Speaker 4: just disappear into the work of it. And I think
Speaker 4: finding within stay at home mom the things that are
Speaker 4: part of who I am at my core, like doing
Speaker 4: art alongside my kids, or working in the art and
Speaker 4: landscaping while they're out there. You know, I enjoy cooking,
Speaker 4: so even like finding myself a little bit in that.
Speaker 4: Just I mean, I'm just kind of doing the day
Speaker 4: home mom thing my own way. It does not look
Speaker 4: like Instagram, does not look like right the people around
Speaker 4: us even sometimes it feels like but it's it's my
Speaker 4: own version of it. And it's the way that it's
Speaker 4: sustainable for me is that it just has to it.
Speaker 4: Just I think it's important for our kids to see
Speaker 4: our own identity, whether or not that's in your career
Speaker 4: or just in the things that you love and the
Speaker 4: things you do around them and prioritize and so yeah,
Speaker 4: I think I'm just finding my version of it right now.
Speaker 1: Totally. Yeah, I love I really like that. I really
Speaker 1: like thinking through what is it that we're communicating specifically
Speaker 1: with you being the primary parent at home throughout the
Speaker 1: day and carpool and all that, But everything we do
Speaker 1: communicate something to our kids, and I think it's worth
Speaker 1: thinking through, like, all right, what are we teaching them
Speaker 1: through this? What are we teaching them by saying no
Speaker 1: in this case, or what are we teaching them by
Speaker 1: saying yes in this other way, or just the.
Speaker 4: Way they see their mom living their life, Like our
Speaker 4: house might be messy, but I'm doing making something beautiful
Speaker 4: or whatever I'm doing, Like they I've got three girls
Speaker 4: who may go straight into the workforce or maybe a
Speaker 4: stay at home mom, and I just want them to
Speaker 4: know that whichever direction they go or their personal identity
Speaker 4: is going to be a big part of their family culture.
Speaker 4: And so you can exhibit that in a number of
Speaker 4: different ways.
Speaker 1: Totally, Yeah. I wanted to bring that up cause I
Speaker 1: think it's awesome that I mean that, y'all, Emily, you
Speaker 1: and Kate are very different, at least at this snapshot,
Speaker 1: at this point in time, Like I almost wish that
Speaker 1: like Joel was a stale home dad and like I
Speaker 1: was the one that worked or something like that, to
Speaker 1: be able to provide some of the variety, because I
Speaker 1: think the variety and seeing that there's a lot of
Speaker 1: folks out there doing different things but you can still
Speaker 1: do it well, live a great life and do well
Speaker 1: from a financial standpoint as well, that all of that's possible.
Speaker 1: It may not look exactly like you said, like some
Speaker 1: folks lifestyle and Instagram. You may not be able to
Speaker 1: afford every single thing that you want. There are going
Speaker 1: to be sacrifice as often if you only have a
Speaker 1: single partner that's working, But that doesn't mean it's not possible.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, so you mentioned money there. We've got
Speaker 3: some more money questions lined up from listeners. We'll get
Speaker 3: to a bunch of those. We'll get to that right
Speaker 3: after this.
Speaker 1: All right, we are back and we're gonna kind of
Speaker 1: dive it more into We've been talking more about like
Speaker 1: life and living, which I think is a good thing,
Speaker 1: but we certainly want to make sure that we're tackling
Speaker 1: some of the specific money questions that listeners had, and
Speaker 1: so let's get straight to it. H Jessica, she asked.
Speaker 1: She said, what's one budgeting or money saving idea that
Speaker 1: you had to talk your husband out of? Or vice versa.
Speaker 1: I guess something maybe that you had to talk us
Speaker 1: into or vice versa. What's something that we had to
Speaker 1: talk you out of?
Speaker 4: Yeah, this way? Do you read it?
Speaker 1: Which way do you think she's asking it?
Speaker 4: I don't know, but I read it. Do I have
Speaker 4: to talk to you out of stuff? Or do you
Speaker 4: have to talk me out of stuff? And generally Matt
Speaker 4: has to talk me out of stuff.
Speaker 1: I think of spending money or talk you out of
Speaker 1: different ways to save money.
Speaker 4: Well, that's what I was trying to think through because
Speaker 4: it's it's sometimes financially financially related, but it's some it's
Speaker 4: oftentimes just like something big and giant that our family
Speaker 4: doesn't need to.
Speaker 2: Take on, like a expense, or like a farm, like
Speaker 2: a farm in the book.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like do we need which we need to fence
Speaker 4: in our entire front yard so I can grow like
Speaker 4: corn and oakrah without the deer eating it? Like maybe
Speaker 4: I have a whole spreadsheet about that. Maybe I do,
Speaker 4: And maybe Matt said no, but it's no, he would
Speaker 4: never say no. But It was a long conversation about
Speaker 4: like what makes the most sense for us to do,
Speaker 4: and it it wasn't uh that.
Speaker 1: So you're saying then that I am talking you out
Speaker 1: of spending money.
Speaker 4: Yes, but I don't think it really comes down to money.
Speaker 4: I think it just comes down to like that just
Speaker 4: isn't practical that just like you dreamed about it and
Speaker 4: thought about for too long one day and it got
Speaker 4: too big and it's too much to ask of our family,
Speaker 4: like financially part of it, but also just farming.
Speaker 1: I get it. Yeah, Emily, is there something that Joel's like?
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe this one, this question might be
Speaker 1: geared more towards because Joel is like the ultra Google
Speaker 1: borderline cheap when it comes to the different hoops that
Speaker 1: he's willing to make his family jump through, specifically you,
Speaker 1: I am sitting here.
Speaker 2: This question immediately made me think in all seriousness, when
Speaker 2: we were pregnant with our first child, Joel was like,
Speaker 2: what was any and natal nurse practitioner? She can do
Speaker 2: this at home, right, Like, we don't need to go
Speaker 2: to the hospital. We can save a lot of money
Speaker 2: if your mom just comes in and helps you have
Speaker 2: a baby, Like that is not how this works. You know,
Speaker 2: in general, Joel is an idea machine for sure. I
Speaker 2: think there are a million ideas money same ideas that
Speaker 2: go through his head every day. Any verbally processes most
Speaker 2: of them.
Speaker 1: I was going to say, you don't even hear all
Speaker 1: of them. I know.
Speaker 2: That's the scary thing. And I think, my usual what
Speaker 2: do I have to you know, I don't talk him
Speaker 2: in or out of it. I think I more just
Speaker 2: ask reflective questions, typically, which is how much time is
Speaker 2: that going to take, like a.
Speaker 1: Real counselor don't provide the answer, let him discover the
Speaker 1: answer on the zone.
Speaker 2: Let's reflect. Do you have time for this? You know,
Speaker 2: I'm thinking of this.
Speaker 1: Recent jedi now at this point he doesn't even know. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm generally up for it. Like I he's
Speaker 2: great at saving money and being free girl and getting creative.
Speaker 2: I just kind of know my boundaries, like we have
Speaker 2: a limited amount of time and I have a limited
Speaker 2: amount of patients. Can it fit within that? If so, great,
Speaker 2: go for it. You know, Like he wanted a phone
Speaker 2: upgrade and like bought an iPhone to trade it in
Speaker 2: for an Android that was cheaper, and I don't even know,
Speaker 2: but I was like, literally.
Speaker 1: Bought one on Facebook Marketplace.
Speaker 3: I talked about that because Google had such a good
Speaker 3: trade in and I did it.
Speaker 1: But I know you were a little skeptical.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I was like, look, I need a new phone,
Speaker 2: like can you make this happen? And can you do
Speaker 2: this quickly? And so I think that's more I we
Speaker 2: talk about it because there's a lot of ideas that
Speaker 2: fly through our house.
Speaker 1: Ye all, was there a recent fight because the next question,
Speaker 1: this one is from JJ, what's the largest monetary decision
Speaker 1: that you and your spouse disagreed on? How did it resolve?
Speaker 1: So basically they're looking for the dirt.
Speaker 2: No, we got a lot of diner other.
Speaker 1: Than the pregnancy, which, by the way, having had to
Speaker 1: pay cash out of pocket, that's I mean. We were
Speaker 1: literally talking through different ways we could have a baby
Speaker 1: on the chee you should have had, Emily's mom is
Speaker 1: what you should have had.
Speaker 2: Probably you heard my mom was like, no way, will
Speaker 2: I ever delivered your child?
Speaker 1: But yeah, like, aside from some of the smaller things,
Speaker 1: was there a big one where y'all were at odds.
Speaker 2: Kay, you know, Kate and I were even talking about this,
Speaker 2: it's that's such a great question, and yes, we're definitely
Speaker 2: at odds. To be honest, I feel like the bigger
Speaker 2: things are easy to agree on, like how we're going
Speaker 2: to invest money or the ways we want to save,
Speaker 2: or do we renovate or buy a house or are
Speaker 2: those big things we've been on the same page. It's
Speaker 2: the small things that I think we get tripped up on,
Speaker 2: like do our kids need a new backpack every school year?
Speaker 2: You know, I want them to get one, and Jill like, no,
Speaker 2: they don't need one out of principle, work just fine, Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 2: And so it's.
Speaker 1: This tells those other kids to get off my lawn.
Speaker 2: It's the smaller things that I think kinda trip us
Speaker 2: up at times that we tend to get stuck on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's true.
Speaker 3: And I think it's a mental blockade for me that
Speaker 3: leads to those discussions oftentimes, and usually it's something I
Speaker 3: just have to get over and be like, yeah, you're right.
Speaker 2: Well, and I think that's pretty common. I mean, life
Speaker 2: really is made up of small moments rather than the
Speaker 2: large ones, which is true financially, it's all the small
Speaker 2: decisions you're continually making.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that could be tricky for sure. Okay, is one
Speaker 1: come to mind as far as disagreement that we had.
Speaker 1: We are in perfect harmony and we are in unison
Speaker 1: when it comes to how it is we spent except
Speaker 1: for the fence.
Speaker 2: Fence, see except for the farm in the back.
Speaker 1: Can you cage match it inside of that? Okrah? Growing
Speaker 1: fence is my question? So you I mean you literally
Speaker 1: you brought that up and literally that probably is one
Speaker 1: of the bigger disagreements that we've had. And not unlike Emily.
Speaker 1: It comes down to think asking some of those questions.
Speaker 1: And it's not just addressing the fence. It's like where
Speaker 1: you know, you ask the questions to get to what's
Speaker 1: underneath that, but kind of asking those questions, figuring out
Speaker 1: what's practical and honestly, I think figuring out like what
Speaker 1: the trade offs are going to be, because it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we can figure we can decide that, like this is
Speaker 1: something that we prioritize, But what does this mean for us?
Speaker 1: Not just now, but what does this mean for us
Speaker 1: for instance down the road if we keep dumping that's
Speaker 1: negative connotation, I want to say dumping. If we keep
Speaker 1: spending money on you know, on our current home. What
Speaker 1: does that mean for our ability to potentially move to
Speaker 1: a home that has a room for each one of
Speaker 1: our kids, which might be nice in a couple of years.
Speaker 1: That kind of thing. I think those are the sort
Speaker 1: of concessions that you make when you buy things now,
Speaker 1: and comes down to asking some of those questions, trying
Speaker 1: to figure out what is it that ultimately want?
Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, I mean really, the disagreement was not a
Speaker 4: financial one. The disagreement was an emotional one, where like
Speaker 4: I had pictured this whole thing it was going to
Speaker 4: be beautiful and wonderful, and the finances of it didn't
Speaker 4: make sense and the brass tacks of it didn't make sense,
Speaker 4: but emotionally, I was really excited about it. And so
Speaker 4: having a super practical conversation about something I'm like kind
Speaker 4: of emotionally swept up in. It's just a kind of
Speaker 4: recipe for disaster, is sort of how I see it.
Speaker 4: So I don't really know how better we could have
Speaker 4: resolved it, Like we just had to keep talking about it,
Speaker 4: and I had to kind of like come down off
Speaker 4: my mountain a little bit. But it was, Yeah, it
Speaker 4: was just an emotional thing, and I feel like a
Speaker 4: lot of our conversations with finances, we are able to
Speaker 4: keep the emotion out of the conversations because things are
Speaker 4: pretty labeled and numbered at our house and this was
Speaker 4: just not And so it did show us why it
Speaker 4: is so helpful for us to have most things in
Speaker 4: little boxes, because this one thing wasn't in a box,
Speaker 4: and it was like a big conversation.
Speaker 1: Sure. Yeah. Basically what we're talking about is budgeting. And
Speaker 1: so at the beginning of this year, we sat down
Speaker 1: and we decided, Okay, how much money are we going
Speaker 1: to spend this year on the house, And not only
Speaker 1: how much money, but what specifically is that money going
Speaker 1: to go towards, like what projects? And like you said,
Speaker 1: this was new and not included on that and doesn't
Speaker 1: mean we're not necessarily going to consider in the future,
Speaker 1: but for this year, it's like, Okay, we're kind of
Speaker 1: at our limit. We're we're tapped out regarding how much
Speaker 1: money we just proactively decided that we were going to
Speaker 1: spend this year. So, I mean, we're talking basically about
Speaker 1: sticking to a budget, not necessarily. I'm not a dream
Speaker 1: killer as well, Like that's not my intention. The intention
Speaker 1: is to say, like a trainer would right, like a
Speaker 1: physical coach, like a coach or any kind of coach.
Speaker 1: It's like, hey, this is something that we said was
Speaker 1: important to us, that we said, this is what we're
Speaker 1: going to do. Can we do that? You know? Is
Speaker 1: this something that we can push off to next year
Speaker 1: and maybe you know what boom, nothing like rises to
Speaker 1: the top of the top of the pile for next
Speaker 1: year and it's something that we knock out at the
Speaker 1: very beginning.
Speaker 3: But Oka Garden twenty twenty four I'm talking about that's
Speaker 3: the that's the real campaign that everyone wants to see, which.
Speaker 2: I would love to say, I wish you could see
Speaker 2: the all mixed front yard on a budget. They've done
Speaker 2: a beautiful job. It's amazing a lot with a little
Speaker 2: for sure. Yeah, it looks so good because they are
Speaker 2: intentional and planned it out and thank you are good
Speaker 2: at executing every bit of.
Speaker 1: That in the shop like pros so one for the
Speaker 1: danyg deer.
Speaker 4: Dear except for the deer.
Speaker 2: Do any listeners have advice on deer? That's what we need.
Speaker 1: Oh, we've done, We've done all the things, Kate, Just like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to start asking you to pee into
Speaker 1: the picture and then go out there and creating an
Speaker 1: invisible boundary. But we're maybe I'm.
Speaker 4: Going to kind of create a predator boundary.
Speaker 1: I think a.
Speaker 3: Bazooka is one possible, but you might have run into
Speaker 3: other troubles if you do that. H Yeah, with that,
Speaker 3: all right, let's talk about younger us for a second. Man,
Speaker 3: the good old days right there, These are the good
Speaker 3: old days right now. But Kathy wants to know, how
Speaker 3: do you adjust to handling finances together after you get
Speaker 3: married and you guys are coming up on your fifteenth
Speaker 3: what are you anniversaries are? Or sixteen sixteenth, sixteen? You
Speaker 3: just have fifteen and we're coming up on our thirteenth.
Speaker 3: So yeah, getting married, adjusting finances as you come together.
Speaker 4: And you got that, well, I came to our marriage
Speaker 4: with no money and no job, so we had to
Speaker 4: really quickly figure out how we were going to feed
Speaker 4: two people and pay for bills and everything on one.
Speaker 1: A very small minimum wage.
Speaker 4: Salary graphic designers salary.
Speaker 1: In some ways, I'll say, is good.
Speaker 4: Absolutely right, it was really good.
Speaker 1: And like, on one hand, it sounds really intimidating, but
Speaker 1: it's also man, is it easier to do that when
Speaker 1: you don't have habits or bad habits or poor spending
Speaker 1: patterns ingrained where you're trying to hit reset on those things.
Speaker 1: Because I think a lot of folks are finding themselves
Speaker 1: as single individuals where they're working for maybe a decade,
Speaker 1: earning a pretty good salary. They're able to do whatever
Speaker 1: it is that they want with their money. Taking that
Speaker 1: to a relationship trying to figure out what to do
Speaker 1: that was more kind of y'all y'all situation a little bit.
Speaker 1: It's the Yeah, I think that you're right.
Speaker 3: The older you get, the more you are self reliant,
Speaker 3: the harder ways to combine and then and to merge
Speaker 3: everything together. We were still relatively young, making relatively little,
Speaker 3: and so it made it easier, I think in a
Speaker 3: lot of ways for us to just be like, all right,
Speaker 3: we're putting all the one pot and we're doing this together.
Speaker 3: But I do see how it's a different thing if
Speaker 3: you're getting married in your mid to late thirties or
Speaker 3: forty something like that, and you're like, I've I've got
Speaker 3: my own stuff, i've got my own way of living,
Speaker 3: I've got my own budget, and I don't necessarily I
Speaker 3: love you and want to live together, but I don't
Speaker 3: necessarily want everything to be under one roof money wise,
Speaker 3: I think I get where people are coming from on.
Speaker 4: That, for sure. I think for us we didn't because
Speaker 4: we weren't in that scenario. We went to a weekend
Speaker 4: Dave Ramsey seminar and got some basic budget tips from that, and.
Speaker 1: Well that's all. Yeah, at the time, as far as
Speaker 1: I knew, he was the only guy out there talking
Speaker 1: about personal finances, and I'd run across him in the thought,
Speaker 1: all right, just from a general not getting into debt
Speaker 1: or at least getting out of debt, and we were
Speaker 1: in a fortunate position. You now, now you're like the
Speaker 1: beneversion of Dave. Yes, I don't at all regret having
Speaker 1: found my way into the personal finance space via Dave Ramsey.
Speaker 4: No, I think it was a great foundation, a.
Speaker 1: Lot of amazing stuff for a lot of people, specifically
Speaker 1: getting out of debt. But beyond that, yeah, obviously we
Speaker 1: take a more a more nuanced approach refleshiable tactics after that.
Speaker 4: Sure, Yeah, even then, I think there were things that
Speaker 4: we weren't we weren't totally iron board with. We never
Speaker 4: did like cash an enveloped situation because Matt was always
Speaker 4: about like credit card perk points.
Speaker 1: I mean, so we were.
Speaker 4: Doing that way back then. But we had a we
Speaker 4: had a budget from early on how we were gonna
Speaker 4: live and eat. And I learned really quick how to cook.
Speaker 4: We never eat out like it was. It was a
Speaker 4: like trial by fire way of learning to budget and
Speaker 4: live together and not have any money all at once.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think we learned together with the fortunate
Speaker 1: position we found ourselves in.
Speaker 2: Yep. What I would say about confining finances that I
Speaker 2: feel like we're still learning because I think it gets
Speaker 2: it's different in every season as you have more money
Speaker 2: or less money, or children and things. And what I
Speaker 2: would say to anyone who's starting out combining finances is
Speaker 2: self awareness is so helpful because money, there's just so
Speaker 2: much value we place on money that we're sometimes not
Speaker 2: even aware of. You know, what did it represent to
Speaker 2: you as a kid, did you have it, did you
Speaker 2: not have it? How did your parents spend it? When
Speaker 2: you see your partner spend it in a way differently,
Speaker 2: what emotions does that bring up? Does it make you
Speaker 2: happy or scared? Like I just think self awareness of
Speaker 2: knowing what money represents and what you want to do
Speaker 2: with your money is so important, and just to remember
Speaker 2: that while the end goal is important, the process of
Speaker 2: how you get there as a couple really like seals
Speaker 2: the deal. And so how do you learn to talk
Speaker 2: to each other? How do you learn to listen to
Speaker 2: your partner with their financial concerns? Can you have empathy
Speaker 2: and understand and can you talk out the importance? And
Speaker 2: it's just a slow process. We're still doing it. I mean,
Speaker 2: you don't arrive I think the smooth joined finances ever,
Speaker 2: you know, even if you're wealthy. So just learning how
Speaker 2: to process well and hear your partner and know yourself
Speaker 2: I think is super important. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I don't want anyone to think that there's like something
Speaker 4: you figure out when you first get married and then you're.
Speaker 1: Like set, You're set. Yeah, no, exactly. It is a problem.
Speaker 1: Like I'm still fighting, not fighting, but having disagreements over
Speaker 1: whether it's how much money we're going to spend on
Speaker 1: the yard, how much we're going to spend on kids' backpacks,
Speaker 1: these types of things. And I think what's at the
Speaker 1: center of that is communication as asks or says discuss
Speaker 1: financial communication with your spouse how involved is she in
Speaker 1: the daily, monthly, yearly finances? And she goes on, if
Speaker 1: something happened to you, would she easily be able to
Speaker 1: pay bills, access accounts, understand the investments. Do you discuss
Speaker 1: financial goals both long term and short term? Does you
Speaker 1: know your asset allocations? How often y'all talk about these
Speaker 1: types of things asides? So far we've talked about I
Speaker 1: guess situations that arise because of life, right, like, okay,
Speaker 1: kids are going back to school. What does that look
Speaker 1: like as far as getting a backpack? But are y'all
Speaker 1: proactively talking about things like if you went to a
Speaker 1: marriage and finances conference, they might say, talk about these
Speaker 1: these types of things.
Speaker 3: How often are y'all doing that? That's a good question.
Speaker 3: I think this made me think a couple of things.
Speaker 3: It made me think, one, I need to probably do
Speaker 3: a create something to where if something happened to me,
Speaker 3: you have all of the account logins, passwords, and here's
Speaker 3: where all the accounts is.
Speaker 2: And and this was a humbling question because like for
Speaker 2: the past six months, I've been like, you know, if
Speaker 2: you die, there's like a half of our money. I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna know where it is. Or what to do
Speaker 2: with it.
Speaker 1: Like we've literally been talking about my death frequently.
Speaker 2: It's a great Now.
Speaker 3: They coming up, which like how much is that for you?
Speaker 3: And so I will say this, like we have all
Speaker 3: of the proper like, uh, we have life insurance, right,
Speaker 3: we have enough an event where I would feel some
Speaker 3: of that, Yeah, you know some of that. But I'm
Speaker 3: also like I need I need to do a better
Speaker 3: job and really accumulate everything in one place for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, probably because you do take over most of the finances.
Speaker 2: I mean I'm not in it, but I will say
Speaker 2: I know every investment that you are in. I mean
Speaker 2: we discussed every investment or rental properties or whatever.
Speaker 1: That looks like you don't know about the goal that
Speaker 1: Joel has buried different locations in the backyard or she knows.
Speaker 1: I mean I know where that is. But right right,
Speaker 1: well you also should know.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'll be watching your life insurance those two. Yeah,
Speaker 2: So I think it's they're more casual conversations. This is
Speaker 2: where I actually love that we have because all mixes
Speaker 2: to do it different than the large guards. This is
Speaker 2: great to have do different perspectives. I feel like we
Speaker 2: don't necessarily have it.
Speaker 4: I also need that document.
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, unfortunately, like it's in a similar way
Speaker 1: like I think you I mean you correct me. I'll
Speaker 1: let you talk that homework. You say it homework by
Speaker 1: the way, for the two of us, you know where
Speaker 1: everything is.
Speaker 4: I know where all our accounts. I know the document
Speaker 4: that all of our account information is on and all
Speaker 4: of our password information is on. And so I was
Speaker 4: thinking through after I read this question, like how would
Speaker 4: I what would I do in this situation? And I
Speaker 4: think I could just go through that document probably get
Speaker 4: to everywhere I needed to get. And I do know
Speaker 4: where our investments are. I'm pretty sure I know where
Speaker 4: all of the investment money goes. But it would be
Speaker 4: good to have that document for sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well it exists, but we just haven't. I guess
Speaker 1: when we talk about it. So like she was asking
Speaker 1: about like the you know, she's essentially asking about the regularity,
Speaker 1: and from a daily expending kind of standpoint, I feel
Speaker 1: like every week, ideally like three times a month, that
Speaker 1: the kind of thing I update to you. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, this is I get a perfect month.
Speaker 4: I guess I Oh, yeah, I was gonna say, I
Speaker 4: think I get updated about once a month, where are
Speaker 4: where we are in our grocery about I feel like
Speaker 4: that's the first update that I.
Speaker 1: Because that's one that you have because I do our
Speaker 1: day to.
Speaker 4: Day spending exactly. I buy all the things that we
Speaker 4: need for the kids and all of the groceries, and
Speaker 4: then you pay all the bills and stuff like that.
Speaker 4: So that's our breakdown.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But then at the end of the month, I
Speaker 1: always like review with you. I'm like, hey, this is
Speaker 1: kind of where we ended up. This is how much
Speaker 1: we went over, this is how much under we were.
Speaker 1: I'll do like a net worth update that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: So I guess it's always verbal though, like we never
Speaker 1: sit down and I don't like show you the spreadsheets.
Speaker 4: I mean I can access it if I wanted.
Speaker 1: To, and you know what, you know it's there.
Speaker 4: But it's really complicated, y'all. Yes, yeah, it's very complicated.
Speaker 1: So Matt doesn't do anything halfway. Maybe some folks call
Speaker 1: it like the oh crap folder or something like that,
Speaker 1: but basically, if something were to happen, something that literally
Speaker 1: lists it all out, how much is in each account,
Speaker 1: how to access what it's for.
Speaker 2: We all be doing it now when we get back.
Speaker 1: From the whole episode on this after we.
Speaker 4: After you'll write those up, yeah.
Speaker 1: Exactly, folder.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you got to have some of those other
Speaker 3: things in place, like life insurance and and you know
Speaker 3: where the money's at, and know you know the rental
Speaker 3: properties we have and you know, uh, you know where
Speaker 3: our money is at investigt Vanguard Fidelity.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: Uh, no shock to anybody who listens to the show.
Speaker 3: But it's it's important to have all that outlined in
Speaker 3: documents so that it's easy because even you leave behind
Speaker 3: a lot of turmoil if if you leave this mortal coil, right,
Speaker 3: and so you have to make sure that your significant
Speaker 3: other is prepared. But let's start about goal setting. And
Speaker 3: she wants to know how do y'all decide how much
Speaker 3: to save each year as a couple. How do you
Speaker 3: navigate which fun and or big purchases to put that
Speaker 3: money towards.
Speaker 4: We have an annual budget meeting and review everything from
Speaker 4: the previous year, set goals, not just financial goals, but
Speaker 4: also lifestyle goals for the next year at that meeting. So,
Speaker 4: but because our income is variable, we don't know going
Speaker 4: into that meeting, what if there's going to be a surplus,
Speaker 4: what is the surplus going to be?
Speaker 1: So this has always been the case.
Speaker 4: This has always been our think pretty.
Speaker 1: Much since the very beginning. We've never had a set
Speaker 1: income for the year, so we've we prioritize and we
Speaker 1: know that, hey, we want to make sure that we're.
Speaker 4: At least But we even discussed, like, I think we're
Speaker 4: going to spend a little more on grocery this year,
Speaker 4: So that's going to take our monthly budget for grocery
Speaker 4: a little bit higher. But we also set goals for
Speaker 4: our travel and lifestyle. We are naturally frugal, and so
Speaker 4: we have pushed ourselves to spend a little more on
Speaker 4: fun things like kids' activities or extracurriculars for them, or
Speaker 4: a trip for our family. So we've had to push
Speaker 4: ourselves on those goals a little bit. But because we
Speaker 4: talked about them in the beginning of the year, that
Speaker 4: money goes in, a certain amount goes in monthly, and
Speaker 4: by the time that arrives, it's not a big hit.
Speaker 4: So we do a lot of goal setting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, atter like those are the savings buckets or the
Speaker 1: sinking funds. But what's interesting though, it's like what you
Speaker 1: literally are talking about ways for us to spend our money,
Speaker 1: which is a shift because I mean originally when we
Speaker 1: first got married, it was more about how much can
Speaker 1: we set aside and invest and whatever it is that
Speaker 1: you measure, you're going to see that improve. And so
Speaker 1: what we found was that over time, especially as our
Speaker 1: kids have gotten older, that we needed to take a
Speaker 1: more intentional step, not in how much we were saving
Speaker 1: and investing, because we were doing a very good job
Speaker 1: of that, because that is very quantifiable, but what we
Speaker 1: weren't doing is finding ways to prioritize lifestyle, which is
Speaker 1: what the word you kept saying there, Like it comes
Speaker 1: down it comes back to what are the different experiences,
Speaker 1: What do we want our kids to be exposed to,
Speaker 1: what by the time they leave our house, what kind
Speaker 1: of things do we want to have done. So it's
Speaker 1: kind of essentially like almost like planning backwards to a
Speaker 1: certain extent, and that didn't necessarily come natural. So for us,
Speaker 1: it's been over the past two or three years it's
Speaker 1: thinking through what do we want to do as a
Speaker 1: family together. And we've been fortunate enough to still be
Speaker 1: able to save and invest a ton for the future
Speaker 1: and not having to worry about that while starting to
Speaker 1: loosen the ratchet a little bit when it comes to
Speaker 1: spending and giving ourselves permission to spend in some of
Speaker 1: those ways that are important to us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's like lifestyle optimization coming to the forefront, which
Speaker 3: even comes down to how we schedule our work weeks
Speaker 3: and what that looks like and are we working too much,
Speaker 3: are we taking enough breaks? Or in the overall fifty
Speaker 3: two week spectrum, but also in the five day a
Speaker 3: week spectrum, do both of those look the way we
Speaker 3: want them to look? And money plays a part in
Speaker 3: that in some of those discussions, right, because you can
Speaker 3: work more and you can dial up an income you know,
Speaker 3: you can work as much as as much as you
Speaker 3: want and really try to ratchet that up. Or you
Speaker 3: can say, wait, that's probably not the thing I want
Speaker 3: to optimize for the most anymore, and there are other
Speaker 3: more important things that I want to achieve or ways
Speaker 3: I want my life to look more balanced. But do
Speaker 3: you have any thoughts on that question about yeah, big purchases,
Speaker 3: where do we like to allocate money?
Speaker 2: So this is feels like a trickier question because we
Speaker 2: don't have black and white goals. Honestly, I think we've
Speaker 2: kind of just had goals we've agreed on in general,
Speaker 2: which is we wanted to had an emergency fund, we
Speaker 2: wanted to have enough cash flow to not feel stress.
Speaker 2: And then there are things I think we committed to
Speaker 2: at the time, like school. We know, you know, school
Speaker 2: was worth it, and that was a goal that we're
Speaker 2: putting things aside for your school grads scht my school, sorry,
Speaker 2: my grad school particularly.
Speaker 1: Not flight school for your eight year old.
Speaker 2: Or right exactly exactly. And I think in general we
Speaker 2: have similarities that help. Like we love to travel, we
Speaker 2: like vacation. That's pretty easy for us to spend on that,
Speaker 2: or frugal when it comes to maybe clothes or shopping,
Speaker 2: so that's easier as well. I think when it comes
Speaker 2: to goals and being on the same page for us,
Speaker 2: a number and a budget doesn't always settle the conversation,
Speaker 2: probably because we tend to be a bit more emotional
Speaker 2: or I definitely am more emotional, and so the meaning
Speaker 2: behind it is usually something I always have to talk through.
Speaker 2: So if something comes up or pops up that you
Speaker 2: want or that I want, I think it's a conversation
Speaker 2: about yeah, it's value and what it means and do
Speaker 2: we have the money, does it stress other things? Is
Speaker 2: it okay? Is it worth it?
Speaker 3: Even if we have the money, is that something that
Speaker 3: we value to put the money towards.
Speaker 2: Ye?
Speaker 1: Right, yeah.
Speaker 3: Can we wrestle with that internally individually but also together
Speaker 3: as a couple.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So we're taught. I mean so I think. I
Speaker 2: guess it's hard to talk about it. Are hard to
Speaker 2: know how to share because it's actually not super black
Speaker 2: and white. Yeah, And it's just more about the conversation
Speaker 2: and the moment in the season of life.
Speaker 1: I think too.
Speaker 3: That's where something Getting the big things right means you
Speaker 3: don't have to stress about the small stuff as well.
Speaker 3: We do think about it in terms of like doesn't
Speaker 3: align with our values, but not necessarily like oh can
Speaker 3: we afford to buy plane tickets to Scotland? And is
Speaker 3: how expensive can we really afford this trip? We don't
Speaker 3: have to ask that question because we have one car,
Speaker 3: it's older, blah blah blah, whatever the like, We've purposely
Speaker 3: kept our mortgage, you know, far below what most people
Speaker 3: would say you can afford, right, And I think when
Speaker 3: you do that, then those smaller things like we have
Speaker 3: a large enough cushion where we can be like, yeah,
Speaker 3: let's pounce on that. That sounds like fun. We have a
Speaker 3: big almost like an opportunity fund. It's how I think
Speaker 3: of it, and when opportunity comes along, we can pounce
Speaker 3: as something really cool if you and I both agree
Speaker 3: and we think it's worth it. So I think of
Speaker 3: that as kind of like a fun approach to money.
Speaker 3: As opposed we're less rigid in our budgeting like you guys.
Speaker 1: But I think that's a part of what Gen's or
Speaker 1: is it Gin or Anna? I mean is asking like
Speaker 1: how because you said if you agree, right, and so
Speaker 1: I think that's really what she's getting at. How do
Speaker 1: you decide if you agree? Because because on one hand,
Speaker 1: you might say, yeah, heck yeah, I want to go
Speaker 1: to Scotland. That's ands I do too, Like that sounds
Speaker 1: like a lot of fun. But Emily might be like, well,
Speaker 1: doesn't really sound like something I want to do. So
Speaker 1: I guess I'm gonna maybe Anna isn't asking this, but
Speaker 1: I'm going to dig further, like, how do you decide
Speaker 1: if you disagree? Yeah?
Speaker 4: What if you evaluate differently?
Speaker 1: Yeah? What if you value it differently?
Speaker 3: I think if we kept budding heads over something and
Speaker 3: I said, listen, travels really important to me, and she
Speaker 3: says it's not to me. We would probably diverge in
Speaker 3: some ways, and I might say, cool, well, then I'm
Speaker 3: going to find a way to pull this off with
Speaker 3: a buddy or something like that. Or if you said, listen,
Speaker 3: this other thing over here is really important to me
Speaker 3: and I said I don't value that. That's okay for
Speaker 3: partners to value different things, but you just have to
Speaker 3: make sure that both it equal access to be able
Speaker 3: to pursue those things they love. Matt, I notice you
Speaker 3: haven't been crafting nearly as much as Kate on this trip.
Speaker 3: You don't care about it as much the same as
Speaker 3: that you but you appreciate I think her crafting this,
Speaker 3: and you don't mind her splurging in that way. I
Speaker 3: think the same would be true of us. Like we
Speaker 3: do share a lot in common, we have a lot
Speaker 3: of things. But or even something you're willing to go
Speaker 3: to a concert with me, maybe let's say that you
Speaker 3: don't care about as much and you're like, it's yeah,
Speaker 3: it's worth it because I want to do that with you,
Speaker 3: even though that's not necessarily the thing I would choose
Speaker 3: to do totally.
Speaker 2: That's true. I mean this is such a great question
Speaker 2: because I think this is at the heart of so
Speaker 2: much conflict about money as we value different things, and
Speaker 2: I think what we're saying is there a different ways
Speaker 2: to settle that. And I think there are times when
Speaker 2: it really is a budget, like you just need three
Speaker 2: hundred dollars to spend every month that maybe the other
Speaker 2: person just doesn't have an opinion on and it might
Speaker 2: be considered luxury to them but necessity to you. And
Speaker 2: that's how you decide that. And I think there's actually
Speaker 2: seasons in our marriage when we've done that, especially when
Speaker 2: we were newly married and money was tighter, and I
Speaker 2: mean we really started out with nothing. That was actually
Speaker 2: more of a way we handled it. I think now
Speaker 2: as we've learned each other a little even more intuitively
Speaker 2: and we understand the values more like it's sometimes just
Speaker 2: more conversation. This is important to me. Can we make
Speaker 2: room for this? Can we not make room for this?
Speaker 2: But I think it's a lot of conversations.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, okay, so I want to jump real quick then,
Speaker 1: because Lauren, she basically had a question that was right
Speaker 1: in line with it, Like she was essentially asking about
Speaker 1: luxury spending. I'm not going to read her whole question,
Speaker 1: but she was like, manicures, massages, different things like this
Speaker 1: that your partner or your spouse might think is a
Speaker 1: total waste of money. How you justify that? And what
Speaker 1: you said is right, I mean hit the nail around
Speaker 1: on the head, which I think is kind of having
Speaker 1: like a splurge account, some sort of fund that gets funded,
Speaker 1: like you said, Joel, that gets equal access. But you're
Speaker 1: just not going to agree necessarily that that should be
Speaker 1: how the other person spends money. But you should respect
Speaker 1: them enough to say, well, I love you, and even
Speaker 1: though I don't care for those things, you should have
Speaker 1: the freedom and feel told not guilty to be able
Speaker 1: to pursue those things. Do you all think that that's
Speaker 1: the answer is to have? Obviously is it can't be
Speaker 1: something that's like illegal, like there aren't illicit things that
Speaker 1: are taking place that this person is buying where it's
Speaker 1: secretive and unhealthy in that way. But when it comes
Speaker 1: to what it is that you value, do you think
Speaker 1: that that's a good solution.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, I think it is great.
Speaker 4: We have separate categories that get funded every month, and
Speaker 4: we do not, for the most part, discuss any of
Speaker 4: those purchases before we make them. Yeah, so because some
Speaker 4: of those purchases are like, it's weird. It's weird stuff
Speaker 4: that I bought and I just wanted to try out,
Speaker 4: and Matt does talk about it.
Speaker 1: Modgpodge formula that waterproof.
Speaker 4: Can you believe it?
Speaker 2: It is literally?
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm excited because a perfect example is literally mogepodge
Speaker 1: and you painting with the kids. What are they like oysters?
Speaker 1: And while you're doing that, I get up early and
Speaker 1: I go and work out at the local CrossFit gym
Speaker 1: and pay twenty bucks for one workout.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're not going to talk about either one of
Speaker 4: these things, which.
Speaker 1: Which is exactly like you're not necessarily in agreement that
Speaker 1: that's a wise use of my money and vice versa.
Speaker 1: But we also have enough respect and love each other
Speaker 1: enough and we know that that fuels something like that's
Speaker 1: good for us in different ways.
Speaker 4: And I just want to remember I yes, and I
Speaker 4: think it sounds exhausting to talk through all those little things.
Speaker 4: So if it is below a certain amount, like I
Speaker 4: just it comes out of this category that's just labeled Kate,
Speaker 4: and I just send when I send over the numbers
Speaker 4: monthly to Matt, I just say this comes out of Kate.
Speaker 4: This comes out of Matt.
Speaker 1: It's like it's on a card that you keep up.
Speaker 4: It's on a card.
Speaker 1: Is that way if you need to make a return
Speaker 1: or if it's not something like.
Speaker 4: I don't see it, don't discuss return.
Speaker 1: We don't talk about it. It's a These are day
Speaker 1: to day expenses and at the end of the month
Speaker 1: or as we're getting close to the end of the month,
Speaker 1: you just send me how much of that payment that
Speaker 1: you made to that card that's that then gets deducted
Speaker 1: from your Splurge account. So yes, we don't call it
Speaker 1: as slurg account. We just call them like personal accounts,
Speaker 1: like there's a Kate account. And these aren't act separate accounts.
Speaker 1: They're just buckets.
Speaker 4: They're buckets within an account, and that's where like if
Speaker 4: I get my hair done, that's where it comes out,
Speaker 4: or if I buy clothes for the kids.
Speaker 1: I'm the one that got a massage. I didn't tell
Speaker 1: you that. You didn't while I was visiting the folks.
Speaker 3: That's something I wanted more to do more upsizes. I
Speaker 3: love getting massaged, but I do it like once a year,
Speaker 3: sad at least it's something I need to increase in
Speaker 3: my life.
Speaker 2: So just can the therapist in me say one thing?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, so I think that is I think that's
Speaker 2: a great solution. I'm actually just thinking of other practical solutions.
Speaker 2: I've heard couples who they're in charge of certain categories
Speaker 2: like one's grocery, one's home care. And if you save money,
Speaker 2: whatever money you save budgeted, that goes into your personal account.
Speaker 2: So it's like motivation, like the incentive. Yeah, there's incentive
Speaker 2: then to actually earn money within your own budget. So
Speaker 2: I think there's a lot of creative ways to do it. Again,
Speaker 2: I just want to emphasize that there's not necessarily a
Speaker 2: right way. I think it really is about the process.
Speaker 2: If you are fighting over the value of things, I
Speaker 2: think you got to sit down and talk about what
Speaker 2: it means to you and how you're going to solve
Speaker 2: the solution. Now, what that looks like. These are great
Speaker 2: practical ideas on what that looks like. And like, yeah,
Speaker 2: the conversation may be exhausting for some, it's not exhausting
Speaker 2: for us, you know. So I think it just really
Speaker 2: depends on how you're built. But I think knowing your
Speaker 2: partner and knowing what you value and having some practical
Speaker 2: ideas like this, you know, then you can make your
Speaker 2: own recipe for what that needs to look like.
Speaker 1: That's right, all right, I feel like we're going a
Speaker 1: little bit long, but we do have a few more
Speaker 1: questions we want to get to you from listeners. Specifically,
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about like food, favorite meals, favorite stores.
Speaker 1: We'll get to all of those right after this. All right,
Speaker 1: we're back.
Speaker 3: We're still having a conversation at the beach about money
Speaker 3: and lots of other things with our better halves today
Speaker 3: on the show. And this is just one of the
Speaker 3: best episodes to record every single year, and I hope
Speaker 3: listeners enjoy it as much as we do getting to
Speaker 3: actually have this conversation. But let's make this more of
Speaker 3: a lightning round. We've got some questions that maybe don't
Speaker 3: involve quite as much.
Speaker 1: Just like back about it longer, says the lady who
Speaker 1: charges by the hour, right, exactly exactly, Just come back
Speaker 1: next week. We'll fix it by that.
Speaker 3: On sure, let's go to one from Jen. She wants
Speaker 3: to know what are your absolute go to meals that
Speaker 3: make all members of your household happy.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's the food wizard. She should answer every food question.
Speaker 2: She's a genius.
Speaker 4: Our kids love fried rice, which is a combination of
Speaker 4: rice and all of our leftovers, so that's always a win.
Speaker 4: They also love when Matt cooks salmon.
Speaker 1: Oh, crispy salmon on the griddle.
Speaker 4: Salmon, it is always a hit. Or if you smoke
Speaker 4: any kind of meat, they love that too. Which but
Speaker 4: we turn into like tacos or have with you know,
Speaker 4: mac and cheese and broccoli or something. Everybody likes all
Speaker 4: those meals. I get weird sometimes and I push my
Speaker 4: family to eat weird things, but those are all easy.
Speaker 1: Current And I'll also say our kids tend to be
Speaker 1: very adventurous eaters. I think a lot of folks listening
Speaker 1: are like salmon. Your kids like crispy, Like what does
Speaker 1: that even mean?
Speaker 4: I like the skin on the backs.
Speaker 1: So the trick is, we get the big fresh filet
Speaker 1: from Aldi, never been frozen, and you get that griddle,
Speaker 1: take it outside because it's gonna smell. You get it
Speaker 1: screaming hot, put the hot oil on there, and salt
Speaker 1: the skin, put its skin side down and let it
Speaker 1: just go and that skin gets all crispy. It's like
Speaker 1: a potato chip.
Speaker 4: Also, Matt pitched it to them like potato chips, and
Speaker 4: so that's what they think it tastes like, and that's
Speaker 4: part of why they love it.
Speaker 1: That's the winter.
Speaker 3: Now you're starting to sound like our buddy Franky from
Speaker 3: Strugglemeals over there, just given recipes on the Yeah, all right,
Speaker 3: and what's that?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 3: The go to the meal our kids love is probably,
Speaker 3: to our ever loving shame, it's this spaghetti that my
Speaker 3: grand's just resp me from my grandma. And yeah, it's brown.
Speaker 2: It's brown.
Speaker 1: It's like it's from the active orange.
Speaker 3: Look right, is what I would say. That's how I
Speaker 3: classify it. And it's not nice, but it's it's made
Speaker 3: from canned soups and stuff like that. But our kids
Speaker 3: love it. They love it, and so I grew up
Speaker 3: eating it my kids.
Speaker 2: I just want to make not that I eat it.
Speaker 2: I am having a Saladin, yes, but when I'm in class,
Speaker 2: are gone. That's what you cook for them, and they
Speaker 2: love that chicken pot pie. I have a very simple
Speaker 2: chicken pot pie recipe and make a lot. I am
Speaker 2: not a food wizard. Actually, pretty much all I know
Speaker 2: I've learned from Kate, Like, Kate, what are you making
Speaker 2: for dinner? Tell me how to make it. That's what
Speaker 2: we're having tonight.
Speaker 3: Well, they love mac and cheese. To make mac and cheese,
Speaker 3: a lot of mac and cheese goes.
Speaker 2: With everything, right, Kate, Kate tell me that one too.
Speaker 3: All right, Nina has a couple of questions. She says,
Speaker 3: what's your favorite store to shop? And where do you
Speaker 3: get your haircut? How much would you pay for one?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: One of the number one perks. But moving to the
Speaker 2: Burbs is affordable haircuts. I found. Well, no, jo I
Speaker 2: go to the same place. Joel's mom goes to that
Speaker 2: and okay, it goes too because she can cut and
Speaker 2: color hair for under one hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: So I did you not?
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is insane? Under is it? No? No? I
Speaker 2: think it's like maybe when I just get it cut,
Speaker 2: it's still maybe it's color.
Speaker 1: I mean you're talking like, yeah, but you can you're
Speaker 1: probably Cheryl hook cut. Well, it's so you're paying four
Speaker 1: to five times.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's so cheap that we told our friends
Speaker 2: in the city who now trap out to the Burbs
Speaker 2: to get their hair cut. Lisa's shout out to Lisa.
Speaker 1: Don't we're not going to share her number because right, yeah,
Speaker 1: we don't want to see her rates go up. We
Speaker 1: want her to be paid competitively. What she's she's like
Speaker 1: your dentist. Yeah, you know we talked about on the show.
Speaker 1: I edited that out so that well, I didn't want
Speaker 1: it to sayd like I was disparaging his office, that
Speaker 1: kind of thing. So yeah, springs coming out of the
Speaker 1: chair as well. Exactly okay, but so real quick lightning
Speaker 1: a round. You have a favorite store, she was asking
Speaker 1: about favorite shop, favorite store.
Speaker 4: I shop a lot of secondhand stores, a lot of
Speaker 4: thrift stores, a lot of antique stores. Most of my
Speaker 4: clothes are from the thrift store. And I do not
Speaker 4: hesitate to tell people all the time that's where I
Speaker 4: got my clothes. But I just love seeing people's old stuff.
Speaker 4: I think it's so interesting. I really don't like going
Speaker 4: to store and spending a whole lot of money on
Speaker 4: I'll do that maybe a couple of times a year.
Speaker 4: I'll buy, like a new dresser, nice jeans, but I
Speaker 4: will say the last nice dress and jeans I got.
Speaker 4: We're at a good will near my house. People in
Speaker 4: the burbs are just putting stuff in the thirst store
Speaker 4: with tags on them, tags.
Speaker 1: On them getting the good stuff.
Speaker 2: Kate is also a thrift store wizard, so she comes
Speaker 2: home with all kinds of good mine.
Speaker 1: It's just a wizard.
Speaker 4: She is a wizard a lot to get into the
Speaker 4: bottom line, is a wizard.
Speaker 2: Okay, so stores, you know, I'm gonna be honest. I'm
Speaker 2: not a huge shopper, so I think when I would
Speaker 2: you say that.
Speaker 1: Joel does more of the household one of the grocery store.
Speaker 1: It is something to share with. Yes, yes, my mom
Speaker 1: loves shopping.
Speaker 3: If I caught my mom, I guarantee you she's either
Speaker 3: at home just got home from a shopping trip, or
Speaker 3: she's at the store shopping. So like, I inherited this
Speaker 3: gene and I tried to, uh, I don't downplay it
Speaker 3: because my mom loves shopping.
Speaker 2: So oftentimes I'll be like, Joel, I want these kind
Speaker 2: of shoes. They're kind of expensive. Here's a picture of them.
Speaker 2: You know, can you find them in Joel? Like, I
Speaker 2: honestly think you buy all my shoes. Like I cannot
Speaker 2: think of the last time I actually went shopping for
Speaker 2: shoes because you find them all. Yeah, this is what
Speaker 2: I want. Go find it and he and he does.
Speaker 1: I feel more like I'm like a dog chased it
Speaker 1: for a b.
Speaker 2: He's a shoe wizard.
Speaker 4: I can be a.
Speaker 3: Personal shopper and this might be a side hustle.
Speaker 2: You really could. Yeah, so you know, I'm more intend
Speaker 2: to like when I'm out, Like I think if a
Speaker 2: family trip. I was out shopping with your mom and
Speaker 2: we ran into this little boutique and I bought like
Speaker 2: four things, which I usually don't do, but now like
Speaker 2: I've worn those four things all summer, Like I tend
Speaker 2: to buy things that I like that I will just
Speaker 2: swear a lot that I can. Yeah, experts generally. Sorry,
Speaker 2: I wish I was more helpful with specifics, but it's
Speaker 2: all good.
Speaker 1: Target probably is another go to if it's like, eh,
Speaker 1: where else are we going?
Speaker 2: It's just quick. I mean, it's just easy. You can
Speaker 2: get everything a one stop And.
Speaker 3: I love Costco, but I refuse to wear any clothing
Speaker 3: on him from Costco. Sorry, sorry, guys, Like.
Speaker 2: It's just I have a pair of sandals.
Speaker 1: Yeah, most of the clothing like it's just sorry, it's
Speaker 1: just for doesn't quite do it for they it doesn't
Speaker 1: fit me have a butting sense of style. Let's keep
Speaker 1: moving U. Dan basically asked, like, and him and his wife,
Speaker 1: they're thinking about having kids soon. They're trying to find
Speaker 1: that balance between saving a ton of money now, like
Speaker 1: saving and investing and getting ahead with their finances, versus thinking,
Speaker 1: we're about to have kids, we should splurge a little bit,
Speaker 1: go on trips. How do you think he should approach
Speaker 1: that whole, that dichotomy? Essentially, Emily, you have any thoughts
Speaker 1: as a mother of three, I.
Speaker 2: Think it's just it's both, you know, I think it's
Speaker 2: easy to think of your life as before and after
Speaker 2: with kids, but it's it's not true, Like they're not
Speaker 2: the end all of everything. And so I would say, like,
Speaker 2: if are there smaller trips that you could take that
Speaker 2: allow you still to save some but also to go
Speaker 2: on a trip, and it's just all are nothing, especially
Speaker 2: when you think about throwing kids to the mix. Just
Speaker 2: isn't I would just think more broadly, I guess, is
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, So take the small trips, make the memories,
Speaker 2: because it's so true you don't get that time back
Speaker 2: without kids, But you also need to save some for
Speaker 2: kids as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the power of compounding returns. Like when I look back,
Speaker 1: I do not regret having saved and invested as aggressively
Speaker 1: as we did because of the options that it now
Speaker 1: affords us. Now, I mean true, but you agree.
Speaker 4: But that being said, we went on some predy epic trips.
Speaker 2: Right, you know they're kids that are huge. I mean
Speaker 2: we still talk about those trips. I think those were
Speaker 2: a foundational we did.
Speaker 3: We try to do them on a dime and like
Speaker 3: whether it was a baby moon kind of kind of
Speaker 3: trip where it's like we're staying within the state but
Speaker 3: we're cool that we haven't explored yet, and we're getting
Speaker 3: like one of the cheapest per night places we can find,
Speaker 3: and we're driving, which means no airfare all that kind
Speaker 3: of stuff, or we're getting a lot of ways you
Speaker 3: can cut the costs. Yeah, yeah, I mean I talked
Speaker 3: about our thirteenth anniversary trip. It's gonna be to New
Speaker 3: York City and Southwest points like for the wind to
Speaker 3: book both flights. Right, So those are the kind of
Speaker 3: things where I think there's ways to do it, ways
Speaker 3: to skin the cat without like foregoing not maxing out
Speaker 3: the wroth or something because you're like, let's let's have
Speaker 3: more experiences before the baby comes, or like you I
Speaker 3: think you really can do both for sure, Like you.
Speaker 1: Should probably think more in that mindset, like you're not
Speaker 1: going to do one all the way and you're not
Speaker 1: gonna do the other one all the way. But the
Speaker 1: true answer is probably somewhere in the middle. But where
Speaker 1: exactly you're going to fall in the middle comes down
Speaker 1: to Dan and his wife and what's important to them and.
Speaker 2: Helps you think creatively, I mean black and white thinking
Speaker 2: and either thinking just like snuffs out creativity, So get
Speaker 2: creative balance.
Speaker 4: I mean yeah, like just going into having kids with
Speaker 4: your relationship and a balanced oh yeah, where you guys
Speaker 4: are both feeling good relational, Like if you have done
Speaker 4: nothing but save money and sit at home and then
Speaker 4: you have kids, like one of you could could potentially
Speaker 4: be resentful in that scenario. And if all you've done
Speaker 4: is travel and you go into having a kid with
Speaker 4: no money, that could be really stressful for one person
Speaker 4: in that scenario.
Speaker 1: So it depends on the company.
Speaker 4: I really think that the balance and the health of
Speaker 4: the relationship whatever it looks like for you guys to
Speaker 4: build health in your relationship before you have kids. If
Speaker 4: that's travel great, If it's not, that's okay. Just because
Speaker 4: everyone else baby means doesn't mean you have to like
Speaker 4: whatever you need to do to feel on the same
Speaker 4: page as your partner is the right thing to do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think sometimes loving money is the answer to everything.
Speaker 3: Like we think that from a political perspective too, right,
Speaker 3: it's like, oh, funnel more money to the schools, that'll
Speaker 3: make them better, And it doesn't always pan out like that,
Speaker 3: and in fact, that's the obays true so much of
Speaker 3: the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so if we can do it thoughtfully, spend
Speaker 3: the money thoughtfully, then I think can go a long way,
Speaker 3: and then we have enough hopefully to invest and prepare
Speaker 3: for that future kid as well.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I would say maybe do fully fund an
Speaker 4: emergency fund. Oh yeah, if you're like, make sure that
Speaker 4: that's funded.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're not advocating for yolo spend all the money
Speaker 1: you've got now in order to get the memories in
Speaker 1: because definitely don't do it if you're going into debt, right, But.
Speaker 4: No, yeah, definitely not. And I mean, babies can end
Speaker 4: up costing a lot, as we have personally found out,
Speaker 4: so having that emergency fund there is good. It doesn't
Speaker 4: mean you save every cent, but it does mean that
Speaker 4: you have that cushion behind you.
Speaker 1: Totally okay.
Speaker 3: On the kiddo note, Susan says, how do you decide
Speaker 3: how much detail to share with your children about your finances? Kate,
Speaker 3: you want to start this one off?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 4: I mean we talk about money a lot with our kids.
Speaker 4: It's small casual conversations. It's not hard numbers like this,
Speaker 4: how much the house costs? You know they're going to
Speaker 4: ask that. We're not going to say.
Speaker 1: They do ask that the older they get their curious.
Speaker 4: But you could tell them one hundred dollars and they'd
Speaker 4: be like whoa. Yeah. So we don't talk about the
Speaker 4: numbers as much on big things like that. But they
Speaker 4: are handling money at the ages that they are, and
Speaker 4: they have little, little amounts of money to their name,
Speaker 4: and so we are running through scenarios with them as
Speaker 4: they decide to spend it or not spend it. And
Speaker 4: I think just small casual conversations that aren't loaded with
Speaker 4: emotion is a great way to introduce them to money
Speaker 4: in a like, I guess, a balanced, easy way that
Speaker 4: isn't Yeah, loaded with a lot of meaning or weight
Speaker 4: behind those conversations, and they overhear us have conversations too,
Speaker 4: like if we're comparing gut or cleaning quotes, like they're
Speaker 4: listening to us talk through the pros and cons of
Speaker 4: the different options and what they're going to do, and
Speaker 4: they're listening to us have conversations that are also not
Speaker 4: loaded with emotion, and sometimes do have a little piece
Speaker 4: of that where they hear us disagree. So I think
Speaker 4: all of all that to say, like they're part of
Speaker 4: the ongoing conversation of money in our house. It's not
Speaker 4: like pervasive, but it comes up a couple times a
Speaker 4: week and they hear it and or they're part of it,
Speaker 4: or they ask questions. So I just want them to
Speaker 4: not feel like it's this totally separate thing from life
Speaker 4: where they like handle all of this in uh secrecy
Speaker 4: or yeah, yeah, like it's part of everything we decide
Speaker 4: to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think totally.
Speaker 3: At least me, growing up, the conversations were typically fraught
Speaker 3: around money. There's a lot of emotion, and it was
Speaker 3: also like when you're not supposed to hear it, and
Speaker 3: so when I heard it, it was super emotional and
Speaker 3: that wasn't necessarily the best the best thing for the
Speaker 3: way for a kid to get initiated into money convos.
Speaker 3: So yeah, taking the emotion out of it, but also
Speaker 3: making it normal every day I think is really important.
Speaker 3: Where Evy was telling me, your oldest was telling me today,
Speaker 3: like she made seven bucks for doing something to your
Speaker 3: rug or somebody fixed her.
Speaker 4: Yeah, got braided tassels on her rug, and that little
Speaker 4: robot vacuum keeps unbraiding them. And so I stupidly was like,
Speaker 4: you can have a dollar for every one of those
Speaker 4: that you fix, and then she fixed seven of them.
Speaker 4: I was like, okay, well, yeah, this is kind of
Speaker 4: a lot, but all.
Speaker 2: Right, it's great. I would say the emotion I do
Speaker 2: try to instill around money is just gratitude. I think
Speaker 2: when kids grow up used to a certain standard of living,
Speaker 2: you can lose perspective that that it's actually a gift
Speaker 2: and that not everyone else has the same privilege or
Speaker 2: can think about money the same. So I think, like
Speaker 2: this beach else, like we've talked about how nice it is.
Speaker 2: We're like, isn't this great? We're thankful for the pool
Speaker 2: and we're fortunate, and like.
Speaker 1: Maybe this is a privilege. Folks. We're still a little
Speaker 1: uncomfortable with this.
Speaker 2: I don't know, you know, so I think, which I
Speaker 2: actually do agree. I think learning about it unemotionally has
Speaker 2: been is great. But I do try to foster the
Speaker 2: sense of gratitude and a little bit of perspective, you know,
Speaker 2: because as Americans we're wealthy and you know, living it's
Speaker 2: been interesting, even moving from the city to the burbs.
Speaker 2: The way you see money spent is different. And having
Speaker 2: those kind of conversations just on perspective and how other
Speaker 2: people might feel about money or view money. Those are
Speaker 2: things I think kids inherit from us too.
Speaker 3: Defending off a sense of entitlement is absolutely not terribly easy,
Speaker 3: and it's like a constant task, right to help your
Speaker 3: kids understand and feel that sense of contentment and thankfulness, gratitude,
Speaker 3: and so yeah, that's definitely something we work on a
Speaker 3: lot at the dinner table and other times too. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: let's be thankful for this thing because it's a big deal.
Speaker 3: And you know, even if it's not some sort of
Speaker 3: splurge that you know, broke broke the bank or anything
Speaker 3: like that, this is a big deal for our family
Speaker 3: to spend money this way, we're going to really appreciate
Speaker 3: it and be thankful for.
Speaker 2: It, and we're just gonna enjoy it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, totally. No, I do think that is good
Speaker 1: to not like divorce emotions from it completely because it's
Speaker 1: still because then it doesn't feel real, right, because then
Speaker 1: you're just crunching numbers like AI or something like that.
Speaker 1: You're just like computing data. And that's not what we are.
Speaker 1: We're not just computers, right, Like, we're individuals that have
Speaker 1: feelings that do get to enjoy things, and so keeping
Speaker 1: that in perspective and keeping it within sort of a
Speaker 1: healthy framework is really helpful, by agree, Matt. True, but okay,
Speaker 1: So last question the Kate and Emily show. Rihanna asks
Speaker 1: if Kate Emily if they had their own bestie podcast,
Speaker 1: what would be the topic? What do y'all think y'all
Speaker 1: would talk about?
Speaker 2: If weird thing, the.
Speaker 4: Weirdest, most disjointed Emily believe it or not to talk
Speaker 4: to each other about it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got to mention this to Kate. I can't
Speaker 2: forget it weird.
Speaker 1: I write it.
Speaker 4: Down sometimes when I come over, I like pull out
Speaker 4: my phone to the notes section. I'm like I got
Speaker 4: some questions over this next week, guess what happened. That's
Speaker 4: what it would be us going through our notes and our.
Speaker 1: Phone talk about crazy stuff in the past week.
Speaker 4: Lotterandom. Yeah, but I think parenting in general. I mean,
Speaker 4: I feel like what we talk about the most is
Speaker 4: like relational dynamics within our family, within our community. It's
Speaker 4: like between our families. There's just it's just interesting talk
Speaker 4: a lot about parenting and like relationships.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just also just information. I mean, I love
Speaker 2: the way Kate thinks create and I love to hear
Speaker 2: about her farm and her garden and all thrift story.
Speaker 2: You know, I just appreciate a friend. I just feel
Speaker 2: like we just talked about weird information on weird things,
Speaker 2: and that would occupy your time. It would be not cohesive,
Speaker 2: and that's why we don't have That's why we are
Speaker 2: not the podcast.
Speaker 1: Guys, what's the overarching theme?
Speaker 4: Though we don't weird things that we're not.
Speaker 3: Totally going to usurb Joe Rogan, I think we need
Speaker 3: to start this immediately.
Speaker 1: These conversations are are quite meandering as well.
Speaker 2: Or embarrassing things we've done that would also there's a
Speaker 2: lot of that, Like I cannot believe the interaction.
Speaker 3: We could just call the podcast awkward moments.
Speaker 2: Oh, Kate and I could totally fill that up. We
Speaker 2: give you an hour, Yeah, easily.
Speaker 1: We'll make sure to let let everybody knows.
Speaker 4: Because they're kids.
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, we've gone along, but let's quickly share. The
Speaker 1: beer that we drink that we shared today was Madame
Speaker 1: Rose or Rose No, I guess Madame Rose. This is
Speaker 1: a Belgium styleiled Ale by Goose Island Beer Company. Ladies,
Speaker 1: what were your thoughts? Oh, Emily, you didn't even drink yours?
Speaker 2: You know, this isn't my style of beer. I like it.
Speaker 2: It's really good.
Speaker 1: It's a good three empty glasses in one drink about.
Speaker 2: Half of it. It's more for me, that's true. Well,
Speaker 2: now I'm embarrassed. Is it a sour beer?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, okay, yeah yeah, so that's just not my
Speaker 2: jam and it's got a lot of vinegar.
Speaker 1: You're an ipa gal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would drink an ipa all day long, as
Speaker 2: sour is not my jam. But it's good, Like I
Speaker 2: can appreciate the craft and quality, but I'm just not
Speaker 2: gonna put that back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this one had cherries in it, and this one
Speaker 3: is from twenty seventeen, so this had like that.
Speaker 1: Might be why I had more in your mind, like
Speaker 1: more vinegar. Yeah, yeah, oxidized a little bit, But I
Speaker 1: mean that being said, there is still a lot of body,
Speaker 1: there's still a lot of sweetens.
Speaker 2: Yeah it is, and that's probably why I like it.
Speaker 2: I like the sweet too, but yeah it was. I'm
Speaker 2: not the one who likes to drink pickle juice, not
Speaker 2: pointing fingers.
Speaker 1: So on that note, you probably be.
Speaker 4: I did you know we used to make a drink
Speaker 4: at home where we would mix apple cider, vinegar and
Speaker 4: fresh cranberry juice together and I would add it to
Speaker 4: my water to flavor it. And now, honestly this is
Speaker 4: pretty reminiscent of that.
Speaker 2: So like our podcast would be full of Kate's remes.
Speaker 1: So was that Miss Braggs or something like that? Apple
Speaker 1: sider vinegar with the mother? Why would you do that? Again?
Speaker 1: Was that like a gut health thing? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Also, I just really love vinegar. I mean I drink
Speaker 4: I am the one literally she drinks pickle juice. Let's
Speaker 4: be clear, only good pickle juice, not the kind of
Speaker 4: food coloring. Yeah, I forget that obviously it burns your.
Speaker 1: Gut net promotes gut health. Did you dig it? Man,
Speaker 1: it's right up my alley.
Speaker 3: It was Flanders Red Vibes, which is one of my
Speaker 3: favorite beer styles out of Belgium. Cherries gave the nice
Speaker 3: little sweet and the fruity notes along with the oak.
Speaker 1: I mean this thing agent wine barrels as well, so
Speaker 1: it had I think that's where some of the oak
Speaker 1: came from, some of the depth hitting all the notes
Speaker 1: for me for sure, definitely glad we got to enjoy
Speaker 1: this one. Glad you picked this one up and that's
Speaker 1: gonna be it again. If you are still listening, we
Speaker 1: appreciate you listening to the fifth Lives episode. It's been
Speaker 1: a lot of fun, ladies. We're thankful for y'all.
Speaker 3: By Annuel, We'll see you do it twice a year.
Speaker 3: Popular demand, take me to the.
Speaker 2: Beach twice a year. Take me here. I'm already, I'm
Speaker 2: not here.
Speaker 3: We need to do Plus, we're gonna have to promote
Speaker 3: your new podcast, so true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Ley Wed, thanks, thank y'all for coming on the
Speaker 1: podcast today.
Speaker 2: Thank you guys, And.
Speaker 1: I'm guessing we probably won't have any show notes up.
Speaker 1: I guess we will, but I don't know what we'll
Speaker 1: link to, but you can find those up on the
Speaker 1: website at hownamoney dot com and Joel. Until next time.
Speaker 1: Best friends are out, Best Friends Out,