WEBVTT - Part Two: Turkmenbashi: The Dictator Who Declared Himself Jesus 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:05.280 M oh my god, Oh my god, the episode started 0:00:05.280 --> 0:00:07.200 and I don't introduction, Dave, Dave, what do I do? 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:09.920 How do I introduce the episode? What is the show? 0:00:10.360 --> 0:00:13.440 What are we doing? It's oh god, it's behind your 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:18.840 behind something the music? Yeah, this is behind the Music, 0:00:18.880 --> 0:00:20.560 a show where we tell you everything you don't know 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:24.479 about the greatest pop hits of the nineteen nineties. Dave, 0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:27.400 this is part nine of our series on All Star, 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:32.040 the hit smash Mouth song. Now, what do you think 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:35.360 they meant with the line get your game on, go play? Well? 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:37.360 I think it could mean a lot of things, Roberts. 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:39.760 So if you almost threw pop type setting me there, 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:43.639 Robert Evans is Behind the Bastards, of course, the show 0:00:43.640 --> 0:00:45.080 where we tell you everything you don't know about the 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:47.440 very worst people in all of history. I am. I've 0:00:47.440 --> 0:00:50.599 switched out in my bubbly for a doctor's via much 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:53.000 better drink. Can I get a little? Yeah? Can you 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:56.560 wait a port over the over the recording equipment into 0:00:56.600 --> 0:01:02.000 your lacroix into my Oh hold on, I got a sweater, 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:05.280 you can I can mop that up with your sweater, Dave, 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:12.280 This is great. I think we're okay. Fine, it wasn't 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:17.320 on spell my drink clean up. We're okay, it's all right, 0:01:17.360 --> 0:01:19.440 We're doing great. I don't know why people put us 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:23.160 in a room together. Sophie's really close to throwing those 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:27.920 pop darts. Great podcast content. I'm gonna the people in 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:31.240 their cars really enjoyed that. Daniel, our our audio engineer, 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:34.959 is uh not livid. This is the fourth set of 0:01:34.959 --> 0:01:36.959 thumbs up he's given us, which is a good sign 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:41.640 we're on the right track. Sophie's punching her fist. I 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:45.440 guess let's talk about the dictator of minister. Let's let's 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:48.440 get back into it. So, as you might guess, nine 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:51.360 eleven was a very dangerous time to be both a 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:54.639 New Yorker and an ostensibly Muslim dictator in a country 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:57.800 anywhere near Afghanistan. Neither of those were safe things to be. 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:02.600 Even so, Niyazov made what was in retrospect the major 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:05.600 mistake in the nineteen nineties of engaging in substantial trade 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:07.960 deals with the Taliban, mainly so he could run pipelines 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:11.160 through their country. As soon as the towers fell, turkwen 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:13.400 Boshi reversed his stance on the Taliban and agreed to 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:16.079 let the Pentagon use his country as a gigantic airstrip 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:20.440 to prepare for the invasion of Afghanistan. Smart move. Now, 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:22.519 I even't kept up on the invasion of Afghanistan since 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:24.679 the early two thousand's, but I assume it went well. Yeah, 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:27.480 I think that work that wrapped. Yeah, it seems like 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:29.600 the kind of thing that would get handled pretty quickly. 0:02:29.919 --> 0:02:31.639 I didn't get out. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:34.639 love about our wars is the defined in points. Yeah, 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:36.680 that's the best part about how we do war in America. 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:41.000 So good at infection. Yeah, we're like we're like lost 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:46.519 the TV show of Countries. Yeah yeah, Yeah, you're done 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:48.239 to a couple of seasons and you're done. Tell quick 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:51.920 concise story. Now. Helping America bomb in neutral country has 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:54.360 always been a lucrative endeavor for the dictators who let 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:57.440 us do it. Uh. Turkwen Boshi benefited mightily for his 0:02:57.480 --> 0:03:01.040 help during Clinton's time, Turkmenistan had barely rated six thousand 0:03:01.040 --> 0:03:03.799 dollars a year in military aid. By two thousand three, 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:06.480 after giving the US access to Turkmen airspace and some 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:11.000 land rights at a top nineteen point two million. Yeah, 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:15.360 it's like a thirty something times increase. So smart decision, 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:19.480 letting us bomb other people from your country. It's an 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:23.120 easy fix. It's an easy fix. Now. President Bush was 0:03:23.160 --> 0:03:26.480 happy to offer this dictatory security alliance, which Niazov used 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:29.079 to crush what little resistance remained to his reign. There 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:31.880 really wasn't much, though, and when Turkmen Boshi finally saw 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:34.080 a major unrest, it would come in the form of 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:37.920 one of his highest officials, Boris Shukmorrodov, at that time 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:41.280 the Turkmen ambassador to China, which is a really important 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:43.720 job in Turkmenistan because China is kind of like your 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:47.280 your big trading partner that area, like you pretty pretty 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:49.240 important to be in good terms with China. So this 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:51.840 guy is a high up official. His nightmare came to 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:55.120 life when his ambassador to China, Boris Shikmordov, resigned and 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:58.080 again denouncing his regime. He claimed that Turkmen Boshi had 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:01.160 ordered dissidence, tortured and executed, that he'd rigged elections, and 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:03.720 that he'd embezzled billions of dollars in government funds to 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:07.400 his personal bank account. No, Turkmen, yeah, he's not wrong. 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:11.240 He's not wrong, and Turkmen Boshi responded by accusing Boris 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:13.840 of embezzling tens millions of dollars, which is also probably 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:16.560 not wrong. Yeah, yeah, probably both in beszling. Oh yeah, 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:20.719 this is just everything's blowing up. Now. Everybody's pointing fingers. 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:23.880 It's like that gift of Spider Man pointing at Spider Man. Yeah, 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:28.440 that's what's happening here. Uh Now, Schikmurodov went to Europe 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:31.599 and became the international symbol of resistance to Niyazov's reign. 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:34.360 Nothing happened for a while, and no resistance rose up 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:36.880 from inside the country, but Chikmurrodov was sort of a 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:39.479 thorn in his side, like always going around, you know, 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:42.400 the world, talking about how terrible things were in Turkmenistan 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:44.839 and trying to get people. You know, this is the 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:47.200 period where the US is overthrowing a couple of dictators. 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:49.840 So he's trying to be like, overthrow this guy. Maybe 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:52.599 put me in charge, overthrow this guy. He's one of 0:04:52.600 --> 0:04:55.520 those people. Seems like it. Uh he may have been. 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:58.240 And again this yeah, it just goes back to the 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:03.839 there's corruption. Yeah, I'll do it, It'll fix the corruption. Yeah, no, 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:06.279 don't don't have anyone ever be in charge of anything 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:08.640 because people are bad at being in charge of countries. 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:11.599 Have people be in charge of like makes sense for 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:13.200 a person to be in charge of a power plant, 0:05:13.640 --> 0:05:20.200 makes sense for people to be in charge of a factory. Yeah, 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:22.320 people shouldn't be in charge of something like a country. 0:05:22.320 --> 0:05:26.560 It never works out. It's it's bad of the time. Yeah, 0:05:27.880 --> 0:05:32.599 I sorry, my radical politics infecting this history podcast. Burn 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:36.360 it all, burn nop. Just burn all the leaders down. Sure, yeah, 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:39.679 burn the leaders down. Use the ashes of their bodies 0:05:39.800 --> 0:05:43.880 to grow potatoes. Yeah. I feel like if there's one 0:05:43.880 --> 0:05:46.359 thing we need more of, its potatoes. It would be 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:51.880 like you could celebrant dictators. Oh my god, Dave, you 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:55.200 nailed it. I know I did. I felt that one 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:58.200 coming from my gut. It would be perfect. It's one 0:05:58.200 --> 0:06:00.440 of those jokes that like shifts the fur moment of 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:06.120 the universe. It's so appropriate. Oh boy, I I tickles me. 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:09.720 We gotta go into the business. We gotta go into business. 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:14.640 I wonder where they buried Saddam. Who I mean? I 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:16.800 could find out. We could, and if we don't, we 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:19.760 could lie and say we did exactly because he's gonna know, Yeah, 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:22.320 exact perfect. Oh man, I even know some people we 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:25.720 could bribe in that. Anyway, Once turkmen Boshi had kind 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:29.360 of put the kibosh on this, essentially accused this guy 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:32.160 who had you know, risen up against him of being corrupt, 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:34.240 he sort of figured that was that was it for 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:36.320 a while, uh, and he went back to his favorite 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:39.760 pastime of being a lunatic. In August of two two, 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:42.440 at the annual session of the People's Council, turkmen Boshi 0:06:42.440 --> 0:06:47.039 announced that he was renaming all of the months. I mean, 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:49.440 why not at this point? Why not? Why not renamed 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:52.400 the months? Yeah, January was renamed. Can you guess what 0:06:52.440 --> 0:06:55.799 he called? He named January I assume after himself. Yeah, 0:06:55.880 --> 0:07:00.360 you got it. January was turkmen Boshi. February was flat. 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:04.360 April was named after his mother, apparently because the month 0:07:04.400 --> 0:07:07.880 April signifies growth in May was named after his favorite poet. 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:10.880 Now as a fellow writer, Dave. You know how creative 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:13.280 flow works. Once you're really focused and you're putting out 0:07:13.280 --> 0:07:15.840 good work, you don't want to stop. Sometimes, you know, 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:17.600 even if you like finish the project, you just start 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:19.200 something else because you're like, well, I'm never im you know, 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:21.440 you're mare to get in this headspace, you really want 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:24.080 to take advantage of it. And I think Turkmen Boshi 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:26.160 got caught up in that headspace a little bit because 0:07:26.240 --> 0:07:28.600 right after renaming all the months, he decided to rename 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:30.880 all the days of the week. Sure, yeah, yeah, you 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:34.239 got you gotta keep that going. You might as well. Now, 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:38.000 Monday was renamed Beginning Day, Tuesday was Young Day, should 0:07:38.000 --> 0:07:41.160 have been Fun Day, should have been fun Day. Wednesday 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:45.520 was Good Day, Thursday was Blessed Day, Friday was Mother Day. 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:49.560 Saturday and Sunday we're sol in Recovery Day, respectively. Recovery 0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:52.400 Day makes sense. Recovery Day, it makes especially since Saturday, 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:54.280 Soul Day was also the day that everyone in the 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:57.280 country was supposed to read his book, so you really 0:07:57.320 --> 0:08:01.280 need some recovery after that out after no debate, the 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:03.800 parliament in the People's Council ratified all these changes to 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:06.400 the names of the days and months. This basic method 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:09.880 turkmen Boshi making a declaration and then changing suddenly huge 0:08:09.920 --> 0:08:12.600 aspects of daily life in an instant, happened with increasing 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:15.960 regularity in the early two thousands. When Turkmenbashi learned that 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:19.040 the traffic police were extorting bribes from motorists. He fired 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:22.160 them all and replaced them with army recruits. Sure, sure, 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:26.120 that's gonna that's gonna work. As a bunch of new 0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:31.840 new guys with guns directing traffic with training. I don't 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:35.120 see how that could work out badly. He also continued 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:38.000 to shower Turkmenistan with the blessings of his wisdom. Here's 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:41.440 the book inside Central Asia. Inspired by what he believed 0:08:41.440 --> 0:08:44.000 to be a semi divine revelation, he decreed that the 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:47.120 life of a Turkmen consisted of nine stages of twelve 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:51.560 years each, starting with childhood and progressing through adolescence, youth, maturity, 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.440 what he called the prophetic stage, and then from age 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:57.760 sixty one to sixty two the inspirational stage, which just 0:08:57.840 --> 0:08:59.920 happened to be his age at the time. Wisdom and 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:03.000 old age followed, ending with the ogas con stage at 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:06.160 age a hundred and nine. Ogus Khan was the legendary 0:09:06.160 --> 0:09:09.120 founder of the Turkmen nation, like the Romulus. So he 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:12.040 divides life up in all these stages, ending it a 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:14.400 hundred nine. That's how long you're supposed to live. So 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:18.040 he's he's at this point he's now defining aging. Yeah, 0:09:18.320 --> 0:09:22.040 I'm surprised he's not personally naming every citizen at this point. 0:09:22.280 --> 0:09:25.960 He's pretty big line outside, I did run into a 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:27.760 bummer of a fact that's not related to him, but 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:30.679 it is related to culture in Turkmenistan. It's one of 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:32.880 those places where like people don't want to have too 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:35.120 many girls because there's a lot of social cash and 0:09:35.160 --> 0:09:37.600 having too many boys, and so one of the most 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:42.040 common names for girls is literally the word enough jus 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:46.079 like if you've had too many girls, your girl enough 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:48.640 or like there's another one that's like translates like please 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:52.520 God stop. Yeah, it's pretty sucked up. That is fucked 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:54.559 up because it's like, you know, is that like they're 0:09:54.600 --> 0:09:57.120 setting a reminder, like Okay, this is the last one 0:09:57.120 --> 0:10:04.280 you're telling God, like we're done, we have enough girls cheese. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:07.960 but that one, that one's not on Turkmen Boshi. That's 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:11.360 just some uh culture needs to wake up a little 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:14.920 bit on women's issues. Maybe yeah, yeah, people people are 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:18.640 terrible and have been forever and are everywhere. Yeah. Now, 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:22.160 On the twenty five November, two attackers in three vehicles 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:25.560 ambushed President Niyazov's motorcade, firing on it with machine guns. 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:27.679 Several of his guards were wounded as they fought off 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:31.439 the attack. President Niyazov, inside his armored vehicle, reportedly did 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:33.400 not notice he had been attacked until he arrived at 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:36.200 the office later that day. Oh, I'm glad. I'm glad. 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:39.360 He's all right. You're glad. You were worried, I could say. 0:10:39.600 --> 0:10:41.839 In the immediate wake of the attack, Turkmen Boshi declared 0:10:41.880 --> 0:10:44.640 that the shooters were quote hired, given weapons and sent 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:46.600 to carry out the shooting. They got high and tried 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:48.959 to carry out their orders. Punishment will be brought to them, 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:51.480 but they are not the ones who bear the main responsibility. 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:55.040 You want to guess who bears the main responsibility. Isn't 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:57.480 that guy? It's that guy in a bunch of Turkmen 0:10:57.480 --> 0:11:00.640 dissidents who all lived in foreign countries, none of whom 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:02.400 lived in the country. I mean, this is smart, he 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:05.040 thought of it. It's a good opportunity to pin the 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:08.559 blame well. And it may not have actually happened, okay, 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:13.160 I mean the shooting itself happened. He he didn't notice, apparently, 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:15.200 so it didn't happen for him. Yeah, yeah, and he 0:11:15.240 --> 0:11:17.640 declared Boris chikmard Off to be behind it all. But 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:21.440 Radio Free Europe, which is just so there's a U. S. 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:24.840 Government funded organization the reports from inside non democratic countries 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:27.200 with no press freedom, but it is a government funded country. 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:29.319 So it's one of those things where like they're definitely 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:31.800 tolling the US government line, but they're also often have 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:35.040 good sources inside countries like Termenistan. But take it with 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:37.320 a grain of whatever you take at U. S. Government 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:42.200 funded journalism institute, you know. Uh. Anyway, Radio Free Europe 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:44.480 talked to all of the accused dissidents and also to 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:47.040 several other sources in the country, and they posited a 0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:50.800 counter theory about what happened. Quote the former deputy Prime 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:53.160 Minister and National Bank had denied any role in the 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:56.320 attack and said the assassination attempt, which allegedly took places 0:11:56.400 --> 0:11:59.600 Niazov was being driven to work, seemed strange. Nikazov has 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:01.960 two v hicles, a Mercedes and a jeep. Both have 0:12:02.040 --> 0:12:04.920 double plate armor. These vehicles cannot be destroyed by machine 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:07.680 guns or even rocket propelled grenades. Think for a minute, 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:10.600 the alleged attackers let kniazof go by. Then they block 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:12.880 the road in front of the police following nas off. 0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:14.840 If the plan had worked, it wouldn't have been for 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:18.600 eliminating niasof So basically, the allegations that he faked an 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:23.760 assassination at him a false. Yeah yeah, yeah, which yeah 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:27.960 maybe right. I mean he he was like, well, that's 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:31.200 a false exactly, And we all know that nine eleven 0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:35.720 was an inside absolutely because jet fuel cannot melt steel beams. 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:38.959 I can't melt anything. You can't melt it's just jet fuel. Like, 0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:42.800 that's why I use it for hair palmmade. You can 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:44.959 drink it. You can drink it, oh man, Yeah, that's 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:46.719 what most doctors say. A pint of jet fuel a 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:50.720 day keeps your insides from becoming steel beams. I mean 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:55.080 you certainly won't have any other worries medically after that, 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:58.640 after drinking your daily pie to your your problems are 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:03.080 all set. So if Niaza's goal was to use the 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:05.800 assassination attempt as an excuse to crush the tiny amount 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.440 of resistance that remained in his own country, it worked. 0:13:08.720 --> 0:13:11.480 Chik Murodov turned himself in to stop his family from 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:14.520 being horribly tortured or at least horribly tortured anymore than 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:17.760 they'd already been horribly tortured. A few days later, he 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:20.360 showed up on State TV clearly drugged and admitted to 0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:23.320 attempting to orchestrate a coup. He thanked me as off 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:25.760 for the mercy that he'd shown and not executed them all, 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:29.040 and also thanked the Great Leader for his compassionate, spiritual guidance. 0:13:29.760 --> 0:13:32.960 That's a real bummer. That's a real bummer that's you're 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:34.920 watching on TV. Like, I think we got to get 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:36.440 out of this kind. I think we might need to 0:13:36.480 --> 0:13:40.679 leave this country, he told State News. Quote among us 0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:43.880 us being the conspirators is not one normal person. We 0:13:43.920 --> 0:13:46.240 are all nobody's. I am not a person capable of 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.720 running a country. I am a criminal only able to 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:53.600 destroy it. Yeah, it's one of those things I don't 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:56.840 just like it's it's the third act, like the dark 0:13:56.960 --> 0:14:00.319 moment before the hero is able to like beat the 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:04.200 dystopian leader, and I, yeah, I feel like it's not 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:07.120 gonna be the thing that happens. That's only a thing 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:12.120 that happens in movies. But it's just so overtly evil 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.839 moment it is, And like shik Muradov. It's one of 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:18.200 those things to raise to that position in the government 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:20.880 of Turkmenistan. He's probably pretty corrupt himself, but he also 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:23.200 seems to have been a lamently courageous guy and like, 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:25.680 obviously this dude needed to be. Like, I don't I 0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:27.360 don't know if he would have been good or not 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:30.880 if like the dictator had been replaced. But I mean generally, yeah, 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:34.840 generally speaking, if they're like, let me take over, it's 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:37.360 probably not gonna It's just be the cycle beginning again 0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:39.920 with a new face. That is what the odds say. 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:43.000 But yeah, I mean, he also did turn himself into 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:46.080 save his family, so maybe he was a decent person. Yeah, 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:50.000 I mean that's that's not an easy choice, I guess, 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:52.760 not because you know you're getting tortured. Yeah, but if 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:54.920 if you like your family, if you don't like your family, 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:57.840 and it's like him, Yeah, he's not a total sociopath, 0:14:57.880 --> 0:15:01.040 because a total sociopath would not have turned him self. Yes, yeah, 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:05.200 so I don't know. I don't know. Chikmurodov, sorry that 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:07.800 you got sentenced to prison for the rest of your life. 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:11.280 On TV, Nikazov explained that he had shown mercy to 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:16.240 all of the conspirators because only Allah decides death. Wow, 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:20.000 I'm surprised he hasn't taken that up to that he 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:22.600 can decide death because he's a saying he's to sign 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:24.200 a lot of things, and he did. He did have 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:26.480 a lot of people executed. Okay, Yeah, he did have 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:28.400 a lot of people like Okay, he's just a liar. 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:33.800 He's definitely allowed. Okay. Uh. Now, next, Niazov clamped down 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:36.600 on civil liberties even more. He ordered the secret police 0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:39.840 to monitor public conversations. He also asked citizens to report 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:43.760 anti national talk being turkmenbashi. He also did something insane 0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:45.760 and banned anyone in the country from listening to the 0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:49.200 radio while driving in their car. His reasoning was that 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:52.040 the noise would obscure subversive conversations from the eyes of 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:55.960 hidden police. It really seems like these are moments in 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:58.520 his life where he's like being driven around, here's the 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:00.680 radio and it's distracting. He's like, you know what, no 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:05.560 more radio for anybody. Fuck the radio. I hate the radio. 0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:13.040 Now put it on the list. L adio radio movie theaters. 0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:16.360 Make sure that puppet theater is still running. Who are 0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:19.560 the people running the puppet theater. I want to know 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:24.080 about them. I bet they really need a cigarette or 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:27.160 they were like, they're probably very passionate about puppets, and 0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:29.080 then he declared them they're like that was the time. 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:33.400 There's just one puppet loving man who was this is 0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:36.560 the country I was born to be Yea, and they exist. 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:39.040 There are puppet loving people. There are puppetly Matt Stone 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:41.800 and Trade Parker. I hadn't. I hadn't been really successful here. 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:44.160 I had a neighbor who kept asking me to come 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:47.920 over and watch a puppet show. Yeah, it's like that, 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:51.160 that's that I know you're gonna get murdered. It was 0:16:51.200 --> 0:16:54.600 I was living in this terrible apartment and this are weird. 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:56.720 Neighbor was like, look, I do puppet shows every week 0:16:56.760 --> 0:16:59.600 if you guys want to come, and it was just like, no, no, 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:02.720 I don't want to die. I'm young. I feel like 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:05.000 the word no enters your mind as soon as the 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:07.719 word puppet show enters your ears. I did have one 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:09.760 roommate go and it's like I wasn't. He was like, 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:14.159 it was weird. It's what it's what it sounds like. 0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:19.160 It's what it sounds like. Our neighbor's puppet show. Speaking 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:26.040 of puppet shows, I don't answer my seat. You know 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:31.359 what isn't a puppet? Busy bone dog treats the only 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:35.320 dog treats currently sitting on this table. Yeah, they look good. 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:36.879 You could probably eat them. I felt like this was 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:39.280 the time for an ad plug. I also feel like 0:17:40.160 --> 0:17:42.119 the bones on the front of that kind of look 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:44.600 like tampons. There's even a string coming out of one 0:17:44.640 --> 0:17:48.440 of them. Good god, they really do? Is that? Why 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:51.760 is there a string coming out of that? Okay? It 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:55.480 is an arrow? All right? That was an unnecessary digression, 0:17:56.160 --> 0:18:00.400 speaking of unnecessary digressions. Actually, speaking of necessary say, it's 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:17.479 pretty necessary. You know what's necessary? A and we're back. Okay. So, uh, 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.439 when we last left off, Niazov had just banned the radio. 0:18:22.720 --> 0:18:25.000 I mean, not the weirdest thing he's banned, Not the 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:27.840 weirdest thing he's been The next and last period of 0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:30.760 Niyazov's life was a golden age for batty ass laws. 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:34.320 He required universities to test all applicants on their knowledge 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:37.280 of his dumb book, The Runama. He reorganized the justice 0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:39.560 system so that prisoners could only be released when they'd 0:18:39.560 --> 0:18:42.360 sworn an oath upon his book. In two thousand four, 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:44.760 he demanded that the Runama should be used in mosques 0:18:44.840 --> 0:18:50.520 alongside the Koran. I'm not one for burning books for 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:54.120 ob yeah, but it feels like we need to get 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:56.960 rid of this book. I also, I mean, I guess 0:18:56.960 --> 0:18:58.840 it's probably pretty clear to the listeners, but in case 0:18:58.880 --> 0:19:01.160 you haven't had a lot of oriens with like Muslims 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:04.199 and Islam, I can't imagine anything more blasphemous than what 0:19:04.280 --> 0:19:12.720 this guy's done. Oh yeah, that's pretty hardcore blasphemy. Now, 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:15.720 the National Mufti, the like Islamic religious leader for the 0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:20.800 nation of Turkmenistan, objected to this random dude's book being 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:23.879 made a requirement alongside the Holy Book of the faith. Uh. 0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:26.080 He was instantly arrested and a player to be a 0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:29.640 part of the coup two years ago. Yeah, that sense 0:19:29.680 --> 0:19:34.640 about right, retroactively inactively responsible for the coup now. During 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:37.280 a tour of small villages that same year two thousand four, 0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:40.400 Niyazov was allegedly angered that none of the local libraries 0:19:40.440 --> 0:19:43.280 had enough people in them. He ordered all rural libraries 0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:46.080 across the country shut down. This may have been due 0:19:46.119 --> 0:19:48.479 to the fact that turkinbosh, you described all writers who 0:19:48.520 --> 0:19:51.159 were not himself. He considered it a personal insult that 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:54.560 anyone would want to read any book besides the Runama. Yeah, 0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:59.199 that makes sense. Also, in two thousand four, he declared 0:19:59.240 --> 0:20:04.760 July tenth a melon holiday. In April horse day. Nice, yeah, 0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:08.439 we got a horse days day. He banned beards because 0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:14.080 he was worried. Sure, sure, he was worried about Islamic 0:20:14.080 --> 0:20:17.720 fundamentalists tiding amongst the populace. I think he saw that 0:20:17.840 --> 0:20:23.320 eating super was like, no more beards. So this tired 0:20:23.359 --> 0:20:26.400 assistants like, yeah, I got it, no more, no more beards, 0:20:26.440 --> 0:20:32.359 all right, we'll put it out. Uh. He banned circuses. Uh, 0:20:32.520 --> 0:20:36.119 hold on, hold on, you can't be pro puppet show 0:20:36.240 --> 0:20:41.160 and anti circus, especially being pro horse and anti circus. Yeah, well, 0:20:41.160 --> 0:20:43.520 I sort of get that. If you see a circus, 0:20:43.560 --> 0:20:46.560 you're like, oh god, those poor horses. Okay, that actually 0:20:46.600 --> 0:20:49.399 might make any sense, But like puppet shows and circuses, 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:53.560 it's all in the same ridiculous spectacle, like it's it's 0:20:53.640 --> 0:20:56.280 it's all the same circle of like these are the 0:20:56.320 --> 0:21:00.359 things that are used for entertainment in hell. Yeah, yeah, 0:21:00.600 --> 0:21:05.680 like circuses, puppets. Yeah, it. So basically, anytime the president 0:21:05.680 --> 0:21:08.439 expressed a mild dislike for something, it was essentially banned. 0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:11.160 Now what he was not passing laws against these things. 0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:13.280 He wasn't saying it's forbidden to have a beard. He 0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:16.359 wasn't saying it's forbidden to do this, or that. He 0:21:16.400 --> 0:21:19.720 would go on TV and basically express his dislike for 0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:22.040 a certain thing, and then everybody would have to stop 0:21:22.040 --> 0:21:24.440 doing it because it's a police state. So like, that's 0:21:24.440 --> 0:21:26.800 the way this works. And a good example of how 0:21:26.800 --> 0:21:33.919 it proceeded was Turkmenbashi's hatred of gold teeth fillings. Uh. 0:21:34.040 --> 0:21:37.879 He denounced them in a speech, staying, quote, I watched 0:21:37.920 --> 0:21:40.080 young dogs when I was young. They were given bones 0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:42.400 to Now those who view whose teeth have fallen out 0:21:42.440 --> 0:21:46.000 did not gnaw on bones. This is my advice. What 0:21:46.440 --> 0:21:51.800 non on bones? Take out your gold teeth. Wait wait, yeah, 0:21:52.280 --> 0:21:54.399 he didn't like gold teeth. He like expressed that he 0:21:54.400 --> 0:21:56.760 didn't think they looked good, that natural teeth looked better, 0:21:57.119 --> 0:21:58.840