WEBVTT - Does Love have Rules? (Jay Shetty Recap) 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:04.120 It's the j Shatty episode. Are you ready, Cara? I 0:00:04.160 --> 0:00:11.880 am ready, just like about all right, here we go. 0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:13.840 I'm gonna have giggle box. You know, this is a 0:00:13.840 --> 0:00:16.840 punch drunk season. Now, all right, here we go. Hey, y'all, Hey, 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:19.520 what's up? And welcome to let's Red Table that I'm 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:23.600 Tracy t Row and I'm Clara Pressley. On the scale 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:26.080 of one to ten, Tracy, I mean, how ready are 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:29.360 you to talk about this episode in that brand new 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:33.560 book of Jay Satty's. I am super duper ready. I 0:00:33.600 --> 0:00:38.440 am probably a nine point seven five. I'm I ready. 0:00:38.479 --> 0:00:43.440 I'm ready. Okay, okay, come on here, talk about it? 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:47.280 Are you a ten? Am? Ten? I am ready to 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:50.599 talk about it. I like Ja Shetty. I'm glad he's 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:54.240 he might have been who has the most table he appearances. 0:00:54.280 --> 0:00:56.880 He might be tough. I think he may be winning 0:00:57.000 --> 0:01:02.080 before aside from Dr Ourphee. Maybe Dr Romney has been there. 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:05.080 Dr Romney. Yeah. Dr Romney may may have him beating 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:09.400 more table business. But he is definitely our top male 0:01:09.560 --> 0:01:12.240 visit of the table for sure, with an exclusive this 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:14.479 time tell us about it. Oh my gosh, this book 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:17.560 is not even released yet, but we have copies and 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:19.679 I can't wait to break this book down for everyone. 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:22.720 We're gonna take a short break right now, but when 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:25.160 we get back, we'll break down the moments from Ja 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:29.200 Shetty's appearance on Red Table Talk that had us saying, wait, 0:01:29.560 --> 0:01:44.199 what do alright? This is the part of the show 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:47.280 where we reveal which moments made us pause, We're one 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:50.840 and listen again because we all had to say, wait, 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:55.040 what what was that? Listen? It was a few of 0:01:55.040 --> 0:02:00.600 this moment. Yeah, Gammy sharing that she fights to win 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:05.120 rather than to fix the problem. Ronnie says, I fight 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:10.280 to win. I fight to win instead of fighting too 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:13.959 like to solve the problem. I'm gonna let him break 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:16.160 it down. But it was so revealing for me. I 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:21.200 was like, wow, Okay. She didn't ever take she didn't 0:02:21.240 --> 0:02:24.239 have to ask any questions about what the fighting styles were. 0:02:24.639 --> 0:02:26.440 She was like, Okay, I know what mine is. I 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:28.160 want to be right, I want to want to win. 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:30.760 We knew that again, what's yours? Do you know what 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:33.240 yours as? I don't. I feel like I'm a lover 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:38.920 not a fighter. Yeah, I love I don't believe that's 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:41.880 in the book, but yeah, I did not read I'm 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:43.480 a love or not a fighter in the book as 0:02:43.560 --> 0:02:45.840 the fighting style that definitely was not in the book 0:02:47.520 --> 0:02:49.919 out that though, so maybe we can ask for an addendum. 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:54.920 And then he said in his book, Okay, every time 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:58.639 one of you loses, you both lose, and every time 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:01.839 the problem loses is you both win, which I think 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:05.239 that is phenomenal because if you are really truly attacking 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:09.280 the issue and the problem and not each other, then 0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:12.359 you move forward. So I guess if you did a 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:16.440 very loose paraphrase, that would be I'm a lover, not 0:03:16.600 --> 0:03:18.880 a fighter. That's where I met or the Great Escape 0:03:18.919 --> 0:03:21.799 one said what I need from you is understand that 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:25.440 that's what I heard. How can we communicate if you 0:03:25.480 --> 0:03:30.840 don't hear what I say? Come on? Come on? Ye 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:36.640 not new? What's your fighting style? Tracy? Oh, Gammy, I've 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:40.720 been locked up with Gamy the whole season five twins. Gamy. 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:43.200 Gamy is my spiritual twin. But now I'm gonna tell 0:03:43.200 --> 0:03:46.280 you something. I have gotten better. Okay, I have gotten better. 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:48.840 The better coach I become, the better listener, I become, 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:54.360 the better focus I have on resolution. And so instead 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:55.960 of wanting to be right now, I want to I 0:03:56.080 --> 0:04:00.360 want resolve. Listen, I hear that, because who has time 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:02.560 to argue? Right, love, We're not a fighter. I love that. 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:06.640 Another wait wet moment was Luma from the fan Wall 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:09.880 dropped the nugget of wisdom based on her own experience, 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:13.160 and she said, yeah, like, obviously, going through break up 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:15.240 is really hard. I honestly think the hardest part is 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:17.800 when you realize that them coming back is no longer 0:04:17.920 --> 0:04:22.880 the solution for your pain, like they can't figure that 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:26.680 is for real? I felt that one in my spirit. Right, 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:31.280 have you ever said this? Realization words? Sage words? You 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:33.919 know a lot of times wisdom can come from having 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:37.640 a hard lesson, and those were some wise words. She 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:40.000 said that people can learn from that. For sure. That 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:43.440 was a white because I was like, oh, listen, A 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:47.200 few names immediately came to mind. I was like, no, right, wait, 0:04:47.240 --> 0:04:51.960 a manicola if powers don't work anymore? We never felt 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:59.279 like that before. I have leaned in, come on here, no, listen. 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:03.400 It could be anything from a man to a Chick 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:07.720 fil a sandwich. Sometimes sometimes it's just not it anymore. 0:05:08.560 --> 0:05:13.160 See all right? That was what not the man or 0:05:13.279 --> 0:05:16.280 the sandwich? Okay, we're gonna come on here, don't quit 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:22.440 no more, just depends. All right, that's the way what 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:24.159 all is own? I think we can have a whole 0:05:24.200 --> 0:05:29.080 separate conversation about definitely could that part as we say 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:32.200 at the virtual red table. From the red table, Now 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.000 here's the other. Wait what in addition to your weight? What? 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:37.200 From it? Could be a man or a chicken sandwich. 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:40.920 Willow saying she wants to just move in with her 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:45.200 friends and get a bunch of kids, always tell my girlfriends, 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:47.840 let's just move in together when we're old and get 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:53.760 a bunch of cats. I never do have do but 0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:56.400 if we do have boyfriends, great, they can come over 0:05:56.520 --> 0:05:59.800 sometimes we can see them whatever. But let's like be 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:02.600 together and not like, oh, we have to just be 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:07.160 old and gray with our significant other. She even took 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:11.400 Ja shetty. He was like, Willow, He said, wait what 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:15.960 he said? Wait? Would He was like, what does it 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:18.360 have to be? Cats? Like? What what do you have? 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:21.840 What she said? Or dogs? She did, but he had 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:24.880 to say, doesn't have to be can you now? Or 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:26.880 have you ever felt like this car where you like 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:30.360 you know what? I'm just done? Yes, okay. I did 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:33.000 not take long very much Willow very much. Well, I 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:35.480 feel you, Willow. The people out here, they lie to us. 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:37.920 They fairy tell us, I'm gonna get a shirt, say 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:41.520 fairy taling on it. They lie to us, she they leave, 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:45.720 They don't like us. Yeah, yeah, Willow. I felt just 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:48.440 moving with your friends and get some cats, okay, Dan, 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:52.200 whenever you have to do to preserve your peace. I 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:54.640 pray we all find the real love and whatever we 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:57.440 need out here. But the main thing about this book 0:06:57.480 --> 0:06:59.240 that I liked was just the fact that we're gonna 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:01.880 be able to talk about some real steps and tap in, 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:05.479 go on the inside and learn how to love yourselves first. 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:07.320 So if Willow, if you need to learn how to 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:09.640 love yourself at the house with the cats, I feel you, well, 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:11.920 I'm gonna tell you something. I was also proud that 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:16.200 at the end of the episode, Willow got a phenomenal 0:07:16.480 --> 0:07:19.400 compliment from Ja Shetty about how he has learned so 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:21.840 much from her, And I was just so proud because 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:25.160 there's some absolute wisdom in her youth and experience, and 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:29.360 she's got the benefit of being at the table. Imagine 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:31.920 how much we've learned this season. So she's right there 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:34.040 at the feet of it right in the part of it, 0:07:34.160 --> 0:07:36.440 and I think of it. She's learning stuff all day 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:41.040 every day. Why's Willow wise? Willow? I like it? I 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:44.040 like it. All right, we're gonna take a quick break, 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:46.360 but when we get back, we'll dive into Ja Shett's 0:07:46.400 --> 0:07:48.960 brand new book Eight Rules of Love and why we 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:53.160 think you should or shouldn't read this book yourself. Stay tuned. 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:00.720 All right, let's get into it. Trace See what did 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:05.280 you think of this book? L O V E no 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:09.440 pun intended love love this book from the beginning to 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:12.320 the end. It is chopped full of things you can 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:17.160 do for yourself so that you are shored up and ready. 0:08:17.960 --> 0:08:23.480 And then it is completely aligned with love for self, 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:28.520 love for relations love for romantic, love for friends, love 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:32.000 for family. It applies all across the board. Now, there 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:36.000 are some specifics that talk about your romantic relationships, because 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:38.640 he would be remiss if he didn't include that. But 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:41.640 this is a book that if you are in a relationship, 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:45.040 if you're starting a relationship, if you want a relationship, 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:49.199 or you're leaving a relationship, you need this book. That's 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:51.679 what I think about it. How about that that I 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:54.240 love that? I love that and I like the aspect 0:08:54.280 --> 0:08:55.840 of the book, and he talked to it, of course, 0:08:55.880 --> 0:08:59.280 of the episode where we really romantic size and put 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:02.400 romantic love on a pedestal before any other love. I 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:04.719 don't want to do that anymore. I think it's I 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:08.959 think it's the wedding. I think the wedding weddings over time, 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:12.720 from the weddings in England, London and just all across 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:15.439 the world, and the Queen and the Who and the 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:19.920 fairy tales. Think that those romantic loves have overshadowed the 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:22.359 real love that we have day to day, from friendships 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:26.240 to parents to siblings, so and even of course it's 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:28.959 just the love of yourself. So yeah, I think you're 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:31.560 right there. It's been romanticized and for a reason, right, 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:33.920 that makes it indible, that makes it commercial, so that 0:09:34.040 --> 0:09:39.559 we can as sales exactly exactly, and so it makes sense. 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:42.280 But I really believe if we were given an opportunity 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:45.640 to incorporate some course training in like in middle school, 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:51.160 you know, because we're not as simple as that. That part, yeah, right, Jake. 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:55.120 She says we've made being alone or loneliness the enemy, 0:09:55.480 --> 0:10:00.680 completely disregarding the more positive term for being alon, which 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:04.079 is solitude. How do you find joy in your solitude? Car? 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:07.000 And then what does being alone and alone time mean 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:12.760 to you? Man? I love being alone more so now 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:16.160 and I did enjoy it before COVID. But thank you 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:19.400 COVID for reminding me. Maybe I don't need to be 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:24.800 around so many people. Maybe there is fun by myself, right. 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:28.959 I find joy in my solitude through affirmation. Shout out 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:31.600 to your affirmation cards, Tracy. I have a pack myself. 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:36.400 I enjoyed those reading. I enjoy movies with no other 0:10:36.600 --> 0:10:39.880 conversation from anyone else, like my son because and I 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.640 actually tend to be the talker sometimes in a movie. 0:10:42.720 --> 0:10:45.800 So you know, oh, a little self assessment. If I can, 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:49.640 I can rewind if if I need to. It's just 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:52.839 I can determine what I need and what I like. 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:55.320 So my alone time is super important to me. Allows 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:57.679 me to be creative as well. And you know, when 0:10:57.720 --> 0:11:00.679 I get back around people, I enjoyed more because I 0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:03.120 was able to step away. I think there's a common 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:07.400 misconception that people that are extroverts like us don't really 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:11.920 enjoy solitude, and I absolutely up. I mean I love it, 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:16.120 I adore it, I cherish it, and there are times 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:18.640 when I can go somewhere in the car and come 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:20.520 back when I'm by myself and just pull up in 0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:22.199 the and it's like, Okay, let me just sit here 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:23.800 for a moment. Turn the car off and let me 0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:26.559 just sit here. That was my outitude during COVID. I 0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:28.960 had to still go somewhere, so I got in the car. 0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:31.400 So out to everybody who sits in the car when 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:33.640 they get home as well. I know we are not alone. 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:37.160 But j Shett also explained in the book that it's 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:41.160 important to find balance between time together with your romantic partner, 0:11:41.600 --> 0:11:45.240 Tom alone Tom, with our own friends, and time with 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:48.719 collective friends. How have you maintained the balance like this 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:53.160 in your life with Sweetie Tracy? Let me tell you something. Okay, 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:56.719 maintained may not be the word like Sweetie if she 0:11:56.840 --> 0:12:01.040 heard that, she was like maintained? Who told you that? However, 0:12:01.679 --> 0:12:04.480 I will say that there is a part of this 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:07.600 book that I love. In this the social calendar plan 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:10.040 that he has in there For those of you who 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:13.360 have busy schedules, like so many of us do. It's 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:15.880 important for you to spend time with your loved one, 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:17.880 but you know your friends are like, hey, don't leave 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:21.760 me out. So what I did to try to incorporate 0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:26.280 some improved balance, I will say not maintain it, because 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:28.839 I don't think I maintain it as well. It's the 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:32.960 words for me. Language is super important for me. Well, 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:36.680 you know, it's been an ongoing thing because I keep going, 0:12:36.840 --> 0:12:39.640 I need nothing. I stay super busy, and Sweetie is 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:42.760 super supportive. But she also has times when she's like, 0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:46.760 look now, I do not want to be an afterthought here. 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:49.679 Do not make me a foregone conclusion. And we went 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:53.559 through a period of that, and so now Sunday is 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:56.319 by day. Okay, I love that Sunday is by day. 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:59.680 Sunday with the exception of we have some special arrangements 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.640 where we do something with collective friends or family, Sunday 0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:06.040 is designated as by day. So that is how we've 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:11.280 had some restoration of balance. And it's made a difference 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:13.439 because it's not it doesn't even have to be anything big, 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:15.240 like it doesn't have to be the super date night, 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:18.320 it doesn't have to be anything fantastic like this week. 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:20.520 I literally Bay day we were just I was just 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:22.280 in bed. She was in the chair in the room, 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:24.800 just chilling and talking, and I was nodding off, but 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:28.160 it counted. Oh I'm glad that y'all have that, and 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:32.400 they're going to continue with right. So absolutely it has 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:37.000 been a real positive shift for us to have by 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:41.319 day pay sweetie, love you, grateful for you being patient. 0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:51.680 Thank you so sweet. The Eight Rules of Love also 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:55.080 includes several step by step guys and questions you can 0:13:55.160 --> 0:13:58.360 ask yourself today to start your journey to love, be 0:13:58.520 --> 0:14:01.920 it romantic or in friendship. And we're going to try 0:14:02.000 --> 0:14:04.880 some of these out. So, Cara, are you ready to 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:09.720 dig deep for the pod? I'm ready, just like spongebub 0:14:10.760 --> 0:14:17.880 Let's go, let's go voice, Let's I love that, I 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:20.560 love that. You did an excellent job with that one. Alright, 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:23.520 so we know the first step in rule four, your 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:27.240 partner is your guru. We're gonna identify some of the 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:30.720 learning styles here, okay, So let's just do a quick 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:32.400 review of the learning styles and then we can talk 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:34.680 a little bit about all of them. Okay. The learning 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:40.160 styles are there's four hearing, vision, thought, and motion. Okay. 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:43.520 So the hearing style means that you like it when 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:46.240 you can take in new information through your ears. This 0:14:46.400 --> 0:14:50.240 can be through listening to fantastic podcasts like this one, 0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:58.760 audio books or Ted talks, right, so I like listening. However, 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:05.200 comma vision learning visually, vision learning is watching someone demonstrate 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:08.080 the skill or maybe following a diagram. Okay, so when 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:10.440 I hit the one that that you are resonating with, 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:13.720 let me know when he let me know, it's giving 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:15.800 vision already, I can tell you. Let's hear the rest. 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:18.320 Let's just say okay, okay, we'll come back to vision 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:22.160 because I'm with you there. Thought learning happens all internally 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:25.920 when you absorb information in your head. Might think like 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:28.840 reading a book on a topic of interest, taking notes 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.200 as you read and putting it into your own words. 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.960 That says, Car, I've seen you take notes. Definitely do 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:38.320 write things down. Yeah, I've seen you take notes. So then, finally, 0:15:39.360 --> 0:15:43.040 motion learning means you learn by doing. You might want 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:45.200 to take a workshop where you get to try out 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:48.200 new skills as you acquire them. So now let's go back. 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:53.520 We had hearing, vision, thought, and motion. Which one is 0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:57.640 your learning style? Car, I'm feeling vision and thought because 0:15:57.720 --> 0:16:00.840 I am in my head a lot. I mean, even 0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:05.320 with my consulting on the side, I specialize in brainstorming 0:16:05.400 --> 0:16:10.160 sessions with clients. So clearly I envisioned and thought learning. 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:13.200 What about you, Tracy? Okay, So here's what's interesting that 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:16.240 you're a hybrid. I'm a hybrid too. When you said thought, 0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:20.480 I thought, maybe so, but I see too many squirrels, 0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:24.040 and I like as a coach. As a coach, I 0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:25.840 have to stay focused. So when I'm with my client, 0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:28.600 I do that. But here's for me what I am. 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:32.440 A hybrid of vision and motion. I do great when 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:35.960 I can see someone do it and I can try 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:39.840 to do it myself like professor YouTube, yes, or even 0:16:39.920 --> 0:16:42.400 just instructing myself. And I've seen you and struck before, 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:45.160 so I as well. I like to be in front 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:48.680 of the class. Figure, I'd like to be in front 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:51.200 of the class and help them get it in real time. 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:53.360 So I feel that on motion. Yeah, those for a 0:16:53.480 --> 0:16:55.720 learning style. It's good to know that though, because it 0:16:55.880 --> 0:16:59.640 makes a difference when you know someone is a motion 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:02.640 learned her and you're with someone who's a hearing learner, 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:05.240 Like they're not gonna learn the same. That's night and day. 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:08.760 Don't you think? Oh? Absolutely chazy? What about you? Do 0:17:08.920 --> 0:17:12.679 you know, sweeties? Learning style? And does she know yours? Okay? 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:17.080 That's a good question. So I would say, sweeties learning 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:22.560 style is absolutely visual. She's a vision learner, but also 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:25.399 hybrid though, because she does a really good job of listening. 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:28.880 So I'm gonna say she's a hybrid. Now, I would 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:32.680 say that if you ask her what my learning style is, 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:38.080 she's probably absolutely going to say motion, because yeah, because 0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:40.479 she knows i'd like to, like I said, I am 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:44.200 one who will fix the dryer, who will try to 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:46.879 change the ice maker, because I'll go on YouTube and 0:17:47.000 --> 0:17:49.240 look at the people who are the subject matter experts, 0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:51.639 follow their video, and then go order the parts and 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:55.240 do it. And also because she knows I talk a 0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:58.360 lot and won't ever really be quiet enough to hear 0:17:58.640 --> 0:18:00.600 I believe I'm just gonna tab been real quick. I 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:02.720 want to say my son is probably a visual learner, 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:06.200 and and probably like myself, we both I don't think 0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:08.560 we read the instructions at all. I believe we're just 0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:11.120 seeing at the photo and then we have those extra 0:18:11.200 --> 0:18:17.800 pieces left, like oh, right, this was that? I wonder 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:23.439 where this wet right missed it in the second step? Right? Okay, 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:27.840 all right, how has learning each other's styles helped your relationship? 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:29.560 Can you think of a time when maybe you've applied 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:31.600 it or like, oh, I know she would like this. Yeah, 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:34.000 you know, I think especially for us have been together 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:36.200 as long as we have the things you learn as 0:18:36.280 --> 0:18:39.679 you go, he makes the journey a little bit smoother. 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:43.200 They're always going to be some bumpy roads when you're 0:18:43.200 --> 0:18:45.879 in a relationship, but when you take time to make 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:49.960 the investment and say, oh, now I understand why this 0:18:50.160 --> 0:18:52.200 is true for you, or what makes this true for you, 0:18:52.880 --> 0:18:55.680 or how you think or how you learn, it does help. 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:58.240 So for those of you who are listening us, like 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:01.000 I never gave that any thought. That's why this book 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:04.080 is so good that I'm telling you listen so good. 0:19:04.440 --> 0:19:07.840 I love when we incorporate pieces like this as we 0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:10.320 talk about relationships and you know, not of course not 0:19:10.440 --> 0:19:13.080 just romantic, but in this relationship because we have to 0:19:13.119 --> 0:19:16.040 stop waiting for the people to change. As I get older, 0:19:16.119 --> 0:19:18.359 I just realized how many times we were like, I 0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:20.280 care about this person, but why won't they change? Why 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:23.920 won't they change? Instead of just acknowledging you're not compatible 0:19:24.480 --> 0:19:28.440 and who they are that part, just let's accept it 0:19:28.920 --> 0:19:31.160 for where we are, meet them where they are. Yeah, 0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:33.680 Because when you have that kind of resistance because you 0:19:33.800 --> 0:19:35.720 want them to become who you want them to be. 0:19:35.880 --> 0:19:39.520 Instead of just acknowledging and accepting who they are, you'll 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:41.879 never get where you want to be, which is healthy 0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:44.480 and happy that part. Are you ready to talk about 0:19:44.560 --> 0:19:49.000 fighting styles? I am ready, me too, just like I'm ready. 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:53.760 I love this game, told us hers, but let's discover ours. 0:19:53.880 --> 0:19:57.879 So from rule six, win or lose together, Jay Shetty 0:19:58.000 --> 0:20:02.080 walks us through identifying our egos and passions in a conflict. 0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:05.720 Which of the fighting reasons listed in the book resonates 0:20:05.840 --> 0:20:08.120 with you? I can tell you right at the time 0:20:08.280 --> 0:20:10.080 which one. There are a couple of different things in 0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:12.440 the book that were listed just to be fair so 0:20:12.600 --> 0:20:14.159 that we can make sure we don't just dive in 0:20:14.240 --> 0:20:16.119 and go okay. So, Tracy, you like to be right 0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:20.560 with a surprise, so you know that you get a 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:23.560 chance to ask some questions right like and my fighting 0:20:23.640 --> 0:20:26.119 because and it's like filling the blank. So on my 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:28.760 fighting because I believe what it's best, which is where 0:20:28.800 --> 0:20:31.600 I was for a long time. And my fighting because 0:20:31.640 --> 0:20:33.639 I want the person to change, which mentioned what you 0:20:33.720 --> 0:20:36.119 were talking about earlier. You want to modify that person 0:20:36.280 --> 0:20:38.520 and not just let them be or they need to 0:20:38.520 --> 0:20:41.719 correct their behavior. And my fighting because the situation offends 0:20:41.760 --> 0:20:45.479 me to the core. Now that one I love. If 0:20:45.560 --> 0:20:48.600 something offends you to the core, you want to fight 0:20:48.640 --> 0:20:50.640 about it. You know what I'm saying. That's gonna strike 0:20:50.720 --> 0:20:53.320 a nerve. That's passion. That's that's definitely pass and it's 0:20:53.359 --> 0:20:56.119 different from ego because the passion that's like, that's that 0:20:56.280 --> 0:20:59.320 inner fuel. Right, they have offended your morals to a 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:03.159 certain degree, right, stand by, but go ahead. See I 0:21:03.240 --> 0:21:05.320 totally get that. And then am I fighting because I 0:21:05.440 --> 0:21:09.560 feel different? Which is also you think about, like, especially 0:21:09.600 --> 0:21:12.840 in this political climate, right, how people think differently. They 0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:16.280 have different views and they're passionate about and they argue 0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:18.920 and fight about it. And that's something that can get 0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:23.680 really unbelievably out of control. Let it or here's what 0:21:23.800 --> 0:21:25.399 I love. And this was you I'm a lover or 0:21:25.440 --> 0:21:28.560 not a fighter? Part? You said you're fighting because you 0:21:28.640 --> 0:21:31.880 want to improve the situation, right, that's the goodness part. 0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:35.680 And then fighting because you want to become closer, which 0:21:35.720 --> 0:21:39.640 I love that I see. I found myself now being 0:21:39.720 --> 0:21:42.800 in a position where instead of fighting on the side 0:21:42.840 --> 0:21:46.800 of ego, I fight on the side of goodness that 0:21:47.000 --> 0:21:50.240 it's like okay at some point because I just absolutely 0:21:50.320 --> 0:21:52.000 hate I feel sick to my stomach when Sweedie and 0:21:52.080 --> 0:21:54.720 I fight, and I just okay, let's revisit this and 0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:57.000 I come back in a calm place because I will 0:21:57.119 --> 0:21:59.119 take you all the way there. You know, the Aquarius 0:21:59.160 --> 0:22:04.480 powers gets real deep. Slice you. I can slice you, 0:22:04.640 --> 0:22:06.880 and you won't even know you're slice until you walk away. 0:22:06.880 --> 0:22:09.639 In your arm is behind you. Okay, you won't know 0:22:09.760 --> 0:22:12.320 you cut off until you try to call. So I'm 0:22:12.440 --> 0:22:14.480 doing better about that because it's healthier for me to 0:22:15.119 --> 0:22:22.200 right understood. No, you know, it's loving the club, loving 0:22:22.320 --> 0:22:25.639 the club. I don't want to say it's none of these, 0:22:25.920 --> 0:22:28.680 but if I had to pick, it would be because 0:22:28.680 --> 0:22:31.480 I want to improve the situation, and then improvement looks 0:22:31.520 --> 0:22:35.600 like understanding the other person. The problem comes when they 0:22:35.640 --> 0:22:41.119 don't want to understand me. Now I am offended to 0:22:41.280 --> 0:22:45.240 the core to the core, to the core. Okay, I'm 0:22:45.320 --> 0:22:50.600 now I'm passionate about it because how dare you the core? Yeah? So, 0:22:50.720 --> 0:22:53.320 but you know, I would like to improve the situation, 0:22:53.920 --> 0:22:56.960 get closer because we also maybe understand each other more 0:22:57.200 --> 0:23:00.639 so it's definitely coming from a good place, right, I 0:23:00.840 --> 0:23:03.879