WEBVTT - External Exam - Ruining My Life with Fire Captain, Dr. Gabriel Angemi 0:00:04.720 --> 0:00:12.879 Mother Knows Death Presents External Exams with Nicole and Jemmy. 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:19.720 Hi, everyone, welcome the Mother Knows Death. On this week's 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:24.040 External Exam, we will be having our most requested guests, 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:30.080 my husband, doctor Gabriel, and Jemmy. Hi. Gabriel, welcome to 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:31.200 the show. Hi. 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:33.879 Hi, it's nice to be here. 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:36.720 Is it weird for me to call you Gabriel because 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:39.120 I don't think I've ever called you by your first 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:40.600 name in the past, only went in. 0:00:40.640 --> 0:00:45.440 Trouble, right, It's the weirdest part is doctor, just don't 0:00:45.440 --> 0:00:45.720 do that. 0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:50.320 Well, we're so proud of your accomplishment. So let's start 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:53.680 off by talking about the awesome trip that we just took. 0:00:54.800 --> 0:00:57.280 Why do you want to tell everyone why we drove 0:00:57.440 --> 0:00:59.280 across the country for two weeks? 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:05.120 Well, there was supposed to be just to culminate at graduation, right, 0:01:05.280 --> 0:01:08.040 Like that was the whole plan. Drive out and drive 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:13.400 back and and like ultimately go to Los Angeles and 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:19.039 graduate from school. But like, why do that without all 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:20.440 the awesome stuff? You know? 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:24.200 Yeah, that was so much fun. So why don't you 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:27.880 tell everybody what you graduated from? Why? Why were we 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:29.280 going there? Where'd you go to school? 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:33.360 So I was in an educational doctorate program at USC 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:40.120 for organizational Change in leadership, sort of like the last 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:45.200 the last degree conferral in the like a ten year process. 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:50.000 There's a bachelor's in Public Safety administration, a master's in 0:01:50.040 --> 0:01:55.360 Emergency and Disaster Management, and the organizational Change in Leadership. 0:01:55.960 --> 0:01:59.040 So I just kind of like spread it out a 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:03.120 little bit, and that's all like a reflection of like 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:05.080 what I experienced at my job and what i'd like 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:10.760 to try to like think about. So yeah, it was 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:12.640 a program that I thought worked for me as a 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:15.400 professional with like a job and a family that I 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:20.840 could kind of do and then it just fit right, 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:24.280 like it was doable. I mean, it was hard as shit, 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:25.560 but it was it was doable. 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:27.800 So that's one thing that I wanted to talk to 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:30.960 you about, is when you go to school for something 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:34.280 that's really hard and vigorous like this. One of the 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:37.520 things that we always talk about as a couple is 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:40.640 how important it is for each other to support each 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:43.440 other and stuff we're seeing like all the time on 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:45.600 the news right now. You know, our daughters are like 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:50.320 major swifties, and all we hear about is Travis and Taylor, 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:53.040 and you see all these news stories about how they're 0:02:53.080 --> 0:02:56.360 always supporting each other and going to each other's shows 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:59.240 and concerts and stuff, and they make such a big 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:01.400 deal about it news and I think it's so weird 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:03.360 because that's what you're supposed to do when you're in 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:07.720 a relationship with someone. 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:11.840 Yeah, I mean, like certainly it it's complex in a 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:14.320 different way maybe for the people you mentioned than it 0:03:14.360 --> 0:03:17.560 is for us, but like like like being a normal 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:19.799 person right where like I'm not flying to your. 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:24.440 Engagement, You're definitely not a normal person, so just well 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:24.919 neither am I. 0:03:25.720 --> 0:03:29.280 But you understand what I'm saying. It's just like it's home, 0:03:29.320 --> 0:03:33.040 it's under one roof, and it's just like the understanding 0:03:33.040 --> 0:03:34.800 of that, like I'm going to have to pick up 0:03:35.000 --> 0:03:38.160 X amount of weight while this clown is kind of 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:42.240 like thinking or like sitting with these ideas over here, 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:45.520 like he's kind of unavailable for X amount of hours 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:51.040 a day or even years, right like, and like you've 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:54.120 got to to kind of know that going into it. 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:56.760 I swear I asked for permission to do it, right, like, 0:03:56.840 --> 0:04:00.360 even even with it, just like you know, try to 0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:02.800 be a gentleman about it, because like obviously it's going 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:06.080 to put a big strain on on anyone's relationship. I 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:11.200 would think, even in the way that like I, you know, 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:14.800 like kind of push education or like academia on the 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:18.680 guys I work with, and I will tell them, like, 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:21.880 you know, and you and I talk all the time about, oh, 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:24.440 like you're in a good position. You might not have children, 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:26.800 or like you have where we look at it, like 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:29.479 we have like all these other kind of responsibilities that 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:36.039 tend to along with the education aspect, so like and 0:04:36.080 --> 0:04:38.440 everything that comes along with that, right, like mood swings, 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:43.760 being pissy, just being like fried emotionally or like mentally, 0:04:45.000 --> 0:04:47.120 You've got to be ready to support that and kind 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:50.320 of like give somebody a wide berth and I, you know, 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:52.400 now maybe it's your turn. I'm going to push you 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:52.960 to go back. 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:58.880 So no, we always Well, let's let's talk about this 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:01.640 a little bit, because I think that I would consider 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:04.800 our relationship to be really good and strong now, but 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:08.320 it wasn't always like that. So let's let's go back 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:11.520 a little bit to when when we first met. Where 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:14.080 do where do we meet? We both have kind of 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:15.400 different stories about how. 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:18.400 That went down, but I mean there are different stories 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:25.000 but only mine's accurate. So yeah, I think if I 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:27.960 remember correctly, certainly the wahwah thing. But like I was 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:31.159 coming off shift and I lived not too far from one, 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:34.240 so I would typically stop there every day as I'm 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:36.400 coming out of work, coming out of the firehouse, like 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:40.560 a mess of like maybe not sleeping or whatever, like 0:05:40.600 --> 0:05:42.960 ha been just gone fires or whatever, and and like 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:46.160 getting a coffee and then. 0:05:47.360 --> 0:05:49.520 And then you saw me, and it was like slow 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:53.920 motion and you were like, there's the girl my dreams 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:56.960 in this giant like beam of light was over my head. 0:05:57.080 --> 0:06:00.919 Yeah, I mean that's that's fairly accurate, except for like 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:01.599 what came. 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:03.240 All after that, except for none of it. 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:06.800 She might she might be the girl of my dreams, 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:08.120 but she's like a crazy person. 0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:10.320 No. 0:06:10.400 --> 0:06:13.400 But but so like my take on that is I 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:17.839 happen to just bullshit with you, like hey, uh, I 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:19.760 thought you had a ring on or something, and I 0:06:19.800 --> 0:06:22.200 was just like, you have a sister or something like that, 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:23.480 like just trying to make small talk. 0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:26.320 Yeah, I had my I had my key ring around 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:29.720 my hands because I was getting my cup of coffee, 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:32.920 and he thought it was a wedding ring. And then 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:35.960 he was like oh, are there any single girls like 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:37.000 you who aren't married? 0:06:37.320 --> 0:06:39.880 No? You, it was something I have a sister, right, 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:40.680 like no. 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:42.880 But you said like are there any girls like you 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:46.400 that aren't married or something like that. Yeah. 0:06:46.440 --> 0:06:51.560 So so there's the whole like I'm not married response, 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:53.480 and then I'm up against it like, oh, well, like 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:57.000 now I guess I'm I'm sort of like stuck here 0:06:57.040 --> 0:07:02.279 with this conversation this guy. Yeah. So, so we bullshitted 0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:04.840 in the store and that kind of like spilled out 0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:07.280 into the parking lot, and then that became like a 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:08.160 normal occurrence. 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:08.440 Right. 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:11.520 It was like I would run into you there often. 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:13.880 I felt like, you know here. 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:16.600 Or there ye before every day exchanges. 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:22.679 So having said that every day bit, I'd be remiss 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:25.240 if I didn't bring in Maria's version of this. That 0:07:25.400 --> 0:07:27.600 was more or less like you saw me one day 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:30.920 there that I didn't see you, and then like Maria 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:33.480 was rushed every morning trying to get to school and 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:36.120 like you were late to pick other people up and 0:07:36.160 --> 0:07:38.480 you were this or that, like as you were stalking 0:07:38.520 --> 0:07:40.440 me at the wah wah, like waiting for me to 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:42.960 show up and get coffee. Like that was That's like my. 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:45.880 Version I don't. I don't know if Maria ever collaborated 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:46.880 that story. 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:51.160 But well you don't on another podcast where like this 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:53.720 can kind of like go down a rabbit hole on 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:55.880 another thing or whatever. But like you asked Maria and 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:58.080 see what she says, and I'm going to be like 0:07:58.160 --> 0:07:58.680 I'm winning. 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:03.400 You have the story all wrong. Okay. So so the 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:07.640 first day that we met, we exchanged numbers that day actually, 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:12.520 and then we went out on a date a couple 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:15.760 of days later. You didn't have a cell phone yet, 0:08:16.840 --> 0:08:19.400 so I called I had to call your house. Yeah, right, 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:22.679 so I either had to call your house or email 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:28.280 you email. So we went and we went on our 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:30.880 first date, and if I thought it was pretty good. 0:08:31.440 --> 0:08:33.640 We went out to dinner, and then you drove us 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:39.040 to Ocean City and and then we left and I 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:42.080 and we like had to make out sessh. And then 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:43.679 I was like, oh, this guy is awesome. I was 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:46.840 like s into him, and and then he, you know, 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:52.160 just started being weird for like the next forever. 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:56.400 Yeah, but like till up until like right this very second, like. 0:08:56.360 --> 0:09:01.120 For like three whole years, just terrible, just we just 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:02.160 couldn't get it together. 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:05.640 Well, I mean, I was plenty together, but like you 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:08.040 were in a big rush, like and I just was 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:12.400 on my own timeline and kind of like you can 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:15.360 even ask the cats at the firehouse, like, yeah, there's 0:09:15.440 --> 0:09:17.640 a few I would even say out loud, like these 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:19.400 guys would hear me talk and be like, oh, this 0:09:19.480 --> 0:09:22.080 girl's rad, Like I think she's solid or whatever, like 0:09:22.120 --> 0:09:23.920 this could be it, Like I think I might have 0:09:23.960 --> 0:09:27.200 found her, and like she's exactly it, but like she's 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:30.839 just in such a damn hurry to like you know, well. 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:32.960 If I was so rad, why why not harry? 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:36.920 Like because I just had like the terrible views on 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:40.640 on like long term permanency and marriage, I guess stemming 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:41.480 from my childhood. 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:43.600 But like, oh, but now that you're getting it out, 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:46.920 at least we know with the problem. Yeah, well but 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:50.400 it so it was. It was rough for a couple 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:52.760 of years. And that's one of the things that I 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:55.520 wanted to talk about, was I feel like, I mean 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:58.719 we've almost in July. We have met like sixteen years ago. 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:01.040 That was a long time ago, a long time ago, 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:04.640 and I think that it was a combination of like 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:08.800 me trying to rush you and you not communicating your 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:12.960 fears about things. That is why it took so long 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:16.400 for us to like jive. And then when we finally 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:20.400 communicated better and then we started really trusting each other, 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:25.000 like telling each other our like deepest darkest secrets and stuff, 0:10:25.000 --> 0:10:28.760 that's when that's when things got really good between us. 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:30.520 But it took a long time to get to that 0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:32.800 point for sure. 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:36.760 And you know, it's easy for me to think about 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:39.559 the idea of like mutual trust like in the firehouse 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:41.320 or on the fire ground or something like that, like, 0:10:41.559 --> 0:10:46.120 but with the relationship, it just wasn't like it just 0:10:46.200 --> 0:10:50.880 wasn't like something that I was really looking at or 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:53.800 like considering it all. So so like I feel like 0:10:53.840 --> 0:10:57.080 once I sort of took the principles of that from work, 0:10:57.120 --> 0:11:00.200 which is maybe reverse engineering it or whatever. But like 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:07.480 once you understand that concept and the team idea and trust, 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:10.120 like then it's sort of like all downhill from there, 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:11.040 I guess. 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:14.440 Yeah. And I think that we that's our biggest thing 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:17.640 is that we work as a team. One of the 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:20.319 things that you always hear about your friends complaining and 0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:23.720 stuff relationships is like this one does too much, this 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:26.800 one doesn't do enough. And you hear about like these 0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:29.880 male female roles and stuff, and Gabe and I are 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:32.960 very like, like Gabe does all the laundry for our 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:36.439 entire house, all the kids, me, everybody. I don't even 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:41.080 really know how to work the washing machine, and I 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:44.880 mow the lawn. But then we also do very traditional 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:48.440 things like I cooked dinner every night and you I 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:50.960 refuse to take out the trash unless you're at work, 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:54.079 of course, but that's like not my job. So we 0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:58.280 were very good with those sort of yeah. 0:11:58.080 --> 0:12:00.680 I mean that the roles are sort of like it's 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:03.199 like the off sideline in soccer, right, like it floats, 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:05.880 like some days it's over here, some days it's over there, 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:09.640 and like I have no problem kind of like like 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:11.560 I think we just fell into roles like that where 0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:14.000 it's like, okay, it's obvious that like Nicole doesn't like 0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:15.520 to do laundry. 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:17.640 Right, So like wait, why was it obvious? 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:20.040 Well, because it just stacks off and then it's like, 0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:23.040 you know, and I know where this comes from, like 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:26.960 actually had to. I probably not blast mom, mom or whatever, 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:29.880 but you know how you two, you and Marie would 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:33.040 always go on these tangents about the towels, right, And 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:35.000 I used to think it was just so wild. I'm like, 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:37.760 why would there ever be like a stack? So she 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:41.839 tells me like and it was really interesting insight. She's like, oh, well, 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:44.520 we would just think that like it was one towel 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:46.360 per shower, like and we would just throw them on 0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:48.520 the floor. And I'm thinking, like, well, that's what people do, 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:50.400 like at the Hampton, right, like you use it once 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:52.160 or you throw it down, and even the Hampton puts 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:54.520 the signs up like hey, so we don't have to 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:57.160 wash these repeatedly, like you know, you can dry this 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:59.800 and use it again. Like I just I had this 0:13:00.000 --> 0:13:03.000 conversation with a towel with your middle child earlier. It's 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:07.080 like so I'm like, oh so so like she just 0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:08.920 wants to stack it up and stack it up, and 0:13:08.960 --> 0:13:11.840 like there's going to have this like made idea like 0:13:11.960 --> 0:13:13.480 the maid will come and take care of it or 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:16.360 somebody else. So I'm just like I'm taking care of 0:13:16.360 --> 0:13:18.800 that because if I don't, nobody's going to. And like 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:21.080 that's what I mean. It just sort of like it 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:24.360 becomes an understanding and like it's maybe not even verbal. 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:26.240 It's like a non verbal thing and you figure it 0:13:26.280 --> 0:13:28.680 out and you just stort of like act accordingly. 0:13:29.360 --> 0:13:32.000 It's kind of funny how a lot of the problems 0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:34.760 that you have in your relationship as you get older 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:38.520 are kind of stemmed from things that you grew up 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:40.040 thinking was completely normal. 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.679 As I have so many problems. 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:44.800 Yeah exactly. But then when you really get to know 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:46.600 your partner and you get and you get to kind 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:48.760 of like dissect all that out and see like, well, 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:51.200 why are they doing that? Well, like you were just 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:54.320 describing with something simple like the towels, Like I don't know, 0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:56.160 I just thought that was normal kind of you know, 0:13:56.240 --> 0:13:59.480 I grew up like that. And and that's like when 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:02.880 people say that you can't change in relationships and stuff, 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:04.440 I totally disagree with that. 0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:08.240 I do too, And I think that like and I'm 0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:13.160 certainly no like relationship like guru or whatever, right, but 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:15.880 like I think the thing with it that I would 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:18.280 take away is like patience, right, Like you can't figure 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:19.920 that out if you're just like willing to call it 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:21.600 quits really quickly and be like you know what I'm 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:24.600 done here, Like this is bullshit. There's something that really 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:27.160 brought you to that person or kept you around that person, Like, 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:29.320 then you've got to just start like navigating the stuff 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:31.120 that you don't like. Just because you don't like X, 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:33.640 Y and Z doesn't necessarily mean that you need to 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:36.480 just call it quits, right, Like it's it takes work, 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:39.440 like and you need to develop an understanding, and if 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:42.240 you're like not spending time figuring that out and putting 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:44.320 the energy into it, then like you're you're not going 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:45.240 to get it back. 0:14:45.120 --> 0:14:47.560 Right Like, Yeah, and that could be said about lots 0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:50.040 of different aspects of life, like going to school and 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:51.560 quitting like things. 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:52.960 That's all connected. 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:56.160 Yeah, It's like anything that's hard you have to work 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:59.160 hard for, and a marriage is really hard work. I 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:02.600 feel like now it's a lot easier for us because 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:04.720 we kind of but I mean we've been together for. 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:08.440 I think it is a lot of time. And to 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:12.760 your point earlier, like it was very difficult at least 0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:15.200 for me, and I'm sure I drove you mad, but 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.200 like for me personally, like it was hard because these 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:20.440 are concepts and like things where like I just I 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:22.840 never had that. There was never an example of that 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:25.240 from my from my end, you know what I mean. 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:27.280 My parents were divorced when I was very young, and 0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:30.320 like it was just a constant battle between the two 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:33.960 of them, and like, so that's what I knew, right, 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:37.200 Like I didn't really know what the other side of 0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:40.360 that looked like. So if you're going to ever figure 0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:42.880 that out, you need to spend some time in that 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:45.680 box and like trust the other person and like kind 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:49.040 of get over yourself or whatever your weird ideas might 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:51.720 be of like what a relationship is or should be. 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:54.360 You know, if you don't know, you don't know. 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:58.680 And I think for anybody that's that's in a situation 0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:01.840 where their partner grew up in a non traditional type 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:07.080 of home without that, it's it's very it's very hard 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:10.080 for me to think, like, if you don't one percent 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:13.520 trust like your parents, how could you really trust anyone 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:15.880 else in the world if your parents are your number 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:20.920 one right people that you're supposed to trust. And for me, 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:23.480 like I, you know, I grew up with my mom 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:25.720 and dad were always there and stuff, so it was 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:28.760 hard for me to grasp like why you were acting 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:31.720 in certain ways. And then once we kind of got 0:16:31.760 --> 0:16:34.600 on board with that, I think it and and it 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:37.360 also helps us with our kids now, like what we 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:41.680 think is important for them, And the one of the 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:43.920 biggest things is that we don't want to fight in 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:47.040 front of them. We don't really fight because you just 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:48.440 know that I'm always right. 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:48.400 And. 0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:54.760 Yeah, I mean we don't. I mean you get you 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:57.080 get on my nerves for sure, and I get on 0:16:57.120 --> 0:16:57.640 your nerves. 0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:00.680 But I'm sure I get on everybody's right. Like I 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:02.800 have that shirt somewhere that says I'm not for everyone, 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:06.840 Like that's this is like very true, especially for you. 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:11.080 But like like the fun thing is like in a 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:13.960 way that you can leverage my job at least I 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:19.800 disappear for a shift, right, so like or if I 0:17:19.880 --> 0:17:22.640 go work a mutually like whatever, like you'll get space. 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:24.680 So like even if we're heated about something or you're 0:17:24.720 --> 0:17:26.679 super pissed, like you might give me the cold shoulder 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:28.560 for upwards of a week, but at some point, like 0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:32.920 it works itself out, right, Yeah, I mean, I. 0:17:32.880 --> 0:17:35.080 Mean we were just together for like three weeks and 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:37.120 it was kind of weird when you went to work. 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:39.040 I was like, well, this is weird. You were around 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:43.000 every single day, and it just it's just getting easier 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:44.960 as it does. We learn. 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:47.520 It's the one thing I would say, like, you know 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:49.480 you're young, you think you get a career and everything 0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:51.880 just gets easier and you afford your bill whatever like. 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:53.399 It. 0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:55.920 Like that's not true, Like things just keep getting more 0:17:55.920 --> 0:17:59.080 and more complicated or harder and harder. But when you 0:17:59.080 --> 0:18:01.560 do put the work in, I mean, the relationship itself, 0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:05.520 I think has gotten easier and easier, and like you know, 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:07.280 and maybe some of the stuff that we'll discuss later 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:09.720 like sort of plays into this, but but we'll get 0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:14.200 to that. I guess as far as like like jobs 0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:19.720 and like professional life impacting, yeah, you know, the home life. 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:23.320 Well, let's talk a little bit about education, because you're 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:26.600 super into academia now and you just got your doctorate. 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:32.200 I'm super but you're but you you're you're forty eight 0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:35.199 and just got your doctorate right now, So clearly you 0:18:35.320 --> 0:18:38.760 had a huge life before being forty eight years old. 0:18:39.359 --> 0:18:42.679 You're a little bit older than the traditional student that 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:46.720 goes right from high school. So let's talk about because 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:49.720 this is something that I think would be encouraging because 0:18:49.720 --> 0:18:52.119 we have similar stories as to how we grew up 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:54.800 and we were kind of marked as being like the 0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:58.879 dumb kid, and how we didn't really ever get pushed 0:18:58.880 --> 0:19:01.520 to go to college. And that's partially because our parents 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:04.760 are from a blue collar background. And you know, my 0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:07.440 dad was a mechanic. My mom stayed home with us 0:19:07.480 --> 0:19:10.600 most of the time, and she didn't go to college 0:19:10.640 --> 0:19:13.760 until we were much older. Your your mom was a 0:19:13.760 --> 0:19:16.439 homemaker too, and then your dad was a fireman. So 0:19:17.280 --> 0:19:20.879 let's talk about when when you went to school, Like, 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:23.359 you weren't really into school when you went to school, right, 0:19:23.440 --> 0:19:24.080 grade school? 0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:29.160 No, And they, like, to my father's credit, he worked 0:19:29.440 --> 0:19:32.320 multiple side jobs, right, so my sister and I could 0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:37.159 be afforded like a parochial school education, right, Like, they 0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:39.639 understood the importance of education, while they might not have 0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:43.680 understood the importance of like the things we already talked about, 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:45.159 like not fighting in front of it, like you know 0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:49.080 what I mean, Like, but they did understand that to 0:19:49.160 --> 0:19:54.159 some extent, at least in that it was like like 0:19:54.359 --> 0:19:58.240 maybe the typical or the appropriately trending thing to do. 0:19:59.560 --> 0:20:03.000 So yeah, yeah, I wasn't a huge fan of school. 0:20:03.400 --> 0:20:08.280 Once I found a skateboard, Baseball went by the wayside, 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:12.640 soccer went by the wayside, and and then like largely 0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:16.879 school or anything formal, right, like anybody telling me what 0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:21.600 to do, like I mean, walking down Sass Street, I 0:20:21.600 --> 0:20:23.480 think I might have been eleven years old. My father, 0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:25.760 we took me, We parked, We parked our truck at 0:20:26.040 --> 0:20:29.159 eleven's Philly fire department right there at South and whatever 0:20:29.280 --> 0:20:33.200 ninth maybe, And like I'm walking down the street as 0:20:33.240 --> 0:20:37.040 a very young kid, seeing people like sleeping in doorways 0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:39.480 and like sort of with this punk rock haircut and everything, 0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:42.119