Speaker 1: Please say, let's start the podcast. Here we go, Hi,
Speaker 1: Suck Good Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jarrett and I
Speaker 1: heart radio podcast. Guys. Oh, I was just about to
Speaker 1: welcome to another episode of help Dean Stucks at Dating.
Speaker 1: I'm still in Montreal and apparently my audio quality is
Speaker 1: not that great according to Dean, but I think it's
Speaker 1: just perfect, Dared, how are you? I'm doing wonderful. How's
Speaker 1: everybody else doing? Mark Easton? Gentlemen, Oh fine, thank you
Speaker 1: very much. Thanks for asking. Yeah, we never ask you guys.
Speaker 1: I feel bad you're here. You guys are really the
Speaker 1: heartbeat of this podcast. Vanessa, Dean and I just we're
Speaker 1: just in the background where the brains, lungs and the
Speaker 1: heart of the podcast, and we're like the spine and
Speaker 1: the bone structure where the vital organs, you guys are
Speaker 1: the things that provide stability. Oh okay, Oh that's a
Speaker 1: good analogy. That's nice. Just came up with it on
Speaker 1: the spot. Pretty put of that one. That's pretty good. Well.
Speaker 1: Today is pretty much a question and answer podcast. There
Speaker 1: will be no guests. It's just us five having a
Speaker 1: nice little Q and A session with ourselves and you guys,
Speaker 1: of course, because you are the ones who provided us
Speaker 1: with the questions. They will be all relationship topic, mostly
Speaker 1: about Dean going to Paradise or not? Is that what
Speaker 1: our podcast is about? Well? Can we get to them sometimes?
Speaker 1: Can we start with the van thing? Well, you want
Speaker 1: to start with the van thing? I mean I kind
Speaker 1: of kind of do. Yeah, of course. Well, for anybody listening,
Speaker 1: you probably already know that Dean this summer has ambition
Speaker 1: to move into a van. Not ambition. It's coming to
Speaker 1: reality now and Dean, you're gonna be living in a
Speaker 1: van during the summer. When do you have to move out?
Speaker 1: Have you moved out of your apartment yet? Jared? When
Speaker 1: do you move into the van? Jared is more critical
Speaker 1: of this adventure anyone I've ever met. I'm not critical,
Speaker 1: I'm more nervous for you. Living in a van is
Speaker 1: very nerve wracking. I feel anyone can live in a
Speaker 1: heavy on the scrutiny always coming from Jared. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying you can't. I just get you know, it's living
Speaker 1: in a van. Do you know where you're gonna park
Speaker 1: your vantage? He doesn't already shower, So it's all good.
Speaker 1: So this is this is what I think that people
Speaker 1: don't understand about the van thing. I'm not living in
Speaker 1: a van in Los Angeles. I'm not just gonna be
Speaker 1: like parking it on the street and on side streets
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles living out of it. The purpose of
Speaker 1: the van is so I can drive it to national
Speaker 1: forests like Yosemite, Redwood Glacier National Park banf in Canada
Speaker 1: and and hike for extended periods of time and explore
Speaker 1: those areas while living in the comfort of an essentially
Speaker 1: a mobile home. Well, I feel like you're gonna find
Speaker 1: your the love of your life while living in this van.
Speaker 1: For you, wouldn't that just be the greatest thing in
Speaker 1: the world? Or maybe the van maybe that well, I
Speaker 1: don't know how that would have worked logistically speaking. Well,
Speaker 1: logistically speaking too, If you're going to be taking this
Speaker 1: van on long excursions, what does that mean for this podcast?
Speaker 1: Are you going to drive back weekly? We need to
Speaker 1: figure out exactly what that entails. Vanessa records remotely in
Speaker 1: Montreal and you complaying about her audio quality and listen,
Speaker 1: I just think she sounds better with the microphone today
Speaker 1: she's on the headphones. We're just trying different things. We're
Speaker 1: trying to see you know what works better, But Dean,
Speaker 1: I want to know. So wait, you posted stories of
Speaker 1: um you have a fan. I think now that's put
Speaker 1: into your van and let's talk more about before we
Speaker 1: get into that. So I do move out of my
Speaker 1: house this week full time. I'm moving into my van.
Speaker 1: Today's Tuesday, recording this podcast. As of Friday, all my
Speaker 1: belongings will either be donated or sitting in my van.
Speaker 1: I'm going to give my car to my friend. I'm
Speaker 1: going to keep my motorcycle at my old house. Um,
Speaker 1: so that's when it starts, and that's what I'm gonna Basically,
Speaker 1: I think I might like head over to Arizona because
Speaker 1: it's kind of cold in northern California and over in
Speaker 1: Colorado right now. But yeah, I I spent the past
Speaker 1: about six or seven days working on it. My father
Speaker 1: flew out for a couple of days. We worked on
Speaker 1: that for a little bit together. Awesome, good bonding time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I suppose. Uh we got a lot of work done.
Speaker 1: We uh we We basically built a bed frame for it.
Speaker 1: We built a bunch of shelves. It's got a kitchen sink,
Speaker 1: it's got running water, it's got a cute little dormat
Speaker 1: there are some things I still need to do to it.
Speaker 1: I just got my solar panels coming tomorrow, so I I
Speaker 1: have to install the solar panels. Um I'm getting like
Speaker 1: a diesel heater installed. I have to put my toilet
Speaker 1: in there still. I have to put my refrigerator in
Speaker 1: there still. So how much are you spending right now
Speaker 1: on your van? How much did it costs you versus
Speaker 1: how much are you spending too much freaking money? I
Speaker 1: was actually just talking to my friend Alex today about
Speaker 1: how because he works at a car dealership, and he
Speaker 1: was like, hey, I can help you get a Sprinter
Speaker 1: van And I was like, no, no no, no, I found
Speaker 1: this one in Colorado that I'm gonna get the one
Speaker 1: that ultimately have now. And I paid. I mean we're
Speaker 1: looking at plus or minus like thirty dollars. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: the van itself costs, you know, like twenty seven thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: And I could have gotten a very similar van that
Speaker 1: had a little bit less work for significantly cheaper, but
Speaker 1: I was like dead set on it. And once I
Speaker 1: make my mind about something I like, I follow through
Speaker 1: with it, especially proven in Paradise Mercedes. Yeah, I kidding, Mercedes.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna kidding. I'm kidding. No. I think some of
Speaker 1: my criticism comes from it's not criticism because I don't
Speaker 1: want you to do it. I think two things. One,
Speaker 1: it's a it's hard for it's nerve racking because it's unknown, right,
Speaker 1: you don't know what's going to come from it. I
Speaker 1: think I'm a little scared for you. And then furthermore,
Speaker 1: secondly selfishly about the podcast. You do these long excursions.
Speaker 1: You know I want you in studio with me. But
Speaker 1: I mean, Vanessa does a great job from Montreal. I
Speaker 1: don't see what the difference would be if I were
Speaker 1: doing it from your semi year from Utah, from Colorado,
Speaker 1: or from Wyoming or Montana, all places with great WiFi.
Speaker 1: I understand his WiFi. Essentially, I don't even get a
Speaker 1: hot spot. Yeah. So if so you spend like brand
Speaker 1: on this van, why not just buy a six thousand
Speaker 1: dollar RV that's got all that stuff in that you
Speaker 1: don't have to add a bed frame. The car of
Speaker 1: the van is it's much smaller um and you you
Speaker 1: want smaller. Yeah, compact is good in the sense where
Speaker 1: you can go more places with it, it's more fuel efficient. Um,
Speaker 1: it just looks cool in my opinion. What colors the van,
Speaker 1: It's like an army green. I thought it was black.
Speaker 1: Now the hood is black, but they it is green.
Speaker 1: I saw it online too, it did look black, but
Speaker 1: Minton Green's out it's out front. If you guys want
Speaker 1: to take a look at it, I'm a look inside.
Speaker 1: But yeah, there are still a few things. I have
Speaker 1: to have to build drawers. Still, I have to install
Speaker 1: my induction stovetop. I mean, these things can get pretty nice,
Speaker 1: you know. If you put enough effort into it, you
Speaker 1: can basically make it like a small apartment. And that's
Speaker 1: another thing too, where it's like I want I want
Speaker 1: to be able to drive around, travel around and visit
Speaker 1: all these So when I was little, I had this
Speaker 1: idea that I was going to see as much of
Speaker 1: the world as I possibly could, right, And then I
Speaker 1: went ahead and went to college. I went ahead and
Speaker 1: got a desk job, and I didn't do anything that
Speaker 1: I called myself I was gonna do when I was
Speaker 1: ten years old. And so now I'm like, Okay, if
Speaker 1: I take a month and a half off and travel
Speaker 1: to Europe, I don't have to worry about a house
Speaker 1: that I'm paying rent for because I'm just living out
Speaker 1: of my van. You know, So that's a big How
Speaker 1: are you going to get to Europe with your van?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fly to You're I'm saying, like for like
Speaker 1: a like a regular trip. Have you seen shitty Chitty
Speaker 1: bang bang? You know how the van the car goes.
Speaker 1: I have a question. You posted a really cool thing
Speaker 1: on social media on Twitter on Twitter on this ultimate
Speaker 1: road trip that literally takes you all over the world. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I was sorry. There's a dotted line from like
Speaker 1: looks like Argentina to the tip of Africa. Is that?
Speaker 1: Is that a that can't be a ferry like a
Speaker 1: cargo ship? Is it? Really? So you can put your
Speaker 1: van on a cargo ship and get to Africa and
Speaker 1: then you can go all the way to Asia. So
Speaker 1: I've spent the past couple of days researching this quite
Speaker 1: a lot, and I've actually reached out to a few
Speaker 1: people that have done this trip. Um. I would basically
Speaker 1: do the loop where I go north the Pacific, northwest
Speaker 1: into Canada, down through the Rockies into Mexico, all the
Speaker 1: way down to Argentina and then get my car ship
Speaker 1: to South Africa, drive up north into Europe east all
Speaker 1: the way to the eastern points of Asia. That would
Speaker 1: take me about twelve months. But I feel like, I
Speaker 1: feel like it would cost less money to take an
Speaker 1: airplane and rent out an airbnb. Yeah, but where's the
Speaker 1: adventurous spirit in that. I mean, that's like it's not
Speaker 1: it would be that expensive. The expensive thing comes with
Speaker 1: like visas you have to get like this, uh this
Speaker 1: this something to passage in order to like bring cars
Speaker 1: into other countries. There's a lot of like there's a
Speaker 1: lot of um logistical things that go into planning something
Speaker 1: like that. But I'm like, look, I have this car.
Speaker 1: I can it's self self contained, self sustained. I can
Speaker 1: live in it right, Like it harnesses energy from the sun. Um,
Speaker 1: I think, I don't know, it would be a cool
Speaker 1: thing to do. It's a solar powered van. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have solar panels on the top of it, like
Speaker 1: that feed electricity. It's a hybrid van. No, it's a
Speaker 1: diesel at van, but I'm installing solar panels on it
Speaker 1: actually tomorrow that power all of my internal electricity, like
Speaker 1: my water pump, my refrigerator. It's like a Superman my television. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, what did you say, because from the sun
Speaker 1: like Superman. Yes, my van is Superman. Superman is the
Speaker 1: Supervann is just now hitting me. Um so yeah. So
Speaker 1: that that we need to figure out what exactly we're
Speaker 1: gonna do with the podcast. I'm just gonna record from
Speaker 1: the road. Are there places that you can park your
Speaker 1: van that are safe? Yeah? Jared is so concerned for you.
Speaker 1: I mean most BLM places you can park it are
Speaker 1: safe BLMS Bureau of Land Management. You can essentially just
Speaker 1: park it anywhere. Although I did just buy a gun.
Speaker 1: Oh god no, well in California, but I mean that
Speaker 1: hat left. I've left the podcast. Last week went to
Speaker 1: a gun store and bought the gun. I can't pick
Speaker 1: it up for three more days. It's a ten day
Speaker 1: waiting period. But to do a background check, do a
Speaker 1: background check, I had to do a written test. I
Speaker 1: picked it out. We couldn't give guns out like that.
Speaker 1: I picked out a nice clock nine millimeter. Have you
Speaker 1: ever shot a gun? Yeah, a couple of times. But
Speaker 1: that's why, because if you like, you're concerned about safety,
Speaker 1: so you have it with you. I thought I thought
Speaker 1: a lot about it. I thought that I'm probably not
Speaker 1: gonna put live ammunition in it, but I would put
Speaker 1: like blanks in it, so I could just like FID
Speaker 1: like warning shots essentially. Right, Well, but now you're giving
Speaker 1: away you don't announce that on the podcast. Pretty sure
Speaker 1: that people listening to this podcast aren't going to be
Speaker 1: the ones that are ultimately gonna be robbing me on
Speaker 1: the side of the road. Don't ever underestimate someone, especially
Speaker 1: our listeners. So so, yeah, that's that's my van adventure
Speaker 1: that's coming up in three days now. Have you invited
Speaker 1: any female guests into the van yet? Well, I'm not
Speaker 1: even living in it yet. Come on, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean maybe you know. I think I have to
Speaker 1: wait till I get the toilet installed before I can
Speaker 1: start having guests over. That's you also talked about having
Speaker 1: a gym membership, so when you could use the facilities, shower,
Speaker 1: all that stuff. Is that still on? Yeah, the table
Speaker 1: Planet Fitness has like a bunch of locations all across
Speaker 1: the US, So I was talking too. If I were
Speaker 1: like an extended droad trip like that to South America
Speaker 1: and beyond, um, like once a week, I would stay
Speaker 1: in like a hotel or something like that, so I
Speaker 1: could have like hot running water, um, that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Oh my, it would be so fun if you travel
Speaker 1: from like state to state or country to country, and
Speaker 1: then you do like a little episode of going on
Speaker 1: a date with someone, like traveling to Mexico, you know,
Speaker 1: like we're going to Paradise. Actually think I thought about Hey,
Speaker 1: come on, I actually think I thought about that before.
Speaker 1: When I was traveling through Europe last year, I was like,
Speaker 1: I should go on a date in every country I visit.
Speaker 1: The television I thought you were supposed to do that
Speaker 1: at one point when we're when you were you were
Speaker 1: calling in from. I don't know where you were, because
Speaker 1: it's not really where My price, my priorities don't really
Speaker 1: go on taking people on dates when I'm traveling, you know,
Speaker 1: And I think after a while, who the women catching
Speaker 1: onto this would tell themselves, why would I go on
Speaker 1: a date with someone who I know it's not gonna
Speaker 1: go where he's just doing it for a TV show
Speaker 1: and then he's gonna go on a date with somebody else.
Speaker 1: I mean, look at us. I mean that's that's the
Speaker 1: concept of the Well, the whole concept of the show
Speaker 1: is also that you're going on dates to hopefully find
Speaker 1: your person, where you would be going on dates just
Speaker 1: for the experience of, well, what is it like to
Speaker 1: go on a date with someone in Arizona? Next up Colorado? True?
Speaker 1: You know, I guess like fun date spots. But speaking
Speaker 1: of dating shows, have you guys watched the Bastareat? I
Speaker 1: didn't watched this week's I have? Have you? I know
Speaker 1: you don't watch the show most most of them, right,
Speaker 1: I watched last night's episode. I just find like the
Speaker 1: like night one is always really interesting because you get
Speaker 1: to meet the guys and like the first awkward conversations
Speaker 1: are you know, always like entertaining to watch, and then
Speaker 1: the last two episodes are really fun too, so like
Speaker 1: the middle I get like, I still get a little
Speaker 1: bit of anxiety. But I did watch last night for
Speaker 1: about an hour. There is one guy, can we just
Speaker 1: talk about that one? I think his name is Luke.
Speaker 1: That's yeah, I mean, very good looking. But also, can
Speaker 1: you really be in love with someone after a day
Speaker 1: and a half or two days and meeting and meeting
Speaker 1: them so much? I did see the video clip on
Speaker 1: Lauren Zima tweeted out about how he said he was
Speaker 1: falling in love with Hanna. After the second group date, Yeah,
Speaker 1: pretty much what happened. They were on a group date
Speaker 1: where the guys had gone stage and do these different
Speaker 1: talent things and the first one was like the strip
Speaker 1: show and it was very gimmicky, and then the later
Speaker 1: portion was like a talent portion. Some guys like John
Speaker 1: Paul Jones wrote I think like a unicycle uh. And
Speaker 1: then you know this guy Jed played guitar, and then
Speaker 1: Luke p went up there to showcase his talent, which
Speaker 1: apparently was to tell Hannah that he was falling in
Speaker 1: love with her. That was his in front of everyone,
Speaker 1: in front of everyone on the first group date of
Speaker 1: the season. I thought you said you'd watched the episode. No,
Speaker 1: I only watched the second half of it. So I
Speaker 1: was out for dinner. I had a double date last
Speaker 1: night and we yeah, yeah, and we came back and
Speaker 1: it was like ate something. So the show ended forty
Speaker 1: five minutes after. But there was that that was weird.
Speaker 1: And then there was also when the ABC cam guy
Speaker 1: came on during the group date and he wasn't Yeah,
Speaker 1: he wasn't invited on the group date. At the end
Speaker 1: of the day, it's like it's the producers had encouraged
Speaker 1: him to do that, right, Well, yes and no, I think, well,
Speaker 1: I want to talk about the luke p thing, and
Speaker 1: I do want to talk about the camp thing though,
Speaker 1: But while we were talking about LUPA, I do want
Speaker 1: to ask you guys that question. First group date, the
Speaker 1: guy said he was falling in love with Hannah after
Speaker 1: probably knowing her for I don't know, an hour, maybe
Speaker 1: something along those lines. Now. One of his reasonings why
Speaker 1: his feelings were rapidly progressing was he said, while watching
Speaker 1: Colton season, his feelings were already growing for her, so
Speaker 1: he felt like he knew her when he first met her. No, No,
Speaker 1: that's weird. Yeah, that's very I would I would be
Speaker 1: weary if I were Hannah, like, are you on? Because
Speaker 1: he saw me on another season and you have this
Speaker 1: idea of who I am and I feel like that's
Speaker 1: a scary. The scary part of when you're dating someone new,
Speaker 1: you have this image of who they are in your head,
Speaker 1: and if they don't reach that, you know, all those
Speaker 1: qualities that you assume that they have, then it's it'll fail.
Speaker 1: I think he's saying what he thinks he Hannah wants
Speaker 1: to hear, and so by doing that, he's like, um,
Speaker 1: I don't know he's he's lying, lying all right? Um? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree. A lot of people were making the argument, well,
Speaker 1: so many people say I fell in love with them
Speaker 1: at first sight. Love it first sight. I think when
Speaker 1: people say that, it's more infatuation and then it grows
Speaker 1: into love. Because by saying it's love at first sight,
Speaker 1: I don't think you're giving the justice to what love
Speaker 1: actually is and how impactful and empowering it is. Um.
Speaker 1: I think I think love at first sight too, is
Speaker 1: something that you can look back on and be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was love at first sight. But you don't see
Speaker 1: someone you're like, damn, I'm in love with you. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Something it's like some of the
Speaker 1: hindsight of recognizing, but it's not something you can feel
Speaker 1: really in the moment. I'm sure what the exceptions, but
Speaker 1: um sorry, I feel like Nick actually funny enough? Sorry,
Speaker 1: Vanessa how a funny tweet the other day about how
Speaker 1: uh what did he say something about how Luke's telling
Speaker 1: Hannah what she wanted to hear. Um no, he said,
Speaker 1: I'm not surprised that Luke's talent is telling Hannah and
Speaker 1: that's exactly funny. That's really what it blows down to
Speaker 1: is he knows that's exactly what she wants to hear.
Speaker 1: I agree. I think one of two things. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: she was did you watch she was eating it up.
Speaker 1: She said that she believed him, that she believed his feelings,
Speaker 1: and that she was feeling very strongly about him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a little bit of a moment um. I
Speaker 1: think one of two things. I think one, either Luke
Speaker 1: p is a is a liar and wants to tell
Speaker 1: people what they want to hear. Or two he's just
Speaker 1: young and doesn't really know himself and he's twenty four.
Speaker 1: I think that's the other thing. Yeah, don't forget Hannah's
Speaker 1: twenty four. And I know age is just a number
Speaker 1: and things are different in all areas of the country
Speaker 1: about you know, demographic of how old someone is when
Speaker 1: they get married and so on and so forth. But
Speaker 1: for me personally, in my experiences and in my opinion,
Speaker 1: I think twenty four is very young to be engaged
Speaker 1: and married because there's a lot of individual growth that
Speaker 1: I think someone still needs to go through. And so
Speaker 1: that's why a lot of these guys are a little
Speaker 1: bit younger and Luke p I believe it's twenty four,
Speaker 1: but he just might not really know what it means
Speaker 1: to fall in love of someone, so like when his
Speaker 1: he has this infatuation towards someone, and especially as we
Speaker 1: all know being on the show, the Bachelor and Bachelorette
Speaker 1: are built up so highly that they almost seem unattainable,
Speaker 1: that he might be like, oh my god, I'm already
Speaker 1: fouring falling in love with this woman, especially in the
Speaker 1: like bro Settle, especially in that environment too, because um,
Speaker 1: all he's experienced over the past five days leading up
Speaker 1: to that was the producers and the people around him
Speaker 1: always like re establishing and reaffirming how awesome Hannah is,
Speaker 1: which she is. But like when you when the people
Speaker 1: around you consistently build up someone that you're pursuing, then
Speaker 1: you start to think like, oh wow, this person really
Speaker 1: is amazing, uh, And that's how you can start to
Speaker 1: be like start to feel those things. I suppose like
Speaker 1: in his defense, I agree, I'm not defending him, neither
Speaker 1: of you, but I also think, like you said, having
Speaker 1: all the other guys surrounding you build this one person up,
Speaker 1: it's a competitive environment. You can't ignore that Luke Lupe
Speaker 1: seems like a competitive guy. And don't ever underestimate trying
Speaker 1: to get an advantage on the show, not not not
Speaker 1: not even consciously, but subconsciously saying, all these other guys
Speaker 1: are vying for this one girl, how can I stand out?
Speaker 1: I think I'm falling in love with her. I'm going
Speaker 1: to tell her. I will say when I went on
Speaker 1: my first my first one on one date with Nick
Speaker 1: was very early on. It was the second one on
Speaker 1: one date. I had one group date and then I
Speaker 1: had one on one And on my one on one,
Speaker 1: I remember like I was really falling head over heels
Speaker 1: for him, and there were certain things that he did
Speaker 1: that made me feel special, like wait around for me
Speaker 1: after the date or before the date, or you know,
Speaker 1: after the zero gravity experience, like make sure that I
Speaker 1: was feeling okay, Like he was very attentive to my
Speaker 1: to my needs, and those are the things that I
Speaker 1: appreciated about him. So I had a reason to really
Speaker 1: fall for him. If you know at the beginning, when
Speaker 1: I was having one on one time with him during
Speaker 1: our group it's what is it like, max fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: if you're lucky to have that much of a conversation
Speaker 1: with the lead. So it's really I don't understand how
Speaker 1: you can say that you're falling in love with someone,
Speaker 1: Like being in love and loving someone are very two,
Speaker 1: very different things. I agree. I'm with you on that one, Vanessa.
Speaker 1: And and then you wanted to talk about Cam for
Speaker 1: a minute, So that was weird. Um, I don't know
Speaker 1: how that would go down in on The Bachelor with
Speaker 1: a group of women. If a woman wasn't invited on
Speaker 1: a group data, then she just miraculously shows up to,
Speaker 1: you know, towards the end of the night where people
Speaker 1: are trying to get the leads attention. That was weird.
Speaker 1: And I also feel like he probably had the idea.
Speaker 1: He looks like a go getter, so I feel like
Speaker 1: maybe he thought about the idea told producers, and producers
Speaker 1: are like, oh yeah, let's turn shut up. And you
Speaker 1: see someone like a Corin or a Crystal doing something
Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, I agree with Vanessa that listen. It's
Speaker 1: not like he broke out of the house and ran
Speaker 1: into the group date. He got dropped off by a car. Obviously,
Speaker 1: he probably went to production and said I can't believe
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna have a date with her. This sucks.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to see her. And then maybe they're like, well,
Speaker 1: do you want to try to crash the group day? Sure,
Speaker 1: let's do it. And I gotta be honest, if I
Speaker 1: was Cam, I would have done the same exact thing,
Speaker 1: because absolutely, I'm not gonna because it comes down to
Speaker 1: this for me. Now, I'm not saying I like him.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that at all. Poor Cama don't like him.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying his character on the show. I don't
Speaker 1: like the way they're portraying him. He seems a lott, obsessive,
Speaker 1: weird and I'm not doing that. But I also was
Speaker 1: wondering last night watching that if it was anybody else
Speaker 1: but Cam, any other guy say it was like Jed,
Speaker 1: anybody but Cam? ABC? Did you watch last night? Did
Speaker 1: you hear about the ABC comment always be Cam, always
Speaker 1: be cairing that's stupid, um. But it was making me
Speaker 1: think that if Jed was the one who crashed the
Speaker 1: group date, would it be perceived so badly or would
Speaker 1: it have been perceived as a romantic gesture saying hey,
Speaker 1: here for you. Because here's the thing about the show. Sure,
Speaker 1: you want to respect the other guys. They're absolutely having
Speaker 1: said that. If you have an opportunity to go on
Speaker 1: a group date and see the girl that you want
Speaker 1: to develop feelings for, and you say no out of
Speaker 1: respect for the other guys, the question that would come
Speaker 1: to me is, while you are you there to respect
Speaker 1: the other guys? Are you there just really find if
Speaker 1: you can see if there's feelings for this girl. I'll you.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying they're mutually exclusive, but at some point,
Speaker 1: if you have the opportunity to see her, I don't
Speaker 1: think I turned that down. I don't think i'd say, hey, no,
Speaker 1: I don't want to go because I don't want to
Speaker 1: piss the other guys off. To be fair, screw the
Speaker 1: other guys. They're very nice. But if I have an
Speaker 1: opportunity to see her, I'm gonna go see her. I
Speaker 1: don't know. That's my opinion. We should take a break.
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Speaker 1: as Mark one. Oh man, that was great, guy, It's
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. We need to start doing that more often.
Speaker 1: I hated that so much. Alright, So I know we're
Speaker 1: not a Bachelor recap podcast, but obviously we're all on
Speaker 1: the show, so U when it's on, we like to
Speaker 1: talk about a little bit. Plus it's a dating podcast.
Speaker 1: Um so one last question to do with the Bachelor
Speaker 1: has to do a Dean Deanie Baby sin right next
Speaker 1: to me, the ever sexy and beautiful, kind, sweet, heartwarming, honest,
Speaker 1: endearing Deanie Babies Dean uh any update on whether you
Speaker 1: want to do Paradise or not? Not so much if
Speaker 1: you're doing it, but whether you'd want to. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you what. There's four people on this podcast right now,
Speaker 1: five in total, discluding me. Let's put it to a vote. Okay, great,
Speaker 1: who votes? Yes? Everyone? I vote? Yeah, yeah, that's how
Speaker 1: I vote. Yeah, it's like, hey, big yes for me? Great,
Speaker 1: So it sounds like unanimously it's four against one. Is
Speaker 1: that a binding vote. I mean, yeah, you're going now.
Speaker 1: I was just curious. I want you to do it
Speaker 1: because I don't want you to look back and say,
Speaker 1: why the hell didn't I do it? Yeah? My I
Speaker 1: don't know. My thing is, it's like, is anyone gonna
Speaker 1: want to date a guy that lives in a van?
Speaker 1: You know? Yeah? There we go? You got one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess it's good. That's all you need is one. Um. Well,
Speaker 1: obviously it was uh spotlighted a couple of months ago
Speaker 1: where you were talking about bachelor relationships how they all fake,
Speaker 1: So they're fake if you has your Yeah, have you
Speaker 1: said your mind at all? Do you that? I know
Speaker 1: it was a little the context of what you were
Speaker 1: saying was a little skewed as well. That definitely factors
Speaker 1: into my decision. Your phone, what is that? That definitely
Speaker 1: factors into my decision a little bit. Why don't you
Speaker 1: be a professional and be a professional. And you're staring
Speaker 1: in this little mirror while you're talking in the mirror
Speaker 1: during the podcast, we're gonna call you out. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: talking here though, this is how I focus. Are you
Speaker 1: talking to yourself in the mirror? You trying to hype
Speaker 1: yourself up. I don't know what I'm doing. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when I when I said that years in actually and
Speaker 1: Ashley's relationship was fake, you didn't say that that's why
Speaker 1: I met. I'm just I'm just kidding. Yeah, I said
Speaker 1: that a while ago. I said that back in January,
Speaker 1: after I was a little heated about some stuff. Um,
Speaker 1: and so now I would feel a little weird about
Speaker 1: going back onto a Batchelor's show. So that's kind of
Speaker 1: like working in the in the CON's column. Um, you
Speaker 1: could drive the Van de Porta Viarda. I mean that's
Speaker 1: kind of good. Hell did they let me and they
Speaker 1: pay for my gas? I'm freaking there. I don't know
Speaker 1: if I really want to be in a relationship, like
Speaker 1: not just with the Bachelor person, but with anyone in general. So, like,
Speaker 1: I feel kind of guilty going on a dating show
Speaker 1: without the intent of like dating. I I do sometimes fine, though.
Speaker 1: There's so many people that say they given up on
Speaker 1: dating and not getting that they don't want to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship right now, and then it seems coincidental
Speaker 1: sometimes that they meet someone that they're ready to commit
Speaker 1: in a relationship with. So it's just food for thought.
Speaker 1: I have a question if you met a woman who
Speaker 1: also she shared your views. I want to see the world.
Speaker 1: I want to see it in a van. I don't
Speaker 1: want to pay rent, I don't want to do anything.
Speaker 1: I would love to live this life as well. And
Speaker 1: her getting in the van with you and driving around
Speaker 1: the world. Is that your dream concept or your nightmare concept?
Speaker 1: I don't think I really want anyone with me. I thought,
Speaker 1: you know, it's kind of like a just a me
Speaker 1: thing and me and my dog thing. I guess it's
Speaker 1: kind of the appeal of it. Um. Maybe I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's kind of that's where my head's
Speaker 1: at because it's like there's a lot of I'm basically
Speaker 1: opening a door that leads into the unknown, right, and
Speaker 1: so it's kind of like, well, how do I plan
Speaker 1: it for that if I don't necessarily know how it's
Speaker 1: going to be for myself. Um, And so it's like
Speaker 1: paradise is great. Sure, I know for a fact I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be as idiotic ause I was last time around,
Speaker 1: Like I've been around the block a few times. As
Speaker 1: kind of crappy as it is to say, I also
Speaker 1: want to say I don't think you're idiotic last time, Well,
Speaker 1: thank you. And maybe it's like the post show, I
Speaker 1: was maybe a little stupid at time. I didn't see that,
Speaker 1: so I missed that one. The point is, it's like
Speaker 1: I could go back and um methodically make good decisions, right, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know that I've been understaying true to yourself. Right,
Speaker 1: I've been around the block. I know what to expect,
Speaker 1: I know what to do if I like, if I
Speaker 1: wanted to go back. But at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: it's like, do I want to date anyone? Not really?
Speaker 1: And if I'm not like super gung ho about finding
Speaker 1: a relationship with someone, maybe I'd be taking the spot
Speaker 1: of someone else, that is, by going down. Well, I
Speaker 1: will say what I find appeeling about what you just said.
Speaker 1: What many men don't want to admit to is that
Speaker 1: you're not ready for a relationship. And I think that's
Speaker 1: so healthy that you understand that and you acknowledge it.
Speaker 1: I'm not ready for a relationship. Well, well, you don't
Speaker 1: want one? I mean the same thing, right, not what
Speaker 1: you don't want one. That means you're already to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship. Maybe he'll never want one. Maybe maybe
Speaker 1: he's the guy doesn't want one. I think that actually there,
Speaker 1: you'll never want to be in a relationship dance. I
Speaker 1: don't know. There's nothing wrong with that either. I mean
Speaker 1: a lot of people have come in this podcast since
Speaker 1: and and said that, you know, human beings sometimes aren't
Speaker 1: meant to commit themselves to only one person for the
Speaker 1: rest of their life. It's not even of multiple people.
Speaker 1: I just like have no interest in Like I don't know,
Speaker 1: Like it's not like it's not like I don't want
Speaker 1: to date one person because I want to go around
Speaker 1: like gallivanting and having sexcapades across the country in the world.
Speaker 1: I just don't want to date anyone because I don't
Speaker 1: want to. Hey, it's kind of unfair to the person
Speaker 1: I end up dating because like, I'm gonna be gone
Speaker 1: for such a large portion of the next twelve months. Again,
Speaker 1: you guys, I'm letting you guys down in this situation. Now,
Speaker 1: imagine if I had a girlfriend in the same situation.
Speaker 1: Are you going into this van life because you're that
Speaker 1: afraid of being in a relationship, So this is a
Speaker 1: way for you to be Like, there's no way for
Speaker 1: me to be in a relationship. Now, this is my
Speaker 1: big my biggest excuse I can't be in one. Maybe
Speaker 1: like subconsciously, I don't think so, But maybe maybe I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to make myself as undesirable as possible and
Speaker 1: that if I find someone, then I'll know that they're
Speaker 1: really in it for the real reason. We can all
Speaker 1: agree that you're not the typical guy who's gonna date
Speaker 1: somebody for three years and then propose they're gonna have
Speaker 1: a beautiful wedding at a church, and then you're gonna
Speaker 1: have kids. After about two years, and another couple of years,
Speaker 1: you have another kid, and then you're gonna buy a
Speaker 1: house somewhere and have a job. You know. That's you
Speaker 1: write the traditional path and me, yeah, it's the typical path.
Speaker 1: That's not your path. No, yeah, I think no, Dean.
Speaker 1: I remember you and I having this conversation and you
Speaker 1: said you wanted kids. Yeah, I surely do. But I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not gonna have kids with someone
Speaker 1: that I'm not fully convinced that i'm in love with. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you want to have kids with the right person. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to feign interest just for the sake of
Speaker 1: conforming to the idea. Of what I'm expecting to do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well that's smart, that's very smart. Um. And that kind
Speaker 1: of boils back down to what I said back in
Speaker 1: January about all the relationships being fake is people will
Speaker 1: fake relationships for the exterior I guess benefits that come
Speaker 1: with it, right, their ulterior benefits that come with it. Um.
Speaker 1: So that's kind of where I'm at with Paradise. I
Speaker 1: shut the door on it for a while. I've kind
Speaker 1: of creaked it back open a little bit again. At
Speaker 1: this point, I'm sure the producers are so sick of
Speaker 1: me that they wouldn't even want me to come back.
Speaker 1: I'm jerking them around, They're drinking me around. It's just
Speaker 1: a big old circle jerk. Um, that's the proper term, right. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So like, look like even if I want to the preuser,
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, actually I want to go on
Speaker 1: Paradise this year, I don't know if they would be like,
Speaker 1: all right, that's fine, because I've you know, I've been
Speaker 1: kind of wishy washy with the whole thing. Um, I'm
Speaker 1: sure they understand why you kind of had a traumatic
Speaker 1: experience going through the first time. So I mean, to
Speaker 1: an extent, who the hell knows um wells paradise could happen,
Speaker 1: it might not happen, but it might happen, but it
Speaker 1: might not um. I I was far more. I'm glad
Speaker 1: we asked because it kind of took this into an
Speaker 1: in depth look about where you are in terms of relationships,
Speaker 1: not just paradise, which I found very compelling. But we
Speaker 1: do have emails. We did promote this as a questions
Speaker 1: or podcast. We have some questions that people want answered,
Speaker 1: and it's always our favorite part. Uh So we're hoping
Speaker 1: to get to a few right now. If Mark, you'd
Speaker 1: be so kind, would be my pleasure. Here's Julie. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty four. My boyfriend of three years broke up with
Speaker 1: me because of religious differences. I'm a very liberal Christian
Speaker 1: with a moderate conservative family. He is a super liberal atheist.
Speaker 1: I always thought it was okay too, was gree to
Speaker 1: disagree and respected my parents, knowing they would respect us back.
Speaker 1: When we broke up, he told me that I was
Speaker 1: a coward, a little girl, and a phony for not
Speaker 1: for not standing up to my parents about my differing beliefs,
Speaker 1: and that I should have distanced to myself from them.
Speaker 1: I sometimes wonder if I should have taken more of
Speaker 1: a stand on the hot topic issues and differance to
Speaker 1: myself and my family more. I still cry off and
Speaker 1: about our breakup and even feel resentful towards my family
Speaker 1: because of it. Is it wrong to agree to disagree?
Speaker 1: Am I really a coward and a phony for not
Speaker 1: distancing myself from my family for him? Oh? My god, No,
Speaker 1: I don't think. Okay, can I start? Yes? That I
Speaker 1: had like a huge reaction over FaceTime. I so I
Speaker 1: am dating someone. I am Christian, My boyfriend is Jewish,
Speaker 1: and we have this conversation before getting into relationship, and
Speaker 1: I said, listen, I don't want to date so one
Speaker 1: that is just Italian or just Christian. But I want
Speaker 1: to date someone who will be open to my beliefs,
Speaker 1: my traditions, my religious beliefs, and same goals for him.
Speaker 1: And so we have that conversation, and I think it's
Speaker 1: important if you're dating someone and they have a different
Speaker 1: religious belief you shouldn't have to change who you are
Speaker 1: in order to get married to them. Why do you
Speaker 1: have to change a part of who you are in
Speaker 1: order to permanently be in that person's life? Right? I agree? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree? I think it comes down to what Julie believes,
Speaker 1: you know, or ex boyfriend. Well, what I'm saying is
Speaker 1: he criticized her for not taking a stand against her parents.
Speaker 1: Does she believe what her parents believe? Because if so,
Speaker 1: why would she ever take a stand? Well, she says
Speaker 1: she's a very liberal Christian and conservative family. So what
Speaker 1: sounds like there are some differences there. They're in the
Speaker 1: same realm. I would I generational to me, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it's I think it's ridiculous to call her a
Speaker 1: coward or a phony because a little girl. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: I will say. I think that her situation is a
Speaker 1: little bit different than yours, Vanessa, where you're you're Christian
Speaker 1: or Catholic dating a Jewish person, so you're both religious.
Speaker 1: She's no, we're not. I mean, but it's very it's
Speaker 1: a different type of tradition. People have a faith, right,
Speaker 1: So this girl at this Christian and her significant other
Speaker 1: was atheists, which means there's less there's a bigger gap there,
Speaker 1: I guess. Um, I personally don't think that she should
Speaker 1: take a stand against her family unless she firmly believes otherwise.
Speaker 1: But you can still take a stand against their beliefs
Speaker 1: and still have a close relationship with them, I would assume.
Speaker 1: I also think that sometimes in this world it feels
Speaker 1: like we have to always say our opinion and always
Speaker 1: be like, this is what I believe, and this is
Speaker 1: what you should believe too, and and and this is
Speaker 1: how I feel. I'm so passionate about it. And sometimes
Speaker 1: it's probably better just to be quiet, that's a point,
Speaker 1: and to keep your opinions to yourself. Because fifty years ago,
Speaker 1: I mean to a dean is shaking his head, but listen,
Speaker 1: as human beings were always going to disagree. And I
Speaker 1: think now because we've become accustomed to as vocalizing our
Speaker 1: opinion and how what we believe and how we feel,
Speaker 1: that we've grown distant because now we understand, oh wow,
Speaker 1: you are very different than me. Well I don't like
Speaker 1: you because of that, where before it was just like, hey,
Speaker 1: you believe what you want to believe, you vote for
Speaker 1: who you want to vote, and then I will do
Speaker 1: the same and we can still get along. Um. And
Speaker 1: so I I think it's just it gets to a
Speaker 1: point now where people just have to start being a
Speaker 1: little quieter. I think this was a blessing in disguise,
Speaker 1: because if this man is telling you to go against
Speaker 1: your family, that's just a preview of what is to
Speaker 1: come in a relationship with someone like this. You don't
Speaker 1: want to be with someone that's going to pin you
Speaker 1: against your family members or your friends. You want someone
Speaker 1: who's going to be understanding. So I think they they're
Speaker 1: just on two different ends of the spectrum, and he
Speaker 1: doesn't look like he's willing to meet her halfway. Obviously.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a good I don't think it's
Speaker 1: a bad thing to share your opinion. I think the
Speaker 1: important thing that lies with that is just having a
Speaker 1: mindset of acceptance and inclusion and respect and respect. Those
Speaker 1: are the three things. Have opinions about everything, whether you're
Speaker 1: pro life, pro choice, all of this stuff, you can
Speaker 1: have opinions on that. That's perfectly fine. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have opinions, but I'm just saying, share those opinions,
Speaker 1: but then also understand, except and include other people's opinions,
Speaker 1: you know, but don't necessarily battle fight and try and
Speaker 1: change their opinions. Maybe inform them and let them change
Speaker 1: it on their own. I guess it's my thing, but um,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's necessarily a good thing to keep
Speaker 1: your opinions inside, as long as you're willing to hear
Speaker 1: someone share their's and understand where they're coming from. But
Speaker 1: this is different because this is the guy telling the
Speaker 1: girl that she should fight against her parents opinion. This
Speaker 1: wasn't an opinion that like they've over. I agree that
Speaker 1: this guy kind of sounds like a dick for making
Speaker 1: make that decision. Absolutely, like two people in a relationship
Speaker 1: together should talk about their beliefs and and voice their
Speaker 1: opinions and hopefully they will both be adults to understand
Speaker 1: the other person's perspective and not ridicule them for it.
Speaker 1: But with the parents thing, I think there are moments
Speaker 1: in life where you just let things go and say, hey,
Speaker 1: your parents believe this, I you know, let them believe
Speaker 1: whatever they want. We can believe whatever we want, and
Speaker 1: let's just move forward. Right. He seems to be coming
Speaker 1: from a place of you have in his world, you
Speaker 1: agree with your parents and everything, or you never speak
Speaker 1: to them again, which is not realistic and not possible.
Speaker 1: It's all about respect, respecting your parents opinions, and respecting
Speaker 1: your partner's opinions. I come from a place of a
Speaker 1: very similar situation. It is possible to make a successful
Speaker 1: relationship between an atheist and a religious person. It's just
Speaker 1: about having respect for each other's opinions and and not
Speaker 1: you know, like to Jared's point, which I that was
Speaker 1: a really good point about having opinions the social media
Speaker 1: comments section. We can't let that get into our regular conversations.
Speaker 1: That can't leak into our daily discourse, or we're just
Speaker 1: doomed as a society. Not every dinner table conversation has
Speaker 1: to be about politics and religion, and you don't always
Speaker 1: have to write exactly there's different mark. So how does
Speaker 1: it work with children? Once children, that's a great question,
Speaker 1: is a great great question. Um. In our situation, my
Speaker 1: wife is the more religious of the two of the
Speaker 1: two of us, and I'm kind of letting her handle
Speaker 1: that because I don't mind my children, um being taught
Speaker 1: that taught about religion and taught about all those things
Speaker 1: because they find comfort in it, for one, and also
Speaker 1: they should know about everything. So are they baptized. They're
Speaker 1: not baptized, Okay, so you're you're educating them to make
Speaker 1: their own choice. Yes, they would like to get baptized
Speaker 1: one day. That will be their decision. And I agree
Speaker 1: with you. Mark. Ashley and I have talked about that,
Speaker 1: you know, future, about raising our kids and what we're
Speaker 1: going to teach them, and we want to make them
Speaker 1: aware as much information as they can handle, and then
Speaker 1: hopefully when they can grow up, they can make decisions
Speaker 1: based on what they believe and everything that they've taken
Speaker 1: in as children. We did need to find a church
Speaker 1: that reflected our shared beliefs, more about right and wrong
Speaker 1: rather than about heaven and hell, you know, and the extremes,
Speaker 1: and an inclusive church that didn't have an issue with homosexuality.
Speaker 1: That's sort of thing we had to find. Once we did,
Speaker 1: we're very comfortable both of us sending kids to that church. Interesting,
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Speaker 1: open minded as he thought, so he couldn't keep dating me.
Speaker 1: I asked him if I could help him get educated
Speaker 1: so that we could continue to date. He agreed and said,
Speaker 1: I think about you all the time. I don't want
Speaker 1: to end this. A few hours later, he blocked me
Speaker 1: from everything. Now I don't know if I can never
Speaker 1: did again, you can date again. That sucks. So I'm
Speaker 1: sorry Anonymous that this happened. Um, it's it's a difficult
Speaker 1: situation because I'd be lying if I wasn't a little scared. Um.
Speaker 1: So I can understand people's reaction. But you know, something
Speaker 1: like herpes is very common. I think they said I
Speaker 1: might have these numbers wrong of the population. Well yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's because we said last week there's type
Speaker 1: one and type two, type one, A lot of people
Speaker 1: have it. Uh yeah, Um, I think it's like people
Speaker 1: don't feel symptoms. So it's really scary if you're not
Speaker 1: getting checked. Yeah, it's like really scary if you're not
Speaker 1: getting checked because you don't you just don't know. I
Speaker 1: think guys don't have symptoms as much as women do. Um.
Speaker 1: So you're Anonymous, that's super citty, especially if you know
Speaker 1: if it's if this is your first time being open
Speaker 1: about having herpies and not having the kind of reaction
Speaker 1: that you were hoping to have or at least. Actually,
Speaker 1: what's worse is that he made it seem as if
Speaker 1: he was open to it and then kind of backed
Speaker 1: it out. That's what's That's the part. I guess you're
Speaker 1: to come to the realization that you're dating pool has
Speaker 1: gotten a little bit smaller than it would otherwise true,
Speaker 1: and it's like, it's not really for any fault of
Speaker 1: your own, it's just because of you have to understand
Speaker 1: that people are going through some times react negatively to
Speaker 1: this and once you just realize that, like, it's just
Speaker 1: you have an extra filter on your dating uh prospects essentially.
Speaker 1: But you know, the funny part is he might even
Speaker 1: have it and he has no idea because you don't.
Speaker 1: Always you can get tested for it. And after our
Speaker 1: last episode, someone wrote to me and said, uh to
Speaker 1: mention this on the podcast, and I'm happy that they
Speaker 1: did write in and and tell me this. When you
Speaker 1: get tested, you it doesn't even show up that you
Speaker 1: have herpes unless you have a breakout, and then it'll
Speaker 1: say that you have like I don't remember what it was,
Speaker 1: but basically you could have it and it can still
Speaker 1: come out as negative on your test results. Here are
Speaker 1: the stats. This is Americans. This is from Live science
Speaker 1: dot com of teens and adults under fifty have oral
Speaker 1: herpes one and eight, which is twelve and a half percent,
Speaker 1: and have a genital herpes. That's so you're not alone, Anonymous,
Speaker 1: And to that point, this is Chelsea, who didn't write
Speaker 1: this in response to you, but she actually could have.
Speaker 1: She's as I wanted to respond to Anonymous about telling
Speaker 1: her partner about herpes. She's talking about last week's Anonymous
Speaker 1: and wanted to shore my experience. I had a long
Speaker 1: term boyfriend many years ago who gave me herpes after
Speaker 1: cheating on me. I would take medication on a needed
Speaker 1: basis until if i'd a new doctor who prescribed me medication,
Speaker 1: taking a daily basis for suppressive therapy. And I'm happy
Speaker 1: to say I have not had an outbreak since college,
Speaker 1: and that was a long time ago. I met my
Speaker 1: husband later and we decided to move in together. I
Speaker 1: told him I had herpies. That's interesting that you help
Speaker 1: that until you moved in together. That seems late to me,
Speaker 1: but he was completely understanding. There were no issues. I've
Speaker 1: had kids, everything's fine. I hope this helps you. The
Speaker 1: right man will understand and not walk away. That's the key.
Speaker 1: I think the right guy is going to stick around
Speaker 1: and make this work, and if he walks, he's not
Speaker 1: the guy for you. No. I agree, That's what it
Speaker 1: really comes down to, because it is something like that
Speaker 1: is something that both people have to be understanding and
Speaker 1: okay with. UM. So, I know it sucks Anonymous that
Speaker 1: this person blocked you, and I think that's really messed up, UM.
Speaker 1: But don't let it. Don't let it um crush you
Speaker 1: to the point where you never want to date again,
Speaker 1: because there are good people out there, and there are
Speaker 1: people that you can't open up to and who will
Speaker 1: be understanding about it. The thing about this story is, uh.
Speaker 1: I mean Vanessa and her boyfriend have been dating. They
Speaker 1: don't live together. You never know once you guys moving together,
Speaker 1: he might drop a bomb on you about something that
Speaker 1: you're not necessarily interested in. Here, are you like wishing
Speaker 1: that upon me. I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying clearly,
Speaker 1: that's happened before. I bet you it's going to happen again.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's gonna happen to you, but you
Speaker 1: have to be open to the possibility of everything happening
Speaker 1: It's just it's at the end of the day, like
Speaker 1: Mark said and Jared reinforced, is the right guy isn't
Speaker 1: going to run away from this kind of information, right,
Speaker 1: It's just it's just as going to add an extra
Speaker 1: filter to the pool that you're dating. But at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, like that filter will help weed
Speaker 1: out the people that aren't worth your time anyway. So
Speaker 1: I think I think to have a healthy relationship, no
Speaker 1: one's gonna A good person won't walk away if you're
Speaker 1: being honest. I guess that actually kind of begs a question,
Speaker 1: because then how early should you tell someone because I
Speaker 1: feel like the earlier tell them, the more likely they
Speaker 1: might walk away because they're not as invest in the relationship.
Speaker 1: But if you tell them after hanging out with them
Speaker 1: a few times and it hasn't gotten into me them,
Speaker 1: in my opinion, the day before, the moment before you
Speaker 1: guys get intimate with each other, well, of course it
Speaker 1: has to come before intimacy. I'm just saying the moment
Speaker 1: before it's going to kind of kill the mood, maybe
Speaker 1: like on the day that you're expecting it to lead
Speaker 1: up to that, Yeah, or even even right before. Why
Speaker 1: not could you both know. Tonight's probably the night or
Speaker 1: day depending I don't know. Yeah, but maybe right before
Speaker 1: maybe you get the pants off and you're like, I
Speaker 1: have to tell you something, by the way before we
Speaker 1: do this, like just so you know. Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: it's an interesting question because, as you know, these people
Speaker 1: writing in who have her pies and are scared to
Speaker 1: tell people about it. It's interesting from their perspective because
Speaker 1: if I were them, i'd be nervous about telling someone
Speaker 1: too early on because then it's just it's kind of
Speaker 1: almost too much information too quickly. But here's here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I would wait rather tell someone that I have that
Speaker 1: early on than tell someone that they might have gotten
Speaker 1: it from me. This is putting I'm sorry, we're putting
Speaker 1: intimacy aside. That's I would hope a given before you
Speaker 1: become intimate somebody, if you that's what I'm saying. That's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. The nerves of telling someone beforehand don't
Speaker 1: come close to what I would imagine that the point
Speaker 1: of having to tell someone later on, which would be
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I think you guys are
Speaker 1: misinterpreting what I'm trying to say. This is not I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that you're encouraging people to sleep with other
Speaker 1: people and then tell them afterwards. I'm just saying the
Speaker 1: nerves are bad, but the nerves will be much worse
Speaker 1: the longer you wait, in my opinion, Okay, so do
Speaker 1: you tell them on the first date? I stand by
Speaker 1: saying I think that you should tell them just moments
Speaker 1: before you get intimately, not moments before, but leading up
Speaker 1: to it, you know, Yeah, but that could be. I mean, sure,
Speaker 1: if it gets hot and heavy on the first date
Speaker 1: and things start moving that way, tell them. I don't
Speaker 1: mean that. You just said that the longer you wait
Speaker 1: to tell someone, the more nerves add up. And but
Speaker 1: sometimes intimacy, I mean a lot of people wait until
Speaker 1: like five six, I mean twenty dates. Who knows, Like,
Speaker 1: I think it's question regardless. I just think within twenty
Speaker 1: four hours before it happens is when it should be
Speaker 1: said in my opinion, So whether that's on the sixth day,
Speaker 1: the twentieth day, the second date, right, as long as
Speaker 1: we're I agree with you, guys. I'm just I'm trying
Speaker 1: to put a timeline on so Anonymous and everybody else
Speaker 1: can hopefully gather maybe some you want some emotional investment
Speaker 1: on his part before you tell him, because if it's
Speaker 1: if it's too early, he's gonna be like, you know what, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not it's fine, there's a lot of fish in
Speaker 1: the sea. But you want him to have some feelings
Speaker 1: for you, So you have to really think about it.
Speaker 1: Kind of sounds I don't think, so, you know, like like,
Speaker 1: now that I've got you invested in in this whole relationship,
Speaker 1: let me let me tell you something. And there's a
Speaker 1: difference between investment in a relationship and and getting to
Speaker 1: know someone to the point where they would want to
Speaker 1: move forward with it. For example, if you want to
Speaker 1: date with someone that you thought it was cool and nice,
Speaker 1: but they said on night one, hey I have herpes. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm playing devil's advocate. I think that it's good to
Speaker 1: let your good qualities shine through, let those sink in
Speaker 1: for a little bit, and then share something that might
Speaker 1: not be quite as great. Yeah, I think you want
Speaker 1: to build I think you want to build a level
Speaker 1: of trust before you tell someone something that you're not
Speaker 1: going around telling everybody. So you want to make sure
Speaker 1: that that person is gonna be understanding, you know, and
Speaker 1: not like have like a horrible reaction and just walk away.
Speaker 1: It's not a good it's not a good it's not
Speaker 1: a good feeling. Like if you're being vulnerable and telling
Speaker 1: a person something that deep, I mean, it's not like
Speaker 1: you know, you want to make sure that yeah, you
Speaker 1: want to make sure that person is going to be
Speaker 1: like not a jerk about it. And so let me
Speaker 1: throw some other scenarios out there for you. You You tell
Speaker 1: me when do you tell the person this throughout the
Speaker 1: early dates? I have children. Early first date, I'm divorced.
Speaker 1: You can wait if it comes up organically. I went
Speaker 1: on a first date. This is like a year ago.
Speaker 1: But the older woman and she told me she was
Speaker 1: divorced the first date, and I was like, oh that's cool.
Speaker 1: I hold on, hold on, Why did you guys say
Speaker 1: the first date? I didn't say the first date? Who
Speaker 1: said the first date? I said, I've been told on
Speaker 1: the first date that I was on a date with
Speaker 1: a divorcee. No, no, no, sorry, I was talking about kids.
Speaker 1: Why did you guys say so quickly first date? I
Speaker 1: think for a lot of people, their kids are probably
Speaker 1: the most important things to them, and I think that
Speaker 1: they want to find someone early on that is ready
Speaker 1: to take on the responsibility of parenthood. UM so it's
Speaker 1: for me. It's kind of one of those things. I'm
Speaker 1: sure as a single parent dating. They don't want to
Speaker 1: mess around with people who are not ready to take
Speaker 1: on kids, and so let them know early on to
Speaker 1: see what their reaction is. Um, so they don't waste
Speaker 1: their time. I don't. I agree. It's well said said. Hey,
Speaker 1: thanks you guys. All right, that's it for me. I'll
Speaker 1: see you guys next week. I have a couple more
Speaker 1: if you want to. I've been in prison. When do
Speaker 1: you mention that to them? I've been to prison? Oh
Speaker 1: you have? Have you been to jailer? Have you been
Speaker 1: to prison? Prison? I understand there's a difference between the two. Yeah,
Speaker 1: prisons more hardcore. You're badass. Thank you, very you and
Speaker 1: your hay arm with tattoo, it's pretty awesome. It wasn't
Speaker 1: for a felony. It was for when I was When
Speaker 1: I was under twenty one, I got arrested a few
Speaker 1: times for underage drinking, underage possession of alcohol, and I
Speaker 1: never did my community service. I never paid my fines,
Speaker 1: and eventually I got some warns out for my arrest,
Speaker 1: and then I eventually crashed my car one day and
Speaker 1: when the cops came to repair that accident, you're a
Speaker 1: badass teeny baby. And then I went to the I
Speaker 1: went to the hearing and they're like, hey, just because
Speaker 1: like we're you're clearly never gonna do your court sentenced
Speaker 1: community service, You're never gonna pay the fines. We're just
Speaker 1: gonna saitance you five days, uh in El Paso County,
Speaker 1: And uh, that sounds like a rough one. And then
Speaker 1: I got backed down to three days. And then I
Speaker 1: went through, I got processed, got into my holding cell,
Speaker 1: gotten to my cell where I was supposed to be
Speaker 1: for the next three days. And then I woke up
Speaker 1: a couple hours later to someone shaking me and they're like, hey, man,
Speaker 1: the prison is getting off full. You should probably get
Speaker 1: out and make room for some real criminals. And I
Speaker 1: was like, all right. So I spent twelve hours of
Speaker 1: prison and I was honestly, it was it was eye
Speaker 1: opening experience. I kind of I never want to go back.
Speaker 1: But ever since I turned twenty one, like all my
Speaker 1: offenses were alcohol related. Um, just because I was like
Speaker 1: an underage in possession of it. I haven't been in
Speaker 1: trouble to last sensee. So what was it? Like? What
Speaker 1: were these twelve hours like? Um, it was funny because
Speaker 1: a lot of the inmates theyre had like they were
Speaker 1: re offenders, right, and so they were all homies and
Speaker 1: they were all buddies and they were all like, oh,
Speaker 1: what are you doing for this time? Jacked a car
Speaker 1: like that kind of stuff. Um, A lot of it
Speaker 1: was drugs too, because Colorado Springs is kind of a
Speaker 1: sketchy druggie area. But yeah, that was my twelve hours
Speaker 1: in prison. That's my people you go out with about that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not really ashamed of it by any means. Um.
Speaker 1: I think it's kind of more like, yeah, you didn't
Speaker 1: do any Like, it's not like, yeah, it was just
Speaker 1: I think. I mean the story of how I got
Speaker 1: arrested of one of those times I was just like,
Speaker 1: you know, trying to get into a bar with a
Speaker 1: fake I d and I was drunk and they're like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: alcohol in your system, we're taking you to jail for
Speaker 1: the night. And it was just a bunch of those
Speaker 1: kind of things happened when I was like nineteen and
Speaker 1: twenty years old. So you spent more time behind bars
Speaker 1: than just the twelve hours. Oh, I spend the night
Speaker 1: in jail about four times. Yeah, I got well, maybe
Speaker 1: five times I got arrest. I got arrestipe stealing groceries
Speaker 1: and I was like sixteen. Uh that one, I was
Speaker 1: what did you steal? Like just food? Yea uh? And
Speaker 1: then like I like a couple of You're like, you're
Speaker 1: added a couple of drunk tech times where I was
Speaker 1: like drunken underage and they're like, oh, you're clearly like
Speaker 1: underage and drinking alcohol, so we're going to that and
Speaker 1: you like stay the night in our jail. That happened
Speaker 1: like three or four times. Um. Yeah, you know that
Speaker 1: you probably just got more appealing to some women who
Speaker 1: want who like badasses. Great dude, you write a motorcycle
Speaker 1: you live in. But also I think that's hopeful because
Speaker 1: you clearly went through a really difficult time in your
Speaker 1: teenage years and for reasons we've discussed, but you've turned
Speaker 1: out really well. I appreciate that. I think you're a
Speaker 1: great guy and you're a sweet guy, and I think
Speaker 1: that's really nice. I made a lot of mistakes in
Speaker 1: my life, and I'm willing to Um, I don't know,
Speaker 1: own up to them. Maybe maybe help other people grow
Speaker 1: from them. I don't know. But that's the thing that's like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to not share those little stories with
Speaker 1: someone and then like six years later be like, hey,
Speaker 1: you never told me that you did any that stuff?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Yeah, of course it's all again.
Speaker 1: It's all like I'm ashamed of any It's just like
Speaker 1: a here's like a matter of fact thing that's happened
Speaker 1: to me when I was, you know, eight years ago. Essentially,
Speaker 1: do you guys have never been a jail or anything
Speaker 1: like that? Any any runs with the I got. I
Speaker 1: got a lot of suspending high school. I got tazed
Speaker 1: by the cops once. That one. That one was pretty bad.
Speaker 1: That was pretty bad. This story, this one, this might
Speaker 1: have been my worst arress actually of all Eastern This
Speaker 1: synopsis rights itself this week. This was my worst arress
Speaker 1: by far By far By far Um. I was like,
Speaker 1: it was like two weeks before my twenty one birthday,
Speaker 1: and all my friends in college were older. They were
Speaker 1: all like, and so that's what we do instead of
Speaker 1: going to house parties, would go to the bars. And
Speaker 1: it was like two thirty in the morning, and we're
Speaker 1: all going home, and I was trying to get into
Speaker 1: this bar to to alleviate myself to go to the bathroom.
Speaker 1: My friend went in and they wouldn't let me in
Speaker 1: because my I d obviously looked super super fake, and
Speaker 1: so I was. I was pretty drunk at the time,
Speaker 1: and so I just started peeing right there on the
Speaker 1: side of the street, and this cop was like, hey, kids,
Speaker 1: stop peeing. And I turned around and I go, I
Speaker 1: can't remember what I said. I said something really stupid,
Speaker 1: and I put my pants up and started running away
Speaker 1: in the opposite direction, and uh, I swear I was
Speaker 1: running faster than I've ever ran in my entire life.
Speaker 1: But all of a sudden, my body locked up and
Speaker 1: I face planeted in the ground because he shot me
Speaker 1: with the taser gun. Holy crap. And then I had
Speaker 1: to spend the night in the hospital. So I guess
Speaker 1: that one I didn't spend behind bars. I spent that
Speaker 1: one in hospital, but you would have I would have bars. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's pretty awesome. So it would have been five nights. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's awesome. That was That was a bad one. What
Speaker 1: did it feel like? I was pretty drunk, fortunately, so
Speaker 1: like I didn't feel it too much. Um. I was
Speaker 1: told that when the cops came and they're like handcuffing me,
Speaker 1: and my friends were like dude, what should we do?
Speaker 1: Like can we help you? And I was like no,
Speaker 1: just go like I've accepted my fate. I like woke
Speaker 1: up in the I like woke up in the hospital.
Speaker 1: I was like pretty drunk, you know. I was like
Speaker 1: twenty years old and we're selling I don't know, we're
Speaker 1: partying whatever. And I woke up in the hospital at
Speaker 1: like four or five in the morning and there was
Speaker 1: like sticky things all over me because they're like checking
Speaker 1: my vitals and stuff, and I'm like where am I?
Speaker 1: And I started like peeling the stuff off of me,
Speaker 1: and I like get up and start like trying to leave,
Speaker 1: and then doctors come out and they're like, yo, you
Speaker 1: can't leave, like we still got a lot of stuff
Speaker 1: to do. Um. Yeah, it was that was a rough
Speaker 1: one because I got charged with like four separate things
Speaker 1: like um minor possession of alcohol, running from a police
Speaker 1: officer like that type of stuff. It was all They
Speaker 1: were all misdemeanors, of course, but that one was like
Speaker 1: a hefty, hefty charge. Yeah, if you had any like
Speaker 1: major charges, you wouldn't be on the Bachelor. No. And
Speaker 1: I told them all too, because you go through the
Speaker 1: background check and then like, do you have any felonies?
Speaker 1: I go, no, but I've I've got quite a few misdemeanors.
Speaker 1: From when I was twenty years old, I was like
Speaker 1: rebelling a lot, you know, especially like even in high school,
Speaker 1: I had at least one suspension every single week, um
Speaker 1: or I had to three detentions a week. Mostly not
Speaker 1: like because I was being mean or bad or anything.
Speaker 1: I was just like absently late and truant and all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. The worst thing I think I
Speaker 1: ever did was I was coming back from a party
Speaker 1: sophomore year and I had my dad's card, just got
Speaker 1: my license. He had a blue station wagon and I
Speaker 1: was the designated driver. I didn't drink all night, and
Speaker 1: there was like eight nine kids in this Then I
Speaker 1: was all bring it home, and then they were all yelling.
Speaker 1: Nobody had the seatbelt on, so it's like a chaotic
Speaker 1: station wagon. And I must have been speeding a little bit,
Speaker 1: and a cop came the other way, turned hers around,
Speaker 1: flashed his lights on and as a sixteen year old,
Speaker 1: my heart dropped with my dad in the car, all
Speaker 1: these kids were drunk next to me, all under age.
Speaker 1: I was fine, but in my head I thought I
Speaker 1: was in the biggest trouble. And then one of the
Speaker 1: buddies in the back was like, remember this was like
Speaker 1: fifteen years ago, and he was like, dude, I got weed.
Speaker 1: And then I immediately I was going to jail because
Speaker 1: in my sixteen year old head, weed was like cocaine.
Speaker 1: And so then I don't know why I thought this
Speaker 1: was a good idea. I sped off into a side street.
Speaker 1: I literally tried to run from the cops, and then
Speaker 1: went into the first driveway, parked the car, turn the
Speaker 1: lights off, thinking that that was a good idea, and
Speaker 1: then one of the kids in the back seat try
Speaker 1: to jump out and run the from the cops. With
Speaker 1: the cop pulled back, got out of his car. To
Speaker 1: this day, I don't know if he was pointed his
Speaker 1: gun not, but he was like, get back in the
Speaker 1: car right now, and he was like pointing, and obviously
Speaker 1: we couldn't tell if he was pulled his whole star
Speaker 1: or what. So he immediately got back in the car
Speaker 1: and he came up and then it was fine afterwards
Speaker 1: because he came up and I was her dad was
Speaker 1: in the car with you this whole time. No, no,
Speaker 1: it was my dad's car. And he came up and
Speaker 1: he was screaming at us, and and and and I
Speaker 1: talked to him for like twenty minutes, and finally he
Speaker 1: was like, just make sure everybody gets home safely, and
Speaker 1: don't you ever drive away from a copy net. Again.
Speaker 1: That's pretty cool, so thank god. But other than that, yeah, nothing.
Speaker 1: That was probably the craziest right there. Crazy. Oh. I
Speaker 1: got robbed by the cops in Mexico one time too.
Speaker 1: That was quite terrifying. Yeah, I guess I thought I
Speaker 1: was gonna die. But it was like three o'clock in
Speaker 1: the morning. I was alone in the back alley. It
Speaker 1: was quite terrifying. I was drunk. It was the first
Speaker 1: time ever black out became black out drunk. And then
Speaker 1: I was throwing up in the club. I thought it
Speaker 1: was a good idea for trying to get myself home,
Speaker 1: went on the bus, passed out in the bus, woke up.
Speaker 1: Bus driver was like, no more stops, you gotta get off.
Speaker 1: I walked out in this like dark alley, pitch black
Speaker 1: cop car pulls up, flashes the lights and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: thank god. Comes up. He's like, what are you doing here?
Speaker 1: Why are you here? Why are you alone? And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm trying to get back to my hotel.
Speaker 1: I don't know where I am. Blah blah blah. One
Speaker 1: of them come up behind me, starts pushes me against
Speaker 1: the car, starts padding me down, takes out my wall
Speaker 1: at my camera. It gives me back my wall and
Speaker 1: they're like, have a good night. And I checked my wallet,
Speaker 1: all my credit cards and cash or gown. They took
Speaker 1: my camera, uh, passport, I didn't I think I left
Speaker 1: at the hotel. They told us leave a hotel because
Speaker 1: it was a party bus. And then I tried to
Speaker 1: take like the metro bus back just to get back
Speaker 1: to the hotel by myself, not telling my friends any
Speaker 1: of this. And so then I was left without any cash.
Speaker 1: And then a taxi cab pulled up and I was like,
Speaker 1: he's like, I need money before you can get in
Speaker 1: the car, because I've gotten You know a lot of
Speaker 1: times they'll pull up to the hotel and these douche
Speaker 1: bags will just run out and they won't get him
Speaker 1: and so he's like, no, if you don't have money,
Speaker 1: see you. So then he pulled away. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know why I'm gonna do right now. And
Speaker 1: then I remember there's guys walking past me and I
Speaker 1: was just waiting, waiting for one of them to just
Speaker 1: try to jump me. And then finally the cab came
Speaker 1: around like five minutes later. It was like get in
Speaker 1: the car, and I was like, thank you so much
Speaker 1: and draw me back to the hotel. Went up paid him,
Speaker 1: and that was my story right there. Then I knocked
Speaker 1: on my buddy's door. The next day he opened it,
Speaker 1: bloody chin. It was like, what the hell happened to you?
Speaker 1: I got thrown out of the club and they pushed
Speaker 1: me against sment, busting my chin open. I was like,
Speaker 1: let's get the hell out of here. Let's just go
Speaker 1: back home. Do you wanna why? But I wish you
Speaker 1: had back then? What do you think? What did I need?
Speaker 1: I think you probably needed a better, more athletically fit body,
Speaker 1: and that yes, And I think that if you had
Speaker 1: open fit that you probably would have been in a
Speaker 1: much better situation. Where was open open fifteen years ago?
Speaker 1: Let me tell you guys about open fit real quick.
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Speaker 1: that'll do it for this week's episode of Help I
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating. Uh So next week I'm told we
Speaker 1: have a doctor coming in to answer all of your questions.
Speaker 1: So if you have questions that doctor should answer. So
Speaker 1: I guess there's is so much what does he mean
Speaker 1: by this text? And why don't guys like me? And
Speaker 1: stuff like that. These are more medical situations. I suck
Speaker 1: at dating at I Heart Media dot com seems appropriate
Speaker 1: because we've had quite a bit of STD talk. So
Speaker 1: we are going to be having an episode on Memorial
Speaker 1: Day week for our listeners because we love you so
Speaker 1: so much and we want to answer your medical questions.
Speaker 1: So email us. I suck at dating at ihart media
Speaker 1: dot com. I'm gonna um and courage people on Instagram
Speaker 1: maybe on Facebook to do the same thing. Medical questions
Speaker 1: are tough because it's like, obviously it's hard to really
Speaker 1: get the answer to that having someone look at specific
Speaker 1: things that are going on. But it's good to get
Speaker 1: general of ideas of what's going on. It could be
Speaker 1: sexual questions, a lot of stuff that just happens that
Speaker 1: we are unaware of. Um, sexual questions are good. What
Speaker 1: kind of questions do you think you have a top
Speaker 1: of your head to encourage like other people? I think
Speaker 1: the question well, one of the emails that we got,
Speaker 1: like when to tell someone you have an s t
Speaker 1: I you know, that's that's perfect. I asked a professional
Speaker 1: how to have a conversation, a nice breaker conversation to
Speaker 1: tell your partner about your sitch. Mark. I think that's
Speaker 1: a good one. I think, um, like in my normal
Speaker 1: like that I do this that normal? This looks like
Speaker 1: this is that normal? I'm not My sex drive is
Speaker 1: dropped dramatically recently. That would be something to ask a
Speaker 1: doctor and a heart literally break. Do you think, Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I did read that apparently can um? All right, well,
Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to that then. So next week, Memorial Day,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have a doctor in here. We'll answer some
Speaker 1: medical questions. Be sure to tune in. Then, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for listening to this week's episode of Help
Speaker 1: I Suck At Dating. Looking forward to having you back
Speaker 1: next week, where we might suck a little bit less
Speaker 1: should we do. Thank you. Follow Help by Suck At
Speaker 1: Dating with being Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to podcast