Speaker 1: Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
Speaker 1: week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
Speaker 1: the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
Speaker 1: crackheads in the Ghetto Cutter the same as the rich
Speaker 1: pill poppers in the penthouse. The clearing House of Hot
Speaker 1: takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with
Speaker 1: Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere. We're
Speaker 1: back at it again on a Saturday, the final full weekend,
Speaker 1: in fact, the final weekend of The Fifth Hour with
Speaker 1: Ben Mallord and Dainty g Radio back on a Saturday.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed the holiday music from Friday. I
Speaker 1: had fun out. That was a lot of work, though,
Speaker 1: Danny right, A lot of work for you were all
Speaker 1: over it, Roberto and Coope, and there were a lot
Speaker 1: of moving parts. I was very skeptical whether or not
Speaker 1: we were actually gonna be able to pull that off.
Speaker 1: But a great job by everybody putting that together. And
Speaker 1: you spent a lot of time helping to put everything
Speaker 1: where it needed to be, so I do appreciate that
Speaker 1: making that happen. I gotta say, man, that's one of
Speaker 1: the best Christmas specials I've ever been a part of. Yeah,
Speaker 1: definitely a team effort. So shouts out to everybody that
Speaker 1: made that happen, and of course the Mallard Militia members
Speaker 1: who sang those wonderful Christmas songs. Yeah, some very talented people.
Speaker 1: And so thank you guys again. And I understand we
Speaker 1: got a few more that actually came in over the weekend,
Speaker 1: but unfortunately, uh, it's already made the special. We're not
Speaker 1: adding more songs. We've already made the special. But but
Speaker 1: we do thank you guys for continuing to send in
Speaker 1: the holiday tunes. One of the guys who just sent
Speaker 1: one in over the weekend that wasn't in the holiday
Speaker 1: uh show on Friday, said that he was just recording
Speaker 1: it in his bathroom on his iPhone. So the quality
Speaker 1: of this, Danny g unbelievable believe. But just imagine remember
Speaker 1: when we had a radio. We were young guys, and
Speaker 1: you had to go with the It was like a
Speaker 1: lot of equipment, professional equipment. You couldn't do this stuff
Speaker 1: at home. But now you have a studio in your house.
Speaker 1: It's unbelievable. You have a in your phone, you have
Speaker 1: a studio. It's crazy. Then I remember when kids would
Speaker 1: line up at Great America in Santa Clara, California to
Speaker 1: record at one of those makeshift studios that they put
Speaker 1: inside the amusement park where you could record to your
Speaker 1: favorite instrumental. So there were girls singing tiffany, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: thinking they had wonderful voices, and they would just put
Speaker 1: tons of reverb on the girl's voice and be like
Speaker 1: you could be a star too. I think they would
Speaker 1: charge each kid like bucks for a record. Did you
Speaker 1: ever have a Mr microphone when you were a kid.
Speaker 1: Were you really get one of those uh that cheeseball
Speaker 1: toy I had? I had one of those things. I
Speaker 1: think my mom was too broken. She also pointed out
Speaker 1: that she thought it would break. Definitely, it definitely would break,
Speaker 1: but it was you could like broadcast on the radio,
Speaker 1: like it came across on your radio. It's really I
Speaker 1: think I'm thinkuring of the MR microphone I had. I
Speaker 1: had some kind of device when I was a kid
Speaker 1: that I had gotten that you could turn it on
Speaker 1: like the FM dial and it would come through the
Speaker 1: speakers like something like that. So I think that was
Speaker 1: a MR microphone. Maybe not, I'm sure none of those
Speaker 1: waves went through your brain either No, no, not at all.
Speaker 1: Not Actually, before we started rolling on the podcast full disclosure.
Speaker 1: So I fell down a rabbit hole. I popped up
Speaker 1: on the YouTube and I was watching a nineteen eighties
Speaker 1: six NBC game of the week, the Red Sox and
Speaker 1: the Yankees. This just popped up, and so I started
Speaker 1: watching it, right, and I'm watching this thing and the
Speaker 1: interviewed George Steinbrenner, the you know, legendary owner of the
Speaker 1: Yankees in that era, and it was the funniest thing,
Speaker 1: Danny looking at where the world is now? And I
Speaker 1: watched I probably second when I was a kid, but
Speaker 1: watching it now and seeing like Steinbrenner say, you know,
Speaker 1: my top guy in the Yankees is getting one point
Speaker 1: six million, and for that kind of money, you expect win,
Speaker 1: you know, and you expect criticism and and and then
Speaker 1: he was talking to Joe Garashi Old and so passed
Speaker 1: away a few years ago, but the legendary broadcaster who
Speaker 1: was a player, and Steinbrenners complaining to him. He says,
Speaker 1: these players today aren't like you. Guys played for the
Speaker 1: love of the game, and these players today they show
Speaker 1: up with their briefcase and their agent right behind him,
Speaker 1: and it was it was just hilarious looking at where
Speaker 1: the salaries are now and all these guys are long gone.
Speaker 1: But the highest guy in the Yankees is Garrett Cole,
Speaker 1: who's got to be around thirty five million, maybe a
Speaker 1: little more than that. I don't know. I just famdomly
Speaker 1: things that popping your head, Danny, when you know the
Speaker 1: guys today wipe their butt with those old contracts. I remember,
Speaker 1: being a small kid. I think it was Dave Winfield
Speaker 1: who made the million dollar contract. I don't look at Winfield.
Speaker 1: There was like, was it Nolan Ryan, Kirby Park, I
Speaker 1: remember Kirby Pucket at one point was last bad Winfield
Speaker 1: got a big contract. I remember when Winfield got a
Speaker 1: big contract and it was on the news and my
Speaker 1: grandmother was cursing out the TV. Yeah, because she thought
Speaker 1: it was outrageous to play a kid's game. And she
Speaker 1: also was the kind of lady who bitched constantly about
Speaker 1: gas prices. Yeah, well i'm i'm, I'm I'm sharen. Didn't
Speaker 1: like that woman. I complained about gas prices all the time.
Speaker 1: I hated uh and I get gas a lot, but uh,
Speaker 1: let me let me also but that's one of those things.
Speaker 1: Like watching that Steinbrenner rant. It triggered like a light
Speaker 1: bulb in my head because my entire life. I remember
Speaker 1: when I started covering the NBA in the nineties and
Speaker 1: this is like, yeah, you know mid nights, and then
Speaker 1: Iverson came in after that and Chris Webber and guys
Speaker 1: used to rip those guys and the older generation beyond
Speaker 1: these players today are soft and now we fast forward.
Speaker 1: And then it was after that generation. It was like
Speaker 1: the Kobe Jet aeration that came in, and then it
Speaker 1: was that generation ripping the old generation. And now we're
Speaker 1: it's the same. It's the same thing. It just like
Speaker 1: the circle of life, and in sports it just continues
Speaker 1: like whoever's doing it now doesn't do it as good
Speaker 1: as the old people, and then when they're the old people,
Speaker 1: they then complain about who's doing it now. So it's
Speaker 1: a wonderful thing. Anyway. On this edition of The Fifth Hour,
Speaker 1: we have a couple of random things, so this is
Speaker 1: the Life of Mallard edition. We've got the strapper, the
Speaker 1: coke bottle, hairy situation, the Christmas party and chim Chimminy
Speaker 1: and whatever else pops up. Alright, so we'll get right
Speaker 1: into it. So I what a wonderful weekend. I put
Speaker 1: some photographs up on Instagram and Facebook. I hope you
Speaker 1: guys got to see it last weekend if you want
Speaker 1: to check that out and snoop around on what I
Speaker 1: was doing. But I got the play dress up. I
Speaker 1: do this every year once a year, and I had
Speaker 1: a wonderful time. It's a yearly tradition like the swallows
Speaker 1: returning to Capistrano or Punksitani Phil coming out to see
Speaker 1: his shadow, and uh so I played it was Mallard Clause.
Speaker 1: Mallard Claus always see pictures of this every year. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So it was a lot of fun. So me and
Speaker 1: the wife headed out to this magical town. I cannot
Speaker 1: say which town it is, but we went into a
Speaker 1: trailer and I put on the st nick outfit. Become
Speaker 1: pretty good at this. I've done it a long time now,
Speaker 1: so I know how to put the boots on the
Speaker 1: whole thing. I'll tell everybody it's for the kids in Compton.
Speaker 1: Yes exactly. Yes. So I climbed up the fire truck
Speaker 1: a a real real strapper. Uh yeah, because I got
Speaker 1: strapped to the chair. They had to strap me in.
Speaker 1: They didn't want me flying. How devastating would that have
Speaker 1: been to the kids? If if Santa goes flying off
Speaker 1: the fire truck and dies, Uh, that would have that
Speaker 1: would have been a problem. But it went out, It
Speaker 1: went off without a blast. I mean a great time.
Speaker 1: It's it's combination. I said. Every year, it's like the
Speaker 1: Rose Parade with the Disneyland electrical Parade. Do they even
Speaker 1: have the electrical parade anymore? Is that old news? Is that? Like,
Speaker 1: am I dating myself due to COVID? Or at least
Speaker 1: they've blamed it on that Disneyland is not doing their
Speaker 1: usual parades they do like little mini parades. Now, Oh really,
Speaker 1: I didn't know. I was never a big parade. I
Speaker 1: mean I remember when I was a kid and I went.
Speaker 1: My mom wanted to see the electrical parade and see
Speaker 1: all the stuff, and I actually I wanted to hang
Speaker 1: out in the magic shop. I thought I was gonna
Speaker 1: be a professional magician when I was Well, everybody knows
Speaker 1: ben you get COVID from parades. Yes, yes, and uh,
Speaker 1: it's good to know that the state of California this week.
Speaker 1: But the mask mandate because the mask works so well
Speaker 1: so why don't we bring it back and mandate everyone
Speaker 1: It hadn't ended. I don't even understanding it had. It
Speaker 1: hadn't not not where you are, where I am, it
Speaker 1: had ended and it wasn't required. Oh, most people still
Speaker 1: wore the mask. But where I was living, you know,
Speaker 1: where I've been living, they don't, you know, that require
Speaker 1: the mess. But I don't think they're really enforcing this.
Speaker 1: So I try to avoid going out anyway because I
Speaker 1: don't like to see people, so I don't really go
Speaker 1: out much. But I don't think they're enforcing it very
Speaker 1: much anyway. By so I I played, you know, Santa
Speaker 1: Claus through the whole thing, hawking, the horns were hawking,
Speaker 1: the science, the sirens were going. Did it seem like
Speaker 1: a normal pre COVID parade route? You know it did.
Speaker 1: It's it's very very similar to I went on the
Speaker 1: same There's there's a it's a pretty big city, the
Speaker 1: city that I do this in, and so there's there's
Speaker 1: different routes or routes depending on where you grew up.
Speaker 1: And so I on this route. We went in the
Speaker 1: in the foothills, and so it was very cold and
Speaker 1: it had just rained all day So the only complaint
Speaker 1: that I have is in the Santa suit, I'm not
Speaker 1: as fat as I used to be. I don't have
Speaker 1: the insulation that I had at one point, and so
Speaker 1: it got California cold, and California cold is not really cold,
Speaker 1: it's just cal for you cold. But it was in
Speaker 1: the high thirties up in the hills and you're outside
Speaker 1: strapped to a fire truck for three hours and you're
Speaker 1: you're by the end of the night. Uh. We were
Speaker 1: going back to the place where I was going to
Speaker 1: get off the fire truck. I could not feel my fingers.
Speaker 1: I I literally felt like I was Frosty the Snowman
Speaker 1: as I was coming coming off the fire truck. And uh.
Speaker 1: And the other thing that I would point out is
Speaker 1: it it was not all perfect because I did somewhere
Speaker 1: along the parade route in my haste to be a
Speaker 1: good Santa and wave at everyone that came running out
Speaker 1: of their house to see Santa on the fire truck. Uh.
Speaker 1: I somehow lost my Fitbit tracker that I have my
Speaker 1: fitness tracker, but flying off the truck, I don't know
Speaker 1: where I'm never seeing that again. So that that was
Speaker 1: didn't know anybody had a fit bit anymore, and I
Speaker 1: don't have one anymore either. It's gone. I liked it
Speaker 1: though I had. It has stop Watch on it, but
Speaker 1: I I've already replaced it, so to the Amazon. But
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, Santa's gonna have to hook up Santa. No.
Speaker 1: I I sacrificed so I could give the joy of
Speaker 1: having someone on a fire truck wave at you. But
Speaker 1: it was it was and some some blocks we would
Speaker 1: go down and there'd be nobody, and then other blocks
Speaker 1: like they be whole parties of like fifty people coming
Speaker 1: out in their long to see Santa. And at one
Speaker 1: point it was a lot of fun. There were these
Speaker 1: kids thing because there's no real snow they were throwing
Speaker 1: fake snowballs, these little, these little foam things. So I,
Speaker 1: of course, being evil Santa, I was taking them and
Speaker 1: throwing them back at the kids that were throwing the things.
Speaker 1: I was a lot of fun. Move Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: like the people doing that. It was like the famous
Speaker 1: trope of Philadelphia. You know, are you they threw snowballs
Speaker 1: at Santa Claus. Yeah. Well, my favorite Santa is Billy
Speaker 1: Bob Thornton, so right in that arena. Oh sure, absolutely
Speaker 1: on that. So so that was my Santa. And when
Speaker 1: I mentioned Santa, I bring this story up from time
Speaker 1: to time, but the whole Santa thing every year. It's
Speaker 1: probably not a lot of kids listening to this, But
Speaker 1: since I was playing Santa, I thought, you know what,
Speaker 1: I need to remind that the magical fairy tale of
Speaker 1: Santa Claus that has been molded into the zeitgeist of
Speaker 1: society is in large part because of not pepsi a
Speaker 1: coke bottle. And it's just it's still fascinates me to
Speaker 1: think about how big Santa Claus is. And if you
Speaker 1: go back to the nineteen twenties, it was a much different,
Speaker 1: much different world, like the whole legend Coca Cola. Not
Speaker 1: that they invented Santa Claus, because they didn't invent Santa Claus,
Speaker 1: but they did shape what the modern image of Santa
Speaker 1: Claus looks like. And it's before nineteen thirty one. There
Speaker 1: were a bunch of different drawings of Santa Claus, wore
Speaker 1: different color outfits, didn't didn't know some some Santa Claus
Speaker 1: were red, but a lot of them did not, were
Speaker 1: purple blue, different colors and all that. And they they
Speaker 1: had a guy draw Santa Claus. They commissioned an illustrator
Speaker 1: and this guy in nineteen thirty one, so it's been
Speaker 1: ninety years. This guy drew Santa Claus for Coca Cola
Speaker 1: advertisements and that established what is to this day what
Speaker 1: people think of as what Santa Claus looks like. Wild
Speaker 1: to think of the part that is an unbelievable thing
Speaker 1: that you know, maybe somebody else would have done it eventually,
Speaker 1: but that's crazy to me. Yeah, obviously Jewish growing up,
Speaker 1: I didn't have Santa Claus other than holiday things at
Speaker 1: school and stuff like that. But when I remember as
Speaker 1: a kid, there was a Saturday Night Live this is
Speaker 1: the Hairy Situation. Do you did you ever see the
Speaker 1: skit hanaka Harry from the late eighties. Yeah, so this
Speaker 1: was like a big deal as a Jewish kid and
Speaker 1: uh and I still still finally remember and one of
Speaker 1: these days, I'm gonna get this outfit. So John Lovett's
Speaker 1: it was, I guess still around. Um he was on
Speaker 1: Saturday Night, this is probably and they did a skit
Speaker 1: the night Hanakah Harry Saved Christmas, And you know it
Speaker 1: was just back I used to watch Saturday and I
Speaker 1: have all the way all the time, back when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, and it's a big deal on the weekends,
Speaker 1: and we got to stay up late because it was
Speaker 1: on Saturday obviously, and so uh yeah, it was really
Speaker 1: funny because in the skit, John Lovett is playing Santa Claus.
Speaker 1: You know, he's got the Santa outfit, but it's blue
Speaker 1: with white and he's got he's got the old you know,
Speaker 1: old man beard and all that, and he he lives
Speaker 1: on Mount Sinai that's where he lives. He lives instead
Speaker 1: of the North Pole. And he comes over there and
Speaker 1: I think, if I remember correctly, he like helped out
Speaker 1: Santa Claus because there's something wrong with Santa Claus. So
Speaker 1: he he had a cart with three donkeys, and yeah,
Speaker 1: he flew around in a flying cart and Shlomo was
Speaker 1: the name of one of them. I don't remember the
Speaker 1: other names, but it was. It was pretty funny. And
Speaker 1: uh and now they have the well, I know my
Speaker 1: wife's family they do. They did the Santa what is
Speaker 1: the Santa on a the elf Elf on a shelf
Speaker 1: right there. Yeah, and uh, I know in the Jewish
Speaker 1: culture we have Mention on the bench, which is the
Speaker 1: rip off version of Elf on the shelf, so they
Speaker 1: have that, but but no no Hanaka thing, no Hanaka Harry,
Speaker 1: but you can't get the costume online one of these areas.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it, but I can't wear it to
Speaker 1: the whole parade thing because if if I show up
Speaker 1: with the blue sand outfit, man, I'll get in trouble.
Speaker 1: They'll get very upset with me, right, and that will
Speaker 1: not go over well. I'm gonna YouTube Hanaka Harry this
Speaker 1: weekend so I can see what you're talking about. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you should check it out. Honaker Harry was on twice.
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's on YouTube once in late nineteen nine
Speaker 1: and then probably the I would assume nineteen early and
Speaker 1: nine popped up. I don't think they did anything with
Speaker 1: with that. Again, I think that was it. That was
Speaker 1: the character was only on a couple of times. But
Speaker 1: it's still all these years later, I still flashback to
Speaker 1: that and think fondly of of all that. So, uh, now,
Speaker 1: what's going on? Holiday party? I did? We did not
Speaker 1: have our Christmas party at the Mallard Mansion this year, unfortunately,
Speaker 1: because not because of an abundance of caution and not
Speaker 1: because of COVID Uh, no, no, no, we would have
Speaker 1: absolutely had the party, but the house is a mess
Speaker 1: and we were embarrassed and we didn't want anyone to
Speaker 1: come over and say, what are you living like this?
Speaker 1: What's wrong with you? And plus it's far away from everyone,
Speaker 1: so we wanted to wait until the house is nice
Speaker 1: and all that. But I understand that you are the
Speaker 1: man of the people there. You are out and about
Speaker 1: and doing holiday parties. Is that accurate? Am I hearing incorrectly? Yeah?
Speaker 1: So I'm not proud to share this story, but I
Speaker 1: will share it because it's entertaining. Let's go back two
Speaker 1: weeks and uh, a friend of mine in the San
Speaker 1: Fernando Valley and the hills there told me, Hey, I
Speaker 1: have a party at my at my house, and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, why don't you and your lovely tenderoni come
Speaker 1: to the party. It's Saturday. So I'm like, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: sounds good. And I told him I do work at
Speaker 1: the network on Saturday, but I'm out of there at
Speaker 1: like seven. She could meet me there in the valley
Speaker 1: and you know, we'll be there around eight or so
Speaker 1: eight thirty probably. He's like, yeah, that's cool. He's like,
Speaker 1: tell you what in the next couple of days, I'll
Speaker 1: forward you the digital invite. I'll text it to you
Speaker 1: that way you have a few days or whatever. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, cool, perfect. Is this a house party
Speaker 1: or is this like a private party. It's a house
Speaker 1: party for like him and co workers and friends, just
Speaker 1: get together, a private get together. Yeah. I told my
Speaker 1: girl about it and she was like, sounds good. And
Speaker 1: so we spent the week last week preparing for the party.
Speaker 1: I think it was like Tuesday. I get the text
Speaker 1: from him and there's the digital flyer and I forwarded
Speaker 1: that onto my tinder RONI. We looked at both looked
Speaker 1: at the address on there, and we're like okay, and
Speaker 1: so we're we're ready now for this party. You know,
Speaker 1: we have our outfits and we coordinated it. So I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm at work. As soon as my shift is over,
Speaker 1: I'll go there to the FSR bathroom and change really quick.
Speaker 1: And she ironed a shirt for me and she brought
Speaker 1: the shirt so she Now, and you know, Ben, women
Speaker 1: spend how many hours getting ready for Christmas party? God? Yeah, yeah, yeah, guy,
Speaker 1: that's one of the biggest adjustments. And you're you're engaged
Speaker 1: and all that, Danny, so be prepared. The it's never
Speaker 1: you know, as a single man, and I was single
Speaker 1: for a long time before I met my wife. If
Speaker 1: I wanted to go somewhere within five minutes, I could
Speaker 1: get up and leave and be in the car. But
Speaker 1: it's a hole to do. It's a whole process. There's
Speaker 1: there's layers to it. It's no just wake up and go.
Speaker 1: And even to this day, like my wife will have
Speaker 1: to wake up forty minutes before I do because I'm
Speaker 1: ready to go. I'm good to go. But yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a whole And then and I get it. They want
Speaker 1: to look good and they want to, you know, get
Speaker 1: all dressed up and all dolled up and stuff for
Speaker 1: the party. And that's always nice, but you do it quicker.
Speaker 1: And in their defense, they're trying to look good for
Speaker 1: you too, because they want to be her arm candy.
Speaker 1: That's commendable, but it does take hours. And in my
Speaker 1: girls defense, on a normal date night, she could get
Speaker 1: ready pretty easily. It's not a big fiasco. In this
Speaker 1: case though for a Christmas party, no I knew she
Speaker 1: was taking the whole day. There's nails involved, there's hair, curling.
Speaker 1: There's basically the eyebrow model type makeup. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: a whole thing, glitter around the eyes, everything. So I
Speaker 1: knew this was gonna be a half a day process.
Speaker 1: But she's on time. She meets me there. There's a
Speaker 1: little bit of stress involved because I had to park
Speaker 1: a little bit aways away from the house because she
Speaker 1: has my shirt and I have to finish changing at
Speaker 1: the car. So she finally with her GPS, finds where
Speaker 1: I'm at. I get into her car, I put the
Speaker 1: dress shirt on and we both take a you know,
Speaker 1: a breath of air, and okay, let's go. We get
Speaker 1: to the house. Crickets ben nobody there. The wrong Well,
Speaker 1: that's what we're thinking. We're like, is this the wrong address? Like,
Speaker 1: I've not been to this friend's house before. You know,
Speaker 1: he hasn't lived there long. That's why I haven't been
Speaker 1: there before. So I'm like, this has got to be it.
Speaker 1: I I put it in the in both our GPS is.
Speaker 1: So we pull up the digital flyer. Well should we
Speaker 1: go up to the door, and she's like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: let's check the flyer again. It's got to be the
Speaker 1: wrong address. Right, both pull up the flyers on our phones.
Speaker 1: The digital flyer says, December eighteen. It was the next Saturday.
Speaker 1: Oh no, so you got all Oh no, so we
Speaker 1: were there a week early, premature for the parte ready,
Speaker 1: I swear for the party. And no, it's the first
Speaker 1: time I've ever been prematured. He's a pill for that.
Speaker 1: We have an ad that will take care of that
Speaker 1: for you. That is oh my god. So so out
Speaker 1: did you say? Well, we're dressed up, we might as
Speaker 1: well go out. I tried that. It didn't work. She
Speaker 1: was piste. Yeah. I can't understand why I would be
Speaker 1: piste too. Yeah. Right, And I wasn't happy either. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, I had just come from a long work
Speaker 1: shift and I was tired. I blame my friend because
Speaker 1: the way he set this up. All he said was Saturday.
Speaker 1: He said Saturday, and I'll get the text to you
Speaker 1: so that you have a few days to get ready.
Speaker 1: That's how he worded it. Yeah, wouldn't you take it
Speaker 1: like that too? Yeah? I mean did he have the
Speaker 1: date like promintly written? No? And that's the thing. And
Speaker 1: I want to put a p s A out on
Speaker 1: our podcast. If you make a digital flyer, please make
Speaker 1: the date larger than the rest of the small on
Speaker 1: the dumb, stupid digital flyer. Well, really, that's the most
Speaker 1: important part, invitation is can I make it? What's the date?
Speaker 1: That's the most important part. Are you going to the
Speaker 1: thing tonight on Saturday? Are you gonna go get dressed
Speaker 1: up again? Are you so upset by what happened you're
Speaker 1: gonna be like? I'm not going? Not sure, because this
Speaker 1: is how that night ended. At first, we laugh. We
Speaker 1: laugh because she says, can you imagine if we had
Speaker 1: walked up to the door. Both start laughing, and it
Speaker 1: was almost kind of a laughter of relief and frustration.
Speaker 1: But then the car gets quiet, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: she's not laughing anymore. So I tell her, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's like a dead giveaway, right when a woman's really quiet,
Speaker 1: that's almost good thing. There's something bad going on? Oh
Speaker 1: for sure. The wheels are turning and not in a
Speaker 1: good way. And so now the car is quiet, and
Speaker 1: I tell her, I say, well, we're all dressed up,
Speaker 1: let's just go to a nice place around here. And
Speaker 1: she's like, well, it's late now and we're not going
Speaker 1: to get in anywhere, and it's just upset, and she's like,
Speaker 1: and don't think I'm gonna do this all over again
Speaker 1: next weekend. Oh whoa, Okay, well here we go. It's starting.
Speaker 1: So now she's driving around and she's getting closer to
Speaker 1: the freeway. She gets to the frontage road and I
Speaker 1: tell her what restaurant are you going to? And she's like,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna drive us closer to home. Maybe we
Speaker 1: could find somewhere to eat around there. Well, my car
Speaker 1: is back there at the house. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: forgot about your stupid car. So she had to backtrack
Speaker 1: dropped me off at my car. Now she's really pissed,
Speaker 1: and I tell her, well, i'll meet you at home.
Speaker 1: We'll find somewhere to eat. To make a long story short,
Speaker 1: too late. We get home and I finally find a
Speaker 1: sushi place near us that would take us if we
Speaker 1: sat down by PM. The problem is, Ben, it was
Speaker 1: one of those fancy sushi places. So I'm talking. You
Speaker 1: know you're gonna pay over a hundred dollars once you
Speaker 1: step foot in this place. So my friends, bad misscommunity
Speaker 1: Asian cost me over a hundred dollars, and the very
Speaker 1: irritated Tim DERRONI that's that's things. Well, she had a
Speaker 1: week to come down maybe so maybe by tonight she'll
Speaker 1: be You're like, okay, let's do it again. Why And
Speaker 1: when we talked about it later, she was like, well,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to go to dinner right there where
Speaker 1: we were because I was thinking I didn't want to
Speaker 1: ruin my outfit if I had to wear it over
Speaker 1: again the following Saturday. And I said, well, I thought
Speaker 1: you said you didn't want to do it over again.
Speaker 1: Well last weekend. Actually I did not plan on talking
Speaker 1: about this, but after the Santa thing, when once I
Speaker 1: warmed my hands up, I actually went out. I had
Speaker 1: not been out to a bar in a long time,
Speaker 1: but my wife wanted one of her girlfriends. It was
Speaker 1: her birthday and she wanted to go out, and of course, I,
Speaker 1: being the designated driver, Danny the one beer Benny and
Speaker 1: then drink water the rest of the night. And so
Speaker 1: we went to see a Johnny Cash tribute band that
Speaker 1: was planning like Johnny Cash and so it was. It
Speaker 1: was fun, but you know, not really my my jam.
Speaker 1: But I had a good time. They're hanging out and
Speaker 1: all that stuff. But yeah, you do have to go
Speaker 1: out occasionally, get dressed up. That's important. Yeah, hermit, you
Speaker 1: can't stay home the whole thing, you know, all all
Speaker 1: the time. And so what's a woman's number one complaint
Speaker 1: usually when they leave a guy and go to a
Speaker 1: more exciting guy. Oh yeah, you just want to sit
Speaker 1: home all the time. You don't want to You're boring.
Speaker 1: I never wanted to do anything. He was boring. I
Speaker 1: never went out. All I want to do is dance
Speaker 1: sometimes and have a good time. Yeah, exactly, fellows. Remember
Speaker 1: Timderni tip, make sure you let your girl get dressed
Speaker 1: up once in a while. Just make sure you look
Speaker 1: at the date on the invite. Yes, yes, exactly, very important.
Speaker 1: Footnote addendum that you need to add now the chim
Speaker 1: chimminy part of the story here on this podcast. So
Speaker 1: another tale life of Mallard story. So the other day
Speaker 1: I was sleeping. Now, as as you guys know, I
Speaker 1: sleep during the day doing the overnight show, and so
Speaker 1: I have very odd sleep pattern. I don't sleep right
Speaker 1: after the show. I'm usually up for several hours. And
Speaker 1: so anyway, I finally fell asleep, and about thirty five
Speaker 1: minutes after I fell asleep, all of a sudden, it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like you know, not it was. It was construction work
Speaker 1: and all. I mean, it was just a nightmare. So
Speaker 1: I hear this noise coming on the roof, this thunderous
Speaker 1: noise coming down from them. I said, oh, my god,
Speaker 1: we're having an earthquake, right, what is going on here?
Speaker 1: It must be a big earthquake. And I hear that
Speaker 1: I've never heard that noise before. And then I was like, well,
Speaker 1: it's not an earthquake because it's not. It's not really
Speaker 1: shaking like I've been an earthquakes. It's not shaking like that.
Speaker 1: So I was like, well, maybe something hit the house,
Speaker 1: like something fell down and hit the house. No, no,
Speaker 1: it's not that. But it was really loud, and it
Speaker 1: continued and it was like right near the chim chimney, right,
Speaker 1: So I thought maybe something was wrong with the chimney
Speaker 1: or something like that. And we eventually figured it out
Speaker 1: that it turns out some construction workers had shown up unannounced, unannounced,
Speaker 1: and just I that they were gonna do some work
Speaker 1: on the roof because we're getting some solar panels put
Speaker 1: up there to save money on the electricity and all that,
Speaker 1: and uh so they did not schedule anything. We had
Speaker 1: talked to them and work something out to have them
Speaker 1: do it. But isn't it common courtesy to at least
Speaker 1: let you know that you're going to be doing work.
Speaker 1: I guess they just assumed, since everyone's usually gone by
Speaker 1: that time, who would be home other than a nocturnal
Speaker 1: creature and all that. So, but my wife is so upset.
Speaker 1: She's like the very nice and the nicest people I've
Speaker 1: ever remember. I mean, she's very sweet to everybody. And
Speaker 1: she was like, no, you've got to leave, and she
Speaker 1: she made them all leave and so they have to
Speaker 1: come back at another point. But that's that did remind
Speaker 1: me of looking at the people on the roof. It
Speaker 1: was like Chim chim, and remember the the Mary Poppins
Speaker 1: with the super califragilistic xpialidoecious and that little thing. And
Speaker 1: that guy just had a birthday. What's the guy? D
Speaker 1: Van Dyke? He's still around? Yeah, very cool and what
Speaker 1: is he gonna? I know he's an older well yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Betty White and she's still doing Okay. We haven't seen
Speaker 1: a lot of Betty White, but I don't watch a
Speaker 1: lot of TV shows. Betty White would be on, but
Speaker 1: you don't want to stop at you want that. When
Speaker 1: Dyke he turned I was right, he turned ninety six
Speaker 1: m December. It seems like a very happy guy. It
Speaker 1: seems like, you know, I saw a documentary with him.
Speaker 1: I saw that, yeah, about the older gentleman and all. Yeah, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: that was a good show, right, really cool. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: mean to see how happy they are later in life.
Speaker 1: It gives us some hope exactly that they found things
Speaker 1: and like the keys to enjoying life when you get
Speaker 1: past a certain age. It's very very important. Absolutely, I
Speaker 1: love that that. That was great. We have time for
Speaker 1: a little study this. This is a couple of things
Speaker 1: here real quick. These are some studies. And then the
Speaker 1: way this works, it's a tribute to the old show
Speaker 1: on U was a showtime bullshit? Is it real or bullshit?
Speaker 1: The Penn and Tellers show. So there's a study out
Speaker 1: this week that says microbes in the ocean and the
Speaker 1: soil have evolved. This is wild. This is gonna really
Speaker 1: upset environmentalists. These microbes have evolved to eat plastic. As
Speaker 1: you and you know, and you you go out and
Speaker 1: I was in Hawaii a few years ago. I know,
Speaker 1: you were just in Hawaii but I remember being in
Speaker 1: Kawaii and there was a lot of plastic that had
Speaker 1: come from Asia. It had like Asian writing on it,
Speaker 1: that had made it all the way across the Pacific
Speaker 1: and was on the beaches in Hawaii. I'm sure some
Speaker 1: of it came from America too, floating out in the Atlantic.
Speaker 1: And this has been a concern for a long time.
Speaker 1: I've read story after story about what are we gonna do?
Speaker 1: The oceans are filled with plastic. It's a nightmare. If
Speaker 1: this is true, I hope it is, then there's your answer.
Speaker 1: Just get these microbes. They've evolved to eat the plastics,
Speaker 1: so you're actually you're providing them with food. Not that
Speaker 1: you should throw the plastic out, but you're you're helping
Speaker 1: You're helping out the microbes. That's crazy, isn't it. Yeah?
Speaker 1: And this is good news for entitled little ship head
Speaker 1: kids to throw their trash on the ground. Yeah. This
Speaker 1: comes out of Sweden. Researchers and Sweden measured samples of
Speaker 1: DNA at hundreds of locations around the world, taken from
Speaker 1: both soil and water. They found thirty thousand ensigns in
Speaker 1: these DNA samples and the potential to degrade ten different
Speaker 1: types of commonly used plastic. Yeah, aren't they inventing things
Speaker 1: to take out to the ocean to swoop up all
Speaker 1: the plastic? I just put these microbes out there. That's
Speaker 1: all there. You go. That's great. And once they figure
Speaker 1: out how to turn and that they have the technology
Speaker 1: but it's too expensive, how to turn salt water into
Speaker 1: drinkable water, then we're good. Right, Then we're then then
Speaker 1: we're made right, you know. And when they do that,
Speaker 1: can you imagine that the houses we bought over at
Speaker 1: the Salton Sea will actually be worth some money? Yes,
Speaker 1: the big investments that we we made. What else popped
Speaker 1: up that caught my attention to the scientifical department this week.
Speaker 1: Oh here's a good once. It's a lot of people
Speaker 1: taking some time off over the next week and a
Speaker 1: half or so, and it says checking work email over
Speaker 1: Christmas leads to burn out, mental distress, and poor physical health.
Speaker 1: So make sure to tell our bosses we cannot check
Speaker 1: our work email. I have not checked my work email
Speaker 1: in years, so I don't need to worry about that.
Speaker 1: I get stressed out if it's June. I don't need
Speaker 1: the Christmas holiday season, So Yeah, your head would spin
Speaker 1: if you saw my inbox. Now, I I have over
Speaker 1: seventy thou emails on my personal email. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: even know what's going on at the work email. I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't check. But see, you get to have producers,
Speaker 1: the producers emails in the in our in boxes. It's
Speaker 1: crazy because it's like Las Vegas sponsorship, this sponsorship, this
Speaker 1: salesperson's and there's lots of details, so it's not anything
Speaker 1: you could ignore. There are a lot of attachments and
Speaker 1: scripts and copy and things that are very time sensitive
Speaker 1: and obviously things that are attached to making money. Cannot
Speaker 1: ignore my email in bucks at all. Yeah, I can't
Speaker 1: uh andrew you, and but I do get the occasional
Speaker 1: screw you Bill Miller. Oh no, I get the occasional
Speaker 1: reminder email. Hey Ben, you might want to check your
Speaker 1: work email because of X, Y and Z, and so
Speaker 1: then I have to run over there and say what
Speaker 1: what the dome doing? Yeah? I have to say that,
Speaker 1: and then you know, open it up. We're good to go.
Speaker 1: All right, that's it. We have the mail bag on Sunday,
Speaker 1: the final mail bag of twenty one. Looking forward to that.
Speaker 1: Anything to promote Danny any comedy gigs, any performances, any
Speaker 1: djaying gigs, anything to promote here. No, all right, I'm
Speaker 1: on Fox Sports Radio later today from one to seven pm,
Speaker 1: and then I'm on Sunday from five to eleven pm
Speaker 1: Pacific time. So that's where I'll be this week. There
Speaker 1: you go, catch up with Danny g radio and all that.
Speaker 1: We have the mail bag on Sunday. Have a great
Speaker 1: rest of your day. Don't forget last few days before
Speaker 1: the Christmas holiday and Cameo. I can't think of a
Speaker 1: better stocking stuffer than Cameo dot com. So uh doing
Speaker 1: personalized video shoutouts? I am on there and uh, if
Speaker 1: you want to check that out, I'm one of the
Speaker 1: more affordable options, I would say, But that's patting myself
Speaker 1: on the back. You'll have to be the judge of
Speaker 1: that's not free, but it's not that expensive. So if
Speaker 1: you're a big fan of show, you know someone that
Speaker 1: loves the radio show and you want to have a
Speaker 1: personalized mini Mallard monologue, happy to do that for the holiday.
Speaker 1: That's why some people give cash for Christmas. Yeah, there
Speaker 1: you go, Cameo dot com slash Ben. Actually it's not
Speaker 1: ben MoU. Just type my name in the search there
Speaker 1: on cameo and then you can check it out. I
Speaker 1: have a great rescuer Saturday, and uh we'll catch you
Speaker 1: next time. Later, skitterer