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Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Sophia and welcome back to this week's

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Speaker 1: work in progress. Today's guest is an actor, a producer,

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Speaker 1: a mental health activist, and even a superhero when she's

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Speaker 1: on set. You know her best as Kara dan Verse,

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Speaker 1: a k A supergirl on the CW. It's Melissa Benoist.

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Speaker 1: Melissa was always attracted to acting and performing and has

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Speaker 1: described herself as a theater kid at heart. She's been

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Speaker 1: acting in movies and television since two thousand eight, and

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Speaker 1: have her Broadway musical debut in two thousand Eighteens Beautiful.

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Speaker 1: Melissa's husband, Chris Wood, is a founder of the I

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Speaker 1: Don't Mind mental health awareness campaign, cause which Melissa has

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Speaker 1: vociferously supported. Melissa has also spoken out about her own

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Speaker 1: experience as a survivor of domestic abuse and has established

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Speaker 1: herself as a voice and encouraging force for domestic abuse

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Speaker 1: victims everywhere. More recently, Melissa has added novelist to her

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Speaker 1: ever growing list of accomplishments. She co wrote her book

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Speaker 1: The Powers Haven's Secret with her sister Jessica Benoist and

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Speaker 1: best selling author Marika Tamaki. I'll be asking Melissa about

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Speaker 1: the book about being a superhero and about her experience

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Speaker 1: with mental health as both an individual and an advocate.

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Speaker 1: I am incredibly impressed by Melissa's courage, her poise, and

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Speaker 1: the way that she looks at the world, and I

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Speaker 1: think you will be too. Without further ado, welcome Melissa Benoist.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited to to jump in with you today.

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Speaker 1: You know, before we started the show and we were

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Speaker 1: sitting here on zoom, you know, you and I were

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Speaker 1: sharing that it feels like everyone we've ever met tells

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Speaker 1: us we're supposed to be friends. So I'm I'm so

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Speaker 1: excited to finally So many people have told me that, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm so jazzed to finally hang and and honestly to

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Speaker 1: talk about work and career and balance and mental health

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Speaker 1: and all the things. But before we jump into where

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Speaker 1: we are today, I really like to go back with people.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's easy to google a person or do

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Speaker 1: research and find out what they're up to, uh, and

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Speaker 1: you know the things that they've been in. But I'm

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Speaker 1: always really curious if the people who come on the

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Speaker 1: show for whatever it is they're known for, I would

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Speaker 1: look back at their childhoods and say, oh, I was

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Speaker 1: the same or a, Oh, I was very different, you know.

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Speaker 1: Was it was Melissa at eight or nine or ten?

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Speaker 1: Similar to the Melissa the world knows now. Similar? Yes,

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Speaker 1: and even I'd say, I don't even know how to

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Speaker 1: describe it. I would say, even more vivacious. I think

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Speaker 1: I was less, you know, for the world knocked me

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Speaker 1: down a couple of times. And you know, you get

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Speaker 1: chewed up every now and then in your adult life.

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Speaker 1: But I think before that stuff happened. When I think

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Speaker 1: about my childhood, I just remember feeling fearless to be myself,

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Speaker 1: and I that's a feeling a miss I when I

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Speaker 1: look back on eight, nine, ten year old Melissa, I

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Speaker 1: just remember being really weird and knowing people thought that

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Speaker 1: I was weird, and not caring in the slightest and

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Speaker 1: just loving what I loved and really in an an

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Speaker 1: ashamed way, and being I was really hyper and had

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Speaker 1: a ton of energy um and just always had fun,

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Speaker 1: just was always wanting to run around and have fun

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Speaker 1: and act crazy. When you think about liking what you

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Speaker 1: liked without you know, any shame or fear of judgment,

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Speaker 1: what what stake sad to you? What? What were you

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Speaker 1: really into? It was always theater from a very young age,

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Speaker 1: definitely um doing theater, and I did children's theater and

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Speaker 1: dinner theater and like kids kids shows, Like I played

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Speaker 1: a puzzle piece once and literally had to wear like

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Speaker 1: a massive six ft foam. I was like, it's sandwiched

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Speaker 1: in between these two pieces of foam, and I was

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Speaker 1: a singing puzzle piece and it was so. It was

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Speaker 1: the theater, it was the books that I read. I

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Speaker 1: was a huge Harry Potter nerd to the point where

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Speaker 1: I would wear like Harry Potter shirts to school before

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Speaker 1: the movies came out, and I had a headwig stuffed

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Speaker 1: animal I was. Also, I was really innocent. I believed

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Speaker 1: in Santa Claus until I was twelve, which is arguably

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Speaker 1: way too old, but I think it was my imagination

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Speaker 1: and I loved playing in my imagination and really kind

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Speaker 1: of diving into that and playing with barbies and dolls

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Speaker 1: with my little sister until I was older. I really

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Speaker 1: wasn't ashamed and didn't fear judgment and those kind of things.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting for me now when I think about myself

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Speaker 1: at that age, so much of what you're saying rings

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Speaker 1: really true for me. I can feel part of my

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Speaker 1: insights going yep, yes, me too, just raising my hand

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Speaker 1: over and over you, and it's it's wild now looking

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Speaker 1: at the young people in my life and the kids

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Speaker 1: in my life, and I want them to be able

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Speaker 1: to be kids for as long as possible. So I

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Speaker 1: love that. I love hearing that you held onto your

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Speaker 1: your child things for perhaps a little longer, because once

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Speaker 1: they're gone, they're just gone. I think that that's very cool.

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Speaker 1: I know that you were born in Texas, you know

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Speaker 1: you were mostly raised in Colorado. So do you do

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Speaker 1: you consider yourself a Texan or you know, a Colorado human.

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Speaker 1: I feel like a Colorado and girl through and through.

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Speaker 1: And I loved growing up there. Have you been? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's the best. It's magic, It's absolute magic. I love

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Speaker 1: it there. Yeah, it's It's a beautiful place and a

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Speaker 1: it was a really great place to grow up for me.

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Speaker 1: I think it's really changed in the last twenty years,

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Speaker 1: and I don't get back up as often as i'd like,

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Speaker 1: but growing up there there, I don't I don't want

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Speaker 1: to say it's like real, okay, dope, it was just

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Speaker 1: a perfect place to harbor that innocence, Um and Pete.

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Speaker 1: The people are really kind and everyone's really outdoorsy, and

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Speaker 1: that was also a massive part of my life that

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Speaker 1: I've carried into adulthood. And exploring national parks and um,

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Speaker 1: just like immersing yourself in nature was a massive part

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Speaker 1: of my upbringing. So that's why I think I feel

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Speaker 1: like a Colorado girl. Yeah, there's kind of a parallel energy,

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Speaker 1: interestingly enough, that I find between Colorado in California. I'm

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Speaker 1: from Los Angeles. People are always so shocked by that here,

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Speaker 1: and it's interesting because being from here, there was much

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Speaker 1: more of the kind of experience that you're referring to,

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Speaker 1: you know, always being outside, always being in national parks,

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Speaker 1: road tripping to the desert, going up to the Redwoods,

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Speaker 1: being in the ocean, going to the Sierras. I had

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Speaker 1: a very natural barefoot outdoors you know, childhood and and

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Speaker 1: so many of the people I think who moved to

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles move here for industry, for jobs. You know,

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Speaker 1: they come here and they just work, work, work, work, work.

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Speaker 1: But when you're from here, it's it's the nature. It's

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Speaker 1: the you know, small farm towns in California. You know

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Speaker 1: that that I feel as much connected to, if not

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Speaker 1: more so, than you know, sunset Boulevard completely and I've

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Speaker 1: and I've discovered that too. I'll be honest. When I

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Speaker 1: first moved to l A, it was not my favorite place,

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Speaker 1: and it wasn't until I discover what you're talking about,

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Speaker 1: and it was sort of like, well, duh, how did

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Speaker 1: I not know that I could drive five hours and

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Speaker 1: go see Yosemite and see the most unreal, stunning view

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Speaker 1: I've ever seen in my life. And the Redwoods, which

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Speaker 1: is I don't think there's a place like that on Earth.

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Speaker 1: It's um actually want to move up there. That's so much.

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Speaker 1: I love it, truly. I mean even thinking about them,

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Speaker 1: I kind of lose my words. It's so jaw dropping.

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Speaker 1: Nothing prepares you for that. No, it feels prehistoric. There's

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Speaker 1: I felt whenever I was there, this like primordial energy

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Speaker 1: that was, like you're saying, like just untouchable with any

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Speaker 1: kind of language, and yeah, you're speechless, just ancient being something.

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Speaker 1: It's almost the way I felt, too, but not the same.

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Speaker 1: Have you been to Pompeii in Italy? No, I haven't.

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Speaker 1: That it's the same kind of energy where you're like,

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Speaker 1: this is is something way bigger than me? And um

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Speaker 1: and the Redwoods I feel like are even more impressive

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Speaker 1: because they're natural in those trees are just thousands of

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Speaker 1: years old. It's so cool. Anytime I I really want

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Speaker 1: to get it, I just have to get out in nature.

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Speaker 1: It's like an immediate readjustment. Yep, with your shoes off.

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Speaker 1: And I love that you said a barefoot because I

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Speaker 1: I feel that too. There's something really special and grounding

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Speaker 1: yourself to the earth and dirt and absolutely what what

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Speaker 1: prompted you guys to move to Colorado to get out

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Speaker 1: into that kind of nature. My dad, my dad was

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Speaker 1: in medical school and Houston. My mom is from Colorado,

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Speaker 1: and then my dad is from Texas, and they met

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Speaker 1: in college in Texas, and my dad got a job

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Speaker 1: out of practice in uh, in Denver, where all my

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Speaker 1: aunts and cousins and grandparents were anyway, so I think

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Speaker 1: that's where they wanted to land. Aside from you know,

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Speaker 1: my family being in Texas, I think they wanted to

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Speaker 1: be in Denver. No matter what. Was it awesome to

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Speaker 1: grow up around so much family, Oh my gosh, it was.

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Speaker 1: I think about it now and and seeing um because

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Speaker 1: I have a one year old and uh, we're not

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Speaker 1: around a lot of family here in California, which is

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Speaker 1: a bummer because my mom babysat. She has three sisters

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Speaker 1: and they all had like three to four children, and

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Speaker 1: my mom babysat all of them. So on any weekend,

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Speaker 1: every weekend, it was like massive cousin sleepover and we'd

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Speaker 1: have backyard Olympics and played town and the basement. The

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Speaker 1: basement was a mess. I feel for my mom having

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Speaker 1: to clean up after us, but it was just the ideal,

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Speaker 1: like in that sense, Yeah, I'm gonna make little movies.

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Speaker 1: And we made a movie about not doing drugs and

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Speaker 1: then and it was Simba and Mufasa talking about not

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Speaker 1: doing drugs. We're like, we're doing Dare meets the Lion King.

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Speaker 1: And you know what, it worked worked. I love it.

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Speaker 1: So that was probably your your first taste of performing, right,

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Speaker 1: putting on these these plays with your troop of cousins. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think it was. How did you then get into

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Speaker 1: your next phases of it? Did you start doing theater

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Speaker 1: in school? I mean, I know you were, you know,

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Speaker 1: highlighting the moment as a puzzle, but where where did

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Speaker 1: where did the beginning spark get lit? I mean my

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Speaker 1: mom was great and that she really we had a

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Speaker 1: lot of extracurricular activities, and I think she just wanted

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Speaker 1: us to try everything and see what we loved. And

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Speaker 1: I was in dance at a really young age, like

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Speaker 1: three years old and loved that. And then somehow we

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Speaker 1: found this children's theater company through a patient of my dad's,

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Speaker 1: and I think my mom just kind of instinct. We

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Speaker 1: knew that we would love it when my sister sitting

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Speaker 1: with me, and so we joined this place and I

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Speaker 1: ended up taking dance lessons there because they had dance

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Speaker 1: as well. But then they did these children's theater shows

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Speaker 1: that were affiliated with a dinner, like a major regional

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Speaker 1: dinner theater in Colorado called the Country Dinner Playhouse, and

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Speaker 1: it was a barn I said, had a buffet. I

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Speaker 1: look back at pictures of it now and if it's so,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm so nostalgic about it, but it's it

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Speaker 1: was such a weird place to have a theater, Like

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Speaker 1: the stage was on hydraulics and would go up and down,

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Speaker 1: like explaining it doesn't make any sense to people that

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Speaker 1: weren't there, but it was this playground and the next stage.

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Speaker 1: I think that really, I think solidified my love for

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Speaker 1: this and and my drive to make a career out

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Speaker 1: of it was was that for a into this theater,

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Speaker 1: I felt so cool that I worked where adults worked

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Speaker 1: at night, even though we were doing the shows in

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Speaker 1: the morning. Um, and then I did segue into actually

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Speaker 1: doing shows at this dinner theater. I did Like the

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Speaker 1: Sound of Music maybe four times and have played almost

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Speaker 1: all the on Trapped Children. I think there's only one

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Speaker 1: of the Daughters that I didn't play, and it was

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Speaker 1: this Really I almost like it emotional when I talked

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Speaker 1: about it, because it was the last time I really

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Speaker 1: remember doing acting and performing just for the love of

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Speaker 1: it and nothing else, and being so liberated in that way.

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Speaker 1: That's a feeling I think I'm always going to be

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Speaker 1: chasing me too. Yeah, it's the thing no one tells

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Speaker 1: you about when the thing you love to do most

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Speaker 1: becomes your job. No one tells you there will be

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Speaker 1: a loss in that. You know that there is a

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Speaker 1: there is a death in the success. Yeah. I wasn't

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Speaker 1: really prepared for that. No, neither was I. And I

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Speaker 1: don't even know if I fully even grieved that. Well,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I haven't. I certainly haven't, because you're

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Speaker 1: not allowed to because if you do, you're called ungrateful.

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Speaker 1: And and there is a natural sense, you know, you

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Speaker 1: referred earlier to that idea of being without shame as

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Speaker 1: a child, there is a natural sense of how dare

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Speaker 1: I sort of shame around being sad about making it?

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Speaker 1: It's it's it's a deeply conflicting um reality. And I

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Speaker 1: I think in the last few years I've been really

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Speaker 1: working on increasing my capacity to hold space for the

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Speaker 1: both hand and deeply consciously in the last two years

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Speaker 1: it's been sort of my north star goal in terms

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Speaker 1: of of um mentality at least, and and that is

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Speaker 1: a complex beast to hold. It's a lot to unpack

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Speaker 1: when you think about that. When you talk about this

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Speaker 1: theater and I don't know it just it feels so

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Speaker 1: sweet to me going from dance class at three to

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Speaker 1: performing as a kid too. Then you know, being a

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Speaker 1: kid but working with grown ups, and you're like, look

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Speaker 1: at me, I'm doing this thing, you know, And I

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Speaker 1: know that you went to the Academy of Theater Arts

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Speaker 1: and and I'm I'm hearing about this sort of expansion

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Speaker 1: and the joy and the work. But I hear you

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Speaker 1: also when you say there was a moment where it

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Speaker 1: couldn't just be for fun anymore. It got serious. There

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Speaker 1: were expectations attached, there was criticism and self criticism. I

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Speaker 1: would imagine that came with that. Now, looking back, can

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Speaker 1: you see when that started? Did you know at the

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Speaker 1: time or is it something that you've really processed more

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Speaker 1: as an adult. I think it's in something that I've

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Speaker 1: processed and currently processing still after the fact, and I

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Speaker 1: do think I know the moment it happened. And surprisingly

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Speaker 1: it wasn't ever working at this theater, and I was

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Speaker 1: employed there at at certain points when I was doing

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Speaker 1: the shows with the adults, but it never felt like

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Speaker 1: a job. I think the moment where it started feeling

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Speaker 1: that was I had done like a few small things

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Speaker 1: on TV. But then I got a job on Glee

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Speaker 1: in the fourth season, and I think that was when

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Speaker 1: it started to shift, and it wasn't just you know,

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Speaker 1: working the longer hours. I was so naive and so

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Speaker 1: excited that I was actually making a living doing this,

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Speaker 1: But yeah, they're there. I think the disillusionment for me

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Speaker 1: has been a really slow process. I think that was

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Speaker 1: the impetus, but it's been a more gradual descent into

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm I'm burned out, And you know what,

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Speaker 1: I think it also is interesting because that I had

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Speaker 1: the upbringing and training that I did really in the

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Speaker 1: theater world and in the specific theater they worked in,

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Speaker 1: because it was work hard, you do your best, You

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Speaker 1: show up no matter what you say, the lines that

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Speaker 1: are on the page, what's written right there for you,

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Speaker 1: that's what you do. And um, you don't complain, and

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Speaker 1: you go on stage when you're sick, when you have

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Speaker 1: a fever of ado or your That's a primitive TV

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Speaker 1: right And I loved it back then because I loved

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Speaker 1: the notion of the show must go on and I

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Speaker 1: was such a theater nerd. But as an adult and

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Speaker 1: when it's on a television set, it just hit different. Um,

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Speaker 1: and when there was maybe it's the money involved or

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Speaker 1: I don't know what, it is, just the industry on

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Speaker 1: a bigger scale than what I was used to as

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Speaker 1: a kid. Yeah. So yeah, I'm still like unpacking that

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Speaker 1: and I'm I think I'm in a similar place as

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Speaker 1: you too, in the last two years of really examining

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Speaker 1: what it all means to me and allowing the space

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Speaker 1: two acknowledge the parts that I miss and the parts

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Speaker 1: of my job that I am frustrated by, while still

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Speaker 1: like having the blanket of gratitude underneath and over and around.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it feels like an impossible task. Yeah, well, it's

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Speaker 1: hard to hold opposite feelings simultaneously, you know. And it's

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Speaker 1: incredible to make work that you love and that you

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Speaker 1: care about. And it's complicated to being a group of

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Speaker 1: people that you really enjoy being around and also understand

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Speaker 1: that you're not allowed to be human and then everyone

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Speaker 1: will be really nice until there's a problem. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: then is the niceness real or is it partially real?

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Speaker 1: Or is it's It's a lot. It's confusing, and I think,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's exacerbated and deeply magnified in our industry,

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Speaker 1: certainly because people are the commodities. But I do think

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Speaker 1: it is something that we're coming to a reckoning with

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Speaker 1: in so many corporate environments, you know, where people are

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Speaker 1: really struggling to figure out what is this place? Is

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Speaker 1: it work? Is it community? Is it both? Is it neither?

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Speaker 1: It's you know, there's there's a lot of questions I

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Speaker 1: think being asked about where we find ourselves and and

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Speaker 1: how these systems work, and and it is confusing in ours,

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Speaker 1: you know, for me in particular, there's this idea out

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Speaker 1: in the world that actors are these coddled people, these

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Speaker 1: like coddled, fragile people, and I'm like, I got yanked

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Speaker 1: out of the hospital, literally out of a hospital bed

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Speaker 1: with meningitis and forced to come to work like I

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Speaker 1: was so sick. I thought I was going to die,

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Speaker 1: and my employers didn't care and they brought me to work. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've been in similar situations. I worked for a month

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Speaker 1: knowing I had E coli that I got from catering,

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Speaker 1: and everyone was aware. And but listen, it's hundreds of

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Speaker 1: thousands of dollars. If you don't show up to work,

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Speaker 1: that's it. And that's something that, um, I'm not afraid

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Speaker 1: to say, makes me really angry. And I'm glad I

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Speaker 1: and I hope that things um and conversations are are

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Speaker 1: had about and about work environments and the way that

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Speaker 1: a film set runs. But it's interesting, I actually really

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Speaker 1: resonated with you saying the people are commodities, and I

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Speaker 1: do think and that is something that was a part

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Speaker 1: of my disillusionment to only doing this for the love

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Speaker 1: of it, because I don't like that feeling. I don't

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Speaker 1: like feeling like a commodity, and um, I don't know

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Speaker 1: anyone who does. Really, it's a really strange comfortable thing,

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Speaker 1: especially when you get into being a performer for the

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Speaker 1: right reasons, you know, um, and that relationship. I struggle

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Speaker 1: so much with the dichotomy and the relationship between art

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Speaker 1: as a commodity and the business of it with just

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Speaker 1: pure art that you're trying to express. And I don't think.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if they work well together. I don't.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I guess there's lightning in a bottle, but I

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Speaker 1: don't know how well those two things mashed. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: tricky because sometimes you go there. It is. The thing

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Speaker 1: that came to mind right when you said lightning in

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Speaker 1: a bottle was the Silver Linings playbook. Oh, totally, watching

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Speaker 1: that movie whatever year that came out. I just thought,

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Speaker 1: that's it. That's the thing that's the magic right there.

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Speaker 1: And I do love what we do. I love telling stories.

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Speaker 1: I love it m hm. And you know, I don't

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Speaker 1: know that I would love it if I was standing

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Speaker 1: doing monologues on a corner. That would be weird. Um.

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Speaker 1: But I think that part of the reason I've tried

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Speaker 1: to figure out other avenues for this feeling. That's even

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Speaker 1: how this podcast came to be. It was a desire

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Speaker 1: to dig in in a way that could be free, spontaneous.

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Speaker 1: There could be no rules and no time boundaries. We

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Speaker 1: could speak for fifty eight minutes or three hours and

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Speaker 1: fifteen minutes. It doesn't We can just be because everything

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Speaker 1: is so regimented, so scheduled, So show up no matter what.

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Speaker 1: You know. I've missed weddings and funerals and and things

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Speaker 1: and I and I love my job, and it's hard.

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Speaker 1: It's all the things, you know, It's the adage. It's

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Speaker 1: the best of times and the worst of times, and

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Speaker 1: and everything else that goes along with it. And I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I do think it's I am becoming okay

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Speaker 1: with being willing to sit in the confusion of it

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Speaker 1: and the love of it and to be honest about

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Speaker 1: not just the shiny parts, yes, but I think like

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Speaker 1: uncovering that and shining the lights on the not so

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Speaker 1: shiny parts, like finding that flashlight and digging in and

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Speaker 1: really illuminating what doesn't feel good about it is so

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Speaker 1: important too. And I'm in the process now. I just

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Speaker 1: finished this show that took a six year chunk out

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Speaker 1: of my life. Now you know you've been there, and

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Speaker 1: that's a crazy failing to walk away. And while whatever

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Speaker 1: that six years entailed for me personally, it never felt

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Speaker 1: definitive of who I was or my abilities as a performer,

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Speaker 1: but it defined a massive mass of hunk of my

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Speaker 1: life and and almost like a my coming of age

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Speaker 1: and illuminating the parts that I didn't like and acknowledging

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Speaker 1: that is now I feel so empowering to know how

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Speaker 1: to take the next steps forward or at least into it,

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Speaker 1: what the next steps should feel like, and what works

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Speaker 1: for me and what doesn't. And that's really unfamiliar territory

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Speaker 1: for me, because I'm I'm someone who thrives when I've

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Speaker 1: given direction and I like that. I'm I like guidance

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Speaker 1: a lot of times. And I my theater background just

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Speaker 1: doing what's on the page, and I'm there to work

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Speaker 1: and I'm used to being a workhorse, and for six

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Speaker 1: years I was, you know, I was the number one

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Speaker 1: on a call sheet for a very rigorous show. And

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Speaker 1: I think, I um, now, I'm I'm just getting used

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Speaker 1: to the idea that I don't have to exist that

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Speaker 1: pure burnout all the time and unpacking like what that

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Speaker 1: did to my body and my my stress and my

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Speaker 1: heart and my mind. And being able to see family

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Speaker 1: and friends which I just didn't for years. So hard,

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Speaker 1: it's so hard, but it's so good to see that

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Speaker 1: that doesn't that's not what I need or want or deserve.

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Speaker 1: And I do have hope that you know, there's there.

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Speaker 1: You like what you're doing. You're creating what you know

401
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Speaker 1: works for you and and fills that void of what

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Speaker 1: you want to express. Yeah, I think just to find

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Speaker 1: other avenues. You know, when you talk about six years,

404
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Speaker 1: what that defined for you. I worked on my first

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Speaker 1: show in Wilmington's for nine seasons, and what a gift

406
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Speaker 1: to be employed through the writer's strike and through you know,

407
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Speaker 1: things that were so hard for people in our industry.

408
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Speaker 1: But also again in the both hands. It was difficult

409
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Speaker 1: because then everyone looks at you as something rather than

410
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Speaker 1: as who you are, and no one wants to hear

411
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Speaker 1: that it was really hard to not see your friends

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Speaker 1: or family for nearly a decade, and that working seventeen

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Speaker 1: hours a day can destroy your body, you know. I uh,

414
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Speaker 1: I've also I've definitely found I've had to get a

415
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Speaker 1: little honest with myself about I got so used to

416
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Speaker 1: working to burn out that I don't know how to

417
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Speaker 1: do anything else. So I I have had to kind

418
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Speaker 1: of have this reckoning with myself, which is, oh, I

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Speaker 1: push myself to burnout even when I'm not quote unquote

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Speaker 1: on set that way, it's I am. I am an

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Speaker 1: insatiable worker. Yeah, and now I'm trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: what do I do on the days when I don't

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Speaker 1: have to work sixteen hours a day? Why am I

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Speaker 1: still doing this? But I'm so used to that level

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Speaker 1: of productivity that I think subconsciously, I don't realize that

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Speaker 1: it is unsustainable if I want to live as long

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Speaker 1: as I want to live and do the things I

428
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 1: want to do. And and I'm I'm I'm really trying

429
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:31,159
Speaker 1: to look back at that programming. And so when you

430
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:36,800
Speaker 1: say what it felt like, you know, to begin, you know,

431
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 1: the quote unquote big break joining Glee, especially because you

432
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 1: joined in season four. It was a massive, you know,

433
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 1: juggernaut award winning show. And I imagine as a young

434
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 1: person in this industry, all you wanted to do was

435
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:58,479
Speaker 1: be good on that set. How old were you when

436
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:05,439
Speaker 1: when that happened? Twenty two. Yeah, that's all I wanted

437
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 1: was to not rock the boat. It was so established.

438
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 1: They were really they had their routine and their rhythm.

439
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 1: I wanted just to be be the good the good girl,

440
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 1: and the good sport even when things were unfair. And

441
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 1: I've actually had sort of a reckoning in the last

442
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,639
Speaker 1: year or so, and maybe it's just time and distance

443
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 1: from it, but also there have since been a lot

444
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 1: of tragedies related to that show. And I remember that

445
00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 1: time in my life as being so unhappy, so unhappy,

446
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: and I wonder now knowing what I know now and

447
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 1: and being more comfortable with who I am. I I

448
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 1: do think a lot of my unhappiness was insecurity, because,

449
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: like you said, I was joining the show that was

450
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 1: so established and this juggernaut and already in the zeite

451
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 1: guy Ston had won awards. I was so insecure and

452
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 1: naive and being disillusioned in that sense and seeing things

453
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 1: that I had not seen before, and seeing behavior I

454
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 1: hadn't seen before, and um from people that you know,

455
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: we're professionals that I looked up to. And then I

456
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: also I wish I could go back, knowing what I

457
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: know now and just ask everyone how they were doing,

458
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:31,479
Speaker 1: because I know I wasn't the only unhappy one and

459
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: I and I I don't know if it was as

460
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 1: bad a place as my memories tell me it was.

461
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 1: And I think that's a part of that's the one

462
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,720
Speaker 1: of the hardest parts of being that young. And I

463
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 1: know I was not even nearly as young as how

464
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 1: old were you when you started one? Yeah, but I

465
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 1: think that's the difficult part of starting on TV show,

466
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 1: specifically when in your twenties and throughout your twenties, because

467
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 1: everyone's twenties are hard. And then you add this equation

468
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 1: of being introduced and sometimes thrown into this business and

469
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:18,760
Speaker 1: experiencing fame for the first time and seeing how that

470
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 1: affects people and what it does, and well and everyone

471
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 1: everyone has this idea that it's going to be great.

472
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 1: No one's honest that it's actually a bit traumatizing. No

473
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 1: one wants to say that, which I find really weird

474
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 1: because I feel like we're setting people up for failure

475
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 1: and it is such a complex bag. I agree with you,

476
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 1: you know, the my girlfriends from Montreal and I have

477
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 1: talked about that a lot. We we all were on

478
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 1: a FaceTime and myself and Joy and Hillary and Joy

479
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 1: just started crying and said, I'm just so mad. I

480
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: feel like we got robbed of each other because we

481
00:30:56,320 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 1: were little girls who, you know, worked for a very

482
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 1: a dark, manipulative person who didn't want us to be friends,

483
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 1: and we didn't have the tools at twenty one. What

484
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 1: year old thinks they're being manipulated by their fort four

485
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 1: year old married boss. You know, we didn't know. And likewise,

486
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 1: I wish I could go back with the tools I

487
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 1: have now and and kind of weed whack through what

488
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 1: he was planting and do it differently we all do.

489
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 1: You know, I'm so grateful that we've we've returned and

490
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 1: rediscovered each other and and and just as you say,

491
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,920
Speaker 1: there were really bad times, but there were also days

492
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 1: that were just great. And I'm sure you had that too.

493
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 1: Sometimes sometimes you look around and you go, this is

494
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:48,760
Speaker 1: the best day, and you wonder, why can't every day

495
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 1: be like this day? And you never know what's coming,

496
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 1: And I I can say this, uh, you know, not

497
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 1: not to speak for you, but you've been open about

498
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 1: this and and I've shared some of my own experiences

499
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 1: with this. So I hope that the analogy doesn't sound trite.

500
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: But those kinds of environments are a bit like being

501
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 1: in abusive relationships. Never know what you're going to get,

502
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 1: so you're in high ah, you're in high fight or

503
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 1: flight risk anxiety all of the time, and it can

504
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: have such hard effects on a body and on a

505
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 1: and on a mind. And and I also think the

506
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: early aughts were really like a breeding ground for that

507
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 1: kind of destructive treatment of young women. You know, we're

508
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 1: looking at it and now you know, acknowledging what the

509
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 1: media did and people did, and the Internet did, and

510
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 1: blogs and commenters and you know, the first wave of

511
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 1: what were then you know, the current Instagram comments. What

512
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,600
Speaker 1: that did to Britney Spears, but it did that to everyone. Yeah,

513
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 1: you know, in varying degrees, and it's it's a wild

514
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 1: thing to look at. And I really remember because Glee

515
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 1: didn't come on too long after our show did. I

516
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 1: don't think it's all a bit of a blur to me,

517
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 1: but I remember thinking, wow, I really feel for those

518
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: kids that that that looks really intense. And I think

519
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:16,720
Speaker 1: about it for you, because you are You're still a

520
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 1: kid when you're twenty one or twenty two. Everyone acts

521
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 1: like you're a grown up, but looking back, I realized

522
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 1: I was still just a little girl. I look at

523
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 1: myself on the first season of that show, and I'm

524
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 1: not surprised I got cast to play a teenager. I

525
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 1: look like a little girl, you know, And and I

526
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 1: think about that stepping into that for you at such

527
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 1: a young age and as a person that you are

528
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: having also been open about the fact that you've struggled

529
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 1: with anxiety high me too. Um. You know, you've you've

530
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: talked about really coming to terms with the fact that

531
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 1: anxiety and depression and those things began for you in

532
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 1: your early teen years. So I wonder is that something

533
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 1: you're conscious of now or did you have an awareness

534
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 1: of it then so that you could begin to build

535
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 1: a tool kit to deal with it. I definitely had

536
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: an awareness of it then and it and it came

537
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,920
Speaker 1: from my parents divorce, and I was very keenly aware

538
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 1: of that. I took it really hard and it was

539
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 1: not it was really messy there. My family is kind

540
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 1: of crumbling. And I was thirteen, which you know, I

541
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 1: guess I I was. I was a little more unscathed

542
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 1: than my younger sister, who was eight years old, and

543
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,719
Speaker 1: that is such a formative time. But thirteen. Still. I mean,

544
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 1: I was in the thick of puberty and I was

545
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,800
Speaker 1: like full blown pen fifteen. I don't know if you

546
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:42,359
Speaker 1: watched that show, but that was I was like, Oh,

547
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 1: I feel so seen by this, me too. It sometimes

548
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,319
Speaker 1: it makes me cry too. I'm like, oh, my god,

549
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 1: that's how I felt when I got my first bob.

550
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 1: But I was so just in the most awkward time

551
00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: of my awkward years. And they're divorce was not like

552
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: I said. It wasn't clean and it was not pretty,

553
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: and I knew my mom was also very aware and

554
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:10,919
Speaker 1: my I was lucky to be in a family that

555
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 1: my grandparents, even my grandma, worked in psychiatry, and everyone

556
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 1: was just you can tell us how you feel, and

557
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 1: it's okay to not be okay. I wouldn't go so

558
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: far as to say like that. They would advocate like

559
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 1: just telling everyone, which which I wish more of us

560
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 1: did um when we weren't feeling okay. And and that's

561
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 1: something that I'm really passionate about trying to get people

562
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 1: to be more open about. But I did have this

563
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 1: safety net that my mom got me into therapy the

564
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 1: second it happened, and I know that's a pretty common

565
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:47,000
Speaker 1: thing to do, and everyone recommends it when a family

566
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 1: is in the middle of a divorce. But I really

567
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 1: took to it, and I knew I was I think

568
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 1: my therapist at the time she gave me the toolkit

569
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:01,880
Speaker 1: to understand when I was depressed, understand when I was

570
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,840
Speaker 1: having anxiety or when I was having a panic attack,

571
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 1: even if I didn't know how to handle it, which

572
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 1: I'm thirty three and sometimes I still don't know how

573
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,840
Speaker 1: to deal with it. But just the awareness. Yeah, I

574
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 1: do feel very lucky that I got the awareness so early.

575
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:24,720
Speaker 1: That's incredible. Do you feel like that helped you understand again,

576
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,280
Speaker 1: not necessarily that you knew how to deal with it,

577
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 1: but understand the intensity of that first experience, that first

578
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 1: regular working gig on a show as big as Glee.

579
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 1: Were you able to in that, in that space, say

580
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:43,919
Speaker 1: I know what's happening in my body right now? Yes,

581
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 1: and no, Oddly enough, I I didn't know how to separate.

582
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 1: And I feel the same way as you when I

583
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 1: look back on that time too, it feels like a blur.

584
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,839
Speaker 1: I didn't I don't know if I knew yet how

585
00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: to separate the work of it all and and what

586
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 1: it was doing to me personally, and I don't even

587
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:09,800
Speaker 1: know how to describe. I understand that though, because look,

588
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:15,359
Speaker 1: as you're saying, it's common, Um, you know, perhaps more

589
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,040
Speaker 1: now than it was then twenty years ago. But if

590
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:22,399
Speaker 1: we understand that a divorce is hard on a kid, yeah,

591
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: we don't understand that getting on a hit TV show

592
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 1: can be incredibly volatile for a person's understanding of their

593
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 1: place in the world, expectations. It's it's a good thing.

594
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 1: So you're not allowed to say I'm struggling, right, And

595
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 1: I yes, I think that's the kernel of it for sure.

596
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 1: For me, I didn't want to admit that I was.

597
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 1: I mean, I was living my dream. That's what I'd

598
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 1: always wanted. No one tells you your dreams can be complicated. Yeah,

599
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,439
Speaker 1: do you think too that from the outside looking in

600
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,720
Speaker 1: the intense success of that show and also what appeared

601
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:02,320
Speaker 1: to be the intensity of doucing it then the singing

602
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:05,120
Speaker 1: and the recordings and the dance rehearsals and the choreography.

603
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 1: I mean you you went through five rounds of auditions

604
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 1: to even get on the show, Is that right? Yeah?

605
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 1: I mean what was that process like for you? Um?

606
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 1: I mean it was exciting, and I think a part

607
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 1: of me, and this is something I still struggle with

608
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:23,399
Speaker 1: two is a part of me always believes that I'm

609
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:27,839
Speaker 1: not it's not gonna be me. So I think I

610
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:32,840
Speaker 1: was comforted in that feeling like, Wow, this is crazy.

611
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,399
Speaker 1: This they want to see me again. That's amazing, But

612
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:38,320
Speaker 1: I'm not going to get it. And it wasn't until

613
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 1: my last audition that was actually on the stages that

614
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 1: they shot the show on on the like on the

615
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:48,720
Speaker 1: auditorium stage, in the choir room they had me singing

616
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 1: for Ryan Murphy in the choir room. That was the

617
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 1: moment where I was like, Oh, maybe this is happening.

618
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 1: And that's something of of like a flaw of mine

619
00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:01,359
Speaker 1: that I really want to work on. Is I think

620
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,400
Speaker 1: that ties the fact that I didn't believe I was

621
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 1: going to get it and then I did and I

622
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 1: was like, oh my gosh, working in a week, Um,

623
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:12,080
Speaker 1: I'm on set in two days. That's crazy. Is this

624
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 1: idea that I sometimes allow life to happen to me

625
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:21,240
Speaker 1: and then process it after it's happened. And it's gotten

626
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 1: me into some really sticky situations, especially in this business

627
00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 1: we work in. And I'm working on that still me too.

628
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 1: You know, I think there's a natural tendency towards that

629
00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:41,160
Speaker 1: for folks. I guess because you know, there's that adage

630
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 1: it's not real until you sign. You know, it's not

631
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,919
Speaker 1: real till your first day on set. There's a lot

632
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:49,040
Speaker 1: of don't get excited, don't let it in, don't feel anything,

633
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 1: don't don't you know, put all your eggs in one basket.

634
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,359
Speaker 1: So you get very used to holding your own joy

635
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 1: at arms length. You know, it's such a weird thing.

636
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 1: But you know, you were talking about your family and uh,

637
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 1: your your your baby, and I think about that and

638
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 1: we'll obviously we'll get into those things. But in this moment,

639
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:18,239
Speaker 1: I'm realizing I didn't know being in the best relationship

640
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 1: I've ever been in, you know, with my fiance, having

641
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 1: done all the work too, to be in this place,

642
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 1: in this moment in time, to see a person this way,

643
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:31,720
Speaker 1: to be seen by a person this way, I didn't

644
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 1: even realize that there was still a part of me that,

645
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,919
Speaker 1: deep down, deep, deep way down, was still like sort

646
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: of doing this like holding onto like his collar, but

647
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 1: like a heisman, you know, just like I'm gonna really

648
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hold on tight to you because you're my person,

649
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,399
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna hold you out here just because I'm

650
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 1: still scared of my own joy. And it was like,

651
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 1: it was really weird. We got engaged, and I think

652
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,719
Speaker 1: it took me like two or three days to say,

653
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 1: I have to tell you. I just realized I've been

654
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 1: doing this really weird thing. He was like, he was like, oh,

655
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 1: I don't take that personally. I know you're just an

656
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 1: anxious person. It's like, this is why you're my person.

657
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:10,440
Speaker 1: But it's I laughed about it because I thought, oh my,

658
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 1: my entire life and career has taught me to do this. Yeah. Yeah,

659
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 1: it's such a weird thing. And and look, god, it's

660
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:25,960
Speaker 1: also weird when someone sort of being very vulnerable with

661
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:29,399
Speaker 1: you and you're like you too, And the tendency used

662
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 1: to be like, oh, I'm so relieved, but it's like

663
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,800
Speaker 1: I don't want anybody else to feel, you know, anxious

664
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 1: and scared of their own joy. But I will say

665
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:39,799
Speaker 1: I'm I'm so I don't know. I just feel very

666
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:44,399
Speaker 1: comforted having this conversation with you. Because again, you look

667
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 1: at people whose work you admire, whose activism you admire,

668
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 1: whose stands on things in the way they speak about

669
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 1: things publicly, as you've spoken about so many of these

670
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 1: things you know publicly and chosen to use your platform.

671
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 1: I've always been like, she seems cool. I like her,

672
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 1: and then I felt the same way. And then but

673
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:08,719
Speaker 1: I think about also, I don't just admire your persona,

674
00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,279
Speaker 1: I admire your work. You know, you've gotten to play

675
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 1: so many incredible roles in great films. I mean, Whiplash,

676
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 1: good God, I have many questions about it. But like

677
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 1: in films and television and and I I don't know.

678
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 1: I think it's easy when we look at, you know,

679
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 1: someone's resume on IMDb or whatever too, to think, Wow,

680
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: they're nailing it, and to forget that they might have

681
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 1: a deep well of feelings about their life and so

682
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 1: many feelings. I have all the feelings. Also, when have

683
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 1: have you ever felt like you were nailing it? Because

684
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:47,760
Speaker 1: I haven't. No, never, No. You know what's so funny.

685
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 1: I I remember, uh, one of my closest friends who

686
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 1: also happens to be on my team. She's an agent

687
00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 1: on my team. And you know, we grew up, I

688
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,080
Speaker 1: mean we'd like grew up to since we were twenty

689
00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:06,920
Speaker 1: something babies and we were talking about she she was

690
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 1: saying when she really got her first understanding of the

691
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:12,280
Speaker 1: intensity of the of the One Tree Hill fan base,

692
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 1: and she was like, I don't I love you, but

693
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:18,560
Speaker 1: this doesn't make sense to me, Like I don't deal

694
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:20,279
Speaker 1: with this with the people who I work with from

695
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 1: like the Friends cast. What is this? And I said,

696
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 1: you know, I think I don't know either, because I

697
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:28,400
Speaker 1: think when something is so seminal to people, you know,

698
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,520
Speaker 1: I think about it. And I made all these comparisons

699
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 1: to what Sex in the City was for us when

700
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:34,720
Speaker 1: we were in college, and you know, the things, and

701
00:43:34,719 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 1: and we got, you know, down this whole rabbitle and

702
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 1: I was like, but I mean, it is crazy because

703
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:42,719
Speaker 1: I'm not famous, like Jennifer Anniston is famous. And she

704
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 1: was like, right, but you're famous, and I was like, well, no,

705
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 1: like Jennifer Lawrence is famous, Julia Roberts is famous. And

706
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 1: I went on this whole thing, and she was like,

707
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:53,480
Speaker 1: why are you all like this? Every entertainer I work

708
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 1: with doesn't think they are really an entertainer. They think

709
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 1: everyone else like and she was like, yeah, We Robs

710
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 1: is like the biggest movies for of all time, maybe

711
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 1: not the person to compare yourself to. I was like,

712
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 1: I think she's an icon, and you know to me

713
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 1: that that's a person who's nailing it. But like, I

714
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 1: don't know, did Julia Roberts watch Nine Perfect Strangers and

715
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 1: go why didn't Why didn't I get Nicole Kitman's part, Like,

716
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:20,560
Speaker 1: I don't know, she might have, Like we don't. We

717
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 1: don't actually know. And so that's that's the thing that

718
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 1: I always think is so interesting, is that all of

719
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 1: us go no, no, no, Well I was. I was, like,

720
00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 1: all my time was taken up by this thing, so

721
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: I didn't get to do these other things. So I'm

722
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 1: I'm nailing it. Ye, what is that? I don't know?

723
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 1: And I wish I wish we could stop, and I

724
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:44,279
Speaker 1: wish I could stop. Okay, well I will if I

725
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 1: may love a soft stop sign in your way. Of

726
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:52,400
Speaker 1: of the rules you have played, be it in films

727
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:56,880
Speaker 1: or or on television, is there one that comes to

728
00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: mind right now as being either the most fun or

729
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:03,320
Speaker 1: the most inspiration all for you to have taken on? Uh,

730
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:08,359
Speaker 1: it's always the answer because of the experience as a whole.

731
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:13,400
Speaker 1: It was whiplashed and because and not because of anything

732
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:17,440
Speaker 1: that happened after the film was released, which obviously it

733
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,520
Speaker 1: was as as successful as it was. But the process

734
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 1: of working on that and the full I think that's

735
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 1: the only job that I've had in my professional career

736
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:31,120
Speaker 1: where I felt that feeling that I was chasing as

737
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 1: a kid, or that I had as a kid. What

738
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 1: was that? Why was it such a special set to

739
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:41,479
Speaker 1: work on? It was Damien's first movie, and I think

740
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:45,440
Speaker 1: he was so everyone was just so hungry to tell

741
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: the story so well, and the script was so great

742
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 1: and even like my audition process was he we did

743
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 1: like improv scenes in there, like he would just like

744
00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 1: he'd be like, Okay, well, why don't you play her

745
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:01,879
Speaker 1: now Nicole is seeing Andrew on the bus and it's

746
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: six months after and we just went and did it

747
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:09,239
Speaker 1: for five minutes, I'd say, and that I'd not I

748
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 1: had not had that experience even in an audition room. Um,

749
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 1: that was that creative and like playful. And then on

750
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 1: set there was just an energy about it. I don't know,

751
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 1: it was really exploratory, and yeah, I think it really

752
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 1: resonated with the character. He told me, Damien said we

753
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 1: were cursed, which also I loved, which you really get

754
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 1: to do a lot of and Damien said to me,

755
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:35,920
Speaker 1: I want you to just like really embrace all of

756
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 1: your insecurities for this. She's really insecure, this girl. And

757
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:45,360
Speaker 1: I was like, easy, I can show those things on

758
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 1: the outside. And I I just love his attention to detail.

759
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:54,400
Speaker 1: He I have a chicken pox scar and someone a

760
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 1: month do you right here? Yeah? Oh my god, I

761
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:03,480
Speaker 1: just thought of that it on Yes, yes, yes, totally,

762
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 1: so I would pick them up. Yeah. Um, when I

763
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 1: have this chicken pox car in like three weeks before,

764
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 1: I'm not even kidding. Someone was like, someone told me

765
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:20,879
Speaker 1: that I should maybe fill it with fillers. They were like, well,

766
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:22,799
Speaker 1: maybe you should get rid of that scar. And I

767
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 1: was like what never once had I ever thought of that?

768
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:27,880
Speaker 1: And then Damian, while we were rehearsing, was like, I

769
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:30,280
Speaker 1: love this chicken pox scar. I just love these things

770
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 1: that make people real. Yeah, and I that was that, honestly,

771
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: I think is the theme of that entire job for me.

772
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:41,560
Speaker 1: It was just about being present and real and I loved,

773
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 1: I loved I just loved the whole experience. That's so

774
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 1: cool and I think, gosh, it's so interesting that sometimes

775
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 1: it's that small moment for us as performers. That does

776
00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 1: something for us. I I did an episode of this

777
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 1: great Netflix show called Easy, and Joe Swomberg is the

778
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 1: writer and director. But his whole thing is he's like,

779
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 1: I don't do scripts. I do outlines, and I have

780
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 1: an idea or a piece of dialogue that has to

781
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 1: be hit in a scene, and then you guys find

782
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 1: the rest of it. That's amazing and coming from, as

783
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 1: you know, you know, a very scripted CW show, to

784
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 1: go on set and be like, there's no script and

785
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:26,120
Speaker 1: he's like, no, you just basically you're supposed to communicate this,

786
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:28,320
Speaker 1: but also you can do it in your own words.

787
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:34,359
Speaker 1: And I'm just going like sweating this deep feeling of

788
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 1: like panic but also glee and being like these it's

789
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:42,120
Speaker 1: like butterflies, and also I might vomit and I don't

790
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,320
Speaker 1: know what's happening, and I'm so excited and so scared.

791
00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 1: And it was the most fun and free and enjoyable thing,

792
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:52,439
Speaker 1: and it made me fall in love with acting again.

793
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:55,960
Speaker 1: It was the feeling I had been chasing forever, that

794
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 1: feeling that you get the best of the days on

795
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:02,720
Speaker 1: your series where you're like, oh my god, that was it.

796
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 1: It was like that for a week and it was

797
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 1: so fun and wild and cool. And so it's interesting

798
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 1: when you talk about this, I get that same sense

799
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 1: and it, I don't know, it really informs the way

800
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:20,400
Speaker 1: I want to move forward in word to you know.

801
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 1: And and again that's not too it's not too like

802
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,960
Speaker 1: shift on being on a hit c W show. We

803
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 1: both did it, and they were there were incredible things

804
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 1: about them and I and I do feel like there's

805
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:37,759
Speaker 1: so many people who know you as Supergirl, and I

806
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:41,840
Speaker 1: remember just thinking like, good for her because it was

807
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:46,840
Speaker 1: the first female ed superhero series period since Wonder Woman

808
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:51,879
Speaker 1: went off the air, Like back in the day, did

809
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 1: you know that when you were cast? Was that a

810
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 1: thing they were talking about or was that more of

811
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:59,480
Speaker 1: like a like a fun fact when they were beginning

812
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:02,319
Speaker 1: to promo the show when it was coming out. Now,

813
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:05,319
Speaker 1: all of these things were very much spoken about when

814
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:08,279
Speaker 1: I was auditioning when I got the role, But like

815
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:12,720
Speaker 1: we were talking about, I was not letting myself feel it.

816
00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 1: It's not that I wasn't acknowledging these these things. It

817
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 1: was that I was not internalizing it or intellectually allowing

818
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:26,560
Speaker 1: myself to to under to feel the weight of that.

819
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 1: That's a big impact to embody, Oh my gosh, massive

820
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:35,200
Speaker 1: and a responsibility. And I will say very candidly, I

821
00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 1: had no idea what I was signing up for. How

822
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 1: no idea? I mean, first of all, it was a

823
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 1: role that I never imagine myself playing, and and then

824
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:51,280
Speaker 1: when it happened, I had another really rigorous audition process.

825
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:56,200
Speaker 1: I tested like three times, and they were really scared

826
00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 1: to take the chance on me. And also, I have

827
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,839
Speaker 1: to coveyat this it at the time, I was in

828
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 1: my abusive relationship that I've spoken about, so I was

829
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 1: really not allowed to celebrate and I actually got in

830
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:11,720
Speaker 1: trouble for getting the role. So that was a massive

831
00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:14,759
Speaker 1: part of it, for sure. But I also think I

832
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:17,600
Speaker 1: was really scared of that responsibility, and so part of

833
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:19,880
Speaker 1: me was like, Okay, I'm just gonna do what I

834
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:23,800
Speaker 1: do and and be me and hopefully hopefully I embody

835
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 1: this like this character's what people expect her to be

836
00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 1: and what she stands for. I hope, I hope that

837
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:36,319
Speaker 1: translates and me just trying to be myself and bringing that.

838
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 1: But I didn't anticipate the weight of that, and I

839
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:44,360
Speaker 1: didn't really feel it that I had like grasped it

840
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:49,799
Speaker 1: until maybe the fourth season. Wow. Yeah, and it still

841
00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:52,920
Speaker 1: scares me. It's a huge thing and I and listen,

842
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 1: it's not like these massive Marvel shows, but it does

843
00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 1: mean a lot to a lot of people. And the

844
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:02,000
Speaker 1: character has been around since the fifties. And yeah, I

845
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 1: would say, though, don't I don't know. As your new friend,

846
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 1: I would like for you to not squash your success

847
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 1: in this realm because I, like I have a tendency

848
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 1: to do that too. Well, it's not this, but I

849
00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:21,319
Speaker 1: don't know if all of the Marvel universe that we

850
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:25,279
Speaker 1: see coming to television so beautifully by the way, like

851
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:28,879
Speaker 1: how good is Loky, it's insane. But I don't know

852
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 1: that Marvel would have felt comfortable with that gamble. If

853
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:38,680
Speaker 1: the CW hadn't created a world of superhero shows, would

854
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:41,000
Speaker 1: they have spent as much money? Would they have put

855
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 1: all their eggs in that basket if it hadn't been

856
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:46,560
Speaker 1: proven the audiences had a voracious hunger for this kind

857
00:52:46,560 --> 00:52:49,600
Speaker 1: of content. You helped prove that. I think you deserve

858
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:55,480
Speaker 1: to you deserve those flowers. Well, thank you? Yeah, I do.

859
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 1: It does feel good and I do have pride in

860
00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 1: what we all did up in Vancouver, especially when we

861
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:03,920
Speaker 1: would have these crossovers where all of the shows we

862
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,640
Speaker 1: would all come together, and just the logistics of that.

863
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 1: Those were the most the days you're talking about where

864
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:11,239
Speaker 1: you just look around and be like, this is a

865
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:16,120
Speaker 1: good day. Those days were always great. Um. It was

866
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:21,360
Speaker 1: just energetic and I liked everyone genuinely from all the

867
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 1: other shows. It was fun. It was like the most

868
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:28,360
Speaker 1: wild feeling too. Every everyone when you look around in

869
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:30,520
Speaker 1: a scene is wearing a superhero suit. And then we'd

870
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:33,839
Speaker 1: walk in a line like smoldering towards camera. That's not cool,

871
00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:38,359
Speaker 1: it's cool. That's really cool. Who do you think it

872
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:41,160
Speaker 1: was that let it finally click in for you? In

873
00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:44,720
Speaker 1: season four? Truthfully, I've not ever really had a boss

874
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:48,520
Speaker 1: like Greg Borlante, and he's wonderful and I've had a

875
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:55,000
Speaker 1: lot of conversations with him where he's really um encouraged

876
00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:58,480
Speaker 1: me to feel ownership, and I didn't realize that I

877
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:01,360
Speaker 1: wasn't feeling that even when I was walking around on

878
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:04,480
Speaker 1: set and you know, my face was on the chairs

879
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:09,400
Speaker 1: everyone are sitting on, like I wouldn't. I wasn't allowing

880
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:12,839
Speaker 1: myself to feel ownership. And I think a part of

881
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 1: that is because I've been on jobs where I had

882
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:20,000
Speaker 1: seen then I hate the concept of the number one,

883
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:23,759
Speaker 1: and I still do, and I I went into that

884
00:54:23,840 --> 00:54:27,440
Speaker 1: job knowing, Okay, well, it's funny, because that was a

885
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:30,000
Speaker 1: weight I felt immediately, and I that was something that

886
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 1: I was very cognizant of, not any of the broader

887
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 1: scheme issues around the show, but what I've keenly felt

888
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:40,319
Speaker 1: was I really want to be a team player and

889
00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: I don't want to be the number one that people

890
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 1: don't like. That is difficult, and I think it wasn't

891
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 1: until season four when I had a specific conversation with

892
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:57,480
Speaker 1: Greg where he was like, you know, you own a

893
00:54:57,520 --> 00:54:59,840
Speaker 1: part of like you have ownership and stake in this,

894
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:04,520
Speaker 1: and this is yours. So I feel that and take

895
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 1: pride in that, and you have to tell people what

896
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:12,279
Speaker 1: you want and I I'm still working on that. And

897
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:15,960
Speaker 1: also I do think it was seeing the effect on

898
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:21,640
Speaker 1: young women and young girls and families. I'm really shy

899
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:25,439
Speaker 1: when it comes to being myself in public, so I'm

900
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 1: not great at social media and sharing, like the personal

901
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:33,879
Speaker 1: parts of things doesn't come naturally to me. And being

902
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:38,680
Speaker 1: myself and seeing um the way young women and girls

903
00:55:38,719 --> 00:55:42,080
Speaker 1: would respond to reactor to certain stories. I would hear

904
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:47,840
Speaker 1: those added up, and I think eventually somehow cracked into

905
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:52,880
Speaker 1: my my fixed goal, and I was like, oh, yeah,

906
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:55,839
Speaker 1: this is pretty cool what it's doing and what it's done.

907
00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:59,080
Speaker 1: And I think also in five years time, I'll be

908
00:55:59,120 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 1: able to speak a little more to it, because I

909
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:06,560
Speaker 1: do think I'm still processing this massive chunk of my wife.

910
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:10,360
Speaker 1: But it's crazy, and I imagine, especially in this moment

911
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:14,960
Speaker 1: as you are closing that chapter after six years of

912
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:19,560
Speaker 1: your life, you know, it's I remember when we wrapped

913
00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:22,239
Speaker 1: One Tree Hill and we were all really ready, you know,

914
00:56:22,280 --> 00:56:24,040
Speaker 1: we thought season eight was going to be it. We

915
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 1: were like, we're done, and then they wanted us to

916
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:30,160
Speaker 1: come back for this, you know, final thirteen, and yeah, okay, great,

917
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:32,200
Speaker 1: we can do like a we can do a couple

918
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:34,440
Speaker 1: more together and then I'll be done by Thanksgiving and

919
00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 1: then be free for pilot season. Okay for the first

920
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:41,399
Speaker 1: time in a decade, my god, you know. And that

921
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:47,279
Speaker 1: was terrifying, and I mean we were ready to finish.

922
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:50,360
Speaker 1: And for the last two weeks, I walked around on

923
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 1: set sobbing all day every day. Every person I looked

924
00:56:54,520 --> 00:56:58,120
Speaker 1: at I'd burst into tears. I'd like look at Matt,

925
00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:00,879
Speaker 1: my steady cam operator, and just start weeping, and he'd

926
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:03,360
Speaker 1: start crying and we'd be hugging, like under the stead camera.

927
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:08,320
Speaker 1: I did an entire scene in one of our finale

928
00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 1: episodes as improv because I couldn't stop crying and the

929
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:14,400
Speaker 1: cameras were rolling and I just started talking and then realized,

930
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:16,800
Speaker 1: oh this is they like, what's happening? So I'm going

931
00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:20,040
Speaker 1: to speak as my character now, like and it's in

932
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:25,120
Speaker 1: the episode I was. I was an inconsolable wreck, even

933
00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 1: though I was so ready for something new, and it's

934
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:33,320
Speaker 1: again the both and it's so complicated. I really, I

935
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:38,520
Speaker 1: really feel for you in this strange moment. How long

936
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:42,320
Speaker 1: has it been since you wrapped? Uh? We wrapped in

937
00:57:42,560 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 1: um August the beginning of August. Wow, it's fresh, it's

938
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:49,640
Speaker 1: really fresh. And I had a similar Gosh, the last

939
00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:53,480
Speaker 1: two weeks of shooting our last episode were like, I

940
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:56,440
Speaker 1: don't I don't think I felt those levels of stress

941
00:57:56,600 --> 00:58:03,200
Speaker 1: before anything, Like it was so stressful, an emotional and confusing,

942
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:09,120
Speaker 1: and there were moments that just felt so incredible and right,

943
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:11,240
Speaker 1: and then moments where I was like, oh, this is

944
00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:15,240
Speaker 1: why I have to be done. It was like six

945
00:58:15,320 --> 00:58:20,040
Speaker 1: years wrapped into two weeks. Like this condensed version of it.

946
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:25,000
Speaker 1: It just like kind of inexplicable what it felt like

947
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:29,440
Speaker 1: and what you've been like six years is not nine

948
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:32,960
Speaker 1: but it's it's a long time. It's a long time,

949
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:38,320
Speaker 1: and it's a long it's just long hours with people

950
00:58:38,560 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 1: and the people that you don't expect to make really

951
00:58:43,360 --> 00:58:48,280
Speaker 1: tight relationships with, not just the cast. And I'm going

952
00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:51,920
Speaker 1: to miss a lot of them, yeah, so much. I'm

953
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 1: sure you missed some of them. Still, Oh yeah, I

954
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:57,919
Speaker 1: mean I will say, you know, you know, being being

955
00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:00,440
Speaker 1: in a cast can really be like being in a

956
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:02,920
Speaker 1: family where you fight like cats and dogs and you

957
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:06,120
Speaker 1: love each other really fiercely and all the things. But yeah,

958
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:10,800
Speaker 1: the friendships that people people the internet, you know, the

959
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:14,400
Speaker 1: fans don't know about. I'm so close to my camera departments,

960
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:19,120
Speaker 1: you know, my wardrobe department. I mean my girlfriend Jane,

961
00:59:19,320 --> 00:59:22,080
Speaker 1: one of my very best friends from North Carolina, one

962
00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:24,760
Speaker 1: of the most important people who impacted my life in

963
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 1: the realist way. My my camera department from Chicago, And

964
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:31,600
Speaker 1: that was a job I needed to be done with.

965
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,320
Speaker 1: I talked to those guys all the time. My focus

966
00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:37,280
Speaker 1: puller Dawn came over and helped me plant my hobby orchard.

967
00:59:37,880 --> 00:59:41,040
Speaker 1: My my two camera operators Seth and Will I talked

968
00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:44,920
Speaker 1: to all the time. You know, we have like this

969
00:59:45,000 --> 00:59:47,320
Speaker 1: little text thread of just me and the boys, and

970
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:50,600
Speaker 1: it's like those are my humans, you know, they're like

971
00:59:50,680 --> 00:59:56,480
Speaker 1: my big brothers. And it it's such a gift. All

972
00:59:56,520 --> 01:00:01,080
Speaker 1: of those memories got my sound operator on one tree home,

973
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:04,680
Speaker 1: Mike rail I babysat his daughter from the time that

974
01:00:04,720 --> 01:00:08,000
Speaker 1: she was an infant and like she's a teenager. What

975
01:00:08,040 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 1: does that mean? You know? So I just cherish all

976
01:00:13,120 --> 01:00:16,240
Speaker 1: of all of that stuff, the scene and the unseen.

977
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:22,080
Speaker 1: That goes into what has your process looked like, you know,

978
01:00:22,400 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 1: getting home wrapping your show? Did you guys have a

979
01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:28,640
Speaker 1: big party? Have you come home and gone through photos?

980
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:30,720
Speaker 1: Do you need space from it for a few months

981
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:32,600
Speaker 1: before you can look back? You know, where where do

982
01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:37,560
Speaker 1: you find yourself? I mean now also, and I'm sure

983
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:39,480
Speaker 1: you dealt with this too, because you were in Wilmington's.

984
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:43,440
Speaker 1: We had to move. Yeah, I mean it was a

985
01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:46,840
Speaker 1: move and and an international one because we were in Canada,

986
01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:50,240
Speaker 1: which you know, as as close as it is as

987
01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:53,880
Speaker 1: similar as Canadians are too Americans. It is it's a

988
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:57,440
Speaker 1: big thing. It's a big move. So my husband and

989
01:00:57,480 --> 01:00:59,480
Speaker 1: I had to pack up this apartment that we've been

990
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 1: living in for years and sells like I feel like

991
01:01:02,840 --> 01:01:07,160
Speaker 1: I haven't stopped for three months. And we had, of course,

992
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:09,760
Speaker 1: like on the horizon before I finished, I was like,

993
01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:12,040
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't wait to just be to

994
01:01:12,160 --> 01:01:16,520
Speaker 1: just be Melissa, to be a mom, to not have

995
01:01:16,680 --> 01:01:20,800
Speaker 1: to work these hours or have a call time. But

996
01:01:20,920 --> 01:01:24,000
Speaker 1: I haven't really stopped. So where I'm finding myself now

997
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:28,680
Speaker 1: is I just unpacked everything and like melded these two households,

998
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:34,080
Speaker 1: and now we've got family visiting because also, mind you,

999
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,640
Speaker 1: it's the pandemic, So I have family who haven't met

1000
01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:40,000
Speaker 1: my son yet and it's been two years since I've

1001
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:44,200
Speaker 1: seen them. So now we've got this like revolving door

1002
01:01:44,240 --> 01:01:48,320
Speaker 1: of guests staying in our house, which is wonderful and

1003
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:53,600
Speaker 1: so nourishing, but we're exhausted, um in the best way.

1004
01:01:54,200 --> 01:01:57,160
Speaker 1: So I think where I'm finding myself now is really

1005
01:01:57,800 --> 01:02:00,000
Speaker 1: only just starting to feel like my head is coming

1006
01:02:00,040 --> 01:02:03,560
Speaker 1: above water and finding some clarity as to what I

1007
01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:07,000
Speaker 1: want to do with my life almost like paving this

1008
01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:11,920
Speaker 1: new launching pad, so to speak, and kind of creating

1009
01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:16,160
Speaker 1: that with my husband as a partner. And I've so

1010
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:19,280
Speaker 1: been struggling and only just feel like I'm this is

1011
01:02:19,280 --> 01:02:24,320
Speaker 1: a skill I'm like learning is presence and doing that

1012
01:02:24,400 --> 01:02:28,680
Speaker 1: with my son and having moments hours during the day

1013
01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:33,360
Speaker 1: where I'm not near my phone, just like watching him

1014
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:36,840
Speaker 1: become the little human that he is. And I didn't

1015
01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:38,840
Speaker 1: realize how hard that was going to be, because, like

1016
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:42,280
Speaker 1: you said, you just are so used to being productive

1017
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:46,960
Speaker 1: so often and for so many hours during the day

1018
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:51,720
Speaker 1: that it's been a challenge for me to learn how

1019
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:56,880
Speaker 1: to just sit and exist with what's around me in

1020
01:02:56,920 --> 01:03:01,080
Speaker 1: that moment. It's crazy how much easier said than done

1021
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:07,000
Speaker 1: that is. Especially with the moving. It hit me when

1022
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:10,080
Speaker 1: I was living in Wilmington's that it's a very strange.

1023
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:12,520
Speaker 1: It's kind of like a tension wire because it's a

1024
01:03:12,640 --> 01:03:17,840
Speaker 1: temporary permanence. Yes, you're there, never a comfortable but you

1025
01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:20,680
Speaker 1: never know when it's going to end, and you know

1026
01:03:20,760 --> 01:03:24,120
Speaker 1: it's not where you really live. It never feels like home.

1027
01:03:24,440 --> 01:03:29,680
Speaker 1: It's very very strange and tricky. HM and so God,

1028
01:03:29,760 --> 01:03:32,520
Speaker 1: the constant moving at the beginning and the end of

1029
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:35,040
Speaker 1: every season, and the unpacking and the way you forgot

1030
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:40,040
Speaker 1: and to get home and actually have to condense and edit,

1031
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:42,560
Speaker 1: and it's a big it's actually a really big job.

1032
01:03:43,040 --> 01:03:46,160
Speaker 1: When you think about putting your roots down and taking

1033
01:03:46,160 --> 01:03:49,040
Speaker 1: a moment to be in your life and your marriage

1034
01:03:49,080 --> 01:03:53,880
Speaker 1: and your baby and all of this, do you feel

1035
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 1: like you'll create a container for that or do you

1036
01:03:58,440 --> 01:04:01,720
Speaker 1: feel like there's already so many questions coming from people saying, well,

1037
01:04:01,760 --> 01:04:03,200
Speaker 1: what are you gonna do next? And will you ever

1038
01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:06,720
Speaker 1: revisit Karadan version? Would you even want to? And like,

1039
01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:11,120
Speaker 1: are you getting all those questions now? Yes, of course,

1040
01:04:11,360 --> 01:04:15,080
Speaker 1: And I'm getting the I definitely feel the pressure to

1041
01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:18,120
Speaker 1: already jump into something new, and for the first time

1042
01:04:18,160 --> 01:04:20,840
Speaker 1: in my life and my professional life of court, like

1043
01:04:21,960 --> 01:04:24,640
Speaker 1: I feel for the first time like I don't have

1044
01:04:24,720 --> 01:04:31,400
Speaker 1: to do anything. Part of that is just the insane luck,

1045
01:04:31,440 --> 01:04:34,320
Speaker 1: and I have so much gratitude that I the show

1046
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:36,760
Speaker 1: allows me to be financially secure enough that I don't

1047
01:04:36,760 --> 01:04:38,960
Speaker 1: have to look for work right away, which I understand

1048
01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:42,760
Speaker 1: how lucky I am for that, But I also just

1049
01:04:43,000 --> 01:04:47,800
Speaker 1: don't feel that insatiable like I gotta be working. I

1050
01:04:47,840 --> 01:04:50,080
Speaker 1: gotta be working for the first time ever, and that's

1051
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:54,200
Speaker 1: really foreign. But I do think, um, yeah, I'm getting

1052
01:04:54,200 --> 01:04:57,880
Speaker 1: all those questions and right now I'm doing this and

1053
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:01,360
Speaker 1: I'm saying, just whole to beat because truth be told,

1054
01:05:02,240 --> 01:05:06,040
Speaker 1: I've been depressed in the last month and a half,

1055
01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:10,400
Speaker 1: really since I got home, and I'm still you know,

1056
01:05:10,520 --> 01:05:16,360
Speaker 1: figuring out what or why if there is a why,

1057
01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:22,160
Speaker 1: and feeling all of the things and talking about it

1058
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:26,919
Speaker 1: when I can or want to. And so that's why

1059
01:05:26,960 --> 01:05:29,880
Speaker 1: I think I'm really just protecting. It's a lot of

1060
01:05:29,880 --> 01:05:32,840
Speaker 1: self preservation right now. And that's also hard for a

1061
01:05:32,920 --> 01:05:37,120
Speaker 1: thing for me to do, to say no, So it's

1062
01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:41,880
Speaker 1: a skill i'm learning. Yeah, it's really tough, and it

1063
01:05:42,040 --> 01:05:47,120
Speaker 1: fascinates me, especially when women in our industry have kids,

1064
01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:51,320
Speaker 1: because I've spoken to a number of friends who have said, oh,

1065
01:05:51,360 --> 01:05:53,840
Speaker 1: the thing I always needed to learn for myself, which

1066
01:05:53,880 --> 01:05:56,120
Speaker 1: was to say, now, my kid motivated me to do

1067
01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:59,600
Speaker 1: completely because all of a sudden, you know, when you're

1068
01:05:59,640 --> 01:06:01,680
Speaker 1: so used to showing up and being good and doing

1069
01:06:01,680 --> 01:06:03,320
Speaker 1: the thing and working even if you're sick and all,

1070
01:06:04,720 --> 01:06:06,800
Speaker 1: what that really is is that you show up for

1071
01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:09,720
Speaker 1: other people no matter what. And so when you're showing

1072
01:06:09,800 --> 01:06:12,439
Speaker 1: up for a baby. You're like, oh, no, we don't

1073
01:06:12,480 --> 01:06:15,480
Speaker 1: do this for the baby. And then suddenly I had

1074
01:06:15,520 --> 01:06:17,320
Speaker 1: this realization with a friend of mine's son. When he

1075
01:06:17,360 --> 01:06:20,000
Speaker 1: was born, he was in my arms, he was five

1076
01:06:20,040 --> 01:06:22,480
Speaker 1: days old, and I just thought, oh, I would never

1077
01:06:22,640 --> 01:06:26,680
Speaker 1: let someone overwork this baby, or not let him sleep,

1078
01:06:26,880 --> 01:06:29,120
Speaker 1: or like, what are we all doing? I'll sleep when

1079
01:06:29,160 --> 01:06:30,960
Speaker 1: I'm dead, Like I'm taking a red eye. I was

1080
01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:32,720
Speaker 1: like what It changed my whole life. I was like,

1081
01:06:32,760 --> 01:06:35,360
Speaker 1: what's happening? And it shook me because I thought, what's

1082
01:06:35,360 --> 01:06:37,160
Speaker 1: going to happen when I have my own kid. This

1083
01:06:37,200 --> 01:06:38,760
Speaker 1: isn't even my kid, this is just one of my

1084
01:06:38,800 --> 01:06:44,640
Speaker 1: best friend's kids. I wonder does being a mom? Is

1085
01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:48,960
Speaker 1: it sort of teaching you to set better boundaries for

1086
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:54,880
Speaker 1: yourself as an individual? Yes, and it's not just to

1087
01:06:55,360 --> 01:06:58,680
Speaker 1: protect myself, but it's also because I don't want to

1088
01:06:58,800 --> 01:07:05,080
Speaker 1: miss a single moment with him because he's he's so

1089
01:07:05,480 --> 01:07:10,840
Speaker 1: wonderful and he's like my little best friend. And like

1090
01:07:10,920 --> 01:07:14,440
Speaker 1: I was even having panic attacks on set in this

1091
01:07:14,520 --> 01:07:17,880
Speaker 1: last season because once he started becoming more mobile and

1092
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:21,160
Speaker 1: crawling and he was looking like he was about to

1093
01:07:21,280 --> 01:07:24,120
Speaker 1: start walking in the last month of the show, and

1094
01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:27,520
Speaker 1: I was freaking out on set, like what if I'm

1095
01:07:27,560 --> 01:07:31,640
Speaker 1: not there? What if I miss his first steps? And

1096
01:07:31,680 --> 01:07:34,080
Speaker 1: I a lot of that is baggage from my childhood

1097
01:07:34,080 --> 01:07:37,960
Speaker 1: because my dad was absent and it really affected me,

1098
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:41,600
Speaker 1: and my mom was always there and was like this

1099
01:07:41,720 --> 01:07:47,840
Speaker 1: constant northern star, and I just that was something that

1100
01:07:48,040 --> 01:07:50,920
Speaker 1: is really driving me now, like I want him to

1101
01:07:51,080 --> 01:07:56,640
Speaker 1: feel that constant love and presence, and now I know

1102
01:07:56,800 --> 01:08:00,440
Speaker 1: that that's sometimes not possible and sometimes I can be

1103
01:08:00,480 --> 01:08:03,160
Speaker 1: away from him, but yeah, that's a it's a really

1104
01:08:03,160 --> 01:08:08,120
Speaker 1: big driving force and to protect myself for sure, and

1105
01:08:08,520 --> 01:08:12,280
Speaker 1: boundaries become much easier to set. That's great. Look, I

1106
01:08:12,320 --> 01:08:14,280
Speaker 1: think you get I think you get to do what

1107
01:08:14,320 --> 01:08:17,280
Speaker 1: you feel you want to be there for all these

1108
01:08:17,479 --> 01:08:21,479
Speaker 1: squishy little moments right now. Great, And when you're ready

1109
01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:23,920
Speaker 1: to be on your next thing, then he gets to

1110
01:08:23,920 --> 01:08:27,439
Speaker 1: watch his mom be a badass. Yeah, and that's all great.

1111
01:08:28,439 --> 01:08:33,479
Speaker 1: It's all really really phenomenal. And I I think it's

1112
01:08:34,080 --> 01:08:36,040
Speaker 1: a beautiful moment you're in, and I think it's a

1113
01:08:36,040 --> 01:08:39,400
Speaker 1: beautiful example you're going to set. And I think you know,

1114
01:08:39,439 --> 01:08:41,680
Speaker 1: and you touched on this earlier. I think it is

1115
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:46,240
Speaker 1: so amazing. It's it's a thing that's really nice to

1116
01:08:46,320 --> 01:08:51,320
Speaker 1: witness for you, especially because you've talked about the fact

1117
01:08:51,400 --> 01:08:54,560
Speaker 1: that in your younger life you were in an abusive relationship,

1118
01:08:55,920 --> 01:09:01,160
Speaker 1: and I think that you're honesty about that, and also

1119
01:09:02,000 --> 01:09:05,519
Speaker 1: you're existing in this really joyous place you're in now

1120
01:09:06,600 --> 01:09:10,679
Speaker 1: will set layers of examples and give layers of hope

1121
01:09:10,720 --> 01:09:15,160
Speaker 1: to other women and other people who find themselves in

1122
01:09:15,280 --> 01:09:19,160
Speaker 1: the various stages of a similar journey. I hope so,

1123
01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:22,360
Speaker 1: I hope it does. Was it hard to share that

1124
01:09:22,439 --> 01:09:26,479
Speaker 1: with people? I always wonder, because it's it's everyone's like,

1125
01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:29,920
Speaker 1: it's everyone's timeline. Whatever you're a survivor of, whether it's

1126
01:09:29,960 --> 01:09:32,759
Speaker 1: domestic violence or sexual assault or harassment in the workplace,

1127
01:09:33,920 --> 01:09:37,000
Speaker 1: you get to decide when you feel ready to share

1128
01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:42,040
Speaker 1: your story. And I wonder what what prompted you to

1129
01:09:42,200 --> 01:09:46,040
Speaker 1: share yours. I think that I sort of always knew

1130
01:09:46,240 --> 01:09:50,799
Speaker 1: I was going to the second I found the strength

1131
01:09:50,840 --> 01:09:53,920
Speaker 1: to leave finding that strength, it was an amalgamation of

1132
01:09:53,960 --> 01:09:56,320
Speaker 1: a million different things. It wasn't just, of course, it

1133
01:09:56,439 --> 01:09:58,600
Speaker 1: was being making the decision I had to be the

1134
01:09:58,640 --> 01:10:02,559
Speaker 1: one to do that. It so many things I think

1135
01:10:02,640 --> 01:10:06,160
Speaker 1: had aligned and in that point of time in my life.

1136
01:10:06,200 --> 01:10:10,360
Speaker 1: That were the breeding grounds to me finding the strength.

1137
01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:13,720
Speaker 1: And you know, I think all the time about these

1138
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:17,559
Speaker 1: sliding doors, alternate realities of what would have happened if

1139
01:10:17,600 --> 01:10:20,880
Speaker 1: one specific thing were not the way it was at

1140
01:10:20,880 --> 01:10:22,679
Speaker 1: that time in my life, Like would I have left

1141
01:10:22,720 --> 01:10:25,360
Speaker 1: when I did, or would I still be with him

1142
01:10:25,439 --> 01:10:28,600
Speaker 1: God forbid? And I don't think that I would have.

1143
01:10:28,880 --> 01:10:32,519
Speaker 1: I think I ultimately would have always gotten out. But

1144
01:10:34,160 --> 01:10:36,120
Speaker 1: I think I always knew that I wanted to talk

1145
01:10:36,160 --> 01:10:41,000
Speaker 1: about it because I was already on Supergirl and I

1146
01:10:41,040 --> 01:10:45,280
Speaker 1: knew I had a platform. And I think the real

1147
01:10:46,760 --> 01:10:49,639
Speaker 1: root of it is that I always felt a little

1148
01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:53,960
Speaker 1: hypocritical that I was playing this character who was made

1149
01:10:53,960 --> 01:10:57,120
Speaker 1: of steel, who is the strongest woman in the world,

1150
01:10:58,400 --> 01:11:02,479
Speaker 1: and I wasn't doing that in my own life, And

1151
01:11:02,600 --> 01:11:09,400
Speaker 1: I think that really uh when I when I left him.

1152
01:11:10,120 --> 01:11:12,840
Speaker 1: I feel so cheesy to say, but I do think

1153
01:11:12,880 --> 01:11:16,120
Speaker 1: that playing the character I was playing really helped me

1154
01:11:16,240 --> 01:11:22,439
Speaker 1: feel or encouraged me to to live that two take

1155
01:11:22,439 --> 01:11:25,000
Speaker 1: a cue from what I was doing, what I was

1156
01:11:25,040 --> 01:11:28,800
Speaker 1: pretending to do on a day to day basis at work. Yeah,

1157
01:11:29,200 --> 01:11:31,760
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I do think I always knew

1158
01:11:31,760 --> 01:11:35,400
Speaker 1: I was going to talk about it, and I was angry.

1159
01:11:36,320 --> 01:11:39,800
Speaker 1: It was really mad. So a part of it did

1160
01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:45,599
Speaker 1: come from wanting accountability and wanting someone that I felt

1161
01:11:45,680 --> 01:11:50,320
Speaker 1: like had not faced any too to feel that, because

1162
01:11:50,400 --> 01:11:54,080
Speaker 1: I certainly never while I was with him, and even

1163
01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:56,920
Speaker 1: in the first couple of years after I had left,

1164
01:11:58,439 --> 01:12:03,360
Speaker 1: he didn't face any accoun ability m hm. So a

1165
01:12:03,360 --> 01:12:06,080
Speaker 1: lot of it was fueled by anger. Yeah, I think

1166
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:10,040
Speaker 1: that's a really hard thing when when you've been through

1167
01:12:10,360 --> 01:12:13,800
Speaker 1: something like this, the lack of accountability, which we know

1168
01:12:13,920 --> 01:12:18,040
Speaker 1: to permeate every virtually every one of these types of

1169
01:12:18,080 --> 01:12:21,880
Speaker 1: situations is so it is it's infuriating. I still carry

1170
01:12:21,920 --> 01:12:24,840
Speaker 1: some real anger about that in my own and it

1171
01:12:24,960 --> 01:12:30,559
Speaker 1: is it is really really hard, And I think figuring

1172
01:12:30,600 --> 01:12:36,320
Speaker 1: out how how to throw down whatever gauntlet you need

1173
01:12:36,360 --> 01:12:39,360
Speaker 1: to so that you can move on is so important

1174
01:12:39,360 --> 01:12:43,200
Speaker 1: And I really admire that you chose to do that,

1175
01:12:43,800 --> 01:12:46,920
Speaker 1: because I really do think it it gave a lot

1176
01:12:46,960 --> 01:12:48,960
Speaker 1: of strength to a lot of people who you don't

1177
01:12:48,960 --> 01:12:53,920
Speaker 1: even know, And that was I always an intellectually knew

1178
01:12:53,960 --> 01:12:56,880
Speaker 1: that concept like and that was also a huge part

1179
01:12:56,880 --> 01:12:59,680
Speaker 1: of the reason why I wanted to do it. In

1180
01:12:59,720 --> 01:13:04,519
Speaker 1: such a public way was because I knew that if

1181
01:13:04,560 --> 01:13:09,400
Speaker 1: women saw like I was saying, this woman who was

1182
01:13:09,439 --> 01:13:13,080
Speaker 1: playing the strongest woman on earth, and saw that sheet

1183
01:13:13,120 --> 01:13:17,080
Speaker 1: what I was actually going through while doing that, I

1184
01:13:17,520 --> 01:13:21,920
Speaker 1: just hoped that women in my situation, in similar situations,

1185
01:13:22,479 --> 01:13:25,400
Speaker 1: would be able to see that it could happen to anyone,

1186
01:13:26,439 --> 01:13:29,519
Speaker 1: because I never expected it would happen to me. I

1187
01:13:29,560 --> 01:13:33,639
Speaker 1: don't think any of us do. But when you fast

1188
01:13:33,680 --> 01:13:42,800
Speaker 1: forward and and you're in this wonderful relationship, you're very

1189
01:13:42,880 --> 01:13:47,240
Speaker 1: happily married, Chris is a wonderful husband. You your your

1190
01:13:47,320 --> 01:13:51,840
Speaker 1: beaming when you talk about your son. I wonder if,

1191
01:13:52,960 --> 01:13:56,880
Speaker 1: knowing what little I know about Chris and his organization

1192
01:13:57,000 --> 01:14:00,360
Speaker 1: and his advocacy about mental health and his his organization

1193
01:14:00,520 --> 01:14:03,760
Speaker 1: um for everyone listening is called I don't mind. Do

1194
01:14:03,840 --> 01:14:08,240
Speaker 1: you think that somehow, whatever it is, including this experience

1195
01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:11,920
Speaker 1: of yours that shaped you both, what brought you together

1196
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:14,639
Speaker 1: to connect on that deeper level to do that kind

1197
01:14:14,640 --> 01:14:20,640
Speaker 1: of advocacy, work together to to continue to destigmatize conversations

1198
01:14:20,640 --> 01:14:28,479
Speaker 1: around surviving these sorts of things and mental health in general. Yeah, yeah,

1199
01:14:28,680 --> 01:14:32,719
Speaker 1: I definitely do. And and his experience too, he lost

1200
01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:37,960
Speaker 1: family member because of mental health. Um, his dad had

1201
01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:41,160
Speaker 1: like a psychotic break and then died of a heart

1202
01:14:41,160 --> 01:14:45,320
Speaker 1: attack because of it, and so he's very affected by that.

1203
01:14:45,400 --> 01:14:49,120
Speaker 1: And then yes, I think my experience has absolutely informed

1204
01:14:50,560 --> 01:14:55,439
Speaker 1: my experience and how my and my healing journey has

1205
01:14:55,520 --> 01:14:58,519
Speaker 1: informed how the two of us being able to work

1206
01:14:58,520 --> 01:15:02,480
Speaker 1: on this and be advocates for or mental health and desigmatizing,

1207
01:15:02,600 --> 01:15:05,320
Speaker 1: especially especially in young people, because I feel like if

1208
01:15:05,320 --> 01:15:08,280
Speaker 1: we get young people talking about it, it might prevent

1209
01:15:08,400 --> 01:15:14,839
Speaker 1: certain things from happening later on, not just big terrible

1210
01:15:14,880 --> 01:15:19,560
Speaker 1: things like suicide, but getting in toxic relationships and recognizing

1211
01:15:19,600 --> 01:15:24,880
Speaker 1: when you're being manipulated or are abused emotionally and if

1212
01:15:24,880 --> 01:15:30,479
Speaker 1: it's not physically, or just being in tune with and

1213
01:15:30,560 --> 01:15:35,200
Speaker 1: taking care of your mind is really powerful and goes

1214
01:15:35,240 --> 01:15:38,479
Speaker 1: a long way. Um, So yeah, I do think. And

1215
01:15:38,880 --> 01:15:40,880
Speaker 1: Chris and I met at the perfect time, Like you

1216
01:15:40,920 --> 01:15:44,200
Speaker 1: were saying, I think with your fiance, I think every

1217
01:15:44,240 --> 01:15:46,920
Speaker 1: experience that both of us have had up to the

1218
01:15:46,960 --> 01:15:50,400
Speaker 1: point of meeting each other everything happened for a reason.

1219
01:15:50,439 --> 01:15:52,519
Speaker 1: And I and I know don't normally say that, but

1220
01:15:52,600 --> 01:15:55,320
Speaker 1: we we've met each other at the perfect time in

1221
01:15:55,320 --> 01:16:01,200
Speaker 1: our lives. And he was so supportive and held like

1222
01:16:01,320 --> 01:16:06,240
Speaker 1: a huge amount of space for my healing journey, And yeah,

1223
01:16:06,280 --> 01:16:10,679
Speaker 1: I wonder about that. Was it strange to start dating again. Yeah,

1224
01:16:10,680 --> 01:16:14,120
Speaker 1: and it was tough. It was. I would get triggered

1225
01:16:14,240 --> 01:16:17,960
Speaker 1: really easily by the smallest thing. Any time I ever

1226
01:16:18,040 --> 01:16:20,599
Speaker 1: felt an inkling of like feeling like I was going

1227
01:16:20,600 --> 01:16:22,599
Speaker 1: to be controlled or someone was telling me what to do,

1228
01:16:24,600 --> 01:16:28,519
Speaker 1: immediately I was like, well, I know, I'm my own person. Stopped.

1229
01:16:29,320 --> 01:16:32,360
Speaker 1: And I was so guarded, And I struggled a lot

1230
01:16:32,400 --> 01:16:37,320
Speaker 1: with honesty because I was hiding so much for so

1231
01:16:37,360 --> 01:16:41,280
Speaker 1: long and had become so accustomed to lying that I

1232
01:16:41,320 --> 01:16:45,400
Speaker 1: was lying about the stupidest things because I was afraid

1233
01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:49,000
Speaker 1: of someone's reaction to the truth. So that was a

1234
01:16:49,000 --> 01:16:51,080
Speaker 1: lot of work I had to I had to do

1235
01:16:51,120 --> 01:16:54,040
Speaker 1: a lot of work with that. But I will STARTEUM

1236
01:16:54,360 --> 01:16:58,760
Speaker 1: therapy is saving my life and I did UM. I

1237
01:16:58,760 --> 01:17:01,280
Speaker 1: always mix up the letter E D M R. Is

1238
01:17:01,280 --> 01:17:07,360
Speaker 1: that E M have incredible amazing Like I don't think

1239
01:17:07,520 --> 01:17:12,280
Speaker 1: I would have made it out alive without it. It

1240
01:17:12,400 --> 01:17:17,480
Speaker 1: saved me. So that was really impactful. Just the resources

1241
01:17:17,520 --> 01:17:20,200
Speaker 1: that are there when you look for them are so valuable.

1242
01:17:20,320 --> 01:17:23,400
Speaker 1: And but dating, Yeah, to answer your question. It was

1243
01:17:23,439 --> 01:17:26,519
Speaker 1: really hard. And I'm so lucky that Chris is who

1244
01:17:26,560 --> 01:17:30,040
Speaker 1: he is and was so compassionate and held so much

1245
01:17:30,040 --> 01:17:34,559
Speaker 1: empathy for me and would not match my triggers. He

1246
01:17:34,560 --> 01:17:37,439
Speaker 1: would was always, i don't know how like uncannily, so

1247
01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:40,840
Speaker 1: I would always know when it wasn't me reacting, it

1248
01:17:40,920 --> 01:17:45,800
Speaker 1: was my history. And he just was so calm and

1249
01:17:46,240 --> 01:17:50,200
Speaker 1: patient and loving. And I wish that for every single woman.

1250
01:17:50,320 --> 01:17:54,599
Speaker 1: I am so lucky to have found that love, and

1251
01:17:54,760 --> 01:17:57,120
Speaker 1: anyone who's ever felt the way that I did and

1252
01:17:57,160 --> 01:18:01,600
Speaker 1: my abusive relationship, I just wish that of love for them,

1253
01:18:01,600 --> 01:18:05,160
Speaker 1: whether it's for themselves or with another person. I think

1254
01:18:05,200 --> 01:18:09,639
Speaker 1: it's incredibly powerful when you begin to rewrite your story

1255
01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:14,920
Speaker 1: and are lucky enough to meet another person, you know,

1256
01:18:15,000 --> 01:18:18,519
Speaker 1: a platonic friend or romantic partner who aids you in

1257
01:18:18,600 --> 01:18:22,880
Speaker 1: doing that, m who helps, you know, keep the bend

1258
01:18:22,880 --> 01:18:26,479
Speaker 1: moving across the page, yes, and helps you find the

1259
01:18:26,520 --> 01:18:31,400
Speaker 1: best version of yourself totally. And I and you know,

1260
01:18:31,680 --> 01:18:34,120
Speaker 1: someone once said to me once, and I loved this

1261
01:18:34,200 --> 01:18:37,120
Speaker 1: idea because I definitely feel that in times, in the

1262
01:18:37,120 --> 01:18:40,880
Speaker 1: hardest times of your life, that's usually when you feel

1263
01:18:40,920 --> 01:18:46,600
Speaker 1: the most alive because you're so hyper aware of everything.

1264
01:18:47,120 --> 01:18:51,200
Speaker 1: And while the relationship I was in was definitely the

1265
01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:54,040
Speaker 1: darkest time of my life, the hardest time I think

1266
01:18:54,320 --> 01:19:01,040
Speaker 1: was after, just after the act of leaving, and just

1267
01:19:01,160 --> 01:19:05,880
Speaker 1: after when I was finally with myself and reflecting on

1268
01:19:05,920 --> 01:19:10,200
Speaker 1: what had just happened and how I got there, which

1269
01:19:10,240 --> 01:19:15,600
Speaker 1: I'm still decompressing from. I I still don't really understand

1270
01:19:16,600 --> 01:19:19,280
Speaker 1: how I ended up in that place with that person,

1271
01:19:19,600 --> 01:19:22,439
Speaker 1: But when you start, I think I was so alive

1272
01:19:22,520 --> 01:19:27,760
Speaker 1: in that moment and so ready to let Chris in

1273
01:19:28,640 --> 01:19:30,880
Speaker 1: because he was kind of matching that with me, and

1274
01:19:30,920 --> 01:19:34,719
Speaker 1: he was like, yeah, I see you, I see what's happening,

1275
01:19:35,720 --> 01:19:37,920
Speaker 1: and I'm going through my own version of that. It

1276
01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:41,320
Speaker 1: also was we were just madly in love and didn't

1277
01:19:41,360 --> 01:19:44,160
Speaker 1: realize it, but I mean we did, we just weren't

1278
01:19:44,160 --> 01:19:47,559
Speaker 1: telling each other yet. But at that time of my

1279
01:19:47,600 --> 01:19:51,040
Speaker 1: life is I just will never forget it. It's like

1280
01:19:51,080 --> 01:19:56,320
Speaker 1: a visceral feeling. M h And to think about, you know,

1281
01:19:56,360 --> 01:20:00,200
Speaker 1: where it brought you to building a family and just

1282
01:20:00,240 --> 01:20:04,559
Speaker 1: what a beautiful, what a beautiful evolution mm hmm. I

1283
01:20:04,600 --> 01:20:08,799
Speaker 1: wondered too, coming from a family that went through divorce

1284
01:20:09,000 --> 01:20:12,679
Speaker 1: and then leaning into building your own family, and even

1285
01:20:12,680 --> 01:20:15,200
Speaker 1: the way that you you have such deep connections with

1286
01:20:15,240 --> 01:20:17,599
Speaker 1: the rest of your family. I mean, your your sister

1287
01:20:17,760 --> 01:20:22,080
Speaker 1: is student, your writing partner, and I really want to

1288
01:20:22,080 --> 01:20:25,439
Speaker 1: hear about that. I wonder is their work required to

1289
01:20:25,600 --> 01:20:29,920
Speaker 1: say or is it a decision to say, this is

1290
01:20:29,960 --> 01:20:32,080
Speaker 1: my story, this is my version, this is how I'm

1291
01:20:32,080 --> 01:20:35,840
Speaker 1: going to lean into my family. You know, we we

1292
01:20:35,960 --> 01:20:38,760
Speaker 1: get to we get to I mean not to be cheesy,

1293
01:20:38,920 --> 01:20:41,799
Speaker 1: but you know, we get to write our own story

1294
01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:44,240
Speaker 1: metaphorically and in the case of you and your sister

1295
01:20:44,320 --> 01:20:50,800
Speaker 1: literally yeah, when we approached In approaching that, I mean

1296
01:20:51,080 --> 01:20:54,479
Speaker 1: Jessica and my older sister who I wrote the book with,

1297
01:20:54,800 --> 01:20:57,960
Speaker 1: I can only remember her ever writing, and she would

1298
01:20:57,960 --> 01:21:01,040
Speaker 1: have filled those spiral notebooks, those them mow spiral notebooks

1299
01:21:01,040 --> 01:21:06,240
Speaker 1: you always got for school, just fill them with stories

1300
01:21:06,880 --> 01:21:11,000
Speaker 1: and like novels when she was a kid. So when

1301
01:21:11,000 --> 01:21:16,280
Speaker 1: we approached this, I really wanted her to have just

1302
01:21:16,520 --> 01:21:20,759
Speaker 1: the freedom and and I think what it's so exciting

1303
01:21:20,800 --> 01:21:25,320
Speaker 1: about this particular book, and it's a middle grade series

1304
01:21:26,400 --> 01:21:30,000
Speaker 1: about two sisters, and that's always something that fascinates me

1305
01:21:30,120 --> 01:21:36,040
Speaker 1: is our relationship as women and um and young girls too,

1306
01:21:36,080 --> 01:21:38,320
Speaker 1: and I grew up in a household full of girls.

1307
01:21:38,320 --> 01:21:41,679
Speaker 1: It was all girls. Sometimes even the animals where all girls,

1308
01:21:41,760 --> 01:21:46,800
Speaker 1: especially when my dad was gone. And it's so I

1309
01:21:46,880 --> 01:21:50,800
Speaker 1: love that. I love feminine energy, and I love when

1310
01:21:50,840 --> 01:21:55,160
Speaker 1: women come together, and that was something we really cared

1311
01:21:55,200 --> 01:21:59,160
Speaker 1: about expressing. But then also we grew up in a

1312
01:21:59,240 --> 01:22:02,599
Speaker 1: household that, like I told you, was really adamant about

1313
01:22:02,680 --> 01:22:07,479
Speaker 1: nature and conservancy, and we loved natural park national parks,

1314
01:22:07,479 --> 01:22:10,880
Speaker 1: and there was a reverence for nature. And we would

1315
01:22:10,920 --> 01:22:13,160
Speaker 1: go on these long drives with our grandparents through the

1316
01:22:13,200 --> 01:22:17,720
Speaker 1: mountains and my grandpa would be whistling to Mozart and Beethoven,

1317
01:22:17,800 --> 01:22:20,080
Speaker 1: and some of those moments and those memories of just

1318
01:22:20,120 --> 01:22:22,240
Speaker 1: looking out the car window and seeing the mountains and

1319
01:22:22,360 --> 01:22:27,960
Speaker 1: seeing moose and deer and are so vivid and special

1320
01:22:28,000 --> 01:22:31,200
Speaker 1: to me. And we care so much about protecting that

1321
01:22:31,360 --> 01:22:35,160
Speaker 1: and spreading awareness and getting young people to care about it.

1322
01:22:36,200 --> 01:22:38,479
Speaker 1: So that was really the driving force that Jessica and

1323
01:22:38,520 --> 01:22:44,599
Speaker 1: I wanted to convey. And we also just love magic

1324
01:22:45,000 --> 01:22:47,880
Speaker 1: and fantasy and those kinds of things. Have you always

1325
01:22:47,920 --> 01:22:50,639
Speaker 1: been a fan of the genre. Yeah, I mean I

1326
01:22:50,720 --> 01:22:53,639
Speaker 1: was a strange kid who read Lord of the Rings

1327
01:22:53,680 --> 01:22:58,200
Speaker 1: every Christmas and would like put on crazy fluffy socks

1328
01:22:58,240 --> 01:23:02,240
Speaker 1: and like disappear into those books. And I loved Harry Potter.

1329
01:23:03,160 --> 01:23:08,639
Speaker 1: I have like a much broader reading palette now, but yeah,

1330
01:23:08,680 --> 01:23:10,800
Speaker 1: as a kid, it was a lot of fantasy. That's

1331
01:23:10,840 --> 01:23:13,760
Speaker 1: so cool. So how did you guys come up with

1332
01:23:13,800 --> 01:23:16,160
Speaker 1: the idea? And for everyone who's listening and I'm sure

1333
01:23:16,240 --> 01:23:17,920
Speaker 1: dying to know what the book is about, can can

1334
01:23:17,960 --> 01:23:23,040
Speaker 1: you give us a little synopsis? Well, these two sisters

1335
01:23:23,160 --> 01:23:28,439
Speaker 1: on their thirteenth birthday discover that they have powers, um

1336
01:23:28,520 --> 01:23:33,400
Speaker 1: and the powers are sort of linked to the natural world.

1337
01:23:33,800 --> 01:23:35,400
Speaker 1: I don't want to tell you what their powers are

1338
01:23:35,439 --> 01:23:39,040
Speaker 1: because it's really cool and I think that's a big reveal, yes,

1339
01:23:39,479 --> 01:23:42,320
Speaker 1: and their powers that I think everyone would really want

1340
01:23:42,400 --> 01:23:46,600
Speaker 1: to have. UM. So it's really about these uh, and

1341
01:23:46,640 --> 01:23:50,799
Speaker 1: they start to uncover this whole world that they didn't

1342
01:23:50,800 --> 01:23:55,599
Speaker 1: know existed and their mother. Their mother is missing and

1343
01:23:56,040 --> 01:23:58,400
Speaker 1: believed to be dead. So that's the mystery they're trying

1344
01:23:58,439 --> 01:24:03,679
Speaker 1: to solve. And it's a really cool adventure for two

1345
01:24:03,800 --> 01:24:07,479
Speaker 1: young sisters. I love that. Do you guys think that

1346
01:24:07,520 --> 01:24:12,280
Speaker 1: you'll do more? I hope, so, I hope, So I think, um,

1347
01:24:12,439 --> 01:24:15,920
Speaker 1: we'll definitely do a sequel, and um, we'll see if

1348
01:24:16,040 --> 01:24:18,920
Speaker 1: if people like it. Did the adventure of writing this

1349
01:24:19,080 --> 01:24:22,840
Speaker 1: book with her make you want to write more, whether

1350
01:24:22,880 --> 01:24:27,320
Speaker 1: it's uh, you know, past the sequel, or even to

1351
01:24:27,520 --> 01:24:31,080
Speaker 1: take a stab at something solo. Oh gosh, I don't know.

1352
01:24:31,760 --> 01:24:36,360
Speaker 1: I don't know. I haven't thought about it. Possibly. I mean,

1353
01:24:36,360 --> 01:24:40,280
Speaker 1: I'm a big journal er and I love I love that,

1354
01:24:40,439 --> 01:24:44,160
Speaker 1: but I'm not so sure that creative writing is truly

1355
01:24:44,280 --> 01:24:49,519
Speaker 1: my strength. But you know, maybe I've always wanted to

1356
01:24:49,520 --> 01:24:53,120
Speaker 1: be a journal er. It's still on my goals list.

1357
01:24:53,240 --> 01:24:56,519
Speaker 1: It's it's not something I've quite mastered yet, but i'd

1358
01:24:56,560 --> 01:25:00,680
Speaker 1: like to. It's hard to keep up, yeah, yeah, And

1359
01:25:00,760 --> 01:25:03,200
Speaker 1: I will go through our laps and I'll go through

1360
01:25:03,400 --> 01:25:05,840
Speaker 1: months where I don't, but then some sometimes I'll just

1361
01:25:05,880 --> 01:25:08,160
Speaker 1: pick up a pen and there's just something so wonderful

1362
01:25:08,160 --> 01:25:12,519
Speaker 1: about writing on paper, and it really helps in my

1363
01:25:12,560 --> 01:25:16,960
Speaker 1: mind kind of declutter. I love that. I love that,

1364
01:25:17,439 --> 01:25:21,680
Speaker 1: especially in a moment like you said, where you find yourself,

1365
01:25:22,120 --> 01:25:25,240
Speaker 1: you know, after this big chunk of years of your

1366
01:25:25,280 --> 01:25:28,000
Speaker 1: life have wrapped up, and your baby just turned one,

1367
01:25:28,160 --> 01:25:31,960
Speaker 1: and it feels like a moment that deserves sort of

1368
01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:37,880
Speaker 1: stillness and curiosity. I feel like a blank page is

1369
01:25:37,920 --> 01:25:41,320
Speaker 1: a nice place to go for that that's actually really

1370
01:25:41,360 --> 01:25:44,200
Speaker 1: inspiring to hear, and I hadn't thought of it that way. Um.

1371
01:25:44,240 --> 01:25:47,040
Speaker 1: I like that you use the word curiosity because it's

1372
01:25:47,120 --> 01:25:49,240
Speaker 1: kind of like one of in my own way, in

1373
01:25:49,280 --> 01:25:51,120
Speaker 1: my own relative way. I know the moment you're in,

1374
01:25:51,160 --> 01:25:53,639
Speaker 1: and it's like when a tornado finally starts to settle

1375
01:25:53,680 --> 01:25:59,400
Speaker 1: down and you really deserve to just be still. Yeah,

1376
01:25:59,800 --> 01:26:04,640
Speaker 1: I excited for you. I am too. I'm excited for

1377
01:26:04,680 --> 01:26:07,800
Speaker 1: you to get through your last box and like this

1378
01:26:07,960 --> 01:26:09,599
Speaker 1: to be held by the people you love, but then

1379
01:26:09,640 --> 01:26:12,360
Speaker 1: also for them to leave your house, you know, both

1380
01:26:12,439 --> 01:26:17,880
Speaker 1: and all of those things. Yeah, it's a it's a

1381
01:26:18,200 --> 01:26:21,400
Speaker 1: it's a cool time. And I feel like if if

1382
01:26:21,439 --> 01:26:23,880
Speaker 1: we talk again, when we talk again, because I love

1383
01:26:24,040 --> 01:26:28,240
Speaker 1: to talking to you, you are as cool as everyone has.

1384
01:26:31,640 --> 01:26:34,600
Speaker 1: But when we talk again, I feel like, I I

1385
01:26:34,640 --> 01:26:36,639
Speaker 1: think I'll look back on this conversation that we're having

1386
01:26:36,640 --> 01:26:38,200
Speaker 1: and be like, Wow, you really didn't know what was

1387
01:26:38,200 --> 01:26:41,240
Speaker 1: going on. Your head was not screwed on yet. Um,

1388
01:26:41,280 --> 01:26:43,400
Speaker 1: Because I do feel like I'm in that moment, you know,

1389
01:26:43,439 --> 01:26:46,760
Speaker 1: when you have those where you're just like, what like

1390
01:26:46,800 --> 01:26:50,320
Speaker 1: you're saying that the tornado has just left the building,

1391
01:26:51,080 --> 01:26:54,160
Speaker 1: and I and I am just trying to eat up

1392
01:26:54,240 --> 01:26:58,280
Speaker 1: every moment and I'm excited for what's next. I'm really excited.

1393
01:26:58,520 --> 01:27:01,479
Speaker 1: That's so cool. This is actually my favorite question to

1394
01:27:01,479 --> 01:27:03,240
Speaker 1: ask everyone who comes on the show, and it feels

1395
01:27:03,280 --> 01:27:06,479
Speaker 1: like the perfect moment to do it. Given this sort

1396
01:27:06,520 --> 01:27:10,120
Speaker 1: of moment in time you find yourself in, what would

1397
01:27:10,160 --> 01:27:13,639
Speaker 1: you say, now in your life feels like a work

1398
01:27:13,640 --> 01:27:17,960
Speaker 1: in progress, I would say the first I'll just say

1399
01:27:17,960 --> 01:27:20,080
Speaker 1: the first thing that came to my mind. The act

1400
01:27:20,439 --> 01:27:25,040
Speaker 1: of loving myself, I'd say, is very much a work

1401
01:27:25,080 --> 01:27:27,760
Speaker 1: in progress right now. I think it's as simple as that.

1402
01:27:28,960 --> 01:27:30,360
Speaker 1: I used to think it was kind of like a

1403
01:27:30,439 --> 01:27:33,439
Speaker 1: ladder you'd climb and eventually get to the top. And

1404
01:27:33,439 --> 01:27:36,160
Speaker 1: now I've realized it's sort of like the Googenheim Museum.

1405
01:27:36,240 --> 01:27:39,519
Speaker 1: It's just circles. You actually do circles to get up

1406
01:27:39,520 --> 01:27:46,000
Speaker 1: a level. But it'll keep going forever. That's a good

1407
01:27:46,040 --> 01:27:48,719
Speaker 1: way of thinking of it. And I love that museum. Yeah,

1408
01:27:48,840 --> 01:27:52,040
Speaker 1: same like, oh I got here, Oh now there's another Okay,

1409
01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:59,519
Speaker 1: it's gonna keep going. Very cool. Well, congratulations on all

1410
01:27:59,560 --> 01:28:03,120
Speaker 1: of the things you know, personal and professional. All of

1411
01:28:03,160 --> 01:28:07,559
Speaker 1: the advocacy and and all of the examples that you've

1412
01:28:07,640 --> 01:28:11,519
Speaker 1: been so consciously and thoughtfully setting for people, I just

1413
01:28:12,200 --> 01:28:16,439
Speaker 1: I really admire you. Likewise, the feeling is mutual.