1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast AM on iHeartRadio. 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 2: Kytie Willis here. You can find me at Connie Willis 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:09,960 Speaker 2: dot com. Sign up for my newsletter, see what's going on, 4 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,400 Speaker 2: and join me because I like to do a lot 5 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 2: of active things and I'd love for you to be 6 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 2: a part of it. Alrighty, good music tonight, open lines tonight, 7 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:21,119 Speaker 2: a lot of fun. But we're going to start it 8 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:27,480 Speaker 2: out with Cameron rain Swartz, a former Chicago cop who 9 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 2: witnessed countless traumatic deaths and humanity at its worst as 10 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:36,160 Speaker 2: you can imagine, specially Chicago cop Holy Cal so many 11 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 2: horrific events that she went down into the darkness but 12 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,560 Speaker 2: then also came out into the light. So we're gonna 13 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 2: hear her story of what happened. Really nice lady, I 14 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 2: think you're gonna like her a lot. Let's bring her on. Cameron, 15 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,920 Speaker 2: thank you so much for being here on Coast to 16 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,920 Speaker 2: Coast AM and your first time too. 17 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,440 Speaker 3: Thanks well, Connie, it's such a pleasure to be here. 18 00:00:58,480 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 3: Thank you so so very much. 19 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 2: Well, I know it's got to be tough for you 20 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,959 Speaker 2: to bring this story up again. You lived it, you 21 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,440 Speaker 2: didn't want to live it. Anymore. But then things turned 22 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 2: around and now you're kind of helping other people that 23 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,800 Speaker 2: go down that low too. So instead of me just 24 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,399 Speaker 2: talking vaguely, let's let you go ahead and do this 25 00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 2: tell us because I know it's going to be tough 26 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 2: for you, but we're right here with you and we 27 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 2: appreciate that you're going to do it. By the way, 28 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:28,039 Speaker 2: you can find her at Chicago cop sees the Light 29 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:33,080 Speaker 2: dot com Chicago cop Sees the Light dot com. All 30 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 2: right there, Cameron, Because a police officer as you were 31 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,560 Speaker 2: growing up, did you say, hey, I'm going to be 32 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 2: a cop. One day, I'm going to be this hero. 33 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,480 Speaker 2: I'm going to save some lives. 34 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:49,559 Speaker 3: Never I never had police in my purview at all. 35 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 3: Actually wanted to become a firefighter paramedic and made the 36 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:58,600 Speaker 3: joke that God gives spiremen or God gives police officers 37 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 3: firemen so they could have heroes too. So it was 38 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,320 Speaker 3: very anti police. 39 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,920 Speaker 2: Well how did you get into this thing? 40 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 1: You know? 41 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:12,120 Speaker 3: It was really uh, I mean people probably always say it, 42 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,680 Speaker 3: but not my own, right, It's something maybe of God 43 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:18,959 Speaker 3: or the divine. But moved to Chicago, tried to become 44 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 3: a Chicago firefighter that didn't work out. Uh, And then 45 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 3: had a friend of mine who sent me to a 46 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 3: personal development seminar and they talked about what do you 47 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 3: want to do with your life? And I said, well, 48 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 3: I want to help people, and they said, oh, what 49 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,519 Speaker 3: are you gonna do? Be a big brother or a 50 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,679 Speaker 3: big sister. And it was really a stroke some say 51 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 3: of genius, maybe some say of something else that I 52 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:40,959 Speaker 3: just thought, you know what, maybe I'm going to become 53 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 3: a police officer and reduce the murder rate in the city. 54 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 3: And boy, I had no idea what I was signing 55 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 3: up for, especially in Chicago. 56 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,960 Speaker 2: But holy cow, well tell us about that. That's what 57 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,679 Speaker 2: that's Uh, that's the reality I think, and I think 58 00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 2: you do as well. Think that if you go down 59 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:04,120 Speaker 2: deep and take people with you to that darkness, it 60 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,800 Speaker 2: will not only relate to people and touch them, it'll 61 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 2: grab them too, especially with what you want to do 62 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 2: to say, Hey, now, this is how you can come 63 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 2: out of it. And the only reason you're saying it 64 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:18,040 Speaker 2: is because you went into it. So what happened? What's 65 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 2: your story? 66 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:24,080 Speaker 3: Yeah? Man, did I go into it? And so the 67 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 3: person talking to you now is definitely not the person 68 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 3: who started the Chicago Police Academy. Had I have known 69 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,000 Speaker 3: some of the things, I don't know if I would 70 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 3: have entered into that world. But I was a young, 71 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 3: impressionable California girl. I was twenty one when I applied 72 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,960 Speaker 3: in twenty two when I started the academy, and had 73 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 3: definitely lived under a rock, was homeschooled almost my entire career, 74 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 3: and so when I started the Police Academy, I didn't expect, 75 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:55,840 Speaker 3: I think, a lot of what that world had to offer. 76 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 3: And I grew up very quickly in the academy and 77 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 3: very very very quickly on the streets of the city. 78 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,080 Speaker 3: And you kind of let me know, Connie, how you 79 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 3: want to navigate this story. But essentially I went from 80 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 3: this happy, go lucky, outgoing girl who could fake it 81 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:19,520 Speaker 3: until she makes it to a girl who had lost 82 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 3: five friends in three years. I had a partner who 83 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,919 Speaker 3: blew his brains out in the squad car, and we 84 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 3: just witnessed really the worst that humanity had to offer, 85 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 3: trauma on trauma on trauma on trauma that seemed like 86 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 3: it would never ever ever end, and it had a 87 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:43,560 Speaker 3: significant toll not only on my life but those around me, 88 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:49,360 Speaker 3: including my partner who unfortunately did take his life. 89 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,680 Speaker 2: Why was this happening that they would take their own 90 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 2: lives when they're out there to save us along the way, 91 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:03,000 Speaker 2: you know, I I wish, Yeah, I'm thinking that some 92 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 2: of them along the way. 93 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, I wish the answer to that was easy. 94 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 2: I know. 95 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 3: For me, I felt like I was a complete burden. 96 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 3: I felt that I was a detriment to the world 97 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 3: and the people around me, which is obviously was not 98 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:22,120 Speaker 3: the case. I mean, I'm literally responsible for people walking 99 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:27,360 Speaker 3: around still breathing today because of my actions. But I 100 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 3: think that we believe that we aren't doing enough. And 101 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 3: you know, Connie, it's not the ones that I saved 102 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:37,359 Speaker 3: that I remember, it's the ones that I don't. And 103 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 3: so I had a huge toll on your life and 104 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 3: your psyche of Yeah, I mean, we can get into it, 105 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,920 Speaker 3: but man, I will never forget the first time someone 106 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 3: literally got We went to a shooting and it was 107 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,600 Speaker 3: this young kid. I mean, he couldn't have been more 108 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:01,200 Speaker 3: than sixteen, and he was literally rabbing out my leg, 109 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 3: clawing as he's literally dying. And I used to be 110 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,919 Speaker 3: a former EMT, and so I went to move his 111 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 3: head in a specific way and back in that time, 112 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 3: Chicago was really strict on if you could provide medical 113 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,400 Speaker 3: care because they didn't want to get sued. And so 114 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 3: this is pre body cameras, and so I went to 115 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 3: adjust him. I had a field training officer at the time, 116 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 3: and the field training officer ran over to me and 117 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,080 Speaker 3: told me I couldn't do that, and I said, but 118 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 3: he's dying. He's literally choking on his own blood. He's 119 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,480 Speaker 3: grabbing onto me, and she said no. One physically pulled 120 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 3: me off, and he literally took his last breath there 121 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:42,679 Speaker 3: staring at me. And it's just so unfortunate because kids 122 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 3: are killing kids and for no reason, no good reason, 123 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 3: territorial terse, you know, gang drama, gang violence, gang beefs. 124 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,480 Speaker 3: And it just that one day we had fifteen of 125 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,279 Speaker 3: those in one night. I just went from homicide to 126 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 3: homicide to homicide, death notification to death notification to death notification, 127 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 3: and gosh, it's a hard, hard life to go tell 128 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 3: parents that they've lost their kids and to watch those 129 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 3: kids die, especially for me. I signed up to do good. 130 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 3: I signed up to save lives, and I felt that 131 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 3: in some cases that I was taking them or or 132 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 3: I was allowing the beat them to be taken by 133 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 3: not doing everything in my power to help them. 134 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:38,800 Speaker 2: So you're watching this, how many years into it before 135 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 2: you started feeling like I can't do this anymore? 136 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 3: Three? About three years in? 137 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, about how long as how long is the academy. 138 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 3: The academy was six months. 139 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 2: And then three years after that. So in the six 140 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 2: months you're excited, You're like, Hey, I'm I'm gonna be 141 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 2: this hero. I'm gonna to help people. I'm going to 142 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 2: make things good. And then three years two damn that 143 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:06,480 Speaker 2: was it. 144 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and it was I know exactly the shift 145 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 3: when I started. We got to be the police. We 146 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,640 Speaker 3: literally got to you know, take names and go chase 147 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 3: down bad guys literally and physically and do all of 148 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:25,080 Speaker 3: those things. And then it was the beginning of twenty 149 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 3: fifteen when the Lakwa McDonald shooting happened. It's a pretty popular, uh, 150 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 3: pretty well known shooting happened in the city. I was 151 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,440 Speaker 3: working that night when that happened, and literally our lives 152 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,599 Speaker 3: changed overnight. 153 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 2: Uh. 154 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:42,959 Speaker 3: We the acl you came down the we got body cameras, 155 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 3: we got you know, oversight boards, we got civilian oversight boards. 156 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:51,760 Speaker 3: There's now even oversight boards that regardless of your immigration status, 157 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 3: that you are literally making decisions of how police and 158 00:08:56,679 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 3: how policing get done in a city. And sanctuary city 159 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:06,560 Speaker 3: laws came down and we are really strictly following those 160 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 3: and I very vividly remember one week we were literally 161 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:13,080 Speaker 3: stopping bad guys on the street, patting them down and 162 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,440 Speaker 3: arresting them if they had a gun on them to 163 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,840 Speaker 3: the next week, now we have to fill out a 164 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,120 Speaker 3: three page report just if we want to stop a 165 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 3: bad guy on the street. And it was overnight that 166 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 3: our lives changed, and that, honestly the lives of the 167 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:32,040 Speaker 3: citizens of Chicago changed. And that is when twenty sixteen 168 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 3: had one of the worst gun violences in known to 169 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 3: this date. We had almost four thousand shootings and nearly 170 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 3: one thousand homicides in just our tiny liddle city. Oh no, 171 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 3: oh yeah. And so there was a point where someone 172 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:55,320 Speaker 3: was getting shot every ten minutes and someone was getting 173 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 3: killed every seven hours. And anyone can look this up. 174 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:02,080 Speaker 3: I encourage you to go to heyjackass dot com. All 175 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,640 Speaker 3: of this is public information, none of this is me. 176 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 3: You'll see year to year stats. And the area that 177 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 3: I worked in to this day still leads in either 178 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,920 Speaker 3: weapons were covered or homicides. 179 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,080 Speaker 4: And I know you're going to want some after hearing this. 180 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 4: This is an amazing story. We've got Stephen and Malachi 181 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 4: Gregory in Nelson, New Zealand. I understand that Malachi, who's 182 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 4: eight almost nine years old now, was suffering with not 183 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,880 Speaker 4: just one or two warts, but I mean as significant 184 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 4: outbreak of warts all over his body, so significant it 185 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,760 Speaker 4: impacted his ability to really function. 186 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:35,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. 187 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,319 Speaker 5: Yeah, he was having trouble even holding a pencil to right. 188 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,480 Speaker 5: That was Ty's book. Actually that got me thinking about it. 189 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: I'm not surprised. 190 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 4: It is an amazing immuno modulator, and so I can 191 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:48,520 Speaker 4: see that it would work. And so at what point 192 00:10:48,679 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 4: did you see that there was actually improvement It's really 193 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 4: going to work. 194 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,880 Speaker 5: Well, look, we really started to notice it around twelve weeks. 195 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 5: You can see these things actually getting smaller and smaller, 196 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 5: and then going down to the with just little red monks. 197 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 5: The whole things are gone and we're talking about what's 198 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:06,320 Speaker 5: you know one the size of the wanner. I thought, 199 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 5: no way, that's gonna wow. That's just been miraculous to 200 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,600 Speaker 5: see him get into a pair of shoes. 201 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,720 Speaker 1: Yes, how wonderful. 202 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 5: It's great to see. 203 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:15,959 Speaker 1: I'm so happy and yes. 204 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,160 Speaker 4: Confident, absolutely wonderful. 205 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:19,800 Speaker 1: For instead have seen it that is blown away. 206 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,120 Speaker 2: TI, this is awesome. 207 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,079 Speaker 1: Yeah, this is awesome. 208 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:26,120 Speaker 6: Another amazing story. Why we're talking about Carnivora. Call them 209 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,200 Speaker 6: to awaken your immune system and protect yourself now called 210 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,480 Speaker 6: one eight sixty six eight three six eighty seven thirty five. 211 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,720 Speaker 6: That's one eight six six eight three six eighty seven 212 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,600 Speaker 6: thirty five. Or visit Carnivora dot com c A r 213 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:44,199 Speaker 6: niv O r A carnivora dot com. 214 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:48,079 Speaker 2: So how did what happened where you started getting obviously 215 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:52,280 Speaker 2: that the real big darkness here is you You got suicidal? 216 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 2: Did you see that? Was that immediate at one point? 217 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,959 Speaker 2: Did you just get that way or was it just 218 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 2: slowly rolling into darker and darker times where you were like, Okay, 219 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 2: I can't take it anymore, and then you had to 220 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,560 Speaker 2: take it again. I can't take it anymore. Then you 221 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 2: had to take it again. 222 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,079 Speaker 3: Yeah. I think it was death by a thousand cuts. 223 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:15,480 Speaker 3: But I as twenty sixteen progressed and we got into 224 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:21,160 Speaker 3: twenty seventeen, I started to feel like, WHOA, Like I'm 225 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 3: not doing so good and you want to know what, 226 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:27,400 Speaker 3: you just suck it up, Buttercup, I'm in a male 227 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:32,320 Speaker 3: dominated there's not a lot of females. I'm already trying 228 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 3: to match my male counterparts. I'm already trying to show that, 229 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 3: you know, I'm not a pansy. And so it's just 230 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,440 Speaker 3: you can't talk to anyone about these things you're not. 231 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:48,760 Speaker 3: I mean, the more gruesome the call, the more we 232 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 3: joke about it. There was a gentleman in our district 233 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,640 Speaker 3: who was put through a meat grinder because he didn't 234 00:12:55,679 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 3: pay the local gang the street tax. Oh, the jokes 235 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,960 Speaker 3: that came out of that. I won't even tell you 236 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,640 Speaker 3: what that looked like or what I saw in that 237 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 3: were significant we've had. I mean, I probably shouldn't even 238 00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 3: go into some of the more horrific calls that we 239 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 3: went to. And you know, we just joked, really inappropriate jokes. 240 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,920 Speaker 3: But I started to feel like, eh, I think this 241 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 3: is really affecting me. I think I might need someone 242 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,120 Speaker 3: to talk to, but there really was no one to 243 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:30,040 Speaker 3: talk to. I remember one night I was a little 244 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:33,760 Speaker 3: emotionally heated, and I had a sergeant who called me in. 245 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 3: He just really had a disdain for me. I think 246 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,080 Speaker 3: he had a distain for a lot of the young 247 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 3: girls on the force, and he wanted to write me 248 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 3: up for something ridiculous. And I protested, and I said, no, 249 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 3: you're not going to do that. That that's not how 250 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,640 Speaker 3: this event played out. I'm not going to receive this 251 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 3: written notice of punishment. And he told me that he 252 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 3: doesn't think I'm mentally same, and that I should give 253 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:03,360 Speaker 3: him my taser because I am unsafe to have a taser. Typically, 254 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 3: if this is the case, if someone is deemed mentally 255 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,240 Speaker 3: incapable of doing the job right, you take their gun, 256 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 3: you take their taser. They go see the watch commander, 257 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,880 Speaker 3: and then it's decided, what do you do. He told 258 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 3: me that I should keep my gun and do what 259 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 3: I believe I should do with it that night to 260 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 3: make the issue go away. 261 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:26,200 Speaker 2: And that issue, wow, And. 262 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 3: That was the first night I thought, you know what, 263 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 3: maybe I should kill myself. You know what, maybe he's right, 264 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 3: maybe I should go and eat my gun. And we 265 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 3: had already lost three officers in that district to suicide 266 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 3: since the time I had been there, And so for 267 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 3: the fact for him to say that, you know, if 268 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,200 Speaker 3: I didn't have such disdain for him. I probably would 269 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 3: have done it, but I didn't want to give him 270 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 3: any more power than I had already given. But that 271 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 3: was really started to down here aspire for me, where 272 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 3: I was going home every night and putting my gun 273 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,520 Speaker 3: under my couch cushion and going into my room and 274 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 3: trying to figure out what to do with my life 275 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,680 Speaker 3: and saying something is wrong, like I need help, like 276 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:12,720 Speaker 3: I'm afraid of this, and every morning would put that 277 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 3: gun back on my hip, would go unfortunately, present it 278 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 3: into several people's faces every night. I mean we're constantly 279 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:24,560 Speaker 3: getting in foot pursuits, constantly clearing buildings. I mean I 280 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 3: had probably drawn my gun in and out thousands upon 281 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 3: thousands upon thousands of times and pointed it at people. 282 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 3: And man, I just all I wanted to do every 283 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,720 Speaker 3: time I presented that weapon out was turn it around, 284 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 3: pointed at my face and pulled the trigger. 285 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,400 Speaker 2: You just wanted to ban gun. You just wanted to 286 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:41,840 Speaker 2: stop it. 287 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:46,320 Speaker 3: Just oh, just one hundred percent, just man, man, And 288 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 3: you know a lot of people, well, I will rephrase that. 289 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 3: There were certain officers who learned that if they killed 290 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,920 Speaker 3: themselves while they were on duty. Unfortunately, a gentleman that 291 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,840 Speaker 3: I worked with. We were court partners, So you have 292 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,240 Speaker 3: partners that you work the streets with and then partners 293 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 3: that you go to court with. He was my court partner, 294 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,840 Speaker 3: and he discovered that if he killed himself when he 295 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,120 Speaker 3: was on duty, that his family would get a line 296 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:15,520 Speaker 3: of duty death benefit. And after him, three other people 297 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,320 Speaker 3: did it in less than ninety days, and the city 298 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:21,320 Speaker 3: actually said we won't pay you out the line of 299 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,680 Speaker 3: duty death benefits. 300 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:27,880 Speaker 2: I think, do they do anything at all to to 301 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,840 Speaker 2: help you guys when something happens, Do they say, Okay, 302 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 2: it's just had what let's let's meet for the next 303 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:38,520 Speaker 2: three weeks, or anybody you can talk to. Nothing like that. 304 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,680 Speaker 2: There's nothing, so you know. 305 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 3: I hear that. Maybe now in twenty twenty six, though, 306 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,960 Speaker 3: making some pretty great improvements, although they've had the highest 307 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:52,320 Speaker 3: suicide rate of any police department in the country. But 308 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 3: back in the day, back when I was working there, oh, 309 00:16:54,520 --> 00:17:01,400 Speaker 3: absolutely not. We If you ever got hospitalized suicidal ideations, 310 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,160 Speaker 3: the state would take away your Foyer card, which allows 311 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,320 Speaker 3: you to carry a firearm, and you would never be 312 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 3: able to be the police again. So nobody at all 313 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,639 Speaker 3: was talking about this. We had the employee assistance program, 314 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:17,200 Speaker 3: which a lot of corporations offer that were never used. 315 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,000 Speaker 3: I ended up calling them one night because I thought 316 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 3: I was gonna blow my brains out and I literally said, 317 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna kill myself And I said, are 318 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,120 Speaker 3: you gonna do it right now? And I was like yeah, 319 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 3: and they said, well, don't do that because you're important. 320 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,280 Speaker 3: Because those are exactly the words I want to hear, Connie, 321 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 3: when I and no one was trained in trauma. No 322 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:41,200 Speaker 3: one was trained and how to navigate these things. It 323 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:44,320 Speaker 3: was you just shove it down into a hole and 324 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:50,439 Speaker 3: you move on. There is no real psychological help for that. 325 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:56,359 Speaker 3: And uh yeah, it was a very very dark place. 326 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,520 Speaker 3: And this is on top of corruption, This is on 327 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,680 Speaker 3: top of so many other things. My entire career there, 328 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:07,760 Speaker 3: I was more afraid of the internal uh repercussions from 329 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 3: the Chicago Police Farm than I ever was afraid of 330 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 3: a bad guy on the street. And we're talking L's 331 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:13,640 Speaker 3: thirteen gang members. 332 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,399 Speaker 2: I still can't even believe that that guy was ridic 333 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 2: cooling you like that? What What was that about? What 334 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:26,120 Speaker 2: I mean, why didn't that stop? Is there any internal 335 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 2: affairs either that was being a part of anything to 336 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,399 Speaker 2: help you guys. 337 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:36,120 Speaker 3: You know there they we we had I a internal affairs, 338 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,320 Speaker 3: but it was very taboo. I'm a girl, and if 339 00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 3: I go and make a drop a you know, we 340 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 3: call it drop a case, drop a case on this guy, 341 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 3: or drop a number, right, because there's an I A 342 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,840 Speaker 3: number that gets added, I could lose my job because 343 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:54,920 Speaker 3: here I am. 344 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:55,440 Speaker 5: You know. 345 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 3: That they may not be true, and so I just thought, 346 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,640 Speaker 3: you know, I love my job too much. This guy 347 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:06,080 Speaker 3: is gonna get over it. After I left the police department, 348 00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:10,280 Speaker 3: another female police officer did file an EEO C complain 349 00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:13,200 Speaker 3: against him, so went completely out of the police department, 350 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,520 Speaker 3: which had him become investigated. But as of today, I 351 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,320 Speaker 3: went back earlier this year, and as it stands, he 352 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:25,359 Speaker 3: is still in that position and still leading young police officers. 353 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:30,400 Speaker 3: And I'm sure that there is very many other females 354 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,640 Speaker 3: that have unfortunately come behind me, who have encountered with him. 355 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:35,920 Speaker 3: Do I wish I maybe would have done something? 356 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:36,160 Speaker 1: Yeah? 357 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 3: I almost lost my job. Anyways, I almost lost my 358 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:40,960 Speaker 3: life and I almost lost my job. Do I wish 359 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 3: I spoke up? I totally do, But you know, I 360 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:49,680 Speaker 3: was just really afraid. They use fear they use intimidation. 361 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:54,480 Speaker 3: It is a highly corrupt organization. There are amazing, amazing 362 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,600 Speaker 3: people who work for the Chicago Police Department, and at 363 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:03,840 Speaker 3: the same time it is unfortunate, incredibly corrupt. My locker 364 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,120 Speaker 3: mate her husband went to jail for life for stealing 365 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 3: money from the FBI, and so there, it's just it's 366 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:17,200 Speaker 3: probably worse than al Capone's era. And boy, if if 367 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:20,400 Speaker 3: we had the hours, I could go into unbelievable stories 368 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,200 Speaker 3: that you would think I'd probably make up. 369 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,720 Speaker 1: Listen to more Coast to Coast AM every weeknight at 370 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:29,000 Speaker 1: one am Eastern and go to Coast to coastam dot 371 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 1: com for more