WEBVTT - Dear Banya: Friday Night Lights

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<v Speaker 1>Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rat An iHeartRadio podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.

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<v Speaker 1>Scrub a dumb a dumb.

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<v Speaker 3>Wow.

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<v Speaker 2>That had like a sensual jazz tone to it.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in my ovulatory phase, so I'm feeling a little

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<v Speaker 1>sexual and sensual today.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh great, Thank you so much for sharing with you

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<v Speaker 4>all of us.

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<v Speaker 1>You're so welcome.

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<v Speaker 4>Thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, okay, well prepared for that information, but I do

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<v Speaker 2>appreciate it.

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<v Speaker 1>Did I catch you off guard?

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<v Speaker 4>Glad to know where you are? In your face? Yes,

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<v Speaker 4>I think I'm ludial?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, pre period, Yes, a little in your feels

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<v Speaker 1>uh not feels a little dark. I was a little dark,

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<v Speaker 1>a little tired, very tired.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I also just got back from the Louisiana last night,

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<v Speaker 2>so I'm like very tired on.

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<v Speaker 4>Top of just ludial tired. She Oh that's rough. But

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<v Speaker 4>I'm so excited to be here with you. Are you

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<v Speaker 4>so excited?

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<v Speaker 1>Want to talk about your trip to Louisiana?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so I went to Louisiana to see my nephew.

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<v Speaker 2>I if you are from the South, football is like

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<v Speaker 2>a culture in the South, Like it is like you

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<v Speaker 2>start him young, and it is game time from as

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<v Speaker 2>soon as they start flag football till they're you know,

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<v Speaker 2>beyond that. So I have four nephews and all of

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<v Speaker 2>them are in football, and I haven't I've gotten to

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<v Speaker 2>see a couple of them play here and there, but

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<v Speaker 2>they all play during the week, and this was the

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<v Speaker 2>last week that they all had a game when I

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<v Speaker 2>was there, so I was like, I'm just gonna head

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<v Speaker 2>out there and see them all play. So I got

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<v Speaker 2>to watch them all and it was so fun. My

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<v Speaker 2>sister Katie, she's my oldest sister. I'm just amazed by

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<v Speaker 2>what she does with five children. Honestly, it's the schedule

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<v Speaker 2>of getting the kids to school and then getting the

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<v Speaker 2>kids to practice, and she has a baby that's won

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<v Speaker 2>so she has a toddler that.

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<v Speaker 4>She's chasing around.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, I am exhausted when I've done a

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<v Speaker 2>couple loads of laundry.

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<v Speaker 4>It's crazy.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, seeing it first hand, I'm sure, because it's like

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<v Speaker 1>you can imagine it, but then seeing it first hand

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<v Speaker 1>takes it to a whole other level.

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<v Speaker 2>We also, I'm one of five kids, but we were

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<v Speaker 2>all girls. We were four girls and a boy, so

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<v Speaker 2>we were like flipped that, so it's like the energy

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<v Speaker 2>is a little different. But also I was in it,

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<v Speaker 2>so I don't know what it was like being a

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<v Speaker 2>parent to it, but just thinking of the contrast of

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<v Speaker 2>my life and.

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<v Speaker 4>Like the things that exhausted really were put into perspective.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's just like you don't even know.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but she also is just like it's her, like

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<v Speaker 2>she loves it, It's what she wanted. So it's very

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<v Speaker 2>much just like, yeah, this is this is what this

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<v Speaker 2>is every day and I'm like, wow, so.

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<v Speaker 4>You never aren't doing these things.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's pretty wild to like imagine, Like I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like trying to figure out my own schedule is challenging

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<v Speaker 1>in and of itself. Throwing in five other humans into

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<v Speaker 1>that mix is pretty wild.

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<v Speaker 4>Crazy, But it was.

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<v Speaker 2>It was really fun and my parents droven so I

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<v Speaker 2>got to see my parents too, so it was great.

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<v Speaker 4>Good times. Got back last night and here we are.

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<v Speaker 1>And you did you started celebrating your birthday.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh oh my gosh, thank you for reminding me.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's what I'm here for.

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<v Speaker 4>Just so, when I flew.

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<v Speaker 2>Into Louisiana, I got there at like eight at night,

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<v Speaker 2>and so normally the whole family comes to get me,

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<v Speaker 2>Like it's really cute because like everyone's there at the

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<v Speaker 2>airport when when you land, and it was like my mom,

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<v Speaker 2>my dad, my brother in law, one of my nephews,

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<v Speaker 2>and then the baby Harlowe and the vibe was kind

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<v Speaker 2>of weird, and I was like, did something happen?

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<v Speaker 3>Is ever?

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<v Speaker 4>Like everyone was talking kind of.

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<v Speaker 1>Weird as they would as they would.

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<v Speaker 4>And I asked my mom. I was like, is everything okay?

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<v Speaker 4>And she's like, yeah, yeah, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>So then I get to their house and I walk

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<v Speaker 2>in and it's like dimly lit and there's like the most.

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<v Speaker 4>Beautiful setup I know.

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<v Speaker 2>So my sister and my mom are so talented and

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<v Speaker 2>like thoughtful and how they decorate and stuff. And it

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<v Speaker 2>was an early birthday celebration and she did it and

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<v Speaker 2>like it was inspired by love Shack Fancy and so it.

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<v Speaker 4>Was like bows and like it was just so beautiful.

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<v Speaker 4>It literally looked like a work event dinner. Yeah, it

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<v Speaker 4>was so pretty.

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<v Speaker 2>It was so cul So they surprised me and then

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<v Speaker 2>they got me a gift. I'm really wanting to do

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<v Speaker 2>a gallery wall in my house of just like random pieces,

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<v Speaker 2>like things that mean a lot to me, So like

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<v Speaker 2>framed art frame like that I did that like paint

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<v Speaker 2>by diamonds thing, you know, and like.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh so just not like photos, like all different photos.

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<v Speaker 4>But then like I got this.

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<v Speaker 2>I found this print that says Chateau mor Mom, which

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<v Speaker 2>is where Haley and I had like our drinks for

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<v Speaker 2>the first time. So I want to frame that, but

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<v Speaker 2>my mom and my sister got me a framed. It's

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<v Speaker 2>like the music for Hungry Heart, which is Hailey song

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<v Speaker 2>that she wrote about me. So it's like the framed

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<v Speaker 2>like uh music.

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<v Speaker 4>Sheet, so like the what do you call it? Like

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<v Speaker 4>the chords or whatever? No, so she had asked.

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<v Speaker 2>I had told my mom that I wanted to do

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<v Speaker 2>a gallery wall, so they came up with doing like

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<v Speaker 2>the chords for or Katie called and asked Haley, what's

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<v Speaker 2>the song that means a lot, you know, a lot

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<v Speaker 2>to y'all, And Haley's like, well, I wrote this one

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<v Speaker 2>kind of.

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<v Speaker 1>About us, so that makes me emotion.

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<v Speaker 2>So it was really really special and if I felt

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<v Speaker 2>so loved because God look at me, I feel like.

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<v Speaker 4>They were. They was just so.

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<v Speaker 2>Thoughtful and nice and unexpected and it meant a lot

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<v Speaker 2>to me. So it was a really fun, special way

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<v Speaker 2>to kick off my birthday and my nephews couldn't believe

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<v Speaker 2>I'm thirty six.

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<v Speaker 4>So that felt nice too.

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<v Speaker 1>That feels yeah, that's what they think you were twenty six.

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<v Speaker 5>Uh.

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<v Speaker 4>He's like, I go, oh, what do you think?

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<v Speaker 2>I was like twenty two, obviously kidding, and he goes, no,

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<v Speaker 2>like twenty like twenty nine.

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<v Speaker 4>I was like, okay, think I'll take twenty nine.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh, that is so nice.

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<v Speaker 2>I know, it's really it was really really special. I

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<v Speaker 2>feel like my sister and my mom could have an

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<v Speaker 2>events company, Like if they lived out here, I would

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<v Speaker 2>hire them for so many things for like the things

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<v Speaker 2>that we do at home and stuff. Yeah, the dinners

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<v Speaker 2>you host alone at your home, you could really put

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<v Speaker 2>them to work.

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<v Speaker 1>Really could put them to work, because the aesthetic is

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<v Speaker 1>not my forte. The vibe and the food we got

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<v Speaker 1>that vibes and the food, but the decor is not.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not a green.

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<v Speaker 2>Thumb speaking of we had a very exciting time at

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<v Speaker 2>your home celebrating. We celebrated a party at your house

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<v Speaker 2>because you said yes to the dress.

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<v Speaker 1>I sure did.

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<v Speaker 4>Wow, she has got the dress.

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<v Speaker 1>She's got she's got the dress. Yes, it was really nice.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know, what's what I'm really like loving about

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<v Speaker 1>all of this is like there's something and I can't

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<v Speaker 1>even imagine what it's going to be like at my wedding.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's like the one thing everybody says about your

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<v Speaker 1>wedding that's so special is like seeing all the people

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<v Speaker 1>that you love the most like together and every step

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<v Speaker 1>along the way. Because it was like the dress appointment,

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<v Speaker 1>so I had you there, had Paulina there, my future

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<v Speaker 1>mother in law, my mom, and my sister, and having

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<v Speaker 1>you all there for that was like so special. And

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<v Speaker 1>then being able to like go home and have like

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<v Speaker 1>my dad and Robbie's dad and the kids and you know,

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<v Speaker 1>just like all of us together eating together, and his

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<v Speaker 1>cousin and his aunt. It was just like really really

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<v Speaker 1>special getting to just like see everybody interacting and like

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<v Speaker 1>you playing basketball with the boys and like them like

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<v Speaker 1>really bonding with you, and like, I don't know, just

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<v Speaker 1>like I'll never forget that night, you know. So I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just trying to like really like soak in all the

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<v Speaker 1>little moments because it's really really cool.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it was really fun.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>I love his kids.

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<v Speaker 2>They're so cute and they're so well mannered, and I

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<v Speaker 2>was so impressed because one of them came up to

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<v Speaker 2>your mom and he was like, Oh, I didn't see

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<v Speaker 2>you come in.

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<v Speaker 4>It's good to see you. And I was like, Oh,

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<v Speaker 4>how do you learn this?

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<v Speaker 5>That this?

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<v Speaker 4>I didn't know that they.

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<v Speaker 2>Did this still, so it's such a testament to how

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<v Speaker 2>they're being raised and the kind of boys they are.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's so I didn't know that.

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<v Speaker 4>That's really really cute.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, like, now that you feel like you have the dress,

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<v Speaker 2>do you feel like because that's like that's the official

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<v Speaker 2>thing that we've said like yes to so far.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And that's like the thing that's the one thing

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<v Speaker 1>that everybody stressed me out about the most is the dress, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>just because it takes so long to get it. You know, like, really,

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<v Speaker 1>you can get married tomorrow if you wanted to. I

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<v Speaker 1>mean not really tomorrow, but like you can you could

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<v Speaker 1>get married. Yeah, true. But it's like the dress is

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<v Speaker 1>the thing that takes the longest, right because everything else

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<v Speaker 1>you can kind of line up and you know, flowers

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<v Speaker 1>and decor and food you kind of like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>you can do closer to the date, but the dress

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<v Speaker 1>is the thing that you need like the most. Lead time, right,

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<v Speaker 1>So that was what was like really stressing me out.

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<v Speaker 1>So that was like a huge like check, you did it.

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<v Speaker 1>I did it well. And I'm really learning through this

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<v Speaker 1>process that I have. I'm very indecisive.

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<v Speaker 4>Do you have libra? Are you libra in anywhere? Are

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<v Speaker 4>you anywhere in your chart?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know my chart. I'm just a cancer.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh my gosh, I is not you know what's your tati.

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<v Speaker 1>Misstating?

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<v Speaker 4>Miss Tati is a fraud. I don't even know her.

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<v Speaker 1>Rising And now no, I'm coming there might be some libra.

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<v Speaker 4>Really, I have libracisive.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I've never actually, no, I have been this way.

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<v Speaker 1>Like when it comes to dinner or stuff like that,

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<v Speaker 1>I always defer really to like whoever. Yes, I learned

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<v Speaker 1>that in Chicago. Yeah, but I've never thought of you

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<v Speaker 1>as being that way. And until that trip where I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, oh, like I'll know what I'll eat, Like

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<v Speaker 1>I know what I know what I'm going to order

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<v Speaker 1>when I go there.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, you're decisive on.

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<v Speaker 2>What you get once you're there, but making the decision

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<v Speaker 2>and like correct the general group decision, you're not going

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<v Speaker 2>to be the one to do it correct.

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't think that's a great quality to have

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<v Speaker 1>because some may say it's very go with the flow

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<v Speaker 1>and very like chill girl, which is great, but also

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<v Speaker 1>indecisive is kind of annoying.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, it depends on who you're with.

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<v Speaker 2>If you're with someone who's decisive, that being indecisive is

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<v Speaker 2>fine because they get to like lead the way. If

0:10:33.200 --> 0:10:39.520
<v Speaker 2>you're with another person who's indecisive, it's just in Chicago, yes, yeah,

0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:41.560
<v Speaker 2>and one of us has to step up. And that's

0:10:41.559 --> 0:10:45.760
<v Speaker 2>how Laura, my other best friend, is the same way.

0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:47.040
<v Speaker 4>So I'll be like, what do you want to do?

0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:49.200
<v Speaker 4>Like she comes to visit, I'm like, where do you

0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:50.240
<v Speaker 4>want to go? What do you want to do? And

0:10:50.280 --> 0:10:52.320
<v Speaker 4>she's like, I'm good for anything. And I'm like, but

0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:55.760
<v Speaker 4>I live here, what do you right? She's like, whatever,

0:10:56.800 --> 0:10:59.679
<v Speaker 4>you do anything, So you know, we just go.

0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:02.040
<v Speaker 1>Around the circles. Yeah.

0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:04.760
<v Speaker 2>So anyways, well that's good to know going into wedding

0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:06.960
<v Speaker 2>planning because then you can be prepared for that.

0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:09.240
<v Speaker 1>I know. But I've like himmed in Hot a hundred

0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:12.360
<v Speaker 1>times about like bridesmaid dress colors and like it's like,

0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:15.360
<v Speaker 1>just decide. It's really not that big of a deal.

0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:17.480
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, No one cares about what dresses.

0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:19.360
<v Speaker 1>They care about what dresses you guys are in.

0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:22.679
<v Speaker 2>You won't, Yes, you do, you won't. Yeah, Like whatever

0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:25.120
<v Speaker 2>you choose is gonna be great?

0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:26.320
<v Speaker 1>Or will it?

0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:26.720
<v Speaker 4>It will?

0:11:26.920 --> 0:11:28.880
<v Speaker 1>There was a moment where I was an Emerald Green,

0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:32.720
<v Speaker 1>an Emerald Green bridesmaid bride. I was like, I'm not

0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:33.959
<v Speaker 1>an Emerald Green girl.

0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:37.600
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, You're really not, And I was fully there was

0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:40.120
<v Speaker 6>like a four day period where you guys were all

0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:41.000
<v Speaker 6>in Emerald Green.

0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:43.479
<v Speaker 1>Well yeah, okay.

0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:46.400
<v Speaker 4>Well maybe maybe we passed some of those.

0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:49.080
<v Speaker 2>Maybe you have two decisions and then you let like

0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:50.600
<v Speaker 2>paul I feel like Pauline is a good.

0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:54.360
<v Speaker 1>Decision making, good decision making, and let her be the one.

0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:58.000
<v Speaker 1>Well she she also was signing off on the Emerald Green.

0:11:57.920 --> 0:12:01.920
<v Speaker 4>So maybe I need to step again. It really practiced.

0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:04.319
<v Speaker 1>It was like and even Sophia was like I love

0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:07.000
<v Speaker 1>Emerald Green. I was like great, everybody was like loving it.

0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:10.000
<v Speaker 1>And then I was like, I'm not an Emerald Green bride.

0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:13.680
<v Speaker 4>Have you ever worn Emerald green? Never seen a.

0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:16.240
<v Speaker 1>Green right now? Which is kind of weird? Is his

0:12:16.280 --> 0:12:16.840
<v Speaker 1>mom green?

0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:17.560
<v Speaker 5>Mom?

0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:18.520
<v Speaker 1>And what is this?

0:12:19.400 --> 0:12:19.600
<v Speaker 3>Jay?

0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:20.840
<v Speaker 1>Uh?

0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:25.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, like moss mossy green perfect?

0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:30.440
<v Speaker 1>What I was going for but yeah, so I'm realizing

0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:32.480
<v Speaker 1>that about myself a lot in the past, Like i'd

0:12:32.520 --> 0:12:34.680
<v Speaker 1>say the past month, I've really been noticing it and

0:12:34.760 --> 0:12:37.319
<v Speaker 1>I don't love it about myself. So really going to

0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:38.720
<v Speaker 1>dig into that in therapy.

0:12:39.640 --> 0:12:41.600
<v Speaker 4>Well, it's like you almost have to start going.

0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:44.280
<v Speaker 2>It's almost like you have to shift your mentality of

0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:48.679
<v Speaker 2>being decisive being a negative thing and being more like

0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:51.880
<v Speaker 2>if someone has an issue with what I'm going to

0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:54.880
<v Speaker 2>choose with my decision, then they need to speak up

0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:55.360
<v Speaker 2>about it.

0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:57.640
<v Speaker 1>Maybe it's a little bit of people pleaser in me

0:12:57.679 --> 0:12:59.280
<v Speaker 1>because they totally because.

0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:00.920
<v Speaker 2>You think it's like, oh, I'm I'm just being easy

0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:03.880
<v Speaker 2>for everybody. No one can like say anything like oh

0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:06.640
<v Speaker 2>I was difficult because I'm just going with the flow.

0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:08.959
<v Speaker 2>Whereas if you just make a decision for me, if

0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:10.840
<v Speaker 2>someone's like this is what we're doing and this is

0:13:10.840 --> 0:13:15.040
<v Speaker 2>what time we're going, I'm like, I thank you right

0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:15.640
<v Speaker 2>for doing that.

0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:18.280
<v Speaker 1>But it's weird. So I think that's what I think

0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:20.600
<v Speaker 1>my whole life, I've just been told like where to

0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:22.880
<v Speaker 1>be at what time and what to do? Do you

0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:24.800
<v Speaker 1>know what I mean? Like almost I don't want to

0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:26.640
<v Speaker 1>say show pony, but like a little bit like that,

0:13:27.160 --> 0:13:30.200
<v Speaker 1>and my wedding is like fully my responsibility, I mean,

0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:32.440
<v Speaker 1>me and Robbie, but it's like us, you know, and

0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:35.439
<v Speaker 1>so I'm like going into all these things of when

0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:38.040
<v Speaker 1>you do destination, like you feel really guilty about like

0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:41.080
<v Speaker 1>making people go somewhere, you know, and then you can

0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:42.800
<v Speaker 1>kind of go back and you're like, Okay, but this

0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:44.480
<v Speaker 1>is what we want, this is the vibe we want.

0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:46.800
<v Speaker 1>We love it here. But then you let all that

0:13:46.840 --> 0:13:48.520
<v Speaker 1>other stuff creep in and it's like it is it's

0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:50.520
<v Speaker 1>all about people pleasing, and then it like makes you

0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:55.760
<v Speaker 1>feel very indecisive and like I don't like it. Anyways,

0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:57.600
<v Speaker 1>After this podcast, I'm gonna go home and I'm just

0:13:57.679 --> 0:13:58.880
<v Speaker 1>make some decisions.

0:13:58.520 --> 0:13:59.080
<v Speaker 4>That's right.

0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:05.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, A dear about them? Yeah, yes, thank you so firm.

0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:07.800
<v Speaker 1>You can do it, thank you, And I don't feel

0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:09.680
<v Speaker 1>good to do it. I think it's gonna feel good too,

0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:12.480
<v Speaker 1>because I've already decided I want you my bridesmaids, and

0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:15.480
<v Speaker 1>like cream, oh cream, what was it the color I

0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:15.920
<v Speaker 1>sent you?

0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:17.560
<v Speaker 4>Like the kind of light pale yellow?

0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:22.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Yeah, cream, light pale yellow, yeah, water cream, butter cream, yes,

0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:26.920
<v Speaker 1>butter cream. That's that's the bride. I am a butter

0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:30.720
<v Speaker 1>cream brid butter cream bride with my butter cream brides maids.

0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:35.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, well I can't wait to see the butter

0:14:35.120 --> 0:14:36.560
<v Speaker 2>cream dressing it to You.

0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:37.440
<v Speaker 1>Can wear whatever you want.

0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:42.520
<v Speaker 2>Butter cream feels like a niche color to mine. So

0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:47.080
<v Speaker 2>byan decisiveness is about to flare up too, is it really?

0:14:47.360 --> 0:14:47.520
<v Speaker 3>No?

0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:48.320
<v Speaker 4>No, No, I'll be fine.

0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:53.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm sure finding winding them and then dispersing the link.

0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:56.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, tell her to make a power point. Yeah, this

0:14:56.480 --> 0:14:57.360
<v Speaker 2>is what I envisioned.

0:14:57.640 --> 0:15:00.040
<v Speaker 1>These are different options, everybody here, you go.

0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.280
<v Speaker 4>Well, I definitely will be needing a spread dance.

0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:04.600
<v Speaker 1>Before we go on to our dear Bonya. I would

0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:06.840
<v Speaker 1>like to acknowledge that it is a big birthday today.

0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:10.440
<v Speaker 4>Yes, it was yesterday, so I would.

0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:13.880
<v Speaker 1>Like to I mean, it's just uh Becca and myself

0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:16.360
<v Speaker 1>and Emily in the room, so it's going to be

0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:21.160
<v Speaker 1>a bleak happy birthday. But nonetheless, we do we do

0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:27.440
<v Speaker 1>need to engage in the birthday songs. Yeah, every direction. Yeah,

0:15:27.520 --> 0:15:34.240
<v Speaker 1>so Emily take it away. Birthday here. Maybe let me

0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:37.080
<v Speaker 1>swing this over to you, so that's not dead air.

0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:46.240
<v Speaker 2>Happy birthday to you, Happy ber dear bac.

0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:48.800
<v Speaker 4>Hap b birthday.

0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:55.120
<v Speaker 1>Did you make a wish.

0:15:57.560 --> 0:16:01.200
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:03.840
<v Speaker 1>Wait, those were trick candles. They're supposed to like back

0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:05.360
<v Speaker 1>up the tricky.

0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:08.400
<v Speaker 2>Way.

0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:09.320
<v Speaker 4>That's funny.

0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:13.040
<v Speaker 1>Hey, I got relight candles.

0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:15.520
<v Speaker 4>They're supposed to That means you can relight them.

0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:19.360
<v Speaker 1>Oh I thought they were tricks so that they were

0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:22.920
<v Speaker 1>gonna keep lighting back on fire. Dang.

0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:25.120
<v Speaker 2>Shoot, I think they're just saying like, oh, you don't

0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:26.480
<v Speaker 2>have to you can use them again.

0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:32.360
<v Speaker 4>Oh I thought I have funny I know.

0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:35.160
<v Speaker 1>I thought we're gonna have a really funny maha moment,

0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:37.120
<v Speaker 1>and I just but.

0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:39.720
<v Speaker 2>Instead you get to take those and reuse and reuse me.

0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:41.480
<v Speaker 1>Do you want to make another wind? Did you make

0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:42.000
<v Speaker 1>a good wish?

0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:43.080
<v Speaker 4>I mean a good wish you did?

0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:45.240
<v Speaker 1>Do you want to make another one? I can relight those.

0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:49.560
<v Speaker 2>No, No, I feel like rewishing on the same candle

0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:52.080
<v Speaker 2>as bad luck, even though you can relight it.

0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:57.080
<v Speaker 1>Are you superstitious like that you're doing now? Ever since

0:16:57.160 --> 0:17:02.280
<v Speaker 1>Jenna and Joe, who am I?

0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:04.480
<v Speaker 4>I've imagined she would say don't take that on?

0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:08.080
<v Speaker 2>She did, she'd probably say don't don't take that on?

0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:10.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And here I am too, tootooing my forehead.

0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:16.800
<v Speaker 2>Wowway, how was your back from Danny lifting you in

0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:17.840
<v Speaker 2>the Archer post.

0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:18.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna lie.

0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:19.639
<v Speaker 4>I feel great.

0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:25.000
<v Speaker 1>I think he, if anything, was really uh giving his all. Yes,

0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:27.920
<v Speaker 1>And I'm no Whitney Carson, so I don't think it

0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:30.600
<v Speaker 1>was just a quick little jaunt up for him.

0:17:30.800 --> 0:17:33.520
<v Speaker 2>Whitney, I was rewatching the video of her laying down

0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:36.159
<v Speaker 2>and she had her back arch so much that I

0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:40.919
<v Speaker 2>was like, my body does not do that from the

0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:43.880
<v Speaker 2>ground the strength, So Danny.

0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:46.000
<v Speaker 1>Told me to stay stiff as a board. I think,

0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:47.120
<v Speaker 1>or maybe it was just my leg.

0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:48.560
<v Speaker 4>I think it was your life.

0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:53.280
<v Speaker 2>But you committed because your back looked like it was

0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:56.320
<v Speaker 2>had a rod in it.

0:17:56.320 --> 0:17:58.040
<v Speaker 1>It must have been really hard for him. Huh.

0:17:58.640 --> 0:18:02.000
<v Speaker 4>He was like me nothing, because you're like thrust with

0:18:02.080 --> 0:18:02.800
<v Speaker 4>your hips. First.

0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:05.520
<v Speaker 2>I watched this whole tutorial on it.

0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:08.880
<v Speaker 4>You just like literally use everything he had to like pull.

0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:11.800
<v Speaker 1>You straight up, and I'm like, you can do Yeah.

0:18:11.680 --> 0:18:15.280
<v Speaker 4>You were just like you got it. Come on anyway. Anyways,

0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:17.880
<v Speaker 4>it's a Dear Bonny episode. We just wanted to give

0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:18.680
<v Speaker 4>a life update.

0:18:19.440 --> 0:18:21.280
<v Speaker 2>But we're gonna take a break and then we'll we'll

0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:39.399
<v Speaker 2>be back with the Dear Bonya. Wow, all right, we

0:18:39.560 --> 0:18:43.800
<v Speaker 2>are back. So it's just it's Tanya, me Emily, and

0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:46.160
<v Speaker 2>we're all just it's a girl's girl's world.

0:18:46.200 --> 0:18:49.959
<v Speaker 1>Here, girl's world. It's a girl's world, and you're lucky

0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:51.400
<v Speaker 1>to be living in it.

0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:53.600
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh.

0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:56.680
<v Speaker 5>I never I didn't sing you your song. Another year

0:18:56.760 --> 0:19:04.320
<v Speaker 5>has gone back and I'm still right by your side.

0:19:04.640 --> 0:19:05.920
<v Speaker 4>That was so funny.

0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:10.119
<v Speaker 2>I'll never forget that, Tanya saying it till Laura on

0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:12.440
<v Speaker 2>the couch when she is visiting, and Laura goes.

0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:16.520
<v Speaker 1>Oh, so.

0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:18.760
<v Speaker 4>Okay.

0:19:18.800 --> 0:19:22.720
<v Speaker 2>This Dear Bonya is anonymous and the title.

0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:24.359
<v Speaker 4>Is Feelings for a best Friend.

0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:28.920
<v Speaker 2>Hi, Bonya and Neaston, Mark and Easton need a ship

0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:29.600
<v Speaker 2>named too, but.

0:19:29.560 --> 0:19:30.240
<v Speaker 4>They're not here.

0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:34.199
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, longtime listener. I love the podcast and all of you.

0:19:34.280 --> 0:19:36.719
<v Speaker 2>I have recently caught feelings for one of my best friends.

0:19:36.760 --> 0:19:38.960
<v Speaker 2>It's a female friend and we are both queer. I

0:19:39.000 --> 0:19:41.879
<v Speaker 2>do not know whether these feelings are reciprocated, and regardless,

0:19:41.880 --> 0:19:44.000
<v Speaker 2>I have no intention to act on these feelings or

0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:46.120
<v Speaker 2>tell her how I feel. This is for a myriad

0:19:46.160 --> 0:19:48.320
<v Speaker 2>of reasons, primarily because I do not want to ruin

0:19:48.359 --> 0:19:50.600
<v Speaker 2>the friendship. My question is, how do you get over

0:19:50.640 --> 0:19:53.240
<v Speaker 2>someone you never even got to be with? Have any

0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.760
<v Speaker 2>of you ever experienced this. I've been trying to go

0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:57.359
<v Speaker 2>on dates with other people, and I hope that if

0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:00.359
<v Speaker 2>I meet someone new, the feelings will fait. But I

0:20:00.359 --> 0:20:02.640
<v Speaker 2>find myself comparing new people to her, and I get

0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:04.880
<v Speaker 2>really caught up in the what ifs. We have such

0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:06.960
<v Speaker 2>a deep understanding of each other, and every time we

0:20:07.040 --> 0:20:09.960
<v Speaker 2>talk or catch up, these feelings resurface. I'm worried too,

0:20:10.000 --> 0:20:11.760
<v Speaker 2>that if I get into a relationship that it would

0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:13.840
<v Speaker 2>be unfair to this new person if I'm not over

0:20:13.880 --> 0:20:15.440
<v Speaker 2>my friend. But I also feel like that may be

0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:16.840
<v Speaker 2>the only way to move on.

0:20:18.040 --> 0:20:22.879
<v Speaker 1>My advice might be not what she wants, but I

0:20:22.920 --> 0:20:23.719
<v Speaker 1>think go for it.

0:20:24.200 --> 0:20:27.479
<v Speaker 4>I think so too, because guess what, spoiler alert.

0:20:27.920 --> 0:20:31.600
<v Speaker 1>The minute she or you get into a relationship you relate,

0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:36.000
<v Speaker 1>your friendship is going to change no matter what, right Like,

0:20:36.800 --> 0:20:38.800
<v Speaker 1>That's just how it is, even in not not a

0:20:38.840 --> 0:20:40.080
<v Speaker 1>queer relationship, you know.

0:20:40.240 --> 0:20:42.560
<v Speaker 2>I do think it complicates things a little bit when

0:20:42.600 --> 0:20:47.080
<v Speaker 2>it is women like it is women being friends like,

0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:52.840
<v Speaker 2>because there's no excuse unless her new relationship, the person

0:20:52.880 --> 0:20:55.360
<v Speaker 2>she's in a relationship with, knows that she had feelings

0:20:55.400 --> 0:20:57.440
<v Speaker 2>for this friend. Then it becomes a problem because a

0:20:57.480 --> 0:20:59.919
<v Speaker 2>person's like you can't go and like have slumber parties

0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:01.879
<v Speaker 2>someone that you had strong feelings for, but if they

0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:04.200
<v Speaker 2>don't know, like if she just keeps it buried down,

0:21:04.920 --> 0:21:07.119
<v Speaker 2>It's like that fine line.

0:21:07.200 --> 0:21:10.040
<v Speaker 1>It does have an interesting element. It does because I

0:21:10.080 --> 0:21:13.399
<v Speaker 1>feel like with male and female friendships, if you have

0:21:13.440 --> 0:21:17.080
<v Speaker 1>a great if you are into men and you have

0:21:17.359 --> 0:21:19.800
<v Speaker 1>a male best friend, the minute you get into a

0:21:19.880 --> 0:21:23.280
<v Speaker 1>relationship that a male friendship is yeah, totally changes.

0:21:23.640 --> 0:21:25.240
<v Speaker 4>I mean, I mean, I'm not saying everybody.

0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:26.719
<v Speaker 2>Some people might be able to make that work, but

0:21:26.800 --> 0:21:28.720
<v Speaker 2>typically it's like there's just a shift.

0:21:28.400 --> 0:21:29.000
<v Speaker 4>In the friendship.

0:21:29.040 --> 0:21:30.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, like if you guys are tight hanging out every day,

0:21:31.160 --> 0:21:33.200
<v Speaker 1>like spoiler alert, you're not gonna hang out every day.

0:21:33.320 --> 0:21:36.560
<v Speaker 2>But I agree, I think even if like take the

0:21:36.840 --> 0:21:39.600
<v Speaker 2>queerness out of it, if you were hanging out, like

0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:41.119
<v Speaker 2>I had a friend who was a.

0:21:42.880 --> 0:21:43.480
<v Speaker 4>Guy friend.

0:21:43.640 --> 0:21:45.640
<v Speaker 2>He was one of my best friends, and he ended

0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:48.040
<v Speaker 2>up telling me he had feelings for me, and it

0:21:48.080 --> 0:21:51.520
<v Speaker 2>was just kind of like there was some space needed

0:21:51.600 --> 0:21:55.320
<v Speaker 2>to you know, move on from that and figure out

0:21:55.320 --> 0:21:57.760
<v Speaker 2>how to be friends after that information was shared. But

0:21:58.480 --> 0:22:00.240
<v Speaker 2>I think the ultimate thing was like I don't want

0:22:00.240 --> 0:22:02.320
<v Speaker 2>to lose this friendship. But I think it was important

0:22:02.359 --> 0:22:04.359
<v Speaker 2>that he told me how he felt, because if you

0:22:04.400 --> 0:22:06.240
<v Speaker 2>don't say anything, how will you ever know?

0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:07.960
<v Speaker 4>And you like the what is?

0:22:08.680 --> 0:22:09.960
<v Speaker 1>Could you imagine living with that?

0:22:09.960 --> 0:22:11.600
<v Speaker 4>What if that's what I'm saying? I mean?

0:22:11.640 --> 0:22:15.040
<v Speaker 2>And you might tell her and she she might be like, oh,

0:22:15.080 --> 0:22:15.880
<v Speaker 2>I feel the same way.

0:22:15.920 --> 0:22:17.640
<v Speaker 4>I was so scared. I didn't want to ruin the friendship.

0:22:17.720 --> 0:22:19.360
<v Speaker 2>Or she might be like, you know what, I love

0:22:19.400 --> 0:22:20.520
<v Speaker 2>you so much, but I don't see you in a

0:22:20.600 --> 0:22:24.760
<v Speaker 2>romantic way, but take the space you need. And I'm

0:22:24.760 --> 0:22:26.760
<v Speaker 2>always like, we're always gonna be friends, you know. I

0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:28.639
<v Speaker 2>think it's just it's going to weigh on you and

0:22:28.720 --> 0:22:30.639
<v Speaker 2>eat at you if you don't say something.

0:22:30.680 --> 0:22:32.399
<v Speaker 4>So I say go for it.

0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:35.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because like, play out both sides the worst that

0:22:35.440 --> 0:22:37.520
<v Speaker 1>can happen, and she doesn't have feelings for you, and

0:22:37.560 --> 0:22:39.080
<v Speaker 1>then you never have to live in that what is?

0:22:39.160 --> 0:22:41.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, then you can really move on because then you

0:22:41.359 --> 0:22:44.720
<v Speaker 2>don't feel guilty about thinking about what could have happened.

0:22:44.720 --> 0:22:47.000
<v Speaker 1>And then the best case scenario, she feels the same way,

0:22:47.080 --> 0:22:49.240
<v Speaker 1>and then you could have the greatest love story of

0:22:49.240 --> 0:22:49.720
<v Speaker 1>all time.

0:22:50.000 --> 0:22:51.840
<v Speaker 4>Or she might be like, oh my gosh, I've never

0:22:51.920 --> 0:22:54.320
<v Speaker 4>I need some time. I've never thought of about it. Yeah,

0:22:54.440 --> 0:22:56.719
<v Speaker 4>and she thinks say that I do have feelings for you,

0:22:56.800 --> 0:22:59.000
<v Speaker 4>so I think you say something.

0:22:59.119 --> 0:23:00.760
<v Speaker 1>I think you say something, and good luck.

0:23:01.080 --> 0:23:02.200
<v Speaker 4>Please report back.

0:23:02.480 --> 0:23:05.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, do you want to do the next?

0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:06.800
<v Speaker 1>Next one feels girthy.

0:23:07.520 --> 0:23:09.600
<v Speaker 4>It's a sister in law wedding drama.

0:23:09.480 --> 0:23:13.000
<v Speaker 1>Which, oh, okay, let's see. My name is Patrick and

0:23:13.040 --> 0:23:16.040
<v Speaker 1>my wife, Jessica, is a longtime listener, and now I'll

0:23:16.040 --> 0:23:18.280
<v Speaker 1>also listen when we're traveling or just hanging out on

0:23:18.280 --> 0:23:18.760
<v Speaker 1>the weekend.

0:23:18.840 --> 0:23:19.199
<v Speaker 3>Thank you.

0:23:19.880 --> 0:23:21.439
<v Speaker 1>I am thirty three years old and my wife is

0:23:21.480 --> 0:23:23.960
<v Speaker 1>thirty one. My wife's sister is my age and is

0:23:24.000 --> 0:23:28.760
<v Speaker 1>getting married in September. My wife's sister, so his sister's drama. Oh, right,

0:23:29.240 --> 0:23:31.760
<v Speaker 1>before I start. My wife's sister, who is getting married,

0:23:31.800 --> 0:23:35.399
<v Speaker 1>can be a lot. She has an old time friend

0:23:35.400 --> 0:23:38.760
<v Speaker 1>that she has made her man of honor. I'm pretty

0:23:38.760 --> 0:23:42.560
<v Speaker 1>sure they had a fling before she met her now fiance.

0:23:43.040 --> 0:23:45.880
<v Speaker 1>She's including him and all of the things. My wife's

0:23:45.960 --> 0:23:49.000
<v Speaker 1>other sister is the actual maid of honor, so no

0:23:49.040 --> 0:23:52.560
<v Speaker 1>one knows what this man's rule actually is. He's in

0:23:52.600 --> 0:23:55.960
<v Speaker 1>group text and making things uncomfy. By the sounds of it.

0:23:56.119 --> 0:23:59.640
<v Speaker 1>By talking about getting drunk, et cetera. The bride invited

0:23:59.640 --> 0:24:02.240
<v Speaker 1>this guy to the bachelorette party that is taking place

0:24:02.280 --> 0:24:05.239
<v Speaker 1>over a weekend in Michigan. My wife is uncomfortable with

0:24:05.280 --> 0:24:08.399
<v Speaker 1>a straight male whom neither of us has met, going

0:24:08.400 --> 0:24:11.399
<v Speaker 1>to this bachelorette party where it was thought to be her,

0:24:11.680 --> 0:24:14.720
<v Speaker 1>her other sisters, and a couple of the bride's friends.

0:24:15.240 --> 0:24:18.400
<v Speaker 1>It is understandable why everyone is uncomfortable with this situation.

0:24:18.560 --> 0:24:21.520
<v Speaker 1>I am uncomfortable with this random guy trying to get

0:24:21.560 --> 0:24:25.119
<v Speaker 1>super drunk around my wife and my sisters. Am I

0:24:25.240 --> 0:24:27.720
<v Speaker 1>being overprotective over my wife? Or should I tell the

0:24:27.760 --> 0:24:30.440
<v Speaker 1>bride he's got to go? Because this is very weird

0:24:30.480 --> 0:24:32.399
<v Speaker 1>behavior to have a guy that you might have had

0:24:32.440 --> 0:24:35.160
<v Speaker 1>a fling with be your man of honor. I also

0:24:35.160 --> 0:24:37.960
<v Speaker 1>think it's disrespectful to the bride soon to be husband.

0:24:38.480 --> 0:24:39.959
<v Speaker 4>Ooh, this is interesting.

0:24:41.960 --> 0:24:45.159
<v Speaker 1>Patrick. I love you because you're a scrubber. This is

0:24:45.160 --> 0:24:48.480
<v Speaker 1>so not your place. What do you mean it's not

0:24:48.560 --> 0:24:51.159
<v Speaker 1>his place. It's his sister in law's wedding. If she

0:24:51.280 --> 0:24:54.199
<v Speaker 1>wants this man of honor, that's her call. It's not

0:24:54.359 --> 0:24:56.520
<v Speaker 1>his call. If his wife doesn't want to go to

0:24:56.560 --> 0:24:59.680
<v Speaker 1>the bachelorette because's uncomfortable. That's her call, that's her decision.

0:25:00.400 --> 0:25:02.960
<v Speaker 1>He can't step in here. He's gonna be I think,

0:25:03.080 --> 0:25:03.640
<v Speaker 1>not gonna be good.

0:25:03.840 --> 0:25:04.480
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I agree.

0:25:04.520 --> 0:25:07.639
<v Speaker 2>I think if your wife is having an issue with

0:25:07.680 --> 0:25:10.360
<v Speaker 2>it and she doesn't feel comfortable going, I think that's

0:25:10.400 --> 0:25:12.600
<v Speaker 2>a conversation that she needs to have with her sister

0:25:13.440 --> 0:25:15.120
<v Speaker 2>so that there's just.

0:25:15.200 --> 0:25:17.639
<v Speaker 4>Boundaries set and there.

0:25:17.720 --> 0:25:21.000
<v Speaker 2>It's like it's not coming from like the chain the

0:25:21.080 --> 0:25:24.360
<v Speaker 2>telephone game of like I feel uncomfortable, my husband feels uncomfortable,

0:25:24.400 --> 0:25:25.199
<v Speaker 2>so I'm gonna say this.

0:25:25.359 --> 0:25:28.119
<v Speaker 4>You know, it's more like I feel uncomfortable. I know

0:25:28.200 --> 0:25:28.800
<v Speaker 4>this is your.

0:25:28.680 --> 0:25:31.199
<v Speaker 2>Friend, but I don't really understand it's gonna be a

0:25:31.200 --> 0:25:34.359
<v Speaker 2>bunch of women celebrating you and bringing in a straight

0:25:34.960 --> 0:25:37.679
<v Speaker 2>man makes me feel a little bit like uncomfortable in

0:25:37.720 --> 0:25:40.520
<v Speaker 2>this situation. So I might sit this one out and

0:25:40.560 --> 0:25:43.600
<v Speaker 2>that will probably cause some tension and drama.

0:25:43.840 --> 0:25:47.440
<v Speaker 1>It's also her prerogative, Yeah it is, but.

0:25:47.520 --> 0:25:49.040
<v Speaker 2>I think it's both of their I think it's the

0:25:49.119 --> 0:25:51.560
<v Speaker 2>sister's prerogative. But I think if they're all sharing, like

0:25:51.600 --> 0:25:53.240
<v Speaker 2>are they getting are they getting a house?

0:25:53.359 --> 0:25:58.200
<v Speaker 4>Is it like that is taking place over a weekend?

0:25:58.520 --> 0:26:01.040
<v Speaker 4>It's a whole weekend, right, it's a bacherette weekend.

0:26:01.119 --> 0:26:03.200
<v Speaker 1>They're going away and.

0:26:04.880 --> 0:26:07.720
<v Speaker 4>The house. Yeah, I don't know. How do you feel

0:26:07.760 --> 0:26:09.160
<v Speaker 4>like Robbie would think if you were?

0:26:09.240 --> 0:26:12.160
<v Speaker 1>If you if I'm I'm gonna invite Brad.

0:26:12.480 --> 0:26:13.360
<v Speaker 4>He's on straight though.

0:26:15.080 --> 0:26:17.879
<v Speaker 1>True, that is true.

0:26:19.280 --> 0:26:21.439
<v Speaker 2>Like, let's say you invited someone that you went on

0:26:21.480 --> 0:26:22.520
<v Speaker 2>a date a few dates with.

0:26:22.560 --> 0:26:23.400
<v Speaker 4>Or had feelings for.

0:26:23.520 --> 0:26:24.280
<v Speaker 1>Who would that be?

0:26:24.400 --> 0:26:28.159
<v Speaker 2>I don't know one of your doctor screen time, doctor W,

0:26:28.880 --> 0:26:31.439
<v Speaker 2>doctor W. What would he do if you were like

0:26:31.560 --> 0:26:34.280
<v Speaker 2>I really want doctor W to be at my bachelorette party,

0:26:34.359 --> 0:26:35.040
<v Speaker 2>and I.

0:26:35.880 --> 0:26:37.080
<v Speaker 1>Just would never do that.

0:26:37.240 --> 0:26:38.560
<v Speaker 4>I would never do that.

0:26:39.000 --> 0:26:41.480
<v Speaker 1>But what I'm saying is again it's the husband should

0:26:41.480 --> 0:26:43.640
<v Speaker 1>step in and say, hey, I don't want this bro

0:26:43.880 --> 0:26:45.760
<v Speaker 1>coming to your going to your bacherette. Like it's on

0:26:45.800 --> 0:26:47.760
<v Speaker 1>the husband, it's not on the brother in law.

0:26:47.880 --> 0:26:51.520
<v Speaker 2>I actually guess, yeah, if the husband or current fiance

0:26:51.760 --> 0:26:54.359
<v Speaker 2>is okay with it, Yeah, I guess to each his

0:26:54.440 --> 0:26:56.159
<v Speaker 2>own CORECT maybe.

0:26:55.880 --> 0:26:57.240
<v Speaker 4>The open relationship.

0:26:58.320 --> 0:27:00.719
<v Speaker 1>Like you don't know the inner workings of that. So

0:27:00.840 --> 0:27:04.040
<v Speaker 1>I say, Patrick, we love you, and we love you

0:27:04.119 --> 0:27:04.560
<v Speaker 1>so much.

0:27:04.640 --> 0:27:06.400
<v Speaker 2>We love you so much, and we love your respect,

0:27:06.480 --> 0:27:07.920
<v Speaker 2>we love your concern.

0:27:07.640 --> 0:27:10.280
<v Speaker 1>For the situation, concern, and we love you, but.

0:27:10.400 --> 0:27:13.280
<v Speaker 2>I think this is for your sister and her sister. Yeah,

0:27:13.280 --> 0:27:16.399
<v Speaker 2>and that is for the groom and the bride.

0:27:16.840 --> 0:27:18.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you gotta tap out, you gotta say.

0:27:18.359 --> 0:27:21.960
<v Speaker 4>I also agree that it's weird, right, it is very weird.

0:27:22.000 --> 0:27:26.320
<v Speaker 1>I just couldn't even picture. I could not picture. I

0:27:26.320 --> 0:27:27.160
<v Speaker 1>couldn't picture it.

0:27:27.800 --> 0:27:28.040
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:27:28.359 --> 0:27:31.199
<v Speaker 1>No, not even a guy that I went on dates with,

0:27:31.320 --> 0:27:33.560
<v Speaker 1>just like even a guy friend. I don't even have

0:27:33.560 --> 0:27:37.280
<v Speaker 1>any guys like Robert Graham. We always always go back

0:27:37.320 --> 0:27:40.920
<v Speaker 1>to Robert Graham. Imagine I invited Robert Graham to my

0:27:40.960 --> 0:27:41.800
<v Speaker 1>bachelor atte party.

0:27:42.160 --> 0:27:43.360
<v Speaker 4>That'd be uncle rule for.

0:27:43.720 --> 0:27:49.080
<v Speaker 1>Many, right, right, But anyway, love you, Patrick.

0:27:48.880 --> 0:27:49.880
<v Speaker 4>Love you, Patrick. Good luck.

0:27:49.880 --> 0:27:51.879
<v Speaker 2>Okay, we're gonna take a break and we have another

0:27:51.920 --> 0:27:55.919
<v Speaker 2>one coming and it's the title is seven year Relationship Ending.

0:27:56.240 --> 0:28:13.520
<v Speaker 3>Oh man, all right, we are back.

0:28:13.680 --> 0:28:17.960
<v Speaker 2>So this one is from anonymous and it says, last week,

0:28:18.160 --> 0:28:21.159
<v Speaker 2>very unexpectedly, my girlfriend of over seven years told me

0:28:21.200 --> 0:28:24.320
<v Speaker 2>she wanted a break from our relationship. We've both been

0:28:24.320 --> 0:28:26.760
<v Speaker 2>going through a lot lately. We recently moved across the

0:28:26.760 --> 0:28:28.760
<v Speaker 2>country to a new city, and she's been struggling to

0:28:28.760 --> 0:28:30.760
<v Speaker 2>make new friends, on top of having to cut off

0:28:30.800 --> 0:28:34.199
<v Speaker 2>communication with her parents for their toxic behavior. For me,

0:28:34.359 --> 0:28:37.119
<v Speaker 2>work has been very stressful and has taken up a

0:28:37.119 --> 0:28:39.080
<v Speaker 2>lot of energy, and I feel completely out of my

0:28:39.120 --> 0:28:40.360
<v Speaker 2>comfort zone since moving.

0:28:40.760 --> 0:28:42.320
<v Speaker 4>Despite this, I thought we were solid.

0:28:42.320 --> 0:28:44.240
<v Speaker 2>We've been through a lot together and we've always come

0:28:44.280 --> 0:28:47.000
<v Speaker 2>out of the other side closer and stronger. But last

0:28:47.000 --> 0:28:48.800
<v Speaker 2>week she told me she felt like something in our

0:28:48.840 --> 0:28:51.200
<v Speaker 2>relationship is missing and that we can't give each other

0:28:51.240 --> 0:28:53.800
<v Speaker 2>what we need. She feels like I don't fully understand

0:28:53.800 --> 0:28:55.560
<v Speaker 2>how difficult things have been for her and that she.

0:28:55.520 --> 0:28:56.200
<v Speaker 4>Can't lean on me.

0:28:56.320 --> 0:28:58.680
<v Speaker 2>She asked for a three month break, but to me,

0:28:58.760 --> 0:29:00.479
<v Speaker 2>it just sounds like she wants to end things.

0:29:00.800 --> 0:29:02.480
<v Speaker 4>I am utterly devastated.

0:29:02.840 --> 0:29:04.520
<v Speaker 2>I know I've struggled to be the best version of

0:29:04.520 --> 0:29:06.880
<v Speaker 2>myself lately, juggling work and adjusting to the move.

0:29:06.920 --> 0:29:08.680
<v Speaker 4>But I love her so much and there's nothing I

0:29:08.840 --> 0:29:09.760
<v Speaker 4>wouldn't do for her.

0:29:10.040 --> 0:29:12.480
<v Speaker 2>We've built a beautiful life together that is so intertwined.

0:29:12.520 --> 0:29:14.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm terrified of what the future looks like without her

0:29:14.720 --> 0:29:16.680
<v Speaker 2>in it. She's the first woman I've ever been with

0:29:16.760 --> 0:29:19.280
<v Speaker 2>and the only person I've ever loved. I can't imagine

0:29:19.320 --> 0:29:22.040
<v Speaker 2>ever having a love like this again. I feel like

0:29:22.080 --> 0:29:23.520
<v Speaker 2>my life is over. I don't know what to do.

0:29:23.560 --> 0:29:25.239
<v Speaker 2>I booked a flight home to my parents the day

0:29:25.240 --> 0:29:26.880
<v Speaker 2>after she broke up with me, and the only thing

0:29:26.920 --> 0:29:28.800
<v Speaker 2>that kept me from being a complete and total mess

0:29:28.840 --> 0:29:31.720
<v Speaker 2>on the plane was your podcast. Oh thank you back

0:29:31.720 --> 0:29:33.480
<v Speaker 2>to Tanya, Mark and Easton for the comfort and.

0:29:33.440 --> 0:29:38.200
<v Speaker 4>Laughter you all provide. First of all, I'm so sorry

0:29:38.360 --> 0:29:39.840
<v Speaker 4>this is ok here.

0:29:39.920 --> 0:29:41.360
<v Speaker 1>Is this a guy or a girl? We don't know.

0:29:42.200 --> 0:29:44.680
<v Speaker 4>I'm guessing a woman, but.

0:29:46.240 --> 0:29:46.760
<v Speaker 1>We don't know.

0:29:46.880 --> 0:29:47.440
<v Speaker 4>We don't know.

0:29:48.840 --> 0:29:49.520
<v Speaker 1>I was gonna say.

0:29:49.360 --> 0:29:51.760
<v Speaker 4>She's the first woman I've ever been with, so I'm assuming.

0:29:51.920 --> 0:29:56.320
<v Speaker 1>Okay, yeah, yeah, context clear, there you go. Yeah yeah, yeah.

0:29:56.680 --> 0:30:01.160
<v Speaker 2>I think seven years to invest in a relationship is

0:30:01.200 --> 0:30:04.959
<v Speaker 2>going to be devastating, no matter what the ending is

0:30:05.240 --> 0:30:08.680
<v Speaker 2>or who you are or why it ended. I think

0:30:08.760 --> 0:30:13.200
<v Speaker 2>it's just it's devastating. I think when you put that

0:30:13.320 --> 0:30:16.240
<v Speaker 2>much knowing what it takes to have a good relationship

0:30:16.280 --> 0:30:20.240
<v Speaker 2>and the effort and like the energy that you put

0:30:20.320 --> 0:30:24.280
<v Speaker 2>into a relationship to know that it can be over

0:30:24.480 --> 0:30:28.040
<v Speaker 2>and it's not your choice is a really.

0:30:29.320 --> 0:30:31.840
<v Speaker 1>Devastating. Yeah, it's really traumatized.

0:30:32.200 --> 0:30:33.520
<v Speaker 4>And yeah, I just think.

0:30:33.320 --> 0:30:37.440
<v Speaker 2>It's it's part of life because you see how resilient

0:30:37.520 --> 0:30:39.480
<v Speaker 2>you are. And I think in your mind right now,

0:30:39.520 --> 0:30:41.160
<v Speaker 2>like you said, do you feel like your life is over?

0:30:41.280 --> 0:30:45.440
<v Speaker 2>But this might be the beginning of something amazing for you.

0:30:45.680 --> 0:30:49.360
<v Speaker 1>Let me tell you something, Anonymous, you deserve so much

0:30:49.400 --> 0:30:51.560
<v Speaker 1>better than someone that's gonna be with you for seven

0:30:51.640 --> 0:30:55.000
<v Speaker 1>years and then ask for a three month break. I'm sorry,

0:30:55.160 --> 0:30:58.200
<v Speaker 1>you deserve better than that. It's been seven years, but

0:30:58.280 --> 0:31:00.600
<v Speaker 1>you're looking for seventy years. You're looking for the person

0:31:00.600 --> 0:31:04.160
<v Speaker 1>that can take you the full lifetime. And this is

0:31:04.200 --> 0:31:06.600
<v Speaker 1>not her. She is not worth your time, she is

0:31:06.640 --> 0:31:10.080
<v Speaker 1>not worth your energy wanting a break. I'm sorry. That's

0:31:10.080 --> 0:31:12.320
<v Speaker 1>not what a relationship is. Yeah, I can't just say

0:31:12.320 --> 0:31:14.040
<v Speaker 1>I sorry, I ney a three month break and then

0:31:14.080 --> 0:31:14.840
<v Speaker 1>I'll get back to you.

0:31:14.880 --> 0:31:14.960
<v Speaker 6>Like.

0:31:15.000 --> 0:31:18.520
<v Speaker 1>No, I'm not like a I'm not a pink carton

0:31:18.520 --> 0:31:20.480
<v Speaker 1>of milk in the refrigerator you can just put aside

0:31:20.520 --> 0:31:23.920
<v Speaker 1>and then come back to me when I spoiled. Spoiled, Yeah,

0:31:24.000 --> 0:31:26.600
<v Speaker 1>milk wasn't the right Uh.

0:31:26.720 --> 0:31:28.120
<v Speaker 4>I'm not a bottle of wine.

0:31:28.360 --> 0:31:30.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm not a pair of winter boots that you can

0:31:30.160 --> 0:31:32.160
<v Speaker 1>just put in the back of the closet. During summer

0:31:32.160 --> 0:31:34.040
<v Speaker 1>and then just after three months bring them back out

0:31:34.040 --> 0:31:34.720
<v Speaker 1>and wear them again.

0:31:34.880 --> 0:31:37.080
<v Speaker 4>Right, Yeah, you can't do that. You're not that.

0:31:37.160 --> 0:31:39.080
<v Speaker 1>You're so much better than that, And that is a

0:31:39.280 --> 0:31:42.520
<v Speaker 1>that that partner is somebody that is weak, and you

0:31:42.600 --> 0:31:43.760
<v Speaker 1>deserve somebody that is strong.

0:31:44.120 --> 0:31:44.600
<v Speaker 4>I think that.

0:31:45.320 --> 0:31:48.200
<v Speaker 2>I also think that it sounds like y'all have recently

0:31:48.200 --> 0:31:49.640
<v Speaker 2>gone through a lot, and I don't know if.

0:31:49.640 --> 0:31:53.120
<v Speaker 4>Y'all have tried couples therapy, but I also think if

0:31:53.160 --> 0:31:53.840
<v Speaker 4>she didn't.

0:31:54.080 --> 0:31:55.920
<v Speaker 2>First of all, I think asking for a three month

0:31:56.040 --> 0:31:58.360
<v Speaker 2>break is strange because why three months?

0:31:58.520 --> 0:32:01.440
<v Speaker 1>There's something there, Like there's something there that we don't know.

0:32:01.480 --> 0:32:03.160
<v Speaker 1>The three month break makes me feel like she wants

0:32:03.200 --> 0:32:03.800
<v Speaker 1>to have her cake and.

0:32:03.840 --> 0:32:06.920
<v Speaker 4>Eat Yeah, Like, what are the boundaries of a break.

0:32:09.640 --> 0:32:09.920
<v Speaker 1>Dance?

0:32:10.080 --> 0:32:12.120
<v Speaker 2>What does a break look like? Because it sounds like

0:32:12.280 --> 0:32:14.320
<v Speaker 2>if she wants to be broken up, she needs to

0:32:14.360 --> 0:32:16.440
<v Speaker 2>be very clear with you because you shouldn't even hold

0:32:16.480 --> 0:32:19.320
<v Speaker 2>on to hope that there's going to be a rekindling

0:32:19.520 --> 0:32:22.560
<v Speaker 2>if that's not her intention. And I also think that

0:32:23.320 --> 0:32:25.840
<v Speaker 2>I had a friend who was with her girlfriend for

0:32:25.960 --> 0:32:28.560
<v Speaker 2>I think like five years and they broke up and

0:32:28.640 --> 0:32:32.160
<v Speaker 2>within a year she met the love of her life

0:32:32.160 --> 0:32:35.880
<v Speaker 2>and literally just got married yesterday, my friend Sierra, and

0:32:35.920 --> 0:32:38.120
<v Speaker 2>it was like there was a sense of, oh my gosh,

0:32:38.160 --> 0:32:43.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm devastated. This is you know, ended, and but then

0:32:43.440 --> 0:32:46.280
<v Speaker 2>something beautiful came of it and they're both happy. You know,

0:32:46.320 --> 0:32:48.600
<v Speaker 2>they're both split up, but they're both happy.

0:32:48.640 --> 0:32:51.800
<v Speaker 1>And sometimes look at people who get people get divorced,

0:32:52.120 --> 0:32:55.480
<v Speaker 1>they're married, they go through a really bad breakup, they

0:32:55.480 --> 0:32:58.200
<v Speaker 1>go through divorce, and then their lives are even better

0:32:58.520 --> 0:33:00.400
<v Speaker 1>post divorced. They didn't even think that it could be

0:33:00.440 --> 0:33:03.280
<v Speaker 1>loved like that. Yeah, So I think that this is.

0:33:03.560 --> 0:33:06.520
<v Speaker 2>I think let yourself grieve your relationship and let the people,

0:33:06.560 --> 0:33:09.920
<v Speaker 2>let your parents, the people who support you and love

0:33:09.960 --> 0:33:13.640
<v Speaker 2>you like really surround you right now, and really learn

0:33:13.920 --> 0:33:17.120
<v Speaker 2>how to be by yourself during this time, because this

0:33:17.200 --> 0:33:19.440
<v Speaker 2>is a chance to learn who you are and what

0:33:19.560 --> 0:33:21.680
<v Speaker 2>you're looking like, because all you've known for seven years

0:33:21.720 --> 0:33:24.920
<v Speaker 2>is the person you were with this person. And I

0:33:25.000 --> 0:33:27.600
<v Speaker 2>think that it's okay to be sad right now, and

0:33:27.640 --> 0:33:30.480
<v Speaker 2>it's also okay to be hopeful that something better is coming.

0:33:30.760 --> 0:33:34.680
<v Speaker 1>I agree, And we love you. We love you so much, Anonymous,

0:33:34.720 --> 0:33:41.400
<v Speaker 1>so much, all right, Tanya from Ashlynn, Hello Tanya Beckham

0:33:41.440 --> 0:33:43.640
<v Speaker 1>Mark and Easton. First, I wanted to say thank you

0:33:43.680 --> 0:33:46.240
<v Speaker 1>for this podcast. I listen in weekly and it always

0:33:46.280 --> 0:33:48.840
<v Speaker 1>brightens my day. Also, I would like to say I'm

0:33:48.840 --> 0:33:52.480
<v Speaker 1>a Tanya todt Hey. I feel like I'm a Tanya

0:33:52.560 --> 0:33:55.320
<v Speaker 1>when she was single before Robbie, and we seem to

0:33:55.360 --> 0:33:58.000
<v Speaker 1>have a lot of similarities. I'm thirty one and living

0:33:58.000 --> 0:33:59.720
<v Speaker 1>on my own and I have been through a dating

0:33:59.800 --> 0:34:02.239
<v Speaker 1>role coaster that I can't seem to get off of,

0:34:02.280 --> 0:34:06.680
<v Speaker 1>though I have done all dating apps, been to speed dating, singles,

0:34:06.760 --> 0:34:10.200
<v Speaker 1>night events at bars and restaurants, a dinner event with

0:34:10.280 --> 0:34:14.200
<v Speaker 1>seven strangers. Sadly, four out of the seven strangers were married,

0:34:14.680 --> 0:34:17.480
<v Speaker 1>and this totally sounds like me. And I've even hired

0:34:17.520 --> 0:34:21.120
<v Speaker 1>a matchmaker, which hasn't been going well. Wow. I'm looking

0:34:21.160 --> 0:34:24.160
<v Speaker 1>for a man in the same stage of life as me. Single,

0:34:24.320 --> 0:34:28.400
<v Speaker 1>career driven, ambitious, no kids, but wants kids and marriage

0:34:28.440 --> 0:34:32.560
<v Speaker 1>and good personality and family oriented. My question is for Tanya,

0:34:32.600 --> 0:34:34.600
<v Speaker 1>when you were dating, did you have a set criteria

0:34:34.640 --> 0:34:36.560
<v Speaker 1>that you were looking for in a partner, i e.

0:34:36.680 --> 0:34:39.479
<v Speaker 1>No kids or some religion upbringing. And if you did

0:34:39.480 --> 0:34:42.160
<v Speaker 1>have a set criteria, when did you start opening up

0:34:42.200 --> 0:34:45.400
<v Speaker 1>the criteria to meet more men that you weren't necessarily dating,

0:34:45.760 --> 0:34:48.640
<v Speaker 1>but then ultimately led you to finally find Robbie. Please help.

0:34:48.640 --> 0:34:49.439
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much.

0:34:50.040 --> 0:34:52.359
<v Speaker 2>I feel like there is a podcast episode that someone

0:34:52.400 --> 0:34:55.000
<v Speaker 2>sent us where you were like, divorced with kids is

0:34:55.040 --> 0:34:57.920
<v Speaker 2>total like you were not that was totally fine for you.

0:34:57.960 --> 0:35:00.960
<v Speaker 2>That was never like a criteria.

0:35:02.440 --> 0:35:14.040
<v Speaker 6>Breathing alive, single single, single, breathing alive, wears clothes in public,

0:35:15.680 --> 0:35:16.400
<v Speaker 6>has a job.

0:35:17.000 --> 0:35:17.200
<v Speaker 5>You know.

0:35:17.400 --> 0:35:21.560
<v Speaker 1>My criteria was basic. Could not have been more basic.

0:35:22.400 --> 0:35:27.560
<v Speaker 1>So really, my advice to you is, let's not have criteria.

0:35:28.360 --> 0:35:31.719
<v Speaker 1>Let's throw caution to the wind and not set up

0:35:31.760 --> 0:35:36.120
<v Speaker 1>those boundaries because guess what you're gonna I do feel

0:35:36.120 --> 0:35:37.920
<v Speaker 1>like at one point I did have a list. Remember

0:35:37.920 --> 0:35:38.919
<v Speaker 1>my list was like what.

0:35:39.000 --> 0:35:40.920
<v Speaker 4>I of all my dream man?

0:35:41.120 --> 0:35:45.040
<v Speaker 1>Right, your dream man? Right, You're it comes at too fast.

0:35:45.800 --> 0:35:47.640
<v Speaker 1>My list was at the top of my list was

0:35:47.760 --> 0:35:50.799
<v Speaker 1>Christian man. And I end up not marrying a Jewish man.

0:35:50.960 --> 0:35:57.440
<v Speaker 1>So let's just put the lists away, I know. And

0:35:57.480 --> 0:35:59.360
<v Speaker 1>it's so funny because it's like that's what the I

0:35:59.360 --> 0:36:01.200
<v Speaker 1>feel like. That's the guest piece of advice people give

0:36:01.239 --> 0:36:04.160
<v Speaker 1>you is like, how are you gonna find someone? If

0:36:04.200 --> 0:36:07.200
<v Speaker 1>you don't know what you're looking for, you know, like

0:36:07.239 --> 0:36:10.400
<v Speaker 1>you would never go for a job without a job listing.

0:36:10.480 --> 0:36:12.640
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, okay, so everybody makes you make this

0:36:12.760 --> 0:36:16.520
<v Speaker 1>list and you're setting yourself up for failure because it's

0:36:16.600 --> 0:36:19.640
<v Speaker 1>not about the list. It's not about that stuff, like

0:36:19.719 --> 0:36:22.600
<v Speaker 1>it really isn't. It's about the person and the human

0:36:22.640 --> 0:36:25.319
<v Speaker 1>being that they are, Like that is your soulmate, that

0:36:25.360 --> 0:36:27.120
<v Speaker 1>is the person that you're connected to on a such

0:36:27.120 --> 0:36:31.200
<v Speaker 1>a deeper level. All that other stuff fits in into play,

0:36:31.320 --> 0:36:33.440
<v Speaker 1>and you learn how to navigate if there are certain

0:36:33.480 --> 0:36:36.520
<v Speaker 1>things that maybe don't gel or fit the way that

0:36:36.600 --> 0:36:38.920
<v Speaker 1>you want them to. But I feel like that's like

0:36:38.960 --> 0:36:42.640
<v Speaker 1>the biggest thing is you know what was her criteria?

0:36:43.640 --> 0:36:48.520
<v Speaker 1>And her criteria was no kids, but wants kids in marriage,

0:36:48.560 --> 0:36:51.719
<v Speaker 1>a good personality and family. It's a lot, you know, yeah,

0:36:51.800 --> 0:36:54.439
<v Speaker 1>I mean career driven, ambitious, Like you maybe might find

0:36:54.480 --> 0:36:56.799
<v Speaker 1>someone that is not all of these things. You might

0:36:57.080 --> 0:36:59.759
<v Speaker 1>find someone that already has kids and wants more.

0:37:00.280 --> 0:37:02.240
<v Speaker 2>I also think though, that like a lot of people,

0:37:02.400 --> 0:37:05.480
<v Speaker 2>once they meet someone that they just connect with, like

0:37:05.520 --> 0:37:07.160
<v Speaker 2>you said, the list goes out the window and they're

0:37:07.200 --> 0:37:10.640
<v Speaker 2>still like the mentality is like, oh my gosh, this

0:37:10.680 --> 0:37:13.240
<v Speaker 2>person is everything I was looking for, but not according

0:37:13.280 --> 0:37:15.680
<v Speaker 2>to their list. They're just it's everything they were looking

0:37:15.719 --> 0:37:18.480
<v Speaker 2>for in terms of what they envisioned themselves being like

0:37:18.520 --> 0:37:19.440
<v Speaker 2>in a relationship.

0:37:19.560 --> 0:37:19.960
<v Speaker 1>Correct.

0:37:20.080 --> 0:37:23.680
<v Speaker 2>And I think that the list hold us back because

0:37:23.680 --> 0:37:25.719
<v Speaker 2>we have this unrealistic thing of.

0:37:27.160 --> 0:37:28.760
<v Speaker 1>I wish you still had your list.

0:37:29.200 --> 0:37:32.279
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure I could find one somewhere like plays football,

0:37:33.160 --> 0:37:34.560
<v Speaker 2>No watches football.

0:37:34.800 --> 0:37:37.080
<v Speaker 4>I don't think that was ever was never on your list.

0:37:37.120 --> 0:37:37.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm shook by that.

0:37:38.400 --> 0:37:42.520
<v Speaker 2>No, oh wow, No, football wasn't on there. But like religion,

0:37:42.680 --> 0:37:47.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, someone Christian wanted kids, Like all the things

0:37:47.239 --> 0:37:51.000
<v Speaker 2>that I just think that I was supposed to want

0:37:51.040 --> 0:37:54.960
<v Speaker 2>were on there, right, And like, like I said, life

0:37:55.040 --> 0:37:57.680
<v Speaker 2>came quickly, like came in like a wrecking ball on

0:37:57.719 --> 0:38:01.040
<v Speaker 2>that list, and I I just think that, like now

0:38:01.080 --> 0:38:04.320
<v Speaker 2>I look at the what you feel like you want,

0:38:04.400 --> 0:38:06.480
<v Speaker 2>and I look at my relationship with Halene, and I'm like,

0:38:06.480 --> 0:38:08.239
<v Speaker 2>oh my gosh, this is even better than I ever

0:38:08.320 --> 0:38:11.040
<v Speaker 2>imagined a relationship being like I always thought i'd be

0:38:11.280 --> 0:38:15.360
<v Speaker 2>someone who really needed my space and yeah, felt claustrophobic

0:38:15.360 --> 0:38:15.960
<v Speaker 2>in a relationship.

0:38:16.040 --> 0:38:18.200
<v Speaker 1>Really probably had on your list, like lives in City

0:38:18.760 --> 0:38:21.560
<v Speaker 1>lives in New York City, myos coastal.

0:38:21.480 --> 0:38:24.200
<v Speaker 2>And I just think that what happens is you find

0:38:24.200 --> 0:38:28.040
<v Speaker 2>someone like you found Robbie, and it's like he's everything

0:38:28.040 --> 0:38:30.680
<v Speaker 2>that you wanted. But if you had listed out who

0:38:30.680 --> 0:38:32.680
<v Speaker 2>he was, maybe on paper he wanted him.

0:38:32.800 --> 0:38:34.959
<v Speaker 1>And you know what's crazy. I think about this all

0:38:35.000 --> 0:38:39.080
<v Speaker 1>the time because he necessarily wasn't what I wanted on paper?

0:38:39.440 --> 0:38:40.760
<v Speaker 1>Do you know what I mean? Like on my list?

0:38:41.400 --> 0:38:43.680
<v Speaker 1>What if I'd never gone on that first date with Robbie.

0:38:43.840 --> 0:38:46.200
<v Speaker 1>I knew on my first date with Robbie that I

0:38:46.200 --> 0:38:47.839
<v Speaker 1>didn't know for sure I was going to marry the guy,

0:38:47.920 --> 0:38:49.960
<v Speaker 1>but I knew on our first date that it was

0:38:50.040 --> 0:38:54.279
<v Speaker 1>like so different, Like I knew, like literally I had

0:38:54.280 --> 0:38:57.399
<v Speaker 1>like visceral reactions in my body. And had I knock

0:38:57.400 --> 0:38:59.799
<v Speaker 1>gone on that date because he didn't fit my criteria

0:39:00.120 --> 0:39:03.439
<v Speaker 1>my lists, who knows what I'd be doing right now?

0:39:03.800 --> 0:39:07.120
<v Speaker 4>I know it's so true. So I say to anonymous, like, no,

0:39:07.160 --> 0:39:07.720
<v Speaker 4>it's Ashlan.

0:39:07.800 --> 0:39:09.200
<v Speaker 1>Actually, oh, I.

0:39:09.120 --> 0:39:13.800
<v Speaker 2>Say to Ashlin, let yourself like be free from the list.

0:39:14.000 --> 0:39:19.000
<v Speaker 4>Free from the list. If not now, when? If not you? Who?

0:39:19.480 --> 0:39:20.840
<v Speaker 4>If not here? Where?

0:39:21.360 --> 0:39:22.680
<v Speaker 1>If not now? Never?

0:39:23.560 --> 0:39:25.799
<v Speaker 4>Well nod? If not now when?

0:39:25.880 --> 0:39:26.240
<v Speaker 1>Shoot?

0:39:26.360 --> 0:39:27.880
<v Speaker 4>So we don't know.

0:39:28.000 --> 0:39:30.200
<v Speaker 1>Not today, not tomorrow.

0:39:30.480 --> 0:39:31.680
<v Speaker 4>No, no, that's not out.

0:39:32.440 --> 0:39:37.919
<v Speaker 1>Not tomorrow today, not tomorrow today. Sure, yeah, it's time, Ashlin, Yes,

0:39:38.160 --> 0:39:40.720
<v Speaker 1>it's time that you are thirty one. You are stepping

0:39:40.760 --> 0:39:44.120
<v Speaker 1>out of your criteria and list and who knows what

0:39:44.160 --> 0:39:45.920
<v Speaker 1>if you have a man that's your list and you

0:39:46.000 --> 0:39:46.760
<v Speaker 1>end up with a woman.

0:39:47.600 --> 0:39:52.000
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, Ashlynn, you don't know, Ashlin.

0:39:52.520 --> 0:39:55.280
<v Speaker 2>I want you to physically throw the list out the window,

0:39:55.320 --> 0:39:57.000
<v Speaker 2>whip it out, and then go pick it up and

0:39:57.040 --> 0:39:57.680
<v Speaker 2>throw it in the trash.

0:39:57.760 --> 0:40:00.480
<v Speaker 1>But get rid of it, get rid of the the list.

0:40:01.320 --> 0:40:04.920
<v Speaker 1>It's about the being. It's about the being and the connection.

0:40:05.440 --> 0:40:07.880
<v Speaker 1>You can't you can't write that stuff down on paper.

0:40:08.840 --> 0:40:09.759
<v Speaker 4>You can't write it down.

0:40:09.920 --> 0:40:13.600
<v Speaker 1>You really can't. Once you feel it in the vagina, yeah,

0:40:13.719 --> 0:40:14.439
<v Speaker 1>it takes over.

0:40:14.600 --> 0:40:16.920
<v Speaker 4>The list is out the door once it's in the vagina.

0:40:17.080 --> 0:40:18.239
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, exactly.

0:40:19.400 --> 0:40:19.759
<v Speaker 5>All right.

0:40:19.800 --> 0:40:22.720
<v Speaker 2>Well, in that note, we are done with today's episode

0:40:22.719 --> 0:40:24.839
<v Speaker 2>of Dear Bonio, but we will be back next week

0:40:24.920 --> 0:40:27.080
<v Speaker 2>and you can dm us on Instagram at scrubbing in

0:40:27.160 --> 0:40:30.400
<v Speaker 2>pot or email us at scrubbing in iHeartMedia dot com.

0:40:30.840 --> 0:40:35.200
<v Speaker 4>Tanya, it was a pleasure, pleasure was almos No no, no, no,

0:40:35.000 --> 0:40:35.719
<v Speaker 4>no no no no.

0:40:36.239 --> 0:40:36.919
<v Speaker 1>I can eat the cake.

0:40:37.880 --> 0:40:39.799
<v Speaker 4>Well, I'm gonna take it home. Yeah, I have to

0:40:39.800 --> 0:40:40.279
<v Speaker 4>eat lunch.

0:40:40.960 --> 0:40:42.799
<v Speaker 1>Yeah all right. Love you by