1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:05,039 Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rat An iHeartRadio podcast. 2 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,719 Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. 3 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 1: Scrub a dumb a dumb. 4 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:18,560 Speaker 3: Wow. 5 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 2: That had like a sensual jazz tone to it. 6 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:27,440 Speaker 1: I'm in my ovulatory phase, so I'm feeling a little 7 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:28,840 Speaker 1: sexual and sensual today. 8 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,320 Speaker 4: Oh great, Thank you so much for sharing with you 9 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 4: all of us. 10 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:32,880 Speaker 1: You're so welcome. 11 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 4: Thank you. 12 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:41,199 Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, well prepared for that information, but I do 13 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:42,000 Speaker 2: appreciate it. 14 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 1: Did I catch you off guard? 15 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,440 Speaker 4: Glad to know where you are? In your face? Yes, 16 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 4: I think I'm ludial? 17 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, pre period, Yes, a little in your feels 18 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 1: uh not feels a little dark. I was a little dark, 19 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: a little tired, very tired. 20 00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 5: Yeah. 21 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 2: I also just got back from the Louisiana last night, 22 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:02,639 Speaker 2: so I'm like very tired on. 23 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:08,959 Speaker 4: Top of just ludial tired. She Oh that's rough. But 24 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,399 Speaker 4: I'm so excited to be here with you. Are you 25 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:12,319 Speaker 4: so excited? 26 00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: Want to talk about your trip to Louisiana? 27 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:18,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I went to Louisiana to see my nephew. 28 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,000 Speaker 2: I if you are from the South, football is like 29 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,640 Speaker 2: a culture in the South, Like it is like you 30 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 2: start him young, and it is game time from as 31 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:31,039 Speaker 2: soon as they start flag football till they're you know, 32 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:35,120 Speaker 2: beyond that. So I have four nephews and all of 33 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,840 Speaker 2: them are in football, and I haven't I've gotten to 34 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 2: see a couple of them play here and there, but 35 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,319 Speaker 2: they all play during the week, and this was the 36 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,760 Speaker 2: last week that they all had a game when I 37 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,040 Speaker 2: was there, so I was like, I'm just gonna head 38 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,800 Speaker 2: out there and see them all play. So I got 39 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 2: to watch them all and it was so fun. My 40 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 2: sister Katie, she's my oldest sister. I'm just amazed by 41 00:01:56,280 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 2: what she does with five children. Honestly, it's the schedule 42 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 2: of getting the kids to school and then getting the 43 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 2: kids to practice, and she has a baby that's won 44 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,320 Speaker 2: so she has a toddler that. 45 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:10,359 Speaker 4: She's chasing around. 46 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,480 Speaker 2: I was like, I am exhausted when I've done a 47 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:15,639 Speaker 2: couple loads of laundry. 48 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 4: It's crazy. 49 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, seeing it first hand, I'm sure, because it's like 50 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,639 Speaker 1: you can imagine it, but then seeing it first hand 51 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:24,720 Speaker 1: takes it to a whole other level. 52 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 2: We also, I'm one of five kids, but we were 53 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,440 Speaker 2: all girls. We were four girls and a boy, so 54 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 2: we were like flipped that, so it's like the energy 55 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,320 Speaker 2: is a little different. But also I was in it, 56 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 2: so I don't know what it was like being a 57 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 2: parent to it, but just thinking of the contrast of 58 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:41,640 Speaker 2: my life and. 59 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 4: Like the things that exhausted really were put into perspective. 60 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like you don't even know. 61 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, but she also is just like it's her, like 62 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 2: she loves it, It's what she wanted. So it's very 63 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 2: much just like, yeah, this is this is what this 64 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,320 Speaker 2: is every day and I'm like, wow, so. 65 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 4: You never aren't doing these things. 66 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,919 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty wild to like imagine, Like I feel 67 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: like trying to figure out my own schedule is challenging 68 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,640 Speaker 1: in and of itself. Throwing in five other humans into 69 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 1: that mix is pretty wild. 70 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 4: Crazy, But it was. 71 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,640 Speaker 2: It was really fun and my parents droven so I 72 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:19,360 Speaker 2: got to see my parents too, so it was great. 73 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 4: Good times. Got back last night and here we are. 74 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 1: And you did you started celebrating your birthday. 75 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,120 Speaker 4: Oh oh my gosh, thank you for reminding me. 76 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,200 Speaker 1: So that's what I'm here for. 77 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,800 Speaker 4: Just so, when I flew. 78 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 2: Into Louisiana, I got there at like eight at night, 79 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 2: and so normally the whole family comes to get me, 80 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 2: Like it's really cute because like everyone's there at the 81 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:47,520 Speaker 2: airport when when you land, and it was like my mom, 82 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 2: my dad, my brother in law, one of my nephews, 83 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 2: and then the baby Harlowe and the vibe was kind 84 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,320 Speaker 2: of weird, and I was like, did something happen? 85 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 3: Is ever? 86 00:03:58,040 --> 00:03:59,320 Speaker 4: Like everyone was talking kind of. 87 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: Weird as they would as they would. 88 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,800 Speaker 4: And I asked my mom. I was like, is everything okay? 89 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:06,320 Speaker 4: And she's like, yeah, yeah, you know. 90 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 2: So then I get to their house and I walk 91 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 2: in and it's like dimly lit and there's like the most. 92 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 4: Beautiful setup I know. 93 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 2: So my sister and my mom are so talented and 94 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,280 Speaker 2: like thoughtful and how they decorate and stuff. And it 95 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,840 Speaker 2: was an early birthday celebration and she did it and 96 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,359 Speaker 2: like it was inspired by love Shack Fancy and so it. 97 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,479 Speaker 4: Was like bows and like it was just so beautiful. 98 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,480 Speaker 4: It literally looked like a work event dinner. Yeah, it 99 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 4: was so pretty. 100 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 2: It was so cul So they surprised me and then 101 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 2: they got me a gift. I'm really wanting to do 102 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,080 Speaker 2: a gallery wall in my house of just like random pieces, 103 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,960 Speaker 2: like things that mean a lot to me, So like 104 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 2: framed art frame like that I did that like paint 105 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,680 Speaker 2: by diamonds thing, you know, and like. 106 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,360 Speaker 1: Oh so just not like photos, like all different photos. 107 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,360 Speaker 4: But then like I got this. 108 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 2: I found this print that says Chateau mor Mom, which 109 00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 2: is where Haley and I had like our drinks for 110 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 2: the first time. So I want to frame that, but 111 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 2: my mom and my sister got me a framed. It's 112 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 2: like the music for Hungry Heart, which is Hailey song 113 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,160 Speaker 2: that she wrote about me. So it's like the framed 114 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 2: like uh music. 115 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 4: Sheet, so like the what do you call it? Like 116 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 4: the chords or whatever? No, so she had asked. 117 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 2: I had told my mom that I wanted to do 118 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,039 Speaker 2: a gallery wall, so they came up with doing like 119 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 2: the chords for or Katie called and asked Haley, what's 120 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 2: the song that means a lot, you know, a lot 121 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,160 Speaker 2: to y'all, And Haley's like, well, I wrote this one 122 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:28,520 Speaker 2: kind of. 123 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,040 Speaker 1: About us, so that makes me emotion. 124 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 2: So it was really really special and if I felt 125 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,000 Speaker 2: so loved because God look at me, I feel like. 126 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:39,839 Speaker 4: They were. They was just so. 127 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 2: Thoughtful and nice and unexpected and it meant a lot 128 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,479 Speaker 2: to me. So it was a really fun, special way 129 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,239 Speaker 2: to kick off my birthday and my nephews couldn't believe 130 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 2: I'm thirty six. 131 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 4: So that felt nice too. 132 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,960 Speaker 1: That feels yeah, that's what they think you were twenty six. 133 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:54,799 Speaker 5: Uh. 134 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,640 Speaker 4: He's like, I go, oh, what do you think? 135 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 2: I was like twenty two, obviously kidding, and he goes, no, 136 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:00,599 Speaker 2: like twenty like twenty nine. 137 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:03,920 Speaker 4: I was like, okay, think I'll take twenty nine. 138 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,800 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that is so nice. 139 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 2: I know, it's really it was really really special. I 140 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,160 Speaker 2: feel like my sister and my mom could have an 141 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 2: events company, Like if they lived out here, I would 142 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,360 Speaker 2: hire them for so many things for like the things 143 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,839 Speaker 2: that we do at home and stuff. Yeah, the dinners 144 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:24,120 Speaker 2: you host alone at your home, you could really put 145 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:24,799 Speaker 2: them to work. 146 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 1: Really could put them to work, because the aesthetic is 147 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 1: not my forte. The vibe and the food we got 148 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: that vibes and the food, but the decor is not. 149 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 1: I'm not a green. 150 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 2: Thumb speaking of we had a very exciting time at 151 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:45,880 Speaker 2: your home celebrating. We celebrated a party at your house 152 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 2: because you said yes to the dress. 153 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 1: I sure did. 154 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:53,239 Speaker 4: Wow, she has got the dress. 155 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:58,240 Speaker 1: She's got she's got the dress. Yes, it was really nice. 156 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:00,640 Speaker 1: And you know, what's what I'm really like loving about 157 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,440 Speaker 1: all of this is like there's something and I can't 158 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 1: even imagine what it's going to be like at my wedding. 159 00:07:05,279 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: But that's like the one thing everybody says about your 160 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: wedding that's so special is like seeing all the people 161 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:15,119 Speaker 1: that you love the most like together and every step 162 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 1: along the way. Because it was like the dress appointment, 163 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 1: so I had you there, had Paulina there, my future 164 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: mother in law, my mom, and my sister, and having 165 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 1: you all there for that was like so special. And 166 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,400 Speaker 1: then being able to like go home and have like 167 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: my dad and Robbie's dad and the kids and you know, 168 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 1: just like all of us together eating together, and his 169 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,680 Speaker 1: cousin and his aunt. It was just like really really 170 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 1: special getting to just like see everybody interacting and like 171 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 1: you playing basketball with the boys and like them like 172 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 1: really bonding with you, and like, I don't know, just 173 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,720 Speaker 1: like I'll never forget that night, you know. So I'm 174 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 1: just trying to like really like soak in all the 175 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,440 Speaker 1: little moments because it's really really cool. 176 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 4: Yeah, it was really fun. 177 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: Yeah. 178 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 4: I love his kids. 179 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 2: They're so cute and they're so well mannered, and I 180 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 2: was so impressed because one of them came up to 181 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 2: your mom and he was like, Oh, I didn't see 182 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 2: you come in. 183 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,240 Speaker 4: It's good to see you. And I was like, Oh, 184 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 4: how do you learn this? 185 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:13,760 Speaker 5: That this? 186 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 4: I didn't know that they. 187 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 2: Did this still, so it's such a testament to how 188 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 2: they're being raised and the kind of boys they are. 189 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: So that's so I didn't know that. 190 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 4: That's really really cute. 191 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,280 Speaker 2: Well, like, now that you feel like you have the dress, 192 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 2: do you feel like because that's like that's the official 193 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,280 Speaker 2: thing that we've said like yes to so far. 194 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's like the thing that's the one thing 195 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,960 Speaker 1: that everybody stressed me out about the most is the dress, Yeah, 196 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 1: just because it takes so long to get it. You know, like, really, 197 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,480 Speaker 1: you can get married tomorrow if you wanted to. I 198 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,520 Speaker 1: mean not really tomorrow, but like you can you could 199 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,320 Speaker 1: get married. Yeah, true. But it's like the dress is 200 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 1: the thing that takes the longest, right because everything else 201 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,920 Speaker 1: you can kind of line up and you know, flowers 202 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: and decor and food you kind of like, you know, 203 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 1: you can do closer to the date, but the dress 204 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,920 Speaker 1: is the thing that you need like the most. Lead time, right, 205 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 1: So that was what was like really stressing me out. 206 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: So that was like a huge like check, you did it. 207 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,680 Speaker 1: I did it well. And I'm really learning through this 208 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: process that I have. I'm very indecisive. 209 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 4: Do you have libra? Are you libra in anywhere? Are 210 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 4: you anywhere in your chart? 211 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,640 Speaker 1: I don't know my chart. I'm just a cancer. 212 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:26,719 Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I is not you know what's your tati. 213 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:28,439 Speaker 1: Misstating? 214 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:32,439 Speaker 4: Miss Tati is a fraud. I don't even know her. 215 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: Rising And now no, I'm coming there might be some libra. 216 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,959 Speaker 4: Really, I have libracisive. 217 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I've never actually, no, I have been this way. 218 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,320 Speaker 1: Like when it comes to dinner or stuff like that, 219 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: I always defer really to like whoever. Yes, I learned 220 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 1: that in Chicago. Yeah, but I've never thought of you 221 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 1: as being that way. And until that trip where I 222 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,960 Speaker 1: was like, oh, like I'll know what I'll eat, Like 223 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: I know what I know what I'm going to order 224 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 1: when I go there. 225 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 4: Yeah, you're decisive on. 226 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 2: What you get once you're there, but making the decision 227 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:12,000 Speaker 2: and like correct the general group decision, you're not going 228 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 2: to be the one to do it correct. 229 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,960 Speaker 1: And I don't think that's a great quality to have 230 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,920 Speaker 1: because some may say it's very go with the flow 231 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: and very like chill girl, which is great, but also 232 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: indecisive is kind of annoying. 233 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 4: Well, it depends on who you're with. 234 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,320 Speaker 2: If you're with someone who's decisive, that being indecisive is 235 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,200 Speaker 2: fine because they get to like lead the way. If 236 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 2: you're with another person who's indecisive, it's just in Chicago, yes, yeah, 237 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:41,560 Speaker 2: and one of us has to step up. And that's 238 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 2: how Laura, my other best friend, is the same way. 239 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 4: So I'll be like, what do you want to do? 240 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,200 Speaker 4: Like she comes to visit, I'm like, where do you 241 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,240 Speaker 4: want to go? What do you want to do? And 242 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,320 Speaker 4: she's like, I'm good for anything. And I'm like, but 243 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 4: I live here, what do you right? She's like, whatever, 244 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,679 Speaker 4: you do anything, So you know, we just go. 245 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 1: Around the circles. Yeah. 246 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 2: So anyways, well that's good to know going into wedding 247 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,960 Speaker 2: planning because then you can be prepared for that. 248 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 1: I know. But I've like himmed in Hot a hundred 249 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:12,360 Speaker 1: times about like bridesmaid dress colors and like it's like, 250 00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: just decide. It's really not that big of a deal. 251 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, No one cares about what dresses. 252 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 1: They care about what dresses you guys are in. 253 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,679 Speaker 2: You won't, Yes, you do, you won't. Yeah, Like whatever 254 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 2: you choose is gonna be great? 255 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:26,320 Speaker 1: Or will it? 256 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:26,720 Speaker 4: It will? 257 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,880 Speaker 1: There was a moment where I was an Emerald Green, 258 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 1: an Emerald Green bridesmaid bride. I was like, I'm not 259 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:33,959 Speaker 1: an Emerald Green girl. 260 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 6: Yeah, You're really not, And I was fully there was 261 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 6: like a four day period where you guys were all 262 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 6: in Emerald Green. 263 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,479 Speaker 1: Well yeah, okay. 264 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,400 Speaker 4: Well maybe maybe we passed some of those. 265 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:49,080 Speaker 2: Maybe you have two decisions and then you let like 266 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,600 Speaker 2: paul I feel like Pauline is a good. 267 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 1: Decision making, good decision making, and let her be the one. 268 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:58,000 Speaker 1: Well she she also was signing off on the Emerald Green. 269 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 4: So maybe I need to step again. It really practiced. 270 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,319 Speaker 1: It was like and even Sophia was like I love 271 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 1: Emerald Green. I was like great, everybody was like loving it. 272 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 1: And then I was like, I'm not an Emerald Green bride. 273 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,680 Speaker 4: Have you ever worn Emerald green? Never seen a. 274 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 1: Green right now? Which is kind of weird? Is his 275 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:16,840 Speaker 1: mom green? 276 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:17,560 Speaker 5: Mom? 277 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:18,520 Speaker 1: And what is this? 278 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:19,600 Speaker 3: Jay? 279 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 1: Uh? 280 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:25,960 Speaker 2: I don't know, like moss mossy green perfect? 281 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:30,440 Speaker 1: What I was going for but yeah, so I'm realizing 282 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,480 Speaker 1: that about myself a lot in the past, Like i'd 283 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,680 Speaker 1: say the past month, I've really been noticing it and 284 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,319 Speaker 1: I don't love it about myself. So really going to 285 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:38,720 Speaker 1: dig into that in therapy. 286 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,600 Speaker 4: Well, it's like you almost have to start going. 287 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 2: It's almost like you have to shift your mentality of 288 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:48,679 Speaker 2: being decisive being a negative thing and being more like 289 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 2: if someone has an issue with what I'm going to 290 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 2: choose with my decision, then they need to speak up 291 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:55,360 Speaker 2: about it. 292 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 1: Maybe it's a little bit of people pleaser in me 293 00:12:57,679 --> 00:12:59,280 Speaker 1: because they totally because. 294 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 2: You think it's like, oh, I'm I'm just being easy 295 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 2: for everybody. No one can like say anything like oh 296 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 2: I was difficult because I'm just going with the flow. 297 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,959 Speaker 2: Whereas if you just make a decision for me, if 298 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,840 Speaker 2: someone's like this is what we're doing and this is 299 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 2: what time we're going, I'm like, I thank you right 300 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 2: for doing that. 301 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 1: But it's weird. So I think that's what I think 302 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,600 Speaker 1: my whole life, I've just been told like where to 303 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 1: be at what time and what to do? Do you 304 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like almost I don't want to 305 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,640 Speaker 1: say show pony, but like a little bit like that, 306 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:30,200 Speaker 1: and my wedding is like fully my responsibility, I mean, 307 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,440 Speaker 1: me and Robbie, but it's like us, you know, and 308 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,439 Speaker 1: so I'm like going into all these things of when 309 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:38,040 Speaker 1: you do destination, like you feel really guilty about like 310 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:41,080 Speaker 1: making people go somewhere, you know, and then you can 311 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,800 Speaker 1: kind of go back and you're like, Okay, but this 312 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,480 Speaker 1: is what we want, this is the vibe we want. 313 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 1: We love it here. But then you let all that 314 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,520 Speaker 1: other stuff creep in and it's like it is it's 315 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,520 Speaker 1: all about people pleasing, and then it like makes you 316 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 1: feel very indecisive and like I don't like it. Anyways, 317 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,600 Speaker 1: After this podcast, I'm gonna go home and I'm just 318 00:13:57,679 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 1: make some decisions. 319 00:13:58,520 --> 00:13:59,080 Speaker 4: That's right. 320 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:05,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, A dear about them? Yeah, yes, thank you so firm. 321 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 1: You can do it, thank you, And I don't feel 322 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,680 Speaker 1: good to do it. I think it's gonna feel good too, 323 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 1: because I've already decided I want you my bridesmaids, and 324 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,480 Speaker 1: like cream, oh cream, what was it the color I 325 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:15,920 Speaker 1: sent you? 326 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 4: Like the kind of light pale yellow? 327 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, cream, light pale yellow, yeah, water cream, butter cream, yes, 328 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 1: butter cream. That's that's the bride. I am a butter 329 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 1: cream brid butter cream bride with my butter cream brides maids. 330 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well I can't wait to see the butter 331 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 2: cream dressing it to You. 332 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 1: Can wear whatever you want. 333 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 2: Butter cream feels like a niche color to mine. So 334 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 2: byan decisiveness is about to flare up too, is it really? 335 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 3: No? 336 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,320 Speaker 4: No, No, I'll be fine. 337 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 1: I'm sure finding winding them and then dispersing the link. 338 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, tell her to make a power point. Yeah, this 339 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 2: is what I envisioned. 340 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,040 Speaker 1: These are different options, everybody here, you go. 341 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 4: Well, I definitely will be needing a spread dance. 342 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,600 Speaker 1: Before we go on to our dear Bonya. I would 343 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,840 Speaker 1: like to acknowledge that it is a big birthday today. 344 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 4: Yes, it was yesterday, so I would. 345 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:13,880 Speaker 1: Like to I mean, it's just uh Becca and myself 346 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,360 Speaker 1: and Emily in the room, so it's going to be 347 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: a bleak happy birthday. But nonetheless, we do we do 348 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:27,440 Speaker 1: need to engage in the birthday songs. Yeah, every direction. Yeah, 349 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: so Emily take it away. Birthday here. Maybe let me 350 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,080 Speaker 1: swing this over to you, so that's not dead air. 351 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 2: Happy birthday to you, Happy ber dear bac. 352 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,800 Speaker 4: Hap b birthday. 353 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:55,120 Speaker 1: Did you make a wish. 354 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:01,200 Speaker 4: Yeah. 355 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 1: Wait, those were trick candles. They're supposed to like back 356 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: up the tricky. 357 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:08,400 Speaker 2: Way. 358 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 4: That's funny. 359 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: Hey, I got relight candles. 360 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,520 Speaker 4: They're supposed to That means you can relight them. 361 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 1: Oh I thought they were tricks so that they were 362 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,920 Speaker 1: gonna keep lighting back on fire. Dang. 363 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,120 Speaker 2: Shoot, I think they're just saying like, oh, you don't 364 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,480 Speaker 2: have to you can use them again. 365 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:32,360 Speaker 4: Oh I thought I have funny I know. 366 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,160 Speaker 1: I thought we're gonna have a really funny maha moment, 367 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,120 Speaker 1: and I just but. 368 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,720 Speaker 2: Instead you get to take those and reuse and reuse me. 369 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 1: Do you want to make another wind? Did you make 370 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:42,000 Speaker 1: a good wish? 371 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 4: I mean a good wish you did? 372 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,240 Speaker 1: Do you want to make another one? I can relight those. 373 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 2: No, No, I feel like rewishing on the same candle 374 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 2: as bad luck, even though you can relight it. 375 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:57,080 Speaker 1: Are you superstitious like that you're doing now? Ever since 376 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:02,280 Speaker 1: Jenna and Joe, who am I? 377 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,480 Speaker 4: I've imagined she would say don't take that on? 378 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 2: She did, she'd probably say don't don't take that on? 379 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, And here I am too, tootooing my forehead. 380 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 2: Wowway, how was your back from Danny lifting you in 381 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 2: the Archer post. 382 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. 383 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:19,639 Speaker 4: I feel great. 384 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:25,000 Speaker 1: I think he, if anything, was really uh giving his all. Yes, 385 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,920 Speaker 1: And I'm no Whitney Carson, so I don't think it 386 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 1: was just a quick little jaunt up for him. 387 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 2: Whitney, I was rewatching the video of her laying down 388 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,159 Speaker 2: and she had her back arch so much that I 389 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:40,919 Speaker 2: was like, my body does not do that from the 390 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,880 Speaker 2: ground the strength, So Danny. 391 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 1: Told me to stay stiff as a board. I think, 392 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:47,120 Speaker 1: or maybe it was just my leg. 393 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 4: I think it was your life. 394 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:53,280 Speaker 2: But you committed because your back looked like it was 395 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,320 Speaker 2: had a rod in it. 396 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 1: It must have been really hard for him. Huh. 397 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 4: He was like me nothing, because you're like thrust with 398 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 4: your hips. First. 399 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 2: I watched this whole tutorial on it. 400 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,880 Speaker 4: You just like literally use everything he had to like pull. 401 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,800 Speaker 1: You straight up, and I'm like, you can do Yeah. 402 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:15,280 Speaker 4: You were just like you got it. Come on anyway. Anyways, 403 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,880 Speaker 4: it's a Dear Bonny episode. We just wanted to give 404 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:18,680 Speaker 4: a life update. 405 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 2: But we're gonna take a break and then we'll we'll 406 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:39,399 Speaker 2: be back with the Dear Bonya. Wow, all right, we 407 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 2: are back. So it's just it's Tanya, me Emily, and 408 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,160 Speaker 2: we're all just it's a girl's girl's world. 409 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,959 Speaker 1: Here, girl's world. It's a girl's world, and you're lucky 410 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,400 Speaker 1: to be living in it. 411 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,600 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh. 412 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,680 Speaker 5: I never I didn't sing you your song. Another year 413 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:04,320 Speaker 5: has gone back and I'm still right by your side. 414 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:05,920 Speaker 4: That was so funny. 415 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,119 Speaker 2: I'll never forget that, Tanya saying it till Laura on 416 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,440 Speaker 2: the couch when she is visiting, and Laura goes. 417 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:16,520 Speaker 1: Oh, so. 418 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 4: Okay. 419 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 2: This Dear Bonya is anonymous and the title. 420 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,359 Speaker 4: Is Feelings for a best Friend. 421 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 2: Hi, Bonya and Neaston, Mark and Easton need a ship 422 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:29,600 Speaker 2: named too, but. 423 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 4: They're not here. 424 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:34,199 Speaker 2: Yeah, longtime listener. I love the podcast and all of you. 425 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,719 Speaker 2: I have recently caught feelings for one of my best friends. 426 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 2: It's a female friend and we are both queer. I 427 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,879 Speaker 2: do not know whether these feelings are reciprocated, and regardless, 428 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,000 Speaker 2: I have no intention to act on these feelings or 429 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,120 Speaker 2: tell her how I feel. This is for a myriad 430 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,320 Speaker 2: of reasons, primarily because I do not want to ruin 431 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,600 Speaker 2: the friendship. My question is, how do you get over 432 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 2: someone you never even got to be with? Have any 433 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,760 Speaker 2: of you ever experienced this. I've been trying to go 434 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,359 Speaker 2: on dates with other people, and I hope that if 435 00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,359 Speaker 2: I meet someone new, the feelings will fait. But I 436 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,640 Speaker 2: find myself comparing new people to her, and I get 437 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,880 Speaker 2: really caught up in the what ifs. We have such 438 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 2: a deep understanding of each other, and every time we 439 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,960 Speaker 2: talk or catch up, these feelings resurface. I'm worried too, 440 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,760 Speaker 2: that if I get into a relationship that it would 441 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,840 Speaker 2: be unfair to this new person if I'm not over 442 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,440 Speaker 2: my friend. But I also feel like that may be 443 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 2: the only way to move on. 444 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:22,879 Speaker 1: My advice might be not what she wants, but I 445 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:23,719 Speaker 1: think go for it. 446 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,479 Speaker 4: I think so too, because guess what, spoiler alert. 447 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,600 Speaker 1: The minute she or you get into a relationship you relate, 448 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 1: your friendship is going to change no matter what, right Like, 449 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,800 Speaker 1: That's just how it is, even in not not a 450 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,080 Speaker 1: queer relationship, you know. 451 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 2: I do think it complicates things a little bit when 452 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 2: it is women like it is women being friends like, 453 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 2: because there's no excuse unless her new relationship, the person 454 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,360 Speaker 2: she's in a relationship with, knows that she had feelings 455 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,440 Speaker 2: for this friend. Then it becomes a problem because a 456 00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,919 Speaker 2: person's like you can't go and like have slumber parties 457 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,879 Speaker 2: someone that you had strong feelings for, but if they 458 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,200 Speaker 2: don't know, like if she just keeps it buried down, 459 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,119 Speaker 2: It's like that fine line. 460 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,040 Speaker 1: It does have an interesting element. It does because I 461 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:13,399 Speaker 1: feel like with male and female friendships, if you have 462 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,080 Speaker 1: a great if you are into men and you have 463 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,800 Speaker 1: a male best friend, the minute you get into a 464 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 1: relationship that a male friendship is yeah, totally changes. 465 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 4: I mean, I mean, I'm not saying everybody. 466 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,719 Speaker 2: Some people might be able to make that work, but 467 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,720 Speaker 2: typically it's like there's just a shift. 468 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 4: In the friendship. 469 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, like if you guys are tight hanging out every day, 470 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,200 Speaker 1: like spoiler alert, you're not gonna hang out every day. 471 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 2: But I agree, I think even if like take the 472 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 2: queerness out of it, if you were hanging out, like 473 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,119 Speaker 2: I had a friend who was a. 474 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:43,480 Speaker 4: Guy friend. 475 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:45,640 Speaker 2: He was one of my best friends, and he ended 476 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,040 Speaker 2: up telling me he had feelings for me, and it 477 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:51,520 Speaker 2: was just kind of like there was some space needed 478 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 2: to you know, move on from that and figure out 479 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,760 Speaker 2: how to be friends after that information was shared. But 480 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 2: I think the ultimate thing was like I don't want 481 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 2: to lose this friendship. But I think it was important 482 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:04,359 Speaker 2: that he told me how he felt, because if you 483 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,240 Speaker 2: don't say anything, how will you ever know? 484 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 4: And you like the what is? 485 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:09,960 Speaker 1: Could you imagine living with that? 486 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,600 Speaker 4: What if that's what I'm saying? I mean? 487 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 2: And you might tell her and she she might be like, oh, 488 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:15,880 Speaker 2: I feel the same way. 489 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,640 Speaker 4: I was so scared. I didn't want to ruin the friendship. 490 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,360 Speaker 2: Or she might be like, you know what, I love 491 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:20,520 Speaker 2: you so much, but I don't see you in a 492 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:24,760 Speaker 2: romantic way, but take the space you need. And I'm 493 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 2: always like, we're always gonna be friends, you know. I 494 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,639 Speaker 2: think it's just it's going to weigh on you and 495 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,639 Speaker 2: eat at you if you don't say something. 496 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,399 Speaker 4: So I say go for it. 497 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, because like, play out both sides the worst that 498 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 1: can happen, and she doesn't have feelings for you, and 499 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,080 Speaker 1: then you never have to live in that what is? 500 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, then you can really move on because then you 501 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,720 Speaker 2: don't feel guilty about thinking about what could have happened. 502 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,000 Speaker 1: And then the best case scenario, she feels the same way, 503 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 1: and then you could have the greatest love story of 504 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 1: all time. 505 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,840 Speaker 4: Or she might be like, oh my gosh, I've never 506 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,320 Speaker 4: I need some time. I've never thought of about it. Yeah, 507 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,719 Speaker 4: and she thinks say that I do have feelings for you, 508 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,000 Speaker 4: so I think you say something. 509 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: I think you say something, and good luck. 510 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,200 Speaker 4: Please report back. 511 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, do you want to do the next? 512 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 1: Next one feels girthy. 513 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 4: It's a sister in law wedding drama. 514 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:13,000 Speaker 1: Which, oh, okay, let's see. My name is Patrick and 515 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:16,040 Speaker 1: my wife, Jessica, is a longtime listener, and now I'll 516 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,280 Speaker 1: also listen when we're traveling or just hanging out on 517 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: the weekend. 518 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:19,199 Speaker 3: Thank you. 519 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,439 Speaker 1: I am thirty three years old and my wife is 520 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,960 Speaker 1: thirty one. My wife's sister is my age and is 521 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:28,760 Speaker 1: getting married in September. My wife's sister, so his sister's drama. Oh, right, 522 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,760 Speaker 1: before I start. My wife's sister, who is getting married, 523 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:35,399 Speaker 1: can be a lot. She has an old time friend 524 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,760 Speaker 1: that she has made her man of honor. I'm pretty 525 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 1: sure they had a fling before she met her now fiance. 526 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,880 Speaker 1: She's including him and all of the things. My wife's 527 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:49,000 Speaker 1: other sister is the actual maid of honor, so no 528 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:52,560 Speaker 1: one knows what this man's rule actually is. He's in 529 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,960 Speaker 1: group text and making things uncomfy. By the sounds of it. 530 00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:59,640 Speaker 1: By talking about getting drunk, et cetera. The bride invited 531 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,240 Speaker 1: this guy to the bachelorette party that is taking place 532 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,239 Speaker 1: over a weekend in Michigan. My wife is uncomfortable with 533 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,399 Speaker 1: a straight male whom neither of us has met, going 534 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,399 Speaker 1: to this bachelorette party where it was thought to be her, 535 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,720 Speaker 1: her other sisters, and a couple of the bride's friends. 536 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,400 Speaker 1: It is understandable why everyone is uncomfortable with this situation. 537 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,520 Speaker 1: I am uncomfortable with this random guy trying to get 538 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:25,119 Speaker 1: super drunk around my wife and my sisters. Am I 539 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,720 Speaker 1: being overprotective over my wife? Or should I tell the 540 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,440 Speaker 1: bride he's got to go? Because this is very weird 541 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,399 Speaker 1: behavior to have a guy that you might have had 542 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,160 Speaker 1: a fling with be your man of honor. I also 543 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 1: think it's disrespectful to the bride soon to be husband. 544 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:39,959 Speaker 4: Ooh, this is interesting. 545 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,159 Speaker 1: Patrick. I love you because you're a scrubber. This is 546 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,480 Speaker 1: so not your place. What do you mean it's not 547 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:51,159 Speaker 1: his place. It's his sister in law's wedding. If she 548 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,199 Speaker 1: wants this man of honor, that's her call. It's not 549 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:56,520 Speaker 1: his call. If his wife doesn't want to go to 550 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,680 Speaker 1: the bachelorette because's uncomfortable. That's her call, that's her decision. 551 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,960 Speaker 1: He can't step in here. He's gonna be I think, 552 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:03,640 Speaker 1: not gonna be good. 553 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:04,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree. 554 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,639 Speaker 2: I think if your wife is having an issue with 555 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,360 Speaker 2: it and she doesn't feel comfortable going, I think that's 556 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 2: a conversation that she needs to have with her sister 557 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,120 Speaker 2: so that there's just. 558 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,639 Speaker 4: Boundaries set and there. 559 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:21,000 Speaker 2: It's like it's not coming from like the chain the 560 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,360 Speaker 2: telephone game of like I feel uncomfortable, my husband feels uncomfortable, 561 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,199 Speaker 2: so I'm gonna say this. 562 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,119 Speaker 4: You know, it's more like I feel uncomfortable. I know 563 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 4: this is your. 564 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,199 Speaker 2: Friend, but I don't really understand it's gonna be a 565 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,359 Speaker 2: bunch of women celebrating you and bringing in a straight 566 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,679 Speaker 2: man makes me feel a little bit like uncomfortable in 567 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,520 Speaker 2: this situation. So I might sit this one out and 568 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 2: that will probably cause some tension and drama. 569 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,440 Speaker 1: It's also her prerogative, Yeah it is, but. 570 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 2: I think it's both of their I think it's the 571 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:51,560 Speaker 2: sister's prerogative. But I think if they're all sharing, like 572 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 2: are they getting are they getting a house? 573 00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:58,200 Speaker 4: Is it like that is taking place over a weekend? 574 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 4: It's a whole weekend, right, it's a bacherette weekend. 575 00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:03,200 Speaker 1: They're going away and. 576 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,720 Speaker 4: The house. Yeah, I don't know. How do you feel 577 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:09,160 Speaker 4: like Robbie would think if you were? 578 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:12,160 Speaker 1: If you if I'm I'm gonna invite Brad. 579 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:13,360 Speaker 4: He's on straight though. 580 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,879 Speaker 1: True, that is true. 581 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,439 Speaker 2: Like, let's say you invited someone that you went on 582 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 2: a date a few dates with. 583 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:23,400 Speaker 4: Or had feelings for. 584 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 1: Who would that be? 585 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,159 Speaker 2: I don't know one of your doctor screen time, doctor W, 586 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,439 Speaker 2: doctor W. What would he do if you were like 587 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,280 Speaker 2: I really want doctor W to be at my bachelorette party, 588 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:35,040 Speaker 2: and I. 589 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,080 Speaker 1: Just would never do that. 590 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:38,560 Speaker 4: I would never do that. 591 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,480 Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is again it's the husband should 592 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,640 Speaker 1: step in and say, hey, I don't want this bro 593 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:45,760 Speaker 1: coming to your going to your bacherette. Like it's on 594 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,760 Speaker 1: the husband, it's not on the brother in law. 595 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:51,520 Speaker 2: I actually guess, yeah, if the husband or current fiance 596 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,359 Speaker 2: is okay with it, Yeah, I guess to each his 597 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,159 Speaker 2: own CORECT maybe. 598 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:57,240 Speaker 4: The open relationship. 599 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,719 Speaker 1: Like you don't know the inner workings of that. So 600 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 1: I say, Patrick, we love you, and we love you 601 00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 1: so much. 602 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,400 Speaker 2: We love you so much, and we love your respect, 603 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:07,920 Speaker 2: we love your concern. 604 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,280 Speaker 1: For the situation, concern, and we love you, but. 605 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 2: I think this is for your sister and her sister. Yeah, 606 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,399 Speaker 2: and that is for the groom and the bride. 607 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:18,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta tap out, you gotta say. 608 00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:21,960 Speaker 4: I also agree that it's weird, right, it is very weird. 609 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: I just couldn't even picture. I could not picture. I 610 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 1: couldn't picture it. 611 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:28,040 Speaker 4: Yeah. 612 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,199 Speaker 1: No, not even a guy that I went on dates with, 613 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,560 Speaker 1: just like even a guy friend. I don't even have 614 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:37,280 Speaker 1: any guys like Robert Graham. We always always go back 615 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:40,920 Speaker 1: to Robert Graham. Imagine I invited Robert Graham to my 616 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:41,800 Speaker 1: bachelor atte party. 617 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:43,360 Speaker 4: That'd be uncle rule for. 618 00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 1: Many, right, right, But anyway, love you, Patrick. 619 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:49,880 Speaker 4: Love you, Patrick. Good luck. 620 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,879 Speaker 2: Okay, we're gonna take a break and we have another 621 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,919 Speaker 2: one coming and it's the title is seven year Relationship Ending. 622 00:27:56,240 --> 00:28:13,520 Speaker 3: Oh man, all right, we are back. 623 00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:17,960 Speaker 2: So this one is from anonymous and it says, last week, 624 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:21,159 Speaker 2: very unexpectedly, my girlfriend of over seven years told me 625 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,320 Speaker 2: she wanted a break from our relationship. We've both been 626 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 2: going through a lot lately. We recently moved across the 627 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 2: country to a new city, and she's been struggling to 628 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,760 Speaker 2: make new friends, on top of having to cut off 629 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:34,199 Speaker 2: communication with her parents for their toxic behavior. For me, 630 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,119 Speaker 2: work has been very stressful and has taken up a 631 00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:39,080 Speaker 2: lot of energy, and I feel completely out of my 632 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:40,360 Speaker 2: comfort zone since moving. 633 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:42,320 Speaker 4: Despite this, I thought we were solid. 634 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,240 Speaker 2: We've been through a lot together and we've always come 635 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,000 Speaker 2: out of the other side closer and stronger. But last 636 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,800 Speaker 2: week she told me she felt like something in our 637 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,200 Speaker 2: relationship is missing and that we can't give each other 638 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,800 Speaker 2: what we need. She feels like I don't fully understand 639 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,560 Speaker 2: how difficult things have been for her and that she. 640 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:56,200 Speaker 4: Can't lean on me. 641 00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,680 Speaker 2: She asked for a three month break, but to me, 642 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:00,479 Speaker 2: it just sounds like she wants to end things. 643 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,480 Speaker 4: I am utterly devastated. 644 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:04,520 Speaker 2: I know I've struggled to be the best version of 645 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 2: myself lately, juggling work and adjusting to the move. 646 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 4: But I love her so much and there's nothing I 647 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:09,760 Speaker 4: wouldn't do for her. 648 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,480 Speaker 2: We've built a beautiful life together that is so intertwined. 649 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:14,680 Speaker 2: I'm terrified of what the future looks like without her 650 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:16,680 Speaker 2: in it. She's the first woman I've ever been with 651 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 2: and the only person I've ever loved. I can't imagine 652 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:22,040 Speaker 2: ever having a love like this again. I feel like 653 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:23,520 Speaker 2: my life is over. I don't know what to do. 654 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:25,239 Speaker 2: I booked a flight home to my parents the day 655 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:26,880 Speaker 2: after she broke up with me, and the only thing 656 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:28,800 Speaker 2: that kept me from being a complete and total mess 657 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,720 Speaker 2: on the plane was your podcast. Oh thank you back 658 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:33,480 Speaker 2: to Tanya, Mark and Easton for the comfort and. 659 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 4: Laughter you all provide. First of all, I'm so sorry 660 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:39,840 Speaker 4: this is ok here. 661 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:41,360 Speaker 1: Is this a guy or a girl? We don't know. 662 00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:44,680 Speaker 4: I'm guessing a woman, but. 663 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:46,760 Speaker 1: We don't know. 664 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:47,440 Speaker 4: We don't know. 665 00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:49,520 Speaker 1: I was gonna say. 666 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 4: She's the first woman I've ever been with, so I'm assuming. 667 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:56,320 Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, context clear, there you go. Yeah yeah, yeah. 668 00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 2: I think seven years to invest in a relationship is 669 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,959 Speaker 2: going to be devastating, no matter what the ending is 670 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,680 Speaker 2: or who you are or why it ended. I think 671 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:13,200 Speaker 2: it's just it's devastating. I think when you put that 672 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,240 Speaker 2: much knowing what it takes to have a good relationship 673 00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:20,240 Speaker 2: and the effort and like the energy that you put 674 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:24,280 Speaker 2: into a relationship to know that it can be over 675 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 2: and it's not your choice is a really. 676 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,840 Speaker 1: Devastating. Yeah, it's really traumatized. 677 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:33,520 Speaker 4: And yeah, I just think. 678 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:37,440 Speaker 2: It's it's part of life because you see how resilient 679 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,480 Speaker 2: you are. And I think in your mind right now, 680 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,160 Speaker 2: like you said, do you feel like your life is over? 681 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:45,440 Speaker 2: But this might be the beginning of something amazing for you. 682 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:49,360 Speaker 1: Let me tell you something, Anonymous, you deserve so much 683 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:51,560 Speaker 1: better than someone that's gonna be with you for seven 684 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 1: years and then ask for a three month break. I'm sorry, 685 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,200 Speaker 1: you deserve better than that. It's been seven years, but 686 00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,600 Speaker 1: you're looking for seventy years. You're looking for the person 687 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 1: that can take you the full lifetime. And this is 688 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,600 Speaker 1: not her. She is not worth your time, she is 689 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:10,080 Speaker 1: not worth your energy wanting a break. I'm sorry. That's 690 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 1: not what a relationship is. Yeah, I can't just say 691 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,040 Speaker 1: I sorry, I ney a three month break and then 692 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 1: I'll get back to you. 693 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:14,960 Speaker 6: Like. 694 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,520 Speaker 1: No, I'm not like a I'm not a pink carton 695 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:20,480 Speaker 1: of milk in the refrigerator you can just put aside 696 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,920 Speaker 1: and then come back to me when I spoiled. Spoiled, Yeah, 697 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,600 Speaker 1: milk wasn't the right Uh. 698 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,120 Speaker 4: I'm not a bottle of wine. 699 00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,080 Speaker 1: I'm not a pair of winter boots that you can 700 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 1: just put in the back of the closet. During summer 701 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 1: and then just after three months bring them back out 702 00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:34,720 Speaker 1: and wear them again. 703 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:37,080 Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, you can't do that. You're not that. 704 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,080 Speaker 1: You're so much better than that, And that is a 705 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:42,520 Speaker 1: that that partner is somebody that is weak, and you 706 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:43,760 Speaker 1: deserve somebody that is strong. 707 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:44,600 Speaker 4: I think that. 708 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,200 Speaker 2: I also think that it sounds like y'all have recently 709 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:49,640 Speaker 2: gone through a lot, and I don't know if. 710 00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:53,120 Speaker 4: Y'all have tried couples therapy, but I also think if 711 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 4: she didn't. 712 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,920 Speaker 2: First of all, I think asking for a three month 713 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,360 Speaker 2: break is strange because why three months? 714 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 1: There's something there, Like there's something there that we don't know. 715 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,160 Speaker 1: The three month break makes me feel like she wants 716 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:03,800 Speaker 1: to have her cake and. 717 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 4: Eat Yeah, Like, what are the boundaries of a break. 718 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:09,920 Speaker 1: Dance? 719 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,120 Speaker 2: What does a break look like? Because it sounds like 720 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,320 Speaker 2: if she wants to be broken up, she needs to 721 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,440 Speaker 2: be very clear with you because you shouldn't even hold 722 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,320 Speaker 2: on to hope that there's going to be a rekindling 723 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,560 Speaker 2: if that's not her intention. And I also think that 724 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,840 Speaker 2: I had a friend who was with her girlfriend for 725 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,560 Speaker 2: I think like five years and they broke up and 726 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,160 Speaker 2: within a year she met the love of her life 727 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:35,880 Speaker 2: and literally just got married yesterday, my friend Sierra, and 728 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,120 Speaker 2: it was like there was a sense of, oh my gosh, 729 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:43,320 Speaker 2: I'm devastated. This is you know, ended, and but then 730 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,280 Speaker 2: something beautiful came of it and they're both happy. You know, 731 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,600 Speaker 2: they're both split up, but they're both happy. 732 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:51,800 Speaker 1: And sometimes look at people who get people get divorced, 733 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:55,480 Speaker 1: they're married, they go through a really bad breakup, they 734 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,200 Speaker 1: go through divorce, and then their lives are even better 735 00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,400 Speaker 1: post divorced. They didn't even think that it could be 736 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,280 Speaker 1: loved like that. Yeah, So I think that this is. 737 00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,520 Speaker 2: I think let yourself grieve your relationship and let the people, 738 00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 2: let your parents, the people who support you and love 739 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:13,640 Speaker 2: you like really surround you right now, and really learn 740 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,120 Speaker 2: how to be by yourself during this time, because this 741 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,440 Speaker 2: is a chance to learn who you are and what 742 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,680 Speaker 2: you're looking like, because all you've known for seven years 743 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,920 Speaker 2: is the person you were with this person. And I 744 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,600 Speaker 2: think that it's okay to be sad right now, and 745 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 2: it's also okay to be hopeful that something better is coming. 746 00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:34,680 Speaker 1: I agree, And we love you. We love you so much, Anonymous, 747 00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:41,400 Speaker 1: so much, all right, Tanya from Ashlynn, Hello Tanya Beckham 748 00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:43,640 Speaker 1: Mark and Easton. First, I wanted to say thank you 749 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,240 Speaker 1: for this podcast. I listen in weekly and it always 750 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,840 Speaker 1: brightens my day. Also, I would like to say I'm 751 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,480 Speaker 1: a Tanya todt Hey. I feel like I'm a Tanya 752 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,320 Speaker 1: when she was single before Robbie, and we seem to 753 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,000 Speaker 1: have a lot of similarities. I'm thirty one and living 754 00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,720 Speaker 1: on my own and I have been through a dating 755 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,239 Speaker 1: role coaster that I can't seem to get off of, 756 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:06,680 Speaker 1: though I have done all dating apps, been to speed dating, singles, 757 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:10,200 Speaker 1: night events at bars and restaurants, a dinner event with 758 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:14,200 Speaker 1: seven strangers. Sadly, four out of the seven strangers were married, 759 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,480 Speaker 1: and this totally sounds like me. And I've even hired 760 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 1: a matchmaker, which hasn't been going well. Wow. I'm looking 761 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:24,160 Speaker 1: for a man in the same stage of life as me. Single, 762 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:28,400 Speaker 1: career driven, ambitious, no kids, but wants kids and marriage 763 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:32,560 Speaker 1: and good personality and family oriented. My question is for Tanya, 764 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,600 Speaker 1: when you were dating, did you have a set criteria 765 00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,560 Speaker 1: that you were looking for in a partner, i e. 766 00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,479 Speaker 1: No kids or some religion upbringing. And if you did 767 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:42,160 Speaker 1: have a set criteria, when did you start opening up 768 00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:45,400 Speaker 1: the criteria to meet more men that you weren't necessarily dating, 769 00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,640 Speaker 1: but then ultimately led you to finally find Robbie. Please help. 770 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:49,439 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. 771 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,359 Speaker 2: I feel like there is a podcast episode that someone 772 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,000 Speaker 2: sent us where you were like, divorced with kids is 773 00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,920 Speaker 2: total like you were not that was totally fine for you. 774 00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,960 Speaker 2: That was never like a criteria. 775 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:14,040 Speaker 6: Breathing alive, single single, single, breathing alive, wears clothes in public, 776 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:16,400 Speaker 6: has a job. 777 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:17,200 Speaker 5: You know. 778 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:21,560 Speaker 1: My criteria was basic. Could not have been more basic. 779 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:27,560 Speaker 1: So really, my advice to you is, let's not have criteria. 780 00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:31,719 Speaker 1: Let's throw caution to the wind and not set up 781 00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:36,120 Speaker 1: those boundaries because guess what you're gonna I do feel 782 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:37,920 Speaker 1: like at one point I did have a list. Remember 783 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:38,919 Speaker 1: my list was like what. 784 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,920 Speaker 4: I of all my dream man? 785 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:45,040 Speaker 1: Right, your dream man? Right, You're it comes at too fast. 786 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,640 Speaker 1: My list was at the top of my list was 787 00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:50,799 Speaker 1: Christian man. And I end up not marrying a Jewish man. 788 00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:57,440 Speaker 1: So let's just put the lists away, I know. And 789 00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,360 Speaker 1: it's so funny because it's like that's what the I 790 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,200 Speaker 1: feel like. That's the guest piece of advice people give 791 00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,160 Speaker 1: you is like, how are you gonna find someone? If 792 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,200 Speaker 1: you don't know what you're looking for, you know, like 793 00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:10,400 Speaker 1: you would never go for a job without a job listing. 794 00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,640 Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, so everybody makes you make this 795 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:16,520 Speaker 1: list and you're setting yourself up for failure because it's 796 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,640 Speaker 1: not about the list. It's not about that stuff, like 797 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,600 Speaker 1: it really isn't. It's about the person and the human 798 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:25,319 Speaker 1: being that they are, Like that is your soulmate, that 799 00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:27,120 Speaker 1: is the person that you're connected to on a such 800 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:31,200 Speaker 1: a deeper level. All that other stuff fits in into play, 801 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,440 Speaker 1: and you learn how to navigate if there are certain 802 00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:36,520 Speaker 1: things that maybe don't gel or fit the way that 803 00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:38,920 Speaker 1: you want them to. But I feel like that's like 804 00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 1: the biggest thing is you know what was her criteria? 805 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:48,520 Speaker 1: And her criteria was no kids, but wants kids in marriage, 806 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:51,719 Speaker 1: a good personality and family. It's a lot, you know, yeah, 807 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:54,439 Speaker 1: I mean career driven, ambitious, Like you maybe might find 808 00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:56,799 Speaker 1: someone that is not all of these things. You might 809 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,759 Speaker 1: find someone that already has kids and wants more. 810 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,240 Speaker 2: I also think though, that like a lot of people, 811 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:05,480 Speaker 2: once they meet someone that they just connect with, like 812 00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,160 Speaker 2: you said, the list goes out the window and they're 813 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:10,640 Speaker 2: still like the mentality is like, oh my gosh, this 814 00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:13,240 Speaker 2: person is everything I was looking for, but not according 815 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,680 Speaker 2: to their list. They're just it's everything they were looking 816 00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:18,480 Speaker 2: for in terms of what they envisioned themselves being like 817 00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:19,440 Speaker 2: in a relationship. 818 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:19,960 Speaker 1: Correct. 819 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,680 Speaker 2: And I think that the list hold us back because 820 00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:25,719 Speaker 2: we have this unrealistic thing of. 821 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:28,760 Speaker 1: I wish you still had your list. 822 00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,279 Speaker 2: I'm sure I could find one somewhere like plays football, 823 00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:34,560 Speaker 2: No watches football. 824 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,080 Speaker 4: I don't think that was ever was never on your list. 825 00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:37,880 Speaker 1: I'm shook by that. 826 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:42,520 Speaker 2: No, oh wow, No, football wasn't on there. But like religion, 827 00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:47,200 Speaker 2: you know, someone Christian wanted kids, Like all the things 828 00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:51,000 Speaker 2: that I just think that I was supposed to want 829 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:54,960 Speaker 2: were on there, right, And like, like I said, life 830 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,680 Speaker 2: came quickly, like came in like a wrecking ball on 831 00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:01,040 Speaker 2: that list, and I I just think that, like now 832 00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:04,320 Speaker 2: I look at the what you feel like you want, 833 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,480 Speaker 2: and I look at my relationship with Halene, and I'm like, 834 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,239 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, this is even better than I ever 835 00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:11,040 Speaker 2: imagined a relationship being like I always thought i'd be 836 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:15,360 Speaker 2: someone who really needed my space and yeah, felt claustrophobic 837 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:15,960 Speaker 2: in a relationship. 838 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,200 Speaker 1: Really probably had on your list, like lives in City 839 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,560 Speaker 1: lives in New York City, myos coastal. 840 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,200 Speaker 2: And I just think that what happens is you find 841 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:28,040 Speaker 2: someone like you found Robbie, and it's like he's everything 842 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,680 Speaker 2: that you wanted. But if you had listed out who 843 00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,680 Speaker 2: he was, maybe on paper he wanted him. 844 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:34,959 Speaker 1: And you know what's crazy. I think about this all 845 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:39,080 Speaker 1: the time because he necessarily wasn't what I wanted on paper? 846 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:40,760 Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? Like on my list? 847 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,680 Speaker 1: What if I'd never gone on that first date with Robbie. 848 00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,200 Speaker 1: I knew on my first date with Robbie that I 849 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:47,839 Speaker 1: didn't know for sure I was going to marry the guy, 850 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:49,960 Speaker 1: but I knew on our first date that it was 851 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:54,279 Speaker 1: like so different, Like I knew, like literally I had 852 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,399 Speaker 1: like visceral reactions in my body. And had I knock 853 00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,799 Speaker 1: gone on that date because he didn't fit my criteria 854 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:03,439 Speaker 1: my lists, who knows what I'd be doing right now? 855 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:07,120 Speaker 4: I know it's so true. So I say to anonymous, like, no, 856 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:07,720 Speaker 4: it's Ashlan. 857 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:09,200 Speaker 1: Actually, oh, I. 858 00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:13,800 Speaker 2: Say to Ashlin, let yourself like be free from the list. 859 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:19,000 Speaker 4: Free from the list. If not now, when? If not you? Who? 860 00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:20,840 Speaker 4: If not here? Where? 861 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:22,680 Speaker 1: If not now? Never? 862 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:25,799 Speaker 4: Well nod? If not now when? 863 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:26,240 Speaker 1: Shoot? 864 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:27,880 Speaker 4: So we don't know. 865 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,200 Speaker 1: Not today, not tomorrow. 866 00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:31,680 Speaker 4: No, no, that's not out. 867 00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:37,919 Speaker 1: Not tomorrow today, not tomorrow today. Sure, yeah, it's time, Ashlin, Yes, 868 00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,720 Speaker 1: it's time that you are thirty one. You are stepping 869 00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:44,120 Speaker 1: out of your criteria and list and who knows what 870 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:45,920 Speaker 1: if you have a man that's your list and you 871 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:46,760 Speaker 1: end up with a woman. 872 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:52,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, Ashlynn, you don't know, Ashlin. 873 00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:55,280 Speaker 2: I want you to physically throw the list out the window, 874 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,000 Speaker 2: whip it out, and then go pick it up and 875 00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:57,680 Speaker 2: throw it in the trash. 876 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:00,480 Speaker 1: But get rid of it, get rid of the the list. 877 00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,920 Speaker 1: It's about the being. It's about the being and the connection. 878 00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:07,880 Speaker 1: You can't you can't write that stuff down on paper. 879 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:09,759 Speaker 4: You can't write it down. 880 00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:13,600 Speaker 1: You really can't. Once you feel it in the vagina, yeah, 881 00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:14,439 Speaker 1: it takes over. 882 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:16,920 Speaker 4: The list is out the door once it's in the vagina. 883 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:18,239 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. 884 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:19,759 Speaker 5: All right. 885 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:22,720 Speaker 2: Well, in that note, we are done with today's episode 886 00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:24,839 Speaker 2: of Dear Bonio, but we will be back next week 887 00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:27,080 Speaker 2: and you can dm us on Instagram at scrubbing in 888 00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:30,400 Speaker 2: pot or email us at scrubbing in iHeartMedia dot com. 889 00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:35,200 Speaker 4: Tanya, it was a pleasure, pleasure was almos No no, no, no, 890 00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:35,719 Speaker 4: no no no no. 891 00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:36,919 Speaker 1: I can eat the cake. 892 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,799 Speaker 4: Well, I'm gonna take it home. Yeah, I have to 893 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:40,279 Speaker 4: eat lunch. 894 00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:42,799 Speaker 1: Yeah all right. Love you by