1 00:00:15,304 --> 00:00:15,824 Speaker 1: Pushkin. 2 00:00:20,464 --> 00:00:24,064 Speaker 2: I'm Jeff Maisch and I wrote Undercover Lovers for my substack, 3 00:00:24,304 --> 00:00:25,664 Speaker 2: and it's the story of the week. 4 00:00:27,264 --> 00:00:29,464 Speaker 1: A lot of people claim they were bad at dating, 5 00:00:29,784 --> 00:00:32,704 Speaker 1: but I have proof. I made it to the seventh 6 00:00:32,744 --> 00:00:35,544 Speaker 1: and final round of tryouts for the Real World London. 7 00:00:36,184 --> 00:00:39,184 Speaker 1: It came down to me and this writer named Jay Frank, 8 00:00:39,424 --> 00:00:42,584 Speaker 1: for the role of Nerd. I lost out to Jay. 9 00:00:43,424 --> 00:00:46,384 Speaker 1: Years later, I called the producer, Jonathan Murray, and asked 10 00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:49,984 Speaker 1: him why he turned me down. He had no trouble remembering, 11 00:00:50,624 --> 00:00:53,344 Speaker 1: he said, we weren't sure what was going on with 12 00:00:53,384 --> 00:00:58,144 Speaker 1: your dating life. It seemed pretty dormant. I wish I 13 00:00:58,144 --> 00:01:02,184 Speaker 1: could say he was wrong, But actually, my coworker at 14 00:01:02,184 --> 00:01:05,064 Speaker 1: Timeout New York once wrote an article about taking me 15 00:01:05,064 --> 00:01:09,384 Speaker 1: out to hit on women. He said, quote Joel's hemps 16 00:01:09,424 --> 00:01:13,704 Speaker 1: to strike up conversation with various barroom honeys. Had a droopy, 17 00:01:14,104 --> 00:01:17,744 Speaker 1: forlorn quality that was as hopeless as it was hopeful. 18 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:22,344 Speaker 1: But it's the sort of reverse charisma that, if worked on, 19 00:01:22,944 --> 00:01:25,864 Speaker 1: could one day make him the most virile man at 20 00:01:25,864 --> 00:01:30,104 Speaker 1: his total readings. This week's story is about someone who, 21 00:01:30,184 --> 00:01:33,184 Speaker 1: unlike me, really knew how to get a date. 22 00:01:39,944 --> 00:01:43,064 Speaker 3: Writing is hard. Who's got that kind of time when 23 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:46,384 Speaker 3: you're already busy trying to be you all stand. So 24 00:01:46,544 --> 00:01:49,944 Speaker 3: it turns on a Mike made the twitdles enough because 25 00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:51,504 Speaker 3: a journalist trand has. 26 00:01:51,384 --> 00:01:56,544 Speaker 4: Got in that jewel jibes single story. Just listen to 27 00:01:56,624 --> 00:02:02,184 Speaker 4: smart people speak, conversation, film and information. 28 00:02:02,384 --> 00:02:04,504 Speaker 3: It's a story of the week. 29 00:02:12,824 --> 00:02:17,744 Speaker 1: Successful dating, like any other kind of sales, requires confidence, persistence. 30 00:02:18,904 --> 00:02:21,744 Speaker 1: The guy Jeff Mace wrote about had these qualities more 31 00:02:21,784 --> 00:02:24,904 Speaker 1: than any person I've ever met who isn't currently running 32 00:02:24,904 --> 00:02:28,224 Speaker 1: for president. Okay, the story is about a woman whose 33 00:02:28,264 --> 00:02:30,304 Speaker 1: name I'm going to mess up because she's from Louisiana 34 00:02:30,344 --> 00:02:32,384 Speaker 1: and I don't understand how names work down there. It's 35 00:02:32,464 --> 00:02:34,144 Speaker 1: Donna metro Jean. 36 00:02:34,784 --> 00:02:36,344 Speaker 2: That'll do Metro Jean. 37 00:02:36,984 --> 00:02:39,984 Speaker 1: Oh I was really close. Yeah, Okay, tell me a 38 00:02:39,984 --> 00:02:41,224 Speaker 1: little bit about her. 39 00:02:41,904 --> 00:02:45,304 Speaker 2: Donna had this great life as a substitute teacher, and 40 00:02:45,344 --> 00:02:49,344 Speaker 2: then the pandemic hit and she she ended up becoming 41 00:02:49,504 --> 00:02:53,504 Speaker 2: a cleaner, you know, scrubbing office buildings in Louisiana, and 42 00:02:53,584 --> 00:02:56,224 Speaker 2: it was just life got to be a little bit 43 00:02:56,304 --> 00:02:59,504 Speaker 2: depressing for her. She felt like her life was just 44 00:02:59,544 --> 00:03:01,384 Speaker 2: spiraling out of control. 45 00:03:01,304 --> 00:03:03,984 Speaker 1: And like how old is she? What's her life like 46 00:03:04,024 --> 00:03:04,424 Speaker 1: at home? 47 00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:08,704 Speaker 2: She's only fifties. She's in an unhappy marriage but doesn't 48 00:03:08,704 --> 00:03:10,584 Speaker 2: really know how to get out of it. She's got 49 00:03:10,904 --> 00:03:14,184 Speaker 2: a bunch of grown kids, so she's lonely. She's just 50 00:03:14,544 --> 00:03:20,224 Speaker 2: puttsing around on Facebook, friending people from earlier chapters in 51 00:03:20,264 --> 00:03:24,544 Speaker 2: her life. Robert Golden was like an old flame. They 52 00:03:24,624 --> 00:03:28,304 Speaker 2: met in two thousand and six, and there was maybe 53 00:03:28,384 --> 00:03:31,024 Speaker 2: a little bit of chemistry there, but Donna had a 54 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:34,304 Speaker 2: partner at the time, and it just never got off 55 00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:36,704 Speaker 2: the ground. He said, it was love at first sight. 56 00:03:37,264 --> 00:03:39,304 Speaker 2: She stepped out of this truck and he laid eyes 57 00:03:39,304 --> 00:03:40,984 Speaker 2: on her and thought, this is it. This is my 58 00:03:41,624 --> 00:03:44,384 Speaker 2: future wife. And he actually proposed. The first thing he 59 00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:46,424 Speaker 2: said to her was will you marry me? 60 00:03:47,064 --> 00:03:48,664 Speaker 1: That's the first thing he said to her. 61 00:03:49,064 --> 00:03:50,384 Speaker 2: That's his opening line. 62 00:03:50,704 --> 00:03:52,224 Speaker 1: One are the odds on? That is an opening line, 63 00:03:52,264 --> 00:03:53,544 Speaker 1: like I would never have tried that. 64 00:03:53,744 --> 00:03:54,744 Speaker 2: I've never tried it. 65 00:03:54,744 --> 00:04:00,784 Speaker 1: It's very raskueller, it's very desperate. She said no, of course, 66 00:04:00,784 --> 00:04:04,144 Speaker 1: she said no. Surprised she still friended him on Facebook 67 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:04,544 Speaker 1: after that. 68 00:04:05,064 --> 00:04:06,904 Speaker 2: Well, he was a bit of a cat. She was 69 00:04:07,344 --> 00:04:12,344 Speaker 2: a younger guy and he was a certified tree climber. 70 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:15,744 Speaker 2: Don't call him a lumberjack. They're very different professions. 71 00:04:15,784 --> 00:04:18,464 Speaker 1: Oh okay, I would one hundred percent rather be called 72 00:04:18,504 --> 00:04:20,704 Speaker 1: a lumberjack and a certified tree climber. 73 00:04:21,104 --> 00:04:24,104 Speaker 2: I get the sense that tree climbers look down on lumberjacks. 74 00:04:24,144 --> 00:04:27,744 Speaker 1: I don't know, not me. So he's a badass, right. 75 00:04:28,504 --> 00:04:31,824 Speaker 2: He said he'd served in this very elite regiment of 76 00:04:31,864 --> 00:04:34,184 Speaker 2: the army. Oh, he'd fought in Somalia. 77 00:04:34,344 --> 00:04:36,384 Speaker 1: Okay, does he look like a military guy. 78 00:04:37,704 --> 00:04:41,264 Speaker 2: He's a shortish guy with red hair. Back then he 79 00:04:41,304 --> 00:04:43,304 Speaker 2: was kind of jacked, you know, all those climbing trees. 80 00:04:43,704 --> 00:04:44,064 Speaker 1: Yeah. 81 00:04:44,144 --> 00:04:45,944 Speaker 2: He described himself as a dish. 82 00:04:46,344 --> 00:04:49,344 Speaker 1: Oh that's a bold statement. And what does she look like? 83 00:04:50,664 --> 00:04:54,704 Speaker 2: Donna is early fifties. Loves to dye her hair crazy 84 00:04:54,744 --> 00:04:57,184 Speaker 2: colors just to get some excitement in her life. She's 85 00:04:57,184 --> 00:04:59,664 Speaker 2: bored at home. So one day the hair is pink, 86 00:04:59,744 --> 00:05:00,624 Speaker 2: the next it's blue. 87 00:05:00,984 --> 00:05:06,144 Speaker 1: Okay, so she's unhappy. She looks robbered up on Facebook. 88 00:05:06,384 --> 00:05:08,944 Speaker 1: And then how hot and heavy does he get? 89 00:05:09,544 --> 00:05:14,064 Speaker 2: It accelerates very fast, Okay, they start flirting. Donna tells 90 00:05:14,304 --> 00:05:17,824 Speaker 2: Robert that she's deeply unhappy, and he says, you know, 91 00:05:17,864 --> 00:05:22,824 Speaker 2: you should come and meet me. I've moved to Portland, Oregon, 92 00:05:23,344 --> 00:05:25,864 Speaker 2: and I've got this exciting new job. Just come and 93 00:05:25,864 --> 00:05:27,624 Speaker 2: stay with me for a while, Just get away from 94 00:05:27,704 --> 00:05:29,624 Speaker 2: your life, and I'll look after you for a little bit. 95 00:05:30,304 --> 00:05:32,984 Speaker 1: This is quite the comeau. Does she consider it? 96 00:05:33,184 --> 00:05:34,064 Speaker 2: She gets in the car. 97 00:05:34,424 --> 00:05:37,504 Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's a long drive too, in the middle 98 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:38,184 Speaker 1: of the pandemic. 99 00:05:38,624 --> 00:05:40,744 Speaker 2: In the middle of the pandemic. She gets her dog, 100 00:05:41,224 --> 00:05:44,024 Speaker 2: fills the car up, suitcases, leaves. 101 00:05:44,704 --> 00:05:47,104 Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's a commitment. And then tell me 102 00:05:47,184 --> 00:05:49,704 Speaker 1: about the scene when they first meet. What's it like. 103 00:05:50,944 --> 00:05:54,024 Speaker 2: They arrange to meet in a truck stop in a 104 00:05:54,184 --> 00:05:57,704 Speaker 2: small place called Troutdale. It doesn't sound very glamorous. 105 00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,104 Speaker 1: It doesn't. 106 00:05:59,224 --> 00:06:01,384 Speaker 2: And they meet in the parking lot for the first 107 00:06:01,464 --> 00:06:04,024 Speaker 2: time in something like seventeen years. 108 00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:04,544 Speaker 1: Wow. 109 00:06:05,144 --> 00:06:09,744 Speaker 2: And they somehow fall into this kiss, a kind of 110 00:06:09,784 --> 00:06:14,144 Speaker 2: clumsy kiss, and Robert says, this is it. This is 111 00:06:14,184 --> 00:06:16,784 Speaker 2: the woman that I've been waiting for all this time. 112 00:06:17,504 --> 00:06:21,024 Speaker 2: They drive straight back to his apartment in Portland. It's 113 00:06:21,064 --> 00:06:24,064 Speaker 2: just near the Art Museum, and she moves in. 114 00:06:24,664 --> 00:06:27,464 Speaker 1: It's a pretty nice apartment in a nice neighborhood. 115 00:06:27,704 --> 00:06:30,864 Speaker 2: It's not it's the worst apartment in the worst neighborhood. 116 00:06:32,744 --> 00:06:34,304 Speaker 1: And what's Robert's life like. 117 00:06:34,584 --> 00:06:36,584 Speaker 2: Well, Robert's life had just changed. He just got this 118 00:06:36,624 --> 00:06:39,344 Speaker 2: brand new job that he was really excited about. So 119 00:06:39,424 --> 00:06:41,584 Speaker 2: he was feeling really positive about life. 120 00:06:41,744 --> 00:06:42,344 Speaker 1: What's the job? 121 00:06:42,824 --> 00:06:45,264 Speaker 2: He said? He was working for the Justice Department. He'd 122 00:06:45,264 --> 00:06:47,064 Speaker 2: got a job working for the DEA. 123 00:06:47,424 --> 00:06:49,024 Speaker 1: Oh what's he doing for the DEA? 124 00:06:49,584 --> 00:06:52,664 Speaker 2: Portland is in this massive war on drugs. You know, 125 00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:56,504 Speaker 2: there's a major problem with fentanol. So Robert said that 126 00:06:56,544 --> 00:06:59,904 Speaker 2: his job was to was to fight the war on drugs. 127 00:07:00,104 --> 00:07:03,904 Speaker 1: And what's Dinna's reaction to finding out that her new 128 00:07:03,944 --> 00:07:05,864 Speaker 1: boyfriend that's a dangerous job. 129 00:07:06,264 --> 00:07:10,904 Speaker 2: Donna loves it. She has been obset with cop shows 130 00:07:10,944 --> 00:07:13,664 Speaker 2: since she was a kid. She used to watch endless 131 00:07:13,664 --> 00:07:17,904 Speaker 2: hours of Colombo and Kojack with her dad. She even 132 00:07:18,384 --> 00:07:20,624 Speaker 2: dreamed of joining the force herself. 133 00:07:20,984 --> 00:07:25,224 Speaker 1: So how did Robert get this job with the da Well, 134 00:07:25,224 --> 00:07:25,944 Speaker 1: he told. 135 00:07:25,744 --> 00:07:29,264 Speaker 2: Donna that he previously worked as a ci A confidential 136 00:07:29,264 --> 00:07:31,944 Speaker 2: informant for the DEA. That he's kind of like a 137 00:07:32,544 --> 00:07:37,224 Speaker 2: civilian informant working unofficially for the DEA. 138 00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:38,424 Speaker 1: Oh, like a rap. 139 00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:39,744 Speaker 2: He's a knarc a nark. 140 00:07:40,064 --> 00:07:42,984 Speaker 1: Yeah, And then he moved up the narcchan Does that 141 00:07:43,024 --> 00:07:45,224 Speaker 1: happen people move up to the narcten and get actual jobs 142 00:07:45,224 --> 00:07:45,744 Speaker 1: of the DA. 143 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:49,824 Speaker 2: It's not the traditional route, but. 144 00:07:49,824 --> 00:07:52,904 Speaker 1: Does he still get like the cool dea outfit and 145 00:07:52,944 --> 00:07:55,304 Speaker 1: the car from the DA. 146 00:07:55,624 --> 00:08:00,704 Speaker 2: He had a very fancy silver Dodge charger, like the 147 00:08:01,104 --> 00:08:03,304 Speaker 2: modern cop car. You know when you see an undercover 148 00:08:03,384 --> 00:08:06,424 Speaker 2: cop and the lights go on in the grill, that's 149 00:08:06,464 --> 00:08:07,304 Speaker 2: a Dodge charger. 150 00:08:07,544 --> 00:08:08,824 Speaker 1: Does he have the cool aids in the grill? 151 00:08:09,104 --> 00:08:10,984 Speaker 2: He does. He flicks a button and the red and 152 00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:12,504 Speaker 2: blue lights light up. 153 00:08:13,304 --> 00:08:14,384 Speaker 1: Why is that so cool? 154 00:08:14,864 --> 00:08:17,504 Speaker 2: Even when he's driving the car around Portland without the 155 00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:21,984 Speaker 2: lights on, the car screams Agent of the Law. 156 00:08:22,464 --> 00:08:24,824 Speaker 1: Is he's working undercover? You wouldn't want that car if 157 00:08:24,864 --> 00:08:26,944 Speaker 1: you were working as an undercover DA guy. 158 00:08:27,864 --> 00:08:31,944 Speaker 2: Well, Roberts seemed to divide his time between undercover work 159 00:08:32,504 --> 00:08:35,024 Speaker 2: and uniformed work. 160 00:08:35,464 --> 00:08:38,944 Speaker 1: When he's undercover, does he have cool disguises? 161 00:08:39,824 --> 00:08:45,064 Speaker 2: He's a master of disguise. He becomes a street person 162 00:08:46,504 --> 00:08:50,624 Speaker 2: so he can basically become like a hobo and just 163 00:08:50,744 --> 00:08:54,184 Speaker 2: blend in among the street people of Portland. 164 00:08:55,024 --> 00:08:56,184 Speaker 1: Can he speak like the lingo? 165 00:08:56,624 --> 00:08:59,704 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, he knows all the language and he knows 166 00:08:59,744 --> 00:09:03,704 Speaker 2: how to ask for drugs. So on the streets of Portland, 167 00:09:03,704 --> 00:09:09,344 Speaker 2: everything's got a nickname. So PT is amphetamine. 168 00:09:09,104 --> 00:09:11,424 Speaker 1: Whatever the other cool lingo. I should know if I'm 169 00:09:11,424 --> 00:09:14,744 Speaker 1: ever in Portland, give me some snowflake. What snowflake? 170 00:09:15,024 --> 00:09:16,304 Speaker 2: Snowflake's cocaine? 171 00:09:16,424 --> 00:09:17,824 Speaker 1: Of course, sorry, I could guess these. 172 00:09:18,184 --> 00:09:20,344 Speaker 2: You'd be lost on the streets of Pauland. 173 00:09:20,464 --> 00:09:22,304 Speaker 1: I've been to Portland many times and this has never 174 00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:25,224 Speaker 1: come up. I've had to know the difference between a 175 00:09:25,344 --> 00:09:29,304 Speaker 1: cortado and a latte, for sure, that was important, but 176 00:09:29,704 --> 00:09:34,464 Speaker 1: the difference between PT and snowflake has not come up. 177 00:09:34,544 --> 00:09:35,344 Speaker 2: He knew the difference. 178 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:40,624 Speaker 1: While he's doing all this. Donna has no friends. She's 179 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,224 Speaker 1: just moved there. What's she doing all day? 180 00:09:42,744 --> 00:09:45,424 Speaker 2: So Donna gets wrapped up in his world. He's got 181 00:09:45,424 --> 00:09:47,784 Speaker 2: this exciting new job, and he starts to share a 182 00:09:47,784 --> 00:09:50,424 Speaker 2: little bit about his life. He starts talking about how 183 00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:53,664 Speaker 2: exciting it is, this new job, how cool it is, 184 00:09:53,824 --> 00:09:57,184 Speaker 2: and he wants to involve Donna in it, so he 185 00:09:57,264 --> 00:10:01,024 Speaker 2: starts taking her on rider lungs in the charger. 186 00:10:01,544 --> 00:10:03,344 Speaker 1: Oh my god, that must be scary. 187 00:10:04,024 --> 00:10:08,744 Speaker 2: It was scary. They would record on his dash cam. 188 00:10:09,104 --> 00:10:13,584 Speaker 2: Various meetings between drug dealers. It was pretty hairy. 189 00:10:14,584 --> 00:10:17,384 Speaker 1: Yeah, And so she is becoming like a fake cup. 190 00:10:18,264 --> 00:10:21,744 Speaker 2: So Donna had self esteem issues. She said that she 191 00:10:22,144 --> 00:10:24,864 Speaker 2: all this time she's in this unhappy marriage, she's felt 192 00:10:24,864 --> 00:10:29,464 Speaker 2: like she lost her self esteem. So suddenly Robert giving 193 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:32,784 Speaker 2: her this unofficial training gives her her self esteem back. 194 00:10:32,944 --> 00:10:36,024 Speaker 2: He teaches her how to fire a gun. Oh, and 195 00:10:36,184 --> 00:10:39,064 Speaker 2: he shows her how to, you know, lean out the 196 00:10:39,104 --> 00:10:42,864 Speaker 2: car window and shoot at targets. They're shooting red bull can. 197 00:10:43,064 --> 00:10:46,024 Speaker 2: So it's this is really exciting stuff for Donna, who 198 00:10:46,064 --> 00:10:49,504 Speaker 2: remembers only just finished cleaning office buildings. 199 00:10:49,824 --> 00:10:50,584 Speaker 1: Is she any good at this? 200 00:10:51,224 --> 00:10:55,384 Speaker 2: She gets really good. Soon she can split two red 201 00:10:55,424 --> 00:11:00,224 Speaker 2: bull cans with a single bullet. She becomes this ace shot. 202 00:11:00,824 --> 00:11:04,304 Speaker 1: That's amazing. Is she considering trying to become a cup? 203 00:11:05,184 --> 00:11:08,864 Speaker 2: She is considering becoming a cop. Robert talks her into it, 204 00:11:09,144 --> 00:11:13,024 Speaker 2: recommends that she go the regular route and get a 205 00:11:13,024 --> 00:11:17,984 Speaker 2: college degree, and so she starts studying. She rolls up 206 00:11:17,984 --> 00:11:21,584 Speaker 2: into an online course to study criminal science work towards 207 00:11:21,624 --> 00:11:25,184 Speaker 2: her degree, and he said he'd help her get a 208 00:11:25,264 --> 00:11:26,864 Speaker 2: job at the DEA. 209 00:11:27,184 --> 00:11:30,784 Speaker 1: Does he ever arrest anyone while they're together on these 210 00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:31,464 Speaker 1: ridal lines. 211 00:11:32,864 --> 00:11:36,504 Speaker 2: One night, they're driving through downtown Portland and it all 212 00:11:36,624 --> 00:11:39,704 Speaker 2: kicks off. People are running into the street. There's a 213 00:11:39,704 --> 00:11:43,544 Speaker 2: woman screaming that she's being attacked by a guy. And 214 00:11:44,024 --> 00:11:47,344 Speaker 2: you know, this isn't Robert's jurisdiction. He's dea. This is 215 00:11:47,384 --> 00:11:50,744 Speaker 2: a Portland cop thing. But he and Donna jump out 216 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:55,784 Speaker 2: the car, weapons drawn, They make the arrest. They grab 217 00:11:55,824 --> 00:11:59,264 Speaker 2: this guy that's threatening a woman in the street, throw 218 00:11:59,304 --> 00:12:01,984 Speaker 2: the handcuffs on him, throw him in the back of 219 00:12:01,704 --> 00:12:05,944 Speaker 2: the car, and diffuse the situation. They basically saved the day. 220 00:12:06,064 --> 00:12:09,904 Speaker 2: Donna is experiencing real police action for the first time. 221 00:12:10,304 --> 00:12:12,544 Speaker 1: Whoa, but he's a de agent. What does he do 222 00:12:12,624 --> 00:12:14,384 Speaker 1: with the guy? Does he just bring him to the 223 00:12:14,424 --> 00:12:15,344 Speaker 1: actual cabs. 224 00:12:15,864 --> 00:12:18,704 Speaker 2: Well, they're driving through Portland and he's explaining to Donna, 225 00:12:19,104 --> 00:12:22,584 Speaker 2: this is too much paperwork. I shouldn't be getting involved 226 00:12:22,624 --> 00:12:25,344 Speaker 2: with this, you know, I should be focusing on fentanyl. 227 00:12:25,504 --> 00:12:29,344 Speaker 2: So they drove the suspect down to the police department 228 00:12:30,144 --> 00:12:33,464 Speaker 2: and Robert took the handcuffs off him, kicked him out 229 00:12:33,504 --> 00:12:36,744 Speaker 2: into the street, and they both drove off into the nine. 230 00:12:37,264 --> 00:12:40,144 Speaker 1: Oh is she panicked just hearing about it? Frees me out. 231 00:12:40,304 --> 00:12:42,024 Speaker 2: This is her dream. This is like she's in an 232 00:12:42,024 --> 00:12:45,664 Speaker 2: episode of Kojak. She's the boss. They're having a great time, 233 00:12:45,704 --> 00:12:50,264 Speaker 2: and she's also now fallen deeply in love with Robert, 234 00:12:50,304 --> 00:12:52,184 Speaker 2: who is the coolest guy on earth. 235 00:12:52,704 --> 00:12:56,144 Speaker 1: Oh my god, one hundred percent. They had sex that mate, totally, 236 00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:58,784 Speaker 1: maybe that minute in the charge, of course, what am 237 00:12:58,824 --> 00:13:03,864 Speaker 1: I thinking? Okay, so how does their relationship progress? 238 00:13:04,624 --> 00:13:09,424 Speaker 2: Things get really serious and Robert announces that he's got 239 00:13:09,464 --> 00:13:14,904 Speaker 2: a surprise for Donna. He's flown in her children from 240 00:13:14,944 --> 00:13:20,584 Speaker 2: Louisiana to see their new life together in Portland. Donna's thrilled. 241 00:13:21,544 --> 00:13:25,224 Speaker 2: He picks them up at Portland Airport, flicks on the 242 00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:27,664 Speaker 2: red and blue lights, of course, to cut through the traffic. 243 00:13:27,824 --> 00:13:33,264 Speaker 2: They drive to a deserted beach and they drive the 244 00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:38,064 Speaker 2: police vehicle onto the sand and all of them get 245 00:13:38,064 --> 00:13:40,104 Speaker 2: out the car. It's very cold. Some of the kids 246 00:13:40,144 --> 00:13:45,064 Speaker 2: are wearing dea sweatshirts to keep warm, and Robert starts 247 00:13:45,064 --> 00:13:49,544 Speaker 2: making a speech. He starts saying things like, I've loved 248 00:13:49,544 --> 00:13:52,424 Speaker 2: Donna since the first time I met her, and finally, 249 00:13:53,904 --> 00:13:56,464 Speaker 2: you know, seventeen and a half years later, we get 250 00:13:56,504 --> 00:14:00,144 Speaker 2: to be together. In fact, he says, I want her 251 00:14:00,344 --> 00:14:05,664 Speaker 2: to be my partner forever. And he pulls out a 252 00:14:06,224 --> 00:14:11,304 Speaker 2: Dea badge and he presents it to Donna and he 253 00:14:11,424 --> 00:14:14,144 Speaker 2: explains that he's done it. He's got her a job 254 00:14:14,744 --> 00:14:18,784 Speaker 2: at the DEA and they will be partners forever. And 255 00:14:18,944 --> 00:14:22,504 Speaker 2: also he asks her, will you be my wife? 256 00:14:23,944 --> 00:14:29,424 Speaker 1: That's a solid proposal. Yeah, when we come back, we'll 257 00:14:29,424 --> 00:14:31,744 Speaker 1: find out some things about Robert that we didn't know. 258 00:14:32,504 --> 00:14:47,464 Speaker 1: And so called Donna. Okay, so Donna is engaged. She's 259 00:14:47,544 --> 00:14:51,304 Speaker 1: lived with Robert for a year. What's happening? 260 00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:54,904 Speaker 2: One morning, she has this terrible feeling in her stomach 261 00:14:54,944 --> 00:14:59,024 Speaker 2: that something's not right, and she wanders downstairs and there's 262 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:03,464 Speaker 2: a Portland police officer standing there and she says he's 263 00:15:03,504 --> 00:15:10,224 Speaker 2: pointing a gun at Robert. And Robert is under arrest 264 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:15,024 Speaker 2: for impersonating a police officer. 265 00:15:15,744 --> 00:15:18,264 Speaker 1: Oh boy, how does he get caught? 266 00:15:19,024 --> 00:15:21,984 Speaker 2: A Portland police officer was just cruising around and he 267 00:15:22,064 --> 00:15:28,424 Speaker 2: notices a charger outside a dodgy apartment with a Dea 268 00:15:28,664 --> 00:15:32,704 Speaker 2: bulletproof jacket and guns in the trunk. And so the 269 00:15:32,744 --> 00:15:35,744 Speaker 2: cop thinks something's going on here. There's probably a raid 270 00:15:35,824 --> 00:15:41,624 Speaker 2: or something, and he asks Robert to produce ID, and 271 00:15:41,704 --> 00:15:42,624 Speaker 2: the ID is. 272 00:15:42,784 --> 00:15:45,744 Speaker 1: Fake and you can tell right away. 273 00:15:46,584 --> 00:15:48,624 Speaker 2: The cop knows that it's not right. 274 00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:51,744 Speaker 1: Is this other stuff fake? 275 00:15:51,824 --> 00:15:55,624 Speaker 2: Do he bought everything online? Everything's fake? He got it 276 00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:56,264 Speaker 2: on Amazon. 277 00:15:57,984 --> 00:16:01,144 Speaker 1: So Donna sees this, and what is she thinking? 278 00:16:02,104 --> 00:16:04,664 Speaker 2: She thinks it's one of these mix ups like on 279 00:16:04,744 --> 00:16:08,104 Speaker 2: the TV shows, Like on Kojak. She knows the bitter 280 00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:12,704 Speaker 2: relationship with Beween, the Feds and the local cops. Yeah, 281 00:16:13,784 --> 00:16:16,384 Speaker 2: there's always that conflict, and she thinks there's been some 282 00:16:16,464 --> 00:16:21,264 Speaker 2: kind of terrible mistake. So she gets out her DEA 283 00:16:21,704 --> 00:16:24,664 Speaker 2: ID and tries to sort the problem out. 284 00:16:25,144 --> 00:16:26,104 Speaker 1: Do they arrest her too? 285 00:16:27,144 --> 00:16:31,224 Speaker 2: Everyone's under arrest. The real Dea turns up and says, 286 00:16:31,344 --> 00:16:35,424 Speaker 2: we don't have anyone on our books called Robert Golden 287 00:16:36,424 --> 00:16:39,904 Speaker 2: or Donna metro Gene. You're all coming downtown. 288 00:16:42,024 --> 00:16:48,144 Speaker 1: That's what Kojak would say, right, Yeah, that's a lingo. Okay, 289 00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:51,704 Speaker 1: So who is Robert Golden if he's not a DEE agent. 290 00:16:53,624 --> 00:16:56,584 Speaker 2: Robert Golden had some trouble with the police before. He'd 291 00:16:56,584 --> 00:16:59,464 Speaker 2: been arrested for possession of a small amount of narcotics. 292 00:16:59,464 --> 00:17:04,344 Speaker 2: He'd been in prison, and he decided to move to Portland. 293 00:17:05,104 --> 00:17:08,984 Speaker 2: To get involved in the legal marijuana industry, but quickly 294 00:17:09,264 --> 00:17:12,944 Speaker 2: out of money and he ended up sleeping rough on 295 00:17:13,024 --> 00:17:18,144 Speaker 2: the streets. He was sleeping in the flatbed truck and 296 00:17:18,184 --> 00:17:23,024 Speaker 2: in a tent, working at burger king. Life got pretty tough. 297 00:17:23,184 --> 00:17:25,984 Speaker 2: And then of course it got even worse when he 298 00:17:26,104 --> 00:17:31,944 Speaker 2: started using street drugs and he hit his rock bottom 299 00:17:32,144 --> 00:17:37,544 Speaker 2: and ended up in like a volunteer center for people 300 00:17:37,584 --> 00:17:41,664 Speaker 2: experiencing homelessness. And he has this epiphany and he's like, 301 00:17:42,744 --> 00:17:49,024 Speaker 2: I need to start over, and so he built his 302 00:17:49,064 --> 00:17:51,144 Speaker 2: life back up by the bootstraps. 303 00:17:51,224 --> 00:17:52,944 Speaker 1: That seems impossible. Wow. 304 00:17:53,104 --> 00:17:55,544 Speaker 2: First he was in a tent. Then he saved up, 305 00:17:55,584 --> 00:17:57,584 Speaker 2: he was working on jobs and he managed to buy 306 00:17:57,584 --> 00:18:00,104 Speaker 2: a car and he was sleeping in the car. Then 307 00:18:00,304 --> 00:18:02,424 Speaker 2: he saved up more money and he got an apartment, 308 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:05,744 Speaker 2: and eventually he'd made it. He got his own apartment 309 00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:09,304 Speaker 2: and a job in an Amazon warehouse, and he was 310 00:18:09,344 --> 00:18:11,464 Speaker 2: back on the straight and narrow. Everything was looking great. 311 00:18:11,784 --> 00:18:14,464 Speaker 1: God, that's so impressive and so hard if you think 312 00:18:14,464 --> 00:18:17,904 Speaker 1: about it, Like, to just get a life back together 313 00:18:18,024 --> 00:18:20,664 Speaker 1: after being homeward, wasn't our drugs? That sounds impossible. 314 00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:23,384 Speaker 2: It's incredible. It's an incredible story. And then of course 315 00:18:23,864 --> 00:18:24,704 Speaker 2: the pandemic hit. 316 00:18:25,464 --> 00:18:28,344 Speaker 1: Oh no, then he lost his Amazon job because of 317 00:18:28,344 --> 00:18:29,024 Speaker 1: the pandemic. 318 00:18:29,384 --> 00:18:33,544 Speaker 2: Yeah, they sacked him at the Amazon warehouse and there 319 00:18:33,584 --> 00:18:37,664 Speaker 2: was no money and he couldn't pay the rent. He 320 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,824 Speaker 2: was down to his last few dollars when all of 321 00:18:39,904 --> 00:18:43,624 Speaker 2: a sudden, he got this massive COVID check from the government. 322 00:18:43,864 --> 00:18:46,024 Speaker 1: Oh like the one that like Tom Brady and Marjorie 323 00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:48,864 Speaker 1: Taylor Green and George Santos got. Is that the one thinks? 324 00:18:48,944 --> 00:18:54,344 Speaker 2: So Robert got nine grand in a check all at once. 325 00:18:54,344 --> 00:18:56,784 Speaker 2: So apparently it was backlogged and he ended up getting 326 00:18:56,824 --> 00:19:01,784 Speaker 2: this lump sum. And that was the exact moment that 327 00:19:02,064 --> 00:19:06,504 Speaker 2: Donna reached out to him on Facebook and he found 328 00:19:06,584 --> 00:19:08,624 Speaker 2: himself bragging about his new job. 329 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:11,464 Speaker 1: As soon as she Facebook messaged him, he came up 330 00:19:11,504 --> 00:19:14,304 Speaker 1: with this idea of saying he was a Dea agent. 331 00:19:15,024 --> 00:19:17,264 Speaker 2: I think it was something he typed in the moment 332 00:19:18,184 --> 00:19:19,544 Speaker 2: to impress Donna. 333 00:19:20,424 --> 00:19:21,744 Speaker 1: Or it's just like you're at a bar and you 334 00:19:21,784 --> 00:19:23,344 Speaker 1: make up something when you're hitting on a woman. He 335 00:19:23,344 --> 00:19:24,744 Speaker 1: came up with dea agent. 336 00:19:24,784 --> 00:19:27,424 Speaker 2: Exactly because he knew he knew that she loved cops. 337 00:19:27,504 --> 00:19:32,024 Speaker 1: She loved Cop ten right of course. 338 00:19:31,864 --> 00:19:34,024 Speaker 2: And he's got all this money, so he starts buying 339 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:38,984 Speaker 2: bulletproof jackets, and he buys a second hand charger and 340 00:19:39,264 --> 00:19:42,344 Speaker 2: installs red and blue lights that you can somehow buy 341 00:19:42,424 --> 00:19:43,024 Speaker 2: on Amazon. 342 00:19:43,664 --> 00:19:47,944 Speaker 1: Weird, Okay, But now it's all come tumbling down, and 343 00:19:47,984 --> 00:19:50,824 Speaker 1: he's facing some pretty serious chargers. 344 00:19:50,864 --> 00:19:57,144 Speaker 2: I imagine a whole bunch of charges impersonating a police officer. 345 00:19:57,624 --> 00:19:59,864 Speaker 2: I think at one point they were looking at a 346 00:19:59,944 --> 00:20:03,544 Speaker 2: two hundred and fifty thousand dollars fine prison time. It's 347 00:20:03,544 --> 00:20:04,984 Speaker 2: a pretty serious charge. 348 00:20:05,184 --> 00:20:08,504 Speaker 1: Oh man. And meanwhile, Donna's head must be spinning when 349 00:20:08,544 --> 00:20:10,984 Speaker 1: she's being a In question two, she. 350 00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:12,744 Speaker 2: Said she felt like she was in a movie because 351 00:20:12,784 --> 00:20:16,224 Speaker 2: she was interrogated in this room at the Dea by 352 00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:19,664 Speaker 2: two agents that she described as good cop, bad cop. 353 00:20:20,144 --> 00:20:22,424 Speaker 1: Oh She only can see things to this one prism 354 00:20:22,544 --> 00:20:24,464 Speaker 1: of like law and order, oh man. 355 00:20:26,104 --> 00:20:30,624 Speaker 2: And she slowly figures it out that Robert is not 356 00:20:30,984 --> 00:20:34,184 Speaker 2: in the Dea, that he's been faking it all along. 357 00:20:34,664 --> 00:20:38,064 Speaker 2: And what's more, she's been running around town with a 358 00:20:38,064 --> 00:20:42,064 Speaker 2: badge and a gun with absolutely no nothing to back 359 00:20:42,104 --> 00:20:42,424 Speaker 2: it up. 360 00:20:43,184 --> 00:20:45,464 Speaker 1: That's so dangerous if you think about an actual DEA 361 00:20:45,624 --> 00:20:48,864 Speaker 1: agent's life. Super dangerous. But if you're a fake DEA 362 00:20:48,944 --> 00:20:52,664 Speaker 1: agent arresting people and there's no possibility of backup and 363 00:20:52,704 --> 00:20:55,464 Speaker 1: you don't really have the training, that's a suicide vision. 364 00:20:56,184 --> 00:20:56,584 Speaker 2: Exactly. 365 00:20:57,464 --> 00:21:00,064 Speaker 1: My god. Does she look back and now that she's 366 00:21:00,104 --> 00:21:04,104 Speaker 1: rewriting this story with this new information, have suspicions and 367 00:21:04,144 --> 00:21:05,544 Speaker 1: realized she should have noticed some things. 368 00:21:07,384 --> 00:21:12,424 Speaker 2: Donna definitely had her suspense, and she went snooping around 369 00:21:12,464 --> 00:21:15,304 Speaker 2: the apartment one day and she discovered in a draw 370 00:21:15,944 --> 00:21:19,184 Speaker 2: his pay stubs from the Justice Department, from the DEA, 371 00:21:20,184 --> 00:21:23,864 Speaker 2: and it kind of killed any of the suspicions that 372 00:21:23,904 --> 00:21:26,824 Speaker 2: she had. She could see that he was drawing a 373 00:21:26,824 --> 00:21:32,144 Speaker 2: handsome salary, so all her doubts just evaporated. She told 374 00:21:32,184 --> 00:21:35,304 Speaker 2: me she felt love blind. You know when it's you're 375 00:21:35,344 --> 00:21:36,664 Speaker 2: too close to it to see it. 376 00:21:37,264 --> 00:21:40,944 Speaker 1: That's impressive. So like print out pretty convincing da paystebs. 377 00:21:41,464 --> 00:21:43,184 Speaker 2: I think you can get almost anything online. 378 00:21:43,464 --> 00:21:47,224 Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right. So what are the consequences? Does Robert 379 00:21:47,224 --> 00:21:48,224 Speaker 1: go away for a long time? 380 00:21:49,464 --> 00:21:53,104 Speaker 2: Robert is not in jail for long. They let him 381 00:21:53,144 --> 00:21:55,344 Speaker 2: out the next day. He does a night in chain 382 00:21:55,504 --> 00:21:57,744 Speaker 2: and they say you can go, But there's a bunch 383 00:21:57,784 --> 00:22:02,784 Speaker 2: of pre trial things that you have to do. You 384 00:22:02,864 --> 00:22:05,184 Speaker 2: have to take a mental health evaluation, you have to 385 00:22:05,184 --> 00:22:09,384 Speaker 2: get a proper job, a real one. He has to 386 00:22:09,384 --> 00:22:10,264 Speaker 2: take a drugs test. 387 00:22:11,104 --> 00:22:13,064 Speaker 1: Oh is Robert on drugs during all of this? 388 00:22:13,384 --> 00:22:13,664 Speaker 2: Yes? 389 00:22:14,704 --> 00:22:17,104 Speaker 1: Oh no. So when he goes out at Nate to 390 00:22:17,144 --> 00:22:19,344 Speaker 1: pretend to be a drug addict, he's actually on the street. 391 00:22:19,344 --> 00:22:23,864 Speaker 1: It's being a drug addict. He's method acting, he's putting 392 00:22:23,944 --> 00:22:29,464 Speaker 1: the meth in method acting correct. Oh, and she doesn't 393 00:22:29,504 --> 00:22:31,704 Speaker 1: notice that he's coming back all methed up. 394 00:22:32,344 --> 00:22:35,784 Speaker 2: She notices that he's very committed to his video games. 395 00:22:35,824 --> 00:22:38,624 Speaker 2: It will sit up all night and play them. Remember, 396 00:22:38,664 --> 00:22:43,504 Speaker 2: he's not injecting drugs, he's just taking a pill in 397 00:22:43,504 --> 00:22:46,624 Speaker 2: the bathroom. But he stays up all night playing these games. 398 00:22:47,344 --> 00:22:49,864 Speaker 1: And does she spend time in jail? 399 00:22:51,024 --> 00:22:53,504 Speaker 2: She is released straight away without charge. 400 00:22:54,624 --> 00:22:57,304 Speaker 1: So does Donna just move right on back to what 401 00:22:57,464 --> 00:22:57,824 Speaker 1: is he anna? 402 00:22:59,024 --> 00:23:03,384 Speaker 2: No? She doesn't, of course not. Well, Look, she wants answers. 403 00:23:03,464 --> 00:23:06,144 Speaker 2: She's got a lot of questions and she needs some answers. Right, 404 00:23:06,424 --> 00:23:11,144 Speaker 2: So he comes home from jail and he gets upstairs, 405 00:23:11,184 --> 00:23:14,624 Speaker 2: and Donna wants the truth, the whole truth. 406 00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:20,104 Speaker 1: Nothing. But so does he come clean as you tell 407 00:23:20,104 --> 00:23:21,424 Speaker 1: her the whole story completely. 408 00:23:21,464 --> 00:23:24,944 Speaker 2: It takes about three days. He tells her everything getting clean, 409 00:23:25,464 --> 00:23:28,784 Speaker 2: working his way up from a tent to an apartment. 410 00:23:30,224 --> 00:23:32,424 Speaker 2: That is what really impresses her. She hears this story 411 00:23:32,424 --> 00:23:34,744 Speaker 2: for the first time and she's blown away. She's like, well, wow, 412 00:23:34,784 --> 00:23:38,624 Speaker 2: this is this is more impressive than all that cop stuff. 413 00:23:39,144 --> 00:23:42,304 Speaker 2: All she sees is a man who has gone to 414 00:23:42,464 --> 00:23:46,824 Speaker 2: incredible lengths to impress her like no other man has 415 00:23:46,824 --> 00:23:51,984 Speaker 2: done before. He treats her like a queen at home. 416 00:23:52,984 --> 00:23:58,664 Speaker 2: He really loves her and she is his world. They're 417 00:23:58,704 --> 00:24:04,104 Speaker 2: having this chat and she's fiddling around with some pretzels, 418 00:24:04,784 --> 00:24:08,384 Speaker 2: you know, nervously breaking them into pieces as he's telling 419 00:24:08,384 --> 00:24:13,384 Speaker 2: his story, and she realizes as he's talking that this 420 00:24:13,544 --> 00:24:15,824 Speaker 2: is actually the man that she really wants to be with, 421 00:24:15,864 --> 00:24:21,424 Speaker 2: the real Robert. And she arranges the pretzels into tiny letters, 422 00:24:22,064 --> 00:24:26,064 Speaker 2: and the letters spell out will you marry me? What? 423 00:24:29,384 --> 00:24:32,144 Speaker 1: She's just found out that he's been lying to her 424 00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:35,584 Speaker 1: for a year. She's got some pretzels in her hand 425 00:24:35,704 --> 00:24:38,584 Speaker 1: and she proposes to him. Is that more romantic than 426 00:24:38,624 --> 00:24:39,344 Speaker 1: the beach proposal? 427 00:24:40,304 --> 00:24:40,984 Speaker 2: For me? It is? 428 00:24:41,504 --> 00:24:45,464 Speaker 1: What does he say? Once he reads the pretzels? He says, yes, 429 00:24:46,304 --> 00:24:48,064 Speaker 1: Are they married now? Are they still together? 430 00:24:49,064 --> 00:24:51,584 Speaker 2: They are still together and they got married. 431 00:24:52,744 --> 00:24:54,184 Speaker 1: And what do they do for work? 432 00:24:54,864 --> 00:24:59,064 Speaker 2: She's still studying for her criminal science degree. But for 433 00:24:59,144 --> 00:25:03,704 Speaker 2: the moment, they're working in a delivery app warehouse together. 434 00:25:04,784 --> 00:25:08,104 Speaker 2: He moves the packages around the warehouse. She's a delivery driver. 435 00:25:08,304 --> 00:25:10,464 Speaker 2: But they get to work together all day every day, 436 00:25:10,744 --> 00:25:12,264 Speaker 2: just like when they were cops. 437 00:25:12,584 --> 00:25:14,264 Speaker 1: And they seem pretty happy. 438 00:25:14,384 --> 00:25:18,744 Speaker 2: They are very very happy. Mister and missus Donna Golden. 439 00:25:19,824 --> 00:25:22,144 Speaker 1: Is he still winning sentencing or has he done his time? 440 00:25:22,984 --> 00:25:26,504 Speaker 2: He was sentenced to time served. I think he served 441 00:25:26,544 --> 00:25:28,704 Speaker 2: less than a month in the end, and he was 442 00:25:29,344 --> 00:25:33,064 Speaker 2: ordered to undergo drug treatment, which he did and has 443 00:25:33,104 --> 00:25:37,424 Speaker 2: been clean and sober for ninety days and was basically 444 00:25:37,584 --> 00:25:37,984 Speaker 2: let go. 445 00:25:38,984 --> 00:25:43,424 Speaker 1: Is this a thing that people do, like impersonating the Dea? 446 00:25:43,824 --> 00:25:48,744 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's huge, So it's called stolen valor. It's very popular. 447 00:25:48,824 --> 00:25:51,304 Speaker 2: If you look on YouTube, there is a whole movement 448 00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:56,824 Speaker 2: people like to call out people who pretend to be soldiers, 449 00:25:56,944 --> 00:26:01,904 Speaker 2: war heroes, cops. I spoke to an expert psychologist and 450 00:26:01,944 --> 00:26:03,544 Speaker 2: he said that it's all to do with the news. 451 00:26:03,744 --> 00:26:08,264 Speaker 2: So when people see heroic navy seals on television talking 452 00:26:08,304 --> 00:26:12,664 Speaker 2: about the capture of Asama bin Laden. Google search results 453 00:26:12,744 --> 00:26:16,184 Speaker 2: for impost and Navy seal go through the roof. 454 00:26:18,704 --> 00:26:21,784 Speaker 1: Okay, at the end of your story, Robert shows you 455 00:26:21,864 --> 00:26:26,544 Speaker 1: something that blew me away. What does he show you 456 00:26:26,624 --> 00:26:27,024 Speaker 1: up there? 457 00:26:28,104 --> 00:26:31,104 Speaker 2: So he drops me off at the hotel and we say, oh, goodbyes, 458 00:26:31,304 --> 00:26:35,464 Speaker 2: And just before he leaves, he pulls me aside and 459 00:26:35,504 --> 00:26:38,904 Speaker 2: he takes out his wallet and he flips it open 460 00:26:39,824 --> 00:26:44,264 Speaker 2: and he shows me his ID and it's a picture 461 00:26:44,304 --> 00:26:46,704 Speaker 2: of him and it says de Ea. 462 00:26:47,704 --> 00:26:48,904 Speaker 1: So he's full on crazy. 463 00:26:49,984 --> 00:26:53,304 Speaker 2: Maybe what if? Now? 464 00:26:53,864 --> 00:26:55,624 Speaker 1: I like that, you believe I'm. 465 00:26:55,424 --> 00:26:56,944 Speaker 2: Just saying what if? 466 00:27:01,824 --> 00:27:05,824 Speaker 1: Jeff mays, you wrote Undercover Lovers for ZUBSDAC and it's 467 00:27:05,824 --> 00:27:08,624 Speaker 1: definitely the story of the week. Thank you for coming on. 468 00:27:09,144 --> 00:27:09,504 Speaker 2: Thank you. 469 00:27:11,144 --> 00:27:14,864 Speaker 1: The craziest part of this entire story is that Donna 470 00:27:14,944 --> 00:27:19,504 Speaker 1: and Robert wanted to work together. Working with your spouse 471 00:27:19,664 --> 00:27:23,624 Speaker 1: is a horrible idea. The entire reason offices were created 472 00:27:23,664 --> 00:27:28,144 Speaker 1: in the first place was to keep marriages intact. Let 473 00:27:28,184 --> 00:27:31,184 Speaker 1: me warn all you young people right now with your 474 00:27:31,224 --> 00:27:35,184 Speaker 1: work at home dreams. Everyone who's working from home is 475 00:27:35,344 --> 00:27:36,224 Speaker 1: not having sex. 476 00:27:39,384 --> 00:27:42,584 Speaker 3: At the end of the show, what's next for joel Stein? 477 00:27:42,784 --> 00:27:46,824 Speaker 4: Maybe you'll take a napper book around online. 478 00:27:47,544 --> 00:27:51,344 Speaker 1: Our show is produced by Joey fish Ground, Mo Labard 479 00:27:51,904 --> 00:27:55,144 Speaker 1: and The Shavenka. It was edited by Lydia g and Ky. 480 00:27:55,584 --> 00:27:58,424 Speaker 1: Our engineer is Amanda kay Wang and our executive producer 481 00:27:58,504 --> 00:28:02,664 Speaker 1: is catherinal Erradah. Our theme song was produced by Jonathan Colton. 482 00:28:03,144 --> 00:28:05,704 Speaker 1: A special thanks to my voice coach Vicky Merrick and 483 00:28:05,824 --> 00:28:10,224 Speaker 1: my consulting producer Laurence Alasnik. To find more Pushkin podcast, 484 00:28:10,504 --> 00:28:14,584 Speaker 1: listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 485 00:28:14,624 --> 00:28:18,104 Speaker 1: you listen to your podcasts. I am Joel Stein and 486 00:28:18,224 --> 00:28:22,704 Speaker 1: this is story of the week. What have you pretended 487 00:28:22,704 --> 00:28:22,904 Speaker 1: to be? 488 00:28:24,744 --> 00:28:27,744 Speaker 2: When I met my wife, she was a big surfer 489 00:28:28,344 --> 00:28:30,504 Speaker 2: and she asked if I surfed, and I was trying 490 00:28:30,504 --> 00:28:32,744 Speaker 2: to do a joke about surfing the internet or something, 491 00:28:33,104 --> 00:28:36,584 Speaker 2: and of course it got carried away. So for the 492 00:28:36,624 --> 00:28:38,824 Speaker 2: first couple of dates she was talking to me about 493 00:28:38,944 --> 00:28:42,504 Speaker 2: rip curls, and you know, I had no idea what 494 00:28:42,504 --> 00:28:45,584 Speaker 2: she's talking about. I can't swim. So it had to 495 00:28:45,624 --> 00:28:47,224 Speaker 2: be a point where I had to come clean and 496 00:28:47,224 --> 00:28:48,464 Speaker 2: say it was a misunderstanding. 497 00:28:49,624 --> 00:28:50,424 Speaker 1: How did that go over? 498 00:28:51,224 --> 00:28:51,384 Speaker 2: It? 499 00:28:51,424 --> 00:28:53,984 Speaker 1: Was fine, Yeah, I guess so. If you're married, you're 500 00:28:53,984 --> 00:28:54,984 Speaker 1: about to have a baby any. 501 00:28:54,944 --> 00:28:57,384 Speaker 2: Second, literally any minute now. 502 00:28:57,864 --> 00:28:59,744 Speaker 1: Well, I'm gonna just keep you on because it would 503 00:28:59,744 --> 00:29:02,544 Speaker 1: be so exciting for us if someone gave birth during 504 00:29:02,544 --> 00:29:04,824 Speaker 1: our podcast. We need a readings boost, I said to. 505 00:29:04,824 --> 00:29:08,064 Speaker 2: My wife, I'm recording something. Only come in if your 506 00:29:08,104 --> 00:29:11,704 Speaker 2: water is broken.