1 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:14,000 Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to another brand new episode of 2 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:18,120 Speaker 1: You Need Therapy. My name is a Cat, and as always, 3 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,680 Speaker 1: thank you so much for deciding to spend a little 4 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,160 Speaker 1: bit of your day with me. This week offers us 5 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:29,040 Speaker 1: something extra special because it is a holiday week in 6 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 1: the middle of a pandemic. So, I mean, I don't 7 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,680 Speaker 1: know about you, guys, I've never done this before, so 8 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,480 Speaker 1: we're gonna do the best we can. I know that 9 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 1: some of us are struggling with the holidays as we 10 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 1: would normally because of our own life stressors and anxieties 11 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,239 Speaker 1: and stuff going on. And then also some of us 12 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 1: are struggling because we can't spend the holiday that we 13 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 1: normally would want to spend with the people we want 14 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: to spend it with. And I know I personally have 15 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,800 Speaker 1: some friends that are having to quarantine just straight up 16 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 1: alone on Thanksgiving and that's going to be really hard. 17 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 1: And so I want to just throw that out there 18 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 1: to anybody who was struggling this week extra I'm here 19 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,880 Speaker 1: with you, and yeah it's tough. I want to offer 20 00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 1: anybody that is in one of those spots who feels 21 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,560 Speaker 1: just kind of defeated and is this ever going to 22 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,240 Speaker 1: get better? That there is hope still, We still have 23 00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 1: some hope. This is not going to be our new normal. 24 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,560 Speaker 1: This is just our right now, and if we can 25 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 1: look at it that way, it can help us, you know, 26 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,960 Speaker 1: plant a little bit more hope, which we might have 27 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 1: some trouble doing right now because we've been hoping for 28 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,759 Speaker 1: almost a year now for this to go away and 29 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:41,479 Speaker 1: it hasn't. So just always remember, like maybe you can 30 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:43,200 Speaker 1: put that in your head that this is not our 31 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 1: new normal, this is our right now. Okay, Now for 32 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 1: this week's episode, y'all, you are in for such a 33 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 1: treat because I was not planning on releasing this episode 34 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 1: this week, but you know, we need some goodness and 35 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: laughter and fun in our life, and you know what, 36 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 1: talking about mental health, yes, can also be fun and enjoyable. 37 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:09,240 Speaker 1: At the same time. I have Jamie Grace on this week, 38 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 1: and if you don't know who she is, run to 39 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,440 Speaker 1: your phone, which you probably have in your hand, open 40 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:18,320 Speaker 1: up Instagram, which you probably have one, and follow Jamie 41 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 1: Grace because she's hilarious and she also is somebody who 42 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:27,519 Speaker 1: talks openly about her own story and struggle and redemption 43 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 1: through all the things that encompass mental health and what 44 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 1: that means for her in her life, she was diagnosed 45 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 1: with not just O c D, not just anxiety, but 46 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 1: also a d h D and something called Tourette syndrome. 47 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 1: If you don't know what that is. She kind of 48 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 1: walks us through that a little bit, and she does 49 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: it with such fun. I don't have a better word 50 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 1: for it. She has really been an example for me, 51 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,919 Speaker 1: just in the one conversation I've had with her on 52 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:56,600 Speaker 1: how to truly embrace and love who you are with 53 00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:58,800 Speaker 1: all of the things that make you different. And we 54 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 1: talk a lot about that towards the end of our conversation. 55 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:03,960 Speaker 1: She's a gem. If you don't know who she is. 56 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 1: She is a singer, she is a artist. She is 57 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: a producer, She is a songwriter. She is an author 58 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 1: and you can buy her new book called Finding Quiet. 59 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,120 Speaker 1: She also is a mom and a wife and a 60 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 1: mental health advocate and all of the things. And now 61 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,080 Speaker 1: I just want to call her my friend because the 62 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,360 Speaker 1: things she's awesome, And oh yeah, this is a good one. 63 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: So if you guys just want to learn more about 64 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 1: mental health and general or if you just want like 65 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 1: to enjoy a conversation, this is it. I laughed through 66 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,720 Speaker 1: this whole thing, and I wouldn't even call it deflection. 67 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 1: I would call this is what it's like to embrace 68 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: who you are. So I'm not going to waste any 69 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 1: more of your time because the conversation will do all 70 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,120 Speaker 1: the work. So here is my conversation with Jamie. I 71 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:47,520 Speaker 1: will see you guys on Wednesday for couch talks. One thing, 72 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: I don't even know how to even introduce you, because 73 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 1: you're now an author, you're a singer, you're a songwriter, 74 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 1: you're a pretty sure your mom, your mental health advocate. 75 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: So I had your book. I have read I think, 76 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 1: like any pages, but the beginning. What I first was like, oh, 77 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 1: is when you talked about the diagnosis at eleven, you 78 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 1: were diagnosed at eleven with I'm gonna say a slew 79 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: at eleven. I don't know that I would even know 80 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 1: what that meant. So right, right, what was it like 81 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:20,880 Speaker 1: for you to get diagnosed at eleven with multiple mental 82 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,760 Speaker 1: health disorders? Did that even make I just don't I 83 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,160 Speaker 1: want to know what that was even like? Right? Yeah? 84 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 1: I mean I I started having symptoms of syndrome when 85 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:31,920 Speaker 1: I was nine years old, um, which syndrome is a 86 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,839 Speaker 1: tick disorder um that makes you make movements and sounds 87 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:38,480 Speaker 1: you can't control call ticks. And so the severity of 88 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 1: the ticks that I had at nine years old were 89 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,359 Speaker 1: pretty high, as a lot of arm and leg movement 90 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:47,159 Speaker 1: that would oftentimes prohibit me from being able to walk 91 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 1: without falling or whole things without dropping them, a lot 92 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,520 Speaker 1: of blinking and that was in my eyes will start 93 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:57,720 Speaker 1: to burn, and I could not really go into major 94 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,720 Speaker 1: department stores or grocery stores because fluorescent lighting would cause 95 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 1: it to get worse and make my eyes burn even more, 96 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,600 Speaker 1: which would just trigger my anxiety, which would just trigger 97 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,039 Speaker 1: more ticks because I was then stressed out. So the 98 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,360 Speaker 1: severity of what was going on at age nine, which 99 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: was very constant up until age fifteen, I was so 100 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: ready to find some answers. I was so ready to 101 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: figure out what was going on, like a a like 102 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: a lot of kids I dealt with, like things like 103 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 1: ad sma growing up, you know, and then also just 104 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 1: your regular cough and cold situation that kids deal with. 105 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,279 Speaker 1: So I was used to like, Okay, sometimes you're not 106 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,280 Speaker 1: feeling good. And the good thing about doctors is that 107 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 1: they have a bunch of really cool like artwork on 108 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,479 Speaker 1: the law, and they have great personalities, and they give 109 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 1: you medicine and then they give you a lollipop when 110 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:45,360 Speaker 1: you leave. So I had such a positive perception of 111 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: what that experience was like that going to all these 112 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: doctors visits just to be real. As traumatizing as it was, 113 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 1: I still maintained a level of hopefulness and optimism because 114 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 1: I was like, well, eventually we're going to find the 115 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,479 Speaker 1: doctor that is going to give me the menu and 116 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 1: the lollipop and everything's gonna be okay. And when it 117 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,800 Speaker 1: was eleven, I have a doctor. I don't know why 118 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,919 Speaker 1: I'm saying his name, just feel like I should. He's amazing. 119 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: His name's Doctor Who he Goes. He's in Georgia, where 120 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 1: I grew up. And my mom actually kind of took 121 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 1: him some paperwork. She was like, look, it's been a 122 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,840 Speaker 1: two year journey with my kid, all these different doctors 123 00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:19,840 Speaker 1: and specialists. I think this is what I think. It's 124 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: Tourette syndrome. And he confirmed, like, yeah, Sturette syndrome OC 125 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: anxiety generalized anxiety disorder, and I was hopeful. I was like, great, 126 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,480 Speaker 1: thanks thanks Mom, Thanks Dr who Goes. You know, we 127 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,479 Speaker 1: gotta figure it out. But I just I soon found 128 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,960 Speaker 1: out that there's not only no cure for what I have, 129 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,279 Speaker 1: but there's also no specific treatment that you know, is 130 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: to help it. And so that was harder than the 131 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,919 Speaker 1: diagnosis in and of itself. The diagnosis was easy because 132 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,680 Speaker 1: I needed a title for my craziness, you know, as 133 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 1: I personally call it myself. But the finding out that 134 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 1: there was nothing that anybody could do that was the 135 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 1: traumatic part, because then I was like, so wait, you know, 136 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,279 Speaker 1: at this point, like I didn't know how to manage 137 00:06:58,320 --> 00:06:59,920 Speaker 1: it and how to control it. When I would get 138 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: pressed out, it would get worse, and so I'm like 139 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,600 Speaker 1: good or bad stressed? You know, if my parents told 140 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,520 Speaker 1: me that, hey, we're gonna get pizza tonight, I would 141 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,159 Speaker 1: sometimes tick so bad that I had to go to 142 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,160 Speaker 1: bed early because I would just wear myself out. And 143 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,760 Speaker 1: so it just got some from where I was like, 144 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,040 Speaker 1: I don't know how to deal with the fact that 145 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 1: there's nothing that we can do about it, And that 146 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,720 Speaker 1: was much harder for me than you know, the diagnosis itself. 147 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: But it sounds like exciting things were even stressful, and 148 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 1: then it makes them not exciting, right, And and and 149 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 1: that I mean, that's still something that you know, I'm 150 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,840 Speaker 1: almost twenty nine and that's still present to this day. 151 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: We my husband is amazing and he has really learned 152 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: how to pace information with me, Like you know, he's 153 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: when we first got together, you would be like, hey, 154 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 1: what do you think about this? And then it would 155 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,840 Speaker 1: just become so much, just so much information, and now 156 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: like I mean even I'm not even kidding, even something 157 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: like Kelly Clarkson is going to be, you know, hosting 158 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: the Billboard Music Awards, like that kind of information is like, 159 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: just give me five minutes because I'm pumped and I'm 160 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 1: gonna even like breathe a little bit, get a snack 161 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 1: because it's just like everything is extreme for me, like 162 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: good and add my emotions are very heavy and not 163 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 1: even so much at this point. You know, I'm a 164 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 1: bit older and it's not even so Mular said it 165 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: triggers ticks at this point, but it can just trigger heaviness, 166 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 1: and so we just have to pace everything. We try 167 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: to have slow conversations or if there's a lot of 168 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,679 Speaker 1: that we need to talk to you about, like bills 169 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 1: or things like that. You know, this might sound like 170 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,680 Speaker 1: stuff that most people experience and that you know, that's 171 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,720 Speaker 1: totally possible. But even like talking through like oh this 172 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 1: phone bill needs to be paid or something like that, 173 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: and that stuff that we have to like no music 174 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:32,320 Speaker 1: can be on anything, because everything can be really big. 175 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 1: For me, has someone that has an anxiety and a 176 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 1: tick disorder and so so yeah, it can be challenging, 177 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,760 Speaker 1: but we just have to kind of pace everyday life. Yeah, 178 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:43,160 Speaker 1: and you know, I hear both camps. When it comes 179 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 1: to people and diagnosis of any kind. Some people are like, 180 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 1: don't put that on me, and then some people are 181 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 1: like thank god, like kind of what you're saying, like 182 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 1: there's a name for this, right, there's probably is something 183 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 1: that I can do about it. And it also means 184 00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,240 Speaker 1: I'm not the only one, So that's really helpful. So 185 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,200 Speaker 1: you're sitting in this like both and situation of like 186 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 1: oh I have an answer, right, Also there's not a 187 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,360 Speaker 1: ton of stuff I can do, right, No, it was 188 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 1: that that was the most frustrating thing for sure. Um, 189 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: you know, they they pretty quickly, they meeting doctors and 190 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 1: specialists pretty quickly were letting us know that there were 191 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 1: medications that could help. So that that was cool. I 192 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:24,439 Speaker 1: was like, okay, cool, I'll try. You know, at that point, 193 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,640 Speaker 1: my my physical tips were so severe that it was 194 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:30,959 Speaker 1: like why not. And so so we tried some medications 195 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,880 Speaker 1: for a while, um, from ages nine to fifteen, and 196 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,800 Speaker 1: then at fifteen I came off of all of them 197 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 1: because the side effects were just not worth it. Um. 198 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,199 Speaker 1: I was also getting ready to go off to university 199 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,840 Speaker 1: and I really just wanted to kind of have a 200 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,960 Speaker 1: fresh start in a new place, a new environment, and 201 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,839 Speaker 1: just see how school would work by myself, if you will, 202 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,679 Speaker 1: without medication and so um. So yeah, so that that 203 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 1: was frustrating that none of the medication at that point 204 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,200 Speaker 1: was really helpful. I'm kind of naturally an optimist, so 205 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: I don't want to sound like I'm just brushing over 206 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 1: difficult things. But but it also helped in a way 207 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 1: because it helps me to kind of develop a care 208 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: plan in my everyday life, you know, and to be like, Okay, well, 209 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,439 Speaker 1: what are things that I can do to help? Because 210 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,200 Speaker 1: I just I refused to accept a complete, like end 211 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: of the road sentence, you know. I was like, that's 212 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: just not an option for me. Not so much saying 213 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 1: like oh I can fix the turret, I can heal 214 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 1: the turret and not saying that, you know, And I 215 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: like to clarify that because I'm a Christian and I 216 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,080 Speaker 1: really live God, and I like to clarify to people like, Yo, 217 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: this isn't me saying like if we all yo a 218 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: God loud enough, he'll fix it, you know, because that's 219 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 1: definitely not how it works. Um, so that's not what 220 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: I was trying to do. But I was like, there's 221 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 1: gonna be something I could do to make my life 222 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 1: a little bit easier, even if even if like it's 223 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,080 Speaker 1: literally just as simple as like, oh, well, if you 224 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:46,559 Speaker 1: eat the right food, it'll help your eyes, say something like, 225 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,199 Speaker 1: it's got to be something. So the medicine not really 226 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,680 Speaker 1: working was good in a way because it helped my 227 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,680 Speaker 1: family and I developed other tools and ways to kind 228 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: of cope. And this is all happening to like when 229 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:03,440 Speaker 1: you said eleven, I don't know what age was, grade 230 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 1: we're in school, but like it's just pulling you through 231 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,920 Speaker 1: like middle school and to high school, which is like, 232 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,520 Speaker 1: I don't know what your experience was, but that is 233 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:15,040 Speaker 1: a very tough time for many people, right, So you're 234 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 1: actually navigating this through a really tough time for anybody, right, right. 235 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: And one one one major advantage that I did I 236 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,440 Speaker 1: did have is that when my my sisters two years 237 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,840 Speaker 1: older and so when my sister was three, my mom 238 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,560 Speaker 1: chose to home school. And that was just before any 239 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: of this. We were the homeschool family. And so that 240 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,839 Speaker 1: was one huge advantage that I did have. But with that, 241 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 1: my mom was always very mom almost very much like, uh, 242 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,360 Speaker 1: if ever you want to go to public school of 243 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 1: private school, will try it and if it works, you 244 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,680 Speaker 1: can do it. So I did still have you know, 245 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,720 Speaker 1: here and there I would be a like a different school. 246 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:52,200 Speaker 1: And then we also were in like homeschool groups, um, 247 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,320 Speaker 1: you know where you take like a few classes a week, 248 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:56,440 Speaker 1: you can do you know, sports and things like that. 249 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: And then I was a pastor's kid, so I was 250 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,679 Speaker 1: around other kids and teenagers all the time. So so 251 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,559 Speaker 1: I did still have somewhat of the traditional experience, you know, 252 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: and and it was challenging. You know. There are other 253 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,840 Speaker 1: kids that didn't want to hang out with me because 254 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 1: like their parents told them that tourette was contagious or 255 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 1: you know, their parents told them that like yeah, which like, 256 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,320 Speaker 1: hey guys, we're gonna try this thing called books and 257 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,440 Speaker 1: we're gonna read them and you're gonna find out that 258 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:26,240 Speaker 1: neurobiological conditions cannot be you know. But it's fine. Believe 259 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 1: what you believe. Merry Christmas, happy. But yeah, so like 260 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 1: we you know, there were kids like their parents told 261 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,280 Speaker 1: them that like it was demonic and like they don't 262 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,480 Speaker 1: want their kids hanging out with a demon. I respect that, bro, 263 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,320 Speaker 1: Like I wouldn't want my kid hanging out with the 264 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 1: demon either. I'm not a demon, definitely not. But we've 265 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,080 Speaker 1: seen the good place they can be disguised. And so 266 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:51,080 Speaker 1: it was definitely really difficult because I was I was 267 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 1: bullied by other kids. I was isolated by other kids 268 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,840 Speaker 1: on on top of already being a home school there 269 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,240 Speaker 1: in a community where there weren't a lot of home schoolers, 270 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:02,280 Speaker 1: on top of the being the pastor's kid when it's like, oh, 271 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 1: she probably doesn't know this song from the radio. On 272 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 1: top of being this little black girl that wears cowboy 273 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 1: boots and wants to play the banjo. It was already 274 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:15,440 Speaker 1: this very I was already a very isolated, awkward kid 275 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,200 Speaker 1: when I left my home playing on the playground. But 276 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 1: I had like a Narnia book in my back pocket, 277 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:23,679 Speaker 1: like I was already that kid, and then on top 278 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:27,080 Speaker 1: of this, it's like, oh, also you have mental health issues. 279 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:30,040 Speaker 1: And at that time too, my ticks were so severe 280 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 1: that we hadn't even really begin begin to explore my 281 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,160 Speaker 1: anxiety diagnosis. We we didn't even fully understand my O 282 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,560 Speaker 1: c D diagnosis. And so as like, literally as the 283 00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 1: days are going by, I'm learning more about my compulsions, 284 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,079 Speaker 1: I'm learning more about my anxiousness. And it was just 285 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,320 Speaker 1: it felt like it was getting worse and worse, and 286 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 1: I was becoming more and more isolated. There were there 287 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,079 Speaker 1: were a few good friends that you know that were there, 288 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,960 Speaker 1: and I want to you know, knowledge them for sure, 289 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 1: but on the grand scale, a grand scheme, whatever, the 290 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 1: you know what, like it was, it was tough. It 291 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:03,080 Speaker 1: was challenging. It was really frustrating to be going through 292 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 1: that as a kid when all all you want as 293 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,959 Speaker 1: a kid is to fit in and to make friends, 294 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 1: and you just want people to like us. Seriously, that's 295 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 1: all we want. And then as we become adults we realize, 296 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,960 Speaker 1: until you change your mind, that that's what you feel too. 297 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,560 Speaker 1: You just want people to like you. And and that 298 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:22,040 Speaker 1: just wasn't always my story. I wonder how that, like, 299 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 1: what messaging you took from that of as however old 300 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 1: you are at the time, but we'll just say kid adolescent. 301 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,800 Speaker 1: What's the meaning you took from all of this essential 302 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 1: chaos surrounding you? Yeah? But that what does that mean 303 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 1: about me? That were you able to separate this is 304 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,200 Speaker 1: their belief system and their lack of knowledge and understanding, 305 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:45,960 Speaker 1: or does this now become a belief I hold about myself. Yeah, 306 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 1: I wasn't necessarily able to separate that, but I'm grateful 307 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 1: that my family was and that they continued to provide 308 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 1: a safe place to land every time I walked into 309 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,960 Speaker 1: that front door. I would not be where I am 310 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,880 Speaker 1: without my family, and and I like to make sure 311 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 1: that I acknowledge the amount of privilege that I come from. 312 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,080 Speaker 1: That I'm even able to say that that I had 313 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 1: both my mom and my dad and my older sister 314 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 1: that were so intentional about providing a safe place for 315 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: me to land as I when I was a little 316 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 1: older or not too much older. But there was this 317 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 1: movie that I was in love with called True Confessions. 318 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 1: I was a Disney Channel original movie and I think 319 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 1: it was Shyla Well. I know it was Shyla buff 320 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 1: I just don't know how to say his name, so 321 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:35,520 Speaker 1: it was him, and he plays a middle school high schooler, 322 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: uh with autism, and the movie is about his sister's experience, 323 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: and I remember I felt, so, you know, I I don't, 324 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: to my knowledge, have autism, but I know that I'm 325 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,000 Speaker 1: not neurotypical, and neither was his character, and I related 326 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,760 Speaker 1: to him so much. But I remember seeing that movie 327 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,200 Speaker 1: and seeing how hard it was for the sister of 328 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 1: having a sibling that is not neurotypical, and having a 329 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 1: sibling that me their handheld through a lot of adolescent 330 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 1: things that you would think someone could handle by themselves. 331 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,600 Speaker 1: And I didn't realize until I saw that movie that 332 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:13,560 Speaker 1: my sister had to literally be my foundation throughout my 333 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 1: whole teen years and through my college experience. Like part 334 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: of my care plan was that I went to the 335 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,560 Speaker 1: same college as my sister um so that I and 336 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 1: I lived in the same dorm as my sister, and 337 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 1: that my sophomore year, she and I were roommates. And 338 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 1: that is the only way that I survived, That is 339 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 1: the only way that I became who I am. And 340 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:36,360 Speaker 1: even when my sister graduated that her two best friends 341 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 1: literally took on her role in my life when because 342 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:40,880 Speaker 1: they were still at the school and they were all 343 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,360 Speaker 1: raised at the school. And so to answer your question, No, 344 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,120 Speaker 1: I did not know how to separate, you know, being 345 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:54,320 Speaker 1: called retarded by other kids, and feeling different and feeling inadequate. 346 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,520 Speaker 1: I didn't know how to separate those things. I just 347 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,880 Speaker 1: accepted that, Oh, if that's what they say, that must 348 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: be true. Ut every time I walked into the doors 349 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,520 Speaker 1: of my home, well there's just one door, Well there's 350 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,600 Speaker 1: a backgroom. Everyone walked into either one of the doors 351 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,040 Speaker 1: of my house. I knew that I would have my 352 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: sister there, who would play me songs, who would show 353 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 1: me movies, who would just always encourage me, My dad 354 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,040 Speaker 1: who would dance with me around the house. He's the 355 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,200 Speaker 1: worst dancer ever, but he would always turn on smooth 356 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: jazz and just Dand my mom, who was always creating something, 357 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,679 Speaker 1: redesigning a chair, or learning how to upholster something, and 358 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,439 Speaker 1: she will be like, you want to help, Like just 359 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 1: always having this creative, joyful, loud, crazy, beautiful home that 360 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 1: carried me until I learned how to carry myself. And 361 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:45,040 Speaker 1: I think you're speaking of what you said, a foundation, 362 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,760 Speaker 1: like you had a foundation that, as much as it 363 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 1: was hard for you to walk out into the world 364 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,440 Speaker 1: and see how really messed up the world can be, 365 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,600 Speaker 1: at a foundation that was able to remind you as 366 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,720 Speaker 1: much as they could in that time. And it makes 367 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,920 Speaker 1: me think of I know one part of your book 368 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 1: I read, I don't know exactly where this was, but 369 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,439 Speaker 1: I know you said not everyone will understand you, and 370 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:09,040 Speaker 1: that's okay in some form you talked about and so 371 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: that's something that it's really hard for an adolescent to 372 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:16,160 Speaker 1: understand that. But as you become an adult, and I've 373 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,160 Speaker 1: been losing to an adulthood, you can hold that as true, 374 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 1: like that's okay that they don't understand me. And a 375 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 1: question that I have is what do you wish that 376 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:30,240 Speaker 1: people knew more globally about mental health in general, but 377 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,399 Speaker 1: specifically how struggle. Yeah, I mean I think one of 378 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,120 Speaker 1: like you like you were saying, and I'm not sure 379 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,399 Speaker 1: exactly where that is in the book either, because I 380 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,480 Speaker 1: kind of mentioned stuff like that all the time of like, yeah, 381 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,360 Speaker 1: especially like you know, I've been married for a few 382 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:47,560 Speaker 1: years and when I was not married, just by nature 383 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 1: of me being a Christian and oftentimes in faith based circles, 384 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:53,080 Speaker 1: you know, people are trying to figure out, like why 385 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,400 Speaker 1: are you single? Like is it because you don't want 386 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,919 Speaker 1: to have love? You know what I mean? So I 387 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 1: was even like when I was single, I was always 388 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:03,560 Speaker 1: very openly saying phrases like not every guy is going 389 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,680 Speaker 1: to like me, and that's okay, you know, and and 390 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,880 Speaker 1: like dealing with just regular young adults stuff of like 391 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,720 Speaker 1: why wasn't I brides made? Or you know, why wasn't 392 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,160 Speaker 1: I invited to that girl's trip. It's like I can't 393 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,920 Speaker 1: practically be friends with every person that I've ever seen 394 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 1: or every person that I follow on Instagram, Like it's okay, 395 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,480 Speaker 1: and not everybody's gonna like me. It doesn't make them bad, 396 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,639 Speaker 1: it doesn't make me bad. It just means that not 397 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,240 Speaker 1: everybody's gonna like you, not everybody's gonna understand you, not 398 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,120 Speaker 1: every guy is gonna be interested in you. You can't 399 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,119 Speaker 1: date all of them anyway. Most people only want to 400 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 1: date one person each. So it's it's okay. It's a 401 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,399 Speaker 1: very practical thing that we just gotta roll with, We 402 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,440 Speaker 1: got to accept, you know. So that's just kind of 403 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 1: something that I've just tried to kind of embrace my 404 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,280 Speaker 1: own brain and hopefully live it out well. But yeah, 405 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,160 Speaker 1: as far as like what I wish people to understand, 406 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,840 Speaker 1: I mean, I think we we we as a culture, 407 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 1: we do so well with things that we can see, right, 408 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:57,760 Speaker 1: We we embrace things that we can see so well. 409 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,680 Speaker 1: If we see if we're in traff and we get 410 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,159 Speaker 1: closer and closer to you know, where the traffic started, 411 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: and we see a car accident and we see someone 412 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 1: that looks very injured and they're on a stretture, it's 413 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 1: like we as a collective culture will all have somewhere 414 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,199 Speaker 1: in the same vein of they look hurt, you know. 415 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 1: It's like that's just what we think. We see someone 416 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:23,160 Speaker 1: with blood on them on a stretcher at a car accident, 417 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,560 Speaker 1: they probably are going to need surgery. This is this 418 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:30,080 Speaker 1: is definitely a graze anatomy situation. Like everybody can agree 419 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,400 Speaker 1: with that sentiment, right, But then not to sound the controversial, 420 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:37,119 Speaker 1: but then we talk about something like the coronavirus, we 421 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,320 Speaker 1: can't see it, so now we're dealing with Okay, well, 422 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,520 Speaker 1: this person says you should wear mask thissers and says 423 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,719 Speaker 1: you shouldn't. Well, this presence it's over because things that 424 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,960 Speaker 1: we can't see, we just have a hard time as 425 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,600 Speaker 1: a collective culture agreeing with what is the next step. 426 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,639 Speaker 1: And so I wish that I don't wish that we 427 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 1: could so much see mental health because I think that 428 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,320 Speaker 1: that would just be a whole new level of dramatic problem. 429 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,000 Speaker 1: But I wish that we could learn how to accept 430 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,439 Speaker 1: mental health in the same way that we accept things 431 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,639 Speaker 1: like physical health, that we can see that we don't 432 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:14,160 Speaker 1: see it as a complete barrier or debilitating thing that like, oh, 433 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,719 Speaker 1: this person can you know, never accomplish anything, or this 434 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:21,120 Speaker 1: person is, you know, completely defeated, or this person can 435 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,480 Speaker 1: never overcome. I hope that maybe maybe we see like, oh, 436 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:28,080 Speaker 1: they seem different, but it doesn't, but maybe because of 437 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,399 Speaker 1: where they are, like maybe they still have something to 438 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,840 Speaker 1: offer themselves, something to bring to the table. Maybe this 439 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,480 Speaker 1: is because I'm a d h D. But I just 440 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,399 Speaker 1: keep having this thought, and I have no idea why. 441 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,520 Speaker 1: I don't know why I keep making all these random 442 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,439 Speaker 1: movie references, but also I do because that's just who 443 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,480 Speaker 1: I am. But my husband watches Space Jam every day 444 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,840 Speaker 1: like it just came out yesterday, Like he is obsessed 445 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,720 Speaker 1: with that movie is a problem. It's also really attractive, 446 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,680 Speaker 1: but that's not what we're talking about. So he really 447 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,280 Speaker 1: like some movie Space Sham and every time we're watching it, 448 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,640 Speaker 1: I don't do basketball. So let's just get that out there. 449 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: But if you I don't know if you've ever seen 450 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,159 Speaker 1: it before, but there is is Okay. So in the NBA, 451 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,080 Speaker 1: especially like when Space Jam was out, usually all the 452 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,840 Speaker 1: guys who were really tall, but there's that one black guy. 453 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 1: He's like really short. I can't think of what his 454 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,959 Speaker 1: name is, but it's like he's a really short, like 455 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:17,160 Speaker 1: really famous NBA player and but really short. He's probably 456 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:22,000 Speaker 1: like five tin actually kind of right exactly. But he's 457 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:26,160 Speaker 1: in the movie Space Jam, and we see as a culture, 458 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:30,160 Speaker 1: we see that he is obviously physically not as tall 459 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,679 Speaker 1: as a Michael Jordan's or Lebron you know, Rest in 460 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,399 Speaker 1: Peace Kobe, Like, we see that he's not as tall 461 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 1: because physically he's different, but also he's in the n 462 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,120 Speaker 1: B A and so we still see that he is capable, 463 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,240 Speaker 1: he is strong and likely a lot better at his 464 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:50,000 Speaker 1: skill than a lot of taller people too, because he's 465 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 1: really good and just because he's short doesn't meet short 466 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,000 Speaker 1: ter does not mean that he can't play basketball. And 467 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,919 Speaker 1: so we're able to as a culture see physical differences 468 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,720 Speaker 1: in people but still embrace Oh they're still capable, they 469 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,800 Speaker 1: still can. And I wish that when it comes to 470 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:09,040 Speaker 1: mental health, like you know, I I have for years, 471 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,920 Speaker 1: especially when I was single and I was dating, um, like, 472 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,480 Speaker 1: going on dates regularly. I like to clarify because I'm 473 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:17,199 Speaker 1: still dating my husband, but when I was going on 474 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,480 Speaker 1: dates with people when I was single, I would very 475 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,159 Speaker 1: casually say things like yeah, well no, when I was 476 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,720 Speaker 1: experiencing symptoms of depression, and then I would just cruise 477 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: on through the conversation. Now, obviously that's something that if 478 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,400 Speaker 1: people want to ask me more about, I brought it up, 479 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,439 Speaker 1: so feel free to ask me more about. And if 480 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,679 Speaker 1: you don't think you can handle it, that's fine, But 481 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:40,080 Speaker 1: that should not warrant the concept of oh, you must 482 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,400 Speaker 1: not be able to have a healthy relationship because you've 483 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:46,800 Speaker 1: had depression, or you must not be able to have 484 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:49,360 Speaker 1: a full time job because you have to rett syndrome. 485 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,200 Speaker 1: You know, maybe it's not the cup of tea that 486 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 1: you want. That's fine, But people with mental health complexities, 487 00:23:56,280 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 1: people that are neural divergent were capable, beautiful, wonderful, complex 488 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:06,120 Speaker 1: and exceptional human beings, and I just simply wish that 489 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,480 Speaker 1: people could, um just could embrace that about us. You 490 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:13,280 Speaker 1: know what, I'm sitting here thinking when you mentioned parents, 491 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,680 Speaker 1: saying things like, oh, I don't know exactly what you said, 492 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,760 Speaker 1: but the idea of like she's possessed by a demon. Well, 493 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 1: when something says I got cancer, nobody seems to think 494 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,840 Speaker 1: that the devil put that in them. So it's just 495 00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:29,679 Speaker 1: very It's so to me because I work in this 496 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,640 Speaker 1: field and this is I surround myself with this and 497 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,359 Speaker 1: you're immersing it too. To me, it makes so much 498 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:38,480 Speaker 1: sense of like they're very similar. Let's not also ignore 499 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 1: the fact that you were went through all this and 500 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 1: then you also were like a singing sensation. I had 501 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,200 Speaker 1: your songs on multiple playlists in college. I think it 502 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:52,959 Speaker 1: must have. Yeah, So I'm like, I never knew this 503 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:56,040 Speaker 1: about you, to be honest, And so I thought, this 504 00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,240 Speaker 1: is a super cool girl that has this really good voice, 505 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:02,000 Speaker 1: and I like singing her songs my Lindcream Folkswagen bug 506 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:07,720 Speaker 1: driving to college. Yes, so what I mean obviously, well, 507 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,159 Speaker 1: I can't say obviously, but it looks from the outside, 508 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:13,879 Speaker 1: none of this stopped you from going after things you wanted. 509 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,639 Speaker 1: It looks like I don't know if it did, But 510 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 1: what was it like being somebody in public, public public spotlight. 511 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,359 Speaker 1: I it it took a few years, you know, after 512 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,840 Speaker 1: the diagnosis to kind of come to grips with like, 513 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,120 Speaker 1: hey kid, your life's not over um and and honestly, 514 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,399 Speaker 1: so much of that, you know, was my faith as 515 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,320 Speaker 1: a Christian, I said, my family as well. And I also, 516 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:36,640 Speaker 1: I don't want to make it seem like I didn't 517 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,080 Speaker 1: have to fight to get there as well. You know, 518 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,400 Speaker 1: I had to taken years off of school, so there 519 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:41,919 Speaker 1: was a lot of you know, catch up and all 520 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: this kind of stuff. But you know, around fourteen years old, 521 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,680 Speaker 1: I I, like I mentioned, I'm a Christians. I'm really 522 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,320 Speaker 1: passionate about this one scripture and Psalm it says we've 523 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,119 Speaker 1: been me endure for a night, but joy comes in 524 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 1: the morning. And it just that reading that and embracing 525 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,199 Speaker 1: that for me just gave me this freedom to be 526 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 1: joyful even though life was hard, right and so I'm 527 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:07,800 Speaker 1: not having to look for the perfect answer to experience joy. 528 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,720 Speaker 1: And I'm very much an optimist I'm kind of a dreamer. 529 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:13,280 Speaker 1: If you will. If I don't know, if you're into 530 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 1: the angiogram at all, I am a very yeah. I nobody, yes, 531 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: nobody has ever guessed my number wrong. People will know 532 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,960 Speaker 1: me for three seconds and they'll say they like the intiagram, 533 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:27,960 Speaker 1: and I just do it for fun. I'm like, you 534 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,879 Speaker 1: want to guess my number? And they're like, well, obviously 535 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,520 Speaker 1: you said back you're a seven, Like that is the 536 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,159 Speaker 1: most obvious seven wing eight thing to say. Want to 537 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:40,159 Speaker 1: guess guess my number? Um so, yes, exactly, I'm the best. 538 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,960 Speaker 1: Um So, I'm you know, the number of completion. It's fine, 539 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,520 Speaker 1: and they should have stop there. So I'm I'm just 540 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,320 Speaker 1: kidding because my dad's and nine and I love them, 541 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,960 Speaker 1: so you know, I'm an Instagram seven. But I was 542 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:51,600 Speaker 1: raised by a two and a nine, and so I 543 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 1: believe I just gotta go change the world, fix it, 544 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,600 Speaker 1: solve it, find the goals. And so when I was 545 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,040 Speaker 1: fourteen and I just fell in love with the concept 546 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,000 Speaker 1: of like joy even through a verse the I was like, wait, 547 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,920 Speaker 1: held up, there's a YouTube video in there. So I 548 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:08,840 Speaker 1: started a YouTube channel. And my YouTube channel was and 549 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,119 Speaker 1: still is just all of the above, I was like, 550 00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm gonna put comedy on here. I'm gonna put singing, 551 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:16,000 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do monologues, I'm gonna do questions and answers 552 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,919 Speaker 1: about Tourette. I'm gonna do Bible studies. I'm gonna do 553 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,760 Speaker 1: everything that brings people joy. That at the end, that 554 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,880 Speaker 1: is what my YouTube channels for. And three years after 555 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,400 Speaker 1: starting that channel, I was discovered by a kids TV 556 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:32,160 Speaker 1: show called Eyeshine. They based in Nashville, so I moved 557 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,320 Speaker 1: there for a little while, and so I end up 558 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 1: doing this kids TV show that turned into a tour 559 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,080 Speaker 1: that turned into being on a record label. I did 560 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:41,679 Speaker 1: two albums there and then I had success with radio, 561 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,520 Speaker 1: a Grand nomination and all this really cool stuff that 562 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,439 Speaker 1: happened at age seventeen eighteen nineteen UM, and I was 563 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:53,240 Speaker 1: I became known and you know, to a relatively large 564 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,720 Speaker 1: amount of people, you know, especially within Christian music and 565 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 1: stuff like that. But then also I started to get 566 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,600 Speaker 1: like recognition through like uh like v H one and 567 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 1: some some of the reality shows. I started playing some 568 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,000 Speaker 1: of my songs. I was like, yeah, yeah, I was 569 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,240 Speaker 1: on Basketball Wives, don't worry about it, And it was 570 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,800 Speaker 1: just it was. It was just this weird, cool, crazy, 571 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:14,080 Speaker 1: amazing experience to be able to just share joy with people. 572 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 1: Especially in the beginning. You know, I had that foundation 573 00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:19,320 Speaker 1: with me. You know, I as a minor, so my 574 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,919 Speaker 1: mom was with me all the time, and she, you know, 575 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,919 Speaker 1: really like loves my dad. He loves her, so they 576 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:26,320 Speaker 1: didn't like to be a part so he would like 577 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:28,040 Speaker 1: take off work and try to be with us as 578 00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:30,359 Speaker 1: much as we could he could. And then my sister 579 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:34,680 Speaker 1: um her her husband. He was like newly graduated from 580 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:38,120 Speaker 1: college and uh, he was just like a boss at 581 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:40,560 Speaker 1: like retail stuff. So he was like, wait, like what 582 00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:43,120 Speaker 1: if I kind of like full time travel with my 583 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,440 Speaker 1: you know, little sister in law and so uh. And 584 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:47,200 Speaker 1: then my sister was like, wait, y'all get to go 585 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 1: on the road. I want to go too. So I 586 00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,440 Speaker 1: had like my family with me this constant just I mean, 587 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,520 Speaker 1: it was amazing. Obviously it was hard, but it was amazing. 588 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 1: It really became challenging, especially speaking of like mental health, 589 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,880 Speaker 1: the more and more of an adult I became, because 590 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,000 Speaker 1: that was the less and less I kind of needed 591 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,920 Speaker 1: my family just in the technical, practical sense, and that 592 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,960 Speaker 1: was when I would oftentimes be sent out on shows 593 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,600 Speaker 1: just like literally by myself. And yeah, I mean it 594 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:13,560 Speaker 1: was just it was just kind of a sometimes just 595 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,520 Speaker 1: felt like a just a punch in the throat mental 596 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:20,200 Speaker 1: health wise, because I just didn't have any concept of foundation. 597 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,040 Speaker 1: And you know, it's not at all that, uh that 598 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,080 Speaker 1: my family didn't provide that, if you will, but and 599 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,320 Speaker 1: it's not at all that the you know, the music 600 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,000 Speaker 1: industry in and of itself was just like a train 601 00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,040 Speaker 1: wreck or anything like that. It's not that. It's just 602 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 1: that I was in my early twenties, and just like 603 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:39,760 Speaker 1: almost anyone in their early twenties, I was learning how 604 00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:43,720 Speaker 1: to live life, and living life is really hard. But 605 00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: I was learning how to live life on my own 606 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:52,160 Speaker 1: and also being very known and being expected to provide 607 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,640 Speaker 1: a source of joy for people twice my age and 608 00:29:55,680 --> 00:30:00,080 Speaker 1: their children and just constantly all the time. And there were, 609 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 1: you know, there were seasons where I was like, Hey, 610 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:03,880 Speaker 1: I think I want to go to therapy, you know, 611 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,280 Speaker 1: like I think this might be helpful, or like I 612 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:07,600 Speaker 1: don't really know how to do that, so maybe I 613 00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,840 Speaker 1: should just talk to a pastor. But I didn't know, like, well, 614 00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 1: what if I go to a pastor and his daughters 615 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,480 Speaker 1: expect me to be their role model. I can't just 616 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:17,480 Speaker 1: sit down with them and just tell them everything I'm 617 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,560 Speaker 1: going through, So like, okay, well, then I shook call 618 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 1: my parents and talk to them. Like this is really hard. 619 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,400 Speaker 1: You know, every all these strangers and people, they have 620 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 1: opinions about how much I weigh and who I'm dating 621 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,840 Speaker 1: and what I'm doing with my life. You know, maybe 622 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,040 Speaker 1: I talk to my parents about this, but then I 623 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,880 Speaker 1: know that my parents really loved me, and they would 624 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,440 Speaker 1: possibly be like, well, Janie, maybe you should come home 625 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,640 Speaker 1: for a little while, which may have been a good idea, 626 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:42,360 Speaker 1: but like, why would I do that? I'm living the dream? 627 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,840 Speaker 1: But am I living the dream? And so um, it 628 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 1: was it was really hard to say the least. And 629 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:50,120 Speaker 1: it uh, it's just it was, there really no way 630 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,760 Speaker 1: around it. It It was really hard to talk about anxiety. 631 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:58,120 Speaker 1: That was just the monologue of anxiety. That's what that was. 632 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,200 Speaker 1: People are like, what off anxiety? That's what it is? 633 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 1: Million questions and there's not a right answer. Literally, a girl, Yeah, 634 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,640 Speaker 1: I'm a little salty that we're having this conversation because 635 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,880 Speaker 1: I feel like you should be a therapist. Um, and 636 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:12,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, well now, you can't be because I feel 637 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,200 Speaker 1: like we're friends and so that's just not fair. Um, 638 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:17,800 Speaker 1: I'm just kidding at a great therapist. She's awesome, but yeah, 639 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,920 Speaker 1: so literally, and like a lot of times my friends 640 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,800 Speaker 1: will say things like one of the I won't say 641 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 1: her name because I don't want to call her out, 642 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 1: but she's like one of my best friends. Well, who 643 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:31,000 Speaker 1: cares is my friend Christen? She's because she's doing funny 644 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:32,680 Speaker 1: my a d h D would not allow me to 645 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,560 Speaker 1: not say her name. Like she literally she's so funny. 646 00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,640 Speaker 1: She's also a seven. She's told me many times before. 647 00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:41,960 Speaker 1: She's like, I've never seen your anxiety in play. But 648 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:44,320 Speaker 1: also the other day she told me being friends with 649 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,520 Speaker 1: you is like being at a theme park. I was like, Kristen, 650 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,360 Speaker 1: that's it. She was like, she's like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, 651 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,400 Speaker 1: that makes sense. You know, she's like a sister to me, 652 00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:54,760 Speaker 1: so she couldn't say whatever she wants. And you're right, 653 00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,240 Speaker 1: it really is. It's like this constant there are a 654 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,280 Speaker 1: thousand questions that I have, but there no right answers. 655 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 1: But my need for the right answer is like my 656 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 1: need for consistency, my need for a foundation, and my 657 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:10,080 Speaker 1: need for hope, my need for home. But you know 658 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:14,080 Speaker 1: that that does well. I think a struggle that a 659 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:16,480 Speaker 1: lot of people have with anxiety. I have tons of it, 660 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,880 Speaker 1: and um, I also have a d h D. So 661 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:22,360 Speaker 1: those are just like the best of friends exactly. The 662 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,520 Speaker 1: issue is we live in a world where there generally 663 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:28,480 Speaker 1: isn't a right answer for a lot of things, but 664 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,680 Speaker 1: but the world doesn't acknowledge that. I think that our 665 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,120 Speaker 1: world sends the message that there is a right and 666 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,600 Speaker 1: or wrong, when really the world is so very gray 667 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,400 Speaker 1: and so many areas. And so you're talking about this 668 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,800 Speaker 1: time of your life where you're trying to figure out 669 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,320 Speaker 1: what the world is and who you are and who 670 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,120 Speaker 1: you are aside from your family, and you're doing it 671 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,080 Speaker 1: in the spotlight, and you're trying to make everybody happy, 672 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,160 Speaker 1: and then it's almost like you lose who you are 673 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,960 Speaker 1: and what you care about, which makes me think of Um, 674 00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,640 Speaker 1: there's another part in your book that I was like, yes, 675 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,880 Speaker 1: are you talked about feelings and it was okay to 676 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:06,160 Speaker 1: feel things. I'm paraphrasing this, but it was okay for 677 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,040 Speaker 1: you to feel things if you were supposed to feel them, 678 00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:10,600 Speaker 1: like if it was you were watching a movie I 679 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,400 Speaker 1: think that's the example you gave. But I was watching 680 00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,640 Speaker 1: a movie and it was sad. I could feel sad 681 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,160 Speaker 1: because that's what the writer of the movie wanted me in, 682 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 1: the director of the movie movie wanted me to feel. 683 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,680 Speaker 1: But if I just feel scared and I can't figure 684 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,680 Speaker 1: out why, I have to like shut it down. It's 685 00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:29,120 Speaker 1: not not welcome here. Almost it was almost as though 686 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,920 Speaker 1: like I have to have a justification for any feeling 687 00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,400 Speaker 1: that I have. Um And I think a lot of 688 00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 1: that is because when you're an artist, your job is 689 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 1: to make people happy, you know, if if if you're 690 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:44,880 Speaker 1: not and you don't have to make everybody happy, but 691 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:48,280 Speaker 1: at least the people that do listen. If they're not happy, 692 00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,760 Speaker 1: they're not buying. If they're not happy, they're not attending shows. 693 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 1: If they're not happy, they're not booking. And if those 694 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,160 Speaker 1: things don't happen, you know, has a career, you know. 695 00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:01,040 Speaker 1: And I I I was watching I didn't finish it, 696 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:03,680 Speaker 1: but I was watching some of Taylor Swift's documentary that 697 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:07,520 Speaker 1: came out, Um, yeah, one or a couple of years 698 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,200 Speaker 1: ago recently, and uh, that may have been this year, 699 00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:13,799 Speaker 1: that was this year. It just feels like we've been 700 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,319 Speaker 1: in this year for seven year. Oh my gosh. This 701 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,600 Speaker 1: Taylor Swift documentary that came out in nineteen seventy three, 702 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:27,400 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, right exactly. Oh my gosh. I was like, wait, 703 00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:28,920 Speaker 1: I was thinking about where I was. I was like, 704 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:30,920 Speaker 1: I was in my house. I haven't even lived it 705 00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,400 Speaker 1: for a year. Yeah, oh my goodness. I was watching 706 00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:36,840 Speaker 1: the documentary and I was just I just like, I 707 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,680 Speaker 1: don't even know the Taylor Swift like that. But I 708 00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:40,560 Speaker 1: was like, well, I don't know her personally at all, 709 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,279 Speaker 1: but I don't even know her music like that. But 710 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,000 Speaker 1: I was just like, bro, I feel like give her 711 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,839 Speaker 1: a hug, like because she was talking about like not 712 00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,120 Speaker 1: getting a Grammy nod or something I think it was, 713 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:50,600 Speaker 1: and then she was talking about how she was just 714 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:52,520 Speaker 1: gonna have to like try again next time a little 715 00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:59,800 Speaker 1: bit harder. And my my personal mindset was like, t Swizzle, 716 00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,480 Speaker 1: you don't have to please anybody. As long as you're 717 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,960 Speaker 1: content with the music you make, that's all that matters. 718 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:09,120 Speaker 1: But then my professional and my businesswoman side of things 719 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:12,040 Speaker 1: was like, yeah, he suppose you want to pay bills 720 00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:15,480 Speaker 1: or not, you know, and it it sucks that that 721 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:19,160 Speaker 1: is the reality, but that is the reality, and so I, 722 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,000 Speaker 1: you know, on a on a much smaller scale, I 723 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,560 Speaker 1: feel like and if people don't know a lot about 724 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,240 Speaker 1: Christian music, then they will definitely hear this then judge 725 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,719 Speaker 1: me harshly, which I feel like would actually be kind 726 00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:31,799 Speaker 1: of funny on my end. But like I was, in 727 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:35,560 Speaker 1: a way like the Christian music Taylor Swift in that 728 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:39,400 Speaker 1: like the young female out there doing that, just a 729 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:43,320 Speaker 1: girl and her guitar, writing songs about like single hood 730 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,800 Speaker 1: and dating and stuff, and trying really hard to remain 731 00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:50,200 Speaker 1: this really good role model for young girls while also 732 00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:53,720 Speaker 1: growing up and just trying to figure out who I am, 733 00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:55,799 Speaker 1: what do I want in the world, who am I 734 00:35:55,840 --> 00:36:00,040 Speaker 1: going to be? But also at the same time, I 735 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:02,880 Speaker 1: don't make people happy. Am I going to pay the 736 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:04,799 Speaker 1: bills next week? Or am I going to pay the 737 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,520 Speaker 1: bills next month? Or am I going to have a 738 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,680 Speaker 1: job next year? And as an air like I said, 739 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:13,240 Speaker 1: as an entertainer, as a businesswoman, I love that side 740 00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:15,520 Speaker 1: of things. I'm a much I'm in a much healthier 741 00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:17,640 Speaker 1: place to be able to love that side of things now. 742 00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:19,960 Speaker 1: But on a personal level, it's like you have to 743 00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:22,320 Speaker 1: have some part of your life that is not living 744 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:26,080 Speaker 1: for other people, that is not living for pleasing others, 745 00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:29,759 Speaker 1: that is not living for anybody else's concept of success, 746 00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:32,280 Speaker 1: where you're just able to feel what you need to feel, 747 00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,200 Speaker 1: be who you need to be. The longest time I 748 00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:37,000 Speaker 1: didn't have that. I didn't have that foundation, and I'm 749 00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:40,880 Speaker 1: really glad that I fought like crazy to get it back. Well, 750 00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:43,960 Speaker 1: I think that that's something that, if people can wrap 751 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:46,880 Speaker 1: their head around, apply to anybody's life. Because you're talking 752 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:52,280 Speaker 1: about sacrificing. What do I sacrifice? Do I sacrifice job security, money, 753 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:57,000 Speaker 1: financial status? Do I sacrifice my true self? My desires, 754 00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:00,239 Speaker 1: like my whatever it is? And a lot of people 755 00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:02,560 Speaker 1: struggle that in other senses too, of like when I'm 756 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:05,160 Speaker 1: trying to please others, Am I going to sacrifice other 757 00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:08,680 Speaker 1: people's admiration of me or my admiration of me, or 758 00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:11,960 Speaker 1: my or my acceptance of me? What? And we have 759 00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,319 Speaker 1: to sit there and what do I want more? In 760 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,680 Speaker 1: a world that tells us you can have it all? 761 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:18,640 Speaker 1: But I don't know that you can. And that's really 762 00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:22,279 Speaker 1: hard to sit with you from take yourself out of it. 763 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,680 Speaker 1: You can look back and say that makes sense that 764 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,560 Speaker 1: I couldn't please everybody, but when you're in it, I 765 00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,040 Speaker 1: don't know that you can step out of that. And 766 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:32,800 Speaker 1: so it makes me wonder, how did you transition into 767 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,920 Speaker 1: where you are now? This is slightly kind of random, 768 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,640 Speaker 1: but I wanted to touch on something that you said, um, 769 00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:40,319 Speaker 1: And also I just want to tell you. I don't 770 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:41,879 Speaker 1: know if you noticed, but I thought I was looking 771 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:43,640 Speaker 1: at my camera and I looked out the window and 772 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:45,160 Speaker 1: I was like, that's not where she is, and I 773 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:48,000 Speaker 1: was like, oh, she's over there. Um sorry, um. Yeah. 774 00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:49,920 Speaker 1: So my mom and I were talking a couple of 775 00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:52,680 Speaker 1: weeks ago or months ago when like the pandemic, yeah, 776 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,480 Speaker 1: months ago when the pandemic like quarantine first started and 777 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,920 Speaker 1: I felt like I was losing my mind, and my 778 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,160 Speaker 1: mom and I sat down and we were like doing 779 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:03,719 Speaker 1: the math about the amount of time and a day 780 00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:06,000 Speaker 1: that we're supposed to do all the things to be 781 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,400 Speaker 1: the best person, you know what I mean, just just 782 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,799 Speaker 1: because we thought it was fascinating to see, like we 783 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:14,200 Speaker 1: knew it wasn't possible, but my mom is really good 784 00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:18,400 Speaker 1: at helping me walk through impossible things so that I 785 00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,879 Speaker 1: can process that they are impossible. And so my mom 786 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:25,040 Speaker 1: was like, look the skincare professionals want you to devote 787 00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,200 Speaker 1: thirty minutes to an hour in the morning and in 788 00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:30,120 Speaker 1: the night. And then makeup professionals want you to devote 789 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,279 Speaker 1: this much time to do in your makeup, and hair 790 00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:34,319 Speaker 1: professionals want you to they say, you know, when you're 791 00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:36,360 Speaker 1: using this kind of shampoo, this is the budget you 792 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,080 Speaker 1: need to have and need to be sulfate free and 793 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,200 Speaker 1: all the stuff, Like if you're as far as eating, 794 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,120 Speaker 1: it's gotta be ktree, it's gotta be organic. You have 795 00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,160 Speaker 1: to rest syndrome. So if people find out that you're 796 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,200 Speaker 1: eat include and they're gonna, you know, totally judge you 797 00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:48,200 Speaker 1: for it. You know, no caffeine, all this stuff. And 798 00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:50,000 Speaker 1: then like you're a wife, so you're supposed to be 799 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,680 Speaker 1: doing this and this and that. And then like by 800 00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,279 Speaker 1: this culture standards, your house is supposed to be perfectly clean, 801 00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:56,600 Speaker 1: laundry is supposed to be folded and everything the same 802 00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:59,120 Speaker 1: day that it's washed. And your mom and she was 803 00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,399 Speaker 1: so good that she talked me through all of that, 804 00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:04,120 Speaker 1: because I was like, before we even got to like 805 00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:06,840 Speaker 1: other forms of hygiene, it's like how many times a 806 00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:08,960 Speaker 1: day should you be like showering and all this stuff. 807 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:12,439 Speaker 1: I was like, Mom, it's impossible. You know, it's impossible, 808 00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:17,640 Speaker 1: by the standard of every professional expert to be phenomenal 809 00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:21,400 Speaker 1: and pleasing everyone. It's it's impossible. And that was actually 810 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,880 Speaker 1: really freeing for me to hear because one thing that 811 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,279 Speaker 1: I kind of gave up when I had my daughter 812 00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:29,759 Speaker 1: was my skincare routine, Like and some moms have a 813 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:34,000 Speaker 1: killer skincare routine, and that's amazing. Congratulations, Sheila. I'm so 814 00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,920 Speaker 1: proud of you. But I don't you know, I splashed 815 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,760 Speaker 1: a little bit of water and I keep it going 816 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,920 Speaker 1: and this is not at all for someone like DM 817 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:42,880 Speaker 1: me and be like, no, you just gotta try this, Like, no, 818 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:46,839 Speaker 1: I gave I gave that up. Yeah, I gave that up. 819 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:49,759 Speaker 1: I stopped buying that bougie stuff so that I could 820 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,840 Speaker 1: splurge into other areas so that I could get like whatever. 821 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:56,040 Speaker 1: So it's just like that, just processing that, like, no, 822 00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:57,680 Speaker 1: we are not able to We're not going to be 823 00:39:57,719 --> 00:40:01,200 Speaker 1: able to be exceptionally perfect and grand and every element 824 00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,360 Speaker 1: of life. Some things are going to have to give. 825 00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,120 Speaker 1: Some things we're gonna have to let, you know, let 826 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:08,319 Speaker 1: go of. And and that's okay, Like there's nothing wrong 827 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:12,640 Speaker 1: with that, But getting to this point was was definitely challenging. 828 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:14,759 Speaker 1: Um when I was when I was twenty four, I 829 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,359 Speaker 1: walked away. Well one I was twenty four, I made 830 00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:20,600 Speaker 1: a choice to become an independent artist. And I up 831 00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:24,440 Speaker 1: until that point, like I had a cute little cottage 832 00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:26,360 Speaker 1: house that that I had, like in the town that 833 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,319 Speaker 1: I grew up in that I had gotten out of 834 00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:29,719 Speaker 1: college because I was like, I just went honor the 835 00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:31,359 Speaker 1: town that I grew up in and everything. But I've 836 00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:34,560 Speaker 1: been kind of bouncing apartments like in Nashville and Atlanta 837 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,919 Speaker 1: and stuff like that because I was just traveling so much. 838 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:40,200 Speaker 1: But I decided to like buy a house, put down 839 00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:43,400 Speaker 1: some roots, and go into about a year and a 840 00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:49,120 Speaker 1: half two years of very intentional solitude and healing and recovery. 841 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:52,520 Speaker 1: I didn't release any music. I didn't UM, I was 842 00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:54,960 Speaker 1: making YouTube videos here and there, but I did just 843 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:59,080 Speaker 1: I started seeing a therapist, uh like regularly. Like before 844 00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:00,680 Speaker 1: it had just been kind of this thing of like, oh, 845 00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:04,160 Speaker 1: they've got free therapy and in college, but now I 846 00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:07,160 Speaker 1: actually sought out, like you know, a therapist on my own. 847 00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:09,279 Speaker 1: So like something that I did for myself. I got 848 00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:11,920 Speaker 1: involved in my local church and did not you know, 849 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,279 Speaker 1: take any kind of income or anything from that. I 850 00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:17,440 Speaker 1: just wanted to have like some time of intentional healing 851 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:20,319 Speaker 1: finding quiet. Yes, sometimes that it has to do with 852 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:23,200 Speaker 1: like actually turning off a lot of the noise around us, 853 00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,160 Speaker 1: But a lot of times it really just means healing 854 00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:31,640 Speaker 1: from unnecessary noise and not adding unnecessary noise. And sometimes 855 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,440 Speaker 1: you have to find quiet because of things that you lost, 856 00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,040 Speaker 1: and sometimes you have to find quiet because of things 857 00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:39,200 Speaker 1: that were stolen from you. And for me, I had 858 00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:42,560 Speaker 1: to do both. I had lost a sense of family, 859 00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:46,680 Speaker 1: I lost a sense of my foundation. I lost a 860 00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:52,520 Speaker 1: sense of being fulfilled by encouraging words from people that 861 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,880 Speaker 1: didn't benefit for me financially, you know, I had lost 862 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,560 Speaker 1: all of that. And then also things that were stolen 863 00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:02,200 Speaker 1: from me. I had be going to spend an exceptional 864 00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:07,360 Speaker 1: around amount of time um around peers professionally, but also 865 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:11,480 Speaker 1: strangers that had very strong opinions about the way that 866 00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:14,520 Speaker 1: my body looked and the way that my clothes fit 867 00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:16,920 Speaker 1: me and the food that I was eating. You know. 868 00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,920 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm talking about a culture and an environment 869 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,839 Speaker 1: where it was healthy and normal for a forty year 870 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:26,160 Speaker 1: old man to shame a nineteen year old girl for 871 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,080 Speaker 1: eating some french fries from McDonald's. You know, that is 872 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:33,560 Speaker 1: that is a normal part of environments that I was 873 00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:37,960 Speaker 1: often in um and and that is merely scratching the 874 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:42,120 Speaker 1: surface of things that were stolen from me. And by stolen, 875 00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:46,920 Speaker 1: I mean just the concept of being myself and living 876 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:51,040 Speaker 1: with abandon and being a young adult. And so I 877 00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:53,640 Speaker 1: had to find quiet from all of that, and it 878 00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:57,480 Speaker 1: was about a two year journey of healing and recovery 879 00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:01,400 Speaker 1: that was just very different from a very busy life. 880 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,520 Speaker 1: I never want people to think that I am saying 881 00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:08,279 Speaker 1: the music industry is a bad place. I believe that 882 00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:11,359 Speaker 1: the world is a crazy place, and if we are 883 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,160 Speaker 1: not intentional about who we are and who were called 884 00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:17,959 Speaker 1: to be, any industry can become a bad place. And 885 00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:21,920 Speaker 1: I I really needed to find quiet and just find 886 00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:24,400 Speaker 1: some peace in my own life before I kind of 887 00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:27,640 Speaker 1: stepped back out into any any other kind of world 888 00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:31,839 Speaker 1: or culture. I love that sentence that any place, if 889 00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:34,440 Speaker 1: you are not like true and honest with your intentions 890 00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,000 Speaker 1: and why you're there, any place can wrap rob you 891 00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,239 Speaker 1: of that, and that because I was having a conversation 892 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,000 Speaker 1: recently with a friend not even a client about the 893 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:47,120 Speaker 1: hardness of the reality of some business cultures and her 894 00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:50,400 Speaker 1: questioning should I even be doing this after she had 895 00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:54,319 Speaker 1: found out some I mean just inside drama ethics all that, 896 00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:57,000 Speaker 1: and I sat with her in the idea that you 897 00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,560 Speaker 1: have to remember that every space that we're in has 898 00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:03,279 Speaker 1: they to take something and turn into something like that. 899 00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,000 Speaker 1: Every space doesn't matter if it's in the media, in 900 00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:10,480 Speaker 1: the spotlight, in music, or in an accounting firm, because 901 00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,960 Speaker 1: that's just the nature of our world. And as long 902 00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:16,879 Speaker 1: as you are intentional about why am I doing? Why 903 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,359 Speaker 1: am I showing up here? You can find space there, 904 00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:22,200 Speaker 1: Like you can be in the music industry and be 905 00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:24,239 Speaker 1: okay and live a healthy life and live it a 906 00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:28,560 Speaker 1: fulfilling life one a thousand percent, you know. I The 907 00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:30,400 Speaker 1: first thing that comes to mind is like my my 908 00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:33,279 Speaker 1: husband and I were like very like passionate about just 909 00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:36,480 Speaker 1: like giving all kids a healthy, beautiful life. And so 910 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:38,680 Speaker 1: we talk about kids in foster care all the time, 911 00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,520 Speaker 1: and like one of the biggest things every time we 912 00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:43,719 Speaker 1: start talking about it, no matter even if we say 913 00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:45,799 Speaker 1: something like, oh, yeah, we want to help kids in 914 00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:50,080 Speaker 1: foster care, people always jump to this conclusion that like, oh, 915 00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,880 Speaker 1: we have a one year old. Aren't teenagers in foster 916 00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:56,160 Speaker 1: care wild and crazy? Well, we don't even have to 917 00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,279 Speaker 1: bring that up. People just start talking about that, and 918 00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,879 Speaker 1: I'm just like, why how do I wasn't even talking 919 00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,960 Speaker 1: about teenagers, like what do you do? The thing that 920 00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:06,160 Speaker 1: I always like to tell people, I'm like, look, all humans, 921 00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:11,759 Speaker 1: all people have potential to do wild insane things. We 922 00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,560 Speaker 1: all do. We're not talking about like, oh, this person 923 00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:18,280 Speaker 1: is bad, this person is tainted, this teenager in foster 924 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:21,720 Speaker 1: care is x y z. No, It's like literally, any 925 00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:25,120 Speaker 1: human has the possibility to turn out any kind of way. 926 00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:28,400 Speaker 1: It's about how are we nurturing, how are we loving, 927 00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:31,040 Speaker 1: How intentional are we being, what kind of environment, what 928 00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,080 Speaker 1: kind of set up, what kind of foundation is that 929 00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:36,040 Speaker 1: person being given? Um And so You're totally right. It's 930 00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:37,799 Speaker 1: like I I never want to be the kind of 931 00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,400 Speaker 1: person that's like, oh, the music industry x y z. 932 00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,359 Speaker 1: Because people ask me all the time, like what if 933 00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:45,080 Speaker 1: your daughter wants to go into the music business. I'm like, 934 00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:47,560 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have the same questions that I have for 935 00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:51,160 Speaker 1: her if she wants to be a scientist, like where 936 00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:53,200 Speaker 1: where is your heart? What kind of like if my 937 00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:56,320 Speaker 1: daughter wants to be a pastor, but be like Boobo, 938 00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:59,680 Speaker 1: do you watch the news where because bick crazy and 939 00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:03,200 Speaker 1: these reads where's your heart? Where's your spirit? Who's your accountability? 940 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,600 Speaker 1: And can it be me? Yes? It will? You know. 941 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:09,040 Speaker 1: It's it's it's not about what industry, what culture, what 942 00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:11,400 Speaker 1: environment are you going to be in. It's about what 943 00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:13,239 Speaker 1: kind of person are you gonna be and how are 944 00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,680 Speaker 1: you going to be contributing to um to the environment 945 00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:19,640 Speaker 1: that you're stepping into. And it's so I mean refreshing 946 00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:21,080 Speaker 1: for you to be able to say, hey, I need 947 00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:23,480 Speaker 1: a break from this so I can center myself and 948 00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:27,120 Speaker 1: remember who I am because it's really hard. And I 949 00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:28,759 Speaker 1: love that you were able to do that. And it 950 00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:31,000 Speaker 1: looks like now, I don't know when that was that 951 00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:34,680 Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, five years ago, it was yeah, 952 00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:36,279 Speaker 1: it was turning for when I became indie. And I'll 953 00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:38,239 Speaker 1: be twenty nine next week, so yeah, five years and 954 00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:40,239 Speaker 1: you have the space and all of a sudden, now 955 00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:43,640 Speaker 1: you have written this book about this journey of that, 956 00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,879 Speaker 1: which I think is awesome because people can see that 957 00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:48,640 Speaker 1: as a lot of people don't know they're in the 958 00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:52,000 Speaker 1: space that you're in you had wherewithal to know, hey, 959 00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:54,880 Speaker 1: I need I need to find quiet, but now not 960 00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,120 Speaker 1: out there where people can see like, oh maybe I 961 00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,480 Speaker 1: need to do that too. No matter what industry they're 962 00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:01,400 Speaker 1: in not or what I think, sometimes we all need 963 00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,240 Speaker 1: to take We all need therapy. I mean you need therapy. 964 00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,759 Speaker 1: You need therapy. So yeah, and I love that like 965 00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:10,960 Speaker 1: you had been in that you were aware of mental 966 00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:13,600 Speaker 1: health obviously the majority of your life, and it wasn't 967 00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,360 Speaker 1: until that moment that you sunk into I'm going to 968 00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:18,399 Speaker 1: do my own work and really do this for me 969 00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:22,040 Speaker 1: and figure out stuff. Yeah, it was. It was. It 970 00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:24,440 Speaker 1: was a sacrifice for sure. And and again I want 971 00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:26,400 Speaker 1: to make sure that I that I acknowledge, you know, 972 00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:28,160 Speaker 1: the the privilege that I do come from, and that 973 00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:31,719 Speaker 1: I did have a family that was, even though they 974 00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:33,840 Speaker 1: weren't very aware of everything that was going on, I 975 00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:35,520 Speaker 1: do have a family that, you know, they were checking 976 00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:37,320 Speaker 1: in on me. They did come out to my shows 977 00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:39,799 Speaker 1: here and there. So I did have people that were 978 00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:41,920 Speaker 1: even though I didn't listen, I did have people that 979 00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:44,880 Speaker 1: you were saying like, hey, come home, and I was like, 980 00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:46,960 Speaker 1: I'm fine, I'm living the dream. And they were like, 981 00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:48,759 Speaker 1: give a six months and you gotta burn out And 982 00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,560 Speaker 1: I was like, no, I'm not you crazy, you know um? 983 00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:53,880 Speaker 1: And they were right. But so I did have that 984 00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,400 Speaker 1: for sure. But but that I do hope that this 985 00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,640 Speaker 1: book helps some people recognize like, WHOA, maybe I am 986 00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:01,839 Speaker 1: in a place that I didn't realize that I was. 987 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,440 Speaker 1: Maybe I do need more accountability or more support, or 988 00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:06,359 Speaker 1: I need a break or something like that. I don't 989 00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:08,600 Speaker 1: know that I've said this out loud for everybody here, 990 00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:11,440 Speaker 1: but you have a book called Finding Quiet, which is 991 00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:14,839 Speaker 1: a woman and you mentioned it a couple of times. 992 00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:17,360 Speaker 1: So if any of this is kind of like touching 993 00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:20,399 Speaker 1: some people and they want to know deeper and more 994 00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:23,080 Speaker 1: of the details of your story and your journey through 995 00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:26,359 Speaker 1: finding this space, go out and buy this book. Where 996 00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:29,200 Speaker 1: do you want them to buy? An Amazon doesn't matter? Yeah, yeah, 997 00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:30,960 Speaker 1: it really so if you want, if you go to 998 00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,680 Speaker 1: Jamie Grace dot com, you can get assigned copy of it. 999 00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,839 Speaker 1: But also, I personally, I mean, I'm supposed to tell 1000 00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:39,160 Speaker 1: people to go there, but like, also, like, I like Amazon, 1001 00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:41,319 Speaker 1: so like, I'm not going to be mad at you 1002 00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:43,319 Speaker 1: if you're like, look, I would like to be able 1003 00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:46,399 Speaker 1: to track my package by an app because we all 1004 00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:49,160 Speaker 1: have to. We don't have no track and I'm not 1005 00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:53,200 Speaker 1: secatures on it. So they do you have a signed copy? Yeah, 1006 00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:54,960 Speaker 1: so it's like, you know, you know, pick which one. 1007 00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,880 Speaker 1: Either way it'll be a full legal, regular version of 1008 00:48:57,880 --> 00:49:00,719 Speaker 1: the book. Don't know why it's illegal, but yeah, either way, 1009 00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:03,600 Speaker 1: you're gonna get the same printed book. I'm just start talking. 1010 00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,920 Speaker 1: So I and another thing that I like just knowing 1011 00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:13,120 Speaker 1: throughout this conversation is you can see in real time, 1012 00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:15,200 Speaker 1: like when you talk and some of the things you 1013 00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:19,640 Speaker 1: said and I pointed out before what anxiety literally sounds 1014 00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:22,480 Speaker 1: like from somebody who now has acknowledged that I have it, 1015 00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:25,960 Speaker 1: because I know I literally did not know. I've said 1016 00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,000 Speaker 1: this so many times on this podcast. I had no 1017 00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:31,160 Speaker 1: idea I had anxiety until I was in a graduate 1018 00:49:31,160 --> 00:49:33,520 Speaker 1: school class learning about it, and then I was like, 1019 00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:36,399 Speaker 1: that's not a mental health diagnosis. That's how we all are, 1020 00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:40,359 Speaker 1: and that's anxiety and that you probably have it. And 1021 00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:42,799 Speaker 1: so for you for us to be able to realize that, 1022 00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:45,440 Speaker 1: like that this is something that some people struggle with 1023 00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:48,800 Speaker 1: some people don't. But for the people that do struggle 1024 00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:51,160 Speaker 1: with it that don't know, they can see this is 1025 00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:52,960 Speaker 1: what it looks like, This is what it sounds like. 1026 00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:55,959 Speaker 1: Some of the stuff that has helped me be able 1027 00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:58,239 Speaker 1: to live in a world and feel safe in a 1028 00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,960 Speaker 1: world with something that you know what, I don't think 1029 00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,160 Speaker 1: I'm gonna wake up ever and my anxiety be gone. 1030 00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:06,880 Speaker 1: I don't for me, and you mentioning some of the 1031 00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:09,080 Speaker 1: stuff some of your treats, You're not gonna wake up 1032 00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:12,600 Speaker 1: and everything just be washed away and you be a 1033 00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:14,920 Speaker 1: hundred of brand new person and you probably at this 1034 00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:18,759 Speaker 1: point don't even want that. And yeah, and so I 1035 00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:20,839 Speaker 1: just love the picture of this book of learning how 1036 00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:25,279 Speaker 1: to sit and realizing and cope and also appreciate, like 1037 00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:27,800 Speaker 1: who you are in your wholeness some of my anxiety 1038 00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:30,160 Speaker 1: and my A d h G. What makes me a seven? 1039 00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:33,239 Speaker 1: Which what gives me ideas? What is why I can 1040 00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:36,280 Speaker 1: do the things I do? And that's probably very similar 1041 00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:39,840 Speaker 1: for you. Oh yeah, most definitely. I mean yeah, I 1042 00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:42,920 Speaker 1: wouldn't be who I am without all this, and and 1043 00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:47,319 Speaker 1: eleven year old me would be like, how did you 1044 00:50:47,360 --> 00:50:50,080 Speaker 1: do it? How did you take all of that mess 1045 00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:53,279 Speaker 1: and make a make a whole freaking life out of it? 1046 00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:56,799 Speaker 1: How did you do that? And I can't really precisely 1047 00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:58,720 Speaker 1: way out of play by point. Well, maybe I should 1048 00:50:58,719 --> 00:51:00,720 Speaker 1: say that I can and that's the book blah blah blah. 1049 00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:03,080 Speaker 1: But it's it's more of like I used to get 1050 00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:06,000 Speaker 1: so embarrassed about certain things about myself, like and I'm 1051 00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:08,960 Speaker 1: sure just because you're a therapist, like you notice certain 1052 00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:11,200 Speaker 1: things like I don't tend to make a ton of 1053 00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:13,799 Speaker 1: eye contact when I'm getting distracted. You know, I kind 1054 00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:16,120 Speaker 1: of tick a lot when I'm trying to paste through 1055 00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:18,520 Speaker 1: a sentence because it's just the easiest way for me 1056 00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:20,239 Speaker 1: to get to my point. And I used to be 1057 00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,239 Speaker 1: so embarrassed about those things. I used to edit them 1058 00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:24,239 Speaker 1: out of my YouTube videos. I used to suppress it 1059 00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:26,719 Speaker 1: when I was hanging out with people. But now I'm like, bro, 1060 00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:30,040 Speaker 1: there's no such thing as normal here. I'm I'm different, 1061 00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:32,440 Speaker 1: I've got some quirks. It's just it is what it is. 1062 00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:34,520 Speaker 1: It's who I am, and I'm not ashamed of that 1063 00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:36,600 Speaker 1: anymore because it makes me who I am. Like if 1064 00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:38,560 Speaker 1: it was you know, well, let me not go on 1065 00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:40,080 Speaker 1: that rabbit hole that I was about to you. But yeah, 1066 00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:42,200 Speaker 1: it makes me who I am and I'm cool with that, 1067 00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:44,040 Speaker 1: and I wish I wish I loving your own could 1068 00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:46,840 Speaker 1: see this, but also living with me doesn't exist. I 1069 00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:48,920 Speaker 1: mean like it does because it's second past. But you know, 1070 00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:51,080 Speaker 1: I don't never understand people are like I wish my 1071 00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:53,040 Speaker 1: younger self could see this. I'm like, well, that doesn't 1072 00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:55,960 Speaker 1: make sense because somewhere in there for you. And I 1073 00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:57,840 Speaker 1: was gonna even ask what you answer the question? I 1074 00:51:57,880 --> 00:51:59,359 Speaker 1: was gonna say, what do you wish you could tell 1075 00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:02,440 Speaker 1: Levin you're to you? And oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I 1076 00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:06,319 Speaker 1: wish I could just tell her, like, one day everything 1077 00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:09,279 Speaker 1: that they pick on you for it is going to 1078 00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:12,840 Speaker 1: be the thing that makes you feel so proud of yourself, 1079 00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:16,759 Speaker 1: and it's gonna be the thing that makes you realize 1080 00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:19,960 Speaker 1: that it's so it's so good to be different, you know. 1081 00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:23,560 Speaker 1: I remember this is my twelve thousand pop culture reference. 1082 00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:26,600 Speaker 1: But I remember when a new girl was Zoe Deschanel 1083 00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:30,839 Speaker 1: came out. Zoe is a genius, and I remember, first 1084 00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:33,239 Speaker 1: of all, I remember being mad because everybody just heard 1085 00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:34,719 Speaker 1: of her, and I was like, she and him is 1086 00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:37,720 Speaker 1: the best duo on the planet. Where have you people been? Sorry? 1087 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,319 Speaker 1: But everybody that I knew, I think I was in 1088 00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:42,080 Speaker 1: college at the time. All the girls that I knew 1089 00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:44,840 Speaker 1: were like buying fake glasses and trying to, you know, 1090 00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,239 Speaker 1: dress like Jessica Day and trying to be like, oh, 1091 00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:49,600 Speaker 1: look at me, I'm like the new girl because I'm different. 1092 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:52,560 Speaker 1: You know. It's like everybody's just trying so hard to 1093 00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:55,960 Speaker 1: prove how different they are, and I just wish and 1094 00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:57,880 Speaker 1: how quirky they were, and like, oh, I'm going to 1095 00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:00,480 Speaker 1: play that you could lately now And I just wish that, 1096 00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:04,279 Speaker 1: like eleven year old me knew that. Hey, everybody in 1097 00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:08,160 Speaker 1: this world, whether your Zoeedish knew, or Jamie Greece or 1098 00:53:08,400 --> 00:53:12,200 Speaker 1: Billy Bob, everybody has something about them that makes you different. 1099 00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:16,120 Speaker 1: And we don't have to try to create too manufactor 1100 00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:19,640 Speaker 1: to develop something about us that makes us different. Just 1101 00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:24,279 Speaker 1: embrace the thing that you're trying to bury. Embrace that 1102 00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:27,080 Speaker 1: that's your thing, that's what makes you different. You're trying 1103 00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:30,720 Speaker 1: to be a blogger, that's your brand. Don't manufactor don't 1104 00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:35,719 Speaker 1: create something just sounds so cheesy. And I literally have 1105 00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:37,560 Speaker 1: a lyric I'll just ended on this. I literally have 1106 00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:40,440 Speaker 1: a lyric of a song that says, I know it's 1107 00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:42,960 Speaker 1: a little bit in nineteen one pop song to say, 1108 00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:46,560 Speaker 1: just be yourself, So then call me in nineteen nine 1109 00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:49,200 Speaker 1: one pop song because I don't want to be I 1110 00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:51,799 Speaker 1: don't want to be anybody else. That might be the 1111 00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:54,560 Speaker 1: greatest thing that you said the last hour, and I 1112 00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:57,359 Speaker 1: want to end on that because I mean, I'm gonna 1113 00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:59,640 Speaker 1: repeat it. But like the thing that you are trying 1114 00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:01,920 Speaker 1: to be ry, that's it, that's what makes you you. 1115 00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:06,200 Speaker 1: And if more of us were able to accept that, 1116 00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:08,239 Speaker 1: if more of us were able to embrace the thing 1117 00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:10,919 Speaker 1: that we're trying to bury, I think the world would 1118 00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:13,800 Speaker 1: be much better because like, that's what makes you different, 1119 00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:16,920 Speaker 1: that's what makes the world go around. We don't be 1120 00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:21,000 Speaker 1: Jessica Day. We need to be ourselves. And because what 1121 00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,480 Speaker 1: you're saying, and I'm gonna have to stop myself now, 1122 00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:26,120 Speaker 1: but what you're saying is we're all trying to be different, 1123 00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:28,240 Speaker 1: but then we're all trying to be different the same 1124 00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:30,879 Speaker 1: and then being different and then we're just all all 1125 00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:32,800 Speaker 1: be the same. It's maybe be so confusing. It's like 1126 00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:36,120 Speaker 1: it's like this, it is not practical. It doesn't mean 1127 00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:38,080 Speaker 1: since if we're all trying to be different, so we're 1128 00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:40,239 Speaker 1: all trying to be the same different, It's like like 1129 00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:42,240 Speaker 1: I don't know if because you've ever had this happened before, 1130 00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:44,359 Speaker 1: but if you've ever like like the band that got 1131 00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:47,200 Speaker 1: like really famous, Like remember when Need to Breathe was 1132 00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:51,400 Speaker 1: like the cultural Christian cool kid thing, like that was 1133 00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:53,840 Speaker 1: like our thing, and then they got like famous famous, 1134 00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:58,440 Speaker 1: and then we were all like, excuse me there, I 1135 00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:00,719 Speaker 1: knew that then when they said watched by the water, 1136 00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:02,839 Speaker 1: like you know, it's like we all trying to well, 1137 00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:04,920 Speaker 1: I knew about them when they had a B side 1138 00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:09,440 Speaker 1: back in, I knew about them when they were with 1139 00:55:09,480 --> 00:55:12,080 Speaker 1: Adam and even the Garden. It's like we're all trying 1140 00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:14,880 Speaker 1: to like prove like, look how different I can be. 1141 00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:18,680 Speaker 1: I have this story. And then but then we get 1142 00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:22,520 Speaker 1: salty when like our favorite different people become so known 1143 00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:24,960 Speaker 1: and known by everybody else, which first of all, congrats 1144 00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:26,760 Speaker 1: to you know, need to reread them in the projects. 1145 00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:31,120 Speaker 1: But it's like that's what we're doing. That's what we're 1146 00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:34,600 Speaker 1: doing as a culture, and especially especially as millennial women, 1147 00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,400 Speaker 1: we're all doing it. We're like, I just want to 1148 00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:39,480 Speaker 1: be different. I just want to have a brand, like 1149 00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:43,359 Speaker 1: different stands all like I want to talk or lay 1150 00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:46,400 Speaker 1: like and then we're all turning into this same interest 1151 00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:48,839 Speaker 1: person and it's just it's not cute. Cut it out, 1152 00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:50,960 Speaker 1: don't be that girl. Yeah, And I mean there we 1153 00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:53,439 Speaker 1: could talk. We're gonna have to both stop ourselves because 1154 00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:57,000 Speaker 1: we could talk for it. And I'm like, yeah, that's 1155 00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:59,400 Speaker 1: like my favorite topic. I'm like, oh, going off on 1156 00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:04,600 Speaker 1: me and my friend yuss at us all day, I think. 1157 00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:07,319 Speaker 1: But the meat of that is like being be the 1158 00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:09,640 Speaker 1: thing that you're trying to bury. That's what makes you different, 1159 00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:13,360 Speaker 1: and different is good. Different is we can't be different. 1160 00:56:13,560 --> 00:56:15,839 Speaker 1: And I wish I could tell my eleven year old 1161 00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:17,920 Speaker 1: self that too, because I think that we all a 1162 00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:20,719 Speaker 1: little girl somewhere unless you're a boy, than you have 1163 00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,600 Speaker 1: a little boy somewhere, but like a little child somewhere 1164 00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:27,000 Speaker 1: where you're trying to not be who you are. And 1165 00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:29,280 Speaker 1: if you only knew that that was probably the best 1166 00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:31,960 Speaker 1: thing about you and one of the most I mean 1167 00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:34,279 Speaker 1: things about you, it would have saved us from a 1168 00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:36,440 Speaker 1: lot of stuff. At the same time. The journey, it 1169 00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:38,800 Speaker 1: takes us where we need to go. And I'm really 1170 00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:41,880 Speaker 1: grateful that your journey brought you here and to this 1171 00:56:42,280 --> 00:56:44,400 Speaker 1: writing this book, to being who you are, to like 1172 00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:46,480 Speaker 1: sitting here in this moment and even getting to have 1173 00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:50,799 Speaker 1: this conversation, so I appreciate you so much. Thank you 1174 00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:51,319 Speaker 1: so much.