WEBVTT - Second Date Update: Standup Funny Man

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<v Speaker 1>Second date up to date. Over the years, we've had

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<v Speaker 1>people with all sorts of interesting professions call in for

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<v Speaker 1>a second date update. Oh yeah, for sure. And we've

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<v Speaker 1>had a few former pro athletes, a movie stunt man,

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<v Speaker 1>and one time we got a junior level auditor at

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<v Speaker 1>an accounting firm. I mean that was interesting to me. Numbers,

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<v Speaker 1>well most because my parents do all my taxes, so

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know anything about that stuff. It's fascinating. But

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<v Speaker 1>today's phone call is pretty special because we have someone

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<v Speaker 1>on the line who says they have one of our jobs.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's a professional stand up comedian, just like joke

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<v Speaker 1>each other. His name is Harold, So please welcome to

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<v Speaker 1>the stage. Harold. How's going everybody? Is that a fake accent?

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<v Speaker 1>Is that part of your stick? Harold? Fake? Ain't nothing

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<v Speaker 1>fake about me? Beer, but my finger nails I got on? Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, I like this guy. Al it's gonna take

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<v Speaker 1>my job. Thanks for being with us, man. So um,

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<v Speaker 1>before we get into your date, first, tell us about

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<v Speaker 1>the girl that you met. What's her name? Oh, her

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<v Speaker 1>name was Ashley? Okay, how'd you meet her? I met

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<v Speaker 1>her through this date nap, But you know that's a

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<v Speaker 1>whole other chick k boodle. Yeah, you never know how

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<v Speaker 1>boring you are until you start feeling out that darn thing.

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<v Speaker 1>I tell you, seriously, I feel like this is a setup,

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<v Speaker 1>the whole thing for his next joke. I'm telling you though.

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<v Speaker 1>But you know what, as I was feeling it out,

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<v Speaker 1>I kid, you're not I realized, Hey, wait a minute,

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<v Speaker 1>there's millions. I'm talking billions of people out here who's

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<v Speaker 1>not dating me. What the heck is their problem? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>I feel you, man, I feel that way all the time.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, how came I only have two thousand people

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<v Speaker 1>dating me? Where are my millions? So? Did she hit

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<v Speaker 1>you up? Is she the one that reached out to

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<v Speaker 1>you on the profile? Well? Yeah, I feel it. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I just want to meet somebody nice. You

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<v Speaker 1>get into a relationship, yea, a serious relationship. To me,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like freaking a marathon. It's all stupid. Huh. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I thought you wanted to be in a relationship. Well

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just saying I wouldn't mind being in one. But

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<v Speaker 1>for the most part, you got to go through all

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<v Speaker 1>this foolishes. Okay, can we just focus maybe a little bit.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm really enjoying your perspective on life, Harold. But can

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<v Speaker 1>we can we get to your date with with Ashley? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>But I just very You wan't to know how I

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<v Speaker 1>came about doing all of this. Well, okay, we got

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<v Speaker 1>the idea you met her online, So yeah, exactly did

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<v Speaker 1>you do with her? I mean we went out to

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<v Speaker 1>go e too this restaurant? Carol, How was the conversation

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<v Speaker 1>between you and Ashley? Because it's like this one. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I may I may know why she's not calling you

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<v Speaker 1>about I tell you, I's gonna make her smile and

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<v Speaker 1>laugh throughout this whole evening. Are you saying that you

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<v Speaker 1>ran a comedy bit on her? Yeah? Well I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>really a comedy bit. I just told her through things

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<v Speaker 1>that I believe ben Like, for instance, I told her,

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<v Speaker 1>I said, you know what, Ashley? She said, what, Harold?

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<v Speaker 1>I said, you know you're like a jelly fish? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>jeally fish. And I said, your body's ruldimentally and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just I'm scared to get near it. That was what

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<v Speaker 1>they call a harroldism. Goody, this is where did she laugh?

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<v Speaker 1>She chuffed out to all get out and then and

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<v Speaker 1>then I followed it up with I said, you know what, Ashley?

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<v Speaker 1>She said, oh what, Harold? I said, you know, relationships

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<v Speaker 1>are the darnest thing. They're ninety percent of trying to

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<v Speaker 1>figure out where we're gonna go eat at? Harold is

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<v Speaker 1>her hair? I really I do appreciate, though you re

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<v Speaker 1>enacting Ashley answering your questions, because I really feel like

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<v Speaker 1>I'm there. Can we get back just to the date again? Well,

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<v Speaker 1>how do you think your chemistry was? Do you feel

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<v Speaker 1>a connection there? I did? I mean I was getting

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<v Speaker 1>ready to walk her up to her door after we

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<v Speaker 1>concluded a nice little dinner and walk around the lake.

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<v Speaker 1>But I was telling her what I thought about doing.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sort of glad I didn't. She was like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>what's that I told her? I said, I was going

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<v Speaker 1>to wear a parachute tonight. Are just hear me out?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know why I was going to wear it,

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<v Speaker 1>but I favor it was go start off a conversation.

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<v Speaker 1>Wait a minute, we didn't have a bunch of you

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<v Speaker 1>asked her wait, hold on through for curveball, and that

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<v Speaker 1>one you told her you were gonna wear a parachute.

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<v Speaker 1>And when she asked why, you didn't have an answer, right,

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<v Speaker 1>I held it during my trunk, I said, I I

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<v Speaker 1>got here and I didn't feel my mojo, and I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't feel like myself. I was gonna draft on this

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<v Speaker 1>here in parachute and walk in this her restaurant. There

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<v Speaker 1>is actually a parachute there. That's what he said, the

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<v Speaker 1>city on an actual parachute in the back of this

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<v Speaker 1>tru I thought, parachute. You never know when a good

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<v Speaker 1>parachute joke it's gonna come up. But think about it,

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<v Speaker 1>somebody was gonna have to ask me. She was going

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<v Speaker 1>to have to say, now, Harold, okay, why are you

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<v Speaker 1>wearing this here parachute? But she didn't say that. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't wear but I'm telling you, I feel good

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<v Speaker 1>about myself and I had my moojo. Okay, well, I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like I've gotten a pretty good idea. It sounds

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<v Speaker 1>like you guys had a lot of chemistry. So maybe

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<v Speaker 1>let's pass forward to the end of the day. How

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<v Speaker 1>how did the night end with you? And as I'd

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<v Speaker 1>like to get to the very finish, what's the last

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<v Speaker 1>thing that happened? I tell you what now, and I'll

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<v Speaker 1>be very sore flight with you For the first time.

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<v Speaker 1>When I went there, I went in for that. They're

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<v Speaker 1>little kiss and I was ready. Embracis you know like

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<v Speaker 1>how they showed on television, just alone, drawn out, faint

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<v Speaker 1>while you were weary of short, my god, and nothing happening.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, heck, but I tell you, I mean. I said,

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<v Speaker 1>thank you, ma'am, and and I walked about four feet

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<v Speaker 1>and I turned around and I said, you know, if

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<v Speaker 1>you want, you can call me c beb bet. I say, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>it stands for coffee bean, and then she says coffee bean.

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<v Speaker 1>And I walked another two steps to my car and

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<v Speaker 1>I turned around and I did a thrust. I said, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>be calls I grind. So fine, there we go. I

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<v Speaker 1>told her, just like nexwell house, I'm good to the

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<v Speaker 1>last drop. Well, god, that sounds like a pretty great time, Jeffrey,

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<v Speaker 1>in your in your mind when you look back on

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<v Speaker 1>the day, don't ask, don't think the moment that could

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<v Speaker 1>have gone wrong. Okay, well all right, okay, let's let's

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<v Speaker 1>play a song and we'll come back and then we'll

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<v Speaker 1>try and get you your second date up date. All right, CB,

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<v Speaker 1>no good, I got a whole plethora of still you

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<v Speaker 1>guys about all right? All right, we're gonna take a

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<v Speaker 1>short intermission. We'll be back with more of second if

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<v Speaker 1>you're just joining us for the second Date update. We've

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<v Speaker 1>been talking with one of our listeners named Harold about

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<v Speaker 1>his first date with a woman named Ashley. Now, Harold

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<v Speaker 1>is a stand up comedian, and he went into a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of detail about their night. But here are the

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<v Speaker 1>main points that I took away. Okay, they went to

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<v Speaker 1>a restaurant, he drove her home. Yes, he pulled a

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<v Speaker 1>parachute out from the trunk of his car, and he

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<v Speaker 1>even got a short peck at her doorstep, even though

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<v Speaker 1>he was kind of hoping for a longer, sloppier kiss. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you are. What's the very end the CBE the coffee being, Well,

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<v Speaker 1>he has a nickname he likes to go by CBE,

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<v Speaker 1>which is short for coffee being because he grinds so fine. Yeah. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like is a really important last ending shot

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<v Speaker 1>of his d One thing was abundantly clear to me, though,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's that he had a really nice time with

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<v Speaker 1>Ashley and he's bummed that she's not calling him back. Now, Harold,

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<v Speaker 1>about ready to make your phone call here? How you feeling.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just so approving of you? Guys doing this here

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<v Speaker 1>for me. I mean I would jog an the other

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<v Speaker 1>day and man, I saw this couple holding hands and

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<v Speaker 1>i just started thinking about this little filly and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh man, this makes me hopeful that one day I

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<v Speaker 1>can find the right person that more hate that couple

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<v Speaker 1>just as bad as me. Well, I'm just hoping it's

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<v Speaker 1>gonna be Ashley. That's what I was feeling for. You

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<v Speaker 1>can roast people together. I hope that for you too. Harold, Yeah, Harold,

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<v Speaker 1>we didn't hear. I mean, have you reached out to

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<v Speaker 1>Ashley and she hasn't called you back. There are a

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<v Speaker 1>couple of Texas and I even called, but I got nothing. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>So you reach out to her, okay, answering your Texas. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe we'll have better luck here because I'm ready to

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<v Speaker 1>dial her number and we're gonna try and get your

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<v Speaker 1>second date up day. You ready to do this, man, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>let's go for it. Remember this, wait until it's your

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<v Speaker 1>turn to talk. Jeffrey'll handle it from getting I'll call

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<v Speaker 1>you in when I think you should talk to her. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll tell you, guys, that might be a little tough

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<v Speaker 1>to do, because hell, I've got a lot of haroldisms

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<v Speaker 1>I need to get rid of. Okay, we're all trying

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<v Speaker 1>to get you another date, Harold, so just damp in

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<v Speaker 1>the haroldism at Okay, let me try and get some

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<v Speaker 1>answers from her. All right, alright, alrighty, okay, here we go.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in a dollar number right now. Hello, Hi, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>looking for Ashley. Who is this? Hi, Ashould. My name

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<v Speaker 1>is jeff from the radio show Broken Jeffrey in the Morning.

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<v Speaker 1>Who did you say that we'll be on site? Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>We're a morning radio show. Okay, we're called Brooke and

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<v Speaker 1>Jeffrey in the Morning, and we're reaching out to you

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<v Speaker 1>today because we heard that you love comedy. I'm sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>what is this about, though, I'm confused. Well, we're a

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<v Speaker 1>comedy radio show and we have a friend of our

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<v Speaker 1>show who all so does comedy. Thank your friend. I

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<v Speaker 1>held it might be I don't know. I'm okay, thank you,

0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:17.240
<v Speaker 1>hold on, hold on. I'm sorry. I am fascinated to

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<v Speaker 1>hear your side of the night, like he told us

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<v Speaker 1>about your date and what we're doing here. It's called

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<v Speaker 1>a second date update. We're trying to help Harold understand

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<v Speaker 1>what went wrong during your first date, because, believe it

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<v Speaker 1>or not, he doesn't know. Yeah. Wow, that's amazing that

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<v Speaker 1>he doesn't. I'm yeah, yeah, so what is your help? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>because we all understand that Harold is a one of

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<v Speaker 1>a kind type of character. Else, Yeah, he sure is.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, So is there something about him or about

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<v Speaker 1>the date that was a problem for you? Well, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>to be honest, um, some point of it was fun

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<v Speaker 1>because he is a comedians of his jokes or even

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit fun. Okay, but some of them I

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<v Speaker 1>even have a punch fine, you know, like I just

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<v Speaker 1>I just looked at him. Yeah, you know, he just

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<v Speaker 1>talks a lot. Yeah, I'm not sure what you mean.

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<v Speaker 1>But I mean, did he ever take a second to

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<v Speaker 1>like ask you questions? No, that's the thing, and that's

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<v Speaker 1>the thing that made me kind of go like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>he's not going to work because for me, the number

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<v Speaker 1>one thing I need is a phenomenal Well. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes people talk a lot when they're really nervous because

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<v Speaker 1>they're out with someone that they like. Yeah, but that's okay, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I get it. Did a glass of water, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>like take a second. I understand how you're feeling that

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<v Speaker 1>maybe you don't know if there's a bond there, But

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if Harold would necessarily agree with you

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<v Speaker 1>on everything. You know, he probably would make a joke

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<v Speaker 1>about it, or try to. I mean, there may not

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<v Speaker 1>be a punch line. Did he try? He sounds like

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<v Speaker 1>a sweetheart in his own way? Does he? How long

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<v Speaker 1>can you last for that? A day? A week? No,

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<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't even give it five minutes. Maybe just give

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<v Speaker 1>it five more minutes because I need to let you

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<v Speaker 1>know that Harold is on the other line listening, and

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<v Speaker 1>he does want to talk to you right now. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>he has not spoken an entire one word this entire time. Harold,

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<v Speaker 1>are you there? It's been hard, I must say, Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>but but I just want to clearify something real quick.

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<v Speaker 1>And Ashley, I hope you know when I talked about

0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:29.160
<v Speaker 1>putting one arm around you, getting my other arm putting

0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:32.679
<v Speaker 1>it around you and squeezing you tight and just tackling you,

0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:37.120
<v Speaker 1>I'll be honest. I was talking about relationships. Then my

0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.360
<v Speaker 1>mind went to a football and I just went all,

0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:44.480
<v Speaker 1>that doesn't make any well, that's what That's what happens

0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:46.880
<v Speaker 1>when you're in love, Like things don't make sense anymore.

0:13:46.880 --> 0:13:49.800
<v Speaker 1>Things start running together. Can I can? I ask Ashley,

0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:52.200
<v Speaker 1>was there any jokes that made you laugh of Harold's

0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:54.319
<v Speaker 1>and you said one about a pasta I'm trying to

0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:58.120
<v Speaker 1>get I don't want to think about that. I don't think.

0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:00.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't think we heard that one, discussed that one

0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:05.400
<v Speaker 1>on the radio, so it's a live one, okay. But

0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:08.079
<v Speaker 1>I tell you, I mean I would love to spend

0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:09.920
<v Speaker 1>some more time with you so we can go over

0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:12.320
<v Speaker 1>a few that was funny. No, no, no, no, Harold,

0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:14.800
<v Speaker 1>you're missing the point, dude. Are you not listening to her?

0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:18.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna make the next all about her, That's what

0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:22.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to tell you. Now, how Harold, how are

0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:24.720
<v Speaker 1>you gonna make it all about her? I'm gonna just

0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:28.120
<v Speaker 1>sit back, relax, putting my feet up, have my guitar,

0:14:28.600 --> 0:14:31.920
<v Speaker 1>and just sticks along while she's stopping away. Wait, guitar,

0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:36.440
<v Speaker 1>give a little back background track her to talk over.

0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:38.720
<v Speaker 1>That wouldn't be able to hear the answers if you

0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:42.000
<v Speaker 1>play the guitar. Harold. Yeah, I mean, because you put

0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.040
<v Speaker 1>me on the spot that I talked so much. I'm

0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:46.520
<v Speaker 1>not saying a thing. I'm just gonna listen to you. No,

0:14:47.480 --> 0:14:49.960
<v Speaker 1>that's not what she wants. That's exactly what she wants.

0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:52.560
<v Speaker 1>She wants a man who is a very very deep listener.

0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:56.920
<v Speaker 1>If you're not listening, if you're playing guitar, you can

0:14:56.960 --> 0:14:59.920
<v Speaker 1>play guitar and listen. Harold sounds like a very multiti

0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:04.000
<v Speaker 1>a person. To tell him, Ashley, tell him exactly what

0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:07.280
<v Speaker 1>you want right now, Like, just listen to what I say.

0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:10.760
<v Speaker 1>Ask me questions about me. Don't make me feel like

0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:13.880
<v Speaker 1>you're testing out the dolts. Okay, do you want to

0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:15.320
<v Speaker 1>give it a try right now? Harold? Why don't you

0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:17.440
<v Speaker 1>ask her a question about her that has nothing to

0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:28.080
<v Speaker 1>do with you. Let's practice. Do you like Whipray Ashley? I? Yes,

0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:35.640
<v Speaker 1>I agree? Okay, Now do you like the little whip

0:15:36.000 --> 0:15:40.040
<v Speaker 1>whip leather whip? Though? I'm just trying to find out

0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:44.080
<v Speaker 1>about her, guy, Okay, I's trying to find out about

0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:47.120
<v Speaker 1>what types of foods you like? And ask your questions.

0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:50.320
<v Speaker 1>Ask her real questions, like about what she likes, what

0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:53.960
<v Speaker 1>motivates her in life, what her pick it's like? Oh

0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:57.920
<v Speaker 1>now there's specific questions. Okay, okay, let me ask you

0:15:58.000 --> 0:16:02.400
<v Speaker 1>this motion porty quickly and of them all? All right?

0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:09.680
<v Speaker 1>Do you like dn Max after dark or cho plus Okay,

0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:14.120
<v Speaker 1>I like a plus. Okay, Okay, Now we get in

0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:19.840
<v Speaker 1>some way. So are we getting to the end? That's

0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:21.800
<v Speaker 1>what we need to get to. Yeah, I'm gonna be

0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:26.480
<v Speaker 1>honest with you because I'm feeling some synergy here guys.

0:16:26.560 --> 0:16:28.440
<v Speaker 1>And you know what, That's why I would love to

0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:30.880
<v Speaker 1>ask Ashley, would you like to go out on one

0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:33.160
<v Speaker 1>more date with Harold? We will pay for it. Dinner

0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:35.360
<v Speaker 1>is gonna be free, and so are the jokes. Yea,

0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:39.400
<v Speaker 1>the dinner sounds great. But to be honest, I don't

0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:42.440
<v Speaker 1>think I could stand the heading of not being listened to.

0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:45.560
<v Speaker 1>That's really a big thing for me. That's not shocked.

0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:48.720
<v Speaker 1>You want me to leave the guitar home, oh my goodness.

0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:51.600
<v Speaker 1>Or I could put it in the trunk in patient

0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:55.360
<v Speaker 1>change of mind. On the date with the parachute the

0:16:55.520 --> 0:17:00.640
<v Speaker 1>guitar together, Will you bring your ears? Certainly? Will? I

0:17:00.760 --> 0:17:03.120
<v Speaker 1>have no problem with that. I just need to spend

0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:08.080
<v Speaker 1>some more time with you. Really sweet, Actually, I mean

0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:11.720
<v Speaker 1>you're jokes worth funny, some of them, some of them mean.

0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:14.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm a be honest with you. You know, if you

0:17:14.160 --> 0:17:17.680
<v Speaker 1>just eat a peanut butter sandwich, it's all good. But

0:17:17.720 --> 0:17:22.120
<v Speaker 1>there is nothing like peanut butter jelly and banana. And

0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:28.040
<v Speaker 1>actually you're that banana. Oh and you're the peanut butter

0:17:28.640 --> 0:17:32.960
<v Speaker 1>jelly where I don't think. I don't think more romantic

0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:36.119
<v Speaker 1>words have ever been said. Are you actually changing your

0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:38.919
<v Speaker 1>mind on this? Actually? Are you actually turning? I don't know.

0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:43.480
<v Speaker 1>I mean, oh, oh my god, this is working. I mean,

0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:49.240
<v Speaker 1>boys and girls, do you hear that? Pathetic? There's some

0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:55.600
<v Speaker 1>sinners up and this your error. I feel the synergy. Okay, Actually,

0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:57.359
<v Speaker 1>we're sending you out one more time, even if you

0:17:57.440 --> 0:17:59.880
<v Speaker 1>change your mind, You're going out on one more date

0:17:59.880 --> 0:18:05.239
<v Speaker 1>with Okay, oh my god, you have to update us

0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:09.200
<v Speaker 1>on this because I need to do the second night win. Harold.

0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:11.560
<v Speaker 1>Are you feeling happy right now? I'm a little straight

0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:21.119
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0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:25.960
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