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Speaker 1: Restas and the Facebook. If you're not already following Facebook,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do with your good point. Now,
Speaker 1: please enjoy the amazing Mischelle Mouta, My grandma and your
Speaker 1: grandma was witting by the fire. My grandma to your grandma.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, fen I find it's talking about Hina,
Speaker 1: like like go on, Dan Jagomo jam and let me
Speaker 1: tell you something. I'm gonna have to do a lot
Speaker 1: of the heavy lifting on this episode because my my
Speaker 1: breasts next to me, my right breast, I am depleted,
Speaker 1: my glands are shot. What is wrong? Um? Here's the deal?
Speaker 1: I mean, Matt was definitely a last tweet, definitely, and
Speaker 1: then it just you know, succession, succession, transference, whatever, and
Speaker 1: then now here I am you just don't feel good.
Speaker 1: I told you today get the eggs to shakes, the
Speaker 1: fevers in the quake. Told and this is kind of insensitive,
Speaker 1: but I told you today over Facebook. Chadow was like,
Speaker 1: I'm full Season five is he Stevens, I'm great and
Speaker 1: I love he said I have a head wrap head
Speaker 1: wrap and I literally was like what And I really
Speaker 1: literally pictured you at home with the Iszie Steven's head rap,
Speaker 1: which honestly, in my mind's eye likes pretty fierce. She
Speaker 1: was that she rocked it. Um, oh my god, we
Speaker 1: have such a good guest. We certainly she's bringing me
Speaker 1: to life, like and we went to the same concert,
Speaker 1: not not in the same night, but like she she's
Speaker 1: giving me the same strength at this songs tristed. Let's
Speaker 1: let's go through the credit Okay, let's go through the credits.
Speaker 1: So for first of all, you gotta listen to the album,
Speaker 1: which I actually listened to today for the second or
Speaker 1: third time. Now. This is actually this is the album
Speaker 1: is called shut Up. I listened to it on day
Speaker 1: fucking one when it came out, and it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: come on, yeah, if you're one of our favorites, and
Speaker 1: how the jump you can see her and this is
Speaker 1: going to be very cool upcoming ex show. And there
Speaker 1: was a bidding war for this for this show, you guys,
Speaker 1: and it's called Singularity. I had to be real mask
Speaker 1: in my audition same they asked me to be like
Speaker 1: mask masky nerves. I guess who didn't book us us
Speaker 1: But they were like, okay, Peel like more of like
Speaker 1: a seth rog. I mean he's right, right, right, a
Speaker 1: seth rog. And I was like, well, you know they
Speaker 1: went with Damon Wayne's instead. I'm constantly losing out to Rulest,
Speaker 1: to Damon wahe um. You can see her right now
Speaker 1: on the tick on Amazon nice and then you can
Speaker 1: also see her in the upcoming film with bow and Yeah,
Speaker 1: called Isn't It Romantic? My three best friends Michelle Botel,
Speaker 1: Bowen Yang and Rebel Wilson and Brandon Scott Jones. John
Speaker 1: I love that cast and also and says, cho is
Speaker 1: prettier in person. I thought it was Galgado for like
Speaker 1: twenty minutes. It was like looking brown girl Galgano. I
Speaker 1: had no idea. Didn't she look amazing? That's amazing? But
Speaker 1: I was like, do you know how to read? She?
Speaker 1: I was like, come on, girl, I know you living
Speaker 1: for Brandon's patcho and she was like cackling at her.
Speaker 1: Which one was, Oh, is that the gig guy? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And dumb jokes jokes? Do you remember I looked at
Speaker 1: him one time. First of all, I love table reads
Speaker 1: for the food I brings up aware like y'all gonna
Speaker 1: eat all these figure sandwiches. They had sushi. It was
Speaker 1: too much sushi. It was like very big, you can't
Speaker 1: fit it in your mouth. Wait. First of all, this
Speaker 1: is our guest, Michelle. I didn't know you know, just
Speaker 1: hit the microphone. Whoops. Yes, healing brown titties for everybody.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna lay some titt on you, lay some t
Speaker 1: oh you. Now, we really do believe that positive energy
Speaker 1: heal is a positive energy. I'm I'm feeling really good
Speaker 1: about it. The t t energy, sarcastic energy, but yes,
Speaker 1: it's still healing. No, this is the most engaged I've
Speaker 1: been all day. I went in to work because I
Speaker 1: took two days off already, and I presented and I
Speaker 1: was just like and then I had and then I
Speaker 1: went home work. I felt work work. I took a
Speaker 1: two hour nap and then I woke up and I
Speaker 1: was my body was a wreck again. Yeah, no, I
Speaker 1: mean whatever we whatever I'm coming out of and you
Speaker 1: have now is a real beast? Is this gonna be
Speaker 1: like this movie with Denzel Washington where the beast comes
Speaker 1: into me? What is Lord? What is this? Well, so
Speaker 1: I can tell you that there's a lot of movies
Speaker 1: sometimes that come around, and there's those contagion movies like
Speaker 1: a rapid disease, And there's nothing more terrifying than that.
Speaker 1: Trust because you think it could happen. Oh, it's absolutely
Speaker 1: hard this subway. So yeah, no, that whole and contagion,
Speaker 1: that whole thing started because Gwyneth Paltrow give a butterfly
Speaker 1: kiss to her Chinese business associate. I thought she sucked
Speaker 1: somebody's did. I got to watch them. I think it
Speaker 1: was a reveal at the end that she was sucking.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, she was cheating. She was cheating. It was
Speaker 1: your legs. Yes, don't come for me unless that stuff
Speaker 1: for you. So hold up. Getting back to these gay
Speaker 1: jokes like this is this is the one. Like usually
Speaker 1: I like to I have to like look at the
Speaker 1: script because I hate like not knowing and ship. But
Speaker 1: this one, dude, he had his joke where he's like, no, no,
Speaker 1: I think Rebel was just like, why don't you calm
Speaker 1: down and sit on a bag of ice? And then
Speaker 1: like I grabbed my pearls that were there, and I
Speaker 1: looked at you and we like, I think we looked
Speaker 1: at each other and it was like a subway look
Speaker 1: of like that homeless person too close. Yeah, just like No,
Speaker 1: I didn't know. Well, I mean, holl is as famously queer,
Speaker 1: and maybe she like felt ownership over that jbe. Maybe
Speaker 1: maybe it was just the one. I guess we'll see.
Speaker 1: It's just the one. I mean, it's the one I
Speaker 1: riffed a lot. Did you riffle a lot at the table? No? No, no,
Speaker 1: can you imagine I wish? Oh my god, on set
Speaker 1: you riffed. I know it. We were on set together.
Speaker 1: Michelle came in and did Criminal Crimes, my web series
Speaker 1: that above average and killed and it was a riffle.
Speaker 1: I thank god that you were so excited to shot excited. Really?
Speaker 1: Can I tell you I actually been I love you
Speaker 1: for years because and I told you this, come on,
Speaker 1: this continues to happen, listeners. Rule number eight of culture.
Speaker 1: You know the lights you're going to go out? Well,
Speaker 1: nobody told me that shouldn't an email. I didn't know
Speaker 1: that was a rule. We just left out of your seat.
Speaker 1: Um no, but for real, And I think I told
Speaker 1: you this, Yes, bitch, drink at the fluids and you too,
Speaker 1: we have we're drinking beers, drinking lemon water. Lemon water.
Speaker 1: Come on. So I think I told you this onset
Speaker 1: of that thing we did but and received this um
Speaker 1: when we were freshmen in college and m y U.
Speaker 1: You came through m y U and slayed the welcome
Speaker 1: week and you, honestly you made me feel a lot
Speaker 1: less dressed out because but that was the worst. Going
Speaker 1: to college was the worst because I was like in
Speaker 1: the closet and so freaked out and like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: are people gonna are people gonna like? Am I gonna
Speaker 1: make friends? Like? Am I gonna die? It was like
Speaker 1: New York City and I was like so much and
Speaker 1: then like Long Island but like I so different, Like
Speaker 1: Long Island is like suburb down. And then you go
Speaker 1: to New York City and you think, oh, I got this.
Speaker 1: I'm from Long Island and it's like so lonely, and
Speaker 1: but you, honestly, I think it was the first time
Speaker 1: I breathed and laughed like like the two weeks before,
Speaker 1: and I loved it. And then I and then you
Speaker 1: said to the whole crowd of freshmen, friend me on Facebook,
Speaker 1: and I did, and we've been friends on face for
Speaker 1: like eight years because of it. Then years later, when
Speaker 1: they were like when I was working on the above
Speaker 1: average shoot with Criminal Crimes of Chess club sketch a
Speaker 1: group at the time, um, they were like, who should
Speaker 1: we get to play the corner? And I was like, UM,
Speaker 1: just gonna throw this out there, like you know, I
Speaker 1: love Michelle. And then they were like, Okay, let's see
Speaker 1: and then you said yes, and I was like boo.
Speaker 1: And it was a good moment anyway. And you know what,
Speaker 1: I am so glad that you told me that, because
Speaker 1: a lot of times you show up to colleges, especially
Speaker 1: for welcome Week, and you're like, how the fuck as
Speaker 1: like a full grown, realized woman sitting and spinning on dick,
Speaker 1: paying taxes, performing for people with rich parents just there
Speaker 1: to eat chicken tenders? Yes, are they going to relate
Speaker 1: to me? And a lot of times you leave like
Speaker 1: feeling like, wow, at least I'm still doing what I love. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I gotta paycheck and it was a gig. I mean,
Speaker 1: there is something special about n y u um and
Speaker 1: I remember all this exactly. But it's nice in a
Speaker 1: way where everyone knows that they're about to get cultured. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and like whether they have really rich parents sent on
Speaker 1: boats and wear red pants or if they're from another country,
Speaker 1: it feels different. But it's so nice that you remembered. Oh,
Speaker 1: not only do remember, but years ago I was like,
Speaker 1: I heard for a job. Um no, I've obsessed and
Speaker 1: like that. And honestly, like, friend, did you on Facebook?
Speaker 1: Like you requested? So then we can't. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I was not looking back. It's like, it's so
Speaker 1: funny because like now that we are in the comedy
Speaker 1: world and everything, like we have friends to go out
Speaker 1: and do those college gigs, and I'm like, I wonder
Speaker 1: if they're all hitting them up to get I mean,
Speaker 1: who does that? I'm such a And I'm looking through
Speaker 1: my family going to Facebook anymore. I'm like, who are
Speaker 1: all these people? Right? No idea who anyone is? Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I wonder if Joe Kim boosters out there
Speaker 1: hitting up people from toy Like, yeah, I'm sure he
Speaker 1: has held saucy stories, saucy even Joel. No, wait, can
Speaker 1: we talk about I'm sorry, I don't mean to call
Speaker 1: you by your last name. Why not? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Come on, I loved it. Okay, okay, okay, Michelle are
Speaker 1: what did we think of God? We briefly spoke about
Speaker 1: this earlier. What do we think you went on the
Speaker 1: first night? I went on the first night for Gaga,
Speaker 1: and um, you know, I have not wanted to spend
Speaker 1: the money to see her before, but I was like you,
Speaker 1: I really like all her songs, and I love her
Speaker 1: musicianship and I love her message and I'm just like, bitch,
Speaker 1: just go. And so I'm so glad I went because
Speaker 1: she really I don't want to be like she changed
Speaker 1: my life, but I like it when I leave feeling inspired,
Speaker 1: you know, because I watched I love. My whole thing
Speaker 1: is It's like, I want to go to a lot
Speaker 1: of shows because I want to see people before they die.
Speaker 1: So I see a lot of Mariah Carey. I saw
Speaker 1: her open for Lionel, I've seen her Christmas show and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, can you just not take his annex
Speaker 1: today and just be present and stop yawning? So It's
Speaker 1: so nice when somebody's like, you know, yes and still
Speaker 1: loves it. There's joy. And she was so fucking good.
Speaker 1: And I forget how many songs she has. I couldn't say.
Speaker 1: And it was like me and um an eight year
Speaker 1: old girl. No, it was like Francesca. She sheared Nicole
Speaker 1: Byer Matteo, who were close just kidding, he didn't That
Speaker 1: was the crew. It was. It was a dope crew.
Speaker 1: I mean we didn't like we all had like seats,
Speaker 1: but like like adjacent and um so we hung out
Speaker 1: before and after and I'm just like, god damn it.
Speaker 1: She was so fucking good. She commanded that stage in heels,
Speaker 1: costume changes, spoke to the audience like I used to
Speaker 1: watch go to Madonna concerts. She never said anything, not
Speaker 1: even you're welcome. Here's the thing. Yeah, I mean it'd
Speaker 1: be something if she said you're welcome Gaga and she
Speaker 1: I don't know if she said this on your night,
Speaker 1: but like, and I don't think she invented this, but
Speaker 1: like at the end of the show, she was like,
Speaker 1: I always like to play stadium shows like a bar.
Speaker 1: In a bar, like a stadium show. I think that's
Speaker 1: like a like a stones thing or something. She didn't
Speaker 1: say that, she said that, and it was so true
Speaker 1: because in the middle of the concert I turned to
Speaker 1: my friend David Mazzoni and and we were just like,
Speaker 1: this feels like a bitter end show that this feels
Speaker 1: like yeah, in Arleans grocery. But that's how she came
Speaker 1: up to right and amazing name drops. She was like
Speaker 1: she brought her like old Laris side, like collaborate. My god,
Speaker 1: Tommy London. If you don't know him, check him out.
Speaker 1: I used to hang out with him. I used to
Speaker 1: go to his shows and he used to putform. He
Speaker 1: came up with Gaga. Nice right, Was he a dancer
Speaker 1: or no? No? What does he look Does he have
Speaker 1: the big aviators in the hat or no? In the
Speaker 1: beer now he looks more like a low bunch of Elvis. Yes,
Speaker 1: I wait, he was there last night too. He had
Speaker 1: like such a like a huge pop a leather jacket.
Speaker 1: He looked he opened good. Oh we got there right
Speaker 1: in the nick of time, right, yeah it um, But no,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say when Gaga was starting, you got there.
Speaker 1: We were like, we're not going to get there until
Speaker 1: because the doors open at six and we were like, oh,
Speaker 1: we've been to Beyonce at City Field, like ye did
Speaker 1: yes two hours bitch when it was crazy hours. And
Speaker 1: then I turned to and also we had shipped seats. Me,
Speaker 1: Sudy and Henry were sitting on last row. I'm not
Speaker 1: kidding you, like right up next to the chain length fence.
Speaker 1: I was like three rows in. I was like there
Speaker 1: and like my hair was sticking up because it was
Speaker 1: so winding, so crazy and freezing, and it was like
Speaker 1: around this time of year, right that was June of
Speaker 1: last year. Yeah, it was so funny. And I eventually
Speaker 1: I am saying to myself, like when the fun is
Speaker 1: she going to come out? And I turned to my
Speaker 1: left and someone says, I heard she doesn't hit the
Speaker 1: stage until there's complete darkness, darkness. Yeah, I was, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess we gotta wait. Yeah, it was. I got
Speaker 1: there so early just to watch, like DJ Khalid was
Speaker 1: that it was so long. It was so long. I
Speaker 1: don't know. Beyonce's kind of I think, not ruined for me. Obviously,
Speaker 1: I love the four A Formation World tour. But I
Speaker 1: saw the four concert at Roland Ballroom when she did
Speaker 1: four shows for the four albums, and I was a
Speaker 1: hundred fifty feet away from her right and it was
Speaker 1: I don't know because she was still massive about that
Speaker 1: time she was pregnant. Then it's revealed months later that
Speaker 1: she like that, that's when she revealed her a little
Speaker 1: bump on the v m as And she revealed shortly
Speaker 1: after that she was like four months pregnant. And I
Speaker 1: had seen her a month and a half before, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, the bitch was pregnant while she was turning
Speaker 1: it out, like maybe she was like having it was crazy,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't even take a big ship.
Speaker 1: I'm like something to wear. And this was just like
Speaker 1: squatting for two and a half hours. You would you
Speaker 1: would never think she wasn't in the peak of her life,
Speaker 1: Like there was no I gotta go home on the weight.
Speaker 1: So this is just like now, okay, I feel I
Speaker 1: feel like I didn't just obviously dense circles around us all,
Speaker 1: but I have a grape can. I just want to
Speaker 1: come on Grandma. Okay, okay. One is like all natural
Speaker 1: deodare it doesn't work. The other one is like I'm
Speaker 1: just telling you, thank you, it just don't go in.
Speaker 1: You probably can't sell anything anyways. Beyonce had twins, and
Speaker 1: I feel like that wasn't natural, it was IBF speak
Speaker 1: on it normalize. I'm all clooney, Like I feel like
Speaker 1: I hate when bitches like pick and choose like now
Speaker 1: plastic surgery. Not to get all woke and like feminine,
Speaker 1: but like I feel like now we're talking about nose jobs,
Speaker 1: like it's getting your eyebrows done, But like these bitches
Speaker 1: need to start normalizing ship for other ladies who are
Speaker 1: out there working, trying to have kids, going like another
Speaker 1: fucking route. I'm just saying. I mean, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of discussion right now about what they are and aren't saying,
Speaker 1: especially talking about like Taylor Swift with the whole fucking
Speaker 1: Trump thing, Like now she's back out with her song
Speaker 1: and like I haven't listened to her song. What's happening
Speaker 1: with us into it? Because about it? Oh no, tell
Speaker 1: me about She's just a full villain, And like the
Speaker 1: thing is, this is painful for Matt and because we
Speaker 1: like fucking like shelled out hundreds of dollars to go
Speaker 1: see her a lot to talk about stadium tour, talk
Speaker 1: about like we went to met Life STADIU and paid
Speaker 1: a hundred and eighty dollar drove Phoebe Robinson to go
Speaker 1: see you too, granted ticket inde to me. We were
Speaker 1: in that car for four hours five minutes. I'm like,
Speaker 1: we should be in Maryland right now. And we were
Speaker 1: stuck at the Lincoln Tunnel for an hour and a half.
Speaker 1: I saw old Chinese guy p by his car, girl by,
Speaker 1: and then we saw two random white people trying to
Speaker 1: go into the tunnel and she's like, white people, you
Speaker 1: can't go into the tunnel. They were trying to find
Speaker 1: their ride, so then they just jumped in our car,
Speaker 1: ended up driving with us. Filthy they jumped in your car. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they weren't like they were like normal looking, Like that's
Speaker 1: crazy talbot wearing motherfucker's that's some white privilege right there.
Speaker 1: Well that's why I gotta I had them in my carcase.
Speaker 1: I was like, what did I do? What are they
Speaker 1: gonna jimmy me to death? Exactly? And they're boltons. Get
Speaker 1: the funk out of here, Get the funk out. I mean,
Speaker 1: so yeah, we're I'm just like at least and maybe
Speaker 1: Matt's just like sitting in solidarity with me, but I
Speaker 1: just read I was in this fever dream fucking state
Speaker 1: on my way to God. That last night I was
Speaker 1: reading this piece. It was just talking about how she
Speaker 1: like she's irredeemable until she speaks out against Trump, and
Speaker 1: I was like yeah, And so I went into my
Speaker 1: Spotify deleted all her songs. Um, And now like, if
Speaker 1: I'm ever in the mood to listen to her again,
Speaker 1: I'll just like go to my music app and like
Speaker 1: not have to pay her a streaming dollar, Like just
Speaker 1: listen to and I'll just pirate her ship from now on.
Speaker 1: Her whole thing is now like like her whole single
Speaker 1: is like she like ducked real oh for a while,
Speaker 1: because like Kanye and Kim got her and like all
Speaker 1: that garbage and you know, like she was exposed and
Speaker 1: as what she is, and you know, she ducked out
Speaker 1: of the spotlight for a while, and now she's back
Speaker 1: with this song look What You Made Me Do? And
Speaker 1: it's like essentially the message of it, I think is
Speaker 1: like I own everything that's ever been said and done
Speaker 1: about me, and I'm actually taking it for myself. None
Speaker 1: of you can ever say anything to break me, because like,
Speaker 1: UM's here. I was confused. I think I finally realized
Speaker 1: it it's like you're responsible for you're all complicit in
Speaker 1: this and what I've done, like, which is it's crazy.
Speaker 1: It's some evil villain ship. You know what it's like
Speaker 1: To me, Tenna Swift feels like and I don't give
Speaker 1: a fuck what anyone thinks. You know, Um, she's in
Speaker 1: she's entitled. She's also talented, but she's like that friend
Speaker 1: that like hooks up with one guy and can't stop
Speaker 1: talking about dick, and actually they know about dick. It's
Speaker 1: like nothing really has happened to you, like life has
Speaker 1: barely happened, like it dude didn't even rape you, like
Speaker 1: you know, multiple times he grabbed your ass, and now
Speaker 1: you want to like fight the good fight. Thank you
Speaker 1: for speaking on it, but also like let's keep it
Speaker 1: moving because if I had, like if I had to
Speaker 1: go to court every time someone grab my ass, I
Speaker 1: would always be a mocking court. Yeah, do you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? So I feel like things happen to
Speaker 1: her and she's like I have to write a song
Speaker 1: and good for you, bobo. Well the irony is she
Speaker 1: released her fucking video for it on Sunday, like as
Speaker 1: Harvey was touching down, Like there's like ship going around
Speaker 1: the world that people are dying. But that's insane. I know,
Speaker 1: Beyonce drop lemonade when Prince died, but like, how can
Speaker 1: you not because we need to heal? But then she like,
Speaker 1: because that was a contribution to the world. Look what
Speaker 1: made Look what you made. I also can't fucking say
Speaker 1: the title of a song. So it's so bad. It's
Speaker 1: so bad, so fail on that. Look what you made
Speaker 1: me do? It's just like it's it's the ultimate, Like
Speaker 1: I'm a victim, and then what I was. I had
Speaker 1: posted this article today that basically said you're never gonna
Speaker 1: know what Taylor soft politics are because she'll never say it.
Speaker 1: She's the only pop star for caliber who claims to
Speaker 1: be a feminist who won't speak out against Donald Trump.
Speaker 1: Won't denounce Donald Trump obviously because she wont likes her
Speaker 1: dollars and it is her personal right to keep her
Speaker 1: vote private. But you don't really have to guess what
Speaker 1: her politics are when her entire messages I win, but
Speaker 1: all the losers and haters are coming from me. Where
Speaker 1: have we heard that before? The funk out of here?
Speaker 1: Fucking I mean, like, what was I gonna say? Oh no,
Speaker 1: it's just like a shitty Howard Ashman Disney Villains. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, it's really what it is. And honestly, no,
Speaker 1: it's so shitty. And also the video is so uninspired.
Speaker 1: Go watch the video one time, anyway, Watch the video
Speaker 1: one time and you'll be like, oh, this is some garbage,
Speaker 1: because my thing about it is it's just everyone else's
Speaker 1: cool video put together. There's one image in it that
Speaker 1: I haven't seen before. I mean, we're all inspired by somebody.
Speaker 1: But it's also like boo boo, like, you know, Bruno
Speaker 1: Mars is still Bruno Mars. He just got that you know,
Speaker 1: stank on it, right, like James Brown, little Richard, but Bruno,
Speaker 1: it's like, stop trying to be yes. So inspiration is inspiration.
Speaker 1: Everyone's going to be inspired. Everyone's going to have references always.
Speaker 1: But when you make that much fucking money and when
Speaker 1: you are that much and every time the world's gonna stop.
Speaker 1: Whenever you do anything, you have to be extraordinary, Like
Speaker 1: come on, Like at this point, even the new kids
Speaker 1: are coming up with new songs, The new kids on
Speaker 1: the Black coming up. Oh my god, you introduced me.
Speaker 1: I'm so late on the Cardi B Train, but you're
Speaker 1: i don't think so honey on our live show, Like
Speaker 1: I was like, who's Cardi B? And then I listened
Speaker 1: to about what do I say? What did I say
Speaker 1: about Cardi ban issue? No? No, no, it's like a
Speaker 1: post nasal drop anyway, um strugs strug No you I
Speaker 1: mean your thing was I don't I don't think so honey.
Speaker 1: People who don't funk with des yes, And then you
Speaker 1: said any song that makes me want to shake my
Speaker 1: ass like Hardi B or something to oh yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: yes yes. I was like, who is Cardi B? And
Speaker 1: then yeah, I was very much. I didn't know Cardi
Speaker 1: B either, And then I w I woke her videos
Speaker 1: and I was like, she is so damn it's amazing,
Speaker 1: so good. She's so authentic and she's so real and
Speaker 1: like she did the pre show at the Vietna's on
Speaker 1: Sunday and like every line of Bodac yell or her
Speaker 1: like her like hot single right now just has some
Speaker 1: fucking curse word in it and so like she like
Speaker 1: had to like skip every other soullable. She's like you
Speaker 1: with me, Yeah, I don't know, yeah, didn't you tell me?
Speaker 1: She sat on someone's face and broke. Then she yeah,
Speaker 1: that is that is on my bucket list, bitches. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I tried to. I hooked up with this dude that
Speaker 1: look like Adrian Brody and I really tried to, but
Speaker 1: it was thirty is fine. It can't fucking fun. Spinning
Speaker 1: on Schna she a memoir by Michelle She know what
Speaker 1: had happened was sing she has a eric and bodaiala
Speaker 1: where she's like, um, I forget what the lyric is,
Speaker 1: but she was like explaining the lyric. This lyric about
Speaker 1: like this guy eating her ass, and she was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: one time I got carried away. She was like eating
Speaker 1: me so good that I just put my full weight
Speaker 1: on his face and his nose broke and we had
Speaker 1: to go to the emergency room and we had to
Speaker 1: be like we were too embarrassed, so we just told him.
Speaker 1: We just told them that he got Drunk's amazing. She
Speaker 1: should be on the TLC show Sex Send Me to
Speaker 1: the Emergency Room. That's the show, and those re enactments
Speaker 1: are so good. So it is because I'm tired of
Speaker 1: watching like fat bitchish like ship a baby into that
Speaker 1: favorite show. Yes this is and it's always like some
Speaker 1: dude that can't stop orgasming and he's like, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: sucked up his grass. The emergency, yea, the emergency been.
Speaker 1: I hope they're in season four. Oh come on, So
Speaker 1: I Cardi b one time and she's amazed, how tell
Speaker 1: us everything? She's um? She um. I don't think she
Speaker 1: knows how funny she is. She's just who she is,
Speaker 1: which is great. And her name is Bacardi and so
Speaker 1: she nicknamed herself Cardi Bean. And her sister's name is Hennessy. Yes,
Speaker 1: you know what, heness She's overcome so much by having
Speaker 1: that name. She I mean, I don't know if she's
Speaker 1: Puerto Rican a Dominican, but like she lives her life
Speaker 1: like nobody watching and I love it. And I asked
Speaker 1: her like how did you because she was a stripper before.
Speaker 1: I'm like, how did you get into stripping? And she
Speaker 1: was like, I'm not gonna do have voice because that's
Speaker 1: sucked up. But she was like, I was bagging groceries
Speaker 1: at path Mark in the Bronx and I asked my
Speaker 1: asked my manager. I was like, how do I like
Speaker 1: make more money and ship? And he was like, there's
Speaker 1: a strip club across the street, you got a good body,
Speaker 1: and she was like I just go like dance this it.
Speaker 1: And he's like, yeah, you stipp you take your clothes
Speaker 1: off and saying the transaction sometimes you gotta make it
Speaker 1: obvious for me too, right there. Um, so she she
Speaker 1: started that, Yeah, and then I heard she had to
Speaker 1: pay for herself because well she she like saved up
Speaker 1: a lot of money because she was like in a
Speaker 1: very abusive relationship. Yeah, and so she's like come such
Speaker 1: a long way and like I'm rooting for her so hard. Well,
Speaker 1: that's what love and hip hop is. Sort of like
Speaker 1: showcasing too. It's like there's a whole culture of women
Speaker 1: who are strippers who want to be rappers and performers,
Speaker 1: and what they do is try to get their song
Speaker 1: played when they're stripping. So people like, yeah, it's like
Speaker 1: a showcase. It's America's got talent, but everything is a
Speaker 1: live round. Yes, and they always sit in that golden button.
Speaker 1: Um wait, Michelle, we have to ask you the question.
Speaker 1: And we're I'm so glad that this is just on
Speaker 1: a roll and we haven't asked we we usually asked
Speaker 1: this like ten minutes in. But we'll ask you the
Speaker 1: question okay, which is like, what is the culture that
Speaker 1: made you say? Culture is for me like growing up,
Speaker 1: this is the culture? Like could it be a film, music,
Speaker 1: something that you saw in comedy, whatever you that really
Speaker 1: you start to set you in the direction of who
Speaker 1: you would become, like culturally like pop cultural. This is
Speaker 1: a very hard question because my parents are immigrants, so
Speaker 1: already I was like, this is how you all to work? Um,
Speaker 1: like at five, you know, like a lot of reggae
Speaker 1: songs and stuff. So, but American culture for me, I
Speaker 1: was like Lisa Bonet on The Cosbee Show. I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I just want to where my dad's blazers. She was
Speaker 1: so fucking cool. Yeah, and just like yeah, just have
Speaker 1: like a one liner. And then also, um, this is
Speaker 1: so embarrassing, but dirty dancing YEA. Honestly, his spirit is here. Now.
Speaker 1: I'm watching Tyler Henry Hollywood Medium, so you know, I
Speaker 1: believe in that show he is so sweaty. Is there
Speaker 1: anybody that can give him a gatorade in a fucking rag?
Speaker 1: Tyler Henry or or Tyler sweat and talking to all
Speaker 1: those spirits, He's a sweating a little boy. I have
Speaker 1: a medium does not sweat that much. But I also
Speaker 1: think it's because she doesn't really feel the spirit. I
Speaker 1: think she does medium like doodle like like Tyler now
Speaker 1: Tyler do and I like that kind of like it
Speaker 1: was like like it like I feel like he's legit
Speaker 1: and she's not. That's just from what from what I am?
Speaker 1: Is it? Because she's like, tan, mom, that's a medium? Oh?
Speaker 1: I feel like here's the thing. Like every time she
Speaker 1: does the very ambitious like live reading in a group
Speaker 1: and she does it on all the talk shows, and
Speaker 1: she'll be like, is there anyone here passed from the chest?
Speaker 1: Passed from the chest, and then everyone will be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: heart disease. I think it was your father and they know.
Speaker 1: She's like, all right, well someone someone yes, and someone's
Speaker 1: like my uncle and she's like that's what I was saying,
Speaker 1: father figure test and Tyler is just like this is
Speaker 1: so strange. I'm getting um. The name that starts with jay,
Speaker 1: it's probably Jonathan and he died of a very specific
Speaker 1: thing literally exactly right. Yeah, but okay, I really like
Speaker 1: watching him. I definitely want to like pat his forehead
Speaker 1: and get some powder. And he's adorable. Where's the makeup girl? Yeah?
Speaker 1: We can't find her in his mind. Also, like when
Speaker 1: he when he read Bobby Brown did not know who
Speaker 1: Whitney and Bobby was like, I'm seeing like a mother
Speaker 1: daughter relationship. Yeah, and I was like boo boo, and
Speaker 1: then he goes, yeah, I'm realizing who your wife is
Speaker 1: now by seeing that picture of Bobby Christina, I was like, bitch,
Speaker 1: you didn't know from Bobby Brown sitting in front of
Speaker 1: you that you were gonna be talking about when Houston
Speaker 1: Bobby Christina tipped you off. No, there was something that
Speaker 1: was terrible, Like whoever produced that should have like kind
Speaker 1: of rethought that. But did you see a Little Kim episode?
Speaker 1: Biggie came through. Biggie came through. But it's also really
Speaker 1: hard to watch Little Kim's face very sure, I mean,
Speaker 1: what did you know who Biggie? He well, she said
Speaker 1: that jacket belonged to the late, great notorious b I G.
Speaker 1: And he goes wow, and I was like, I think
Speaker 1: of it, But actually he's he did mention, you know,
Speaker 1: I very rarely recognized the guy the people I read.
Speaker 1: And then she opened the door and he was like,
Speaker 1: are you Little Kim? So he knew who she was.
Speaker 1: That's insane. Plus like I wouldn't know that's little him
Speaker 1: if I met her. Yeah, because her face has changed
Speaker 1: so much and she was so good. She still I'm
Speaker 1: sure she's great. Wait, how did you get on this?
Speaker 1: Because you were? But I loved it. I loved during.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, wow, going away on vacation. Oh,
Speaker 1: the first one I know. I don't know my your mind.
Speaker 1: Imagine if I thought that was the only Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's like, where's going to obey? Oh my god. Um. Anyways,
Speaker 1: that's that's great, that's amazing. Oh and I guess like
Speaker 1: salt and pepper. I was like, yeah, for sure, I must,
Speaker 1: like I just I knew from even going to Catholic
Speaker 1: school all my life. I was like, you have to
Speaker 1: own your sexuality because these guys out here just like
Speaker 1: trying to take it from you and make you feel
Speaker 1: like guilty for no reason. And Ship and I love like,
Speaker 1: just um, Queen Latifa and Ship because they're like, take
Speaker 1: back the fucking night. Yes, yeah, who you call on
Speaker 1: a bit? Yes? I love that push. It is like
Speaker 1: an early feminist anthem, and it doesn't get the credit
Speaker 1: a dessert. It doesn't people play when they give birth
Speaker 1: that's what you play while you're conceiving. Yeah, so actually
Speaker 1: it's actually it's interesting and it's very similar to me
Speaker 1: to like I actually didn't have a lot of like
Speaker 1: comedic influences. I had a lot of musical influences. And
Speaker 1: sometimes when people ask me what are your commedic influences?
Speaker 1: I have a really hard time with that question, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard for me to say, like, well, you know,
Speaker 1: of course I love the Simpsons because I fucking did it,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? What I hate what everyone
Speaker 1: makes you feel bad, Like I don't like Seinfeld, Get
Speaker 1: off my dick. Yeah, I mean I can't do comedy
Speaker 1: and not like Seinfeld different references. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's
Speaker 1: a bunch of bore white people who don't know how
Speaker 1: to dance. Well, am I gonna like this ship? But
Speaker 1: that's funny. It's it's just interesting that you that you
Speaker 1: mentioned a lot of He gets so nervous when our
Speaker 1: knees touched, well, because I'm sick. I don't want to contaminate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't give a funk. It's fine. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: that is the most that is, That is the Leady
Speaker 1: Gaga level warmth. Iconique on the level of Gaga. Um,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a very short break and then we're
Speaker 1: gonna come back with Michelle. We're gonna smoke. Honestly, we
Speaker 1: I would love to know, But the thing is here,
Speaker 1: the deal. I actually, when I was very sick, I
Speaker 1: actually ate a ton of edible. Yeah, because it puts
Speaker 1: because it's got me to stop thinking about how sick
Speaker 1: I was. See, sometimes sometimes I just the pain is
Speaker 1: is like like amplified. Sometimes it's like even like an
Speaker 1: itch will feel so painful to me. I get like
Speaker 1: these body highs were just like oh my god, that
Speaker 1: is the one thing. It's just probably it was what
Speaker 1: you're smoking. Because sometimes I'll smoke something and like like
Speaker 1: I'll just only focus on the one part of my
Speaker 1: body that I'm holding stress. Does that ever happen to
Speaker 1: you that happens to me naturally? Titties? All right, let's
Speaker 1: say that breaks a break and we're back. We're back,
Speaker 1: and one of us is black, and one of us
Speaker 1: and one of us just colors have been a ton, yeah, Michelle,
Speaker 1: or a yoga commercial or a Dove commercial. We're like
Speaker 1: a really, we're like a casting director's dream. Yeah, if
Speaker 1: we were like all big girls would just be in
Speaker 1: panties right now posing next to a dove bottle that's
Speaker 1: shaped like us. Yeah, with like a big piece of
Speaker 1: paper that we have to go behind and get naked
Speaker 1: and take a shower. Is beautiful because myself comes off
Speaker 1: I'm beautiful. Wait, you honestly don't know you were talking.
Speaker 1: You were griping about your deoda, right, I finished that thought.
Speaker 1: I don't think we like fully. I'm trying to um.
Speaker 1: It's hard because my body is so ethnic in nooks
Speaker 1: and crannies where I'm not expecting it to be right. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Behind the fucking ears, that's
Speaker 1: just me behind the ear and the ear it's just
Speaker 1: greasy as how. Oh yeah, okay, I get it. No,
Speaker 1: I mean that's grass. I'm vulnerable for sharing that. It's vulnerable.
Speaker 1: Do you like it when like, like a guy kisses
Speaker 1: behind your ears? You're just like, no, I don't know
Speaker 1: how it's going to be. I don't think they've done
Speaker 1: it enough. Are you into leaking in the ears? Are
Speaker 1: you guys into that? I do it a lot and
Speaker 1: people hate it, love it. What it could have gone
Speaker 1: either way? I will put my tongue full the way
Speaker 1: in an ear. That's gross. What are you saying? Do
Speaker 1: you ever come out with something come out with something
Speaker 1: on my tongue? Do you have to be like Gordon
Speaker 1: Ramsay and kitchen nightmares and be like, excuse me, I
Speaker 1: have anyone I ever, anyone I ever hook up with
Speaker 1: is fully excavated in everywhere. And I'm just kidding I do.
Speaker 1: When I used to hook up with guys, because now
Speaker 1: I'm a mirror, i'd bring them home and put them
Speaker 1: in a shower. Yeah, that's because I don't know you.
Speaker 1: I don't know how you live. I don't know what
Speaker 1: your definition to clean guys? Right, boo, never tell boo
Speaker 1: not washing your hands, finger nails. Now, when I was
Speaker 1: in college, and like when I was like in my
Speaker 1: early twenties, I think like I would hook up with
Speaker 1: guys like after being out and like whatever, and we
Speaker 1: would go home and do whatever, and I wouldn't think
Speaker 1: a second thing about it. But now it's like you
Speaker 1: have to be squeaky clean before and after the whole time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then get like an omelet at a dinner some
Speaker 1: sometimes if that's a good conversation, how did you in
Speaker 1: your husband me, how long have you been one night stand?
Speaker 1: Are you talking about just sucking my way into romance
Speaker 1: afterwards or now? No, you had to go back um
Speaker 1: to Amsterdam the next day. Oh yeah, that's right. This
Speaker 1: is a Dutch guy. Yeah, and then you talked about
Speaker 1: this in your album. It's all true. It's so true.
Speaker 1: I post I just posted a photo commented let me
Speaker 1: know where you're going to go, and I was like what,
Speaker 1: and then I just made the connection. Oh yeah, like
Speaker 1: that's that's yeah. I love that place. It's great. Have
Speaker 1: you tried brik staff Fall What it's like an Indonesian
Speaker 1: Dutch hybrid. It's a bud thing during sex. Indonesian food
Speaker 1: makes me well, okay, it's like Chinese. It's really good,
Speaker 1: sweet and spicy. Indonesian food makes me ship water nice.
Speaker 1: I will do it because like Dutch people love it,
Speaker 1: because they just like European countries love flavor, which is
Speaker 1: just usually countries they have colonized. I'm like, I'll eat it,
Speaker 1: but like it will be like a curried egg and
Speaker 1: you'll hate and you'll just sucking sht water. I'll just
Speaker 1: ship water and keep like burping it for like three days. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh god, like food poisoning, Like, I don't, would you
Speaker 1: call that food poisoning? No, I know I lept out
Speaker 1: with that recently, and it's just it's terrible, just like
Speaker 1: a little intolerance, a little intolerance, but it's making me
Speaker 1: ship water for three days in a row. Yeah, when
Speaker 1: it's coming out of like everybody, we should definitely change
Speaker 1: the subject, okay, right, yeah, just you listeners. You know
Speaker 1: that we get rudyo and I'll get bodily real with you,
Speaker 1: and I mean the least our last episode was title
Speaker 1: Herpie Simplex one, Wow, cold conversation with ray Sonny about
Speaker 1: what the herp is being he ship and what and
Speaker 1: what happened? What could happened was we talked about the
Speaker 1: differences between having a cold sore which is Herpes simplex
Speaker 1: far as one, and getting shingles shingles and also getting
Speaker 1: canker stores, which I had been dealing with a canker
Speaker 1: store outbreak and I'm always like, what the fuck right?
Speaker 1: And then a doctor one time told me I had
Speaker 1: herpies one and then I got tested for it and
Speaker 1: they're like, no, you don't. Who was I was like,
Speaker 1: did you go to out of the closet? LT? Honestly,
Speaker 1: I don't trust these city MD doctors. I looked out, really,
Speaker 1: I looked out this week and my my physician was
Speaker 1: an actual m D. Not to shoot on people with
Speaker 1: d OS or you know whatever, but physicians assistance. But
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, well, I'm obviously going to feel better.
Speaker 1: I know what. I take that back. Sorry, I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't. Don't cut this out. But it's like fucking
Speaker 1: Brian from the Bachelorette, Right, do you watch the Bachelorette.
Speaker 1: I watched this season, who was like every other was
Speaker 1: the winner, the chiropractor, who was a quote unquote doctor,
Speaker 1: the smooth talker that isn't anything perfect and like tongued
Speaker 1: tongue rammed her in the first sucking episode. It was
Speaker 1: his kissing was wilder, it was blue. I'm surprised if
Speaker 1: the wrestlers stayed there for so long. What did she
Speaker 1: see in him? I don't I didn't get it either.
Speaker 1: I think he was a good guy, admitted a long time.
Speaker 1: And also, you know, he was there so they could
Speaker 1: stretch out that fight with him in the racist Why
Speaker 1: did that racist stay there for so lust didn't have
Speaker 1: no choice. That's the thing about the show is they
Speaker 1: keep them. Have you seen Unreal on Lifetime? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yes, it's it's I can't believe that it would
Speaker 1: be even that real. Like that's so fucked up. You
Speaker 1: have to make out with these people and just like
Speaker 1: try and have a moment in front of all these
Speaker 1: lights and ship. Yeah. I mean that's also another thing
Speaker 1: is it's like I remember the one episode where she
Speaker 1: got on the hot tub with Peter who was the
Speaker 1: runner up, and he was like rubbing up her back
Speaker 1: and they were in the hot tub. I'm like, there's
Speaker 1: cameras there. I know. In this article today that I
Speaker 1: posted on Facebook, it literally was talking about Bachelor in
Speaker 1: Paradise and it described the Bachelor contestants as people with great,
Speaker 1: great bodies who just don't really have the heart to
Speaker 1: do porn. I was just it is like a gateway
Speaker 1: like a sex tape. It's certainly not dissimilar. It's just
Speaker 1: exhibitionist in that way, which is fine, like no stigma,
Speaker 1: but it's just it's it's a little you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: what you're calling it love. You're trying to be like
Speaker 1: all sincere about some bullshit. Totally, totally totally. I just like,
Speaker 1: you just wanna get your dick wet? Are you watching
Speaker 1: Bachelor in Paradise? No, but I heard like that really
Speaker 1: unfortunate story about how people were black out drunk and
Speaker 1: she know it was it was. It's not good and
Speaker 1: they've they've now. So I didn't watch this episode last night,
Speaker 1: but they had her on to give like her tell all,
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna watch that episode. But it can't have
Speaker 1: gone good. The thing about that situation is you can't
Speaker 1: deal with it. Well, it should have just been canceled, yeah,
Speaker 1: like shut it down. But also when there's a lot
Speaker 1: of money involved, it goes back to the whole Tailor
Speaker 1: Swift thing and everything, like when there's money involved, you
Speaker 1: just keep on going and if you never apologize, then
Speaker 1: you're never wrong and you just exactly God, that sounds
Speaker 1: like the White House's platform at this point. This whole
Speaker 1: article was it was like this new Tailor Swift video
Speaker 1: is the first pure piece of Trump era art. It's
Speaker 1: like Reagan Air, aren't we think about like Top Gone
Speaker 1: and fucking like Dynasty where it's just like rich people
Speaker 1: are military people. And now it's like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: going to be about like this is just that second
Speaker 1: coming of that where it's just like we're fascinated by
Speaker 1: rich people. I mean we kind of did that during
Speaker 1: the Bush years too, like with the Simple Life and stuff.
Speaker 1: I was sending a conversation recently about like the direction
Speaker 1: of music, about how everything like this new Tailor Swift
Speaker 1: sound was like it's just very like kind of industrial,
Speaker 1: like more industrial and like clubby than anything she's ever done,
Speaker 1: And I thought like, yeah, gay, like right, But like
Speaker 1: the thing is like if that's where we're at right now,
Speaker 1: like kind of very like eighties. If we're in the
Speaker 1: eighties right now, like like in terms of politics and
Speaker 1: in terms of like music, then like with the next
Speaker 1: coming will be like I think that rock music will
Speaker 1: come back. I think that something will happen where like
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to think ahead to like what's going
Speaker 1: to be next, because we can't exist in this space anymore.
Speaker 1: I feel like Lady Gaga was getting a little bit
Speaker 1: more rock with her new album Joanne, Like you knew
Speaker 1: she was like going to go to Joanne. When she
Speaker 1: brought out the pink cowboy hat. You're like, oh, here's
Speaker 1: another song I don't know, and she um and she
Speaker 1: and the Cure, the Cure, like such a nice nineties
Speaker 1: and B throwback, and I'm just like, oh that, like
Speaker 1: do that Like I'm mistaking happy Place. That's my favorite
Speaker 1: type of music. Yeah, somebody told me that Taylor Swift's
Speaker 1: new song reminds them of Peaches. She's just like, really,
Speaker 1: look what you made me do? Look what you made me.
Speaker 1: It's not it's really bad. I'm I'm regretful to say that.
Speaker 1: I'm interested to hear what the album sounds. I think
Speaker 1: I'll listen to it one time through and then make
Speaker 1: a decision about it. Like, but I will listen to
Speaker 1: it because I'm interested. But the thing is like, it can't.
Speaker 1: It doesn't feel like it's going to go in a
Speaker 1: very musical direction. It just sounds like she's like pissed
Speaker 1: and like wants to make dance music and be this
Speaker 1: new Taeler who wears like a choker. I mean enough,
Speaker 1: is she going to be in a movie and like
Speaker 1: put on like passific nose and be like I need
Speaker 1: an oscar? Yeah? Remember well she was briefly cast in
Speaker 1: Lame miss As and then they were like but she was,
Speaker 1: but this is something I just remembered, and she campaign
Speaker 1: to play Joni Mitchell in a biopic and Joanie was like,
Speaker 1: funck now that Oh my guy, she was trying to
Speaker 1: do movies. She was in that stupid ass that Time's
Speaker 1: Day with a thousand people in it. I never saw
Speaker 1: because I like myself. Yeah right, the real icons do
Speaker 1: it all. They're great in movies like Gaga, Rihanna, Madonna
Speaker 1: fucking like, you know, leave of their own and okay,
Speaker 1: Avida Avida of course, okay rule number ninety eight of
Speaker 1: culture Madonna and Avita. Okay, I can't, but I will,
Speaker 1: but I will. But we did. Um, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I just lost my train of thought. But when can
Speaker 1: I ask you guys a question? So the I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey, has there ever been one that just
Speaker 1: like fell flat where we're just like, I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: like someone just like bombed. No, I don't truly. I
Speaker 1: mean we've bombed all the time on the pod, but
Speaker 1: like I will do one shortly going to do it.
Speaker 1: But the live show, no, I think if anything, like
Speaker 1: everyone always kills but the thing is like, oh and
Speaker 1: on this last a live show, we had a couple
Speaker 1: occasions where people decided to come for us. Oh wow.
Speaker 1: For example, Timothy Dunne he turned to us and said,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Childless adults at disney World,
Speaker 1: and Bowen and I have been known to frequent disney World.
Speaker 1: Not one child between the funds. It was terrible, and
Speaker 1: also fully said, I don't think so, honey. Matt Rodgers
Speaker 1: and Bowen Yang, why should we listen to you about culture?
Speaker 1: You think you're the only two gay people. She goes
Speaker 1: Matt Roger, She goes Matt Rogers. Can I be friends
Speaker 1: with you? Because all your friends become famous except you?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? And then she goes bow and Yang. Um,
Speaker 1: you never get foxed? Well, it's called one hundred contact
Speaker 1: No son Barby Parker, more like no wait sponsored by Spoke,
Speaker 1: no sponsored by Warby anyway. No, no one's like no,
Speaker 1: no one's bombed. Sometimes I disagree mostly Bowen Yank's. Sometimes
Speaker 1: Bowen will say some things and I'll just turn turn
Speaker 1: my I don't think so, honey, right around on him.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, got it. Yeah, So it's it's um. Don't
Speaker 1: you guys come up with this because we used to
Speaker 1: say it to each other. We say to each other,
Speaker 1: and I had the idea to make it a segment. Um.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't think so, honey. And then we
Speaker 1: just but here's the thing, and I was I think
Speaker 1: I said this at the show. Like at first we
Speaker 1: were like, let's just like build a segment around a
Speaker 1: stupid catchphrase like they do on all the podcasts and dumb.
Speaker 1: But then like slowly, like people got into it and
Speaker 1: we were like, like you you stare at a catchphrase,
Speaker 1: the catchphrase stares back, and people are like, it's the
Speaker 1: it's the centerpiece of the show. And we were like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, like it's like it's snowballing and like
Speaker 1: not in a good or a bad way. It's just
Speaker 1: like we thought it was like a goofy bullshit thick.
Speaker 1: I mean, is that what the shirt says? What the
Speaker 1: T shirt that they sold the show? Yeah, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: so funny. Anyway, it's amazing. It's bizarre because it's like
Speaker 1: that genuinely was just something we said. You never Okay,
Speaker 1: So sometimes you get sent like because comedy writers, you
Speaker 1: get sent like a packet to do and they're like,
Speaker 1: come up with some bits to do on the show,
Speaker 1: and you can never think of anything like that's always
Speaker 1: how weak I am, Like you wanted to come with
Speaker 1: jokes I can come with jokes, but when it's like
Speaker 1: come up with some segments, oh my god, because it's
Speaker 1: just like it's just like terrible, like low budget game
Speaker 1: shows in ninety seconds or less right. And I hated
Speaker 1: packets because it was always for like an older white
Speaker 1: woman or man, and like my manage would read these
Speaker 1: packets for like Conan and Jimmy came out and then
Speaker 1: she's just like at the end of every sentence, I hear,
Speaker 1: hey girl, Hey, so you can't. You just gotta write
Speaker 1: for yourself. But I love me a catchphrase like I
Speaker 1: don't know if I did this at the n y
Speaker 1: U show, but I used to do this from the
Speaker 1: waist down fucking shit at colleges where I'm just like
Speaker 1: from waist down, I don't remember that, but I do,
Speaker 1: But you do say that's your Journey's podcast I have
Speaker 1: for like three episodes, and I was like fun talking
Speaker 1: to people, it's your journey boo, and like from the
Speaker 1: waist down, I was like say it like when you
Speaker 1: get like a fortune cookie. Yeah, you know what. Here's
Speaker 1: the thing about catchphrases and people should on them all
Speaker 1: the time is like cheap and hacky, but like they
Speaker 1: really do provide a framework for comedic thoughts and like, yes,
Speaker 1: people who, people who did. I don't think so many
Speaker 1: shows like who were not stand ups, like it just
Speaker 1: like brought something out of them, Like it gave them
Speaker 1: like a nice strong starting POV. Yeah, and it's a
Speaker 1: it's a license totally. And you. I think Michelle specifically
Speaker 1: was an exemplary. I don't think so many because she
Speaker 1: actually follow the rule of just repeat. I don't think
Speaker 1: so many as many times as possible. Every single sentence
Speaker 1: Michelle said started out, Oh, I didn't even know that
Speaker 1: was one of the rules, but I knew you would.
Speaker 1: I just like I felt the spirit you you embodied.
Speaker 1: I don't think so many that's why. But you asked
Speaker 1: the first action was lost. I had this coworker who
Speaker 1: went and she was like, I hate this puss too,
Speaker 1: but I agreed with I kind of agree. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm wrong. I never until you're I
Speaker 1: don't think I just did it. And you want to
Speaker 1: know what it is? It was Bieber that was driving
Speaker 1: me away. Okay, there's an original version, but like, just
Speaker 1: take Bieber out of the equations. He's not even like
Speaker 1: really speaking English. Do you think that Bieber is sexy? No? Um, no,
Speaker 1: that yeah, and that's it. No, I want to like
Speaker 1: I see the sex, but no, like I feel like
Speaker 1: I see right through him and I like knows game however,
Speaker 1: and even though I had an abortion, like the year
Speaker 1: he was born, probably be my kid, But no, he
Speaker 1: is not sexy. He's like, but there's blazing insecurity with
Speaker 1: a bunch of talent and dick and um, that's just
Speaker 1: not my type. Totally. Yeah. I feel like people are
Speaker 1: tricked into thinking he's sexy because they oil that bitch
Speaker 1: up and those You could have a water slide with
Speaker 1: no water and he would shoot down it. He is
Speaker 1: oiled up at all times. I like he is loose.
Speaker 1: I think he did this song because he's like trying
Speaker 1: to get back at Selena because he's like, oh you
Speaker 1: you think you run the Spanish game with the fucking millennials. No,
Speaker 1: here we go. And then like, yeah, she's got she's
Speaker 1: got like more followers than I think any Kardashian or
Speaker 1: j Low, Like she's got like the Marcus between like
Speaker 1: hispanic right right right, But that's so often because it's
Speaker 1: like Selena gums his music like appeals to all demos,
Speaker 1: but justin Bieber trying to get back at her for
Speaker 1: going in this one specific vertical of the musical genre.
Speaker 1: Is like so, but like I feel like they're always
Speaker 1: music trying to get back at each other. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: crazy because no, you're right because his last single, his
Speaker 1: most recent single that came out like last week, it's
Speaker 1: called Friends, and it's actually really good. His music is good.
Speaker 1: Don't don't apologize, he's actually good. He pays a lot
Speaker 1: of instruments. He's a dick, but like they're all as
Speaker 1: long as he's not running like a sex cult at
Speaker 1: his house and like peeing on like fifteen year old girls.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, he's a dick. He doesn't want
Speaker 1: to take a selfie, but all right does that? Taylor?
Speaker 1: Who do you stand for though? Is there a popular
Speaker 1: artist that you fully kid? Yeah? Gaga, fuck, I just
Speaker 1: like old people that's like Lionel Sure, yeah Maria No,
Speaker 1: I can't stand or sit for that. Yeah, But is
Speaker 1: that because of what she's become or what she was? Could?
Speaker 1: Were you never down from Maria? But you see your
Speaker 1: in concert. I always loved her music, but I always
Speaker 1: felt like she's a girl I would never get along with.
Speaker 1: She makes you feel shitty for not wearing heels. That's
Speaker 1: how I feel. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: She's like, are you gonna eat that bread? Doling? It's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but Doling, it's so annoying. I don't even know, you
Speaker 1: know what. I really love Cia. Yes, he's fucking great.
Speaker 1: She's looking cool and I like see him Rihanna together,
Speaker 1: and I like Rihanna as well. I feel like that
Speaker 1: bit just got a story. And um, I feel like
Speaker 1: she does the most by doing the least. And I
Speaker 1: love that she can't blink. Yeah, she I love her
Speaker 1: because now I feel like the bitch is always high. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I truly think she gives zero fox, and that to
Speaker 1: me is a quality that I admire. But she also
Speaker 1: gives the right fox for the right things, like the
Speaker 1: mat ball. She always follows the assignment. She's a good student.
Speaker 1: She's a good student when she needs to be, when
Speaker 1: it counts. Yes, yeah, I think she's a lot smarter
Speaker 1: than people give her too, because then you're like, you know,
Speaker 1: you always know what people are going to do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, You're never surprised, never surprised
Speaker 1: because they think she's dumb. They think she's a dumb blonde. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but she's not. She's That's that's the thing about Like,
Speaker 1: I think I've said this before, but whenever anyone's like, oh,
Speaker 1: Beyonce doesn't write her ship, Rihanna doesn't write her ship,
Speaker 1: I'm like, why are you saying that? Do you think
Speaker 1: she's stupid? No? I was like no, no, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, do you think she's stupid? Okay, why? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Ask yourself? Is this definitely not racial? Because it probably is.
Speaker 1: Like I think there's a lot of is this long Island?
Speaker 1: Who is this? I'm just saying, like there's people out
Speaker 1: there that are like, yeah, there's no way that Beyonce
Speaker 1: or Rihanna are involved in what they do creatively at all.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, why are you saying that? It's like why,
Speaker 1: why are why is it not possible that they are.
Speaker 1: It's also like Katie Perry cant can barely make it
Speaker 1: through a fucking interview too. It's like she skips every
Speaker 1: other syllable all the time, and it's like, you're not
Speaker 1: putting that on her. It's just it's an interesting double standard.
Speaker 1: It's like it's it's that's a kernel. It is because
Speaker 1: if you're too like Olivia Pope, they're like, she thinks
Speaker 1: she's boogie. But if you're like on a high on
Speaker 1: a boat, they're like, yeah, totally so tough for us.
Speaker 1: I keep touching your knees. Okay, now I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: Michelle touched each other. Your co stars get like some
Speaker 1: hand sanitizer outside in the bathroom. Would never forget. You
Speaker 1: can't have a bowl on your knees. Girl, what you
Speaker 1: mean piste all over my knee? I'm kidding, well, I
Speaker 1: love that you speaking of pissing. Um. So, Nicole Buyer
Speaker 1: had this great fucking quote at Lady Gaga because we
Speaker 1: had really good seats on the floor and she's like,
Speaker 1: why are they punishing us for having money? Because we
Speaker 1: had to go like a very long way to get
Speaker 1: in the bullpen and then it was just porter potties.
Speaker 1: We're in the bullpen. Yeah, we were just we had
Speaker 1: flour seats, but you had to go through the bullpen
Speaker 1: entrance and like all the four did you guys see
Speaker 1: you the other night? Yeah? With you? You have a
Speaker 1: nice weather night. I was a nice weather night. So
Speaker 1: that was you. Francesca Sesha, Nicole and and oh my god,
Speaker 1: such a that's a dream group. It was really fun
Speaker 1: you smoking weed on the floor. Um. I had a
Speaker 1: little mushroom tea and then I had a little hashpen ye.
Speaker 1: I wish I had gone to this. It was hard
Speaker 1: to smoke though, because the eight year old was next
Speaker 1: to me really trying to blow in her face. Stop
Speaker 1: little bit good for eight year olds going to gaga.
Speaker 1: You know what, I don't get people that try to
Speaker 1: get their dogs high. Your dogor sup wants a tree.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be your Doleso doesn't know what
Speaker 1: the going on. Your dog wants to get high, it'd
Speaker 1: be begging you for some weeks. Yeah, you can't do
Speaker 1: that to your dog. And also have you ever seen
Speaker 1: the videos of the babies. This is crazy, but there's
Speaker 1: a video one time I saw of a baby that
Speaker 1: had a nicotine addiction. Oh yeah, from like the Philippines
Speaker 1: and the baby was smoking the cigar like a We
Speaker 1: had to write jokes about that fat baby on Best
Speaker 1: Week Ever. I did the research that was it's really
Speaker 1: scared me and cried when you try to like get
Speaker 1: a cigarettes, Yeah, that was crazy. The baby like had
Speaker 1: the whole. It was so lived. Oh yeah, it's a
Speaker 1: very lived in snow. Best week ever when was that?
Speaker 1: It was? Well, it was like two five at first,
Speaker 1: and then it came back for like twelve thirteen. Were
Speaker 1: you there with Michelle Collins? Yeah? Yeah, okay, so you
Speaker 1: know every do you know Brian Foss and Josh l
Speaker 1: Brian actually wrote my segment Panties off for me, Panties on,
Speaker 1: Panties off. N He's the best. He is the best,
Speaker 1: He's the most he's the most boyish daddy. I haven't
Speaker 1: seen himbout. I love him. I saw him a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago. When I think of him, I think
Speaker 1: a bow tie. I don't know why. I don't think
Speaker 1: he's ever worn a boat tipe, but I think a
Speaker 1: bow tie. But he's a bois guy. Yes, he's very
Speaker 1: He's Bradley Cooper and Wedding Crashers, Oh my god. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but nice but nice. I actually think the Bradley Cooper
Speaker 1: was has never been hotter than he was in Wedding Crashers. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Did you see him as a hell of phant man? Oh? Dick,
Speaker 1: he had his dick out? Well no, but I could
Speaker 1: see through this pants. I haven't seen any good male
Speaker 1: celebs naked live on Broadway Live like Daniel Rodd. I
Speaker 1: didn't even see eques. I didn't even see the Daniel
Speaker 1: recof Dick. Like you were looking for it, I went, okay,
Speaker 1: I was like it was hiding. Yeah, I need to
Speaker 1: I need to stick this out a little bit more.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you one time I saw Crisp Pine
Speaker 1: in person, and I couldn't stop looking at him. I
Speaker 1: saw him too at Freeman's. He's crazy hot, he is
Speaker 1: very attractive, but he also just screams patriarchy. So I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: he's very American psycho. I'm gonna get my way no
Speaker 1: matter what, not that it's his own fault. I'm sure
Speaker 1: he's like woken, wonderful. But yeah, but him Zack, yes, no,
Speaker 1: thank you. Also, he's too ripped for me now, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's too drapped up. Um, okay, let's move on to
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. Let's do I don't think
Speaker 1: so honey. Great, it's time now I don't think so honey,
Speaker 1: which I guess. Um as of tomorrow. If you're listening today, um,
Speaker 1: you can listen to on our own channel NOM as
Speaker 1: of next week next Wednesday, we're releasing yea all right,
Speaker 1: so soon you can listen to our own channel. I
Speaker 1: feel like it's been two weeks though three Um anyway,
Speaker 1: um anyway, yeah, soon you can listen to it. You
Speaker 1: can also listen to it unspoke anytime. I don't think
Speaker 1: so honey live Michelle but absolutely slays it. Lots of
Speaker 1: other comics are on there, killing, killing, killing, killing, killing,
Speaker 1: and it's such a fun show. We hope, we hope
Speaker 1: to have another one very soon. You guys, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be really fun. But with a twist lemonar line, Um,
Speaker 1: an orange twist, can you imagine just dip the whole
Speaker 1: thing in. I wouldn't mind. I don't even orange twists anyway. Um, So, okay, this,
Speaker 1: I don't think the money. This is our a minute
Speaker 1: to wear rail against something in culture or life which
Speaker 1: is just killing us and getting at us. And uh
Speaker 1: sometimes it stumps us. But I have a good one. Okay,
Speaker 1: you go first. Okay, all right, so you're gonna set
Speaker 1: me up, bitch, This is Matt Rodgers is I don't
Speaker 1: think so honey. Time starts now, I don't think so honey,
Speaker 1: orange juice, bitch, you are poison. You are chock full
Speaker 1: of sugar. And guess what if they try to tell you, bitch,
Speaker 1: that you should be drinking orange juice to flush out
Speaker 1: your system and get you well, guess what. You better
Speaker 1: hope that party of viral diseases and canker sores because
Speaker 1: vitamin C and citrus acid is bad for your mouth
Speaker 1: and yours will come roaring to life. Guess what orange juice,
Speaker 1: especially y'all with pope. You think that you are natural,
Speaker 1: You think that you think that you can offer it
Speaker 1: to children. You're killing the kids because guess what those
Speaker 1: kids will be drinking water or milk. Yes, I said
Speaker 1: milk as an adult. Don't drink the milk. You don't
Speaker 1: need it as a kid. Get your bones strong, but
Speaker 1: don't drink juice. Jewish is poison. I learned it from
Speaker 1: Henry Koperski. Also, he wants me to tell everyone that
Speaker 1: he thought Taylor Starbage well for everyone else, he hasn't
Speaker 1: listening to her for five, six, seven years, But he
Speaker 1: also hasn't been drinking orange shoes. And that's the point
Speaker 1: of this. I don't think so, honey, Honey, I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna drink orange juice again. It made me sick. Orange juice,
Speaker 1: you are the cause of my melody. That's one minute
Speaker 1: testifying orangeice, feeling bad about it. There's never been a
Speaker 1: good o j that the juice is loosen. The juice
Speaker 1: is loose, juice needs to be locked out of both
Speaker 1: all kinds of the juice. I'll get next. I have
Speaker 1: a similar one. Wow, And you know this is ing yangs.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honny. Time starts now. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Fucking lozenges my throat has been I'm
Speaker 1: sorry this is a slow one because I just that's
Speaker 1: where my brain is that I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Loss and just because look, you barely make my throat
Speaker 1: feel better, and the numbing ones like what am I
Speaker 1: the fucking dentist's office. You're gonna know my whole mouth? No,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. I have food, eat, and
Speaker 1: I want to feel the texture and the mouth feel
Speaker 1: in my fucking mouth, against my cheek, against my molders.
Speaker 1: It's an it's it's it's a it's a sensory delight,
Speaker 1: and you're taking that away from me, and honey, I
Speaker 1: don't I don't think so, honey. Lozengees hauls a fucking
Speaker 1: pep talk on every rapper. Bullshit, it's all platitudes I've
Speaker 1: heard from the fucking secret or something. Just get hire
Speaker 1: new writers, staff writers, get w g A on it.
Speaker 1: I want actual, original pep talks from you on your rappers.
Speaker 1: I don't like these fucking cuiche generic. Second, I don't
Speaker 1: think so many sephical number one doctor recommended, No Number
Speaker 1: one me loathed. That's one minute. I'm sorry that I
Speaker 1: want to tell everyone something at home. You have to
Speaker 1: stand up out of your chair right now wherever you
Speaker 1: are listening, and you have to give boning around because
Speaker 1: that was really hard for you, because I saw you
Speaker 1: startling the whole time, trying to breathe, you drag you
Speaker 1: ask out of bed today to come here, and I
Speaker 1: have what you had, and I know that it's really bad.
Speaker 1: Don't don't lionize me. Okay, well, thank you, Okay, fine, bitch,
Speaker 1: you suck that sucked there you go? Alright, So now
Speaker 1: and imagine establishing a legacy, yes, like like Michelle did
Speaker 1: with her I don't think so, honey. And now it's online.
Speaker 1: This is a game with someone's bitch. Every episode counts
Speaker 1: everything serves you the next alright, so this is Michelle,
Speaker 1: but's I don't think so, honey, and time starts now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, motherfucker. If you want to
Speaker 1: bite to my house and don't bring something, bitch, you
Speaker 1: don't need to be at ghetto Martha Steward to understand
Speaker 1: fucking life works, motherfucker. I don't think so, honey. If
Speaker 1: you think I'm gonna be like Voila, David's in the help,
Speaker 1: just trying to serve you and ship, I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to serve you, honey. Are you going to my fruit
Speaker 1: basket acting like that's the food I cooked for your ass?
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. That ship is from whole
Speaker 1: foods made by a prisoner in the Bronx, and I
Speaker 1: paid extra money for that banana. Motherfucker put it down.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. If you're trying to get
Speaker 1: all my laquix, meanwhile, somebody else brought rose drink the
Speaker 1: rose bitch. Now you want to make a fucking sprintzer
Speaker 1: with Mala, I don't think so, honey. You got me
Speaker 1: acting like a fucking fool, hide on cases of under
Speaker 1: my couch like a crazy person because I'm trying to
Speaker 1: hide ship from my friends. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: if you ain't bringing ship to my house, because this
Speaker 1: is how you make a bit and unfriended bitch on Facebook. Lak,
Speaker 1: that's your drag name. Actually it's dick Lexia and I'm dyslexic.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Oh my god, my drag name is Lacrosse.
Speaker 1: That is I can't believe Davis. That was really good.
Speaker 1: That was amazing and it might even I don't know
Speaker 1: if it tops. That's puss though, it's up there. It's
Speaker 1: up there. You're a legendary. Thank you, and this has
Speaker 1: been a really wonderful episode of Los Colatrisa's and everyone's
Speaker 1: going to gag and I thank you so much for
Speaker 1: coming out of here so much. No, you're the best,
Speaker 1: and he loves you for years, and we'll love you
Speaker 1: till I die. I'll love this bit until my dieing day.
Speaker 1: That is something true. That is something true that when
Speaker 1: I'm laying down in my grave, you will look down
Speaker 1: at me and I'm not sure it will say Michelle,
Speaker 1: where in the water. My name is um Thomas Blunt.
Speaker 1: My name is Greg Flirk. Just kidding. Both our names
Speaker 1: are Emma and that's Michelle bo iconic God listen, I
Speaker 1: think it's bouto and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: What is it for? Everyone? For definition? The Facebook friend her,
Speaker 1: she's asking for it on a mascow Thanks deal. See
Speaker 1: what white can. This has been a Forever Dog production
Speaker 1: executive produced by Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsay, and Brett Bom.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Productions dot com.
Speaker 1: Do