WEBVTT - Finding Your TRUE Self Relationship 0:00:02.400 --> 0:00:06.480 Iami Yamla. I had a baby daddy relationship. I spent 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:09.480 time in a relationship with a married man. I had 0:00:09.520 --> 0:00:13.520 to learn the skills and tools required to make my 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:18.759 relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the Rspot, a 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:35.800 production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. I am 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:39.559 a Yamla, your host, God facilitator, and today we are 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:45.200 talking about your relationship with yourself. What is your relationship 0:00:45.360 --> 0:00:48.360 like with yourself? Is it good? Are you growing in? 0:00:48.479 --> 0:00:49.360 Are you learning it? 0:00:50.159 --> 0:00:50.559 Hmmm? 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:58.120 Whatever it is we are holding, thinking, believing, feeling about 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:02.560 who we are is going to show up in every 0:01:02.720 --> 0:01:06.200 single area of our life. And it doesn't matter whether 0:01:06.360 --> 0:01:08.880 it's good or not so good. I mean, if you 0:01:08.920 --> 0:01:12.520 look around the world today, you see people doing not 0:01:12.720 --> 0:01:15.880 so good things and getting away with it. And it's 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:19.800 not because there's some special power in the not so good. 0:01:19.959 --> 0:01:24.479 It's because they believe what they're saying, they believe what 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:31.440 they're thinking, and therefore their relationship with themselves, although dysfunctional 0:01:31.480 --> 0:01:36.560 as hell, it's working because they don't doubt themselves, they 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:41.039 don't discourage themselves, they don't abandon themselves. I mean, I 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:44.120 could go on and on and on. So before we 0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:49.200 have one more conversation about a husband or a girlfriend, 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:52.000 or a mother or a mother in law, I want 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:57.480 us to look at, explore, examine, investigate whether or not 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:03.400 we are current in the relationship we're having with ourselves. Now, 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:05.920 what do I mean by that? What do you mean current? 0:02:06.760 --> 0:02:10.240 I mean do you deal with yourself as who you 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:15.960 are today? Or are you still handling, holding, thinking of 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:21.120 believing about yourself things that are no longer true? And 0:02:21.320 --> 0:02:22.960 you know how I find this? I find this in 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:26.960 the way people describe themselves. You know, I was a 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:30.960 teenage mother, or I grew up in a foster home, 0:02:31.360 --> 0:02:36.000 or I never had parents to guide me. And what 0:02:36.080 --> 0:02:38.119 does that have to do with who you are today? 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:43.160 Do you look at the strengths and the victories that 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:47.840 you gain from those experiences and bring them into your 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:55.239 current your current experiences as guideposts, as standards, as values. 0:02:56.080 --> 0:03:01.120 Are you current in your relationship with yourself? Or are 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:05.680 you still handling yourself based on who you used to be? 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:10.920 Oh a ah, listen, I live that one. I was 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:15.360 still seeing myself as an ugly little girl that nobody wanted. 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:20.760 So three divorces later, I forget I needed to clean 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:25.680 that up. Are you current in your relationship with yourself? 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:29.120 Do you have a relationship with yourself? You gotta be 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:31.120 aware of that. You gotta be aware of what you 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:33.960 do and how you do it, and well why you 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:36.720 do it, and what you're expecting as a result of 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:41.800 what you do. So self awareness. You got that, self awareness, 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:46.880 self respect, self value, self worth, and finally self love. 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:52.119 You gotta love yourself in your ugliest moments, in your 0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:56.680 weakest moments, in your craziest moments. You gotta love yourself 0:03:56.760 --> 0:04:01.280 beyond what you do. Standing naked in the mirror with 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:05.840 your stinky breath, you gotta say, baby, I just love you. 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:10.960 Oh you are you? Just float my boat? Honey? That's 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:15.360 Those are the five pillers of a good relationship with 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:20.080 yourself and growing that and building that and holding onto that. 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:22.200 That's what you want to do. And we are so 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:27.560 externally referenced in today's world. We're looking at the what 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:32.200 I call the bmmes, the body, the mind, the emotion. 0:04:32.640 --> 0:04:36.039 We get stuck there and we don't really go into 0:04:36.200 --> 0:04:39.760 the divinity, the oneness, the truth of who we are 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:46.120 from the inside out. If you want to deepen, grow, expand, 0:04:47.080 --> 0:04:53.640 strengthen your relationship with yourself, begin within. I had to 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:56.880 have a conversation with myself yesterday. I got on my 0:04:56.960 --> 0:05:01.280 own nerves, and you get on your own nerves because 0:05:01.320 --> 0:05:04.159 you're acting so foolish. Okay. I had to have a 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:07.039 good old conversation with myself because I have a good 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:10.120 relationship with me. I don't always listen to me, but 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:13.120 I do have a good relationship with me, and so 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:15.840 I had to take myself in hand. I had to 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:18.480 go to the mirror slack the person that showed up 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:25.720 because I was just being ridiculous, ridiculous, Okay, not even ridiculous, ridiculous. 0:05:25.960 --> 0:05:29.120 I was just out of the box yesterday. But you know, 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:32.760 give yourself permission to have a bad day. Give yourself 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:35.919 permission to have a bad day, and know that you 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:39.960 can recover. All right, you can recover. I was stuck 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:44.440 in traffic, having an absolute hissy fit and just being 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:48.680 crazy with myself. Couldn't move on cars, I couldn't do nothing. 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:53.200 I was traumatized, and the ant got mad at me 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:56.200 for being traumatized. So you got to tell the truth 0:05:56.240 --> 0:06:00.640 to yourself about yourself and love yourself anyway. Okay, listen 0:06:00.680 --> 0:06:06.679 out greetings, be loving and welcome to the art spot. Listen, 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:09.520 we having a good conversation today. We're talking about the 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:14.039 relationship with yourself. How are you loving you? You know 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:19.479 that song, and I wonder who loving you? Are you 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:23.120 loving yourself today? Beloved? Excuse my singing, I have. 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:24.920 Not been loving on myself at all. 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:29.880 Well, what do you tell yourself is more important than 0:06:29.960 --> 0:06:30.800 loving on you? 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:33.440 Making sure everyone else feels loved? 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:37.280 Yeah, that's a classic story. 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:40.800 So what's the what's the what's the thought or the 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:46.120 belief that makes you or motivates you to make everyone 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:52.080 else more important than you in your life? What's the story? 0:06:52.440 --> 0:06:56.240 The belief is that this is how kind of ensure 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:57.440 that I won't be alone? 0:06:58.240 --> 0:06:59.160 Oh? 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:00.799 What's so bad about being alone? 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:01.120 Too? 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:04.920 What is so canid about being alone with you? 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:09.880 It's a scary, it's a scary feeling. I was left 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:15.920 alone a lot when I was little. Ah, and it's scary. 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:21.120 It feels it's too quiet, empty. Yeah, I don't know. 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:25.080 So let me ask you a question. What does you 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:28.840 being left alone as a little person have to do 0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:34.560 with who you are today? I guess Oh you think 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:41.120 did you just being alone? Did you survive being alone 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:43.800 by your when you were little. Did you survive that? 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:47.640 I did? Did you learn how to entertain yourself? 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:50.040 Yeah? Here I did. 0:07:50.560 --> 0:07:53.800 Did you learn how to keep yourself busy? 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:54.240 Yeah? 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:58.440 Okay, So how can that help you today in your 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:03.240 own life? Because it's it's yes, you had that experience, 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:07.720 but that's not current events. What are the current events 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:11.280 in your life where you can use what you learned 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:13.720 being alone to benefit you? 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:18.360 And I guess like I could take that and make, 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:21.320 you know, make moose for myself honesty. Maybe I could 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:24.800 use it and motivate myself more to do more in 0:08:24.840 --> 0:08:27.480 life that I actually want to do it. I feel 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.120 like it's so it seems hard because it feels like 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:32.480 it's easier to focus on everyone else. 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:36.840 Well here's here's that. That's a self respect issue. That's 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:41.240 self respect and you have to know that you are 0:08:41.440 --> 0:08:48.240 worthy of your own time, energy, attention, and resources. That's 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:54.000 what being alone as you're as a child, because see 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:58.960 that's a function of neglect. Leaving a child alone is 0:08:59.000 --> 0:09:06.719 a function of neglect. So you've grown up to neglect yourself. 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:13.280 Would that be accurate because you're not functioning with current events, 0:09:14.679 --> 0:09:21.280 so you neglect your needs you neglect your your time, 0:09:21.840 --> 0:09:26.160 your energy, your resources because you're looking at being alone 0:09:26.200 --> 0:09:30.760 as a child as a backing, a scary thing, as 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:34.080 opposed to what it taught you that you can use 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:38.320 to strengthen your relationship with yourself. How about this, Hey, 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:40.720 I spent a lot of time with me and I 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:43.079 ain't so bad. How about that? 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:48.440 Yeah I'm not. 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:55.480 I'm okay In building a relationship with yourself. You want 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:59.920 to take what you've experienced and turn it to your bet, 0:10:01.360 --> 0:10:05.200 not to your detriment and staying stuck in it was scary. 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:09.720 I was neglected, I was alone. That's not going to 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:10.480 your benefit. 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:14.200 I never looked at it that way. All I've just 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:17.440 let myself be so sad and so angry about being 0:10:17.840 --> 0:10:22.119 neglected and left alone, and then scared of being left alone, 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:25.280 left alone in my marriage, left by my children, let's right, 0:10:26.080 --> 0:10:31.000 people at work. Yeah, I've never looked at it that way. 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:35.400 So when when we are neglected as children, you know, 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:40.360 as children we learn by what we experience. That's that's 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:46.240 how we learn. So when we're neglected, or when we're alone, 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:50.319 or when we're overlooked, when we're not heard, we don't 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:53.800 really get a good reflection of who we are. So 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:56.319 we struggle to see who we are. 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:57.520 We struggle. 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:00.320 We don't see our strengths, we don't see our good 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:03.760 points because that's not what was reflected back to us. 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:07.200 And then we do what was done. But to come 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:10.440 current with who you are now, think of it this way, 0:11:10.440 --> 0:11:14.440 belove it. You took care of yourself. You didn't hurt yourself, 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:16.480 You didn't jump out the window, you didn't burn the 0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:18.360 house death. Did you do any of them things? Did 0:11:18.360 --> 0:11:19.360 you burn the house down? 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:19.520 Up? 0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:22.719 Oh? 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:23.120 So? 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:25.040 Yeah? 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:27.920 As opposed to looking at how deep and dark and 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:32.040 scary it was, how about how look at how resourceful 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:35.680 I am. I was resourceful. I spent a lot of 0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:38.480 time alone as a kid. I didn't burn the house down, 0:11:38.880 --> 0:11:43.880 and I learned how to be with myself as opposed 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:49.160 to buy myself. And I wasn't so bad. I got 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:53.200 it done. Can you see God about yourself? Can you 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:56.720 see that you're not so bad and that you manage 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:58.800 the situation well as a little person? 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:00.400 See that? 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:03.240 So how can that help you today? 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:07.400 It helped me to definitely have a different outlook on 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:13.960 being with myself and putting myself first. Uh, maybe learning 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:20.000 how to give myself more more grace and instead of 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:23.120 or not maybe even myself, maybe just giving others more 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:25.839 grief that the folks who left me alone. I guess 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:26.520 I should say. 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:32.320 Forget them and get them, forget them, forget, forgive them. 0:12:32.520 --> 0:12:36.960 I'm saying forget, forget, forgive and forget, forget what they did, 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:40.760 and forget so that you can come current to today. 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.520 Everything like you're saying and makes absolute things. I just 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:46.240 I don't think I know where to started. 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:55.439 We'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome back 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:58.120 to the R spot. Let's pick up where we left off. 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:02.800 I'm still you know, every time I get a you know, 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:05.400 a call, or every time I'm called on, it's like 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:08.040 I have to be there because I don't want to 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:10.760 be my mom. I don't want to be like. I 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:12.720 don't want my children to say my mom wasn't there 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:15.480 for me when I called her, you know, even if 0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:19.720 I don't have the capacity to help force myself too, 0:13:19.840 --> 0:13:21.680 because I don't want to be that mom. 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:24.680 But do you understand that you are being that mom 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:30.440 to yourself. You're abandoning yourself, You're neglecting yourself when you 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:33.480 do things that you don't have the capacity to do 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:36.520 or the desire to do. How old are your children? 0:13:37.120 --> 0:13:38.880 I have an eight year old and a twenty two 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:39.280 year old. 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:43.280 Okay, so the twenty two year old, Oh well the 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:45.880 eight year old. Yeah, you know, they're very demanding. 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:53.079 I feel like I'm neglecting myself. I whenever I do 0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:58.360 something against kind of my own better judgment, it's a 0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:02.000 little worse in my head and saying doing it again, doing. 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:04.680 It again, and what are you willing to do about it? 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:07.600 I want to stop. I want to change it. I 0:14:07.640 --> 0:14:10.199 want to put a better practice in place, because then 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:12.480 I'm I'm tired. I'm so tired. 0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:16.040 But you have to know that you're worth it. And 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:18.960 if you give all of your time, energy, attention and 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:24.520 resources to other people, they will begin to feel entitled 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:28.040 to it, and particularly children. Children feel like they are 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:32.120 entitled to your life, so they will enjoy your life. 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:37.560 You ain't enjoying it. I have my great grandson. He's 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:40.680 six years old. So we sit down to eat dinner 0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:46.040 together and then he'll want something, and I found myself 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:48.200 I'd get up and not and go get it. And 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.680 then a couple of months ago, I said, I'll get 0:14:50.720 --> 0:14:54.720 it after I finish eating, but I need to well 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:57.760 get it or you wait, You sit there, eat your dinner, 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:01.280 but you want me to disrupt my dinner to go 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:05.480 get you something that you need to want. No, you 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:08.160 can have it after I'm done, because he can't enjoy 0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:13.400 my dinner more than I do. Yeah, it starts with 0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:18.440 simple little things like that, but it means recognizing. It's 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:22.840 self awareness. You got to be aware of little things 0:15:22.840 --> 0:15:27.800 that you do that are neglectful, that are abusive, that 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:32.200 are disrespectful to you, and then you make little changes. 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:36.200 You have to make a commitment to yourself to do 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:39.560 it as soon as you become aware of it. Stop 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:43.760 putting yourself on hold. Do you know what that kind 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:48.240 of behavior is called? What you're doing waiting for people 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:51.800 to accept you and acknowledge you and see you and 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:53.720 treat you the way you want to be treated. Do 0:15:53.760 --> 0:16:00.520 you know what that's called. It's called codependency for other 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:04.440 people to accept you. Have you accepted you fully? No? 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:08.360 Oh, I don't fully know. I don't feel like I 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.000 fully know who I am. If you know, people ask 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:15.120 you what do you like to do? And who are you? 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:22.640 And I find that I reach for parts of my 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:26.800 life where people have congratulated me. You're giving me accolades, 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:29.040 and I say, oh, that's what I like to do. Well, 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:32.880 that's who I am, instead of I don't really know 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:33.960 how to answer that question. 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:39.479 You know, Yeah, that's a powerful awareness. That's a powerful 0:16:39.520 --> 0:16:42.800 awareness that I don't really know who I am. I 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:45.480 don't really know what I like. I don't really know 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:49.320 what floats my boat. So in developing a better relationship 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:53.840 with yourself, self awareness, self acceptance, that's the where you start. 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:56.400 What are you good at? 0:16:56.760 --> 0:16:57.920 What are you not good at? 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:01.120 See, I'm good at a lot of I'm not good 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:07.479 at singing. I am not good at singing, But I 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:10.400 know that. Now does that stop me from singing? Oh? 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:13.879 Hell to the no. And it don't matter to me 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:17.280 that my singing sounds bad to other people. I just 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:19.640 try not to do because I don't want to assault 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:26.280 people's earlobes. But at least I know that I'm bad 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:30.240 at singing. So that's the thing, beloved, you know, getting 0:17:30.280 --> 0:17:32.879 to know yourself. Getting to record. Okay, Now, why am 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.359 I doing that? Why am I getting up from my 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:37.639 dinner to go get a six year old to catch it? 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:44.479 Why am I doing this? I want to encourage you 0:17:44.920 --> 0:17:47.320 to look at the things that you're doing with your 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:52.600 children with other people and as opposed to reflecting back on. 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:55.439 I got to do this so I'm not alone. I 0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:57.840 know how to be alone. If they get upset with 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:00.720 the eight year old, ain't going nowhere. You got another 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:06.480 ten years with him or her the twenty two year old. 0:18:07.400 --> 0:18:10.040 Give them permission to do it for themselves so that 0:18:10.119 --> 0:18:11.640 they don't repeat your pattern. 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:16.080 I need to. I need to let go and get 0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:18.199 more of me, give more to me. 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:22.639 Well, as a mom, you're not gonna let go, but 0:18:22.720 --> 0:18:26.919 you can shift. You're not gonna let go, but you 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:30.480 can shift. And don't just shift, you know, out of 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:34.120 the clear blue, because you've trained the people in your 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:38.200 life how to treat you and what to expect. Shift 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:42.240 with an explanation. You know, you know what. I'm not 0:18:42.359 --> 0:18:45.040 doing that anymore. I used to do it and resent 0:18:45.119 --> 0:18:49.320 myself for doing it. So I'm not doing that anymore. Now. 0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:52.000 This is what I can do, but that I'm not 0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:56.880 doing that. Shift with an explanation. That's how you take 0:18:56.920 --> 0:19:01.040 care of yourself and teach yourself. I can't stand up 0:19:01.080 --> 0:19:07.040 for me. I am worthy of my own time, energy, resources, 0:19:07.280 --> 0:19:12.920 and I can use my voice to take care of myself. Well, 0:19:12.960 --> 0:19:14.400 you don't sound pressed. 0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:25.639 I know it's I'll admit I'm quite stubborn or I 0:19:25.680 --> 0:19:27.440 don't know that's the right thing you even say. 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:31.440 But you're not stubborn. You're addicted to suffering because as 0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:34.959 a little person home by yourself, there was nothing you 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:38.000 could do about it, and you suffered being alone, you 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:42.720 suffered being afraid, you suffered being ignored, just suffered being neglected, 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:46.760 you suffered being abused, and you became addicted. So now 0:19:46.800 --> 0:19:50.480 you're addicted to suffering. So even when something comes in 0:19:51.080 --> 0:19:53.680 to tell you this is how you can end just suffering, 0:19:54.440 --> 0:19:57.480 you're going to go right back into the addiction at home. 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:01.639 Yeah, feels like an addiction. 0:20:02.359 --> 0:20:02.719 It is. 0:20:03.200 --> 0:20:05.960 I don't want it no more, but I can't. Yeah, 0:20:06.080 --> 0:20:08.480 I can't get away from me. 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:13.200 You know, I haven't been able to. I haven't been 0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:16.760 in the past. I haven't been able to. Not that 0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:22.679 I can't. You can. And it's about making a conscious choice, 0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:27.399 a conscious choice, little by little, day by day, moment 0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:31.959 by moment. Start here, I am who I am, and 0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:34.320 I'm okay. Do you believe that? 0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:35.920 Yeah? 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:36.480 I do. 0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:42.120 You can choose to heal day by day, day by day, 0:20:43.200 --> 0:20:43.960 day by day. 0:20:44.560 --> 0:20:48.520 Okay, yeah, I want. I want to heal a real 0:20:49.280 --> 0:20:50.240 I do choose. 0:20:49.960 --> 0:20:54.719 It because in building a better relationship with yourself, you 0:20:54.840 --> 0:20:58.480 don't want to take on more than yourself can handle 0:20:58.680 --> 0:21:03.480 in the moment. Right now, let's just eliminate the suffer. Okay, 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:07.800 let's recover from me. They don't even mention healing yet. 0:21:09.119 --> 0:21:12.600 Get until today and let's do you know, because in 0:21:12.680 --> 0:21:16.000 recovery they tell you to take it minute by minute, 0:21:16.640 --> 0:21:21.080 and then hour by hour, then day by day, day 0:21:21.119 --> 0:21:24.520 by day, and then two days at a time, three 0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:29.040 days at a time. You know, they don't say you recover. 0:21:29.160 --> 0:21:32.879 You get a chip for every thirty days in recovery. 0:21:34.240 --> 0:21:37.360 So let's do that. Give yourself a chip. What would 0:21:37.400 --> 0:21:40.160 your chip be if you make it through a day 0:21:41.240 --> 0:21:47.880 where you take one step to eliminate the addiction to suffering, 0:21:48.200 --> 0:21:50.800 or how you contribute to your suffering. What would be 0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:54.760 a chip? A prize that you could give yourself, what 0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:55.320 would it be? 0:21:55.760 --> 0:21:56.760 I like to dance? 0:21:57.880 --> 0:22:00.479 Okay, so could you have three minutes a day sing 0:22:00.640 --> 0:22:02.240 at the end of the day. If you get through 0:22:02.280 --> 0:22:06.680 a day where you take one step towards eliminating your suffering. 0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:08.639 Could you dance? What's your favorite song? 0:22:09.960 --> 0:22:11.200 I want to dance with somebody. 0:22:12.200 --> 0:22:14.720 Let's not do I want to dance with somebody. That's 0:22:14.760 --> 0:22:17.879 the more external validation. With another song? 0:22:17.920 --> 0:22:20.680 Oh god, okay about I. 0:22:20.560 --> 0:22:23.040 Didn't know my own strength? How about that one? Could 0:22:23.040 --> 0:22:23.880 you dance to that? 0:22:25.440 --> 0:22:27.120 Yes? I could? I could dance. 0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:31.639 So you work on that, You work on What is 0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:34.480 the little treat that I can give myself? What is 0:22:34.520 --> 0:22:37.119 the little special I will? 0:22:37.359 --> 0:22:38.119 I will work on that. 0:22:38.880 --> 0:22:43.160 Okay, thank you for calling beloved, and take good care 0:22:43.200 --> 0:22:46.480 of you. Take good care of you because you are 0:22:46.520 --> 0:22:47.680 the best thing you've got. 0:22:49.520 --> 0:22:52.040 Thank you. I will, I will Okay. 0:22:51.840 --> 0:23:01.679 Bye bye. Listen. When we're building a relationship with ourselves, 0:23:01.720 --> 0:23:07.520 the best way again back to self awareness. Become aware 0:23:07.680 --> 0:23:10.600 of the thing that you do that takes you down. 0:23:11.560 --> 0:23:15.080 Make a commitment to do a little bit each day 0:23:15.960 --> 0:23:21.480 to move beyond that behavior or to dismantle that belief. 0:23:22.200 --> 0:23:26.560 And whatever you do in that day, reward yourself for it. 0:23:26.960 --> 0:23:29.639 Reward yourself. I don't care if it's two potato chips 0:23:29.680 --> 0:23:33.399 or three chocolate of an almonds, or a dance or 0:23:33.840 --> 0:23:37.360 a gold star on the calendar. As children, I don't 0:23:37.400 --> 0:23:40.080 know if they still do it. In school, we used 0:23:40.119 --> 0:23:43.640 to get gold stars silver stars, depending upon how soon 0:23:43.680 --> 0:23:46.280 you completed your work and if you got it right, 0:23:46.320 --> 0:23:48.760 and if you give yourself a gold star if you 0:23:48.760 --> 0:23:51.800 don't have resources to spend, or put a dollar in 0:23:51.840 --> 0:23:54.680 a jar, or put the dollar in the savings account 0:23:54.800 --> 0:23:57.880 so that you can buy yourself something from just day 0:23:57.920 --> 0:24:01.880 by day. Becoming aware of what I was doing that 0:24:02.040 --> 0:24:05.440 was not serving my higher and greater goods, we got 0:24:05.440 --> 0:24:11.240 one more caller. Hang on, let's see who it is. Meetings. 0:24:11.240 --> 0:24:13.560 Be loved and welcome to the artist. I thank you 0:24:13.600 --> 0:24:15.920 for your patience. So what is it that you want 0:24:15.960 --> 0:24:16.280 to share? 0:24:16.680 --> 0:24:20.040 I want to share the relationship with myself. First, I 0:24:20.040 --> 0:24:22.280 did some self work about two and a half three 0:24:22.359 --> 0:24:24.440 years ago. I started doing for self work, and I 0:24:24.480 --> 0:24:26.280 thought I had gotten to a point where I was 0:24:26.280 --> 0:24:29.679 in a healthy relationship with myself. And then I asked 0:24:29.680 --> 0:24:32.880 God for a man, and I was very very sopisific 0:24:32.960 --> 0:24:35.520 about what I wanted in him. And God send me 0:24:35.560 --> 0:24:39.000 a man, and I forgot to ask God to have 0:24:39.160 --> 0:24:50.399 him read my mind. And I find myself in this 0:24:50.520 --> 0:24:53.919 relationship with him, and I loved him so dearly and 0:24:53.960 --> 0:24:56.040 I found myself in this relationship with him, and I'm 0:24:56.080 --> 0:25:01.520 not able to articulate always and communicate with him how 0:25:01.600 --> 0:25:04.680 I want to like. I find myself get real nervous 0:25:04.680 --> 0:25:07.240 when I feel like it may be a confrontation or 0:25:08.160 --> 0:25:11.359 it may be something that he doesn't agree with, and 0:25:13.480 --> 0:25:18.320 I get nervous. I shut down, and I don't know 0:25:18.320 --> 0:25:20.280 what you're doing. I've never been in a relationship with 0:25:20.320 --> 0:25:23.439 a man, and I have four children. I've been in 0:25:23.560 --> 0:25:30.119 I've been married, and I'm just funny help for my mama. 0:25:30.720 --> 0:25:34.000 So you have a difficulty asking for what you want? 0:25:34.560 --> 0:25:34.879 Yes? 0:25:35.280 --> 0:25:36.120 And why is that? 0:25:36.440 --> 0:25:39.640