1 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:06,480 Speaker 1: Iami Yamla. I had a baby daddy relationship. I spent 2 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,480 Speaker 1: time in a relationship with a married man. I had 3 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:13,520 Speaker 1: to learn the skills and tools required to make my 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:18,759 Speaker 1: relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the Rspot, a 5 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 1: production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. I am 6 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:39,559 Speaker 1: a Yamla, your host, God facilitator, and today we are 7 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:45,200 Speaker 1: talking about your relationship with yourself. What is your relationship 8 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 1: like with yourself? Is it good? Are you growing in? 9 00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 1: Are you learning it? 10 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:50,559 Speaker 2: Hmmm? 11 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 1: Whatever it is we are holding, thinking, believing, feeling about 12 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:02,560 Speaker 1: who we are is going to show up in every 13 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 1: single area of our life. And it doesn't matter whether 14 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 1: it's good or not so good. I mean, if you 15 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: look around the world today, you see people doing not 16 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 1: so good things and getting away with it. And it's 17 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 1: not because there's some special power in the not so good. 18 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:24,479 Speaker 1: It's because they believe what they're saying, they believe what 19 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: they're thinking, and therefore their relationship with themselves, although dysfunctional 20 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: as hell, it's working because they don't doubt themselves, they 21 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:41,039 Speaker 1: don't discourage themselves, they don't abandon themselves. I mean, I 22 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 1: could go on and on and on. So before we 23 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 1: have one more conversation about a husband or a girlfriend, 24 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,000 Speaker 1: or a mother or a mother in law, I want 25 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 1: us to look at, explore, examine, investigate whether or not 26 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 1: we are current in the relationship we're having with ourselves. Now, 27 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,920 Speaker 1: what do I mean by that? What do you mean current? 28 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,240 Speaker 1: I mean do you deal with yourself as who you 29 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:15,960 Speaker 1: are today? Or are you still handling, holding, thinking of 30 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: believing about yourself things that are no longer true? And 31 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 1: you know how I find this? I find this in 32 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 1: the way people describe themselves. You know, I was a 33 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,960 Speaker 1: teenage mother, or I grew up in a foster home, 34 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 1: or I never had parents to guide me. And what 35 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:38,119 Speaker 1: does that have to do with who you are today? 36 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: Do you look at the strengths and the victories that 37 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 1: you gain from those experiences and bring them into your 38 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:55,239 Speaker 1: current your current experiences as guideposts, as standards, as values. 39 00:02:56,080 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 1: Are you current in your relationship with yourself? Or are 40 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:05,680 Speaker 1: you still handling yourself based on who you used to be? 41 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:10,920 Speaker 1: Oh a ah, listen, I live that one. I was 42 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:15,360 Speaker 1: still seeing myself as an ugly little girl that nobody wanted. 43 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:20,760 Speaker 1: So three divorces later, I forget I needed to clean 44 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 1: that up. Are you current in your relationship with yourself? 45 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 1: Do you have a relationship with yourself? You gotta be 46 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,120 Speaker 1: aware of that. You gotta be aware of what you 47 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 1: do and how you do it, and well why you 48 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 1: do it, and what you're expecting as a result of 49 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:41,800 Speaker 1: what you do. So self awareness. You got that, self awareness, 50 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 1: self respect, self value, self worth, and finally self love. 51 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:52,119 Speaker 1: You gotta love yourself in your ugliest moments, in your 52 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 1: weakest moments, in your craziest moments. You gotta love yourself 53 00:03:56,760 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: beyond what you do. Standing naked in the mirror with 54 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: your stinky breath, you gotta say, baby, I just love you. 55 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 1: Oh you are you? Just float my boat? Honey? That's 56 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: Those are the five pillers of a good relationship with 57 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: yourself and growing that and building that and holding onto that. 58 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 1: That's what you want to do. And we are so 59 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: externally referenced in today's world. We're looking at the what 60 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 1: I call the bmmes, the body, the mind, the emotion. 61 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:36,039 Speaker 1: We get stuck there and we don't really go into 62 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: the divinity, the oneness, the truth of who we are 63 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: from the inside out. If you want to deepen, grow, expand, 64 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 1: strengthen your relationship with yourself, begin within. I had to 65 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,880 Speaker 1: have a conversation with myself yesterday. I got on my 66 00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:01,280 Speaker 1: own nerves, and you get on your own nerves because 67 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,159 Speaker 1: you're acting so foolish. Okay. I had to have a 68 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,039 Speaker 1: good old conversation with myself because I have a good 69 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:10,120 Speaker 1: relationship with me. I don't always listen to me, but 70 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 1: I do have a good relationship with me, and so 71 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,840 Speaker 1: I had to take myself in hand. I had to 72 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,480 Speaker 1: go to the mirror slack the person that showed up 73 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:25,720 Speaker 1: because I was just being ridiculous, ridiculous, Okay, not even ridiculous, ridiculous. 74 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 1: I was just out of the box yesterday. But you know, 75 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 1: give yourself permission to have a bad day. Give yourself 76 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,919 Speaker 1: permission to have a bad day, and know that you 77 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:39,960 Speaker 1: can recover. All right, you can recover. I was stuck 78 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 1: in traffic, having an absolute hissy fit and just being 79 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: crazy with myself. Couldn't move on cars, I couldn't do nothing. 80 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 1: I was traumatized, and the ant got mad at me 81 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 1: for being traumatized. So you got to tell the truth 82 00:05:56,240 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 1: to yourself about yourself and love yourself anyway. Okay, listen 83 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:06,679 Speaker 1: out greetings, be loving and welcome to the art spot. Listen, 84 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 1: we having a good conversation today. We're talking about the 85 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:14,039 Speaker 1: relationship with yourself. How are you loving you? You know 86 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:19,479 Speaker 1: that song, and I wonder who loving you? Are you 87 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 1: loving yourself today? Beloved? Excuse my singing, I have. 88 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 3: Not been loving on myself at all. 89 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: Well, what do you tell yourself is more important than 90 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 1: loving on you? 91 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 3: Making sure everyone else feels loved? 92 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a classic story. 93 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: So what's the what's the what's the thought or the 94 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:46,120 Speaker 1: belief that makes you or motivates you to make everyone 95 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 1: else more important than you in your life? What's the story? 96 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:56,240 Speaker 3: The belief is that this is how kind of ensure 97 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:57,440 Speaker 3: that I won't be alone? 98 00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,160 Speaker 2: Oh? 99 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,799 Speaker 1: What's so bad about being alone? 100 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 4: Too? 101 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,920 Speaker 1: What is so canid about being alone with you? 102 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 3: It's a scary, it's a scary feeling. I was left 103 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 3: alone a lot when I was little. Ah, and it's scary. 104 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 3: It feels it's too quiet, empty. Yeah, I don't know. 105 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 1: So let me ask you a question. What does you 106 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 1: being left alone as a little person have to do 107 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:34,560 Speaker 1: with who you are today? I guess Oh you think 108 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: did you just being alone? Did you survive being alone 109 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 1: by your when you were little. Did you survive that? 110 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: I did? Did you learn how to entertain yourself? 111 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 3: Yeah? Here I did. 112 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,800 Speaker 1: Did you learn how to keep yourself busy? 113 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 4: Yeah? 114 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 1: Okay, So how can that help you today in your 115 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:03,240 Speaker 1: own life? Because it's it's yes, you had that experience, 116 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 1: but that's not current events. What are the current events 117 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 1: in your life where you can use what you learned 118 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: being alone to benefit you? 119 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 3: And I guess like I could take that and make, 120 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 3: you know, make moose for myself honesty. Maybe I could 121 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 3: use it and motivate myself more to do more in 122 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 3: life that I actually want to do it. I feel 123 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 3: like it's so it seems hard because it feels like 124 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 3: it's easier to focus on everyone else. 125 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,840 Speaker 1: Well here's here's that. That's a self respect issue. That's 126 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 1: self respect and you have to know that you are 127 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 1: worthy of your own time, energy, attention, and resources. That's 128 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 1: what being alone as you're as a child, because see 129 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,960 Speaker 1: that's a function of neglect. Leaving a child alone is 130 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:06,719 Speaker 1: a function of neglect. So you've grown up to neglect yourself. 131 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 1: Would that be accurate because you're not functioning with current events, 132 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:21,280 Speaker 1: so you neglect your needs you neglect your your time, 133 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 1: your energy, your resources because you're looking at being alone 134 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: as a child as a backing, a scary thing, as 135 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 1: opposed to what it taught you that you can use 136 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 1: to strengthen your relationship with yourself. How about this, Hey, 137 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,720 Speaker 1: I spent a lot of time with me and I 138 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,079 Speaker 1: ain't so bad. How about that? 139 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 3: Yeah I'm not. 140 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 1: I'm okay In building a relationship with yourself. You want 141 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 1: to take what you've experienced and turn it to your bet, 142 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 1: not to your detriment and staying stuck in it was scary. 143 00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:09,720 Speaker 1: I was neglected, I was alone. That's not going to 144 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:10,480 Speaker 1: your benefit. 145 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:14,200 Speaker 3: I never looked at it that way. All I've just 146 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,440 Speaker 3: let myself be so sad and so angry about being 147 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:22,119 Speaker 3: neglected and left alone, and then scared of being left alone, 148 00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 3: left alone in my marriage, left by my children, let's right, 149 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:31,000 Speaker 3: people at work. Yeah, I've never looked at it that way. 150 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 1: So when when we are neglected as children, you know, 151 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: as children we learn by what we experience. That's that's 152 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 1: how we learn. So when we're neglected, or when we're alone, 153 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:50,319 Speaker 1: or when we're overlooked, when we're not heard, we don't 154 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:53,800 Speaker 1: really get a good reflection of who we are. So 155 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,319 Speaker 1: we struggle to see who we are. 156 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:57,520 Speaker 2: We struggle. 157 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:00,320 Speaker 1: We don't see our strengths, we don't see our good 158 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: points because that's not what was reflected back to us. 159 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,200 Speaker 1: And then we do what was done. But to come 160 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 1: current with who you are now, think of it this way, 161 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:14,440 Speaker 1: belove it. You took care of yourself. You didn't hurt yourself, 162 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 1: You didn't jump out the window, you didn't burn the 163 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 1: house death. Did you do any of them things? Did 164 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 1: you burn the house down? 165 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 4: Up? 166 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,719 Speaker 1: Oh? 167 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:23,120 Speaker 4: So? 168 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 2: Yeah? 169 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 1: As opposed to looking at how deep and dark and 170 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 1: scary it was, how about how look at how resourceful 171 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:35,680 Speaker 1: I am. I was resourceful. I spent a lot of 172 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,480 Speaker 1: time alone as a kid. I didn't burn the house down, 173 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 1: and I learned how to be with myself as opposed 174 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 1: to buy myself. And I wasn't so bad. I got 175 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:53,200 Speaker 1: it done. Can you see God about yourself? Can you 176 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,720 Speaker 1: see that you're not so bad and that you manage 177 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 1: the situation well as a little person? 178 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 3: See that? 179 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 1: So how can that help you today? 180 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 3: It helped me to definitely have a different outlook on 181 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:13,960 Speaker 3: being with myself and putting myself first. Uh, maybe learning 182 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 3: how to give myself more more grace and instead of 183 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 3: or not maybe even myself, maybe just giving others more 184 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,839 Speaker 3: grief that the folks who left me alone. I guess 185 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:26,520 Speaker 3: I should say. 186 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:32,320 Speaker 1: Forget them and get them, forget them, forget, forgive them. 187 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:36,960 Speaker 1: I'm saying forget, forget, forgive and forget, forget what they did, 188 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: and forget so that you can come current to today. 189 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,520 Speaker 3: Everything like you're saying and makes absolute things. I just 190 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 3: I don't think I know where to started. 191 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:55,439 Speaker 1: We'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome back 192 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 1: to the R spot. Let's pick up where we left off. 193 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:02,800 Speaker 3: I'm still you know, every time I get a you know, 194 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 3: a call, or every time I'm called on, it's like 195 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,040 Speaker 3: I have to be there because I don't want to 196 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 3: be my mom. I don't want to be like. I 197 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,720 Speaker 3: don't want my children to say my mom wasn't there 198 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,480 Speaker 3: for me when I called her, you know, even if 199 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 3: I don't have the capacity to help force myself too, 200 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,680 Speaker 3: because I don't want to be that mom. 201 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,680 Speaker 1: But do you understand that you are being that mom 202 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:30,440 Speaker 1: to yourself. You're abandoning yourself, You're neglecting yourself when you 203 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 1: do things that you don't have the capacity to do 204 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,520 Speaker 1: or the desire to do. How old are your children? 205 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 3: I have an eight year old and a twenty two 206 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 3: year old. 207 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:43,280 Speaker 1: Okay, so the twenty two year old, Oh well the 208 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: eight year old. Yeah, you know, they're very demanding. 209 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:53,079 Speaker 3: I feel like I'm neglecting myself. I whenever I do 210 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:58,360 Speaker 3: something against kind of my own better judgment, it's a 211 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:02,000 Speaker 3: little worse in my head and saying doing it again, doing. 212 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,680 Speaker 1: It again, and what are you willing to do about it? 213 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,600 Speaker 3: I want to stop. I want to change it. I 214 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:10,199 Speaker 3: want to put a better practice in place, because then 215 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 3: I'm I'm tired. I'm so tired. 216 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 1: But you have to know that you're worth it. And 217 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,960 Speaker 1: if you give all of your time, energy, attention and 218 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:24,520 Speaker 1: resources to other people, they will begin to feel entitled 219 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:28,040 Speaker 1: to it, and particularly children. Children feel like they are 220 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:32,120 Speaker 1: entitled to your life, so they will enjoy your life. 221 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 1: You ain't enjoying it. I have my great grandson. He's 222 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,680 Speaker 1: six years old. So we sit down to eat dinner 223 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 1: together and then he'll want something, and I found myself 224 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: I'd get up and not and go get it. And 225 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,680 Speaker 1: then a couple of months ago, I said, I'll get 226 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 1: it after I finish eating, but I need to well 227 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 1: get it or you wait, You sit there, eat your dinner, 228 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,280 Speaker 1: but you want me to disrupt my dinner to go 229 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 1: get you something that you need to want. No, you 230 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,160 Speaker 1: can have it after I'm done, because he can't enjoy 231 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 1: my dinner more than I do. Yeah, it starts with 232 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:18,440 Speaker 1: simple little things like that, but it means recognizing. It's 233 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:22,840 Speaker 1: self awareness. You got to be aware of little things 234 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 1: that you do that are neglectful, that are abusive, that 235 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 1: are disrespectful to you, and then you make little changes. 236 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,200 Speaker 1: You have to make a commitment to yourself to do 237 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: it as soon as you become aware of it. Stop 238 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:43,760 Speaker 1: putting yourself on hold. Do you know what that kind 239 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 1: of behavior is called? What you're doing waiting for people 240 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 1: to accept you and acknowledge you and see you and 241 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 1: treat you the way you want to be treated. Do 242 00:15:53,760 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 1: you know what that's called. It's called codependency for other 243 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 1: people to accept you. Have you accepted you fully? No? 244 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 3: Oh, I don't fully know. I don't feel like I 245 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,000 Speaker 3: fully know who I am. If you know, people ask 246 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 3: you what do you like to do? And who are you? 247 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:22,640 Speaker 3: And I find that I reach for parts of my 248 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,800 Speaker 3: life where people have congratulated me. You're giving me accolades, 249 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 3: and I say, oh, that's what I like to do. Well, 250 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 3: that's who I am, instead of I don't really know 251 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 3: how to answer that question. 252 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:39,479 Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, that's a powerful awareness. That's a powerful 253 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,800 Speaker 1: awareness that I don't really know who I am. I 254 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 1: don't really know what I like. I don't really know 255 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 1: what floats my boat. So in developing a better relationship 256 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 1: with yourself, self awareness, self acceptance, that's the where you start. 257 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 1: What are you good at? 258 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 2: What are you not good at? 259 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 1: See, I'm good at a lot of I'm not good 260 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:07,479 Speaker 1: at singing. I am not good at singing, But I 261 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,400 Speaker 1: know that. Now does that stop me from singing? Oh? 262 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,879 Speaker 1: Hell to the no. And it don't matter to me 263 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 1: that my singing sounds bad to other people. I just 264 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:19,640 Speaker 1: try not to do because I don't want to assault 265 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 1: people's earlobes. But at least I know that I'm bad 266 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 1: at singing. So that's the thing, beloved, you know, getting 267 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,879 Speaker 1: to know yourself. Getting to record. Okay, Now, why am 268 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,359 Speaker 1: I doing that? Why am I getting up from my 269 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,639 Speaker 1: dinner to go get a six year old to catch it? 270 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:44,479 Speaker 1: Why am I doing this? I want to encourage you 271 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,320 Speaker 1: to look at the things that you're doing with your 272 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:52,600 Speaker 1: children with other people and as opposed to reflecting back on. 273 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,439 Speaker 1: I got to do this so I'm not alone. I 274 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,840 Speaker 1: know how to be alone. If they get upset with 275 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:00,720 Speaker 1: the eight year old, ain't going nowhere. You got another 276 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:06,480 Speaker 1: ten years with him or her the twenty two year old. 277 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 1: Give them permission to do it for themselves so that 278 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:11,640 Speaker 1: they don't repeat your pattern. 279 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:16,080 Speaker 3: I need to. I need to let go and get 280 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,199 Speaker 3: more of me, give more to me. 281 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:22,639 Speaker 1: Well, as a mom, you're not gonna let go, but 282 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,919 Speaker 1: you can shift. You're not gonna let go, but you 283 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:30,480 Speaker 1: can shift. And don't just shift, you know, out of 284 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:34,120 Speaker 1: the clear blue, because you've trained the people in your 285 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:38,200 Speaker 1: life how to treat you and what to expect. Shift 286 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:42,240 Speaker 1: with an explanation. You know, you know what. I'm not 287 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,040 Speaker 1: doing that anymore. I used to do it and resent 288 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:49,320 Speaker 1: myself for doing it. So I'm not doing that anymore. Now. 289 00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: This is what I can do, but that I'm not 290 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:56,880 Speaker 1: doing that. Shift with an explanation. That's how you take 291 00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:01,040 Speaker 1: care of yourself and teach yourself. I can't stand up 292 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 1: for me. I am worthy of my own time, energy, resources, 293 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:12,920 Speaker 1: and I can use my voice to take care of myself. Well, 294 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,400 Speaker 1: you don't sound pressed. 295 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:25,639 Speaker 3: I know it's I'll admit I'm quite stubborn or I 296 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,440 Speaker 3: don't know that's the right thing you even say. 297 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:31,440 Speaker 1: But you're not stubborn. You're addicted to suffering because as 298 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,959 Speaker 1: a little person home by yourself, there was nothing you 299 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,000 Speaker 1: could do about it, and you suffered being alone, you 300 00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:42,720 Speaker 1: suffered being afraid, you suffered being ignored, just suffered being neglected, 301 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,760 Speaker 1: you suffered being abused, and you became addicted. So now 302 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 1: you're addicted to suffering. So even when something comes in 303 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,680 Speaker 1: to tell you this is how you can end just suffering, 304 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,480 Speaker 1: you're going to go right back into the addiction at home. 305 00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:01,639 Speaker 3: Yeah, feels like an addiction. 306 00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:02,719 Speaker 2: It is. 307 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 3: I don't want it no more, but I can't. Yeah, 308 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 3: I can't get away from me. 309 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 1: You know, I haven't been able to. I haven't been 310 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:16,760 Speaker 1: in the past. I haven't been able to. Not that 311 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:22,679 Speaker 1: I can't. You can. And it's about making a conscious choice, 312 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:27,399 Speaker 1: a conscious choice, little by little, day by day, moment 313 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:31,959 Speaker 1: by moment. Start here, I am who I am, and 314 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: I'm okay. Do you believe that? 315 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:35,920 Speaker 4: Yeah? 316 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:36,480 Speaker 3: I do. 317 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:42,120 Speaker 1: You can choose to heal day by day, day by day, 318 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:43,960 Speaker 1: day by day. 319 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,520 Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, I want. I want to heal a real 320 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:50,240 Speaker 3: I do choose. 321 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:54,719 Speaker 1: It because in building a better relationship with yourself, you 322 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:58,480 Speaker 1: don't want to take on more than yourself can handle 323 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:03,480 Speaker 1: in the moment. Right now, let's just eliminate the suffer. Okay, 324 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,800 Speaker 1: let's recover from me. They don't even mention healing yet. 325 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:12,600 Speaker 1: Get until today and let's do you know, because in 326 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:16,000 Speaker 1: recovery they tell you to take it minute by minute, 327 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 1: and then hour by hour, then day by day, day 328 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 1: by day, and then two days at a time, three 329 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:29,040 Speaker 1: days at a time. You know, they don't say you recover. 330 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,879 Speaker 1: You get a chip for every thirty days in recovery. 331 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,360 Speaker 1: So let's do that. Give yourself a chip. What would 332 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,160 Speaker 1: your chip be if you make it through a day 333 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:47,880 Speaker 1: where you take one step to eliminate the addiction to suffering, 334 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,800 Speaker 1: or how you contribute to your suffering. What would be 335 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,760 Speaker 1: a chip? A prize that you could give yourself, what 336 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 1: would it be? 337 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:56,760 Speaker 3: I like to dance? 338 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,479 Speaker 1: Okay, so could you have three minutes a day sing 339 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,240 Speaker 1: at the end of the day. If you get through 340 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:06,680 Speaker 1: a day where you take one step towards eliminating your suffering. 341 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:08,639 Speaker 1: Could you dance? What's your favorite song? 342 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 3: I want to dance with somebody. 343 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,720 Speaker 1: Let's not do I want to dance with somebody. That's 344 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,879 Speaker 1: the more external validation. With another song? 345 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,680 Speaker 3: Oh god, okay about I. 346 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,040 Speaker 1: Didn't know my own strength? How about that one? Could 347 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:23,880 Speaker 1: you dance to that? 348 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,120 Speaker 3: Yes? I could? I could dance. 349 00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:31,639 Speaker 1: So you work on that, You work on What is 350 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: the little treat that I can give myself? What is 351 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,119 Speaker 1: the little special I will? 352 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:38,119 Speaker 3: I will work on that. 353 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:43,160 Speaker 1: Okay, thank you for calling beloved, and take good care 354 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:46,480 Speaker 1: of you. Take good care of you because you are 355 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: the best thing you've got. 356 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,040 Speaker 3: Thank you. I will, I will Okay. 357 00:22:51,840 --> 00:23:01,679 Speaker 1: Bye bye. Listen. When we're building a relationship with ourselves, 358 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 1: the best way again back to self awareness. Become aware 359 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 1: of the thing that you do that takes you down. 360 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 1: Make a commitment to do a little bit each day 361 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:21,480 Speaker 1: to move beyond that behavior or to dismantle that belief. 362 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:26,560 Speaker 1: And whatever you do in that day, reward yourself for it. 363 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,639 Speaker 1: Reward yourself. I don't care if it's two potato chips 364 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:33,399 Speaker 1: or three chocolate of an almonds, or a dance or 365 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:37,360 Speaker 1: a gold star on the calendar. As children, I don't 366 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,080 Speaker 1: know if they still do it. In school, we used 367 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,640 Speaker 1: to get gold stars silver stars, depending upon how soon 368 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 1: you completed your work and if you got it right, 369 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,760 Speaker 1: and if you give yourself a gold star if you 370 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: don't have resources to spend, or put a dollar in 371 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,680 Speaker 1: a jar, or put the dollar in the savings account 372 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,880 Speaker 1: so that you can buy yourself something from just day 373 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,880 Speaker 1: by day. Becoming aware of what I was doing that 374 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,440 Speaker 1: was not serving my higher and greater goods, we got 375 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:11,240 Speaker 1: one more caller. Hang on, let's see who it is. Meetings. 376 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 1: Be loved and welcome to the artist. I thank you 377 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,920 Speaker 1: for your patience. So what is it that you want 378 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:16,280 Speaker 1: to share? 379 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:20,040 Speaker 4: I want to share the relationship with myself. First, I 380 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 4: did some self work about two and a half three 381 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:24,440 Speaker 4: years ago. I started doing for self work, and I 382 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,280 Speaker 4: thought I had gotten to a point where I was 383 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:29,679 Speaker 4: in a healthy relationship with myself. And then I asked 384 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,880 Speaker 4: God for a man, and I was very very sopisific 385 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,520 Speaker 4: about what I wanted in him. And God send me 386 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,000 Speaker 4: a man, and I forgot to ask God to have 387 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:50,399 Speaker 4: him read my mind. And I find myself in this 388 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,919 Speaker 4: relationship with him, and I loved him so dearly and 389 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,040 Speaker 4: I found myself in this relationship with him, and I'm 390 00:24:56,080 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 4: not able to articulate always and communicate with him how 391 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,680 Speaker 4: I want to like. I find myself get real nervous 392 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,240 Speaker 4: when I feel like it may be a confrontation or 393 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,359 Speaker 4: it may be something that he doesn't agree with, and 394 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 4: I get nervous. I shut down, and I don't know 395 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 4: what you're doing. I've never been in a relationship with 396 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,439 Speaker 4: a man, and I have four children. I've been in 397 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:30,119 Speaker 4: I've been married, and I'm just funny help for my mama. 398 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: So you have a difficulty asking for what you want? 399 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:34,879 Speaker 4: Yes? 400 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:36,120 Speaker 2: And why is that? 401 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,640 Speaker 1: Why is it difficult for you to ask for what 402 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,800 Speaker 1: you want? And the way you can identify that is 403 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:46,119 Speaker 1: just close your eyes and take a breath. It's hard 404 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,320 Speaker 1: for me to ask that I want. 405 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 4: Because it's hard for me to ask for what I 406 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:55,719 Speaker 4: want because I may not like to answer again. 407 00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:58,800 Speaker 2: Okay, take another breath. 408 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:00,840 Speaker 4: It's hard for me to ask for what I want 409 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,320 Speaker 4: because I'm not being all the way honest. 410 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 1: How about because I don't believe I can have it. 411 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:11,959 Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean a bad relationship with yourself. It 412 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:16,160 Speaker 1: may mean that you don't trust your voice. Yeah, we'll 413 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 1: talk about that right after this break. Welcome back to 414 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:28,680 Speaker 1: the R spot. Let's get back to the conversation. I 415 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:34,160 Speaker 1: learn very early that when I ask for what I want, 416 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:39,439 Speaker 1: I get in trouble. I either upset somebody, or I 417 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:44,679 Speaker 1: get yelled at, or I get dismissed, or I get diminished. 418 00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 1: That's just an awareness. That doesn't mean that I have 419 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,119 Speaker 1: a bad relationship with myself. What makes me have a 420 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:57,439 Speaker 1: bad relationship with myself is not asking for what I 421 00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:03,640 Speaker 1: want and then acting like I don't want it. Explain 422 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,879 Speaker 1: that to me, what is that? 423 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,960 Speaker 4: Because I never thought about thinking that I deserve what 424 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 4: I want that I don't deserve it. I think that's 425 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,840 Speaker 4: probably I ask for what I want, and I got 426 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,399 Speaker 4: exactly what I wanted, and now I don't feel like 427 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:23,439 Speaker 4: I deserve it. 428 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,920 Speaker 1: Okay, And why don't you deserve it? 429 00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:34,880 Speaker 4: I think it's easier to beat myself up and more familiar. 430 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:36,439 Speaker 2: Yes, And I. 431 00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:44,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's familiar to lose what I want or not 432 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,520 Speaker 1: have what I want. So you may be finding ways 433 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 1: to chase this man away. 434 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:51,760 Speaker 4: Right right, And I don't want to do that. 435 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,919 Speaker 1: No, then don't do it. 436 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 4: Tell me how to not do it? 437 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,040 Speaker 1: For what you want with no attachment to the answer. 438 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 1: All you have to do is ask for what you want. 439 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,760 Speaker 1: The thing is, you've got to break the pattern. The pattern. 440 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:13,200 Speaker 1: You have to interrupt the pattern. So if the pattern 441 00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 1: is not asking for what you want, acting like you 442 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:21,359 Speaker 1: don't want it, and then becoming resentful because you didn't 443 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:26,000 Speaker 1: get it, that's the pattern. And in a good relationship 444 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:30,159 Speaker 1: with yourself, you have to be aware of your patterns 445 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:31,919 Speaker 1: and how you do, what. 446 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,680 Speaker 2: You do and what you get as a result. 447 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:37,440 Speaker 1: So you're saying you ask the universe for something. God 448 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 1: source created the universe, it brought you what you want. 449 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,120 Speaker 1: Now you're functioning in the belief that you don't deserve it, 450 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 1: so you'll set it up where you blow it up. 451 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:51,760 Speaker 1: You blow your life up because of not believing you 452 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:56,520 Speaker 1: deserve it. So you're aware of that. If you have 453 00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,680 Speaker 1: a good relationship with yourself, you're aware of that. Okay, 454 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:04,120 Speaker 1: to be mindful that I'm feeling unworthy here and that 455 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,400 Speaker 1: you know the deceptive intelligence is going to cause me 456 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:09,280 Speaker 1: to blow this thing up. So what do I need 457 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:12,640 Speaker 1: to do? Where's that? Where's the trigger? The trigger isn't 458 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:16,520 Speaker 1: asking for what I want? So you can always say 459 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,320 Speaker 1: to your beloved. You know what, I'm really afraid to 460 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,960 Speaker 1: say this right now, but I got to ask you this, 461 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,200 Speaker 1: and what I want is blah blah blah. What do 462 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 1: you want that you're not asking him? 463 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:31,200 Speaker 4: Well, he is. He's very frugal and he's very good financially. 464 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,000 Speaker 4: He's very good, and I'm opposite. So he came. He 465 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,600 Speaker 4: came in. First of all, we had this world romance. 466 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,200 Speaker 4: We met and we've been together ever since the day 467 00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 4: that we met. And it's so seven months in. I 468 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:45,640 Speaker 4: have a beautiful, engaging ring where I'm perfect. I mean, 469 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 4: everything is perfect, but because. 470 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:53,600 Speaker 1: Wait, wait a minute, that's not true. Everything is perfect 471 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:58,360 Speaker 1: and you haven't shown up fully in the relationship by 472 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 1: not asking for what you want. That's not true that 473 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:09,520 Speaker 1: everything is perfect. Ideally we talking about reality. 474 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:16,760 Speaker 4: Reality, and I don't you know he is he I 475 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:22,080 Speaker 4: don't ask, I don't ask for allowance. I feel like 476 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,920 Speaker 4: I should have money to do whatever I want, and 477 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 4: he feels like I'm not good with money, so I 478 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:29,880 Speaker 4: don't need money to do it whatever I want to 479 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:36,680 Speaker 4: do with So I'm having trouble asking him, like, how 480 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,959 Speaker 4: do we how do we go forward with me having 481 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:42,840 Speaker 4: a certain amount of money that just I can do 482 00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:43,840 Speaker 4: whatever I want to do with. 483 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,960 Speaker 1: All right, so my ears are now it's you made 484 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:53,080 Speaker 1: my ears itch. Are you financially dependent upon him or 485 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:54,760 Speaker 1: do you have your own money? Oh? 486 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:55,840 Speaker 4: I have my own money. 487 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:58,480 Speaker 1: So then what do you mean you got to ask 488 00:30:58,560 --> 00:30:59,680 Speaker 1: him for an allowance? 489 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 4: Oh well, then let me give you. Let me give 490 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:05,080 Speaker 4: you the background. So I had a lot of debt 491 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:08,000 Speaker 4: and he's helping me pay the debt. My debt to 492 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:11,360 Speaker 4: my income ratio is not I don't make enough money 493 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:15,320 Speaker 4: to pay the debt. I'm not responsible for any household responsibility. 494 00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:18,080 Speaker 4: He takes care of all of those needs, and he's 495 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 4: paying my debt. He's paying my debt off rapidly, so 496 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 4: my debt will be probably gone in June and moving 497 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,240 Speaker 4: forward past June, I want to know, like, well, I 498 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:35,040 Speaker 4: have money to just have like an allowance, like to 499 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,640 Speaker 4: blow And he's like, you don't need money. You're irresponsible 500 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:39,760 Speaker 4: with money. You got to learn responsibility. You got to 501 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:42,920 Speaker 4: be disciplined with your money. And I get that. I worked, 502 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,320 Speaker 4: so there should be money that I could just do 503 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:46,320 Speaker 4: whatever I want to do with. 504 00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:48,800 Speaker 1: Let me let me just see if I got this 505 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 1: help me, because like I said, my ear is an interest. 506 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 1: You are a working woman who can spell her name 507 00:31:56,240 --> 00:32:00,400 Speaker 1: and tie her shoes, and you asking somebody else what 508 00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:05,360 Speaker 1: you can and can't do with your money seven months in? Really, 509 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:07,880 Speaker 1: is that what I am? I hearing you say that, Oh, 510 00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,600 Speaker 1: there's it too much brandy in my deep. 511 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:13,200 Speaker 4: You heard me correct? 512 00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:15,640 Speaker 1: Oh, my lord, help me gouge my eye out with 513 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:22,680 Speaker 1: a plastic spoon. Gouge my eye out with a plastic spoon. 514 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:27,160 Speaker 1: And I understand that he's paying supporting you in the 515 00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:31,480 Speaker 1: elimination of debt. I understand that, And I understand that 516 00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:35,200 Speaker 1: in the past you've made some poor choices and bad 517 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,760 Speaker 1: decisions regarding money. But how will you ever know that 518 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,120 Speaker 1: you're healed if you don't have money to manage in 519 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:42,760 Speaker 1: a better. 520 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:46,080 Speaker 4: Way My sentiments exactly. And so when I presented it 521 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,240 Speaker 4: to him, initially, the word choice that I used to 522 00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 4: do whatever I want to do with that sounded irresponsible 523 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,960 Speaker 4: to him. I work, I don't should not have to 524 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:57,880 Speaker 4: explain to you what I'm going to do. This is 525 00:32:57,960 --> 00:32:59,840 Speaker 4: my money that I can do whatever I want to do, 526 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:03,560 Speaker 4: to buy a snicker bar or whatever I want to do. 527 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,000 Speaker 1: Why not? Why can't you take one hundred dollars fifty 528 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:10,440 Speaker 1: dollars seventy five dollars. If you can't have an open, 529 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:15,680 Speaker 1: honest conversation about that, how are you How can you 530 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,760 Speaker 1: say everything is perfect? And why can't you say listen, 531 00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:21,600 Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing because I've learned my lesson. 532 00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:26,040 Speaker 1: I'm keeping one hundred dollars as my mad money. I'm 533 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:29,120 Speaker 1: keeping one hundred dollars. If I got to pay twenty 534 00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:31,440 Speaker 1: dollars less on this debt, I'll do that, but I'm 535 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:32,560 Speaker 1: going to have one hundred dollars. 536 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:33,400 Speaker 2: That's what I'm doing. 537 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,000 Speaker 4: But I agree with you. I'm going to present that 538 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:39,160 Speaker 4: to him like that. I'm going to take one hundred 539 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:44,720 Speaker 4: dollars fifty dollars every two weeks to do with whatever period. 540 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:49,840 Speaker 1: But see, you're making this about him and what's off 541 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:54,080 Speaker 1: in your relationship with yourself that's creating this. He doesn't 542 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:57,479 Speaker 1: trust you with money, but you don't trust you with money, 543 00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:02,360 Speaker 1: and you're getting so overwhelmed or you know, taking her 544 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 1: back by the fact that the debt is being paid off. 545 00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:11,279 Speaker 1: The debt's being paid off with your money. So if 546 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:14,600 Speaker 1: he doesn't trust you with money, beloved, you don't trust 547 00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:18,120 Speaker 1: you with money. And you're still beating yourself up about 548 00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:21,400 Speaker 1: the mistakes that you made in the past and avoiding 549 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:27,560 Speaker 1: the responsibility of proving that you've changed. You've changed. See, 550 00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,879 Speaker 1: I come from the old school. Forgive me. I come 551 00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 1: from the old school. My grandmama told me every woman 552 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,200 Speaker 1: she needs a set of china, she needs a change 553 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:40,440 Speaker 1: of underwear, and she needs the low money stashed somewhere 554 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,480 Speaker 1: that nobody don't know about but her. Do you trust 555 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,240 Speaker 1: yourself with your own money? 556 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:48,080 Speaker 3: Yeah? 557 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:50,720 Speaker 1: Well, see that's what he's reflecting back to you. First 558 00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:53,239 Speaker 1: of all, all of this is about lack of limitation. 559 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,000 Speaker 1: That's why people do bad things with money, and they 560 00:34:56,040 --> 00:35:00,320 Speaker 1: overspend and they go into debt and credit cards and 561 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,920 Speaker 1: and all of that stuff because they're moving from lacking 562 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,279 Speaker 1: limitation what they don't have. What are you lacking? What 563 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,279 Speaker 1: do you tell yourself that you're lacking? You don't know enough, 564 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:11,680 Speaker 1: You're stupid, you don't have enough luck, I don't know. 565 00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,400 Speaker 2: You have to understand that. 566 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,279 Speaker 4: Yeah, I am financially responsible now, but I guess I'm 567 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,319 Speaker 4: trying to prove myself, and it's just I don't have 568 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:21,400 Speaker 4: to prove myself. 569 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:23,640 Speaker 1: But you got a couple of things that you really 570 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,879 Speaker 1: want to look at here. Number one. So you had 571 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:30,600 Speaker 1: all of this debt and this angel has come in 572 00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:34,279 Speaker 1: to support you in clearing the debt because you didn't 573 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:36,600 Speaker 1: believe you could do it on your own. And you're 574 00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:40,359 Speaker 1: giving all the credit to the angel and not to you. 575 00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:43,120 Speaker 1: You're not taking any of the credit for yourself. Because 576 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:47,279 Speaker 1: you've done this for seven months. You've surrendered to the process. 577 00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:51,640 Speaker 1: What if you learned. You've learned how to manage money better, 578 00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:56,279 Speaker 1: You've learned how to make your priorities. These are the 579 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 1: things that the Angel has come and taught you. But 580 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,600 Speaker 1: you don't have to be holding to the damn angel. 581 00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:05,440 Speaker 1: Let me tell you this is my This is straight 582 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,840 Speaker 1: up my quilting fabric story. Okay, do you know about 583 00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:11,000 Speaker 1: my quilting fabric? 584 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:12,640 Speaker 2: Okay, let me tell you so. 585 00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,080 Speaker 1: I never really had a lot of debt, but I 586 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:20,880 Speaker 1: never had no money. Nobody, I didn't have nothing. I 587 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:24,200 Speaker 1: didn't have no debt because I believe in cash, cash 588 00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:26,480 Speaker 1: and carry. If I can't afford it in the moment, 589 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,759 Speaker 1: I'm not buying it. But when I started quilting, I 590 00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:31,960 Speaker 1: had an addiction to the Quilton fabric. 591 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:33,960 Speaker 2: It used to be scrapbooking. Now it's quilting. 592 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:37,239 Speaker 1: So I would be buying quilting fabric and then I'd 593 00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:39,279 Speaker 1: get the credit card bills and I just want to 594 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,759 Speaker 1: throw myself naked in the middle of the road and 595 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:45,640 Speaker 1: drink vodka straight out the bottle because I'm like, what 596 00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:47,960 Speaker 1: in the world are you doing? So I had to 597 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:53,520 Speaker 1: put myself on restriction, not because of anything other than 598 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:58,000 Speaker 1: in my relationship with myself. I was doing something that 599 00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:02,000 Speaker 1: was hurting me. So I had to put myself on restriction. 600 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:04,640 Speaker 1: I need nobody to tell me that I had to 601 00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,839 Speaker 1: do it, And because I loved me and I don't 602 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:11,000 Speaker 1: like to worry and have anxiety, that's what I did. 603 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:15,440 Speaker 1: So I would put myself on restriction. But even on restriction, 604 00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:19,440 Speaker 1: I said, you got fifty dollars a month, you can 605 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:23,799 Speaker 1: spend on quoting fact. That's it. Cannot spend no more 606 00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:27,799 Speaker 1: than fifty dollars a month. Okay, Well that didn't work 607 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,000 Speaker 1: too well. So I had to go back in and 608 00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:34,160 Speaker 1: I had to say, Okay, why are you what? What's 609 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,920 Speaker 1: what the quoting fact? What are you doing? You know? 610 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,600 Speaker 1: And there was a void, there was a hold, there 611 00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,960 Speaker 1: was something that I was missing, and I found out 612 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,680 Speaker 1: it was my relationship with my daughter, you know. And 613 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:52,120 Speaker 1: so I said to you, okay, you got to heal 614 00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:56,040 Speaker 1: up that that so that you're not trying to avoid 615 00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:00,360 Speaker 1: with the money, with the with the thing with the 616 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:04,680 Speaker 1: quilt fab So I did that, and as I got 617 00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:07,920 Speaker 1: better in my relationship with my daughter, the need to 618 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:10,560 Speaker 1: buy the quilt and fabric diminished. It didn't go away, 619 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,560 Speaker 1: it diminished. So I gave myself one hundred dollars a month. 620 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:18,040 Speaker 1: I gave myself one hundred dollars that I could spend, 621 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,719 Speaker 1: you know, because I improved the relationship. And then you know, 622 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,800 Speaker 1: it just kind of went away. And then I found 623 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,680 Speaker 1: myself doing it again, and I was like, what are 624 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:31,080 Speaker 1: you doing? Okay, so I had to sit down with 625 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,760 Speaker 1: myself and I had to say, okay, what is going 626 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,480 Speaker 1: on here? And you know what it was. It was 627 00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:40,799 Speaker 1: something so simple. I just liked the pretty colors. I 628 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:44,400 Speaker 1: like the colors, so I have to give myself permission 629 00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:48,400 Speaker 1: to like it, but also discipline myself. So here's my 630 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:53,200 Speaker 1: question to you about him, about you, what is the 631 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:58,759 Speaker 1: spending of the money about Heal that up and learn 632 00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:03,160 Speaker 1: that you can be trusted and give yourself parameters. Give 633 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:07,480 Speaker 1: yourself a container, a structure. If it's one hundred dollars 634 00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:11,000 Speaker 1: a paycheck, fine, but you can't go over that. And 635 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:14,080 Speaker 1: if you do, then you don't get to throw yourself 636 00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:15,880 Speaker 1: on the railroad track. You can get to say, Okay, 637 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:19,200 Speaker 1: what is this taking me over this hundred dollars a month? 638 00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:23,120 Speaker 1: And that's about you beloved in your relationship with you, 639 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,600 Speaker 1: not with him, because you don't want to be beholden 640 00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:31,920 Speaker 1: to anybody about this healing that you've created for yourself. 641 00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:34,799 Speaker 1: You created him, you attracted him, you brought him into 642 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:37,799 Speaker 1: your life. He's serving a purpose and you love him, 643 00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:39,560 Speaker 1: he loves you. You all are going to get married, 644 00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:41,600 Speaker 1: but you but you got to be able to have 645 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:45,600 Speaker 1: a complete conversation and on this conversation. Does that make 646 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:46,359 Speaker 1: sense to you? 647 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:48,720 Speaker 4: Right? It makes sense? 648 00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:53,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, don't abdicate your responsibility to do your healing work 649 00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:57,160 Speaker 1: in your relationship with yourself. And if you don't trust 650 00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,760 Speaker 1: you with money, he will never trust you with money. 651 00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,040 Speaker 1: And when you build that relationship between you and money, 652 00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,959 Speaker 1: what is your relationship with money? That's the next show 653 00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:09,239 Speaker 1: we're going to do. What's your relationship with Bunny? And 654 00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:15,200 Speaker 1: most important of all, in this relationship with him, and 655 00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:18,359 Speaker 1: I'm not losing sight of the fact it's easier to 656 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:22,279 Speaker 1: beat yourself up. That's also something that you got to 657 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:25,399 Speaker 1: work on so that you don't blow this relationship up, 658 00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:28,839 Speaker 1: so that you have see that's what I did. 659 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:29,239 Speaker 2: I did. 660 00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,440 Speaker 1: He was a good man and he helped me get 661 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:36,399 Speaker 1: out of dead and I blew the money whatever. Heal 662 00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:40,720 Speaker 1: up that stuff and you learn to trust yourself. Become 663 00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:45,280 Speaker 1: current in your relationship with yourself. Who are you today? 664 00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:48,799 Speaker 1: Who are you as a spiritual warrior? Who are you 665 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:52,000 Speaker 1: as a full grown woman and her big panties with 666 00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:56,520 Speaker 1: a man who honors, loves and respects her. Who are you? 667 00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:59,319 Speaker 1: You're not a little girl waiting for daddy. You're not 668 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:04,080 Speaker 1: a irresponsible with money. Come current in the truth of 669 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:07,960 Speaker 1: who you are today, and behave accordingly. Behave accordingly. 670 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,759 Speaker 4: Absolutely. I just need to see hear my mama, tell 671 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,799 Speaker 4: me that's who I am. I'm a powerful creator. That's 672 00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:18,520 Speaker 4: who I am, and I emagesty, I emagency, and I 673 00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:19,800 Speaker 4: know who I am and I need. 674 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:23,280 Speaker 1: To walk in Okay, there you go, all right, bye, 675 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:31,840 Speaker 1: I ain't talking to you no more. Yeah, you know, 676 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:35,520 Speaker 1: we will talk ourselves out of it. Too much mind. 677 00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:40,520 Speaker 1: I love that line from the Last Samurai. He was 678 00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:47,040 Speaker 1: fighting learning the martial arts with one of the Samurai warriors, 679 00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:51,480 Speaker 1: and the young boy said to him, too much mind. 680 00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:58,440 Speaker 1: In our relationship with ourselves, sometimes we have too much mind. 681 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,440 Speaker 1: Remember what happened and what we didn't do, and what 682 00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,640 Speaker 1: they did and what they should have done. But come current, 683 00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:10,560 Speaker 1: be current. Who am I today? What am I doing 684 00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:16,400 Speaker 1: right now? What do I feel right now? Respect yourself 685 00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:21,359 Speaker 1: enough to be aware of who you are now. You've 686 00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:24,839 Speaker 1: read a book, you took a class, you saw a podcast, 687 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:29,759 Speaker 1: you listen to somebody. Take that information and act on 688 00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:34,240 Speaker 1: it in your relationship with yourself right now, and stop 689 00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:37,840 Speaker 1: worrying about what didn't happen or what you did yesterday, 690 00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:40,680 Speaker 1: what you did last week. Well, I can say I 691 00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:44,680 Speaker 1: haven't bought no quilting material because I was minding my business. 692 00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:47,359 Speaker 2: Y'll, you know how to. 693 00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:50,239 Speaker 1: Stuff pop up on the side of your computer. There 694 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:59,720 Speaker 1: was quilting fabric and the name of the collection was Beloved. Okay, 695 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,040 Speaker 1: I pop right up in my computer. Now you know 696 00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:06,960 Speaker 1: I had to buy that. I had to because the 697 00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:12,160 Speaker 1: name of the line of fabric was called Beloved. So 698 00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:15,360 Speaker 1: hear what I did you know when you buy quilting fabric, 699 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:19,200 Speaker 1: you can buy a bundle, you can buy a charm pack, 700 00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:21,319 Speaker 1: you can buy a jelly roll. These are all the 701 00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:24,160 Speaker 1: different ways that the fabric is cut. I had to 702 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,160 Speaker 1: buy Beloved, but I didn't have to buy the most 703 00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:31,160 Speaker 1: expensive one, so I bought it. I bought the middle one, 704 00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:33,280 Speaker 1: one that costs forty dollars, not the one that costs 705 00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:39,879 Speaker 1: ninety seven. Because in my relationship with myself, I want 706 00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:45,560 Speaker 1: to honor myself not also want to identify and stop 707 00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:50,880 Speaker 1: the ways I contribute to myself. What is your relationship 708 00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:57,360 Speaker 1: with yourself? Are you aware of yourself? Do you respect yourself? 709 00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:01,240 Speaker 1: Do you value yourself? You honor your worth? 710 00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:02,960 Speaker 2: And do you love yourself? 711 00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:07,759 Speaker 1: Begin within work on those things. I hope that you 712 00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:10,719 Speaker 1: know something now that you didn't know when you tuned in. 713 00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:19,040 Speaker 1: And until we meet again, stay in peace and not pieces. 714 00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:23,759 Speaker 1: The R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in 715 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:29,520 Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit 716 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:33,920 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 717 00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,040 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.