1 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: Welcome to the NFL Legends Podcast, an NFL podcast for 2 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 1: the players, by the players. Here is your host, four 3 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: team year NFL veteran and Hall of Famer Ennius Williams. Hello, 4 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 1: and welcome to the NFL Legends Podcast. I'm a Nius Williams. 5 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,640 Speaker 1: The holidays will soon be upon us, and it's well 6 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 1: documented at this time of year is among the most 7 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 1: stressful and challenging times of the year. Today, we have 8 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,519 Speaker 1: two mental health professionals and team clinician to help us 9 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,960 Speaker 1: work through the holiday blues together. Please welcome Dr Peter 10 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:49,200 Speaker 1: gain Shirt, a licensed psychologist and the Cincinnati Bengals team clinician, 11 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:54,080 Speaker 1: and Carla Super who is a lc PC and the 12 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: Chicago Bears team clinician. Welcome, glad to be here. Before 13 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: we start. Even though we're talking about mental health, this 14 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,560 Speaker 1: is a positive, constructive podcast. Everything we're going to talk 15 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: about will be proactive and positive. Let's start well, why 16 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 1: the holidays are a time when generally happy and successful 17 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: people might feel emotionally strained. Carla, I think the holidays, 18 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:24,600 Speaker 1: even pre pandemic, are always a stressful time. We get excited, 19 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 1: but then we also start thinking about buying gifts, making 20 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: sure that we're getting gifts for everyone, that if we're 21 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,640 Speaker 1: going to host, making sure the house is clean, and 22 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 1: getting everything organized. And so now I think in the 23 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: midst of this pandemic in a way it it I 24 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 1: always try to look for the glimmer of it. It 25 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 1: kind of actually maybe take some of that away, but 26 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 1: it brings in some new stressors because now, for I 27 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 1: think of some guys who may be living alone up 28 00:01:56,440 --> 00:02:00,240 Speaker 1: here in Chicago without their families. Their families may not 29 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 1: be able to come, so now they're alone for the holidays, 30 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 1: and so that brings um different types of stress and 31 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:11,080 Speaker 1: different types of challenges this go around. And so I 32 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 1: think the holidays, as festive and fun as they are, 33 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: you know, they bring their own kind of burdens and 34 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:23,680 Speaker 1: stressors because you're now thinking about it differently. And Peter 35 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:28,920 Speaker 1: the piggyback on that man. Everybody thinks the players, particularly 36 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 1: current players, have everything. And even as you mentioned, Carla, 37 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,360 Speaker 1: what do you mean you play in the NFL you 38 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,600 Speaker 1: at home? And you said, because you're all alone, right, 39 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 1: So Peter, could you speak to that in the humanness 40 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: of the legends as well as the current players. Oh? Absolutely, 41 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: I think Carla is right. Um. I think one of 42 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,880 Speaker 1: the challenges we have is the fact that we all 43 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 1: grow up and we've all been acculturated and have traditions 44 00:02:55,840 --> 00:03:00,120 Speaker 1: around the holidays that we remember as children, and as 45 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 1: we grow up and get married and have kids and 46 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,919 Speaker 1: go on with our careers, we try to repeat those 47 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:09,799 Speaker 1: traditions and those family generational aspects of the holidays that 48 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 1: are so important to us. However, because of the pandemic 49 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: and uh some of the other variables going on in 50 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,680 Speaker 1: our society, it's just really difficult to meet those traditions. 51 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: So it's going to be very different this year for 52 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,839 Speaker 1: all of us. And to Carlos point also, I think 53 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 1: we have got to be very realistic with how we 54 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 1: manage our expectations this year. So here's a question as 55 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,760 Speaker 1: a legend, and I'm thinking about when I was in 56 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,800 Speaker 1: the locker room or a current player. I sit down 57 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,960 Speaker 1: to your office. It's not normal, right, I can't be 58 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 1: around family we talked earlier, the guys very few, and 59 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 1: the even eating together. Right. So when I sit down 60 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 1: and I say, Peter Man, I'm I'm said, how do 61 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: I re establish realistic expectations in the middle of a pandemic? 62 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 1: The allums that I have heard from. Some of the 63 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: players as well as some of the clients I see 64 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 1: in my office, are just being a victim of this 65 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 1: whole pandemic crisis and quarantine restrictions. We we don't feel 66 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,520 Speaker 1: like we're in control of it because we're not. From 67 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,880 Speaker 1: a conceptual standpoint, What I think helps a lot is 68 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:22,919 Speaker 1: less identify things that we have control over, for example, 69 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,720 Speaker 1: our emotions. I mean, when I feeling a victim of 70 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,839 Speaker 1: all this this COVID stuff, I have a lot of 71 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: negative emotions, all right, and I don't have control that 72 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,839 Speaker 1: because those external variables are causing those emotions for me. 73 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 1: So one concept that I think would be very helpful 74 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 1: to our listeners is well less identify how we will 75 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: be in control of our future emotion throughout the holidays. 76 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:54,599 Speaker 1: For example, this coming weekend at twelve o'clock, what positive 77 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: feeling do I want to experience? And I want to 78 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,160 Speaker 1: say I want to be happy at twelve o'clock. So 79 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,280 Speaker 1: if I first set up the expectation that I want 80 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 1: to be happy at that particular time, then given my 81 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: life and my family and what I can do under 82 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 1: the restrictions, what can I do this going to make 83 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:16,159 Speaker 1: me accomplished and experience that emotion, and what behavior can 84 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,279 Speaker 1: I do to experience happiness? So now I feel like 85 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 1: I'm in control, and then I experienced the emotion and 86 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 1: things are a little bit better. And that's what we 87 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:28,839 Speaker 1: have to all embraces. Let's let's commit to being in 88 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 1: control of our future emotions, but we have to intend 89 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 1: to feel better, and then we have to come up 90 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 1: with a plan to hit that specific emotion. Carla, would 91 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,919 Speaker 1: you say, during this time, regardless whether your player or 92 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,040 Speaker 1: just a fellow American trying to cope doing this time 93 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:49,359 Speaker 1: of holidays a tax on the pandemic, how important it 94 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:54,480 Speaker 1: is to simplify things? I think? Um, I actually just 95 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:59,000 Speaker 1: did this similar conversation with the people on the business 96 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:02,600 Speaker 1: side yesterday. It was we talked a lot about reframing 97 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: and simplifying things and taking this situation and kind of 98 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: flipping it on its head because there are so many 99 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,719 Speaker 1: things that are out of its control. So one of 100 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,719 Speaker 1: the things is, you know, let's be real. Cooking for 101 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,920 Speaker 1: the holidays is stressful, you know, but this year, as 102 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,800 Speaker 1: much as some of us may have missed our friends 103 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:25,279 Speaker 1: giving or miss being around, it was probably kind of 104 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,359 Speaker 1: nice to just not have to cook a whole turkey, 105 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 1: but just maybe you know, a small cornish hen and 106 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 1: you know, simplifying things, making things smaller and reframing it 107 00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:39,039 Speaker 1: and even thinking about you know those traditions that Peter 108 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: alluded to earlier, Well, let's create some new traditions. So 109 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: now that we have had this uh, you know, Thanksgiving 110 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:51,479 Speaker 1: bumble of bubble, what you can do now is think, like, 111 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,160 Speaker 1: moving forward, are we going to continue having the big, 112 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:58,040 Speaker 1: huge holidays every year? Or maybe one year we'll do 113 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,760 Speaker 1: a small and then the next year we'll do the 114 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:04,920 Speaker 1: big holidays. And for some of the guys who are 115 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: you know, maybe single or newly married, you know, learning 116 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 1: how to like kind of maybe just not if your 117 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 1: family can't be around you. Try to incorporate more of 118 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 1: your teammates because that makes it a lot more fun. Too, 119 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 1: is being able to get guys maybe from the other 120 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: side of the ball that you don't necessarily hang out with, 121 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 1: to see them in a new light and hang out 122 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: and just kind of keep things really simple as well. 123 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 1: And Peter, social media, which is huge. We know, what 124 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 1: advice do you give people during this time? Are the 125 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 1: cautions when it comes down to social media and it 126 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:49,880 Speaker 1: being a level that dictates emotions. I think that's a 127 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 1: great question. Uh, social media has become so influential, especially 128 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 1: with our players. Um, but again it goes back to 129 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 1: kind of previously, see what I was I was talking about. 130 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 1: We have to be in control of the social media 131 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 1: that we want to make us feel better. One of 132 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 1: the social media things I have on my my phone 133 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 1: every morning, I get a scripture sent to me. Uh. 134 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: It kind of guides my mindset throughout the day as 135 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 1: far as how I want to help people that day, 136 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 1: how I want to treat people that day, how I 137 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 1: want to serve that day. So those are some things 138 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 1: that we can use social media to our advantage to 139 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 1: help keep us anchored in the very principles of what 140 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 1: this holiday season should be about instead of it being 141 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,559 Speaker 1: about COVID and not being able to be together again 142 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,679 Speaker 1: and so forth. So we have to take individual responsibility 143 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: and there are a lot of tools and a lot 144 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,839 Speaker 1: of apps out there that we all can use to 145 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:47,320 Speaker 1: kind of help us buffer from all the negativity that 146 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:52,240 Speaker 1: that social media can affect us. Yeah, and to Peter's point, um, 147 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 1: also just what we feed ourselves. I mean, you know, 148 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 1: football players at eally athletes spent a lot of time 149 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:03,360 Speaker 1: eating right, making sure they're you know, not having too 150 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,839 Speaker 1: many carbs, the right amount of protein. But let's take 151 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:10,480 Speaker 1: that form of nourishment and spread it out to what 152 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,520 Speaker 1: are you feeding yourselves in terms of social media? What 153 00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:16,760 Speaker 1: are you watching? What are you reading? Like, we ingest everything, 154 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 1: and at this point, especially in the pandemic, we are 155 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,000 Speaker 1: all all of our sensitivities are heightened. So I feel 156 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:27,680 Speaker 1: like we are constantly ingesting and receiving things, And so 157 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 1: how do you balance that out and not only nourish 158 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: your body physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. Can 159 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 1: each of you give an example of how can up? 160 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,600 Speaker 1: How can someone take back control? Two things? And they're 161 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:47,440 Speaker 1: very connected, um being able to set some boundaries and 162 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:51,320 Speaker 1: expectations of not only for other people to respect, but 163 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: also for yourself. And I've spent a lot of time 164 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 1: helping guys learn how to say no, and sometimes the 165 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:03,079 Speaker 1: hardest person to say no to is yourself. Yeah, And 166 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 1: so being able to kind of set those boundaries within yourself. 167 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 1: So you know, like asking yourself, do I really do 168 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: I really have any influence over this situation? Or is 169 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:19,480 Speaker 1: this really going to impact me, and then being able 170 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 1: to kind of really ask yourself these questions to filter 171 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,560 Speaker 1: out what it is that maybe you should be involved 172 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:27,560 Speaker 1: in or should not be involved in. And a lot 173 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:31,440 Speaker 1: of times guys realized, like that really has nothing to 174 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 1: do with me. Why am I stressing myself out about it? 175 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 1: We have to get to train ourselves to ask ourselves 176 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,559 Speaker 1: those questions because a lot of times we do want 177 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:43,040 Speaker 1: to step in and help where you want to be 178 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,000 Speaker 1: there for that person, and sometimes you just don't have 179 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,440 Speaker 1: the bandwidth, but we don't recognize that we don't have 180 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:50,440 Speaker 1: the bandwidth to be able to do certain things. So 181 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 1: you have to check in with yourself first. What about you, 182 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 1: p We talked and you shared some things before we 183 00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: started the podcast, and one of the words you use recognized. 184 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,560 Speaker 1: Can you talk about that? Yeah? Yeah, absolutely. I just 185 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,199 Speaker 1: think that you know, a very simple concrete method to 186 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:12,320 Speaker 1: get control is how are you able to recognize when 187 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,960 Speaker 1: you're not in control? It's really important that you have 188 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,440 Speaker 1: an awareness. Um and I think the most practical thing, 189 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 1: and some simple thing that you mentioned was just write 190 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 1: down a schedule. I mean, what do you want to 191 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,720 Speaker 1: do today? How do you want to accomplish and feel 192 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,160 Speaker 1: like you're in a sense of control over your daily life. 193 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,200 Speaker 1: And I think that's a very fundamental key concept to 194 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 1: do is to simply write it down and then stick 195 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,319 Speaker 1: to the plan where creatures of habit stick with these 196 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,960 Speaker 1: habits throughout the holidays, um. And when we do that, 197 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 1: you're typically gonna feel more like you're in control and 198 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,280 Speaker 1: therefore it's going to emotionally be a lot more stable 199 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:50,520 Speaker 1: for you. It's almost as if we've had a quadruple whammy. 200 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 1: You got holidays, you got pandemic. It just came off 201 00:11:55,160 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 1: the election, social justice matters. I as a as a 202 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,000 Speaker 1: legend or just a current player. How have you guys 203 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 1: communicated with the current players on how in the world 204 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 1: they're able to stay focused? Can you guys speak to that? 205 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:17,000 Speaker 1: I think for my guys here in Chicago, they've definitely 206 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 1: I think football has definitely become um a place where 207 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 1: there is some normalcy because they're able to come to 208 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:28,640 Speaker 1: work every day and they're able to play, so they've 209 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 1: been able to use that as an escape. But it's definitely, 210 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: you know, there is a lot of sidebar conversations about 211 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 1: everything that's been going on, but because they are you know, 212 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,920 Speaker 1: privileged enough to have a space where they can kind 213 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:46,800 Speaker 1: of let that go. Um, that has helped, but you know, 214 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 1: just we are very open in this building about talking 215 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,720 Speaker 1: about those things, so that that has helped a lot. 216 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,640 Speaker 1: But um, being able to have that place to kind 217 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:02,320 Speaker 1: of just go to work and separate and you know, 218 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,600 Speaker 1: I can go tackle somebody and it just release it. 219 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 1: It definitely helps in all the legends, all the current players, 220 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 1: get that out of you while you're playing, because what's 221 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:20,640 Speaker 1: your allegend? You cannot do that as your boy, Peter, 222 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: here's a question I have. What is it about players 223 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:27,560 Speaker 1: and legends that add a greater challenge? I think it's 224 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: it's it's everything. Um. Interesting that that Carler was was 225 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 1: talking about just the physical aspect of how our guys 226 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:39,040 Speaker 1: can vent some of their emotions. And one of the 227 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:42,959 Speaker 1: things I've been coaching our players to do is, hey man, 228 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,720 Speaker 1: you gotta express it. You gotta say it now, because 229 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,959 Speaker 1: you can't. You can't hug each other like you used to. 230 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,599 Speaker 1: You gotta tell your teammate that you love them. You 231 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,480 Speaker 1: gotta tell you your people that you appreciate them. You 232 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,959 Speaker 1: have to verbally express that because you just can't give 233 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 1: people a hug anymore, so that's challenging for us guys 234 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,040 Speaker 1: to do that stuff. So a lot of what I've 235 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 1: been working with them on and say, listen, you've got 236 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 1: to be very conscientious of saying how you want to 237 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:12,080 Speaker 1: connect with that other person, because that affection that we 238 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,560 Speaker 1: have for each other just simply a high five or 239 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:18,040 Speaker 1: just a fist pump, you know, those things really mean 240 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,800 Speaker 1: a lot. But we can't do a lot of those things. 241 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 1: So we have to be more expressive and how we 242 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 1: communicate our love for each other. And I've really been 243 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 1: coaching our guys to do that. Very true. I hear 244 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 1: a lot a lot more I feel like thank you's 245 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:35,880 Speaker 1: and appreciate yous And you know, yes, I agree, most definitely, 246 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: they're definitely more being forced to be more verbal. Now, Carl, 247 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 1: the hope you re Peter realize the all of those 248 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 1: that will heal this podcast that are just regulars citizens. 249 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:52,480 Speaker 1: You just to mess them up because they're thinking we're Neanderthals, 250 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 1: that we all feel emotions. There's no hugging. And now, Peter, 251 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:01,440 Speaker 1: you're talking about affection. What are they talking? I hear 252 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 1: dudes tell each other they love they love each other 253 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 1: all day like that. I think that is probably one 254 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:15,200 Speaker 1: of the biggest misconceptions UM about male athletes and football 255 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 1: players UM specifically, is that you know, yes, there is 256 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,320 Speaker 1: that hyper masculinity, but there's a bunch of there's a 257 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 1: whole lot of love. There's a whole bunch of like, man, 258 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 1: I got you, you know, like there, because I think 259 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,920 Speaker 1: it's such um to play the sport, you have to 260 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 1: have a lot of passion and a lot of you know, 261 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 1: just emotion just in the sport, and so it spills 262 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 1: over it in other places. And so yeah, sometimes it's 263 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 1: a big love fest and Peter asking for help. How 264 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 1: do we now make that mainstream that is a sign 265 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 1: of strength and not weakness. Yeah, that that's been a 266 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 1: huge problem in the whole mental health industry. Is is 267 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 1: just kind of admitting that I need some help, and 268 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 1: it's it's such an important thing to encourage people will 269 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,000 Speaker 1: reach out. I mean that that's one of the lost 270 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:13,200 Speaker 1: UM casualties. I think of the last four years and 271 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,280 Speaker 1: some of the social justice issues that are going on 272 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: out there, and and all this tension and conflict around 273 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:23,280 Speaker 1: politics and and everything, and everybody hates each other and 274 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 1: we can we have to just agree to disagree and 275 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,920 Speaker 1: still love each other. And that's something that truly we 276 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,720 Speaker 1: have to get back to. We have to accept each 277 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:34,000 Speaker 1: other for our uniqueness. We got to take pride in 278 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,360 Speaker 1: the fact that that we're actually all on the same team, 279 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,640 Speaker 1: and we got to work towards reuniting with each other 280 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,080 Speaker 1: and reconnecting. And you know, that's what we're here for. 281 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: We're here to love each other on this earth and 282 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 1: be here for each other and not be divisive any longer. 283 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:50,360 Speaker 1: I was shocked when a couple of days ago we 284 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 1: went to see my parents down in the Wallets we 285 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:56,560 Speaker 1: live in St. Louis. I had not seen them since January, 286 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,040 Speaker 1: and my mom was dealing with severe anxiety. She and 287 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 1: my dad they're seventy four years old. I hadn't physically 288 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 1: seen him see him doing FaceTime, so I decided to 289 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 1: just get on the road, my wife and I and 290 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:12,679 Speaker 1: the children and just go see them, even though they 291 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:17,000 Speaker 1: didn't have the confidence to hug anything like that. I 292 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:22,199 Speaker 1: was so surprised how much it helped my mother just 293 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:26,399 Speaker 1: to physically see us from that six ft and how 294 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,879 Speaker 1: much that impact did hurt. When it comes down to 295 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,560 Speaker 1: the holidays, it's unusual. Just as you said, Carla, we 296 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,800 Speaker 1: may not bear to have all these great meals. How 297 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:41,920 Speaker 1: important it is, Peter to adjust our minds as far 298 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:45,879 Speaker 1: as realistic expectations. Yeah, I agree, we have to have 299 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,640 Speaker 1: to just those expectations. But we also have to be creative. 300 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,879 Speaker 1: You know, we have to think about going back to 301 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,639 Speaker 1: maybe some of the old schools. I think some of 302 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,200 Speaker 1: the legends can there relate to this. Let's send a 303 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,320 Speaker 1: thank you Carter just thinking of you, or send some 304 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:02,679 Speaker 1: cookies this somebody, or you know, send a meal to 305 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 1: and we just have to do those things to show 306 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 1: our gratitude and love for each other that way, because 307 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 1: you know, as we were talking before the podcast started, 308 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,440 Speaker 1: you know, we can't give Grandma a big hug this year, 309 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: you know, because we've got to be very careful. So 310 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,600 Speaker 1: go back to some old school things. Um. And the 311 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,320 Speaker 1: problem with with the older generation is the technology. They 312 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:24,239 Speaker 1: may not be able to zoom or FaceTime, so you're 313 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 1: gonna have to write letters, You're gonna have to send cards, 314 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 1: and those things are really important. Or a good old 315 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 1: fashioned phone call or phone call. Yes, and we can 316 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:36,880 Speaker 1: do FaceTime now, right, How important is it to get 317 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: involved in and philanthropic work during this time because during 318 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,040 Speaker 1: the time of the holidays, you feel like you're thinking 319 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,800 Speaker 1: about selves. You said, how how much does it help 320 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: to go out and serve others? Oh? I think it 321 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 1: helps tremendously because you're you're putting that energy somewhere else. 322 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:02,200 Speaker 1: You are, you know, taking the focus off of yourself 323 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:07,280 Speaker 1: and working and doing something that is one within your control. 324 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,080 Speaker 1: You know, you're able to kind of go in uh 325 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:15,440 Speaker 1: volunteer or a speaking engagement or something like that, even 326 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:19,399 Speaker 1: if it's via zoom. It's also being able to have 327 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,920 Speaker 1: a different type of connection with people. So you're still 328 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,679 Speaker 1: having that engagement with people, and you know, it just 329 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:30,120 Speaker 1: feels good to do something for someone else. And when 330 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,080 Speaker 1: you are able to do that, you feel like I've 331 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:36,400 Speaker 1: done something. I've accomplished something, you know, because we work 332 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:39,760 Speaker 1: with very goal oriented check the list, like I've I've 333 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 1: done all of these things, um to get through this 334 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:45,639 Speaker 1: workout or get to hear And so that's another task 335 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,880 Speaker 1: that not only helps someone else, but also going back 336 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,720 Speaker 1: to nourishing you, nourishing your soul and your spirit to 337 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 1: kind of help you feel better and move you in 338 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,679 Speaker 1: a in a better place. I couldn't agree more. And 339 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,920 Speaker 1: the other thing, car is um one thing COVID has 340 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,440 Speaker 1: taught me. And I've been very blessed in my life, 341 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,680 Speaker 1: as all of us probably have been been very blessed, 342 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: and COVID has taught me that I took a lot 343 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,879 Speaker 1: of things for granted. Um. You know, I took for 344 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,840 Speaker 1: granted the fact that, you know, I don't have to 345 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:21,639 Speaker 1: hug my kids or make a phone call or whatever. 346 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 1: So I think it's so important to take the blessings 347 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:27,720 Speaker 1: that we've been given and not take them for granted, 348 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:31,760 Speaker 1: and make some intentional behaviors to do something kind for 349 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:35,160 Speaker 1: someone that's been less fortunate. And to me, I think 350 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,359 Speaker 1: that's one of the greatest blessings I can give back 351 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,480 Speaker 1: to other people's to do those things. And even though 352 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,200 Speaker 1: we're talking about doing the holidays. The challenges as relates 353 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:47,920 Speaker 1: to current players and legends, you and I talked, Peter, 354 00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 1: you have clients, both athletes as well as just mainstream 355 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,359 Speaker 1: UM people. Have you seen a parallel as it relates 356 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:04,480 Speaker 1: to the same sadness happens to them all? Absolutely? You know, Again, 357 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 1: to Carlos point earlier, I one of the things I 358 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 1: had to adjust to when I started working with the 359 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,120 Speaker 1: Bengals and players in the NFL, is is just that 360 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:16,760 Speaker 1: whole kind of aura that that these are are famous people. 361 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,639 Speaker 1: And it took me a while to adjust to that 362 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,920 Speaker 1: because these are normal guys. I mean, they got normal 363 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:26,199 Speaker 1: feelings and then they're very sensitive and it really was 364 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: an adjustment for me because they put their pants on 365 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 1: just like you and I do, and you know, they 366 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:34,359 Speaker 1: have the same emotions. So it's really important to you know, 367 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,840 Speaker 1: focus on what constructive things we can give them and 368 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,120 Speaker 1: what resources they do have available and kind of help 369 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 1: them through these difficult times because it's difficult on all 370 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:46,320 Speaker 1: of us, regardless if you're an NFL player or just 371 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:51,399 Speaker 1: working at Amazon. Yeah. Absolutely, And I think for people 372 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:56,359 Speaker 1: who are who are not you know, in our little bubble, 373 00:21:56,600 --> 00:22:01,040 Speaker 1: in our NFL bubble, I think for those who hear this, 374 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 1: it will also kind of help validate and be like, oh, wait, 375 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,720 Speaker 1: they're going through that too, because I think because we're 376 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,240 Speaker 1: still playing and you know, things are looking normal in 377 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 1: the football world, I think people outside of it think 378 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,760 Speaker 1: that they're that they're unaffected, and it's like, no, they're affected, 379 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,639 Speaker 1: trust me. But and it and it goes back to 380 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,439 Speaker 1: what we've heard many times throughout this pandemic is that 381 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,480 Speaker 1: we are all in this together, and so some of 382 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:32,120 Speaker 1: the same struggles that you know someone outside of football 383 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: is having, you know, a coach or a player could 384 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 1: be having as well. One of the things early in 385 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:42,000 Speaker 1: the season, Dak Prescott did an interview and talked about 386 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 1: working with a clinician, working with a psychologist, right, and 387 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:51,239 Speaker 1: that he had gone through depression. Do you encourage the 388 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 1: current guys that you work with not to go public 389 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,960 Speaker 1: with that? Because he got there was a lot of backlash. 390 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 1: He was almost like, you're the quarterback of the Dallas 391 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 1: called Boys. I dare you come out publicly talking about 392 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,920 Speaker 1: you've had depression when you're supposed to be the quarterback 393 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,720 Speaker 1: of the team. How do you guys communicate to the 394 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:18,480 Speaker 1: guys you recommend keep these things to yourself, Peter, It's 395 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 1: primarily an individual preference. Um. You know, we have a 396 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,439 Speaker 1: number of NFL players that have retired and have come 397 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,680 Speaker 1: out and been very strong advocates of mental health, which 398 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,560 Speaker 1: is great, and you see it across some of the 399 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,880 Speaker 1: other sports in the NBA and the Major League Baseball. Um, 400 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,040 Speaker 1: you know, so I think it's just an individual preference. 401 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:39,040 Speaker 1: And if they're comfortable doing that, certainly I don't discourage it. 402 00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:42,679 Speaker 1: But you it's it's kind of a delicate pineline whether 403 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:46,680 Speaker 1: someone's willing to kind of talk about that publicly. It's difficult, right, 404 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:53,520 Speaker 1: and exactly what Peter said, it's a very individual um decision. Uh. 405 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,480 Speaker 1: Many times when that happens, the clinician is the last 406 00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:00,760 Speaker 1: to know. We'll find out watching ESPN or whatever like 407 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:07,320 Speaker 1: everyone else. Um. And then, but but what what I 408 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,960 Speaker 1: felt like when he did that, it was very It 409 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,720 Speaker 1: helped reduced a lot of the stigma. I have a 410 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,879 Speaker 1: word that's coming up to me when I mentioned a 411 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 1: word vulnerability. When I meet with a clinician, I have 412 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 1: to be somewhat comfortable and being vulnerable. Can you guys 413 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:32,119 Speaker 1: speak to that? Um that that is kind of the 414 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 1: single obstacle in any type of of state that they 415 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,680 Speaker 1: were in, especially if we're uncomfortable. And the degree of 416 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:45,639 Speaker 1: vulnerability that someone is willing to express or talk about 417 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,440 Speaker 1: is proportionate to the degree of trust they have in 418 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,600 Speaker 1: the other person. You know, are they is it a 419 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 1: safe place to do that? Are they going to actually 420 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 1: help me when I'm at my lowest point and how 421 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,600 Speaker 1: vulnerable I can go. Um. So it's just a very 422 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,200 Speaker 1: different on spot for a lot of people, being especially 423 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,320 Speaker 1: to NFL players. You know, I think the other thing 424 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 1: is trying to again, I'm big on reframing getting them 425 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:15,360 Speaker 1: to see that actually in vulnerability, that's actually a strength. 426 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,879 Speaker 1: And you know, I don't always want to make the 427 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:23,760 Speaker 1: the analogy to their sport, but it's like, you know, 428 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,920 Speaker 1: you had to be vulnerable to to get this far. 429 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,160 Speaker 1: You had to put yourself in some uncomfortable positions and 430 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,679 Speaker 1: trust coaches and trainers and all that to get to 431 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 1: where you are. So this is just kind of like 432 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:41,440 Speaker 1: your internal training camp, so to speak. M So let's 433 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 1: talk about taking action. One. Are the things all of 434 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 1: our listeners can do during this time and I'll give 435 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:51,480 Speaker 1: some examples and you can add some. Uh. Good time 436 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,639 Speaker 1: to check in with family. I think you guys have 437 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 1: mentioned that, Yes, check in on a football family. You've 438 00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,920 Speaker 1: mentioned that as well, because you may not be able 439 00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:03,320 Speaker 1: to it to your your actual family, reach out to 440 00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:06,800 Speaker 1: the voices you need to hear and pay it forward. 441 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:10,399 Speaker 1: We talked about generalsson and philanthropic work. Anything else you 442 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,679 Speaker 1: guys would add, um, maybe not reach out to the 443 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:19,320 Speaker 1: voices you don't need to hear because I mean it. 444 00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,960 Speaker 1: But it's true when you talk about you know, being 445 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:29,160 Speaker 1: in a stressful time or or something that is, um 446 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:33,120 Speaker 1: the holidays, that's going to cause you stress or anything. 447 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,520 Speaker 1: Sometimes you know, there are some people you love them, 448 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,640 Speaker 1: but you gotta love them from afar because you know, 449 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,199 Speaker 1: teaching people how to protect their peace is very key 450 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,920 Speaker 1: to mental health. As we head down the stretch here, 451 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,200 Speaker 1: here's a question for those during this time of year 452 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:52,720 Speaker 1: deal with regret our loved ones that a mother add 453 00:26:52,840 --> 00:27:01,400 Speaker 1: somebody grandparents have transition passed away. How do you help them? You? Yeah, 454 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 1: I mean I lost my father this past year in February, 455 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,720 Speaker 1: so this is going to be a very different time 456 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,640 Speaker 1: for us. Um. You know, he lived a great life. 457 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,600 Speaker 1: My mother passed away thirty years ago. So UM, you know, 458 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,320 Speaker 1: we just have to you know, account our blessings. And 459 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,360 Speaker 1: I talked to my dad every day. UM. I think 460 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:23,360 Speaker 1: that helps. Uh. Sometimes he answers me, sometimes he doesn't. UM, 461 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,720 Speaker 1: But I just think we have to keep those memories 462 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,600 Speaker 1: fond to us, um, and we gotta stay attached to 463 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,240 Speaker 1: those fond memories and the good ones. UM. You know, 464 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,280 Speaker 1: we gotta not go down that rabbit hole and resurrect 465 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,600 Speaker 1: our demons and and all those regrets that you talked about. 466 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,280 Speaker 1: I mean, those aren't productive at all. Um. So we 467 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,119 Speaker 1: just got to be very careful and be disciplined and 468 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,600 Speaker 1: mindful and and be very prayerful during those times. And 469 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,800 Speaker 1: we're gonna get through this. We're gonna through this better 470 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:51,680 Speaker 1: than we were before. Yeah, I agree. Um, I lost 471 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,600 Speaker 1: my dad. Oh gosh, it'll be thirty three years ago 472 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:59,840 Speaker 1: in January. And you know when I talked to guys 473 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:01,680 Speaker 1: at about grief and loss and like, what was it? 474 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,800 Speaker 1: Was there one thing that was there? A song? Was 475 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,399 Speaker 1: there a TV show? Something that you can do that 476 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,520 Speaker 1: like would bring comfort or remind you of that person. 477 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,040 Speaker 1: And you know, you know, guys will ask me, well 478 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:15,600 Speaker 1: what do you do? And I said, you know, I 479 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,680 Speaker 1: thought it was the grossest thing when I was growing up. 480 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,760 Speaker 1: But my dad loved ice cream and pretzels, And so 481 00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 1: if I'm in a mood or feeling sentimental, I will 482 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:28,240 Speaker 1: eat some ice cream and put the pretzels around the bowl, 483 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,800 Speaker 1: just like my dad did. But it's that, you know, 484 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:33,800 Speaker 1: my way of talking to him, my way of feeling close. 485 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:37,960 Speaker 1: So trying to help you know people instead of looking 486 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,040 Speaker 1: at regret, What is that one thing that you know 487 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:41,960 Speaker 1: you can do that makes you feel closer to them 488 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,320 Speaker 1: and that can kind of give you that internal hug, 489 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,080 Speaker 1: feeling like they're there, and sometimes it is. You just 490 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,719 Speaker 1: got to talk to him. I was going to get 491 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,200 Speaker 1: a tattoo for Christmas, but my wife wouldn't let him 492 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:57,240 Speaker 1: and memory of my father, so that wasn't gone. I 493 00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:01,840 Speaker 1: just love to see you with the tattoo, Peter. One 494 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:04,520 Speaker 1: of the things that's helped me is because there are 495 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:08,320 Speaker 1: so many transferable skills as an athlete playing a game 496 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 1: of football, right, And one I want to talk about 497 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:15,080 Speaker 1: specific is a game plan for me would help me 498 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:21,880 Speaker 1: mentally during this time, I approached COVID as an opponent, right, 499 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,320 Speaker 1: This is an opponent that's not a friend, that's not 500 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:27,120 Speaker 1: a teammate. Right. And then to beginning to get the 501 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:31,280 Speaker 1: professional coaching as too. Obviously the washing, the hand, the mask, 502 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 1: all those things, those are fundamentals, and then some game 503 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:40,520 Speaker 1: plans for my life to help me not succumb to 504 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:47,120 Speaker 1: this opponent. Right. Could you guys help us doing this podcast? 505 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:51,040 Speaker 1: What are some suggestions as it relates to a game plan. 506 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:55,280 Speaker 1: Let's see players and legends love a game plan. How 507 00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:58,960 Speaker 1: do we put together a game plan for this season 508 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:02,880 Speaker 1: of holidays? So I'll give Carlisle, I'll buy you some 509 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,920 Speaker 1: time here when I talked about so so, here's a 510 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,840 Speaker 1: concept that I think has worked for me. I was 511 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:12,200 Speaker 1: a collegiate golfer. I wasn't a football player, so um. 512 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,320 Speaker 1: And I was not a country club kid. I learned 513 00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,720 Speaker 1: how to play golf on the public links, so um. 514 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:21,200 Speaker 1: So I was very competitive. I was very determined. I 515 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:25,840 Speaker 1: was very confident, and as pretty intense. And when I 516 00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:29,000 Speaker 1: had to, you know, change over from playing collegiate golf 517 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 1: to get it on to get my doctoral degree. Those 518 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 1: same characteristics as a player, we're advantages when I took 519 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: on graduate school and became a psychologist. So I'm still 520 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 1: as competitive, I'm still as intense, I'm still as determined, 521 00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,960 Speaker 1: I'm still as confident. So golf taught me a lot 522 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:53,160 Speaker 1: as far as that identity as a athlete to carry 523 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:54,640 Speaker 1: on the rest of my life, and I think as 524 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,680 Speaker 1: a football player that's the same thing. Those are the 525 00:30:57,720 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 1: emotions that you have to utilize to get you through 526 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:01,880 Speaker 1: the rest of your life, as well as the rest 527 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:06,440 Speaker 1: of the holiday season. M hm um. I think one 528 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:09,040 Speaker 1: of the things that keeps coming up for me when 529 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:13,400 Speaker 1: I think about holidays and um, everything, is that we 530 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:17,160 Speaker 1: put a lot of pressure on ourselves for for doing 531 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,640 Speaker 1: we I should be doing this, I should be managing 532 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:24,760 Speaker 1: this pandemic better. I should be able to work from 533 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,360 Speaker 1: home and take care of the family and all of that. 534 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:31,000 Speaker 1: And I think, you know, showing ourselves some grace because 535 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,560 Speaker 1: no one has ever been through this before, and taking 536 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 1: kind of taking the shoulds out of our statements, because 537 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,320 Speaker 1: I think we just put so much pressure on ourselves 538 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:45,280 Speaker 1: to be able to figure it out and be able 539 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 1: to just handle it. And you know, you're doing the 540 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,560 Speaker 1: best you can with what you have. Information is changing 541 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:55,640 Speaker 1: every day, So taking that judgment out of ourselves that 542 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:59,200 Speaker 1: I should be more productive, you know, um I should. 543 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,680 Speaker 1: You know, I'm working from home. I should have had 544 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: the tree up to day after Thanksgiving. No, like, just 545 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:10,120 Speaker 1: show yourself some grace and you know, take those should 546 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,680 Speaker 1: statements out for sure. And as we close, I want 547 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:17,200 Speaker 1: to make everyone aware of the resources that are available 548 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,520 Speaker 1: to players and legends. The NFL Lifeline is a resource 549 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:25,720 Speaker 1: for the entire NFL community, including current and former NFL players, coaches, 550 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 1: teams and league staff and their family members. It's secure, 551 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,840 Speaker 1: confidential and dependent and available twenty four hours a day, 552 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,720 Speaker 1: seven days a week, three D and six to five 553 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:41,800 Speaker 1: days a year. Call five zero six zero zero seven 554 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:48,360 Speaker 1: eight our chat online at NFL Lifeline dot org seven 555 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: confidential support. There are also free SIGNA E A P 556 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:59,360 Speaker 1: sessions for players, legends in anyone in their household. Eight 557 00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:03,120 Speaker 1: free set shows per issue. Are there any key things 558 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:07,600 Speaker 1: that come to you, guys, Carla or Peter where guys 559 00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:11,560 Speaker 1: can reach out anything else besides what I just talked about. Yeah, 560 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,760 Speaker 1: I would encourage just call the former team you played 561 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,840 Speaker 1: with or whoever is closest to you and and reach 562 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:21,560 Speaker 1: out to the team clinician at that facility. And uh, 563 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,560 Speaker 1: you know, we're all more than happy to help anybody 564 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,800 Speaker 1: that's been associated with the NFL. UM. We're all locally, 565 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:32,000 Speaker 1: UM networked, UM. You know, so we have resources that 566 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 1: are available not only us, but if there are other 567 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,840 Speaker 1: things out there that are going to help anyone, just 568 00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:40,000 Speaker 1: call the team clinician in your area will help you out. 569 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:44,800 Speaker 1: And I mean, and even if let's let's say you 570 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,480 Speaker 1: you're retired in your living in St. Louis, but your 571 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:51,360 Speaker 1: last team was the Bears. We can still help you 572 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:55,160 Speaker 1: get connected to someone that where you're living, not just locally, 573 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:58,240 Speaker 1: because if somebody was in Cincinnati, Peter would be the 574 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,400 Speaker 1: first person I would go to. So we're able to 575 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:04,520 Speaker 1: also utilize each other to help people get connected to resources. 576 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 1: So if I'm a Legend, I wanted to get a tattoo, 577 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:08,719 Speaker 1: you would send me to Peter if I was in Cinc. 578 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:15,160 Speaker 1: And then let's get one together. Let's do it. Peter, Carla, 579 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:20,400 Speaker 1: this has been fantastic. Thanks for joining us, thanks for 580 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:23,560 Speaker 1: listening it and the best is yet to come. Thank you, 581 00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:29,680 Speaker 1: Thank you. Some time blocked everybody. This has been the 582 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:33,880 Speaker 1: NFL Legends podcast. To provide feedback or request a topic 583 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:49,799 Speaker 1: for discussion, email us at NFL Legends at NFL dot com.