Speaker 1: All babies, regardless of the circumstance of how they were conceived,
Speaker 1: are a gift from God.
Speaker 2: What's up, everybody?
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. This is episode two and ten,
Speaker 1: and I've got my little brother Parker joining us, one
Speaker 1: of my favorite guests to be on here answering questions.
Speaker 2: What's up, park what's up? Man?
Speaker 1: We answer your questions. You email Grangersmith podcast at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com and we'll walk through anything you got going on.
Speaker 1: We don't have any notes or we're not prepared. We
Speaker 1: haven't read these questions beforehand. And a lot of exciting
Speaker 1: news coming in the future of this podcast, but right
Speaker 1: now this is still all that it is. Email Grangersmith
Speaker 1: Podcast at gmail dot com. Parker is actually a fellow
Speaker 1: seminarian with me at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and this
Speaker 1: next semester, which we're starting next week, we are in
Speaker 1: the same class together. Yep.
Speaker 2: It's a fire host to the face. It's pretty ridiculous,
Speaker 2: but the fire host to the face, I'm enjoying it.
Speaker 1: The fire host to the face kind of like this podcast.
Speaker 1: Just kidding. First question at random, I'm gonna pull these up.
Speaker 1: Subdecline says saying I love you, and the email says
Speaker 1: this grain your My name is Noel, I'm from Warsaw, Indiana,
Speaker 1: and I love your podcast and music. Side note, that's
Speaker 1: where we got the wood from. This house is the
Speaker 1: old barnwoods from Warsaw. Oh wow yeah, And she says,
Speaker 1: my question is who should I say? Who should say
Speaker 1: I love you first? That's a good one to start
Speaker 1: the podcast. Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of unknowns there. I don't really
Speaker 2: how old are you?
Speaker 1: How long have you been dating?
Speaker 2: Well, i'd say not knowing any of those things. If
Speaker 2: you're just asking me if the guy or the girl
Speaker 2: should say I love you first, Typically it's up to
Speaker 2: the guy to take the initiative to ask the girl
Speaker 2: out in the first place, to use the d word date,
Speaker 2: and to not just say do you want to go
Speaker 2: hang out? Do you want to come over and watch
Speaker 2: a movie? You know, to use that word date. Let's
Speaker 2: the girl know what we're doing, what my expectations should be,
Speaker 2: what your intentions are. Anyway, So all that to say,
Speaker 2: I would say that primarily the guy's responsibility is to
Speaker 2: say I love you first, and if he's not, and
Speaker 2: if this girl is like, where's this going. He still
Speaker 2: hasn't said I love you and it's been so long,
Speaker 2: then that could be a red flog.
Speaker 1: Right, I agree. I think that like Parker said, without
Speaker 1: knowing your situation, Noel, I think those are pretty good guidelines,
Speaker 1: without knowing your age, how long you've been dating, what
Speaker 1: kind of guy, this is, how you feel about him.
Speaker 1: Let's say the guideline are make sure that he's being
Speaker 1: And this is also a message to everyone else that's
Speaker 1: dating be define what you're doing, because it's crazy how uh,
Speaker 1: how people could be misled and think, I don't know
Speaker 1: if where what this is. I don't know if this
Speaker 1: is he's just a friend, or if he just likes
Speaker 1: hanging out with me. Maybe he likes my brother, he
Speaker 1: likes he thinks my dad's cool. I don't I can't
Speaker 1: figure this out. So guys, define what you're doing. Like
Speaker 1: Parker said, just say date or go steady or go
Speaker 1: where you go with me? Is what we used to say,
Speaker 1: like in junior, h will you go with me? And
Speaker 1: everyone just knew what that meant. But define it. And
Speaker 1: then after you define it, then Noel won't have to
Speaker 1: worry about where this is going, and she'll just know
Speaker 1: if you guys really like each other that maybe one
Speaker 1: day he'll say I love you.
Speaker 2: One thing that my now wife and I did as well,
Speaker 2: that's gonna be pretty old school to some people, is
Speaker 2: we decided when we started dating that we weren't going
Speaker 2: to use the word love until if and when we
Speaker 2: were engaged. That was just kind of a I didn't
Speaker 2: say when we get engaged, I'll say it because I
Speaker 2: didn't know if I was going to marry her or
Speaker 2: not yet. But we both just came to the consensus
Speaker 2: that let's not say I love you until if and
Speaker 2: when that point happens. Of if you just think about
Speaker 2: what love is and how we just use it so
Speaker 2: flippantly today, I think that there should be a sort
Speaker 2: of retraction of that word and a reverence and meaning
Speaker 2: behind it before you just start giving your heart away
Speaker 2: and start using that word flippantly.
Speaker 1: Totally agree. Tell them what else you did when you
Speaker 1: and name you were dating or yeah, engaged, I guess
Speaker 1: all through it.
Speaker 2: Of just not kissing, yeah, yeah, yeah, we just decided
Speaker 2: not to not to kiss, and which sounds crazy to
Speaker 2: even say it out out, And I just hear everybody
Speaker 2: rolling their eyes, who are listening. But yeah, when I
Speaker 2: became a Christian, and you know, the question that you
Speaker 2: hear all the time is how far can I go
Speaker 2: with my girlfriend and it not be sin? And the
Speaker 2: posture of that question, when I thought about it long enough,
Speaker 2: was how close can I get to the edge of
Speaker 2: this cliff by then not fall off? Or another way
Speaker 2: putting it, how far away can I get away from God?
Speaker 2: But still say under his good graces and so and
Speaker 2: so it's just kind of torture to to be physically
Speaker 2: intimate with your significant other, even if you're not going
Speaker 2: to have sex, because it's just going to make it
Speaker 2: that much more difficult to stop. And so we just honestly,
Speaker 2: it's it was so freeing to just say we're not
Speaker 2: going to kiss at all, and it made everything else
Speaker 2: so much easier because when you cut off that the
Speaker 2: emotional rollercoaster that comes from being physically intimate with someone,
Speaker 2: you're able to think so much more soberly when you
Speaker 2: are deciding if they're going to be your future husband
Speaker 2: or wife.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's amazing. And then it also helps
Speaker 1: expedite the engagement process. Yeah, true, right, It's like you
Speaker 1: don't want to set your engagement for a year and
Speaker 1: a half. Two years from now, you're like, man, let's
Speaker 1: get this thing rolling. I really want to kiss this girl.
Speaker 1: But let me say this. Let me say this. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of people that I know what they're thinking.
Speaker 1: A lot of people are thinking, man, you don't really
Speaker 1: know somebody. You can't truly have that connection until you're
Speaker 1: intimate with somebody. What do you say to that argument, Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2: Just not true. If anything, you're able to be more
Speaker 2: intimate because you're not blinded bomb all of the chemicals
Speaker 2: that come in your mind when you have sex with somebody,
Speaker 2: Like our brains are wired to bond to the thing,
Speaker 2: to the to the other human that we're having sex with,
Speaker 2: and when you do that with someone that you're not
Speaker 2: married to, it just starts to get in all of
Speaker 2: these other factors and you start to get blinded by
Speaker 2: other things because you just become love drunk with this
Speaker 2: person and addicted to this physical feeling whether rather than
Speaker 2: who they are, who they are as a person, and
Speaker 2: you get to know them I think so much better.
Speaker 2: And then the other thing with that is, you know,
Speaker 2: you hear people say you got to test drive the
Speaker 2: car and it's like we're literally comparing other human beings
Speaker 2: to vehicles that are supposed to be used. So yeah,
Speaker 2: I just I just don't think it's true that that
Speaker 2: you need to be able to be physically intimate with
Speaker 2: someone to get to know them better. And then the
Speaker 2: other thing is it's like, like you said, you know
Speaker 2: there's people out there that you know, this is very
Speaker 2: sensitive topic, and so I don't I don't want to
Speaker 2: come up overly judgmental, but just genuinely empathizing with someone
Speaker 2: who's been living with their significant other for a long time.
Speaker 2: It's like, like you said, why would they want to
Speaker 2: get married? You know, they're already having sex, they're already
Speaker 2: living together, they may already have children together. What's the point.
Speaker 2: What's the point of getting married at that point? You know,
Speaker 2: there's there's no there's no boundaries for the marriage covenant
Speaker 2: at that point.
Speaker 1: In my mind, it's great, man, I don't have anything
Speaker 1: to add to that. What I heard you say essentially
Speaker 1: was a mature relationship should drive intimacy, not the other
Speaker 1: way around, because you're saying because people will argue, no,
Speaker 1: you can't know somebody, you can't have a good relationship
Speaker 1: to your intimate you're saying, no, it's the other way around.
Speaker 2: You.
Speaker 1: You establish a mature relationship, and that that will determine
Speaker 1: a lot of other things, including intimacy is one of them,
Speaker 1: and the world says the opposite. The world says, intimacy
Speaker 1: then creates a mature relation. Well, guess what the world
Speaker 1: has a track record to that. That's not very good.
Speaker 2: So yeah, man, yeah, the world says to focus everything
Speaker 2: on the sexual relationship, to the physical attributes, and then
Speaker 2: the other stuff comes later. And it's just like, man,
Speaker 2: when you're married. When you're married, that red hot love
Speaker 2: is going to wear off very quickly. And if that's
Speaker 2: what the foundation is, then you know what are you
Speaker 2: left with that's not just the physical intimacy.
Speaker 1: Love it Let me move on. Then we're going to
Speaker 1: go to like because I could tell by these subjectlines,
Speaker 1: we're all over the map here on this episode. And
Speaker 1: that's good. This next question, Subdecline says leaving organized religion. Hey, Granger,
Speaker 1: I was born and raised in the Mormon Church, Church
Speaker 1: of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Within the last year,
Speaker 1: my husband and I decided to leave, and I'm so
Speaker 1: grateful we did not become like most of our other
Speaker 1: members who leave and walk away from Jesus all together.
Speaker 1: We are now attending SMCC South Mountain Community Church in
Speaker 1: Saint George, Utah. We absolutely love it and we're so
Speaker 1: grateful we found it. Deconstructing everything that you've ever known
Speaker 1: is very hard, and with that being said, my mom
Speaker 1: is still a devout member of the church. My dad
Speaker 1: has never been a member, but has recently started going
Speaker 1: to church with her in the last two years. When
Speaker 1: I told her that we would be leaving the church,
Speaker 1: she was heartbroken. I'm the third of her children to leave.
Speaker 1: My older brother and my younger sister have also left,
Speaker 1: leaving just my two younger siblings who live at home
Speaker 1: in the church with her. I don't know if you
Speaker 1: know anything about the Mormon Church, but having left, I
Speaker 1: now believe it's a horrible organization and they were worshiping
Speaker 1: a Christ who cannot save them. Any advice on how
Speaker 1: we should just be an example to them, or how
Speaker 1: to share a little teaching of God that can help
Speaker 1: them realize that they are that they are in need
Speaker 1: to take the blinders off. It is heartbreaking to watch
Speaker 1: finally being on the outside. Thank you, Anonymous. All right, Hey,
Speaker 1: thanks for the email, Anonymous, and let's dive into this.
Speaker 1: It's a lot and a lot that I cannot empathize with.
Speaker 1: I do know a lot about the LDS church, Parker knows.
Speaker 1: I've studied a lot about this, not as much. I
Speaker 1: don't know as much as you do, but I have
Speaker 1: spent a significant amount of time in Utah and and
Speaker 1: have a good deal of friends from that church that
Speaker 1: we talk on the regular with. I want to give
Speaker 1: a warning first with your email, because I want to
Speaker 1: kind of caution you on everything that you said and
Speaker 1: make sure that we're just kind of slightly tapping the
Speaker 1: brakes here. And the first thing that I immediately thought of
Speaker 1: with some caution. First of all, grateful, grateful for your email,
Speaker 1: you know, but you said, I'm so grateful we did
Speaker 1: not become like the other members who leave and walk
Speaker 1: away from Jesus all together. Like right there, I just
Speaker 1: heard I heard the tax collector in the Pharisee parable
Speaker 1: come up in my head where it's like, thank goodness,
Speaker 1: I'm not like that guy. Like that tax collector. You know,
Speaker 1: we tie, we're good people. We've made the right decisions.
Speaker 1: We chose the right path. We studied enough, we know
Speaker 1: enough of the Bible. Now we've come to see the light.
Speaker 1: We've unfolded our own blinders. Basically, thank goodness, we're not
Speaker 1: like that tax collector. It's that's literally what the parable is.
Speaker 1: And then in the parable, the tax collector is beating
Speaker 1: his chest, looking down and downcast, and he says, have
Speaker 1: mercy on me, a sinner. And then Jesus says, I
Speaker 1: tell you who was justified with him, not the Pharisee.
Speaker 1: So I'm not comparing you to that. I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: let's caution ourselves with ever looking at anyone else and going, ha,
Speaker 1: so God, I'm not that guy. I've been doing really good. Okay.
Speaker 1: Second of all, I want to I want to acknowledge
Speaker 1: the how difficult it must be, like you said, to
Speaker 1: go against your parents, what you're calling organized religion, very difficult.
Speaker 1: And then we'll get to the heart of the email.
Speaker 1: And that's when you're asking any advice. This is what
Speaker 1: your question is. Any advice on how we could just
Speaker 1: be an example to them or share it to them
Speaker 1: at a little teaching of God that could help them
Speaker 1: realize they need to take the blinders off. That's what
Speaker 1: you said. That's your question, and so a couple thoughts
Speaker 1: I'll let Parker dig into. First thought is you cannot
Speaker 1: take the blinders off. You didn't and no one else can.
Speaker 1: It's not within your power. That's when within the power
Speaker 1: of a sovereign God. We have a responsibility, as Parker
Speaker 1: and I just actually looked at today or yesterday when
Speaker 1: Amy sent that, we have the responsibility to believe, but
Speaker 1: we cannot take blinders off. Jesus says in John three
Speaker 1: that a man must be born again to enter the
Speaker 1: Kingdom of heaven. And you and me and everyone else
Speaker 1: didn't contribute to our first birth, so why would we
Speaker 1: contribute to our second birth. We don't have a power
Speaker 1: in that. So you can't take the blinders off. Why
Speaker 1: am I saying all this to you, Well, I'm saying
Speaker 1: it because I want to feel from you, anonymous. I
Speaker 1: just want to feel a love for the members of
Speaker 1: that church, because if you come in with this pharisee
Speaker 1: idea of come on, man, you gotta teat what can
Speaker 1: I teach you to learn that you're wrong? You're You're
Speaker 1: a horrible this is your words. It's a horrible organization.
Speaker 1: You're worshiping, worshiping at Christ. You cannot save that right there.
Speaker 1: That attitude, I promise you, doesn't do anything for anybody
Speaker 1: besides just turn them off and say, well, I'm done
Speaker 1: talking to anonymous. And and you're zealous. I understand and
Speaker 1: that and that's kind of part of this deal too.
Speaker 1: But you're asking me any advice on how we could
Speaker 1: be an example to them, love them, love them, and
Speaker 1: through that love, you could share your witness and share the.
Speaker 2: Gospel with them.
Speaker 1: And that's it. You share the gospel embedded in the
Speaker 1: love that you have. I mentioned that I have a
Speaker 1: lot of friends from that church. Well I have to.
Speaker 1: I'm always friends with the current missionaries in my area,
Speaker 1: which is Georgetown, Texas. And so the two the two
Speaker 1: elders that are missionaries in Georgetown, Texas, I'm friends with
Speaker 1: them right now, and they're actually coming to the house tomorrow.
Speaker 1: They're coming over tomorrow. One of them wants a signed
Speaker 1: copy of La a River. That's that's part of the reason.
Speaker 1: But this would be the second time that they come over.
Speaker 1: And man, I love those guys. I love those guys.
Speaker 1: I love I love hosting them, serving them and telling
Speaker 1: him the gospel and evangelizing to them. And one thing
Speaker 1: I don't do within that conversation is say you know
Speaker 1: you're part of a horrible organization.
Speaker 2: I don't say that, Parker. What you got for this,
Speaker 2: I don't have much sad. I think that what you're
Speaker 2: saying is to just to approach her salvation first of
Speaker 2: all with just really just humble gratitude of just like God,
Speaker 2: I know better than them. I was so blind and
Speaker 2: you saved me when I didn't deserve it. And then
Speaker 2: when you have that posture coupled with you know, your parents'
Speaker 2: salvation is not ultimately your response ability. If they don't
Speaker 2: get saved, if your friends in the LEDs Church don't
Speaker 2: get saved to you evangelized too, you're not a failure.
Speaker 2: Your job as a born again believer in Christ is
Speaker 2: to just lovingly share that truth of who Jesus is
Speaker 2: what you call to do, and pray. You can pray
Speaker 2: for your parents, you can pray for your friends there,
Speaker 2: and you can rest knowing that, like you said, salvation
Speaker 2: is the Lord's and throughout that have a posture of
Speaker 2: Paul's words of you know such were some of you,
Speaker 2: and so you don't ever just beat them over the
Speaker 2: head with it, only approach it with a posture of humility, thinking, man,
Speaker 2: I was blind too, and who are people who tried
Speaker 2: to share the truth with me and I turned them away?
Speaker 2: And so and then also just living that example out
Speaker 2: and loving loving them. Well, it's great.
Speaker 1: This podcast has actually opened a lot of doors of
Speaker 1: conversation between me and the LDS Church and a lot
Speaker 1: of the friendships that I have, like text basis relationships
Speaker 1: started really from this podcast from the past years. And
Speaker 1: so if anyone's listening now from the church and wants
Speaker 1: to email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com to
Speaker 1: to have any kind of discussion, the dialogue is open.
Speaker 1: Love you and love your church as well. Also love
Speaker 1: the state of Utah. What a beautiful place and I've
Speaker 1: I've loved so many years traveling there with music Park.
Speaker 1: I think we have a time if we could get
Speaker 1: one more in just a few minutes, and we'll take
Speaker 1: a break. You know what, I don't know if we
Speaker 1: can these these scene Let me take a break, because
Speaker 1: these I don't I want to give everybody the full time,
Speaker 1: so we'll.
Speaker 2: Take a break and bear it back.
Speaker 1: I haven't really told anybody this yet, but we are
Speaker 1: building a brand new Grangersmith dot com, all new, and
Speaker 1: we decided to build it on to Shopify. So we
Speaker 1: had the idea that just in case, you know, we
Speaker 1: need to be able to sell like a River books
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Speaker 1: could find out if we have anything left at that
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Speaker 1: message from me personally custom made for you on my
Speaker 1: cell phone, you could do that through cameo dot com
Speaker 1: slash Granger Smith. A lot of people will email and say, hey, man,
Speaker 1: how could I get a personalized message for my girlfriend
Speaker 1: that granger says happy birthday or happy anniversary to my wife?
Speaker 1: Or how could I get a message to my son
Speaker 1: to tell them congratulations on finishing school or starting school,
Speaker 1: And always say, well, it's super easy. Cameo dot com
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Speaker 1: it says, this person wants you to wish their son
Speaker 1: a happy birthday. Here's his name, here's what he's into,
Speaker 1: here's why he likes you. I could read that easily,
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Speaker 1: holidays coming up. Kennyo is a great thing. I've done
Speaker 1: it for probably five years now and it seems to
Speaker 1: be just a great tool for someone to get a
Speaker 1: quick message from me. Okay, back to the podcast. Back
Speaker 1: to the podcast here, and this is an interesting subject
Speaker 1: line here it says, how do I know if I'm
Speaker 1: still in love with my wife? Hey Granger, my name
Speaker 1: is Daniel. I'm twenty seven. I've been with my wife
Speaker 1: since high school twenty eleven. We got married five years ago.
Speaker 1: We had our son three years ago, and since the
Speaker 1: birth of my son, something within her changed. It started slowly,
Speaker 1: but she would go out with her girlfriends once a month,
Speaker 1: and then every other week, and then that progressed into
Speaker 1: a weekly thing. I've had multiple talks with her about
Speaker 1: spending more time with me and her son, but there
Speaker 1: is weekends when she leaves town and seems to be
Speaker 1: living a happy life without us. At first, I kept thinking,
Speaker 1: I get it needs some time to get away from home,
Speaker 1: but now it really seems like that's all she wants
Speaker 1: to do. Our date nights are usually filled with silence
Speaker 1: because I try to avoid arguments right now. My son
Speaker 1: loves mommy and loves to see her, but I don't
Speaker 1: allow her to take him along with her friends whenever
Speaker 1: they leave town, because let's just say, her girlfriends are
Speaker 1: not people i'd want to want him to peer around.
Speaker 1: I feel trapped. I feel like I'm still living there
Speaker 1: just to see my son while his mommy is around.
Speaker 1: But I don't know if I'm still in love with her.
Speaker 1: I read this quote, you can't fall in love twice
Speaker 1: because the second time you're falling in love with the memories.
Speaker 1: If there is time a little more background about her.
Speaker 1: She lost her mom when she was five, and her
Speaker 1: dad lives in Mexico and was not ever around and
Speaker 1: until she was eighteen. He passed away six years ago.
Speaker 1: Her sister in law basically raised her. Unfortunately, her sister passed.
Speaker 1: Her sister in law passed away as well to cancer
Speaker 1: five years ago. She also lost her brother to suicide
Speaker 1: six years ago. I've been there for as much as
Speaker 1: I can, and I've supported her as much as I can.
Speaker 1: She and I were really close and happy until just
Speaker 1: recent times. I do not know what changed, all right, Daniel,
Speaker 1: thanks for emailing brother, and I'm sorry for the really
Speaker 1: serious situation that you're in, and thank you for trusting
Speaker 1: Parker and I in this podcast with such a sensitive question,
Speaker 1: especially so young at twenty seven. Okay, you're twenty seven,
Speaker 1: married five years ago, had a son two years into
Speaker 1: the marriage, three years ago, so that's the only child. Okay.
Speaker 1: I after trying to fill my brain with what you
Speaker 1: got going on here, and let me start with this,
Speaker 1: I'll start with without knowing a lot of details, let
Speaker 1: me start with what I know about the subject line
Speaker 1: that you wrote, how do I know if I'm still
Speaker 1: in love with my wife? Okay? That's interesting. Love and
Speaker 1: it's in it's different kinds of definitions and categories. Love
Speaker 1: can be seen in two ways. One emotionally it love
Speaker 1: happens as a reaction to your emotions. But more importantly
Speaker 1: and more properly defined for marriage is love is a covenant,
Speaker 1: and a covenant is an agreement. It is a decision
Speaker 1: that you have made and you might not have even
Speaker 1: made it consciously, but you certainly did when you when
Speaker 1: you stood in front of the congregation or the whoever
Speaker 1: married you, And even if it was just a courthouse,
Speaker 1: you made a covenant. You made a tractual agreement. And
Speaker 1: that is such an unromantic thing to say, but it's
Speaker 1: reliable and it's true in terms of when you make
Speaker 1: a covenant with someone to marry them, that means essentially
Speaker 1: that you will choose to love them even when it
Speaker 1: stops benefiting you, when it stops you stop gaining stuff
Speaker 1: for yourself from it. Man, that that is an idea
Speaker 1: that's completely lost. But that's what a covenant is. When
Speaker 1: you make a covenant with another person or a group
Speaker 1: of people, or when God makes a covenant with his people,
Speaker 1: it is it is not contingent upon that person in
Speaker 1: becoming a rebel. Right when God chooses his people to
Speaker 1: make a covenant with they constantly rebel in the Bible,
Speaker 1: and he constantly brings them back in. You have made
Speaker 1: a covenant with your wife. Emotionally you're out. I understand
Speaker 1: that part of your love is out. Emotionally you're out,
Speaker 1: but you're not receiving anything from her, and so you
Speaker 1: immediately think, maybe I'm completely out of this marriage, and
Speaker 1: thousands of people agree with you because you're not getting
Speaker 1: anything out of it. Instead of saying, babe, I want
Speaker 1: to I want to have this talk with you gotta
Speaker 1: take you to dinner, find find her favorite restaurant, her
Speaker 1: favorite food, and you take her out and you can
Speaker 1: just go. I want to tell you that I know
Speaker 1: things have been different lately, and I know that you've
Speaker 1: been and I've been a little I've been a little
Speaker 1: uh harsh with you because I know you probably have Daniel,
Speaker 1: and I just want to say I'm sorry. And I
Speaker 1: know that you've had you've had troubled trusting and you're
Speaker 1: thinking Dad Mexico, brother suicide, gain trust with sister in law,
Speaker 1: she's gone to cancer. But you say, but I'm not
Speaker 1: leaving you. I'm here for you to serve you and
Speaker 1: whatever way you need from me. If that means you
Speaker 1: need some time with your friends on the weekends, I'll
Speaker 1: watch our son. But I just want you to know
Speaker 1: that whatever you got going on, I'm not going anywhere,
Speaker 1: I'm here for you. I made a covenant promise on
Speaker 1: our wedding day that I'm standing by. I wonder what
Speaker 1: that would do to this relationship, because I don't think
Speaker 1: you've done that, and I think it's probably been more
Speaker 1: like I don't like your friends, I don't like I'm
Speaker 1: hanging around my son I don't like you leaving all
Speaker 1: the time. I don't know what you're doing. I'm a
Speaker 1: little jealous of what's going on. In fact, is there
Speaker 1: another guy? Hey? I don't even know if I should
Speaker 1: stay here anymore. That's probably what happens when you say,
Speaker 1: we go on a date and I try to keep
Speaker 1: quiet so we don't argue. I gotta feel. And that's
Speaker 1: what the argument sounds like, something like that, Parker, What
Speaker 1: do you have to this?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd say, because you're you're married, this is gonna
Speaker 2: be different advice than someone if they were dating. But
Speaker 2: I would say that you're feeling are real, but they're
Speaker 2: not always reliable. And like you said, you can acknowledge
Speaker 2: that you don't have that emotional feeling anymore. But so
Speaker 2: many marriages in because people say that they're just not
Speaker 2: in love with them anymore. They just fell out of love,
Speaker 2: they lost the spark, and it's just like, man, that's
Speaker 2: not what the relationship is built on. Like you said
Speaker 2: that love, you know how many marriages? How many weddings
Speaker 2: do we see where they quote One Corinthians thirteen. Love
Speaker 2: is patient kind, Love does not envy or boast. It's
Speaker 2: not arrogant or rude. It bears all things, it endures
Speaker 2: all things, and it's like, man, this is why you
Speaker 2: stood up in front of friends and family and vowed
Speaker 2: before God to enter a covenant that till death do
Speaker 2: us part. I'm in this with you. You know that you
Speaker 2: gave her your word, and so I empathize with you. Man.
Speaker 2: I'm so that it's tough. It's obviously hard to do
Speaker 2: it when it's not reciprocating. But man, your responsibility as
Speaker 2: the man is to lay down your life for her,
Speaker 2: to find ways to love her, to choose to love her,
Speaker 2: and to not just say to not bail out just
Speaker 2: because you're not feeling like it. A practical resource that
Speaker 2: I found super helpful was the book Love and Respect,
Speaker 2: and I would encourage you to go to the It's
Speaker 2: short answer is men primarily need respect, and then women
Speaker 2: primarily need to feel loved and cherished. And so you
Speaker 2: could you could go to that. I'm not telling you
Speaker 2: to go to her and tell her that she's supposed
Speaker 2: to respect you. I'm saying you go to that woman's
Speaker 2: the woman's section, and you look for different ways to
Speaker 2: love her and cherish her, regardless of if she reciprocates
Speaker 2: it or not, because that's going to help improve things.
Speaker 2: It's great.
Speaker 1: Next question, Subjecline says, gift of God question mark, Good morning.
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask something that I've been hesitant to ask.
Speaker 1: I truly struggled to understand. My husband cheated and has
Speaker 1: a new baby with another woman. Our youngest is eighteen.
Speaker 1: He tells me and everyone that the baby is a
Speaker 1: gift from God. It is Is it really a gift
Speaker 1: from God? When he is breaking God's rules by cheating
Speaker 1: on me? He told me that God gave him him
Speaker 1: the gift, but it might be my punishment for the
Speaker 1: wrong I have done in my life over the years. Parentheses.
Speaker 1: I have never cheated in all of our marriage clothes parentheses.
Speaker 1: I have suffered with cancer and I'm sick again with
Speaker 1: the same symptoms. I can't seem to forgive him, and
Speaker 1: as soon as I am able, i am leaving our
Speaker 1: home since he will not. Thanks for your advice, JP.
Speaker 1: All right, JP, thanks so much for the email, and
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry you're in the situation. I'm gonna kind
Speaker 1: of recap for my own mind. Here your husband and
Speaker 1: there's no divorce here, so I'm assuming still your current husband,
Speaker 1: who is currently living with you in your current home,
Speaker 1: has cheated on you with another woman that is now
Speaker 1: having a baby with her, but he's still in your
Speaker 1: house and still married to you. H Parker, will let
Speaker 1: you lead this one. I'm not sure what the question.
Speaker 1: I don't know what the question is.
Speaker 2: Either, is is the baby a gift from Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's I'm sorry, that's the question. Is the baby
Speaker 1: a gift from God? Will park first of all, before
Speaker 1: Parker answers, We'll both say are resounding yes. All babies,
Speaker 1: regardless of the circumstance of how they were conceived, are
Speaker 1: a gift from God. Like that, that's unquestionably true in
Speaker 1: all circumstances all around the world, of all different people,
Speaker 1: in all different ethnicities and religion and tribe, and all
Speaker 1: babies are a gift from God, regardless of how they
Speaker 1: were pro created.
Speaker 2: Go ahead, Mark, Yeah, I'm sorry're in this situation. From
Speaker 2: my limited knowledge, it sounds like he's he's a manipulative
Speaker 2: and he's using this to rub it in your face
Speaker 2: and so our children a gift from God? Absolutely, does
Speaker 2: that justify his cheating on you like it was God's
Speaker 2: will for him? To have this baby with another woman.
Speaker 2: Of course not, of course not. And yeah, don't believe that,
Speaker 2: and don't believe that. It's it's punishment on you for
Speaker 2: something that that you did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, JP, I don't know if there's
Speaker 1: anything else. Yeah, it's it's wrong that it's so wrong
Speaker 1: that it makes my answer even shorter to there's nothing
Speaker 1: to elaborate on. It's ridiculous, it's not. God's not punishing
Speaker 1: you with a new baby from your husband who cheated
Speaker 1: on you. And this new baby deserves love and respect,
Speaker 1: but your husband doesn't. Your husband deserves love, but he
Speaker 1: doesn't deserve your trust or your respect.
Speaker 2: Nothing to add.
Speaker 1: Okay, speaking of trust, the next one subject, client says,
Speaker 1: how do you trust God after losing a loved one? Hey, Grandeer,
Speaker 1: my name is Brian. I'm struggling with keeping my faith
Speaker 1: in God. Over the last two years, I've lost eight
Speaker 1: of my closest family members. How do I keep trusting
Speaker 1: God when he keeps taking my family away from me?
Speaker 1: I love your music and your podcast. God bless and
Speaker 1: have a great day. Classic question Man eight is a lot.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, but what you're asking isn't totally normal
Speaker 1: and understandable from someone who is struggling to know God.
Speaker 1: That's what this boils down to. Most questions I get
Speaker 1: on the podcast that have to do with faith or
Speaker 1: spirituality or God, most of them could be answered by saying,
Speaker 1: you don't know God well enough. And Parker, how do
Speaker 1: you learn who God.
Speaker 2: Is through reading his word? Okaa? The Bible?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Brian, you read the Bible and you learn who
Speaker 1: God is, and what you see really is a people
Speaker 1: throughout the fifteen hundred years of history within the Bible canon,
Speaker 1: you see a history of a people that that endured suffering,
Speaker 1: that endured the loss of loved ones. One thing I
Speaker 1: could slightly correct you on is that it's not necessarily
Speaker 1: God taking your family away from you. It's they were
Speaker 1: never yours. You know, the people are gifts. Everything is
Speaker 1: a gift. Every good thing is a gift, and even
Speaker 1: even things that we struggle with or gifts. And it
Speaker 1: was never really yours to be taken from you. And
Speaker 1: so I think, I think, instead of diving in deeper
Speaker 1: to how do you trust God in this this situation,
Speaker 1: I would I would encourage you to develop some kind
Speaker 1: of routine of reading your Bible and with Actually Tyler
Speaker 1: and I talked last week on last podcast with Tyler
Speaker 1: and I talked about reading a study Bible, if you've
Speaker 1: never read the Bible before, reading with a study Bible,
Speaker 1: so that you could kind of get this commentary while
Speaker 1: you're reading of who are we talking about here, who's writing,
Speaker 1: why are they writing, when are they writing? And that's
Speaker 1: constantly just kind of supplementing your reading. Second thing I
Speaker 1: would say is to join a local church to be
Speaker 1: able to walk with God's people and learn with them
Speaker 1: and empathize with them and be poured into by them
Speaker 1: when you're going through a loss, so you're not ever alone.
Speaker 1: Walking through this alone is impossible. So I think there's
Speaker 1: deeper issues here, and I hope that this could be
Speaker 1: an encouragement for you to learn who God is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this question is how can I learn to trust someone?
Speaker 2: Then the answer is you've got to figure out who
Speaker 2: that someone is, right, And you just laid out the
Speaker 2: practical next steps of that.
Speaker 1: It's not it's not just God. It seems like I
Speaker 1: kind of go down this this rabbit hole in this podcast,
Speaker 1: but there's so many times we're not just talking about
Speaker 1: God in this situation. If you said Granger. I've got
Speaker 1: a there's a new guy at work. He just started
Speaker 1: working for us, and we're we're on this factory assembly
Speaker 1: line and he's he's the next guy over, and so
Speaker 1: everything I do, it's it's determined by what he does.
Speaker 1: And I want to learn to trust him, Granger. Granger,
Speaker 1: tell me, how do I trust this guy? Like he's
Speaker 1: been time with him, Talk to him, Listen to him,
Speaker 1: go to lunch with them, have coffee with them.
Speaker 2: Look at his track record.
Speaker 1: Look at his track record, talk to other people that
Speaker 1: have talked to him, talk to his family that knows him.
Speaker 1: It's so you're asking the same question, how do I
Speaker 1: learn to trust God? Talk to him? That's great, listen
Speaker 1: to him.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's helpful.
Speaker 1: Let's let's hit one more here. These are I'm literally
Speaker 1: trying to find one that's not a God question because
Speaker 1: I don't want I don't want just to just to
Speaker 1: talk about who God is in every single question, which
Speaker 1: I really could, I really could. Okay, how about that's
Speaker 1: a really long one.
Speaker 2: Is it safe to say that if people keep their
Speaker 2: questions concise, they have a better chance of getting them read.
Speaker 1: It's totally right. If you keep it about the length
Speaker 1: of a phone. It helps me because if I'm looking
Speaker 1: at the clock and I'm like, we've got time for
Speaker 1: another question, and you kind of wrote a novel to me,
Speaker 1: it's harder. This one just says life question. Hey Grangeard
Speaker 1: like to stay anonymous, but I have a question for you.
Speaker 1: I am twenty one m active duty at Florida. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure what that means I am. I am twenty
Speaker 1: one active duty AD in Florida. I've been a huge
Speaker 1: h fan since I was fourteen. I love your music
Speaker 1: and your podcast. I've been working nights recently and also
Speaker 1: listening to your after midnight radio. Backstory is my girlfriend
Speaker 1: and I have been together for three years. In October
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty three, we were high school sweethearts. She's
Speaker 1: currently working on her bachelor's and masters in two years.
Speaker 1: Will be another four years of school total. I have
Speaker 1: four years left of my AD contract here. She transferred
Speaker 1: to a school down here to move in with me.
Speaker 1: We're both from Michigan. Herself and her family have been
Speaker 1: pressuring me about when I'm going to propose to her. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I'm just not ready yet myself, and I don't think
Speaker 1: she's ready yet either. I have so many toys I
Speaker 1: want to buy before a ring. I'm nervous about marriage
Speaker 1: because of the risk that I'd lose it if it
Speaker 1: didn't work out five years down the road. I apologize
Speaker 1: for the book I just wrote. What are your thoughts? Well,
Speaker 1: actually it's come from anonymous. Anonymous, Actually you wrote a
Speaker 1: perfect length, So thanks, thanks for the perfect length email here,
Speaker 1: and man, you've got a great You got a great
Speaker 1: guest with Parker sitting here on the microphone for this
Speaker 1: particular question. And I think there's been several instant since
Speaker 1: on this exact episode that we've kind of touched on
Speaker 1: your situation. One. I'll start with this, I'm nervous, nervous
Speaker 1: about marriage because of the risk I'll lose it if
Speaker 1: it didn't work out five years down the road. Well
Speaker 1: throw that idea out, because if you get married, you're
Speaker 1: expected to make a covenant. Like I said a couple
Speaker 1: questions ago, You're expected to be anonymous, a man of
Speaker 1: your word. You're going to make a contract, a social contract.
Speaker 1: You are going to agree that you will love her
Speaker 1: till death, do your part. And I think we have
Speaker 1: lost completely lost that concept partly because a movie, social media,
Speaker 1: all the choices we have. There's so many girls out there,
Speaker 1: so many fishes in the sea. If this one doesn't
Speaker 1: work out, there's another one that'll probably work out. That's
Speaker 1: the statistic, right. So we have completely lost this idea
Speaker 1: that when I get married, I'm gonna make an agreement.
Speaker 1: Even if it doesn't work out the way I think,
Speaker 1: I'm not getting what I thought from it. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: make an agreement. So just throw out the idea that
Speaker 1: if it doesn't work out five years instead trade that
Speaker 1: thought with I'm a man of my word, I'm a
Speaker 1: man of integrity. I'm in the act of duty, and
Speaker 1: I will make an agreement that I will not back
Speaker 1: out of. Right, Parker, I'll let you dive into where
Speaker 1: else you want to jump in. Here. Family's press pressuring
Speaker 1: him to get married. He has too many toys he
Speaker 1: wants to buy before a ring. He's nervous, they're going
Speaker 1: through school. He doesn't know if he's ready.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say that that's so common today, and
Speaker 2: the world tells you that marriage is a burden, that
Speaker 2: children are a burden, that you should accumulate as much wealth,
Speaker 2: that you should get all the toys and social media
Speaker 2: and media in general has fed us this addiction to variety.
Speaker 2: Like you said of the grass is always greener, the
Speaker 2: grass is always greener. We live in a TikTok world
Speaker 2: of just something new, something new, I gotta get this toy.
Speaker 2: Maybe there's a better girl, maybe there's something better out there.
Speaker 2: And it's scary, mind man, it's it's it's ruining us.
Speaker 2: And uh, like I said earlier as well, with why,
Speaker 2: I mean, why would he get married? I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know if he's a Christian. I know that
Speaker 2: we're not trying to make every single question about who
Speaker 2: God is, but it's hard to answer that question without
Speaker 2: asking yourself. Man, if if you're not a Christian, then
Speaker 2: why would you Why would you get married? Dude?
Speaker 1: True?
Speaker 2: But that make as much money as possible, buy all
Speaker 2: of the toys. Yeah, live with your girlfriend as long
Speaker 2: as you can until she forces children on you. But ugh,
Speaker 2: it just makes me sick. It's just a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 2: How many relationships out there are people dating for six, seven,
Speaker 2: eight years and you just have the resentment of the
Speaker 2: girlfriend because he still hasn't proposed. You have the in
Speaker 2: laws cornering him on holidays to ask him why he
Speaker 2: still hasn't done it. And the guy's just like, why
Speaker 2: would I want to obligate myself to to that kind
Speaker 2: of commitment with all the variety that's out here. So
Speaker 2: I don't know if that really helps. But it's just
Speaker 2: like in a certain sense, it's just like, I don't
Speaker 2: blame you. Man, it's hard when the world is telling
Speaker 2: you that marriage and children are a burden and to
Speaker 2: just get all you know, eat, drink and be merry,
Speaker 2: you know. And so I mean I would just say, man,
Speaker 2: I mean, I can't answer without saying that. Man, I
Speaker 2: don't know if you're a believer in Jesus Christ or not,
Speaker 2: but to to find a local church to to read
Speaker 2: your Bible. Uh, it's going to explain marriage and the
Speaker 2: purpose of it and teach you how to have a
Speaker 2: commitment to one person.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: And I would say to to start there. Otherwise you're
Speaker 2: just going to be in a terrible cycle of living
Speaker 2: with a girlfriend who resents you and uh, and you're
Speaker 2: going to resent her and when you get married because
Speaker 2: you didn't get spy all the stuff you wanted.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's awesome, And I think maybe the
Speaker 1: final cap I'll put on this is that I want
Speaker 1: to just dispel the myth that you're not ready. He said,
Speaker 1: I'm just not ready yet. And I don't think she
Speaker 1: is either. Bro, You're You're definitely ready. You're You're got
Speaker 1: a lot going on with school and you you are.
Speaker 1: You're an adult. You have moved from Michigan to Florida.
Speaker 1: You've got a career plan and a path. The only
Speaker 1: reason I would say you're not ready is if you
Speaker 1: were sixteen years old living with mommy and daddy and
Speaker 1: your brain was still developing. But you, just like many
Speaker 1: men before, you are. Actually, I think that's what I'm
Speaker 1: twenty one m means. I think that means he's twenty
Speaker 1: one male. I think that's what he means. Active duty.
Speaker 1: That's what AD means. Okay, so this is all coming together.
Speaker 1: You're twenty one, you're a dude that's twenty one active
Speaker 1: duty in Florida. And if you're ready for the military,
Speaker 1: if the government thinks you're ready to drink alcohol and
Speaker 1: drive a car and serve our country in war. But
Speaker 1: you're saying I don't think I'm ready to promise a
Speaker 1: girl that I'll stay with her and serve her and
Speaker 1: Lord willing have children with her. I'm here to tell
Speaker 1: you that's a myth that you've heard somewhere, and it's
Speaker 1: wrong because for thousands of years before you, men have
Speaker 1: been ready at twenty one years old to marry the
Speaker 1: girl they're with.
Speaker 2: And just to add on to that at the very end,
Speaker 2: I would also say that is not saying that you
Speaker 2: should definitely marry this girl true because we just answer
Speaker 2: two questions of guys who are married and you know
Speaker 2: they're not getting out of it. Dude, if you are,
Speaker 2: if you're doing this, you're doing it till death, and
Speaker 2: you're gonna end up the dude saying I think she's
Speaker 2: cheating on me. There's another kid that she that she had.
Speaker 2: So that's not to say that you shouldn't be extremely
Speaker 2: picky and be like, is this the girl that is
Speaker 2: going to be the mother of my children, that is
Speaker 2: going to be selfless and that is going to endure
Speaker 2: a hard times?
Speaker 1: Yeah, this question almost should have started the podcast and
Speaker 1: then we could have the other ones that the bad
Speaker 1: stories that happened after. But I will say that Anonymous,
Speaker 1: you said together for three years, she's your girlfriend in
Speaker 1: your high school sweethearts. I don't see anything wrong with her,
Speaker 1: And yeah, I think I think you have a lot
Speaker 1: of decisions to make, and I think I think we've
Speaker 1: met a pretty good case of just kind of dispelling
Speaker 1: the miss of the world and then putting it back
Speaker 1: on your court. It's all the time we got, love
Speaker 1: you guys, See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me
Speaker 1: on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you.
Speaker 2: Guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yi