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Speaker 1: All babies, regardless of the circumstance of how they were conceived,

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Speaker 1: are a gift from God.

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Speaker 2: What's up, everybody?

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. This is episode two and ten,

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Speaker 1: and I've got my little brother Parker joining us, one

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Speaker 1: of my favorite guests to be on here answering questions.

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Speaker 2: What's up, park what's up? Man?

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Speaker 1: We answer your questions. You email Grangersmith podcast at gmail

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Speaker 1: dot com and we'll walk through anything you got going on.

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Speaker 1: We don't have any notes or we're not prepared. We

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Speaker 1: haven't read these questions beforehand. And a lot of exciting

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Speaker 1: news coming in the future of this podcast, but right

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Speaker 1: now this is still all that it is. Email Grangersmith

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Speaker 1: Podcast at gmail dot com. Parker is actually a fellow

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Speaker 1: seminarian with me at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and this

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Speaker 1: next semester, which we're starting next week, we are in

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Speaker 1: the same class together. Yep.

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Speaker 2: It's a fire host to the face. It's pretty ridiculous,

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Speaker 2: but the fire host to the face, I'm enjoying it.

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Speaker 1: The fire host to the face kind of like this podcast.

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Speaker 1: Just kidding. First question at random, I'm gonna pull these up.

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Speaker 1: Subdecline says saying I love you, and the email says

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Speaker 1: this grain your My name is Noel, I'm from Warsaw, Indiana,

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Speaker 1: and I love your podcast and music. Side note, that's

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Speaker 1: where we got the wood from. This house is the

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Speaker 1: old barnwoods from Warsaw. Oh wow yeah, And she says,

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Speaker 1: my question is who should I say? Who should say

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Speaker 1: I love you first? That's a good one to start

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Speaker 1: the podcast. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of unknowns there. I don't really

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Speaker 2: how old are you?

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Speaker 1: How long have you been dating?

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Speaker 2: Well, i'd say not knowing any of those things. If

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Speaker 2: you're just asking me if the guy or the girl

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Speaker 2: should say I love you first, Typically it's up to

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Speaker 2: the guy to take the initiative to ask the girl

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Speaker 2: out in the first place, to use the d word date,

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Speaker 2: and to not just say do you want to go

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Speaker 2: hang out? Do you want to come over and watch

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Speaker 2: a movie? You know, to use that word date. Let's

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Speaker 2: the girl know what we're doing, what my expectations should be,

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Speaker 2: what your intentions are. Anyway, So all that to say,

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Speaker 2: I would say that primarily the guy's responsibility is to

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Speaker 2: say I love you first, and if he's not, and

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Speaker 2: if this girl is like, where's this going. He still

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Speaker 2: hasn't said I love you and it's been so long,

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Speaker 2: then that could be a red flog.

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Speaker 1: Right, I agree. I think that like Parker said, without

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Speaker 1: knowing your situation, Noel, I think those are pretty good guidelines,

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Speaker 1: without knowing your age, how long you've been dating, what

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Speaker 1: kind of guy, this is, how you feel about him.

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Speaker 1: Let's say the guideline are make sure that he's being

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Speaker 1: And this is also a message to everyone else that's

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Speaker 1: dating be define what you're doing, because it's crazy how uh,

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Speaker 1: how people could be misled and think, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if where what this is. I don't know if this

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Speaker 1: is he's just a friend, or if he just likes

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Speaker 1: hanging out with me. Maybe he likes my brother, he

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Speaker 1: likes he thinks my dad's cool. I don't I can't

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Speaker 1: figure this out. So guys, define what you're doing. Like

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Speaker 1: Parker said, just say date or go steady or go

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Speaker 1: where you go with me? Is what we used to say,

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Speaker 1: like in junior, h will you go with me? And

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Speaker 1: everyone just knew what that meant. But define it. And

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Speaker 1: then after you define it, then Noel won't have to

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Speaker 1: worry about where this is going, and she'll just know

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Speaker 1: if you guys really like each other that maybe one

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Speaker 1: day he'll say I love you.

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Speaker 2: One thing that my now wife and I did as well,

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Speaker 2: that's gonna be pretty old school to some people, is

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Speaker 2: we decided when we started dating that we weren't going

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Speaker 2: to use the word love until if and when we

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Speaker 2: were engaged. That was just kind of a I didn't

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Speaker 2: say when we get engaged, I'll say it because I

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Speaker 2: didn't know if I was going to marry her or

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Speaker 2: not yet. But we both just came to the consensus

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Speaker 2: that let's not say I love you until if and

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Speaker 2: when that point happens. Of if you just think about

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Speaker 2: what love is and how we just use it so

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Speaker 2: flippantly today, I think that there should be a sort

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Speaker 2: of retraction of that word and a reverence and meaning

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Speaker 2: behind it before you just start giving your heart away

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Speaker 2: and start using that word flippantly.

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Speaker 1: Totally agree. Tell them what else you did when you

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Speaker 1: and name you were dating or yeah, engaged, I guess

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Speaker 1: all through it.

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Speaker 2: Of just not kissing, yeah, yeah, yeah, we just decided

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Speaker 2: not to not to kiss, and which sounds crazy to

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Speaker 2: even say it out out, And I just hear everybody

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Speaker 2: rolling their eyes, who are listening. But yeah, when I

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Speaker 2: became a Christian, and you know, the question that you

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Speaker 2: hear all the time is how far can I go

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Speaker 2: with my girlfriend and it not be sin? And the

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Speaker 2: posture of that question, when I thought about it long enough,

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Speaker 2: was how close can I get to the edge of

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Speaker 2: this cliff by then not fall off? Or another way

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Speaker 2: putting it, how far away can I get away from God?

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Speaker 2: But still say under his good graces and so and

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Speaker 2: so it's just kind of torture to to be physically

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Speaker 2: intimate with your significant other, even if you're not going

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Speaker 2: to have sex, because it's just going to make it

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Speaker 2: that much more difficult to stop. And so we just honestly,

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Speaker 2: it's it was so freeing to just say we're not

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Speaker 2: going to kiss at all, and it made everything else

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Speaker 2: so much easier because when you cut off that the

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Speaker 2: emotional rollercoaster that comes from being physically intimate with someone,

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Speaker 2: you're able to think so much more soberly when you

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Speaker 2: are deciding if they're going to be your future husband

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Speaker 2: or wife.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's amazing. And then it also helps

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Speaker 1: expedite the engagement process. Yeah, true, right, It's like you

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Speaker 1: don't want to set your engagement for a year and

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Speaker 1: a half. Two years from now, you're like, man, let's

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Speaker 1: get this thing rolling. I really want to kiss this girl.

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Speaker 1: But let me say this. Let me say this. There's

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Speaker 1: a lot of people that I know what they're thinking.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people are thinking, man, you don't really

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Speaker 1: know somebody. You can't truly have that connection until you're

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Speaker 1: intimate with somebody. What do you say to that argument, Yeah, that's.

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Speaker 2: Just not true. If anything, you're able to be more

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Speaker 2: intimate because you're not blinded bomb all of the chemicals

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Speaker 2: that come in your mind when you have sex with somebody,

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Speaker 2: Like our brains are wired to bond to the thing,

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Speaker 2: to the to the other human that we're having sex with,

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Speaker 2: and when you do that with someone that you're not

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Speaker 2: married to, it just starts to get in all of

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Speaker 2: these other factors and you start to get blinded by

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Speaker 2: other things because you just become love drunk with this

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Speaker 2: person and addicted to this physical feeling whether rather than

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Speaker 2: who they are, who they are as a person, and

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Speaker 2: you get to know them I think so much better.

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Speaker 2: And then the other thing with that is, you know,

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Speaker 2: you hear people say you got to test drive the

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Speaker 2: car and it's like we're literally comparing other human beings

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Speaker 2: to vehicles that are supposed to be used. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: I just I just don't think it's true that that

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Speaker 2: you need to be able to be physically intimate with

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Speaker 2: someone to get to know them better. And then the

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Speaker 2: other thing is it's like, like you said, you know

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Speaker 2: there's people out there that you know, this is very

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Speaker 2: sensitive topic, and so I don't I don't want to

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Speaker 2: come up overly judgmental, but just genuinely empathizing with someone

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Speaker 2: who's been living with their significant other for a long time.

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Speaker 2: It's like, like you said, why would they want to

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Speaker 2: get married? You know, they're already having sex, they're already

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Speaker 2: living together, they may already have children together. What's the point.

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Speaker 2: What's the point of getting married at that point? You know,

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Speaker 2: there's there's no there's no boundaries for the marriage covenant

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Speaker 2: at that point.

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Speaker 1: In my mind, it's great, man, I don't have anything

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Speaker 1: to add to that. What I heard you say essentially

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Speaker 1: was a mature relationship should drive intimacy, not the other

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Speaker 1: way around, because you're saying because people will argue, no,

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Speaker 1: you can't know somebody, you can't have a good relationship

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Speaker 1: to your intimate you're saying, no, it's the other way around.

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Speaker 2: You.

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Speaker 1: You establish a mature relationship, and that that will determine

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Speaker 1: a lot of other things, including intimacy is one of them,

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Speaker 1: and the world says the opposite. The world says, intimacy

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Speaker 1: then creates a mature relation. Well, guess what the world

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Speaker 1: has a track record to that. That's not very good.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, man, yeah, the world says to focus everything

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Speaker 2: on the sexual relationship, to the physical attributes, and then

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Speaker 2: the other stuff comes later. And it's just like, man,

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Speaker 2: when you're married. When you're married, that red hot love

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Speaker 2: is going to wear off very quickly. And if that's

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Speaker 2: what the foundation is, then you know what are you

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Speaker 2: left with that's not just the physical intimacy.

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Speaker 1: Love it Let me move on. Then we're going to

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Speaker 1: go to like because I could tell by these subjectlines,

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Speaker 1: we're all over the map here on this episode. And

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Speaker 1: that's good. This next question, Subdecline says leaving organized religion. Hey, Granger,

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Speaker 1: I was born and raised in the Mormon Church, Church

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Speaker 1: of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Within the last year,

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Speaker 1: my husband and I decided to leave, and I'm so

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Speaker 1: grateful we did not become like most of our other

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Speaker 1: members who leave and walk away from Jesus all together.

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Speaker 1: We are now attending SMCC South Mountain Community Church in

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Speaker 1: Saint George, Utah. We absolutely love it and we're so

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Speaker 1: grateful we found it. Deconstructing everything that you've ever known

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Speaker 1: is very hard, and with that being said, my mom

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Speaker 1: is still a devout member of the church. My dad

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Speaker 1: has never been a member, but has recently started going

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Speaker 1: to church with her in the last two years. When

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Speaker 1: I told her that we would be leaving the church,

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Speaker 1: she was heartbroken. I'm the third of her children to leave.

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Speaker 1: My older brother and my younger sister have also left,

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Speaker 1: leaving just my two younger siblings who live at home

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Speaker 1: in the church with her. I don't know if you

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Speaker 1: know anything about the Mormon Church, but having left, I

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Speaker 1: now believe it's a horrible organization and they were worshiping

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Speaker 1: a Christ who cannot save them. Any advice on how

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Speaker 1: we should just be an example to them, or how

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Speaker 1: to share a little teaching of God that can help

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Speaker 1: them realize that they are that they are in need

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Speaker 1: to take the blinders off. It is heartbreaking to watch

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Speaker 1: finally being on the outside. Thank you, Anonymous. All right, Hey,

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Speaker 1: thanks for the email, Anonymous, and let's dive into this.

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Speaker 1: It's a lot and a lot that I cannot empathize with.

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Speaker 1: I do know a lot about the LDS church, Parker knows.

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Speaker 1: I've studied a lot about this, not as much. I

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Speaker 1: don't know as much as you do, but I have

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Speaker 1: spent a significant amount of time in Utah and and

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Speaker 1: have a good deal of friends from that church that

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Speaker 1: we talk on the regular with. I want to give

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Speaker 1: a warning first with your email, because I want to

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Speaker 1: kind of caution you on everything that you said and

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Speaker 1: make sure that we're just kind of slightly tapping the

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Speaker 1: brakes here. And the first thing that I immediately thought of

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Speaker 1: with some caution. First of all, grateful, grateful for your email,

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Speaker 1: you know, but you said, I'm so grateful we did

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Speaker 1: not become like the other members who leave and walk

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Speaker 1: away from Jesus all together. Like right there, I just

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Speaker 1: heard I heard the tax collector in the Pharisee parable

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Speaker 1: come up in my head where it's like, thank goodness,

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Speaker 1: I'm not like that guy. Like that tax collector. You know,

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Speaker 1: we tie, we're good people. We've made the right decisions.

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Speaker 1: We chose the right path. We studied enough, we know

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Speaker 1: enough of the Bible. Now we've come to see the light.

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Speaker 1: We've unfolded our own blinders. Basically, thank goodness, we're not

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Speaker 1: like that tax collector. It's that's literally what the parable is.

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Speaker 1: And then in the parable, the tax collector is beating

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Speaker 1: his chest, looking down and downcast, and he says, have

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Speaker 1: mercy on me, a sinner. And then Jesus says, I

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Speaker 1: tell you who was justified with him, not the Pharisee.

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Speaker 1: So I'm not comparing you to that. I'm just saying,

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Speaker 1: let's caution ourselves with ever looking at anyone else and going, ha,

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Speaker 1: so God, I'm not that guy. I've been doing really good. Okay.

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Speaker 1: Second of all, I want to I want to acknowledge

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Speaker 1: the how difficult it must be, like you said, to

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Speaker 1: go against your parents, what you're calling organized religion, very difficult.

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Speaker 1: And then we'll get to the heart of the email.

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Speaker 1: And that's when you're asking any advice. This is what

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Speaker 1: your question is. Any advice on how we could just

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Speaker 1: be an example to them or share it to them

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Speaker 1: at a little teaching of God that could help them

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Speaker 1: realize they need to take the blinders off. That's what

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Speaker 1: you said. That's your question, and so a couple thoughts

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Speaker 1: I'll let Parker dig into. First thought is you cannot

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Speaker 1: take the blinders off. You didn't and no one else can.

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Speaker 1: It's not within your power. That's when within the power

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Speaker 1: of a sovereign God. We have a responsibility, as Parker

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Speaker 1: and I just actually looked at today or yesterday when

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Speaker 1: Amy sent that, we have the responsibility to believe, but

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Speaker 1: we cannot take blinders off. Jesus says in John three

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Speaker 1: that a man must be born again to enter the

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Speaker 1: Kingdom of heaven. And you and me and everyone else

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Speaker 1: didn't contribute to our first birth, so why would we

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Speaker 1: contribute to our second birth. We don't have a power

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Speaker 1: in that. So you can't take the blinders off. Why

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Speaker 1: am I saying all this to you, Well, I'm saying

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Speaker 1: it because I want to feel from you, anonymous. I

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Speaker 1: just want to feel a love for the members of

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Speaker 1: that church, because if you come in with this pharisee

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Speaker 1: idea of come on, man, you gotta teat what can

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Speaker 1: I teach you to learn that you're wrong? You're You're

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Speaker 1: a horrible this is your words. It's a horrible organization.

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Speaker 1: You're worshiping, worshiping at Christ. You cannot save that right there.

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Speaker 1: That attitude, I promise you, doesn't do anything for anybody

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Speaker 1: besides just turn them off and say, well, I'm done

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Speaker 1: talking to anonymous. And and you're zealous. I understand and

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Speaker 1: that and that's kind of part of this deal too.

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Speaker 1: But you're asking me any advice on how we could

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Speaker 1: be an example to them, love them, love them, and

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Speaker 1: through that love, you could share your witness and share the.

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Speaker 2: Gospel with them.

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Speaker 1: And that's it. You share the gospel embedded in the

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Speaker 1: love that you have. I mentioned that I have a

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Speaker 1: lot of friends from that church. Well I have to.

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Speaker 1: I'm always friends with the current missionaries in my area,

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Speaker 1: which is Georgetown, Texas. And so the two the two

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Speaker 1: elders that are missionaries in Georgetown, Texas, I'm friends with

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Speaker 1: them right now, and they're actually coming to the house tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: They're coming over tomorrow. One of them wants a signed

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Speaker 1: copy of La a River. That's that's part of the reason.

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Speaker 1: But this would be the second time that they come over.

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Speaker 1: And man, I love those guys. I love those guys.

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Speaker 1: I love I love hosting them, serving them and telling

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Speaker 1: him the gospel and evangelizing to them. And one thing

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Speaker 1: I don't do within that conversation is say you know

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Speaker 1: you're part of a horrible organization.

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Speaker 2: I don't say that, Parker. What you got for this,

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Speaker 2: I don't have much sad. I think that what you're

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Speaker 2: saying is to just to approach her salvation first of

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Speaker 2: all with just really just humble gratitude of just like God,

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Speaker 2: I know better than them. I was so blind and

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Speaker 2: you saved me when I didn't deserve it. And then

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Speaker 2: when you have that posture coupled with you know, your parents'

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Speaker 2: salvation is not ultimately your response ability. If they don't

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Speaker 2: get saved, if your friends in the LEDs Church don't

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Speaker 2: get saved to you evangelized too, you're not a failure.

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Speaker 2: Your job as a born again believer in Christ is

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Speaker 2: to just lovingly share that truth of who Jesus is

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Speaker 2: what you call to do, and pray. You can pray

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Speaker 2: for your parents, you can pray for your friends there,

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Speaker 2: and you can rest knowing that, like you said, salvation

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Speaker 2: is the Lord's and throughout that have a posture of

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Speaker 2: Paul's words of you know such were some of you,

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Speaker 2: and so you don't ever just beat them over the

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Speaker 2: head with it, only approach it with a posture of humility, thinking, man,

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Speaker 2: I was blind too, and who are people who tried

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Speaker 2: to share the truth with me and I turned them away?

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Speaker 2: And so and then also just living that example out

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Speaker 2: and loving loving them. Well, it's great.

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Speaker 1: This podcast has actually opened a lot of doors of

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Speaker 1: conversation between me and the LDS Church and a lot

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Speaker 1: of the friendships that I have, like text basis relationships

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Speaker 1: started really from this podcast from the past years. And

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Speaker 1: so if anyone's listening now from the church and wants

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Speaker 1: to email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com to

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Speaker 1: to have any kind of discussion, the dialogue is open.

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Speaker 1: Love you and love your church as well. Also love

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Speaker 1: the state of Utah. What a beautiful place and I've

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Speaker 1: I've loved so many years traveling there with music Park.

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Speaker 1: I think we have a time if we could get

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Speaker 1: one more in just a few minutes, and we'll take

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Speaker 1: a break. You know what, I don't know if we

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Speaker 1: can these these scene Let me take a break, because

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Speaker 1: these I don't I want to give everybody the full time,

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Speaker 1: so we'll.

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Speaker 2: Take a break and bear it back.

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Speaker 1: I haven't really told anybody this yet, but we are

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Speaker 1: building a brand new Grangersmith dot com, all new, and

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Speaker 1: we decided to build it on to Shopify. So we

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Speaker 1: had the idea that just in case, you know, we

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Speaker 1: need to be able to sell like a River books

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Speaker 1: on my website, we would use Shopify. And Shopify something

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Speaker 1: we've used for a long long time and we found

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Speaker 1: it when we just didn't know where to where else

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Speaker 1: to turn on the in the digital marketplace to sell

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Speaker 1: any kind of e commerce. Shopify is the commerce platform

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Speaker 1: revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide, just like me and EEE Apparel.

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Speaker 1: So whether you're just a garage entrepreneur or IP already,

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Speaker 1: Shopify is the only tool you need to start, run

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Speaker 1: and grow your business without the struggle. Shopify puts you

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Speaker 1: in control of every single sales channel. So whether you're

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Speaker 1: selling satin sheets from shopifies in person POS system or

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Speaker 1: offering organic olive oil on Shopifies, all in one e

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Speaker 1: commerce platform, you're covered. And once you reach your audience,

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Speaker 1: Shopify has the Internet's best converting checkout to help you

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Speaker 1: turn them from browsers to buyers. And that's why I'm

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Speaker 1: building a new grangersmith dot Com on top of Shopify's platform.

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Speaker 1: Shopify powers ten percent of all e commerce in the

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Speaker 1: entire United States, and Shopify is truly a global force,

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Speaker 1: powering all Birds, Rothies and Brook Lennon and millions of

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Speaker 1: other entrepreneurs of every size across the globe over one

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Speaker 1: hundred and seventy countries plus Shopify's award winning help is

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Speaker 1: there to support your success every step of the way.

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Speaker 1: This is Possibility towered by Shopify. Sign in for a

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Speaker 1: one dollar per month trial period at shopify dot com

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Speaker 1: slash granger all lowercase go to shopify dot com slash

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Speaker 1: granger to take your business to the next level today

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Speaker 1: Shopify dot com slash Granger. We had our EE Apparel

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Speaker 1: fall launch and this is my favorite lunch we've ever done.

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Speaker 1: I love the new concealed jacket that we have. It

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Speaker 1: looks really nice and there's like a zip up soft

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Speaker 1: shell jacket that's a desert camo that I love, and

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Speaker 1: then a couple of the hats that are just crushing

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Speaker 1: it for me. Anyway, I'm really excited about that. You

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Speaker 1: could find out if we have anything left at that

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Speaker 1: fall launch at EEEE dot com and go check it

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Speaker 1: out for yourself. And then finally if you need a

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Speaker 1: message from me personally custom made for you on my

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Speaker 1: cell phone, you could do that through cameo dot com

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Speaker 1: slash Granger Smith. A lot of people will email and say, hey, man,

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Speaker 1: how could I get a personalized message for my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: that granger says happy birthday or happy anniversary to my wife?

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Speaker 1: Or how could I get a message to my son

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Speaker 1: to tell them congratulations on finishing school or starting school,

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Speaker 1: And always say, well, it's super easy. Cameo dot com

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Speaker 1: slash Granger Smith, or download the cameo app and search

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Speaker 1: for me Granger Smith. It's super easy. You fill out

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Speaker 1: the little form, it shoots a message to me, and

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Speaker 1: it says, this person wants you to wish their son

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Speaker 1: a happy birthday. Here's his name, here's what he's into,

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Speaker 1: here's why he likes you. I could read that easily,

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Speaker 1: pull out my phone, put on the selfie cam, and

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Speaker 1: then make some kind of message. However you want me

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Speaker 1: to do it and send straight to you. So that's

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Speaker 1: an easy thing to do, especially if you have someone

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Speaker 1: you want to buy a gift for that you don't

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Speaker 1: really know. They kind of have everything and you don't

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Speaker 1: really know what to get them, or it's last minute,

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Speaker 1: maybe you miss their birthday or getting ready for the

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Speaker 1: holidays coming up. Kennyo is a great thing. I've done

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Speaker 1: it for probably five years now and it seems to

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Speaker 1: be just a great tool for someone to get a

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Speaker 1: quick message from me. Okay, back to the podcast. Back

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Speaker 1: to the podcast here, and this is an interesting subject

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Speaker 1: line here it says, how do I know if I'm

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Speaker 1: still in love with my wife? Hey Granger, my name

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Speaker 1: is Daniel. I'm twenty seven. I've been with my wife

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Speaker 1: since high school twenty eleven. We got married five years ago.

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Speaker 1: We had our son three years ago, and since the

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Speaker 1: birth of my son, something within her changed. It started slowly,

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Speaker 1: but she would go out with her girlfriends once a month,

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Speaker 1: and then every other week, and then that progressed into

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Speaker 1: a weekly thing. I've had multiple talks with her about

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Speaker 1: spending more time with me and her son, but there

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Speaker 1: is weekends when she leaves town and seems to be

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Speaker 1: living a happy life without us. At first, I kept thinking,

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Speaker 1: I get it needs some time to get away from home,

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Speaker 1: but now it really seems like that's all she wants

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Speaker 1: to do. Our date nights are usually filled with silence

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Speaker 1: because I try to avoid arguments right now. My son

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Speaker 1: loves mommy and loves to see her, but I don't

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Speaker 1: allow her to take him along with her friends whenever

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Speaker 1: they leave town, because let's just say, her girlfriends are

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Speaker 1: not people i'd want to want him to peer around.

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Speaker 1: I feel trapped. I feel like I'm still living there

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Speaker 1: just to see my son while his mommy is around.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know if I'm still in love with her.

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Speaker 1: I read this quote, you can't fall in love twice

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Speaker 1: because the second time you're falling in love with the memories.

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Speaker 1: If there is time a little more background about her.

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Speaker 1: She lost her mom when she was five, and her

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Speaker 1: dad lives in Mexico and was not ever around and

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Speaker 1: until she was eighteen. He passed away six years ago.

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Speaker 1: Her sister in law basically raised her. Unfortunately, her sister passed.

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Speaker 1: Her sister in law passed away as well to cancer

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Speaker 1: five years ago. She also lost her brother to suicide

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Speaker 1: six years ago. I've been there for as much as

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Speaker 1: I can, and I've supported her as much as I can.

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Speaker 1: She and I were really close and happy until just

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Speaker 1: recent times. I do not know what changed, all right, Daniel,

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Speaker 1: thanks for emailing brother, and I'm sorry for the really

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Speaker 1: serious situation that you're in, and thank you for trusting

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Speaker 1: Parker and I in this podcast with such a sensitive question,

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Speaker 1: especially so young at twenty seven. Okay, you're twenty seven,

430
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 1: married five years ago, had a son two years into

431
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:44,439
Speaker 1: the marriage, three years ago, so that's the only child. Okay.

432
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,840
Speaker 1: I after trying to fill my brain with what you

433
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 1: got going on here, and let me start with this,

434
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 1: I'll start with without knowing a lot of details, let

435
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,360
Speaker 1: me start with what I know about the subject line

436
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,400
Speaker 1: that you wrote, how do I know if I'm still

437
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 1: in love with my wife? Okay? That's interesting. Love and

438
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 1: it's in it's different kinds of definitions and categories. Love

439
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:21,640
Speaker 1: can be seen in two ways. One emotionally it love

440
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 1: happens as a reaction to your emotions. But more importantly

441
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:34,879
Speaker 1: and more properly defined for marriage is love is a covenant,

442
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 1: and a covenant is an agreement. It is a decision

443
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,480
Speaker 1: that you have made and you might not have even

444
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:49,120
Speaker 1: made it consciously, but you certainly did when you when

445
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 1: you stood in front of the congregation or the whoever

446
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 1: married you, And even if it was just a courthouse,

447
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:01,959
Speaker 1: you made a covenant. You made a tractual agreement. And

448
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 1: that is such an unromantic thing to say, but it's

449
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 1: reliable and it's true in terms of when you make

450
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: a covenant with someone to marry them, that means essentially

451
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 1: that you will choose to love them even when it

452
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:24,400
Speaker 1: stops benefiting you, when it stops you stop gaining stuff

453
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:29,159
Speaker 1: for yourself from it. Man, that that is an idea

454
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,360
Speaker 1: that's completely lost. But that's what a covenant is. When

455
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 1: you make a covenant with another person or a group

456
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 1: of people, or when God makes a covenant with his people,

457
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:42,679
Speaker 1: it is it is not contingent upon that person in

458
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: becoming a rebel. Right when God chooses his people to

459
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 1: make a covenant with they constantly rebel in the Bible,

460
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 1: and he constantly brings them back in. You have made

461
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: a covenant with your wife. Emotionally you're out. I understand

462
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,159
Speaker 1: that part of your love is out. Emotionally you're out,

463
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:05,320
Speaker 1: but you're not receiving anything from her, and so you

464
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:11,200
Speaker 1: immediately think, maybe I'm completely out of this marriage, and

465
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 1: thousands of people agree with you because you're not getting

466
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: anything out of it. Instead of saying, babe, I want

467
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 1: to I want to have this talk with you gotta

468
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: take you to dinner, find find her favorite restaurant, her

469
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: favorite food, and you take her out and you can

470
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,679
Speaker 1: just go. I want to tell you that I know

471
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 1: things have been different lately, and I know that you've

472
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,440
Speaker 1: been and I've been a little I've been a little

473
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 1: uh harsh with you because I know you probably have Daniel,

474
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,959
Speaker 1: and I just want to say I'm sorry. And I

475
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:48,920
Speaker 1: know that you've had you've had troubled trusting and you're

476
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 1: thinking Dad Mexico, brother suicide, gain trust with sister in law,

477
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,480
Speaker 1: she's gone to cancer. But you say, but I'm not

478
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,359
Speaker 1: leaving you. I'm here for you to serve you and

479
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 1: whatever way you need from me. If that means you

480
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 1: need some time with your friends on the weekends, I'll

481
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:07,439
Speaker 1: watch our son. But I just want you to know

482
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 1: that whatever you got going on, I'm not going anywhere,

483
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:15,000
Speaker 1: I'm here for you. I made a covenant promise on

484
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:19,360
Speaker 1: our wedding day that I'm standing by. I wonder what

485
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,160
Speaker 1: that would do to this relationship, because I don't think

486
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 1: you've done that, and I think it's probably been more

487
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 1: like I don't like your friends, I don't like I'm

488
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: hanging around my son I don't like you leaving all

489
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 1: the time. I don't know what you're doing. I'm a

490
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 1: little jealous of what's going on. In fact, is there

491
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,880
Speaker 1: another guy? Hey? I don't even know if I should

492
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: stay here anymore. That's probably what happens when you say,

493
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 1: we go on a date and I try to keep

494
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 1: quiet so we don't argue. I gotta feel. And that's

495
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 1: what the argument sounds like, something like that, Parker, What

496
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 1: do you have to this?

497
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd say, because you're you're married, this is gonna

498
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 2: be different advice than someone if they were dating. But

499
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 2: I would say that you're feeling are real, but they're

500
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 2: not always reliable. And like you said, you can acknowledge

501
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:12,960
Speaker 2: that you don't have that emotional feeling anymore. But so

502
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 2: many marriages in because people say that they're just not

503
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 2: in love with them anymore. They just fell out of love,

504
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 2: they lost the spark, and it's just like, man, that's

505
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 2: not what the relationship is built on. Like you said

506
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 2: that love, you know how many marriages? How many weddings

507
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 2: do we see where they quote One Corinthians thirteen. Love

508
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 2: is patient kind, Love does not envy or boast. It's

509
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 2: not arrogant or rude. It bears all things, it endures

510
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 2: all things, and it's like, man, this is why you

511
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 2: stood up in front of friends and family and vowed

512
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 2: before God to enter a covenant that till death do

513
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 2: us part. I'm in this with you. You know that you

514
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 2: gave her your word, and so I empathize with you. Man.

515
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 2: I'm so that it's tough. It's obviously hard to do

516
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 2: it when it's not reciprocating. But man, your responsibility as

517
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,479
Speaker 2: the man is to lay down your life for her,

518
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:13,040
Speaker 2: to find ways to love her, to choose to love her,

519
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 2: and to not just say to not bail out just

520
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 2: because you're not feeling like it. A practical resource that

521
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 2: I found super helpful was the book Love and Respect,

522
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 2: and I would encourage you to go to the It's

523
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:32,000
Speaker 2: short answer is men primarily need respect, and then women

524
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 2: primarily need to feel loved and cherished. And so you

525
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 2: could you could go to that. I'm not telling you

526
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 2: to go to her and tell her that she's supposed

527
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 2: to respect you. I'm saying you go to that woman's

528
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 2: the woman's section, and you look for different ways to

529
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 2: love her and cherish her, regardless of if she reciprocates

530
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 2: it or not, because that's going to help improve things.

531
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 2: It's great.

532
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 1: Next question, Subjecline says, gift of God question mark, Good morning.

533
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask something that I've been hesitant to ask.

534
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 1: I truly struggled to understand. My husband cheated and has

535
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,560
Speaker 1: a new baby with another woman. Our youngest is eighteen.

536
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 1: He tells me and everyone that the baby is a

537
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 1: gift from God. It is Is it really a gift

538
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 1: from God? When he is breaking God's rules by cheating

539
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 1: on me? He told me that God gave him him

540
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 1: the gift, but it might be my punishment for the

541
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 1: wrong I have done in my life over the years. Parentheses.

542
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 1: I have never cheated in all of our marriage clothes parentheses.

543
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 1: I have suffered with cancer and I'm sick again with

544
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 1: the same symptoms. I can't seem to forgive him, and

545
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: as soon as I am able, i am leaving our

546
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 1: home since he will not. Thanks for your advice, JP.

547
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: All right, JP, thanks so much for the email, and

548
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry you're in the situation. I'm gonna kind

549
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:58,959
Speaker 1: of recap for my own mind. Here your husband and

550
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 1: there's no divorce here, so I'm assuming still your current husband,

551
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 1: who is currently living with you in your current home,

552
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 1: has cheated on you with another woman that is now

553
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 1: having a baby with her, but he's still in your

554
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 1: house and still married to you. H Parker, will let

555
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: you lead this one. I'm not sure what the question.

556
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 1: I don't know what the question is.

557
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 2: Either, is is the baby a gift from Oh?

558
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's I'm sorry, that's the question. Is the baby

559
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 1: a gift from God? Will park first of all, before

560
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:52,480
Speaker 1: Parker answers, We'll both say are resounding yes. All babies,

561
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: regardless of the circumstance of how they were conceived, are

562
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 1: a gift from God. Like that, that's unquestionably true in

563
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 1: all circumstances all around the world, of all different people,

564
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,560
Speaker 1: in all different ethnicities and religion and tribe, and all

565
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 1: babies are a gift from God, regardless of how they

566
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 1: were pro created.

567
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 2: Go ahead, Mark, Yeah, I'm sorry're in this situation. From

568
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 2: my limited knowledge, it sounds like he's he's a manipulative

569
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 2: and he's using this to rub it in your face

570
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 2: and so our children a gift from God? Absolutely, does

571
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 2: that justify his cheating on you like it was God's

572
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 2: will for him? To have this baby with another woman.

573
00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 2: Of course not, of course not. And yeah, don't believe that,

574
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 2: and don't believe that. It's it's punishment on you for

575
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 2: something that that you did.

576
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, JP, I don't know if there's

577
00:33:54,320 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 1: anything else. Yeah, it's it's wrong that it's so wrong

578
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: that it makes my answer even shorter to there's nothing

579
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 1: to elaborate on. It's ridiculous, it's not. God's not punishing

580
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 1: you with a new baby from your husband who cheated

581
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 1: on you. And this new baby deserves love and respect,

582
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 1: but your husband doesn't. Your husband deserves love, but he

583
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 1: doesn't deserve your trust or your respect.

584
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 2: Nothing to add.

585
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 1: Okay, speaking of trust, the next one subject, client says,

586
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,280
Speaker 1: how do you trust God after losing a loved one? Hey, Grandeer,

587
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,440
Speaker 1: my name is Brian. I'm struggling with keeping my faith

588
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,240
Speaker 1: in God. Over the last two years, I've lost eight

589
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 1: of my closest family members. How do I keep trusting

590
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: God when he keeps taking my family away from me?

591
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 1: I love your music and your podcast. God bless and

592
00:34:54,719 --> 00:35:01,799
Speaker 1: have a great day. Classic question Man eight is a lot.

593
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:05,760
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, but what you're asking isn't totally normal

594
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:15,759
Speaker 1: and understandable from someone who is struggling to know God.

595
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: That's what this boils down to. Most questions I get

596
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: on the podcast that have to do with faith or

597
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 1: spirituality or God, most of them could be answered by saying,

598
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:38,239
Speaker 1: you don't know God well enough. And Parker, how do

599
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 1: you learn who God.

600
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:45,760
Speaker 2: Is through reading his word? Okaa? The Bible?

601
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:50,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, Brian, you read the Bible and you learn who

602
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:54,760
Speaker 1: God is, and what you see really is a people

603
00:35:56,239 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 1: throughout the fifteen hundred years of history within the Bible canon,

604
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 1: you see a history of a people that that endured suffering,

605
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:11,880
Speaker 1: that endured the loss of loved ones. One thing I

606
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,799
Speaker 1: could slightly correct you on is that it's not necessarily

607
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 1: God taking your family away from you. It's they were

608
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:25,360
Speaker 1: never yours. You know, the people are gifts. Everything is

609
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 1: a gift. Every good thing is a gift, and even

610
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 1: even things that we struggle with or gifts. And it

611
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 1: was never really yours to be taken from you. And

612
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 1: so I think, I think, instead of diving in deeper

613
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 1: to how do you trust God in this this situation,

614
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:49,879
Speaker 1: I would I would encourage you to develop some kind

615
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 1: of routine of reading your Bible and with Actually Tyler

616
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:58,959
Speaker 1: and I talked last week on last podcast with Tyler

617
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 1: and I talked about reading a study Bible, if you've

618
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:06,400
Speaker 1: never read the Bible before, reading with a study Bible,

619
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:10,240
Speaker 1: so that you could kind of get this commentary while

620
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:13,600
Speaker 1: you're reading of who are we talking about here, who's writing,

621
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,399
Speaker 1: why are they writing, when are they writing? And that's

622
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 1: constantly just kind of supplementing your reading. Second thing I

623
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 1: would say is to join a local church to be

624
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 1: able to walk with God's people and learn with them

625
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 1: and empathize with them and be poured into by them

626
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:34,320
Speaker 1: when you're going through a loss, so you're not ever alone.

627
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:41,399
Speaker 1: Walking through this alone is impossible. So I think there's

628
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 1: deeper issues here, and I hope that this could be

629
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 1: an encouragement for you to learn who God is.

630
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:51,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, this question is how can I learn to trust someone?

631
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:55,439
Speaker 2: Then the answer is you've got to figure out who

632
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 2: that someone is, right, And you just laid out the

633
00:37:58,200 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 2: practical next steps of that.

634
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 1: It's not it's not just God. It seems like I

635
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,760
Speaker 1: kind of go down this this rabbit hole in this podcast,

636
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 1: but there's so many times we're not just talking about

637
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 1: God in this situation. If you said Granger. I've got

638
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:14,640
Speaker 1: a there's a new guy at work. He just started

639
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:18,120
Speaker 1: working for us, and we're we're on this factory assembly

640
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:21,400
Speaker 1: line and he's he's the next guy over, and so

641
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 1: everything I do, it's it's determined by what he does.

642
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:29,400
Speaker 1: And I want to learn to trust him, Granger. Granger,

643
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 1: tell me, how do I trust this guy? Like he's

644
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 1: been time with him, Talk to him, Listen to him,

645
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 1: go to lunch with them, have coffee with them.

646
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:41,720
Speaker 2: Look at his track record.

647
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 1: Look at his track record, talk to other people that

648
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 1: have talked to him, talk to his family that knows him.

649
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 1: It's so you're asking the same question, how do I

650
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:53,880
Speaker 1: learn to trust God? Talk to him? That's great, listen

651
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 1: to him.

652
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 2: Okay, that's helpful.

653
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 1: Let's let's hit one more here. These are I'm literally

654
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:11,000
Speaker 1: trying to find one that's not a God question because

655
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 1: I don't want I don't want just to just to

656
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 1: talk about who God is in every single question, which

657
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 1: I really could, I really could. Okay, how about that's

658
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 1: a really long one.

659
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 2: Is it safe to say that if people keep their

660
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:33,680
Speaker 2: questions concise, they have a better chance of getting them read.

661
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 1: It's totally right. If you keep it about the length

662
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 1: of a phone. It helps me because if I'm looking

663
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:40,719
Speaker 1: at the clock and I'm like, we've got time for

664
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 1: another question, and you kind of wrote a novel to me,

665
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 1: it's harder. This one just says life question. Hey Grangeard

666
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:49,439
Speaker 1: like to stay anonymous, but I have a question for you.

667
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 1: I am twenty one m active duty at Florida. I'm

668
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 1: not sure what that means I am. I am twenty

669
00:39:57,080 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 1: one active duty AD in Florida. I've been a huge

670
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 1: h fan since I was fourteen. I love your music

671
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: and your podcast. I've been working nights recently and also

672
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,840
Speaker 1: listening to your after midnight radio. Backstory is my girlfriend

673
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 1: and I have been together for three years. In October

674
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:14,319
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty three, we were high school sweethearts. She's

675
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 1: currently working on her bachelor's and masters in two years.

676
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 1: Will be another four years of school total. I have

677
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 1: four years left of my AD contract here. She transferred

678
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:28,360
Speaker 1: to a school down here to move in with me.

679
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:32,960
Speaker 1: We're both from Michigan. Herself and her family have been

680
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: pressuring me about when I'm going to propose to her. Honestly,

681
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 1: I'm just not ready yet myself, and I don't think

682
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 1: she's ready yet either. I have so many toys I

683
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 1: want to buy before a ring. I'm nervous about marriage

684
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 1: because of the risk that I'd lose it if it

685
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 1: didn't work out five years down the road. I apologize

686
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 1: for the book I just wrote. What are your thoughts? Well,

687
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 1: actually it's come from anonymous. Anonymous, Actually you wrote a

688
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 1: perfect length, So thanks, thanks for the perfect length email here,

689
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:11,399
Speaker 1: and man, you've got a great You got a great

690
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:15,040
Speaker 1: guest with Parker sitting here on the microphone for this

691
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 1: particular question. And I think there's been several instant since

692
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:22,839
Speaker 1: on this exact episode that we've kind of touched on

693
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 1: your situation. One. I'll start with this, I'm nervous, nervous

694
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 1: about marriage because of the risk I'll lose it if

695
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:32,719
Speaker 1: it didn't work out five years down the road. Well

696
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:38,839
Speaker 1: throw that idea out, because if you get married, you're

697
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 1: expected to make a covenant. Like I said a couple

698
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 1: questions ago, You're expected to be anonymous, a man of

699
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 1: your word. You're going to make a contract, a social contract.

700
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:52,359
Speaker 1: You are going to agree that you will love her

701
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 1: till death, do your part. And I think we have

702
00:41:55,880 --> 00:42:01,320
Speaker 1: lost completely lost that concept partly because a movie, social media,

703
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:04,719
Speaker 1: all the choices we have. There's so many girls out there,

704
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:06,800
Speaker 1: so many fishes in the sea. If this one doesn't

705
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:09,959
Speaker 1: work out, there's another one that'll probably work out. That's

706
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:13,600
Speaker 1: the statistic, right. So we have completely lost this idea

707
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,280
Speaker 1: that when I get married, I'm gonna make an agreement.

708
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:20,320
Speaker 1: Even if it doesn't work out the way I think,

709
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 1: I'm not getting what I thought from it. I'm gonna

710
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 1: make an agreement. So just throw out the idea that

711
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:27,840
Speaker 1: if it doesn't work out five years instead trade that

712
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:30,719
Speaker 1: thought with I'm a man of my word, I'm a

713
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 1: man of integrity. I'm in the act of duty, and

714
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 1: I will make an agreement that I will not back

715
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:43,879
Speaker 1: out of. Right, Parker, I'll let you dive into where

716
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:47,880
Speaker 1: else you want to jump in. Here. Family's press pressuring

717
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:49,840
Speaker 1: him to get married. He has too many toys he

718
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:54,399
Speaker 1: wants to buy before a ring. He's nervous, they're going

719
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,880
Speaker 1: through school. He doesn't know if he's ready.

720
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say that that's so common today, and

721
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 2: the world tells you that marriage is a burden, that

722
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 2: children are a burden, that you should accumulate as much wealth,

723
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 2: that you should get all the toys and social media

724
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:23,320
Speaker 2: and media in general has fed us this addiction to variety.

725
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 2: Like you said of the grass is always greener, the

726
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 2: grass is always greener. We live in a TikTok world

727
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,760
Speaker 2: of just something new, something new, I gotta get this toy.

728
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 2: Maybe there's a better girl, maybe there's something better out there.

729
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 2: And it's scary, mind man, it's it's it's ruining us.

730
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:44,120
Speaker 2: And uh, like I said earlier as well, with why,

731
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 2: I mean, why would he get married? I don't know.

732
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:47,759
Speaker 2: I don't know if he's a Christian. I know that

733
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 2: we're not trying to make every single question about who

734
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 2: God is, but it's hard to answer that question without

735
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 2: asking yourself. Man, if if you're not a Christian, then

736
00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:59,399
Speaker 2: why would you Why would you get married? Dude?

737
00:43:59,520 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 1: True?

738
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:03,120
Speaker 2: But that make as much money as possible, buy all

739
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 2: of the toys. Yeah, live with your girlfriend as long

740
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 2: as you can until she forces children on you. But ugh,

741
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 2: it just makes me sick. It's just a recipe for disaster.

742
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 2: How many relationships out there are people dating for six, seven,

743
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:21,880
Speaker 2: eight years and you just have the resentment of the

744
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 2: girlfriend because he still hasn't proposed. You have the in

745
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 2: laws cornering him on holidays to ask him why he

746
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:31,399
Speaker 2: still hasn't done it. And the guy's just like, why

747
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:37,160
Speaker 2: would I want to obligate myself to to that kind

748
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,520
Speaker 2: of commitment with all the variety that's out here. So

749
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 2: I don't know if that really helps. But it's just

750
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:44,439
Speaker 2: like in a certain sense, it's just like, I don't

751
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:46,920
Speaker 2: blame you. Man, it's hard when the world is telling

752
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 2: you that marriage and children are a burden and to

753
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:52,360
Speaker 2: just get all you know, eat, drink and be merry,

754
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:57,040
Speaker 2: you know. And so I mean I would just say, man,

755
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I can't answer without saying that. Man, I

756
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 2: don't know if you're a believer in Jesus Christ or not,

757
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 2: but to to find a local church to to read

758
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:14,480
Speaker 2: your Bible. Uh, it's going to explain marriage and the

759
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 2: purpose of it and teach you how to have a

760
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 2: commitment to one person.

761
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:21,120
Speaker 1: Uh.

762
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:24,279
Speaker 2: And I would say to to start there. Otherwise you're

763
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:26,320
Speaker 2: just going to be in a terrible cycle of living

764
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 2: with a girlfriend who resents you and uh, and you're

765
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 2: going to resent her and when you get married because

766
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 2: you didn't get spy all the stuff you wanted.

767
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's awesome, And I think maybe the

768
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:39,879
Speaker 1: final cap I'll put on this is that I want

769
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 1: to just dispel the myth that you're not ready. He said,

770
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,040
Speaker 1: I'm just not ready yet. And I don't think she

771
00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 1: is either. Bro, You're You're definitely ready. You're You're got

772
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 1: a lot going on with school and you you are.

773
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 1: You're an adult. You have moved from Michigan to Florida.

774
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:03,279
Speaker 1: You've got a career plan and a path. The only

775
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:05,799
Speaker 1: reason I would say you're not ready is if you

776
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:10,360
Speaker 1: were sixteen years old living with mommy and daddy and

777
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:16,400
Speaker 1: your brain was still developing. But you, just like many

778
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:20,240
Speaker 1: men before, you are. Actually, I think that's what I'm

779
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 1: twenty one m means. I think that means he's twenty

780
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:27,360
Speaker 1: one male. I think that's what he means. Active duty.

781
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 1: That's what AD means. Okay, so this is all coming together.

782
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,960
Speaker 1: You're twenty one, you're a dude that's twenty one active

783
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 1: duty in Florida. And if you're ready for the military,

784
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:42,200
Speaker 1: if the government thinks you're ready to drink alcohol and

785
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 1: drive a car and serve our country in war. But

786
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 1: you're saying I don't think I'm ready to promise a

787
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:53,719
Speaker 1: girl that I'll stay with her and serve her and

788
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 1: Lord willing have children with her. I'm here to tell

789
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 1: you that's a myth that you've heard somewhere, and it's

790
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:03,000
Speaker 1: wrong because for thousands of years before you, men have

791
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:05,960
Speaker 1: been ready at twenty one years old to marry the

792
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 1: girl they're with.

793
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,920
Speaker 2: And just to add on to that at the very end,

794
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:13,920
Speaker 2: I would also say that is not saying that you

795
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:17,360
Speaker 2: should definitely marry this girl true because we just answer

796
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 2: two questions of guys who are married and you know

797
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:24,160
Speaker 2: they're not getting out of it. Dude, if you are,

798
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 2: if you're doing this, you're doing it till death, and

799
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 2: you're gonna end up the dude saying I think she's

800
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 2: cheating on me. There's another kid that she that she had.

801
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 2: So that's not to say that you shouldn't be extremely

802
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 2: picky and be like, is this the girl that is

803
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 2: going to be the mother of my children, that is

804
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:50,400
Speaker 2: going to be selfless and that is going to endure

805
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:51,520
Speaker 2: a hard times?

806
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, this question almost should have started the podcast and

807
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:57,759
Speaker 1: then we could have the other ones that the bad

808
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 1: stories that happened after. But I will say that Anonymous,

809
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 1: you said together for three years, she's your girlfriend in

810
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:08,959
Speaker 1: your high school sweethearts. I don't see anything wrong with her,

811
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 1: And yeah, I think I think you have a lot

812
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 1: of decisions to make, and I think I think we've

813
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 1: met a pretty good case of just kind of dispelling

814
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,279
Speaker 1: the miss of the world and then putting it back

815
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 1: on your court. It's all the time we got, love

816
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 1: you guys, See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me

817
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,920
Speaker 1: on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you.

818
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:31,320
Speaker 2: Guys.

819
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:34,279
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.

820
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that

821
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never

822
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:44,560
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a

823
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer,

824
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:51,960
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yi