WEBVTT - In Love with Love

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<v Speaker 1>Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast

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<v Speaker 1>how is Everybody? I'm actually in a good mood today

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<v Speaker 1>and not like actually but like I feel I can tell.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just like I don't know, I feel like it's Monday,

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<v Speaker 1>it's bouncy, like yeah, like today is a good day.

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<v Speaker 1>That's good? Yeah? Is there a reason? That's the thing?

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<v Speaker 1>I know, Like what would you talk to swear? I

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<v Speaker 1>just think Marks, like, well, guy is it? And like no,

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<v Speaker 1>I swear, I'm just like in a good mood. Why

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<v Speaker 1>don't I trust this more to this story because you're

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<v Speaker 1>in a great mood. I am in a great mood.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just happy today and I like to see Mark.

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<v Speaker 1>Mark just makes me funny, Mark, and you must be happy.

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<v Speaker 1>That's I'm in different sort of situations lately. I'm just

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<v Speaker 1>seeing you happy as a wonderful thing. And yes, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>very happy that you're in the situation you're in. Not

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<v Speaker 1>approved for lost situation. I did not and whatever the

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<v Speaker 1>currents is, Sam, there is no current situation that's not

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<v Speaker 1>responsible for that amazing bright smile on your face. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I genuinely got really excited when I saw

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<v Speaker 1>you come on. Well, that is so sweet. Yeah, like

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like I haven't seen you in a minute

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<v Speaker 1>and it has been a while. No, it was good.

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<v Speaker 1>I listened to this. Um, I just want to get

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<v Speaker 1>my lashes done and I get to like drive thirty

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<v Speaker 1>minutes to it. It's just so it's fun. And I

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<v Speaker 1>listened to a super soul podcast by Oprah and it

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<v Speaker 1>was all about um, being happy with yourself, like just

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<v Speaker 1>yourself and not like outside stuff, and so I don't know,

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<v Speaker 1>I just was like, why are you laughing at me? Oh?

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<v Speaker 1>I know it was good. It was like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of people can say something that if Oprah

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<v Speaker 1>says it, I know, right, this is where they she gets.

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<v Speaker 1>But hey, we'll take it out anyhow. So it's safe

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<v Speaker 1>to say, Yes, there was no one in your bed

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<v Speaker 1>anytime recently. No, Wow, Mark, what a great and just

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<v Speaker 1>there we go, just there. I mean I could have

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<v Speaker 1>been in someone else's bed. That was just come on,

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<v Speaker 1>these softballs was a that was a softball toss? Um? No, right,

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<v Speaker 1>that's the best kind of happiness. Yeah. And you know

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<v Speaker 1>what's this is gonna sound so stupid, but I was

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<v Speaker 1>reading Sharna Burgess would have whatever her I can never

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<v Speaker 1>say her last name Burgess, Burgess, burs and Burgesses. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>she posted this thing with her and and Brian and

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<v Speaker 1>she goes, I was happy before you, but like now

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<v Speaker 1>I'm even happier. And I was like, oh, like what

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<v Speaker 1>a cool place like that would be to just be

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<v Speaker 1>like happy and then someone just like amplifies your happiness.

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<v Speaker 1>Because like I started thinking about that, I'm like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>you make me smile. It's like, no, I already smile,

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<v Speaker 1>but like I'm smiling more. I don't know, I just

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<v Speaker 1>thought there was like a cool like that just kind

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<v Speaker 1>of hit me. It's so true, though, you don't want

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<v Speaker 1>someone else to make you happy, right, I'm getting that.

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<v Speaker 1>She's like, it's registering now. I mean, it makes me happier.

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, but I do have some options. We can

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<v Speaker 1>discuss it at later point. Mark, Okay, good lovely. It

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<v Speaker 1>would be a fun for the show. I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>if this possible to be fun for the show if

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<v Speaker 1>you just didn't do names. It was like person A

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<v Speaker 1>and say like three things about them, person B three

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<v Speaker 1>things about them, and then we can all decide. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>we were writing a prosen cons list, we could just

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<v Speaker 1>we could read some of those things. I got this, Mark,

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<v Speaker 1>don't worry, I got it. We did a present cons

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<v Speaker 1>list the other day. Um, but yeah, well that would

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<v Speaker 1>be a lot of fun. I was thinking. I just

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<v Speaker 1>texted Amy on the side. I was like, we need

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<v Speaker 1>to get Patty staying around again because she's like a

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<v Speaker 1>matchmaker girl, so she could give some tips. That would

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<v Speaker 1>be fun, that would be really fun. And there are

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<v Speaker 1>any non athletes among the options? Oh? I like that one? Normal? Yeah? Wow? Right?

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<v Speaker 1>Are there any non um m hmmm are there any okay?

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<v Speaker 1>Are there people that I never would have heard of? Yeah? Wow, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>see I'm moving on up. Mark, I like that. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Any other questions? Um, so many my mouth at the

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<v Speaker 1>same time, Um, how many are we talking about? How

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<v Speaker 1>many are I'm just you know, you guys all say date, yes, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>don't commit, just date. I'm learning. I'm trying. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know how to do that, but I'm trying. Yeah. And

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<v Speaker 1>that's always a gray area too, because because you've got

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<v Speaker 1>to make that really clear to every that's that's where

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<v Speaker 1>I don't that's what I don't want, that's what that's

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<v Speaker 1>that's the only part that I'm like, I have to

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<v Speaker 1>be careful on because I don't know how to date.

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<v Speaker 1>My friends are always like date. I'm like, well, how

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<v Speaker 1>do you talk to like multiple people? And it is

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<v Speaker 1>kind of awkward to be like just f y, I

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<v Speaker 1>dating lots of people. I don't know. I mean, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not dating off, but if you're dating, like, how do

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<v Speaker 1>you I went on a date in l A, how

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<v Speaker 1>do you have that conversation? Yeah? Yeah, um but yeah yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>But I don't think until you have that conversation of

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<v Speaker 1>like being exclusive or whatever, then then you don't have

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<v Speaker 1>to say anything, right, I guess I don't a world.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. Well, we'll do an episode on this

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<v Speaker 1>because it's fascinating. Yeah, it seems like nowadays there's two levels.

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<v Speaker 1>There's the exclusive conversation and then there's the boyfriend girlfriend conversation,

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<v Speaker 1>which I've always thought was one conversation, but now apparently

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<v Speaker 1>it's two. Yeah. I think it's too too. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>that's kind of what I had in my last situation.

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<v Speaker 1>It was like from girlfriends, but it was like not

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<v Speaker 1>seeing other people, like we're just letting you know, we're not.

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<v Speaker 1>I told you that confused me to begin with, because

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I don't like that. I don't either. It

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<v Speaker 1>makes no sense to me because I'm like, wait a minute,

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<v Speaker 1>so you we're not going to see the people, but

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<v Speaker 1>yet you I'm not good enough to other people until

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<v Speaker 1>you're like, Okay, now I really want to spend all

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<v Speaker 1>my time with this one person. We're exclusive, but time

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<v Speaker 1>out if I'm gonna sleep, like, if I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>sleep with someone, I'm not going to be sleeping with

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<v Speaker 1>like multiple people. But then that's what that's basically what

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<v Speaker 1>it is. That's the initial exclusive. It's to not sleep

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<v Speaker 1>with other people. But then I don't like how it

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<v Speaker 1>makes me feel because when that happened in the last situation,

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<v Speaker 1>I was kind of like, oh, like, but I'm not like,

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<v Speaker 1>but you don't get to be the boyfriend girlfriend if

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<v Speaker 1>you're just sleeping with each other. You gotta wait for that. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm too old. This is why I wanted to stay married.

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<v Speaker 1>This is why I wanted to not get divorced. Um, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so I so can we like bookmark this? I think

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<v Speaker 1>Amy just came on, Amy, did you get my text

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<v Speaker 1>about having Patty on? She's probably like, don't bring me

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<v Speaker 1>on right now. I'm here. I'm reading it now. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just catching up, but I'm here because I think it'd

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<v Speaker 1>be fun to just do like a whole like news

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm like nude to this dating world. So I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like we need to have like an expert on,

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<v Speaker 1>and then we need to do and then we need

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<v Speaker 1>to have Mark on because Mark is like Coppa because

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<v Speaker 1>he would have like nixed the last one and he tried,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was like, no, we do have an expert

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<v Speaker 1>coming on for you next week that I haven't told

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<v Speaker 1>you about yet. Oh god, she's an expert in dating

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<v Speaker 1>and relationships, but a certain area of the oh what

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<v Speaker 1>do you mean the sc X part? Oh sex? Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I got that covered. That took you a minute. I

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<v Speaker 1>think you're really gonna like her. She's pretty amazing. But yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>we can just go back to elementary school with you

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<v Speaker 1>for dating, Like, let's just go back and start with

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<v Speaker 1>the experts teaching you from the very beginning because I

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<v Speaker 1>need it. That would be very helpful because I'm I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not doing You're not doing so bad. M not doing

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<v Speaker 1>so great either, Um, so let's get I think we

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<v Speaker 1>should get Patty on as an expert one time. But anyway, okay, cool,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, before we start the show, add up, what

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<v Speaker 1>you're paying for TV and streaming brutal. Right, Well, Filo

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<v Speaker 1>gives me a totally better TV experience for just twenty

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<v Speaker 1>a month. I asked my friends at Filo if I

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<v Speaker 1>could offer you guys a special deal to try Filo,

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<v Speaker 1>and they said, of course. So I got you off

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<v Speaker 1>your first two months. Go to Filo dot tv slash Janna.

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<v Speaker 1>That's Filo dot tv slash Janna Filo dot tv slash Janna. Um. So,

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<v Speaker 1>I am really excited about today's podcast, but I have

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<v Speaker 1>to feel like I have to walk kind of a

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<v Speaker 1>fine line with her because, um, Claire is going to

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<v Speaker 1>be the guest, and she was the bachelorette. Um what

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<v Speaker 1>was two seasons ago, Claire Crowley. Um. Because I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like this is gonna sound bad. I relate to her

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<v Speaker 1>so much that I'm like, I don't want to be

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<v Speaker 1>too hard on myself through my questions with her, because

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want to sound like a hypocrite. Oh yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>do you know what I mean? Marks Like, look at

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<v Speaker 1>his face. That's the great thing about this podcast those

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<v Speaker 1>even in the interviews, there's a subtext that may not

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<v Speaker 1>be think, yeah, it's great, um, but she's been going

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<v Speaker 1>through a lot. Obviously she just had a break up

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<v Speaker 1>with Dale and we have become damn friends. So let's

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<v Speaker 1>take a break and then let's get her on. Hi, bab,

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<v Speaker 1>how are you? How am I? How? Well? First of all,

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<v Speaker 1>how are you um? At this very moment, I'm okay, okay.

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<v Speaker 1>I things kind of her up and down for me

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<v Speaker 1>in just in general in my life, but right now,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean sometimes it's a minute to minute, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>Right now, I'm okay, and I feel like I'm okay

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm sitting with a woman that understands kind of

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<v Speaker 1>my life and we've had similar paths with a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of things, and it's comforting. And that's that's the reason

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<v Speaker 1>why I want to be able excutted to do this

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<v Speaker 1>podcast is because if me and you understand each other,

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<v Speaker 1>I know there's a million other women out there that

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<v Speaker 1>understand us that maybe don't have like a me and

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<v Speaker 1>you to talk to they but to listen to this,

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<v Speaker 1>to to say like I understand you know. So I'm

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<v Speaker 1>I'm comforted by doing this with somebody who understands it all. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>And I love that you're you know, coming on because

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<v Speaker 1>I think you know, we've never actually met in person.

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<v Speaker 1>But I feel like we have such a connection through

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<v Speaker 1>our history and our past and I am member. I

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<v Speaker 1>I slid into your d M s and was like,

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<v Speaker 1>I see you, and I just want you to know that. Like,

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<v Speaker 1>because there's so much outside noise, there's so much um,

0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:13.760
<v Speaker 1>there's so much just just there's just so much noise,

0:11:13.880 --> 0:11:17.400
<v Speaker 1>and it's hard to sometimes. Um, Like people just read

0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:20.480
<v Speaker 1>a headline. People just they see five minutes of something.

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<v Speaker 1>They don't actually take the time to go, well, what

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<v Speaker 1>did what has she been through? And what's her story?

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<v Speaker 1>And you know she's human, how does she feel? And

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<v Speaker 1>and I just I just know that. UM. What I

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<v Speaker 1>what I know of you is that you love to

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<v Speaker 1>love and like that is like my biggest motto. And

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<v Speaker 1>it's like it's it's sad when like you have something,

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<v Speaker 1>you have this desire to love and to be loved,

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<v Speaker 1>and for me, like my experience is like when that fails, Like,

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<v Speaker 1>that's hard. Yeah, it's absolutely hard. And I think that's UM.

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<v Speaker 1>I think there's so much power to and sharing this

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<v Speaker 1>kind of thing because it's with women like us who

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<v Speaker 1>love to love and lead with our hearts. UM, it

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<v Speaker 1>leaves you open to the vulnerability whether it's with your partner,

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<v Speaker 1>whether it's with the world to see and to listening

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<v Speaker 1>to watch, Like there is so much just power in

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<v Speaker 1>that vulnerability. But it's hard. It's I think it's a

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<v Speaker 1>lot easier to have your walls up and be guarded

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<v Speaker 1>and just play cool and like it doesn't phase you,

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<v Speaker 1>or you're good or you're happy. Um, it's a lot

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<v Speaker 1>more difficult and but more real, I think to just

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<v Speaker 1>be authentic and say like I'm not okay, and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>this is what I'm going through, you know. And I

0:12:47.360 --> 0:12:52.960
<v Speaker 1>think that's like such a beautiful thing because right now,

0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:55.880
<v Speaker 1>like yeah, because it's like someone's like get over it.

0:12:56.080 --> 0:12:58.720
<v Speaker 1>You know, you're divorced, like and it's like you don't

0:12:58.800 --> 0:13:02.319
<v Speaker 1>understand that when you give your heart and you love

0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:06.000
<v Speaker 1>so big that it's you got, you're not going to

0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:10.920
<v Speaker 1>be okay the next day or six months later. And

0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:14.480
<v Speaker 1>we all kind of process heartbreak in different ways. And

0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:19.080
<v Speaker 1>for me, like you know, my experiences, I I I

0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:21.200
<v Speaker 1>still to this day can't sit here and be like

0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:23.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm the strongest I've ever been, because yeah, I'm a

0:13:23.760 --> 0:13:27.080
<v Speaker 1>strong freaking woman, but like I still, like yesterday I

0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:29.160
<v Speaker 1>had a breakdown and it was hard, and it's like

0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:31.600
<v Speaker 1>and that's okay, Like and that's why I love that

0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:35.120
<v Speaker 1>what you said is like that, you know, like right now,

0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:37.679
<v Speaker 1>like you're okay, and like that does not make you weak,

0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:40.120
<v Speaker 1>that just makes you human, that makes you have that's

0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:43.120
<v Speaker 1>someone that you have a heart and you you're healing

0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:46.000
<v Speaker 1>and that's a part of like the healing process and

0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.679
<v Speaker 1>being broken at the same time, like some days you're

0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:50.600
<v Speaker 1>just not going to be okay, and other days, like tomorrow, Claire,

0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:52.079
<v Speaker 1>you might wake up and be like I am so

0:13:52.160 --> 0:13:54.640
<v Speaker 1>freaking strong and I'm good and I'm happy, and the

0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:57.520
<v Speaker 1>next day you might be devastated, like it's just and

0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:00.199
<v Speaker 1>but I love that you're like, you know because kind

0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:01.559
<v Speaker 1>of had a feeling you might be like, oh, I'm

0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:04.199
<v Speaker 1>so strong and I'm so happy because it's like and

0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:06.480
<v Speaker 1>that would be great too, But at the same time,

0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:08.520
<v Speaker 1>it's like is that really real? Like I don't know,

0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:10.520
<v Speaker 1>like I'm almost envious maybe a people that can just

0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:14.600
<v Speaker 1>be like that, Well, here's what I have to say

0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:18.720
<v Speaker 1>about that, because it, I think is maybe the easier

0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:21.280
<v Speaker 1>thing to go to to say I'm strong, I'm happy,

0:14:21.360 --> 0:14:23.320
<v Speaker 1>and they're like you said, there are days like that

0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:29.640
<v Speaker 1>I think two things. I think you can it can coexist.

0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:32.920
<v Speaker 1>I think you can be strong, you can be happy

0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:36.280
<v Speaker 1>and still hurt from something that has happened to you

0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:42.240
<v Speaker 1>and deeply affected by somebody you loved um or a

0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:45.000
<v Speaker 1>breakup or a struggle that you've got going on in

0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:49.320
<v Speaker 1>your life. Like it can coexist. I think there's that

0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:53.080
<v Speaker 1>fine line, though, of the people that just say nope, nope, nope,

0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:56.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm tough, everything is fine. It's

0:14:56.760 --> 0:15:01.280
<v Speaker 1>that wall that's so transparent. I think when you see

0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:03.400
<v Speaker 1>people being like that, and I try to share a

0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:06.320
<v Speaker 1>lot of that on my social media of yes, I'm

0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:09.400
<v Speaker 1>a strong woman. Yes I'm happy a lot of the time,

0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:12.560
<v Speaker 1>and I'm healing and I will always continue to fight

0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:16.160
<v Speaker 1>for myself. But sometimes that doesn't mean I'm always okay,

0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:19.560
<v Speaker 1>Like I had a rough morning even this morning, you know,

0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:22.600
<v Speaker 1>we were talking about it, and and things can pop

0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:25.400
<v Speaker 1>up here and there and trigger it. But you can

0:15:25.440 --> 0:15:30.400
<v Speaker 1>be strong while still owning your vulnerability and owning that

0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:33.000
<v Speaker 1>things hurt it. It shows you have a heart. And

0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:35.760
<v Speaker 1>I think when you show you have a heart that

0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:40.520
<v Speaker 1>in itself innately is beautiful and a true strength and

0:15:40.600 --> 0:15:42.880
<v Speaker 1>sometimes it just feels really damn good to cry too,

0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:49.240
<v Speaker 1>like yes, like oh it's so true. My biggest, biggest

0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:51.000
<v Speaker 1>thing I've always said that it is such a turn

0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:53.680
<v Speaker 1>off for me is I don't want to be with

0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:56.840
<v Speaker 1>somebody who's robotic. I don't want somebody to be I

0:15:56.840 --> 0:15:58.840
<v Speaker 1>don't want to be with somebody who is cold and

0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:04.080
<v Speaker 1>can just detach and be numb two feelings into love

0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:08.520
<v Speaker 1>and things like that's aching to me. That's sad to me. Yeah,

0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:11.280
<v Speaker 1>it's it's interesting because especially for like a guy. There

0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:13.000
<v Speaker 1>was this one guy that I went out on a

0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:16.600
<v Speaker 1>date with and he's like, I haven't cried and like

0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:19.880
<v Speaker 1>ten years. And I was like, huh, that's not a yeah.

0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:22.960
<v Speaker 1>And then I was like like what about like haven't

0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:24.720
<v Speaker 1>you seen Marley and Me or like I don't know,

0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:26.120
<v Speaker 1>but I was like I kind of like made a joke.

0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:28.840
<v Speaker 1>But I was also like, right, the art of racing

0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:32.280
<v Speaker 1>in the rain. Yeah, but I was like, but like

0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:35.360
<v Speaker 1>what about like when you had had your last breakup

0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:38.920
<v Speaker 1>or and and for some reason, like it was it

0:16:38.920 --> 0:16:42.280
<v Speaker 1>it turned me off because it was it's like I

0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:46.160
<v Speaker 1>I personally want someone that is um so connected to

0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:47.640
<v Speaker 1>their emotions. I'm not saying like I want you to

0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:49.440
<v Speaker 1>cry all the time, Like I think that's the opposite

0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:51.720
<v Speaker 1>of it, is like I just want someone right that

0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:54.360
<v Speaker 1>I had that has emotional connection and that you can

0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:57.280
<v Speaker 1>get vulnerable and be you know, be authentic and not

0:16:57.440 --> 0:17:00.080
<v Speaker 1>just I don't know, Like that's such an interesting it

0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:03.680
<v Speaker 1>like really kind of stopped me in my tracks. Yeah,

0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:06.680
<v Speaker 1>I think you're so right on that where it's like

0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:09.160
<v Speaker 1>some people use it as a strength and I don't.

0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:14.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't necessarily look at at not crying as a strength.

0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:18.719
<v Speaker 1>I think all emotions and showing and having the diversity

0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:23.720
<v Speaker 1>of really feeling emotions, especially if something impacted you, whether

0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:25.600
<v Speaker 1>even if it's in a good way, to be moved

0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:29.920
<v Speaker 1>by something is is so beautiful and so human of us.

0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:33.040
<v Speaker 1>And I think to like my therapist she was saying,

0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:36.520
<v Speaker 1>because it really rocked me when when that person was like,

0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:40.119
<v Speaker 1>you know, get over it, and it's like I'm like

0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:44.920
<v Speaker 1>the healing circle is so vicious and but also beautiful,

0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:46.479
<v Speaker 1>but like again it's just you're just going to have

0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:49.280
<v Speaker 1>those days where it's like it's it's hard. But I

0:17:49.280 --> 0:17:51.840
<v Speaker 1>guess I'm curious because I've I've dealt with this in

0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:57.080
<v Speaker 1>my past where I feel I feel angry, not angry,

0:17:57.119 --> 0:18:00.760
<v Speaker 1>but just like it's not angry, it's not duped, it's

0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:03.200
<v Speaker 1>just maybe and maybe it's all of those things. Maybe

0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:06.240
<v Speaker 1>it's angry, maybe it's duped, Maybe it's disappointment, maybe it's

0:18:07.240 --> 0:18:09.440
<v Speaker 1>it's it's all those things together. When it's like when

0:18:09.480 --> 0:18:11.920
<v Speaker 1>you give something, because we have, we give so much

0:18:12.040 --> 0:18:16.360
<v Speaker 1>that when we don't get that in return with our experiences,

0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:19.760
<v Speaker 1>it's like, that's it's hurtful because it's like wait a minute,

0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:22.679
<v Speaker 1>like was it not real for you? Or like like

0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:26.520
<v Speaker 1>what was it? Like? You know what I mean, absolutely,

0:18:26.720 --> 0:18:30.639
<v Speaker 1>it's I It's what I keep reminding myself of is

0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:36.280
<v Speaker 1>you cannot expect, like we want somebody to love us,

0:18:36.320 --> 0:18:41.040
<v Speaker 1>how hard we love them, and when it's not reciprocated

0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:43.840
<v Speaker 1>or it's not done to that level or in that way,

0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:46.920
<v Speaker 1>it's it's hard to process that, and it's it's hurtful,

0:18:48.400 --> 0:18:52.639
<v Speaker 1>especially when um they're saying one thing and doing another.

0:18:54.359 --> 0:18:59.480
<v Speaker 1>That especially stings extra because it's like how could you

0:18:59.520 --> 0:19:01.359
<v Speaker 1>do that to what you love? It's it's hard to

0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:04.760
<v Speaker 1>it's hard to comprehend things like that. Yeah, yeah, I

0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:06.720
<v Speaker 1>mean I feel you. I mean I know we've all

0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:09.320
<v Speaker 1>we've both also been in abusive relationships in our past

0:19:09.359 --> 0:19:11.640
<v Speaker 1>and you know, verbal, mentally, all of it physically, and

0:19:12.400 --> 0:19:14.639
<v Speaker 1>you wonder, You're like, how can you say you love

0:19:14.720 --> 0:19:17.760
<v Speaker 1>me and then do this like it just it doesn't

0:19:17.760 --> 0:19:20.400
<v Speaker 1>like I would never like. And yes, I can say,

0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:22.920
<v Speaker 1>like I have said, I have been in the wrong

0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:24.800
<v Speaker 1>at times, and I have said hurtful things and I

0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:29.160
<v Speaker 1>can acknowledge and own that. But there's but there's there's remorse,

0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:35.800
<v Speaker 1>there's empathy, there's compassion, there's um, there's apologies, you know, yeah,

0:19:36.040 --> 0:19:40.719
<v Speaker 1>worse of course, and and owning owning the reality of

0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:44.280
<v Speaker 1>it and saying I screwed up, or or owning your partner.

0:19:44.400 --> 0:19:46.560
<v Speaker 1>I think is I think that in itself is a

0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:50.240
<v Speaker 1>big part of it. I'm not expecting somebody to be perfect.

0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:53.240
<v Speaker 1>I know I'm not perfect. I can get loud, I

0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.480
<v Speaker 1>can get passionate, I can you know when I believe

0:19:55.480 --> 0:19:58.520
<v Speaker 1>in something with all my heart, like you bet your ass,

0:19:58.560 --> 0:20:03.400
<v Speaker 1>I am fighting for that. But there's a difference between

0:20:03.440 --> 0:20:09.720
<v Speaker 1>I think, um, being passive with something or like owning

0:20:09.720 --> 0:20:11.679
<v Speaker 1>your truth of it and owning your part in it,

0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:15.080
<v Speaker 1>because that's what matters. It's not about being perfect. It's

0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:18.680
<v Speaker 1>owning your part in in what makes or breaks things,

0:20:18.720 --> 0:20:21.359
<v Speaker 1>you know, and not just the good but the bad too,

0:20:21.440 --> 0:20:24.399
<v Speaker 1>you know, and recognizing that, yeah, there's something in that

0:20:24.440 --> 0:20:27.800
<v Speaker 1>too where it's like I remember with past experiences. For me,

0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:32.240
<v Speaker 1>it's like I almost like tell me because I'd rather

0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:34.879
<v Speaker 1>know or before finding out, Like just like I just

0:20:34.960 --> 0:20:36.760
<v Speaker 1>I want to know all the good, bad and ugly

0:20:37.000 --> 0:20:39.439
<v Speaker 1>so that all of our craps out there and we

0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:41.680
<v Speaker 1>can help each other with it too, because I'm like,

0:20:41.720 --> 0:20:43.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to carry all the stuff that I

0:20:43.320 --> 0:20:45.639
<v Speaker 1>have by myself, Like I need help carrying some of

0:20:45.640 --> 0:20:50.160
<v Speaker 1>my stuff too. Yeah, that that's a huge thing too,

0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:56.960
<v Speaker 1>unpacked because it takes a lot of trust. It takes

0:20:57.000 --> 0:21:00.080
<v Speaker 1>a lot of trust to put that on some you.

0:21:00.200 --> 0:21:02.399
<v Speaker 1>That that I think is my biggest thing. What I

0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:05.800
<v Speaker 1>was looking for in my last relationship when I went

0:21:05.800 --> 0:21:10.119
<v Speaker 1>on the Bachelorette was I want somebody I've been through,

0:21:10.520 --> 0:21:14.080
<v Speaker 1>Like I'm a tough woman. I I have gotten through

0:21:14.240 --> 0:21:16.480
<v Speaker 1>a lot of things, the majority things in my life

0:21:16.840 --> 0:21:21.520
<v Speaker 1>by myself, and I wanted a man who can say, like,

0:21:22.600 --> 0:21:25.320
<v Speaker 1>let me help you, let me at least I'm not

0:21:25.400 --> 0:21:27.879
<v Speaker 1>looking for you to fix it. I'm just you just

0:21:27.960 --> 0:21:32.439
<v Speaker 1>stand by me while I while I go through this,

0:21:32.480 --> 0:21:35.439
<v Speaker 1>in process it and live it, you know, because we,

0:21:35.600 --> 0:21:37.040
<v Speaker 1>like you said, we all have our stuff, and we

0:21:37.040 --> 0:21:39.000
<v Speaker 1>all have our things we've gone through and whatever people

0:21:39.040 --> 0:21:41.560
<v Speaker 1>want to call it baggage or life experiences or whatever.

0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:44.119
<v Speaker 1>I don't expect you to fix it, but sit with

0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:46.160
<v Speaker 1>me while I try to fix it, and while I try,

0:21:46.240 --> 0:21:49.560
<v Speaker 1>while I heal, And I think there's things people can

0:21:49.600 --> 0:21:53.640
<v Speaker 1>do to help it and help you heal, and there's

0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:56.880
<v Speaker 1>things people can do to add to it and chip

0:21:56.920 --> 0:22:00.800
<v Speaker 1>away at what's already broke in in a way. You know.

0:22:01.119 --> 0:22:04.280
<v Speaker 1>Do you have any regrets at all about your journey

0:22:04.320 --> 0:22:11.879
<v Speaker 1>and the Bachelor up? Um? I always feel like I

0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:14.719
<v Speaker 1>do not want to have regrets and I didn't even know,

0:22:14.800 --> 0:22:17.040
<v Speaker 1>to be honest, if I would have done things differently

0:22:17.320 --> 0:22:19.439
<v Speaker 1>because I was doing the best I could at the

0:22:19.480 --> 0:22:25.439
<v Speaker 1>time with the information that I had. And if my

0:22:25.480 --> 0:22:32.280
<v Speaker 1>biggest regret is trusting the process, trusting a man, a

0:22:32.320 --> 0:22:36.639
<v Speaker 1>man's words and who he showed me he was, I

0:22:36.720 --> 0:22:41.320
<v Speaker 1>don't think that that's a regret. Like I I trusted somebody,

0:22:41.359 --> 0:22:43.720
<v Speaker 1>I believe somebody that they were who that they said

0:22:43.720 --> 0:22:46.600
<v Speaker 1>they were, or that they would hold up to the

0:22:46.600 --> 0:22:49.080
<v Speaker 1>promises that they make when they get down on one knee,

0:22:49.080 --> 0:22:52.240
<v Speaker 1>Like I don't know if that's a regret, you know,

0:22:52.400 --> 0:22:57.720
<v Speaker 1>I would still I loved and have always had such

0:22:57.720 --> 0:23:01.800
<v Speaker 1>a deep love for Dale, and that a doesn't go

0:23:01.840 --> 0:23:06.320
<v Speaker 1>away overnight and be like I don't regret that, like

0:23:06.480 --> 0:23:13.000
<v Speaker 1>I loved loving it. Yeah, yeah, I mean I feel

0:23:13.040 --> 0:23:17.960
<v Speaker 1>that's my core two. With my ex, it's like I yeah,

0:23:18.040 --> 0:23:23.320
<v Speaker 1>I mean tesday it's like hard, like with my therapist,

0:23:23.400 --> 0:23:27.080
<v Speaker 1>I tell no today, I was like I have little

0:23:27.119 --> 0:23:29.880
<v Speaker 1>moments where I'm like, I, you know, I still love

0:23:30.000 --> 0:23:32.760
<v Speaker 1>him like he's he was, he's the father of my children,

0:23:32.880 --> 0:23:37.200
<v Speaker 1>like I you know, but and it's it's hard when

0:23:37.240 --> 0:23:40.919
<v Speaker 1>things when words and the vows and the promises aren't

0:23:41.520 --> 0:23:44.560
<v Speaker 1>lived up to um. And that's where sometimes anger can

0:23:44.600 --> 0:23:46.760
<v Speaker 1>come in. Any where you feel dooped door, you feel

0:23:47.080 --> 0:23:51.000
<v Speaker 1>sad um. But you know, I, yeah, I look back

0:23:51.040 --> 0:23:52.960
<v Speaker 1>to and it's like I don't regret and me I

0:23:52.960 --> 0:23:55.120
<v Speaker 1>have I have regrets in that relationship, but I don't

0:23:55.160 --> 0:23:59.040
<v Speaker 1>ever regret loving him because I think you see, for

0:23:59.080 --> 0:24:03.040
<v Speaker 1>at least me, guy saw things of his of who

0:24:03.040 --> 0:24:05.200
<v Speaker 1>he can who he can be you know, and maybe

0:24:05.240 --> 0:24:07.320
<v Speaker 1>maybe that's my issue, Like I think I think I

0:24:07.400 --> 0:24:09.959
<v Speaker 1>might love people too with the potential, not actually who

0:24:10.000 --> 0:24:12.240
<v Speaker 1>they are, And that's maybe something where like as I

0:24:12.320 --> 0:24:15.240
<v Speaker 1>move forward and like my journey of loving the next person,

0:24:15.320 --> 0:24:17.320
<v Speaker 1>it's like I got to make sure that I'm like,

0:24:17.440 --> 0:24:21.160
<v Speaker 1>is this am I actually falling for who they are?

0:24:21.280 --> 0:24:22.919
<v Speaker 1>Or who I want them to be or who I

0:24:22.960 --> 0:24:25.639
<v Speaker 1>hope they are? You know? But I think with at

0:24:25.680 --> 0:24:28.919
<v Speaker 1>least men in my past, it's like they were showing

0:24:28.920 --> 0:24:30.760
<v Speaker 1>me a version that they wanted to be too. They

0:24:30.800 --> 0:24:35.200
<v Speaker 1>just weren't capable of being that version. Yeah. Yeah, that's

0:24:35.200 --> 0:24:37.439
<v Speaker 1>a huge thing. And I think you and I are

0:24:37.520 --> 0:24:43.480
<v Speaker 1>so similar, Janet, beyond similar with this because it's almost

0:24:43.520 --> 0:24:46.920
<v Speaker 1>like you want to see the good and the best

0:24:46.960 --> 0:24:52.000
<v Speaker 1>and that have hope for that, and I wonder, at

0:24:52.080 --> 0:24:54.440
<v Speaker 1>least for me, it felt like I would always wonder

0:24:54.640 --> 0:24:56.719
<v Speaker 1>is he doing that for me? Is he trying to

0:24:56.760 --> 0:24:58.920
<v Speaker 1>see the best in me? And a lot of times

0:24:58.920 --> 0:25:02.640
<v Speaker 1>I didn't I feel like that. It was like, how

0:25:02.640 --> 0:25:04.479
<v Speaker 1>am I sitting here trying to fight so hard for

0:25:04.520 --> 0:25:07.879
<v Speaker 1>this relationship and trying to see and trying to just

0:25:07.960 --> 0:25:12.440
<v Speaker 1>embrace and really love him to my core? For everything

0:25:12.440 --> 0:25:15.840
<v Speaker 1>that he is and and wanting you to receive that

0:25:15.920 --> 0:25:18.720
<v Speaker 1>with open arms, when it's like it was always I

0:25:18.760 --> 0:25:21.240
<v Speaker 1>felt kind of met with walls and a guardedness and

0:25:21.480 --> 0:25:25.240
<v Speaker 1>a distrust and it's like, I don't know, it's so

0:25:25.320 --> 0:25:28.360
<v Speaker 1>I want. I think we just love how we want

0:25:28.400 --> 0:25:33.879
<v Speaker 1>to be loved, and you really, I guess ultimately can't

0:25:33.920 --> 0:25:39.840
<v Speaker 1>expect you from them. Mm hmm. I wonder what you know?

0:25:39.880 --> 0:25:42.240
<v Speaker 1>And this is against stuff that I'm unpacking with my therapist,

0:25:42.280 --> 0:25:45.760
<v Speaker 1>but you know how how I don't continue because I

0:25:45.760 --> 0:25:47.880
<v Speaker 1>think if I look back on all my past relationships,

0:25:47.960 --> 0:25:50.480
<v Speaker 1>there's there's a thread through every single one of them

0:25:50.480 --> 0:25:54.560
<v Speaker 1>and are very similar and um, but I think a

0:25:54.600 --> 0:25:56.359
<v Speaker 1>lot of that is is a threat of what I

0:25:56.400 --> 0:25:58.800
<v Speaker 1>believe in myself, what I think I deserve, what I

0:25:58.840 --> 0:26:03.480
<v Speaker 1>think my worth is um and trying to realize, okay,

0:26:03.520 --> 0:26:06.680
<v Speaker 1>like what what does Janna want? What does Janna actually deserve?

0:26:06.880 --> 0:26:09.200
<v Speaker 1>And I don't know if you've done the same thing,

0:26:09.240 --> 0:26:14.880
<v Speaker 1>but it's like they all their masts come off, come off,

0:26:15.000 --> 0:26:17.320
<v Speaker 1>and even though we fall for this beautiful image and

0:26:17.320 --> 0:26:18.800
<v Speaker 1>then it's like, oh wait a minute, we're almost like

0:26:18.840 --> 0:26:21.200
<v Speaker 1>tricked or but then when you think about it, You're like, well,

0:26:21.240 --> 0:26:23.200
<v Speaker 1>that's and then we stay because then we think that's

0:26:23.200 --> 0:26:25.080
<v Speaker 1>what we deserve. And I mean that's just my like

0:26:25.160 --> 0:26:28.879
<v Speaker 1>my own pattern. But moving forward, like, is there something

0:26:28.880 --> 0:26:30.800
<v Speaker 1>where you're like, are you going to be more guarded

0:26:30.920 --> 0:26:33.480
<v Speaker 1>or are you just going to be more Is it reserved?

0:26:33.560 --> 0:26:35.199
<v Speaker 1>Is it guarded or are you just gonna be like

0:26:35.240 --> 0:26:37.000
<v Speaker 1>you know what, I'm gonna kind of do the same

0:26:37.040 --> 0:26:42.920
<v Speaker 1>thing and just and give all my love again. I

0:26:42.960 --> 0:26:48.440
<v Speaker 1>don't ever want to be the person that's guarden. I

0:26:48.440 --> 0:26:53.200
<v Speaker 1>I think that's a slippery slope and I don't I hey,

0:26:53.320 --> 0:26:55.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if I'm capable of that and be

0:26:55.640 --> 0:26:58.160
<v Speaker 1>I don't want I just don't want to be that

0:26:58.200 --> 0:27:02.679
<v Speaker 1>person that is closed off because I know where my

0:27:02.760 --> 0:27:05.439
<v Speaker 1>heart is. I know what I want, I know what

0:27:05.520 --> 0:27:08.800
<v Speaker 1>I deserve. I know what I put into a relationship

0:27:08.840 --> 0:27:11.439
<v Speaker 1>and how hard I love and I don't think that

0:27:11.520 --> 0:27:14.280
<v Speaker 1>there's anything wrong with that. I think what I do

0:27:14.400 --> 0:27:20.160
<v Speaker 1>need to work on is um taking a beat and

0:27:20.280 --> 0:27:25.359
<v Speaker 1>really paying attention to people's actions and not just maybe

0:27:25.800 --> 0:27:28.359
<v Speaker 1>completely trusting their word and being a little bit more

0:27:29.600 --> 0:27:34.159
<v Speaker 1>um discerning, I guess in situations. But am I going

0:27:34.200 --> 0:27:36.720
<v Speaker 1>to change the way I am because somebody has done

0:27:36.720 --> 0:27:42.680
<v Speaker 1>me wrong or because I've gone through a difficult relationship.

0:27:42.960 --> 0:27:45.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to change who I am. The things

0:27:45.440 --> 0:27:49.760
<v Speaker 1>I can change are growing in a positive way, But

0:27:49.800 --> 0:27:51.520
<v Speaker 1>it has nothing to do with the way I love

0:27:51.560 --> 0:27:54.240
<v Speaker 1>and how expansive my heart is and the love I give.

0:27:56.880 --> 0:28:01.080
<v Speaker 1>I can definitely definitely work on stuff, though, I know. Yeah,

0:28:01.320 --> 0:28:03.960
<v Speaker 1>just like I said, the discernment and waiting for somebody

0:28:04.000 --> 0:28:08.040
<v Speaker 1>to show me by their actions, because I think that

0:28:08.119 --> 0:28:11.880
<v Speaker 1>shows a lot. I think anybody can show a plane

0:28:11.920 --> 0:28:17.600
<v Speaker 1>ticket to say I showed up, But it's what's inside,

0:28:17.840 --> 0:28:21.800
<v Speaker 1>is the behind the closed doors and the real actions

0:28:22.000 --> 0:28:26.480
<v Speaker 1>of were you there or did you show up for me? Authentically?

0:28:28.400 --> 0:28:32.320
<v Speaker 1>I think that's what matters. Yeah, I mean, I hear

0:28:32.359 --> 0:28:34.200
<v Speaker 1>you one th pent and what I took away from

0:28:34.240 --> 0:28:37.520
<v Speaker 1>that part two is actions speak so much louder than words.

0:28:37.520 --> 0:28:41.000
<v Speaker 1>And that's that's where I faulted in my past relationships,

0:28:41.040 --> 0:28:45.520
<v Speaker 1>where it's like I always listened to words and the

0:28:45.640 --> 0:28:50.600
<v Speaker 1>actions I just put blindfolds on. It's like all my

0:28:50.680 --> 0:28:53.200
<v Speaker 1>friends are trying to be like take the blinders off,

0:28:53.240 --> 0:28:56.040
<v Speaker 1>like you look at the actions, not the words, and

0:28:56.160 --> 0:28:59.479
<v Speaker 1>like but the words, like the words like but he said,

0:28:59.640 --> 0:29:02.040
<v Speaker 1>and you know, I like, look at this text message

0:29:02.040 --> 0:29:03.680
<v Speaker 1>and I swear like Katherine and she was here, she'd

0:29:03.720 --> 0:29:06.320
<v Speaker 1>be swatting my phone away like stop stop, but look

0:29:06.320 --> 0:29:08.920
<v Speaker 1>at this, like what is the actions? And then I

0:29:08.960 --> 0:29:11.000
<v Speaker 1>don't know if you do this. I'm sure because we're

0:29:11.280 --> 0:29:15.280
<v Speaker 1>pretty much the same person. But I've been Yeah, I've

0:29:15.360 --> 0:29:17.960
<v Speaker 1>I've been told a lot of times in relationships, and

0:29:18.320 --> 0:29:21.959
<v Speaker 1>it really gets me down because, um, it makes me

0:29:22.000 --> 0:29:27.000
<v Speaker 1>like semi emotional because I start to question, well, maybe

0:29:28.000 --> 0:29:32.440
<v Speaker 1>because they would say, it's never enough. You always want this.

0:29:32.560 --> 0:29:34.600
<v Speaker 1>It's like you always it's like I can never make you.

0:29:34.640 --> 0:29:37.840
<v Speaker 1>It's like it's never enough. And I'm like, I don't

0:29:37.920 --> 0:29:41.760
<v Speaker 1>ever feel like I'm asking for that much. I think

0:29:41.760 --> 0:29:44.640
<v Speaker 1>I was just asking the wrong person to love me.

0:29:46.360 --> 0:29:49.080
<v Speaker 1>I feel you to my core on that one, and

0:29:49.200 --> 0:29:53.320
<v Speaker 1>I I mean, we are so like that. I I

0:29:53.360 --> 0:29:56.880
<v Speaker 1>have thought and felt and been told the exact same things.

0:29:57.280 --> 0:30:01.600
<v Speaker 1>And I think instead of telling me that I'm asking

0:30:01.760 --> 0:30:05.440
<v Speaker 1>too much, like why are you giving too little? I

0:30:05.480 --> 0:30:08.040
<v Speaker 1>shouldn't have to beg for the bare minimum. I shouldn't

0:30:08.120 --> 0:30:14.719
<v Speaker 1>have to even I mean, there's communication, and then there's

0:30:16.680 --> 0:30:21.160
<v Speaker 1>basic needs of a relationship, and instead of asking me

0:30:21.240 --> 0:30:23.000
<v Speaker 1>to come down to your level and meet you on

0:30:23.040 --> 0:30:25.440
<v Speaker 1>that level, why don't you rise up and be a

0:30:25.480 --> 0:30:30.239
<v Speaker 1>better person and put in the effort to be a

0:30:30.240 --> 0:30:32.840
<v Speaker 1>better person and to rise up to that Rising up

0:30:32.920 --> 0:30:37.200
<v Speaker 1>is so much more positive and a deeper thing and

0:30:37.200 --> 0:30:40.000
<v Speaker 1>a more valuable thing than saying you're asking too much.

0:30:40.160 --> 0:30:42.400
<v Speaker 1>And like you said, maybe you're just asking the wrong

0:30:42.440 --> 0:30:45.160
<v Speaker 1>person and they're not capable of it. So be it.

0:30:45.320 --> 0:30:48.560
<v Speaker 1>You know, well, I think it's interesting too, because you know,

0:30:48.640 --> 0:30:51.520
<v Speaker 1>sometimes like and if I wor to look at like

0:30:51.600 --> 0:30:54.440
<v Speaker 1>my past, it's like I I've always seemed to go

0:30:54.600 --> 0:30:57.520
<v Speaker 1>to the unavailable man or the man that really couldn't

0:30:57.520 --> 0:30:59.360
<v Speaker 1>love me the way that I wanted to be loved.

0:30:59.360 --> 0:31:01.360
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like I'm trying to like unpack that in

0:31:01.360 --> 0:31:03.280
<v Speaker 1>therapy because it's like, why do I continue to go

0:31:03.360 --> 0:31:05.840
<v Speaker 1>for that kind of guy? Because I'm never going to

0:31:05.920 --> 0:31:07.920
<v Speaker 1>get my needs met, Like, and all I want is

0:31:07.960 --> 0:31:09.800
<v Speaker 1>just someone to love me the way that I love

0:31:09.840 --> 0:31:11.840
<v Speaker 1>others and like and I love big and I want

0:31:11.840 --> 0:31:13.840
<v Speaker 1>to be held and I don't want to feel bad

0:31:13.920 --> 0:31:16.200
<v Speaker 1>for like holding someone's hand or touching them or like

0:31:16.720 --> 0:31:21.320
<v Speaker 1>telling them being like hold on hold hold on you

0:31:21.440 --> 0:31:23.959
<v Speaker 1>got somebody got mad for you trying to hold their

0:31:23.960 --> 0:31:31.840
<v Speaker 1>hand and wanting to touch them. It's too much like

0:31:33.280 --> 0:31:42.160
<v Speaker 1>in I'll say this past a past relationship, it was

0:31:42.320 --> 0:31:46.760
<v Speaker 1>verbatim that and I literally was like, I just he

0:31:46.920 --> 0:31:50.600
<v Speaker 1>was like, why are you so angry? Why are you fighting?

0:31:50.600 --> 0:31:52.280
<v Speaker 1>Why are you just picking a fighting? I'm like, do

0:31:52.320 --> 0:31:57.120
<v Speaker 1>you realize what I'm fighting over? I'm fighting and yelling

0:31:57.160 --> 0:32:00.360
<v Speaker 1>at you to hold me, to hug me right now,

0:32:00.440 --> 0:32:03.280
<v Speaker 1>to give me comfort because I just want to love

0:32:03.320 --> 0:32:05.200
<v Speaker 1>on you and I want you to love on me,

0:32:05.800 --> 0:32:08.720
<v Speaker 1>Like That's what I'm fighting for. Is do you realize

0:32:09.160 --> 0:32:12.680
<v Speaker 1>what you're saying? You know, right wouldn't be a fight

0:32:13.120 --> 0:32:17.080
<v Speaker 1>to the right person. That should be like if somebody

0:32:17.120 --> 0:32:19.680
<v Speaker 1>said that to me, I just want you to hold

0:32:19.760 --> 0:32:23.120
<v Speaker 1>my hand. I just want you to like I would

0:32:23.160 --> 0:32:26.600
<v Speaker 1>just become a puddle and I will give you ten

0:32:26.680 --> 0:32:29.560
<v Speaker 1>times that all day. But it's the guys that we

0:32:29.640 --> 0:32:32.960
<v Speaker 1>don't that we that we want that, don't you know?

0:32:33.160 --> 0:32:35.040
<v Speaker 1>And I guess that's the thing though, is that love?

0:32:35.400 --> 0:32:38.800
<v Speaker 1>Is that love? If you have to ask somebody? I

0:32:38.840 --> 0:32:43.160
<v Speaker 1>think you know sure probably like in like a you know,

0:32:43.200 --> 0:32:44.920
<v Speaker 1>people have to like work on it to make sure

0:32:44.920 --> 0:32:46.680
<v Speaker 1>if that's because but for me that is just like

0:32:46.760 --> 0:32:48.880
<v Speaker 1>my love language, like I just love. And you know,

0:32:49.480 --> 0:32:52.360
<v Speaker 1>we had talked about this in my last on this

0:32:52.520 --> 0:32:55.719
<v Speaker 1>UM show, like that it was very opposite for us.

0:32:55.720 --> 0:32:57.360
<v Speaker 1>But it's hard. It's like I want someone to like

0:32:57.400 --> 0:32:58.960
<v Speaker 1>hold my hand the way that I hold their hand

0:32:59.000 --> 0:33:01.320
<v Speaker 1>and like not get like not feel bad about it

0:33:01.440 --> 0:33:04.720
<v Speaker 1>or you know, um, and it's just But then I

0:33:04.760 --> 0:33:06.600
<v Speaker 1>also think about, like, Okay, well what does that say

0:33:06.640 --> 0:33:08.840
<v Speaker 1>about me or you or us that like we go

0:33:08.960 --> 0:33:12.240
<v Speaker 1>for these type of men that you know can't give

0:33:12.360 --> 0:33:14.160
<v Speaker 1>us that love? And then and then I don't know

0:33:14.160 --> 0:33:16.200
<v Speaker 1>about you either, but like and then I'm the one

0:33:16.240 --> 0:33:18.600
<v Speaker 1>still fighting for it even though I'm not getting my needs. Man,

0:33:18.600 --> 0:33:22.280
<v Speaker 1>it's like wait a minute, like like where's the psychology

0:33:22.280 --> 0:33:24.440
<v Speaker 1>and that where's the where's my childhood trauma? And that?

0:33:24.720 --> 0:33:28.160
<v Speaker 1>You know? Yeah, And I think truthfully, it can come

0:33:28.200 --> 0:33:33.720
<v Speaker 1>down to the simplest, most saddest thing is that maybe

0:33:33.720 --> 0:33:36.080
<v Speaker 1>there is no psychology behind it, and maybe they just

0:33:36.200 --> 0:33:38.880
<v Speaker 1>don't want to and it has nothing to do. Maybe

0:33:38.920 --> 0:33:42.680
<v Speaker 1>they just don't want to and they are incapable of

0:33:42.800 --> 0:33:46.120
<v Speaker 1>doing that. And I don't think that says anything about

0:33:46.120 --> 0:33:48.240
<v Speaker 1>you to want to be held and hugged and love.

0:33:48.360 --> 0:33:52.680
<v Speaker 1>That's like human nature one oh one connection, you know,

0:33:53.000 --> 0:33:55.400
<v Speaker 1>it's more I would be asking them that thing, like

0:33:55.480 --> 0:33:57.680
<v Speaker 1>what is going on with you that you're not allowing

0:33:58.200 --> 0:34:00.920
<v Speaker 1>somebody to love you or somebody who wants to love you?

0:34:01.520 --> 0:34:07.840
<v Speaker 1>And it's a beautiful thing, and like, uh I, I

0:34:07.840 --> 0:34:09.799
<v Speaker 1>I'm with you on that, like I don't understand it.

0:34:09.840 --> 0:34:14.279
<v Speaker 1>But also why are you Why are we questioning ourselves

0:34:14.400 --> 0:34:17.560
<v Speaker 1>if we're asking too much for that, that's not a

0:34:17.640 --> 0:34:22.799
<v Speaker 1>psychological trauma anything. The psychological trauma thing is asking ourselves

0:34:23.600 --> 0:34:28.120
<v Speaker 1>these questions. We don't need to be asking ourselves these questions.

0:34:28.239 --> 0:34:43.759
<v Speaker 1>That's a human need period. How do you go through

0:34:43.840 --> 0:34:49.240
<v Speaker 1>and deal with um? The outside noise, the sources, the people,

0:34:49.440 --> 0:34:50.960
<v Speaker 1>Like how do you how do you deal with that

0:34:51.000 --> 0:34:58.600
<v Speaker 1>when when you know your heart in it? Um? Because

0:34:58.680 --> 0:35:02.760
<v Speaker 1>I struggled like with that, like crazy, because I'm like, man,

0:35:03.600 --> 0:35:06.279
<v Speaker 1>people just don't know and and and there's only so

0:35:06.360 --> 0:35:10.919
<v Speaker 1>much that we can say. Yeah, I think it can

0:35:10.920 --> 0:35:16.920
<v Speaker 1>get very messy and very itchy. And I always try

0:35:16.960 --> 0:35:18.680
<v Speaker 1>to err on the side of taking the high road,

0:35:18.760 --> 0:35:21.759
<v Speaker 1>even when there is a lot of things I could

0:35:21.800 --> 0:35:25.760
<v Speaker 1>say and a lot of things that I wish people

0:35:25.840 --> 0:35:30.440
<v Speaker 1>knew both sides, you know, because it's easy for a

0:35:30.440 --> 0:35:33.759
<v Speaker 1>publicist or a source to put out a narrative of

0:35:33.760 --> 0:35:37.239
<v Speaker 1>what they want their client or friend to look like

0:35:37.320 --> 0:35:40.680
<v Speaker 1>it appeared to especially when your career is based and

0:35:40.920 --> 0:35:44.680
<v Speaker 1>dreams are based on being in the public eye. But

0:35:44.880 --> 0:35:48.480
<v Speaker 1>I know, I think, yeah, things are hurtful, and I'm human,

0:35:48.600 --> 0:35:52.440
<v Speaker 1>so it does affect me. But I think more importantly,

0:35:52.480 --> 0:35:58.440
<v Speaker 1>like a I'd rather take the high road and be um.

0:35:58.480 --> 0:36:04.480
<v Speaker 1>It's very impersonal too for to be putting out statements

0:36:04.480 --> 0:36:07.200
<v Speaker 1>and articles and this and that and your side of

0:36:07.239 --> 0:36:11.440
<v Speaker 1>the story. I think you both know the truth. I

0:36:11.520 --> 0:36:13.960
<v Speaker 1>know the truth. He knows the truth. You know you

0:36:14.000 --> 0:36:16.760
<v Speaker 1>know the truth. You know what happens behind closed doors,

0:36:16.880 --> 0:36:18.520
<v Speaker 1>and when you know the truth, and you know where

0:36:18.520 --> 0:36:22.160
<v Speaker 1>your heart is, Like, I don't need a publicist speaking

0:36:22.200 --> 0:36:25.000
<v Speaker 1>my side of the story. I don't care for my

0:36:25.040 --> 0:36:26.520
<v Speaker 1>side of the story to be honest to even be

0:36:26.560 --> 0:36:29.480
<v Speaker 1>out there, even if I have receipts and proof and

0:36:29.600 --> 0:36:32.000
<v Speaker 1>everything I need to show up that I could do

0:36:32.239 --> 0:36:39.520
<v Speaker 1>to really put it out there. I I think I

0:36:39.560 --> 0:36:42.800
<v Speaker 1>think it just seems ikey, I think it seems ikey.

0:36:42.800 --> 0:36:45.799
<v Speaker 1>When it's like sources say and a publicist says this,

0:36:45.960 --> 0:36:56.520
<v Speaker 1>it's just why why not talk to the person directly? Yeah, yeah, yes,

0:36:56.880 --> 0:36:59.279
<v Speaker 1>I hear you on that. Sometimes I have a tough

0:36:59.320 --> 0:37:03.640
<v Speaker 1>time when there isn't like that closure either, like the

0:37:03.719 --> 0:37:07.600
<v Speaker 1>same completely and that that's to be honest to where

0:37:07.600 --> 0:37:13.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm at now too, is that I I was in

0:37:13.560 --> 0:37:19.200
<v Speaker 1>the peak pain of my breakup. There was a lot

0:37:19.280 --> 0:37:21.880
<v Speaker 1>on my plate, like I we've talked about before, Like

0:37:21.920 --> 0:37:26.520
<v Speaker 1>I was healing from um my excellent surgery. Still that

0:37:26.600 --> 0:37:30.160
<v Speaker 1>takes a long time and is actually a very emotional recovery,

0:37:30.200 --> 0:37:31.839
<v Speaker 1>to be honest, it's not even the physical, but it's

0:37:31.880 --> 0:37:36.960
<v Speaker 1>an emotional recovery. Um. But in also going through stuff

0:37:37.000 --> 0:37:39.239
<v Speaker 1>with my mom right now, still ongoing stuff with my mom,

0:37:39.320 --> 0:37:43.200
<v Speaker 1>and in I mean it all kind of came crashing

0:37:43.239 --> 0:37:48.040
<v Speaker 1>down at once for me. But it's just a lot.

0:37:48.200 --> 0:37:53.719
<v Speaker 1>It's a lot, I think too. It's um when you

0:37:53.800 --> 0:37:57.560
<v Speaker 1>don't have that closure, not saying that's exactly what you

0:37:57.600 --> 0:37:59.239
<v Speaker 1>were saying, but like for for me, it's like if

0:37:59.239 --> 0:38:01.640
<v Speaker 1>you don't have that, for me, it's like the accept

0:38:01.719 --> 0:38:06.879
<v Speaker 1>it's the empathy and the apology that like I and

0:38:06.880 --> 0:38:09.680
<v Speaker 1>and just like that conversation where it's just you can

0:38:10.239 --> 0:38:13.880
<v Speaker 1>kind of close that door. You can have compassion, empathy, apologies,

0:38:13.960 --> 0:38:17.080
<v Speaker 1>and and to have that closure so that way your

0:38:17.080 --> 0:38:20.880
<v Speaker 1>heart can heal truly, because I think when you don't

0:38:20.920 --> 0:38:25.120
<v Speaker 1>have that, I struggle with healing when those pieces are

0:38:25.160 --> 0:38:28.880
<v Speaker 1>still missing for me. Yeah, And I think it's deeply

0:38:29.960 --> 0:38:34.399
<v Speaker 1>it's painful when you feel like somebody who you love

0:38:34.520 --> 0:38:39.480
<v Speaker 1>deeply doesn't even have enough respect to you to sit

0:38:39.520 --> 0:38:45.040
<v Speaker 1>down and have a very vulnerable conversation and owning your

0:38:45.080 --> 0:38:47.279
<v Speaker 1>stuff in it on both sides, you know, and just

0:38:47.400 --> 0:38:52.920
<v Speaker 1>having a conversation. Um, It's it's hurtful because it's like

0:38:53.080 --> 0:38:56.360
<v Speaker 1>you think that little of me, but yet you supposedly

0:38:56.400 --> 0:38:59.800
<v Speaker 1>loved me, Like, yeah, you think I don't know, I

0:39:00.160 --> 0:39:04.360
<v Speaker 1>guess sometimes. So that helps on the on the flip

0:39:04.400 --> 0:39:06.480
<v Speaker 1>side though, where it's like, oh wow, that shows who

0:39:06.560 --> 0:39:09.279
<v Speaker 1>they are. Yeah, And maybe that is the closure of

0:39:09.280 --> 0:39:14.719
<v Speaker 1>it is you don't care enough to care, so that

0:39:14.800 --> 0:39:17.520
<v Speaker 1>alone should be the closure we want to. Like And

0:39:17.560 --> 0:39:19.560
<v Speaker 1>I told you, Claire the other day when we were talking,

0:39:19.600 --> 0:39:21.279
<v Speaker 1>I was like, Claire, we're going to home depot, Like

0:39:21.360 --> 0:39:23.360
<v Speaker 1>my therapist said, You're going to home depot. You're asking

0:39:23.400 --> 0:39:25.279
<v Speaker 1>for milky and gonna get milk at home. Deepot, stop

0:39:25.480 --> 0:39:27.640
<v Speaker 1>stop asking for it. You're not gonna get it. You're

0:39:27.680 --> 0:39:31.200
<v Speaker 1>not going to get it. That's the perfect analogy. And

0:39:32.080 --> 0:39:36.040
<v Speaker 1>it's probably it's just reassuring. I think when they when

0:39:36.040 --> 0:39:39.720
<v Speaker 1>there's not even the level of like a conversation floor closure,

0:39:41.320 --> 0:39:44.160
<v Speaker 1>that a is closure in itself. But it's like, but

0:39:44.239 --> 0:39:46.759
<v Speaker 1>it's still hurtful, you know. That's the part where it's

0:39:46.800 --> 0:39:49.920
<v Speaker 1>like where it's still hurtful because it's like because of

0:39:49.920 --> 0:39:54.759
<v Speaker 1>the love that we gave. Yeah, of course, and it

0:39:54.960 --> 0:39:58.959
<v Speaker 1>just shows your humanness and it shows how much you're

0:39:59.000 --> 0:40:03.480
<v Speaker 1>willing to fight and put into it. And just because

0:40:03.520 --> 0:40:06.120
<v Speaker 1>they don't I want to give you that same level

0:40:06.239 --> 0:40:12.440
<v Speaker 1>of respect or or I don't know, Yeah, I don't know.

0:40:12.560 --> 0:40:15.640
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes too, maybe maybe that is the closure, is knowing

0:40:15.680 --> 0:40:20.360
<v Speaker 1>that they can't give you that it's just unfair. I

0:40:20.400 --> 0:40:22.359
<v Speaker 1>think that's like where I can go. I can get

0:40:22.360 --> 0:40:24.040
<v Speaker 1>a little on the angry side. I'm like, it's just

0:40:24.120 --> 0:40:28.360
<v Speaker 1>unfair because like I can't imagine doing that to someone,

0:40:28.640 --> 0:40:32.040
<v Speaker 1>you know, and not giving them that piece of the

0:40:32.080 --> 0:40:34.720
<v Speaker 1>apology or that you know, the empathy and or hearing

0:40:34.760 --> 0:40:37.400
<v Speaker 1>their side, or sitting down and having that respect or

0:40:37.520 --> 0:40:40.440
<v Speaker 1>saying sorry, and because again, like we're you and I

0:40:40.440 --> 0:40:43.600
<v Speaker 1>are both have our crazies in us. You know, we've

0:40:43.719 --> 0:40:47.200
<v Speaker 1>both you know, and I'm sure you know, but I

0:40:47.239 --> 0:40:49.279
<v Speaker 1>also know we we can sit in it even though

0:40:49.280 --> 0:40:51.279
<v Speaker 1>it's hard. It's very hard for women to apologize, but

0:40:51.320 --> 0:40:57.800
<v Speaker 1>I will do it, of course. Of course it's um.

0:40:57.840 --> 0:41:01.799
<v Speaker 1>I was talking to my therapist about it and ending

0:41:01.920 --> 0:41:04.520
<v Speaker 1>the end and the device of a relationship is very

0:41:04.600 --> 0:41:09.200
<v Speaker 1>much equivalent to I mean, you're losing somebody. It's a

0:41:09.239 --> 0:41:11.719
<v Speaker 1>loss of somebody in your life that you loved, and

0:41:11.840 --> 0:41:14.480
<v Speaker 1>it's a deep, deep grieving process. And I think with

0:41:14.600 --> 0:41:17.160
<v Speaker 1>all the steps, just like if somebody were to that

0:41:17.200 --> 0:41:20.320
<v Speaker 1>you love were to pass away, when you lose somebody

0:41:20.320 --> 0:41:22.520
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship, it's almost harder because it's like there's

0:41:22.560 --> 0:41:24.680
<v Speaker 1>still alive and you know if they wanted to reach out,

0:41:24.760 --> 0:41:28.719
<v Speaker 1>they could, but they just don't. And I don't know,

0:41:29.000 --> 0:41:31.480
<v Speaker 1>it's you still have to go through all the steps

0:41:31.680 --> 0:41:35.760
<v Speaker 1>of just like losing somebody, just like losing a parent

0:41:35.840 --> 0:41:38.400
<v Speaker 1>or if somebody you love, Like so, there's going to

0:41:38.520 --> 0:41:41.239
<v Speaker 1>be the phase I think of anger. I mean I

0:41:41.320 --> 0:41:44.239
<v Speaker 1>felt that I've absolutely felt that like, how could you,

0:41:44.920 --> 0:41:50.040
<v Speaker 1>how could you do this to somebody who just has

0:41:50.040 --> 0:41:55.400
<v Speaker 1>such a pure, deep love for you. I don't understand it.

0:41:55.480 --> 0:41:59.680
<v Speaker 1>And and it's for me, it's more of like, yeah,

0:41:59.760 --> 0:42:02.920
<v Speaker 1>I've only felt the anger and and then the next

0:42:03.040 --> 0:42:04.680
<v Speaker 1>day it'll be something, and then then I might come

0:42:04.719 --> 0:42:07.280
<v Speaker 1>back and you know, it's just that like amazing wheel.

0:42:10.440 --> 0:42:13.440
<v Speaker 1>But it's like I wonder, oh, you know, it's crazy

0:42:13.440 --> 0:42:16.719
<v Speaker 1>about the loss thing. This isn'ta sound absolutely crazy, And

0:42:16.719 --> 0:42:20.000
<v Speaker 1>in the moment, I was like, you know, it felt weird.

0:42:20.080 --> 0:42:24.160
<v Speaker 1>But my my therapist literally was like, we're black. And

0:42:24.800 --> 0:42:26.480
<v Speaker 1>I went to the therapy session and she goes, we're

0:42:26.480 --> 0:42:28.560
<v Speaker 1>having a funeral for your for your marriage, and I

0:42:28.640 --> 0:42:30.839
<v Speaker 1>just was like I just, I mean, I wept. I

0:42:30.840 --> 0:42:33.200
<v Speaker 1>wrote a thing. I wrote a eulogy, like I mean,

0:42:33.320 --> 0:42:36.560
<v Speaker 1>I like and it was like, you know, saying that

0:42:36.600 --> 0:42:38.719
<v Speaker 1>sounds so weird, but it was something where it's like,

0:42:38.960 --> 0:42:41.960
<v Speaker 1>it is a loss. It's a death, like it is

0:42:43.040 --> 0:42:46.320
<v Speaker 1>whether it's a relationship or whatever, Like when you lose something,

0:42:46.920 --> 0:42:51.200
<v Speaker 1>it is a death. Yeah, And it's the deep pain

0:42:51.480 --> 0:42:55.480
<v Speaker 1>of this is the one that gets me. It's like,

0:42:55.600 --> 0:43:01.440
<v Speaker 1>how do you say goodbye to somebody you never wanted

0:43:01.480 --> 0:43:03.840
<v Speaker 1>to walk away from, like I would have never walked.

0:43:05.600 --> 0:43:08.800
<v Speaker 1>It was the opposite, Like you're having to say goodbye

0:43:08.800 --> 0:43:10.480
<v Speaker 1>to somebody you don't want to be saying goodbye to,

0:43:10.600 --> 0:43:12.359
<v Speaker 1>or you have to walk away from somebody you don't

0:43:12.360 --> 0:43:18.520
<v Speaker 1>want to walk away from. It's hard, it's painful. Yeah,

0:43:18.560 --> 0:43:21.520
<v Speaker 1>I feel that to my um, to my core. Actually

0:43:21.640 --> 0:43:24.360
<v Speaker 1>was I wrote that lyric in a song. I was like,

0:43:24.400 --> 0:43:26.440
<v Speaker 1>I would have fought for you forever. I would have,

0:43:27.000 --> 0:43:29.520
<v Speaker 1>you know, and I would have And I almost stayed

0:43:29.560 --> 0:43:33.000
<v Speaker 1>the last time, even with the last discovery, like I

0:43:33.000 --> 0:43:35.640
<v Speaker 1>would have I would have fought forever. And that's very

0:43:35.640 --> 0:43:37.440
<v Speaker 1>hard when you have to walk away from something that

0:43:37.480 --> 0:43:41.400
<v Speaker 1>you don't want to and that is that is m

0:43:42.400 --> 0:43:46.480
<v Speaker 1>so painful, but it also takes so much strength because

0:43:46.520 --> 0:43:51.719
<v Speaker 1>you realize that you deserve better. Yeah, that's that's I

0:43:51.760 --> 0:43:59.479
<v Speaker 1>think the the I don't know if the right word

0:43:59.520 --> 0:44:06.200
<v Speaker 1>is the Jeff juxtaposition of being able to not wanting

0:44:06.200 --> 0:44:10.919
<v Speaker 1>somebody to walk away, but gladly hope holding the door

0:44:11.000 --> 0:44:14.200
<v Speaker 1>for them because they want to walk away. I will

0:44:14.239 --> 0:44:18.080
<v Speaker 1>never I'll never do that again. If you want to

0:44:18.080 --> 0:44:20.840
<v Speaker 1>walk away from me, I'm not like I'll fight to

0:44:20.920 --> 0:44:25.440
<v Speaker 1>the death to do what it takes to have a successful, driving,

0:44:25.520 --> 0:44:28.279
<v Speaker 1>great relationship. And what a beautiful thing because so many

0:44:28.280 --> 0:44:31.080
<v Speaker 1>people don't want to fight through like the hard times,

0:44:31.200 --> 0:44:32.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, and they just give up so easy, like

0:44:32.719 --> 0:44:34.440
<v Speaker 1>I can't do this as too much. It's like that

0:44:34.600 --> 0:44:37.719
<v Speaker 1>is a beautiful freaking quality to have to be like, no,

0:44:37.840 --> 0:44:39.840
<v Speaker 1>like let's and now it doesn't have to be like

0:44:39.960 --> 0:44:42.760
<v Speaker 1>so hard. But it's also like to have that energy

0:44:42.840 --> 0:44:44.799
<v Speaker 1>and like to be like, let's we can do this.

0:44:44.880 --> 0:44:46.840
<v Speaker 1>But having said that, though, like I will say, like

0:44:46.840 --> 0:44:49.799
<v Speaker 1>in my past relationships, I fought for the people that

0:44:49.840 --> 0:44:54.920
<v Speaker 1>will not fight for themselves. Yeah, so we're just beating

0:44:54.960 --> 0:44:57.560
<v Speaker 1>our heads. At least from my experience, like I was,

0:44:58.560 --> 0:45:01.480
<v Speaker 1>I it would have never like come to fruition, like

0:45:02.320 --> 0:45:04.520
<v Speaker 1>and that's the hardest part when you realize that they

0:45:04.520 --> 0:45:07.520
<v Speaker 1>will not fight for themselves, they will not fight with me,

0:45:07.920 --> 0:45:10.200
<v Speaker 1>so I'm the only person and you realize, well, I

0:45:10.200 --> 0:45:12.400
<v Speaker 1>I can't I can't fight alone. And then you just

0:45:12.440 --> 0:45:17.280
<v Speaker 1>are just like you're just so tired, you know. Yeah,

0:45:17.320 --> 0:45:21.800
<v Speaker 1>it's exhausting to keep putting out energy and giving energy

0:45:21.840 --> 0:45:27.040
<v Speaker 1>and feeding energy to somebody who's not giving you that

0:45:27.080 --> 0:45:30.520
<v Speaker 1>in return, like on some level, we need all the

0:45:30.560 --> 0:45:37.040
<v Speaker 1>buckets to be refilled and it's hard. It it kind

0:45:37.080 --> 0:45:40.160
<v Speaker 1>of makes you become somebody who you're not. And I know,

0:45:40.280 --> 0:45:43.920
<v Speaker 1>for me personally, like I've always had my friends, my

0:45:44.000 --> 0:45:48.560
<v Speaker 1>family and my clients everybody, like I love being alike

0:45:48.640 --> 0:45:52.480
<v Speaker 1>to them. I love I've always been told they're like, Claire,

0:45:52.480 --> 0:45:54.200
<v Speaker 1>you have a sparkle to you. And I love that.

0:45:54.360 --> 0:45:57.759
<v Speaker 1>I love that. I love life like I love love.

0:45:57.800 --> 0:46:00.560
<v Speaker 1>I love people like I love really hard, and I

0:46:00.560 --> 0:46:03.920
<v Speaker 1>think it's a beautiful thing. But when you're giving and

0:46:03.960 --> 0:46:06.640
<v Speaker 1>giving and giving, it takes away that light and it

0:46:06.719 --> 0:46:10.840
<v Speaker 1>takes away that sparkle and you become depleted. And I

0:46:10.880 --> 0:46:13.359
<v Speaker 1>think on some level two you become somebody who you're not,

0:46:14.800 --> 0:46:16.520
<v Speaker 1>maybe like a tell of who you are, and it's

0:46:17.160 --> 0:46:21.520
<v Speaker 1>it's sad when that's not given back to you. There's

0:46:21.560 --> 0:46:26.560
<v Speaker 1>no reciprocity with that. Yeah, And I'll say, like, I mean,

0:46:28.360 --> 0:46:32.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, I'm gosh, like six seven months like removed,

0:46:32.239 --> 0:46:36.280
<v Speaker 1>but and I just I'm like, you know, getting emotional

0:46:36.320 --> 0:46:39.280
<v Speaker 1>just because like you think about the shell, like because truly,

0:46:39.320 --> 0:46:41.600
<v Speaker 1>like when you're in that situation, you're fighting so hard

0:46:41.600 --> 0:46:43.840
<v Speaker 1>and the person stop fighting for themselves, like you become,

0:46:44.360 --> 0:46:46.239
<v Speaker 1>like you said, a shell of yourself. But I will.

0:46:47.480 --> 0:46:49.879
<v Speaker 1>The tears almost come from a place of like, I'm

0:46:49.960 --> 0:46:52.800
<v Speaker 1>so excited for you to get your sparkle back because

0:46:52.920 --> 0:46:56.359
<v Speaker 1>there's such a weight and like like I feel like

0:46:57.160 --> 0:46:59.480
<v Speaker 1>my shell has been filled with me, like I'm and

0:46:59.520 --> 0:47:02.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm not and I'm not like I'm who raw, like

0:47:02.000 --> 0:47:03.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm so strong, like I have my day is still

0:47:03.880 --> 0:47:07.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm still you know, you know, I'm a little terrified

0:47:07.880 --> 0:47:11.240
<v Speaker 1>of the holidays coming up and certain you know, moments,

0:47:11.280 --> 0:47:14.240
<v Speaker 1>But at the same time, like I like how I feel.

0:47:14.280 --> 0:47:16.880
<v Speaker 1>I feel lighter, and like I'm excited for you to

0:47:16.880 --> 0:47:19.560
<v Speaker 1>get to that place too, where you're like you get

0:47:19.600 --> 0:47:21.520
<v Speaker 1>like every day you're going to get your sparkle back.

0:47:22.239 --> 0:47:24.279
<v Speaker 1>How does how do you what is like? How do

0:47:24.360 --> 0:47:28.120
<v Speaker 1>you heal you right now? What does your journey look like?

0:47:28.160 --> 0:47:32.040
<v Speaker 1>Are you just trying to stay positive surrounding yourself with

0:47:32.120 --> 0:47:36.160
<v Speaker 1>friends with give me some tips because I'm on the

0:47:36.239 --> 0:47:39.040
<v Speaker 1>journey with you, girl, I will absolutely give you some

0:47:39.120 --> 0:47:42.600
<v Speaker 1>tips because I know that I've been through like we

0:47:42.680 --> 0:47:45.080
<v Speaker 1>have been through, like the depths of things and the

0:47:45.200 --> 0:47:48.360
<v Speaker 1>depths just as much as hard as we love. I

0:47:48.400 --> 0:47:50.680
<v Speaker 1>think we feel the pain of the pain right to

0:47:50.760 --> 0:47:56.120
<v Speaker 1>the depths. And the biggest thing I can say, at

0:47:56.200 --> 0:47:58.880
<v Speaker 1>least for myself, what I've I was saying this to

0:47:58.920 --> 0:48:04.640
<v Speaker 1>somebody a couple of weeks oh, is that I am

0:48:04.640 --> 0:48:09.480
<v Speaker 1>tired of being called resilient and having to be called resilient,

0:48:09.920 --> 0:48:13.480
<v Speaker 1>having to be called strong, hey, having to be called strong,

0:48:13.560 --> 0:48:17.120
<v Speaker 1>and having to be strong for these things. And I

0:48:17.160 --> 0:48:22.560
<v Speaker 1>think the best thing we can do is really focus

0:48:22.719 --> 0:48:29.120
<v Speaker 1>on our comeback being like our biggest strength, you know that.

0:48:29.320 --> 0:48:31.000
<v Speaker 1>That's what I was talking to somebody about a couple

0:48:31.000 --> 0:48:33.920
<v Speaker 1>of weeks ago, was like, unfortunately, I've had to have

0:48:33.960 --> 0:48:37.040
<v Speaker 1>a strong comeback game and it's my biggest flex is

0:48:37.640 --> 0:48:41.880
<v Speaker 1>my comeback game. And unfortunately, the the things that have

0:48:41.960 --> 0:48:47.280
<v Speaker 1>been the most challenging in my life are what propelled

0:48:47.280 --> 0:48:49.960
<v Speaker 1>me to be the strongest woman that I am. That's

0:48:50.000 --> 0:48:52.360
<v Speaker 1>where I dig deep, and it hurts and it's painful

0:48:52.440 --> 0:48:55.240
<v Speaker 1>to go through those things, but that's where I source

0:48:55.320 --> 0:48:58.440
<v Speaker 1>my strength. Is like, look what I've been through and

0:48:58.640 --> 0:49:02.080
<v Speaker 1>overcoming that to know that I'm gonna just be even

0:49:02.160 --> 0:49:09.279
<v Speaker 1>stronger and looking at it as a superpower that like

0:49:10.320 --> 0:49:12.880
<v Speaker 1>I refuse to give up on myself because I know

0:49:12.960 --> 0:49:14.800
<v Speaker 1>my worth and I know what I bring to the table.

0:49:14.920 --> 0:49:16.480
<v Speaker 1>I know what you bring to the table and the

0:49:16.480 --> 0:49:21.120
<v Speaker 1>type of woman that you are. Um, I can just

0:49:21.160 --> 0:49:23.000
<v Speaker 1>tell by how you talk about love. And if we're

0:49:23.360 --> 0:49:26.800
<v Speaker 1>anything so like we say we are, it's like, that's

0:49:27.040 --> 0:49:32.919
<v Speaker 1>that is huge. So the baby steps, the one ft

0:49:32.920 --> 0:49:36.560
<v Speaker 1>in front of the other, the calling a friend, the

0:49:37.400 --> 0:49:41.400
<v Speaker 1>brushing your teeth, the going on a walk around the treadmill,

0:49:44.600 --> 0:49:47.200
<v Speaker 1>doing those things, all the little steps equal with the

0:49:47.239 --> 0:49:52.280
<v Speaker 1>big steps. And whilst we're doing that, I think owning

0:49:52.640 --> 0:49:54.399
<v Speaker 1>the part of the process that we're going through, because

0:49:54.400 --> 0:49:56.439
<v Speaker 1>like I said, it's easier to skip to I'm fine,

0:49:56.440 --> 0:50:00.879
<v Speaker 1>I'm cool, I'm strong, I'm tough. Yeah, it's not that's

0:50:00.880 --> 0:50:09.040
<v Speaker 1>not real strength right there. Yeah yeah, yeah, it's not. Yeah.

0:50:09.200 --> 0:50:11.480
<v Speaker 1>And and I just I really just appreciate you saying

0:50:11.520 --> 0:50:15.480
<v Speaker 1>that because it's, um, like, I'm excited to watch you

0:50:15.560 --> 0:50:18.080
<v Speaker 1>walk on that journey now, you know. And I think

0:50:18.120 --> 0:50:20.400
<v Speaker 1>it's also okay to say in those days, you know,

0:50:20.440 --> 0:50:24.520
<v Speaker 1>even when you are super strong six months a year

0:50:24.600 --> 0:50:28.280
<v Speaker 1>from now, still okay not to be okay in certain moments.

0:50:28.320 --> 0:50:32.680
<v Speaker 1>And um, and I think that's just like the beauty

0:50:32.680 --> 0:50:36.080
<v Speaker 1>in it, I think, or we're like I might struggle

0:50:36.120 --> 0:50:37.759
<v Speaker 1>and we'll have to get better at it too. Is

0:50:39.239 --> 0:50:41.560
<v Speaker 1>I hold on to the disappointment of what it could

0:50:41.560 --> 0:50:45.840
<v Speaker 1>have been and the words of what it was promised.

0:50:45.840 --> 0:50:48.080
<v Speaker 1>And so that's for me where I like, that's the

0:50:48.120 --> 0:50:51.719
<v Speaker 1>piece of that I have to shed in a way,

0:50:51.840 --> 0:50:55.799
<v Speaker 1>because that's that's going to hold back my healing from

0:50:55.880 --> 0:50:58.520
<v Speaker 1>the what if game and the everything else because it's

0:50:58.520 --> 0:51:00.160
<v Speaker 1>like it is what it is now and now oh

0:51:00.160 --> 0:51:02.960
<v Speaker 1>it's like okay, like it hurts and it sucks, but

0:51:03.040 --> 0:51:07.120
<v Speaker 1>like it's time to focus on me and my healing

0:51:07.320 --> 0:51:11.920
<v Speaker 1>and um and you know, boundaries for next time and

0:51:11.920 --> 0:51:13.919
<v Speaker 1>and it's just all those things because I think it's

0:51:14.040 --> 0:51:17.680
<v Speaker 1>um yeah again, I just I think it's really great

0:51:17.760 --> 0:51:22.839
<v Speaker 1>that that you're being authentic and you know you're saying like, look,

0:51:22.840 --> 0:51:25.120
<v Speaker 1>it's I'm not okay, but I will be okay. And

0:51:25.160 --> 0:51:29.040
<v Speaker 1>I think that's a really strong statement. Well, thank you,

0:51:29.080 --> 0:51:31.160
<v Speaker 1>and it's it's the truth. And I know I know

0:51:31.280 --> 0:51:34.080
<v Speaker 1>you feel that to your core as well, that it's

0:51:34.120 --> 0:51:37.120
<v Speaker 1>not linear healing and overcoming things, especially when you go

0:51:37.200 --> 0:51:40.719
<v Speaker 1>through really challenging things and whether it being a relationship

0:51:40.800 --> 0:51:44.960
<v Speaker 1>or just things in life, like, um, it's not linear,

0:51:45.239 --> 0:51:49.120
<v Speaker 1>and owning the pain and the hurt that it caused.

0:51:49.120 --> 0:51:54.880
<v Speaker 1>That that innately, I think creates healing in itself. And

0:51:55.840 --> 0:52:02.040
<v Speaker 1>do you ever read Burnet Brown Books a fast Art

0:52:02.160 --> 0:52:06.880
<v Speaker 1>so much? And it's it's there really is power in vulnerability.

0:52:07.960 --> 0:52:10.320
<v Speaker 1>And I think when when people put up these walls

0:52:10.360 --> 0:52:13.160
<v Speaker 1>and it looks even on social media, it can look

0:52:13.200 --> 0:52:19.479
<v Speaker 1>a certain way, but I think that's just um, there's

0:52:19.480 --> 0:52:21.880
<v Speaker 1>the strength in doing the work and getting in the

0:52:21.960 --> 0:52:26.480
<v Speaker 1>nitty gritty and really feeling the fields of when you're

0:52:26.480 --> 0:52:29.760
<v Speaker 1>not okay and knowing that that in itself is okay

0:52:29.760 --> 0:52:35.080
<v Speaker 1>to not feel okay for sure. And I got this quote.

0:52:34.400 --> 0:52:37.520
<v Speaker 1>The ironic thing is it sounds like one Pablo, but

0:52:37.520 --> 0:52:43.000
<v Speaker 1>I think it's a young Publo. But's like it's like

0:52:43.360 --> 0:52:47.600
<v Speaker 1>I just like tied those two together. So sorry, it

0:52:47.719 --> 0:52:49.480
<v Speaker 1>is actually a quote from your ex boyfriend. Let me

0:52:49.520 --> 0:52:54.440
<v Speaker 1>quote that. It's not in though it's like this amazing

0:52:54.560 --> 0:52:59.280
<v Speaker 1>that's freakingular. It's now He's like, it's this amazing, um poet.

0:52:59.480 --> 0:53:01.120
<v Speaker 1>But I saw it today and I knew that I

0:53:01.160 --> 0:53:04.920
<v Speaker 1>was talking to and it's um it says they asked her,

0:53:04.960 --> 0:53:07.719
<v Speaker 1>how do you deal with heartbreak, and she answered, be

0:53:07.840 --> 0:53:10.839
<v Speaker 1>intentional with your time, use it to heal, and use

0:53:10.880 --> 0:53:14.040
<v Speaker 1>it to see your wholeness. Listen to your needs and truth.

0:53:14.400 --> 0:53:17.320
<v Speaker 1>Use boundaries to start fresh. Let go of the tension

0:53:17.440 --> 0:53:20.160
<v Speaker 1>you have been carrying, and fill yourself with the love

0:53:20.280 --> 0:53:23.120
<v Speaker 1>you have always wanted. Heartbreak does not need to be

0:53:23.200 --> 0:53:26.600
<v Speaker 1>a sad ending. Let this be an era of remarkable growth.

0:53:27.040 --> 0:53:30.319
<v Speaker 1>And I think that's where we are. You know, this

0:53:30.400 --> 0:53:34.000
<v Speaker 1>is a growth and we're planning a beautiful freaking seed

0:53:34.040 --> 0:53:35.839
<v Speaker 1>and it's going to grow and we're going to be

0:53:35.840 --> 0:53:39.400
<v Speaker 1>better for it. It's so true. And I think I

0:53:39.520 --> 0:53:43.839
<v Speaker 1>love when you post quotes Grand Story. I absolutely I'm

0:53:43.920 --> 0:53:46.960
<v Speaker 1>such a sucker for quotes because it's so I think

0:53:46.960 --> 0:53:49.319
<v Speaker 1>it's the same thing we're doing here. Like whether it's

0:53:49.320 --> 0:53:51.799
<v Speaker 1>a quote or a podcast, listening to a podcast, or

0:53:52.760 --> 0:53:55.759
<v Speaker 1>it's it's a connection that you can read that or

0:53:55.800 --> 0:53:58.520
<v Speaker 1>hear that and go like yeah, I feel that again

0:53:58.600 --> 0:54:02.040
<v Speaker 1>that I think that creates healing and allows us to really,

0:54:02.080 --> 0:54:06.000
<v Speaker 1>like like that said, like focus on our own heart

0:54:06.160 --> 0:54:10.720
<v Speaker 1>and that that all the love that we put out there,

0:54:10.760 --> 0:54:14.720
<v Speaker 1>like we deserve to put that towards ourselves as well. Oh,

0:54:14.760 --> 0:54:17.680
<v Speaker 1>I love it well, Claire, I'm I'm excited to you know,

0:54:18.160 --> 0:54:22.520
<v Speaker 1>just see your your you know your your journey with

0:54:22.560 --> 0:54:25.359
<v Speaker 1>it and being authentic and thank you for for just

0:54:25.920 --> 0:54:28.840
<v Speaker 1>saying sound okay and it's okay to not be okay.

0:54:28.880 --> 0:54:31.359
<v Speaker 1>So I think that's just the big takeaway. And um,

0:54:31.440 --> 0:54:34.560
<v Speaker 1>and we're we will be stronger and you will get stronger.

0:54:34.600 --> 0:54:37.759
<v Speaker 1>And every day is a new day to you know,

0:54:37.880 --> 0:54:41.040
<v Speaker 1>to not put armor on, but to to still be open.

0:54:41.280 --> 0:54:45.120
<v Speaker 1>And I think it's a beautiful thing. I think it's beautiful.

0:54:45.160 --> 0:54:49.320
<v Speaker 1>And let's reconvene in a few months and ye because

0:54:49.320 --> 0:54:52.640
<v Speaker 1>I guarantee, I guarantee I'll be in a different place

0:54:52.840 --> 0:54:55.759
<v Speaker 1>and uh, it's going to be beautiful, like there's only

0:54:55.760 --> 0:54:59.120
<v Speaker 1>good things to come. Absolutely, And I love you and

0:54:59.160 --> 0:55:03.239
<v Speaker 1>I will call you after right after this, okay, all right,

0:55:03.360 --> 0:55:20.160
<v Speaker 1>by honey, see you. Yeah. She's my best friend. Wow,

0:55:20.719 --> 0:55:24.440
<v Speaker 1>she's so sweet, adorable. I love her. I feel like

0:55:24.480 --> 0:55:26.880
<v Speaker 1>people didn't really get the chance to get to know

0:55:26.960 --> 0:55:29.120
<v Speaker 1>her because of how things are in her season and

0:55:29.120 --> 0:55:31.880
<v Speaker 1>I get like she is like very like, but I

0:55:31.920 --> 0:55:33.839
<v Speaker 1>just love like, I just love someone else that just

0:55:33.880 --> 0:55:37.080
<v Speaker 1>loves to love, love to love, Mark, would you make

0:55:37.160 --> 0:55:40.040
<v Speaker 1>them I thought she was awesome. I thought she's always great.

0:55:40.080 --> 0:55:43.239
<v Speaker 1>We have her on our show. She's always a welcome gift. Yeah,

0:55:44.280 --> 0:55:50.760
<v Speaker 1>very real. Who who's ready to talk dating? Next week? So? Um,

0:55:51.000 --> 0:55:57.719
<v Speaker 1>come up with three candidates? Three? What we got this?

0:55:58.680 --> 0:56:02.520
<v Speaker 1>We got this? Don't you're wearing? I'll give you a four,

0:56:04.200 --> 0:56:06.600
<v Speaker 1>and I'll ask the questions, and then we will decide

0:56:06.680 --> 0:56:10.640
<v Speaker 1>as a podcast which direction we want to point ourselves. Okay,

0:56:10.840 --> 0:56:19.080
<v Speaker 1>it's gonna be so fine. Stay tuned for next week. Bye,