Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast
Speaker 1: how is Everybody? I'm actually in a good mood today
Speaker 1: and not like actually but like I feel I can tell.
Speaker 1: I'm just like I don't know, I feel like it's Monday,
Speaker 1: it's bouncy, like yeah, like today is a good day.
Speaker 1: That's good? Yeah? Is there a reason? That's the thing?
Speaker 1: I know, Like what would you talk to swear? I
Speaker 1: just think Marks, like, well, guy is it? And like no,
Speaker 1: I swear, I'm just like in a good mood. Why
Speaker 1: don't I trust this more to this story because you're
Speaker 1: in a great mood. I am in a great mood.
Speaker 1: I'm just happy today and I like to see Mark.
Speaker 1: Mark just makes me funny, Mark, and you must be happy.
Speaker 1: That's I'm in different sort of situations lately. I'm just
Speaker 1: seeing you happy as a wonderful thing. And yes, I'm
Speaker 1: very happy that you're in the situation you're in. Not
Speaker 1: approved for lost situation. I did not and whatever the
Speaker 1: currents is, Sam, there is no current situation that's not
Speaker 1: responsible for that amazing bright smile on your face. No,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I genuinely got really excited when I saw
Speaker 1: you come on. Well, that is so sweet. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: I feel like I haven't seen you in a minute
Speaker 1: and it has been a while. No, it was good.
Speaker 1: I listened to this. Um, I just want to get
Speaker 1: my lashes done and I get to like drive thirty
Speaker 1: minutes to it. It's just so it's fun. And I
Speaker 1: listened to a super soul podcast by Oprah and it
Speaker 1: was all about um, being happy with yourself, like just
Speaker 1: yourself and not like outside stuff, and so I don't know,
Speaker 1: I just was like, why are you laughing at me? Oh?
Speaker 1: I know it was good. It was like, you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of people can say something that if Oprah
Speaker 1: says it, I know, right, this is where they she gets.
Speaker 1: But hey, we'll take it out anyhow. So it's safe
Speaker 1: to say, Yes, there was no one in your bed
Speaker 1: anytime recently. No, Wow, Mark, what a great and just
Speaker 1: there we go, just there. I mean I could have
Speaker 1: been in someone else's bed. That was just come on,
Speaker 1: these softballs was a that was a softball toss? Um? No, right,
Speaker 1: that's the best kind of happiness. Yeah. And you know
Speaker 1: what's this is gonna sound so stupid, but I was
Speaker 1: reading Sharna Burgess would have whatever her I can never
Speaker 1: say her last name Burgess, Burgess, burs and Burgesses. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she posted this thing with her and and Brian and
Speaker 1: she goes, I was happy before you, but like now
Speaker 1: I'm even happier. And I was like, oh, like what
Speaker 1: a cool place like that would be to just be
Speaker 1: like happy and then someone just like amplifies your happiness.
Speaker 1: Because like I started thinking about that, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you make me smile. It's like, no, I already smile,
Speaker 1: but like I'm smiling more. I don't know, I just
Speaker 1: thought there was like a cool like that just kind
Speaker 1: of hit me. It's so true, though, you don't want
Speaker 1: someone else to make you happy, right, I'm getting that.
Speaker 1: She's like, it's registering now. I mean, it makes me happier.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but I do have some options. We can
Speaker 1: discuss it at later point. Mark, Okay, good lovely. It
Speaker 1: would be a fun for the show. I don't know
Speaker 1: if this possible to be fun for the show if
Speaker 1: you just didn't do names. It was like person A
Speaker 1: and say like three things about them, person B three
Speaker 1: things about them, and then we can all decide. Well,
Speaker 1: we were writing a prosen cons list, we could just
Speaker 1: we could read some of those things. I got this, Mark,
Speaker 1: don't worry, I got it. We did a present cons
Speaker 1: list the other day. Um, but yeah, well that would
Speaker 1: be a lot of fun. I was thinking. I just
Speaker 1: texted Amy on the side. I was like, we need
Speaker 1: to get Patty staying around again because she's like a
Speaker 1: matchmaker girl, so she could give some tips. That would
Speaker 1: be fun, that would be really fun. And there are
Speaker 1: any non athletes among the options? Oh? I like that one? Normal? Yeah? Wow? Right?
Speaker 1: Are there any non um m hmmm are there any okay?
Speaker 1: Are there people that I never would have heard of? Yeah? Wow, yeah,
Speaker 1: see I'm moving on up. Mark, I like that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Any other questions? Um, so many my mouth at the
Speaker 1: same time, Um, how many are we talking about? How
Speaker 1: many are I'm just you know, you guys all say date, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: don't commit, just date. I'm learning. I'm trying. I don't
Speaker 1: know how to do that, but I'm trying. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: that's always a gray area too, because because you've got
Speaker 1: to make that really clear to every that's that's where
Speaker 1: I don't that's what I don't want, that's what that's
Speaker 1: that's the only part that I'm like, I have to
Speaker 1: be careful on because I don't know how to date.
Speaker 1: My friends are always like date. I'm like, well, how
Speaker 1: do you talk to like multiple people? And it is
Speaker 1: kind of awkward to be like just f y, I
Speaker 1: dating lots of people. I don't know. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not dating off, but if you're dating, like, how do
Speaker 1: you I went on a date in l A, how
Speaker 1: do you have that conversation? Yeah? Yeah, um but yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: But I don't think until you have that conversation of
Speaker 1: like being exclusive or whatever, then then you don't have
Speaker 1: to say anything, right, I guess I don't a world.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, we'll do an episode on this
Speaker 1: because it's fascinating. Yeah, it seems like nowadays there's two levels.
Speaker 1: There's the exclusive conversation and then there's the boyfriend girlfriend conversation,
Speaker 1: which I've always thought was one conversation, but now apparently
Speaker 1: it's two. Yeah. I think it's too too. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's kind of what I had in my last situation.
Speaker 1: It was like from girlfriends, but it was like not
Speaker 1: seeing other people, like we're just letting you know, we're not.
Speaker 1: I told you that confused me to begin with, because
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't like that. I don't either. It
Speaker 1: makes no sense to me because I'm like, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: so you we're not going to see the people, but
Speaker 1: yet you I'm not good enough to other people until
Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, now I really want to spend all
Speaker 1: my time with this one person. We're exclusive, but time
Speaker 1: out if I'm gonna sleep, like, if I'm going to
Speaker 1: sleep with someone, I'm not going to be sleeping with
Speaker 1: like multiple people. But then that's what that's basically what
Speaker 1: it is. That's the initial exclusive. It's to not sleep
Speaker 1: with other people. But then I don't like how it
Speaker 1: makes me feel because when that happened in the last situation,
Speaker 1: I was kind of like, oh, like, but I'm not like,
Speaker 1: but you don't get to be the boyfriend girlfriend if
Speaker 1: you're just sleeping with each other. You gotta wait for that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm too old. This is why I wanted to stay married.
Speaker 1: This is why I wanted to not get divorced. Um, okay,
Speaker 1: so I so can we like bookmark this? I think
Speaker 1: Amy just came on, Amy, did you get my text
Speaker 1: about having Patty on? She's probably like, don't bring me
Speaker 1: on right now. I'm here. I'm reading it now. I'm
Speaker 1: just catching up, but I'm here because I think it'd
Speaker 1: be fun to just do like a whole like news
Speaker 1: because I'm like nude to this dating world. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: I feel like we need to have like an expert on,
Speaker 1: and then we need to do and then we need
Speaker 1: to have Mark on because Mark is like Coppa because
Speaker 1: he would have like nixed the last one and he tried,
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, we do have an expert
Speaker 1: coming on for you next week that I haven't told
Speaker 1: you about yet. Oh god, she's an expert in dating
Speaker 1: and relationships, but a certain area of the oh what
Speaker 1: do you mean the sc X part? Oh sex? Oh,
Speaker 1: I got that covered. That took you a minute. I
Speaker 1: think you're really gonna like her. She's pretty amazing. But yeah,
Speaker 1: we can just go back to elementary school with you
Speaker 1: for dating, Like, let's just go back and start with
Speaker 1: the experts teaching you from the very beginning because I
Speaker 1: need it. That would be very helpful because I'm I'm
Speaker 1: not doing You're not doing so bad. M not doing
Speaker 1: so great either, Um, so let's get I think we
Speaker 1: should get Patty on as an expert one time. But anyway, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: all right, before we start the show, add up, what
Speaker 1: you're paying for TV and streaming brutal. Right, Well, Filo
Speaker 1: gives me a totally better TV experience for just twenty
Speaker 1: a month. I asked my friends at Filo if I
Speaker 1: could offer you guys a special deal to try Filo,
Speaker 1: and they said, of course. So I got you off
Speaker 1: your first two months. Go to Filo dot tv slash Janna.
Speaker 1: That's Filo dot tv slash Janna Filo dot tv slash Janna. Um. So,
Speaker 1: I am really excited about today's podcast, but I have
Speaker 1: to feel like I have to walk kind of a
Speaker 1: fine line with her because, um, Claire is going to
Speaker 1: be the guest, and she was the bachelorette. Um what
Speaker 1: was two seasons ago, Claire Crowley. Um. Because I feel
Speaker 1: like this is gonna sound bad. I relate to her
Speaker 1: so much that I'm like, I don't want to be
Speaker 1: too hard on myself through my questions with her, because
Speaker 1: I don't want to sound like a hypocrite. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Marks Like, look at
Speaker 1: his face. That's the great thing about this podcast those
Speaker 1: even in the interviews, there's a subtext that may not
Speaker 1: be think, yeah, it's great, um, but she's been going
Speaker 1: through a lot. Obviously she just had a break up
Speaker 1: with Dale and we have become damn friends. So let's
Speaker 1: take a break and then let's get her on. Hi, bab,
Speaker 1: how are you? How am I? How? Well? First of all,
Speaker 1: how are you um? At this very moment, I'm okay, okay.
Speaker 1: I things kind of her up and down for me
Speaker 1: in just in general in my life, but right now,
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes it's a minute to minute, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Right now, I'm okay, and I feel like I'm okay
Speaker 1: because I'm sitting with a woman that understands kind of
Speaker 1: my life and we've had similar paths with a lot
Speaker 1: of things, and it's comforting. And that's that's the reason
Speaker 1: why I want to be able excutted to do this
Speaker 1: podcast is because if me and you understand each other,
Speaker 1: I know there's a million other women out there that
Speaker 1: understand us that maybe don't have like a me and
Speaker 1: you to talk to they but to listen to this,
Speaker 1: to to say like I understand you know. So I'm
Speaker 1: I'm comforted by doing this with somebody who understands it all. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I love that you're you know, coming on because
Speaker 1: I think you know, we've never actually met in person.
Speaker 1: But I feel like we have such a connection through
Speaker 1: our history and our past and I am member. I
Speaker 1: I slid into your d M s and was like,
Speaker 1: I see you, and I just want you to know that. Like,
Speaker 1: because there's so much outside noise, there's so much um,
Speaker 1: there's so much just just there's just so much noise,
Speaker 1: and it's hard to sometimes. Um, Like people just read
Speaker 1: a headline. People just they see five minutes of something.
Speaker 1: They don't actually take the time to go, well, what
Speaker 1: did what has she been through? And what's her story?
Speaker 1: And you know she's human, how does she feel? And
Speaker 1: and I just I just know that. UM. What I
Speaker 1: what I know of you is that you love to
Speaker 1: love and like that is like my biggest motto. And
Speaker 1: it's like it's it's sad when like you have something,
Speaker 1: you have this desire to love and to be loved,
Speaker 1: and for me, like my experience is like when that fails, Like,
Speaker 1: that's hard. Yeah, it's absolutely hard. And I think that's UM.
Speaker 1: I think there's so much power to and sharing this
Speaker 1: kind of thing because it's with women like us who
Speaker 1: love to love and lead with our hearts. UM, it
Speaker 1: leaves you open to the vulnerability whether it's with your partner,
Speaker 1: whether it's with the world to see and to listening
Speaker 1: to watch, Like there is so much just power in
Speaker 1: that vulnerability. But it's hard. It's I think it's a
Speaker 1: lot easier to have your walls up and be guarded
Speaker 1: and just play cool and like it doesn't phase you,
Speaker 1: or you're good or you're happy. Um, it's a lot
Speaker 1: more difficult and but more real, I think to just
Speaker 1: be authentic and say like I'm not okay, and I'm
Speaker 1: this is what I'm going through, you know. And I
Speaker 1: think that's like such a beautiful thing because right now,
Speaker 1: like yeah, because it's like someone's like get over it.
Speaker 1: You know, you're divorced, like and it's like you don't
Speaker 1: understand that when you give your heart and you love
Speaker 1: so big that it's you got, you're not going to
Speaker 1: be okay the next day or six months later. And
Speaker 1: we all kind of process heartbreak in different ways. And
Speaker 1: for me, like you know, my experiences, I I I
Speaker 1: still to this day can't sit here and be like
Speaker 1: I'm the strongest I've ever been, because yeah, I'm a
Speaker 1: strong freaking woman, but like I still, like yesterday I
Speaker 1: had a breakdown and it was hard, and it's like
Speaker 1: and that's okay, Like and that's why I love that
Speaker 1: what you said is like that, you know, like right now,
Speaker 1: like you're okay, and like that does not make you weak,
Speaker 1: that just makes you human, that makes you have that's
Speaker 1: someone that you have a heart and you you're healing
Speaker 1: and that's a part of like the healing process and
Speaker 1: being broken at the same time, like some days you're
Speaker 1: just not going to be okay, and other days, like tomorrow, Claire,
Speaker 1: you might wake up and be like I am so
Speaker 1: freaking strong and I'm good and I'm happy, and the
Speaker 1: next day you might be devastated, like it's just and
Speaker 1: but I love that you're like, you know because kind
Speaker 1: of had a feeling you might be like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: so strong and I'm so happy because it's like and
Speaker 1: that would be great too, But at the same time,
Speaker 1: it's like is that really real? Like I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I'm almost envious maybe a people that can just
Speaker 1: be like that, Well, here's what I have to say
Speaker 1: about that, because it, I think is maybe the easier
Speaker 1: thing to go to to say I'm strong, I'm happy,
Speaker 1: and they're like you said, there are days like that
Speaker 1: I think two things. I think you can it can coexist.
Speaker 1: I think you can be strong, you can be happy
Speaker 1: and still hurt from something that has happened to you
Speaker 1: and deeply affected by somebody you loved um or a
Speaker 1: breakup or a struggle that you've got going on in
Speaker 1: your life. Like it can coexist. I think there's that
Speaker 1: fine line, though, of the people that just say nope, nope, nope,
Speaker 1: I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm tough, everything is fine. It's
Speaker 1: that wall that's so transparent. I think when you see
Speaker 1: people being like that, and I try to share a
Speaker 1: lot of that on my social media of yes, I'm
Speaker 1: a strong woman. Yes I'm happy a lot of the time,
Speaker 1: and I'm healing and I will always continue to fight
Speaker 1: for myself. But sometimes that doesn't mean I'm always okay,
Speaker 1: Like I had a rough morning even this morning, you know,
Speaker 1: we were talking about it, and and things can pop
Speaker 1: up here and there and trigger it. But you can
Speaker 1: be strong while still owning your vulnerability and owning that
Speaker 1: things hurt it. It shows you have a heart. And
Speaker 1: I think when you show you have a heart that
Speaker 1: in itself innately is beautiful and a true strength and
Speaker 1: sometimes it just feels really damn good to cry too,
Speaker 1: like yes, like oh it's so true. My biggest, biggest
Speaker 1: thing I've always said that it is such a turn
Speaker 1: off for me is I don't want to be with
Speaker 1: somebody who's robotic. I don't want somebody to be I
Speaker 1: don't want to be with somebody who is cold and
Speaker 1: can just detach and be numb two feelings into love
Speaker 1: and things like that's aching to me. That's sad to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's interesting because especially for like a guy. There
Speaker 1: was this one guy that I went out on a
Speaker 1: date with and he's like, I haven't cried and like
Speaker 1: ten years. And I was like, huh, that's not a yeah.
Speaker 1: And then I was like like what about like haven't
Speaker 1: you seen Marley and Me or like I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I was like I kind of like made a joke.
Speaker 1: But I was also like, right, the art of racing
Speaker 1: in the rain. Yeah, but I was like, but like
Speaker 1: what about like when you had had your last breakup
Speaker 1: or and and for some reason, like it was it
Speaker 1: it turned me off because it was it's like I
Speaker 1: I personally want someone that is um so connected to
Speaker 1: their emotions. I'm not saying like I want you to
Speaker 1: cry all the time, Like I think that's the opposite
Speaker 1: of it, is like I just want someone right that
Speaker 1: I had that has emotional connection and that you can
Speaker 1: get vulnerable and be you know, be authentic and not
Speaker 1: just I don't know, Like that's such an interesting it
Speaker 1: like really kind of stopped me in my tracks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you're so right on that where it's like
Speaker 1: some people use it as a strength and I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily look at at not crying as a strength.
Speaker 1: I think all emotions and showing and having the diversity
Speaker 1: of really feeling emotions, especially if something impacted you, whether
Speaker 1: even if it's in a good way, to be moved
Speaker 1: by something is is so beautiful and so human of us.
Speaker 1: And I think to like my therapist she was saying,
Speaker 1: because it really rocked me when when that person was like,
Speaker 1: you know, get over it, and it's like I'm like
Speaker 1: the healing circle is so vicious and but also beautiful,
Speaker 1: but like again it's just you're just going to have
Speaker 1: those days where it's like it's it's hard. But I
Speaker 1: guess I'm curious because I've I've dealt with this in
Speaker 1: my past where I feel I feel angry, not angry,
Speaker 1: but just like it's not angry, it's not duped, it's
Speaker 1: just maybe and maybe it's all of those things. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's angry, maybe it's duped, Maybe it's disappointment, maybe it's
Speaker 1: it's it's all those things together. When it's like when
Speaker 1: you give something, because we have, we give so much
Speaker 1: that when we don't get that in return with our experiences,
Speaker 1: it's like, that's it's hurtful because it's like wait a minute,
Speaker 1: like was it not real for you? Or like like
Speaker 1: what was it? Like? You know what I mean, absolutely,
Speaker 1: it's I It's what I keep reminding myself of is
Speaker 1: you cannot expect, like we want somebody to love us,
Speaker 1: how hard we love them, and when it's not reciprocated
Speaker 1: or it's not done to that level or in that way,
Speaker 1: it's it's hard to process that, and it's it's hurtful,
Speaker 1: especially when um they're saying one thing and doing another.
Speaker 1: That especially stings extra because it's like how could you
Speaker 1: do that to what you love? It's it's hard to
Speaker 1: it's hard to comprehend things like that. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I feel you. I mean I know we've all
Speaker 1: we've both also been in abusive relationships in our past
Speaker 1: and you know, verbal, mentally, all of it physically, and
Speaker 1: you wonder, You're like, how can you say you love
Speaker 1: me and then do this like it just it doesn't
Speaker 1: like I would never like. And yes, I can say,
Speaker 1: like I have said, I have been in the wrong
Speaker 1: at times, and I have said hurtful things and I
Speaker 1: can acknowledge and own that. But there's but there's there's remorse,
Speaker 1: there's empathy, there's compassion, there's um, there's apologies, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: worse of course, and and owning owning the reality of
Speaker 1: it and saying I screwed up, or or owning your partner.
Speaker 1: I think is I think that in itself is a
Speaker 1: big part of it. I'm not expecting somebody to be perfect.
Speaker 1: I know I'm not perfect. I can get loud, I
Speaker 1: can get passionate, I can you know when I believe
Speaker 1: in something with all my heart, like you bet your ass,
Speaker 1: I am fighting for that. But there's a difference between
Speaker 1: I think, um, being passive with something or like owning
Speaker 1: your truth of it and owning your part in it,
Speaker 1: because that's what matters. It's not about being perfect. It's
Speaker 1: owning your part in in what makes or breaks things,
Speaker 1: you know, and not just the good but the bad too,
Speaker 1: you know, and recognizing that, yeah, there's something in that
Speaker 1: too where it's like I remember with past experiences. For me,
Speaker 1: it's like I almost like tell me because I'd rather
Speaker 1: know or before finding out, Like just like I just
Speaker 1: I want to know all the good, bad and ugly
Speaker 1: so that all of our craps out there and we
Speaker 1: can help each other with it too, because I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to carry all the stuff that I
Speaker 1: have by myself, Like I need help carrying some of
Speaker 1: my stuff too. Yeah, that that's a huge thing too,
Speaker 1: unpacked because it takes a lot of trust. It takes
Speaker 1: a lot of trust to put that on some you.
Speaker 1: That that I think is my biggest thing. What I
Speaker 1: was looking for in my last relationship when I went
Speaker 1: on the Bachelorette was I want somebody I've been through,
Speaker 1: Like I'm a tough woman. I I have gotten through
Speaker 1: a lot of things, the majority things in my life
Speaker 1: by myself, and I wanted a man who can say, like,
Speaker 1: let me help you, let me at least I'm not
Speaker 1: looking for you to fix it. I'm just you just
Speaker 1: stand by me while I while I go through this,
Speaker 1: in process it and live it, you know, because we,
Speaker 1: like you said, we all have our stuff, and we
Speaker 1: all have our things we've gone through and whatever people
Speaker 1: want to call it baggage or life experiences or whatever.
Speaker 1: I don't expect you to fix it, but sit with
Speaker 1: me while I try to fix it, and while I try,
Speaker 1: while I heal, And I think there's things people can
Speaker 1: do to help it and help you heal, and there's
Speaker 1: things people can do to add to it and chip
Speaker 1: away at what's already broke in in a way. You know.
Speaker 1: Do you have any regrets at all about your journey
Speaker 1: and the Bachelor up? Um? I always feel like I
Speaker 1: do not want to have regrets and I didn't even know,
Speaker 1: to be honest, if I would have done things differently
Speaker 1: because I was doing the best I could at the
Speaker 1: time with the information that I had. And if my
Speaker 1: biggest regret is trusting the process, trusting a man, a
Speaker 1: man's words and who he showed me he was, I
Speaker 1: don't think that that's a regret. Like I I trusted somebody,
Speaker 1: I believe somebody that they were who that they said
Speaker 1: they were, or that they would hold up to the
Speaker 1: promises that they make when they get down on one knee,
Speaker 1: Like I don't know if that's a regret, you know,
Speaker 1: I would still I loved and have always had such
Speaker 1: a deep love for Dale, and that a doesn't go
Speaker 1: away overnight and be like I don't regret that, like
Speaker 1: I loved loving it. Yeah, yeah, I mean I feel
Speaker 1: that's my core two. With my ex, it's like I yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean tesday it's like hard, like with my therapist,
Speaker 1: I tell no today, I was like I have little
Speaker 1: moments where I'm like, I, you know, I still love
Speaker 1: him like he's he was, he's the father of my children,
Speaker 1: like I you know, but and it's it's hard when
Speaker 1: things when words and the vows and the promises aren't
Speaker 1: lived up to um. And that's where sometimes anger can
Speaker 1: come in. Any where you feel dooped door, you feel
Speaker 1: sad um. But you know, I, yeah, I look back
Speaker 1: to and it's like I don't regret and me I
Speaker 1: have I have regrets in that relationship, but I don't
Speaker 1: ever regret loving him because I think you see, for
Speaker 1: at least me, guy saw things of his of who
Speaker 1: he can who he can be you know, and maybe
Speaker 1: maybe that's my issue, Like I think I think I
Speaker 1: might love people too with the potential, not actually who
Speaker 1: they are, And that's maybe something where like as I
Speaker 1: move forward and like my journey of loving the next person,
Speaker 1: it's like I got to make sure that I'm like,
Speaker 1: is this am I actually falling for who they are?
Speaker 1: Or who I want them to be or who I
Speaker 1: hope they are? You know? But I think with at
Speaker 1: least men in my past, it's like they were showing
Speaker 1: me a version that they wanted to be too. They
Speaker 1: just weren't capable of being that version. Yeah. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a huge thing. And I think you and I are
Speaker 1: so similar, Janet, beyond similar with this because it's almost
Speaker 1: like you want to see the good and the best
Speaker 1: and that have hope for that, and I wonder, at
Speaker 1: least for me, it felt like I would always wonder
Speaker 1: is he doing that for me? Is he trying to
Speaker 1: see the best in me? And a lot of times
Speaker 1: I didn't I feel like that. It was like, how
Speaker 1: am I sitting here trying to fight so hard for
Speaker 1: this relationship and trying to see and trying to just
Speaker 1: embrace and really love him to my core? For everything
Speaker 1: that he is and and wanting you to receive that
Speaker 1: with open arms, when it's like it was always I
Speaker 1: felt kind of met with walls and a guardedness and
Speaker 1: a distrust and it's like, I don't know, it's so
Speaker 1: I want. I think we just love how we want
Speaker 1: to be loved, and you really, I guess ultimately can't
Speaker 1: expect you from them. Mm hmm. I wonder what you know?
Speaker 1: And this is against stuff that I'm unpacking with my therapist,
Speaker 1: but you know how how I don't continue because I
Speaker 1: think if I look back on all my past relationships,
Speaker 1: there's there's a thread through every single one of them
Speaker 1: and are very similar and um, but I think a
Speaker 1: lot of that is is a threat of what I
Speaker 1: believe in myself, what I think I deserve, what I
Speaker 1: think my worth is um and trying to realize, okay,
Speaker 1: like what what does Janna want? What does Janna actually deserve?
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you've done the same thing,
Speaker 1: but it's like they all their masts come off, come off,
Speaker 1: and even though we fall for this beautiful image and
Speaker 1: then it's like, oh wait a minute, we're almost like
Speaker 1: tricked or but then when you think about it, You're like, well,
Speaker 1: that's and then we stay because then we think that's
Speaker 1: what we deserve. And I mean that's just my like
Speaker 1: my own pattern. But moving forward, like, is there something
Speaker 1: where you're like, are you going to be more guarded
Speaker 1: or are you just going to be more Is it reserved?
Speaker 1: Is it guarded or are you just gonna be like
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna kind of do the same
Speaker 1: thing and just and give all my love again. I
Speaker 1: don't ever want to be the person that's guarden. I
Speaker 1: I think that's a slippery slope and I don't I hey,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm capable of that and be
Speaker 1: I don't want I just don't want to be that
Speaker 1: person that is closed off because I know where my
Speaker 1: heart is. I know what I want, I know what
Speaker 1: I deserve. I know what I put into a relationship
Speaker 1: and how hard I love and I don't think that
Speaker 1: there's anything wrong with that. I think what I do
Speaker 1: need to work on is um taking a beat and
Speaker 1: really paying attention to people's actions and not just maybe
Speaker 1: completely trusting their word and being a little bit more
Speaker 1: um discerning, I guess in situations. But am I going
Speaker 1: to change the way I am because somebody has done
Speaker 1: me wrong or because I've gone through a difficult relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to change who I am. The things
Speaker 1: I can change are growing in a positive way, But
Speaker 1: it has nothing to do with the way I love
Speaker 1: and how expansive my heart is and the love I give.
Speaker 1: I can definitely definitely work on stuff, though, I know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just like I said, the discernment and waiting for somebody
Speaker 1: to show me by their actions, because I think that
Speaker 1: shows a lot. I think anybody can show a plane
Speaker 1: ticket to say I showed up, But it's what's inside,
Speaker 1: is the behind the closed doors and the real actions
Speaker 1: of were you there or did you show up for me? Authentically?
Speaker 1: I think that's what matters. Yeah, I mean, I hear
Speaker 1: you one th pent and what I took away from
Speaker 1: that part two is actions speak so much louder than words.
Speaker 1: And that's that's where I faulted in my past relationships,
Speaker 1: where it's like I always listened to words and the
Speaker 1: actions I just put blindfolds on. It's like all my
Speaker 1: friends are trying to be like take the blinders off,
Speaker 1: like you look at the actions, not the words, and
Speaker 1: like but the words, like the words like but he said,
Speaker 1: and you know, I like, look at this text message
Speaker 1: and I swear like Katherine and she was here, she'd
Speaker 1: be swatting my phone away like stop stop, but look
Speaker 1: at this, like what is the actions? And then I
Speaker 1: don't know if you do this. I'm sure because we're
Speaker 1: pretty much the same person. But I've been Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: I've been told a lot of times in relationships, and
Speaker 1: it really gets me down because, um, it makes me
Speaker 1: like semi emotional because I start to question, well, maybe
Speaker 1: because they would say, it's never enough. You always want this.
Speaker 1: It's like you always it's like I can never make you.
Speaker 1: It's like it's never enough. And I'm like, I don't
Speaker 1: ever feel like I'm asking for that much. I think
Speaker 1: I was just asking the wrong person to love me.
Speaker 1: I feel you to my core on that one, and
Speaker 1: I I mean, we are so like that. I I
Speaker 1: have thought and felt and been told the exact same things.
Speaker 1: And I think instead of telling me that I'm asking
Speaker 1: too much, like why are you giving too little? I
Speaker 1: shouldn't have to beg for the bare minimum. I shouldn't
Speaker 1: have to even I mean, there's communication, and then there's
Speaker 1: basic needs of a relationship, and instead of asking me
Speaker 1: to come down to your level and meet you on
Speaker 1: that level, why don't you rise up and be a
Speaker 1: better person and put in the effort to be a
Speaker 1: better person and to rise up to that Rising up
Speaker 1: is so much more positive and a deeper thing and
Speaker 1: a more valuable thing than saying you're asking too much.
Speaker 1: And like you said, maybe you're just asking the wrong
Speaker 1: person and they're not capable of it. So be it.
Speaker 1: You know, well, I think it's interesting too, because you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes like and if I wor to look at like
Speaker 1: my past, it's like I I've always seemed to go
Speaker 1: to the unavailable man or the man that really couldn't
Speaker 1: love me the way that I wanted to be loved.
Speaker 1: And I'm like I'm trying to like unpack that in
Speaker 1: therapy because it's like, why do I continue to go
Speaker 1: for that kind of guy? Because I'm never going to
Speaker 1: get my needs met, Like, and all I want is
Speaker 1: just someone to love me the way that I love
Speaker 1: others and like and I love big and I want
Speaker 1: to be held and I don't want to feel bad
Speaker 1: for like holding someone's hand or touching them or like
Speaker 1: telling them being like hold on hold hold on you
Speaker 1: got somebody got mad for you trying to hold their
Speaker 1: hand and wanting to touch them. It's too much like
Speaker 1: in I'll say this past a past relationship, it was
Speaker 1: verbatim that and I literally was like, I just he
Speaker 1: was like, why are you so angry? Why are you fighting?
Speaker 1: Why are you just picking a fighting? I'm like, do
Speaker 1: you realize what I'm fighting over? I'm fighting and yelling
Speaker 1: at you to hold me, to hug me right now,
Speaker 1: to give me comfort because I just want to love
Speaker 1: on you and I want you to love on me,
Speaker 1: Like That's what I'm fighting for. Is do you realize
Speaker 1: what you're saying? You know, right wouldn't be a fight
Speaker 1: to the right person. That should be like if somebody
Speaker 1: said that to me, I just want you to hold
Speaker 1: my hand. I just want you to like I would
Speaker 1: just become a puddle and I will give you ten
Speaker 1: times that all day. But it's the guys that we
Speaker 1: don't that we that we want that, don't you know?
Speaker 1: And I guess that's the thing though, is that love?
Speaker 1: Is that love? If you have to ask somebody? I
Speaker 1: think you know sure probably like in like a you know,
Speaker 1: people have to like work on it to make sure
Speaker 1: if that's because but for me that is just like
Speaker 1: my love language, like I just love. And you know,
Speaker 1: we had talked about this in my last on this
Speaker 1: UM show, like that it was very opposite for us.
Speaker 1: But it's hard. It's like I want someone to like
Speaker 1: hold my hand the way that I hold their hand
Speaker 1: and like not get like not feel bad about it
Speaker 1: or you know, um, and it's just But then I
Speaker 1: also think about, like, Okay, well what does that say
Speaker 1: about me or you or us that like we go
Speaker 1: for these type of men that you know can't give
Speaker 1: us that love? And then and then I don't know
Speaker 1: about you either, but like and then I'm the one
Speaker 1: still fighting for it even though I'm not getting my needs. Man,
Speaker 1: it's like wait a minute, like like where's the psychology
Speaker 1: and that where's the where's my childhood trauma? And that?
Speaker 1: You know? Yeah, And I think truthfully, it can come
Speaker 1: down to the simplest, most saddest thing is that maybe
Speaker 1: there is no psychology behind it, and maybe they just
Speaker 1: don't want to and it has nothing to do. Maybe
Speaker 1: they just don't want to and they are incapable of
Speaker 1: doing that. And I don't think that says anything about
Speaker 1: you to want to be held and hugged and love.
Speaker 1: That's like human nature one oh one connection, you know,
Speaker 1: it's more I would be asking them that thing, like
Speaker 1: what is going on with you that you're not allowing
Speaker 1: somebody to love you or somebody who wants to love you?
Speaker 1: And it's a beautiful thing, and like, uh I, I
Speaker 1: I'm with you on that, like I don't understand it.
Speaker 1: But also why are you Why are we questioning ourselves
Speaker 1: if we're asking too much for that, that's not a
Speaker 1: psychological trauma anything. The psychological trauma thing is asking ourselves
Speaker 1: these questions. We don't need to be asking ourselves these questions.
Speaker 1: That's a human need period. How do you go through
Speaker 1: and deal with um? The outside noise, the sources, the people,
Speaker 1: Like how do you how do you deal with that
Speaker 1: when when you know your heart in it? Um? Because
Speaker 1: I struggled like with that, like crazy, because I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: people just don't know and and and there's only so
Speaker 1: much that we can say. Yeah, I think it can
Speaker 1: get very messy and very itchy. And I always try
Speaker 1: to err on the side of taking the high road,
Speaker 1: even when there is a lot of things I could
Speaker 1: say and a lot of things that I wish people
Speaker 1: knew both sides, you know, because it's easy for a
Speaker 1: publicist or a source to put out a narrative of
Speaker 1: what they want their client or friend to look like
Speaker 1: it appeared to especially when your career is based and
Speaker 1: dreams are based on being in the public eye. But
Speaker 1: I know, I think, yeah, things are hurtful, and I'm human,
Speaker 1: so it does affect me. But I think more importantly,
Speaker 1: like a I'd rather take the high road and be um.
Speaker 1: It's very impersonal too for to be putting out statements
Speaker 1: and articles and this and that and your side of
Speaker 1: the story. I think you both know the truth. I
Speaker 1: know the truth. He knows the truth. You know you
Speaker 1: know the truth. You know what happens behind closed doors,
Speaker 1: and when you know the truth, and you know where
Speaker 1: your heart is, Like, I don't need a publicist speaking
Speaker 1: my side of the story. I don't care for my
Speaker 1: side of the story to be honest to even be
Speaker 1: out there, even if I have receipts and proof and
Speaker 1: everything I need to show up that I could do
Speaker 1: to really put it out there. I I think I
Speaker 1: think it just seems ikey, I think it seems ikey.
Speaker 1: When it's like sources say and a publicist says this,
Speaker 1: it's just why why not talk to the person directly? Yeah, yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: I hear you on that. Sometimes I have a tough
Speaker 1: time when there isn't like that closure either, like the
Speaker 1: same completely and that that's to be honest to where
Speaker 1: I'm at now too, is that I I was in
Speaker 1: the peak pain of my breakup. There was a lot
Speaker 1: on my plate, like I we've talked about before, Like
Speaker 1: I was healing from um my excellent surgery. Still that
Speaker 1: takes a long time and is actually a very emotional recovery,
Speaker 1: to be honest, it's not even the physical, but it's
Speaker 1: an emotional recovery. Um. But in also going through stuff
Speaker 1: with my mom right now, still ongoing stuff with my mom,
Speaker 1: and in I mean it all kind of came crashing
Speaker 1: down at once for me. But it's just a lot.
Speaker 1: It's a lot, I think too. It's um when you
Speaker 1: don't have that closure, not saying that's exactly what you
Speaker 1: were saying, but like for for me, it's like if
Speaker 1: you don't have that, for me, it's like the accept
Speaker 1: it's the empathy and the apology that like I and
Speaker 1: and just like that conversation where it's just you can
Speaker 1: kind of close that door. You can have compassion, empathy, apologies,
Speaker 1: and and to have that closure so that way your
Speaker 1: heart can heal truly, because I think when you don't
Speaker 1: have that, I struggle with healing when those pieces are
Speaker 1: still missing for me. Yeah, And I think it's deeply
Speaker 1: it's painful when you feel like somebody who you love
Speaker 1: deeply doesn't even have enough respect to you to sit
Speaker 1: down and have a very vulnerable conversation and owning your
Speaker 1: stuff in it on both sides, you know, and just
Speaker 1: having a conversation. Um, It's it's hurtful because it's like
Speaker 1: you think that little of me, but yet you supposedly
Speaker 1: loved me, Like, yeah, you think I don't know, I
Speaker 1: guess sometimes. So that helps on the on the flip
Speaker 1: side though, where it's like, oh wow, that shows who
Speaker 1: they are. Yeah, And maybe that is the closure of
Speaker 1: it is you don't care enough to care, so that
Speaker 1: alone should be the closure we want to. Like And
Speaker 1: I told you, Claire the other day when we were talking,
Speaker 1: I was like, Claire, we're going to home depot, Like
Speaker 1: my therapist said, You're going to home depot. You're asking
Speaker 1: for milky and gonna get milk at home. Deepot, stop
Speaker 1: stop asking for it. You're not gonna get it. You're
Speaker 1: not going to get it. That's the perfect analogy. And
Speaker 1: it's probably it's just reassuring. I think when they when
Speaker 1: there's not even the level of like a conversation floor closure,
Speaker 1: that a is closure in itself. But it's like, but
Speaker 1: it's still hurtful, you know. That's the part where it's
Speaker 1: like where it's still hurtful because it's like because of
Speaker 1: the love that we gave. Yeah, of course, and it
Speaker 1: just shows your humanness and it shows how much you're
Speaker 1: willing to fight and put into it. And just because
Speaker 1: they don't I want to give you that same level
Speaker 1: of respect or or I don't know, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Sometimes too, maybe maybe that is the closure, is knowing
Speaker 1: that they can't give you that it's just unfair. I
Speaker 1: think that's like where I can go. I can get
Speaker 1: a little on the angry side. I'm like, it's just
Speaker 1: unfair because like I can't imagine doing that to someone,
Speaker 1: you know, and not giving them that piece of the
Speaker 1: apology or that you know, the empathy and or hearing
Speaker 1: their side, or sitting down and having that respect or
Speaker 1: saying sorry, and because again, like we're you and I
Speaker 1: are both have our crazies in us. You know, we've
Speaker 1: both you know, and I'm sure you know, but I
Speaker 1: also know we we can sit in it even though
Speaker 1: it's hard. It's very hard for women to apologize, but
Speaker 1: I will do it, of course. Of course it's um.
Speaker 1: I was talking to my therapist about it and ending
Speaker 1: the end and the device of a relationship is very
Speaker 1: much equivalent to I mean, you're losing somebody. It's a
Speaker 1: loss of somebody in your life that you loved, and
Speaker 1: it's a deep, deep grieving process. And I think with
Speaker 1: all the steps, just like if somebody were to that
Speaker 1: you love were to pass away, when you lose somebody
Speaker 1: in a relationship, it's almost harder because it's like there's
Speaker 1: still alive and you know if they wanted to reach out,
Speaker 1: they could, but they just don't. And I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's you still have to go through all the steps
Speaker 1: of just like losing somebody, just like losing a parent
Speaker 1: or if somebody you love, Like so, there's going to
Speaker 1: be the phase I think of anger. I mean I
Speaker 1: felt that I've absolutely felt that like, how could you,
Speaker 1: how could you do this to somebody who just has
Speaker 1: such a pure, deep love for you. I don't understand it.
Speaker 1: And and it's for me, it's more of like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've only felt the anger and and then the next
Speaker 1: day it'll be something, and then then I might come
Speaker 1: back and you know, it's just that like amazing wheel.
Speaker 1: But it's like I wonder, oh, you know, it's crazy
Speaker 1: about the loss thing. This isn'ta sound absolutely crazy, And
Speaker 1: in the moment, I was like, you know, it felt weird.
Speaker 1: But my my therapist literally was like, we're black. And
Speaker 1: I went to the therapy session and she goes, we're
Speaker 1: having a funeral for your for your marriage, and I
Speaker 1: just was like I just, I mean, I wept. I
Speaker 1: wrote a thing. I wrote a eulogy, like I mean,
Speaker 1: I like and it was like, you know, saying that
Speaker 1: sounds so weird, but it was something where it's like,
Speaker 1: it is a loss. It's a death, like it is
Speaker 1: whether it's a relationship or whatever, Like when you lose something,
Speaker 1: it is a death. Yeah, And it's the deep pain
Speaker 1: of this is the one that gets me. It's like,
Speaker 1: how do you say goodbye to somebody you never wanted
Speaker 1: to walk away from, like I would have never walked.
Speaker 1: It was the opposite, Like you're having to say goodbye
Speaker 1: to somebody you don't want to be saying goodbye to,
Speaker 1: or you have to walk away from somebody you don't
Speaker 1: want to walk away from. It's hard, it's painful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel that to my um, to my core. Actually
Speaker 1: was I wrote that lyric in a song. I was like,
Speaker 1: I would have fought for you forever. I would have,
Speaker 1: you know, and I would have And I almost stayed
Speaker 1: the last time, even with the last discovery, like I
Speaker 1: would have I would have fought forever. And that's very
Speaker 1: hard when you have to walk away from something that
Speaker 1: you don't want to and that is that is m
Speaker 1: so painful, but it also takes so much strength because
Speaker 1: you realize that you deserve better. Yeah, that's that's I
Speaker 1: think the the I don't know if the right word
Speaker 1: is the Jeff juxtaposition of being able to not wanting
Speaker 1: somebody to walk away, but gladly hope holding the door
Speaker 1: for them because they want to walk away. I will
Speaker 1: never I'll never do that again. If you want to
Speaker 1: walk away from me, I'm not like I'll fight to
Speaker 1: the death to do what it takes to have a successful, driving,
Speaker 1: great relationship. And what a beautiful thing because so many
Speaker 1: people don't want to fight through like the hard times,
Speaker 1: you know, and they just give up so easy, like
Speaker 1: I can't do this as too much. It's like that
Speaker 1: is a beautiful freaking quality to have to be like, no,
Speaker 1: like let's and now it doesn't have to be like
Speaker 1: so hard. But it's also like to have that energy
Speaker 1: and like to be like, let's we can do this.
Speaker 1: But having said that, though, like I will say, like
Speaker 1: in my past relationships, I fought for the people that
Speaker 1: will not fight for themselves. Yeah, so we're just beating
Speaker 1: our heads. At least from my experience, like I was,
Speaker 1: I it would have never like come to fruition, like
Speaker 1: and that's the hardest part when you realize that they
Speaker 1: will not fight for themselves, they will not fight with me,
Speaker 1: so I'm the only person and you realize, well, I
Speaker 1: I can't I can't fight alone. And then you just
Speaker 1: are just like you're just so tired, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's exhausting to keep putting out energy and giving energy
Speaker 1: and feeding energy to somebody who's not giving you that
Speaker 1: in return, like on some level, we need all the
Speaker 1: buckets to be refilled and it's hard. It it kind
Speaker 1: of makes you become somebody who you're not. And I know,
Speaker 1: for me personally, like I've always had my friends, my
Speaker 1: family and my clients everybody, like I love being alike
Speaker 1: to them. I love I've always been told they're like, Claire,
Speaker 1: you have a sparkle to you. And I love that.
Speaker 1: I love that. I love life like I love love.
Speaker 1: I love people like I love really hard, and I
Speaker 1: think it's a beautiful thing. But when you're giving and
Speaker 1: giving and giving, it takes away that light and it
Speaker 1: takes away that sparkle and you become depleted. And I
Speaker 1: think on some level two you become somebody who you're not,
Speaker 1: maybe like a tell of who you are, and it's
Speaker 1: it's sad when that's not given back to you. There's
Speaker 1: no reciprocity with that. Yeah, And I'll say, like, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm gosh, like six seven months like removed,
Speaker 1: but and I just I'm like, you know, getting emotional
Speaker 1: just because like you think about the shell, like because truly,
Speaker 1: like when you're in that situation, you're fighting so hard
Speaker 1: and the person stop fighting for themselves, like you become,
Speaker 1: like you said, a shell of yourself. But I will.
Speaker 1: The tears almost come from a place of like, I'm
Speaker 1: so excited for you to get your sparkle back because
Speaker 1: there's such a weight and like like I feel like
Speaker 1: my shell has been filled with me, like I'm and
Speaker 1: I'm not and I'm not like I'm who raw, like
Speaker 1: I'm so strong, like I have my day is still
Speaker 1: I'm still you know, you know, I'm a little terrified
Speaker 1: of the holidays coming up and certain you know, moments,
Speaker 1: But at the same time, like I like how I feel.
Speaker 1: I feel lighter, and like I'm excited for you to
Speaker 1: get to that place too, where you're like you get
Speaker 1: like every day you're going to get your sparkle back.
Speaker 1: How does how do you what is like? How do
Speaker 1: you heal you right now? What does your journey look like?
Speaker 1: Are you just trying to stay positive surrounding yourself with
Speaker 1: friends with give me some tips because I'm on the
Speaker 1: journey with you, girl, I will absolutely give you some
Speaker 1: tips because I know that I've been through like we
Speaker 1: have been through, like the depths of things and the
Speaker 1: depths just as much as hard as we love. I
Speaker 1: think we feel the pain of the pain right to
Speaker 1: the depths. And the biggest thing I can say, at
Speaker 1: least for myself, what I've I was saying this to
Speaker 1: somebody a couple of weeks oh, is that I am
Speaker 1: tired of being called resilient and having to be called resilient,
Speaker 1: having to be called strong, hey, having to be called strong,
Speaker 1: and having to be strong for these things. And I
Speaker 1: think the best thing we can do is really focus
Speaker 1: on our comeback being like our biggest strength, you know that.
Speaker 1: That's what I was talking to somebody about a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago, was like, unfortunately, I've had to have
Speaker 1: a strong comeback game and it's my biggest flex is
Speaker 1: my comeback game. And unfortunately, the the things that have
Speaker 1: been the most challenging in my life are what propelled
Speaker 1: me to be the strongest woman that I am. That's
Speaker 1: where I dig deep, and it hurts and it's painful
Speaker 1: to go through those things, but that's where I source
Speaker 1: my strength. Is like, look what I've been through and
Speaker 1: overcoming that to know that I'm gonna just be even
Speaker 1: stronger and looking at it as a superpower that like
Speaker 1: I refuse to give up on myself because I know
Speaker 1: my worth and I know what I bring to the table.
Speaker 1: I know what you bring to the table and the
Speaker 1: type of woman that you are. Um, I can just
Speaker 1: tell by how you talk about love. And if we're
Speaker 1: anything so like we say we are, it's like, that's
Speaker 1: that is huge. So the baby steps, the one ft
Speaker 1: in front of the other, the calling a friend, the
Speaker 1: brushing your teeth, the going on a walk around the treadmill,
Speaker 1: doing those things, all the little steps equal with the
Speaker 1: big steps. And whilst we're doing that, I think owning
Speaker 1: the part of the process that we're going through, because
Speaker 1: like I said, it's easier to skip to I'm fine,
Speaker 1: I'm cool, I'm strong, I'm tough. Yeah, it's not that's
Speaker 1: not real strength right there. Yeah yeah, yeah, it's not. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And and I just I really just appreciate you saying
Speaker 1: that because it's, um, like, I'm excited to watch you
Speaker 1: walk on that journey now, you know. And I think
Speaker 1: it's also okay to say in those days, you know,
Speaker 1: even when you are super strong six months a year
Speaker 1: from now, still okay not to be okay in certain moments.
Speaker 1: And um, and I think that's just like the beauty
Speaker 1: in it, I think, or we're like I might struggle
Speaker 1: and we'll have to get better at it too. Is
Speaker 1: I hold on to the disappointment of what it could
Speaker 1: have been and the words of what it was promised.
Speaker 1: And so that's for me where I like, that's the
Speaker 1: piece of that I have to shed in a way,
Speaker 1: because that's that's going to hold back my healing from
Speaker 1: the what if game and the everything else because it's
Speaker 1: like it is what it is now and now oh
Speaker 1: it's like okay, like it hurts and it sucks, but
Speaker 1: like it's time to focus on me and my healing
Speaker 1: and um and you know, boundaries for next time and
Speaker 1: and it's just all those things because I think it's
Speaker 1: um yeah again, I just I think it's really great
Speaker 1: that that you're being authentic and you know you're saying like, look,
Speaker 1: it's I'm not okay, but I will be okay. And
Speaker 1: I think that's a really strong statement. Well, thank you,
Speaker 1: and it's it's the truth. And I know I know
Speaker 1: you feel that to your core as well, that it's
Speaker 1: not linear healing and overcoming things, especially when you go
Speaker 1: through really challenging things and whether it being a relationship
Speaker 1: or just things in life, like, um, it's not linear,
Speaker 1: and owning the pain and the hurt that it caused.
Speaker 1: That that innately, I think creates healing in itself. And
Speaker 1: do you ever read Burnet Brown Books a fast Art
Speaker 1: so much? And it's it's there really is power in vulnerability.
Speaker 1: And I think when when people put up these walls
Speaker 1: and it looks even on social media, it can look
Speaker 1: a certain way, but I think that's just um, there's
Speaker 1: the strength in doing the work and getting in the
Speaker 1: nitty gritty and really feeling the fields of when you're
Speaker 1: not okay and knowing that that in itself is okay
Speaker 1: to not feel okay for sure. And I got this quote.
Speaker 1: The ironic thing is it sounds like one Pablo, but
Speaker 1: I think it's a young Publo. But's like it's like
Speaker 1: I just like tied those two together. So sorry, it
Speaker 1: is actually a quote from your ex boyfriend. Let me
Speaker 1: quote that. It's not in though it's like this amazing
Speaker 1: that's freakingular. It's now He's like, it's this amazing, um poet.
Speaker 1: But I saw it today and I knew that I
Speaker 1: was talking to and it's um it says they asked her,
Speaker 1: how do you deal with heartbreak, and she answered, be
Speaker 1: intentional with your time, use it to heal, and use
Speaker 1: it to see your wholeness. Listen to your needs and truth.
Speaker 1: Use boundaries to start fresh. Let go of the tension
Speaker 1: you have been carrying, and fill yourself with the love
Speaker 1: you have always wanted. Heartbreak does not need to be
Speaker 1: a sad ending. Let this be an era of remarkable growth.
Speaker 1: And I think that's where we are. You know, this
Speaker 1: is a growth and we're planning a beautiful freaking seed
Speaker 1: and it's going to grow and we're going to be
Speaker 1: better for it. It's so true. And I think I
Speaker 1: love when you post quotes Grand Story. I absolutely I'm
Speaker 1: such a sucker for quotes because it's so I think
Speaker 1: it's the same thing we're doing here. Like whether it's
Speaker 1: a quote or a podcast, listening to a podcast, or
Speaker 1: it's it's a connection that you can read that or
Speaker 1: hear that and go like yeah, I feel that again
Speaker 1: that I think that creates healing and allows us to really,
Speaker 1: like like that said, like focus on our own heart
Speaker 1: and that that all the love that we put out there,
Speaker 1: like we deserve to put that towards ourselves as well. Oh,
Speaker 1: I love it well, Claire, I'm I'm excited to you know,
Speaker 1: just see your your you know your your journey with
Speaker 1: it and being authentic and thank you for for just
Speaker 1: saying sound okay and it's okay to not be okay.
Speaker 1: So I think that's just the big takeaway. And um,
Speaker 1: and we're we will be stronger and you will get stronger.
Speaker 1: And every day is a new day to you know,
Speaker 1: to not put armor on, but to to still be open.
Speaker 1: And I think it's a beautiful thing. I think it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: And let's reconvene in a few months and ye because
Speaker 1: I guarantee, I guarantee I'll be in a different place
Speaker 1: and uh, it's going to be beautiful, like there's only
Speaker 1: good things to come. Absolutely, And I love you and
Speaker 1: I will call you after right after this, okay, all right,
Speaker 1: by honey, see you. Yeah. She's my best friend. Wow,
Speaker 1: she's so sweet, adorable. I love her. I feel like
Speaker 1: people didn't really get the chance to get to know
Speaker 1: her because of how things are in her season and
Speaker 1: I get like she is like very like, but I
Speaker 1: just love like, I just love someone else that just
Speaker 1: loves to love, love to love, Mark, would you make
Speaker 1: them I thought she was awesome. I thought she's always great.
Speaker 1: We have her on our show. She's always a welcome gift. Yeah,
Speaker 1: very real. Who who's ready to talk dating? Next week? So? Um,
Speaker 1: come up with three candidates? Three? What we got this?
Speaker 1: We got this? Don't you're wearing? I'll give you a four,
Speaker 1: and I'll ask the questions, and then we will decide
Speaker 1: as a podcast which direction we want to point ourselves. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be so fine. Stay tuned for next week. Bye,