1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast 2 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:10,480 Speaker 1: how is Everybody? I'm actually in a good mood today 3 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,680 Speaker 1: and not like actually but like I feel I can tell. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,279 Speaker 1: I'm just like I don't know, I feel like it's Monday, 5 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 1: it's bouncy, like yeah, like today is a good day. 6 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,640 Speaker 1: That's good? Yeah? Is there a reason? That's the thing? 7 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 1: I know, Like what would you talk to swear? I 8 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: just think Marks, like, well, guy is it? And like no, 9 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: I swear, I'm just like in a good mood. Why 10 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: don't I trust this more to this story because you're 11 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,120 Speaker 1: in a great mood. I am in a great mood. 12 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: I'm just happy today and I like to see Mark. 13 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,840 Speaker 1: Mark just makes me funny, Mark, and you must be happy. 14 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: That's I'm in different sort of situations lately. I'm just 15 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: seeing you happy as a wonderful thing. And yes, I'm 16 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: very happy that you're in the situation you're in. Not 17 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 1: approved for lost situation. I did not and whatever the 18 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: currents is, Sam, there is no current situation that's not 19 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:08,679 Speaker 1: responsible for that amazing bright smile on your face. No, 20 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, I genuinely got really excited when I saw 21 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 1: you come on. Well, that is so sweet. Yeah, like 22 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,039 Speaker 1: I feel like I haven't seen you in a minute 23 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 1: and it has been a while. No, it was good. 24 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: I listened to this. Um, I just want to get 25 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:27,039 Speaker 1: my lashes done and I get to like drive thirty 26 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,960 Speaker 1: minutes to it. It's just so it's fun. And I 27 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: listened to a super soul podcast by Oprah and it 28 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 1: was all about um, being happy with yourself, like just 29 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 1: yourself and not like outside stuff, and so I don't know, 30 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:44,639 Speaker 1: I just was like, why are you laughing at me? Oh? 31 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: I know it was good. It was like, you know, 32 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,800 Speaker 1: a lot of people can say something that if Oprah 33 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: says it, I know, right, this is where they she gets. 34 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:59,560 Speaker 1: But hey, we'll take it out anyhow. So it's safe 35 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: to say, Yes, there was no one in your bed 36 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: anytime recently. No, Wow, Mark, what a great and just 37 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 1: there we go, just there. I mean I could have 38 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:15,360 Speaker 1: been in someone else's bed. That was just come on, 39 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: these softballs was a that was a softball toss? Um? No, right, 40 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 1: that's the best kind of happiness. Yeah. And you know 41 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,960 Speaker 1: what's this is gonna sound so stupid, but I was 42 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:34,640 Speaker 1: reading Sharna Burgess would have whatever her I can never 43 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:38,399 Speaker 1: say her last name Burgess, Burgess, burs and Burgesses. Yeah, 44 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 1: she posted this thing with her and and Brian and 45 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: she goes, I was happy before you, but like now 46 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 1: I'm even happier. And I was like, oh, like what 47 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: a cool place like that would be to just be 48 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: like happy and then someone just like amplifies your happiness. 49 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,520 Speaker 1: Because like I started thinking about that, I'm like, oh, 50 00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 1: you make me smile. It's like, no, I already smile, 51 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,520 Speaker 1: but like I'm smiling more. I don't know, I just 52 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,680 Speaker 1: thought there was like a cool like that just kind 53 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: of hit me. It's so true, though, you don't want 54 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 1: someone else to make you happy, right, I'm getting that. 55 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:13,400 Speaker 1: She's like, it's registering now. I mean, it makes me happier. 56 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: But yeah, but I do have some options. We can 57 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:24,200 Speaker 1: discuss it at later point. Mark, Okay, good lovely. It 58 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 1: would be a fun for the show. I don't know 59 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 1: if this possible to be fun for the show if 60 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 1: you just didn't do names. It was like person A 61 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: and say like three things about them, person B three 62 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,520 Speaker 1: things about them, and then we can all decide. Well, 63 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: we were writing a prosen cons list, we could just 64 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 1: we could read some of those things. I got this, Mark, 65 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 1: don't worry, I got it. We did a present cons 66 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: list the other day. Um, but yeah, well that would 67 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 1: be a lot of fun. I was thinking. I just 68 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 1: texted Amy on the side. I was like, we need 69 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: to get Patty staying around again because she's like a 70 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 1: matchmaker girl, so she could give some tips. That would 71 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: be fun, that would be really fun. And there are 72 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 1: any non athletes among the options? Oh? I like that one? Normal? Yeah? Wow? Right? 73 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 1: Are there any non um m hmmm are there any okay? 74 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:19,800 Speaker 1: Are there people that I never would have heard of? Yeah? Wow, yeah, 75 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:23,760 Speaker 1: see I'm moving on up. Mark, I like that. Yeah. 76 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:30,279 Speaker 1: Any other questions? Um, so many my mouth at the 77 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:39,159 Speaker 1: same time, Um, how many are we talking about? How 78 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:46,039 Speaker 1: many are I'm just you know, you guys all say date, yes, yes, 79 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,680 Speaker 1: don't commit, just date. I'm learning. I'm trying. I don't 80 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 1: know how to do that, but I'm trying. Yeah. And 81 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 1: that's always a gray area too, because because you've got 82 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: to make that really clear to every that's that's where 83 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,279 Speaker 1: I don't that's what I don't want, that's what that's 84 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: that's the only part that I'm like, I have to 85 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,000 Speaker 1: be careful on because I don't know how to date. 86 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,920 Speaker 1: My friends are always like date. I'm like, well, how 87 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: do you talk to like multiple people? And it is 88 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,840 Speaker 1: kind of awkward to be like just f y, I 89 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 1: dating lots of people. I don't know. I mean, I'm 90 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,479 Speaker 1: not dating off, but if you're dating, like, how do 91 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: you I went on a date in l A, how 92 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:24,839 Speaker 1: do you have that conversation? Yeah? Yeah, um but yeah yeah, 93 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 1: But I don't think until you have that conversation of 94 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 1: like being exclusive or whatever, then then you don't have 95 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,559 Speaker 1: to say anything, right, I guess I don't a world. 96 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, we'll do an episode on this 97 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:40,080 Speaker 1: because it's fascinating. Yeah, it seems like nowadays there's two levels. 98 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 1: There's the exclusive conversation and then there's the boyfriend girlfriend conversation, 99 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 1: which I've always thought was one conversation, but now apparently 100 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: it's two. Yeah. I think it's too too. I mean, 101 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 1: that's kind of what I had in my last situation. 102 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,599 Speaker 1: It was like from girlfriends, but it was like not 103 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:56,719 Speaker 1: seeing other people, like we're just letting you know, we're not. 104 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,280 Speaker 1: I told you that confused me to begin with, because 105 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't like that. I don't either. It 106 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:02,839 Speaker 1: makes no sense to me because I'm like, wait a minute, 107 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 1: so you we're not going to see the people, but 108 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,560 Speaker 1: yet you I'm not good enough to other people until 109 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,280 Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, now I really want to spend all 110 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,719 Speaker 1: my time with this one person. We're exclusive, but time 111 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 1: out if I'm gonna sleep, like, if I'm going to 112 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,719 Speaker 1: sleep with someone, I'm not going to be sleeping with 113 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 1: like multiple people. But then that's what that's basically what 114 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 1: it is. That's the initial exclusive. It's to not sleep 115 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 1: with other people. But then I don't like how it 116 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,920 Speaker 1: makes me feel because when that happened in the last situation, 117 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,240 Speaker 1: I was kind of like, oh, like, but I'm not like, 118 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 1: but you don't get to be the boyfriend girlfriend if 119 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,559 Speaker 1: you're just sleeping with each other. You gotta wait for that. Yeah, 120 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 1: I'm too old. This is why I wanted to stay married. 121 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: This is why I wanted to not get divorced. Um, okay, 122 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,800 Speaker 1: so I so can we like bookmark this? I think 123 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:54,480 Speaker 1: Amy just came on, Amy, did you get my text 124 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:58,479 Speaker 1: about having Patty on? She's probably like, don't bring me 125 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,160 Speaker 1: on right now. I'm here. I'm reading it now. I'm 126 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,479 Speaker 1: just catching up, but I'm here because I think it'd 127 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 1: be fun to just do like a whole like news 128 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,800 Speaker 1: because I'm like nude to this dating world. So I'm like, 129 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: I feel like we need to have like an expert on, 130 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 1: and then we need to do and then we need 131 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,560 Speaker 1: to have Mark on because Mark is like Coppa because 132 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: he would have like nixed the last one and he tried, 133 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 1: and I was like, no, we do have an expert 134 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 1: coming on for you next week that I haven't told 135 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 1: you about yet. Oh god, she's an expert in dating 136 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: and relationships, but a certain area of the oh what 137 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 1: do you mean the sc X part? Oh sex? Oh, 138 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 1: I got that covered. That took you a minute. I 139 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 1: think you're really gonna like her. She's pretty amazing. But yeah, 140 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: we can just go back to elementary school with you 141 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 1: for dating, Like, let's just go back and start with 142 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: the experts teaching you from the very beginning because I 143 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,160 Speaker 1: need it. That would be very helpful because I'm I'm 144 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 1: not doing You're not doing so bad. M not doing 145 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: so great either, Um, so let's get I think we 146 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:11,800 Speaker 1: should get Patty on as an expert one time. But anyway, okay, cool, 147 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 1: all right, before we start the show, add up, what 148 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 1: you're paying for TV and streaming brutal. Right, Well, Filo 149 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 1: gives me a totally better TV experience for just twenty 150 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,040 Speaker 1: a month. I asked my friends at Filo if I 151 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 1: could offer you guys a special deal to try Filo, 152 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,120 Speaker 1: and they said, of course. So I got you off 153 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: your first two months. Go to Filo dot tv slash Janna. 154 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 1: That's Filo dot tv slash Janna Filo dot tv slash Janna. Um. So, 155 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: I am really excited about today's podcast, but I have 156 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,440 Speaker 1: to feel like I have to walk kind of a 157 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,080 Speaker 1: fine line with her because, um, Claire is going to 158 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:52,200 Speaker 1: be the guest, and she was the bachelorette. Um what 159 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:58,120 Speaker 1: was two seasons ago, Claire Crowley. Um. Because I feel 160 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,960 Speaker 1: like this is gonna sound bad. I relate to her 161 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: so much that I'm like, I don't want to be 162 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: too hard on myself through my questions with her, because 163 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: I don't want to sound like a hypocrite. Oh yeah, 164 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Marks Like, look at 165 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:18,560 Speaker 1: his face. That's the great thing about this podcast those 166 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 1: even in the interviews, there's a subtext that may not 167 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:25,079 Speaker 1: be think, yeah, it's great, um, but she's been going 168 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 1: through a lot. Obviously she just had a break up 169 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 1: with Dale and we have become damn friends. So let's 170 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 1: take a break and then let's get her on. Hi, bab, 171 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 1: how are you? How am I? How? Well? First of all, 172 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:55,319 Speaker 1: how are you um? At this very moment, I'm okay, okay. 173 00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:00,319 Speaker 1: I things kind of her up and down for me 174 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,680 Speaker 1: in just in general in my life, but right now, 175 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,840 Speaker 1: I mean sometimes it's a minute to minute, I don't know. 176 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:10,720 Speaker 1: Right now, I'm okay, and I feel like I'm okay 177 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: because I'm sitting with a woman that understands kind of 178 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 1: my life and we've had similar paths with a lot 179 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 1: of things, and it's comforting. And that's that's the reason 180 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 1: why I want to be able excutted to do this 181 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:28,520 Speaker 1: podcast is because if me and you understand each other, 182 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,080 Speaker 1: I know there's a million other women out there that 183 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: understand us that maybe don't have like a me and 184 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,679 Speaker 1: you to talk to they but to listen to this, 185 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 1: to to say like I understand you know. So I'm 186 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 1: I'm comforted by doing this with somebody who understands it all. Yeah. 187 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 1: And I love that you're you know, coming on because 188 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:52,680 Speaker 1: I think you know, we've never actually met in person. 189 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:57,080 Speaker 1: But I feel like we have such a connection through 190 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,679 Speaker 1: our history and our past and I am member. I 191 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 1: I slid into your d M s and was like, 192 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,560 Speaker 1: I see you, and I just want you to know that. Like, 193 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 1: because there's so much outside noise, there's so much um, 194 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,760 Speaker 1: there's so much just just there's just so much noise, 195 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:17,400 Speaker 1: and it's hard to sometimes. Um, Like people just read 196 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,480 Speaker 1: a headline. People just they see five minutes of something. 197 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:23,320 Speaker 1: They don't actually take the time to go, well, what 198 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 1: did what has she been through? And what's her story? 199 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 1: And you know she's human, how does she feel? And 200 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,760 Speaker 1: and I just I just know that. UM. What I 201 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: what I know of you is that you love to 202 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 1: love and like that is like my biggest motto. And 203 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,559 Speaker 1: it's like it's it's sad when like you have something, 204 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:45,600 Speaker 1: you have this desire to love and to be loved, 205 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: and for me, like my experience is like when that fails, Like, 206 00:11:51,480 --> 00:12:00,280 Speaker 1: that's hard. Yeah, it's absolutely hard. And I think that's UM. 207 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 1: I think there's so much power to and sharing this 208 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,760 Speaker 1: kind of thing because it's with women like us who 209 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,400 Speaker 1: love to love and lead with our hearts. UM, it 210 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:13,240 Speaker 1: leaves you open to the vulnerability whether it's with your partner, 211 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 1: whether it's with the world to see and to listening 212 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 1: to watch, Like there is so much just power in 213 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,360 Speaker 1: that vulnerability. But it's hard. It's I think it's a 214 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,600 Speaker 1: lot easier to have your walls up and be guarded 215 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 1: and just play cool and like it doesn't phase you, 216 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 1: or you're good or you're happy. Um, it's a lot 217 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:39,720 Speaker 1: more difficult and but more real, I think to just 218 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 1: be authentic and say like I'm not okay, and I'm 219 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,320 Speaker 1: this is what I'm going through, you know. And I 220 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:52,960 Speaker 1: think that's like such a beautiful thing because right now, 221 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,880 Speaker 1: like yeah, because it's like someone's like get over it. 222 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,720 Speaker 1: You know, you're divorced, like and it's like you don't 223 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:02,319 Speaker 1: understand that when you give your heart and you love 224 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 1: so big that it's you got, you're not going to 225 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 1: be okay the next day or six months later. And 226 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 1: we all kind of process heartbreak in different ways. And 227 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:19,080 Speaker 1: for me, like you know, my experiences, I I I 228 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,200 Speaker 1: still to this day can't sit here and be like 229 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,720 Speaker 1: I'm the strongest I've ever been, because yeah, I'm a 230 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:27,080 Speaker 1: strong freaking woman, but like I still, like yesterday I 231 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,160 Speaker 1: had a breakdown and it was hard, and it's like 232 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:31,600 Speaker 1: and that's okay, Like and that's why I love that 233 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,120 Speaker 1: what you said is like that, you know, like right now, 234 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,679 Speaker 1: like you're okay, and like that does not make you weak, 235 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,120 Speaker 1: that just makes you human, that makes you have that's 236 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 1: someone that you have a heart and you you're healing 237 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,000 Speaker 1: and that's a part of like the healing process and 238 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,679 Speaker 1: being broken at the same time, like some days you're 239 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 1: just not going to be okay, and other days, like tomorrow, Claire, 240 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,079 Speaker 1: you might wake up and be like I am so 241 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 1: freaking strong and I'm good and I'm happy, and the 242 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: next day you might be devastated, like it's just and 243 00:13:57,559 --> 00:14:00,199 Speaker 1: but I love that you're like, you know because kind 244 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,559 Speaker 1: of had a feeling you might be like, oh, I'm 245 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:04,199 Speaker 1: so strong and I'm so happy because it's like and 246 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,480 Speaker 1: that would be great too, But at the same time, 247 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 1: it's like is that really real? Like I don't know, 248 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:10,520 Speaker 1: like I'm almost envious maybe a people that can just 249 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 1: be like that, Well, here's what I have to say 250 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 1: about that, because it, I think is maybe the easier 251 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 1: thing to go to to say I'm strong, I'm happy, 252 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: and they're like you said, there are days like that 253 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: I think two things. I think you can it can coexist. 254 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,920 Speaker 1: I think you can be strong, you can be happy 255 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 1: and still hurt from something that has happened to you 256 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:42,240 Speaker 1: and deeply affected by somebody you loved um or a 257 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: breakup or a struggle that you've got going on in 258 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:49,320 Speaker 1: your life. Like it can coexist. I think there's that 259 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 1: fine line, though, of the people that just say nope, nope, nope, 260 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm tough, everything is fine. It's 261 00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:01,280 Speaker 1: that wall that's so transparent. I think when you see 262 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 1: people being like that, and I try to share a 263 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 1: lot of that on my social media of yes, I'm 264 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 1: a strong woman. Yes I'm happy a lot of the time, 265 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,560 Speaker 1: and I'm healing and I will always continue to fight 266 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: for myself. But sometimes that doesn't mean I'm always okay, 267 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: Like I had a rough morning even this morning, you know, 268 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 1: we were talking about it, and and things can pop 269 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,400 Speaker 1: up here and there and trigger it. But you can 270 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:30,400 Speaker 1: be strong while still owning your vulnerability and owning that 271 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 1: things hurt it. It shows you have a heart. And 272 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 1: I think when you show you have a heart that 273 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:40,520 Speaker 1: in itself innately is beautiful and a true strength and 274 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,880 Speaker 1: sometimes it just feels really damn good to cry too, 275 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: like yes, like oh it's so true. My biggest, biggest 276 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 1: thing I've always said that it is such a turn 277 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 1: off for me is I don't want to be with 278 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 1: somebody who's robotic. I don't want somebody to be I 279 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 1: don't want to be with somebody who is cold and 280 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 1: can just detach and be numb two feelings into love 281 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 1: and things like that's aching to me. That's sad to me. Yeah, 282 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,280 Speaker 1: it's it's interesting because especially for like a guy. There 283 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 1: was this one guy that I went out on a 284 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:16,600 Speaker 1: date with and he's like, I haven't cried and like 285 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:19,880 Speaker 1: ten years. And I was like, huh, that's not a yeah. 286 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 1: And then I was like like what about like haven't 287 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,720 Speaker 1: you seen Marley and Me or like I don't know, 288 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,120 Speaker 1: but I was like I kind of like made a joke. 289 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,840 Speaker 1: But I was also like, right, the art of racing 290 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:32,280 Speaker 1: in the rain. Yeah, but I was like, but like 291 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 1: what about like when you had had your last breakup 292 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 1: or and and for some reason, like it was it 293 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,280 Speaker 1: it turned me off because it was it's like I 294 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,160 Speaker 1: I personally want someone that is um so connected to 295 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,640 Speaker 1: their emotions. I'm not saying like I want you to 296 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 1: cry all the time, Like I think that's the opposite 297 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 1: of it, is like I just want someone right that 298 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,360 Speaker 1: I had that has emotional connection and that you can 299 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,280 Speaker 1: get vulnerable and be you know, be authentic and not 300 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,080 Speaker 1: just I don't know, Like that's such an interesting it 301 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 1: like really kind of stopped me in my tracks. Yeah, 302 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,680 Speaker 1: I think you're so right on that where it's like 303 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,160 Speaker 1: some people use it as a strength and I don't. 304 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:14,200 Speaker 1: I don't necessarily look at at not crying as a strength. 305 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:18,719 Speaker 1: I think all emotions and showing and having the diversity 306 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:23,720 Speaker 1: of really feeling emotions, especially if something impacted you, whether 307 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,600 Speaker 1: even if it's in a good way, to be moved 308 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:29,920 Speaker 1: by something is is so beautiful and so human of us. 309 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 1: And I think to like my therapist she was saying, 310 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 1: because it really rocked me when when that person was like, 311 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:40,119 Speaker 1: you know, get over it, and it's like I'm like 312 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:44,920 Speaker 1: the healing circle is so vicious and but also beautiful, 313 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,479 Speaker 1: but like again it's just you're just going to have 314 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 1: those days where it's like it's it's hard. But I 315 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,840 Speaker 1: guess I'm curious because I've I've dealt with this in 316 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 1: my past where I feel I feel angry, not angry, 317 00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 1: but just like it's not angry, it's not duped, it's 318 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,200 Speaker 1: just maybe and maybe it's all of those things. Maybe 319 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,240 Speaker 1: it's angry, maybe it's duped, Maybe it's disappointment, maybe it's 320 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,440 Speaker 1: it's it's all those things together. When it's like when 321 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,920 Speaker 1: you give something, because we have, we give so much 322 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:16,360 Speaker 1: that when we don't get that in return with our experiences, 323 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:19,760 Speaker 1: it's like, that's it's hurtful because it's like wait a minute, 324 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,679 Speaker 1: like was it not real for you? Or like like 325 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 1: what was it? Like? You know what I mean, absolutely, 326 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:30,639 Speaker 1: it's I It's what I keep reminding myself of is 327 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:36,280 Speaker 1: you cannot expect, like we want somebody to love us, 328 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:41,040 Speaker 1: how hard we love them, and when it's not reciprocated 329 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: or it's not done to that level or in that way, 330 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,920 Speaker 1: it's it's hard to process that, and it's it's hurtful, 331 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:52,639 Speaker 1: especially when um they're saying one thing and doing another. 332 00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 1: That especially stings extra because it's like how could you 333 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:01,359 Speaker 1: do that to what you love? It's it's hard to 334 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,760 Speaker 1: it's hard to comprehend things like that. Yeah, yeah, I 335 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,720 Speaker 1: mean I feel you. I mean I know we've all 336 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: we've both also been in abusive relationships in our past 337 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:11,640 Speaker 1: and you know, verbal, mentally, all of it physically, and 338 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,639 Speaker 1: you wonder, You're like, how can you say you love 339 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: me and then do this like it just it doesn't 340 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,400 Speaker 1: like I would never like. And yes, I can say, 341 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,920 Speaker 1: like I have said, I have been in the wrong 342 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,800 Speaker 1: at times, and I have said hurtful things and I 343 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:29,160 Speaker 1: can acknowledge and own that. But there's but there's there's remorse, 344 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 1: there's empathy, there's compassion, there's um, there's apologies, you know, yeah, 345 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:40,719 Speaker 1: worse of course, and and owning owning the reality of 346 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,280 Speaker 1: it and saying I screwed up, or or owning your partner. 347 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 1: I think is I think that in itself is a 348 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:50,240 Speaker 1: big part of it. I'm not expecting somebody to be perfect. 349 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 1: I know I'm not perfect. I can get loud, I 350 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,480 Speaker 1: can get passionate, I can you know when I believe 351 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,520 Speaker 1: in something with all my heart, like you bet your ass, 352 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:03,400 Speaker 1: I am fighting for that. But there's a difference between 353 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 1: I think, um, being passive with something or like owning 354 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,679 Speaker 1: your truth of it and owning your part in it, 355 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 1: because that's what matters. It's not about being perfect. It's 356 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:18,680 Speaker 1: owning your part in in what makes or breaks things, 357 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 1: you know, and not just the good but the bad too, 358 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:24,399 Speaker 1: you know, and recognizing that, yeah, there's something in that 359 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,800 Speaker 1: too where it's like I remember with past experiences. For me, 360 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:32,240 Speaker 1: it's like I almost like tell me because I'd rather 361 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:34,879 Speaker 1: know or before finding out, Like just like I just 362 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 1: I want to know all the good, bad and ugly 363 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,439 Speaker 1: so that all of our craps out there and we 364 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 1: can help each other with it too, because I'm like, 365 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,280 Speaker 1: I don't want to carry all the stuff that I 366 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,639 Speaker 1: have by myself, Like I need help carrying some of 367 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:50,160 Speaker 1: my stuff too. Yeah, that that's a huge thing too, 368 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 1: unpacked because it takes a lot of trust. It takes 369 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,080 Speaker 1: a lot of trust to put that on some you. 370 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,399 Speaker 1: That that I think is my biggest thing. What I 371 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 1: was looking for in my last relationship when I went 372 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:10,119 Speaker 1: on the Bachelorette was I want somebody I've been through, 373 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 1: Like I'm a tough woman. I I have gotten through 374 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,480 Speaker 1: a lot of things, the majority things in my life 375 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:21,520 Speaker 1: by myself, and I wanted a man who can say, like, 376 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,320 Speaker 1: let me help you, let me at least I'm not 377 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,879 Speaker 1: looking for you to fix it. I'm just you just 378 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:32,439 Speaker 1: stand by me while I while I go through this, 379 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,439 Speaker 1: in process it and live it, you know, because we, 380 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 1: like you said, we all have our stuff, and we 381 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,000 Speaker 1: all have our things we've gone through and whatever people 382 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,560 Speaker 1: want to call it baggage or life experiences or whatever. 383 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,119 Speaker 1: I don't expect you to fix it, but sit with 384 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,160 Speaker 1: me while I try to fix it, and while I try, 385 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,560 Speaker 1: while I heal, And I think there's things people can 386 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:53,640 Speaker 1: do to help it and help you heal, and there's 387 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,880 Speaker 1: things people can do to add to it and chip 388 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,800 Speaker 1: away at what's already broke in in a way. You know. 389 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 1: Do you have any regrets at all about your journey 390 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:11,879 Speaker 1: and the Bachelor up? Um? I always feel like I 391 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,719 Speaker 1: do not want to have regrets and I didn't even know, 392 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,040 Speaker 1: to be honest, if I would have done things differently 393 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,439 Speaker 1: because I was doing the best I could at the 394 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:25,439 Speaker 1: time with the information that I had. And if my 395 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:32,280 Speaker 1: biggest regret is trusting the process, trusting a man, a 396 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:36,639 Speaker 1: man's words and who he showed me he was, I 397 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 1: don't think that that's a regret. Like I I trusted somebody, 398 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,720 Speaker 1: I believe somebody that they were who that they said 399 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,600 Speaker 1: they were, or that they would hold up to the 400 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,080 Speaker 1: promises that they make when they get down on one knee, 401 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 1: Like I don't know if that's a regret, you know, 402 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: I would still I loved and have always had such 403 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:01,800 Speaker 1: a deep love for Dale, and that a doesn't go 404 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 1: away overnight and be like I don't regret that, like 405 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:13,000 Speaker 1: I loved loving it. Yeah, yeah, I mean I feel 406 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:17,960 Speaker 1: that's my core two. With my ex, it's like I yeah, 407 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:23,320 Speaker 1: I mean tesday it's like hard, like with my therapist, 408 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:27,080 Speaker 1: I tell no today, I was like I have little 409 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,880 Speaker 1: moments where I'm like, I, you know, I still love 410 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,760 Speaker 1: him like he's he was, he's the father of my children, 411 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:37,200 Speaker 1: like I you know, but and it's it's hard when 412 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,919 Speaker 1: things when words and the vows and the promises aren't 413 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,560 Speaker 1: lived up to um. And that's where sometimes anger can 414 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,760 Speaker 1: come in. Any where you feel dooped door, you feel 415 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:51,000 Speaker 1: sad um. But you know, I, yeah, I look back 416 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 1: to and it's like I don't regret and me I 417 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,120 Speaker 1: have I have regrets in that relationship, but I don't 418 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:59,040 Speaker 1: ever regret loving him because I think you see, for 419 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:03,040 Speaker 1: at least me, guy saw things of his of who 420 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,200 Speaker 1: he can who he can be you know, and maybe 421 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:07,320 Speaker 1: maybe that's my issue, Like I think I think I 422 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,959 Speaker 1: might love people too with the potential, not actually who 423 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,240 Speaker 1: they are, And that's maybe something where like as I 424 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:15,240 Speaker 1: move forward and like my journey of loving the next person, 425 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,320 Speaker 1: it's like I got to make sure that I'm like, 426 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:21,160 Speaker 1: is this am I actually falling for who they are? 427 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:22,919 Speaker 1: Or who I want them to be or who I 428 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,639 Speaker 1: hope they are? You know? But I think with at 429 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,919 Speaker 1: least men in my past, it's like they were showing 430 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 1: me a version that they wanted to be too. They 431 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:35,200 Speaker 1: just weren't capable of being that version. Yeah. Yeah, that's 432 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,439 Speaker 1: a huge thing. And I think you and I are 433 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 1: so similar, Janet, beyond similar with this because it's almost 434 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,920 Speaker 1: like you want to see the good and the best 435 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:52,000 Speaker 1: and that have hope for that, and I wonder, at 436 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,440 Speaker 1: least for me, it felt like I would always wonder 437 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,719 Speaker 1: is he doing that for me? Is he trying to 438 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,920 Speaker 1: see the best in me? And a lot of times 439 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:02,640 Speaker 1: I didn't I feel like that. It was like, how 440 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,479 Speaker 1: am I sitting here trying to fight so hard for 441 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,879 Speaker 1: this relationship and trying to see and trying to just 442 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:12,440 Speaker 1: embrace and really love him to my core? For everything 443 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 1: that he is and and wanting you to receive that 444 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,720 Speaker 1: with open arms, when it's like it was always I 445 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 1: felt kind of met with walls and a guardedness and 446 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:25,240 Speaker 1: a distrust and it's like, I don't know, it's so 447 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,360 Speaker 1: I want. I think we just love how we want 448 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:33,879 Speaker 1: to be loved, and you really, I guess ultimately can't 449 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 1: expect you from them. Mm hmm. I wonder what you know? 450 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,240 Speaker 1: And this is against stuff that I'm unpacking with my therapist, 451 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,760 Speaker 1: but you know how how I don't continue because I 452 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,880 Speaker 1: think if I look back on all my past relationships, 453 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 1: there's there's a thread through every single one of them 454 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:54,560 Speaker 1: and are very similar and um, but I think a 455 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,359 Speaker 1: lot of that is is a threat of what I 456 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,800 Speaker 1: believe in myself, what I think I deserve, what I 457 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:03,480 Speaker 1: think my worth is um and trying to realize, okay, 458 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,680 Speaker 1: like what what does Janna want? What does Janna actually deserve? 459 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,200 Speaker 1: And I don't know if you've done the same thing, 460 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:14,880 Speaker 1: but it's like they all their masts come off, come off, 461 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 1: and even though we fall for this beautiful image and 462 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:18,800 Speaker 1: then it's like, oh wait a minute, we're almost like 463 00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,200 Speaker 1: tricked or but then when you think about it, You're like, well, 464 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,200 Speaker 1: that's and then we stay because then we think that's 465 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 1: what we deserve. And I mean that's just my like 466 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,879 Speaker 1: my own pattern. But moving forward, like, is there something 467 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 1: where you're like, are you going to be more guarded 468 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,480 Speaker 1: or are you just going to be more Is it reserved? 469 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,199 Speaker 1: Is it guarded or are you just gonna be like 470 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,000 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna kind of do the same 471 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:42,920 Speaker 1: thing and just and give all my love again. I 472 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:48,440 Speaker 1: don't ever want to be the person that's guarden. I 473 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:53,200 Speaker 1: I think that's a slippery slope and I don't I hey, 474 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,320 Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm capable of that and be 475 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,160 Speaker 1: I don't want I just don't want to be that 476 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:02,679 Speaker 1: person that is closed off because I know where my 477 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,439 Speaker 1: heart is. I know what I want, I know what 478 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,800 Speaker 1: I deserve. I know what I put into a relationship 479 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,439 Speaker 1: and how hard I love and I don't think that 480 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:14,280 Speaker 1: there's anything wrong with that. I think what I do 481 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:20,160 Speaker 1: need to work on is um taking a beat and 482 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:25,359 Speaker 1: really paying attention to people's actions and not just maybe 483 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,359 Speaker 1: completely trusting their word and being a little bit more 484 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:34,159 Speaker 1: um discerning, I guess in situations. But am I going 485 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,720 Speaker 1: to change the way I am because somebody has done 486 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:42,680 Speaker 1: me wrong or because I've gone through a difficult relationship. 487 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,400 Speaker 1: I'm not going to change who I am. The things 488 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:49,760 Speaker 1: I can change are growing in a positive way, But 489 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,520 Speaker 1: it has nothing to do with the way I love 490 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: and how expansive my heart is and the love I give. 491 00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:01,080 Speaker 1: I can definitely definitely work on stuff, though, I know. Yeah, 492 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,960 Speaker 1: just like I said, the discernment and waiting for somebody 493 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:08,040 Speaker 1: to show me by their actions, because I think that 494 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,880 Speaker 1: shows a lot. I think anybody can show a plane 495 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:17,600 Speaker 1: ticket to say I showed up, But it's what's inside, 496 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 1: is the behind the closed doors and the real actions 497 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,480 Speaker 1: of were you there or did you show up for me? Authentically? 498 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,320 Speaker 1: I think that's what matters. Yeah, I mean, I hear 499 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,200 Speaker 1: you one th pent and what I took away from 500 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 1: that part two is actions speak so much louder than words. 501 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:41,000 Speaker 1: And that's that's where I faulted in my past relationships, 502 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:45,520 Speaker 1: where it's like I always listened to words and the 503 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:50,600 Speaker 1: actions I just put blindfolds on. It's like all my 504 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 1: friends are trying to be like take the blinders off, 505 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,040 Speaker 1: like you look at the actions, not the words, and 506 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,479 Speaker 1: like but the words, like the words like but he said, 507 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: and you know, I like, look at this text message 508 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:03,680 Speaker 1: and I swear like Katherine and she was here, she'd 509 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 1: be swatting my phone away like stop stop, but look 510 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,920 Speaker 1: at this, like what is the actions? And then I 511 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,000 Speaker 1: don't know if you do this. I'm sure because we're 512 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:15,280 Speaker 1: pretty much the same person. But I've been Yeah, I've 513 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,960 Speaker 1: I've been told a lot of times in relationships, and 514 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:21,959 Speaker 1: it really gets me down because, um, it makes me 515 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:27,000 Speaker 1: like semi emotional because I start to question, well, maybe 516 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:32,440 Speaker 1: because they would say, it's never enough. You always want this. 517 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,600 Speaker 1: It's like you always it's like I can never make you. 518 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:37,840 Speaker 1: It's like it's never enough. And I'm like, I don't 519 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,760 Speaker 1: ever feel like I'm asking for that much. I think 520 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,640 Speaker 1: I was just asking the wrong person to love me. 521 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,080 Speaker 1: I feel you to my core on that one, and 522 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:53,320 Speaker 1: I I mean, we are so like that. I I 523 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 1: have thought and felt and been told the exact same things. 524 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:01,600 Speaker 1: And I think instead of telling me that I'm asking 525 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 1: too much, like why are you giving too little? I 526 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,040 Speaker 1: shouldn't have to beg for the bare minimum. I shouldn't 527 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:14,719 Speaker 1: have to even I mean, there's communication, and then there's 528 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 1: basic needs of a relationship, and instead of asking me 529 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,000 Speaker 1: to come down to your level and meet you on 530 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,440 Speaker 1: that level, why don't you rise up and be a 531 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:30,239 Speaker 1: better person and put in the effort to be a 532 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,840 Speaker 1: better person and to rise up to that Rising up 533 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:37,200 Speaker 1: is so much more positive and a deeper thing and 534 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: a more valuable thing than saying you're asking too much. 535 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,400 Speaker 1: And like you said, maybe you're just asking the wrong 536 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:45,160 Speaker 1: person and they're not capable of it. So be it. 537 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,560 Speaker 1: You know, well, I think it's interesting too, because you know, 538 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,520 Speaker 1: sometimes like and if I wor to look at like 539 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,440 Speaker 1: my past, it's like I I've always seemed to go 540 00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 1: to the unavailable man or the man that really couldn't 541 00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,360 Speaker 1: love me the way that I wanted to be loved. 542 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 1: And I'm like I'm trying to like unpack that in 543 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 1: therapy because it's like, why do I continue to go 544 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,840 Speaker 1: for that kind of guy? Because I'm never going to 545 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:07,920 Speaker 1: get my needs met, Like, and all I want is 546 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:09,800 Speaker 1: just someone to love me the way that I love 547 00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:11,840 Speaker 1: others and like and I love big and I want 548 00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,840 Speaker 1: to be held and I don't want to feel bad 549 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,200 Speaker 1: for like holding someone's hand or touching them or like 550 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:21,320 Speaker 1: telling them being like hold on hold hold on you 551 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,959 Speaker 1: got somebody got mad for you trying to hold their 552 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:31,840 Speaker 1: hand and wanting to touch them. It's too much like 553 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 1: in I'll say this past a past relationship, it was 554 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:46,760 Speaker 1: verbatim that and I literally was like, I just he 555 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:50,600 Speaker 1: was like, why are you so angry? Why are you fighting? 556 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,280 Speaker 1: Why are you just picking a fighting? I'm like, do 557 00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:57,120 Speaker 1: you realize what I'm fighting over? I'm fighting and yelling 558 00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:00,360 Speaker 1: at you to hold me, to hug me right now, 559 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:03,280 Speaker 1: to give me comfort because I just want to love 560 00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:05,200 Speaker 1: on you and I want you to love on me, 561 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,720 Speaker 1: Like That's what I'm fighting for. Is do you realize 562 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 1: what you're saying? You know, right wouldn't be a fight 563 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:17,080 Speaker 1: to the right person. That should be like if somebody 564 00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:19,680 Speaker 1: said that to me, I just want you to hold 565 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:23,120 Speaker 1: my hand. I just want you to like I would 566 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,600 Speaker 1: just become a puddle and I will give you ten 567 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,560 Speaker 1: times that all day. But it's the guys that we 568 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,960 Speaker 1: don't that we that we want that, don't you know? 569 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,040 Speaker 1: And I guess that's the thing though, is that love? 570 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,800 Speaker 1: Is that love? If you have to ask somebody? I 571 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:43,160 Speaker 1: think you know sure probably like in like a you know, 572 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:44,920 Speaker 1: people have to like work on it to make sure 573 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:46,680 Speaker 1: if that's because but for me that is just like 574 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:48,880 Speaker 1: my love language, like I just love. And you know, 575 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,360 Speaker 1: we had talked about this in my last on this 576 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,719 Speaker 1: UM show, like that it was very opposite for us. 577 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 1: But it's hard. It's like I want someone to like 578 00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 1: hold my hand the way that I hold their hand 579 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,320 Speaker 1: and like not get like not feel bad about it 580 00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,720 Speaker 1: or you know, um, and it's just But then I 581 00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 1: also think about, like, Okay, well what does that say 582 00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,840 Speaker 1: about me or you or us that like we go 583 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:12,240 Speaker 1: for these type of men that you know can't give 584 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,160 Speaker 1: us that love? And then and then I don't know 585 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:16,200 Speaker 1: about you either, but like and then I'm the one 586 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,600 Speaker 1: still fighting for it even though I'm not getting my needs. Man, 587 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:22,280 Speaker 1: it's like wait a minute, like like where's the psychology 588 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:24,440 Speaker 1: and that where's the where's my childhood trauma? And that? 589 00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:28,160 Speaker 1: You know? Yeah, And I think truthfully, it can come 590 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:33,720 Speaker 1: down to the simplest, most saddest thing is that maybe 591 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,080 Speaker 1: there is no psychology behind it, and maybe they just 592 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,880 Speaker 1: don't want to and it has nothing to do. Maybe 593 00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:42,680 Speaker 1: they just don't want to and they are incapable of 594 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 1: doing that. And I don't think that says anything about 595 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,240 Speaker 1: you to want to be held and hugged and love. 596 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:52,680 Speaker 1: That's like human nature one oh one connection, you know, 597 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,400 Speaker 1: it's more I would be asking them that thing, like 598 00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,680 Speaker 1: what is going on with you that you're not allowing 599 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,920 Speaker 1: somebody to love you or somebody who wants to love you? 600 00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:07,840 Speaker 1: And it's a beautiful thing, and like, uh I, I 601 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:09,799 Speaker 1: I'm with you on that, like I don't understand it. 602 00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:14,279 Speaker 1: But also why are you Why are we questioning ourselves 603 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,560 Speaker 1: if we're asking too much for that, that's not a 604 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:22,799 Speaker 1: psychological trauma anything. The psychological trauma thing is asking ourselves 605 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:28,120 Speaker 1: these questions. We don't need to be asking ourselves these questions. 606 00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:43,759 Speaker 1: That's a human need period. How do you go through 607 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:49,240 Speaker 1: and deal with um? The outside noise, the sources, the people, 608 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:50,960 Speaker 1: Like how do you how do you deal with that 609 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:58,600 Speaker 1: when when you know your heart in it? Um? Because 610 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:02,760 Speaker 1: I struggled like with that, like crazy, because I'm like, man, 611 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:06,279 Speaker 1: people just don't know and and and there's only so 612 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:10,919 Speaker 1: much that we can say. Yeah, I think it can 613 00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:16,920 Speaker 1: get very messy and very itchy. And I always try 614 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:18,680 Speaker 1: to err on the side of taking the high road, 615 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:21,759 Speaker 1: even when there is a lot of things I could 616 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:25,760 Speaker 1: say and a lot of things that I wish people 617 00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:30,440 Speaker 1: knew both sides, you know, because it's easy for a 618 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,759 Speaker 1: publicist or a source to put out a narrative of 619 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:37,239 Speaker 1: what they want their client or friend to look like 620 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 1: it appeared to especially when your career is based and 621 00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:44,680 Speaker 1: dreams are based on being in the public eye. But 622 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:48,480 Speaker 1: I know, I think, yeah, things are hurtful, and I'm human, 623 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:52,440 Speaker 1: so it does affect me. But I think more importantly, 624 00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:58,440 Speaker 1: like a I'd rather take the high road and be um. 625 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:04,480 Speaker 1: It's very impersonal too for to be putting out statements 626 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,200 Speaker 1: and articles and this and that and your side of 627 00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:11,440 Speaker 1: the story. I think you both know the truth. I 628 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:13,960 Speaker 1: know the truth. He knows the truth. You know you 629 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,760 Speaker 1: know the truth. You know what happens behind closed doors, 630 00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:18,520 Speaker 1: and when you know the truth, and you know where 631 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:22,160 Speaker 1: your heart is, Like, I don't need a publicist speaking 632 00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:25,000 Speaker 1: my side of the story. I don't care for my 633 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:26,520 Speaker 1: side of the story to be honest to even be 634 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,480 Speaker 1: out there, even if I have receipts and proof and 635 00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:32,000 Speaker 1: everything I need to show up that I could do 636 00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:39,520 Speaker 1: to really put it out there. I I think I 637 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,800 Speaker 1: think it just seems ikey, I think it seems ikey. 638 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,799 Speaker 1: When it's like sources say and a publicist says this, 639 00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:56,520 Speaker 1: it's just why why not talk to the person directly? Yeah, yeah, yes, 640 00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,279 Speaker 1: I hear you on that. Sometimes I have a tough 641 00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:03,640 Speaker 1: time when there isn't like that closure either, like the 642 00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:07,600 Speaker 1: same completely and that that's to be honest to where 643 00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:13,520 Speaker 1: I'm at now too, is that I I was in 644 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:19,200 Speaker 1: the peak pain of my breakup. There was a lot 645 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:21,880 Speaker 1: on my plate, like I we've talked about before, Like 646 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:26,520 Speaker 1: I was healing from um my excellent surgery. Still that 647 00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:30,160 Speaker 1: takes a long time and is actually a very emotional recovery, 648 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:31,839 Speaker 1: to be honest, it's not even the physical, but it's 649 00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:36,960 Speaker 1: an emotional recovery. Um. But in also going through stuff 650 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,239 Speaker 1: with my mom right now, still ongoing stuff with my mom, 651 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:43,200 Speaker 1: and in I mean it all kind of came crashing 652 00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:48,040 Speaker 1: down at once for me. But it's just a lot. 653 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:53,719 Speaker 1: It's a lot, I think too. It's um when you 654 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:57,560 Speaker 1: don't have that closure, not saying that's exactly what you 655 00:37:57,600 --> 00:37:59,239 Speaker 1: were saying, but like for for me, it's like if 656 00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:01,640 Speaker 1: you don't have that, for me, it's like the accept 657 00:38:01,719 --> 00:38:06,879 Speaker 1: it's the empathy and the apology that like I and 658 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,680 Speaker 1: and just like that conversation where it's just you can 659 00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:13,880 Speaker 1: kind of close that door. You can have compassion, empathy, apologies, 660 00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:17,080 Speaker 1: and and to have that closure so that way your 661 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,880 Speaker 1: heart can heal truly, because I think when you don't 662 00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:25,120 Speaker 1: have that, I struggle with healing when those pieces are 663 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:28,880 Speaker 1: still missing for me. Yeah, And I think it's deeply 664 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:34,399 Speaker 1: it's painful when you feel like somebody who you love 665 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:39,480 Speaker 1: deeply doesn't even have enough respect to you to sit 666 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:45,040 Speaker 1: down and have a very vulnerable conversation and owning your 667 00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:47,279 Speaker 1: stuff in it on both sides, you know, and just 668 00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:52,920 Speaker 1: having a conversation. Um, It's it's hurtful because it's like 669 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:56,360 Speaker 1: you think that little of me, but yet you supposedly 670 00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,800 Speaker 1: loved me, Like, yeah, you think I don't know, I 671 00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:04,360 Speaker 1: guess sometimes. So that helps on the on the flip 672 00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:06,480 Speaker 1: side though, where it's like, oh wow, that shows who 673 00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:09,279 Speaker 1: they are. Yeah, And maybe that is the closure of 674 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:14,719 Speaker 1: it is you don't care enough to care, so that 675 00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,520 Speaker 1: alone should be the closure we want to. Like And 676 00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:19,560 Speaker 1: I told you, Claire the other day when we were talking, 677 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,279 Speaker 1: I was like, Claire, we're going to home depot, Like 678 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,360 Speaker 1: my therapist said, You're going to home depot. You're asking 679 00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,279 Speaker 1: for milky and gonna get milk at home. Deepot, stop 680 00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:27,640 Speaker 1: stop asking for it. You're not gonna get it. You're 681 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:31,200 Speaker 1: not going to get it. That's the perfect analogy. And 682 00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:36,040 Speaker 1: it's probably it's just reassuring. I think when they when 683 00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:39,720 Speaker 1: there's not even the level of like a conversation floor closure, 684 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:44,160 Speaker 1: that a is closure in itself. But it's like, but 685 00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:46,759 Speaker 1: it's still hurtful, you know. That's the part where it's 686 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,920 Speaker 1: like where it's still hurtful because it's like because of 687 00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:54,759 Speaker 1: the love that we gave. Yeah, of course, and it 688 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:58,959 Speaker 1: just shows your humanness and it shows how much you're 689 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:03,480 Speaker 1: willing to fight and put into it. And just because 690 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,120 Speaker 1: they don't I want to give you that same level 691 00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:12,440 Speaker 1: of respect or or I don't know, Yeah, I don't know. 692 00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,640 Speaker 1: Sometimes too, maybe maybe that is the closure, is knowing 693 00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:20,360 Speaker 1: that they can't give you that it's just unfair. I 694 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,359 Speaker 1: think that's like where I can go. I can get 695 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:24,040 Speaker 1: a little on the angry side. I'm like, it's just 696 00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:28,360 Speaker 1: unfair because like I can't imagine doing that to someone, 697 00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:32,040 Speaker 1: you know, and not giving them that piece of the 698 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,720 Speaker 1: apology or that you know, the empathy and or hearing 699 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,400 Speaker 1: their side, or sitting down and having that respect or 700 00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:40,440 Speaker 1: saying sorry, and because again, like we're you and I 701 00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:43,600 Speaker 1: are both have our crazies in us. You know, we've 702 00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:47,200 Speaker 1: both you know, and I'm sure you know, but I 703 00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:49,279 Speaker 1: also know we we can sit in it even though 704 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,279 Speaker 1: it's hard. It's very hard for women to apologize, but 705 00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:57,800 Speaker 1: I will do it, of course. Of course it's um. 706 00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:01,799 Speaker 1: I was talking to my therapist about it and ending 707 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,520 Speaker 1: the end and the device of a relationship is very 708 00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:09,200 Speaker 1: much equivalent to I mean, you're losing somebody. It's a 709 00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:11,719 Speaker 1: loss of somebody in your life that you loved, and 710 00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,480 Speaker 1: it's a deep, deep grieving process. And I think with 711 00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,160 Speaker 1: all the steps, just like if somebody were to that 712 00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:20,320 Speaker 1: you love were to pass away, when you lose somebody 713 00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:22,520 Speaker 1: in a relationship, it's almost harder because it's like there's 714 00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:24,680 Speaker 1: still alive and you know if they wanted to reach out, 715 00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:28,719 Speaker 1: they could, but they just don't. And I don't know, 716 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,480 Speaker 1: it's you still have to go through all the steps 717 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:35,760 Speaker 1: of just like losing somebody, just like losing a parent 718 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,400 Speaker 1: or if somebody you love, Like so, there's going to 719 00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,239 Speaker 1: be the phase I think of anger. I mean I 720 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:44,239 Speaker 1: felt that I've absolutely felt that like, how could you, 721 00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:50,040 Speaker 1: how could you do this to somebody who just has 722 00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:55,400 Speaker 1: such a pure, deep love for you. I don't understand it. 723 00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:59,680 Speaker 1: And and it's for me, it's more of like, yeah, 724 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,920 Speaker 1: I've only felt the anger and and then the next 725 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:04,680 Speaker 1: day it'll be something, and then then I might come 726 00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:07,280 Speaker 1: back and you know, it's just that like amazing wheel. 727 00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:13,440 Speaker 1: But it's like I wonder, oh, you know, it's crazy 728 00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,719 Speaker 1: about the loss thing. This isn'ta sound absolutely crazy, And 729 00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:20,000 Speaker 1: in the moment, I was like, you know, it felt weird. 730 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:24,160 Speaker 1: But my my therapist literally was like, we're black. And 731 00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:26,480 Speaker 1: I went to the therapy session and she goes, we're 732 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:28,560 Speaker 1: having a funeral for your for your marriage, and I 733 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,839 Speaker 1: just was like I just, I mean, I wept. I 734 00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,200 Speaker 1: wrote a thing. I wrote a eulogy, like I mean, 735 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:36,560 Speaker 1: I like and it was like, you know, saying that 736 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,719 Speaker 1: sounds so weird, but it was something where it's like, 737 00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:41,960 Speaker 1: it is a loss. It's a death, like it is 738 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:46,320 Speaker 1: whether it's a relationship or whatever, Like when you lose something, 739 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:51,200 Speaker 1: it is a death. Yeah, And it's the deep pain 740 00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:55,480 Speaker 1: of this is the one that gets me. It's like, 741 00:42:55,600 --> 00:43:01,440 Speaker 1: how do you say goodbye to somebody you never wanted 742 00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,840 Speaker 1: to walk away from, like I would have never walked. 743 00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:08,800 Speaker 1: It was the opposite, Like you're having to say goodbye 744 00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:10,480 Speaker 1: to somebody you don't want to be saying goodbye to, 745 00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:12,359 Speaker 1: or you have to walk away from somebody you don't 746 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:18,520 Speaker 1: want to walk away from. It's hard, it's painful. Yeah, 747 00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,520 Speaker 1: I feel that to my um, to my core. Actually 748 00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,360 Speaker 1: was I wrote that lyric in a song. I was like, 749 00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:26,440 Speaker 1: I would have fought for you forever. I would have, 750 00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:29,520 Speaker 1: you know, and I would have And I almost stayed 751 00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:33,000 Speaker 1: the last time, even with the last discovery, like I 752 00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,640 Speaker 1: would have I would have fought forever. And that's very 753 00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:37,440 Speaker 1: hard when you have to walk away from something that 754 00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,400 Speaker 1: you don't want to and that is that is m 755 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:46,480 Speaker 1: so painful, but it also takes so much strength because 756 00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:51,719 Speaker 1: you realize that you deserve better. Yeah, that's that's I 757 00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:59,479 Speaker 1: think the the I don't know if the right word 758 00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:06,200 Speaker 1: is the Jeff juxtaposition of being able to not wanting 759 00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:10,919 Speaker 1: somebody to walk away, but gladly hope holding the door 760 00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:14,200 Speaker 1: for them because they want to walk away. I will 761 00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:18,080 Speaker 1: never I'll never do that again. If you want to 762 00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,840 Speaker 1: walk away from me, I'm not like I'll fight to 763 00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:25,440 Speaker 1: the death to do what it takes to have a successful, driving, 764 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:28,279 Speaker 1: great relationship. And what a beautiful thing because so many 765 00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:31,080 Speaker 1: people don't want to fight through like the hard times, 766 00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:32,600 Speaker 1: you know, and they just give up so easy, like 767 00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:34,440 Speaker 1: I can't do this as too much. It's like that 768 00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:37,719 Speaker 1: is a beautiful freaking quality to have to be like, no, 769 00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:39,840 Speaker 1: like let's and now it doesn't have to be like 770 00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:42,760 Speaker 1: so hard. But it's also like to have that energy 771 00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:44,799 Speaker 1: and like to be like, let's we can do this. 772 00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:46,840 Speaker 1: But having said that, though, like I will say, like 773 00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:49,799 Speaker 1: in my past relationships, I fought for the people that 774 00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:54,920 Speaker 1: will not fight for themselves. Yeah, so we're just beating 775 00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,560 Speaker 1: our heads. At least from my experience, like I was, 776 00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,480 Speaker 1: I it would have never like come to fruition, like 777 00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,520 Speaker 1: and that's the hardest part when you realize that they 778 00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:07,520 Speaker 1: will not fight for themselves, they will not fight with me, 779 00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,200 Speaker 1: so I'm the only person and you realize, well, I 780 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,400 Speaker 1: I can't I can't fight alone. And then you just 781 00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:17,280 Speaker 1: are just like you're just so tired, you know. Yeah, 782 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:21,800 Speaker 1: it's exhausting to keep putting out energy and giving energy 783 00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:27,040 Speaker 1: and feeding energy to somebody who's not giving you that 784 00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:30,520 Speaker 1: in return, like on some level, we need all the 785 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:37,040 Speaker 1: buckets to be refilled and it's hard. It it kind 786 00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:40,160 Speaker 1: of makes you become somebody who you're not. And I know, 787 00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:43,920 Speaker 1: for me personally, like I've always had my friends, my 788 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:48,560 Speaker 1: family and my clients everybody, like I love being alike 789 00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:52,480 Speaker 1: to them. I love I've always been told they're like, Claire, 790 00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,200 Speaker 1: you have a sparkle to you. And I love that. 791 00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:57,759 Speaker 1: I love that. I love life like I love love. 792 00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:00,560 Speaker 1: I love people like I love really hard, and I 793 00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,920 Speaker 1: think it's a beautiful thing. But when you're giving and 794 00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:06,640 Speaker 1: giving and giving, it takes away that light and it 795 00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:10,840 Speaker 1: takes away that sparkle and you become depleted. And I 796 00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,359 Speaker 1: think on some level two you become somebody who you're not, 797 00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:16,520 Speaker 1: maybe like a tell of who you are, and it's 798 00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:21,520 Speaker 1: it's sad when that's not given back to you. There's 799 00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:26,560 Speaker 1: no reciprocity with that. Yeah, And I'll say, like, I mean, 800 00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:32,120 Speaker 1: you know, I'm gosh, like six seven months like removed, 801 00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:36,280 Speaker 1: but and I just I'm like, you know, getting emotional 802 00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,280 Speaker 1: just because like you think about the shell, like because truly, 803 00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:41,600 Speaker 1: like when you're in that situation, you're fighting so hard 804 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:43,840 Speaker 1: and the person stop fighting for themselves, like you become, 805 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:46,239 Speaker 1: like you said, a shell of yourself. But I will. 806 00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,879 Speaker 1: The tears almost come from a place of like, I'm 807 00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,800 Speaker 1: so excited for you to get your sparkle back because 808 00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:56,359 Speaker 1: there's such a weight and like like I feel like 809 00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:59,480 Speaker 1: my shell has been filled with me, like I'm and 810 00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,000 Speaker 1: I'm not and I'm not like I'm who raw, like 811 00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:03,839 Speaker 1: I'm so strong, like I have my day is still 812 00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:07,880 Speaker 1: I'm still you know, you know, I'm a little terrified 813 00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:11,240 Speaker 1: of the holidays coming up and certain you know, moments, 814 00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:14,240 Speaker 1: But at the same time, like I like how I feel. 815 00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:16,880 Speaker 1: I feel lighter, and like I'm excited for you to 816 00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,560 Speaker 1: get to that place too, where you're like you get 817 00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:21,520 Speaker 1: like every day you're going to get your sparkle back. 818 00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:24,279 Speaker 1: How does how do you what is like? How do 819 00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:28,120 Speaker 1: you heal you right now? What does your journey look like? 820 00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:32,040 Speaker 1: Are you just trying to stay positive surrounding yourself with 821 00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:36,160 Speaker 1: friends with give me some tips because I'm on the 822 00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:39,040 Speaker 1: journey with you, girl, I will absolutely give you some 823 00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:42,600 Speaker 1: tips because I know that I've been through like we 824 00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:45,080 Speaker 1: have been through, like the depths of things and the 825 00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:48,360 Speaker 1: depths just as much as hard as we love. I 826 00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,680 Speaker 1: think we feel the pain of the pain right to 827 00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:56,120 Speaker 1: the depths. And the biggest thing I can say, at 828 00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:58,880 Speaker 1: least for myself, what I've I was saying this to 829 00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:04,640 Speaker 1: somebody a couple of weeks oh, is that I am 830 00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:09,480 Speaker 1: tired of being called resilient and having to be called resilient, 831 00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:13,480 Speaker 1: having to be called strong, hey, having to be called strong, 832 00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:17,120 Speaker 1: and having to be strong for these things. And I 833 00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:22,560 Speaker 1: think the best thing we can do is really focus 834 00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:29,120 Speaker 1: on our comeback being like our biggest strength, you know that. 835 00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:31,000 Speaker 1: That's what I was talking to somebody about a couple 836 00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,920 Speaker 1: of weeks ago, was like, unfortunately, I've had to have 837 00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:37,040 Speaker 1: a strong comeback game and it's my biggest flex is 838 00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:41,880 Speaker 1: my comeback game. And unfortunately, the the things that have 839 00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:47,280 Speaker 1: been the most challenging in my life are what propelled 840 00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:49,960 Speaker 1: me to be the strongest woman that I am. That's 841 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,360 Speaker 1: where I dig deep, and it hurts and it's painful 842 00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:55,240 Speaker 1: to go through those things, but that's where I source 843 00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:58,440 Speaker 1: my strength. Is like, look what I've been through and 844 00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:02,080 Speaker 1: overcoming that to know that I'm gonna just be even 845 00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:09,279 Speaker 1: stronger and looking at it as a superpower that like 846 00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:12,880 Speaker 1: I refuse to give up on myself because I know 847 00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:14,800 Speaker 1: my worth and I know what I bring to the table. 848 00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:16,480 Speaker 1: I know what you bring to the table and the 849 00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:21,120 Speaker 1: type of woman that you are. Um, I can just 850 00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:23,000 Speaker 1: tell by how you talk about love. And if we're 851 00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,800 Speaker 1: anything so like we say we are, it's like, that's 852 00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:32,919 Speaker 1: that is huge. So the baby steps, the one ft 853 00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:36,560 Speaker 1: in front of the other, the calling a friend, the 854 00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:41,400 Speaker 1: brushing your teeth, the going on a walk around the treadmill, 855 00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:47,200 Speaker 1: doing those things, all the little steps equal with the 856 00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:52,280 Speaker 1: big steps. And whilst we're doing that, I think owning 857 00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:54,399 Speaker 1: the part of the process that we're going through, because 858 00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:56,439 Speaker 1: like I said, it's easier to skip to I'm fine, 859 00:49:56,440 --> 00:50:00,879 Speaker 1: I'm cool, I'm strong, I'm tough. Yeah, it's not that's 860 00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:09,040 Speaker 1: not real strength right there. Yeah yeah, yeah, it's not. Yeah. 861 00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:11,480 Speaker 1: And and I just I really just appreciate you saying 862 00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:15,480 Speaker 1: that because it's, um, like, I'm excited to watch you 863 00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:18,080 Speaker 1: walk on that journey now, you know. And I think 864 00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:20,400 Speaker 1: it's also okay to say in those days, you know, 865 00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:24,520 Speaker 1: even when you are super strong six months a year 866 00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:28,280 Speaker 1: from now, still okay not to be okay in certain moments. 867 00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:32,680 Speaker 1: And um, and I think that's just like the beauty 868 00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:36,080 Speaker 1: in it, I think, or we're like I might struggle 869 00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:37,759 Speaker 1: and we'll have to get better at it too. Is 870 00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:41,560 Speaker 1: I hold on to the disappointment of what it could 871 00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:45,840 Speaker 1: have been and the words of what it was promised. 872 00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:48,080 Speaker 1: And so that's for me where I like, that's the 873 00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:51,719 Speaker 1: piece of that I have to shed in a way, 874 00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:55,799 Speaker 1: because that's that's going to hold back my healing from 875 00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:58,520 Speaker 1: the what if game and the everything else because it's 876 00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:00,160 Speaker 1: like it is what it is now and now oh 877 00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:02,960 Speaker 1: it's like okay, like it hurts and it sucks, but 878 00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:07,120 Speaker 1: like it's time to focus on me and my healing 879 00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:11,920 Speaker 1: and um and you know, boundaries for next time and 880 00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:13,919 Speaker 1: and it's just all those things because I think it's 881 00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:17,680 Speaker 1: um yeah again, I just I think it's really great 882 00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:22,839 Speaker 1: that that you're being authentic and you know you're saying like, look, 883 00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,120 Speaker 1: it's I'm not okay, but I will be okay. And 884 00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:29,040 Speaker 1: I think that's a really strong statement. Well, thank you, 885 00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:31,160 Speaker 1: and it's it's the truth. And I know I know 886 00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:34,080 Speaker 1: you feel that to your core as well, that it's 887 00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:37,120 Speaker 1: not linear healing and overcoming things, especially when you go 888 00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:40,719 Speaker 1: through really challenging things and whether it being a relationship 889 00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:44,960 Speaker 1: or just things in life, like, um, it's not linear, 890 00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:49,120 Speaker 1: and owning the pain and the hurt that it caused. 891 00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:54,880 Speaker 1: That that innately, I think creates healing in itself. And 892 00:51:55,840 --> 00:52:02,040 Speaker 1: do you ever read Burnet Brown Books a fast Art 893 00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:06,880 Speaker 1: so much? And it's it's there really is power in vulnerability. 894 00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:10,320 Speaker 1: And I think when when people put up these walls 895 00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:13,160 Speaker 1: and it looks even on social media, it can look 896 00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:19,479 Speaker 1: a certain way, but I think that's just um, there's 897 00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:21,880 Speaker 1: the strength in doing the work and getting in the 898 00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:26,480 Speaker 1: nitty gritty and really feeling the fields of when you're 899 00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:29,760 Speaker 1: not okay and knowing that that in itself is okay 900 00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:35,080 Speaker 1: to not feel okay for sure. And I got this quote. 901 00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:37,520 Speaker 1: The ironic thing is it sounds like one Pablo, but 902 00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:43,000 Speaker 1: I think it's a young Publo. But's like it's like 903 00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:47,600 Speaker 1: I just like tied those two together. So sorry, it 904 00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:49,480 Speaker 1: is actually a quote from your ex boyfriend. Let me 905 00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:54,440 Speaker 1: quote that. It's not in though it's like this amazing 906 00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:59,280 Speaker 1: that's freakingular. It's now He's like, it's this amazing, um poet. 907 00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:01,120 Speaker 1: But I saw it today and I knew that I 908 00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:04,920 Speaker 1: was talking to and it's um it says they asked her, 909 00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:07,719 Speaker 1: how do you deal with heartbreak, and she answered, be 910 00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:10,839 Speaker 1: intentional with your time, use it to heal, and use 911 00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:14,040 Speaker 1: it to see your wholeness. Listen to your needs and truth. 912 00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:17,320 Speaker 1: Use boundaries to start fresh. Let go of the tension 913 00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:20,160 Speaker 1: you have been carrying, and fill yourself with the love 914 00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:23,120 Speaker 1: you have always wanted. Heartbreak does not need to be 915 00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:26,600 Speaker 1: a sad ending. Let this be an era of remarkable growth. 916 00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:30,319 Speaker 1: And I think that's where we are. You know, this 917 00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:34,000 Speaker 1: is a growth and we're planning a beautiful freaking seed 918 00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:35,839 Speaker 1: and it's going to grow and we're going to be 919 00:53:35,840 --> 00:53:39,400 Speaker 1: better for it. It's so true. And I think I 920 00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:43,839 Speaker 1: love when you post quotes Grand Story. I absolutely I'm 921 00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:46,960 Speaker 1: such a sucker for quotes because it's so I think 922 00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:49,319 Speaker 1: it's the same thing we're doing here. Like whether it's 923 00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:51,799 Speaker 1: a quote or a podcast, listening to a podcast, or 924 00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:55,759 Speaker 1: it's it's a connection that you can read that or 925 00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:58,520 Speaker 1: hear that and go like yeah, I feel that again 926 00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:02,040 Speaker 1: that I think that creates healing and allows us to really, 927 00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:06,000 Speaker 1: like like that said, like focus on our own heart 928 00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:10,720 Speaker 1: and that that all the love that we put out there, 929 00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:14,720 Speaker 1: like we deserve to put that towards ourselves as well. Oh, 930 00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:17,680 Speaker 1: I love it well, Claire, I'm I'm excited to you know, 931 00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:22,520 Speaker 1: just see your your you know your your journey with 932 00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:25,359 Speaker 1: it and being authentic and thank you for for just 933 00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:28,840 Speaker 1: saying sound okay and it's okay to not be okay. 934 00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:31,359 Speaker 1: So I think that's just the big takeaway. And um, 935 00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:34,560 Speaker 1: and we're we will be stronger and you will get stronger. 936 00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:37,759 Speaker 1: And every day is a new day to you know, 937 00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:41,040 Speaker 1: to not put armor on, but to to still be open. 938 00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:45,120 Speaker 1: And I think it's a beautiful thing. I think it's beautiful. 939 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:49,320 Speaker 1: And let's reconvene in a few months and ye because 940 00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:52,640 Speaker 1: I guarantee, I guarantee I'll be in a different place 941 00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:55,759 Speaker 1: and uh, it's going to be beautiful, like there's only 942 00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:59,120 Speaker 1: good things to come. Absolutely, And I love you and 943 00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:03,239 Speaker 1: I will call you after right after this, okay, all right, 944 00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:20,160 Speaker 1: by honey, see you. Yeah. She's my best friend. Wow, 945 00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:24,440 Speaker 1: she's so sweet, adorable. I love her. I feel like 946 00:55:24,480 --> 00:55:26,880 Speaker 1: people didn't really get the chance to get to know 947 00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:29,120 Speaker 1: her because of how things are in her season and 948 00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:31,880 Speaker 1: I get like she is like very like, but I 949 00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:33,839 Speaker 1: just love like, I just love someone else that just 950 00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:37,080 Speaker 1: loves to love, love to love, Mark, would you make 951 00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:40,040 Speaker 1: them I thought she was awesome. I thought she's always great. 952 00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:43,239 Speaker 1: We have her on our show. She's always a welcome gift. Yeah, 953 00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:50,760 Speaker 1: very real. Who who's ready to talk dating? Next week? So? Um, 954 00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:57,719 Speaker 1: come up with three candidates? Three? What we got this? 955 00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:02,520 Speaker 1: We got this? Don't you're wearing? I'll give you a four, 956 00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:06,600 Speaker 1: and I'll ask the questions, and then we will decide 957 00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:10,640 Speaker 1: as a podcast which direction we want to point ourselves. Okay, 958 00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:19,080 Speaker 1: it's gonna be so fine. Stay tuned for next week. Bye,