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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John you're og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast. Oh and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: Before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 2: the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 1: I refuse to share my location with my wife. Now

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Speaker 1: she thinks I'm cheating. Where where are you? I mail

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Speaker 1: forty one. Have been with my wife, female thirty seven

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Speaker 1: for six years. We have a three year old daughter.

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Speaker 1: My wife decided to be a stay at home mom

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Speaker 1: after our baby was born and didn't go back to

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Speaker 1: work after her maternity leave ended. And we live in Canada.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from clear Sun nine two

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Speaker 1: two zero. And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddits. And I'm Angie,

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Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good advice goofily,

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Speaker 1: But we don't have all the answers, so we're just

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Speaker 1: gonna guess what we would do in this situation. But

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Speaker 1: let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 1: And Opie says, we divide the housework and childcare equally.

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Speaker 1: I watched the baby two nights a week so she

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Speaker 1: can go to the gym for a little mental health break.

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Speaker 1: I asked her if I could have one night a

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Speaker 1: week of quiet time, and she asked what that meant.

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Speaker 1: I said, just pretend I'm not here. I'll be in

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Speaker 1: our room reading or listening to music for one hour only,

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Speaker 1: and she agreed. Every single time, though she came to

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Speaker 1: our room either to talk or tell me that she

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Speaker 1: was bored. When I reminded her about our deal, she

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Speaker 1: got upset and said that I was making excuses to

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Speaker 1: avoid spending time with her. Another time, I told her

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Speaker 1: I would be going to a local coffee shop just

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Speaker 1: to read for one hour of quiet time. Oh that

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Speaker 1: sounds nice. My wife decided to do a surprise visit there.

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Speaker 1: M not as.

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Speaker 2: Nice, not when I specifically say I'm going here for

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Speaker 2: quiet time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and she already agreed that, like he's allowed one

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Speaker 1: hour of quiet time every now and then, that's so weird.

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Speaker 2: I agreed that you're allowed one hour of quiet time.

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Speaker 1: Well yeah, I think. Yeah, it's like, come on, come on, guys,

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Speaker 1: she said. The baby wanted to surprise her daddy. I

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Speaker 1: smiled and said, I just wanted a little quiet time.

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Speaker 2: But I can see I can see Opie's going going.

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Speaker 1: Just wanted a little quiet time. Yeah, she sat down

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Speaker 1: and talked so loudly that I had to say, let's

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Speaker 1: just go home. This time, I decided to go to

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Speaker 1: the public library. My wife asked where I was going,

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Speaker 1: and I told her I hadn't decided yet, but that

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Speaker 1: as per our deal, it was my night. She got

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Speaker 1: upset because I was refusing to share where I was going.

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Speaker 1: That one hour of quiet time was heavenly. No one

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Speaker 1: called my name, and I came back home so happy.

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Speaker 1: When I came home, my wife was furious. She said

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Speaker 1: that she wanted to check my phone and then asked

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Speaker 1: if I was seeing or talking to anyone. I laughed.

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Speaker 1: I said that I was at the library and she

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Speaker 1: could ask the librarians if they saw me. Oh, he

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Speaker 1: just wants to read. Just let him sit in his silence.

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Speaker 2: He's just a quiet little reader man.

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Speaker 1: Just one hour, he's asking for one hour he's there

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Speaker 1: reading Fourth Wing. He's literally one hour, you guys. She

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Speaker 1: has it's been really cold to me and says that

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Speaker 1: I should have shared my location, since she does, I

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Speaker 1: hate that. I know that she goes to the gym.

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Speaker 1: So was I knuckle ahead for refusing to share where

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Speaker 1: I was I decided to stay longer at work in

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Speaker 1: the future and take advantage of the quiet office since

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Speaker 1: now my wife knows about the library and there are

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Speaker 1: some relevant comments. But yeah, obviously no, no, no.

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Speaker 2: She's taking advantage of it specifically. Also, not only is

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Speaker 2: she like expecting a lot from you in terms of

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Speaker 2: just like sharing location and stuff like, that's already kind

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Speaker 2: of I think too a big of a boundary step,

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Speaker 2: but also stepping over your boundaries in terms of wanting

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Speaker 2: quiet time. Like even if you say, like even if

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Speaker 2: you were totally fine with her knowing where you were,

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Speaker 2: it's still a reach.

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Speaker 1: For her to show up, you know. Yeah, no, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: it's it's like I don't want I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I would say disrespecting your boundaries, but maybe disrespecting your boundaries.

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Speaker 2: I think when you said an hour of quiet time,

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Speaker 2: then you need an hour of quiet time.

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Speaker 1: Right, because I mean she goes to the gym for

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Speaker 1: her hour exactly.

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Speaker 2: It's not like you're not giving her reciprocal or you know,

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Speaker 2: like the same amount of space.

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Speaker 1: And the like. The reason you had to do this

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Speaker 1: is because she kept showing up and was is disrespecting

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Speaker 1: that boundary. So we do have some relevant comments though,

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Speaker 1: so Bopper says, does your wife get an hour of

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Speaker 1: free time? Does your wife get to spend time with you?

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Speaker 1: Because it sounds like she's desperate for time with you.

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Speaker 1: It could be that you're an introvert and you need

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Speaker 1: to recharge your batteries by being alone, and she's an

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Speaker 1: extrovert who needs to recharge her batteries by being with you.

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Speaker 1: And that comment was downvoted, but Op responds, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to ask her if she's still interested in one hour

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Speaker 1: of quiet time or hang out with her friend's time.

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Speaker 1: I know she goes on lunch dates with other moms,

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Speaker 1: but with our daughter, so it's not exactly mean time

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Speaker 1: we watch shows together and cuddle every night. Does that count? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I think so? Oh yeah. I feel like that's that's.

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Speaker 2: Totally as long as I mean, you should be doing

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Speaker 2: other like date night things if you can.

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Speaker 1: We're obviously having baby makes that hard, right, right, But

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure all of this can be communicated. Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: You just say hey, I really need this quiet time,

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Speaker 2: and like maybe you need something else, but this is

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Speaker 2: what I need.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think definitely need to re uh the resurface.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, we definitely need to talk about this

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Speaker 1: one hour thing again. For sure you two one two five.

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Speaker 1: Mike two one two four says this, the post is

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Speaker 1: written in a way that paints you in the best

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Speaker 1: of lights. Quote. We divide the housework and childcare equally.

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Speaker 1: I watched the baby two nights a week so she

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Speaker 1: can go to the gym for a little mental health break.

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Speaker 1: I'll give you the benefit of the doubt regarding the housework,

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Speaker 1: but the childcare. If she's a stay at home mom,

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Speaker 1: she has your child seven days a week, and you

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Speaker 1: are maybe helping her five nights a week and the

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Speaker 1: other two nights you graciously allow her to go to

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Speaker 1: the gym. Since this post is regarding whether you're a

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Speaker 1: knucklehead or not for sharing your location with your wife,

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Speaker 1: you're not the jerk. If the post had been a

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Speaker 1: different question, you would definitely be a massive knucklehead, and

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Speaker 1: that comment was also downvoted. OPI your responds, I'm not

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Speaker 1: trying to make myself look like a martyr. I wanted

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Speaker 1: to mention that I'm not an absentee husband or dad.

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Speaker 1: I also don't expect her to do all the housework.

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Speaker 1: I live in this house, so it's my responsibility too.

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Speaker 1: The lead it says, I think she's maybe insecure. I'm

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Speaker 1: to a stay at home mom and we can get

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Speaker 1: in our heads sometimes. That's why she is randomly appearing

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Speaker 1: on your quiet time. Maybe she thinks you're having an affair.

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Speaker 1: What about having also a time just for the two

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Speaker 1: of you. Take one day off of the week and

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Speaker 1: go for a walk or for some coffee just the

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Speaker 1: two of you. She will feel much better and probably

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Speaker 1: won't disturb you on your time. Not the a hole

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Speaker 1: for not sharing your location, but there are some changes

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Speaker 1: that you can do to improve the situation. OPI responds, Honestly,

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Speaker 1: if she had promised me not to interrupt, I had

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Speaker 1: no problem to take my alone time break at home.

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Speaker 1: And there is an update. Okay, that's the end of

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Speaker 1: the comments. And yeah, I feel like if that was

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Speaker 1: what she was thinking all along, I feel like she

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Speaker 1: should have.

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Speaker 2: Proof that now that like, yeah, that's yeah, that's not

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Speaker 2: the case. If like she showed up and you were

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Speaker 2: where you said you were, you know, alone, texting anyone,

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Speaker 2: you were calling anyone, you weren't with anyone, I feel

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Speaker 2: like she has zero proof other than you don't want

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Speaker 2: to share your location. Yeah, and there's a very valid

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Speaker 2: reason for that. So I think you just have to

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Speaker 2: have a conversation and say, like, why do you feel

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Speaker 2: like you know? Well, first off, this is why I

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Speaker 2: don't want to share the location, and then second off,

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Speaker 2: why did you jump to these conclusions?

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Speaker 1: Right? Because there been anything else.

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Speaker 2: Is just something that I'm not doing or not doing

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Speaker 2: that's making you think these things.

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Speaker 1: Right, But we do have an update. I got so

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Speaker 1: many dms asking if I talk to her and why

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Speaker 1: I needed alone time. It really makes a difference in

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Speaker 1: my mental health status. I really don't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: She is now fully convinced that I'm having an affair.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 2: Also, that's such a ridiculous thing of like, oh, why

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Speaker 2: do you need alone time?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Right, one needs alone time. Everyone needs alone time,

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Speaker 1: eve an.

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Speaker 2: Extra Like I would say, I'm a more extroverted person

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Speaker 2: than a lot of people, and like.

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Speaker 1: I need alone time.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I need to go on a walk alone, Oh,

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Speaker 2: just to have time with myself.

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Speaker 1: Right in her conspiracy plot, I need alone time because

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Speaker 1: I resent her and I was alone with some a

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Speaker 1: fair partner that night. She refuses to even have a

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Speaker 1: calm conversation with me. I told her I can have

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Speaker 1: my quiet time at home if it puts her mind

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Speaker 1: at ease, only if she promises not to interrupt me.

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Speaker 1: She made a snarky comment asking what my affair partner

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Speaker 1: would think this is? This is really fun.

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Speaker 2: I would be so frustrated as op be, like, I

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Speaker 2: literally just want to read my book.

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Speaker 1: Literally, I'm reading Fourth Wing. Yeah, I get through the

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Speaker 1: dragon stuff is like our first kid. She's only three.

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Speaker 1: I'm tired. I just want to read my smut, right.

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Speaker 1: I just stopped trying to convince her. Things have been rocky.

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Speaker 1: I have no plan of taking my quiet time anymore,

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Speaker 1: at least until things get better. Ps example of how

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Speaker 1: she interrupts my time at home. One time I was

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Speaker 1: lying in bed watching the rerun of an old sitcom

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Speaker 1: on our bedroom TV, just to decompress. She opened the door,

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Speaker 1: asking what I was watching. I said Seinfeld. Then she

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Speaker 1: sat down and kept saying how boring and overrated this

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Speaker 1: show was. Oh girl. Then she went on saying how

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Speaker 1: Jerry Seinfeld is a gross man. Then she said that

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Speaker 1: this show is not even funny, then on and on,

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Speaker 1: then stop watching it. Yeah, then you're not even supposed

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Speaker 1: to be here. It's my quiet time, is yeah, and

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Speaker 1: I'm watching the show. If you do to like it,

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Speaker 1: leave leave. Oh my gosh. I told her I wasn't

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Speaker 1: watching the show for educational purposes. She said that I

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Speaker 1: could be watching a decent show together with her now,

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Speaker 1: but I choose to watch this crap. I said, we

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Speaker 1: do that every night after we put the baby to bed.

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Speaker 1: She said, then why waste your time watching this? So

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Speaker 1: I just turned off the TV. I was done, and

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Speaker 1: there are some more comments. Yeah, that's kind of ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know how to help you.

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Speaker 3: Man.

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Speaker 1: I feel like she really is just kind of some

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Speaker 1: sort of insecurity, because that now feels like, oh, what,

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Speaker 1: like your your quiet time, your special time away from me,

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Speaker 1: is being wasted on this stupid show. I kind of yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's kind of what it felt like.

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Speaker 2: Mom does that I'll be watching something.

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Speaker 1: She's like, what show are you watching? Stupid?

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, you're not here right, watch it like

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Speaker 2: I'll hang out with you later.

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Speaker 1: Like there's this isn't like, you know, I'm leaving our

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Speaker 1: child to like watch seins felt, you know, taking my.

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Speaker 2: Hour break to watch a show that I like and

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Speaker 2: you just have to entertain yourself for an hour.

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Speaker 1: Hour is not even a lot of a lot of time.

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Speaker 1: But we do have some comments. Master Grape says, what

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Speaker 1: do people say around here if they accuse you of cheating?

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Speaker 2: Protection? Yeah, projection, Yeah, Opie right.

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Speaker 1: Opie says, okay, I briefly checked hers. No, what not

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Speaker 1: the best?

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Speaker 2: Why do we listen to redditors? Don't check your wife's phone?

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Speaker 1: Nothing suspicious? But she did ran too her best friend

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Speaker 1: about me. She said that she she said that she

238
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Speaker 1: knows I'm cheating, but feels crazy because she can't prove it.

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Speaker 1: Her best friend told her to trust her heart. I

240
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Speaker 1: honestly don't know how to prove myself. She did check

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Speaker 1: my phone, she has all my passwords. I have nothing

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Speaker 1: to hide. Oh my god, I'm so angry now. Yeah,

243
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:38,320
Speaker 1: niecks poop whatever, h says. She sounds exhausting to be honest.

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Speaker 1: Was she liked this before the kid was born? Sounds

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Speaker 1: like she misses being free to choose her time and

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Speaker 1: day plans and resents that one hour you have to yourself.

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Speaker 1: Opie says no, but she was working full time back then.

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Speaker 1: I used to go to my running club and she

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Speaker 1: would go to the gym. I gave up on that

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Speaker 1: since I'm trying to cut expenses now we are one

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Speaker 1: income family. In return, I asked for quiet time. The

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Speaker 1: same commentary responds, by this, it sounds like she needs

253
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Speaker 1: to get a part time job so she can socialize

254
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Speaker 1: a bit. She's probably going nuts from the isolation to

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Speaker 1: her house and kid.

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Speaker 2: I think I think that like all of this being

257
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Speaker 2: a stay at home mom, not having the outlet of

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Speaker 2: a job, right, I think she probably just has only

259
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Speaker 2: time to think about overthink.

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Speaker 1: But Opee does respond to that comment saying her old

261
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Speaker 1: boss suggested a part time gig, but she said no.

262
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,880
Speaker 1: Another commentary says, question, maybe it was covered and I

263
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Speaker 1: missed it. But how often do you to date? Do

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Speaker 1: you have a regular sitter? Instead of her going to

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Speaker 1: the gym alone, maybe you can both go. Then gently

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Speaker 1: tell her, honey, you need a part time job or

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Speaker 1: a hobby that gets you out more. Part time job

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Speaker 1: would give spending money or bank it so that we

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Speaker 1: can take vacations together. We can save and pick a

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Speaker 1: place to go. We can do this together. What do

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Speaker 1: you think? Opie says? My in law lives close to us.

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Speaker 1: They watch our daughter sometimes we go to the movies

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Speaker 1: and dinner. Sometimes we don't go on dates.

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Speaker 2: Like we used to.

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Speaker 1: On the weekends, we do family stuff with our daughter,

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Speaker 1: like going to affair or something kid related. My wife

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00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,240
Speaker 1: actually goes to the gym with her friend. She hates

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Speaker 1: doing stuff alone or even being alone. Another commentary says,

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Speaker 1: this is crazy. Your request seems perfectly reasonable to me,

280
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,400
Speaker 1: but she couldn't honor it when you tried to carve

281
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Speaker 1: out a single hour at home. As soon as you

282
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Speaker 1: went somewhere else, she stalked you. I would have turned

283
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,280
Speaker 1: off my location to how long is she being in

284
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Speaker 1: a state home?

285
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Speaker 3: Mom?

286
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,120
Speaker 1: How often did two of you get away for some

287
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:38,160
Speaker 1: quality couples time. Opie says she had eighteen months paid

288
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Speaker 1: maternity leave and decided to not go back after that.

289
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,480
Speaker 1: Whoa Canada? What is Canada?

290
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Speaker 2: Got going on eighteen months of paid maternity lea and

291
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Speaker 2: she decided not to go back to that job. Oh

292
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Speaker 2: my god, a year and a half of paid maternity.

293
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Speaker 1: Lea, Like people here are lucky to get like three

294
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Speaker 1: weeks again, Oh my gosh, that is so crazy. Cheez wow.

295
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Speaker 1: But we do have another update from four days later.

296
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Speaker 1: Shall we jump into it. Yeah, I'm looking up the

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Speaker 1: average while you do that. Okay, sounds good. My life

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00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:20,760
Speaker 1: has been a living heck. I checked her phone. There

299
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,160
Speaker 1: was nothing suspicious. She had a long conversation with her

300
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,240
Speaker 1: best friend about how she knows I'm cheating and that's

301
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,960
Speaker 1: why I'm avoiding her. In one alone time, she said

302
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,320
Speaker 1: she was frustrated because she couldn't prove it, but she

303
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,800
Speaker 1: just knew. Her best friend told her to trust her heart.

304
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,160
Speaker 1: I tried multiple times to sit her down and talk

305
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,960
Speaker 1: to her, but it ended up with her yelling at

306
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,720
Speaker 1: me and being more upset. She's very cold to me

307
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:44,840
Speaker 1: and avoids any conversations with me. Mentally, I'm a mess.

308
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,360
Speaker 1: I wanted to go for a long walk yesterday. I

309
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,800
Speaker 1: told her where I was going. She rolled her eyes

310
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:55,440
Speaker 1: and said, more alone time. I don't like or or

311
00:14:56,280 --> 00:15:00,440
Speaker 1: mistress misses you, so I decided not to go. Yeah,

312
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:04,960
Speaker 1: that's so frustrating at this point, it's now, yes, controlling,

313
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:09,280
Speaker 1: it's controlling. Yeah, this is emotionally to say, like, whenever

314
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,120
Speaker 1: I need a minute to myself, I cannot have that

315
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,920
Speaker 1: because you assume I'm cheating on you. Yeah, I really

316
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,280
Speaker 1: don't know how to prove myself. I gave up on

317
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,360
Speaker 1: any alone time. She doesn't even talk to me, so

318
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,280
Speaker 1: date nights are gone too. I ruined my marriage over

319
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:27,080
Speaker 1: one quite alone reading time at the library. Added later

320
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,920
Speaker 1: she doesn't go to the gym anymore. I asked her why,

321
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,640
Speaker 1: She said, why do you care? Were you planning to

322
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,800
Speaker 1: bring your mistress home when I'm not home? And we

323
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:39,800
Speaker 1: do have some relevant comments. Ka Pullye says, is this

324
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,840
Speaker 1: new behavior from her? Does she react these ways when

325
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,160
Speaker 1: you go to hang out with your friends? Opie says,

326
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,040
Speaker 1: I haven't gotten out with my friends in a long

327
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:50,120
Speaker 1: time for having kids. She had no problem at all

328
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,560
Speaker 1: if I had gone out with my friends to see

329
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,200
Speaker 1: a hockey game or just have dinner. She knows all

330
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,360
Speaker 1: my friends and their wives very well. Another commentary says

331
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,960
Speaker 1: it feels by her behavior like she is very lonely,

332
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,280
Speaker 1: which is why she's constantly trying to start up conversations

333
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:06,040
Speaker 1: with you. That might be what's at the heart of this.

334
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,440
Speaker 1: When she had a job, she was not lonely. Opie says.

335
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,640
Speaker 1: Her boss offered her a job her old job many times,

336
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,840
Speaker 1: even gave her the option to work part time. She

337
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,520
Speaker 1: said that she doesn't want to work anymore. I can't

338
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,120
Speaker 1: force her either. I completely agree with you, though she

339
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:23,560
Speaker 1: was much happier when she was working. Another commentary says

340
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:27,520
Speaker 1: her friend is filling her up with stories. I think, Yeah,

341
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,680
Speaker 1: has that friend hated you by any chance? Opie says,

342
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,600
Speaker 1: she doesn't hate me as far as I'm aware. She

343
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:34,840
Speaker 1: got a divorce a few years ago and kept mentioning

344
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:37,840
Speaker 1: all these signs sound familiar and my wife should trust

345
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,760
Speaker 1: her heart. Oh boy, and you do have a third update.

346
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,920
Speaker 2: I think that you genuinely like you have to go

347
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,160
Speaker 2: to your wife today.

348
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,840
Speaker 1: We need therapy or this is not gonna work.

349
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, because at this point, like you're literally at like

350
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,840
Speaker 2: a like there's just a freaking wall here.

351
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to put yourself in an impurse and

352
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,720
Speaker 1: she's not letting you do that. And I think, like

353
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:03,280
Speaker 1: there are tons of ways that people could be cheating.

354
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,760
Speaker 1: They could they could ask for a long time. They

355
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,879
Speaker 1: could be staying at work later, they could be a

356
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,800
Speaker 1: stay at home mom or something like that and like

357
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,240
Speaker 1: invite their partner over. They Like, you could name a

358
00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:17,399
Speaker 1: million different ways as someone could be cheating. So, but

359
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,920
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that if someone is doing those things,

360
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,480
Speaker 1: that means they are cheating exactly, and I think that's

361
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,840
Speaker 1: where they're getting mixed up here. It's just it's.

362
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:30,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're be honest. You're not entitled to your partner's

363
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,520
Speaker 2: entire life just because you think they might.

364
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:37,720
Speaker 1: Be cheating exactly exactly. Update number three. This is now

365
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:41,000
Speaker 1: seven days later. I tried to make Mother's Day special

366
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,520
Speaker 1: for her. I made a handprint homemade car with our

367
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,520
Speaker 1: kid for her. We our kid and I but technically

368
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,720
Speaker 1: from our kid, made special breakfast for her. She said

369
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,880
Speaker 1: thanks to our kid and hugged her. But things were

370
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:52,840
Speaker 1: the same between us.

371
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:53,520
Speaker 3: Oh.

372
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,720
Speaker 1: I was planning to barbecue for dinner. I realized I

373
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,560
Speaker 1: needed to replace the propane take. I told her I

374
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,040
Speaker 1: was going to buy one. I was stupid enough to

375
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,320
Speaker 1: stop by at the local French bakery to buy a

376
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,159
Speaker 1: special dessert for Mother's Day. There was a lineup, but

377
00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:09,000
Speaker 1: I thought that it was worth it since they have

378
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,280
Speaker 1: her favorite dessert and it would be a nice surprise

379
00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:15,280
Speaker 1: for her. When I came home, my wife lost it.

380
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,760
Speaker 1: She started screaming that I was out with my mistress,

381
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:22,160
Speaker 1: that's why it took so long. I showed her the dessert.

382
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,040
Speaker 1: She grabbed it for my hand and threw it in

383
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,120
Speaker 1: the trash and said it's to cover my affair. At

384
00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,600
Speaker 1: that point, I'd be like, I'm leaving you. Yeah, there's

385
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:33,320
Speaker 1: nothing that you can do, and it's absolutely ruining your

386
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:37,240
Speaker 1: mental health. Yes it is. Emotionally it is.

387
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,399
Speaker 2: I literally, I like the second she throws that in

388
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,560
Speaker 2: the trash, I'm like, I'm leaving.

389
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is I literally did that for you. Yeah.

390
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,720
Speaker 1: So I told her how on earth I could have

391
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:51,480
Speaker 1: possibly met my hypothetical mistress and bought this In less

392
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,680
Speaker 1: than an hour, She told me that she was done good,

393
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:58,359
Speaker 1: She grabbed our kid and left. She has been staying

394
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,200
Speaker 1: at her parents. I tried contacting her, but she doesn't reply.

395
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,080
Speaker 1: I guess the next step is talking to an attorney

396
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:07,960
Speaker 1: about shared custody. And there are some relevant comments. Not

397
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:11,800
Speaker 1: so religious now says Nope, she's been checked out because

398
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,879
Speaker 1: she believed all the crap her friend was spewing. Lawyer

399
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,960
Speaker 1: up asap, document all her crazy behaviors, all the incidents,

400
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 1: any emails and texts exchanged, and try to see if

401
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,280
Speaker 1: you can get an emergency court order for your kid

402
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,960
Speaker 1: because your wife seriously sounds unstable right now. If it

403
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 1: would help, talk to her parents, let them know what's

404
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,920
Speaker 1: going on, because this isn't normal. She's unhim clearly, there's

405
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 1: this is something like mental health crisis. Yeah. Literally. The

406
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,080
Speaker 1: next comment says, my guess is a mental breakdown.

407
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, if she's reacting this strongly.

408
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:46,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, there's something new, like clearly not cheating right right.

409
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 1: My guess is a mental breakdown. She's cheated way back,

410
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,479
Speaker 1: and it's guilt. She wants out and is using this

411
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,720
Speaker 1: as an excuse, or she's being gaslated by friends who

412
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,920
Speaker 1: love drama. Another commentary says, actually might want to cont

413
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,560
Speaker 1: her parents. Try to sit down with them, and if

414
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,040
Speaker 1: they are reasonable people, because it sounds like she's having

415
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:07,920
Speaker 1: some kind of mental health issue, you guys might have

416
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 1: to force her to get help. There is a fourth update.

417
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,439
Speaker 1: Now let's jump in. Let's do it now. This is

418
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,679
Speaker 1: three and a half months later. Oh my goodness, Allay

419
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 1: and I spoke with an attorney like I mentioned before,

420
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 1: for now things are moving towards setting up a custody arrangement,

421
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,960
Speaker 1: and I'll also have to pay alimony in child sports

422
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,120
Speaker 1: since she has no source of income. She is staying

423
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 1: at our place, but she does let me visit our kid,

424
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 1: which I'm thankful for She still says that I broke

425
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,119
Speaker 1: the family by being selfish and not fighting for it.

426
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,959
Speaker 1: I feel guilty because I wish I could be with

427
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,879
Speaker 1: my kid all the time. I keep questioning myself, wondering

428
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,119
Speaker 1: if maybe I was selfish now. It's heartbreaking, but it

429
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 1: seems like my wife has made up her mind.

430
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:52,600
Speaker 2: None of it's your father, Pee, I think keep fighting

431
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 2: for custody with your kid. Yes, if you can talk

432
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,399
Speaker 2: to her parents. I don't think there's any hope for

433
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 2: your marriage, but I think there will come a time

434
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:06,639
Speaker 2: when she realizes how just insane she was acting, hopefully

435
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,120
Speaker 2: and come back to you. That doesn't mean you gotta

436
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:09,960
Speaker 2: take her back, though.

437
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's just nothing you could do about it, but

438
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,480
Speaker 1: there is a little bit more to the story. I've

439
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 1: also started individual therapy good because I realized I can't

440
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,639
Speaker 1: control her suspicions or rebuild trust by myself if she

441
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 1: isn't willing. What I can control is how I show

442
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 1: up for my kid and how I handle this whole situation.

443
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 1: For the record, I never cheated on her, and no,

444
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 1: I'm not seeing anyone now. I honestly have no idea

445
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 1: what's going on. With her at this point. I'm not

446
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,919
Speaker 1: sure if she is seeing anyone, but that's none of

447
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:42,240
Speaker 1: my business anyway. My focus is entirely on my kid

448
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 1: and making sure that she feels loved and supported. And

449
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story. Dang it.

450
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:48,879
Speaker 2: Wow, I'm so sad.

451
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 1: My god, No resolution, no resolution, you just have to leave.

452
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, my husband has been neglecting our adopted daughter, so

453
00:21:58,119 --> 00:21:59,120
Speaker 2: I'm divorcing him.

454
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:02,600
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, he's gotta be an active dad.

455
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,240
Speaker 2: My husband and I adopted a little girl three years ago.

456
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 2: She's now six years old and the brightest ball of sunshine,

457
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:14,399
Speaker 2: genuinely sweet and lively. Lately, though, my husband is completely

458
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,920
Speaker 2: changed in the way he treats her and changed his views.

459
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:18,919
Speaker 1: On what we initially agreed on.

460
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,399
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from throw a rem and

461
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:22,919
Speaker 2: if you would to spit your own stories, go to

462
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay, story time, separate it. I'm Sophia,

463
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,199
Speaker 2: I'm Angie, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

464
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

465
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 2: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

466
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 2: do in the comments, and Opie says to explain, I

467
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:38,440
Speaker 2: have always wanted children, but it was always with adoption

468
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 2: in mind. It is not due to infertility, It's just

469
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,640
Speaker 2: what I wanted to do for different reasons. I told

470
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 2: my husband as much in the past, and although he

471
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:50,159
Speaker 2: didn't understand why at first, he came around to the

472
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 2: idea and seemed excited too. So we decided to adopt,

473
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,520
Speaker 2: and at first he seemed genuinely happy and was a

474
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,480
Speaker 2: loving father to her. For roughly the past year, though

475
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 2: he has started acting weird. It began with him making

476
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 2: comments about how he would like to have biological children.

477
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 2: He was never something big, just offhanded remarks, but I

478
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 2: still found it odd and.

479
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:13,440
Speaker 1: Told him as much.

480
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 2: He stopped doing it, but around the same time, he

481
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 2: began acting more dismissive toward our daughter. He stopped spending

482
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 2: as much time with her inside and especially outside of

483
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,000
Speaker 2: the house. He rarely took her anywhere anymore, and it

484
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:30,199
Speaker 2: got so bad that he even dismissed her when she

485
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,640
Speaker 2: tried to get him to play or spend time with her.

486
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 2: I talked to him about it and he just said

487
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,320
Speaker 2: he was stressed. It got better for a while, but

488
00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:41,120
Speaker 2: then the same thing happened again. And this is how

489
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,399
Speaker 2: it's been going for the past couple of months, so

490
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 2: at one point I decided to talk to him, not

491
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 2: asking him to do better, but just to understand what

492
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,399
Speaker 2: was wrong. He told me that although he loved our

493
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 2: daughter as a man, he craved to have his own

494
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:58,199
Speaker 2: biological children, and that our daughter is old enough to

495
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,240
Speaker 2: have a younger sibling now and we should try one.

496
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 2: I told him the same thing I said years ago

497
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,359
Speaker 2: and several times after that, that I did not want that,

498
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,199
Speaker 2: and reminded him that back then he was okay with

499
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,920
Speaker 2: it too. He said that his bond with our daughter

500
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 2: would get stronger if we had a biological child, and

501
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 2: I was so incredibly angry and heartbroken. I don't know

502
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,119
Speaker 2: what to do. I don't want to have another child,

503
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 2: and I hate how he treats our daughter now. I

504
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,639
Speaker 2: have thought about counseling, but I'm just wondering if anyone

505
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,879
Speaker 2: else has gone through the saint. At the end of

506
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,200
Speaker 2: the day, I know I'll put my daughter above all else,

507
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 2: and seeing how sad she's been lately just breaks my heart.

508
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,439
Speaker 2: I feel like a complete failure as a mother, and

509
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 2: would honestly appreciate any insight from people that have gone

510
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,879
Speaker 2: through anything like this, how do I fix this? And

511
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 2: there is an update and some comments, but what do

512
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:49,199
Speaker 2: you think?

513
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:54,680
Speaker 1: Oh? Hm, have we had the big conversation with him

514
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: about this yet? Have we sat him down, Yeah, expressed

515
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:01,480
Speaker 1: our feelings. Seems like they've had. I had some conversations

516
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 1: about it.

517
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:06,719
Speaker 2: I don't know how big of conversations, but I feel

518
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 2: like I feel like I don't quite trust his words

519
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,439
Speaker 2: of saying like, oh, I'll get closer if we have

520
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 2: another kid, yeah, because like, why would you not be

521
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,160
Speaker 2: close to your child now?

522
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 1: Right? What's another kid going to change that? Exactly?

523
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 2: How's another kid going to change that?

524
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,439
Speaker 1: Right? I feel like if he doesn't feel close to

525
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 1: this kid now, I feel like that it just doesn't

526
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 1: make sense because I feel like I could see it

527
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 1: being the opposite of like him getting closer to the

528
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: new kid and then staying like maybe becoming even more

529
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:41,119
Speaker 1: distant exactly exactly. Yeah, I don't know. That's just a

530
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 1: weird thing to say, like, oh, let's oh, let's just

531
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,919
Speaker 1: restart with this one because I'm not that close with

532
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 1: this one.

533
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 2: He agreed, He agreed to this situation seemingly, you know,

534
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 2: he realized that it wasn't what he expected, but you can't.

535
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,680
Speaker 2: I don't know he got figured out. Dude, your dad yeah,

536
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 2: got a kid for three years yep. Comments common one says, BS,

537
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 2: he's treating her poorly to manipulate you into having his

538
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 2: biological child, and that's incredibly left up. I could never

539
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 2: have another child with someone who would treat his daughter

540
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 2: this way. Comment two says, as an adoptee, divorce your husband.

541
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,480
Speaker 2: I'm really side eyeing the whole he came around to it,

542
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 2: because it sounds like he never really was on board.

543
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,879
Speaker 2: What's past has happened, and the focus needs to be

544
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,719
Speaker 2: on what is best for the six year old child.

545
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,879
Speaker 2: Comment three says, I'm going to be more open and

546
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 2: vulnerable here than I usually am on Reddit because I

547
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 2: have concern for your daughter. I was her adopted one parent, resentful,

548
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 2: one parent loving. I promise you your daughter will notice

549
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 2: her father doesn't love her like you. She will notice

550
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 2: the contemp that grows when a parent resents you. This

551
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 2: will cause people pleasing behavior in her that will cause

552
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 2: problems for her for her lifetime. It will cause deep

553
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 2: trust and abandonment issues because not only did her first

554
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 2: parents not want her, but the new ones deny either

555
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 2: what's wrong with me? She'll wonder why am I unlovable

556
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:07,720
Speaker 2: so easy to discard? I no longer have anything to

557
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 2: do with either of my parents, one for the way

558
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 2: they treated me, the other for not protecting me from them,

559
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 2: for making excuses for their partner rather than having the

560
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,119
Speaker 2: courage to get me out of that situation. Disdain and

561
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 2: neglect are abuse. Do not fool yourself that this is

562
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 2: a mild issue. What is also harmful is trying to

563
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 2: manipulate you by rejecting your child to force you into

564
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 2: having his child despite your agreement, without any concern for

565
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 2: your bodily autonomy. You are now the vessel by which

566
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,879
Speaker 2: he can have what he desires, and he's willing to

567
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,320
Speaker 2: hurt your daughter and you to get it. He's doing

568
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 2: that through course of control, which is also abus. If

569
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 2: you think that will get better, if you can even

570
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 2: give him biological children, let me dissuade you of that misconception.

571
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,240
Speaker 2: Things do not get better for unwonted adopted children when

572
00:27:56,240 --> 00:28:00,040
Speaker 2: biological children enter the picture. I can assure you, I

573
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 2: you it only gets worse. Now there's blaring favorites and

574
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,959
Speaker 2: all the things you tell yourself about your parent not

575
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:11,199
Speaker 2: really disliking you, They're distressed or tired. It can't be

576
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:15,120
Speaker 2: ignored once there's children being doted on while you sense disdain.

577
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,199
Speaker 2: She's the oldest, and I know in my experience that

578
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 2: made me feel incredibly protective of my young siblings, always

579
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 2: keen to put myself between them and an angry parent.

580
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 2: They couldn't, But I, too well understood. This unequal treatment

581
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,439
Speaker 2: led to riffs amongst us siblings that persist to today.

582
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 2: We're in our thirties and forties. Now I beg you

583
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 2: take his callous actions against his own daughter very seriously.

584
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 2: Do not give children to someone who would force you

585
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 2: into it and use her as a means to an end.

586
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 2: She may not understand now, but she will soon. If

587
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 2: you do nothing to protect her, her contempt for you

588
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 2: will grow as quickly as his for her does. And

589
00:28:55,760 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 2: there is another update. Any thoughts, it's a pretty thorough calm. Yeah,

590
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,479
Speaker 2: I mean this person who has experienced it anyway.

591
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I mean I think that all makes sense.

592
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: I completely agree. I think this is this doesn't sound

593
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:13,680
Speaker 1: like a really great person to bele with, not to

594
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 1: have a relationship with, not to raise kids with. Yeah,

595
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I wouldn't trust this person. Yeah, because this

596
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 1: is a big deal. Like, this isn't like, oh, we

597
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: bought this couch and I like don't really like. No,

598
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 1: this is a child that we agreed to adopt and

599
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 1: we cannot return. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, this is a

600
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: commitment that he's not keeping up his promises.

601
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:41,680
Speaker 2: For update, I have read all your comments and cleared

602
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 2: my head. There are some things I wanted to share

603
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 2: with some of you, especially with the majority of people

604
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 2: here who are concerned for my daughter's well being, and

605
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 2: especially those who are adoptees themselves and shared their views

606
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 2: and experiences with me. There were also some things that

607
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 2: stuck out to me which I wanted to clear up.

608
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 2: First of all, under no wellhose circumstances, did I consider

609
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 2: having biological children with my husband after he expressed this

610
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 2: was what he wanted. I made that decision for myself

611
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 2: years ago, and I thought my husband was fine with it,

612
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 2: although now I'm realizing just fine, despite the excitement he

613
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 2: had shown back then, was not enough, and I should

614
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 2: have noticed some signs earlier. I can't stop thinking that

615
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 2: I could have prevented some of my daughter's hurt by

616
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 2: thinking more with my head early on. As for what

617
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 2: I'll be doing going forward, divorce has already been something

618
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 2: I considered before posting her, but due to me overthinking,

619
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 2: I circled back to possibly overacting and wanted more opinions

620
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 2: outside of my immediate friend circle. Ultimately, as many of

621
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 2: you have pointed out, I can't really imagine a future

622
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 2: where he truly treats our daughter the way she deserves.

623
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 2: I have come to terms with that and was stupidly

624
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 2: blinded by what I had built up with my husband

625
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 2: over the years. I know now therapy won't change how

626
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 2: he feels, but I will still consider it for my

627
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 2: daughter to be depending on how she deals with these

628
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 2: upcoming months, although I'm inclined to consider therapy no matter

629
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 2: the outcome, since she has already noticed her father's neglect.

630
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 2: In my post, I said I always put my daughter

631
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 2: above all else, and I truly believed I had done so.

632
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 2: But I've absolutely failed her for the last couple of months,

633
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 2: dragging the situation on longer than needed, and with that

634
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 2: extending her hurt. That's why I want to get the

635
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 2: divorce over with as soon as possible. I've already begun

636
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 2: consultation with a lawyer, but I'm still keeping other options open.

637
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 2: I won't tell my husband about this yet, but once

638
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 2: I've gathered all my thoughts, I will probably talk to

639
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 2: him to express my concerns and disappointment, and especially the

640
00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 2: effect his treatment has had on our daughter one final time.

641
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 2: Though he has already said that I've been avoiding lately,

642
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 2: so well, that's rich coming from him, So I will

643
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 2: talk to him about everything sooner rather than later. But

644
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 2: I really want to keep a level head and say

645
00:31:57,520 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 2: everything I need to say.

646
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 1: I mean, I think therapy is good idea, no matter

647
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,959
Speaker 1: what I think, this is, this is uh, you know,

648
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: for everyone in this situation too. She was mentioning it

649
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 1: for herself or for family therapy, Yeah, for her daughter. Yeah,

650
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 1: I think that would be good. Yeah, yeah, I think yeah,

651
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 1: even if he like does step up or whatever, which

652
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 1: I really don't he would, Yeah, then like I feel

653
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 1: like having therapy would probably still be good, just because

654
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 1: I'm sure that like it's not this isn't just coming

655
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,120
Speaker 1: up in like these conversations that he's having with ope,

656
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,880
Speaker 1: Like I'm sure it shows up in his actions towards

657
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 1: the kids. Absolutely, So yeah, I don't think I don't

658
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 1: think therapy is a bad idea at all. I think

659
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 1: you should just do that anyway. Yeah, and good that

660
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 1: you are planning on not having kids with him again

661
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 1: after this. Absolutely, that's a big old red flag. Yep

662
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 1: yep op, he continues.

663
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 2: I can't see him the same way I did before,

664
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 2: and I don't think anything he says will change that.

665
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 2: I don't know whether he will still want to be

666
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 2: in her life, but even if he does to some extent,

667
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 2: I don't want him to be in it only half heartedly.

668
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 1: I simply can't.

669
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 2: See him fully committing, so cutting him out of my

670
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 2: daughter's life might be the best way. However, my husband's

671
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 2: family really adores my daughter and always showers her with

672
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:21,880
Speaker 2: love and gifts, so I'm hoping that we can separate

673
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 2: amokable and I don't have to separate my daughter from

674
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,680
Speaker 2: many more people that love her unconditionally than needed. From

675
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 2: now on, I really will put my daughter above all else.

676
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 2: And I really want to thank everyone that has shown

677
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 2: concern for giving me advice and told me what I've

678
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,479
Speaker 2: been doing wrong. And that's the end of that story.

679
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: Well, well, I mean, I guess thanks for redd. Yeah,

680
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 1: you did a good thing today. Yeah, but you don't

681
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 1: know if this is gonna work out. I really don't

682
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 1: think you would. That would make me look at someone

683
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 1: differently too. Absolutely for sure.

684
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 2: Absolutely.

685
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna get

686
00:33:58,920 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 1: back to the stories.

687
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 3: But here's three's ads from our sponsors. My bridesmaid chose

688
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 3: her fiance over our friendship right before.

689
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 1: My wedding, Right before my wedding.

690
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 3: And this comes directly from the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

691
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:15,960
Speaker 3: And we do have a trigger wanting for emotional abits.

692
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,800
Speaker 3: I thirty female, and my fiance, thirty male, are getting

693
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 3: married in less than two weeks. He's been wonderful and

694
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:27,280
Speaker 3: supportive through what should be a stressful but also exciting time.

695
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,360
Speaker 3: For the most part, things were going smoothly until about

696
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,920
Speaker 3: six weeks ago. By the way, this comes from Worried

697
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 3: Rise four. And if you want us to make your

698
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

699
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 1: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon, and.

700
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,200
Speaker 3: We're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't

701
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:48,239
Speaker 3: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

702
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 3: so let us know what you would do in the

703
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 3: comments and op says one of my bridesmaids, let's call

704
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 3: her Bonnie, has become a major source of stress. I

705
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 3: asked her to be a bridesmaid to years ago. At

706
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 3: the time, she even hinted she wanted to be made

707
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 3: of honor, but that role belongs to my BFF and

708
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 3: chosen sister, who's been there since I was fifteen. About

709
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,879
Speaker 3: six weeks ago, Bonnie lost her job. This happened right

710
00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 3: when I was sending the bridle party final details about shoes, jewelry,

711
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,839
Speaker 3: and a thirty five dollars fir shawl. The dresses were

712
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 3: already bought months earlier and were inexpensive, nothing over one

713
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:29,920
Speaker 3: hundred dollars. I told everyone they could pick shoes and

714
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,320
Speaker 3: jewelry that worked with their dress, and that I trust

715
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 3: add and that I trusted their judgment. When Bonnie came

716
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 3: to pick up her kids one Sunday, she threw a

717
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 3: fit about buying shoes, saying she'd wear her everyday brown

718
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 3: sandals because she wouldn't spend money on one day shoes.

719
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 3: I told her I'd buy or thrift something for her

720
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 3: since I love thrifting, and started looking for options, but

721
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 3: in the bridesmaids group chat, anytime money was mentioned, she posted,

722
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,720
Speaker 3: some of us are unemployed right now. I had already

723
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:03,239
Speaker 3: told her I covered what she needed because her being

724
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,320
Speaker 3: there mattered to me. She was posting on social media

725
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:10,400
Speaker 3: about losing her job and not getting benefits, but also

726
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,319
Speaker 3: telling me she wasn't stressing it. I found her two

727
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 3: flexible jobs, one through a friend and one in the

728
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 3: same field as her fiance, and even offered to watch

729
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 3: her three kids so she could work. She declined both.

730
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 3: I'll admit I started to get frustrated. She kept saying

731
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 3: I can't afford that, while I was literally covering expenses

732
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:34,360
Speaker 3: and trying to help, and she was receiving sympathy online

733
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 3: for not being able to find work. Then she decided

734
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 3: to leave her fiance, let's call him Corey. She dropped

735
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 3: the kids at her sister's and came to stay with

736
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,880
Speaker 3: me and my family. We already have a full house,

737
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 3: our two young daughters, three dogs, and in winter, my

738
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 3: mom and her dogs.

739
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 1: But we made space.

740
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 3: She told me, Corey screams at her, calls her names,

741
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 3: belittles her in front of the kids, and is mean

742
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:03,279
Speaker 3: to the children too.

743
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:03,920
Speaker 1: Oh my God.

744
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 3: She'd been pretending things were fine because she knew I

745
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 3: already disliked him with good reason.

746
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: Some backstory.

747
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 3: Bonnie and I were inseparable in high school until she

748
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,759
Speaker 3: started dating Corey. He and I were both headed to

749
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,960
Speaker 3: boot camp, but he washed out due to medical reasons.

750
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 3: A few months later, while I was at a school,

751
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 3: Corey texted me saying he had feelings for me. I

752
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,320
Speaker 3: gave him until the end of the day to tell Bonnie.

753
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 3: He didn't, so I did. She didn't speak to.

754
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:35,360
Speaker 1: Me for ten years.

755
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,879
Speaker 3: Three years ago, we reconnected and she told me how

756
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 3: Corey had cheated, walked out on her, and repeatedly dumped

757
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 3: responsibilities on her throughout their tenure relationship. When I say responsibilities,

758
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:52,120
Speaker 3: I mean everything. Bonnie has been the household manager and breadwinner,

759
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 3: three kids, multiple dogs, chickens, cats, a bird, groceries, bills, cleaning,

760
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 3: medical appointments, school routines, and in winter, chopping, stacking, and hauling.

761
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:04,800
Speaker 1: Wood for a wood stove.

762
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:09,000
Speaker 3: He stayed up all night, gaming, slept all day, and

763
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 3: only recently took a seventeen dollars an hour job that

764
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:16,240
Speaker 3: lets him keep his chaotic schedule. He avoids being present

765
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:19,680
Speaker 3: for the kids and contributes next to nothing. She was

766
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:23,279
Speaker 3: holding the whole household up alone. The next day, she

767
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 3: seemed to be getting her ducks in a row to

768
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 3: leave him. Spoiler, she did not leave him. Halfway through

769
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:32,359
Speaker 3: the day, her updates stopped. When she did reply, it

770
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,720
Speaker 3: was short and vague. This went on for two days.

771
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:41,280
Speaker 3: Even though Corey is manipulative, silence, especially after heavy things,

772
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 3: makes me spiral because I grew up with silence used

773
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 3: as a weapon. When we finally talked, she told me

774
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 3: she decided to stay and work things out. I told

775
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 3: her that was her choice, but made it clear Corey

776
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 3: was not welcome at my wedding or at anything our

777
00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 3: family hosts. I love her too to watch him disrespect

778
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 3: her in front of me. Yeah, she said she understood

779
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,879
Speaker 3: and still wanted to be in the wedding. She apologized

780
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 3: for going silent and said she'd communicate better. For about

781
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,800
Speaker 3: a week things were okay, But a month from the wedding,

782
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,319
Speaker 3: when I asked about a hair and makeup trial she

783
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 3: was supposed to do my hair and makeup, She kept

784
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 3: making excuses and finally told me I should find somebody else.

785
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 3: I felt hurt, like she was stepping back from the wedding.

786
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 3: Then my maid of honor told me Bonnie was trying

787
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 3: to back out of the bachelorette weekend too.

788
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 2: Again, at that point, I think you go to her

789
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 2: and you say, hey, it seems like you're just not

790
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 2: able to yeah, which is fine. Part of this in

791
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 2: the way that I need you to be just okay.

792
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 2: I still love you, still want you to be my friend.

793
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,240
Speaker 2: Give against but come as a guest.

794
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:48,879
Speaker 3: I'd already been crying to my maid of honor because

795
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:52,320
Speaker 3: Bonnie's messages felt like she was preparing to make excuses.

796
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 3: Hearing the confirmation from my maid of honor crushed me.

797
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 3: The Monday before my bachelorette Bonnie sent this message. I've

798
00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:02,359
Speaker 3: been thinking about this for a few weeks. I apologize

799
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 3: for involving you in my personal vendettas. I am extremely

800
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 3: grateful for how you supported me. But now I feel

801
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 3: like because I didn't make the decision you thought was best,

802
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:15,399
Speaker 3: that you're upset with me. I can understand you being disappointed,

803
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 3: but I also get the sense that you don't want

804
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,479
Speaker 3: me around right now. I wouldn't want you to feel

805
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,839
Speaker 3: uncomfortable because of me, so I think it's best if

806
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:26,759
Speaker 3: I'm not involved in your wedding because that's your day.

807
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 3: I understand you don't like Corey, and that makes it

808
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 3: extremely hard to be friends. I called her within minutes,

809
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 3: because to me, that read like a goodbye to our friendship,

810
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:40,879
Speaker 3: not just the wedding. She didn't answer. An hour later,

811
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 3: I tried again and she replied, I can't.

812
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:43,359
Speaker 1: Call right now.

813
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 3: I'm busy doing my online class. I asked if she

814
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 3: would call when she was free. No response, silence. She

815
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:53,240
Speaker 3: finally called the next morning at eight thirty and acted

816
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 3: like nothing had happened. I jumped right in and told

817
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 3: her how the message made me feel, how her silence

818
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:02,480
Speaker 3: had me spiral, and that I couldn't be blamed for

819
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 3: her choice to stay with someone who treats her badly.

820
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,919
Speaker 3: She backpedaled, saying I'd taken the message of the wrong

821
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 3: way and that she absolutely wanted to be in the wedding.

822
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 3: Nothing felt genuine. I reminded her silence was torture for me,

823
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 3: and that we'd already talked about it and she had

824
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 3: chosen to disappear again. We got a little bit more.

825
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 2: But uh uh, yeah, I think you just need to

826
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 2: tell her a I mean, like it I guess at

827
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 2: this point she's already kind of stepping down. Yeah, this

828
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 2: is not your fault, she's kind of I mean, this

829
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,879
Speaker 2: is the type of friend who left you for ten

830
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 2: years because you told her a truth that she didn't

831
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:46,759
Speaker 2: want to hear. Uh, And that's what happened here, told

832
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:48,359
Speaker 2: her a truth that she didn't want to hear, and

833
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:50,839
Speaker 2: she reacted poorly to it. So there's not really much

834
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,600
Speaker 2: you can do if she's gonna stay with Corey.

835
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:55,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's unfortunate, but I agree completely.

836
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 1: We got a little bit more.

837
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:00,480
Speaker 3: She kept saying this decision was all her, but from

838
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,960
Speaker 3: where I was standing, it looked like the same pattern.

839
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:07,280
Speaker 3: Corey manipulates, she waivers, and I get left holding guilt.

840
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 3: We haven't spoken since that call. This is their cycle.

841
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 3: Corey isolates her and drives people away, with not just me,

842
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 3: her mom, her brother, her sister, his own mother, and

843
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 3: her other best friend have all gone through this and

844
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:24,320
Speaker 3: ended up stepping back. I hate feeling helpless and useless.

845
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 3: I want her kids they call me aunt back in

846
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,719
Speaker 3: my life. I want her to open her eyes and

847
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 3: see what he's doing. I want her to be safe.

848
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:36,200
Speaker 3: So am I the a hole for stepping away from

849
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 3: this friendship. We have some comments come at one, No,

850
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 3: you're not the a hole. You know that old saying

851
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:43,399
Speaker 3: you can lead a horse to water, but you can't

852
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 3: make a drink. You've given Bonnie more than enough grace.

853
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 3: She's choosing to stay in what sounds like an incredibly

854
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:54,759
Speaker 3: toxic relationship with Corey. Unfortunately, you have to protect your

855
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 3: peace and you can't save her from her own choices.

856
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 3: I feel very sorry for her kids, kids being stuck

857
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 3: in the situation that their parents are putting them in.

858
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 3: Best of luck, Congratulations on your wedding. I hope it's

859
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:10,720
Speaker 3: a wonderful day. And Opie says her situation is almost

860
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 3: exactly what my brother and sister and I went through

861
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 3: growing up, so it is especially hard to see this

862
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:19,399
Speaker 3: cycle continue for them. Comment to two, not the a whole.

863
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 3: You clearly care deeply for your friends and in turn

864
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 3: wish for them to care deeply about you. This is

865
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:30,320
Speaker 3: just simply not the case. You are being caring and communicative,

866
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:34,239
Speaker 3: and she is choosing to make the same mistakes expecting

867
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:39,680
Speaker 3: different results. She is trying to make her situation about

868
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:44,319
Speaker 3: you and your feelings. But it's not at all that's gaslighting.

869
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:47,480
Speaker 3: She has no interest in holding herself accountable for her

870
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:50,799
Speaker 3: own life, and that doesn't align with you or the

871
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 3: people you want in your life. It sucks to lose

872
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 3: touch with people's kids, but it's very hard to have

873
00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 3: a relationship with the kids and not their parents. It's

874
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,879
Speaker 3: been time to walk away. You're doing the right thing,

875
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:06,800
Speaker 3: and that's the end of that story. Yep, I agreed,

876
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 3: especially when she knows that like going radio silent on

877
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 3: you is like the thing that triggers you the most,

878
00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:14,920
Speaker 3: and continues to do it when she's just.

879
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 4: Care Yeah and op again was one of our own Yeah.

880
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, Op, you were not the ahole, not at

881
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:21,880
Speaker 3: that all.

882
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 4: If you're listening, op, or if you do listen, you already.

883
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 2: Know he's Joan you ogos here.

884
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but he's a

885
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

886
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:34,919
Speaker 2: My friend kissed me at his bachelor party and now

887
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:36,360
Speaker 2: I'm banned from their wedding.

888
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 1: Wait, she kissed you?

889
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 2: I twenty nine male was supposed to be a groomsman

890
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:46,320
Speaker 2: for my best friend thirty male, as we've been tight

891
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:49,720
Speaker 2: since we were kids. This weekend, he's marrying his fiance,

892
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,400
Speaker 2: twenty eight female who I've known since they were dating

893
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:55,160
Speaker 2: long distance in high school. By the way, this comes

894
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,439
Speaker 2: from investigator Okay seventy one to fifty two, and if

895
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

896
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 2: r slash Okay storyteme severed it. I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, No,

897
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:06,480
Speaker 2: I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice.

898
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 1: Goofily, but we don't have all the answers.

899
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 2: We only know what we'd do, So let us know

900
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:13,080
Speaker 2: what you would do in the comments. At his bachelor

901
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:16,279
Speaker 2: party last weekend, we started off at my place and

902
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:19,760
Speaker 2: transitioned to bar hopping. By the end, my best friend

903
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 2: was wasted, and the guys, all of our mutual friends

904
00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 2: and some of his cousins were egging him on to

905
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 2: do a last kiss before marriage. Dare for extra info.

906
00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 2: I'm not a fan of that custom at bachelor's or

907
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,879
Speaker 2: bachelorettes because it honestly makes it look like you're being

908
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,800
Speaker 2: held hostage to marry the love of your life. Plus

909
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 2: it's just disrespectful to your partner. That's just an opinion

910
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 2: I have, but I knew my best friend shared it too. Still,

911
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 2: I figured if it had to be my best friend

912
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 2: wouldn't do it because I know he loves his fiance

913
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:55,280
Speaker 2: very much. To my literal shock and horror, he turned around,

914
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 2: grabbed and kissed me, not even a dumb peck. He

915
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:01,840
Speaker 2: actually dipped me and held it for a few seconds

916
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 2: until everyone was laughing obnoxiously. I didn't kiss back. I

917
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 2: just froze and laughed it off when it finished. Later,

918
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 2: I realized I wasn't having much fun anymore and bailed early,

919
00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:14,840
Speaker 2: taking some of our driver friends home with me. The

920
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:18,239
Speaker 2: next day, is fiance first texted me on Insta, then

921
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 2: on WhatsApp asking to talk, and then calling me. She

922
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,480
Speaker 2: wasn't yelling or anything, but she was just kind of awkward.

923
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 2: She said she knew about the kissed and that while

924
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,600
Speaker 2: she didn't love it, she was glad it was me

925
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,399
Speaker 2: and not some random girl. She said if he had

926
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:33,800
Speaker 2: kissed another woman, she would have taken it as cheating

927
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 2: and dealt with it worse. I agreed and backed her point,

928
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:39,839
Speaker 2: saying I wouldn't have encouraged or allowed that, But at

929
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:42,400
Speaker 2: the same time, she admitted she didn't feel comfortable with

930
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,879
Speaker 2: me being at the wedding now either, because it would

931
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:46,800
Speaker 2: just be in the back of her head. I was

932
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 2: admittedly stunned at first, and then mad, then upset, but

933
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:52,719
Speaker 2: came to the conclusion that I was her wedding. At

934
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 2: the end of the day, I told her I got

935
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 2: it and wouldn't go. She thanked me for understanding, but

936
00:46:57,520 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 2: also asked me not to tell my best friend that

937
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 2: she was the one who asked. I have already sent

938
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,320
Speaker 2: the text backing out giving reasons regarding work, and my

939
00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 2: best friend was very upset and asked me if I

940
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 2: could back out in any way. I freelance, by the way,

941
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:13,319
Speaker 2: and he knows this, so my lie wasn't a good one.

942
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 2: He went from upset to straight up mad at me

943
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 2: for bailing out on his wedding for work. All our

944
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 2: mutuals have texted me in our share wedding group chat

945
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:23,759
Speaker 2: and have asked me to reconsider. They told me there's

946
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,800
Speaker 2: no way I'm skipping his wedding for work. I myself manage,

947
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 2: some being harsher and some passive aggressive, all very valid.

948
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 2: Now I'm stuck looking like the ahle and I was

949
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:35,880
Speaker 2: literally asked not to go and also asked not to

950
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:38,720
Speaker 2: say that I was asked not to go. Everyone around

951
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,640
Speaker 2: me thinks I'm this ale for prioritizing work over my

952
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 2: best friend's wedding, and I'm honestly I don't know how

953
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 2: to navigate this without losing people?

954
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole?

955
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:48,759
Speaker 2: So clearly not?

956
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 3: No, So clearly now go back to go back to

957
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:55,439
Speaker 3: friend's white and say, hey, we're telling them.

958
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I, this is not fair to me.

959
00:47:57,719 --> 00:48:01,359
Speaker 3: It's affecting all of my other relationships. Everybody's getting mad

960
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 3: at me.

961
00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:02,919
Speaker 2: I didn't kiss him.

962
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:06,359
Speaker 1: I did kiss me. I didn't even want to.

963
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, so either you know, you need to tell him

964
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 2: that you asked me to do this, or I will because.

965
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 1: This is not fair. Yeah.

966
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 2: Edit, he just saw the message I sent and is typing.

967
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:19,360
Speaker 2: I'll hopefully update once we've properly spoken. Thank you to

968
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:22,000
Speaker 2: everyone giving me such good advice and setting me straight.

969
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:24,759
Speaker 2: I'm anxious as f and hoping this goes well. As

970
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:27,840
Speaker 2: the wedding is literally this weekend and we have a

971
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 2: pre party I'll have to prepare for if I'm still

972
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 2: counted as a groomsman. Bubble gums Plant says, not the able,

973
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,719
Speaker 2: But bro, don't do this to yourself and come off

974
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 2: as the bad guy. You shouldn't have kissed you. That

975
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:42,759
Speaker 2: was disrespectful to his fiance. But his fiance shouldn't be

976
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 2: asking you not to tell people either. She needs to

977
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:48,280
Speaker 2: own her decisions. You are literally shooting yourself in the foot.

978
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 2: Just come clean. Sushi nineteen says, tell another grooms when

979
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 2: why you're not coming. It will get back to the

980
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 2: groom without you breaking your promise to the bride, who

981
00:48:57,160 --> 00:48:59,839
Speaker 2: should not have asked you to keep the secret when

982
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:01,359
Speaker 2: you or taking the brunt of it.

983
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:04,280
Speaker 1: Absolutely exactly, that's.

984
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 2: Crappy of her. I also hate that peer pressure. Just

985
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:10,640
Speaker 2: one last time thing for the record, Ugh, throw a.

986
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 2: I've never heard of this last kiss tradition at a

987
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:16,640
Speaker 2: bachelor or bachelorette parties, and I'm in the US with

988
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:19,120
Speaker 2: plenty of married friends in my thirties. I've heard of

989
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:22,240
Speaker 2: ales cheating on their future spouses at their bachelor slash

990
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:26,320
Speaker 2: at parties, but not as a tradition. Is this actually

991
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:30,120
Speaker 2: a thing? Major Noodle says it's not a thing. Reddit

992
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 2: is filled with people who think some super bizarre tradition

993
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:36,280
Speaker 2: is something everyone does. There was one post a while

994
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:38,759
Speaker 2: back where the poster was complaining about the tradition of

995
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 2: the crooms men and bridesmaids being pared off and acting

996
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:44,879
Speaker 2: like they were a couple for the entire night while

997
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 2: they completely ignored their essos, and the comments were full

998
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 2: of people telling ope, that's not a real thing, and

999
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,320
Speaker 2: there is an update. But yeah, definitely tell your friend

1000
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 2: get that off your chest, because you're not the bad guy, literally,

1001
00:49:58,680 --> 00:49:59,279
Speaker 2: and you have.

1002
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 3: Done nothing wrong, nothing wrong, zero wrong, nothing wrong. You

1003
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 3: were one of the people that was like, don't do this, buddy, Yeah,

1004
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 3: don't do.

1005
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 2: It, and your friend and his partner have put you

1006
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:10,720
Speaker 2: in the middle of their argument, right, which is so unfair.

1007
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:14,440
Speaker 1: Updates two days later.

1008
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:17,960
Speaker 2: Hi everyone, thanks for all the advice on my original post,

1009
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:21,480
Speaker 2: because I genuinely never expected to go off like that

1010
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:25,000
Speaker 2: and it's allowed me to rethink my actions. AnyWho, I

1011
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 2: did promised to update after talking to my best friend,

1012
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:31,400
Speaker 2: so here it is. After reading through all the comments

1013
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 2: and some private messages, I realized my approach was wrong

1014
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:38,240
Speaker 2: and wasn't fair to him or myself. To be fair,

1015
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:41,560
Speaker 2: it was honestly making me look like the worst MF

1016
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:44,120
Speaker 2: on the planet. So I ended up sending him a

1017
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:48,160
Speaker 2: long text explaining the actual reasons why, starting from the

1018
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 2: kiss last weekend to his fiance asking me not to

1019
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:54,200
Speaker 2: come because of it, also very loosely mentioning that she

1020
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:56,640
Speaker 2: didn't want me to tell him about it. After reading

1021
00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 2: many comments, I did feel like a whiss for complying

1022
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:01,080
Speaker 2: in the first place, but I don't know, I still

1023
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:04,160
Speaker 2: felt guilty about even telling him that and breaking her trust.

1024
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:07,760
Speaker 2: He didn't text back for ages, but called me almost

1025
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 2: immediately when he saw it. He wasn't yelling or anything,

1026
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:13,080
Speaker 2: but I could hear that he was really emotional. First,

1027
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:16,399
Speaker 2: he apologized like ten times for the kiss. He said

1028
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:17,920
Speaker 2: he thought it would just be a dumb laugh for

1029
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 2: the guys and didn't realize how much it crossed a

1030
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,719
Speaker 2: line for both me and his fiance. He also said

1031
00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 2: he never wanted me to feel uncomfortable it, admitted he

1032
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:29,359
Speaker 2: had been drinking way too much that night. I told

1033
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:32,440
Speaker 2: him I completely understood and forgave him for that, at

1034
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 2: least on my end. Then, when I told him about

1035
00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:38,440
Speaker 2: his fiance's request, there was a long silence. It's slightly

1036
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:40,480
Speaker 2: off topic here, but I was eating pistachios and the

1037
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 2: sharp bit of the shell cut my lip a bit,

1038
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 2: and it was so hard to keep quiet that I

1039
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,719
Speaker 2: had my super serious combo cap on. So anyways, that

1040
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:48,759
Speaker 2: is hard when you like stab yourself and you're like,

1041
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 2: I like that that was included. He just kept repeating, like,

1042
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:55,840
Speaker 2: she didn't tell me that, she didn't tell me that.

1043
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 2: I swear she didn't tell me that. He said he

1044
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:01,320
Speaker 2: wished she'd talk to him to directly instead of going

1045
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:04,080
Speaker 2: around him, and that he hated how everything looked. He

1046
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 2: also said he had been the one to give her

1047
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,839
Speaker 2: my number as I had hers, but never texted her,

1048
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 2: but thought it was for some surprise plan or present

1049
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:12,479
Speaker 2: she was.

1050
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:15,400
Speaker 1: Planning on giving him. Hmmm, that's really sad.

1051
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:19,280
Speaker 2: After we talked, his fiance texted me apologizing for putting

1052
00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:22,360
Speaker 2: me in that position, but she still stood by that

1053
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:24,759
Speaker 2: she personally did not want me there. She said she

1054
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:27,439
Speaker 2: didn't want to be thinking about that on her wedding day,

1055
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,160
Speaker 2: and while she wasn't mad at me, she just needed

1056
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,719
Speaker 2: the peace of mind. Which would have been fine if

1057
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:34,720
Speaker 2: you hadn't asked Op to keep it a secret, because

1058
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:36,879
Speaker 2: clearly you didn't think it was okay. If you made

1059
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:37,880
Speaker 2: Op keep it a secret.

1060
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 1: That still is a big ask.

1061
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:43,759
Speaker 3: It is to take an entire uh groomsman out a

1062
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 3: week before the wedding.

1063
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:46,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, huge thing.

1064
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 2: To cut a long story short, I'm going. My best

1065
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:51,759
Speaker 2: friend told me he wanted me there, but also said

1066
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:53,520
Speaker 2: he understood if I didn't want to push it with

1067
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:56,600
Speaker 2: his fiance. But he repeatedly said he wanted me there

1068
00:52:56,719 --> 00:52:59,719
Speaker 2: more than anything. I told him I loved him and

1069
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 2: so him and I'd go, and that I was sorry

1070
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 2: for ever considering not going. He cried. I cried like

1071
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:10,400
Speaker 2: effing babies. But it ended well enough. Our mutual friends

1072
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:12,880
Speaker 2: and groomsmen, i'm guessing, are still kind of salty with

1073
00:53:12,920 --> 00:53:15,160
Speaker 2: me because they don't know the real story.

1074
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:16,400
Speaker 1: That's so unfair.

1075
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 3: You should get to say the real story. Now, that's ridiculous, Like.

1076
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:22,480
Speaker 1: Ah, you don't even have to like blame it on

1077
00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:24,440
Speaker 1: the wife or something. You could just say, hey, there's.

1078
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:26,400
Speaker 3: You know, there was like something that came up and

1079
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 3: I was asked to step back.

1080
00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like it wasn't you know, miscommunication.

1081
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is so and I'm not about to spread

1082
00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:36,640
Speaker 2: it around as it's not my relationship and not my

1083
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 2: drama to share. My best friend did tell me he'll

1084
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,720
Speaker 2: clear the air as soon as possible prior to the wedding,

1085
00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:43,920
Speaker 2: but until then, I'm just gonna take the l on

1086
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:44,480
Speaker 2: looking like.

1087
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 1: A flaky f and a hole.

1088
00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:49,200
Speaker 2: Thank you, very very, very effing sincerely to everyone that

1089
00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 2: helped me change my mind. But I'm honestly so effing

1090
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:53,880
Speaker 2: glad I put it on here because I could have

1091
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:56,120
Speaker 2: very well been an effing knob and missed my own

1092
00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:58,880
Speaker 2: best friend's wedding. It's this weekend and we have a

1093
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:01,359
Speaker 2: pre party which I'm a fish involved with once more,

1094
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 2: which is great. Thanks so much again. I think that

1095
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 2: I hope that you know, it seems like it's better.

1096
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 2: Seems like you had that conversation.

1097
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:11,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think. I mean the fact that you're going

1098
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:14,560
Speaker 3: is great. I hope he talked to his fiance about

1099
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 3: that before he just did it.

1100
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it seems.

1101
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:20,880
Speaker 2: Like she's still not right, okay.

1102
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:23,960
Speaker 3: Uncomfortable, but he's just like you're coming, which it's like, okay,

1103
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:26,200
Speaker 3: that's their whole problem to figure out now.

1104
00:54:26,239 --> 00:54:28,920
Speaker 1: But it's kind of just like messy.

1105
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 2: It's really messy, and like it's not like you're going anywhere.

1106
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 2: You're still gonna be his best friend. Yeah, and I

1107
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:39,239
Speaker 2: am wondering, Like again, to be clear, I'm not like

1108
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:40,880
Speaker 2: saying that she's in the wrong for any of this,

1109
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:44,279
Speaker 2: or well for being uncomfortable specifically, she isn't the wrong

1110
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:48,600
Speaker 2: for other things, but I am wondering why it affected

1111
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 2: her that deeply. I mean, like to the point where

1112
00:54:52,160 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 2: she's like, ah, I don't even know, because it feels

1113
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:58,360
Speaker 2: like she thinks that there's something going on there.

1114
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:01,719
Speaker 3: I don't even think that. Maybe she just wasn't expecting

1115
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:04,640
Speaker 3: him to want to kiss anybody. So then, yeah, just

1116
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 3: the fact that he kissed someone, and maybe it was

1117
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:10,360
Speaker 3: already beyond their bounds to even kiss a male friend. Yeah,

1118
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:12,800
Speaker 3: and she was just kind of like, I mean considering

1119
00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:15,560
Speaker 3: it and rightfully so, like a form of cheating, and

1120
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:17,880
Speaker 3: didn't really know how to take it out, and instead

1121
00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:18,399
Speaker 3: of going to.

1122
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:21,040
Speaker 1: Her husband with it, was like went around it.

1123
00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:23,399
Speaker 3: The easiest way out of this is he's the one

1124
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:24,120
Speaker 3: that's upsetting me.

1125
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:25,439
Speaker 1: I will uninvite him.

1126
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there are some comments necessary. Tap says, I

1127
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:31,000
Speaker 2: think both you and your friend are delusional if you

1128
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 2: think this will end well for any of you in

1129
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:35,120
Speaker 2: the future. It doesn't matter who's wrong between the two

1130
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,280
Speaker 2: of them. What matters is they are taking the most

1131
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:40,280
Speaker 2: important step in a relationship. At odds over who should

1132
00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:43,080
Speaker 2: or shouldn't be there. Whether she is obvious about it

1133
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:44,719
Speaker 2: on the day of the wedding, she is going to

1134
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:48,880
Speaker 2: eventually make him choose between his marriage or your friendship.

1135
00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:52,200
Speaker 2: Every time she sees you knowing you're hanging out with them,

1136
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:54,719
Speaker 2: or looks at wedding photos, the wound will be reopened.

1137
00:55:54,920 --> 00:55:56,680
Speaker 2: You and your friendship with him are the victims of

1138
00:55:56,719 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 2: his stupidity and her reaction. Bonus points for him not

1139
00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:04,160
Speaker 2: knowing that disclosing the situation to your friends won't make

1140
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:07,719
Speaker 2: the situation worse. There's nothing like humiliating the bride right

1141
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:10,520
Speaker 2: before or after the wedding to kickstart a marriage. If

1142
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:12,799
Speaker 2: you think your friends are upset with you, just wait

1143
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:15,600
Speaker 2: until their anger turns to her. He's going to be

1144
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:19,000
Speaker 2: forced to choose between his friends and her. There's no

1145
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:21,120
Speaker 2: way she's going to put up with him hanging out

1146
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:24,480
Speaker 2: with people who hate her. Phoenix Reed says, you said

1147
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:26,600
Speaker 2: everything I was thinking but couldn't find the words for.

1148
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:30,080
Speaker 2: This situation is far from over, and it's just a

1149
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 2: matter of who's going to look like the bad guy

1150
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:36,319
Speaker 2: and which relationship will suffer and burn, especially because the

1151
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 2: friends are also part of what's going on.

1152
00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:40,720
Speaker 1: Even if they don't know the full story.

1153
00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 2: So either OPI will lose friends because they think he's placky,

1154
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:46,759
Speaker 2: or he'll tell the truth and they'll be mad with

1155
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:49,760
Speaker 2: the wife, and the wife will never be friendly with you, Opie.

1156
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:52,120
Speaker 2: She was mad at you for the kiss situation, and

1157
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:56,239
Speaker 2: I can assure you she's fuming and feeling humiliated that

1158
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:59,480
Speaker 2: her fiance overrode her and reinvited you to the wedding.

1159
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:03,040
Speaker 2: And your friend is for sure feeling pressure from his fiance,

1160
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:06,719
Speaker 2: and it'll only get worse. This situation might have been

1161
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:08,960
Speaker 2: better played out when it wasn't so close to the wedding,

1162
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:10,959
Speaker 2: because then people could have had a chance to hash

1163
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 2: it out properly and figure out what to do. But

1164
00:57:14,239 --> 00:57:16,200
Speaker 2: so close to the wedding now it'd be too much

1165
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:18,480
Speaker 2: of a spectacle to try to sort all of the feelings.

1166
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 2: So pride is gonna add another layer to the crap

1167
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 2: show of emotions. Professor Distinct says, also, you know what

1168
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:27,080
Speaker 2: I do when the priest says you make us the

1169
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:31,800
Speaker 2: bride Bogloo bandit says, WHOA, now this ain't this? My

1170
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:33,960
Speaker 2: band name says ten to ten would watch the show.

1171
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:37,240
Speaker 2: Polarcat says, I read this to my fiance, and he

1172
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:40,320
Speaker 2: was wondering why she's mad at you and not the

1173
00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:43,440
Speaker 2: friends that pressured him to essentially cheat on his fiance.

1174
00:57:43,880 --> 00:57:47,000
Speaker 2: Where is their invitation rejection? You're literally the victim in

1175
00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:49,600
Speaker 2: this situation and she's taking it out on you.

1176
00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:52,479
Speaker 1: So true, so true. True.

1177
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:55,280
Speaker 4: I feel there's a lot of whatifs too, Like not

1178
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 4: what ifs, but like a lot of factors.

1179
00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:00,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, sua elements of this I.

1180
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:03,960
Speaker 4: Like again, also the fact that the wedding is a

1181
00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 4: week away. I guarantee you she's super stressed and like

1182
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:10,480
Speaker 4: high emotions. Absolutely, yeah, so that that definitely plays into

1183
00:58:10,680 --> 00:58:15,680
Speaker 4: the factor there. Again, it's so weird that Op was

1184
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:16,760
Speaker 4: like the fall guy.

1185
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:19,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, literally, but I mean honestly, it's not like weird

1186
00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:21,520
Speaker 2: in the sense like that does have it a lot.

1187
00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:23,720
Speaker 1: Do you think that were like the third party gets scapegoated?

1188
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:26,040
Speaker 4: Do you mean think the wife is like not necessarily

1189
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:28,000
Speaker 4: looking for an out per se, But like.

1190
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:30,720
Speaker 3: I don't think she's an out I think she's genuinely

1191
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:31,400
Speaker 3: just hurt. Yeah.

1192
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:33,120
Speaker 2: I think she's hurt and she doesn't want to blame

1193
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:35,480
Speaker 2: it on her husband or fiance because she's about to

1194
00:58:35,480 --> 00:58:35,960
Speaker 2: marry him.

1195
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:38,760
Speaker 1: Like, Okay, let's point it out him.