WEBVTT - Are You Being Loved Well? w/ Traci Thomas

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<v Speaker 1>To decide which thing is more more bearable, more difficult, whatever,

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<v Speaker 1>and you have to just you know, make that decision.

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<v Speaker 2>And there's always gonna be something.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's I mean, that's also every relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>There's always gonna be something about.

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<v Speaker 1>Like I judge you, yeah, you judge my white husband,

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<v Speaker 1>I judge you, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, There's always gonna be something. You know what. This

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<v Speaker 2>is a safe space to talk about relationships, love and sex. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>let me tell you something messy. I have a messy

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<v Speaker 2>story for you, which is that I tried trimex. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>if you don't know what that is, Uh, it's basically

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<v Speaker 2>a prescription medication used to treat a rectile disfunction. And

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<v Speaker 2>it is you know, like like there's viagra and all

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<v Speaker 2>those things that you kind of take by pill, but

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<v Speaker 2>Trimex is an injection. It's an injection into the penis,

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<v Speaker 2>directly into the penis. Now, I don't have ed, but

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes I participate in activities, one of which is with

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<v Speaker 2>a friend let's call her Molly. And so if we'll

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<v Speaker 2>call her Mo for sut so, like, if me and

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<v Speaker 2>Mo be hanging out a little bit, it's possible that

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<v Speaker 2>my penis who we shall name Bertha what Okay, No,

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<v Speaker 2>we're gonna name her Bertha. Stick with it. That's what

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<v Speaker 2>I came about, Bertha. If Bertha's not working, we because

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<v Speaker 2>of mo. We we need we need a little VIAGRAA

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<v Speaker 2>we need little something something to support because you know,

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<v Speaker 2>we're still trying to do things anyway. So here's a habit.

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<v Speaker 2>I went out, went out to a party, had a

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<v Speaker 2>great time, ran into a friend, a friend who you

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<v Speaker 2>know sometimes we uh we play together. He had like

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<v Speaker 2>two friends and he was about to leave and they're

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<v Speaker 2>about to go back to his place, have a little

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<v Speaker 2>a little place session, little hangout, a little dept fund.

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<v Speaker 2>They were like, you want to come? I was like, yeah, right,

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<v Speaker 2>let's go. Let's let's do it right. So I show

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<v Speaker 2>up or you know, it's always a good time with

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<v Speaker 2>this particular friend and uh he you know, and getting

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<v Speaker 2>ready for you know, all the things are about to happen.

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<v Speaker 2>Offered trimex. So I've heard a trimex. Obviously, if you

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<v Speaker 2>know you're gay. In the sex party spaces, you gonna

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<v Speaker 2>hear about trimex at some point, because you know, people

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<v Speaker 2>want to make they want to last, they want to fuck.

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<v Speaker 2>But the only times that I've seen a dick that

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<v Speaker 2>has used a tri mix. It concerned me because the

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<v Speaker 2>dicks looked, how do I say this a little too marish?

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<v Speaker 2>What I mean by that, it's like very Gray's anatomy.

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<v Speaker 2>It looks like something that doctor Christina Yang should be

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<v Speaker 2>looking at, not me, you know what I'm saying. And

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<v Speaker 2>so like the first time I saw I remember I

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<v Speaker 2>went to this. I was at this little group orgy

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<v Speaker 2>situation and the host walked in and his dick was

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<v Speaker 2>hard as marble and we were commenting on it, and

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<v Speaker 2>he was like, oh, yes, this Trimex and oh work,

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<v Speaker 2>and I was like, what's that? And then when he

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<v Speaker 2>was like explaining, it's, you know, the thing that you

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<v Speaker 2>inject into your dick and then it makes it hard,

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<v Speaker 2>and people were asking questions about it. And as the

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<v Speaker 2>room was asking questions, I was just staring at his

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<v Speaker 2>dick because it looked like a snake had swallowed its

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<v Speaker 2>prey and it was like still digesting. Do you know

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<v Speaker 2>what I'm saying? Do you have the visual? You have

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<v Speaker 2>the visual? The second time I saw a dick with Trimex,

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<v Speaker 2>I was in London. This was last year, and same thing,

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<v Speaker 2>Like the guy was like, oh, do you need because

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<v Speaker 2>that was different because I went over to he up

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<v Speaker 2>with a couple and one of the couple members did

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<v Speaker 2>not look like his photos and so I was just like,

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<v Speaker 2>stand of that, and my dick was not getting hard,

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<v Speaker 2>and he understood. So he was like, do I want trimex?

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<v Speaker 2>And I was looking at his dick hard as a brick,

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<v Speaker 2>but also looking a little Gray's anatomy light. You know

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<v Speaker 2>what I'm saying, just like you need to get that

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<v Speaker 2>checked out. And I say, sir, no, no, sir no, no, No,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. So I've always been

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<v Speaker 2>like I I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna just

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<v Speaker 2>stick to to my my my pills. Also, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>I haven't let those folks fuck me because I always

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<v Speaker 2>felt like it was gonna it's gonna it was gonna

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<v Speaker 2>open my hole in like a oh my god, what

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<v Speaker 2>is this show? But I have to say if it's

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<v Speaker 2>gonna open my whole in like a geometrically advanced way,

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<v Speaker 2>like you know, I got like a little circle and

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<v Speaker 2>it just looked like it's about to turn into a hexagon.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what I'm saying. An octagon. You know what

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<v Speaker 2>I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. It's just like

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<v Speaker 2>it's just like that is I don't anyways, So I've

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<v Speaker 2>been against it. But here I am at this gathering,

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<v Speaker 2>this you know, recent gathering with my friend and his

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<v Speaker 2>two friends and you know mo is well, I've had

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<v Speaker 2>some MO. My friend has had some MO as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Second friend, you know, his dick wasn't working, and so

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<v Speaker 2>they were like, Okay, we're gonna take this tri mix

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<v Speaker 2>and they were like, do you want? I was like, no,

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<v Speaker 2>but I do want to see what how y'all do

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<v Speaker 2>it because I'm curious. So I do want to watch

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<v Speaker 2>as you administer said try mix, but no, I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>going to take it. And the third friend was also

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<v Speaker 2>like no, no, we we we we want to watch.

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<v Speaker 2>So it was actually really cute and really wholesome. Here

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<v Speaker 2>we are all like naked in the kitchen. My friend

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<v Speaker 2>pulls out the vials and the needles, and my friend

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<v Speaker 2>is one of those friends that is very very like

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<v Speaker 2>health conscious, does everything above boards, all fresh needles, all

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<v Speaker 2>everything's cleaned down, alcohol swaps, all the things. Like it's like,

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<v Speaker 2>if we're gonna do something, we're gonna do it properly.

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<v Speaker 2>So we're sitting there and lo and behold. They take

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<v Speaker 2>a little vial, they put the little needle in, get

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<v Speaker 2>the try and mix. They pull out, and then baby,

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<v Speaker 2>I watch them prick themselves with that needle right into

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<v Speaker 2>their dick. They said, you have to make sure it

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<v Speaker 2>gets through. I can't remember the scradle we have to get.

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<v Speaker 2>You have to do it in a way that gets

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<v Speaker 2>through the chamber. Was the the US. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>Moe was really working my brain out at that point.

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<v Speaker 2>It was about to work my brain out that point.

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<v Speaker 2>But so they said like, uh, like it has to

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<v Speaker 2>give it the chamber or something like that. So it's like,

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<v Speaker 2>oh okay, So they put it me and the third

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<v Speaker 2>firm were like, oh, listen, a needle is already for

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<v Speaker 2>my needle. Girls who are or who are squeamish around

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<v Speaker 2>the needles, needles are already gonna be a squeamish. You know.

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<v Speaker 2>You put the needle in my arm, that's already gonna

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<v Speaker 2>be a squeamish. You said, put the needle in the dick.

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<v Speaker 2>I guess this was better though, because I always imagine

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know why I imagine this but I always

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<v Speaker 2>imagine that it was administered like through the head, which

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<v Speaker 2>sounds terrible because you imagine a needle. Oh, I don't imagine.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, I'm sorry, take it back, I take it back.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't imagine it. But it's the side, the fleshy part.

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<v Speaker 2>So it was a little less scary. So they they

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<v Speaker 2>pricked it and baby low and behold. In a matter

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<v Speaker 2>of seconds, a matter of seconds, that dick, them dicks

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<v Speaker 2>were up awake at attention. It was like a jack

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<v Speaker 2>in the box. This dick is hard, honey. And so

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<v Speaker 2>then so now we got these two hard ass dicks

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<v Speaker 2>and they look at us and they go, you sure

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<v Speaker 2>you don't want it? It was like, nah, now we go.

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<v Speaker 2>We go, and they're like, well you'll be you know,

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<v Speaker 2>the beneficiaries of the trimex and baby, yes, I was benefiting.

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<v Speaker 2>I was certainly benefiting. But then you know, Mo really started,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, to to to take a hole. And when

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<v Speaker 2>Mo takes a hole, you just be feeling. If you haven't,

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<v Speaker 2>if you've not danced with Molly before, she will have

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<v Speaker 2>you feeling uh, euphoric and sexy and like touching feels

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<v Speaker 2>beautiful and skin feels good and sex is just a

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<v Speaker 2>different level. But some of the side effects of MO

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<v Speaker 2>can be that your dick won't work. So I had

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<v Speaker 2>already taken my little dick pill because I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not doing the injection. I'm gonna take mod dick

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<v Speaker 2>pill and this you know it'll be it'll be fine.

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<v Speaker 2>And most of the time that happens, but there are

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<v Speaker 2>occasions where I can still take a dick pill and

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<v Speaker 2>that MO is just too strong. Uh, And so I

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<v Speaker 2>can have all the feelings, but you know, Bertha is asleep.

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<v Speaker 2>She ain't waken up. So we were doing things and

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<v Speaker 2>I was having fun, and then I was like, I

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<v Speaker 2>really want to top, so I said, So I got

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<v Speaker 2>off and I said to my friend, come on, let

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<v Speaker 2>me let's let's let's do this tri mix. Why not?

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<v Speaker 2>Here we are now, I think that was MO talking like.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think that Brandon in my like sober state

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<v Speaker 2>would have said let's do it. I think I would

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<v Speaker 2>have been like, absolutely not. But Moe was feeling confident,

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<v Speaker 2>and that's why you have to be careful. Okay, be careful.

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<v Speaker 2>Because Moe was feeling confident, and so my frien was like, bet,

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<v Speaker 2>let's do it. So we went to the kitchen, pulled

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<v Speaker 2>out the vials, clean needles for the try mix. Be

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<v Speaker 2>very clear this for the tri mix. Okay, I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not a needle girl. The alcohol squad. Baby, he

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<v Speaker 2>put that thing in. It was it was actually not

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<v Speaker 2>as painful as I thought. I wasn't actually painful at all,

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<v Speaker 2>like a little pitch. It's like a like that, you

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<v Speaker 2>know what I'm saying, Like you know, there there are

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<v Speaker 2>there are more painful things to experience than this little prick.

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<v Speaker 2>And so he put it in and then baby, a

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<v Speaker 2>few seconds later, Bertha was. I mean, I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>if I've ever experienced Bertha. She dangerous, is what I'm saying.

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<v Speaker 2>Like like you could really knock an eye out with

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<v Speaker 2>how hard like I was. I've never felt it was.

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<v Speaker 2>It was like like it was like the like if

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<v Speaker 2>you slapped your phone down. You know what I'm saying.

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<v Speaker 2>It was hard like that. It was. It was quite incredible.

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<v Speaker 2>And I used her. I used her every which way

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<v Speaker 2>I could. Okay, I ugh, ugh wow wait let me

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<v Speaker 2>oh wow, I'm just remembering so so okay, So we

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<v Speaker 2>had the fun. It's it's like, you know, fun of fun.

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<v Speaker 2>The night is nighting. So the third friend has to

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<v Speaker 2>leave early because he has something in the morning, because

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<v Speaker 2>at this point it is like four in the morning

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<v Speaker 2>or five in the morning. Then the second friend has

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<v Speaker 2>to leave it. So it's just me and my original friend,

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<v Speaker 2>and we have great chemistry. So we're like, well, let's

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<v Speaker 2>just keep you know, we got these try mixed dicks.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's just keep fucking using it. And then it was

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<v Speaker 2>like the sun came up, and you know, one of

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<v Speaker 2>those nights once the sun is up. Now some of y'all,

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<v Speaker 2>I know, we'll keep going, y'all. I ran into a

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<v Speaker 2>friend who is, like, I was saddening after his last

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<v Speaker 2>week that lasted on until one pm the next day. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>I said, no, wait a minute, I don't know that.

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<v Speaker 2>God bless I can't do all that. But seven eight

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<v Speaker 2>that's when I start to be That's when I start

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<v Speaker 2>to question myself. You know, that's when when Moe decides

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<v Speaker 2>to like fade a little bit. And now it's like

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<v Speaker 2>seven point thirty. The sun is up, the birds are chirping,

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<v Speaker 2>people are getting ready for church, and I a sinner

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<v Speaker 2>and push loads out. It's just you know what I'm saying, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>you get to the point where're like, okay, like I

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<v Speaker 2>gotta go. I gotta go. So I'm getting ready to go,

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<v Speaker 2>but I'm like, oh, my dick is still hard, like

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<v Speaker 2>my dick like Bertha was just it was comical. I

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<v Speaker 2>was putting my shorts on and I couldn't and y'all

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<v Speaker 2>know my shorts, hoochie shorts. I couldn't fit her in

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<v Speaker 2>there in a way that would be acceptable to step

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<v Speaker 2>out into the sunlight and get my uber. So I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, okay, so I've enagled it so that it

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<v Speaker 2>would go down the thigh and I could cover it

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<v Speaker 2>with my crossbody. But I was concerned because it was pulsing.

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<v Speaker 2>At this point, it wasn't painful. My friend was like,

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<v Speaker 2>is it painful. It's like, no, it's not painful, because

0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:40.840
<v Speaker 2>you know, if you have an erection for too long,

0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:42.960
<v Speaker 2>like four hours or more, then that's when we got

0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:44.800
<v Speaker 2>to deal with some medical things. And I was like,

0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:47.040
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, the last thing I needed right now

0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:51.040
<v Speaker 2>is to have to like have just danced with Molly,

0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:56.640
<v Speaker 2>to have decided in the in the fog of her light,

0:11:57.240 --> 0:12:02.160
<v Speaker 2>to have my dick injected with something to make it hard,

0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:04.120
<v Speaker 2>and now it won't go down and now I gotta

0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:06.360
<v Speaker 2>go to the doctor and I don't want that. That's

0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:10.640
<v Speaker 2>not the expirit Lord, it's Sunday. God be with me.

0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:13.200
<v Speaker 2>Don't let that be my story. I can't be my

0:12:13.240 --> 0:12:15.680
<v Speaker 2>story right now. So my friend is like, it'll go down,

0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:17.720
<v Speaker 2>it should go down. Here's already gone down. And I

0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:19.400
<v Speaker 2>was like, why is not mine? Why is my not

0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:21.800
<v Speaker 2>going down? But whatever I called the uber and then

0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:25.040
<v Speaker 2>I remember, oh, bitch, you also took a dick pill.

0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:27.840
<v Speaker 2>So not only do I have the TRIMX in me,

0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:29.840
<v Speaker 2>I got the dick pill in me. I do not

0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:32.280
<v Speaker 2>recommend this. I'm telling you right now. That's why I'm

0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:34.120
<v Speaker 2>telling you my whole journeys, so you don't do the

0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:37.120
<v Speaker 2>same thing. I was like, this thing might actually never

0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:39.719
<v Speaker 2>go down. It's like, okay, it's fine, Brandon, Chill, chill, chill.

0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:42.400
<v Speaker 2>We're gonna go home. We're gonna you know, I was

0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:44.880
<v Speaker 2>gonna walk the dog because so I could sleep in

0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:48.800
<v Speaker 2>because at this point in the morning. So I was like,

0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:50.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna walk the dog, I'm gonna feed the dog.

0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:53.160
<v Speaker 2>I'ma I'm then I'm gonna go to sleep and when

0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:57.040
<v Speaker 2>I wake up, you know, Bertha will be we'll be

0:12:57.080 --> 0:13:00.959
<v Speaker 2>asleep as well. Hopefully I have my time going At

0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:04.920
<v Speaker 2>this point, she's been hard for two hours at this point,

0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:08.240
<v Speaker 2>since since being administered, So I'm like, okay, cool, let

0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:10.160
<v Speaker 2>me sit in an alarm. And I originally sitt an

0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:12.480
<v Speaker 2>alarm for like two more hours, but I was like, no, no,

0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:14.240
<v Speaker 2>not by that point. It might be too late, like

0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:16.840
<v Speaker 2>because I don't because I also don't know what happens

0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:19.000
<v Speaker 2>since the dick is too hard for too long and

0:13:19.040 --> 0:13:20.680
<v Speaker 2>I didn't look it up. Maybe I should look it up.

0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:22.160
<v Speaker 2>But I was like, I don't know what happens, Like

0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:25.000
<v Speaker 2>if the dick is too hard, will it fall off?

0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.600
<v Speaker 2>Will it explode because there's so much blood rushing to

0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:33.079
<v Speaker 2>the head. Will it like gets so hard that it

0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:35.760
<v Speaker 2>then gets soft but never gets hard again? Like what

0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:41.320
<v Speaker 2>like what happens when it's hard for too long? I

0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:43.920
<v Speaker 2>don't know, but you can imagine. At eight thirty in

0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:48.160
<v Speaker 2>the morning, I have a lot of different scenarios playing

0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:51.440
<v Speaker 2>in my head. I popped myself a little sleep edible

0:13:52.160 --> 0:13:55.120
<v Speaker 2>and I was feeling the sleep coming and I was like, okay,

0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:58.040
<v Speaker 2>I got someone was coming, and I was like, all right,

0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.120
<v Speaker 2>I gotta got let me go to let me go

0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:01.960
<v Speaker 2>to bed. I'm gonna have that alarm for like an

0:14:02.000 --> 0:14:03.800
<v Speaker 2>hour and a half instead of two hours. If I

0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:05.160
<v Speaker 2>wake up in an hour and a half and my

0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:07.200
<v Speaker 2>dick is hard, I will deal with it then. But

0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:09.760
<v Speaker 2>for now, let me go get some sleep. Because mo

0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:11.960
<v Speaker 2>has warmed me out. Okay, Moe's warm me out. Birth

0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.199
<v Speaker 2>has warm me out. It's time to go to sleep.

0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:17.920
<v Speaker 2>But everything, do you know that if your penis on

0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:20.360
<v Speaker 2>you understand that, like sometimes when things be touched on

0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:22.360
<v Speaker 2>the head of your dick, it still makes you hard.

0:14:22.560 --> 0:14:24.600
<v Speaker 2>So I had to like position myself because I sleep

0:14:24.600 --> 0:14:27.320
<v Speaker 2>with the pillow between my thighs for my hips because

0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:30.440
<v Speaker 2>I am of that age, and you know, I usually

0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:32.840
<v Speaker 2>sleep in like my sweatpants, but I had to sleep

0:14:32.840 --> 0:14:36.000
<v Speaker 2>in something looser so that my dick wasn't being constrained

0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:39.160
<v Speaker 2>and didn't feel it was a whole thing. Listen, a

0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:43.840
<v Speaker 2>whole thing. I'm too immature for this podcast. Anyways. I

0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:45.520
<v Speaker 2>did wake up an hour and half later. My dick

0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:49.840
<v Speaker 2>was soft, thankfully, so it went down. It was all good.

0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:56.000
<v Speaker 2>Would I do it again? Listen with the right people

0:14:56.240 --> 0:15:00.840
<v Speaker 2>who I trust, and without taking a dick pill perhaps

0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:04.480
<v Speaker 2>especially dependent on the night like a night with with

0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:08.760
<v Speaker 2>Mo feels like the right night, a Tuesday night. No,

0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:10.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm good, you know what I'm saying. But at night

0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:14.440
<v Speaker 2>when I'm like, there are other forces that are trying

0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:17.920
<v Speaker 2>to cock block you birth of I'm gonna help you out.

0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:21.840
<v Speaker 2>Yes I would, I would, but definitely it is something

0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:24.440
<v Speaker 2>that you have to get prescribed so you know, do

0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:27.480
<v Speaker 2>your research, talk to you the friends that you trust

0:15:27.520 --> 0:15:30.600
<v Speaker 2>if you're going to try it. But it, but baby,

0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:34.600
<v Speaker 2>I have in my life I've never been that hard.

0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:38.000
<v Speaker 2>And I've been hard, I know I have, but that

0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:42.240
<v Speaker 2>hard I felt. I felt invincible. I felt like a

0:15:42.280 --> 0:15:45.720
<v Speaker 2>fucking superhero. I was like I could just keep fucking like.

0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:48.680
<v Speaker 2>It was just like who wants Dick? Who wants Dick?

0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:52.720
<v Speaker 2>You come sit. I barely have to do anything. I

0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:54.240
<v Speaker 2>don't have to think about it, I don't have to

0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:57.560
<v Speaker 2>do anything. Just it was low key.

0:15:57.680 --> 0:15:58.760
<v Speaker 1>It was kind of freeing.

0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:01.560
<v Speaker 2>It was a little you went freeing. It was like, oh,

0:16:01.600 --> 0:16:04.000
<v Speaker 2>I don't have to like do any of the mental aerobics.

0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:07.200
<v Speaker 2>My Dick is just hard like go off, which we

0:16:07.200 --> 0:16:09.880
<v Speaker 2>can get into the psychological stuff around that and like whatever,

0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:13.280
<v Speaker 2>like you know, a Dick's hardness and the pressure around

0:16:13.280 --> 0:16:15.400
<v Speaker 2>it being our but it was really kind of lovely

0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:18.720
<v Speaker 2>to just kind of exist and be able to fuck

0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:23.960
<v Speaker 2>without being concerned about the emotional factor of it. And

0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:26.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm always concerned about the emotional factor. But I'm saying, like,

0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:28.400
<v Speaker 2>not getting in my own head, which makes my dick

0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:30.720
<v Speaker 2>so off because no matter what the fuck I was thinking,

0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:36.560
<v Speaker 2>she was, Bertha was at attention and for that I'm grateful. Okay,

0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:39.120
<v Speaker 2>Well that's my messy story. That was a big messy story.

0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:42.320
<v Speaker 2>Your girl almost thought her dick was gonna fall off,

0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:49.360
<v Speaker 2>but we survived. Amen. Amen, somebody, thank you. Gods answered

0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:52.560
<v Speaker 2>my prayers. God listens. If you don't think God listens,

0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:56.960
<v Speaker 2>not me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, not me making this

0:16:57.000 --> 0:17:00.480
<v Speaker 2>dick story about God listening, but uh she do. Okay,

0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:02.160
<v Speaker 2>by the way, welcome to the show. This is tell

0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:05.000
<v Speaker 2>me something messy. I'm your host friend and Kyle Goodman.

0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:07.360
<v Speaker 2>Most people call me MESSI mom, but you can call

0:17:07.480 --> 0:17:12.040
<v Speaker 2>me a Bertha Kyle Goodman. Okay, period is that a

0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:14.960
<v Speaker 2>drag name? Birth of call Goodman. I'm here for I'm

0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:19.199
<v Speaker 2>here for it. Let's get the show started. Baby. You

0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:20.919
<v Speaker 2>know what that means. It's time for a guest. Now,

0:17:20.960 --> 0:17:23.360
<v Speaker 2>while they get situated, we'll get our messy. Key key

0:17:23.440 --> 0:17:27.119
<v Speaker 2>started with a hoe manifest sto repeat after me aloud

0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:29.920
<v Speaker 2>or in your head. Grant me the serendity to unpack

0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:33.199
<v Speaker 2>my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to know

0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:37.160
<v Speaker 2>that sex is not about penetration, the audacity to advocate

0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:40.040
<v Speaker 2>for my pleasure and boundaries, the strength to not call

0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:43.000
<v Speaker 2>my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck they,

0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:46.359
<v Speaker 2>for it is better to masturbabe by myself in peace

0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:49.359
<v Speaker 2>than to let someone play in my mother fucking face.

0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:54.600
<v Speaker 2>Let the hommunity say ho lujah. I'm so excited to

0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:58.040
<v Speaker 2>have Tracy Thomas on the show. Tracy is the creator

0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:01.600
<v Speaker 2>and host of the critically acclaimed literally podcast The Stacks.

0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:04.800
<v Speaker 2>She is a passionate champion of books and a deeply

0:18:04.920 --> 0:18:08.960
<v Speaker 2>curious interviewer. Tracy is a monthly contributor on MPRS here

0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:12.280
<v Speaker 2>and now a columnist for she reads dot com. The

0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:16.440
<v Speaker 2>creator of the LAist Live literary series One for the Books,

0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:20.320
<v Speaker 2>She also hosts and moderates literary events, book festivals, and

0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:25.800
<v Speaker 2>author talks nationwide. Tracy's substack, Unstacked, is a place where

0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:29.520
<v Speaker 2>she dives deeper into books, and also discusses topics outside

0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:33.160
<v Speaker 2>the literary world like pop culture, sports, politics, and more.

0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:40.040
<v Speaker 2>Please help me welcome Tracy Hi. Tracy Hi. It's been

0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:42.800
<v Speaker 2>taking it's taken as several several months to get you

0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:44.800
<v Speaker 2>here the start of the show.

0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:48.600
<v Speaker 1>But we've hung out multiple times.

0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:51.080
<v Speaker 2>We have, but you're in hi demand to get you

0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:51.800
<v Speaker 2>into this now.

0:18:52.320 --> 0:18:56.840
<v Speaker 1>No, that's not what happened. Let me tell you something messy. Actually,

0:18:56.880 --> 0:18:59.640
<v Speaker 1>you canceled on me because you were going to what

0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:02.080
<v Speaker 1>was it some of the women, the women and oh

0:19:02.119 --> 0:19:07.520
<v Speaker 1>black men, They said, Vincent, can you just reach out

0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:10.280
<v Speaker 1>to her and see if we could reschedule? And then

0:19:10.320 --> 0:19:12.440
<v Speaker 1>you were gone because you were doing ours nova.

0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:14.359
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I was in New York. Yeah, but there was

0:19:14.400 --> 0:19:17.280
<v Speaker 2>a few. It was actually all blaming me.

0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:19.000
<v Speaker 1>No, I'm gonna blame you.

0:19:19.800 --> 0:19:23.280
<v Speaker 2>It was you too. You have a thriving podcast, you

0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:27.040
<v Speaker 2>have two children. You have but I'm here, I'm a

0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:30.240
<v Speaker 2>veil here. Well, hold on, before we get into this,

0:19:30.320 --> 0:19:32.720
<v Speaker 2>let me give you our messy mandates, which I can find.

0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:35.280
<v Speaker 2>Here we go, things get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts

0:19:35.359 --> 0:19:37.240
<v Speaker 2>or opinions shared have the right to evolve, shift or

0:19:37.320 --> 0:19:39.760
<v Speaker 2>change today tomorrow, ten years from now and.

0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:45.240
<v Speaker 1>Sorry, that wasn't even supposed to be funny.

0:19:46.160 --> 0:19:48.480
<v Speaker 2>This is gonna be as gonna be a mess. And

0:19:48.480 --> 0:19:51.360
<v Speaker 2>if during the kiki something feels too personal unintentionally offends,

0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:53.399
<v Speaker 2>we use the safe word foosball, which gives us a

0:19:53.480 --> 0:19:55.880
<v Speaker 2>chance to pause and address or pivot accordingly.

0:19:56.720 --> 0:19:58.719
<v Speaker 1>You guys a lot.

0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:00.760
<v Speaker 2>This is so well. We known each other since we

0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:05.879
<v Speaker 2>were nineteen uh and we are now twenty two, so

0:20:05.880 --> 0:20:07.479
<v Speaker 2>it's a long time. It's like three whole years. Yea,

0:20:07.520 --> 0:20:09.760
<v Speaker 2>three whole years. It's a really long time. Shall we

0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:10.800
<v Speaker 2>start with a loupe breaker?

0:20:11.280 --> 0:20:11.560
<v Speaker 1>Sure?

0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:17.399
<v Speaker 2>Okay, the way you're looking at side, you get to

0:20:17.400 --> 0:20:19.320
<v Speaker 2>say blue wall. At any point you're like, very much

0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:19.920
<v Speaker 2>blue breaker.

0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:21.680
<v Speaker 1>Foosball.

0:20:22.200 --> 0:20:25.040
<v Speaker 2>I mean we're gonna we're gonna play fuck Mary block. Okay,

0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:29.920
<v Speaker 2>I like this, uh fuck Mary block. Massages, kissing, cuddling.

0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:31.919
<v Speaker 1>I think I'm gonna block kissing.

0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:34.520
<v Speaker 2>Okay, you're black kissing, think about it.

0:20:34.760 --> 0:20:37.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna marry cuddling, and I'm gonna fuck a massage.

0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:39.600
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I love a massage, massage, I love

0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:43.199
<v Speaker 1>a massage. I'm actually gonna marry ann fuck a massage,

0:20:43.359 --> 0:20:45.280
<v Speaker 1>and then the rest can go Okay, I'm fine.

0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:48.200
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna fuck. I'm gonna marry

0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:49.680
<v Speaker 2>a massage. I always want to be a massage.

0:20:49.720 --> 0:20:50.000
<v Speaker 1>Me too.

0:20:50.320 --> 0:20:53.479
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna fuck kissing. I love making out and I'm

0:20:53.480 --> 0:20:56.320
<v Speaker 2>gonna but I love cuddling, but I don't need it.

0:20:56.760 --> 0:20:57.359
<v Speaker 2>I don't need it.

0:20:57.400 --> 0:20:58.679
<v Speaker 1>I don't need kissing or cuddling.

0:20:58.680 --> 0:21:01.000
<v Speaker 2>You don't be kissing or cuddling and I like it.

0:21:01.040 --> 0:21:02.720
<v Speaker 2>But like, but it's not like you're not crave.

0:21:02.880 --> 0:21:03.879
<v Speaker 1>I guess I don't know.

0:21:04.000 --> 0:21:07.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm I don't crave cuddling. Yeah, it's like, leave me.

0:21:07.640 --> 0:21:09.560
<v Speaker 2>I want my personal space. But I love to make out.

0:21:09.920 --> 0:21:12.960
<v Speaker 2>But a massage, yeah, man.

0:21:12.640 --> 0:21:16.320
<v Speaker 1>But okay, but if it's not a good massage, like

0:21:16.560 --> 0:21:20.200
<v Speaker 1>I move away from right. Okay, do you remember this

0:21:20.240 --> 0:21:23.680
<v Speaker 1>is so this is old, this is old New York stuff.

0:21:24.440 --> 0:21:28.119
<v Speaker 1>I once met a guy and he was really nice,

0:21:28.720 --> 0:21:31.640
<v Speaker 1>and he came to my house, my apartment, and we

0:21:31.680 --> 0:21:33.600
<v Speaker 1>like watched a movie and he like put in his

0:21:33.720 --> 0:21:37.320
<v Speaker 1>arm around me and then he like was stroking my

0:21:37.520 --> 0:21:39.520
<v Speaker 1>arm and it was really soft.

0:21:39.680 --> 0:21:43.520
<v Speaker 2>Like very soft hands or softly softly touched.

0:21:43.880 --> 0:21:48.919
<v Speaker 1>It was a faint and it was so ick to

0:21:49.000 --> 0:21:53.280
<v Speaker 1>me that. I never went out with him again, but

0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:57.800
<v Speaker 1>we referred to him as soft Touch for the next

0:21:57.840 --> 0:22:01.520
<v Speaker 1>four years. While I like there was a literal man

0:22:01.800 --> 0:22:05.280
<v Speaker 1>who was lovely lovely, we called soft Touch for years.

0:22:05.400 --> 0:22:09.240
<v Speaker 2>I loved giving names, used to give so many. Yeah,

0:22:09.280 --> 0:22:11.000
<v Speaker 2>I still give. I give nickas on the show for

0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:12.160
<v Speaker 2>nicknames on the show.

0:22:12.200 --> 0:22:14.600
<v Speaker 1>But soft touch, soft touch, Yeah, that's not a great

0:22:15.640 --> 0:22:17.160
<v Speaker 1>like a twenty two year old man.

0:22:17.320 --> 0:22:19.600
<v Speaker 2>Like it was like, well, it's like it's like it's

0:22:19.600 --> 0:22:21.400
<v Speaker 2>like a good thing to be touched softly. When you're

0:22:21.400 --> 0:22:24.040
<v Speaker 2>saying it, it's being subverted as like negative and so

0:22:24.160 --> 0:22:25.399
<v Speaker 2>like yeah, it.

0:22:25.280 --> 0:22:26.919
<v Speaker 1>Was just like it's like if you want to put

0:22:26.960 --> 0:22:29.480
<v Speaker 1>your arm around me, like put your like you know.

0:22:31.720 --> 0:22:35.280
<v Speaker 1>This was literally like it was like, oh, I'm touching

0:22:35.359 --> 0:22:37.159
<v Speaker 1>like a piece of paper at the archive, which it

0:22:37.280 --> 0:22:39.120
<v Speaker 1>was like, so I was like, am I that frad?

0:22:40.960 --> 0:22:42.240
<v Speaker 1>Guess it was so bad?

0:22:42.600 --> 0:22:45.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I had a massage once. I worked at this

0:22:45.760 --> 0:22:50.040
<v Speaker 2>rowing studio briefly and they gifted the instructors with massages

0:22:50.600 --> 0:22:52.040
<v Speaker 2>and it was like come in for like your fifteen

0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:55.960
<v Speaker 2>minute appointment. I swear this woman just like like just

0:22:56.160 --> 0:22:59.080
<v Speaker 2>light and I for fifteen minutes. It was before I

0:22:59.080 --> 0:23:00.760
<v Speaker 2>found my voice because now like you really have to

0:23:00.760 --> 0:23:02.879
<v Speaker 2>stop harder, harder, or have to see it out. But

0:23:02.920 --> 0:23:04.600
<v Speaker 2>it was it was like she's like has that was

0:23:04.640 --> 0:23:07.280
<v Speaker 2>like a little more pressure, and then she's like a

0:23:07.320 --> 0:23:10.240
<v Speaker 2>little bit more. It was. It was useless. It was

0:23:10.280 --> 0:23:12.960
<v Speaker 2>so useless. It pissed me off. So I don't I

0:23:12.960 --> 0:23:15.439
<v Speaker 2>don't know if that's bad. Yeah, and now now I

0:23:15.480 --> 0:23:19.240
<v Speaker 2>get recommendations for massages. Okay, fucking marry block Missionary, Doggie

0:23:19.280 --> 0:23:19.920
<v Speaker 2>sixty nine.

0:23:20.280 --> 0:23:22.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to block sixty nine. Okay, I really don't

0:23:22.720 --> 0:23:25.040
<v Speaker 1>care for that. It's not I would like to focus

0:23:25.280 --> 0:23:27.399
<v Speaker 1>on myself when I am receiving, and I would like

0:23:27.400 --> 0:23:29.600
<v Speaker 1>to focus on you when i'm giving. Like I just

0:23:29.640 --> 0:23:33.320
<v Speaker 1>it's distracting. I can't enjoy. You're not enjoying because I'm

0:23:33.320 --> 0:23:34.960
<v Speaker 1>not even doing my best work because I'm like.

0:23:35.000 --> 0:23:37.320
<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, yes, yes, I agree with you.

0:23:37.400 --> 0:23:39.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't agree. I just I really like to focus.

0:23:39.880 --> 0:23:40.679
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I agree with you.

0:23:40.800 --> 0:23:43.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna marry Missionary. It's a classic. It really is

0:23:43.880 --> 0:23:46.440
<v Speaker 1>a classic. It works great for me. And then I

0:23:46.520 --> 0:23:47.760
<v Speaker 1>guess I'll fuck Doggy.

0:23:47.640 --> 0:23:50.439
<v Speaker 2>Okay, beautiful, Yeah, I would. I will on that. I'm

0:23:50.480 --> 0:23:52.320
<v Speaker 2>probably gonna be the same. I'm gonna block of sixty

0:23:52.400 --> 0:23:55.959
<v Speaker 2>nine because it's fine and like there's it's a it's

0:23:56.000 --> 0:23:58.000
<v Speaker 2>a nice seasoning from time to time, but it's not

0:23:58.200 --> 0:24:00.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm not like I can't wait to sixty nine.

0:24:00.080 --> 0:24:03.200
<v Speaker 1>Like we can take turns, we can do that.

0:24:04.240 --> 0:24:08.040
<v Speaker 2>I am going to actually I'm going to marry Doggie.

0:24:08.119 --> 0:24:11.359
<v Speaker 2>I could always because if I'm if I'm fucking, if

0:24:11.400 --> 0:24:14.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm topping, I love to see that ass. If I

0:24:14.160 --> 0:24:17.320
<v Speaker 2>am being topped, it's less intense, so I can like

0:24:17.760 --> 0:24:17.960
<v Speaker 2>take it.

0:24:18.240 --> 0:24:21.000
<v Speaker 1>Like the anatomy is different too, sure, absolutely, yes. I

0:24:21.080 --> 0:24:26.400
<v Speaker 1>feel like Missionary is like real easy, basic, yeah, with

0:24:26.640 --> 0:24:29.800
<v Speaker 1>certain with certain genitaliah.

0:24:29.480 --> 0:24:30.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:24:31.440 --> 0:24:37.760
<v Speaker 1>Genetics, that's it's getting very very eugenics.

0:24:38.080 --> 0:24:41.320
<v Speaker 2>Not there, not there. Yeah. I like Missionary and you know,

0:24:41.840 --> 0:24:45.240
<v Speaker 2>Propa pillow under me, So I'll funk Missionary. I marry

0:24:45.440 --> 0:24:48.000
<v Speaker 2>Doggie and I'll block sixty nine. You won the game?

0:24:48.240 --> 0:24:52.359
<v Speaker 1>What did I win? My hoping for donut?

0:24:52.400 --> 0:24:58.920
<v Speaker 2>That's my god, that's incredible. Time get donuts next up? Okay,

0:24:59.480 --> 0:25:01.159
<v Speaker 2>if you have I have submissions, you can email me

0:25:01.200 --> 0:25:03.479
<v Speaker 2>at tell me something messy at gmail dot com. Speaking

0:25:03.520 --> 0:25:05.680
<v Speaker 2>of which, Tracy, can you tell me something.

0:25:11.320 --> 0:25:13.040
<v Speaker 1>I struggled with this list.

0:25:14.560 --> 0:25:16.160
<v Speaker 2>People do stress about this because.

0:25:16.000 --> 0:25:18.200
<v Speaker 1>I know I have messy things, But as soon as

0:25:18.240 --> 0:25:22.240
<v Speaker 1>someone tells me authority, you're like someone's like, I'm like,

0:25:22.280 --> 0:25:24.040
<v Speaker 1>I can't think of anything. My brain goes blank.

0:25:24.080 --> 0:25:26.000
<v Speaker 2>It's when people say to a comedian, be funny, and

0:25:26.000 --> 0:25:28.040
<v Speaker 2>you're like, I have no jokes. Yeah.

0:25:28.119 --> 0:25:30.040
<v Speaker 1>So I guess what I'm going to tell you is

0:25:30.119 --> 0:25:35.080
<v Speaker 1>that I am the worst mom in the social group

0:25:35.200 --> 0:25:38.440
<v Speaker 1>of moms, in the world of children. I have five

0:25:38.520 --> 0:25:40.320
<v Speaker 1>year old twins as you know, the mini stacks as

0:25:40.359 --> 0:25:44.000
<v Speaker 1>we call them, and there are moms who want to

0:25:44.040 --> 0:25:49.440
<v Speaker 1>be friends. I don't want to be fun. I have friends,

0:25:51.840 --> 0:26:00.480
<v Speaker 1>and I will ignore, I will lie, I will My

0:26:00.560 --> 0:26:03.679
<v Speaker 1>favorite move is like, hey, do you guys want to

0:26:04.000 --> 0:26:07.840
<v Speaker 1>like do a playdate tomorrow or like later today? Leave

0:26:07.880 --> 0:26:11.440
<v Speaker 1>on red until I'm like an hour after and be like,

0:26:11.520 --> 0:26:14.120
<v Speaker 1>oh my god, I'm just we're just getting out of something.

0:26:15.520 --> 0:26:17.280
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, that's messy.

0:26:17.600 --> 0:26:20.880
<v Speaker 2>We are the same, We're the same. Yeah, I just

0:26:21.040 --> 0:26:24.880
<v Speaker 2>like yeah, yeah, it's like it's it's I love talking

0:26:24.880 --> 0:26:26.399
<v Speaker 2>to you about this because I feel like it's the

0:26:26.440 --> 0:26:28.800
<v Speaker 2>thing that people don't talk about, which is like, which

0:26:28.960 --> 0:26:30.520
<v Speaker 2>you made me have to it on now. We talk

0:26:30.560 --> 0:26:33.159
<v Speaker 2>to all my mother friends about this, which is you

0:26:33.480 --> 0:26:36.680
<v Speaker 2>have to like be friends with your kids friends moms

0:26:37.200 --> 0:26:40.480
<v Speaker 2>and like you're like, I don't necessarily like them, but.

0:26:40.560 --> 0:26:43.639
<v Speaker 1>Like I don't and like, I mean, I'm sure you can,

0:26:43.760 --> 0:26:46.439
<v Speaker 1>like when you interview people for a living, yeah, and

0:26:46.480 --> 0:26:49.840
<v Speaker 1>you're constantly being interested in people. Yes, yes, I don't

0:26:49.840 --> 0:26:52.280
<v Speaker 1>want to be interested in someone like I don't want

0:26:52.520 --> 0:26:54.040
<v Speaker 1>But then you have to have something to talk about

0:26:54.040 --> 0:26:56.280
<v Speaker 1>because you have nothing in common that you know of

0:26:56.440 --> 0:27:01.960
<v Speaker 1>besides little Billy likes Little Timmy, yeah know, And it's like, oh, okay,

0:27:02.080 --> 0:27:07.879
<v Speaker 1>like oh, are your kids picky eaters? Yeah? What is

0:27:07.920 --> 0:27:11.640
<v Speaker 1>your kiddie? They love chicken fingers. And I'm just like,

0:27:12.680 --> 0:27:14.560
<v Speaker 1>like when it's like a group of like a group

0:27:14.720 --> 0:27:17.080
<v Speaker 1>play day and there's multiple moms and then me, I'm

0:27:17.160 --> 0:27:20.200
<v Speaker 1>just sitting there like, yeah, I want to be dead,

0:27:20.280 --> 0:27:23.760
<v Speaker 1>like I just I don't. I don't want to be

0:27:23.840 --> 0:27:26.040
<v Speaker 1>locked in. And it's not that any of these people

0:27:26.040 --> 0:27:29.000
<v Speaker 1>aren't nice people, but it's just the conversation like I'm like,

0:27:29.240 --> 0:27:31.840
<v Speaker 1>why don't you tell me something about your life? Tell

0:27:31.920 --> 0:27:35.200
<v Speaker 1>me something interesting, like talk some ship with me, give

0:27:35.280 --> 0:27:39.159
<v Speaker 1>me a reason to be here, and it's like they like,

0:27:39.200 --> 0:27:40.760
<v Speaker 1>it's not even oh we went out to dinner at

0:27:40.800 --> 0:27:43.600
<v Speaker 1>this great restaurant. It's literally like things were like where

0:27:43.680 --> 0:27:46.920
<v Speaker 1>did you get your kids sneakers from? I'm like Amazon, just.

0:27:46.880 --> 0:27:48.920
<v Speaker 2>Like you do you think that it's like they their

0:27:49.119 --> 0:27:51.800
<v Speaker 2>their life and it's everyone, but like that their life

0:27:51.880 --> 0:27:53.480
<v Speaker 2>has become just centered around the kids.

0:27:53.480 --> 0:27:57.359
<v Speaker 1>And but I don't really talk about myself either because

0:27:57.440 --> 0:28:00.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm also not trying to make friends. Sure, like I'm.

0:28:00.640 --> 0:28:04.360
<v Speaker 2>Just you, but you also like you're so interesting.

0:28:04.760 --> 0:28:06.960
<v Speaker 1>Sure, but I'm never gonna talk about myself.

0:28:07.000 --> 0:28:07.359
<v Speaker 2>Why not.

0:28:07.560 --> 0:28:09.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm never gonna be like, hey, guys, I know we're

0:28:10.000 --> 0:28:14.560
<v Speaker 1>talking about you know what jelly, which I love, But

0:28:14.760 --> 0:28:17.399
<v Speaker 1>did you know that? On my podcast I interviewed Ginger

0:28:17.400 --> 0:28:19.960
<v Speaker 1>Spice from The Spice Girls, which I did, but I'm

0:28:20.000 --> 0:28:20.840
<v Speaker 1>never gonna do that.

0:28:21.040 --> 0:28:23.240
<v Speaker 2>Sure do they ever ask they know what you do?

0:28:23.440 --> 0:28:25.679
<v Speaker 1>So one a few of them do. One woman like

0:28:25.760 --> 0:28:27.959
<v Speaker 1>listens and she'll text me and I actually really like her.

0:28:28.000 --> 0:28:29.879
<v Speaker 1>She's like a very nice lady and she'll text me

0:28:29.920 --> 0:28:32.159
<v Speaker 1>like she was like, oh my god, Ginger Spice, And

0:28:32.200 --> 0:28:35.960
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I know, but like the thought of

0:28:36.040 --> 0:28:38.680
<v Speaker 1>doing like I have friends who do like mommy's night

0:28:38.720 --> 0:28:43.160
<v Speaker 1>out with other school moms, friends like friends like their kids,

0:28:43.200 --> 0:28:45.680
<v Speaker 1>like other school moms that they've met through the school.

0:28:45.720 --> 0:28:48.080
<v Speaker 1>They'll go out and get drinks or go to dinner.

0:28:48.680 --> 0:28:51.480
<v Speaker 1>Never never, I will never. I mean maybe I will,

0:28:51.680 --> 0:28:54.080
<v Speaker 1>but I'm not just gonna do that. It's gotta be

0:28:54.200 --> 0:28:55.480
<v Speaker 1>mom's I want to be around.

0:28:55.680 --> 0:28:57.480
<v Speaker 2>It's like your ideal mom to be around.

0:28:58.160 --> 0:29:00.440
<v Speaker 1>I don't know one of my friends who has kids,

0:29:00.440 --> 0:29:02.960
<v Speaker 1>one of my friends who I like, who has kids.

0:29:03.520 --> 0:29:06.239
<v Speaker 1>I just I don't know at any mom that is

0:29:06.280 --> 0:29:11.280
<v Speaker 1>like disgruntled like I am. Like any mom who's not

0:29:11.400 --> 0:29:13.240
<v Speaker 1>like my kid is the best thing that ever.

0:29:13.280 --> 0:29:15.440
<v Speaker 2>I feel like. I think that what I love about

0:29:15.520 --> 0:29:18.200
<v Speaker 2>you is that you are honest about the experience of

0:29:18.320 --> 0:29:21.400
<v Speaker 2>parenthood and it's like all of it, like the fun stuff,

0:29:21.440 --> 0:29:24.160
<v Speaker 2>the hard stuff, And I feel like sometimes people try

0:29:24.160 --> 0:29:26.680
<v Speaker 2>to present that everything is okay, and you have a

0:29:26.760 --> 0:29:29.240
<v Speaker 2>very low bullshit barometer.

0:29:30.120 --> 0:29:31.240
<v Speaker 1>I can't.

0:29:32.000 --> 0:29:32.360
<v Speaker 2>I can't.

0:29:33.160 --> 0:29:35.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't like because then if you ever see me

0:29:35.640 --> 0:29:38.720
<v Speaker 1>out with my kids, you'll be like that woman was

0:29:38.800 --> 0:29:41.680
<v Speaker 1>lying because she does not She does not want to

0:29:41.720 --> 0:29:45.520
<v Speaker 1>cut the sandwich into a heart. She does not want

0:29:45.520 --> 0:29:50.200
<v Speaker 1>to make Easter Bunny pancakes. No, she doesn't. She doesn't

0:29:50.200 --> 0:29:52.520
<v Speaker 1>even want to make pancakes. We had fruit loops for Easter.

0:29:53.800 --> 0:29:56.400
<v Speaker 1>Like I'm tired. It's a Sunday.

0:29:56.480 --> 0:29:58.920
<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, I love it. I love it. Thank you

0:29:59.000 --> 0:30:00.680
<v Speaker 2>for that. I feel like you just rated a bunch

0:30:00.680 --> 0:30:05.400
<v Speaker 2>of parents. Shall we do some mess email? Sure, beautiful.

0:30:06.600 --> 0:30:08.640
<v Speaker 2>Let me read this one for you. Okay, this one says,

0:30:08.880 --> 0:30:13.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm recovering from purity upbringing purchase my first butt plug

0:30:13.160 --> 0:30:16.120
<v Speaker 2>and vibe. I'm still nervous to try, but just purchasing

0:30:16.120 --> 0:30:18.720
<v Speaker 2>them with such a big step for myself. Have you

0:30:18.760 --> 0:30:21.560
<v Speaker 2>ever purchased a toy? And do you remember the experience

0:30:21.680 --> 0:30:22.680
<v Speaker 2>of it? What was it like?

0:30:22.720 --> 0:30:24.480
<v Speaker 1>And you can foose wallet if you're like, I've never

0:30:24.680 --> 0:30:28.000
<v Speaker 1>Oh really, okay, I've used, but I never purchased.

0:30:28.160 --> 0:30:32.840
<v Speaker 2>Okay, lovely, I've uh, I've purchased toys, but I actually,

0:30:33.000 --> 0:30:36.280
<v Speaker 2>and I've said on this like, I don't love toys.

0:30:36.840 --> 0:30:40.240
<v Speaker 2>Now we have different genitals and they the penis toys

0:30:40.400 --> 0:30:44.480
<v Speaker 2>do not do anything. Yeah for me? Uh So, I'm

0:30:44.480 --> 0:30:46.840
<v Speaker 2>always like I'm trying, I'm trying to find the right ones,

0:30:46.960 --> 0:30:48.800
<v Speaker 2>but I think that it's such a big step, Like

0:30:49.080 --> 0:30:50.960
<v Speaker 2>would you ever buy one for yourself or do you?

0:30:51.400 --> 0:30:53.920
<v Speaker 1>I mean I would. Okay, here's the thing about being

0:30:53.960 --> 0:30:57.680
<v Speaker 1>an online person. Yeah, you get free stuff, that's true.

0:30:57.760 --> 0:31:00.240
<v Speaker 1>So like I have free ones that I've received and

0:31:00.280 --> 0:31:02.800
<v Speaker 1>they're fine, they're fine, Like I don't it's not something that.

0:31:02.760 --> 0:31:06.479
<v Speaker 2>I'm You're like craving. Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, I know.

0:31:06.680 --> 0:31:08.760
<v Speaker 2>I there's part of me that's like I'm not craving.

0:31:09.160 --> 0:31:12.680
<v Speaker 2>But people seem to have such transformative experiences that I'm like,

0:31:13.040 --> 0:31:16.040
<v Speaker 2>maybe all I know, maybe I'll I'll set aside some

0:31:16.120 --> 0:31:16.840
<v Speaker 2>time to try.

0:31:17.000 --> 0:31:20.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to I'm going to sleep.

0:31:19.960 --> 0:31:23.640
<v Speaker 2>If I have time, let's see, like I'm out of

0:31:23.680 --> 0:31:25.840
<v Speaker 2>the sleep. Okay. This one says I have a feeling

0:31:25.960 --> 0:31:28.200
<v Speaker 2>my ex wants to get back together. I'm open to it,

0:31:28.240 --> 0:31:30.160
<v Speaker 2>but how do I bring it up? What do you think?

0:31:30.360 --> 0:31:32.640
<v Speaker 1>Are you trying to get back together with me? That's

0:31:32.680 --> 0:31:33.520
<v Speaker 1>what I would say.

0:31:33.560 --> 0:31:36.280
<v Speaker 2>Oh, fair, you're talking like, yeah, kind of.

0:31:37.400 --> 0:31:42.560
<v Speaker 1>It's not my ex. You wish. I think I would

0:31:42.640 --> 0:31:45.320
<v Speaker 1>just I mean, I would probably play it off like silly.

0:31:45.520 --> 0:31:48.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I feel like, do you if you have a

0:31:48.360 --> 0:31:50.120
<v Speaker 2>feel like I'm curious about, like how you get this

0:31:50.160 --> 0:31:53.080
<v Speaker 2>feeling the feeling? Like are they saying something, are.

0:31:52.920 --> 0:31:57.600
<v Speaker 1>They They like, I want to get back together with you?

0:31:57.960 --> 0:31:59.240
<v Speaker 1>They like text me like you up?

0:31:59.400 --> 0:32:04.920
<v Speaker 2>Like, but what's the I mean, I always feel like

0:32:04.920 --> 0:32:06.680
<v Speaker 2>people are excess for a reason, that's right.

0:32:07.000 --> 0:32:10.600
<v Speaker 1>I mean got back together, and absolutely.

0:32:11.240 --> 0:32:14.480
<v Speaker 2>There are excess for a reason. So honestly, if they

0:32:14.520 --> 0:32:18.000
<v Speaker 2>want it, they especially if they ended it.

0:32:17.400 --> 0:32:20.040
<v Speaker 1>Sounds like the writer wants it, They're like, how do

0:32:20.120 --> 0:32:23.400
<v Speaker 1>I bring it up? Yeah? I mean, honestly, you don't

0:32:23.400 --> 0:32:26.960
<v Speaker 1>have anything to lose, like, because you're not you are

0:32:27.040 --> 0:32:29.080
<v Speaker 1>head together and if you're still in like a lot

0:32:29.080 --> 0:32:31.480
<v Speaker 1>of good communication. The worst thing you would happen is

0:32:31.480 --> 0:32:33.040
<v Speaker 1>that you'd be embarrassed and then you'd be not as

0:32:33.080 --> 0:32:36.320
<v Speaker 1>good communication. But again it's your ex so like so like,

0:32:36.400 --> 0:32:40.600
<v Speaker 1>so they're already gone. So I would be like, why

0:32:40.600 --> 0:32:42.840
<v Speaker 1>are you hitting on me? Do you miss me?

0:32:43.040 --> 0:32:43.520
<v Speaker 2>Do you want that?

0:32:43.720 --> 0:32:43.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:32:45.440 --> 0:32:48.320
<v Speaker 2>Because because I'm not open to it, that's fair, that's fair. Yeah,

0:32:48.320 --> 0:32:50.680
<v Speaker 2>I have questions about it. But I would also say,

0:32:50.880 --> 0:32:52.720
<v Speaker 2>why spend the block? You know what I'm saying. But

0:32:52.760 --> 0:32:54.920
<v Speaker 2>sometimes we spend the block because it's comfortable. But I

0:32:54.960 --> 0:32:57.560
<v Speaker 2>still I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Okay,

0:32:57.600 --> 0:32:59.840
<v Speaker 2>this one says my dom made me keep his com

0:33:00.080 --> 0:33:02.040
<v Speaker 2>on my face while he watched me finish my grad

0:33:02.080 --> 0:33:02.880
<v Speaker 2>school paper.

0:33:02.720 --> 0:33:10.840
<v Speaker 1>Last No, that's rude. You're writing like, I'm so sorry.

0:33:11.040 --> 0:33:12.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm not even trying to king shame.

0:33:12.520 --> 0:33:13.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm just like.

0:33:13.120 --> 0:33:17.720
<v Speaker 1>It's logistically irritating, just like I'm like, if I have

0:33:17.880 --> 0:33:21.080
<v Speaker 1>like hair, I can't focus.

0:33:21.240 --> 0:33:23.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Like the thing is like if I have to

0:33:23.920 --> 0:33:25.480
<v Speaker 2>do legit work, I'm like.

0:33:25.920 --> 0:33:28.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm like hair bag like baseball cap on.

0:33:29.840 --> 0:33:32.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm so sorry this time has to go. It's trip

0:33:33.720 --> 0:33:36.000
<v Speaker 2>if it works for you work, but like I just

0:33:36.080 --> 0:33:39.240
<v Speaker 2>could not. I have to My work station has to

0:33:39.240 --> 0:33:41.760
<v Speaker 2>be set up so specifically for me to work and

0:33:41.840 --> 0:33:43.480
<v Speaker 2>come on my face would just not do it. But

0:33:43.680 --> 0:33:47.400
<v Speaker 2>like hot, you know, and also he's watching you, right,

0:33:47.800 --> 0:33:48.960
<v Speaker 2>I can't do that either.

0:33:48.920 --> 0:33:51.240
<v Speaker 1>Okay, if I was at top, I'd be like no,

0:33:51.280 --> 0:33:52.840
<v Speaker 1>because I like I want to sleep, like IM like

0:33:52.880 --> 0:33:55.600
<v Speaker 1>I want I want to do anything else but watch

0:33:55.680 --> 0:33:58.320
<v Speaker 1>your face.

0:33:58.080 --> 0:33:59.800
<v Speaker 2>While you write on a computer.

0:34:01.120 --> 0:34:04.120
<v Speaker 1>Art history in the eighteen fifty but you know what.

0:34:04.400 --> 0:34:08.080
<v Speaker 2>Also, but like also for you patroon hot, like if

0:34:08.080 --> 0:34:10.360
<v Speaker 2>you were into it, I love it. I would be

0:34:10.520 --> 0:34:11.040
<v Speaker 2>in my head.

0:34:11.200 --> 0:34:13.439
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I couldn't. I couldn't do both.

0:34:13.480 --> 0:34:14.080
<v Speaker 2>It couldn't do it.

0:34:14.080 --> 0:34:16.800
<v Speaker 1>Could I couldn't. I could let it be there or

0:34:16.840 --> 0:34:19.120
<v Speaker 1>I could write this paper, but we can't do And

0:34:19.120 --> 0:34:19.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to get an a.

0:34:20.239 --> 0:34:20.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to get that.

0:34:21.160 --> 0:34:22.759
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to get an a. So it's gotta be

0:34:22.800 --> 0:34:25.000
<v Speaker 1>a wipe. It might maybe it's like a wipe and

0:34:25.040 --> 0:34:26.680
<v Speaker 1>like we'll say this for later, or like do you

0:34:26.680 --> 0:34:28.200
<v Speaker 1>want to do it again later and then and then

0:34:28.239 --> 0:34:31.800
<v Speaker 1>we can. But I like missus Marston means this paper,

0:34:32.120 --> 0:34:34.640
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what I mean. I just really made that.

0:34:34.680 --> 0:34:38.239
<v Speaker 2>Marks you could we learned with when er fight Master

0:34:38.440 --> 0:34:42.120
<v Speaker 2>was here, we learned about somebody submitted about a squirts cicle.

0:34:42.440 --> 0:34:47.239
<v Speaker 2>So they took fix your face, They took their the

0:34:47.400 --> 0:34:49.640
<v Speaker 2>juices and then they frozen, which show you could do

0:34:49.640 --> 0:34:52.040
<v Speaker 2>that with the and then you yeah, you like liqu

0:34:52.040 --> 0:34:53.840
<v Speaker 2>at or eat it or something. I imagine what I

0:34:53.880 --> 0:34:55.880
<v Speaker 2>would do is I would imagine if I were to

0:34:55.960 --> 0:34:58.000
<v Speaker 2>do this, I would take the cum off my face

0:34:58.040 --> 0:35:00.279
<v Speaker 2>and put it in like little icicle thing and then

0:35:00.320 --> 0:35:02.279
<v Speaker 2>I add like some juice and some fruit, so it's

0:35:02.280 --> 0:35:02.800
<v Speaker 2>like mixed.

0:35:03.880 --> 0:35:09.640
<v Speaker 1>I just don't like to fuck with my food, Okay,

0:35:09.200 --> 0:35:13.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm that's fair. I can't. I'm so glad other people

0:35:13.160 --> 0:35:17.839
<v Speaker 1>are out here doing this.

0:35:17.880 --> 0:35:20.400
<v Speaker 2>One says I'm catching feelings for someone. He made me

0:35:20.520 --> 0:35:23.799
<v Speaker 2>orgasm three times on the first date. Is that enough

0:35:23.800 --> 0:35:24.840
<v Speaker 2>catch feelings.

0:35:24.440 --> 0:35:26.400
<v Speaker 1>For like emotional feelings?

0:35:26.760 --> 0:35:28.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I assume.

0:35:28.760 --> 0:35:31.440
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I feel like those things can be different.

0:35:31.640 --> 0:35:35.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm happy for that person. They feel they're feeling good,

0:35:35.360 --> 0:35:38.160
<v Speaker 1>they think they like him person Like, I don't know.

0:35:38.200 --> 0:35:42.680
<v Speaker 1>I feel like that's I mean, what's wrong orgasms and

0:35:42.719 --> 0:35:44.880
<v Speaker 1>you feel like you like them? Congratulations?

0:35:45.000 --> 0:35:48.319
<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, I guess I always have to say, you know,

0:35:49.400 --> 0:35:52.920
<v Speaker 2>orgasms and liking somebody don't have to go hand in hand.

0:35:53.040 --> 0:35:53.439
<v Speaker 1>That's true.

0:35:53.480 --> 0:35:55.120
<v Speaker 2>That like, especially with the first date, Like you can

0:35:55.160 --> 0:35:56.719
<v Speaker 2>maybe come all you want, but like, who the fuck

0:35:56.760 --> 0:35:59.760
<v Speaker 2>are you? Yeah? And like what like I'm not catching

0:35:59.800 --> 0:36:01.080
<v Speaker 2>feel quite fast.

0:36:01.200 --> 0:36:04.200
<v Speaker 1>See, I'm the opposite. I fall in love with everybody.

0:36:04.239 --> 0:36:06.080
<v Speaker 2>I love a crush crush.

0:36:06.160 --> 0:36:09.000
<v Speaker 1>Well you know me, I've been love I love everybody

0:36:09.040 --> 0:36:09.560
<v Speaker 1>I am.

0:36:09.800 --> 0:36:11.440
<v Speaker 2>I have gym crushes all the time. God, I have

0:36:11.480 --> 0:36:16.120
<v Speaker 2>a gym crush when I was in New York. Fast.

0:36:16.160 --> 0:36:17.520
<v Speaker 2>That's great, that's a great reason for a crush.

0:36:17.760 --> 0:36:20.440
<v Speaker 1>Just like sometimes we're on treadmills next to each other.

0:36:20.480 --> 0:36:29.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, faster, absolutely, and I love them any competition absolute.

0:36:30.239 --> 0:36:34.560
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, so I I can catch feelings for someone instantly, okay,

0:36:34.719 --> 0:36:36.919
<v Speaker 1>but they're not real. I just like, I just love

0:36:37.000 --> 0:36:40.200
<v Speaker 1>to fall in love with someone. But so, yeah, I

0:36:40.239 --> 0:36:43.320
<v Speaker 1>don't think. I mean if you i'm taking this person

0:36:43.480 --> 0:36:46.160
<v Speaker 1>for I'm trying to take it as they are catching

0:36:46.200 --> 0:36:50.239
<v Speaker 1>feelings and the sex was good as opposed to their

0:36:50.280 --> 0:36:52.520
<v Speaker 1>catching feelings because the sex was good, oh.

0:36:52.360 --> 0:36:55.000
<v Speaker 2>Fair, But I feel like, who knows I'm catching feelings

0:36:55.000 --> 0:36:56.600
<v Speaker 2>for someone he made me work as three times on

0:36:56.640 --> 0:36:58.600
<v Speaker 2>the first date. I feel like it's he made you come,

0:36:58.640 --> 0:37:00.600
<v Speaker 2>and you're like, who is this person? And now catching feelings?

0:37:00.680 --> 0:37:04.719
<v Speaker 1>Sure that's less ideal for me personally, yes.

0:37:04.840 --> 0:37:07.480
<v Speaker 2>But I want to know more about you before I

0:37:07.520 --> 0:37:09.719
<v Speaker 2>say I'm catching feelings. But that's also But listen, this

0:37:09.760 --> 0:37:10.080
<v Speaker 2>is the thing.

0:37:10.440 --> 0:37:13.920
<v Speaker 1>I catch feelings like like I will be in love

0:37:13.960 --> 0:37:16.200
<v Speaker 1>with you and and then like then I find out

0:37:16.200 --> 0:37:18.040
<v Speaker 1>one thing and I'm like the fucking yeah.

0:37:18.080 --> 0:37:21.399
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to diabolical. Yeah, I guess listen, have fun,

0:37:21.400 --> 0:37:23.520
<v Speaker 2>catch your feelings, but you know, just keep your wits

0:37:23.520 --> 0:37:26.520
<v Speaker 2>about you. I guess, yeah, thing like enjoy the enjoy

0:37:26.600 --> 0:37:29.920
<v Speaker 2>the falling, enjoy the crushing, but also like, you know,

0:37:30.040 --> 0:37:33.319
<v Speaker 2>don't fall unintentionally, you know, be intentional about the yea.

0:37:33.440 --> 0:37:34.840
<v Speaker 1>Like who did he vote for?

0:37:35.440 --> 0:37:35.880
<v Speaker 2>Period?

0:37:36.120 --> 0:37:37.920
<v Speaker 1>You know, like like you can catch things, but we

0:37:37.960 --> 0:37:38.360
<v Speaker 1>do have to do.

0:37:40.000 --> 0:37:42.640
<v Speaker 2>We have to do the research. Ask about the politics

0:37:42.640 --> 0:37:44.480
<v Speaker 2>of that dick before you make it spit. That's is

0:37:45.160 --> 0:37:47.000
<v Speaker 2>That is the team. Okay, this is my missy pick.

0:37:47.600 --> 0:37:50.160
<v Speaker 2>You're ready for the real, the real Kiki. Okay, this

0:37:50.239 --> 0:37:53.480
<v Speaker 2>is a longer letter, and we are. I'm going to

0:37:53.480 --> 0:37:57.600
<v Speaker 2>preface this by saying Tracy that like I'm.

0:37:57.600 --> 0:38:01.880
<v Speaker 1>So nervous, I'm sweating. I don't even know that I

0:38:02.080 --> 0:38:03.560
<v Speaker 1>didn't know you. I would never do that.

0:38:03.600 --> 0:38:05.239
<v Speaker 2>I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

0:38:05.280 --> 0:38:14.600
<v Speaker 2>It's why I feel so honored. Listen, we're gonna, we're gonna,

0:38:14.640 --> 0:38:17.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna read it and then we'll we'll give the disclaimer,

0:38:17.040 --> 0:38:19.320
<v Speaker 2>which is that like we're going to stumble through this,

0:38:19.880 --> 0:38:23.000
<v Speaker 2>uh imperfectly or maybe maybe you're maybe you'll be perfect,

0:38:23.000 --> 0:38:25.360
<v Speaker 2>but I know that I won't. Okay, So I'm black

0:38:25.440 --> 0:38:27.880
<v Speaker 2>and in an interracial relationship with a white partner. I

0:38:27.920 --> 0:38:30.080
<v Speaker 2>love him so much, but I feel a bit ostracized

0:38:30.080 --> 0:38:32.719
<v Speaker 2>by certain family members, friends, and even people on the

0:38:32.719 --> 0:38:36.360
<v Speaker 2>internet who are judgmental about it. My dad, in particular,

0:38:36.480 --> 0:38:40.160
<v Speaker 2>is very bothered. He's a black nationalist type who wants

0:38:40.200 --> 0:38:42.120
<v Speaker 2>me to be married to a black man that's similar

0:38:42.160 --> 0:38:44.319
<v Speaker 2>to him. I don't want to disappoint him, and it's

0:38:44.360 --> 0:38:47.880
<v Speaker 2>weighing on me, which my partner can feel. What's weird

0:38:48.160 --> 0:38:50.360
<v Speaker 2>is a lot of my closest community are black, except

0:38:50.360 --> 0:38:53.000
<v Speaker 2>for my romantic partner. Contrary to what it feels like.

0:38:53.040 --> 0:38:55.960
<v Speaker 2>People think I'm very pro black. That seems obvious, but

0:38:56.040 --> 0:38:59.360
<v Speaker 2>it's like my romantic partnership is a betrail to the community.

0:38:59.640 --> 0:39:02.399
<v Speaker 2>How do you navigate being pro black but having a

0:39:02.440 --> 0:39:03.480
<v Speaker 2>white partner?

0:39:07.080 --> 0:39:09.279
<v Speaker 1>I have a white partner, I do as well. I

0:39:09.320 --> 0:39:11.799
<v Speaker 1>also have a white mom, so I am both the

0:39:11.840 --> 0:39:16.120
<v Speaker 1>product of and currently in an inter racial We like

0:39:16.200 --> 0:39:19.000
<v Speaker 1>to call, you know, just just a mix. We're just

0:39:19.000 --> 0:39:22.200
<v Speaker 1>a mix, mix mix it up. I don't know, man,

0:39:22.560 --> 0:39:24.279
<v Speaker 1>There's not a good answer. If you feel like you

0:39:24.320 --> 0:39:26.840
<v Speaker 1>can't handle it. If you can't if you feel like

0:39:27.040 --> 0:39:29.040
<v Speaker 1>you're being judged, you don't like how it feels, it

0:39:29.040 --> 0:39:31.400
<v Speaker 1>makes you feel bad in your relationship. Not the relationship

0:39:31.400 --> 0:39:34.839
<v Speaker 1>for you. If you feel like you want to stick

0:39:34.880 --> 0:39:38.080
<v Speaker 1>it out, you're okay to do that, then it works.

0:39:38.360 --> 0:39:40.920
<v Speaker 1>Like a lot of relationships don't work for a lot

0:39:40.960 --> 0:39:43.920
<v Speaker 1>of reasons. And I think like feeling like your dad

0:39:44.000 --> 0:39:46.839
<v Speaker 1>is disappointed in you is a fine reason to not

0:39:46.880 --> 0:39:49.120
<v Speaker 1>want to be with someone. I think if you really

0:39:49.160 --> 0:39:50.960
<v Speaker 1>want to be with this person, then you got to

0:39:50.960 --> 0:39:52.560
<v Speaker 1>figure out a way to deal with it. But if

0:39:52.640 --> 0:39:55.480
<v Speaker 1>you're like I like him a lot, but also I

0:39:55.480 --> 0:39:58.160
<v Speaker 1>don't want my life to be this, that's like totally fine.

0:39:58.320 --> 0:40:00.799
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, have you had tension Obviously wouldn't tension at home,

0:40:00.840 --> 0:40:03.560
<v Speaker 2>but have you attention with the world or being you

0:40:03.640 --> 0:40:04.480
<v Speaker 2>know you're.

0:40:04.480 --> 0:40:06.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean I'm mixed, so people have to tell

0:40:06.520 --> 0:40:08.239
<v Speaker 1>me that I'm not black. I mean, like I get

0:40:08.280 --> 0:40:08.680
<v Speaker 1>all of it.

0:40:08.680 --> 0:40:12.520
<v Speaker 2>But I I know that you're very comfortable and confident now,

0:40:12.560 --> 0:40:14.960
<v Speaker 2>but like growing up and growing in to that, how

0:40:14.960 --> 0:40:20.080
<v Speaker 2>did you kind of navigate the Yeah, all of the ridicule.

0:40:20.320 --> 0:40:24.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'm from Oakland, so like a lot of

0:40:24.960 --> 0:40:29.160
<v Speaker 1>people are mixed there. Yeah, and so it wasn't like

0:40:29.320 --> 0:40:30.839
<v Speaker 1>I definitely don't have the story where it's like I

0:40:30.880 --> 0:40:33.399
<v Speaker 1>was the only black kid or the only mixed kid

0:40:33.440 --> 0:40:36.160
<v Speaker 1>where I grew up, Like, yeah, so many of my

0:40:36.280 --> 0:40:39.160
<v Speaker 1>friends are mixed, whether it's black and white or you know,

0:40:39.400 --> 0:40:42.719
<v Speaker 1>white and whatever or black and whatever. Like, So I

0:40:42.760 --> 0:40:47.080
<v Speaker 1>don't I don't have strong memories of like feeling ostracized.

0:40:47.800 --> 0:40:52.719
<v Speaker 1>I do have. I did not fully understand what it

0:40:52.920 --> 0:40:57.640
<v Speaker 1>meant to be black and white, Like I didn't understand

0:40:58.080 --> 0:41:01.880
<v Speaker 1>the implications to the out as a kid, like I

0:41:01.920 --> 0:41:04.759
<v Speaker 1>remember sometimes people would ask my mom like if she

0:41:04.880 --> 0:41:07.720
<v Speaker 1>was our nanny, and I remember being like, that's so weird.

0:41:07.760 --> 0:41:09.520
<v Speaker 1>Why would they think that, you know, like as a

0:41:09.600 --> 0:41:16.600
<v Speaker 1>kid or you know, I definitely like it was a

0:41:16.600 --> 0:41:20.040
<v Speaker 1>different time, right, The nineties was a different, different time,

0:41:20.040 --> 0:41:26.000
<v Speaker 1>and there wasn't as much like black media for young people, sure, right,

0:41:26.080 --> 0:41:29.080
<v Speaker 1>like obviously Spike Lee was around, But at eight, I

0:41:29.200 --> 0:41:33.120
<v Speaker 1>wasn't like I wasn't like do the right thing, and

0:41:33.160 --> 0:41:36.319
<v Speaker 1>so I think I didn't really understand. Like my dad

0:41:36.360 --> 0:41:38.600
<v Speaker 1>would sometimes be like, you know, you're black and you're

0:41:38.600 --> 0:41:40.840
<v Speaker 1>gonna have to work twice as hard, and I remember

0:41:40.920 --> 0:41:43.960
<v Speaker 1>as a kid, I was always like like I'm tracy,

0:41:45.440 --> 0:41:48.279
<v Speaker 1>Like I didn't really understand what he was getting. At now,

0:41:48.360 --> 0:41:51.560
<v Speaker 1>of course I understand it, but like I think a

0:41:51.600 --> 0:41:54.160
<v Speaker 1>lot of it went over my head as a kid

0:41:54.600 --> 0:41:57.880
<v Speaker 1>because my brother's best friend was mixed. Obviously my brother

0:41:58.040 --> 0:42:01.680
<v Speaker 1>was mixed. I mean just so many people I had,

0:42:01.719 --> 0:42:05.960
<v Speaker 1>like multiple friends who were mixed in middle school, not

0:42:06.040 --> 0:42:07.320
<v Speaker 1>as much an elementary school.

0:42:07.760 --> 0:42:10.040
<v Speaker 2>But you just never like felt like you were on

0:42:10.080 --> 0:42:10.560
<v Speaker 2>the outside.

0:42:10.600 --> 0:42:12.439
<v Speaker 1>It never felt like the thing that some people tell,

0:42:12.480 --> 0:42:14.120
<v Speaker 1>like I don't know who I am or where I blong,

0:42:14.160 --> 0:42:16.920
<v Speaker 1>like I always have felt. I say that I'm a

0:42:16.920 --> 0:42:19.920
<v Speaker 1>black woman, yeah, but I've always felt very comfortable saying

0:42:19.920 --> 0:42:22.440
<v Speaker 1>that I'm mixed as well, Like I've never felt I

0:42:22.520 --> 0:42:26.399
<v Speaker 1>never felt the like oreo thing. Sure, even though I

0:42:26.480 --> 0:42:29.279
<v Speaker 1>know that people probably said that about me, I don't know.

0:42:29.400 --> 0:42:31.960
<v Speaker 1>I just I am mixed, Like I don't know, I

0:42:32.000 --> 0:42:35.000
<v Speaker 1>am both black and white on the inside and the outside.

0:42:35.040 --> 0:42:37.319
<v Speaker 1>Like I don't I get it. I get that it's

0:42:37.320 --> 0:42:39.520
<v Speaker 1>an insult, and I also, you know, the older I get.

0:42:39.520 --> 0:42:42.719
<v Speaker 1>I'm also just like it's really fucking anti black to

0:42:42.800 --> 0:42:46.520
<v Speaker 1>say that someone's not black because of whatever, Like yeah,

0:42:46.560 --> 0:42:48.440
<v Speaker 1>it's like, oh, black people all have to be like

0:42:48.520 --> 0:42:50.799
<v Speaker 1>this one way or be this one thing. And if

0:42:50.800 --> 0:42:54.160
<v Speaker 1>you if you're a creative and you make something that's

0:42:54.200 --> 0:42:57.439
<v Speaker 1>not exactly what your life was like. You can't tell

0:42:57.440 --> 0:42:59.719
<v Speaker 1>these stories even like within the black community all of.

0:42:59.719 --> 0:43:03.480
<v Speaker 2>That, Like I just, yeah, you've made peace with that.

0:43:03.719 --> 0:43:05.759
<v Speaker 2>I I think that. So I grew up in a

0:43:06.960 --> 0:43:11.719
<v Speaker 2>Caribbean household. I'm first generation, and but I went to

0:43:11.800 --> 0:43:14.880
<v Speaker 2>a lot of private schools. So I went to my

0:43:15.040 --> 0:43:18.600
<v Speaker 2>elementary middle school was an international school, so we were

0:43:18.719 --> 0:43:21.160
<v Speaker 2>kind of like all representing from all around the world.

0:43:21.239 --> 0:43:25.880
<v Speaker 2>And then my high school was very much predominantly white,

0:43:27.120 --> 0:43:30.520
<v Speaker 2>and so I wasn't My mom always said, like, I'm

0:43:30.560 --> 0:43:33.080
<v Speaker 2>raising a strong black man for a strong black woman.

0:43:33.120 --> 0:43:35.360
<v Speaker 2>So I did hear that growing up. But obviously what

0:43:35.520 --> 0:43:37.799
<v Speaker 2>was counteractive to that was that like I'm queer, and

0:43:37.800 --> 0:43:43.279
<v Speaker 2>so I wasn't gonna be with a woman. Yeah, not

0:43:43.280 --> 0:43:47.040
<v Speaker 2>the right premise. But then there was also when I

0:43:47.120 --> 0:43:50.080
<v Speaker 2>got into like high school, just like what more, what

0:43:49.840 --> 0:43:53.440
<v Speaker 2>more what my options were, which wasn't even in dating,

0:43:53.800 --> 0:43:55.200
<v Speaker 2>which I did date a couple of black girls. It

0:43:55.280 --> 0:43:57.960
<v Speaker 2>just there was like a couple that like were willing

0:43:57.960 --> 0:44:01.879
<v Speaker 2>to date me because they knew I was homosexual, but

0:44:01.920 --> 0:44:03.719
<v Speaker 2>like like the white girls that were like you know

0:44:03.920 --> 0:44:06.920
<v Speaker 2>down today and so like, but I never thought about

0:44:07.040 --> 0:44:09.839
<v Speaker 2>the world's perception of it. I kind of just went

0:44:10.480 --> 0:44:13.520
<v Speaker 2>where whoever was like down to hang out with me. Yeah,

0:44:14.280 --> 0:44:16.080
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't like, oh I don't like And I think

0:44:16.120 --> 0:44:21.680
<v Speaker 2>that's what where I get tension as an adult is

0:44:21.840 --> 0:44:26.799
<v Speaker 2>people assuming that there is a discard or like I

0:44:26.880 --> 0:44:29.800
<v Speaker 2>don't like black men, or I don't like black people

0:44:29.840 --> 0:44:32.560
<v Speaker 2>because I have a white partner as opposed to. It

0:44:32.680 --> 0:44:35.040
<v Speaker 2>just so happened to work out that, like, this is

0:44:35.040 --> 0:44:37.960
<v Speaker 2>my partner, but I wasn't like looking for There's like

0:44:38.000 --> 0:44:41.280
<v Speaker 2>a there's a feeling that partners of color, black partners

0:44:41.320 --> 0:44:44.480
<v Speaker 2>who have white partners are looking for white partners as

0:44:44.520 --> 0:44:45.799
<v Speaker 2>opposed to they just fell in love.

0:44:45.960 --> 0:44:47.520
<v Speaker 1>But nobody says that to the white partner.

0:44:47.800 --> 0:44:50.279
<v Speaker 2>No, that is always what's frustrating. The white partner is like.

0:44:50.400 --> 0:44:56.200
<v Speaker 1>Super woke and like wow, wow, white guys dating, yeahs

0:44:56.200 --> 0:44:56.640
<v Speaker 1>so cool.

0:44:56.719 --> 0:44:58.880
<v Speaker 2>You have a black wife, you have a black husband,

0:44:58.880 --> 0:45:02.120
<v Speaker 2>a black spouse, and the black or brown Asian partner

0:45:02.320 --> 0:45:04.880
<v Speaker 2>is like, you hate your race and you're betraying and

0:45:05.280 --> 0:45:08.200
<v Speaker 2>you get that from everywhere, Like you get it from

0:45:08.239 --> 0:45:10.720
<v Speaker 2>your community, but you also get it outside of your community.

0:45:10.760 --> 0:45:14.120
<v Speaker 2>And I'm just to your earlier point. It does feel

0:45:14.200 --> 0:45:19.480
<v Speaker 2>so curiously anti black, because you are now being disparaging

0:45:19.560 --> 0:45:22.399
<v Speaker 2>to a black person right based off of like who

0:45:22.440 --> 0:45:23.120
<v Speaker 2>they love.

0:45:22.960 --> 0:45:25.799
<v Speaker 1>And saying like they're less black because of it. And

0:45:25.800 --> 0:45:27.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm just like, oh, so there is such thing as

0:45:27.640 --> 0:45:30.719
<v Speaker 1>a black monelith them, Like they're either there's no such thing.

0:45:30.800 --> 0:45:32.960
<v Speaker 1>Black people can be whatever they want and more expansive,

0:45:33.360 --> 0:45:36.160
<v Speaker 1>or there's rules to being black. But you can't be like, oh,

0:45:36.200 --> 0:45:37.560
<v Speaker 1>black people can do whatever, and then as soon as

0:45:37.600 --> 0:45:39.399
<v Speaker 1>a black person does something you don't like, oh, they're

0:45:39.440 --> 0:45:41.520
<v Speaker 1>not black black, Like I don't fuck with Candice Owen,

0:45:41.520 --> 0:45:43.960
<v Speaker 1>it's not one single bit, but she's still black, right,

0:45:44.400 --> 0:45:47.239
<v Speaker 1>right right, And like we deserve black villains, you know,

0:45:47.560 --> 0:45:49.960
<v Speaker 1>like do you know what I mean? Like I mean

0:45:50.080 --> 0:45:52.600
<v Speaker 1>not that we've had a problem with black villain representation,

0:45:53.080 --> 0:45:55.799
<v Speaker 1>but like every black person doesn't have to be my

0:45:55.960 --> 0:45:58.759
<v Speaker 1>black person, every black Like we are allowed to have

0:45:58.840 --> 0:46:02.359
<v Speaker 1>black conservatives, even I think they're fucking assholes, which is

0:46:02.400 --> 0:46:04.719
<v Speaker 1>not any different than a white conservative I think is

0:46:04.760 --> 0:46:07.520
<v Speaker 1>a fucking asshole, you know. Like it's just so I think,

0:46:07.560 --> 0:46:10.400
<v Speaker 1>like if you want to say black people are expansive

0:46:10.640 --> 0:46:13.439
<v Speaker 1>and they can be and do everything and anything, which

0:46:13.480 --> 0:46:15.799
<v Speaker 1>is what I believe then you don't get to tell

0:46:15.800 --> 0:46:20.000
<v Speaker 1>someone they're less black because they're whatever. And like, I mean,

0:46:20.680 --> 0:46:24.880
<v Speaker 1>backtracking to our eugenics conversation earlier, I think there's something

0:46:25.000 --> 0:46:30.120
<v Speaker 1>really interesting that happened with mixed raced people and people

0:46:30.120 --> 0:46:32.840
<v Speaker 1>who are like in in inter raci relationships or whatever,

0:46:32.960 --> 0:46:35.640
<v Speaker 1>where this conversation becomes like, oh, you're less black than

0:46:36.320 --> 0:46:39.200
<v Speaker 1>And it is interesting because it really buys into the

0:46:39.280 --> 0:46:43.319
<v Speaker 1>history of like race science, right, which is like race science, Okay,

0:46:43.320 --> 0:46:46.440
<v Speaker 1>it's all made up, it doesn't exist. But it's like

0:46:46.880 --> 0:46:49.520
<v Speaker 1>a lot of people try to talk about how, you know,

0:46:50.120 --> 0:46:52.359
<v Speaker 1>the one drop rule, right, like that's how it was,

0:46:52.520 --> 0:46:54.440
<v Speaker 1>how it came about in this country. So if you

0:46:54.520 --> 0:46:58.720
<v Speaker 1>had one drop of black, you were black, and many

0:46:58.760 --> 0:47:03.239
<v Speaker 1>people who looked white were embraced for their blackness in

0:47:03.320 --> 0:47:06.120
<v Speaker 1>black communities. And now there's sort of this pushback of like, oh,

0:47:06.239 --> 0:47:09.600
<v Speaker 1>you're only half black, like you're not even though experience,

0:47:10.080 --> 0:47:12.759
<v Speaker 1>you know, family, all of that is black. And so

0:47:12.800 --> 0:47:15.000
<v Speaker 1>I think that part of it is also really interesting

0:47:15.040 --> 0:47:18.640
<v Speaker 1>to me, of like, oh, you're not black because you

0:47:18.760 --> 0:47:21.840
<v Speaker 1>have a white parent. But it's like, you know, I

0:47:21.880 --> 0:47:25.400
<v Speaker 1>didn't invent the rules, right, Like I'm like this is

0:47:25.560 --> 0:47:27.920
<v Speaker 1>this is who I am. These are my parents, And

0:47:27.960 --> 0:47:29.440
<v Speaker 1>if you want to say that I'm less black, like

0:47:29.600 --> 0:47:33.400
<v Speaker 1>you are trafficking in this weird eugenics, yes, sort of

0:47:33.440 --> 0:47:35.920
<v Speaker 1>like oh if you're less than twenty five percent or

0:47:35.960 --> 0:47:37.839
<v Speaker 1>like you know, there's always this, There'll always be these

0:47:37.880 --> 0:47:40.440
<v Speaker 1>things where like certain celebrities you'll find out they're black

0:47:40.560 --> 0:47:41.799
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, oh, well they're not black because they

0:47:41.800 --> 0:47:43.560
<v Speaker 1>don't look black. I'm like, oh, well, is that now

0:47:43.600 --> 0:47:45.600
<v Speaker 1>the bar? Like what is the bar? And why is

0:47:45.640 --> 0:47:48.719
<v Speaker 1>it moving so much? And you know, that's a conversation

0:47:48.760 --> 0:47:51.000
<v Speaker 1>that I think can and should be had of like

0:47:51.200 --> 0:47:54.600
<v Speaker 1>the one drop rule was imposed on people, right, but

0:47:54.680 --> 0:47:56.960
<v Speaker 1>like the question is then, like what does make someone black?

0:47:57.680 --> 0:47:59.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean I I don't know if I had

0:47:59.719 --> 0:48:02.040
<v Speaker 2>the end. And I think what's interesting is that I

0:48:02.040 --> 0:48:05.880
<v Speaker 2>think it's it's such a delicate conversation blackness and racial relationships.

0:48:06.239 --> 0:48:08.600
<v Speaker 2>But it never seemed why I wanted to have it

0:48:08.640 --> 0:48:10.520
<v Speaker 2>with you is because there never seems to be the

0:48:10.560 --> 0:48:14.279
<v Speaker 2>appropriate space to have it in a compassionate way. It's

0:48:14.440 --> 0:48:16.400
<v Speaker 2>very much you know, like doctor Umar, like it's this

0:48:16.560 --> 0:48:18.480
<v Speaker 2>or not. You're like, I don't, I don't know what

0:48:18.800 --> 0:48:22.600
<v Speaker 2>to do with that. But I guess my feeling is,

0:48:23.360 --> 0:48:27.680
<v Speaker 2>what is your experience? Like, are you having an experience

0:48:27.719 --> 0:48:31.600
<v Speaker 2>where people are treating you as black? Which is a

0:48:31.680 --> 0:48:34.920
<v Speaker 2>very clear experience, Like not to be morbid, but like

0:48:34.960 --> 0:48:37.399
<v Speaker 2>are you scared of the cops when the cops over?

0:48:37.960 --> 0:48:41.160
<v Speaker 1>Like, but there's also people who are black who are

0:48:41.239 --> 0:48:44.280
<v Speaker 1>raised with black parents who maybe don't present as black, sure,

0:48:44.440 --> 0:48:46.560
<v Speaker 1>who have a black experience.

0:48:46.640 --> 0:48:48.239
<v Speaker 2>That's true, Like what is the black experience? Right?

0:48:48.280 --> 0:48:51.120
<v Speaker 1>What does the black experience mean? And like, you know,

0:48:51.320 --> 0:48:54.799
<v Speaker 1>I always like, there's this soccer player in the UK.

0:48:54.880 --> 0:48:57.680
<v Speaker 1>His name is Cole Palmer. Yeah, and he looks white

0:48:57.680 --> 0:48:59.920
<v Speaker 1>as hell, white as hell. Like when I found out

0:49:00.000 --> 0:49:01.799
<v Speaker 1>he was black, I was like, dang, but he has

0:49:01.840 --> 0:49:06.200
<v Speaker 1>a black, I believe Jamaican grandfather. And when you see

0:49:06.239 --> 0:49:10.080
<v Speaker 1>his grandfather, there's not like he's black. Yeah, when you

0:49:10.120 --> 0:49:13.400
<v Speaker 1>see Cole, you're like, I don't quite get it. But

0:49:13.600 --> 0:49:16.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't know that we get to be like, oh,

0:49:16.400 --> 0:49:20.919
<v Speaker 1>he's white because he looks white like it is.

0:49:20.880 --> 0:49:23.040
<v Speaker 2>If we're saying black expirits is expansive, then he is.

0:49:23.239 --> 0:49:25.520
<v Speaker 1>Well yeah, I mean he has a black grandparent. Yeah,

0:49:25.719 --> 0:49:28.040
<v Speaker 1>that's a I mean he's at least a quarter black.

0:49:28.160 --> 0:49:30.680
<v Speaker 1>Like so I think, you know, it becomes and again

0:49:30.719 --> 0:49:34.080
<v Speaker 1>that's all like race science or whatever, but like it

0:49:34.160 --> 0:49:37.839
<v Speaker 1>becomes really interesting who like I don't know, it's hard

0:49:37.840 --> 0:49:40.200
<v Speaker 1>to know who gets to decide who's what or whatever.

0:49:40.600 --> 0:49:44.360
<v Speaker 1>And obviously, like people like Rachel Dolezel have like complicated,

0:49:45.160 --> 0:49:47.919
<v Speaker 1>well they have they complicated who gets me white? Because

0:49:47.920 --> 0:49:49.279
<v Speaker 1>you should just be like, if you wanted to be black,

0:49:49.320 --> 0:49:52.240
<v Speaker 1>you get to be black, because like you know, in America,

0:49:52.280 --> 0:49:54.279
<v Speaker 1>who wants to be black? Like who would choose it

0:49:54.320 --> 0:49:57.120
<v Speaker 1>if they weren't? That used to be sort of the logestion, right,

0:49:57.640 --> 0:50:00.759
<v Speaker 1>and now there are people who are like want so

0:50:00.960 --> 0:50:06.399
<v Speaker 1>badly to be down in the side that like they

0:50:06.480 --> 0:50:09.040
<v Speaker 1>make it so that other people have to like prove themselves.

0:50:09.080 --> 0:50:10.719
<v Speaker 1>I mean, do you remember there was like a TikTok

0:50:10.800 --> 0:50:13.480
<v Speaker 1>of someone who was like I'm I'm not like no, no, no,

0:50:13.480 --> 0:50:16.280
<v Speaker 1>and then they like showed a picture of their like mom, right,

0:50:16.640 --> 0:50:18.640
<v Speaker 1>it was like, yeah, I mean that person's raised by

0:50:18.640 --> 0:50:21.279
<v Speaker 1>a black mom, even if they look white like that,

0:50:21.760 --> 0:50:24.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, yes, And then there's people who look black

0:50:24.600 --> 0:50:26.480
<v Speaker 1>who are raised you know, who are maybe are adopted

0:50:26.600 --> 0:50:28.319
<v Speaker 1>or raised by white people and don't have the like

0:50:28.400 --> 0:50:30.720
<v Speaker 1>black experience, but are they not black?

0:50:31.239 --> 0:50:33.279
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? I mean those are great questions. I mean, I

0:50:33.280 --> 0:50:37.280
<v Speaker 2>guess the answer is if we're saying the black experience

0:50:37.280 --> 0:50:39.480
<v Speaker 2>gets to be expansive and it's not monolith, then like,

0:50:39.560 --> 0:50:41.800
<v Speaker 2>if you are black, you are having a black experience.

0:50:41.800 --> 0:50:44.399
<v Speaker 2>It may not be the majority black experience, but it's

0:50:44.400 --> 0:50:55.520
<v Speaker 2>still part of the experience. I guess where it gets tricky.

0:50:55.880 --> 0:50:58.759
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't say tricky, but I'm using I'm not saying

0:50:58.800 --> 0:51:00.640
<v Speaker 2>this is my attention, but I'm seeing on kind of

0:51:00.640 --> 0:51:05.400
<v Speaker 2>the communal tension is the feeling that some people are

0:51:05.400 --> 0:51:08.640
<v Speaker 2>being treated better than others, right that like which then

0:51:08.680 --> 0:51:10.880
<v Speaker 2>gets into the like if you are if you are

0:51:10.920 --> 0:51:13.400
<v Speaker 2>black but you look white, you might be having a

0:51:13.400 --> 0:51:16.080
<v Speaker 2>better experience in this world than if you are a

0:51:16.160 --> 0:51:19.680
<v Speaker 2>darker skin. Yeah, And so then I think that's where

0:51:19.680 --> 0:51:22.960
<v Speaker 2>a lot of the book comes up or gets kicked up,

0:51:23.000 --> 0:51:26.400
<v Speaker 2>and that's where the fight happens. I wish that, I mean,

0:51:26.440 --> 0:51:29.560
<v Speaker 2>I think I wish that we were more compassionate. I

0:51:29.600 --> 0:51:32.640
<v Speaker 2>wish that, Uh, I wish, like going back to this

0:51:32.680 --> 0:51:36.480
<v Speaker 2>person's like question, specifically in terms of relationship, Like, I

0:51:36.520 --> 0:51:39.640
<v Speaker 2>personally wish that I wasn't something that I had to navigate,

0:51:39.760 --> 0:51:43.920
<v Speaker 2>like you know, getting called a snow chaser or having

0:51:43.960 --> 0:51:50.080
<v Speaker 2>people dismiss my work because my husband is white. They

0:51:50.080 --> 0:51:51.520
<v Speaker 2>love to do that where it's like, oh, you're not.

0:51:52.520 --> 0:51:54.200
<v Speaker 2>Oh we thought you were cool until we found out

0:51:54.200 --> 0:51:59.279
<v Speaker 2>your you know, husband's white. And it also to mean negates.

0:52:00.200 --> 0:52:04.200
<v Speaker 2>Like I said, this will be imperfect. I understand that

0:52:04.280 --> 0:52:08.600
<v Speaker 2>there are black folks and people of color who are

0:52:08.600 --> 0:52:12.360
<v Speaker 2>with white partners because they are under the impression that

0:52:12.360 --> 0:52:15.279
<v Speaker 2>there is safety in that. And I understand that there

0:52:15.320 --> 0:52:18.879
<v Speaker 2>are black folks and brown folks and Asian folks who

0:52:20.560 --> 0:52:24.520
<v Speaker 2>chase after whiteness to have that security in that safety.

0:52:24.719 --> 0:52:27.520
<v Speaker 2>But I think what never gets asked one. I think

0:52:27.520 --> 0:52:29.640
<v Speaker 2>that all of us get lumped into that. So now

0:52:29.760 --> 0:52:32.840
<v Speaker 2>every black person that has a white partner is trying

0:52:32.880 --> 0:52:36.400
<v Speaker 2>to get closer to whiteness. And also it never the

0:52:36.760 --> 0:52:40.200
<v Speaker 2>questions ever asked what happened to that black person that

0:52:40.320 --> 0:52:43.320
<v Speaker 2>is making them chase whiteness, which I think is like

0:52:43.360 --> 0:52:45.880
<v Speaker 2>a compassionate question. I'm not saying it excuses whatever, but

0:52:45.960 --> 0:52:48.600
<v Speaker 2>like I never hear that part of it, like what

0:52:49.160 --> 0:52:53.480
<v Speaker 2>experience did that person a person of color have that

0:52:53.840 --> 0:52:59.480
<v Speaker 2>has warped them or their psyche to feel as though

0:52:59.480 --> 0:53:02.000
<v Speaker 2>they need you have a white partner to feel safe,

0:53:02.120 --> 0:53:04.759
<v Speaker 2>And where's what what is that conversation? And are we

0:53:04.840 --> 0:53:06.759
<v Speaker 2>having that conversation which I can't have. I don't. I

0:53:06.760 --> 0:53:10.000
<v Speaker 2>don't know it, but I do know the conversation of like,

0:53:10.080 --> 0:53:12.799
<v Speaker 2>I'm pro black, I love like my friends are black,

0:53:12.920 --> 0:53:16.120
<v Speaker 2>my community is black. I you know, create programs for

0:53:16.360 --> 0:53:19.440
<v Speaker 2>specifically black folks, but I have a white partner, And

0:53:19.480 --> 0:53:23.840
<v Speaker 2>why does that negate my my blackness? Which it doesn't.

0:53:23.880 --> 0:53:29.200
<v Speaker 2>It literally doesn't, but it doesn't mean that it's not painful, sure,

0:53:30.040 --> 0:53:31.719
<v Speaker 2>or like sad to feel like, oh wow, I have

0:53:31.840 --> 0:53:35.560
<v Speaker 2>to prove myself in a way, and ultimately, you know,

0:53:35.640 --> 0:53:37.719
<v Speaker 2>I've gotten to a place where I have to go,

0:53:37.800 --> 0:53:40.080
<v Speaker 2>like I know who I am, My people know who

0:53:40.080 --> 0:53:42.480
<v Speaker 2>I am, and people who follow meople follow me, and

0:53:42.520 --> 0:53:44.960
<v Speaker 2>my community knows who I am, and like that's actually

0:53:44.960 --> 0:53:48.680
<v Speaker 2>what matters, and I'm loved and like that's also part

0:53:48.680 --> 0:53:50.680
<v Speaker 2>of it. Like I had, which has nothing to do

0:53:50.719 --> 0:53:53.200
<v Speaker 2>with like I had a partner who was emotionally abusive

0:53:53.360 --> 0:53:57.120
<v Speaker 2>and was of color. And what I find so interesting

0:53:57.200 --> 0:54:00.879
<v Speaker 2>is that no one ever asks if I'm loved my relationship.

0:54:00.960 --> 0:54:02.640
<v Speaker 2>They just ask about the race, and it's like the

0:54:02.760 --> 0:54:04.520
<v Speaker 2>race has nothing to do with whether or not I'm

0:54:04.560 --> 0:54:07.040
<v Speaker 2>going to be loved well right, or if you're going

0:54:07.120 --> 0:54:09.520
<v Speaker 2>to be a good partner, like sometimes we will. I

0:54:09.840 --> 0:54:13.319
<v Speaker 2>notice where if your partners of the same race, then

0:54:13.360 --> 0:54:16.279
<v Speaker 2>everyone's cool, but there's no conversation about like are you

0:54:16.280 --> 0:54:18.719
<v Speaker 2>being treated well right? Are you being loved or is

0:54:18.760 --> 0:54:21.040
<v Speaker 2>it just that like you're both of the same race.

0:54:22.040 --> 0:54:23.960
<v Speaker 2>Whereas if it's inter racial, then it's.

0:54:23.840 --> 0:54:25.560
<v Speaker 1>Like, well you hate your right well like that the

0:54:25.560 --> 0:54:30.600
<v Speaker 1>interracial like invites outside opinion. Yes, yes, it's like, you know,

0:54:30.719 --> 0:54:32.680
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, maybe because I have a bad attitude,

0:54:33.080 --> 0:54:35.440
<v Speaker 1>maybe because I've grown up mixed my whole life. Yeah,

0:54:35.480 --> 0:54:38.040
<v Speaker 1>I just don't. I don't know, Like there are people

0:54:38.040 --> 0:54:40.000
<v Speaker 1>who are gonna not like you or think that you're

0:54:40.040 --> 0:54:42.399
<v Speaker 1>a phony no matter what you do, yeah, no matter

0:54:42.480 --> 0:54:45.680
<v Speaker 1>who you are. Yeah, Like I come from the book world.

0:54:45.880 --> 0:54:49.040
<v Speaker 1>People used to write horrible reviews of Tony Morrison's books,

0:54:49.160 --> 0:54:51.200
<v Speaker 1>right you know, like, and to me, she is the

0:54:51.200 --> 0:54:54.880
<v Speaker 1>gold standard of black literature, right, like, she is amazing

0:54:54.920 --> 0:54:56.960
<v Speaker 1>And if you go back and read old reviews of her,

0:54:58.040 --> 0:55:00.440
<v Speaker 1>they ship on her stuff. Yeah, they're like they're fine,

0:55:00.680 --> 0:55:03.000
<v Speaker 1>books are fine. So I just feel like, you know,

0:55:03.040 --> 0:55:05.719
<v Speaker 1>and she kept writing and she's the goat. So to me,

0:55:06.080 --> 0:55:08.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm just like you. People are gonna not like me.

0:55:08.520 --> 0:55:10.480
<v Speaker 1>People are gonna say that I'm this and that, and

0:55:10.520 --> 0:55:12.080
<v Speaker 1>I can just do what i can do and I

0:55:12.080 --> 0:55:14.200
<v Speaker 1>can just be who I'm gonna be. And if you

0:55:14.200 --> 0:55:15.480
<v Speaker 1>don't like me, that's fine.

0:55:15.600 --> 0:55:16.160
<v Speaker 2>Like I don't.

0:55:16.280 --> 0:55:18.120
<v Speaker 1>I probably don't even. I mean now with social media,

0:55:18.120 --> 0:55:20.880
<v Speaker 1>like I don't know you. It's different with the person's dad. Sure,

0:55:21.080 --> 0:55:25.000
<v Speaker 1>I think that's really hard. Again, in my family, no

0:55:25.000 --> 0:55:27.280
<v Speaker 1>one could be like, hey, do you have a white husband,

0:55:27.280 --> 0:55:31.680
<v Speaker 1>because I'd be like, yeah, mom, you went inter racial too,

0:55:32.160 --> 0:55:33.080
<v Speaker 1>like what's up?

0:55:33.200 --> 0:55:34.520
<v Speaker 2>But yeah.

0:55:34.640 --> 0:55:37.480
<v Speaker 1>But but I do feel like some of the outside stuff,

0:55:37.520 --> 0:55:39.480
<v Speaker 1>like I don't know, I just don't. It doesn't I

0:55:39.880 --> 0:55:41.839
<v Speaker 1>feel like I've already heard all of it, like as

0:55:41.880 --> 0:55:42.959
<v Speaker 1>a kid, you know.

0:55:43.360 --> 0:55:45.319
<v Speaker 2>Well, you guys, I think you poke holes in it

0:55:45.400 --> 0:55:47.560
<v Speaker 2>and you go, well, what what does this really have

0:55:47.600 --> 0:55:49.680
<v Speaker 2>to do with me? Or is this other pain that's

0:55:49.719 --> 0:55:52.759
<v Speaker 2>not being projected on you? Because of course, you know,

0:55:53.080 --> 0:55:55.520
<v Speaker 2>this is such a much longer conversation, but there are

0:55:55.920 --> 0:55:58.160
<v Speaker 2>you know, racial politics in our countries, So I understand

0:55:58.160 --> 0:56:00.440
<v Speaker 2>where the stress comes from, but it doesn't mean that

0:56:00.440 --> 0:56:02.040
<v Speaker 2>that has to do anything with your.

0:56:01.920 --> 0:56:05.040
<v Speaker 1>Current relationship, right, and like you do what you do,

0:56:05.719 --> 0:56:08.560
<v Speaker 1>you do your thing, And like if people, like I

0:56:08.560 --> 0:56:11.960
<v Speaker 1>said in the beginning, if people, if people's opinions about

0:56:11.960 --> 0:56:16.040
<v Speaker 1>your relationship are making your life difficult and you can't

0:56:16.480 --> 0:56:19.480
<v Speaker 1>live with that, that is a totally valid reason to

0:56:19.640 --> 0:56:22.600
<v Speaker 1>end your relationship. Sure, But on the flip side, if

0:56:22.640 --> 0:56:24.840
<v Speaker 1>you really love your partner, and I'm not suggesting that

0:56:24.880 --> 0:56:26.719
<v Speaker 1>you don't love your partner if you choose to bring

0:56:26.840 --> 0:56:28.360
<v Speaker 1>up with them, but like, if the thing that is

0:56:28.400 --> 0:56:31.440
<v Speaker 1>most important to you is the relationship with your partner,

0:56:31.800 --> 0:56:34.040
<v Speaker 1>then you have to say fuck it to the other thing.

0:56:34.120 --> 0:56:35.759
<v Speaker 1>Like you aren't going to be able to be in

0:56:35.800 --> 0:56:40.000
<v Speaker 1>an interracial relationship in this day and age and not

0:56:40.360 --> 0:56:45.719
<v Speaker 1>either hear it from somebody or like you're not going

0:56:45.800 --> 0:56:48.760
<v Speaker 1>to be able to be totally free from outside opinion.

0:56:48.920 --> 0:56:50.520
<v Speaker 1>Like that's just not possible right now. So you have

0:56:50.560 --> 0:56:56.320
<v Speaker 1>to decide which thing is more more bearable, more difficult, whatever,

0:56:56.480 --> 0:56:58.719
<v Speaker 1>and you have to just you know, make that decision.

0:56:58.960 --> 0:57:00.880
<v Speaker 2>And there's always going to be some thing, but that

0:57:01.040 --> 0:57:03.319
<v Speaker 2>I mean that's also with every relationship, there's always gonna

0:57:03.320 --> 0:57:03.520
<v Speaker 2>be something.

0:57:04.239 --> 0:57:06.319
<v Speaker 1>Like people. I mean this is not shots, but like

0:57:06.400 --> 0:57:08.279
<v Speaker 1>I think about people who are like in relationships with

0:57:08.280 --> 0:57:13.919
<v Speaker 1>police officers. Yeah yeah, sure, like I judge you, yeah, yeah,

0:57:13.920 --> 0:57:16.080
<v Speaker 1>you judge my white husband, I judge you. Yeah.

0:57:16.160 --> 0:57:17.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, there's always gonna be something.

0:57:17.400 --> 0:57:19.160
<v Speaker 1>There's there's something, you know, I'm.

0:57:18.960 --> 0:57:21.480
<v Speaker 2>No monogamous, so like there's yeah, you know, like how

0:57:21.520 --> 0:57:24.040
<v Speaker 2>your relationships set up, there's always going to be something,

0:57:24.120 --> 0:57:25.760
<v Speaker 2>And so if you're basing it off of what other

0:57:25.760 --> 0:57:28.120
<v Speaker 2>people are thinking, you'll kind of never be right.

0:57:28.360 --> 0:57:31.840
<v Speaker 1>But again, I understand if it's like your core community,

0:57:31.960 --> 0:57:35.720
<v Speaker 1>your family, you don't like, I don't think that I

0:57:35.760 --> 0:57:38.040
<v Speaker 1>could bring home a Republican, even if I met one

0:57:38.080 --> 0:57:39.440
<v Speaker 1>and I fell in love with one and I was

0:57:39.520 --> 0:57:41.440
<v Speaker 1>okay with it. I don't think I could be in

0:57:41.480 --> 0:57:45.000
<v Speaker 1>a relationship with someone who was like like a real conservative,

0:57:45.000 --> 0:57:46.800
<v Speaker 1>because I don't think I could bring that person home

0:57:46.800 --> 0:57:49.840
<v Speaker 1>to my family, and my family is more important to

0:57:49.880 --> 0:57:51.000
<v Speaker 1>me at this point.

0:57:50.800 --> 0:57:51.520
<v Speaker 2>In my life.

0:57:51.840 --> 0:57:53.840
<v Speaker 1>Even if I met someone that I really loved, yeah,

0:57:53.880 --> 0:57:55.840
<v Speaker 1>like I just would be like, I don't know, and

0:57:56.520 --> 0:58:00.080
<v Speaker 1>it's not the vibes. Yeah, so I get that, and

0:58:00.120 --> 0:58:03.800
<v Speaker 1>I think that's a totally valid reason to end a

0:58:03.880 --> 0:58:07.320
<v Speaker 1>relationship if that is what someone chose to do. Yes,

0:58:07.400 --> 0:58:09.600
<v Speaker 1>I also think if you choose to stick it out,

0:58:09.640 --> 0:58:11.920
<v Speaker 1>you just have to accept that. Like, people are going

0:58:11.960 --> 0:58:13.640
<v Speaker 1>to have an opinion, but people have an opinion about

0:58:13.640 --> 0:58:15.440
<v Speaker 1>you anyways. People are talking about you no matter what.

0:58:15.440 --> 0:58:19.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm talking shit about you for sure. For sure, if.

0:58:19.440 --> 0:58:22.560
<v Speaker 2>You know me, I'm talking for you. Yeah, I feel

0:58:22.600 --> 0:58:25.400
<v Speaker 2>like I feel like you. One. Yes, I think a

0:58:25.480 --> 0:58:28.880
<v Speaker 2>father is a different piece to it because it is family.

0:58:29.280 --> 0:58:32.240
<v Speaker 2>But ultimately, people always have an opinion and it's you know,

0:58:32.400 --> 0:58:34.600
<v Speaker 2>whether it's the race, or how much money they make

0:58:34.760 --> 0:58:36.840
<v Speaker 2>or where they're from. Like, there's always gonna be a thing.

0:58:36.840 --> 0:58:39.360
<v Speaker 2>And so I think you have to decide for yourself

0:58:39.960 --> 0:58:43.640
<v Speaker 2>is this relationship making my life better? And how often

0:58:43.720 --> 0:58:44.960
<v Speaker 2>am I seeing my father?

0:58:45.440 --> 0:58:48.480
<v Speaker 1>Well? And also if you do capitulate to your dad, yeah,

0:58:48.520 --> 0:58:50.680
<v Speaker 1>you better have a boundary set because the next one

0:58:51.160 --> 0:58:56.959
<v Speaker 1>is going to be doesn't doesn't you know whatever? Because

0:58:56.960 --> 0:58:57.840
<v Speaker 1>once you're given.

0:58:58.080 --> 0:59:01.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, there's always a thing, there's always the thing. But

0:59:01.640 --> 0:59:04.840
<v Speaker 2>I think ultimately, let me affirm for you and let

0:59:04.920 --> 0:59:06.600
<v Speaker 2>us affirm for you that your white partner does not

0:59:06.720 --> 0:59:07.680
<v Speaker 2>negate your blackness.

0:59:07.680 --> 0:59:10.840
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, definitely. That's so silly that you feel that way.

0:59:10.960 --> 0:59:13.880
<v Speaker 2>It's so you get to be pro black, you get

0:59:13.880 --> 0:59:16.440
<v Speaker 2>to be your black self. You are black, and so

0:59:16.560 --> 0:59:19.200
<v Speaker 2>nothing even black people telling you that you're not is not.

0:59:19.600 --> 0:59:21.680
<v Speaker 2>They can't, they don't. They don't get to have final

0:59:21.760 --> 0:59:24.600
<v Speaker 2>say over that. And also like know that there are

0:59:24.720 --> 0:59:28.960
<v Speaker 2>people like us who are in inter racial relationships, interracial relationships.

0:59:28.400 --> 0:59:30.760
<v Speaker 1>And well, I'm not black, just ask the internet.

0:59:31.120 --> 0:59:31.840
<v Speaker 2>Don't love me?

0:59:32.280 --> 0:59:35.080
<v Speaker 1>You know you are? You are?

0:59:35.160 --> 0:59:39.080
<v Speaker 2>And I said my podcast, you are, We're black and

0:59:39.240 --> 0:59:44.280
<v Speaker 2>we're in interracial relationships and so affirming you as well,

0:59:44.440 --> 0:59:47.400
<v Speaker 2>Like people are out there. There are people against you

0:59:47.520 --> 0:59:49.040
<v Speaker 2>as of course, but there are also people who are

0:59:49.080 --> 0:59:50.880
<v Speaker 2>for you. I think you just have to figure out

0:59:50.880 --> 0:59:52.520
<v Speaker 2>where you spend your energy and who you spend your

0:59:52.520 --> 0:59:53.040
<v Speaker 2>time with.

0:59:53.360 --> 0:59:56.880
<v Speaker 1>That seems log off, babe, Oh the.

0:59:56.840 --> 0:59:58.480
<v Speaker 2>Way I want to delete all the apps.

0:59:58.520 --> 1:00:00.640
<v Speaker 1>Do you know that someone wants on the Internet said

1:00:00.640 --> 1:00:04.200
<v Speaker 1>that I wasn't phenotypically black And I was like that mad,

1:00:04.640 --> 1:00:07.120
<v Speaker 1>Like I don't have black features, so they didn't know

1:00:07.200 --> 1:00:11.440
<v Speaker 1>I was black? Like I look, that's what I'm saying.

1:00:12.640 --> 1:00:15.440
<v Speaker 2>People say, But you know it really, like the the

1:00:15.800 --> 1:00:18.280
<v Speaker 2>underneath it all. It's like you're in so much pain,

1:00:18.440 --> 1:00:20.720
<v Speaker 2>like you fixed your fingers to get on here to

1:00:20.760 --> 1:00:23.440
<v Speaker 2>tell somebody you don't know they're not this that Oh

1:00:23.520 --> 1:00:26.360
<v Speaker 2>my god, you really are and you really are in pain.

1:00:26.480 --> 1:00:30.160
<v Speaker 2>You're hurt and it's all you can grasp at because

1:00:30.200 --> 1:00:33.520
<v Speaker 2>you're watching somebody live their life and live their life

1:00:33.760 --> 1:00:36.840
<v Speaker 2>however they see fit and be loved and be valued,

1:00:36.920 --> 1:00:40.240
<v Speaker 2>and you're mad at that. And so even when you

1:00:40.240 --> 1:00:41.840
<v Speaker 2>know I was talking about polyamory and someone's like, I

1:00:41.840 --> 1:00:43.720
<v Speaker 2>bet your partner is white, I was like, what did

1:00:43.800 --> 1:00:46.200
<v Speaker 2>I have to do with so like dope as advice

1:00:46.240 --> 1:00:49.040
<v Speaker 2>I gave you about non monogamy, Like why is that?

1:00:49.080 --> 1:00:51.520
<v Speaker 2>The thing is like, oh, you're there's a there's a misery.

1:00:52.000 --> 1:00:55.200
<v Speaker 1>It's like you have to just hate someone, which I get.

1:00:55.240 --> 1:00:58.200
<v Speaker 1>I love to hate people, but I like to hate

1:00:58.240 --> 1:01:02.840
<v Speaker 1>people on dumb ship that or like real ship, Like

1:01:03.680 --> 1:01:05.520
<v Speaker 1>let me hate you on your marriage.

1:01:05.840 --> 1:01:08.880
<v Speaker 2>You know, yes, you hate worthy things.

1:01:09.320 --> 1:01:10.200
<v Speaker 1>Let me talk ship.

1:01:10.320 --> 1:01:17.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't want the easy one like like real ship. Yeah, okay,

1:01:17.360 --> 1:01:18.960
<v Speaker 2>let me ask you the final two questions that we

1:01:19.040 --> 1:01:21.520
<v Speaker 2>asked here. I know the answer to the first one.

1:01:21.520 --> 1:01:24.200
<v Speaker 2>Have you read sex and ad No, yeah.

1:01:26.760 --> 1:01:28.640
<v Speaker 1>I've like never even been in a part about it.

1:01:31.040 --> 1:01:36.040
<v Speaker 2>That's not true, but absolutely sometimes you just can't though.

1:01:36.280 --> 1:01:39.760
<v Speaker 2>And then what could you learn to love about yourself? What?

1:01:41.680 --> 1:01:43.160
<v Speaker 1>I know what that means?

1:01:44.240 --> 1:01:45.120
<v Speaker 2>What can I learn?

1:01:46.720 --> 1:01:47.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what that means?

1:01:48.040 --> 1:01:49.440
<v Speaker 2>What could you learn to love about yourself?

1:01:49.520 --> 1:01:51.960
<v Speaker 1>Such a big question is I don't know.

1:01:52.360 --> 1:01:53.960
<v Speaker 2>Think about yourself. Think about the things that.

1:01:53.960 --> 1:01:56.360
<v Speaker 1>You like, the things I don't like about myself that

1:01:56.400 --> 1:01:57.120
<v Speaker 1>I can learn.

1:01:57.960 --> 1:02:00.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, you can take your time because we'll cut

1:02:00.640 --> 1:02:00.960
<v Speaker 2>out there.

1:02:01.800 --> 1:02:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh so I just have to answer that. How about?

1:02:08.760 --> 1:02:09.200
<v Speaker 2>What about?

1:02:09.320 --> 1:02:14.280
<v Speaker 1>What about should I learned somethings I should learn? I

1:02:14.400 --> 1:02:19.560
<v Speaker 1>probably shouldn't be so hard on myself about my body.

1:02:20.520 --> 1:02:23.320
<v Speaker 1>I probably could learn to like be okay with these

1:02:23.360 --> 1:02:24.960
<v Speaker 1>extra like ten or.

1:02:24.960 --> 1:02:27.520
<v Speaker 2>So bound extra? What girl? You look so good?

1:02:27.640 --> 1:02:30.400
<v Speaker 1>Well? You know, just some clothes don't fit the way

1:02:30.400 --> 1:02:33.120
<v Speaker 1>that I'd like them too. You know, so I probably could,

1:02:33.160 --> 1:02:34.800
<v Speaker 1>but I'm not going to. So let's be let me

1:02:34.880 --> 1:02:39.680
<v Speaker 1>keep that. Really, I was a dancer. I've got serious

1:02:39.760 --> 1:02:42.240
<v Speaker 1>body issues like this, Like this is deep. I started

1:02:42.280 --> 1:02:44.520
<v Speaker 1>dancing it too. We're nuts.

1:02:44.800 --> 1:02:46.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm dating a dancer.

1:02:47.520 --> 1:02:50.680
<v Speaker 1>The body stuff is weird. Maybe I could learn to love.

1:02:56.560 --> 1:02:59.720
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, I'm.

1:02:58.560 --> 1:03:02.439
<v Speaker 1>Not in person. I don't really have like self loathing, Okay,

1:03:02.520 --> 1:03:04.080
<v Speaker 1>do you know what I mean? I mean there's things

1:03:04.080 --> 1:03:06.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't like, something you loathe.

1:03:05.840 --> 1:03:07.960
<v Speaker 2>But you're like, oh, like, what do you say? What

1:03:08.000 --> 1:03:09.800
<v Speaker 2>do I say? I hadn't I had a new one

1:03:09.840 --> 1:03:10.840
<v Speaker 2>and I forgot about it.

1:03:11.080 --> 1:03:12.240
<v Speaker 1>What do other people say?

1:03:12.360 --> 1:03:15.000
<v Speaker 2>People say? Bodies is a common one that comes out.

1:03:15.400 --> 1:03:18.840
<v Speaker 2>I could love to learn to love aging. I I

1:03:19.160 --> 1:03:23.040
<v Speaker 2>am a like, I'm a skincare girly down and I

1:03:23.040 --> 1:03:25.240
<v Speaker 2>will spend a lot of time, which I love. I

1:03:25.280 --> 1:03:29.320
<v Speaker 2>just love skincare. But I see myself because you know,

1:03:29.560 --> 1:03:32.200
<v Speaker 2>when we're doing this, like we're it's always on cameras.

1:03:32.480 --> 1:03:34.439
<v Speaker 2>We were both fitness instructors at the same place. You're

1:03:34.680 --> 1:03:37.280
<v Speaker 2>literally looking at yourself in mirrors all day. And so

1:03:37.760 --> 1:03:39.560
<v Speaker 2>and A grew up with like an actress mother, a

1:03:39.600 --> 1:03:44.280
<v Speaker 2>minister grandmother, and so appearances were always a thing. And

1:03:44.360 --> 1:03:48.200
<v Speaker 2>so I could just like learn to love the changes

1:03:48.320 --> 1:03:52.240
<v Speaker 2>of my face and my body more and instead of

1:03:52.440 --> 1:03:56.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, thank you, but you know, I have like

1:03:56.560 --> 1:03:58.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I'm like I literally was I was like

1:03:58.400 --> 1:03:59.720
<v Speaker 2>in the mirror of the day, I was like, oh God,

1:03:59.760 --> 1:04:01.640
<v Speaker 2>I can't wait to get my eye surgery. What are

1:04:01.640 --> 1:04:02.280
<v Speaker 2>we talking about?

1:04:03.160 --> 1:04:05.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm never getting not never, but I really don't want

1:04:05.720 --> 1:04:06.360
<v Speaker 1>to get surgery.

1:04:06.680 --> 1:04:09.600
<v Speaker 2>Listen, I'm scared. Yeah, I mean you have to get

1:04:09.640 --> 1:04:12.360
<v Speaker 2>references and whatnot. But but I feel like it's like, oh,

1:04:12.360 --> 1:04:14.880
<v Speaker 2>why am I so like? Why am I so obsessed

1:04:14.880 --> 1:04:17.000
<v Speaker 2>with what I know? I am? I live I work

1:04:17.000 --> 1:04:19.880
<v Speaker 2>in this industry and I live in Los Angeles. So

1:04:19.960 --> 1:04:22.680
<v Speaker 2>I think that I could learn to love my aging

1:04:22.720 --> 1:04:25.720
<v Speaker 2>and how my body is aging and and and not

1:04:25.960 --> 1:04:30.080
<v Speaker 2>try and hold on to Yeah, twenty two year old

1:04:30.280 --> 1:04:34.280
<v Speaker 2>baby face. It was a youthful pull. It was a

1:04:34.400 --> 1:04:38.040
<v Speaker 2>natural poll the same we really do black nol crack

1:04:38.080 --> 1:04:39.360
<v Speaker 2>and that's on period.

1:04:39.560 --> 1:04:39.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

1:04:40.120 --> 1:04:43.560
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I could learn to love aging more.

1:04:44.000 --> 1:04:45.800
<v Speaker 1>Okay, do I have to come up with another No?

1:04:45.640 --> 1:04:49.080
<v Speaker 2>No, No, here's perfect perfect. Yeah, my hips be doing

1:04:49.120 --> 1:04:50.120
<v Speaker 2>weird things.

1:04:50.120 --> 1:04:52.160
<v Speaker 1>Then I have to I have Oh that's what I

1:04:52.200 --> 1:04:55.240
<v Speaker 1>could learn to love that. I'm losing my flexibility. I

1:04:55.320 --> 1:04:55.600
<v Speaker 1>hate it.

1:04:55.920 --> 1:04:58.040
<v Speaker 2>I hate I'm trying to get I'm trying to get

1:04:58.080 --> 1:04:58.720
<v Speaker 2>more flexible.

1:04:59.520 --> 1:05:02.480
<v Speaker 1>I got you did well, not since last time I

1:05:02.480 --> 1:05:02.880
<v Speaker 1>talked to.

1:05:02.800 --> 1:05:05.200
<v Speaker 2>You last time you're talking to you did a mile

1:05:05.240 --> 1:05:05.680
<v Speaker 2>in how long?

1:05:05.880 --> 1:05:09.360
<v Speaker 1>Six? I think the most recent is six thirty six work.

1:05:09.760 --> 1:05:10.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure I can't do that.

1:05:11.320 --> 1:05:12.080
<v Speaker 1>You probably could.

1:05:12.160 --> 1:05:15.000
<v Speaker 2>No, I don't like running like that. I like short bursts,

1:05:15.000 --> 1:05:18.120
<v Speaker 2>like the twenty seconds and then yeah I can't, y'all

1:05:18.200 --> 1:05:19.720
<v Speaker 2>and them. We used to go to Barius together. Remember

1:05:19.760 --> 1:05:21.000
<v Speaker 2>we used to go Beary together. And we had that

1:05:21.040 --> 1:05:22.920
<v Speaker 2>one instructor who shant to be named because I can't

1:05:22.960 --> 1:05:25.640
<v Speaker 2>remember his name, but he was terrible, and we were

1:05:25.640 --> 1:05:28.320
<v Speaker 2>going every week, and then finally we had a substitute

1:05:28.320 --> 1:05:32.080
<v Speaker 2>and we were like, we were like, oh, this is class,

1:05:32.480 --> 1:05:35.640
<v Speaker 2>this is a good class. Yeah, we all stopped going

1:05:35.680 --> 1:05:38.360
<v Speaker 2>because we were really enamored by the hotness of that

1:05:38.440 --> 1:05:41.120
<v Speaker 2>other instructor. Yeah, thank you for being here.

1:05:42.320 --> 1:05:42.720
<v Speaker 1>We did it.

1:05:42.840 --> 1:05:43.440
<v Speaker 2>We did it.

1:05:43.480 --> 1:05:44.880
<v Speaker 1>I didn't even really have to food spot.

1:05:44.960 --> 1:05:47.400
<v Speaker 2>No, you did it. I love y'all.

1:05:47.440 --> 1:05:48.120
<v Speaker 1>I feel relief.

1:05:50.680 --> 1:06:04.080
<v Speaker 2>Let's go eat bye bye. Well, you know we are

1:06:04.160 --> 1:06:06.880
<v Speaker 2>hose here, but hoes with heart. So before we go,

1:06:07.440 --> 1:06:11.160
<v Speaker 2>before we part ways, before we get back into our lives,

1:06:11.320 --> 1:06:16.240
<v Speaker 2>let me speak to your beautiful, beautiful heart. Tracy and

1:06:16.240 --> 1:06:19.000
<v Speaker 2>I have known each other for of every long time

1:06:19.120 --> 1:06:23.720
<v Speaker 2>that is my that is my family. That is my homie,

1:06:23.760 --> 1:06:26.520
<v Speaker 2>my road dog, my family. The whole reason I'm in

1:06:26.640 --> 1:06:30.680
<v Speaker 2>la is because ten years ago Tracy I was like

1:06:30.800 --> 1:06:33.520
<v Speaker 2>debating moving and Tracy was like, just come and you

1:06:33.560 --> 1:06:36.600
<v Speaker 2>could stay on our culture, like in our spirit bedroom.

1:06:36.840 --> 1:06:39.000
<v Speaker 2>It was supposed to be maybe like a couple of weeks.

1:06:39.080 --> 1:06:42.680
<v Speaker 2>I was there for a couple of months because figuring

1:06:42.720 --> 1:06:47.120
<v Speaker 2>out work and finance a lot. But that generosity, that

1:06:47.200 --> 1:06:51.439
<v Speaker 2>is that is a that is maybe the defining word

1:06:51.480 --> 1:06:55.160
<v Speaker 2>of Tracy is generous. She is a generous human being.

1:06:55.800 --> 1:06:59.000
<v Speaker 2>And she is out here doing so many wonderful things

1:06:59.000 --> 1:07:03.600
<v Speaker 2>in the community, so many wonderful programs around books, and

1:07:04.560 --> 1:07:08.120
<v Speaker 2>it's also just shows up so fully for the people

1:07:08.160 --> 1:07:10.000
<v Speaker 2>that she loves, her friends and her family, and I'm

1:07:10.000 --> 1:07:12.360
<v Speaker 2>just so honored to be part of that. She's taught me.

1:07:13.560 --> 1:07:16.480
<v Speaker 2>She's taught me what it means to be not just

1:07:16.520 --> 1:07:19.680
<v Speaker 2>a good friend, but a great friend, because that is

1:07:19.720 --> 1:07:24.120
<v Speaker 2>definitely what she is. I am here for the real

1:07:24.480 --> 1:07:27.880
<v Speaker 2>mom talk, and I hope that for the moms listening,

1:07:28.000 --> 1:07:30.000
<v Speaker 2>I hope that there was a little bit of a

1:07:30.080 --> 1:07:33.400
<v Speaker 2>relief and listen if you love you know, pickups and

1:07:33.520 --> 1:07:35.640
<v Speaker 2>talking to other moms go off. I love that for you.

1:07:35.680 --> 1:07:39.040
<v Speaker 2>But if you don't, and if it's sometimes a struggle

1:07:39.160 --> 1:07:42.320
<v Speaker 2>inside of the motherhood of all and the social politics

1:07:42.360 --> 1:07:48.360
<v Speaker 2>of motherhood, I hope that Tracy's truth telling, her admissions,

1:07:48.800 --> 1:07:53.120
<v Speaker 2>her sharing made you feel seen and heard and not

1:07:53.360 --> 1:07:57.840
<v Speaker 2>alone in your journey and on your journey. Shout out

1:07:57.880 --> 1:08:01.600
<v Speaker 2>to all the moms, because right it's not just you know,

1:08:02.360 --> 1:08:08.600
<v Speaker 2>changing diapers and you know, breastfeeding. It's so much more.

1:08:08.600 --> 1:08:15.200
<v Speaker 3>It's literally a human that you are trying to raise

1:08:15.440 --> 1:08:19.880
<v Speaker 3>into a full on person, and you have to now

1:08:20.000 --> 1:08:23.680
<v Speaker 3>navigate not only your life, but their life, and if

1:08:23.680 --> 1:08:27.880
<v Speaker 3>there's more than one of them, their lives along with.

1:08:28.040 --> 1:08:30.519
<v Speaker 2>You know, if you're married or your family, Like, there's

1:08:30.600 --> 1:08:34.080
<v Speaker 2>just so much that you are holding in your brain.

1:08:34.360 --> 1:08:38.200
<v Speaker 2>You know. My director for a Hoe Church is brilliant

1:08:38.400 --> 1:08:40.599
<v Speaker 2>and also a mother, and I'm always just in awe

1:08:40.640 --> 1:08:44.920
<v Speaker 2>as she navigates her newborn, her daughter and then also

1:08:45.439 --> 1:08:50.720
<v Speaker 2>meet also like our show, I just hats off to

1:08:50.920 --> 1:08:55.200
<v Speaker 2>all the moms. Hats off to you know, being being

1:08:55.280 --> 1:08:57.720
<v Speaker 2>a mom and just that being your focus. Is a

1:08:57.760 --> 1:09:02.240
<v Speaker 2>lot to do that and also you know, be in

1:09:02.280 --> 1:09:06.120
<v Speaker 2>a partnership and also have a job like, I just

1:09:06.160 --> 1:09:09.200
<v Speaker 2>want to take this moment to salute you and say

1:09:09.200 --> 1:09:13.720
<v Speaker 2>that you are divine forces, truly, truly, truly, and you

1:09:13.840 --> 1:09:17.800
<v Speaker 2>deserve the best this world has to offer. And so

1:09:17.920 --> 1:09:22.120
<v Speaker 2>thank you for for the ways in which you love.

1:09:22.760 --> 1:09:26.200
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for the ways and what you love. Let's

1:09:26.240 --> 1:09:28.320
<v Speaker 2>get intell what we were key king about, which is

1:09:28.640 --> 1:09:31.680
<v Speaker 2>I would saying this, watching come dry is better than

1:09:31.720 --> 1:09:35.160
<v Speaker 2>watching paint dry, perhaps, but I still like Tracy. I'm

1:09:35.160 --> 1:09:39.040
<v Speaker 2>not trying to watch come dry on somebody's face, but

1:09:39.160 --> 1:09:41.439
<v Speaker 2>go off. I love that. If that is your kink

1:09:41.439 --> 1:09:44.280
<v Speaker 2>and that's what you love, then I want that for you.

1:09:44.360 --> 1:09:48.200
<v Speaker 2>But I do have questions, you know. I'm I'm I'm

1:09:48.240 --> 1:09:51.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna give you a towel, okay, even when I like,

1:09:51.320 --> 1:09:53.559
<v Speaker 2>even if it's my especially if it's not come I'm

1:09:53.720 --> 1:09:55.599
<v Speaker 2>I'm a hand with the towel. I'm gonna be that's

1:09:55.600 --> 1:09:57.479
<v Speaker 2>so hot. And then I might hand with the towel. Now,

1:09:57.479 --> 1:09:59.360
<v Speaker 2>who knows, I'm gonna look it up. I am not

1:09:59.520 --> 1:10:04.200
<v Speaker 2>nasty some but I know somebody just went, yeah, I

1:10:04.200 --> 1:10:05.840
<v Speaker 2>could be that nasty. I might look you come up,

1:10:05.840 --> 1:10:07.720
<v Speaker 2>My lick might come up. Who knows. It depends on

1:10:07.720 --> 1:10:09.439
<v Speaker 2>how I'm feeling and what the vibe is. But I

1:10:09.439 --> 1:10:11.720
<v Speaker 2>will definitely give you a towel, and you know what

1:10:11.760 --> 1:10:14.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna do, Like if you if I'm hosting, I'm

1:10:14.800 --> 1:10:17.200
<v Speaker 2>gonna warm that towel up. Yes, I'm gonna get some

1:10:17.320 --> 1:10:19.880
<v Speaker 2>warm water on that towel and I'm gonna hand it

1:10:19.920 --> 1:10:21.920
<v Speaker 2>over to you. I'm gonna let you wipe your beautiful face,

1:10:22.240 --> 1:10:25.160
<v Speaker 2>wipe your beautiful stomach, because that's that's just me. But hey,

1:10:25.960 --> 1:10:28.400
<v Speaker 2>if you want to do your paper with come and

1:10:28.560 --> 1:10:33.120
<v Speaker 2>drying on your face, go off on the more kind

1:10:33.120 --> 1:10:35.599
<v Speaker 2>of serious side one, I'm thankful for Tracy for having

1:10:35.640 --> 1:10:38.400
<v Speaker 2>this conversation with me. It's a conversation I've been thinking

1:10:38.439 --> 1:10:42.840
<v Speaker 2>about having on this podcast since its inception, but you know,

1:10:43.000 --> 1:10:48.040
<v Speaker 2>always wanting to be one sensitive about when we talk

1:10:48.040 --> 1:10:50.639
<v Speaker 2>about race and like who to talk about it with

1:10:51.439 --> 1:10:54.360
<v Speaker 2>was also really important to me, and how we frame

1:10:54.439 --> 1:10:56.800
<v Speaker 2>the conversation was really important to me, and Tracy just

1:10:56.840 --> 1:11:00.920
<v Speaker 2>felt like the right person to brow to the subject with.

1:11:01.200 --> 1:11:04.040
<v Speaker 2>We didn't have the full conversation. I'm sure as you

1:11:04.080 --> 1:11:06.080
<v Speaker 2>were listening there are things that you might have been

1:11:06.120 --> 1:11:08.960
<v Speaker 2>thinking or ways you might have been feeling, because when

1:11:08.960 --> 1:11:12.400
<v Speaker 2>we talk about race, A lot can come up, especially

1:11:12.400 --> 1:11:18.280
<v Speaker 2>when we talk about black and white relationships or sorry,

1:11:18.479 --> 1:11:22.040
<v Speaker 2>just kind of any relationship opposite a white person. There

1:11:22.120 --> 1:11:28.240
<v Speaker 2>is a lot to contend with inside of that. I

1:11:28.280 --> 1:11:31.880
<v Speaker 2>think that one of my biggest takeaways and something that

1:11:31.960 --> 1:11:36.480
<v Speaker 2>I has, you know, brought me peace as I navigate

1:11:37.360 --> 1:11:43.880
<v Speaker 2>people's assumptions or their judgments, is that it is quite

1:11:43.880 --> 1:11:47.440
<v Speaker 2>anti black to tell people they are black, to qualify

1:11:47.600 --> 1:11:52.000
<v Speaker 2>their blackness, to me is anti black. If race is

1:11:52.040 --> 1:11:55.800
<v Speaker 2>a social construct, a construct designed by those who identify

1:11:55.920 --> 1:12:03.320
<v Speaker 2>as white, then for us inside of our own communities

1:12:03.320 --> 1:12:07.439
<v Speaker 2>are black communities, communities of color, to abide by that,

1:12:07.640 --> 1:12:15.120
<v Speaker 2>to enforce that is actually, to me, perpetuating white supremacy

1:12:15.200 --> 1:12:19.080
<v Speaker 2>and that ideology. And I think it is actually not

1:12:19.360 --> 1:12:24.400
<v Speaker 2>loving or compassionate of black folks to dismiss or discard

1:12:24.640 --> 1:12:33.720
<v Speaker 2>them based off of whatever tenants or bullet points that

1:12:33.800 --> 1:12:39.679
<v Speaker 2>you have created or fabricated or adopted. You know, there's

1:12:39.800 --> 1:12:48.360
<v Speaker 2>that the black experience is our experience of blackness qualified

1:12:48.400 --> 1:12:51.720
<v Speaker 2>by our trauma. I'm bringing that because I said, are

1:12:51.800 --> 1:12:55.599
<v Speaker 2>you scared of cops? And that is I really want

1:12:55.600 --> 1:12:59.320
<v Speaker 2>to kind of foozball that, which is like I don't

1:12:59.320 --> 1:13:01.920
<v Speaker 2>think that our blackness should be qualified by our trauma.

1:13:01.960 --> 1:13:04.519
<v Speaker 2>I think that's there and it's for sure part of

1:13:04.520 --> 1:13:08.519
<v Speaker 2>our experience, but I don't know if that is a

1:13:08.600 --> 1:13:12.439
<v Speaker 2>measure for your blackness or if it should be a

1:13:12.479 --> 1:13:15.760
<v Speaker 2>measure or measure in totality. And by the way, as

1:13:15.760 --> 1:13:19.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm saying all this, a lot of it is wet cement,

1:13:19.439 --> 1:13:22.800
<v Speaker 2>and so I'm open to dialogue around it. So if

1:13:22.800 --> 1:13:27.439
<v Speaker 2>you have thoughts, feel free to email me at tell

1:13:27.479 --> 1:13:29.640
<v Speaker 2>me something messy at gmail dot com or d m

1:13:29.760 --> 1:13:32.280
<v Speaker 2>me or hit me up on subsack. But that is

1:13:32.320 --> 1:13:35.519
<v Speaker 2>my feeling is like, oh right, let's not qualify it

1:13:35.600 --> 1:13:39.080
<v Speaker 2>based off of trauma, or at least not just trauma alone.

1:13:39.080 --> 1:13:42.080
<v Speaker 2>That there is so much more to being black and

1:13:42.120 --> 1:13:47.080
<v Speaker 2>so much it adds to it, and that the black

1:13:47.200 --> 1:13:54.519
<v Speaker 2>experience doesn't get to be defined by anyone except the

1:13:54.560 --> 1:13:57.240
<v Speaker 2>black person. You know, when we talk about Rachel dolaz

1:13:57.280 --> 1:14:00.160
<v Speaker 2>Al like Gina black and that's just what it is.

1:14:00.160 --> 1:14:03.360
<v Speaker 2>That's somebody who wants to be black or wanted to

1:14:03.400 --> 1:14:05.960
<v Speaker 2>be black or whatever the fuck that was. So I'm

1:14:05.960 --> 1:14:08.639
<v Speaker 2>not talking about heart, right, I was talking about people

1:14:08.680 --> 1:14:12.960
<v Speaker 2>who are black, who have black people in their lineage,

1:14:13.120 --> 1:14:16.280
<v Speaker 2>they are having in a black experience. They might not

1:14:16.320 --> 1:14:20.720
<v Speaker 2>be having the majority experience that we're having, but they

1:14:20.760 --> 1:14:25.120
<v Speaker 2>are having a black experience. And so how do we

1:14:25.160 --> 1:14:28.360
<v Speaker 2>honor and respect that? Do we honor and respect that?

1:14:28.520 --> 1:14:31.320
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, Like if somebody presents as white but

1:14:31.520 --> 1:14:36.200
<v Speaker 2>has but it like has a black grandparent or has

1:14:36.240 --> 1:14:39.719
<v Speaker 2>a black parent, but just happens to, you know, be lighter,

1:14:40.360 --> 1:14:46.439
<v Speaker 2>and doesn't you know it's not immediately visibly perceived as black.

1:14:47.320 --> 1:14:50.479
<v Speaker 2>Does that mean that their experience that they're that they're not.

1:14:51.479 --> 1:14:53.320
<v Speaker 2>I don't. I don't know. I don't. I don't think

1:14:53.360 --> 1:14:57.040
<v Speaker 2>it does. But I'm also working that out in real

1:14:57.080 --> 1:15:01.960
<v Speaker 2>time and kind of expanding what my what my thoughts

1:15:02.360 --> 1:15:05.519
<v Speaker 2>have been, or what my previous parameters have been, and

1:15:05.520 --> 1:15:14.120
<v Speaker 2>can I push past it. I am curious about people

1:15:14.120 --> 1:15:18.559
<v Speaker 2>who do chase whiteness and if there's space to wonder

1:15:18.840 --> 1:15:22.880
<v Speaker 2>why they do it, because I get that you know

1:15:23.080 --> 1:15:25.960
<v Speaker 2>that there is a default that if you are a

1:15:26.000 --> 1:15:29.599
<v Speaker 2>black person, a brown person, Asian person with a white partner,

1:15:30.120 --> 1:15:33.719
<v Speaker 2>there is a default belief that you are chasing whiteness

1:15:33.760 --> 1:15:36.439
<v Speaker 2>or that you hate your people. And as Tracy and

1:15:36.439 --> 1:15:38.760
<v Speaker 2>I said, but the white person is so woke and liberal, right,

1:15:39.720 --> 1:15:42.240
<v Speaker 2>and that is not the case, right, Like the black

1:15:42.280 --> 1:15:46.120
<v Speaker 2>person is not hating their race. They just fell in

1:15:46.120 --> 1:15:51.559
<v Speaker 2>love with somebody and are pursuing love at base. That

1:15:51.640 --> 1:15:55.479
<v Speaker 2>does not mean that there aren't black folks or people

1:15:55.479 --> 1:15:59.520
<v Speaker 2>of color who are chasing whiteness, whether that is romantically

1:16:00.320 --> 1:16:07.760
<v Speaker 2>or professionally or any other spaces like it happens, and

1:16:07.840 --> 1:16:10.719
<v Speaker 2>I think that there is. Let's keep it on romance

1:16:10.760 --> 1:16:16.320
<v Speaker 2>for now, but I think there is. I wish and

1:16:16.439 --> 1:16:25.160
<v Speaker 2>hope to create room to wonder why, to wonder with

1:16:25.240 --> 1:16:30.840
<v Speaker 2>compassion and curiosity and maybe empathy, what perhaps happened to

1:16:30.920 --> 1:16:35.200
<v Speaker 2>that person in their history that made them feel as

1:16:35.240 --> 1:16:40.200
<v Speaker 2>though they had to find safety in whiteness. And I

1:16:40.200 --> 1:16:44.040
<v Speaker 2>will also say they're not safe in that. Like if

1:16:44.080 --> 1:16:47.519
<v Speaker 2>you are chasing, if you're dating white people because you

1:16:47.600 --> 1:16:54.160
<v Speaker 2>want safety, it's false. You're not gonna get it, baby,

1:16:54.479 --> 1:16:56.479
<v Speaker 2>because you are at the end of the day, black.

1:16:57.200 --> 1:17:01.880
<v Speaker 2>So you're not gonna get white safety because that that

1:17:02.200 --> 1:17:04.720
<v Speaker 2>you're black. You know what I'm saying, Like, it's it's

1:17:04.720 --> 1:17:08.440
<v Speaker 2>a it's a false chase, but it's a chase nonetheless,

1:17:08.439 --> 1:17:11.320
<v Speaker 2>and something that some people have tricked themselves into believing

1:17:12.360 --> 1:17:15.640
<v Speaker 2>is possible, And so I get curious about what are

1:17:15.640 --> 1:17:17.800
<v Speaker 2>the ways in which you were possibly rejected? What are

1:17:17.800 --> 1:17:20.639
<v Speaker 2>the experiences that you had that taught you that your

1:17:20.720 --> 1:17:24.880
<v Speaker 2>skin and that your culture and that your ethnicity was

1:17:25.000 --> 1:17:29.400
<v Speaker 2>dangerous or was not good enough? And how do you

1:17:29.760 --> 1:17:34.080
<v Speaker 2>unlearn that? And is there space for compassion for those

1:17:35.040 --> 1:17:38.839
<v Speaker 2>humans who are navigating that. I don't have the answers

1:17:39.360 --> 1:17:41.679
<v Speaker 2>when it comes to interracial relationships. You know, there's such

1:17:41.920 --> 1:17:46.520
<v Speaker 2>a concern for how the relationship looks. Does it present heterosexual,

1:17:46.680 --> 1:17:50.080
<v Speaker 2>is it the same race? Is it monogamous? And if

1:17:50.080 --> 1:17:54.200
<v Speaker 2>it's not those things, it opens itself for judgment. But

1:17:54.280 --> 1:17:56.479
<v Speaker 2>I really want us to start asking or people being

1:17:56.520 --> 1:18:01.880
<v Speaker 2>loved well? If you are monogamous or non monogoures or polyamorous, okay?

1:18:03.040 --> 1:18:05.120
<v Speaker 2>Are you being loved well if you are in the

1:18:05.160 --> 1:18:08.960
<v Speaker 2>same race relationship or in a racial relationship. If you're heterosexual,

1:18:09.040 --> 1:18:14.680
<v Speaker 2>you're homosexual, your pan sexual, you're bisexual, you're asexual? Okay?

1:18:15.200 --> 1:18:18.600
<v Speaker 2>Are you being loved well? I don't care how it presents.

1:18:19.520 --> 1:18:23.880
<v Speaker 2>I care about your heart. I care about the hearts involved.

1:18:24.920 --> 1:18:26.960
<v Speaker 2>Are you being loved well? And are you loving well?

1:18:28.000 --> 1:18:32.240
<v Speaker 2>Is this a relationship that is growing you and adding

1:18:32.280 --> 1:18:35.599
<v Speaker 2>to your life, and something that you're you're building your

1:18:35.600 --> 1:18:38.080
<v Speaker 2>life with in a way that you're proud of, in

1:18:38.080 --> 1:18:40.320
<v Speaker 2>a way that makes you happy, in a way that

1:18:40.520 --> 1:18:46.920
<v Speaker 2>brings you peace, or is it something else. Yeah, I

1:18:46.960 --> 1:18:50.439
<v Speaker 2>don't know what more to say about that, but I

1:18:50.479 --> 1:18:53.320
<v Speaker 2>guess i'll kind of end with Tracy said, there are

1:18:53.320 --> 1:18:55.200
<v Speaker 2>people who are not gonna like you or think you're

1:18:55.240 --> 1:18:58.120
<v Speaker 2>a phony no matter what you do or who you are.

1:18:58.439 --> 1:19:01.080
<v Speaker 2>And then it uses example of Tony Moore, you know,

1:19:01.160 --> 1:19:05.720
<v Speaker 2>in her early work being completely shat on, and I

1:19:05.800 --> 1:19:08.040
<v Speaker 2>think that's true. You know, I think you have to

1:19:08.080 --> 1:19:11.360
<v Speaker 2>ask yourself, does this have to do with me? Or

1:19:11.439 --> 1:19:15.280
<v Speaker 2>is this other people's pain being projected onto me. We're

1:19:15.320 --> 1:19:17.880
<v Speaker 2>never going to be free of other people's opinions, so

1:19:17.920 --> 1:19:21.479
<v Speaker 2>I think you have to base your decision on you

1:19:22.040 --> 1:19:25.639
<v Speaker 2>and what makes you happy. At the end of your life,

1:19:25.840 --> 1:19:29.519
<v Speaker 2>when you're on your deathbed, are you going to be

1:19:29.840 --> 1:19:32.040
<v Speaker 2>happy that you did what everyone else told you to

1:19:32.080 --> 1:19:34.439
<v Speaker 2>do or you're gonna be happy that you did what

1:19:34.479 --> 1:19:36.920
<v Speaker 2>you wanted to do. And I agree with Tracy, like,

1:19:37.880 --> 1:19:43.160
<v Speaker 2>if you're like, listen, my family's my close circles perception

1:19:43.360 --> 1:19:46.519
<v Speaker 2>of this or how they receive this is far more

1:19:46.560 --> 1:19:49.799
<v Speaker 2>important to me then that is tea. But then also

1:19:50.400 --> 1:19:57.040
<v Speaker 2>make sure you have your your boundaries or your guardrails

1:19:57.080 --> 1:20:00.880
<v Speaker 2>that don't get to be altered by other people. You know, like,

1:20:01.479 --> 1:20:06.720
<v Speaker 2>what do you want, Who do you want? Who do

1:20:06.800 --> 1:20:11.639
<v Speaker 2>you want to love? What makes you feel loved, what

1:20:11.760 --> 1:20:16.560
<v Speaker 2>makes you happy? Don't let other people dictate that for you.

1:20:16.560 --> 1:20:19.200
<v Speaker 2>You decide what that means for you. And even if

1:20:19.240 --> 1:20:21.720
<v Speaker 2>it looks like nothing you ain't never seen, you aint

1:20:21.720 --> 1:20:23.800
<v Speaker 2>never read about, you ain't never heard about, you've never

1:20:23.800 --> 1:20:27.360
<v Speaker 2>seen on TV or in a movie. Our media represents

1:20:27.400 --> 1:20:33.280
<v Speaker 2>such a small, small, small facet of what is possible

1:20:33.400 --> 1:20:38.200
<v Speaker 2>in your life. So don't base your life on the

1:20:38.320 --> 1:20:43.439
<v Speaker 2>lack of imagination that runs rampant in our society and

1:20:43.520 --> 1:20:47.519
<v Speaker 2>in our families. Base it off of you. All right,

1:20:47.600 --> 1:20:51.200
<v Speaker 2>That's all I got to say. I love you so much.

1:20:52.160 --> 1:20:54.639
<v Speaker 2>I'm so happy that Tracy was here. I love her

1:20:54.640 --> 1:20:57.040
<v Speaker 2>so much, and I love you so much. I want

1:20:57.040 --> 1:20:59.320
<v Speaker 2>to hear what you think or if you had any

1:20:59.320 --> 1:21:01.120
<v Speaker 2>football moment, so you can email me at tell Me

1:21:01.160 --> 1:21:04.960
<v Speaker 2>Something Messy at gmail dot com. Also, if you want

1:21:05.000 --> 1:21:09.040
<v Speaker 2>more mess join me over at Substack Brandoncolodgodman dot substack

1:21:09.160 --> 1:21:13.000
<v Speaker 2>dot com. Every week on Monday nights, I do Messy

1:21:13.040 --> 1:21:16.640
<v Speaker 2>Mondays at night where I chat with different guests, you know,

1:21:16.840 --> 1:21:19.559
<v Speaker 2>a compassionate space to talk about whatever the book we want.

1:21:19.640 --> 1:21:22.519
<v Speaker 2>So you can check that out every Monday night, six

1:21:22.560 --> 1:21:25.640
<v Speaker 2>pm Pacific, nine pm Eastern. If you become a paid subscriber,

1:21:25.680 --> 1:21:27.960
<v Speaker 2>which is five dollars a month, you get access to

1:21:28.200 --> 1:21:30.880
<v Speaker 2>all the Messy Goodies, including the live stream. But of

1:21:30.920 --> 1:21:36.560
<v Speaker 2>course monthly essays are Substack exclusive podcast called Hey Everybody.

1:21:37.560 --> 1:21:39.080
<v Speaker 2>Plus you can be part of the group chats if

1:21:39.120 --> 1:21:41.160
<v Speaker 2>you want to be. But let me play you a

1:21:41.160 --> 1:21:43.200
<v Speaker 2>little clip from the most recent essay I wrote, because

1:21:43.240 --> 1:21:47.000
<v Speaker 2>sometimes I also do voiceovers of the essays, and this

1:21:47.080 --> 1:21:50.880
<v Speaker 2>one was about Mother's Day and for those of us

1:21:50.920 --> 1:21:55.880
<v Speaker 2>who are part of the Mother's Grief Club, which are

1:21:56.320 --> 1:22:01.360
<v Speaker 2>humans who have physically or emotionally lost their month. So

1:22:01.640 --> 1:22:07.640
<v Speaker 2>it's a just play it. Fourteen years ago, losing my

1:22:07.680 --> 1:22:11.479
<v Speaker 2>grandmother physically and then my mother emotionally turned my world

1:22:11.520 --> 1:22:15.559
<v Speaker 2>into broken glass, shards and blood everywhere. I thought I'd

1:22:15.600 --> 1:22:18.680
<v Speaker 2>never be happy again. I thought i'd never rebuild. I

1:22:18.760 --> 1:22:22.559
<v Speaker 2>thought I'd be alone and never loved again. You know

1:22:22.680 --> 1:22:26.720
<v Speaker 2>that mother love, the one people write poetry about, dedicated

1:22:26.720 --> 1:22:29.960
<v Speaker 2>wards to aspire to become. I thought no one would

1:22:30.040 --> 1:22:32.880
<v Speaker 2>ever see me like my mother did, that my soul

1:22:33.160 --> 1:22:37.960
<v Speaker 2>would never be known again, never be accepted. But this

1:22:38.120 --> 1:22:42.000
<v Speaker 2>morning I woke up to beautiful messages from friends and

1:22:42.080 --> 1:22:45.519
<v Speaker 2>chosen family letting me know how much they loved me,

1:22:46.960 --> 1:22:49.360
<v Speaker 2>even a few people wishing me a happy Mother's Day.

1:22:50.960 --> 1:22:53.840
<v Speaker 2>And I'm weeping with gratitude that my twenty four year

1:22:53.840 --> 1:22:57.160
<v Speaker 2>old self, who could have built an impenetrable wall around

1:22:57.200 --> 1:23:02.759
<v Speaker 2>their heart after experiencing such an earth size loss, didn't

1:23:02.800 --> 1:23:12.160
<v Speaker 2>give up on love. Yeah, you know, I am always

1:23:12.160 --> 1:23:16.920
<v Speaker 2>going to try and be, as I say, disruptively vulnerable

1:23:18.160 --> 1:23:22.920
<v Speaker 2>and share the things that maybe are a little harder

1:23:23.000 --> 1:23:25.120
<v Speaker 2>or things that we don't talk about, in hopes that

1:23:25.760 --> 1:23:30.280
<v Speaker 2>if you are also navigating something similar, that you don't

1:23:30.320 --> 1:23:33.720
<v Speaker 2>feel alone in it, that we all remember that we

1:23:33.760 --> 1:23:38.760
<v Speaker 2>are not alone, that somebody out here understands some part

1:23:38.880 --> 1:23:43.240
<v Speaker 2>of our journey and that we're okay. So I hope

1:23:43.240 --> 1:23:46.680
<v Speaker 2>you'll check it out. You can find me on Instagram

1:23:46.760 --> 1:23:49.080
<v Speaker 2>as well at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can find our

1:23:49.160 --> 1:23:52.840
<v Speaker 2>podcast at tell Me Something Messy and you can join

1:23:52.920 --> 1:23:57.000
<v Speaker 2>our community on the Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe,

1:23:57.000 --> 1:24:00.600
<v Speaker 2>you'll get weekly posts, recommendations on sex and and so

1:24:00.800 --> 1:24:03.280
<v Speaker 2>much more. Also, I want to hear from you, so

1:24:03.400 --> 1:24:07.840
<v Speaker 2>send your topic ideas, your messy stories, your submissions, your

1:24:07.920 --> 1:24:12.160
<v Speaker 2>game ideas to tell Me Something Messy at gmail dot com.

1:24:12.240 --> 1:24:14.679
<v Speaker 2>You can also call us at six six nine sixty

1:24:14.760 --> 1:24:18.639
<v Speaker 2>nine Messy That is six six nine six ninety six

1:24:18.840 --> 1:24:22.719
<v Speaker 2>three seven seven nine. Rate review and share this podcast

1:24:22.800 --> 1:24:27.280
<v Speaker 2>with all your hoe and aspiring hoe friends. Really really

1:24:27.280 --> 1:24:30.519
<v Speaker 2>helps the show out, all right. Until next time, ask

1:24:30.560 --> 1:24:32.800
<v Speaker 2>about the politics of that dick before you make it spit,

1:24:33.200 --> 1:24:35.759
<v Speaker 2>make sure they eat the kitty before they beat the kitty,

1:24:36.000 --> 1:24:40.960
<v Speaker 2>before fuckation or succation. Communication. And in case you haven't

1:24:40.960 --> 1:24:45.040
<v Speaker 2>heard it yet, today you are so deeply loved. I

1:24:45.120 --> 1:24:51.960
<v Speaker 2>love you bye. Thank you so much for listening to

1:24:52.000 --> 1:24:54.439
<v Speaker 2>tell Me Something Messy. If you all enjoyed the show,

1:24:54.520 --> 1:24:57.080
<v Speaker 2>send the episode to someone else who might like it.

1:24:57.160 --> 1:25:00.200
<v Speaker 2>Tell Me Something Messy was executive produced by Ali Pair Sorry,

1:25:00.320 --> 1:25:03.960
<v Speaker 2>Gabrielle Collins and Yours truly. Our producer and editor is

1:25:04.120 --> 1:25:07.599
<v Speaker 2>Vince de Johnny. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio and the

1:25:07.600 --> 1:25:11.840
<v Speaker 2>Outspoken Network. Visit the iHeartRadio app, or anywhere you subscribe

1:25:11.840 --> 1:25:13.000
<v Speaker 2>to your favorite shows.