1 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:05,600 Speaker 1: Hi. 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:08,280 Speaker 2: I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson. 3 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:11,160 Speaker 1: We wanted to do something that highlighted our. 4 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:19,440 Speaker 2: Relationship and what it's like to be siblings. We are 5 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 2: a sibling. Railvalry. 6 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 1: No, no, sibling, don't do that with your mouth, revelry. 7 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:34,160 Speaker 1: That's good. 8 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:44,360 Speaker 2: Oliver Hudson here check check test test, reporting live from Toronto, Canada. 9 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:49,640 Speaker 2: I am here in my bedroom and my son is upstairs. 10 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:54,080 Speaker 2: We are doing a movie together. It's an experience that 11 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 2: has yet to start, really and once it does, I 12 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:03,400 Speaker 2: can't wait. I'm afraid. But but I'm not going to 13 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,960 Speaker 2: get into that right now because we've had our guests 14 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:07,080 Speaker 2: waiting for a minute. In the waiting minute, Whitney Goodman, 15 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 2: we need to bring her on because we need to 16 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 2: deal with my trauma and my child issues, because I've 17 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 2: I have many of them. Hello, how are you good? 18 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 3: How are you? 19 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 2: I'm good, I'm so sorry. I'm late, I've been I've 20 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 2: been nutty. I'm in I'm in Toronto and uh starting work. 21 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 2: I'm doing a movie. My son auditioned five separate times 22 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:38,400 Speaker 2: got the job. So he's here with me playing my son, 23 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 2: which to me is going to be incredible. But you 24 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 2: can tell me whether he'll be traumatized from this experience. 25 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 3: It sounds like it could be a great experience. 26 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,800 Speaker 2: It could go either way. I mean, it could go 27 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 2: either way. But you know, it's definitely an incredible moment 28 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 2: for me to watch. Yeah, this happened, and he's never 29 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 2: done anything before, and it's it's a it's a substantial role. 30 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,440 Speaker 2: I mean, I'm freaked out more than he is. I'm 31 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:13,640 Speaker 2: sure it's awesome. So it's just been running around and 32 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 2: figuring out and he's got guardians and tutors and you know, 33 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 2: it's a whole world. 34 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 3: It's wild. Yeah, absolutely, it is. 35 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 2: It is. Where are you? 36 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,520 Speaker 3: I live in Tampa, Florida. 37 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 2: Mm hmm okay, a little bit different in Toronto for sure. 38 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 3: For sure. 39 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 4: It has been cold here for us. It's been like 40 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 4: forties forties, pretty crazy. 41 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 2: I mean that is cold. I mean there was snow 42 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,360 Speaker 2: on the beach. Yeah, I know was that in Tampa. 43 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,360 Speaker 2: Was on the east. 44 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 4: The west coast, the Panhandle, so probably like five or 45 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 4: six hours north of me. 46 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 2: Okay, so you're not getting snow. You're not getting snow, 47 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 2: no no, no, no, no, you move if you if. 48 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 3: You got. 49 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,040 Speaker 2: Before we get into all of the questions that I 50 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:00,639 Speaker 2: have as to why I am as fucked up as 51 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:05,160 Speaker 2: I am. Although I've been in therapy for a thousand years, 52 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 2: I went to the Hoffman process to deal with childhood patterns, 53 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 2: and you know, it was an incredible seven days, you know, 54 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 2: definitely life changing for me. But just a little bit 55 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 2: about you, sort of where you grew up, where you 56 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 2: grew up, how you got into this line of work, 57 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 2: and what's inspiring you know about it for you Because 58 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 2: for me, quickly, I'm an actor, you know. But if 59 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 2: I wasn't, I feel like I would be a psychologist. 60 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:40,600 Speaker 2: I just am semi obsessed with the human condition, the 61 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 2: fact that we're all made up of the same shit, 62 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:47,120 Speaker 2: yet we're all so vastly different. I've been through anxiety, 63 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 2: I'm on lexapro, you know, I dealt with feelings. I'm 64 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 2: very you know, sort of self reflective. And at the 65 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 2: same time, this whole planet's going to be a big 66 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:03,160 Speaker 2: ball of fire at some point, civilization as we know 67 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:07,360 Speaker 2: it will no longer exist. So what are we concerned 68 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 2: about at the end of the day. What does it 69 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 2: all matter? Anyway? You know? So where did you Where 70 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 2: did you Where did you, where did you grow up, 71 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 2: and how did you find your way to what you do. 72 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm born and raised in Florida. 73 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,280 Speaker 4: I left for college and came back, but otherwise I've 74 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 4: been in some city in this state for majority of 75 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,480 Speaker 4: my life, and I can very much relate to you 76 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 4: that I have just always been obsessed with why people 77 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 4: do what they do, whether that's my own family members. 78 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,160 Speaker 3: Or strangers that I meet. 79 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 4: I find stories about humans to be fascinating, which I 80 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 4: imagine is also a huge part of acting, of getting 81 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:55,680 Speaker 4: to kind of embody someone else's experience. That that fascination 82 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 4: really just led me to this career. I've been practicing 83 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:02,320 Speaker 4: as a therapist for a decade now. I cannot imagine 84 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 4: doing anything else, and learning about how people's family experiences 85 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 4: have impacted them is a huge interest to me. I 86 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 4: think it's really what makes us who we are at 87 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:15,599 Speaker 4: the end of the day. 88 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 2: Did you have any doubt that this was the avenue 89 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:25,119 Speaker 2: of therapy of psychology that you wanted to get into, 90 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:27,479 Speaker 2: or did you kind of play around with maybe this 91 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 2: maybe that, or was this your main focus? 92 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 4: You know, everything I've done has always gone back to 93 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 4: the family. I've worked with people in addiction treatment centers, 94 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:40,279 Speaker 4: doing family therapy. I worked with people who had chronic illness, 95 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 4: cancer diagnoses, things like that, But I've always worked with 96 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 4: how those difficult life events have impacted the family structure 97 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 4: and those relationships, and I think everything kind of comes 98 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 4: back to that at the end of the day. 99 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 2: So true, I mean, you know, it's like the root 100 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 2: of everything is family, the way that you were brought up, 101 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 2: the perception, the singular perception of how we were brought 102 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:13,279 Speaker 2: up as well, because dealing with siblings as we have 103 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 2: for however many years we've been doing this podcast, you know, 104 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:20,279 Speaker 2: Kate and I realized that you could be raised the same, 105 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 2: but our perception of how we are raised is vastly different. 106 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:27,840 Speaker 2: I mean, we've talked to brothers who one brother like 107 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 2: despise their father and the other one loved him tremendously. 108 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:34,160 Speaker 2: They were raised exactly the same, you know, So how 109 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:38,039 Speaker 2: much does that factor into sort of the way that 110 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:45,200 Speaker 2: you work, because I mean, perception is everything. Maybe it's incorrect. 111 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 2: Do you sometimes have to sort of skew people's perception 112 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 2: or put it back on track to say, well, you're 113 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 2: seeing this maybe in a way that isn't truthful or 114 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 2: that didn't actually happen. 115 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,920 Speaker 4: Yeah, sibling relationships are fascinating. In a work a lot 116 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:04,000 Speaker 4: with adult siblings who do have very different perceptions of 117 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 4: their childhood, and usually I find that those perceptions are 118 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:12,080 Speaker 4: often both correct in different ways at the same time. Right, 119 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 4: because we have different personalities, we're different ages when events happen. 120 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 4: We also have profoundly different relationships with our parents based 121 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 4: on how they are responding to us because of what 122 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 4: we're triggering in them. Right, So you're going to see 123 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 4: things like gender, personality, birth order, the circumstances surrounding how 124 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 4: you came into the world all impact the way that 125 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 4: your parents relate to you. And what we find through 126 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 4: the research on sibling relationships is that the way that 127 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 4: the parents treat the children often is the biggest impact 128 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 4: on how those siblings relate to each other and how 129 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:52,760 Speaker 4: they see themselves within that relationship. 130 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 2: Oh wow, so it even affects on it even affects 131 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,160 Speaker 2: how the siblings view each other. 132 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 3: Totally, because that makes sense. 133 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 4: You're competing, right for your parents' time, energy resources, and 134 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 4: you you sometimes do see your sibling as competition for 135 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 4: that finite resource. 136 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 2: Of course, I mean, I think that's primal. You know, 137 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,320 Speaker 2: at the end of the day, I mean there is 138 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 2: there's survival, there are survival mechanisms that still exist within 139 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 2: us that are unconscious. I assume you know that sort 140 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 2: of that that primal nature that we are, and there's 141 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,319 Speaker 2: no doubt competition. I always joke with my sister, I'm like, 142 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 2: you have me to thank for your fame and success 143 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 2: because I was always the one who is like, loved, 144 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 2: the most perceptive, the perspective, the perception of that it 145 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:45,000 Speaker 2: was that and Kate had to vie for attention, which 146 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 2: means that she had to sort of, you know, get 147 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 2: out there and show the world that she was bigger 148 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,120 Speaker 2: and better and more famous. So I joke with her that, 149 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 2: you know, she definitely has me to thank and it 150 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,880 Speaker 2: still exists today. You know, she still thinks, oh, olive 151 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,240 Speaker 2: us the favorite and he's the one who's coddled, and 152 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,360 Speaker 2: she may or may not be right or I don't know, 153 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 2: it's upper interpretation, but yeah, I know it's definitely. It's fascinating. 154 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,720 Speaker 2: Step Now, did you first of all, do you have siblings? 155 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 3: Yes, I am the oldest of three, Okay. 156 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:23,600 Speaker 2: And how much of your own dynamic that you grew 157 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 2: up with with your parents, with with your relationship with 158 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:30,120 Speaker 2: your siblings. How much does that play into sort of 159 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,959 Speaker 2: your practice. How influential is that in what you wanted 160 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 2: to do, the avenue, the direction, but also sort of 161 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 2: how you went about sort of helping other people, how 162 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 2: you go about helping other people. 163 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,160 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I think I'm one of those therapists 164 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 4: where my personal story is not at the forefront of 165 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 4: my clinical work. I can certainly say, of course, in 166 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,400 Speaker 4: my family, I've had, you know, estrangement and mental health 167 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 4: issues and chronic illness and all of these things that 168 00:09:55,840 --> 00:10:00,080 Speaker 4: I think you can find in most families. But my 169 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 4: personal story is not what really drives my work. I 170 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 4: find it coming up absolutely where I'm like, oh wow, 171 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 4: I've experienced that. And you have to constantly check in 172 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,439 Speaker 4: and be doing your own work with your own therapist 173 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:17,200 Speaker 4: to make sure that your story isn't totally getting in 174 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 4: the way of what's going on between you and the client. 175 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,400 Speaker 2: Do you have to have your own therapist? Is that? 176 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 2: Is that a law? 177 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 3: It's a requirement for most grad schools. I know when 178 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 3: I went to grad school, you know, like twelve years ago, 179 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 3: it was required, and now I do have my own therapist. 180 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:38,680 Speaker 3: I find it to be very helpful. 181 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 2: That's so interesting when you really think about it, you know, 182 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 2: because if your therapist having therapy, you're like challenge your 183 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 2: therapists with your own set of knowledge. 184 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:50,720 Speaker 3: You know. 185 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,480 Speaker 2: I was like, what are you talking about? Like, don't 186 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,400 Speaker 2: don't try to fuck with me, don't try to fool me. 187 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 4: Right right, Yeah, my therapist'll be like, well, I'm sure 188 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,720 Speaker 4: you've heard what I'm going to say before. 189 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:08,319 Speaker 2: It's yeah. So do you have breakthroughs as a therapist 190 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:08,960 Speaker 2: in therapy? 191 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,520 Speaker 3: Oh? Totally, totally. 192 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 4: I mean life is always happening, right, and so there's 193 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,800 Speaker 4: certainly things that I'm experiencing now that I could have 194 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,880 Speaker 4: never predicted would have been part of my life. And 195 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,199 Speaker 4: they're not situations that would have normally been triggering for 196 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 4: me as a therapist. You know, when I became a mother, 197 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:29,600 Speaker 4: that was something I had to work on to make 198 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,600 Speaker 4: sure that I wasn't carrying any of my. 199 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 3: Own stuff into those sessions. 200 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 2: Do you as a therapist do you have to have 201 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:41,400 Speaker 2: lack and this sounds a little bit crazy, but lack 202 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 2: of empathy only because I'm a very empathetic person. Very feely, 203 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,439 Speaker 2: to the point where I think it can be destructive 204 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,480 Speaker 2: at times, you know what I mean, where I've taken 205 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 2: a lot of other people's feelings, I guess, and I 206 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,800 Speaker 2: know that's sort of buzzy right now, like an EmPATH 207 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,120 Speaker 2: and all that shit, But I feel it, you know, 208 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,200 Speaker 2: I can feel it. As a therapist, you kind of 209 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,080 Speaker 2: have to hear and let go. 210 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 3: Totally. 211 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:11,040 Speaker 4: I think every new therapist goes through that battle of 212 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,920 Speaker 4: like taking on too much, right, especially if you are 213 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:17,360 Speaker 4: someone that is that way. And I actually found myself 214 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,560 Speaker 4: like swinging a little bit too far to the other 215 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 4: extreme of being like too disconnected. And over the last 216 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:28,559 Speaker 4: couple of years, especially with virtual therapy, it's easier to disconnect, 217 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,240 Speaker 4: like you're not feeling it the same way that you 218 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 4: do when you're actually in a room with somebody's energy. Yeah, 219 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 4: that you have to make sure you don't go too 220 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 4: far in one extreme. 221 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh that's interesting. Now, by the way, how much 222 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,320 Speaker 2: of your work is being done actually digitally now? 223 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 3: Literally one hundred percent. 224 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:50,640 Speaker 4: I closed my office during the pandemic, and no one 225 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 4: ever wanted to go back to being face to face. 226 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,240 Speaker 2: See, this is fucked up, in my opinion, look, you know, 227 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 2: I know there's like all these you know, better help 228 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 2: and there's all these sort of and I think it's 229 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 2: great because we are actually actually making a dent in 230 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 2: mental health in one way or another. I love that. 231 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 2: And if it has to be done, you know, digitally, 232 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,960 Speaker 2: and that's the only way people will do it, great, 233 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:14,199 Speaker 2: it's better than nothing. But in person you cannot beat it. 234 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,640 Speaker 2: You just can't beat it. You know, you can't beat 235 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 2: a podcast in person too. And this whole thing has 236 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 2: gone away. It's made it easier, it's made it great. 237 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 2: I get to meet you, we get to talk and 238 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,839 Speaker 2: sort of get to learn about each other a little bit. 239 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,200 Speaker 2: But when we were doing it in person, and I 240 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,440 Speaker 2: just did one in person the other day, it just 241 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 2: feels so much better. That energy is so real. 242 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 3: It's different. 243 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:43,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's different. It's different. I mean, do you double 244 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 2: edged about it. You get to be sort of at home, 245 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,439 Speaker 2: you get to do your thing, you know. 246 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. 247 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 4: A lot of the work that I do now is 248 00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 4: mostly groups, and so that is a really cool thing 249 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 4: that I'm able to do. 250 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 3: Virtually with a lot of people. 251 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,440 Speaker 4: And I do think it makes people feel safer to 252 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 4: be in a group environment, like that, but when it 253 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 4: comes to the one on one like seeing individual clients, 254 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,960 Speaker 4: I feel mixed about it. I think it's great for 255 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 4: some people, like you said, it's the only way they'd 256 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 4: get to therapy, is it being that way? But other 257 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 4: times I do think some people could benefit more from 258 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 4: being in person. I used to do a lot of 259 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 4: like couples and family work, and I cannot do that 260 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 4: virtually because of the talking over and stuff that I 261 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 4: had to totally stop. 262 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 2: That's especially with the delay a little slight delays and 263 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 2: everyone's like screaming, way, you're the fucking thing. 264 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 4: Okay, hold on, Yeah, yeah, it's really bad. 265 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:57,000 Speaker 2: So talk about this, the group stuff that you do. Yeah, 266 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,600 Speaker 2: what is that? I'm curious. 267 00:14:58,880 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 3: Yeah. 268 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 4: So I run a program I'm called Calling Home where 269 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 4: we help adults build better adult family relationships. 270 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 3: And I run a lot of different groups. 271 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 4: We have groups for adults who are estranged from their parents, 272 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 4: family estrangement groups, so anyone dealing with estrangement. We have 273 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 4: groups for adults with difficult mothers. And really it's just 274 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:21,760 Speaker 4: like adults from around the country getting together to find 275 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 4: community around some of these issues, share advice, experiences, etc. 276 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 2: So how many people are in the group. 277 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:33,040 Speaker 3: Usually between thirty and forty per group. 278 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 2: Oh this is cool, Oh this is interesting. Okay, so 279 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,960 Speaker 2: give me the logistics of this. So if I wanted 280 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:46,280 Speaker 2: to be a part of a group of X, there's 281 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 2: a way to go to a website and sign up 282 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 2: for it and all that. 283 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 4: Yes, so you go to callinghome dot co. You can 284 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 4: sign up and then we offer right now about eight 285 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 4: to ten groups per month. We're currently hiring more people. 286 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:01,720 Speaker 4: Then you can sign up for group attend virtually. You 287 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,120 Speaker 4: can attend as many groups as you'd like in a month. 288 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,520 Speaker 2: And is it a listening type of a group with 289 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 2: forty people? Like how do you how is one able 290 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:13,440 Speaker 2: to speak? And who's moderating? Is it like one therapist? 291 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,360 Speaker 4: Yeah, so I run a lot of the groups, and 292 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:18,600 Speaker 4: then we have two other therapists. They're run all by 293 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:22,320 Speaker 4: a licensed clinician. We bring discussion questions to the group. 294 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 4: People can raise their hand. We call on them in 295 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 4: a new order that their hands are raised to speak. 296 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 4: It's a very controlled environment and you can come just 297 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 4: to listen if. 298 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 3: That feels better to you that day as well. 299 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, so you're not being called upon. If you want 300 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 2: to share, then you share exactly. So you, the therapist, 301 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:46,160 Speaker 2: will lead the group and let's say, you know, adults 302 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,760 Speaker 2: who have issues with their mother, and you will sort 303 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,200 Speaker 2: of give an intro and go into sort of some 304 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 2: of the issues, just the universal general sort of issues, 305 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 2: and then open it up. 306 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 3: Yep. Yeah, we usually have about like three to five 307 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 3: I have specific things we want to talk about that 308 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 3: day in the group that I think are going to 309 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:08,440 Speaker 3: be issues for most people there, and then people will 310 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,840 Speaker 3: respond to the discussion questions or if they have just 311 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,879 Speaker 3: a problem that's coming up that week between them and 312 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:17,000 Speaker 3: their mom, they can also ask for advice or input 313 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:18,359 Speaker 3: from the group. 314 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,320 Speaker 2: I really like this. Now, is this something that's been 315 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,959 Speaker 2: done for you know, a while, Like I've never heard 316 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,320 Speaker 2: of anything like this, or is there are you pioneering this? 317 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,840 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's we started November of twenty twenty three, so 318 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 4: relatively very new. 319 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:37,200 Speaker 2: Here's what I love about it. I love that there's 320 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 2: nothing is a quick fix. But we all do need advice, 321 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:46,640 Speaker 2: and sometimes we have great friends to go for for advice, family, 322 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 2: et cetera. Sometimes we don't want to talk to those people. 323 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:53,960 Speaker 2: Sometimes we just want an anonymous face or someone we 324 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:59,479 Speaker 2: don't know, and you know, me sort of growing up 325 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,560 Speaker 2: with whatever mental issues that I have as far as 326 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:07,240 Speaker 2: my anxiety goes, and you know, cerebrally, I understand that 327 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,399 Speaker 2: millions of people are going through the same thing. But 328 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,719 Speaker 2: when you actually can relate and connect with someone who 329 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 2: is feeling that same way, there's a comfort in it. 330 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,959 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, And so you don't have to sort of 331 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:22,639 Speaker 2: spend you know, years of therapy, years of years of therapy, 332 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,960 Speaker 2: and spend a ton of money to sort of maybe 333 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 2: get some really sound advice that could change the way 334 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 2: that you go about your life. You know, I think 335 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:34,320 Speaker 2: that's pretty awesome. That's pretty great. 336 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 4: I've seen it have such a profound impact on the 337 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,679 Speaker 4: people that come. I think for me as a therapist, 338 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 4: what I noticed was exactly what you're saying. I'm working 339 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,360 Speaker 4: with these individuals, and all they keep saying is I'm 340 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:48,000 Speaker 4: the only one going through this. Nobody's family is as 341 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,520 Speaker 4: messed up as mine. Nobody else is dealing with X issue. 342 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,080 Speaker 4: And I just kept being like, oh, I wish I 343 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,399 Speaker 4: could get you guys all to hang out in a 344 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,640 Speaker 4: room together, and you really can't do that as a therapist, 345 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:02,840 Speaker 4: at least not legally. So it was really born out 346 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 4: of that need to try to create a community for 347 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:06,439 Speaker 4: those people. 348 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 2: And you're seeing a need meaning like the classes are 349 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:10,080 Speaker 2: filled up. 350 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:14,040 Speaker 4: Yes, we have helped around like two thousand people at 351 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:17,359 Speaker 4: this point in Our groups are always full every single week. 352 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:22,320 Speaker 2: That's so great doing give me, give me some topics, 353 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:24,360 Speaker 2: like just for fun? What are some of the topics? 354 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,320 Speaker 3: So we dive into a different topic every month. I 355 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 3: calling home. 356 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,360 Speaker 4: Next month we're doing like the impact of your family 357 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 4: relationships or family dysfunction on your romantic relationships. This month 358 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 4: we talked all about emotional maturity, dealing with emotionally immature 359 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 4: family members, done mother daughter stuff, adult sibling stuff. That's 360 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:46,879 Speaker 4: one of our most popular topics of all time was 361 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 4: adult sibling relationship. Really, yes, I was very I shouldn't 362 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,000 Speaker 4: have been surprised, but I was surprised by that. 363 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 2: What did you What was the takeaway from that sort 364 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 2: of you know, class symposium, you know, whatever you want 365 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 2: to call it. What for you what surprised you the most? 366 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,560 Speaker 2: What actually what was it that you sort of like, 367 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,480 Speaker 2: oh my god, yes the research has shown and it's 368 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,600 Speaker 2: being reflected back to me. And then what were the 369 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,440 Speaker 2: big surprises of the adult. 370 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,200 Speaker 4: Sibling So there's not a ton of research on adult 371 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,159 Speaker 4: sibling relationships. There's like two people out there, you know, 372 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 4: doing research on that. And I think I knew a 373 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,200 Speaker 4: lot about young siblings, but not as much about as 374 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,960 Speaker 4: people age. And I was surprised how many people feel 375 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,160 Speaker 4: like there's something wrong with them if they can't get 376 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 4: along with their sibling, and that there's really this societal 377 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 4: expectation that we will have these long lasting, lifelong relationships 378 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,400 Speaker 4: with our siblings, and a lot of those relationships are 379 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 4: you just got lucky if you get along with your sibling, 380 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,240 Speaker 4: you know, it's it's just chance. And so most of 381 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,359 Speaker 4: the people were coming to the groups being like, I 382 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:54,640 Speaker 4: feel so bad that I don't like. 383 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,439 Speaker 3: This guy that is my brother. 384 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 4: You know, we're so different in all these ways, and 385 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 4: I think just take away that shame. Also the impact 386 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,680 Speaker 4: that parents were having on these relationships, you know, by 387 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:11,320 Speaker 4: getting them to compete with one another, drawing comparisons, meddling 388 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:12,199 Speaker 4: in the relationship. 389 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 3: That was a big thing. 390 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:19,919 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. No, I know, it's so interesting because I 391 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 2: have three kids. Inherently there's always competitions we talked about 392 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 2: between siblings, it's normal. At what point do you just 393 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:33,879 Speaker 2: let that happen, you know, because it's it's it's nature. Obviously, 394 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,680 Speaker 2: you don't want them knifing each other in their jugulars, right, 395 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,720 Speaker 2: And at what point do you sort of step in 396 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:43,439 Speaker 2: and say, hey, you know what, like this is this 397 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,159 Speaker 2: is the only person that you're going to have in 398 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:46,920 Speaker 2: your life, you know what I mean? Like you need 399 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 2: to love your sibling, you know? Is that is that 400 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,359 Speaker 2: a is that essentially a bad thing to do, is 401 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,680 Speaker 2: to tell someone that you have to love someone. 402 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:55,480 Speaker 3: You know. 403 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,679 Speaker 4: I think from what I hear on the other side 404 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:01,200 Speaker 4: of adults who are having these issues, it's more about 405 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,399 Speaker 4: the parent, like allowing all of the siblings to be 406 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 4: their own person, not making one version of a child 407 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 4: better than the other, and encouraging them to find ways 408 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:16,280 Speaker 4: to problem solve with one another at the ability which 409 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,760 Speaker 4: they're able, you know, at their age. There's some adults 410 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 4: that come to these groups and they're like, my parents 411 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 4: never intervened. They would let my brother who was bigger 412 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,840 Speaker 4: than me, stronger than me, beat me up all the time, 413 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,119 Speaker 4: and they never stepped in. 414 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:28,200 Speaker 3: And that's not right. 415 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,760 Speaker 4: And then you have this other extreme, of course, where 416 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,879 Speaker 4: it's like you are interfering all the time, only protecting 417 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,800 Speaker 4: one child over the other. And I feel like there's 418 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,679 Speaker 4: a good happy medium there from what I can tell. 419 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there's such a fine line, there's such 420 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 2: a balance. No one does it right. Let's be fucking honest. 421 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,600 Speaker 2: I always say this, I've said this a million times. 422 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,720 Speaker 2: And tell me if you agree with this. It's not 423 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 2: about if you fuck up your children. It's just to 424 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,520 Speaker 2: what degree? 425 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 3: Totally? 426 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 4: And can you be accountable and apologize and recognize the 427 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:09,119 Speaker 4: ways in which you influenced them negatively? 428 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 2: You know, influenced negatively. That's you, not saying. 429 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,919 Speaker 3: That's my therapist speak. 430 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:23,240 Speaker 2: So then talk about a little again. I told you 431 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,240 Speaker 2: went to the Hoffman process. You know what that is. 432 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 3: I'm not familiar with that. 433 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:31,080 Speaker 2: Actually, Okay, yes, it's it's kind of West Coast. But 434 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,719 Speaker 2: it's the risk of sounding like an asshole. I mean, 435 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,880 Speaker 2: it's it's been around for sixty years. A guy named 436 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:40,120 Speaker 2: Bob Hoffman created it, and it's this amalgamation that's meshing, 437 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 2: this smashing together of all different kinds of therapies, all 438 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:48,040 Speaker 2: different kinds of spiritualities. And it was an experiment basically 439 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:53,040 Speaker 2: in the beginning, and it has evolved into a process, 440 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,560 Speaker 2: and it's become sort of hip in the last like seven, eight, nine, 441 00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,919 Speaker 2: ten years, where there's like a ton of celebrities, you know, 442 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:04,119 Speaker 2: gone to the Hoffmann process, you know, and you know, 443 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,000 Speaker 2: I'm just always dealing with childhood issues. Dad kind of 444 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,880 Speaker 2: bailed when I was a kid. Their self esteem stuff here, 445 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,640 Speaker 2: you know, all the stuff, all the one oh one 446 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:17,200 Speaker 2: that you would probably you know, put on me is true, right, 447 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,439 Speaker 2: And I've seen it affect my life. I'm very hyper 448 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:27,600 Speaker 2: aware of myself. I know that there's I have compulsivity, 449 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 2: of impulsivity, there's certain things that I wish I could 450 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:33,960 Speaker 2: control better. Just always on the search, you know what 451 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 2: I mean. Like, I'm not okay just being the worst 452 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,720 Speaker 2: part of myself. I'm okay having a bad part because 453 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 2: we all do, but I'm not okay living in it. 454 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:47,040 Speaker 2: And I went to this process and without getting into 455 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:48,840 Speaker 2: the whole things I've already done and I've already talked 456 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:54,359 Speaker 2: about on this podcast before, but it's diving into childhood patterns. 457 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:59,120 Speaker 2: It's this idea that we have negative love patterns as well, 458 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:03,080 Speaker 2: because when we're born, we need love to survive essentially, 459 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,840 Speaker 2: and whether that's positive love or negative love, we will 460 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,720 Speaker 2: attach ourselves even to the negative stuff, at which point 461 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:15,639 Speaker 2: then we begin to act out these patterns unconsciously, you know, 462 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:20,600 Speaker 2: and then it goes into sort of you know, you 463 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,719 Speaker 2: recognize it, but there's a lot of self forgiveness, forgiveness 464 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,760 Speaker 2: of your parents because if you go back into their lives, 465 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,919 Speaker 2: you can sort of see the pattern that it happened 466 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 2: from their parents and how it's kind of been passed down, 467 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:38,439 Speaker 2: which was the case with my father like tremendously. And 468 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,520 Speaker 2: then it's just kind of diving into compassion and forgiveness 469 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:49,080 Speaker 2: and exposing yourself through all of these different methods that 470 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 2: some you just are like what am I doing right now? 471 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:59,520 Speaker 2: And for me personally, it was about surrender because you 472 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,480 Speaker 2: go in there and there's forty people and it's a 473 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 2: week long, and you have your small groups as well, 474 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,919 Speaker 2: but you do most of the work within the big group, 475 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,240 Speaker 2: and you know, they're all going nuts. They're beating on 476 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,360 Speaker 2: a pillow with a whiffootball bat or whatever they're doing. 477 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:14,200 Speaker 2: It's their mother, and you're like, what the fuck is happening? 478 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 2: You know, I feel like an idiot doing this? But 479 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,920 Speaker 2: why do I feel like an idiot? You know? Which 480 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,880 Speaker 2: is part of my issue as well. So it's about 481 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,040 Speaker 2: surrendering to the process. And once I did and had 482 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:31,199 Speaker 2: a crazy breakdown slash breakthrough, it was easier, you know, 483 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,639 Speaker 2: and it was incredible. And not to say that you 484 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 2: don't go back to certain things because we're human and 485 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,879 Speaker 2: within the process at the end, they say, this is 486 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 2: not like a pill that's going to fix your life. 487 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,160 Speaker 2: We're hopefully giving you some tools to deal with shit. 488 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:50,480 Speaker 2: But I will say that in that first week the honeymoon, 489 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,679 Speaker 2: it's the most incredible feeling that I've ever had. And 490 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:59,560 Speaker 2: I'm I'm a skeptical person. I'm not cynical. I'm just skeptical, 491 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,560 Speaker 2: you know. I want to see it and feel it. 492 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,480 Speaker 2: I'm not just going to sort of oh my God 493 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 2: and dive into some sort of spiritual practice like I'm in. 494 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 2: I want to have that proof, you know what I mean. 495 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:14,200 Speaker 2: And I felt psychic, honestly. I was seeing the world differently. 496 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 2: It was sparkling. I had this weight that had been 497 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,679 Speaker 2: lifted off of me, this gunk that had been scraped 498 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:25,840 Speaker 2: from the inner recesses of every piece of my body 499 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:30,120 Speaker 2: that have been sticking to the rib cage. And not 500 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,160 Speaker 2: to say that it doesn't build back up. But within 501 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:37,439 Speaker 2: that week I felt my full potential as Oliver Hudson 502 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,280 Speaker 2: as a human being, the full potential of what it 503 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:45,200 Speaker 2: could be impossible to live in that moment because it's 504 00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:50,280 Speaker 2: too glorious, you know. So anyway, all that to say, 505 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,280 Speaker 2: that's kind of what the process is. But it's dealing 506 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:56,320 Speaker 2: with childhood patterns. And I guess the big roundabout way 507 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,800 Speaker 2: the question is, you know, how much have you looked 508 00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:02,160 Speaker 2: into that? How much does that matter, you know, sort 509 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:06,920 Speaker 2: of in raising your kids, whether you are imprinting these 510 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,080 Speaker 2: positive and negative patterns on them, you know, and when 511 00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:15,639 Speaker 2: that starts, and how how detrimental that might be to 512 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,000 Speaker 2: sort of who they are and how they grow up. 513 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:23,800 Speaker 3: I mean, being aware of those patterns is so important, right, 514 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,880 Speaker 3: And you're speaking to that that, Like, I had this 515 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:31,680 Speaker 3: huge awakening and understanding of myself from working through all 516 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,440 Speaker 3: of that, and I think we can't understate like how 517 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 3: impactful that can be on you. 518 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,440 Speaker 4: And so I find now that we have a lot 519 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,080 Speaker 4: of you know, especially like millennial parents are really into 520 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:46,400 Speaker 4: all this stuff. You can get almost too afraid of 521 00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:49,520 Speaker 4: messing up your kids, yes, you know, And I find 522 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:51,400 Speaker 4: myself falling into that. You know, I have two kids, 523 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:53,000 Speaker 4: and I'm like, I'm a therapist. 524 00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:56,560 Speaker 3: I deal. I'm listening to people whose parents have destroyed 525 00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 3: them every day and I'm like, oh my god, what 526 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:00,960 Speaker 3: am I going to do my kids? 527 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,560 Speaker 2: Like that's so interesting. Oh you get to hear all 528 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,960 Speaker 2: the horror stories and yeah, now you're old. Are your kids? 529 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 4: I have a seven month old and a three and 530 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:11,280 Speaker 4: a half year old. 531 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,400 Speaker 2: Okay, so you got babies, and they'say, oh yeah, you're 532 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 2: a therapist. Now you're hearing all these horror stories. You're like, Okay, 533 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:18,840 Speaker 2: this is what not to do, what not to do? 534 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:19,600 Speaker 2: Maybe all right? 535 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:20,920 Speaker 3: Right? 536 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:22,920 Speaker 4: And it's like, you know, I'm out here talking about 537 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:24,520 Speaker 4: all this stuff. My kids are going to be able 538 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,240 Speaker 4: to like play this back one day and be like. 539 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:29,360 Speaker 3: Mom, what do you do at home? You know, I 540 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,240 Speaker 3: have to really walk the walk here. 541 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,880 Speaker 4: And that can be scary too, right, that we put 542 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 4: this pressure on ourselves, that there's this fine line between 543 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:41,040 Speaker 4: like holding yourself accountable and saying I can really do 544 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:45,719 Speaker 4: some damage to my kids, and also like life is 545 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:49,480 Speaker 4: going to happen, and some things are going to happen 546 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:51,400 Speaker 4: that are totally out of my control. That are going 547 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,080 Speaker 4: to negatively impact my kids. And that's where, like we 548 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,160 Speaker 4: kind of touched on this earlier. I think that being 549 00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 4: aware of that and being able to repair and wreck, 550 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 4: recognize and look at your kids and say that was hard, 551 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,200 Speaker 4: that was shitty for you to go to I wish 552 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:09,760 Speaker 4: that didn't happen, is more powerful than anything, because we're 553 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:13,040 Speaker 4: all going to mess up, myself included. Yeah, and have 554 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,640 Speaker 4: our kids sitting on a therapist couch telling them about 555 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,320 Speaker 4: something from their life. 556 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:18,960 Speaker 3: You know, no one's immune from that. 557 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,320 Speaker 4: And I think expecting yourself to be as a parent 558 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,880 Speaker 4: is where you set yourself up for failure a little bit. 559 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,880 Speaker 2: I think that's a great a great lesson, which is 560 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:30,200 Speaker 2: you don't don't try so hard to be perfect because 561 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 2: it doesn't exist. You know. You have to rely on 562 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:37,960 Speaker 2: your instincts, I believe, and then of course take lessons 563 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:43,160 Speaker 2: from people you respect, you know, and then communicate, you know. 564 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:48,080 Speaker 2: And it's not just communicating to your child about how 565 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:51,920 Speaker 2: they must feel or how I think it's communicating too, 566 00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 2: how you feel as the parent and how you might 567 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:59,000 Speaker 2: fuck up. I actually had a moment with my oldest 568 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,120 Speaker 2: you know, who's now a teen. I forget how old 569 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:04,960 Speaker 2: he was then, but he was fucking up doing something. 570 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,520 Speaker 2: I don't remember what it was, you know, And I 571 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,520 Speaker 2: have I have, you know, snapped at times where I 572 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,560 Speaker 2: realized I was in the wrong, and I, you know, 573 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 2: nerves get frayed as a parent, you know what I mean, 574 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:20,120 Speaker 2: Like you do, and you say things too quickly and 575 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,600 Speaker 2: sometimes you don't think them through and I apologize, you know, 576 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:25,800 Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, man, sorry, Like that's on me. I 577 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 2: screwed that one up. And then in this specific instance, 578 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:35,440 Speaker 2: I said, you're the first kid you're going to screw up. 579 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,479 Speaker 2: But guess who else is me? Because I don't know 580 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,920 Speaker 2: what I'm doing. Body and rio my other two they're 581 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:45,200 Speaker 2: going to benefit from this because I'm learning. So I'm 582 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 2: going to cut you a little slack, but you got 583 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 2: to cut me a little slack too, because just as 584 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,600 Speaker 2: you're going through puberty and you're figuring shit out, I'm 585 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 2: going through adult puberty. You know, I'm trying to figure 586 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,320 Speaker 2: out how to raise a teenager. I have no fucking idea, right, 587 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,360 Speaker 2: I'm just going off of my own instincts and trying 588 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,200 Speaker 2: not to be a hypocrite. Knowing who I was as 589 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:11,719 Speaker 2: a kid and understanding that part too. Yeah, not condoning 590 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,480 Speaker 2: it because I did some crazy, crazy things, but at 591 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,080 Speaker 2: least understanding it, you. 592 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:19,880 Speaker 3: Know, totally. 593 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,240 Speaker 4: I think what's so beautiful about the story you shares 594 00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:25,960 Speaker 4: like you're saying, Look, I'm human, you're human. It's my 595 00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,760 Speaker 4: job to lead here because I'm the parents. So I'm 596 00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,160 Speaker 4: going to take accountability when I mess up, and I'm 597 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 4: also holding you to a standard that I think you 598 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:38,600 Speaker 4: can reach as my kid, and an expectation that I have. 599 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 4: And you know, the number one thing that I hear 600 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:45,760 Speaker 4: from adults who have bad relationships with their parents is 601 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:49,480 Speaker 4: that they wish that their parents could just do that right, 602 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:50,440 Speaker 4: just show up and say. 603 00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:53,080 Speaker 3: Hey, I messed up. Shouldn't have reacted that way. 604 00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,240 Speaker 4: Shouldn't you know? I shouldn't have done this. I'm going 605 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 4: to try to do better in the future. And most 606 00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,560 Speaker 4: of them tell me if my parent did that, I 607 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:02,240 Speaker 4: could try to have a relationship with them. 608 00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:03,240 Speaker 3: Now, I could. 609 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 4: Try to talk to them. But it's when a parent 610 00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,719 Speaker 4: says my way or the highway. I never mess up. 611 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:11,280 Speaker 4: I'm doing my best, you know, I'm I'm not allowed 612 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:14,360 Speaker 4: to be criticized that the child starts to really struggle 613 00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,960 Speaker 4: to actually connect with you in any way, especially in 614 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,440 Speaker 4: adulthood and those teen years. 615 00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:24,320 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh gosh, the teen years especially. Yeah, you know, 616 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:28,720 Speaker 2: I had to transition my parenting because you know, and 617 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:32,200 Speaker 2: it kind of strangely happens overnight where your parenting kind 618 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:35,840 Speaker 2: of a toddler, you know, teenager, but kind of thirteen 619 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,400 Speaker 2: and then twelve thirteen, and all of a sudden, like 620 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:42,840 Speaker 2: fourteen fifteen, I'm like, oh shit, wait a minute, hold on, like, 621 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,160 Speaker 2: put the brakes on. I have to switch it up 622 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:49,400 Speaker 2: a little bit here, you know, because this little dude 623 00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:52,200 Speaker 2: is becoming not such a little dude anymore. His brain 624 00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:54,840 Speaker 2: is developing a little bit. I have to sort of 625 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:58,240 Speaker 2: respect his respect him just a little bit more as 626 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,440 Speaker 2: far as his own opinions go. And there was a 627 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:05,480 Speaker 2: shift that happened pretty abruptly for me. It wasn't gradual. 628 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,920 Speaker 2: I was like, whoa, yeah. 629 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,799 Speaker 3: But that shift is so important, And I think for 630 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:15,399 Speaker 3: anyone listening to this right now, like you can probably think, 631 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:17,560 Speaker 3: if you don't have a great relationship with your parent, 632 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:19,839 Speaker 3: maybe think about, like, is there a shift that they 633 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,799 Speaker 3: didn't make at some point in our relationship? Because I 634 00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:24,640 Speaker 3: do hear that a lot as well as like my 635 00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,160 Speaker 3: parent loved me when I was five, but they could 636 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,000 Speaker 3: not find a way to relate to me as I 637 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:32,560 Speaker 3: got older and voiced my own opinions and I wanted 638 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:34,920 Speaker 3: their respect. And so you saying like you made that 639 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:38,000 Speaker 3: transition for your son to me is a sign that 640 00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:40,240 Speaker 3: you're saying, how can I show up as the best 641 00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,520 Speaker 3: parent for you, not just like the kind of parent 642 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,759 Speaker 3: that feels good to me. And you have to make 643 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:49,239 Speaker 3: those transitions if you want to have a lifelong relationship 644 00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:49,960 Speaker 3: with your child. 645 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's hard because you also you want a 646 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,239 Speaker 2: parent and at the same time, you want to let 647 00:34:56,280 --> 00:35:00,200 Speaker 2: them have their own sort of ideas about the world, 648 00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:04,120 Speaker 2: and you want them to screw up. Because if we're 649 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:08,440 Speaker 2: sheltering our kids too much, which I believe we are, 650 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,520 Speaker 2: I think there's no more grit. I think we have 651 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,640 Speaker 2: coddled the grit out of our children, you know, to 652 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:19,200 Speaker 2: some extent. I'm not saying everyone, but just broadly, I guess. 653 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,359 Speaker 2: You know, my wife and I have issues about that 654 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,719 Speaker 2: stuff because I'm less fearful than she is, you know 655 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,160 Speaker 2: what I mean. I let them go do their thing. 656 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,640 Speaker 2: They're either they're motorcycles or e bikes or this whatever 657 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:33,239 Speaker 2: they've got around la. You know, I mean, they're not reckless. 658 00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,400 Speaker 2: I'm not putting them in any sort of danger or 659 00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,840 Speaker 2: I'm not. But they need to go out and experience 660 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:42,040 Speaker 2: these things, you know, otherwise who are they going to be? 661 00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:55,480 Speaker 2: You know? Of course social media is like the devil, 662 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,399 Speaker 2: you know, we hear it all the time. There are 663 00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:02,400 Speaker 2: positive things and extremely negative things. Either way, it's it 664 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,560 Speaker 2: is where we are and it's the future. So there 665 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,279 Speaker 2: is no denying it, you know what I mean, It's 666 00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:10,920 Speaker 2: not going to go away. It's only going to get 667 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:16,080 Speaker 2: more crazy. So how much do we rail against it 668 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,359 Speaker 2: or how much do we need to integrated into sort 669 00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:24,719 Speaker 2: of our children, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, it's 670 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:25,480 Speaker 2: a tough one. 671 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,480 Speaker 4: It's really tough. And I feel for parents. You know, 672 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:32,279 Speaker 4: you've got you have older kids that if I would 673 00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:36,200 Speaker 4: have had kids, you know, ten fifteen years ago, I 674 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:39,880 Speaker 4: probably would have given them social media a lot more 675 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 4: quickly than I would today, knowing what I know now. 676 00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:44,320 Speaker 4: And so I think there are a lot of parents 677 00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:47,000 Speaker 4: who are kind of saying, well, how do I backtrack 678 00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:50,200 Speaker 4: on this? Based on what I've already given them, what 679 00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:53,399 Speaker 4: their friends have access to. It's a tall order For 680 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:57,920 Speaker 4: me personally, I don't feel like I feel comfortable with 681 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,520 Speaker 4: my kids having access to it before sixteen, Like that's 682 00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,960 Speaker 4: kind of my marker for me on from what I 683 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:05,600 Speaker 4: know about it. 684 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:06,840 Speaker 3: I have sons. 685 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,120 Speaker 4: If I had daughters, I also might take a little 686 00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:12,000 Speaker 4: bit different of an approach, just because I think it 687 00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:16,359 Speaker 4: has a different impact on them sometimes. But I do 688 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,080 Speaker 4: feel that saying it's all bad to your kids isn't 689 00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:19,800 Speaker 4: a great approach. 690 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:21,239 Speaker 3: You have to teach them how to live in a 691 00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:21,960 Speaker 3: world where it. 692 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:25,600 Speaker 4: Exists, but also helping them do it safely, I think 693 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:26,840 Speaker 4: is our job as parents. 694 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,880 Speaker 2: But don't you think it's a case by case meaning, Like, 695 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,200 Speaker 2: and I'm only speaking from my own perspective. All three 696 00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:37,359 Speaker 2: of my kids are on social media. They don't have guardrails, 697 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,680 Speaker 2: there's no boundaries, they don't put things on their phone, 698 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:42,800 Speaker 2: you know. And I'm saying, my daughter's eleven and she's 699 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,040 Speaker 2: not public, but she can look at TikTok. But she's 700 00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:47,960 Speaker 2: not like people aren't, you know what I mean? But 701 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:52,319 Speaker 2: she can look at it now whether in twenty years, 702 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:55,360 Speaker 2: all of a sudden they're all psychos and serial killers. 703 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,799 Speaker 2: And then I fucked up big time remains to be seen. 704 00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:03,360 Speaker 2: But they're all such great kids totally, and they go 705 00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,480 Speaker 2: outside and Rio dances five times a week and she 706 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,000 Speaker 2: plays volleyball and basketball, and my kids are, you know, 707 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,719 Speaker 2: big skiers and all this balance for me is really 708 00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,760 Speaker 2: where it's at. If I saw one of them really 709 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,799 Speaker 2: falling into sort of a hole where I didn't like it, 710 00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:21,880 Speaker 2: then okay, But I'm like, they're pretty good kids, So 711 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:23,640 Speaker 2: is it case by case? 712 00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:27,080 Speaker 4: So I think what you're speaking to is that for 713 00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:30,360 Speaker 4: your kids, you feel like social media has not taken 714 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 4: over their lives them having access to it, they have 715 00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:35,840 Speaker 4: enough of a balance and enough of a feeling of like, 716 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:38,719 Speaker 4: I enjoy all this other stuff in my life that 717 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:40,960 Speaker 4: I'm not going to let that take over. And so 718 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,600 Speaker 4: that works one hundred percent in that specific case. I 719 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,480 Speaker 4: think what is unfortunately happening with a lot of kids 720 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,239 Speaker 4: is that if they get on there too early and 721 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,840 Speaker 4: there's nothing to balance it out and there is no 722 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:56,319 Speaker 4: conversation about what should be happening, or if you have 723 00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,600 Speaker 4: a parent who is always on their phone, always on 724 00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:02,920 Speaker 4: social media, modeling isn't happening, you're going to have different risks. 725 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:06,719 Speaker 4: So of course it's never an across the board thing. 726 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,120 Speaker 4: It's more just about how do you want to handle 727 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:11,880 Speaker 4: it in your head? What do you feel equipped to 728 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:15,680 Speaker 4: fight against, you know, and how have you raised your 729 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:18,320 Speaker 4: kids up to that point also plays. 730 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:18,600 Speaker 3: A role in it. 731 00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,279 Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you think about sort of not just 732 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,160 Speaker 2: with social media, but sugar and everything else where you 733 00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:29,040 Speaker 2: hold off on it so much so that it becomes 734 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:33,480 Speaker 2: an obsession, which I've seen with certain kids where because 735 00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:36,200 Speaker 2: they can't have it, it's all they want and it's 736 00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:38,880 Speaker 2: an obsession, you know what I'm saying, where it becomes 737 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:40,200 Speaker 2: kind of an unhealthy thing. 738 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:41,400 Speaker 3: Yeah. 739 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:45,280 Speaker 4: I'm more of like an intuitive eater type of proponent, 740 00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:48,000 Speaker 4: where I think that the more my kids have access 741 00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,120 Speaker 4: to things openly and I talk to them about how 742 00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:52,880 Speaker 4: this is going to make your stomach hurt if you 743 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,040 Speaker 4: eat it all the time, let them try it out, 744 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:57,520 Speaker 4: see that they get a stomach ache. My three year 745 00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:00,719 Speaker 4: old can be given I've taken that purchase his birth 746 00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:02,879 Speaker 4: and he really can be given like a cupcake, take 747 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:05,080 Speaker 4: a bite and say I'm full and put it away, 748 00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:08,399 Speaker 4: you know. And instead of having kids who I think 749 00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,279 Speaker 4: do go to a birthday party and that's the only 750 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:11,920 Speaker 4: time they get to have it and they go nuts. 751 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:16,279 Speaker 4: Obviously that could be personality temperament based too, but that's 752 00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:18,799 Speaker 4: what I found has worked best for me personally. 753 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,920 Speaker 2: I was just talking actually like a half hour ago. 754 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,719 Speaker 2: I've been doing the Drew Barrymore Show a bunch and 755 00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,279 Speaker 2: it's like sort of a you know, the guest that 756 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:33,799 Speaker 2: just comes in and talks about relationships and love and 757 00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:37,560 Speaker 2: sex and life and audience questions, and you know, it's 758 00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:40,839 Speaker 2: been really really fun from sort of a straight male perspective. 759 00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:44,840 Speaker 2: That's what Drew wanted, you know, Okay, And I'm very 760 00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,600 Speaker 2: unfiltered and very candid and just speak to sort of 761 00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,680 Speaker 2: how I do things, and you know, you're there and 762 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:54,839 Speaker 2: you give advice based on absolutely no training, just on 763 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:58,480 Speaker 2: you know, years of therapy and just self analysis and 764 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:02,720 Speaker 2: whatever my views might be. And I always find myself 765 00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:04,360 Speaker 2: sort of giving a cool piece of advice in my 766 00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:07,399 Speaker 2: house good and I don't follow half the fucking things 767 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:11,000 Speaker 2: that I say. You know, it's unbelievable to me where 768 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,240 Speaker 2: I'm like, man, if I just followed my own advice, 769 00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:17,719 Speaker 2: things would be pretty fucking great. As a therapist, I mean, 770 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:19,960 Speaker 2: do you deal with that shit where you're just like, 771 00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:24,120 Speaker 2: why don't I listen to myself. I'm telling I'm telling 772 00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:28,600 Speaker 2: Bob here this and how I need to do this myself. 773 00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:34,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I do have a pretty strong value 774 00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,600 Speaker 4: that I operate from that I'm not going to tell 775 00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:38,960 Speaker 4: people to do things that I that I'm not willing 776 00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,880 Speaker 4: to do myself, or that I haven't tried to do myself. 777 00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,080 Speaker 4: I of course, I'm a human being that goes through 778 00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:47,880 Speaker 4: stages where I do not live in accordance with my advice. 779 00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:51,120 Speaker 4: But I would say, for the most part, like things 780 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,040 Speaker 4: that I tell people to do are things that I 781 00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,600 Speaker 4: think I should be doing as well, and that I'm 782 00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:58,000 Speaker 4: trying actively to do. 783 00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:02,360 Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Yeah. Now it's the human aspect of it 784 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:05,480 Speaker 2: that's always nice, you know. Yeah. I used to have 785 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:11,400 Speaker 2: a therapist for years who was awesome, and it was 786 00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,959 Speaker 2: in person, obviously, and I was going through a bunch 787 00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:20,720 Speaker 2: of shit. And sometimes it wasn't active therapy. It wasn't CBE, 788 00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:23,480 Speaker 2: it wasn't cognit behavioral therapy, which I'm in now and 789 00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:26,319 Speaker 2: love it. It's my favorite. It's just very active, you 790 00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:29,719 Speaker 2: know what I mean. This was not that, And he 791 00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:32,839 Speaker 2: would sometimes just sit there and here it's like mustache. 792 00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:38,440 Speaker 2: He would just stare at me, would not break eye contact, 793 00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:40,640 Speaker 2: and I'd be looking I was in there for years 794 00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:43,600 Speaker 2: and he'd just be looking at me, and I wasn't talking, 795 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,560 Speaker 2: you know, exc had nothing to say in that moment, 796 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:48,560 Speaker 2: and he just look at me and finally be like, 797 00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:52,760 Speaker 2: what are you doing? You know, he's like holding our space, 798 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,120 Speaker 2: like very casual. I'm like, whoaw, just I was like, 799 00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,239 Speaker 2: this is intense. Man like say something. 800 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:03,600 Speaker 4: That's really intense. I can say I have never done that. 801 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,880 Speaker 2: It's not my style, but I will say I admired. 802 00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:12,400 Speaker 2: I admired his inability to sort of blink and his 803 00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:19,680 Speaker 2: just just security in himself. I wouldn't I get all squirmy. 804 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:24,480 Speaker 2: He was just casually kind of sitting there. Amazing. No, 805 00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:31,520 Speaker 2: it was. And then what about last one? Your husband 806 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,160 Speaker 2: married to a therapist? Does that ever come into play? 807 00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,360 Speaker 2: If we were married, I'd be fucking with you probably 808 00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:39,600 Speaker 2: all the time about like are you judging me? Are 809 00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:44,040 Speaker 2: you analyzing me? Can I do anything without you judging me? 810 00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,640 Speaker 3: You know that doesn't come up a lot in my marriage. 811 00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:52,600 Speaker 4: What does happen is my husband just like steals my 812 00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:56,000 Speaker 4: lines that I say and uses them, like when we're 813 00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:59,680 Speaker 4: out with other people, Like I'll be sharing something. 814 00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,520 Speaker 3: He's like, you know, we'll say this. 815 00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:05,680 Speaker 4: Profound sounding thing, and I'm like, you took that from me, 816 00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:09,399 Speaker 4: you know, just act like you know he made it up. 817 00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,839 Speaker 4: That's like a running joke that he's he therapizes his 818 00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:15,920 Speaker 4: friends or other people using Michael. 819 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:20,120 Speaker 2: That's funny. I love that. Well, this has been so 820 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:24,239 Speaker 2: fun and check out say it again. The group thing 821 00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,440 Speaker 2: is I'm going to. 822 00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:29,000 Speaker 4: It is calling Home and you can find us at 823 00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:30,080 Speaker 4: calling Home dot co. 824 00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. 825 00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:35,560 Speaker 2: That would be I would love to just even be 826 00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,160 Speaker 2: well as you can see how much I talk, I'd 827 00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:41,439 Speaker 2: probably be talking about that's when they fly on the wall. 828 00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:45,520 Speaker 2: But like I'm sure raising my hand, Whitni, thank you 829 00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:46,839 Speaker 2: so much. I appreciate it. 830 00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:49,560 Speaker 3: Thank you. Thanks for having me all right? 831 00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:54,680 Speaker 2: Cool? See yeah Whitney. Yeah, doing good things for the 832 00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:58,600 Speaker 2: world as am I? No, I'm not, I could I 833 00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:02,560 Speaker 2: am I'm making people laugh, am I? I don't know has 834 00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:04,919 Speaker 2: anyone told me I'm making people laugh? Do I think 835 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:07,120 Speaker 2: people are laughing and they're really laughing at me, not 836 00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:12,440 Speaker 2: with me? M M Whitney. I need a session, all right, 837 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:13,439 Speaker 2: Oliver Hudson out.